Bonus Bang: Dan Lippert, Stars, Paul F. Tompkins, Lily Sullivan, Tim Baltz, Ego Nwodim, Shaun Diston, Will Hines (The 13th Anniversary Show!)
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Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, and welcome to another Bonus Bang. Bonus Bangs being, of course, episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that we have previously recorded that we are releasing out from behind the paywall. And today is a very special day, if you're listening to this on the day it's released, because today is actually the anniversary of our very first episode. That's right, May 1st.

16 years ago today. So for this series of bonus bangs, we've been re-releasing special anniversary episodes. And today is no exception. In honor of CBB's sweet 16th, we're re-releasing a great anniversary episode, number 755, the 13th anniversary show. It originally aired on May 1st, 2022. That's right, three years ago from today. This is

This is a lot of numbers, I realize. It stars Dan Lippert as Bill Walton, Paul F. Tompkins as Big Chunky Bubbles, Lily Sullivan as Francesca Bolognese, Tim Baltz as Richie Castlebaum, Ega Wotem as Pastor Pasta, Sean Diston as Gary the Gardener, Will Hines as Keith Stanley, and musical guest stars. This is an incredibly packed episode.

Fan favorites and newcomers alike drop by to share insights from their respective fields. That includes the visual artist Big Chunky Bubbles, social media expert Francesca Bolognese, and punk rocker Keith Stanley, plus stars The Great Band from Canada are there providing us information.

with songs. This is a great episode. Now, for more Comedy Bang Bang, consider becoming a subscriber at cbbworld.com, where we keep the vault of every single episode from the show's history, including all of the live episodes. Plus, you get great shows like Hey Randy with Randy Snuts and This Book Changed My Life and Scott Hasn't Seen. We're going to have a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang out on Monday. That's going to be our very special 16th anniversary episode. Until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

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Nothing steams my beans more than dad's ass and damn jeans. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Jonathan Chungus for that catchphrase submission. Jonathan Chungus. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week, a very special week. This is the 13th anniversary episode. Yes, we have been going wild.

At least once a week for 13 years now. And something else to celebrate. We are back in the studio. We're back in the Earwolf studios. We have four walls around us as well as a ceiling and the most important one of these surfaces, this floor. So we don't fall straight to the center of the earth.

Welcome to the show. We have a great one. A lot of great people are going to be on the show. My name is Scott Aukerman, of course. We have some incredible guests on the show. Coming up a little later, we have a social media expert who gives tips on

We have a punk rocker. We have a visual artist of sorts, in a way. And we also, you know, it wouldn't be an anniversary episode if we didn't have a special musical guest, as Don Pardo said on Saturday Night Live. Please welcome Torquil and Amy from S.T.A.R.S., the entire band S.T.A.R.S. Hi, guys. Hello, world. Hello, America. Hello, people who like funny things. All the ships at sea.

Yes. So good to have you guys back on. It's a great pleasure, sir. The new record is called From Capleton Hill. Is that how you pronounce it? That's how you do it. Where is Capleton Hill? It's just like, it's a place I've gone every summer of my life. My mother went every summer. It doesn't change. It never changes. Like nothing ever. They can't ever build there because there's so many crazy building laws and

all the shops are the same and it never grows and it just never changes. And like everything changes. Everything is so annoyingly changing constantly, more often than not for the worse. And this, so from Capleton Hill is just the idea of like, there's a place that doesn't change.

And it's in your head. Well, that's fantastic. You have this great new album. You're going to be doing songs from the new record here for us. Very special treat for our anniversary episode. We are so excited to play here. Is this the anniversary in the sense it's the first time you did a show was on this date 14 years ago? Yes, 13 years. Well, we're starting our 14th year, so this is our 13th anniversary. Wow.

So, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Yeah. I mean, you guys have been together longer. I mean, 22 years. Yes. Yeah, 22 years. We're much better. We're better than you. But Torquil, it's not a competition. I think it is. I think it is. Oh, if you win, it's a competition? Okay. Correct. Correct.

Hello, Bill.

Oh, yeah! 13 and feeling me, Scotty Ox. Turn down your phones, everyone. Turn down your phones. Wow. How are you, Bill? Oh, what a fantastic day. What a fantastic 13th year. I cannot wait...

I have already mangled my microphone stand. You spoke so loud the microphone stand broke. Yes. Is that what happens? In old cartoons when people sang opera, glasses would shatter. When I speak, microphone stands go slightly awry. This is one of the great anniversaries, is it not? One of the best anniversaries! He just set you up here. One of the best we've ever seen from the...

The Silver Anniversary, which is one of my favorites. Two. Oh, let's see. Ta-da!

I know we all need to help out. We all need to chip in. The anniversary party. Oh, yes. One of the great slow played marvels of theater. Written by, I believe, the fantastic. Let me pull this name out real quick. He did Betrayal. He's not a house painter, but you take off a letter and he's. House painter? Oh, I'm sorry. No, in the painter word.

Oh, yes, Harold Paint, one of the great... And we take a quick beat as the jokes would do if you're in the theater school. Harold Painter, pause. One of the great painters. Yes, one of the great painters, but he did not paint houses. He painted emotional trauma onto stage as played by some of the fantastics. Not Joel Grey, of course. One of the great Grey!

From Fifty Shades of to... From Fifty Shades of to Zanatomy. Did she play Michi? Zanatomy is Michi. Bill, it's so good to see you. It's great having you here. What have you been up to? Happy to be here. Well, we just exited March Madness. The commercials were on one this year. I was loving the commercials. And we're into the NBA playoffs.

and they didn't make any new ones, so we're stuck with the old all-stated AT&T commercials that we've been watching on and on for days.

Are you broadcasting? Are you announcing any of the games? They won't have me in the national games. Oh, I'm so sorry. Just the regionals. Just the regionals. And I accept it as the fate of a man who challenges social norms on mic. Right. Yeah. I mean, are you out there wearing the tie-dye shirts and the... Oh, yeah. I'll wear tie-dye. I'll wear my bikini. Your bikini? What?

I'll wear my bikini. Because you got to show everybody that this is a fun thing we do basketball. Yes, basketball is fun. The game is fun. The game is fun. It is meant to be joyful. It's just a few boys throwing a little round thing into a bigger round thing. But as we discussed earlier, the most orange ball. Yes. In sports. Scott, did you see March Madness this year? I missed all of March Madness. You had the March Madness of your own, did you not?

Do you mean COVID? Yes, you had the March Madness that now goes year-round for everyone. But they made the ball oranger this year. I saw that. Some people sent that to me. I was so excited. I thought there was... The first thing I did is I called the TNT color correct guy, and I said, you pumped the oranges too much, bro. And he said, I don't do color correct on live games. And I said, my mistake.

What if there's a five-second delay so the person can constantly be color-corrected? A fantastic suggestion, because if you watch something, if you go from the bright, beautiful courts of the Charlotte Hornets and then you switch your TV over to the Brooklyn Nets, you feel like you went into a sepia game and you need a little color-correct to not confuse your little peepers.

Can it get even more orange is the question, because they've pumped it up almost as far as they can go, as they say in Oklahoma. To me, that's a Hadron Collider situation. Yes. Where do we want to touch the untouchable? Do we want the ball to get so orange that we could, the earth could be sucked unto itself inside of a Wilson basketball? That's a good, good point. Wilson! Wilson!

Weird that it was a volleyball, but named Wilson. Oh wait, but they make Wilson, they make volleyballs. Is that what it was? After the movie they had to start. They're like, oh man, we're leaving money on the table. Well, Bill, it's so great to have you. You're going to be my co-host. Is that all right? I'm all mine. One, two, three. Scott Ox and Bill Walton. Yeah.

So now, Bill, are you ready to bring on our first guest? I would be happy to do that. Okay, well, he is a visual artist, and he works within the medium of bubbles. Wow. If it's Kirby, I'm going to lose my damn shit. No.

Kirby meaning your enthusiasm? Oh. Kirby, your enthusiasm. I can't even say it the right way. The wrong way. No, Kirby, the little pink fat guy who you might select him in Super Smash Bros. Oh, yes. You know. Right, right, right. No, it's not that guy. It's not Kirby. No, I'm so sorry. And I apologize to the listeners as well. It's actually Big Chunky Bubbles.

What a typical introduction from you. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Lucky 13. Many hamburgers to you, of course. Many hamburgers to you.

Big Chunky Bubbles. Big Chunky Bubbles, that's my name. I feel like I haven't spoken to you since perhaps a live episode three years ago before the pandemic. I don't keep track of when I talk to you. Surprise, surprise. Who do you keep track of that you talk to? Well, my wife, my kids. Give me the stats on your wife's chats. Well, you know she's passed. Oh, that's right. But I still talk to her. Oh, I see. Do you make a trip out to the graveyard or do you just do it around the house?

Which answer would you like to make fun of more, Mr. Sensitive? I just find it interesting that most people, you know, they think that if they're not in the graveyard's, you know, like 10 feet radius of the actual grave. How do you, 10 feet? What are you, who's... Six feet, six feet, sorry. Who's standing six feet away from the grave to talk to it? I mean, meaning they're six feet down. What? Six feet under, my dear boy. Yeah, I get that. One of the great...

Series finales of all time, wouldn't you say, Scott? Sure. Six feet under. Oh, from the end of Lost, which we all loved, to the beginning of Lost, which was a finale to my free time on Tuesday nights. So, Big Junkie Bubbles, how is your pandemic? We haven't spoken since before. How is my pandemic? Yes. Yes.

What do you want me to ask? Have you gotten less good at interacting with people since quarantine? You're trying to say that, of course, it was bad, and so why am I even asking? Of course it was. Well, that's not strictly true. It was actually pretty good for me. So then?

It's a good question. Shut up. Why was it good for you, Big Chunky Bubble? Because I was... You don't have to say my whole stage name every time. All right, I'm sorry, BCB. You can call me Petey. That's my name. Oh, yeah, Petey Amin. Petey Amin, yes.

Petey, first of all, before we go into how your pandemic was, which I hear is pretty good, for new listeners, you are an artist. There can't be new listeners to this show. No, we're just shedding listeners like the virus. Like the uterine lining. You are a person. Why is that the first thing I think of when I hear the word shedding? Okay.

I don't have a period. Why should I be thinking that? Why is that rattling around in your nose? I don't like it. Oh, big junkie, everyone should be sympathetic to the shedding of the uterine lining. Yeah. It affects at least half of the world's population. Well, it affects the other half of when you can have sex or not, so. A little lesson about Scotty Boy, not for Bill Walton. I'm a day and night shed or not.

It's not about sympathy. It's just I don't want to think about it all the time. All the time? Well, when I hear the word shedding. How many times are people saying shedding? I don't know. A lot. I know a lot of people who have snakes. Okay. That's another thing that I want to talk to you about at some point, but not today. Sure. But you are an artist. You perform at children's parties. I'm a children's entertainer.

And you... What distinction were you going to make? I can't remember if you've performed at adult parties either, but you simply do children parties. I'm primarily a children's entertainer. And you entertain them by making giant bubbles. They're big, chunky bubbles. That's right. That I make out of soups and stews. Instead of soaps. Instead of soaps. And maybe there's a stews parallel as well. Instead of soaps and...

I don't know. You really don't. You're making soups and stews. Yes, I'm making soups and stews. Then I make bubbles from those soups and stews. They are bigger and chunkier than any other bubble. That's right. I know it is. It doesn't go well. You've scalded... Hey! Hey!

How many children have you scalded? I have never, well. With your piping hot soups. I have hardly ever scalded anyone because I issue warnings at the top of the performance for people to stay back. Also, I know what I'm doing. It's my trade. Right, yeah. So how many people? Five! That's not bad for a whole career. At one party or at five different parties? At five different parties.

At three different parties. Three different parties. So two at two of those parties. You want me to give you the breakdown? Yes, please. Well, it would have to be two at...

Two at one party. Okay. Two at another party. Yeah. One at the final party. Yeah, what I said. Yeah, exactly. Okay. At the final party? Congrats. Did you say the final party? Are you not doing this at all? The final party where somebody got scalded. I am still in business. You are? Yes. So tell me about the pandemic. What happened? Why was it so great for you? Well, at the wet markets in Wuhan. Oh, dear. Oh, no. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Wait, how much do you know? Zero. I mean, I know that the pandemic, they say it started there. Well, the thing about wet markets is there's a lot of bubbles. And bubbles pop.

I didn't think about that. No one ever does. So you were there. No. No. What? What happened? What do you mean? Do you not know anything about the pandemic? I was thinking that you were saying you were the person who brought it over here to the States. Why would I? Hey, let's say I was. Why would I tell anyone? So what are you trying to say?

I thought you were just completely ignorant of what happened. Oh, I said you were going all the way back to the beginning. Yes! God damn it, I hate you. I hate you too! Yes!

Why did you come here? I don't know. It makes things hard for me because I'm trying to promote my business. Always, always be promoted. All right. I figure maybe other people will be checking back in. They haven't listened in a while. They're like, did it get any better? So why was it good for you?

Because of Zoom. I was doing so many Zoom shows. It's so much easier because I don't have to go to somebody's house and set up my tureens and pots, and I can just do it in my own home. That's right. And there is no fear of injury when it's over Zoom other than to yourself. Yes. And as you know, my arms are severely burned. What are you wearing over them today, by the way? A shirt? A shirt.

Sometimes you have those long fingerless gloves as well. I don't know what you're talking about. Do they make those long sexy gloves in fingerless? Like opera gloves? No, I'm thinking of when you're a dancer, sometimes they would take leg warmers and put them around their arms. Why would I do that? Because you're an entertainer. That was almost Urkel.

Why would I do that? How many things are almost Urkel in the world? How many things are almost Urkel? More than you think. Yeah. Stefan is one. That's true. Steffi Graf, almost Stefan, almost Urkel. Yeah, just two steps removed. So you were doing Zooms, and were you getting a lot of them? Yes, people were bored out of their minds. Right, yeah.

And word got around. I briefly went viral in Turkey. Wow. I have a lot of Turkish fans. Okay. So you did a lot of work over the pandemic. This is great. But now that it's, I mean, I don't want to say it's winding down necessarily, but we were back in the studio and people aren't doing, I know that people aren't doing as many Zooms as they did that first couple of months. Are you still, are you getting out there and doing them in person?

I am doing some in-person shows, of course, with the distance that I require. It makes it a little more, makes the show less fun because people are so far away, they can't really get the full range of the bubble that I'm making. Yeah, how far away do people need to be? 60 feet. 60 feet away. That seems, it's, yeah. That was the recommendation, 60 feet.

So, yeah, I mean, other than if you were to supply every partygoer with an iPad and you were live streaming it from your own camera or something like that. Why wouldn't I just give them binoculars? That's cheaper. Maybe you have a bunch of iPads lying around, but I don't. I actually do. That's my other show. Well, that's fantastic. I'm not one of these out-of-touch entertainers. Right, yeah. I know how much milk costs.

How much does it cost? $10. For how much? For a lot. I have to buy a lot of milk to make some of my stews and chowders. That's right, and you're making them from scratch. You're not just buying them out of the can. I make them all from scratch, and look.

You're not supposed to eat them, the ones that I make. Right, because they're more viscous or... They're designed for showbiz. They're not designed for taste or nutrition. Right. And are these your own recipes or are these passed down to you? Some are mine. Some are my grandmother's. Really? Who is Grandmother Bubbles? Or Grandmother Amine? Grandma Mom Amine. Grandma Mom Amine. Yes, that's what we would call her. Oh, wow.

My other grandma was named Mrs. Doubtfire. Really? No relation. To who? To the movie. Based on a book? Did you know that? By Sapphire? Mrs. Doubtfire. Based on the novel. By Sapphire.

I found out that was based on a book and it blew my mind. Crazy. What was the book? Yeah. I hope that Robin Williams still did five minutes of impressions of cartoons at the top. Yes, where they've already animated the entire cartoon and then he has to come in and do the voice. And they say, stop improvising. We've already done the cartoon. And he still doesn't get it, even though it's his job. Yeah.

So congratulations. I mean, the fact that you went viral with these non-edible soups. Is that ever a problem where someone eats a soup after a bubble pops and you're like, no, no, no, you're not supposed to.

After a bubble pops and you think they're gasping at the air like a fish on the land? I can only imagine that the droplets fly out, much like the COVID droplets fly in our shed. Well, thankfully, I've stopped using bat in all my recipes. Oh, yes. Okay, yeah, there was a period. For Halloween, I wouldn't make a bat chowder. LAUGHTER

Well, Big Chunky Bubbles, it's a pleasure to have. You're already winding down? What else do you have? What else do I have? We went through so many detours thanks to you talking about my grandmothers. Let's get to what you want to get to. That's what I'm trying to get to. I want to let people know I've started doing shows for grownups. What? Yes!

This is unprecedented. You've never done this. That's right, Bill. If you come to one of my shows, I'll make sure to stack up eight regular chairs for you to sit on. Oh, baby, baby. I gotta say, edible or not, those soups are going in my mouth the second the room's open. No, no. Yes, sir. Try and stop me. Well, I've started making new bubbles that...

New shapes of bubbles? New shapes. Oh, okay. That are only suitable for adult audience. Oh! These are a little salty. Boy! Well, they're definitely salty. I mean... Your soups are. I don't know why I still season them. I don't need to. Yeah, since they're not edible. But what shapes are these? The mind reels when I think about it. Well, I mean, you can imagine some of them, right? Like giant balls?

Yes. I mean, most bubbles look like giant testicles. Yeah, but when you put two together. But the secret is you can't have them interlock because that's just two bubbles that are interlocking. Right. You have to make it have the two bubbles have the same relationship to each other that human testicles would. Right. Okay. Do you ever do just one ball and you're like, this is Hitler, and you get a big laugh? Yes.

Why would I ever introduce Hitler into the show? Because you're a weirdo, BCB. I'm a weirdo? I haven't mentioned Hitler to you once. Seems a little weird, like you're a denier or something. A denier. Of what? Of Hitler? You think it would have come up? Hitler never existed. No, of the Holocaust. There's no such guy. He's like Jeepers Creepers or whatever.

Well, that's incredible. And how have they been going over? I mean, is the purpose of this to titillate and to make people, I don't know how else to say it, but horny while they are watching your show? I mean, that's not the purpose. To me, it's no different from a great painting of the human form. It's not supposed to make you what you said.

It's supposed to make you appreciate art, but unfortunately, that is not the case, and it makes people very around. Really? Yes. This is like an aphrodisiac, though. I mean, I guess, in the way that pornography is. Yeah. Pornography is maybe the best aphrodisiac. It's number one with a bullet. Ha ha ha!

Well, this – look, I'm not telling you how to market things, but I think – I bet you're going to, though. I think you could sell this to people who want to start an orgy, people in the lifestyle, people who want to do a sex party, you know? What do you mean sell it to them? Like a kit? No, no, meaning you go perform this to them, and then that gets them in the mood, and then everyone just starts taking it. All right. Now, I know you think –

You have an idea of what an orgy is and who's going to be there? I have a vague one. Yeah, but let me tell you something. In reality, you don't want to go to one of those things. Really? Yeah. Big, chunky buttholes. Thank you, Bill. I appreciate that. Are there non-butthole orgies where you're like, okay, everyone just cover your buttholes? Are you talking like the cat's cut? Yeah, exactly.

Non but ol' orgies. Like everyone just put a patch over those. What, like a sign at the door? Yeah, exactly. Or a Quincey Jones. Remember, we are the world. Yes, Levy Rigo's at the door. Levy Rigo's at the door. Do you think anyone did? I don't know. I mean, it seemed like everyone had a good time. We're talking about the We Are the World video, by the way. Oh, yeah. One of the great bring-togethers of all the big celebs. From Live Aid to...

Butthole-less party. So what has happened at these parties? People just get too turned on and an orgy breaks out? Is that what you're... Not an orgy breaks out, but certainly people start to neck. Okay, I don't think that's the worst thing in the world at an adult party. It is when you're trying to perform a show and nobody's paying attention.

I also disagree. I think people necking around me is worse than if they just started fucking. Like, what's going on? There is something that's gross about people really kissing each other. Yeah. And you're just standing there and they're going at it. Yeah, kissing like you kiss in the first three months of your relationship and then you never do again. Never again. Although my wife and I, we kissed passionately for the entirety of our life together. I'm so sorry. How did she pass away again? I don't remember.

I sort of remember it was, I think it was my fault. I think it was a stew. It was a stew-related death. That means you've properly grieved. If you can forget how your loved one died, it means it's not true. One day you'll realize you've just forgotten how she died. Shut up!

Of course, I still have those miserable children we made together. How old are they now? Robbie, Bobby, and Tag. Oh, right. Tag. Tag was the youngest. Is that right? Yeah, he was an accident. Oh, right. Sorry, a surprise. And how old are they now? Because I haven't seen you in three years, I think. They're three years older than before. Okay, great. Congratulations to you. Thanks.

Have any gone to college or anything like that? None. Are they of age, though? No. Oh, okay. I'm not going to tell you their age. I know you. What do you think I'm going to do with that? You're going to make fun of their ages. I'll never tell. Who are you, Brittany Murphy? Huh? I'll never tell. I remember that. That's the only thing I remember from that movie. I don't think I saw it. Scott hasn't seen it. Oh, I saw it. Oh, you did? Really? I couldn't even tell you the name of it.

I feel like it's an O word? I don't know. It's not Gothica, but it looked like Gothica. It was around the same time. Yeah, it had that font. Oh, yeah, Gothica. Halle Berry? Yeah, with a beautiful cover of Behind Blue Eyes from Fred Durst and Company. Oh, are you a Durst fan? Oh, are you kidding me? One of the great friends of all time from Scooby's best friend to E. Mercury. D.E.

Was that his name? Fred E. Mercury? Yes! I've been saying it wrong this whole time. Yes, he was Alfred E. Newman's brother! Oh, really? He's also one of the great dirts of all time, from the San Francisco comedian Will to Murderer Robert. Yes! One kills on stage and the other kills anyone who found out that they killed before. And one kills someone's hopes of getting the million dollar prize on who wants to be a millionaire. Oh.

Oh, was that? That was Will Durst. Okay, wow. That was Will Durst, yeah. He gave the wrong answer. So confident, too. As a phone-a-friend. Well, Robert Durst used to go to those and always do the wrong answer and ask the audience. He was such a fucker. Yeah. That's the worst thing he ever did, right? Ask them all, of course.

Well, Petey, now I'm winding down? Is that all right? Yeah, sure. All right, we have some other guests. Listen, I want everyone to know I'm doing these shows at American Legion Halls across the country. Only American Legion Halls? Only at American Legion Halls. Is that a budgetary issue, or are you just... What are you trying to say? Nothing, sir. Did you work on it? Oh, I don't like this. Is this how you would prefer to be talked to, sir? I don't hate it. Well, don't get used to it. Oh, man.

We did immediately. Yeah. We have to get some other guests. Can you, I hate to say this, but can you stick around? I have to. You have to? For what reason? I called a rideshare service and they won't be here for another two hours. Oh, no. Which one is this? It's, you've heard of Uber Pool? Sure. Yeah. This is Uber Bus. Oh, God. They're picking up a lot of people. They're picking up a lot of people. And you're at the tail end. It's better than being at the front end, right?

I like riding on the bus. I'm talking about a human centipede. Well, you certainly changed it up in a hurry. Switch topics. Because we weren't talking about that before. Anyway, I'm sorry I'm so weird and not bringing up Hitler and human centipedes. All right, well, let's get to our next guest. Good. I talked about her at the top of the show. She's a social media expert. She's here to give us some tips. Please welcome back to the show Francesca Bolognese. Hello, Scott. Hello.

Hey, Francesca! Happy to be here! Oh my god! So great to have you! Just kidding! I got your stupid email. You wanted me to come begging me. Oh, please, please, come on the podcast. It's a big, important anniversary. You know what?

I'm now really regretting having two specific people up at the top of the show. I think she's dynamite. And I have to say, it's been a very typical podcast so far. You talk about orgy, uterus, lightning, shit. When white men get together, that's what happens. That's what happens. When bodies start slapping. Hitler. From doing the wild thing. Hitler.

Wow, wow. What are you doing, Bill? Tone Luke's wild thing. Oh, okay. Tone Luke! Tone Luke. One of the greatest tones. Oh, yes. From Polly Walnut's friend to... Ah!

Tom Hanks Production Company Play. Oh, yes, very good. Thank you. Francesca, it's so good to see you. You're a social media expert. You give tips to people on how to... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. How many times do I have to tell you I'm not an expert and I don't give a tip? Oh, I guess one more because I thought that was what your whole thing was, was you go around giving tips to people. No tip. No tip. I guess I am an expert sort of because I work in social media or I did for a long time. Right. And now I specifically work for Bed, Bed and Beyond. Yeah.

The corporation. Oh, in corporate. Oh, wow. Okay. So if you remember the other time I was on, I tell you that I work a different job, but doesn't be on the... Yeah, slightly. You don't remember? I semi-zone out every time you talk. I have to admit. So...

That is so nice. Oh, my God. He admitted. He did. Thank you, Tim. Now, a lot of people are just the tip. You're the opposite. Not to bring it back to punitive. Oh, my God. We're going to talk about dick the whole time. Yeah, we're going to talk about dicks. Let's talk about how small all your dick is. Your dick is... Oh, yeah, she pulled my pants right down. Your dick is pretty small. Oh, yeah, and it's podcast dick. It gets smaller when you're potting. Everyone knows that.

We're talking about penises on this show because it's the 13th anniversary, and if you take a 13 and you tilt it 90 degrees to the left, it looks like a penis head. I guess so.

Okay, okay. So, yeah, so you can see how, why we would be... Everybody just took a break to draw a 13 and tilt their necks. I guess. You know, I was prepared to talk about dick, so it's fine. Oh, okay, good. So how is Bed Bath & Beyond corporate working out for you? I mean, that's such a great step up for you, isn't it? Well, so, you know, they basically have me in different things. So last time I work at a high school for Bed Bath & Beyond. Oh, right, yeah. I work for other, in other facets for Bed Bath & Beyond. Most recently, though...

They give me the motion. And now I work in the store. No! In the store! In the store, in the brick and mortar? No!

I work at the store. No, this is terrible. It's the worst job I could ever imagine for myself. What did you do to get the demotion? Well, they say that I was too mean to people. Oh, that can't be true. Online and at the high school. And the other job I had that I don't remember. Right. I was not very nice. So they say, okay, they demote, demote, demote, demote. And then I end up at the store.

No. So this is terrible. I mean, I don't know that that's the right move on Bed Bath & Beyond's part. You treat people so poorly, they're going to put you out there in customer service. Is that what you're doing? You're front of house? I am front of house. I show people where the towels are.

Is that the number one thing people want to know? They walk in and go, where are the towels? I don't want to go through your whole maze of this Bed Bath & Beyond. Just point me right to the towels. I'm sopping wet. Yes, they go, I am not so wet. I went to the beach. Where are the towels? I go, look at the stupid fucking little signs. Aisle 6 says towels, you stupid fucking bitch. Oh my God. Why you know?

fall down a cave, and die alone at the bottom of the cave. Oh, man. That would be a horrible death. What about where they shot Click?

Does anyone want to know where they shot those scenes from the movie Click where he goes into the Beyond section and sees Christopher Walken? I never see the movie. Must be because you're foreign because Click is huge here. Yeah, they don't show that in your training at all? The entirety of the movie Click? No, for the training, they basically have us go just stand in the stock room for 15

15, 25 hours. Oh, really? Just stand up straight. They want to know how long a shift you can work. Oh, okay. This is a standard practice for American corporations. Right. Where did you tap out? At what hour? I made it a two hour. Two hours? Really? So you can only do two hour shifts? Yeah, I only do two hour shifts and then I take a nap.

In one of the dog beds. Oh, okay. Right there in front of it where the customers can see you. Does that count as the bed part or the beyond part? That is a beyond part. That's beyond. Oh, shit. Bill, are you all right? Well, a dog bed is beyond. I mean, bed's in the name. Oh, shit. I'm shocked. If a dog walked in there, do you think the dog would go to the bed part looking for a dog bed? No.

don't know what if a stupid fucking dog come in I don't know where the little doggy walk to but um I would say it's not gonna be much smarter than another human coming in and walking around so probably just aimlessly wander around for two a half hour yeah I guess that's true yeah so what else is in the beyond part I've never realized yeah because I go in there and I can see the towels I can see the bedding I can see everything that goes in the bathroom but then like I'm just confused as to what the beyond is it's a lot of um

All different type of thing. We have purses. Purses? Pencil sharpeners? Pencil sharpener. Wow. We have eraser, too. That's new. Erasers are new for Bed, Bath & Beyond this season. Yes, it's brand new. Whoa. Very exciting stuff. Are they like general erasers or is it like SodaStream or Keurig is making erasers now?

Yes, it's a lot of different companies getting into different things. Getting into the eraser game. So like a big pen. Who do they think they are? David Lynch? Or Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams? Big pen make a bra. Oh, because of eraser hand. I got it. I wish I could click my way back about 30 seconds. What did you just say? I said a big pen.

a big pen? Big pen makes bras? Big pen makes bra. Because if you remember, big pen make a pen for her. You remember? Oh, yes. My wife loved them. And what was the difference? It was slightly thinner? Is that what it was? Yes, it was very skinny. Very weak. And why would

Very weak pen. Very pink. To imply that, you know, like, hey, I'm not going to be writing anything important with this. Exactly. Right. It's just me writing errands, short little thing on a post-it. A note on your husband's lunch bag. Yeah, grocery, grocery list. People go think women write. Right, right. So now they started making bras. Yeah, they make a bra for her. For her? Wow. I know. It's crazy. Ah!

You are freaking out, Francesca. Well, this is the main thing, though. Now that I work at the store, I make not a lot of money. And the manager is a fucking asshole. Make me do, make me be nice to people for first time in my life. I have to be polite. Or else what?

Or else, I don't know, but then beyond the demote me again. Yeah. I mean, what's even lower than the store? I mean, like... Oh, God, that would be horrible. Just to work in the bathroom. Just cleaning toilets? No, just hang out in the bathroom. Oh, yeah, yeah. That would be the worst. Make sure that everybody going properly. Which location are you at? Wait, hold on. Wait.

So people use the bathroom and then you watch them? I just hang out in a public restroom at the corporation, make sure everybody bowel movement's going pleasantly. How do you do this? Is it like a check-in? I never do this, by the way. Oh, okay. I have not been demoted to this, but this I hear. And when you were working there, I'm sure there were people there who... Oh, yeah. When I go to the bathroom, everyone would say, everything okay? Oh, my God. Are you sure this is a paid position or just other employees asking if your particular shits are going well? No.

I don't know. I think it is a paper t-shirt. Do you make weird noises when you... I go... Yeah. People go shit. Well, most people do it silently. Like, it doesn't cause that much... Silently? You're just so silent. Perfect silence. I bet you're quiet when you have sex, too. I bet you're fucking silent. You don't have to be when you have sex, but when you're shitting, it is a little weird to be like...

Okay, well... I don't know. Which location are you at, can you say? Yes, I am at the... Oh, wow. You're really freaking out. The one on Vine? Yes. Every detail is frightening to you. Wow. What's the worst customer interaction you've had? Well, I think because I had to be nice to this one girl. Her name was Jenny. Oh, God.

And she came in, she said, oh, hello, my name is Jenny. I'm looking for air purifier. I say, well, okay, Jenny, why not go to the aisle with the air purifier? See, I was being very nice. Yeah, okay. I was being nice.

For you. I say, why you no walk to aisle five where you find the air purifier? She walk over. She can't find it still. She say, excuse me, excuse me. Where is air purifier? I cannot find it. And then I say, listen to me, little stupid little bitch. Why you no drown yourself in a blender? Chop up your head. Oh, no. First drowning and then having your head chopped off.

Yes. Wow, that's a terrible way to go. Make a smoothie out of your head. Oh, God. Francesca. Yes, sir. Have you seen the HBO series My Brilliant Friend? No. You remind me of this one character, Leela. She's so mean. Oh, my gosh, thank you. But it's unclear whether or not she is the brilliant friend or her friend Lanu is the brilliant friend of her. You have a lot of free time to watch this HBO show.

Why is that the indicator? People watch TV shows. Still, like an entire season of one? Are you saying because it's in another language and that's impossible for you to imagine? No, I didn't realize it was another language because I haven't had time to watch it. Have you watched Old Enough? I've one episode. Best show of all time. It doesn't seem like a show that you would enjoy for it, Jessica, I have to say. I like to watch a little kid. Yeah. Because it's before they become super stupid.

Right. Right on the cusp. And they're about as tall as you because aren't you four? Yes, I'm one foot. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I forgot. Yeah.

Well, Francesca, thank you for being here. It's great to have you. I'm so sorry that you've been demoted. It sounds like your life has been going horribly. The stores are back open. So you have a lot of time to be talking to these people that you detest so much. Yes. Well, I'm happy to be here to help you out with your podcast. It's okay. We needed a woman. So I appreciate it. You're welcome.

Well, can you stick around? We have another guest we have to get to. Yes, I guess. Okay, well, he is, I don't know, you know, this is... Why do you ask people if they can stick around? Because a lot of times people think that they, whenever the interview is done, they just get up and they just turn around and walk away. Why don't you tell them beforehand?

Take care of that housekeeping off mic. Why don't you get your own fucking podcast? Maybe I will. Oh, God. I'd love to see the numbers on that. Oh, I bet you would. See if anyone can stand and listen to your voice for more than five seconds. Hey. Hey, what? That went a little far. Oh, really? Yeah. It's more personal than we ever did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Petey. I can't control the way I sound. I'm sorry, Petey. I don't mean to come at you about things you can't control. Well, I'm sorry, too. You can control your weight, though. You're super fat.

I used to be really thin. Remember that? I was shredded. Oh, yeah. That was part of me. But now, apparently, I'm this. We have to get to our next guest. And a lot of times on these anniversary shows...

We have returning favorites, but I don't know anything about this person. I just have a name. He's just walked in. Please welcome Richie Castlebaum. Thanks. Thanks for having me. I bet you know a lot about my dad because he's put so many excellent legendary characters into the CBB canon. Oh, yeah.

Rick Castlebaum, one of the legends of Comedy Bang Bang early days. Oh, wait, you're Rick Castlebaum's son? I'm his son. Whoa, okay. I guess you could call me a legacy character.

He couldn't be here today, so I'm here in his place to talk about some of his legendary characters. Yeah, what happened to him? I mean, he was on so many times in the early years, and then just stopped booking him? What happened? No, he got so big on his own that he went off.

you know? Right. And then he came groveling back and you said, fuck off. I haven't heard from you in a couple of years. I sort of remember that. Yeah. You got too big and then something happened to his career and he had more. Yeah. It was one of the early Snapchat viral videos. Someone filmed you from across the street being fuck off.

You think you're too good for me? Right. Fuck off, Rick. I sort of remember that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but hey, it's great to have you on the show. I mean... Hey, it's great to be here with such legends of the game. Are you a comedian as well? No, absolutely not. I did get a development deal from Warner Brothers through my dad, but no, I'm not a comedian at all. Right. What was that, a first look deal, a blind deal, blind script? Both. Both.

First Look and a blind script? How? It's called First Look. It's about blind people. It's capitalizing on CODA. It's the CODA. It's the CODA wave right now. Right, yeah. So it feels like they were like, this sounds like Oscar bait. You're on.

Right. You're fired. So what is it? Like CODA is all about a girl who sings and her family who is hearing impaired can't hear her. What is this for blind people? It's the exact same thing, but for blind people. Oh, singing too? No, no, no. It's someone watching a concert and they're there with their blind parents and they're just narrating what they're hearing.

what's happening. Oh, but I mean, at a concert, people are just kind of standing there playing their instruments. It doesn't seem like it's as big of a tragedy or at least ironic as CODA. You've never been blind.

We got you. I can close my eyes, though, and it's practically the same thing. No, it's not the same thing, because then you have visions that you've already seen before. I didn't come here to talk about my development deal. I came here to talk about my dad and his awesome character. The amount of times that sentence has been said on Comedy Bang Bang. I mean...

Scott constantly trying to talk to business, but we're trying to talk family out here. Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry, yes. I want to talk about some of my dad's classic characters, like Mr. Fiddledy Diddley, who used to go, Zoinks, I'm just a nice boy. How do you like your car?

Oh, yeah. I remember that guy. One of the biggest characters from early CBB. Well, only one episode, but yeah. Yeah. That was his thing. He only did one episode and then people talked about it forever. Right, right. What else did he do? It's coming back to me. I did Pearl S. Wisdom. In your future, I'm seeing a bunch of horse shit. Wow, that was such a good impression. I remember that episode. Oh, yeah.

The early years, yeah, were really different. Yeah. Or were they? I don't know. They were exactly the same. Then you'd be like, I hate your guts. Why did you come on the show? Right, yeah. Exactly. What else? I mean, those were two big characters. I'm shocked you want to hear more. Sure, why not? Oh, okay. He did Sufjan Stevens. What fucking state are you from?

He's from New York, that's better. I don't know. Who knows? He claims to be from every state. And this was, you know, this was like the 80s when every stand-up was getting a sitcom. Yes. And this was the early Comedy Bang Bang where everyone wanted a catchphrase, right? And your dad would come on and try out his catchphrases. A lot of people had catchphrases on the show in the early years, in the first couple especially. He had a big strategy. He was like, I come on, I get my catchphrase on there, and then I become a legend.

Right, yeah. And he did have these catchphrases that you've said, and he is a legend. Although, to be honest, I don't really remember him. I've been sort of saying like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't really remember him being on. That's ice cold. That's ice cold. I mean, it was 13 years ago. Do you remember what you had for breakfast, you know, in 2009? Yeah, well, I have the same breakfast every day, Greek yogurt with berries and cashews. So, yeah, I do know what I had for breakfast 13 years ago.

Okay, I stand corrected. Wow, an early adopter of the Greek yogurt trend. Or were you in Europe or Greece? Yeah, 13 years ago I was living in Greece. Oh, really? Yeah. Doing what? Just cashing in my dad's checks. Yeah, why? Okay, and he's rich, I guess. Oh, yeah. Yeah. See, this is the thing. You're pretending you don't know his whole career. Yeah, Scuddy, you're jealous. Yeah, I mean, the green-eyed monster attacks us all, does it not? Mostly you.

Shut the fuck up. Fuck you, shut the fuck up. This is my fucking show, that's why. Fuck you. Fuck you? You. Fuck you. Fuck you? No, fuck you. Fuck you? No, fuck you. Oh, God. This is classic stuff. This is classic stuff. Everyone can get fucked. Do you have any more? Sure. A new catchphrase born before mine operates.

Everybody can get fucked. You have any more characters you want to talk about? My dad's characters? Yeah, I mean, you keep pulling up your phone like you have a long, long list of them, but it could just be three characters long. No, no, no. We're closing in on the end. I took a peek. I scrolled to the bottom. Danny fuck sticks. I can't be under arrest. I was just fucking these two sticks. Okay.

But those were his catchphrases, you know? The characters were as rich and deep as anything in modern American literature. Right, and why don't you do characters? I mean, you've been doing these voices, good impressions from what I understand. Oh, no, I can only do the catchphrases. I can't sustain any kind of character voice for more than, I don't know, one or two sentences. Right, and you've always talked like this? Yeah, this is how I sound. Right out of the womb, I was like, thanks, Doc. It's a little cold in here. Send me back into the womb.

I'm not willing to hear this. I am an inspirer. I am a man who brings the greatness out of men. You've got a great character in you, Mr. Castlebottom. Thank you, Bill. We're going to rip it out of you. Let's rip it out of him. We're going to rip it out of you. Like the uterine lining. Let's see it shed. Stop talking about uterus. Every single one of you is bringing up a vagina at some point already. No dicks, no vaginas, no Hitlers. It's cancel culture all over the place. Ah!

Are you scared of cancel culture being a thing or not being a thing? I am scared of me being canceled personally because I

Because of your personality. Yeah. But on the whole, I think everybody gets canceled. Everybody's so stupid. Right. I mean, you're one of those people who would be canceled not because you said anything offensive necessarily, but just because of your whole thing. Yeah. It'd be like rumors over the course of many years that I am a terrible person. Right. And then it finally catch up with you. The dam just breaks. Like Ellen, Jimmy Fallon. Or other Allens. Yeah.

Alan. Alan. Two of the great Alans. From Alan to Jimmy Fallon. Oh, from Persons Project to Anon. Oh, oh.

One of the great Anons from Al-Anon to Q-Anon. Yes, so some of the scariest Anons out there are the Q-Anons, aren't they? Ruining a whole letter of the alphabet for the rest of us. Let's get this character out of you, Richie, as I look down at the page. Let's get this character out of you. I don't know. Just throw out a name. Any name. Harry. Harry. Not bad. Okay. Nice layup to start it off. Yeah, okay. Harry. And what does he do for a living? Nothing.

Let's say he's a carpenter. Carpenter, okay. His last name's Drawers, Harry Drawers. Harry Drawers, this is good, because a carpenter would probably make some drawers in some sort of a...

furniture thing. Or, you know, I bet when you open the drawers, the chest, there's a bunch of hair inside, though. Oh, that's true. Wow. See, I'm just pulling stuff from my subconscious because I'm such a huge fan. Yeah, are you working her side of the street a little too much, though? Like, are you getting... Are you feeling like he's... You're saying we're both hookers? What are you saying? What are you implying? No, I just mean, like, is that too close to what you do? It's a little close, but at this point...

Whatever you need, buddy. I got your back. Oh, okay, great. I don't think a carpenter has anything to do. No, I, look. No, it's the hairy part, I think, is what she's... I'm so intimidated. Oh, the hairy part. No, but that's the name. I thought she was just kidding about having your back. Is that right? I didn't know they have your back at all. Yeah, that's what I thought. Let's do this. Okay, so please welcome to the show, Hairy Drawers. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh.

Thanks for having me. I don't know. I just got here from my wood shop. Why are you talking like that, Harry? Zoinks. That's your dad's. That's Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Oh, yeah. I knew it wasn't me. Well, it wasn't him.

If I heard you in a Bed and Beyond bathroom, I would be like, oh my God, we need to call the ambulance. Yeah, why do you talk like that, Harry? Um, because I'm just a nice guy. Oh no. Bill, I don't know. I love this guy. This guy's got legs, he's got a voice, he's got a double entendre. Throw it, thick man, one time. Ha ha ha.

Yeah, I don't know. I want Richie back. Yeah, I got to bail on the guy. It's just not my thing. I got two sentences in and I got self-conscious. Yeah, yeah. Maybe, yeah, you're not ready for it. No, that's okay. It's all right. I want like the not ready for primetime players. Hey, great. Those are some of the most famous people in the country right now. Well, Richie, I thank you for being here. Now, I'm going to ask you this. Can you stick around? Absolutely not. What?

Someone else coming in or are you just leaving? No, I got to bail. I absolutely got to bail. Okay. I get it. I understand. But we also, we need to take a break. We need to do our form of bailing, which is to take a break. But before we do that, we're going to be here.

hearing a song from the band Stars. Stars is here, the new album from Capleton Hill. All right, so now let's go to them. Stars, are you ready? We are. We are going to play you. Born ready. It's called Build a Fire. Yeah. Build a Fire. Now, is this about the television show Survivor, about the fire challenges? It actually sort of is now that you mention it. It's about

paranoia and capitalist threat and fear of death. So yes, it is about the television show Survivor. You're describing all of my favorite songs right now. You nailed it, Scott. All right, well, let's hear it. This is Stars. Hit it, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, Stars. You're left alone with your thoughts all day When someone calls you telling that you're okay Outside the lawn, those shadows creep

♪ And you try to go to sleep ♪ ♪ Time to light ♪ ♪ Time to let it burn bright ♪ ♪ And then it's time to stop ♪ ♪ And then it's time to stop ♪ ♪ I never knew he that would be that way ♪ ♪ Back in the empty city again ♪ ♪ Waiting for your passport ♪ ♪ Running from your friend ♪ ♪ Outside they're burning down the ♪ ♪ Dreaming in their sleep ♪ ♪ If they think it's gonna last ♪ ♪ The night goes 90 miles an hour ♪

terrifying they never find you time

Time to let it burn right in, man, it's time to start Time to feed the fire, time to fill your cup And heat eats everything and it's never gonna stop Time to feed the fire, time to fill your cup The world will keep on turning, it's never gonna stop, it's gonna stop Be that way, be that way

All right. Very good. We're going to take a break. We're going to be right back. More 13th anniversary comedy bang bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang 13th anniversary episode. We are back. We have, let's see, Bill Walton is here, of course. Wama Bama! Wama Bama, of course, he's trying new things out. Wama Bama. We also have Big Junkie Bubbles is here. Do you want to say Wama Bama? Usually we've been saying oh no this year. I just said it. I know, but you could share it.

You want me to say it again? Yeah. Oh, meaning, yeah, I'd like to hear it. Every succeeding person has to say it one more time than the previous person. Boy, oh boy. This is another thing could have been taken care of off mic. Wama-bama. Thank you. And Francesca Bolognese is here three times for you, please. It's me. Screaming is a new thing, but say wama-bama three times. Wama-bama!

Okay, thank you. Two more and Womba Bomba appears! Oh no, what happens when he shows up? Or she. Thank you. Do they fight Chomba Womba? And someone gets knocked down, my friend. Of course, yeah. Then what happens? They get up again. Oh, okay. And Richie Castlebaum took off, so no big loss there. And of course we have stars here all the way from Montreal. Oh, it's a pleasure and an honor. Happy anniversary. And now...

we have a returning favorite here. He is a, he's a clergy person, uh, in the ministry, uh, trying to get out there and save people. And, uh, also a, uh, an enthusiast of a certain type of food. Mm.

Please welcome back to the show, Pasta Pasta. Pasta Pasta, Scott. Pasta Pasta, sorry. I can never know how... Pasta Pasta, Scott. Never quite remember how to pronounce it. And you say it like my identity is separate. Also an enthusiast of pasta. But I'm an enthusiast because I'm a pasta. Right. What's that track for you, Scott? I suppose so, yes. And I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. The dog gods people said fusilli. Fusilli. Fusilli.

All right. Now, for those of you who haven't heard Pastapastas... What the hell are you doing? Yeah, go back and just pause this one. For those of you who haven't heard, pause the episode and go back and listen to the others. And your thing is basically you are a minister who also enjoys pastas. Scott, why are you acting like you don't know? Scott!

I didn't come here to be antagonistic with you. Of course you didn't. But it seems inevitable. Why you gotta act confused about my identity? I'm not confused. I'm, I'm, or am I getting the facts wrong? You're getting the facts wrong. What, you tell me. What, what am I not saying? I love pasta. Right. I'm also a pasta.

Right. Who preaches about pasta. Right. Understand? I understand it now. Yes, it's full circle. Very good. Very good. Are you doing this on Sundays? I don't know if we've ever talked about what day you're out there. Sundays, Saturdays, sometimes Wednesdays. Sometimes Wednesdays. Yes. Yeah, okay. Other days I rest. Okay. Wow, that's a lot of time off. On the other four days, he rested.

Yes. I have always thought that being a minister or being a pastor or anything like that, you're working one day a week. Yeah. It's a pretty sweet gig, right? Well, no. I would say it's not a sweet gig. And honestly, Scott, I don't mean to bring the mood down here at this beautiful, joyous occasion. We've been having so much fun. We've been hearing music. It's been music. You heard a song. The two things, music and a song. Yeah.

Yeah, music is part of songs, generally speaking. Sure. Some say they're synonymous. I would almost say that if a song came on and there... Oh, sorry. Rigatoni? If a song came on and there wasn't music in it, I would pass. Just a cappella?

No, there'd be music in that. Okay, sure. Oh, you mean instrumentation, perhaps? Sure, sure. I do mean that. I like you today. I like you, too. Okay, very good. It's good to have you on. We're celebrating the 13th anniversary, and you have something that you wanted to bring. Well, this isn't so much a celebration, but maybe for my enemies. Okay. My doctor has told me I have 45 minutes to live. No!

From now or from when he told you? From now. He said the minute you step on and start talking on that podcast, you got 45 minutes to live. This is like a speed situation. This is a speed situation, Scott. He said my cholesterol is so high. From eating pasta? From eating pasta.

And I said, I am not going to stop eating pasta. Over my dead body will I start eating pasta. Yeah, you brought some. Literally. Yeah, you brought a whole bunch of to-go containers. Different types of pasta. Anybody want to join me? No. Just dip right in. I'm going to have some of these gnocchi. Yeah, gnocchi. Yeah. You're here with Francesca Bolognese, who I believe is from... I am from Italy. From Italy. Italy. Italy. Italy.

Yeah. Wait, you're from the restaurant? The restaurant. Yes, from the restaurant. Oh, you were born in that restaurant? I was born in the back where they make the parmigiano-rezzano. Oh, okay, okay. And your parents worked there? Yeah, what was your mother doing back there? My mother, she worked at the... She was from Ohio. Ohio?

Oh. You don't have to enunciate it like that, baby. I don't want to tell nobody what to do. She was like, from Ohio. You look so stressed saying it. Throw it away. She used to help make the Parmigiano-Reggiano. Basically, they get it shipped in from Italy. Okay.

With the eye. And she would organize the big wheels of cheese. So she was like stacking wheels. I am so glad we're talking about this woman's mother when I have 43 minutes to live. I am so sorry. You're right. We need to pack everything. I just got to tell you, I think it's incredible. I beg your pardon. You're right. We got on a tangent. Well, I was going to say, this podcast really drained the life out of you, though. Well, it was this podcast. What happened? This podcast.

You make me come on here and do sermons for free. And it's not cool, Scott. Look, I'll pay you to do a sermon if you just promise to live longer. I can't make that promise. The cholesterol is so high. He told me it's so high. He said my arteries are filled with Parmesan. No. Parmesan and carbohydrates. No. They won't break down in my body anymore. In the arteries? In the arteries. No. The capillaries. No. The quadrants. No. Oh, God.

That's bad. When it gets to the quadrants, that's bad. I don't want to go full vampire, but it sounds like a little bit delicious. I suppose so. If you want to take a bite, I don't have nothing to live for anymore, but I,

If I could share a word with y'all about pasta. Please, yes. I mean, this is your time. I mean, you only have like, by my count, 40 minutes to live at this point. Why don't you tell me a problem you're having and I can say a word? Okay, well, I... A personal problem. Occasionally I'll come to work and there'll be people at work that I really, really dislike who... For example, who?

Who come on this show and I really hate them. They're not even giving you time of day. Yeah, I hear you. Why should I dignify that? Okay, that's the problem? That's the problem, yeah. I just like my coworkers. What makes you so special? That sounds regular, but okay.

Sounds regular? Have you ever tried praying to pasta? I don't even know what that would entail. Well, you get a bowl of pasta. That exists already? Well, you could boil it. You could do whatever you want. You could bake it if it's ziti. Could it be dry pasta? You're going to have to cook it. Okay. Do you have a kitchen in here? I'd love to go in the kitchen and maybe make everybody a little bit of pasta before I pass. There's a kitchenette. Chewbacca is here.

A kitchenette. Will that do you? A kitchenette. What is that, a female kitchen? Yeah, exactly. It's like, does less work. It does a little less work, gets paid less. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, well, if there's a kitchenette, I usually like my kitchens male, but I'll go into a kitchenette. Okay. I'll go into a kitchenette. If I could just go whip y'all up some pasta. You're going to spend...

Part of your, I mean, it takes about probably. Being of service, yes. Wow. Yeah. Thank you so much. What are you going to make for us? Well, everybody tell me your favorite kind of pasta. Scungily. Scungily. No. Scungily.

Scungily the blessed, scungily the sacrament. I got the blues, Kraft Mac and Cheese, Blue Box Blues. That's your favorite. Well, I'm sad that you're dying, so I got the blues. Okay. I love Italian food. You don't have to be sad for me. I've lived a good life. Please don't be sad for me. I'm actually quite happy to pass. Good. Oh, really? Yes. I'm happy to pass. Where do you think you go when you die? Hell. Wow. That's part of your religion? I'm going straight to hell, honey. Oh, wow.

You must be so scared. Why are you so glad to die? Oh, no, I'm not scared. I have met Lucifer face to face. Oh. We went to elementary school together. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you're happy you're going to die because you're going to meet Lucifer again, your oldest school chum? He used to bully me. He used to bully me. Then why are you happy to see him? Well, because now I want him to see how well I've done, how thick I've gotten, how much more of a pasta I've eaten. He used to call me skin and bones. Oh.

Is it the Lucifer from Lucifer's Pizza? Yes. Yes, exactly. Here in Los Angeles. Local reference. Local reference.

I mean, Jones aside, that's good pizza. Yeah, in Los Angeles, yes. Too spicy. I like the spice. You don't like the spice? It's not on my sweet little tongue. Not on her time. She only has 38 minutes to live. This man. Please. This man only has 38 minutes to live. It's a man. I'm a man, and I cook in kitchens. But for the sake of this podcast, I cook in a kitchenette. Okay. A little bitch-ass kitchenette. Here's the problem with Lucifer. He made a pizza shop. Pizza...

Contrary to popular belief, it's not pasta. It's not pasta, although they cook it in the same place usually. Similar flavors. Right. Usually in Italy, sometimes in Eatly. Eatly. Which one? Eatly. He's where I am from. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, but then now say the restaurant name.

Italy. She just did. Okay, no, but she said that's where I'm from. The country is Italy. Okay, say the country. Italy. Say the restaurant. Italy. Say them both back to back. Say them back. Italy, Italy. Say them three times fast. Italy, Italy, Italy, Italy, Italy.

Now it sounds Western. It sounds Western. Do you think they'll ever be in Italy? Italy. Italy. Italy. Italy. Italy. My dad used to do an awesome character called Italy. Oh, shit. Richie's back. Sorry, I don't want to take up any time. I am going to die.

I mean, if you're going to tell a story, please make it good because I'm going to pass. I don't think I see Richie. I think I see a new really hungry guy that just walked into the room. Do you want some pasta? Hungry stew? Oh, yeah, yeah. I could be like a guy who loves pasta and is super hungry. Hungry stew. Yeah, stew too much to like your thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. All right. Plus the Simpsons did this, right?

Oh, Disco Stu was hungry. This is crazy. I'm about to pass away. I'm sorry. Pass it, pass it. Pass it, pass it. What do you want to talk about? What do you want to talk about? This is actually crazy, Scott. I'm sorry. Literally insane. Can you believe I came here? I came here. The doctor told me, don't come here.

He told me not to come here. He said it's not good for my health or my blood pressure or my cholesterol. Right. But you still came anyway. Because I care, Scott. Thank you so much. I care about you. I know we've had our differences. We have. I care about you. You're another one of these guys I haven't really liked all that much. But we don't work together. I come here gratis. Yes, that's true. I come here gratis. Everybody else come here gratis. Anybody getting paid? Hey, when you're in the kitchenette, could you make us some gratis? Oh. You're an asshole. Oh.

Wow. How do you like it? The enemy of my enemy is my friend, I thought. I'm going to just come out and say it. You don't have much time left on this earth. I don't. Lose the filter. Y'all want to talk about the Simpsons? What was your favorite Simpsons episode? My favorite Simpsons episode? Yeah, episode or person. I like Bart. Yeah.

What do you like about Bart? Good character. Probably one of the best characters. One of the top five? I like how prominent he was. When you watch a show, you like whoever has the most lines. I count episode by episode. And over time, he had most of the lines. He had the most lines, yeah. Yeah.

Homer was really rivaling him once they figured out what was funny about him. Sure, sure, sure. But I'm riding for Bart till the day I die, which is today in a couple minutes. Oh, no. Ride or die with Bart. But I don't mean to make, I don't want to bring the mood down. I want to talk about happy things. Okay, talk about happy things. Pasta, pasta. Okay. Elbow macaroni. That counts. Oh, yes. I think you were trying to do a bit, but that counts. That's pasta. Yeah, absolutely. You can put cheese on it. It's still pasta. Okay.

Lasagna. Yeah. Pasta. Right, right. My favorite pasta is a rice aroni, the San Francisco treat. That's rice. Yeah, it's not pasta. Well, that's actually just going to go ahead and be. No, that's rice.

It's in the name, baby. I'm the one from Italy. But baby, it's in the name. Rice-a-roni. Maybe she's talking about the roni part of it. It might be like macaroni, you know? That's flavoring. Oh, shit. Did you just realize? 68 years on this earth and you just realized rice-a-roni is rice and macaroni combined? I gotta make some phone calls, Scott.

Who are you calling? My chef. And what are you saying to him? Yeah, yeah. Or her. Oh, thank you. And she's cooking in a kitchenette. What's that? Your chef is cooking in a kitchenette if it's a she. Yeah, that's right. If it's a man, it's a kitchen. Well, I don't subscribe to gender norms, but my chef does. So she cooks in the kitchen and she wears women's bras. Oh, okay. And she cooks in the kitchen. Bras for her? Bras for her. What about the... But...

But pH balance for a man, for sure. Oh, okay. And only a bra. But I like it too. Only a bra. Why are you such a freak, Scott? I'm not a freak. I'm just. Thank you. I thought he was telling on himself. This guy sucks, right? Yeah, I mean, because.

Because I came and I thought I liked him. You hated him. Well, no, I said he was an asshole. Don't mean I don't like him. And I didn't disagree. Yeah. We do agree on something. Okay. This is just like the Last Supper. This is the Last Supper. Y'all are my... Do you want something to eat, by the way? I mean, maybe we could make you something to eat. I want a burger. What? I want a burger. Yeah. I haven't had a burger in... This is so unlike you. I know. I haven't had a burger in 61 years. They're going to have to call you pasta burger. No, they won't.

Over my dead body. For one burger? Which will be in about 30 minutes. Over my dead body. I'm so sorry. Where do you want your remains? I want my remains. Or cremains? Oh, well, no. I want them to saw me in half. Like at a magician's shop? I want them in half.

Don't be so disgusted. Don't be so disgusted. I'm not disgusted. It's just a weird thing to do. You're looking at me with disdain in your eyes. I have a good idea for you. Okay, what is it? I think we make your body into a feeling that we feel a tortellini with. Oh, a ravioli. A human ravioli. A human ravioli. You make all the...

people you're close with eat the ravioli. So Scott, you'll be eating it. I don't think we're that close. We are close. I've been working for you for free. I'm so sorry. All you have to do is ask and I'll pay you. For money? What? Is that true? Everybody here wants a little money. Okay. I'm looking around at my friends. I got a little walking around money. What do you guys want?

Walking around. I'll take a $59. $59? Okay, sure. Add $10 to that, maybe you got something. You know what I'm saying? Okay. You're a freak. She's a creep. She's a freak. I hate this guy. You want to know what kind of bra the chef is wearing? Yeah.

He sucks. That's the first thing Scott asks in every restaurant I've been to. Excuse me. May I see the chef? What kind of bra do you have on under there? I mean, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. But I do want my body salt in half. I want the bottom half cremated. Oh, okay. And the top. Buried? Well, I want my arms rolled up into a pretzel kind of formation, and then I want to be buried. I like this showmanship. So,

So if anyone were ever to exhume the body, it would be like, uh-uh, don't do that. It would be like, what are you doing in here? You know you're not supposed to be in here messing around. That's exactly what it would be. That's the only thing that stops a grave robber is judgment from the corpse. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. But that's my diet, which I do like the idea of putting my body in pasta. Would you eat my ass in a ravioli? Pfft!

That question is for you, Scott. I made direct eye contact. I don't think so. Any part of that sentence. Keep in mind, I'm dying. You are dying, but by the time you die, you'll be dead and it won't matter what I do. It will, because I'm going to be watching down from hell. You think you'll be a ghost? A hell ghost? I'll be a host. I'm going to be fucking too. In hell? In hell?

Well, because I couldn't fuck. Oh, yeah. Well, once you get to hell, yeah, you can do all the sins. Pastor, I never thought about this. Can the people from hell watch us do? Yeah, they watch. Like the people from heaven do? Yeah, they watch. Lucifer told me. He's seen all y'all fucking. Really? What do you think? He says, you got some work to do. Me? I actually got a text from him. Oh, cool. He said, Scott has some work to do. I think he thinks his partner is happy.

She been talking to me direct. She not. Kulop's been talking to Seis? Lou, he prefers me. Oh, he prefers Lou? Yeah, Lou. Louie Seifer. Louie Seifer. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Louie Seifer. Oh, no. Oh, no. Louie Seifer. You're dancing on the edge and I was like, please don't say it, please don't say it. You enjoyed his SNL? One of the best SNL hosts. Would you agree? You enjoyed his SNL set?

Who are your favorite hosts? You trying to get me canceled? You trying to get me canceled right before I pass away? I guess it doesn't matter. Yeah. Say whatever you want to say. Let's cancel you. Favorite hosts.

Now, your big thing is pasta, but you're a pastor, so remember that when you're thinking. Okay, right. Why, who would you say, Bill? Right, right. Oh, it's got to be Charles Barkley. Why? Oh, because did you see him elbowing Barney in that sketch? Oh, elbow macaroni. Oh, wow, he's a big fan of that. Okay, so that makes sense.

My favorite hosts, I mean, all my favorite hosts are predators and people no one's rooting for. What if they got a predator from the movie Predator to host? That would be incredible. It wouldn't be much unlike the way the show works now. Yeah. You know Alien would text all his friends and be like,

They fucking got Predator first. But then they'd get Alien next season. We both top-lined that movie. They'd get Alien the following season. Yeah. I don't really watch SNL. I'll be honest with you. Not my kind of program. Why not? Because it comes on right before church. Literally a half hour before church starts. A half hour before church starts. And so I'm usually preparing for my sermons and such. Right.

I don't mean to bring the mood down, but I am going to be passing away in maybe 20 minutes. Yeah, it's coming up close. Well, no, I think you'll go a little more than that. More than 20 minutes. More than 20 minutes. I know I offered to make y'all pasta, but I actually think that's rude that y'all would have me. Yeah, we don't want you to leave. I take it back. Use your final moments here on mic. I'm baiting a swan. I'm really getting hungry. Well, if you're hungry, get your ass in the kitchen. Hey, I thought we were on the same side. We are on the same side. We hate this guy. We do hate him. He sucks.

We do hate him. No, but remember how annoying he is, though? No, I don't think he's annoying. I think he's an asshole. Thank you. So he's intentionally annoying. Yeah, and that's better. That's better because it represents a sort of an awareness. Oh, okay. Wait a minute, but that's how you are, Scott. Huh? Maybe we're not so different after all. BCB. You're willfully obtuse. Should we be BFFs?

I love this. P.F.'s is okay. Just best friends? Boyfriends? Not forever? Boyfriends? No, best friends. Boyfriends forever. Boyfriends. At that point, put a ring on it. You never want to get married. It's like, come on. He don't value you. Just make it a husband. Boyfriend forever. Common law. Yeah. Richie, what do you got?

Oh, I... Just in general. Richie, just in general. Because Richie seems to have tapped out. I'm dying. And Richie is so disconnected from what's happening. No, no, I'm just trying to... Are you checking your stocks or your... I'm just in awe.

I mean, I'm tracking all the things that could become catchphrases. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to be respectful of the last few moments on Earth that Pastor was having. Do you have anyone you want us to contact, Pastor Pasta? Mr. Barilla. Who's Mr. Barilla? Creator Barilla Pasta.

I've never got to thank him. What is the shape of burrilla pasta? I'm having a hard time picturing it. It's a brand. It's a brand. They got all kinds. They got spaghetti, rigatoni, spaghetti. And that's your favorite. Rigatoni. Yeah. Fettuccine. Right. Spaghetti. Right. Spaghetti. We've said that several times. And rigatoni. Seems like you know about three pastas today. Ziti. Linguini.

The last time you had a huge list of about 30 that you went through. Well, hold on. Well, hold on now, because you are underestimating me. I don't like any rice-a-roni. No. I want to just say no. I don't like rice. It is the enemy of a pasta. That's right. Well, they're both carbs.

Well, all carbs are not created equal, Scott. Okay, okay. I'm sorry, yeah. Fettuccine. You got your list out. Linguine. Okay. Cappellini. Mm-hmm. Spaghetti. Yeah, amen. Spaghetti. Spaghetti. Bocciatelle. One thing I learned at Eataly is that you just add a teeny at the end. It's a new pasta. Okay. Have you ever had a martini bolognese? Yeah, it's delicious.

Hold on. Hang on. I actually see Mr. Barilla walking into the room right now. Oh, my God. Hello, Mr. Barilla. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Let's check your sodium levels. Oh, no. With my thumb.

Oh, no, he's walking immediately out. Oh. I'm sorry. I had two seconds. Yeah, that was... Oh, my. Everyone, I'm sorry. I have some breaking pasta news. What? Most of the Rice-A-Roni products contain a rice and pasta mixture. Oh.

tell you? The pasta is either rosa marina, rice-shaped pasta, or cut vermicelli. Similar to spaghetti, but thinner. Oh, no. I didn't know. You killed her. It's him. Sorry. Why don't you respect me? Do you like couscous? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. No. Stay with us. Don't go into the red light. Oh, Malfadil.

I don't think he's dying. Linguine! Linguine! Far far! Like noodle! What about quinoa? You know you're killing him! I'm sorry, I wanted to make sure I know my pasta. I work at Edo. Are you sure you're dying and you don't just have to fart? Oh, wait. Wow. I mean, boy oh boy.

It's a fun character. Maybe do something about farts. Fartin' is good comedy. It could be anything. Yeah, yeah, okay. Like Fart Fimpson or something. Yeah. Oh, that would be good. That would be good. Don't have a... Eat my farts, man. Yeah, something like that. But I think you need to work on it and come back with it.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. You can't just launch into it now. No, no, you're right, you're right. I'll workshop it. I'll workshop it in my brain. I'll tune out for a little while. Okay, good. Sounds good to me. Oh, we've got Fart Simpson coming up around the corner here. Fart Simpson, yes. I think it's crazy that I'm dying. You're not dying. You just, hold on. I actually think it's insane that I'm dying and y'all just go sit up here and talk about fictional characters. Yeah.

Nobody else thinks it's crazy? I'm the only one who thinks it's crazy? I don't know that you're dying. What do you mean that you just think I have to fart? You think my doctor told me you have to fart in 45 minutes and I misunderstood it as you're dying? You think I'm stupid? Could be, yeah. Pastor, what can we do for you to make your final moments comfortable? How can we ease your suffering?

Well? You want me to rub your tummy? I would love for you to rub my tummy, and I would love for Scott to rub my feet. Do you want to see a bubble that looks like a penis? I do. I think we all do. Let me fire up my hot plate here. Okay. Okay. All right. How long is it going to take for this bubble to be? 45 minutes. Oh, she doesn't even have, or he doesn't even have 45 minutes. What's wrong with you? I'm sorry. So rude. I'm sorry. I know I got some big hips on me, but that is no reason. You are thick. I'm very thick. Well, you

eat pasta every day. I'd love to watch you walk away. But I'm not going to. I'm going to die. No, you're going to die right here. You die face down. Would that be okay? Ass up. That's the way that I like to see you die. Okay, great. I could do that for you. I'm sure I will. Guys, this has been a pleasure. I'm going to excuse myself. No, stay here for just a little bit. I'm going to recuse myself from this. Wait, I have one more question. What about Pharaoh? Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, no. Oh, God. Are you leaving or are you staying? I can't quite tell. Well, I'm going to die. Okay. But I'm going to do that somewhere else. That is not to say I won't come back to the podcast in ghost form. Oh, okay. I'll be a host. Do you promise to be a ghost next time? I'll be a host. Okay, yeah. Take the G off. Can we all make a promise? A hell of a ghost. Well, a hell ghost who is also a hoe. Yeah. Okay. Can we all make a promise to be ghosts after this? Yeah.

That would be great. Wait, are you saying we should do a suicide pact at the end of the show? What did you hear? So, well, pasta pasta, it's great to have you on the show. Pasta pasta. Pasta pasta, even though you've pronounced it pasta. Well, because I'm allowed to confuse people. Right. But I'm the one who should be stirring the sugar. Because you're a host. Yeah. You're a host.

You're a host. I'm not a ghost. I'm not a host. You're not a ghost. That's right. You're probably going to hell, though. You think so? Oh, sure. Definitely. For sure. Check in with Lucifer if you could. Okay. Well, he doesn't have good things to say about you. Really? What's he say? Because Kulop talking to him. I mean, he's talked about the way that I... Pleasure your wife? Yeah. Yeah. He has. But she has. Or don't. Or don't. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, okay. You're shaking right now. I am. You're literally shaking. I am...

I'm shook right now. You are actually shook by definition. You're shaking. Damn. Okay, well, I'm going to go pass away in the bathroom. Bye now. All right, face down, please. Okay, you know, come in there and check on me, please. Yeah, okay, will do. Pasta pasta, everyone. Great to see you. Rest in peace. Oh, rest in pasta. I got it out first. I did it first. Well, you know. Ah!

Well, we have to take a break. When we return, we'll have more. No, this is my show. You get your own podcast.

See if I don't. Oh, man. I would love to see big chunky bubbles. Maybe a CBB Presents episode with big chunky bubbles. A what does who? Yeah, exactly. All right. We are going to go to that break, but Stars, do you guys want to do your second song? You know it. Yeah, we're going to play Cableton Hill. This is Stars. All right. Let's hear this song. Close up the house for one more year. Every single leaf has turned to red.

The frost is settling on all the roofs around here Do you remember what you said? Two hundred days ago when everything was lost And everybody closed the door You looked at me and asked me, "Is all of this been for?" On Cambridge when we stopped for that painting I was dying of laughter

We always want more, don't we? I told you we were here to fight I told you we were here to sing I told you we were here to keep each other company And it's meant everything In our sleep, we're in streets lost in the past There's only numbers left to keep now We've been way over, up on pay-for-to-reach When we stop for a bit

The moves that we know that we always will I said take me to bed with some hope Kick up the choir just to keep us afloat And we tip, we can swing through the dream of the moves that we've carved from the start Hand to heart Sweeping up the ashes of the fire From when we set ourselves alight

A different sea of faces singing all our songs to us A different city every night Close up the house for one more Wave to the lake and drive away That feeling in your chest, it is unfeeling It's just the passing of the day All of our cables and cables

Fair in the Dutch when we start for that kiss Born in tears that we knock on Got that winter's scent Last half a jit and did I Trade in the city for clouds in the sun Mirrors reflect what's been left in the past Never else, it just might not matter It's a start

All right. Thank you, stars. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang. We are back. Of course, Big Chunky Bubbles is here of the... Under duress. Of the... Oh, where are you from again? What's the... Under duress? Is that what you said? Yeah, that's what I said. Under duress. And we have Richie Castlebaum is here. Yes, I'm here. You are here.

Francesca Bolognese, of course. Of course, I am here. I never leave you, Scott. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Just kidding. Oh, shit. I fell for it. And, of course, Bill Walton is here. Slam dunk artist. Pass to pass, I had to go, of course. Stars is here doing songs from their record from Capelton Hill out there on tour. Now, what the hell? What is that?

The best thing about being a gardener is that I like gardening. Hey. Oh, I'm a gardener. I'm looking at my garden. Hey. Hey. Gardening makes me feel good.

Hey, hey, hey, you, you. I'm still the gardener. Hey, dude, dude. Whoa, whoa, hey. Dude, dude, hey. What's up? What are you doing? Hey, I'm just, hey, Scott. We're doing a show here. Scott, I'm your gardener, baby. I had to come blow some leaves.

Oh, yeah. You're the guy who's been blowing all the leaves the last six months or five months of the show when I've been taping them in my backyard. By the way, Scott, where the hell are we right now? What is this place, Scott? This is the Earwolf Studios. Did you just follow me here? Scott!

I'm your gardener. So I follow. I put a tracker on your shoes. What? And I follow you. One of those apple tabs? I put one of those apple tabs on you. And wherever you are, I'm blowing leaves, Scott. Oh, my God. I hate that sound. What do you mean you hate that sound? Scott, I'm kind of the fifth character of the podcast. You're like what New York is to the turtles? I'm the star.

star of the backyard era of comedy. You've been ruining the show for the last five months. You mean that dulcet tone? That's just like a high pitched whistle. Are you the guy who's also been backing a truck up to hammer and stuff? I had to do a lot of yard work. Triple threat. Scott, what? I,

First of all, I'm pretty pissed this is the first time I've been on the podcast, Scott. Yeah, well, I haven't wanted you on the show. It's an interruption. Scott, I have a lot of interesting things about me that I feel like you have interesting people on the pod. Well, look, it is an open door policy. It's open to anyone who wants to talk. So, I mean, obviously we have Richie here. Yeah, I don't know. Who the hell is this guy? Oh, yeah, I'm about to leave. Now, let me ask you, Scott, do you want me to keep blowing leaves in here?

Okay, all right. Do you want to talk about the interesting things about you? Oh, yeah, of course. All right. I'm fucking a Venus flytrap. What? I am fucking a Venus flytrap. Is that not interesting, Scott? Wow!

He's achieved the great dream of mankind. Please tell us more about making love to a Venus flytrap. Everyone's seen one and wants to do it. I mean, yeah, it's that flower that latches onto something any time anything passes by. And if you put a penis in there, it will latch on to Scott. Francesca, what do you think about, are we finally talking about penises again? Wait a minute.

Penises, I'm sure. I feel like everybody's trying to leave right now. Yeah, so I really have an important... You have an important... I mean... Shift, I thought, but I'm beyond that. Wait, you have to go and Richie has to go? I also have to go. What? Well, mostly just because I don't like you. No, stick around, please. I can't. I gotta go. Because you don't like me? I mean, I get to go because I don't like you. Oh, I see. Okay.

I love you, Scott. He just started. I thought there was going to be a break. So did I. You're like a Ross. We hit it off, so I'm going to give her a ride. I thought we were going to have a break. Another interesting thing about me. He's just going to plow through it, I guess. Just barrel it along. I only eat human flesh, Scott. What? Really? Yeah, I'm the opposite of a vegetarian. So for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Yeah, I skip lunch.

Oh, okay. So for breakfast and dinner, human flesh. Actually, I have a sensible shake for lunch. Okay. Of human flesh? Of human flesh. Blended? It's freeze-dried flesh. Where do you get the flesh? I gotta ask. Scott, you do not want to know.

Come on. I really do want to know. Okay, I get it from a monthly flesh subscription box. Fleshcription? It's called Fleshbox. Oh, okay. I subscribed to that for a bit, and yeah, it was different than what I thought it was going to be. Yeah, you thought there was going to be a fleshlight in there? You've got to find a Venus flytrap, Scott. Every month a new fleshlight. Are you sure it's not called Hello Flesh?

You know, Scott, I'm also a gardener to the stars. Really? That's right. What star? Really? Well, I'm a gardener to the stars for such stars as, you know, Kevin Spacey.

Bill Cosby. Oh. OJ Simpson and you. Oh, jeez. You guys all live next door to each other? Yeah, I mean, it's easy for me to just get them all in at the same day. The house is pretty cheap. I think the neighborhood, the market value is down. Yeah.

You want to ask me any questions about Kevin Spacey? Yeah, I mean, what's he doing on, when does he do those videos? He's making a video, Scott. I wish I didn't like them so much. What's he do the other 364 days a year? He's rehearsing.

Oh, yeah, they're so good. He's writing, rewriting, getting the writer's room, breaking off a B-room, rehearsing, doing pre-production, and then on Christmas Day, he comes in and he says, well, hello there, or whatever the fuck he says. Spacey Claus, we call him. This is Spacey Claus. Yeah. He's pretty cool. He is? Really? He's a nice guy? He treats you well? No. Oh. He treats me pretty poorly. Really? What does he do? But that's cool. Yeah. It is cool. Oh.

he makes me cut all his bushes into dicks. And then sits on them? And then he comes in and he slaps them around and sits on them. And he says, thank God y'all can't respond, he says. Allegedly. Allegedly this happened. No, this happened. I don't know that I believe you. I can't believe I have

I have all these stories, Scott. Tell me a story. Tell me any kind of story you want. I mean, these guys are looking at their watches. I got a story. I got a story, Scott. I got a little script I've been working on. Oh. That's right. So you're a screenwriter as well. I am a screenwriter as well. What do you got? Like the seventh thing. Yeah.

It's a little something called the Caustic Gardener, Scott. Oh, okay. I've heard of the Constant Gardener. Yeah. But this is the Caustic. But this is the Caustic Gardener. Wait, what did you say? I thought you said Caustic. No, I said the Caustic Gardener. You said Constant. Oh, yeah. There is a thing called. There's a thing called that? Yeah, yeah. What's it about? Is it about a British diplomat? What? Is it about a British diplomat? Diplomat?

Is it about like water rights in Africa or something? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, something like that. Shit. All right, I'm across that. Yeah, you got to rewrite. I got to write that one out. You know I piss and shit in all your plants. I could tell. You could tell, right? P-U-C-T.

Oh, I will. I've been pulling a Weinstein in most of them. So now what the hell does that mean? Walking out in a robe and just kind of let it swing open. Yeah. You got to read up on this. You simply must. I do not know how to read. To be in polite society these days, you have to read up on that story. I can't be doing that. I'm in the gardens doing all the gardening, Scott. Yeah. How are you liking your garden so far? Uh,

I mean, you know, other than the shapes that you've been cutting all the plants in. I mean, yeah. What do you call it? Yeah. Oh, is that what it was? Yeah. It's a butt. And then there's two hands sort of spreading them open. Yeah. Turn around. Oh, yeah. That's it. I'm doing like the Ace Ventura thing where he talks. Yeah. It's a little strange. Everyone thinks that Jim Carrey lives where I live, first of all. And then they ring the doorbell expecting me to like come out of the mask or whatever and say smoking. Yeah. Did

you know that Sonic 2 is going to be his last movie? Yeah, I heard something about that. No! Yes, I do! Yes, everybody's screaming. I thought he was back in action, you know, bringing out the old Jim Carrey. Like Looney Tunes? Yes, Looney Tunes back in action. One of the great returns of cartoons. Like Space Jam A New Legacy? Space Jam A New Legacy 2, I

Here we go. He's doing it. He's ramping up. He's doing it.

family guy on Cartoon Network in the early 2000s. Wow, he pulled it off. Son of a bitch did it. I want to talk about the slap, Scott. Oh, okay, sure. What do you got on the slap? Wasn't that crazy when Will Smith slapped him? That's all you want to say about it? Well, I just feel like... I thought you were coming with a take about it. I remember you emailed every podcaster trying to get on a podcast the week after a slap and nobody had you on. I was shut down. But that's all you had to say?

Yeah. It was crazy? Well, I personally am glad to hear someone else thought that was unusual. Wasn't it crazy? I couldn't believe it. I feel like in memorial to that slap, I will be cutting a bush in the shape of Chris Rock's surprised face. Okay. Would you like that bush, Scott? He didn't, to be honest, all the stills you see, he doesn't look surprised. He looks just more like, ah. Yeah, when I watched it, I was like, okay, this is a weird bit they worked out before the show. But then it seemed like it wasn't. Yeah.

I don't know. It seems a little late to be talking about this. What do you mean a little late? Didn't it happen like a month ago? It did? Yeah. I was just catching up all about TiVo stuff. Really? You had this on TiVo? Yes. Well, it's hard because I tape four Family Feud episodes a day. Oh, yeah. And I got to watch all those every night. So to catch up on Family Feud, then I get to watch stuff like The Office. Do you fast forward through the commercials? That saves a lot of time. Oh, no. I watch them in half speed.

Half speed? Yeah, because it's fun to see Milana Vayntrub or whatever in all those AT&T commercials. Talking really low. And she's just like, oh, well, don't you know we all get the best deals? That's what you're into. I'm into the slow commercials. Well, you're a weird gardener.

What the fuck are you talking about? Wait, I have a question for you. Every time I come to Scott's house and I am in the backyard tanning... You said that pretty weird.

You be out there, Janet. I see you. In the sun. I always hear little kids nearby somewhere screaming their fucking head off. Oh, yeah. Is that you? No, that's my kids. I lock them in the truck as I work. And they basically are screaming, Daddy, put the window down. Daddy, put the window down. Oh, so you don't lower the window. No, no, no, no. I want them to get good at being hot.

It's very important for climate change. It's an important skill, yeah. If you're going to be taking over the family business, you got to be hot because it is hot in your yard. So leave your kids in your car with all the windows rolled up and that'll train them for upcoming climate change. That's right. Also, do not forget that I am fucking a Venus flytrap. Yeah, no, that's very important and you only eat human flesh. Let's see, what else do I have on my list of things? You ever make a pasta stuff

stuffed pasta with a human flesh inside? Yeah, because we have someone dying in the bathroom right now. Now, I don't know anything about pasta. Okay. You should have maybe asked those questions a little bit earlier. Yeah. Do you want to ask me about a flower? Sure. What do you think of the lily flower? So beautiful. The lily flower. It's a

It's hard to spell. I gotta say, when you look at the actual genus name of the lily flower and you try to type it in, it's just like L-I-L-L-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-

No. Oh.

Idiot. Sorry for... That's a weird question. I feel like BCB was asking me an actual question and you had to come up with some bullshit, Scott. I came in liking you, but now I feel like I'm getting the vibe in here that everybody likes. What the co-host is supposed to do here? You're supposed to deflect all this action. I can deflect it. I can deflect it. I got a new character. I'm going to play the dick-sucking Venus flytrap. Oh, that's pretty good. Oh, I don't know. No, no, I think it's good. I like that. Okay.

Fuck my mouth! No. I gotta say that. Please, I see you gardening. Will you fuck my mouth? I gotta say that's a Daryl Hammond level impression of the Beavis Blackman. Oh, no, oh, no.

Yeah. Let me have it. I'm the throat goat. This thing is a keeper, I gotta say. Venus Flytrap? Is that Fart Simpson you're talking to now? Fart Simpson. The best character in all of Fox animation history. But enough about that. Give me your coat.

I'm the throat goat. Might be the best catchphrase in CBB history. That's all I got, Scott. Yeah. Did Fart Simpson come on? Yeah, Fart Simpson. Is that the name of the Venus flytrap that wants to get mouthfucked? I don't know. His name is Fart Simpson? I'm asking you. Yeah, that's a great idea. See, this is the kind of next level stuff. The Venus flytrap that wants to get mouthfucked is named Fart Simpson. Hold on, something over there. Hold on.

Hold on, let me get that thing. Stop, no! I gotta get it, Scott.

Sorry, it's just important I get the leaves because it's important that leaves cannot be on the ground. Yeah, as well as pants. We don't want those on the ground. I say drop those pants. I'll blow something harder than that. I'm loving this. Gary the Gardener. Yeah, Scotty. Can you stick around? We have one more guest. Yeah, I think I can stick around, Scott. And maybe I'll come up with a couple more things. I'll stick around, too. Okay, we have one more. Come on, everyone stick around. What did you say? One more person. Okay, let me.

He's a punk rocker. Does that entice you at all? A fellow entertainer. And then, by the way, you'll get to plug things if you stick around. I got something to plug my mouth. You don't have to stick around. Talk.

Talk about a CBB Presents. Let's bring him on. He's a punk rocker. He's never been on the show before. Please welcome Keith Stanley. Hello, everyone. Keith Stanley. Rock on. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm liking this guy's energy. He's terrific. No, no, no. Story of a

for two hours. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's all keyed up. What's going on, everyone? Let's rock. No, no, no. Let's get punk rock, everyone. This guy is sick. Tear down the system. No, no, no, no. Holy shit, this guy is sick as hell. What's going on, Scott? Hi, Keith. Is that how you really talk?

Yeah, just a small real voice. No last minute adjustment? I don't think so. This is my actual voice. Good to see you. Very authentic and it will sustain. Hell yeah. My name's Keef, everyone. Keef from the UK, I would imagine. Is that a way to air for us?

Or it's spelled on me birth certificate with a TH. But everyone call me Keith and I'll roll with it. That's the punkiest shit I ever heard in my life. Oh, it's very punk. Birth certificate's a man. Tear it down. Burn down the birth certificate. He threw his birth certificate in front of us. I brought it.

Oh, no. You're turning your volume down, Scott. For everyone? Really? Wow, interesting. Not for me, no. Oh. No, I see you turning your volume down. Oh, no, I am turning my volume down, yeah. Too much punk rock for you. Well, it's not that it's too punk. It's maybe too loud. Oh, shit, yeah. Good distinction. Yeah, so now you play punk music or you listen to punk music? That's right. I listen to it, I play it, I breathe it.

So he does all of it. Wow. Anything but punk rock music, man. That's my jam. I'm a bass player primarily, but I'll play anything a punk band needs. I'll play a drum. I'll play a guitar. I'll play, you know, a noise rock sort of synthesizer augmenting. You got it. Yeah, no, yeah, any of the instruments. You were nodding pretty early. Do I know any of your songs, Keith? No, I'll refuse to release them publicly. If you want them, I'll...

music, you gotta buy it right out of me hands. I'll press it only on old 78 speed acetate. I need a Victrola to play more music. That's pretty punk rock. Come to me, I've got a Toyota Celica. Champagne-colored Toyota Celica. Come find me after me show. I'll send it to you right out of me trunk. And that's the only way to hear my music. That's the only way to hear your music. Wow. Are you part of the great punk rock movement we were promised would come out of the Trump administration? Yes.

Some great protest songs that were supposed to come out. Are you a writer for Atlantic Magazine? Are you a think piece? Are you? No, I'm a fellow entertainer. Oh, what's your medium? Big Chunky Bubbles. Ah!

Good for you, mate. You guys should team up and do shows together. What enough big chunky bubbles? You have such similar energy. Because the man and the system has little tiny smooth bubbles. Exactly. And punk rock bubbles are big and chunky and they smell like tomato paste. You get me. I feel like I want to join this band too. You're in.

I play a one-note instrument that just kind of whines. It's super loud. You want to hear it? Okay, you asked for it. Here we go. Two, three, four. Yeah! Take that, the man! Boom!

Wow, we wrote a song almost instantaneously. So, Keith, what's going on? Do you have a real job as well? Yeah, I do have a day job. Thank you for asking. Yeah, where do you work? I'm a town planner for Ridgefield, Connecticut.

I'm in charge of overseeing zoning. Commercial, residential, protecting a two-acre zone that the rich folks like. Oh, okay, so you're protecting the interests of the rich people. And they drive me mad. And that's why I need to express myself at night with my punk rock music. Right. How many hours a week, though, are you doing your normal job? My day job, 60 to 70 hours a week. 60 to 70 a week, wow. I sneak out at the end and put on a cool 45 minutes at the punk rock.

club. Right. And I'll stick it to the man. Something fierce. So I should maybe describe you more as like a zoning guy. No! I'm a punk rocker! I'm a punk rocker! Town planning's merely an avocation. And by the way, you're from Connecticut? That's correct. Fairfield County, Connecticut. The most rich and austere of the Connecticut counties. Can I ask you a city planning question? Of course, but I won't pretend to like it. Okay. So I'm

I'm a big national parks guy. Sure, who isn't? Why don't we have more national parks in the middle of cities? What an insane question, mate. What are you saying? We should set up a nature preserve in the middle of a commercial zone? You'll plummet the economy. You need sidewalks, mate, and buses. That's the heart of any good civic planning. This dude's making a lot of sense. He's a commercial planner. He's not a punk rocker. I'm a punk rocker.

That's not very punk. I'll tell you this about national parks, mate. They're lovely, but they're sort of a bit woke. You know what I mean? They're performative. I don't know. Who hates the woke? Everyone raise their hands. Who hates the woke? Me for sure. I hate the woke. I hate it either.

I hate walking dead. I like to call them wokes like John Cleese does. Yeah, the woking dead is what I call them. Right? Yeah. That's right. So, you know, the wokies, the woking dead. You're having trouble with the accent, aren't you? It's more real voice. You're from Connecticut. You admit it. He admit it. Yeah, I'm from Connecticut. But punk rock is so strong in me marrow.

When did you start talking like this? Always, Scott. What was the first punk rock record you ever heard? I'll refuse to ascend this accusation. What was the first punk rock record you ever heard? That I ever heard? Yeah, and when was this? Basket Case by Green Day. This morning. So you just heard punk today? The most punk rock song, Green Day. Naming their album Dookie. What?

So you haven't played any shows? Yes, I have. I did today. You did this afternoon? You played a punk show? Yeah, I played a punk rock show, a matinee, outside in the parking lot of your town planning office. Did you get the right permits for this? Uh-uh. No way. I did fill them out out of habit, and then I tore them up. At the last second, I strapped on my bass. I said, fuck you, Riddick.

Rich food. Can I ask you a question? How did you talk yesterday? Like this. Like this, let's say. What's all this focus on my voice? It just is so ridiculous. It's very real. Okay. I beg your pardon. I beg your pardon. I've never had a more real voice in my life. So you listened to Basket Case this morning. The rest of the album? No. No, just that one song. Okay.

I have a CD, right, and an old Walkman, and I put it in, and it started skipping on track two. So I couldn't finish, but I was like, I don't need any more. Okay, so you listened to the one song, and you said, I like this lifestyle so much, I'm going to play, I'm going to tear up these permits that I made myself write. Well, just out of habit, you know.

You know, filled out the paperwork out of habit. Or filled out the permits for a punk rock show in the parking lot. I don't need this. Do you think this is going to stick with you? Yeah. Have you done this with other types of music in the past? I mean, are you kind of a chameleon? Sure, yeah. I've had a couple phases. Yeah, like what? Oh, I was a big Led Zeppelin fan last week. Oh, really? Sure. What was your favorite song, or did you only hear one? I only heard a whole lot of love. Really? Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Was it a Dodge commercial that you heard it in? Yeah, it was a Dodge commercial. And my favorite commercial jingle writer is Led Zeppelin. You were in the market to buy a Dodge? I've been looking for a good Dodge for quite a while. I said, don't get rid of the Celica, but I stepped on your thunder. I appreciate you keeping track of me continuity, mate.

You can buy a Dodge at Bed, Bed and Beyond in the Beyond section. Really? You can buy cars? Yes, you can buy cars. That's very punk rock. It's a very punk rock. I don't think that's punk rock. That's very punk rock. What's punk rock about it? It's commercialism. Punk rock's relative to the bass. So if the bass is Bed and Bath and then you've got a Dodge truck, that's

punk rock band. It's a big corporation selling something. It is super punk rock there. All you've got to do is break expectations. If you go into Los, if you went into the 1970s, New York City went to CBGB's and in the back there was a stockbroker. What do you think CBGB's is? I think it's a deli. So what does the C stand for? Capag... What is it? Capacoli. Capacoli. Yeah, the C and the B is... Gabagool. Gabagool.

The same thing. If you went in the back of a CBGB deli, and it's punk rock, and there's a stockbroker, he's punk rock when he's in there. Okay. Because, you know, to be mainstream, it's sort of like Paul McCartney's the most punk rocker of the Beatles. Really? Because he sort of dares to be square, you know? Joe Lennon's easy to be cool. It's easy to be cool because you're not.

Wow, you reacted so strongly to that. That's insane. Do people think you're cool? Yes, I assume. How do you walk down the street and survey everyone? What did your bosses think when you got this pink mohawk today? They paid me little mind. I felt they were startling to ignoring me. I wouldn't really call it a pink mohawk. It just looks like you've used your hands and pulled your hair to a point. And your hair is thinning pretty badly. It's not that much of a beard.

my remaining hair into a midsection and tell me it's not pink. You can't tell me it's not pink. I mean, your whole, the top of your head is pink from a bad sunburn. I grabbed, I grabbed, I did sunburn me head. So I think people just thought your entire thing is your sunburn. I don't think so. I took a can of bright pink spray paint, sprayed the middle, my little comb over and it is bright pink. You're a little Larry David there. Yeah, it's a little Larry David. God bless him. What do you

wearing a khaki pants it looks like khaki pants and a blue polo polo under now how is that punk depends where you are mate you know if you if you're walking down you know Soho of London in like 70s what do you think Soho is I think Soho is sort of I think it's what does it stand for I think it stands for so open um

Hetero. Hetero? Okay, no, it's decidedly not that. Hombres. Hey, why is everyone... Very progressive heterosexual men. Yeah. Me and my friends call each other when we're rolling down the street. So open hetero hombres. Hey, so ho. Hey, no so ho. But listen, why is everyone attacking this gentleman? He's an entertainer. He's living his truth. Leave him alone. Yeah, I feel like everyone's trying to tell me that I'm not a real man.

No, I think you are. And I think Bed Bath & Beyond is also a very punk rock. I mean, the Beyond section definitely is punk rock. What about the bed section? The bed's not. The bed's square. Going to sleep isn't punk? I don't think so. Not at Bed Bath & Beyond. Being awake isn't punk, I'll tell you that much. It depends where you are, Scott. If you're in the middle of a New York marathon and you went to sleep, that's punk.

brother. It makes sense. It is true. But you know, and if you want staying awake to be punk rock, you'd have to go to a sleeping, a protest where everyone's sleeping for peace and you stay awake. That's a

Rock, brother! I gotta be honest. When you started, I feel like you were screaming. Now you're kind of working. You are just running out of steam. The way you're describing punk rock to me, it sounds like just not... It sounds like being annoying. You're an opposite guy. Just a contrary individual. I think you're more of a libertarian than a punk rocker. That's not true!

What do you think about taxes? I hate them. Well, that's John Lennon. No, that's George Harrison. George Harrison.

He's very punk rock. So you're like the libertarian that we all work with at the office who wants to talk to you about libertarianism at lunch? I disagree. Me and the rest of me Ron Paul fans. I love Ron Paul, but not for his libertarianism. Oh, what do you like about him? Two first names. Two first names, great. And one of them. That's punk rock. Paul McGarty. That's right. The most punk rock of the Beatles. Who's the most punk rock comedian? Bill Maher?

That's a great pick, but I feel... He makes too many rules. I think... But they're new. They're new. Ricky Gervais breaks them. Oh my gosh. He breaks the rules that Bill Maher writes. You never know what he's going to say. He tells rich people they're cool, then he tells handsome people they're cool. You never know. He's kissing the ass of the popular and the rich. How, punk rock? I don't...

I don't think you've ever seen... You've never seen a Ricky Gervais bit. I've switched the channels and seen him and I'm flipping by. When you're looking for those Dodge commercials to watch? Oh, I wish I could find a good Dodge.

You gotta go to iSpot.tv. Why? It's a website where you can see every commercial. You search Dodge. Oh, you're doing plugs earlier. I'd like to plug iSpot.tv. Now, if you've shot a commercial and want to know if you're getting paid properly, you gotta start an account there. Is it one of the great websites? This is bleak. Oh my god, iSpot.tv, one of the great websites.

websites from redtube.com to google.com. Just get your premium.

I feel the most, I know you're trying to wrap up. Yeah, would it surprise you to know that I'm trying to sandman you off the stage at this point? See, the problem is you're trying to wrap up, so the punk rock thing to do is to really stop that from happening. There's nothing more punk rock than being told to get off the stage. You're validating this, Scott. Boo, boo, you suck. I love it. You suck. I love it. Why'd that punk rock show the Apollo?

Drive to the Apollo. If you went to the Apollo and did a punk rock show, it would be so punk rock. Oh my gosh. Well, it's great to meet you, Keith. Oh, thank you so much. I tell you, this is a returning character. He's a real guy. This guy will be back. This guy's got to come back. He's got to come back. He's got to come back. Keith in Fart Fiction.

Don't forget the throat goat himself. The throat goat right over here. Punk rock. Give me that punk rock. Oh, yeah. More like spunk rock, right? Spunk rock. Make the t-shirt. Make the t-shirt. It's in production now. All right, guys. Well, we are running out of time. I'm so sorry to cut you shorts, Keith. Cut your shorts. Thanks for having me. Cut my shorts. Oh, fart. Fart Fimps.

We only have time for one final thing on the show, and that is a little something called plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Baby, come over and plug me up tonight. Plugs. Plugs. Come over and plug me up. I want to fuck your plugs. Plugs. So what do you want? So what are you going to choose? I choose plugs.

You're scratching me.

I don't have a headphone. Oh, yes. That was Evil Step Twin with Prince of Plugs. Thank you to Evil Step Twin. Yeah. That was terrific. Oh, you liked it. Oh, okay. Interesting. That's not a slam. I don't feel my taste is supreme. All right. Well, I want to say I have a very exciting plug coming up, but I want to save that for the very end. You're retiring? Throw it!

Big Junkie Bubbles, the roast of the century to end the episode. One of the great roasts? One of the great roasts from, of course, rest in peace, the aristocrats, Gilbert Gottfried, to Don Rickles making fun of black people and Asians. Well, Bill, is there anything that you want to plug? Well, I suppose I'd rather have 43 eyes. Oh, no, no, no, we're not doing would you rather. No, no, no. Oh, fuck.

This is plugs. This is a different segment. Uh, when's this coming out? Bring that back. Uh, so I would like to plug, if you go to biggrandewebsite.com, I believe at this point you'll be able to, uh, buy, uh,

live improv shows from the group Big Grande. The whole premise of these shows is that they are fully production designed, full hair and makeup, but none of the improvisers knew what the set or the other characters were going to look like until they stepped on stage. That is a 30-minute episode. You can watch one of them for free and then buy the rest if you like them. All right. That's at biggrandewebsite.com? Correct. Okay, fantastic. I said that in one of the great websites thing earlier. Yeah, that's true. Yeah!

I've never seen such remorse from a person. Really? You're in tears. You're really mad at yourself. You sub down onto one knee like Colin Kaepernick. You're crying. I'm protesting my own stupidity. BCB, PD and Dean, what do you want to plug here? Well, I've started archiving my shows. I unfortunately don't have my own domain. It's been stolen from me. Oh, no. Someone took bigchunkybubbles.chunk or...

Chunkybubbles.com. Great domain. There's some company that makes peanut butter out of soap, and they were like, hooray. Oh. So go to paulfthompkins.com slash live where you can see all of my erotic bubble shows. Oh, fantastic. I'm going to go there right now. And Francesca, what would you want to plug? Uh.

Okay, so first I'd like to plug Italy, the store slash restaurant. And I would also like to plug this book changed my life on CBB Prozenta. And oh, a show called Killing It on Peacock. Oh, yeah. We just talked about that last week. Yes, we did. With Claudia. Claudia. Claudia. And

And then finally, oh, L-I-L-Y-Y-I-L-Y. You're speaking gibberish right now. I have no idea what you're saying. All right. Social media. Move on to...

Richie Castlebaum or whoever you're playing right now. Yeah, I'm back to myself. You're back. Okay, great. I can't sustain fart fiction. You burned hot. Like Icarus, you flew too close to the sun. I'll plug the first one. You should be famous for something else. You know what I mean? Like that's the only thing we think of. He was in prison with his dad. That's interesting, right? Eternals. Okay. All right. That's true. Fair. The Nintendo game. Okay. Good. Good.

Okay, you're right. Okay, I'm sorry. I'll plug the first two seasons of Righteous Gemstones on HBO Max. Only the first two? Yeah, just the first two. People should stop watching after that? Yeah, stop. Wow, way to show that you haven't watched any of it because there's only two seasons. I know there's only two, but people are listening to this in the future. Oh, sure. Yeah, okay. In three years from now, please watch more seasons. What if it's like the future people from AI? Oh, yeah. Where they're just like these silvery ghost people.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. You've sunk down to one knee again. I think I got nosed. You fucked my mind and my mouth. Oh, he's back. And listen to Hey Randy on CBBWorld.com. Oh, yeah, that's a good show. All right. And Gary the Gardener, what do you want to play? What's up? I did the gardening for a television show on Hulu called Woke. We were talking about-

We were talking about it earlier. We were talking about that word, yeah. We were talking about it. It's called Woke. It's not The Woke. It's not a family of woke people. It's a fun show with Lamorne Morris and a bunch of other people. It's very fun. And also, I listen to this podcast called Scott Hasn't Seen. Have you heard this? Oh, I've heard. Yeah, yeah. I think I'm on it, actually. Are you? I'm the titular Scott.

Really? Because you're much more interesting on that show. Oh, I mean, yeah. I feel like I kind of chill and you talk about your life in a real way. Yeah, I take a back seat to that. And this Sprint guy, I got to say.

I love this guy. Yeah, speaking of fake accents. What do you mean speaking of fake accents? I mean, nothing, sir. Hold on, Scott. What are you saying about me? Sprague! We're about to record an episode in here. Sprague! I'm sorry, Sprague. Yeah, I know. I'm doing back-to-back episodes. Yeah, do you got that mind? Meaning we're back-to-back while we record it. Yeah, then we're going to take ten paces and then turn around and shoot. Pod!

Anyways, I'm out of here. All right, Scott. So that's all I wanted to plug. Thank you. Okay, great. Gary the Gardener and Keith Stanley. What do you want to plug? Oh, I've got two things to plug. Hold on. What's this accent I'm hearing? It's real. This is not right. Judging. What do you think? To be honest, it's one of the greatest accents I've ever heard in my life. You're sounding a little more like him than you are you. One of the great accents of all time from...

Oscar Isaac on the show Moon Knight. To that one above the O in Motley Crue. Yes. All right, well, I'm out of here. Throw it down! Yes, sir! That was more of an umlaut, I guess. Did someone mention Moon Knight? Oh, oh!

Oh, Oscar Isaac is here. It's Stephen Grant. It's me, Stephen Grant. How'd I get here? I woke up. Last thing I remember was falling asleep in a museum. Hi, Stephen. You missed the date. We had a nice date planned two nights ago. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. Hey, look, Gary, if you haven't watched yet. I can't be fucking with those spoilers. Did you want to plug something, Keith? I'll forget. Oh, yeah.

Oh, plugger, you can't handle the sleuths. That's also what CBB presents with a brilliant comedian named Will Wines and also a second podcast he does called Screw It. We're just going to talk about comics. Now, Scott, I don't know if you've got any comic book fans in your audience. I think, yeah, I think we have a few. Well, they might like

this podcast where two brothers talk about comic books. Is the brothers part of it? Is that important to the podcast? Not really, but it's the closest we have to a hook. They have. You know I do the gardening for Will Hines. Kevin Spacey, O.J. Simpson, Scott Arkham and Will Hines. Makes sense. He's a deplorable and appalling human being. But what a comic book authority. Bye-bye. All right. Now, I want to plug. I said I had a very exciting plug.

Guys, the Comedy Bang Bang Tour is coming. I am announcing it here. All of... That's right. Scream. Scream out there. And also, I'll plug CBBWorld.com. A lot of great shows over there, including we just did a CBB FM with Weird Al Yankovic. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Really dropped that name there.

I mean, he was on the show, I'm plugging. Oh, sure. Say it again. Oh. Very punk. Kind of punk. Take one hand, put it up. Take the other, you're gonna...

I hope it's the home song. I know, it's still going. It's important to get the guitar solo.

Oh, wonderful. That was Say It Ain't Plugs by Josh Goodman. Thank you so much to Josh. And guys, I want to thank you so much. I really appreciate everyone coming by. Even you, Big Chunky. Go to hell. From what I'm told, I will be. So that'll make you happy. And of course, before we close up the show, we want to hear one last song from our friends and stars. Happy anniversary, Scott. Happy anniversary. Here we go.

Turn your face towards the sun.

Because the sky's a hundred shades of one night That face it hurt And did she leave that poppin' turnstile We said goodbye to the day Gilded for rockabye The best of the pretenders Being young for every hoppin' turnstile Said goodbye to the day That gilded best of the pretenders

We go. I bet. Beyond forever. I bet. All right, that's it. Thanks, everyone. We'll see you in the next 13 years. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.