Bonus Bang: Andy Richter, Jon Gabrus, Vic Michaelis, Casey Feigh (Teenage Dirtbag)
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Hey everyone, this is Scott Aukerman, and welcome to another Bonus Bang, where we re-release some of CBB's past best and brightest episodes from behind the paywall! We are currently in a series called Teenage Dirtbag, which is celebrating CBB's 16th anniversary, where we're featuring a few of our favorite teen characters from the past...

And this week, it's all about Susie Tooman. That's right, the high school student slash construction site foreman played by Vic Michaelis. We are re-releasing the first episode with Susie Tooman, episode number 760, called The Four Questions. It was originally released on June 5th, 2022.

Now, this episode's guest is Andy Richter, and the title may have given you the hints that he's talking about his podcast, The Three Questions. We also have intern Gino there, played by John Gabrus, and Susie Tooman. We also have Casey Fay a little bit later playing a younger version of me. It's a really fun episode. It kicks off another three Susie Tooman appearances thus far. Now, if you want to hear those episodes...

Come on down to cbbworld.com, become a subscriber. Subscribing to CBB World gets you access to all of our past episodes, all of the live shows, ad-free versions of new episodes. Plus, you get our exclusive series like Hey Randy or The Neighborhood Listen. We're going to have a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang on Monday, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. ♪

I'm half the man I used to be, which is twice the man my grandfather was, who is a third of his son if I used to be 28. Am I greater than or less than my father?

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Okay. Thank you, Big Man Albatross, for that catchphrase submission, Big Man Albatross. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. And my name is Scott Aukerman. We have a great show coming up. We have a teenager.

All right. Well, we have this guy and a teenager on the show today. All right. Well, you know, I was hoping when we returned to the studio, we would like get some star power going. And, you know, certainly my first guest. That teen is not with me, by the way. Okay, thank you. I did not show up here with a teen. Okay, good. Well, we do have at least one famous guest who's, yes, no, he's looking behind himself, wondering if I'm referring to someone behind him. No, I'm talking about him. He is, of course...

He was a television mainstay on all of our flat screens for the last three decades. The ratings don't reflect it. No, in fact, they continually slid down and down. They sure did. Did they not? Yes, they did. It was like a tire losing air. Yes.

He also is coming over and trying to compete with me with his podcast. Oh, yes. I'm a real Johnny come lately. Incredibly lucrative podcast game. I shot right to the middle. You think you're in the middle. Interesting. All right. Well, we'll discuss that. Listen, there's so many podcasts. I'm like, you know, like if you're like in the top 1000, you're like, wow. You probably are. Actually, his podcast is called.

Paul

Interesting. This is why we do four questions. Because I always thought that it was Andy, but no, it's Paul. It's Paul Andrew. Well, that's my second question. What's your middle name? Middle name is Andrew. Oh, okay. But my mother called me Andy from the beginning. And when I asked her years later...

you know, which it actually, when I, uh, when bill collectors were still a problem and they may still be at some point, um, when, when they called for Paul, I was always, I was tipped off. I was like, I was like, no, I would just say like, uh, he's not here. This is his roommate, Glenn. I don't know where Glenn houses, like his roommate, Glenn Ford. And, um,

And so, yeah, it was very handy in that sense. Yeah. But it's caused, you know, confusion forever. In the marketplace. Yes. Well, no, it's just like. Not in the marketplace, of course, because you are Andy Richter. We all know Andy Richter. But between friends every once in a while, like I think before I knew this, you used to email me. I'd be like, who's this Paul guy? Yeah, there's that. There's also. Paulrichter at gmail.com. Before. Yes. Look it up. But yeah. And so it's been confusing. And I asked my mother at one point, like.

Why did you not just call me Paul if you're going to name me Paul? She said, well, I like the way Paul Andrews sounded.

And you named Paul for her uncle Paul, her mother's brother. Right. But I didn't really like him very much, so I didn't want to call you that. Great. All right. Do you like Paul better or would you like – is there going to be a late life change? Honestly, at this point, I don't – Not that you're late in your life. I don't – it's the sort of thing that it's like – You could be directly in the middle. You could be in the first third. No, no, no. With the singularity coming up, we have no idea. Oh, no. Listen, I'm –

Transport your consciousness. I got one foot out the door. Do you really? Yes, I do. I do. I just, I, you know, I've put on the pedal. Time to tap out. Yeah, bacon at every meal. No, I don't know. You know, who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows?

Anyone can do anything they want. That's my opinion. Every time I eat a salad, I think if I die in a fucking car wreck, I am going to be so pissed. Yeah. I could be having a donut. I know. Exactly. You want to die of a heart attack. Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. I sat next to... I was just talking to somebody about this yesterday.

This is a Burbank celebrity story. I'm going to patent them. So this is a Burbank celebrity or a celebrity you saw in Burbank? Or both? You'll see. Oh, my God. This is exciting. I live in Burbank. And one Sunday morning, I got up and I was alone.

Oh, boy. Didn't expect to get there this quickly. No, and I was going to – but I was going to go out to breakfast. There's this little place in Burbank, an excellent place called Beebe's. It's a breakfast place. What's that stand for? Do we know? It's B-E-A-B-E-A. So I don't know. What's that stand for? I don't know. But –

It's very crowded, very busy, but they have a little counter. So as a single, you can usually go in there and get a spot. This is what people don't understand about being single. It's wonderful whenever you want to go to a restaurant. Absolutely, absolutely. So, yeah, and then you don't have people talking to you. You can just get your food done. You can get that dirty business over with and then get the fuck out. And then get to your other dirty business when you're just shitting it out. That's right.

But so I go up and there's like a half hour wait. It's very busy. But I'm like, is there any room at the counter? And she says, yeah, I think there's one spot. So there's it's like eight seats at the counter. And, you know, just like stools, stationary stools. And there's one guy on the end. And then there's a.

empty spot and then the rest are full. So I have to kind of like maneuver into, you know, like kind of, it's not tight fit. And I sit down and as I sit down, I realized that the solo guy on my right, the waitress is bringing two English muffins, like on, like she couldn't put them on one plate. She put them on two little plates and she laid it down in front of this man who was eating. And it was in addition to all his extra plates,

Three fried eggs with a side of fries, steak, a side of bacon, toast, and then the two English muffins. And I looked at the food and then I looked at the guy and it was Jay Leno. And

You know, I mean, there's a history. Yeah, a little bit of a history between the two of you as far as I can remember. I believe I read a book about it once or something. But I mean, at this point, I mean, I'm sitting... You're all in at this point. And plus, this is the hottest breakfast spot in town. Elbow to elbow to him. And I just was like... Elbow to rolled up suit jacket elbow. No, no, no. To a denim shirt. The whole fucking Jay Leno experience. Yeah.

And I just, I was like, oh, fuck. Hi, Jay. Andy Richter. How are you? And he goes like,

Oh, geez. Hey. Oh, hey. Hey, whoa. Hey, do you want to do jaywalking? I didn't think you guys were supposed to be talking to me. I said, Jay, I really want to get breakfast. You know? This is what I have to do to get there. What am I? You know, I mean, I just, I'm like, you know, just like an old, tired whore. Like, uh-oh. That guy. Well, might as well. Well, breakfast makes strange bedfellows, doesn't it? It does. It does. And within about three minutes, he's like...

you know, all that stuff. That was just business stuff, you know? Oh, just business. It was all the network. It was all the network. And I just was like, mm-hmm. And I actually said like, well, some of it wasn't the network, but we don't need to talk about that, you know? How did it feel though being on his right where you sort of like, God, this feels pretty good. Like if I can swap out.

Like, what would have happened if Conan, we all know Conan got deposed. What if you had said, like, I think I'm going to stick around, be here with Jay. Like, no one fired you. Yeah, no. Someone who did do that was Max Weinberg. Oh, he stuck around? Yeah, because the whole thing was that, you know,

They wanted their whole – because Jay went on at 10 and then it was terrible. And then the real problem was that all the local news tanked because of Jay's terrible lead in – the terrible lead in of Jay. Because Jay – you see Jay outside of the institution of The Tonight Show. He's driving fucking fan boats on CNBC. So 10 o'clock, he does this show and it doesn't catch fire and –

Local advertisers are fucking pissed because that half hour is where they make a lot of money. That's all the money. Yeah, they don't make it on the night show. They don't have to license anything. That's all their money right into their pocket. They got to pay for the two idiots that are reading off the prompter. Yes. That's about it. And the weirdos who are standing outside of tragedies. It plummeted. They were down across the country like an average of 30 or 40 percent, which is real money. So –

There's all this, you know, finagling and NBC comes back and says, how about we have Jay just on for half an hour for like a little, you know, the monologue, like, you know, that beloved monologue. Institution. Yeah, yeah. That invigorating, thrilling, electric monologue. This guy's in the news. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, about this tired thing that no one cares about.

But so – and then it was going to be half an hour, and then The Tonight Show would be on at midnight, which would – which Conan rightfully thought that would be the death. The disintegration of the brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they said this is what's going to happen, and Conan said, no, I don't want to do that because that's just the beginning of the end. That's like the first –

The first dose of arsenic. The first nail in the coffin out of 36 nails, perhaps. Yes. I don't know what it takes to seal up a coffin. He called it the death of a thousand cuts was what he called it. So we said no. And then like two days later, Max Weinberg's in the paper like, well, hey, if Jay's looking for a band leader. Oh. Yeah. Didn't go over well. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I mean, everyone moved out here. And what it really told me is don't say that, Andy. Don't say it. Jay's looking for an announcer, a sidekick. I'm available. Go through proper jail. It's not the newspaper. And I live in Burbank. I'm local. Oh, my gosh. Should you have stayed at

stayed at midnight though? Should you have moved into midnight? No, no. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, no. All right, interesting. No, I mean, and well, ultimately too, it always was, you know, we went to TBS and there, it was like 6,000 cuts are death. Not 10. It just like drew out longer. But,

You know, he owned that show and he never would have owned The Tonight Show. And just we... And we got to do whatever the fuck we wanted over there. Yes. And so it was really a nice... It was a... We were there for 11 years. It was a really nice place to work. And I don't... You know, I think it worked out great. Yeah. No one can argue that the two of you, and especially you perhaps, made your mark on television history. We did. We really did. I don't know. That's weird. I mean, I'm very...

Happy that that show is meaningful to comedians that like were kids when that show started. Right. And that it's meaningful to them in the same way that

The shows that were meaningful to me were like SCTV and SNL. Other S shows. Yes, all those S shows. Spider-Man. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Satan's Creek. It's a show from my mind. It's not... You've been imagining it. It's about a creek that's really hot. It's kind of a Schitt's Creek spinoff from what I understand, but it's just Satan moves in. I could have gone with that, but you know. But yeah, I mean, that's... I'm very happy about that, but I...

The notion of, you know, being a fixture and all that kind of shit. I just because I feel like I still haven't even really started firing on all cylinders. Yeah. Like I'm still holding back.

Yeah. I'm still like a fuck-up who, if nothing is required of me, I'm like, oh, I think I'll make lasagna. That's my big ambition for the day left to my own devices. You're like a modern-day Garfield in that way. Exactly. You have a John Arbuckle. It's lasagna. Conan is John Arbuckle to you, is he not? Who's Odie? Is that Maxx?

No, Max isn't Odie. Odie would probably be one of my kids. Oh, right. One of your kids. One of my kids. The other one doesn't exist in this analogy? Maybe they just trade odiousness. Okay.

Well, this is why we ask the four questions on this show. That opened up. I mean, the other two, you know, obviously, what's your last name? Richter. And then will you see yourself out? Yes, I will. Absolutely. I've been here before. I know how to get to the door. Okay, good. Well, Andy Richter is here. And is that you? Are you peeing in your? I just, you know, that was this is we got to get some waters for these guys. Oh, wait. People are fucking thirsty over here. Gino. Intern Gino?

was here here yeah sorry i'm a little late these flights are fucking crazy everyone's getting duct taped to seats and shit like that i i was trying to get here but fucking my mask was not people were after me for wearing a mask even though mask mandates have been lifted right yeah people are so you were wearing them what kind of mask it was uh the kind that prevents you from biting uh the people who are handling you oh this is a hannibal lex yes yes that's what the lady kept calling it did he have a ball

Is it a ball gag? No, I wish. That I'm familiar with. But I couldn't have that. I'd be rock hard the entire flight. And you don't want to get hard when you're up there in the high pressure system. Oh, no, no. It'll explode. It's like a cartoon thermometer. People who do the mile high club, man, I don't know how they do it. Has that ever happened to you where you wake up from?

from a nap on a plane and realize, oh shit, I have a full erection. I one time came in the toilet in first class. Jesus. Wow. TMI from Gino. And that's, of course, a Gino Lombardo story. Yes, not a story that anyone else. No, that's just me, Gino. I love to jack off on planes. Sure, sure. Yeah, but into the toilet. Yeah, like a grown up. I'm not a monster. I'm coming in my pants and fucking leaving the spackle for the whole ride. Jesus Christ.

Gino, welcome back. Thanks for having me, Scott. Hey, this is Andy Richter, whose real name is actually Paul. We found that out on the four questions. That's fucking wild. Are you from the South? No. Because a lot of Southerners are like, yeah, call me Andy. And it's like, well, what's your name? It's like Warren McAndrew. And you're like, OK, Andy. Yeah, no, I grew up with kids that just had completely different, like a girl named Sis.

A girl named Sis. Yeah, and it was like her name was Sis, but then her real name was, I don't know, Linda or something like that. I knew a boy named Sue once. It was very interesting. From the movie Swingers? You ever hear that song? I have. The audience is laughing maniacally every time he says it. Yes, yes. Like not just the first time and then diminishing returns. They're laughing like it's the funniest thing they have ever heard. People like to help out. They were starved for comedy is my opinion. Yeah.

And now they're over comedy. That's right. We're doing post-comedy right now. Comedy died years ago. There's got to be something funnier, right? Gino, you're back. Where have you, I mean, you have been gone for a while. Yeah, I was in the hospital for quite a bit, but now I'm all recovered and back to, I'm allowed to fly again. What were you doing in the hospital? Amy Fisher had burst both my testicles with a kick to the nuts in an unsanctioned Long Island Fight Club tournament. Oh, no.

This is what, 30 years after Amy Fisher was even a thing? Yeah, no, she's still a thing. She's just not in the news as much, but she's chasing it. She came out with Golden Palace written on her titties and started fucking absolutely murking me. She was fucking, I couldn't believe the anger that the Long Island Lolita brought to this. Oh my God. Why did you agree to fight her?

Because I haven't fought a woman in a couple of years. And look, I'm a feminist. That's sexist. Yeah, I think anyone could do every... I fought men. I fought non-binary. I fought adults. I fought children. It's nice to finally fight an adult woman. What about animals? Not your friend's sis, but an actual... Yeah, CIS. Right.

CSI. I thought, yeah, fuck, well, don't even get me started on fucking, I got my fucking ass handed to me by Gary Sinise, sis New York. Oh, is there another one? Sis Miami.

Well, that's too bad. I'm so sorry. So you were in the hospital recovering your testicles. Yeah. Well, major testicular torsion is what they call that. I had a transplant. So I have, you know, I have goat testicles inside my balls. You have LL Cool J's testicles. Oh, it's LL Cool J's testicles.

Cool. Jake considers himself the guy he coined that phrase. Oh, good for him because just coined in the phrase. So he's the goat at coming up with the term goat. Okay. Cause you're not the greatest of all time. Well, he considered himself to be a little heavy context there. Ladies love cool James. Okay.

He loved abbreviating things. That's the whole thing about him. Rapping, as far as I'm concerned, is actually about extending thoughts over rhymes. He just loved condensing things. He loves acronyms and licking his lips. That's two things he loves. For someone on a tight schedule like me, it's great. It really is. Yeah, exactly. I don't need all those words. I'm so tired of saying self-contained other water breathing apparatus. I can just say scuba.

By the way, the self-contained part of it, it's not really that interesting anymore. No, it's just better than Uber. Yeah, we can call it Uber, but then Uber gets... Yeah, well, Uber and Lyft, you know, you get both of those going and shit, and you're fucked. And then there's Ube, which is Japanese purple yams, and then you're fucked. Yes, of course. And don't get one of those stuck in your ass. Take it from me or a friend, whoever. Have you been to Japan? I have.

I have never been to Japan. Really? I'm dying. What are the places you've been? Because we know New Jersey, or no, Long Island. Jesus fucking Christ, Ackerman. How could you forget? I've been coming on here and doing the same shit for 10 years. They're the exact same place to me. Yeah? Well, they're very different to me, okay? I'm so sorry. I know you have William Joel.

Yeah, we have William Joel and they have Jonathan Bonathan Jovi. Right. Yeah. Have you heard his voice recently? A lot of hubbub people are recording his his recent concerts. Who, Billy or? No, the latter. I don't give a fuck about that guy. OK, yeah. Let that motherfucker buy the another arena football team and leave. Which one did he buy?

I don't know. Maybe I'm making this up. I thought he was like bidding for the bills or something. They should be called the Bon Jovis. He was. Yeah, but I don't think he got it. But yeah, he wanted to be an NFL owner. Yeah. Imagine if Trump actually got the USFL off the ground. We might have never had him as president. Oh.

Man, I would sacrifice that. Not watching a different sport. Having to hear about a different sport while I'm trying to just drink alcohol on a Sunday morning. Oh, fuck. Yeah, so I got these goat testicles and they're smaller than my original ones. So it's great because now my peck looks bigger and that's going to be a fucking huge victory for me. Yeah, congratulations. But the thing is, these nurses at fucking Winthrop Hospital in Manhasset,

They fucking giggle their little asses off You think they're professionals, right? You're like, oh, look at these These people dedicated their lives to become RNs Registered nurse Not right now, okay, millennials? And they just giggle and giggle and giggle At my little balls Where are they seeing them that often? They're constantly giggling Come in and change the bandages Oh, okay Yeah, yeah And I have just that little transparent part Of my scrotum from the repatch Oh, so wait, they use scotch tape? They can use silicone skin, but it's see-through

Oh, okay. So when you see Truett, you see, you know, all the blood and the vas deferens and stuff like that floating around in there. It's like a watch with a glass back. Yeah, that's exactly what it's like. Or it's sort of like a moonroof in a way. Yeah, it's sort of like a hibachi restaurant. You can appreciate the craftsmanship there. Oh, yeah. You should see.

We'll post it with the show notes. Oh, no, I don't think I do. I really don't believe we will, but I'll post it to a friend, a comedian friend's Instagram. Oh, OK, great. Text it to me again. OK, all right. You lost it again. So it got lost in the other stuff. They'd be down there and they'd be just like, teehee, teehee. Yeah. And then I would hear them go. I would hear like some of the, you know, other nurses be like, bah.

You know, like making goat noises and shit. Oh, no, that is so rude. And I knew what they were referencing. Yeah, your testicles, right? Yeah, and then the vegans come a-knocking when they need me to come in their coffee so that they can have non-dairy, non-cow milk creamer. Okay, so laugh it up, vegan nurses. It is dairy. Oh, shit. Yeah.

That's why they have di- It's just a different animal. Yeah. Oh, okay. If they've given you, like, tempeh balls, then maybe. Or just, like, a couple of edamame or something. These are permanent balls. These are perma balls. Perma balls. So nothing can happen to these? Ideally, they are unburstable. That's what they- Congratulations. Like LL Cool J, they've been referred to as unfuckwittable. Okay.

Do you notice a difference in performance? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm able to sing so much better than I was pre... Oh, you mean like sexual performance? Oh, yeah. Whatever. Yeah, no, I get...

I get harder even easier. Okay. And then I last a little bit longer, but the orgasms are not as good. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's okay. That's the whole reason we do it, usually. Well, yeah, I'm racing to the finish here. You know, the end justifies the means, Machiavelli, baby. Right, yes. I don't give a fuck what got me there, but I need to nut. Jesus Christ.

Hey, oh, sorry. You need people like me on the wall, okay? Your honor, I don't care what God may say. You're goddamn right I ordered the cum in the coffee.

Well, this is, I mean, do you know the goat? Was it a famous goat or was it just a... Yeah, it was the goat from Adam Sandler's first comedy album, the one who gypsies fucking horn. Oh, you got that one? That's incredible. Yeah, it's really, it's really cool. It's really fucking, for me, a guy who grew up listening to that album and all the way through his like early twenties. Did he give them willingly or, or the, I mean, it's a goat. He had passed, he had passed away. He had died in...

In hand to hand combat Against Eddie Money In the same Long Island Fight Club tournament Wow And it worked out well Because I was like We need They were kept screaming Like the EMTs Like we need testicles Stat We need testicles And then Eddie Money's like I got two testicles To paradise over here And I was like Mr. Money Please He's like no My father's Mr. Money Call me Ed Money And

The EMTs, the Eddie Money Trio. The cover band. They were there rooting him on because they're friends of his. You know how the guy from Big Shot plays with Billy at MSG? Of course, everybody knows that, right? Of course, we all know that. Big Shot, the famous Long Island Billy Joel cover band. They performed at Mulcahy's on Montauk Avenue. They are now performing live with Billy. This guy, Billy's literally doing shit like, take it away, guy who still has his capacity to sing. Ha ha ha.

Really? Yeah. It's fun, though. It's fun. Who else? It's got to be fun. Who better? Who better? Because he wants to do it in the original keys, or I thought he transposed him down, unlike Paul McCartney. Ooh, I don't know what any of that shit means. Sorry about that. I can sing better with the goat testicles, but I still can't read or understand music. Yeah, are you still in that children's choir that-

You were telling me about off mic? The unit children's corner. Yeah, yeah. I'm still in it, and they still haven't found out about my genital situation or the fact that I'm an adult. Or your age. Yeah. That would be more pressing to them, I would imagine. They have two questions on the form, age and genital situation. Oh, two questions. That's not a bad idea because people like shorter podcasts. Yeah, you should start this too. Two questions. Yeah, two questions. Are you a child, and do you have genitals? What is your genital situation? I've been thrown out of so many playgrounds for asking these questions.

There better not be any teens showing up here later, okay? Well, unfortunately, we do have a teenager coming up a little later. Oh, shit. I used to be a teenager, so I get it. You used to, but you're only 22? I'm in my early 20s now, still, somehow. I'm in my 12th year at Nassau Community College studying to be an audio major. Right. And eventually, I'll have enough credits to start working here at Earwolf full-time. Yeah. And I'm here. You're barely here anymore. You came in right at the right time. I know. I know. I know.

And you've aced the Getting Waters course. I've aced the Getting Waters course. I haven't been able to do Comedy Bang Bang in a bit because of the hospital shit, but I like people doing remote records. So I was able to help. We were in my backyard for a while. You never made it back there, did you? No, no. I couldn't be in the sun with the medication I was on. Oh, really? Yeah. And that's hard for me as a guy who loves to get tanned. So you can't have tannin balls?

I cannot have tannin. Oh, tannin balls. Sorry. Merry Christmas next year, brother. I cannot fucking do it. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's brutal. Well, it's so good that you're back up on your feet. I mean. I feel great. I truly feel great. And with the smaller balls, it's easier to walk and shit. Oh, I can only imagine because, you know, every once in a while you'll get them twisted just like crossing your legs or something like that. Oh, yeah. Fuck. You got to be careful. Yeah.

They'll like wind around each other a lot and then you feel them slowly unwind like a lifeguard whistle, you know, spinning it around. And it's just it's just great to be able to fucking have normal ball stuff happening. You know what I mean? Because yours were larger than than normal. When you say when you say yours are smaller, they're about human size. Yeah, they're back to goat. They are goat size, which is smaller than human. Yeah. Nine, ten scale. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's about like it.

85% the size of my, but my old balls were like 170% the size of. Right, yeah. And they weren't old balls. They were, you know, they were in their early 20s. Your previous balls. But yeah, my previous balls, my ex balls, my ex nuts. These things were fucking like yam bags. We had like two Ube's in there. Right, yeah. Gosh, any questions for Andy Richter here, by the way, since you're on, Mike? Usually, I beg your pardon. First of all, Gino doesn't show up more than once every four months or so.

Yeah. Because he commutes from Long Island to do the show. It's a long commute, I was going to say. Yeah, I got to take the fucking subway. I got to take the train from, I get on in fucking Massapequa Park and then I go to Massapequa and then from there it's Seaford, Wontore, Belmore, Merrick, Freeport. I don't normally go this way, the westbound train. There's Merrick, Rockville Center, Kew Gardens, and then Jamaica and off to Florida.

And then Penn Station. Then I get to Penn Station. Then I take the air train. I take the A down to Howard Beach, transfer to the air train, get to JFK, walk to the end of the Delta. This fucking thing is like 600 miles. Holy shit. And with freshly sewn up transparent scrote, you do not want to be walking two miles to get to the Delta lounge. Okay. All right. So I fucking get there, get on the plane. Then I'm flying across the planet. I don't have to list all the states we fly over because no one gives a fuck about the other 48. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just...

Whatever It's Wisconsin Chusets Or whatever And there's white people And corn and shit You'll love it And then I fucking land here I get into my Uber Or a Lyft And I The Uber takes me You know Wherever In this case Earwolf Yeah Sometimes I

Probably taking the 105 down to the 110. Yeah, we're taking the 10. We're taking the 10 to the... Are you taking the 10? We're taking the 10 to the 110 to the 101. This is where I shine. Oh, yeah. I don't know any of this. Tell me your route. I don't know fucking cause for the life of me, dude, except for Gary Newman. And the movie, of course, yeah. Which one is the movie? The Owen Wilson of Furious? No, no, of course. Owen Wilson's on. That's Paul Walker, RIP. You're getting those two guys. No, Owen Wilson is still with us. Oh, he is? Yeah, he is. Oh, man. Did you see Loki? Did you see bad news?

Wait a minute. This sucks. Owen Wilson's still with us. Oh, come on. He's one of our greatest treasures. I love the guy. Whoa.

Whoa. Wait, that was Joey Lawrence. That was Joey. Yeah, sorry. Whoa. There we go. There, you nailed it, Ben. Hey, should we crash this wedding? Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. I remember all those. New Line Cinema, baby. Smoke it. But yeah, but Andy, he's also normally not on mic. He's used to, he should be behind the boards writing novels and faders. I'm checking the luffs. You got this fucking loose cannon Devin in here, so I got to like keep an eye on him. Well, yeah, I mean, you know, we've had to pick up the slack with Devin over here.

Yeah, so you bring in an extra engineer, a guy who's got the experience. I could take a look at the luffs. I could take a look at that. But in any case, he's usually not on mic. But since you are, if you have anything you want to ask Andy over here about his career or his life, his loves. I've been a big fan. I was one of those guys who grew up watching Conan. It's, you know, the masturbating bear. I love all that. But my question for you is, Andy, what is your middle name?

Oh, no, we covered that. Are you serious? Yeah, before you got here. You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is the thing I've been waiting for. Those are your two questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sick of answering it, too, so I'm not going to. Okay, that's fair. That's fair. It's actually going to be good. That's good for radio. People going like, I'm not answering that question. I can play that out of context. We'll snip that out. I can put whatever question I want in front of that. Billy Bob Thornton-ing here, right here. Would you ask Bob Dylan that?

Why do I know the Billy Bob clip you're talking about? Yeah, I know. I'm so young. Why would I know? What was that, 10 years ago? And that's a modern reference for me. All right. Well, look, guys, we have to take a break if that's okay. When we come back, we have, I'm looking at my notes, a teenager will be here. Okay. I'm going to change my bandages real quick. Oh, okay. Oh, in front of us? Well, no, I can go into the bathroom, but unless you guys request in front of us. Devin said, put them on the glass, he keeps saying. Oh, okay.

Really? He keeps asking us to put everything on the glass. I don't know what is going on with him. Can I TikTok it? Yeah, of course. All right. We are going to come right back. We'll have more with Gino and more with Andy Richter. What a pleasure to have him here. We're going to be right back with a teenager as well. We'll be right back with more comedy after this. Cue commercials.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. We have Andy Richter here. The Three Questions is his podcast. What's been going on with The Three Questions? Who have you had on lately?

What questions have you asked? Oh, it's always the same questions. Oh, yeah. But I mean, it's just to set the tone for the conversation. Do you never ask any other question? Does it have to be statements and declarative? No, I ask all kinds of questions around them. You know, I thought that this would be a good, just a good format for it, but it's become so fucking annoying for people being like, what's the other question? It's an albatross around your neck.

That's more than three questions. It's just like, you can't. Podcast listeners are the worst people in the world, aren't they? Well, no, it's just people ruin everything. Yeah. If I have any message to the young people out there, it's people ruin everything. Give it back to the beasts of the field. If you want to feel better about everything, I would recommend going on Reddit and searching your podcast out. That's how you make yourself feel much better about everything. I don't even. No.

enough to know that like oh why would let's stick your face in a hornet's nest no one tries to get psychologically inside the head of podcasters and guess how they feel about their close friends no one's doing that on fucking reddit you fucking freak i think you and i have had some issues lately yeah someone tweeted what's chino's beef with scott guess let's do an episode

Well, look, guys, it's three questions. There's no better podcast out there, but we do have to get to our next guest. They are a teenager. I have no other information other than that. Am I allowed to come in now? Yeah, please. Yeah. Step into the light here. Yes. I'm sorry we keep it so dark in the hallway. No, it's okay. Hi. Hi. Oh, man. I'm so happy to be here. Scott. Hi.

Scott, hi, Susie Tooman. Susie Tooman? Susie Tooman. Okay, this is Gino Lombardo. Hi, Gino Lombardo. Nice to meet you. I just got to say, thank you so much, sir. I have a health test on Monday on the male reproductive system and aviation, so this is really going to be helpful. And aviation? And aviation. Oh, okay. I see the combined two things. That's perfect. This is going to be good, and I appreciate it. Well, feel free to ask me any questions and not...

Well, you know what? Never mind. I'm backing off that. I should not. You're the questions guy. I'm not the questions guy. I'm not the person for a young person to be talking to, period. Yeah, this is Andy Richter, by the way, as well. I don't know if you've ever had a television or I guess in the last 11 years turned on TBS. I love television. Oh, okay. Great. Well, Susie Tooman. Susie Tooman.

Suzy Tooman, yeah. How's that spelled? Is that T-W-O-M-E-N or like my guest over here? T-E-W-M-A-N. Oh, okay, great. Wonderful to see you. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. Yeah, why are you on the show? I don't usually have people of your age on the show. Well, Scott, you know, I'm just like a normal teen in a lot of ways. Which ways? Which ways would you say? I have the best friends in the world. I'm constantly worried about whether or not Paul Giari is going to notice me. And I have like...

I have a pretty big secret. Oh, okay. Can I share it with you? Who's Paul Giari? Who's Paul Giari? Is that someone I should know? He's a senior. Oh, he's someone you know. Oh, okay. I was wondering if he was like a politician or something. What year are you, Susie? I'm a sophomore. Oh, okay. That's not unattainable. Do you think? I mean, but it would be a problem if the relationship were to continue after he turned 18. Sure. Sure.

He's 17 and a half. And a half. Yeah. You really only have a six month window to get this done. But then you only need to take a year or two off. Then you can get right back on. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's, I feel uncomfortable even saying this to you now as I, as I, as I wait for me is what you're saying. The window's closing though, is what I'm saying. Do that. So you, uh, fortune, uh, favors the, the brave. So you should get in there while you're in any case. But you, what was the third thing you said? A secret. I got a bit of a secret. Secret. Yeah. Okay. Well,

Well, I'm trying to balance all that stuff. I'm also a foreman of a non-union construction site. Wow. Oh, okay. Oh, interesting. And you're keeping this a secret? I'm sort of living a double life. I really want to keep high school one thing, and then this thing that I'm really, really good at.

Right. Separate. Yeah. Wow. OK, how did you get into this? I mean, that's such an odd thing for a sophomore, a sophomore, a 15 year old, I would I would guess to be doing. I mean, was this a hobby of yours? It's really crazy. I was just at the mall one day and a guy came up to me and said, hey, we need somebody on our site in 10 minutes. And I said, well, Frank, Frank's my stepdad. Can you sign this state of Ohio permit for me?

to work and he did and so then the next day I was on the site. Oh. Okay, so you're on this show to share this secret and you want this is there a reason why you want to push this information on that? Well, I need some help. Oh, okay. This is the place. This is the place. Yeah, we're three well-adjusted I mean, he's a little young. Does the help you need happen to be construction knowledge?

little bit of both. It's, you know, I'm trying to balance this life and you guys are all so accomplished, you know, getting to the airport and being able to drive yourself to a studio, working on a television show. Yeah, exactly. So I was hoping maybe you guys could help me find the balance a little bit. Why did they think you would be good at this? That's the other question. Someone came up to you and said, we need someone on the site in 10 minutes. And follow up, did you go straight to Foreman at that point or were you like added to the site and then eventually earned Foreman? By the way, your name is Two Men.

So it's like you became the double of your last name. Oh, shit. The double life you're living is weird. Oh, I get. Oh, I mean, I don't get anything. It's interesting. I'm a numbers guy. That's how I know that JFK Jr. is coming back. I don't want people to recognize me. So I do have a disguise that I wear when I'm on the construction site.

It's a very short wig and a hat. Because you have very long hair. I do have very long hair. But you're wearing a short wig. Never cut it. So how do you get all of that under that short wig? Oh, a lot of work. It takes hours.

And how do you balance your schoolwork with... How do you balance work and family? Yeah, exactly. How do you balance work and work? You're a woman, so we need to ask this. That's a great question. I'm still trying to figure it out. I got a math test on Tuesday, and I'm trying to study that as I'm taking all these union posters out of the break room. Okay, so wait. You not only run a non-union construction site, but you're actively at the union as well? You're the head scab. Not the time. Not the time, Susie. Listen, what can

I say? We got a hundred unit building that needs to go up in four weeks and we only got 10 guys on the job. All right. That seems dangerous. That seems like a dangerous place to eventually live. That's 10 units per guy in just a few weeks. I don't know. Listen, I could do a unit, maybe two a day. I get back.

If you press me, I could do maybe one unit in a year. I could bang out a couple of units. Like, I'd have to ask friends how to do it, you know, and maybe get some advisors. Listen, it sounds totally unreasonable, but don't worry. I have safety meetings every single morning, and I tell them it's safer for you to not say anything and just shut up and do the work. Wow. Okay. Have you ever had any trouble with mob muscle? Oh, boy, have I ever? Yeah.

Yeah. How do you deal with it? You said it kind of cutely, but it sounds like it's something that might be terrifying. The Ohio mob. Oh, man, I wish. No, we're talking the drama mob. Oh. Oh, this is high school. Okay, okay, all right. We used to call it clubs when I was in high school. Weirdly enough, I don't think I have any expertise to help you with either of your problems. I was a high school outcast, and the one time I worked on a construction site, I fucking...

Hammer gunned my feet to a girder and they left me standing up there throughout an entire rainstorm with no hard hat. Hey, that sounds like one of my sights. Well, that's Susie. I think that could be risky, you know? Come on. You got to be careful with these. These are people. These are workers.

I mean, are you making bank? You making money? Yeah, I'm making a lot of money. Yeah, I mean, this must be, what is it, six figures at least? Don't worry, I'm keeping it offshore, Scott. Wow, you are very learned about... One ahead of Scott's four questions is always where you're keeping your money. You ought to let this senior boy know all this. Don't worry, my stepdad Frank has taught me right. He said two things that have always stuck with me. One, don't take coffee creamer from anybody that lives in Long Island.

That'll come in handy in one or two specific situations. And two, just keep your mouth shut and do what the boss says. And if the boss doesn't like it, then we know where the bodies are buried. Oh, my God. Is your father in the business? He's my stepdad, and he's the best. Oh, okay. Not my question. Is he in the business? Mm-hmm.

What business? The business of construction. Same business you're in. Oh, no. He's a model scout. Oh. Oh. I was going to say, because you're beautiful. I don't think you're allowed to say that. I mean, not in a creepy way. I just, you have your cheekbones is what I guess I was, your bone structure. Backpedals.

Is what I meant. I mean, you're classically put together. Is that something I can say? Worse. Arguably worse. I, for the record, want everyone to know that I think she's ugly. Okay. Thanks, Andy. You're welcome. I'm just saying, like, it seems like if you wanted to work, you could maybe do what your stepfather, you know, is out there looking for instead of this. But that'll fuck you up. Being a young teen model, that shit's not good for you in the long run. Being a young teen construction foreman, you're making friends, you're learning –

Are you making friends? Me? Yes, you. Not really anywhere, Scott. I'm trying really hard. I have two friends at high school. We've been friends since like fifth grade, which is crazy. But I feel like we're kind of going in separate directions right now. Really? Why is that? Well...

Checkers is sort of like really gotten into music lately, which is great. And I'm very supportive. But, you know, they're off doing that. And Paul is doing sort of his own thing. Your friends are named Paul and Checkers? Yeah, my friends are named Paul and Checkers. And wasn't the guy you were into named Paul? Yeah. Is this...

Different Paul Scott. That's not Paul Giardi? No. This is Paul G. Oh, Paul G. What's the G stand for? I wish I knew. He's your best friend? He's my best friend since fifth grade. You'll get there. You'll get to learn what that means. And then for me,

You know, I'm just trying to deal with 14 to 17 adult men who are trying to increase their wages. Wow. It's really tough. Similar problems over here. Are you doing any kind of like strike busting kind of stuff or, you know, taking bats to vehicles or anything like that? Oh my God, Scott, who do you think I am? Of course not. I have people that do that for me. Oh my gosh. Is Paul G one of them? Well, when he's got the time, he's been really busy lately. With his band.

Well, no, it's Checkers is in the band. Wait, Checkers. Scott, I feel like you're not listening to me. Is Paul into Checkers? This is just a lot of information you're throwing at me. It is a lot. What is Paul into? Checkers is in a band. Checkers band. Ska. Ska band. Oh, Ska band. Oh, his name fits then. Oh, okay. So this is like fifth wave. His real name is Check, but he goes by Checkers. Oh, okay. That makes sense. For the Ska band. And what's the name of the band?

Checkers and the boys? Checkers and the boys. Who are the boys? Nobody. It's just Checkers. Oh, wow. How do you play a ska band with just one guy? That's a great question. He does not do it very successfully. It might be, bringing it back, it might be his testicles. Yeah, true. Checkers and the boys. That's interesting. My testicles are, of course, gender nonconforming. Oh.

Congratulations. Go testicles. I'm not going to apply. By the way, have you ever been on a podcast before where you talk about testicles a lot? Oh, yeah. And I really should have addressed that before dropping in some testes chat. Hey, don't worry, Gino. I work on a construction site. I've heard it all. That's true. I did a little construction back in the day, too. So I can't really connect on the high school thing because my high school life was weird. But I have a couple of questions about this drama mob. Oh, please.

Oh, please. Is it like, are they extorting you? Is it a major issue? Is it a protection racket? Like, we won't act around you if you give us money? Worse. What? They say my hair is too long, and so I can never be cassette in Les Mis. Oh. Do you want to be cassette in Les Mis? Who doesn't? So bad. I mean, it's got a showcase song. It's my dream.

Yeah. That's my dream. It's the On My Own? Is that what Cosette sings? Yeah. You guys are fucking dorks. Can we hear a little bit of it? Me? Yeah, of course you. I'm looking right at you when I say these things. Okay. You want to hear me sing? Sure. I mean, you say you have talent. It's your dream to do it. Okay. Let's hear a little bit. On My Own? Gino might back you up because he's got that beautiful operatic good ball singing voice. I've never heard this song before, but my voice has gotten so much better. You got it. So do you want to do the Marius part? Yep. Okay. Okay.

Because Cassette doesn't sing on my own. They sing the one with Marius that's at the gate. Now I know what you're talking about. I'll jump in right away. What does Cassette sing? A song. Oh, this is your dream. Scott, if you're not listening to me...

I'm trying to. I feel like Scott just really wants to sing Les Mis. Just do it. Go fucking full bolo over there. I've just been practicing really hard. On every single lunch break, I've been telling the guys, we're not taking lunch until you listen to me do my audition piece a couple of times, and then we run out of time, and so then I send them back to the site with no food. Sounds like an unpleasant place to work. Now, is there a reason you won't cut your hair? Because if the only thing stopping you from playing coset is it?

Cassette. Cassette? Is the long hair. And by the way, Cassette doesn't have short hair, although she is an orphan. Is that correct? Well, technically. Maybe they cut the hair in order to make sure there's no lice in it. Technically, Velzon adopted her. Oh, okay. She's an ex-orphan. She's an ex-orphan. She's formally an orphan. She's a forfin. The orphan formally known as Cassette the Orphan. So. I want to get to the singing. Yeah, let's hear you sing anything. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so nervous. I just want to hear the quality of your voice. Hey, come on. We finally have a teen girl in the studio. Let's make her sing for all of us. Completely normal behavior. I don't feel at all like a sultan in the movie Taken. Can I say, when I was walking on the street earlier today and the three of you walked up to me and said, come on in the studio for a little bit. We promise we won't lock the door behind you. I mean, we were...

Okay. You said you had a secret. You came up to us and said, I have a secret. And I said, I don't. And you were like, and we were like, we have a platform in which you can share it potentially. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't remember who decided who was going to be on the show. It was you, Scott. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Right, right, right, right. Now it's coming back to me. It was Scott that said he wouldn't lock the door, so I locked the door. Yeah. Right. And as you should probably know this, and Scott doesn't want this information out there, but he is also running a non-union podcast, so you will not be getting paid for your time. I don't know how podcasts are, you know,

I mean, yeah, you can take the step if you're the guy. Good for you. And if you need any protection. I'm not really in charge of anything anymore, by the way. I know some really neat guys if you need the podcast. Where'd you meet these guys? The mall, Scott. Yes, you. What? The mall. The mall. Hey, attention, Scott. This is where it all happens. Guys, I feel like you're not listening to me. You've never said this before. So you hang out at the mall. On mine. Okay. Woo!

Oh, my God. I do that part over and over and over again. I mean, I wouldn't mind it if I were seeing the show and they just sang on my own. Do you mean it? On my own. Yeah, I do mean it. I really appreciate that. Yeah, no problem. Scott, I feel like you're not listening. It sucked. Oh, that's right. Gino? No.

Thank you for your honesty. I just don't want to mislead you. I feel like construction might be your thing. If you refuse to cut your hair to become cassette and you refuse to learn more than the opening lines, I feel like there's something inside of you that doesn't want to be a drama. You're far more interested in this. Also, there's something sitting right in front of us. Wear your work wig to audition for cassette. Yes, your work wig. Oh, my God.

But wait, then maybe Checkers and Paul G will finally catch on that I'm not just a regular teenager. Are they hanging out at this construction site a lot? Well, they love hanging out at the construction site. It's hard to keep track of all your concerns. You see them every day at the construction site. This feels like Ozark season five. That's why I have to get the wig, Scott. So they're not recognizing you at the construction site. Who do they think you are? No, because I have a hat and a wig. They think I'm the first.

You are the foreman. You're not the two-man. You're not Susie Two-man. You're a completely different person of foreman. Yes, they know I'm a teenager on the construction site, but they just think I'm a teen foreman. Okay, so they're aware that you're young. They just don't know you're you specifically, Susie Two-man. They don't know I'm Susie Two-man. And how does that help you? How does that help you, them not knowing you, Susie Two-man? The power dynamics.

What would happen to the power dynamic if they know, now we know the name of this. Are you an unnamed teen foreman for them? Listen, my stepdad Frank said number one rule is never let them know where you live. Oh.

Okay. I thought he had other number one rules. The number one rule, I think, was don't take coffee creamer from a dude from Long Island. Right, right. I'm sorry. I'm getting a phone call from the site. I got to put my wig and my hat on. This is going to take a second. Oh, is it FaceTime? No, it's just an audio call, but I got to get into character. Into character. Yeah, it's easier. Yeah. Hold on.

Okay. Wow. That is really long hair. Ma. Ma. Ma. Vocal warm-ups? Bricks. Bricks, yeah. Okay. Great word to say once. Okay, Scott, answer it. Oh, okay. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Is the form

Hi, yes, this is me, Teen Foreman. Hi. Yeah, sorry, I just have you saved in my phone as the foreman. It's Ronnie. Do you have a question? Yeah, I have a question. That's why I'm calling you, foreman. We're fucking knee-deep in nails here, and we got no fucking hammers. What do you need us to do, babe? That's so crazy. If I wanted to hear an ass talk, I'd fart. Click. Click.

Whoa. Wow. Why did you have me answer the phone? That was fucking. I know. I like that. Again, I'm seeing Susie's all about the power dynamic. She's got you answering the phone. She's hanging up. I'm sorry about that. That was great. You fucking rocked that dude. That dude. Yeah. Go ahead. Take your wig off. Let your hair down. Shake it out. Whoa. Beautiful. Thank you. I don't think you're allowed to say that, Scott. Sorry. I beg your pardon.

Oh, man. Wow. I mean, you're really good at your job, I got to say. I know. You really put the fear of God into him. Thank you. Yeah. Seems like a great place to work, if you're being honest. Yeah. Tons of nails, no hammers. Yeah. Yeah, really. Sounds great. I would leave high school if I were you. Like, why are you even bothering with high school?

Just feels like a part of it, you know? I just want to live life to the fullest. Yeah. I want to be able to take my math test and complain about boys with my friends who don't talk to me anymore. What math are you studying right now, by the way? Pre-algebra. Pre-algebra. Okay, so you're not even very far along in math. Me? No. Stop saying me.

Pre-algebra in sophomore year. That's a terribly fine. I took algebra in freshman year. Oh, Mr. Smartpants, the post-algebra. I got a C. As far as I recall. She's working class, though. Yeah, that's true. Oh, no, I'm very rich. Oh, really? Why are you doing that?

Why are you doing this? Your dad is an Ohio model? Your stepdad's an Ohio model? Yeah, what model is your stepdad? He's got a pretty big secret, too. Oh, no. It's a pyramid scheme. The model pyramid scheme? How does that work? That's less of a secret than you think it is. And honestly, it's kind of like an open secret. If you're a

at a mall in Cleveland picking up models. I don't think you have that many connections. So he's recruiting models that have to recruit two other models? Exactly. And they have to pay $700 for the headshots. To the person in front of you. My stepdad, Frank, ends up getting about $1,450 from each person. But that adds up.

That answer does. And don't worry, we keep it all offshore, okay? Okay, good. Wow. I mean, what an interesting person you are. I mean, quite honestly, when we saw you on the street, I was like, this is a beautiful teen. We got to get her into the studio. I'm not saying that. I was so far away from you, and I got scared at first when you screamed at me, but then I was less scared when I got close. Well, it was three streets away. Yeah, it was down the block. We had to chase you down to ask you to come. I just saw the outline of you. He wasn't screaming words. He was just screaming. Can I just say, you can scream.

Those are pretty fast runners. Yeah, well, you know. You'd be surprised, yeah, when you got something. Yeah, you came up to us like a character from a Japanese horror film and said, I have a secret I want to share. And we were like, well, let's get this teen girl on the mic. Let's go. I just like walking on my hands. Let's talk about it.

about that. That was fucking awesome. That was fucking sick. You have a lot of skills, yet I feel like you're misusing all your energy. I think you're misdirecting a lot of your energy, Susie. Right, yeah. And also, when we practice to deceive, you're really making a mess of your life. Do you think? It's gotta be hard to keep all these stories straight and all these, you know, compartmentalizing everything the way it is. It's not healthy. It is, and to be worse, I got prom next week and nobody's asked me. Oh, no. No.

I'm making Giles go with me. Wait, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the prom the same day? For juniors and seniors? Oh, no. Sorry. Go ahead. Isn't the prom the same day as the inspector is coming to visit the site and you have no idea how you're going to be able to swing both? Yeah, it's going to be really tough. Oh, are you going to have to go back and forth? I'm going to have to bring my wig to prom. No. Oh, my gosh.

I brought my beard to prom in high school. Change in and out of your gown and then back into work gears. Man, those late night weekend inspections, they kill you. You're going to get busted when you're like underneath dancing with accidentally have your hard hat on, but you're in a full prom. But then all the other people in high school will be like, that looks pretty cool. And suddenly they'll all have hard hats on. They'll all be like, I want to work in non-union construction. To be worse,

Paul, my date, asked Annika to the prom. And so I don't really know what to do. So I made Giles come with me. And who's Giles? Has he been mentioned yet? No, I don't think so. No. I was going to fire him. And then I said, if he really wants the job, then he can do me a little favor. And that favor is coming to prom with me. So a grown man from the construction side. Yeah. I think you don't

meet a lot of you don't meet a lot of fucking rock breakers named giles these days he's 6 8 350 and about 25 years old yeah i'm not gonna say my type but that's hot for me not for you with you removing you from the context that's hot to me to make it even more complicated it's paul's uncle oh my gosh and which paul is this the paul that's a friend or the paul that you love scott i

listening he's the one asking you this well there's two balls yes well three if you include this one all over here that's

That's true. Let's keep me out of it. Please. I am not taking you to prom. Who's Paul's uncle? No, which Paul is the uncle? Which Paul is the nephew? Yeah, the uncle of Paul. Which Paul is the nephew? It's a different Paul. Oh, a third Paul. This is our confusion. So a Paul who goes to your high school with you? He's a shoo-in for the lead in the musical. Oh, wait, he's going to be... Is it Les Mis?

No, it's Heather's. Heather's the music. And you keep auditioning to play cassette? Well, I'm hoping that they're going to see my audition and look at me and go, wow, we couldn't imagine anybody else in the role. So we're going to change the show. Change the entire show rather than just the actors. I've got the cash. I've offered to pay to change the licensing fees. And why haven't they taken you up on this? Because it's going to take me a few weeks to get it from Bahamas. Because it's offshore. Oh, okay. Got it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Well, I got to say, Susie Toobin.

You're a very interesting person. I'm so glad you dropped by. But we have to take a break. Does that surprise you? Am I allowed to go into the hallway for a little bit? Is that door going to get unlocked? No, you're not. Okay. Me? Yes, I'm okay with a break. We do have to take a break. But can you stick around? Me? Yeah, I am talking to you. Yes. Okay. I feel like she's not listening to me. Yeah.

You're the one not listening. I gotta go. Oh, no, no. Stick around. Okay, I'll stay. Yeah, we have a break, but when we come back, we have more Andy Richter. We have more intern Gino. We have this teenager Susie Tooman. Pretending he's beside me. There you go. All right. I'd love to hear that during the break if you could. No, thank you. All right. All right. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bank after this. Roll ads. McCrispy's strips are now at McDonald's. I hope you're ready for the most dippable chicken in McDonald's history.

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Yeah.

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Andy Richter is here. Three questions. Oh, sorry. I'm still choked up from that song. Oh, it was gorgeous. I couldn't believe she did it. I thought she wasn't gonna, holy shit. Yeah, just the first line over and over and over again. I gotta regauss my fucking throat. Did you think I couldn't do it or I wouldn't do it? Both. Okay. Yeah. Just checking. You thought you would refuse and then also be unable to. No, and instead I was too willing.

And I wouldn't stop. No, you did stop, though. So thank you for that. You're welcome, Scott. We had to shut down for about two hours while you did all this. But we're back up and running. And Andy Richter, the three questions is anywhere you get podcasts. Is that correct? That is correct. Or have you withheld it from certain places? No, no, no. You can get it anywhere. It's actually being sold online.

on little flash drives at truck stops. Oh, okay, great. I got an episode in a bottle at a bodega. Oh, okay. It was fucking great. I cracked it open, I thought it was going to be a Sobey lizard drink, and then it turns out it was a full episode of Three Questions with Solomon Giorgio. It was fucking great. Scott, I was

allowed to ask a question. Oh, yeah, please ask Andy a question if you like. Yeah, well, you did. Oh, no, you're right. You didn't. OK, yes. Well, I guess my question would be something I've been thinking about a lot, which is if you had to put a name between your first name and your last name, what would that name be? Oh, if you know what

third name probably if you had to put a name between your first name and your last name what would that sort of in the center no that's the middle name we weirdly enough you were on pattern and you weren't here earlier scott whoa whoa what the fuck is that it's me i'm i'm you scott

Oh, wait, who? What? Who? Where? When? Why? How? The reporter's question. Wait a minute. This can't be young, Scott. This is just a tall, white comedian guy. No, no, I'm you. When you were 15. Oh, my God. A portal just opened up in the studio. Another teenager. This lanky, good-looking fellow just stepped out of it. What math are you taking? Algebra. Ah!

What a genius. Fucking liar. Okay. Look, I came here today to stop you from doing something. Today, your whole life... You're a time traveler? Yes. Yeah, someone came to me and said, today, your whole life gets ruined. Oh. As an adult, man, start talking about how hot a 15-year-old is. Oh, you're a little late. And every... What? What?

Yeah. Don't even worry, I'm not 15. What? I'm 14. Oh, uh-oh. Wow. Oh, no. You're young for a sophomore, I gotta say. Thank you. When was your birthday, December? Wouldn't you like to know, Scott? Ha ha ha!

I'm too late. I missed it. You missed it. Oh, I'm so sorry. Classic Scott. Do you want to take off that messenger bag full of comic books? It seems like it's so heavy. It's affecting your posture. This is all that matters to me. This is all I have right now. Oh, no. Don't tell me. Did they find out about the other thing?

Did people find out that we had a dream where we were kissing our mom, but in kind of like a sexy way? I think they just did. You just said it on mic. Yeah. Andy Richter's here. Yeah. Oh, how are you? Let's see. I'm 29. So this is 14 years ago. He wouldn't have been on TBS yet. Does it surprise you to know that he's on TBS? I was wondering why the young you is sepia tone.

Wait, no, he's in the prime. He's when I was number one on the call sheet a couple of times. Yeah, wow. You know Andy, we know Andy Richter. That's when he was a private investigator. We do know Andy Richter, yeah. Can you believe it? I mean, what an honor. All right, so things are going good for us.

I mean, I don't think they're going fine. It's more things are going bad for Andy. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I mean, and if you use that to measure your own success, which is what something a lot of people do is like, well, at least this person's doing awful. Like I can bounce, you know, and I use that. You can use that. Oh, I use that constantly. Yeah, exactly. At least I'm not this fucking guy. Yeah, yeah. That's how I get most of my ambition is like that fucking guy.

Yeah, wow. Typical Andy, right? Yeah, you're a fan. Andy did one episode of Comedy Bang Bang and was like, I gotta get my own. It's this easy to sit there and let other people fucking answer questions? Yeah, yeah. Let the other people make shit up and you just sit there and watch the cash roll in. I can do even less questions. Hello, Italy. Hello, three-figure salary. Hello. What are we? Are we a radio? Are we a talk show? Yeah, it doesn't... A podcast? Do you know what a podcast is? No. No. Uh,

It's like the radio, but less cool. Okay. I don't know if you know what a digital video recorder is, but I consider podcasting to be like DVR'd radio. Yes. You can listen to it. This is what's crazy, because this blew my fucking mind. I'm a radio major. Say TiVo. He'll probably understand. Oh, yeah. TiVo. Yeah. Did you know what TiVo was? I come from 2001. Yeah.

You would know it. I think you would know it. Early adopters of T-Mose. Yeah, yeah. Do you know who Bruce Springsteen is? Oh, thank you. He has a great podcast with a guy named Obama who's going to be coming around soon. Okay. Is that true? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they did a nice eight-episode series or something. That feels like a lot of work. Well, if you come from 2001, you might not like the name Obama. Yeah.

I might be a little close to something else that's going on around here. Oh, okay. Oh, all right. You may want to stay here. Can you do me a favor? Because you came here to save Scott. Could you pass a message back to 2001 when you get there? To Mark Wahlberg? Yeah. Tell him to get on a plane. Tell Mark Wahlberg to get on the plane, and he's the only one who can stop him. Oh, and tell Seth MacFarlane, take the flight.

Okay. Yeah, I know Mark Wahlberg. You know Mark Wahlberg? I know who that is. Marky Mark. Yeah, good vibrations. I know everything you know. Where's the time machine located? It's not in the World Trade Center, is it? No, no, no. It's in our parents' basement. Oh, okay. Imagine if he goes back and then all of a sudden there's no Ted. Oh, yeah. How would our lives be different? Wait, I have a question. Would that mean that it didn't work?

Because if we know who Seth MacFarlane is right now, does that mean he went back in time and it didn't work? Oh, well, that's if you subscribe to the traditional single-tail time travel theory. I can't do that. I can't do this, actually. I'm sorry I asked the question. I know someone who didn't understand these kind of things the last time they were on the show. Maybe I want to go in. I got very confused about it.

Yeah, I think, Susan, you've got enough stuff floating around in there that we don't need to add quantum physics. Why doesn't Paul like me? Do you know why Paul doesn't like her? Is that something that's happening right now? He might be in his father's balls by the time you go back. Or maybe in a coffin.

I'm helpless on that. I'll do the Mark Wahlberg thing. I don't know the Seth MacFarlane. Oh, okay. He, around your time, he's singing karaoke at the Brass Monkey here in town. Okay, he actually seems easier to get a hold of. Yeah, he actually was. He's actually there with a bunch of porn stars, if I remember correctly. Okay, all right, yeah.

Yeah, I'll try that then. Let's see if they'll let a 15-year-old kid in with some porn stars and a guy singing karaoke at a bar. I'll try that. In my experience, they absolutely will. Might I recommend a short wig and a hat? It lets you get away with a lot, apparently. You'd be surprised. Okay. Art Blanche. Yeah. Can you change anything about my life? I mean... Well, what I was thinking of doing, you tell me because we're the same person, but at this time in our life, I know we really wanted to be in O-Town. Uh...

Yeah. The little pearlman pit factory. Ashley beat us out. Ashley Angel? Yeah. He beat us out for that. Right, so I was going to try to go back and see if I could do something to change the narrative. Yeah, turn him into an actual angel. This is why you have the pearlman tattoo? Yeah, exactly. I knew you loved the guy. I didn't know why. Well, I thought it was funny it's a pearl necklace because it's around my clavicle. And...

Then he asked if he could give me a pearl necklace and I kind of got everything confused. Pearl man. Everyone still loves Lou Pearlman in this time, right? Everyone still loves Lou Pearlman in this time? No, he's no longer with us. Oh, yeah. And people were excited about that, that he passed away. Wow, wow. A lot of stuff. Oh, here's the thing. I wouldn't.

Oh, I don't even want to explain what the internet is, but I wouldn't do any modern research as to some of your favorite actors. What? The internet? I didn't have the internet until 2011. Oh, no, no. It was, I mean, back in the 90s, maybe even the 80s. Jesus Christ. No, I was on Prodigy bulletin boards in 2010. The band? Yeah.

Yeah. I was going like, who is the fire starter? Come play my game, I'll test you. To now be Drew Barrymore. Really? Yeah, exactly. Oh, man, I hope he fixed his hair. Yeah. But is there anything else? He's no longer with us as well, unfortunately. Anything you want to change? Anything we could, I mean. Yeah, I mean, if you could just, if you ever hear the Word podcast, if you could just like stay away from it all and just go like, I'm not going to do those anymore. I'm going to focus on my writing career, my directing career. I have a pitch.

Demand a sequel for Shark Tale. Yes. Demand a sequel. When they tell you no. Okay.

All right. Don't take no for an answer. All right. Shark Tale is the fucking nexus of society. If we get Shark Tale 2 and, God forbid, Shark Tale 3D, we can get the world back on its fucking axis. Yeah. Tell Jeffrey Katzenberg that $175 million in the theaters in the U.S. alone is actually good for where the movie business is headed. All right. He's going to wish he had a $175 million animated feature with Will Smith and Jack Black. Oh, Will Smith? Yeah.

Will Smith, yeah, he's, well, he's not doing all that great these days. But do we know him? Yeah, we're big friends of his. Whoa, holy smokes. Andy Richter, Will Smith, what a life. What are you complaining about? I'm more of a Chris Rock guy, so I worked with him on the Oscars. Oh, okay, fair enough. So, yeah, that won't make any sense to you for quite a number of years. It didn't look like it made much sense to the room. It doesn't make a lot of sense to us. Wait, did you watch clips before coming in here? No, just this room right here, I'm saying. Oh, okay. Okay.

There's no reaction when you said it. That's all. Yeah. Oh, I'm used to that, by the way. But yeah, the 20 years that you've... Yeah, that makes sense. On the break, we'll show you King Richard. Yeah. So you can have some context. So you'll know who Venus and Serena are. You don't even know who they are. Yeah, that's what you need for the context is to watch King Richard. Yeah. Then you'll understand everything. It's going to make perfect sense after that. Did we ever get to sing Les Mis? No.

No, unfortunately, no. I got to watch it a couple of times. Okay. You like Les Mis? Well, yeah, we love it. It's our favorite musical. We love it. Aside from The Music Man and sometimes West Side Story, depending on casting. Right, exactly. Really? Yeah, well, sure. Sometimes you see it in an all-white city, and it feels a little weird watching that one. But then sometimes you go where it's cast a little bit better, and it feels like more of a fun production. Wow, what else do you like? We like all the stuff. We like comic books. Our favorite color is...

Yeah, of course. Green? Oh, green is purple. Purple is green type color. I love green and purple. Yeah, yeah. It's very gnarlish. It's very gnarlish. Hey, younger me. Yeah. I think you got a shot with this beautiful, beautiful...

14 year old. Is it the one you called smoking hot a bunch of times? You need to back off this, Scott. I can hear you whispering to your teen self. She's really in. Also, I don't think you guys should be that close to each other because if you accidentally touch, God knows what can happen, right? We've been touching under the table. We've disproved that theory. I see even young Aukerman has wildly long legs. Oh, they're

like twirled together like pasta underneath here. What the fuck is going on? It feels comfortable. I don't know. It's like wrapping yourself in a blanket of yourself. I think you could take her into the Earwolf restroom, the one where you can't flush toilet paper for some reason. And you could maybe, you know, get something going here, you know? I mean, I was a virgin for so, so long. You could change that. Okay. I would never have to do podcasts anymore. Okay. Yeah, maybe that's the one I'm here for. Maybe that's why I'm here. Yeah, lose your virginity in the future. God.

Okay. Okay. Scott's really rolling the dice here on his younger self. Please. I'm totally having sex, but if you could break the curse of virginity, that would be good. Everything would be different for me. Go ahead. Go ahead. Hit her up. Hit her up. This is fucked up. I don't want to be pregnant. It's really weird. It's really weird. Sound speeds. Hey. Yeah. Hi. You like Les Mis?

Yeah, I love Les Mis. It's my favorite musical. Wow. Oh, sorry. My phone is buzzing. Oh, sorry. Do you want me to answer it? Yes, please. Hello? Yeah, I'm still... I got fucking nails. I got hammers. I don't know what we need to get done here. Fuck off, Johnny. Okay. Sorry about that. Wow. You have a phone that's that small?

Yeah. Oh, I'm actually getting a news bulletin. They got really small for a while, and then they gradually are getting bigger and bigger. Oh, weird. It says President Seth MacFarlane is solving climate change. That's pretty exciting. Wow. What? President Seth MacFarlane? President Seth MacFarlane. No, we said tell him to get on the plane. Oh, but still, that means I must have done something. So maybe... Maybe Seth MacFarlane stopped 9-11? Yeah.

Yeah, that's what we learned about in school. So much better. Instead of having 9-11, we'll have more Ted's. He'll be president. As a lifelong New Yorker, I can't believe I'm going to root for the fucking Florida pilot class. I can't wait for the crooning fireside chats. More than the 16 Ted's that we have that we have to learn about in history class. Oh, my God. Our whole reality is changing. Wow. The TCU. Oh, my God. Wait, let me check my penis.

You never sealed the deal? How do you think sex happens? Your penis changes as you get older? It's like more satisfied. Wait, you know more about sex than I do? No, I know the exact same. Maybe you've lost some knowledge. It's 8-7 Eastern time. We've got to sing the national anthem. It seems today, like all you see, is a man on TV. And we're all in the same place. And we're all in the same place. And we're all in the same place.

I just checked while we were singing. I looked at my dick to see if it changed and I have tattooed the words giggity giggity down my shaft. Oh no! But I have normal human balls and they're

Full of cum, Scott. So when it's off, it just says GG? Yeah. And I show it after I play pickup basketball, so everyone knows I'm just saying good game. By the way, this is a podcast. That's another definition. We talk about penises and balls a lot. Got it. Yeah, it sounds like everything happened to all this stuff happened to everyone except for us. We're the exact same. We're exactly the same. Well, I don't know. I wish you could change my life, but it looks like I'm locked in here. Well, Andy, there's one thing I've always wanted to ask you. Sure.

What's your middle name? Oh, no, we covered this already. I can't do anything. No, you're not going to find out for another 20 years. No, I changed it. I changed it to Jay. Oh.

Yeah, just so, because I work, since I work for Jay now, I, uh. Can I just say. The timeline is, the timeline is fucked. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Andy plays bass for Jay. I play bass for his band. You're not the sidekick anymore? And I shine the fan boat. That's what I do. As a comedian, your time on that show was really important to me. It taught me that comedy's not. Thank you. You're a comedian now? Well, it taught me that comedy's not for everybody and I should maybe do something else. Oh, okay. What do you do now? It kind of inspired.

it kind of inspired Susie to get into denim and then construction. Yeah. What's your life like now, Susie? Me? Yeah. Yes, you. I'm listening. I bet your life's way less complicated. It's pretty simple, actually. Um,

I'm a teenager and I go to school. And then also I'm a teen on a, I'm a teen foreman on a construction site. And then also my stepdad, Frank, unfortunately passed away in a really unfortunate mall related accident. And so now I run his pyramid scheme. Oh, what's a mall related accident? What falls under that category? A bunch of jeans at the gap fell on. Oh no. Low rise jeans. Yeah.

More like no rise jeans. Oh, yeah. Exactly. R.I.P. Yeah. R.I.P. Frank. But are you with, you know, what's his name? Kevin. Oh, you're with Kevin. Now there's a Kevin. We need to talk about Kevin. Yeah, the three Kevins in my life. The mean Kevin from the drama program, my best friend, Kevin G, and then Kevin Giari. What about checkers? Yeah. Check. Check.

Yeah. He decided that he was going to get into the visual arts. Oh, okay. Which visual arts are we talking about? Painting. Oh, okay. The most visual. Yeah. Okay. One of the most visual, hands down. Wow. It's so weird. It seems like my life is the only one that changed with...

Yeah, with going back and stopping 9-11. Maybe I was too focused on her, and I did everything. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you to try to hit on her. God, I fucked everything up. The last thing I remember is you said, come in the bathroom with me, and I elbowed you in the nose. Oh, no. At least your nose looks better. And then you held the tissue to your nose. Then you flushed the tissue down the toilet. Oh, no. And it was flushed.

And it created a space-time continuum skip. And now who knows where the fucking universe is going to land. By the way, do you have a time machine to get back or are you stuck here now? Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

Oh, you didn't think about this? Well, you're a time machine. You don't think about that. Oh, sure. Yeah, you're so excited to go forward or backward in time. You want to solve the thing. Oh, no. Oh, man. I think we're coming up on a good sitcom idea here, though. Scott raising his 15-year-old self. Yes. Oh, yeah. I'm a very stern parent, I bet. Okay, yeah. You can teach me all the things that you would have wanted to know when you were a kid. Sure, yeah. I don't know. And was there any lesson that went, as you got older, you said, I wish I would have known that sooner. Huh. Well, you know...

Except the sex thing, definitely. Yeah, always wipe. Oh, okay. Always wipe. No matter what. Yeah, not 50% of the time, not when you want to wipe. Yeah, I'm starting to learn that one. A good one, too, is like when you're pushed down the stairs, tuck your chin and keep your elbows close to your body. Oh, don't fail. Yeah, exactly. Because if you're going to be Scott Ackerman for the next however many years of your life, you will be shoved down multiple flights of stairs. Yeah, exactly. You know what? Just listen to the whole Always Wear Sunscreen song. Yeah, yeah. That takes care of it. Okay.

That was out already. I think so. Oh, but it's out now. So since you're stuck here, you'll hear it. You may have to chase it down and find it on your Android. Everybody's phone. The phone that everybody uses. I wonder what happened in the past where we all have Android. Dude, Seth MacFarlane stopping 9-11 has freaking

Fucked us completely. Fuck everything of them. Everything is cats and dogs living together. Yeah. It's fucking twisted. I wish you could go back and change everything. Well, maybe I can. I was sitting in our parents' basement listening to the new Moulin Rouge song, you know, for the hit movie, when all of a sudden the power of the four queens singing came together and it was helped me transport through time. Oh, okay. So maybe if the four of us sing together, is that... Didn't we do that already?

Maybe that's what caused you to be here. I don't know. Yeah, but we didn't know the words. Yeah. And I was singing with you that time, the national anthem that we all kind of hummed but didn't know. Yeah, I was in on that too. No, believe me, that's how it goes. Really? Yeah. Yeah, if you really want to half-ass it. Strangely, I still have never seen an episode, even in this reality. I think it's against the law, though.

To watch an episode or to not watch an episode? Yeah, to not watch an episode. I think I'm a felon. That means you've never been to church. Always. I don't even know what that is. Me neither. It's just in my fucking brain. I can't stop saying it. Oh, wait a minute. You know what? We have an earwolf time machine. We do? Yeah, it's right over here.

Oh, heck yeah. Are you still allowed to use it or you got to use the CBB world? I got to go through serious channels. I got to run out the chain. I got to ask Dr. Raw Dog himself, the head of Raw Dog Comedy. Yeah. Hey, can you call Dr. Raw Dog Kevin? Kevin. Kevin! We're not talking about Kevin. Kevin!

He's doing the Home Alone. If you're wondering why he's shouting that, it's because he's slapping his cheeks. You know the famous part in Home Alone where Kevin McAllister slaps his cheeks and yells his own name? Look, I'm just going to clear this. Okay. Please go back and tell Seth MacFarlane not to get on the plane. Maybe if we all sing Moulin Rouge, it'll send both Scots back in time.

No, I don't want to go back in time. I don't want to fucking sit here and keep listening to you yammer on and on. Wait, you think you're going to be the host of this show if I can sit back and time? No way. This guy's got fucking three questions lined up and ready to rock. I'll engineer all this shit. Shit. All right, I'll go back with you. Okay. All right. I feel like this is the worst thing we could possibly do, but let's do it. Let's save it. It's going to scare the shit out of your parents. Okay. They don't notice.

Look, they can ignore two people at once. Yeah. Let's do it after our final feature, though, because we were running out of time. We just have time for one final feature on the show. That's a little something called plugs. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Now, here's the thing. It's clobbering time.

That's the thing. That was the thing. That was Here's the Thing by Chris Finke. Seems like they took every time anyone said here's the thing on the show. And then put clobber in time. Put clobber in time. Yeah, interesting. Thanks so much to Chris Finke for that. All right, what do we plug in? Andy, what do you have here? Obviously, Three Questions is out there in the world. It's been going now for about approximately two years or so? No. No.

No! Longer than that, but I'm not good at that sort of thing. Okay, maybe three years, coming up on the third anniversary or something. Yeah, three or four years, something like that. Okay. Yeah, there's the three questions...

And then, I don't know, you know, I've been in things, but now I don't know what our present reality is, so I don't know what to plug. Is New York Minute still a thing that you're in? I believe, yeah. That will not go away. Okay. That, you know, yeah. That survives in all timelines. Well, you know, you gotta remember the low notes so the high notes really sing. You know, I did two hours of work on that movie. Yeah.

I'll tell you the story later. Oh, that's right. I think we talked about it before. I'm just waiting for that one to get me canceled. Oh, really? Yeah, I do a, like, Charlie Chan Chinese accent in that movie. Oh, dear. Okay, let's not have that...

In the plug bag at all? I'll see what I can do. I'll see if I can go back and change it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See if you can stop the Olsen twins. Okay. Good luck. Just stop you from doing their movie. You don't need to stop me. I needed the money. Yeah, that's true. A young Scott Ackerman kills Mary Kay and Ashley Olsen. Yeah.

Misread the assignment. Gino, anything you want to plug? Yeah, you know, I don't really have much going on, but one of my favorite Long Island comedians after... Oh, this has got to be Alec Baldwin. Yeah, it's after Alec Baldwin, one of my favorite Long Island comedians and stuntmen. And I just got to bump it down to the second best guy, you know,

Go past Jerry, Eddie, you know, all the way down. All the way down. Tim Dillon. You get down below that. Dr. J. You got John Gabrus. This guy's fucking great. The original Dr. J. Yeah. I thought it was Gabrus. You know, he apparently just leans into the gay stuff because it helped him be bullied in like seventh grade. Gabrus. Helped him develop who he was. Got it. Yeah. Why? What's he up to? He's actually, it turns out, he's hosting a travel show with Adam Pally on TruTV. So if you happen to...

in a hospital waiting room or another place that has true TV, tune in on July 14th at 10.30 p.m. because that's the premiere episode. Okay, so that's a little... 101 places to party before you die. Wow, it's a little far away from there right now, but set your DVRs right now and maybe you'll come back and talk about it. Yeah, maybe I'll come back.

Because, you know, John texted me. He's like, do me a favor. You've got to gas me up. I'm on true. I don't know what the fuck where my life is going and shit. So I came in here just to try to fucking get it popping off. All right. Fantastic. And thank you for that. Oh, of course, Intern Gino. And Susie Tooman, what do you want to put here? Just say a little prayer for me. I got a math test on Tuesday. And then after that, I got to lay off a bunch of guys right before Christmas because they're trying to get health care. Oh, Jesus. Say a little prayer for me.

This is really before Christmas, by the way. This is six months or so. Yeah, but I got to gear up for it. Oh, okay. Wait, you're doing it right before Christmas and you're just like gearing up for it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've decided I'm going to do it just because it's more fun that way. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um...

And I guess if you really want to do something, you can follow at VICMMIC across all social media platforms if you really feel like it. If you really want to do something. Yeah. Okay. And Young Me, what... I've only been here for like a couple minutes, but I already know that one of the greatest improv shows in all of Los Angeles... Oh, so you're into improv? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, if you like improv, you're going to love 2000s. That's when people gave a fuck about it. Right? Yeah. I'll get ready. You still like it? Yeah.

The people who do it love it. People now, they feel like it's just better if you write things down. Okay. All right. Well, I'll maybe take that note. Maybe not. We'll see. I'm betting it's a no.

There's this great show in LA called Holy Shit Improv. You can follow them at Holy Shit Improv on Instagram. They do shows every Monday. They've had groups like Big Grande. They've had Lauren Lapkus, Carl Tartt, all your favorites. You can watch it online or in person every Monday. Holy Shit Improv. Check it out. Okay, great. I want to plug, obviously, the Comedy Bang Bang Tour is coming up all of August. August 1st through 28th. We're going to be hitting all

of your favorite cities if you like the cities that we're going to. And from Minneapolis to Toronto, everywhere in between, we're doing it all of August. So head over to CBBWorld.com. There's a tour page where you can get ticket links. And then while you're there at CBB World, obviously there's a lot of shows happening. We have Scott Hasn't Seen and the Andy Daly Podcast Project. And CBB presents a lot of good ones coming out lately. All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

Take one hand, put it. Take the other, put it down. You're gonna make a box. It's time to start to close it. But don't close it too much or you open up the plug bag. We're opening up the plug bag. And when you open up...

♪♪

You played the short version. Yeah. Wow. That was the 2022 closing up the plug bag theme by John Astonish. Thank you so much to John Astonish. Now, Gino, you took your headphones off. We got six more months. That's for all of 2022. First million to groundhog. Yeah.

Saw his shadow, so we got six more months of it. Guys, I want to thank you so much. Andy, so great to see you. Thanks for coming on. Thank you, it's good to see you. A fellow podcaster, of course, and a fellow broadcasting legend. Yes, one of the merry few. And inter-Gino, of course. Baba Booey. Yes, you got it out. Say oh no, by the way. This is the oh no era, by the way. You haven't said oh no the entire time. Oh, no.

There you go. Okay. Thank you so much. Susie Tooman. Me? Yes, you. Okay. Yes, I'm talking to you. And I'm listening to you. Thank you so much. Scott, thank you. All right. And Scott, young Scott. Should we do it? Do you want to go on one last adventure? Let's do it. Let's go back in time and then Andy can take over the show. Okay. And Gino, you'll no longer. I'm busy. You're busy. Yeah, I got some shit to do. What are you doing?

No, I don't want to get into it, but I got a job at Stumptown Cream and Coffees. Oh. So I got to stay yacked up on Cialis and fucking THC and all this stuff. A little bit of red wine, all this stuff to get you a little randy. All right. Are you also only coming in every four months for that job?

I'm coming in and I'm being fucking emptied. That's for sure. Susie, you want to come back in time with us? No, thank you. Okay, all right. Well, let's do this. You ready? Let's go lose our virginities together. Okay, I'm starting up the time machine. Psssh.

What lucky woman will get to fuck the same man that is 20 years older? Do you want to double team anyone back then? Like a weird Pepsi challenge. I'd love to. I pushed him through. Oh, my God. I'm staying here. You're never going to take my show from me, Andy. What? I knew this was a big plot on your. You brought the time machine in here to begin with. I already told Jay. You and Jay together.

Yeah, we were going to do it together. This sucks. Young Scott seemed more chill. It's less sad that he was in the car. Fuck you, Gino. He throws me in. Gino, I pushed him back in time, too. Oh, no. They pushed me back. They had a 30-second interaction with someone from 2000. Seth MacFarlane pushed you back. Seth MacFarlane. I was like, giggity, giggity, and he shoved me right in the chest. Wait, Gino, where are you from?

I'm from Long Island. What? No. My brain is telling me I'm from Maplewood, New Jersey. Oh, no. He's putting a gun in his mouth. No, no, no, no, no. Don't play the closing up the plug bag song, please. No, no, no. I'm a cowboy. I'm a steel horse. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.

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