Bonus Bang: Andy Daly, Tim Baltz (Nutz 4 Snutz)
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Hey, everybody. Scott Aukerman here, and welcome back to another Bonus Bang. Of course, Bonus Bangs are where we revisit old episodes of Comedy Bang Bang. And this is the second edition of our current series entitled Nuts for Snuts. And that is featuring the character Randy Snuts, played, of course, by Tim Baltz, who

whom you may know from The Righteous Gemstones. This week is episode number 576, titled What the Sound Made. This was originally released on December 2nd, 2018.

And of course, it has the titular Randy Snuts, as well as Andy Daly playing Joe Bongo. And in this episode, Joe Bongo shares how he incorporates his bongos into sex ed classes. And Randy talks about the infamous Carissa. Now, don't worry, we'll be hearing more.

about Carissa in later episodes of this series. Now, if you like what you hear and you want to hear the entire CBB archive, you can become a subscriber at cbbworld.com where you can find every single episode we've ever recorded as well as every live episode we've ever done. We are going to have a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang out on Monday. Until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

Comedy Bang Bang

Stepped on a banana peel and slid into your DMs. How was your dad's funeral, baby? Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Ah, yes, thanks to John Wilkes Sound Booth for that catchphrase submission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. And what a show. I know I tend to slip into hyperbole when I talk about these shows as if... I mean, look, I can't tell the future. I don't know if it's going to be a good show whenever I say what a show. But with absolute certainty...

I can tell you that today's show is going to be a real, real corker because we have two returning guests. A little later, we'll have a good friend of the show is going to return to let us know what he's up to. And before that, we have another returning guest. And this is exciting because you know that I am I'm a fan of educators.

And by the way, I'm Scott Aukerman. I don't know if I'd said that, but that's me. Scott Aukerman, fan of educators. I believe a young mind is something supple that needs to be shaped and molded and played with. And I think that our country's educators and, in fact, the world's educators are doing –

job that needs to be done and certainly you can tell it needs to be done because we pay them to do it. So...

There's proof right there that it is a necessary job. So we have one of those on the show today. He's been on the Comedy Bang Bang program previously. He's an educator. He teaches health at Marina Del Rey High School. And please welcome back to the show Joe Bongo. Hi, it's great to be back. And look, I brought the bongos too. Yay! Yay!

I brought my bongos. Yeah, I would expect nothing less from Joe Bongo. Yeah, bring them wherever I go, you know, because, you know, now people know me now because I'm doing all these podcasts and everything. People find out I'm Joe Bongo. They say, well, play the bongos. You know, we're going to get to hear some bongos. And if I don't have them with me...

People get so mad. So upset, I would imagine. I mean, yeah, that's like... I've been brutally beaten for not having my bongos on me on a number of occasions. And so now it's really just a fear-based situation. I wonder, both of your legs are in, they look to be casts? Yeah. Yeah. Well, those are preventive casts. Oh, to keep... Just to keep from being beaten. You know what I mean? It's like wrapping it in Kleenex and pillows and stuff. Ew!

It's like that, I guess, but they're cast. I mean, I went to the emergency room and I asked to have cast put on my leg just as a preventive measure to not be hit with anything. It's like if you were to see Kevin Bacon and he didn't have fresh slices of bacon cooking up on the grill, you'd be very upset. You'd be furious. That probably is a real problem for him. If I saw Kevin Bacon and he wasn't serving up bacon...

I think I'd probably hit him in the legs. Probably. You know what I mean? Are you primarily beaten below the waist? Oh, always. Well, because I say not above the waist.

Not the moneymaker. Not the moneymaker, because my hands and my arms, I need to play bongos. Of course, of course. And of course, you know, facial expressions and things like that are very much as deep. That's part of the bongo experience. Oh, my God, look at these facial expressions. He's doing them. Oh, wow. I mean, it's so much of it. You're telling a story when you're playing the bongos. True. Do you also tell stories while you play the bongos? I sometimes tell stories to myself while I'm playing the bongos. In your head? Yeah, right, uh-huh. Yeah, like, talk, say them out loud. Okay.

Sure. Once there was a wizard and he lived in a forest and nobody liked him and he climbed to the top of a mountain and destroyed the world!

Tale of the Unpopular Wizard. Yeah. Wow. And it's, you know, I mean, people don't think about that. If you knew a wizard, like a real wizard. Wouldn't you want to befriend him if he could destroy you? You might, but you. You probably would invite him to parties and he would be like one of those people like, well, we have to invite. That's what I'm saying. It would be disingenuous because I don't think you would like that guy.

Probably not. This guy walks around doing magic tricks and stuff like that? Why does he – yeah, I mean, you don't like magicians just in general. Who likes magicians? I never met anybody that liked a magician. No, never. No. So, I mean, imagine that for real. What is he compensating for that he has to learn all these magic tricks? Exactly. And not only that, but you feel threatened. He could turn me into a frog or whatever. Right. You know what I mean? You don't want someone holding that over your head. Of course not. Yeah, it's like the Me Too movement in a way. Yeah.

If someone has that kind of power over you. Yeah. We've been talking a lot about consent in my health class. You know, I teach sex ed at Marina Del Rey High School. I didn't know it was sex ed. I thought it was just health. Well, I have a sex ed unit. I have a drugs unit. A unit? This is like Law and Order, the SVU? What do you mean by that? It is a law. Well, we do talk a lot about Law and Order in there. Not the show, just... No, the show, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, because I love that show. Uh...

Listen to this. Shunk, shunk. Hey, wow, that's wild. Yeah. I thought, where are we now? Now where are we? Oh, you know, I'm carrying something back and forth out on the docks and letting you know that I found a body. Isn't that funny? If a cop came to talk to me at my workplace, they would have my undivided attention. We're doing John Mulaney bits at this point. Are we? Is that right? I believe we are. Oh, that's too bad. That's too bad, but it's what happens. It's what happens when you consume no culture. You know what I mean?

There's a good chance that you're going to repeat. Anyways, what? Yeah. So we do a sex ed unit. Sex ed unit. And we do a drug ed unit. Do you bring in people in this unit? Co-teachers? Or when you say unit, what do you mean? Do you mean like actual units of grades? During the year, my health curriculum, the curriculum is made up of units.

There's units in the curriculum. There's a drug unit. Okay. I see. And I'm not allowed to do the driver ed unit anymore. Why? What happened? Well, it's, you know. No.

No, I don't know. You said you know, but I actually don't know, which is why I asked. I was involved in the most expensive car accident in the history of Marina Del Rey. Wait a minute. Expensive car accident? Is this something like a Smokey and the Bandit movie or something? It's absurd. It's absurd. I don't know how you even tabulate that or whatever. But anyway, I destroyed a great many things.

In and around Marina del Rey. That's an expensive area for one. Well, you know, yeah. Yes, the historic lighthouse. Oh, no. Yeah, I hit that and it went into the marina. It toppled into the marina? Toppled into the marina. Oh, that's bad luck. And I says, well, I says, big deal. You know, just fish it out of there. And they go, well, that's a whole thing, you know. So they're going to rebuild it.

But whatever. So they're not fishing it out. They're going to leave it on the bottom of the water. It's easy to leave it there. I don't know. Isn't it weird that they call it fishing it out when there's fish in the ocean? Huh?

I don't get it. What do you mean? If you were to fish something out, it almost implies that you're commanding the fish to push it up out of the ocean. Well, that's not a bad idea. I mean, I'll pitch it at the next town council meeting. I'm there all the time anyway these days. I'm constantly going to the town council meetings just because people have questions for me. So you were involved in some sort of Hal Needham-esque thing.

I don't know who that is. Okay, yeah. He was the stunt coordinator for a lot of the Smokey and the Bandit films. Oh, really? Yeah. So you were involved in an accident, the type of which he would choreograph. I guess so, yeah. Okay. Yeah, a lot of things were destroyed. And?

Apparently I did $18 million worth of damage to the dog run at the Chase Burton Park. How can you do that much damage? Great question. Were you traveling with some sort of priceless artifacts? No. Well, I was asleep. I was sound asleep for the entire time, so I can't even tell you what happened. This is why the accident occurred? Because you fell asleep? Because I fell asleep.

And I don't have also, by the way, have never had a driver's license. So it turned into a whole thing. And so I have now, I'm not allowed to teach the driver a unit anymore. Are you still in charge of the parking lot? Uh,

Parking lot security. Yes, I do parking lot security at Beringdale Rain High School. So you have to – if there's ever an altercation, you have to outrun a car? What do you mean? An altercation? With someone involved in a car. Oh, you're saying two cars are vying over the same parking lot or something like that? Or someone is like stealing a car. You're parking lot security. You just have – it's a foot race. Yeah. I am a parking lot security man who cannot drive.

It does not drive. That is the case. That's how it is. And I tried to skateboard for a little while. It was terrible because I can't do it with the casts on my legs. Oh, yes. Because these are thigh-high casts. Hard to ollie. Those are, yeah, they are thigh-highs, I noticed. Yeah. So you just can't do it. So anyway. And it's very hard to get around in general. But I do still do pipeline security.

Anyway, but what I'm really excited about. Sex ed. Yes, we do the sex ed unit. Sexual education. Sexual education. We talk about all aspects of sex. I say, hey, there's nothing, nothing's off limits. You know, whatever questions you have. That's not what you're teaching, that nothing's off limits. Nothing's off limits when it comes to sex. Absolutely.

No, you don't teach. No, no, no, no. What that means, nothing's off limits, is in the classroom you can ask anything. Not that when you actually go out there and engage in sex, nothing is off limits. That's not true, actually. That's not true. Now I have some limits as to the questions that can be asked. No, but you're saying that these kids can do anything. But sexually speaking, nothing is off limits. Oh, no. Nothing is off limits. Oh, dear. If you can dream it, please do it. That's not good advice. Is what I say, yeah.

And we've been talking a lot about, you know, consent and the whole Me Too business and all that stuff. And what are you teaching them? I've just been saying, like, don't let anybody hold you back, you know. Oh, dear.

You know, because you only live once. You know, it's that kind of thing. I'm very much a carpe diem teacher. I'm very much a – what was that? A poet society guy. I tell them – you know, a lot of the time I have my students stand on the desks and call me captain. And it's very inspiring. Why are you having people stand on the desks, by the way? Do you have mirrors on the floor or something?

Not anymore. I don't do that anymore. You're going back to the 80s. I don't do that anymore. Okay. All right. Forget it. Now it's cameras. Yeah. Oh, dear. Were you filming this car chase, by the way? Maybe you could sell this to like Michael Bay or something. I did have a dashboard cam, but it's at the bottom of the marina. Oh, okay. That's too bad. The car is gone. Yeah. The car is gone.

But anyways... Was it an expensive car? Is that also what added to the tally? No, not at all. No, my car was the least of the expenses. Oh, yeah. Yeah, chunky old thing, you know.

Anyways, so now somebody else teaches driving. But what I'm very excited about, you know, I have my own podcast and I made a pilot. I made a podcast pilot. I heard something about this. Yeah. And you can hear it on Stitcher or whatever. And it's there and I'm, you know, and from what I understand, you're the guy that's going to decide whether it gets to become a regular podcast. Well, I'm hoping, you know. I wanted to have you on this show so I could tell you no.

You gotta be kidding. That's not true. Can't be no. The answer can't be no. Well, I wanted to do it in person. What are you talking about? I'm not a coward. What? No, I wanted to do it face to face. I don't believe it. Are you seriously telling me no? I'm telling you no. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I'm sorry. Why not? I'm shocked. I'm shocked. What was the premise of your show again? The show is called Driving and Fucking with Joe Bongo and Margot Chunk.

And we take questions from people about fucking questions and driving questions. Yeah. And Margo's a new driving DJ. I did not enjoy this. What do you mean? We did a great job. I said it was Dr. Ruth meets Car Talk. Yeah, no, I know. But they had a terrible meeting as far as I'm concerned. Dr. Ruth and Car Talk? Yeah, they should never have hung out. You know the three of them hooked up. What? Yeah.

That's true. That's insane. That's true. It was the two brothers. The two brothers. And they did a train on Dr. Ruth? On Dr. Ruth. That is true. That's a fact. Oh, my God. That's true. Just high-fiving over the back?

From what I understand. From the precious few details that are out there. From what I understand. That is one of the few that leaked out. I am told there is a tape. I don't know. Oh, wow. I don't know. But anyway, I know for a fact that it happened. Incredible. Yes. By the way, for people who have not heard you on the show before, Joe Bongo is a stage name.

Well, yeah. My name is Joe Dunleavy is my real name, but all my students call me Joe Bongo because I always bring my bongos in the classroom and I teach with the bongos and I play it. I go into a bongo zone for sometimes if it's a 45-minute period, 20 to 40 minutes of it could be me in a bongo zone. It's a lot like watching a Doors concert where they'll start a song and who knows when it's going to end. Who knows what's going to happen?

or whether Jim Morrison is even going to show up. And a lot of the time I do not show up for my own classes. Right. That doesn't surprise me. Yeah, you know, because I don't have any reliable way of waking up.

Yeah, we talked about this before, right? What's up with your clocks and your... I have no internal body clock. That was one of the first things to go. Do you have an operation? No. It's just, look, I consider myself a drug survivor. A lot of people consider me a drug casualty. A lot of people consider you a drug user. You're a current drug user. I hear that a lot from people. And, you know, I mean, I think it's not fair.

Because I'm not doing the hard stuff at this point. No, just what are you up to? It's mostly just acid. Right. Which is nothing. Hallucinogenics, yeah. It's not even a drug.

So that got rid of your internal body clock at some point. My internal body clock was one of the first things to go. Yes, as well as just any kind of a concept of time at all. Right. So you may currently be in a bongo zone. I don't know. I mean, yes. Even though you're not playing the bongos. I mean, I never thought about that. Are you playing the bongos? I don't think I am now. I don't think you are either. Okay, good.

But if my bongo is so— Are we both high right now? I don't know. I'm not sure. I don't think I'm high. You know the brain is quad—there's four quadrants of the brain. Sure, anything has four quadrants if you break it up into four parts. That's interesting. Yeah. Could you break like a hostess cupcake into four quadrants? Sure. Anything. It's not a bad idea because I don't want a whole one of those. This is simple fractions. Do you teach fractions, by the way?

No, only as regards to sexual partners. Okay, but are these four quadrants labeled different things in the brain? All I'm trying to tell you is a doctor told me the two of my quadrants are gone. Just gone? They're gone. Really? So what do you have floating in there? Permanently broken. I have two functioning brain quadrants at this time. And the other two are missing? The word he used was broken. Okay, so they're in there. They're just not working. I guess. Yeah, I think they're – oh, yeah, no.

Nothing's been taken out of my head. They're sloshing around in there. They're in there, yeah. Yeah, they haven't dissolved. They're not functioning as designed. Yeah. And so of the two remaining quadrants, it's possible at any given time that one of them or both of them might be high. Right, okay. That's my only— Well, good luck with that. So how do you incorporate the bongos into your sex education?

Well, I talk a lot about how music can help people get in the mood and how people get sort of in touch with their bodies. Bongo music can? Oh, brother. Listen, I go out on the weekends. I go out to the beach, out to the pier, and I play my bongos. And you can just see the effect it has on people. I often go out to Huntington Beach. Oh.

Okay. I mean, it's close to Marina Del Rey. Yeah. Close-ish, yeah. Right. No, I'm fairly personated on Grotter in Marina Del Rey. In Marina Del Rey. At this time. Just this whole thing has to blow over. Yeah. I took out too much stuff that people like. Almost.

Also, the lighthouse being gone, are ships crashing constantly into the marina? It's extremely dangerous at night and during foggy conditions. Those are prime lighthouse times. What they got now is they got a guy out there on a ladder with a flashlight. Oh, no. And it's just a community volunteer situation, and it's not effective. Okay. How often are they able to get a guy out there?

With the latter, if it's a volunteer situation. These are seniors, you know what I mean? And they've got a little phone tree going for when it's going to get dark, you know, and foggy. Usually it's sundown. Well, they're not that organized. I mean, at this point, it gets dark and they start scrambling. Oh, it's go time. It's a problem. Let's put something together. It's a problem. But you're right. It is predictable, the darkness. That, by the way, could be your autobiography. It is predictable, the darkness, by Joe Bongo. Yeah.

Or your next pilot.

I don't have to make it. Are you really not picking up driving a fucking- I'm not picking it. I'm not picking it. I'm surprised. Let's talk about the bongos. So pretend I'm your class. Okay, sure. And I'm interested in learning how to have sex and what it feels like. Yeah. And take me through how you incorporate the bongos. I would say, look, the sex is all about the hips. You got to get those hips moving. And nothing is going to get the hips moving better than a little something like that. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

Let's see those hips. And then I get everybody up, everybody up on their feet, and we clear the desks away. Oh, you want me to stand up? Yeah, stand up, stand up. Let's see. Get those hips into it. That's pretty good. I'm trying. Yeah, a little more. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Is this enough? No, that's not enough. It's not enough. No, it's not going to please a woman. You got to really get those hips into it. I want to see some hips. I guess this is a lot like having sex. Yes, yes. See that? That's what I'm telling you. Yeah. And then you get you and a partner both getting your hips into it like that. Next thing you know, we're into the pregnancy unit.

Oh, there's an entire pregnancy unit. We talk all about pregnancy and how and whether you can have sex with a pregnant woman. That's mostly what the pregnancy unit is. And let me guess. Nothing's off limits. Nothing's off limits. Do whatever you want. I write that on the chalkboard. The first ink, I write, Joe Bongo. Joe Bongo. Do whatever you want.

Is that instruction for you or for the students? It's both and routinely. Every year, as soon as I'm done writing, do whatever you want, about a third of the class gets up and leaves. And the other two-thirds are looking around like, was that okay? Should I follow? Right. And they're asking themselves, what do I want? And then we spend the rest of the year exploring that question. Wow. The other ones knew what they wanted, to go. And that's fine. That's fine. Yeah. And they get an A.

The ones who stayed or the ones who left? The ones who left get an A because they know what they want and they do it. And I appreciate that. That's an A. What do the ones who stay get? It depends. You know, then it's a whole process of figuring that out, you know. But a lot of the time. Yeah, you're talking about grading students. Huh? Yeah.

You're talking about grading students, a process of figuring out what grades they get? Yes. Yes, exactly. But if you left on day one, then there's nothing to figure out. So that's a good little tip for any students coming into your class if they're listening to this. Well, if you want to go, you should go. What if you don't want to go and you go? Are you able to ascertain that? If somebody is going against their will to go, it's hard to imagine. Yeah.

Like someone forces another student to stand and pushes them out of the room. What do you grade that student on? Oh, the one that got pushed out of the room? Because they don't want to go, but they went. Yeah. That person, I would have to flunk them. I've never had it happen, but if it happened, I would have to, that person would get it in. Look, I mean, it's a hypothetical, but. It's a good one though. It's a good one. And.

And also, we talked about this before, but, you know, I'm in a band. Oh, right. What's the band called again? Rosebush Red. And I'm the – Rosebush Red. Rosebush Red. And everybody else in the band is a student.

Or was a student. No, they're current students at Miranda O'Reilly High School. Oh, that's right. And you keep flunking them in order to keep them in the band. Yes, if I have to. If this person is irreplaceable to the band and they're graduating, because I'll tell you right now, a lot of these guys say, I'm going to graduate, but I'm still going to be in the band. And I've learned by now that that's bullshit. That's bullshit, yeah. They're gone. I don't have control over them anymore. So I often have to flunk them out of health just to keep them back. You're using your position of power in order to –

make them do things that they don't want to do. I don't think of it that way, but I'm using my position of power to keep them in my band. Okay. So who's in the band currently? Right now, it's an incredible lineup of everybody in the band right now is the son of a

a famous prog rock musician. That's incredible. It is incredible. So these prog rock musicians all moved to Marina del Rey, school district, and their sons or offspring, sons or daughters, are serving in your band. Who do we have? We've got Ezra Palmer, who's father- From Emerson Lake and Palmer? Emerson Lake and Palmer. Oh my goodness. Gary Lee, who is the son of Geddy Lee. Oh my goodness.

Oh, from Rush. From Rush. Canadian. So he moved down to the States? Yeah. A lot of these guys, most of them are not in touch with their fathers, by the way. Oh, okay. Yeah. Rock music. Nuff said. Exactly. It's an itinerant lifestyle. Yeah. And there's another guy named Phil Collins Jr. I don't remember who his father is. Okay. Well, from Genesis. Who his father was. Phil Collins. Oh, oh, oh. Wait, so this is Lily Collins' brother? Oh, I don't know. His name is Phil Collins Jr.,

I think his father was Peter Gabriel. That would be... I mean, I can see that. Because I think... Didn't it work that... Sort of like a fuck you to Phil Collins. Like, I got there first. Didn't... I forget how it worked. I thought Phil Collins... That would be the ultimate thing to do to a friend of yours. What's that? To name your kid. Like, say, who's your best friend? You, I think. Okay, well...

But if I were to have a kid and name him Jason Manzoukas Jr. and say, ah, I got there first. That would be great. You should do that. It's a fun thing to do. Yeah. But I think what happened with that band, I think Peter Gabriel became Phil Collins. Okay.

So these three are in the band? Yeah. You have Phil, you have Ezra. Yeah. And you have who, who Lee? What was the? Oh, Gary Lee. Gary Lee. Okay. It's Geddy Lee's kid. Right. And does Gary Lee play bass like Geddy does? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. And they're great. And they were an existing band and they had a really good drummer and I had to get him out of school. I had him.

I had him expelled. Wait, who was that drummer? That guy, he was Dean Buford, Bill Buford's kid. I don't know Bill Buford. Bill Buford from Yes. Oh, okay. I'm not as familiar with all of the various permutations of Yes as perhaps you are. You're not as familiar with Anderson Buford, Wakeman, and...

I mean, I pretty much know the 80s years where they had Trevor Horn in there. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, he's not. The commercial years. Oh, forget it. Owner of a lonely heart. It's a good song, though. Yeah, can you play it on the drums? Why did you? Owner of a lonely heart. Murder.

Better than a, yeah. It was very odd that you went with your mouth and you have the drums right in front of you. Well, you got to work it out in your mouth first. Okay. Is that something you teach the sex education unit? That's what I say. I say, guys, work it out in your mouth first. You got to lick it before you kick it. Because if you kick it and then you lick it, who's interested then? Lick it before you kick it. I never heard that. I like that a lot.

I think that's good. You can use that. Yeah, I'm going to use that. That's good. Well, that's going to, you know what? That's going to be the whole month of April.

How many classes are you going to show up for in the month of April usually? There's no way of ever knowing, but it is nice. The weather is nice. The weather is really nice. That's prime surf and skating time. Yeah. It's hard to make it to class. Well, Joe, it's a pleasure to have you. It's great to be here. We need to take a break. Okay. If that's all right. Can you stick around? We have another returning guest whom I don't believe you've ever met. I don't know. I don't know if I'll be here or not. I think you...

I mean, you're just sitting and you haven't left. I don't have any plans to proactively do anything. Well, I mean, you don't want to leave because you haven't gotten up and left. Right. Is this a do whatever you want situation? It is. Well, then here we go. Okay, we need to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more Joe Bongo and, oh, our good friend Randy Snuts is going to be here. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Yeah.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here. Joe Bongo has been playing the bongos this entire break. And neighbors have been complaining. And he's in a bongo zone.

He is really in it. What's happening? What's going on? You've been playing the bongos for the last 10 minutes. Oh, 10 minutes? 10 minutes. That's all it's been. Yeah. Wow. Okay. How was it? Really good, right? 10 minutes of bongos is like 80 minutes of any other instrument. Thank you. Yes. That's interesting. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Is it? You pack a lot in. You do. We have to get to our next guest. Hot dog! No, it's not hot dog. Have you ever met him? Who? Hot dog? No. What?

He's a really interesting guy. He skates, or no, what does he do? He water skis on salamis, I think. I'd like to beat him.

You'd like to beat him? I'd like to beat him. I'd like to meet him and beat him. In a water skiing competition? I'd love to beat him in a water skiing competition. Have you ever water skied? It would be hard with those thigh highs. No, but I'd probably be fine. I'd probably be very good at it. You probably could ski on those thigh high casts. I think it would not be, yeah, I think it would be easy. Yeah, okay. I was told not to get them wet, but who gives a shit? They're just protective anyway. Yeah, exactly. Okay, well let's get to our next one. Maybe you'll meet Hot Dog at some point.

Okay. I think that would be fun. Sure. We do need to get to our next guest. He has been on the show before. I don't recall his particular details of what he does for a living, but we'll talk about that. Please welcome back Randy Snuts. Hello. What's going on, Scott? And you're right to not keep up with my job because yet again, I've been fired. Oh.

Oh, no. I had another job. Oh, what were you doing? By the way, talk right into that. Oh, am I... Is this better? Yeah, that's a little better. All right. I had, like, positioned the microphone so that I could see your face, and now it's directly in front of your face. Oh, that's okay. So if you do any funny reactions, I'm not even going to be able to see what you're doing. Well, I mean, you want to be able to see Joe Bongo's face, because, I mean, that's... When I play the bongos, you really got to see my face. Yeah, exactly. Dude...

To be a fly on the wall while in the bongo zone? I mean, yeah, you don't have to be a fly on the wall. You can just be yourself. Yeah, but I was just you watching. It was like, I was like Jeff Goldblum. I was on the wall as a fly. Brundle fly. Yeah, Brundle fly. You love that movie, dude. I love it. I want to see that movie at your house. No, thanks. But what job did you get fired from? Very cool. Remember, I was working at the AMPM. Oh, that's right. The anti-meridian and the post-meridian. Yeah, that's right. The one that sells gas. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

And then has a convenience store inside. And I mainly kept that thing stocked. That's right. But then I got busted because I stole another 18-pack of High Life. Oh, that's right. This time I said, yoink, too loud. That's right. That was the tip-off that people would know that you stole something when you said, yoink, under your breath to yourself. Yeah, exactly. But I got cocky and I said it too loud while making eye contact with my boss. Yeah.

Who was your boss again? Just a fucking guy. I forget his name. Okay. So, yeah, you're already – it's in the rear view at this point. But then, like, I got hooked up with a friend of a family. This guy, Brian Delahoyd, is one of my good friends. And his dad, Dan Delahoyd, runs a window washing business. Oh, okay. Windows of buildings or of cars? Yeah, buildings, cars. Like, if someone lives in their car and they need their windows washed. If it's glass, you'll do it. That's true, dude.

You're going to get me one of those guys going up the side of a building on a wooden thing and going up the side of a building? Jesus, I mean, I'd pass out. Sounds scary, right? Dan Del Hoyt has not entrusted me with that yet. Okay, so you're first floor only? First floor only, just like retail shops and cars and whatnot. Right, yeah. Yeah. So if it were an 18-wheeler, that's a little too high for you. Oh, dude, yeah. I mean, I could get up there. Someone gave me a stepladder.

Right. Maybe one of these old people down at the Marina del Pier. The Marina del Rapier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got a ladder. They would have to be during the day. Yeah, yeah. I'd climb up on that. These seniors got to bring their own ladder, by the way. It's a BYOL situation. It's a BYOL, and it's not fun watching these old guys trying to carry their ladder from the parking lot. Why don't they just keep a ladder there where the lighthouse used to be? Because say somebody would steal it. Keep a ladder there where the lighthouse used to be. Beautiful. That's beautiful. Was that from Pete's Dragons? Yeah.

But keep the ladder there where the lighthouse used to be. This is not bad. I might be in your band soon. I'm not the offspring of any famous musician, though. Oh, yeah. I just had regular parents. You're not going to work in the current lineup. Oh, sorry. Do you have to still be in high school to be in your band? It works the best way because then you have a little more control over their schedule. You can give them a hall pass and whatnot to come and rehearse.

That's too bad. I barely graduated high school, so I'm probably out. You did graduate, though. I did, yeah. By the skin of your teeth? Dude, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. How old of a man are you? I'm 26 right now. Right. Right now, yeah, sure. We all get older as the days go by. That's a good point. You're not going to be 26 forever. That's true. We'd love to be 25 again. Unless you die at 26, then you'll be 26 forever. Oh. I always wonder when they say, like,

Happy birthday to Shakespeare. First of all, how happy is it going to be? He's dead. Yeah, he's not having a happy birthday. He's probably had happier birthdays when he was alive. But it also doesn't work like that. Like people don't get to be 200 years old or whatever. Like happy birthday to my dad who died 20 years ago. He would have been 153 today. Yeah, I know he wouldn't have been. And fucking miserable. Those details are maybe a little odd. God, I wish my dad were still alive. I'm like miserable right now. Just like a rotting corpse in front of me. Right.

So you could be 26 forever. Yeah, if you die this year. Well, good luck. Yeah, I've been looking forward to it. Definitely my girlfriend is wishing my death every single day. Why? Who is your girlfriend again? Remember Carissa? Yeah. She of the scandalous behavior. She was scandalous. I do recall that. What do you mean? What did she do? She's just always bringing catastrophe to my life. Oh, really? Sowing seeds of discord in my personal and professional business.

So, yeah, what are some of the shenanigans she got up to? She stole my phone and texted all my friends, fuck you. Oh, no. Yeah. That's too bad. Yeah, and then they all texted back, ha, ha, ha, good one, Randy. And then she texted back, I'm not kidding. And that was scandalous. That second text was scandalous. Because then my boys were like, oh, dude, Randy wasn't joking around. Wow. Yeah, so. Is that the kind of joke you would normally do? Hell, yeah. Text someone, fuck you.

It is very, very funny. I get my jollies. Yeah. I get my jollies however I can. Yeah, that's it. One has to. Get your jollies however you can. In this economy? Yeah, no kidding. So has she been out there on the town doing anything with other dudes or anything? What was your problems with her before? I mean, aside from just like general scandalous behavior, yeah. She talks to like a lot of people. She likes to string guys along to like rile me up and get me like all psycho.

Right, yeah. So she likes to flirt with other guys in front of you in order to test your love. And if you don't fight for her, then you don't care enough. Yeah, like her dream scenario would be like cock-holding me, but I will not have it.

And describe cuckolding for... Where she, like, hooks up with a dude in front of me, and then, like, ostensibly, I enjoy it. Why ostensibly? Is that part of the cuckolding experience? Yeah, I think the dude has to, like, enjoy his humiliation. Okay. Would you be pissed off if she, like, hooked up with another guy, and they had a kid, and she named that kid whatever your name is, Junior? Randy Snots Junior? Yeah.

Honestly, I'd try to adopt that child to stick it to them. Oh, yeah. You'd have a pretty good claim on that adoption in court. Oh, yeah. I mean, of course this is my child. Look at the name. Look at the name right there. Yeah. Case closed. Dismissed. Case dismissed. Objection. Sorry, but we said dismissed. Habeas corpus. You got to get it in there beforehand. I've been sustained.

That's not a bad title for your autobiography. I've Been Sustained? Yeah, by Randy Snuts. Yeah, by Randy Snuts. And the cops. Yep. So have you been in trouble with the law recently? Yeah, dude. I kicked out my taillights in a fit of rage. The cops keep pulling me over. No. And then I have to explain it. I'm like, I kicked them out myself because of my girlfriend's scandalous behavior. What happened? Why were you so upset? Well, Carissa texted my mom, fuck you. Oh, so it was not relegated to just your friends. No, no. And then my mom wrote back, ha, ha, ha.

And she wrote back, I'm not kidding. And then my mom wrote back, ha, ha, ha, because she knows. She knows. Yeah, that's the kind of joke that you'd press it a little too far. But like, I have a great relationship with my mother and she thinks anything I say is funny. God bless her. She loves you. When she goes, oh, man. No one loves you like your loved ones. No one loves you like your loved ones. Oh, yeah, that's nice. That's very pretty. Let's put that to bongos.

No one loves you like your loved ones. You don't sing, I've noticed. I what? You just play bongos? Yeah. And tell stories to yourself? Sometimes, yeah. Let's do that again with you telling the story and I'll sing over it. Okay. It'll be sort of like a rap song with a sung hook. Here we go. Ready and...

There was a ghost ship on the water. The ship was a ghost and the people on it were also ghosts. Not bad. Not bad at all. Yeah. This is sort of like a Rihanna Eminem kind of. A Rihanna Eminem kind of. Dude, that's the kind of relationship I have with Carissa. Because she, like, I love the way she lies. Oh, yeah. She tells untruths? Yeah. And then I'm left being like, windowpane.

Yeah. Window pain? I know why they call it window pain, which is funny because now I wash windows. Right, yeah. You actually wash window panes. Yeah. Eminem doesn't realize that the way you spell pain when you say window pain is P-A-N-E. He thinks it's P-A-I-N. He thinks when he hears window pain, he thinks it's P-A-I-N. Yeah, he was doing a Reddit AMA, and I busted him on that question.

What's your Reddit name? My Reddit name? Yeah. Randy Snuts, all caps. Does that make a difference, the all caps part of it? No, I mean, it is an all caps, but I put all caps after Randy Snuts. Oh, I see. Randy Snuts, all caps. Yeah. Okay, yeah. I'd love to see you out there on Reddit just posting away. Because when I'm online, I'm shouting.

So, but you love Carissa. Yeah, I love her. I mean, it's a love-hate relationship. Yeah. How long have you been together? We've been together like three years now. How many times has she cheated on you? Jesus. I don't know. Once for every day in the year. So what's 365 times three? It's over a thousand.

Jesus Christ, this is a bad relationship. Yeah, no, you're... She really gets some action every single day? I don't know. I mean, I think a lot of it's my paranoia and her trying to drive me nuts, you know, because we live in a small town and there... What town do you live in? Well, right now, Alhambra. Oh, okay, yeah. You side or die, dude. Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah. You want to stay there then? Yeah, I'm an Eastsider. Why did you say right now, Alhambra, then, if you're never going to leave? Well, we're living at Carissa's ex-stepmom's place. By the way, anytime you say right now, I get that you're currently somewhere. Right now, you're currently 26. You're currently living in Alhambra. When one asks, where do you live?

They don't expect the answer of everywhere you have lived and everywhere you're going to live. They just want to know where you live currently. Yeah, that's what we're talking about right now for sure. Yeah, so what was this about your mom? No, no, not my mom. Carissa's ex-stepmom. Carissa's ex-stepmom. Yeah. You and Carissa are living together with her ex-stepmom? Yeah, yeah, her ex-stepmom. Judy. Judy, okay. So she has no current relationship with Judy other than friend. Not really, but Judy's like a really nice lady. She's a judge out in Alhambra. Oh, really? Yeah, we just say her friend. Judge Judy? Judge Judy?

No, she goes by her last name. Oh, what's her last name? Judge. Judge Judge? Yeah, Judy Judge. Like Mike Judge? Yeah, she's related to Mike Judge. She's related to Mike Judge. And she is a judge? Yeah, she is. That's wild. That's like Kevin Bacon cooking up that bacon. Yeah. I guess you'd be upset and want to beat her.

If her name was Judy Judge and she wasn't walking around judging things, she would take a few blows to the legs. Not the moneymaker. Not the gavel hands. No, no, no, no, no. This lady does Krav Maga, though. She'd kick the shit out of me. Really? Yeah. Muay Thai? Thai? Muay Thai? Muay Thai? Is that what it is? Don't mind if I do.

Oh, Randy. I guess if people saw you and you weren't Randy all the time, you'd get a beating as well. Yeah, that's true. I mean, people try to, like, deliver beatings on me pretty consistently. Yeah. Because I shoot my mouth off, you know? Yeah, you run hot. Yeah. If I've got a filter, it's...

I don't have a filter. But if you did have one, it would be inoperable? Is that what you were trying to say? It would be too leaky? I got a broken filter on my face. Yeah, you can cut those into four, by the way, into quadrants. You can quadrant your filter? Yeah. That's not a bad idea. So you can sometimes, you can use it. I'm just using a fourth of my filter right now. I don't want to use the whole thing.

I can talk in four octaves, but I only choose this one. Really? Okay, let's hear another one, though. I mean, I'm out of practice. Yeah, I mean, you have a very steady... If I were to make musical notes, if I were to transcribe the musicality of the rhythm of your speech, it would be pretty much a flat line. Yeah, yeah. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,

Tell a story. There were some dwarves who were really good at bows and arrows. They were on an adventure across the fields. By the way, I've noticed, Joe, that a lot of your stories have to do with mythical adventures of wizards, dwarves. That's what I'm heavily into these days. Really? You're into fantasy? I'm into fantasy and stuff like that. Yeah, what kind of authors? Who are your favorite authors? Oh, I don't read books. Oh, just creating it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do my own, yeah. I'm very into, you know, I've been getting heavily into Jethro Tull. I write a letter a day to Ian Anderson. Really? Yeah. Wow. And have any of them ever been returned? Uh,

No. What do you mean in the sense that somebody wrote me back? Yeah, or the postman returns them. Well, yeah, that I've been getting. But the first one, I did get a little something like a little join our fan club thing like that. Oh, okay. But that was like a form letter. And now I got very angry because that seemed – because I wrote him a very, very personal letter. I really put it all out there. And then to get a form letter back – so from then on, the letters have been –

And what are the kind of personal details you've included? About your own life? About your feelings for Ian Anderson? Yeah, mostly about my own life and about different things that I have done to the tune of different Jethro Tull songs and things like that. And it's been very, very sexually explicit. Mm-hmm.

I've been writing Ian Anderson some very sexually explicit letters. Yeah. And then to get back a form letter is very insulting. Anything about the Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack? What about that? I believe he's on that, isn't he? Ian Anderson? You're thinking of a different – Ian Gilliam? Yeah, Ian Gilliam. Oh, okay. I thought they were both on that. No. They might be the same guy. They might be. But – Have you ever really met two different people with the same name? You know what I mean? Oh. Like I don't think I've ever met another Randy.

I don't, I'm certainly have never met another Joe. Right. You know, you hear about them on the news or whatever, but have you ever really met one? My mom's name is Randy Snots. What? Yeah. Randy with an I. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that makes sense. You can spell it differently and that's. Oh, you want it to be spelled exactly the same? Yeah, exactly. Dude, I'll search the earth for another Randy Snots. It doesn't have to be Snots either. Dude, sign up for my Patreon. Yeah.

You have a Patreon? Yeah, where I travel the world looking for another Randy Snuts. Okay, how much are you asking for? I don't know, 10 bucks each? Each what? Each Randy? As long as it's less than 27, just like Bernie. Okay. Bernie keeps it pure. Oh, is that right? Bernie Sanders doesn't want a contribution over $27? Well, I don't know. That was his MO a while ago.

I don't know what the deal is now. Modus operandi. Modus operandi. Whoa, that was another awkward. Yeah, let's get it. Oh, nice. Modus operandi. Modus operandi. Modus operandi. Modus operandi. Modus operandi. And there were elves. Modus operandi. Modus operandi. And the elves had made an airplane. Modus operandi. Wait a minute, the elves made an airplane? Oh, yeah. So there's modern technology with...

in these stories? It's not exactly a modern airplane. Oh, okay. So it was like a Wright Brothers type situation? That kind of a thing, but mostly made out of leaves. Yeah, one of those things when you go to the Museum of Aviation that's like flapping wings. Yeah, but I'm picturing more of a Gilligan's Island type of thing because they had to use what was available in the forest. Yeah, fronds. Fronds, a lot of fronds. Yeah, just fronds.

Yeah, dude. Yeah. It's not called business. It's not called business. You know, I auditioned for that show. Did you? Which part? I auditioned for Chandler. Really? 25 years or so ago? Whatever. I used to be an actor. Really? Did you see anyone else in the waiting room? Bruce Willis. So he auditioned for the part of Bruce Willis?

Back before the show came out? Yeah. They make you do that. People don't know that. He was auditioning for himself on the show Friends. Yeah. And then they wrote Bruce Willis off. I guess so. Too many white people. We can't have Bruce Willis on here, too. That was a lot of white people, wasn't it? Yeah, that's a little too many. Too many. Would you say sexual? Yeah, sexual. Sexual. Six white people together. Yeah. Start stripping them. Strange credulity.

You know? Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't make sense to me. And they lived across the hall from each other. That's the thing. I do not want to know my neighbors. Yeah. That's a good point. Right? You don't want to know your neighbor because you're stuck with those people. I couldn't, I could never figure out on that show, were they friends because they met each other because they lived across from each other? Or did they like each other so much and they were such good friends that they moved into the same building together?

Was that ever established? I mean, I think some of them knew each other previously. Like Ross used to have it for Rachel. And then obviously Ross and Monica. Sure, they know each other. Yeah, they know each other pretty well because they're brother and sister. Yeah, but Ross doesn't live in the building. He lives elsewhere. So he knew Monica. But what I'm getting at is Chandler Bing, the part that you –

You auditioned for, apparently. Chandler Bing and Joey Tribbiani, is that his name? I don't know. They lived across from Monica and Rachel. But did they live together before that? Was it like, were Joey- Did they meet from being neighbors? Did Joey and Chandler have a too loud of a party and Monica came over to complain and then they just, they really enjoyed each other's company? And then Joey and Chandler met Ross. Oh, like, oh, you should meet my brother. He'd be a good friend of yours and ours. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. But who can we ask? You didn't do this kind of research? No, for Christ's sake, no, not at all. What kind of research did you do? I didn't do any research at all, at all. I took a Polaroid of myself and it showed up at the casting office. Did they ask you to bring a Polaroid? Apparently actors have pictures of themselves. Oh, okay. I don't know what I mean. Well, those are called headshots. What did yours look like? Oh, it was, you know what? I only had one shot at it and I ended up- It's a lot like Eminem. Very little of my face. Without Rihanna. Yeah. Yeah.

He's done a ton without her. Oh. He's done the majority of his songs without her. Yeah. I would say. His best stuff was with her, though. Yeah, those two songs. Oh, dude, they shred. Yeah. They pound. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What's your favorite type of music, Randy? Oh,

Definitely Eminem is up there. All this stuff with Rihanna, D12. Anytime he freestyles, his feud with Everlast. Bad meets evil? Yeah, bad meets evil. Dude, can you imagine if bad met evil? Dude, things would get psychotic. It'd be like better than the Suicide Squad movie. Oh, wow. So you like Suicide Squad? Yeah, I love that movie. Yeah, is that your favorite film of the last few years? Uh-huh, yeah. I have it on audio and I run to it.

That's a good idea. So how did you get it on audio? Did you hook up your VCR to a tape deck? I bought a ticket. I wore a trench coat, and I pulled some audio equipment into the movie theater. You did a rerun in what's happening to this? Yeah.

I hope you didn't start dancing and the Doobie Brothers busted you. They wouldn't bust me. But I love what's happening. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow

And that's when the wizard... Oh, oh! Oh, I'm sorry. I keep getting snippets of this story. It's captivating. I don't even know what I'm talking about. You've got to write this stuff down. I'm just in a boggle zone. It's hard to know what's going on. Hard to know, yeah. I wonder if you're transporting your mind to a parallel world where... Oh, wow! I don't know. That would be wild. Describing what you see like a reporter almost. Oh, sure!

Who knows? Like Ian Anderson. You know, the doors of perception, you get opened up into other worlds when you take LSD. Were we talking about the doors a little while ago? We were, yeah. Okay, good. Well, look, we need to take a break. Speaking of doors, we need to go through this door into some commercials. And when we come back, though, we're still going to be talking to Randy, still going to be talking to Joe, I hope. Yeah, and I'm going to find out if my podcast got picked up. It did.

It did not. And we'll come right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. What do you mean? No, we're not picking it up. I mean, I got a podcast that I'll pitch to you. Okay, we'll do that after the break.

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In the mood for something crunchy, saucy, and boneless? Try Jack's new crispy boneless wings from Jack in the Box, starting at just $5.99. Get them with honey garlic sriracha or Smoke Show smoky barbecue sauce. Enjoy so much more. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here with Joe Bongo, who stopped playing the bongos and has been staring into space for the past couple of minutes. Is that space?

That was space? No, I just mean into the space in front of us. Oh, okay. Were you looking into space? What did you see? I didn't know where I was looking. What did you see? Tell me everything. I saw an angel. Really? How do you know it was an angel? Because it had wings and a halo and it was carrying five babies.

Yeah. Like, are these dead babies that carrying into heaven? It was pretty clear that she had stolen these babies. Oh, dear. Is that what happens when people die? Angels steal us? Yeah, I think so. So if we are to not die, we just have to outrace the angels, which is hard with your thigh eyes. Yeah, it's not going to be easy. Yeah. The angels are going to get you, my friend. If somebody wants me dead, it's done. Yeah.

The taste is going to get you. Yeah. And I was staring at the space between. Yeah. Oh, wow. Your Wicked Lies, which is a mashup I'd like to see between Dave Matthews and Eminem. Oh, that's the ultimate mashup. Do people still do mashups? I hope so. That was such a good couple years for music, wasn't it? Oh, dude. Man. Dave was crushing it every single time he got out. It felt like every other week he was like, here's my live from Red Rocks album. Sure. Why is he always going to Red Rocks?

He friggin' loves it, dude. It's like he had a residency there and he just put out every single time he was ever there. Yeah, dude. Something in the atmosphere, a bunch of crystals and shit. Yeah, Randy Snuts is here. He's returned with us from Alhambra currently. I'm back again. Guess who's back? Back again. Randy Snuts.

And his friends. And my friends. Joe Bongo and Scott Aukerman, who's got a podcast that will not quit. Yeah, well, speaking of podcasts that won't quit, you say you have a podcast pitch that you want to pitch me? Oh, boy. Now, Joe, he sent us a pilot on audio cassette. Yeah, I made a podcast pilot, and I sent it in to Scott, and he hasn't decided whether he wants to pick it up or not. No, it's not happening. It sounds like Scott's mulling it over. Yeah, I'm just waiting to hear. A lot of fan pressure will push him over the edge. I think that's a good idea. It's very possible. Could be. Everybody write in.

Anderson a letter and tell him to write to Scott Aukerman and tell him to pick up my podcast please so if I start getting mail from Ian Anderson it's worked yeah okay endless possibilities that one driving and fucking yeah yeah yeah it's like some episodes could skew more toward driving some could skew more toward fucking and then you know you hit the sweet spot where you're talking about both or you're talking about driving and fucking the whole time like yeah like honey I'm

I'm trying to see the road. Stop fucking me so much. It could be a true four quadrant type of podcast too if it's like hits driving and fucking and where they meet and just, you know, right there. Where are those four states that meet at the one in the corner of each of them? Oh, yeah. Massachusetts. No. Washington. No.

Rhode Island, is that what you said? Yeah, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Washington. And Atlanta. No, I don't think so. Hotlanta, hot Braves, this is the year. Okay, sure, Randy. Chipper Jones is coming back. All right, I'm not interested. Chipper fucked a Hooters waitress, which is an all-timer, dude. Now I'm interested. You can retire sexually if you fuck a Hooters waitress. Really? So that's where you hang it up from the rafters? Yep. Oh, I can't wait to retire sexually.

I've been saving. It's exhausting keeping it going. It's very exhausting. Isn't it? Yeah. Tell me about your podcast pitch. What do you got? Randy Snuts? Yeah. It's called I'd Hit It. And it's audio of me hitting a – like people would tweet at me objects and then I would get that object and then I would hit it with a bat and we'd hear about it and then a couple people would talk about what the sound made.

What the sound made or what sound it made? Huh? What do you mean what the sound made? What the sound made? You keep repeating it. What do you mean by it? What the sound made? Sounds make things. You don't know that? Look, I got to admit I made a mistake or I could keep saying it and win you over. Okay, you did. What the sound made? What the sound made? Yeah, anyway, it's called I'd Hit It.

So it's all about people bringing you or requesting things. Do you have to buy the things that you hit or do people bring them to you? I guess people would bring them to me. Yeah, because you're going to be spending a lot of money if people are just like, hey, a Lamborghini, and then you have to buy a Lamborghini and hit it with a baseball bat. Yeah, that would – all right. That would bankrupt you. Yeah.

Yeah. So it has to be stuff that people bring to you or send to you. Yeah, I'd be like – I'd start small with like a wrench or a soccer ball. Right. And then I hit that stuff. With a baseball – it's always with a baseball bat? Yeah. Dude, I'd hit that with a bat. Maybe that's a better one. I'd hit that with a bat. Not bad, although I'd hit that is actually a phrase, so it maybe would stick in the mind a little bit. Yeah, what do you think, Joe? Ah!

I think it's pretty good. Who were the people who – you say a couple of people would talk about what the sound made. Who's going to – because I would –

I'd love to volunteer. Yeah, all right, so I'll have Joe on it. So this is sort of like the elderly people in Marina Del Rey. It's a volunteer situation? It's a volunteer situation. It's a phone tree, email tree. Do you have to bring your own stepladder? I'll bring my own ladder. Yeah, it'd be a good idea to, like, toss something up in the air, and then I'd hit it from the ladder with the bat. That's not a bad idea, yeah, once people start getting tired of the baseline. And then maybe we get, like, a couple people that are, like, really good with audio. So maybe we got Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine or

however you pronounce his name. The Defiant ones? Yeah, and they'd probably be like, I didn't like the sound because they're Defiant. But Joe would be like, yeah, that's great. I probably like it every time. You know what I mean? Because I don't have a high standard of sounds. Or what they make. Yeah, or what they make. What sound made? What the sound made? What the sound made? What the sound made? Should that be the title of the podcast? What the sound made?

I don't know. Scott hates it. Scott is a no on that. How long are these episodes? How long are they? Yeah, because it seems like you hit one thing that takes about three seconds. Yeah, it'd probably top out at like 45 or 60 seconds. Yeah, okay. Oh, every episode of the podcast? Yeah, but you could record a bunch in a chunk, right? That's true. It's sort of like doing Wheel of Fortune. Pat Sajak works three weeks a year, I think. Yeah, so I'm thinking about your overhead, dude.

Thank you. Wait, hold on. He only works three weeks out of the year? Yeah. Pat Sajak? He does all 52 weeks in about three weeks. He still does his late night talk show, though, on CBS. That's got to be a lot of work. Yeah, in his house. Yeah. Yeah, wouldn't that be great? What if that had caught on as big as The Tonight Show and he was just out here giving the counterpoint to Colbert? Oh, yeah, that's right. He still had a monologue every night. That'd be great. Wouldn't it be great?

I can't believe that. He doesn't do it anymore? You say he doesn't do it? I don't think he does. Yeah, he doesn't get the opportunity to do it anymore. He had it on, I think it was on CBS. I didn't believe it was, yeah. Can you believe that? What if that had gotten popular? Letterman never would have went over? Boy, that's an alternate universe right now that I want to stare into. Let's visit that alternate universe. Yeah, play the bongos. That's A. Jack has a show. And it's been going on for 20 years. Or more. 25. 25.

24, 24, 27. No, actually 30 almost.

Wow. Scant few details, I have to say. Still trippy to step into an alternate universe. Still, it's always trippy. Pretty wild, right? And I think there's probably elves and dwarves there and things like that. You know what? I actually, if you could grab a newspaper next time you're in there and read the headlines from it, you know, it would be very instructive. From that alternate universe. Yeah, yeah. Try to slip into the bongo zone again. Here we go. Okay. All right.

Pat Stajak has a CBS late night talk show and has had it since 1993. Grab a newspaper. And it's a really big hit. Wait, I hear you in a newspaper. What's it say? What does it say?

Just great deals on washer dryers. No, no. Look past the advertising. Go above the fold. Lingerie. These lingerie ads are nice. No, no. Go to the headline. Look at these girls. It's mostly ads. It's amazing. That's the newspaper business, isn't it? Oh, dude. Yeah. Wow. Well, we didn't learn anything. Did we not? I was in a bongo zone. Next time, look up into the air and see if there's, you know, dirigibles and...

Isn't that weird? Anytime you go into an alternate universe, they have Zeppelins up in the air. Yeah, like people are obsessed with older technology, but they've made it better. Whereas in our timeline, we're like, that sucked. No, that sucked. We've seen that picture on the Led Zeppelin 1 album of it crashing. We don't want to get up in those, you know?

It's kind of insensitive for Led Zeppelin to do that, you know? What's that? They put that... Oh, yeah. The Zeppelin crashing into the ground. Hindenburg survivors were very mad at the... What if your dad died in the Hindenburg and you're like, I love Led Zeppelin. I cannot wait for their album to come out. It comes out and look at it. I mean, I guess, you know, the fact that they're called Led Zeppelin would give you... That would have been a tip-off. A tip-off. Why would you even like

That thing's not going anywhere. Yeah, it's already pissing you off because even the people like the victims' children and stuff, their family members, they'd be like Led Zeppelin. Like it was a smooth ride. Yeah, it was filled with helium. But it was a smooth ride. Yeah, yeah. It was not like a heavy lead ride. Right, exactly. It went down slow. I mean it's kind of – it's really insensitive. It's kind of like calling your band 9-11 or something like that. Like the former Twin Towers or something.

And then putting a picture of it. It's terrible. How many years did they wait? When did the Hindenburg crash? I think it was in the 30s. And then the 70s, it's 40 years. So they waited 40 years. So how long do we have to wait? 2041. Fair game. I'll tell you, this is one on the ride home, I'm going to be laughing my ass off about this. But I had to pay respect in the moment. I appreciate that.

That's nice of you, Randy. I shouldn't even probably be talking about this. It's not 2041 yet. All right. Look, if you edit this out, you're a fucking coward.

I will not edit it out. You won't? No, I'm not a coward. As established before, I told him right to his face that I'm not picking up his pilot. What? Do you not remember? No. What do you mean you're not picking up my pilot? You're on the fence. You're on the fence, dude. No. Fan pressure is going to push you over. Fan pressure. Joe, I got full confidence that your podcast is going to get made. I don't know. People want to hear about these things. Yeah, they do. They do. People like driving and fucking.

Yeah. You said you had a second idea for yours, though, Randy? For my podcast? Yeah. Because just in case, can I hit it where we figure out what the sound made? Let me hit it. Let... Yeah. Let me hit it. No, I'd hit that. I'd hit that? Is that what you called it? I think it started out as I would hit it. Yeah, I'd hit it. Well, now I got three ideas out there and you're saying maybe to all of them? No. No.

Different idea. I'm not talking about the title. Dude, what are you drinking? Coward juice? Say yes to one of these. Green light it. You're yellow light in everything I do. You can't shame me and call me a coward. That's my next idea. A business- Shaming Scott. I follow you around and I go tsk, tsk to all the things I don't like in your life. Like, what would that be? I don't know. Like, what'd you have for breakfast today, dude? I had an egg thing and some turkey bacon. An egg thing? Yeah. I forget what you call it. Did you have Kevin Bacon over?

Yeah, he came by. He did? Yeah, I was like, look, if you're friends with Kevin Bacon and you invite him over for like around 9 a.m., he has to know, oh, okay, I'm supposed to bring the bacon. Absolutely. I bet a couple years ago he was flipping out when people were coming out with bacon beers and like bacon ice cream. Oh, yeah, because it's like now I'm on the clock all day. Oh, yeah. Helping everyone forget about Hollow Man. You should have him. That's my next pitch. Okay. Shaming Kevin Bacon about Hollow Man. Shaming Bacon. Shaming Bacon.

Yeah, actually. Or Shaman Bacon. Shaman Bacon? I don't get what the angle on that podcast would be. I don't know. Maybe you get some sort of like Indian tribal chief and Kevin Bacon. They have a conversation. Dude, I'm wearing cargo shorts. I'm as white as they come. I can't like do like podcasts about other cultures. I got shredded. RIP my mentions. I noticed your cargo shorts, by the way. Yeah. Uh,

Take a look at his thigh highs. You ever think about putting on some of those? Dang. If I weren't looking at the top half, those thigh highs would be mighty inviting. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, dude. Thank you. They look schoolgirl-ish. Oh, thank you very much. Well, they're really just protective because I'm tired of getting hit in the legs. They're hot pink, almost like the St. Vincent album. Well, and that wasn't a choice because, you know, it's a long story. But I'm at the emergency room and they're like, we'll cut you a deal on these hot pink ones. Oh, okay. And I said, okay, because insurance will not cover preventive casts.

on your legs. They won't do it. So how much did those run you? This was like $8,000 for these hot pink. I hate to be insensitive when I say run you, by the way, because I know you can't run. I can't really run in these. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Do you have crutches? I haven't noticed how you, I came in and you were already sitting down. I couldn't afford the crutches. That was going to be another $3,000.

I mean, you're already pot committed, though, with the 8,000. I know, but I could. You couldn't do it. Because I was like, I don't need those. I'll just, you know, lift myself up to my feet and then topple over and then get back up. But even that, it's turned out to be hard. It's mostly just a- Even that? Yeah, I've just been dragging myself around. Oh. Yeah. That's the opposite of Tom Petty. Stop dragging me. No, he wouldn't back down.

And he wanted his heart to stop being dragged around. Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We can go deep on that. How did you feel, Randy? Are you a Tom Petty fan? Absolutely, 100%. He's my number one. That was a tough year last year. I was crushed. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, dude, I was on the floor. It took a while to get up from that one. I feel like he will be back, though. You think so? I do. You think an angel's going to...

I don't know the mechanics of how it's going to happen, but I do feel that Tom Petty will return. So he didn't back down to the angel, which was his ultimate mistake because, you know, if he just would have escaped. Yeah.

We have not seen the last of Tom Petty. That guy, he'll be back. Yeah, he'll be back. He'll be back. Trust me. He's running down a dream right now. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if just next year suddenly like surprise album release and we're like, what? Yeah. It's like, oh, no, no, no. He's back. And he doesn't talk about it. It's not a big thing. It's not a big thing. He's just like, no, no. That whole thing from last year didn't work out. It just didn't go how I thought. And I'm back. And it's fine. I'm back. Let's just forget about it. Guess who's back. And he does that song. Back again. Yeah.

That was the dream. I was so upset he never covered that song, the Eminem song. I bet he covered a ton of stuff in studio because they were a prolific band. Yeah, oh yeah. And they could just like, you know, someone would be like, play this, and they'd play it. So there's probably going to be a lot of like pop culture cover posthumous albums that are coming out. You think he'll do the entire rap too? Yeah.

Yeah. And then him and who's that guy from the Heartbreakers? Mike. Mike Campbell. Yeah. Mike Campbell, like, you know, redoing the video where like Dre and Eminem were Batman and Robin. Yeah. That would be amazing. Yeah, for sure. If they just secretly filmed that and Tom Petty was like, put this out after I die.

We're getting, hey, I'm loving it, but we're getting insanely disrespectful. But that's you, though, Randy. Dude, that's the thing. What, are we going to wait 40 years before we can talk about this? Yeah, come on. It's like 40 years after his first album.

Oh, okay. All right. When he's eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and then another 50 years. So it's already been. It's been 42 years since his first album. So there we go. He's a fair game at this point. Classic self-titled album. Yeah, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. The riffs that took over America. Play the bongos. Play the bongos. Oh, hang on. I fucked up my headphones. He's going to cover the Friends theme. Please.

Frogs. I want to hear more of this story. And the war between the elves and the ghosts was joined by the dwarves and the wizard. Look up into the sky.

And there were blimps made of lead. Oh, look at the ground. There's a newspaper. Okay. There's a war raging on a ghost ship in the harbor, and this wizard is destroying everything in sight. But I'm going to take a quick look at this newspaper. I thought that was the headline. Let's see here. Buick LeSabre. They're bringing that back?

Wow. Good price on a car, though. Not bad. Okay, so we know that in this alternate universe, the LeSabre was the most popular car. So they have, like, rotamentary flying machines and the LeSabres. Hey, don't you love it when people are like, hey, what kind of car is that? Is that a nice, fancy, expensive car? And someone's like, no, it's a Buick. And they're like, fuck off. Buicks suck. That can't be a Buick.

That's like Buick's, like, that's Buick's ad campaign. That's their current ad campaign. We used to suck. We know we suck. And we know we currently suck. Okay.

And we apologize. Fuck Buick. I will never let Buick advertise for anything I do. Yeah. Why? What do you do? We've never established that. You worked at that AMPM. I post up with my boys, and I create epic legendary stuff. Right, right. I forgot about that. I do. Well, like what have you created? We set a bunch of my friends' old clothes on fire. Okay.

He gained a ton of weight, and so we had to say goodbye to a lot of his smaller clothes. Oh, that's tough. So it wasn't the opposite. It wasn't the Dom DeLuise. Uh-uh, no. He had no aspiration to get back to a size where he could fit back into those clothes. He was just like, fuck it, burn it. I'm happy where I am. Yeah.

He was too thin, to be honest. Oh, okay. Yeah. He went from a small to a medium. You guys are making it seem like. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't mean to body shame him, whatever size he is. He had a lot of like, this guy's behind the times. Like he, he still had frosted tips.

So we shaved his head and burned his clothes. Wow. Oh, my God. Wait, this isn't that Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives guy, is it? Ooh, Guy Fieri? Wow, you pronounced it so perfectly. That's beautiful. Guy Fieri. A true Italian pronunciation. One of my favorite shows, dude. Diner, diner. What did diner drive-in and fuck-in? Diners, drive-ins, fuck-ins. Diners, drive-ins, and fuck-ins.

Yeah, man. Well, guys, I could talk to you all day. I enjoy you guys. Okay. You have nothing else to do today? I don't think I do. No. I mean, I'm supposed to be teaching now. Really? Yeah. Also, you're supposed to be in that parking lot. Yeah, but the parking lot takes care of itself. Does it? Wait, Scott, are you saying let's take this offline? Let's kick it. Let's slide into the DMs. Let's lick it and kick it. All right. No, but we do have to wrap it up. Hey, here's a doll of you. Show me on this doll where you want me to lick it, then kick it.

Nowhere. That's a really weird doll. Did you have that made? Yeah. Why do you have a doll of me? Why do you have a doll of Skye? I don't know. Everyone's got their hobbies. Is that a hobby of yours, making dolls of people you know or just of me? Yeah. Wow. Of you. Yeah. Of me. Yeah. Okay. How many do you own? I don't know. Six or seven. They take a while. Yeah. It's not very flattering, if I may say. Yeah. I mean, it's almost like getting a caricature down by the beach.

You've enhanced my most grotesque attributes. My nose is enormous. But thank you very much. I appreciate the interest. I get into a lot of fights with those caricature guys out there. You do? On the pier, yeah. On the pier? Because everybody knows there's one awesome spot on the pier where you get a little sun but not too much. If the caricature guy gets there before me, I've got to drive him away. You get a little sun but not too much. You don't want too much sun. Slightly shaded. Yeah.

I'm sorry, we don't have time to get into all that, but another time, please come back. Okay, sure. But we do have to do one last feature on the show, and that's a little something called plugs. Oh, boy! We want to hear your stunning vision, love, so we want to hear your plug, your plug, your plug.

Wow, that was Plug Me Baby by Maxwell James, Joe Bongo remix. Beautiful. Beautiful stuff. Now, if you had someone like Maxwell James in the band, what would you do? Play the bongos.

What do you mean? What was the question? I don't understand the question. What would I do? Flunk him? I don't know. Oh, I see what you're talking about. If he was a student at Marina Del Rey High School and he was in my band, yeah, I don't think I would let that guy go. Forget about it. No, no, no. He's too talented. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing stuff. Thank you, Maxwell James. All right, what are we plugging? What do we got out there? Like, obviously, you have a show. Yes, my new podcast is starting up as a regular podcast on Earwolf. No.

Definitely not. Immediately. Also, Rosebush read my band. We're playing the Battle of the Bands out in Dana Point. We're going to be out on a barge. That's how they do it. When you say Battle of the Bands, what happens during this? Do you just play songs or is there something else that happens in this battle?

Well, no. I mean, yeah. Everybody plays songs. You get to do three songs each, but then the real, it really fucking goes down in the parking lot of the Ocean Experience Aquarium thing they have over there. Right. That's when the bands really fucking settle who's best. Right. Bring your own bat. Yeah, you could bring a- Yeah, maybe you could bring a ringer over here, the star of I'd Hit It. Yeah. He has his own baseball bat. That'd be great. I usually bring a broken bottle, but a bat would be good, too. Yeah, I'll hit the ground with it. Sweet. Sweet.

That's great. Okay, so great. Go check that out. And Randy, what are you plugging? I mean, I'll plug a Hangout kind of impromptu kegger that me and my friend Kevin are doing. Okay. And we're going to be listening to One Hot Minute out of the stereo in my car. Okay.

When you say that, you mean the Red Hot Chili Peppers album? Yeah. The one that Dave Navarro did? Yeah, that's right. Okay. Kicks ass. Why not? It's pretty thin after My Friends, but otherwise it's a pretty good album. Right. Actually, if you don't listen to My Friends, it really lowers expectations and you can enjoy it. Oh, okay. Because My Friends is so good? Yeah. Yeah. It's way better than the rest of the album. Okay. Interesting. Walkabout. That's a good song. Yeah. Pretty good song. Aeroplane? Aeroplane? I don't know. Aeroplane. I'm a little pee. That's a good one.

A lot of true music lovers in this room. Sounds like you guys will either be there or you don't need to be there. I think I don't need it. I can pass. In any situation, that's where I like to be. I'll plug a show called Shrink, which is streaming for free on NBC, on all its platforms, the website, and the app. Yeah, get in there. Get in there. Hey, I want to plug the PCAST Blast coming up very soon. In two weeks, PCAST Blast, the

live podcast performance event of a generation, if not a lifetime, over at the Ace Hotel, the theater at the Ace Hotel here in Los Angeles, December 15th, Saturday, and

All day. We have incredible shows. We have Teacher's Lounge, Doughboys, Off Book, Throwing Shade, the Andy Daly Podcast Project, which you will be interested in, and then a live comedy, Bang Bang.

with myself and Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkus, and more special guests. Head over to the, my Twitter has a link for, to buy tickets right at the top in the pin tweet and head over to the theater at the Ace Hotel website as well. They'll help you out. You're not going to want to miss that. Tickets are moving fast. PCAST Blast 2018, December 15th. Okay, let's close up the old plug bag. Uh-oh, let's turn it up.

It's time to open up back. It's time to open up back. It's time to open up back. It's time to open up back. Open up back. Open up back. Open up back.

Oh, man, if only that had started at full volume, we could have gotten the remix and played it until the end of the year. But unfortunately, engineer Cody Sam fucked it up, so we will not be playing the Joe Bongo remix. I apologize to you, Joe. I don't even know what's happening. Okay, what are you seeing right now? I'm just looking straight into the void, and Pat is there, and he is beckoning me in with the babies. No, don't go in there. And the wizard is there, and I can't not go. I gotta go! No, don't go in there!

Okay, we'll see you next time. Bye. Every day, our world gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then there are moments that remind us to be more human. Thank you for calling Amica Insurance. Hey, I was just in an accident. Don't worry, we'll get you taken care of. At Amica, we understand that looking out for each other isn't new or groundbreaking.

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