Bonus Bang: Gillian Jacobs, Paul F. Tompkins, Carl Tart (More-imony Tony)
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Hey, I'm journalist Sam Sanders. I'm poet Saeed Jones. And I'm producer Zach Stafford. And we are the hosts of a podcast called Vibe Check. On Vibe Check, we talk about everything. News, culture, and entertainment, and how it all feels. That's right. We talk about any and everything on our show, from real-life issues like grief to music and movie critiques. And that barely scratches the surface.

Yes, indeed. And it doesn't stop there. We have got a lot to say. So join our group chat, Come to Life. Follow and listen to Vibe Check wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone. This is Scott Aukerman, host of Comedy Bang Bang, and welcome to this week's bonus bang. Now, bonus bangs, of course.

are episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that are previously recorded, perhaps new to you. They are coming out from behind the paywall over at CBB World. And each week in this series, entitled Morimoni Tony, we are releasing some of our favorite episodes featuring Paul F. Tompkins' character, Alimony Tony. Now, this week's episode is number 679, Popcorn World.

which was released on October 25th, 2020. This is a Zoom episode during the pandemic. Now, this episode has Gillian Jacobs, our old friend. It has Alimony Tony, played by Paul F. Tompkins, and Orville Redenbacher, played by Carl Tartt.

sparks fly between Gillian and Alimony. Tony, you're not going to want to miss this. And of course, we're talking about her wonderful film that you'll hear about. And of course, if you like what you hear and you want to hear the entire CBB archive, you can become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com where you can find every single episode we've ever recorded for all 15 and a half years, as well as all 43 of our live episodes from 2024 and every live episode we've ever done.

Now we're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang! Comedy Bang Bang!

Don't cry over spilled milk. There's plenty more bat nipples where that came from. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Doodah Man. And I say do because there are three O's. So I said it with extra O's. Thank you to Doodah Man for that catchphrase submission. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. The spookiest week of the year. That's right. Rent is due in approximately seven days. Get your finances together.

Last week of October. My name is Scott Aukerman, by the way. We have an amazing show for you today. Believe it or not, we have an entrepreneur coming up a little later. That's very exciting. Someone with a business. We also have, you know, I believe this person is independently wealthy and doesn't work. So hard to describe this person, but an old favorite will be returning. But yeah.

Speaking of old favorites and returning, and in fact, old favorites returning, we have one of our favorite guests on the show is here with us. She hasn't been on in approximately two, 2.5 years or so. Always a great episode whenever she comes back. She has a movie coming.

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness.

Welcome back to the show, Gillian Jacobs. Thank you so much for having me back. Late of community and love and Burt Wonderstone. That was a good poll, right? I saw that in the theater. I am he. I am he. Always great to see you. One of America's finest actors and actresses.

and a wonderful personality, and also a director. Yes. I don't know if we talked about that last time you were on, but you have a documentary that you directed. I don't know whether you can say when it comes out, but it will be coming out soon. Yes, I can. So very excited about that. You can say? I may. I think I may. I think it comes out November 20th on Disney+. It's an episode of a new Marvel series for Disney+, called 616. Yes.

616, which is, of course, 616 is the designation that the Marvel Universe in the multiverse, the canonical Marvel Universe is the 616th Earth, of course. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Earth is 616, which is a fact I definitely knew before working on that documentary. Sure, of course, because you're a huge superhero head, are you not? Yeah.

Oh, yes, I know all the superheroines and heroes. Sure, of course. You have the man who looks like a spider. Oh, several of those, actually. You're not going to get me on that. Okay. I was trying to trip you up, though. So glad you said several of those. And what is your... And I know that you're here to talk about Come Play, your movie Come Play. Ha ha ha!

But I do want to talk about this documentary first. Absolutely. Which is, what is yours, what is the subject matter of your episode? So the subject matter of my episode of 616 is women of Marvel. So both the female characters and also the women, the writers, the editors, the artists who have worked at Marvel over the decades. So I got to interview...

Legends such as Ann Nocenti, Louise Simonson. Flo Steinberg, Wheezy Simonson. Yeah, I didn't get Flo, sadly. She's passed away. Oh, that's right. She's passed on. But definitely mentioned and much beloved. And then all the way through to women who are working there now or worked there in the recent years, like Kelly Sue DeConnick, who wrote the run of Captain Marvel that the movie is based on. And...

the people who created Ms. Marvel, which is now going to be a Disney Plus TV show, the character Kamala Khan. So I learned a tremendous amount and I got to speak to some pretty incredible women. That's, you know, if I can learn something and speak to incredible women, that's a great day for me. Yeah.

And this episode is no exception because I'm learning things and I'm talking to one incredible woman right now, Gillian Jacobs of the movie Come Play, which let's talk about this. Now, I saw this film. I don't know if you know that, but I watched this movie. Oh, no, I didn't know you saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched it here in my office, which, you know, look, it's a scary movie. You know, when I was asked, do you want to have Gillian Jacobs on to talk about her movie? I assumed it was another kind of...

A movie in the genres in which you've worked a lot. And I was shocked and terrified and frightened when I opened up the email and saw that poster. And the movie was even more terrifying. This is a horror film, is it not? Yes, it is. A horrifying film. You never know what I'm going to do next. That's true.

That is a good point. It's a horror film. I've stopped trying to predict you. Yeah, I mean, isn't that the fun of being an actor is getting to act in many different genres? It truly is. Well, yeah, let's talk about this film. In the film, you play a MILF who essentially has a young son. Yes.

Who has a young son with special needs. Is that correct? I am a MILF, I guess. That wasn't in the script. That's just what I was getting from it. Oh, okay. Good to know. See, I'm learning things as well. Is this your first time playing a MILF, by the way? Is it? Were any of your characters, had any of your previous characters given birth? I'm trying to think.

I have to think back. I don't remember. Let's say yes. And then someone can check IMDB and verify that fact.

So you have a son and you have a sort of estranged relationship with the son's father. The son's father, John Gallagher Jr. This kid is really, really good, by the way. This kid is an amazing actor. Correct. And what is essentially the hook of the film? What's the horrifying part of it?

There's a scary monster. I'm going to say that. I think I'm allowed to say that. A very scary monster. And I was genuinely afraid while shooting it because, am I allowed to say, but there was a puppet. They built an enormous, enormous puppet. Wow. And so there were many puppeteers and I'd say seven foot tall puppet.

That's taller. That's approximately nine inches taller than me. Myself, yes. It was a Jim Henson puppet creation. And it genuinely scared me. So there are some real screams in there. What does that say about me? That I was even afraid acting in the scene with the puppeteers visible to me? I don't know. Maybe I'm just that good of an actor. Yeah.

And this is your first kind of scary movie, isn't it? I mean, it's... Oh, I did a film with Ken Marino called Bad Milo that also involved a puppet. Oh, yeah. That was a monster that came out of Ken Marino's butt.

And attacked people. So I've this is my second time being in a film in which I am attacked by a puppet. And this puppet doesn't come out of Ken Marino's butt nor anyone's butt. No, it doesn't. You know, much to the loss of this film. But it it comes into our world in a different world.

In a different way, in the film, come play, as you like to call it. Yes, come play. And this is a scary film. I mean, I saw it here in my office, but I think it's the type of film that people would enjoy going out to a drive-in. Yes. You know, I mean, it's the perfect kind of drive-in movie where, you know, you're shouting, you're honking your horn. Yeah.

You're smooching. You're doing everything that you do with the drive in. You're you're getting snacks with your mask on. It's it's just the perfect All Hallows Eve film that's finally coming out at the perfect time. Scott, may I ask you a question? You may ask me anything. Of course, we have that kind of relationship. Where does the term All Hallows Eve come from?

I believe November 1st was All Hallows and October 31st is Halloween, which with an apostrophe is short for Eve, I believe. All Hallows Eve, something like that. But maybe a future guest knows a little bit more about this than I do. Probably so. I mean, look, what am I, Mr. Merriam-Webster? I don't think so. Yeah.

Sometimes when I think of you, I do just picture a dictionary instead of a face. Instead of a face, yeah, just a book on top of a neck. Scott, may I ask you another question? Yes, you are allowed to, so this will be your last one. Okay. How are you keeping that plant alive? Because I purchased one of those, and all the leaves are falling off. All the leaves are brown, as they sang once. This is...

Essentially, you know, my ex-girlfriend, Kulop, she bought this for me and put it in my installed it in my office without permission. Oh, I should add just her view on it was the room needed brightening up with a plant and it is dying. And she always kind of looks at me like, why aren't you doing more for this plant? And my position is I don't like it.

I don't want it here. I'm hoping it dies. So we'll see. I mean, it's been here for about a year now. And if you can see it, yeah. It still has some leaves. Still has some leaves. She comes in and sprays it with water every once in a while. That's why my mother says you have to mist the leaves. But I don't understand. I've run out of questions with you. But maybe one of our other guests can tell me why I mist the leaves. Yeah, I can ask you a question, though. Why do you want a plant in your house? Oxygen. I need more of it.

That's what they're good at, these plants. I mean, they're not just for decoration these days. They pump out that H2O. I love oxygen. H2O? What am I trying to say? That's water? That's water. They give the H2O and they pump out the O.

Boy, I got to tell you, this show, we've run out of things to talk about with everyone. Let's bring in some guests, why don't we? Keeped up in their rooms. Like, we're talking about plants, visible plants on Zooms. I mean, like, no one has any life experience anymore that we can draw from.

How don't we hear from some of our friends, new and old, that are joining us today? Well, Gillian, always great to see you. You as well. You can stick around. Everyone should go out there and see Come Play, which is out in theaters this Friday, and hopefully for many Fridays to come, and maybe a perennial favorite.

that people can see every week, like the old Rocky Horror Picture Show or Spinal Tap. It's really good for any day of the year. And out this Friday, make sure people go out and see it. But let's bring out our next guest. And he's an old, you know, again, I don't know quite how to describe him because I don't know what he does for a living, although we may have talked about it. I think he's independently wealthy, but I don't know how to describe him other than a divorced person.

He's been on the show many times. He's one of our favorites. Please welcome back to the show, Alimony Tony. Skull.

Scott, what a pleasure to see you again. Thank you for having me. It's me, Alimony Tony. It certainly is you, Alimony Tony. Welcome back to the show. Thank you very much. And yes, I was overhearing your introduction because I had to know when to appear. So I can confirm that I am independently wealthy. Of course, my mother invented gaseous paper. Oh, that's right. What? What?

Oh, hello. Hello. My name is Alimony Tony. Yeah, sorry. Let me introduce you guys. This is Gillian Jacobs. She's an actress and a director and an artist. And this is Alimony Tony, who's a independently wealthy divorced person. My goodness, my goodness. Wait, I've heard that catchphrase before. Oh, you're Gillian Jacobs, of course. Yeah.

You know, now that I think about it, Gillian, the last few times that you've been on the show, you haven't been on it a little bit, but we performed your wedding. Has it been a while? It has. It has been a while. Tony, comma, alimony. What a funny little joke. What a coquettish little laugh that was. But we...

Actually, romance bloomed on some of your previous episodes. I believe we performed your, at least one wedding of yours. No, I have not been married on the show. Oh, you're not speaking to me. No, I'm speaking to you. No, no, no. I've been married on the show. I understand. Yes. Yeah. Who were you married to? You were married to... It's really sad. I was married to a wonderful man named Gary Marshall. Gary Marshall, creator of Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, director of Valentine's Day. Yes.

Yes, that's right. He used to be on the show a lot. The star of Lost in America? That's what I don't know about the star. Beloved American cultural icon, Gary Marshall. Yes, that's right. You got married to him on this show. I did. I really loved him a lot. Yeah.

And a lot of terrible things happened along the way. I think I was sent to another dimension. Maybe he was sent to another dimension. Another dimension. I think portals in space and time opened up.

Um, people tried to come between us, but we really, we had a love that was more than a love. I and my Gary Marshall. That's a wonderful story. Well, he is. Yeah. Scott, I want to say stuff. I'm a real romantic as well. And, uh, and to hear that story, although I am divorced several times over, I am a romantic at heart. And to hear such a romantic story, certainly, uh, that's, that's right up my alley. Let me tell you. May I ask, can I go back? Um,

Tony, if I may. Please, call me Alimony Tony. Oh, thank you. Alimony Tony, what was the type of paper your mother invented? Gaseous paper. What is gaseous? You've heard of liquid paper, right? Yes, liquid paper invented by Mike Nesmith's mother. And gaseous paper is the same as liquid paper, only it's a gas. Ooh, exciting. So, like, you could write on a fart, perhaps? Yeah.

No, you have to write on gaseous paper. Wait, I thought liquid paper was applied to regular paper in order to correct mistakes. That's correct. Gaseous paper, you need to write on the gaseous paper itself? You need to write on the gaseous paper. How does it work, actually? We've never talked about it. So if you make a mistake— It's so dry and dull. I don't think anyone will say anything about the inner workings of gaseous paper.

This is, and what's its primary use? I mean, has it been successful, this invention? It's been very successful. It enabled my family to become trillionaires. Trillionaires, you say? Trillionaire with a T, that's right. Wow, and current net worth, just for a ballpark estimate. Oh, it's not, I know that sounds like a staggering number, but it's only two trillion. Only two? And that's your personal or the company's?

That's my personal. That's your personal? That's the family's money, yes. And does the family still own a majority of the company? Oh, yes, we do. We own 100%. Oh, you own 100%? Yes. Publicly traded? Yes. All the profits go to us.

We are a very wealthy family. And really, it's just down to, I mean, I don't have any kids. All of my relatives, what few there were, have passed on. Siblings? No siblings. I grew up an only child. But I'm a generous person. So did I. Did you really? It's fun, isn't it? It's one of many things I feel we have in common.

We do. OK, well, that's one thing. I wasn't aware of the other things. Yeah, what are the other things, Kelly? We're on this call together. That's true. I mean, when you're right, you're right. All right, go on. Alimony Tony, why is your company publicly traded if you own 100 percent of it? Well, because I'm a member of the public. And I just wanted to clarify that. So Alimony Tony, you are a member of the Four Comma Club.

Yes, that's correct. That's correct. There's a precious few of us. But again, it's not as much – my total net worth is not as much as it sounds. You hear the word trillion and you think, oh my god, that's so much money. It's impossible to imagine. There's only $2 trillion.

And that's mainly because there used to be more, but you've given a lot of it away. Isn't that right? Well, I mean, I'm always making money, but I'm also always giving money away because, as I've told you before, Scott, I've been married and divorced many times. And the thing is—

Love paying alimony. I always marry for love. I always think it's going to last. So far it hasn't. But there's something about paying the alimony that I just adore. It really, it's my favorite thing to do. And can I ask you your feelings on pre and post nuptial agreements?

I've never signed a post-nup. Never signed a pre-nup. Never signed a post-nup. Unless my canon contradicts that. But I do believe in going in with faith, hope, and love. And then coming out of it with just a stone-cold financial arrangement. Just a lot less money.

Well, I mean, a lot less money for some people. Obviously, for me, it's a drop in the bucket. But yes, it is. The alimony payments are substantial, and not just as a whole, but individually. And is there a way to stop those? There is, unfortunately—

I suppose if your ex-wife got married again, remarried. Which has happened on occasion. I have said, look, I'm so glad you're happy. You moved on. You found someone else. Please let me continue paying your alimony. Please. And they've always been nice about it and said, no, I'm sorry. I will not allow you. No, no. They've all said yes. There was only one gal that wouldn't divorce.

Are you crying? Don't cry. That I never got to pay alimony to. I was, sorry, I get emotional when I think about it. I never got to pay alimony to her because she died before we could be divorced. And of course, for me, that's the one that got away. I'm so sorry. But they don't call you widower, Tony. No, I was just widower the one time. The rest of the time, divorced. One time. What's the fastest you've ever gotten married, like from date of meeting the person to nuptials? Oh, same date. Same date.

Same day, same day. So that's a matter of hours. Scott, how, what's your, uh, yeah, no, I was going to say not interested. Uh, easily Googleable. Is there a T in there? Uh, net worth. Yes.

There's two. No, no, no, no. I meant trillionaire. I do apologize. You're so clever, though. That's what I like so much about you, how clever you are. You're clever as well. That's another thing we have in common. You know, guys, I think I can sense there's some sort of...

here, some sort of physical or chemical attraction here between the two of you? I feel like I've met you, you know, before as well. You feel very familiar to me. Do you feel like you're in a past life or something? I don't know. Just your current physical form looks very familiar to me as though I've met it and loved it over and over again. That's very interesting. My current physical form.

Do you mean, Gillian, do you mean at the age he is at now? Or do you mean you think he had a different body at some point? Look, do we know definitively what we look like when we sleep? That's a good point.

I never thought of it that way. Well, you know, I had a wife who used to love taking snapshots of me when I would fall asleep in a chair watching television. And so I do know what I look like when I sleep, unless that was a deepfake. Yeah. How do you know? How do you know? You were asleep. How do you know? This was the subject of the James L. Brooks movie. And it was all about how do you know what you look like when you're asleep? I mean, I've heard some say.

We all assume a lizard form when we fall asleep. So that's why I think... More than one person you've heard say that? Some have said. So who are these? This is curious to me. That when we fall asleep, we assume a lizard form. Mm-hmm. Hmm.

That's how we conserve energy when we're asleep. Think about how many hours we go without eating or drinking anything. How do we live through sleep? That's a good point. I mean, when I wake up, I usually have breakfast. And then within like three or four hours, I want to eat again. But when I sleep, I'm not munching down when I'm asleep. I don't even want it. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and I'll have a midnight snack, go to the kitchen for a bowl of flies. I'm kidding. Because the lizard thing. Oh.

It's funny. You like that one. Laugh has graduated from coquettish to bombastic. Let me ask this, Gillian. Would you say we revert to a lizard form? Are you saying we turn into little lizards when we're sleeping or our bodies are reacting in a lizard-like way? Are we humanoid but we just have scales? Are we human or are we dancer?

We are dancer of lizard skin when we sleep. I've heard some say. Hmm. So sort of like the antagonist in the movie V? I've never seen that. You didn't let me finish. For Vendetta? Oh. I have seen that. They're lizard people? Yeah. Underneath that mask. That's why he wears it. Well, he has to sleep sometime. Ha ha ha.

In movies, they don't show people sleeping all that much unless they're having a dream or they're woken up by an alarm clock. Wasn't that an Andy Warhol movie? Did he just film somebody sleeping for a while? I don't know. What was that guy all about? What was the deal with that guy? I don't know. Sometimes I think he did things just to bother people. Hey, hey, hey. Pittsburgh native Andy Warhol. Oh, I'm so sorry. The museum is there. Yes.

You're from Pittsburgh, is that right, Gillian? Correct. And where are you from? The Keystone State. The Keystone State, of course. Where are you from, Alimony Tony? I'm from the mid-Atlantic region. Okay, so. I learned that accent at Juilliard. Of course you did. They used to call it the Juilliard accent. The American standard. What was her name? Edith something. Oh, yes. Skinner. Edith Skinner. Skinner, that's right. Edith Skinner. A member of the Skinner family.

So, Alimony Tony, I mean— President. Yes, last time we spoke, I can't recall whether you were married again or whether you were recently divorced. If I don't be, the last time we spoke, I was freshly divorced. And what is your status now? If you could toggle your relationship status on the website, what would it be? What would you say the last time we spoke was? Who knows? All right. Okay.

I'm going to say since the last time we spoke, I gather I've been married and divorced twice more. Twice more? Yes. Wow. Wow. Do you use the same divorce attorney every time? Every single time. Who's this guy? His name is Mitch Mulvihill. Mitch Mulvihill. He is a crackerjack divorce attorney. Yeah.

In that he listens to me. I say, look, I want to pay the max amount of alimony possible by law. And he says, he always has to be Tony, Tony, Tony. This is too much. You're giving away too much. If you had no loot, Tony, Tony, Tony. What?

If you had no loot, Tony, Tony, Tony. What does that mean? I don't get that one. Well, there's a band, Tony, Tony, Tony, who sings a song, If I Had No Loot. Oh. Oh, I think you're talking about Tony, Tony, Tony. Oh, that's right. I was not pronouncing the exclamation marks after each of their names. That's right. That's why I wasn't sure what band you were talking about. I apologize. Sorry.

Tony, of course, most famous Tony probably from West Side Story, would you say? Who's the most famous Tony? Ooh, Randall? Tony Bennett? Well, he was an Anthony. He was an Anthony. Tony was friends perhaps, but professionally an Anthony. Who's the guy from Some Like It Hot? Tony Curtis. Not his real name. What was his real name? His real name was Bernard Schwartz. Is Tony your real name? Yes, it is. Well, yes.

Why so cagey suddenly? No, I mean, Tony is absolutely. Of course it is. What a strange response. I mean, suddenly you got very protective of your answer. No, no, no. You know me as Alimony Tony and that is my name. Tony, I have a question for you. Yes, Gillian. What is your lizard name? Good question. Let me think back. I haven't been asked this in such a long time. I think it's Zach's.

Dax is such a good lizard name. XAX. All right. Yes, of course. Mine's...

I like that name. It's charming. Can I hear that again? That's what a lizard would call itself if it had the power to name itself. Scott, what's your lizard name? I didn't know that I was a lizard, but do we get to choose our own lizard names or are we assigned them? I think you know the answer. I do? It's in your heart. Look at your heart. Look at your heart.

What movie is that from? Please, I'm begging you. Look at your heart. Oh, Miller's Crossing, of course. What's that? Oh, yes. I just watched that film recently for the first time. Great Turow performance. Very good film. One of the best Tutturs. Magnificent Tuttur performance. Tuttur. Marsha Gay Harden. Oh, yeah. Albert Finney, and of course, Gabriel Byrne. Byrne, Gabriel.

Gillian, you do this very curious thing where you like to give people's names. You give the last name first, and then you give the comma the first name. What is that all about? What I like about you, Tony, Alimony, is how observant you are. I really appreciate that in a partner, a romantic partner, someone who's really dialed into me, my little fun...

It was synchronatic. Thank you. There you go. Ackerman, comma, Scott.

Well, I hope that you find someone who appreciates all these wonderful things about you that are very charming indeed. You wish her the best, right, Alimony Tony? Of course I do. Gillian's been a widow for a few years. I believe you were married to Alan Thicke as well. So a two-time widow, I believe. I know what it's like. So you wish her the best, right? I wish you the best. I wish you the best. You know, the best way to wish someone... Oh, go ahead. I was going to say...

Could you just send me a little check? What do you mean? Well, I have a proposition for you. All right. We don't get a lot of propositions on this show. I can't wait to vote on this prop. This is prop my heart. Care to get married or skip the marriage and just you could start sending me checks. Hold on a second. I've only been proposed to a handful of times, all the times I've been married. A lizard hand or a normal human hand?

Oh, am I offering my lizard? I mean, that's up to Tony from Alimony. What are you into, lizards or humans? I mean, I'm a human and I like being one. And I certainly, all the marriages I've had have been to human women because we're both humans.

The parts just fit when you're a human. The parts just fit. I want to clarify that my lizard form is not tiny. I'm the same size. I'm just a lizard. Oh, I see. Is that the same for all of us, would you say? I haven't seen you asleep. Good point. But I'll get back to you tonight. Oh, my goodness. Oh, I love how forward that is. I wish...

I wish I were attracted to you, but I just... Yes, I mean... It's just one of those things, huh? Gillian, here's the thing. There's something... You are checking a lot of boxes for me. Let me tell you something. And usually by this time, I'd be asking you to get married and we'd be talking about what if we ever got divorced, how much money you would want in alimony. And then I would write it up around a piece of paper and I would slide it over to you and I would say, I'm going to make this offer of alimony. But...

Yes. I don't know. I just, uh, I'm getting more of a friend vibe. I don't, I don't know. What is it? Is her personality? Is it her look? No, great personality. I think she's a doll. Uh,

I don't know. It's just that indefinable thing. It's not clicking for me in a way that it very often does. She's very friendly, and one can get a friend vibe from that type of person. Well, every woman I've married has been my best friend. Well, I'll counterpoint you. Every woman you've married you thought you were in love with, and it's always ended in divorce. Now, I was in love with them. It just didn't work out.

Yes. So why don't you try marrying someone you're not in love with and maybe it'll last longer? This is an interesting theory. You can also take a picture. It would last longer. That's true. I am having trouble wrapping my mind around the idea of if I was in love with someone and it didn't work out, if I...

married someone I wasn't in love with at all, would it last longer? Here's what I anticipate the issue would be. Go ahead, Scott. You would marry someone not for love, and then if it didn't work out, you wouldn't be so inclined to pay the alimony.

I would think there would be a bitter, contentious divorce. First time I'd have a bitter, contentious divorce, which is an experience I've never had, but does sound exciting. It is on my bucket list to have a contentious divorce. I can provide you with that experience 100%. Well, Alimony Tony, don't answer now because we have to take a break. I'm going to give my answer now.

Please don't. I really would rather we did it on the other side of this break. But we do have to go to a commercial. Here's the answer. No, please don't answer now. No, nope, nope. I'm really going to have to insist that we wait until after the break. We're going to take a break, but when we come back, we'll have more from Gillian Jacobs. My answer is... Nope, nope. Unfortunately, going to have to cut you off right now, but we're going to a break. We'll have more from Gillian Jacobs, more from Alamody Tony. We'll be right back after this. Alamody Tony. Sorry. Yeah.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back with Gillian Jacobs. Her movie Come Play is out this Friday. Gonna need a spell about that. Yeah, well, I didn't, I just, you guys said it so many times. How do you actually spell the title?

I always assumed it was C-O-M-E. Got it. But you've not seen the title. Like, you got a script with no title page. I said, take that title page off. It's like a Christopher Walken move. Too many spoilers. I don't like to know the title because it controls my performance. Is that a Christopher Walken? Well, he takes out all punctuation. Yes. Oh. It

Periods, commas, anything. He doesn't want them to hold him down. Semicolons. Oh, every piece of punctuation. Yeah, I always find when the lines make sense, the performance is worse. Exactly. Ha, ha, ha.

But of course, Come Play is out this Friday in theaters and we have a la modey Tony. No, it's not. I look, I love, I love pie and ice cream, but I'm not a la modey Tony. I'm a la modey Tony. What about pie and cheese, apple pie and cheese? Don't get it. I don't get that. I've never tried it. Cheddar? Never tried it. Can't bring myself to try it because it doesn't seem like it would work. Is it cold? They used to say apple pie without the cheese is like a hug without the squeeze.

But in these pandemic days, do you really want to be squeezing and hugging people anyway? Not at all. Are these the people that said this? Has anyone ever hugged you so tight a little fart came out? Not yet. I assume that was for alimony, Tony, not for myself. Although I bet you'd have an answer. I plead the fifth, unfortunately. Is that what it sounded like? Yes. My farts always sound like me pleading the fifth.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Alimony, Tony, before the break, you were about to give your answer to Gillian's question. Gillian proposed— I have forgotten the question at the meantime, yes. Well, she proposed to you. She said, will you marry me tonight? Oh, that's correct. That's correct. And if not, will you just give me alimony, which is not how it works. Is that right? You can't give alimony without being married. No, you must get—otherwise, it's just a, you know— It's a handout. It's a monetary gift.

Yeah, you want Gilly to pull her up by her own bootstraps. Well, until – if we are married, that would of course be different. Sure, then everything changes. But you're not just going to give away money. This is your hard-earned money. I don't give away money. I'm not in the business of giving away money. I'm in the business of being independently wealthy.

And of course, my song parodies, which I just- Oh, that's right. You are as- Well, Alimony Tony is a song parodist called Weirdimony Alimony Tony. That's right. I did momentarily forget that was a major component of my personality. We talked about that a lot the last time. I think we'll just skip over it this time, perhaps. Yes, I think usually it's the thing you want to talk about the most, and I think I was thrown. Usually you introduce it, and so-

I'll just go from there. But for whatever reason, you forgot. No, I'm not into it anymore. I checked out a couple. They're not my bag. That's easier for me. That explains those two YouTube views that I saw that I had. Usually you have one, which is you checking to make sure the video is uploaded properly. That's correct. That's correct. And it always is. It always is. Yeah, you've never missed a video, have you? Have you ever done the song, We're in the Money, but you're in the money because you give...

money to your ex-wife? Let's leave the ideas to weird-a-money-al-a-money-tiny, I think. You know, the thing about the videos is, of course, I have unlimited funds, so I spend a lot of money on the videos. I mean, I think they look terrific. Really? They're not just lyric videos? No, they're not just lyric videos. You didn't even watch the whole thing. You scrubbed through. Sorry. I scrubbed through. It starts with the lyrics. Here's what it is. It's the lyrics by themselves.

So you can memorize them. And then when the video of me acting out the song parody comes on, you can sing along. Because periodically in the videos, I'll lean into the camera and put my hand up next to my ear as if to say, I can't hear you. You point the mic at the camera lens as if you were Freddie Mercury at Live Aid pointing that mic stand at the- Yes, I take the whole top of the mic stand. Going, do-de-de-do-do. Beep-a-da-dap.

People on the streets. People on the streets, of course. Well, Alimony Tony, we want to get to your answer, but I'm wondering, should we hold on to it for a little while? I mean, it's so... Let's, because I need some more time with him. It's, yeah, maybe love will blossom over the next bit of the show. Perhaps it will. Hold your tongue, sir. It's curious because it seems...

like the idea we were heading towards was me not being in love and marrying to see if that changes anything. But now you're saying, Scott, perhaps let's hold on and see if I do fall in love. Yeah, let's hold on to the end. And can I talk to Gillian for a second? Do you mind just turning around and walking into the corner? Not at all.

Alimony, Tony? Gilly. I'm just going to Blair Witchett over here. Scott. Your usual moves. Okay, you've done quite a few episodes of this show, and I've seen you kind of try to lure a rich man in several, several times. Your usual moves are not working.

That's safe to say. You're laughing at his jokes. You're trying to find things in common with him. It's just not playing. Should I start a fight? What do I do? Yeah, I think more drama or try to neg him or something like that. Play the game. Do a mystery kind of thing, okay? Feel free to give me any hints along the way, Scott. No problem. That's what I'm here for. Thank you. I appreciate it. Bring him back. Bring him back. Alimony Tony. Alimony Tony. Come on back. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? How dare who?

Me? I know what you are thinking. Gillian, what are you talking about? And how dare you? What are these bitter recriminations? I'm very upset by the things I think you've been thinking, sir.

This sounds serious. This is like somebody's when they have a dream about you and you did something wrong and then they're still mad at you in real life. That's usually your significant other. I don't want to speak to him any further. So continue on, Scott. Oh, OK. You guys are going to fight. Scott, hold on a second.

I'm sorry. I got to be the mediator between the two of you now. Gillian, what is this? No, don't talk to her. Talk to me. Scott, you tell her that I said, what's going on? I don't want to be having done something wrong here. What have I done? How can I make it right? Okay, Gillian. Alimony Tony says, what have I? And then I kind of tuned out. Yes.

Didn't hear a lot of it. But yeah, anyway, he's upset about something. Well, I'm. Can I say, Scott, that was a terrible job. Well, look, I didn't ask to be the mediator. That was really. Yes, you did. You insisted. You made yourself the mediator. That's what I'm saying. I insisted upon it. Oh, you've got me there. Anyway, what do you want to say back to Alimony Tony Gillian? I certainly am. By the way, Loophole Larry, he'll be on the show in a few weeks from what I hear.

Refuse to explain why I'm upset, but say that I cried a little bit and it's all his fault. Alimony Tony, Gillian doesn't want to talk to you, but she was crying and she did happen to say it was all your fault. All right. So that one you nailed. I don't know something about her voice and just the content of every sentence she speaks. It's just so funny.

captivating that I can't help but be wrapped with attention. So sexist. I hate when people are like, it's always men are like, oh, women, their voices are so captivating. Never complaining about women's voices on podcasts. I can't vote for Hillary Clinton. She's too captivating. She was so captivating in that debate.

Scott, please, please, please tell Gillian I want to know how I can make things right. I apologize for whatever it is I've done. I want to learn. I want to grow as a person. And I certainly don't want to hurt her feelings.

Uh, Gillian, Alimony Tony said something about growing up and he's getting taller is what I'm trying, I guess. All right. All right. I'm firing you as the mediator. What? Yes, you're terrible. Do I get alimony? No, you don't get alimony. What? Mediator alimony. Who gets alimony from being fired? Maybe you get severance pay. Well, could you be severance, Tony? Because I'd like some. No, you hired yourself and I'm firing you.

Well, then I should be able to fire myself. You're fired. You're fired. Remember when that was fun? All right, Gillian, it's me, Alamori Tony. Please, what have I done wrong? How can I make this up to you? I want to know, and I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I don't remember what you did, but it was not nice, and I'm going to have to think about how you can make it up to me, but I will accept any ideas you have of things you could do to make this situation better. Starbucks gift card?

No. Yeah, I don't know. Amazon gift card. No. Getting warmer, though, probably. iTunes gift card. No. I'm trying to remember what else I've seen on that spinning rack at the supermarket.

Look, it's something that's maybe not an impulse buy at your local Ralph's, you know. All right. But I'll tell you what, Alimony and Tony, why don't you think about it here? You guys are obviously in a fight. You guys are... I guess we are. A terrible fight. Terrible fight. Oh, it's getting worse. Think about, think about, Alimony and Tony, what you can do to patch things up because we do need to get to our next guest. Please. All right. Maybe, maybe, you know, you guys could patch this up by the end of the show. Who knows? Who knows? Trying to figure out who else has gift cards. Holding out hope.

But we do have to get to our next guest. He is a... I mentioned it before. He's an entrepreneur. And it's a rare tweet. A rare tweet and a rare treat when we have an entrepreneur on the show. He is...

Well, he has a company that bears his name on it. Please welcome, for the first time in the show, Orville Redenbacher. Thank you for having me, Scott. Oh, it's money around here. I smell it. Alamode, Dodie, Gilly, and Jacobs. Scott Alkerman. It's money around here.

What a charming laugh. I love that laugh. Oh, charming. Orville Redenbacher, it's such a treat to have you on the show. I mean, you are, of course, the owner and proprietor of Orville Redenbacher Popcorn. Absolutely, Scott. And I'll tell you, boy, since this pandemic been happening, Scott, we've been going through the roof. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Meaning sales or you've been going through your own roof trying to clear out your attic or, I mean, a lot of downtime during the pandemic. Both things, Scott. You see, my house is full of asbestos. That's one thing. So we have to clear out the attic. But also popcorn sales are through the roof. I'm swimming in it, boy. Congratulations. I mean, yeah, I guess there's nothing else to do other than just, you know, lie around watching TV.

Everybody's sitting at home, Scott, watching Netflix, watching Hulu, watching Vivo, the music video. Tubi. Watching Tubi. Watching YouTube. Checking out Quibbies. Watching YouTube TV. Sure. Everything, Scott. You're really into streaming platforms, aren't you? Everybody at home watching Peacock.

Everybody at home watches CBS All Access. Of course. And you know what they love when they watch a CBS All Access. Oh, I know. Star Trek. Disco? Very. Star Trek and popcorn. Yes. Yeah.

Orville, or should I call you Mr. Redenbacher? You can call me Oville, Scott. Oville. Mr. Redenbacher. Your pictures on all of the jars of your popcorn and the bags of your popcorn, you are – I'm not telling a secret when I say you're an elderly octogenarian –

From the South. Is that right? Scott, don't tell them that. They may not know. Don't tell them that. But you are. How old are you? Right now? Sure. I'm 113 years old, Scott. And how old did you used to be? How old I used to be? I used to be 112, 111, 110, 109. Sure. All the way down. 108, 107. Did you ever skip a year? Never skipped a year, Scott. I hit every year. Oh. Congratulations. I hit every year in the book, Scott.

Yeah. A lot of people wish that we could have skipped this year. But I mean, this year has been, well, the rich get richer during the pandemic. I mean, you are a wealthy popcorn magnet. Absolutely. I'm a wealthy popcorn magnate. And we're making money during the pandemic because everybody's sitting at home watching cable, Spectrum.

They all at home watching Cox. Direct TV. They all at home watching DirecTV. They all at home watching Verizon Fiber Optics. AT&T Fiber Optics. Oh, Scott and they all eating popcorn. They are. Alamone Tony. Gillian Jacobs. Yeah. What a pleasure. Y'all like popcorn? Of course I do. But sometimes it makes...

My stomach hurt. It makes your stomach hurt? Yes. Why is that? Is it because, is it expanding upon reaching the liquid that's in your stomach? Or is it- Or is it contracting? Is your stomach contracting? Yes. And closing in on the popcorn in there. Yeah.

Hmm. I'm not, you know, I was studying popcorn science at university, but I dropped out. So I never got to find the answer to this question, but perhaps. That's too bad. I mean, you could have had a popcorn scientist here, Orville Redenbacher. I mean. I know. I would have gave you a job right now, Gillian Jacobs. I would have, attention, attention, all Orville Redenbacher workers. We got a brand new worker.

And her name is Gillian Jacobs. And she on TV. You can see her on Hulu. Oh, wait. So this is a separate universe where she not only completes and matriculates her popcorn education, but then also goes on to become the famous actress she is now. Absolutely. And you can see her on Netflix. Yes. You can see her on Amazon Prime. Soon, yes. All of that stuff. You can watch a movie. Play with the cum. Wait, watch the movie what?

What's the movie called? What's the movie called? You have the title cracked, I think.

What's the movie called, Gilead Jacob? Scott says it best. Scott? It's not play with the cum. It's cum play. Oh, cum play. My apology. Two totally different movies. If you've been watching that one, you've been watching the wrong movie, but, you know, maybe the right movie for you. I ain't got no time for movies right now, Scott, because I'm rolling in it, baby. Oh, because you're spending money or making popcorn or both? Both. Both.

What's life been like? Like, what's the, I mean, such a, such an incredible year for you. What, what's it been like for you? What have you spent your money on? I also have a question for Orville Redenbacher. Is this a subset of my question or is this a separate? No, this is a separate question. Can I ask this first and get it out of the way? Sure. Go ahead.

Orville, I'm not sure. Do you sell any ready-made bags of your popcorn or is it all in the jar or the microwavable pouch? It's all in the jar, in the microwavable pouch. You got to make it at your house.

And it takes about two minutes and 30 seconds in the microwave. And during that time, might I recommend you look at the video on YouTube. Look at a short music video on Vivo. But you could stream that to your TV as well, right? You can cast it if you got Apple TV. I'm probe cast. Does that do anything for you? You can use probe cast, but it's an inferior product to the Apple TV.

I have a suggestion. Perhaps you could hire Alimony Tony to make some fun musical parody videos about the proper way to pop popcorn.

Oh, that sounds nice. That's a good idea, Gillian Jacobs. Here's another idea as well. I just want to build on what Gillian said. There's no bad ideas, but I'm going to take it in a different direction. What if you hired Alimony Tony to make gaseous popcorn? Ooh. Essentially like popcorn in a vial. What's that popcorn you can eat off a fork? I know, I know. It's serious. Now, here's the thing. I'm not a scientist. I didn't invent the gaseous paper. My mother did.

I have no idea how it works, how it's made. Is she still with us? No, my mother's passed on. As I said, I said my entire family is dead. I'm so sorry. What happened to your mama? She died of old age. Oh, I can't relate. How old? How...

How old was her old age? 110. I mean, that's old. Oh, I remember them days. Well, I was in the streets high stepping, stomping with the big dogs when I was 110. You were out in these streets at 110? Oh, yes, Scott. I was in these streets spending that popcorn money, buying fancy cars and diamond rings. Alamoia Tony, you need to sell yourself better. Maybe you could do some sample lyrics.

I would be happy to. If you name a song that you think would be related to the popcorn, name a song, and I'll try to do a parody related to the popcorn industry. Yeah, I was going to say the other way. Okay, well, you don't have to because we sorted it all out. Okay. How about Uptown Girl by Billy Joel? Oh, this is perfect. I mean, Uptown has the exact same amount of syllables as popcorn. I know. Scott, you're going to get ahead of me in my process.

All right, let's see. Uptown girl. Uptown girl. Half a chance. Okay, so if I say uptown, popcorn goes in there nicely. Popcorn. Is it popcorn girl or do I change that? Maybe I change it to popcorn world because that's a double parody where it's the same syllables and the word to the word rhyme. Uh,

Popcorn world. You've been living. Okay, that's part of the original song. I don't want to use that. I want to just throw that out. But my old ones, the popcorn world wouldn't. I'm excited. What about popcorn cur? Like popcorn kernel. Like shortening kernel to cur? Popcorn cur. Gillian, I might have to see you in my office at the end.

For a reprimand or for a bonus? I can't quite tell where you land on that. For a reprimand, a demerit, and a bonus because we rolling in it, Scott. We're making money. Oh, I do like, I think that's very charming, the idea of calling kernels. A corn kernel. Hey, pass me that jar of kers. I'm going to make some popcorn. So I would go, okay, here we go. Popcorn world, when you got a snack and it's, hold on a second.

I like that a little bit, yeah. One thing I should say is, Alimony Tony, I've watched a couple of his videos. This is how they all start. Okay. Him spitballing the idea and then getting frustrated one and a half lines in. People like to see the process. But then when you see the finished parody. But these are the professionally recorded versions. Absolutely. So that by the time, don't you think it's more satisfying? Well, you would know because you scrubbed through. But when you see the finished videos.

It's like you overcoming adversity. To have come along the entire process with me, I think it makes the finished video all the more satisfying, which I guess people, I wish there's no views, so I guess I'm in the minority. People might love it. They might not. They just haven't seen it.

Popcorn world. It's the snack for on the couch you curl. You're watching Netflix and give odd. Okay. I'm almost there, but you see the beginnings of it. So it's just a matter of me working it out and getting there, and then I present you with the finished product. Right now, this idea is like a popcorn curr. It's small, but eventually- It's like the curr of an idea. Yeah. Eventually, it could blow up into a full-

you know, a bit of popcorn here and fully realized. What do you think, Orville? Well, Gillian Jacobs said that popcorn make her stomach hurt. And that's what I just figured out. You only eating the curs. Oh! You got to let them cook first, Gillian Jacobs. You got to let them pop on the outside. An issue for your teeth. Yes, silly, silly me. I just unscrew the jar and eat the curs.

Raw. Is that mainly what you were thinking of, Orville, during Alimony Tony's song? Oh, I was thinking about how I can't wait to watch this video on YouTube, on Dailymotion.

On Indiegogo. Vimeo? Vimeo. And Indiegogo when I can send some money to his cause. Let me tell you something. I do like when you go to the movies, you get a bag of popcorn. You get down to the bottom where there's a couple of old maids in there. There's a couple of half pops. And you know that there's kernels in there. And you know you shouldn't be chewing on them.

But you do it anyway. You're rolling the dice and saying, I'm going to get through this and it's going to be satisfying. And usually it is. Every once in a while you have to go get emergency dental surgery. But most of the time it is very satisfying to crunch all those curves. Some people like to eat popcorn while they're watching all kinds of movies. Such as? Carrie. Oh, you're just listing movies, not kinds of movies. Carrie. Carrie 2.

Carrie 2's electric boogaloo. That's when Carrie was doing telekinetic breakdancing. That's a good one right there. She'll rotate the cardboard with her mind. Is that the entirety of the list? Back to the Future 3.

It was almost as if you remembered you laughed like that suddenly. Scott, listen, in Orville's defense, you've never had a facet of your personality that you've forgotten about because you haven't used it for months. You forgot you did song parodies. I forgot I did song parodies. It seems like that's all you would be doing during the pandemic. It's a thing that's very important to me. I...

I talked about it a great deal, and yet I just haven't spoken to anyone else in such a while. I forgot about it. All right. Well, look, we need to take a break. Before –

You know, I was just thinking, Orville Redenbacher, before we go to the break, you are an elderly rich man who may perish soon. I just wanted to point that out. It was an interesting fact that just popped in my head. It's rude to talk about somebody's mortality. Sorry. I just wanted to bring it up. What would Orville's wife think if he heard you say that? My wife died 71 years ago. 71? Yeah.

My word. Never remarried. And why is that? Well, we can talk about it after the break. Let's talk about it right now. Nope. Want to talk about it after the break. We need to come right back. We're going to have more with Gillian Jacobs, more with Alimony Tony, more with Orville Redenbacher. We'll be right back with Comedy Bank after this. Alimony Tony. This cold and flu season, Instacart is here to help deliver all of your sick day essentials.

Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer, and that lemon tea your Nana swears by, or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup, and a lot more tissues, simply download the Instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders. Service fees and terms apply.

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back with Gillian Jacobs. Do you want to say your catchphrase, by the way? I don't think we caught it on the last segment. My goodness, my goodness. Yes, that's how you know it's her. It's perfect. We also have Alimony Tony, who is wrestling with how he insulted Gillian and what he's going to do to make it up to her. I wish I knew. All I want to do is make it up to her.

And we also have Orville Redenbacher, who is an elderly rich man who is the head of the Redenbacher Empire. Are you a member of the Four Comma Club or the Three Comma Club? What is your net worth? That's rude to ask, Scott, but I tell you, I'm a member of the Five Comma Club. What? Wow. Is that quadrillions? How do we even – what do we call those? I got $2 trillion all in gold bars.

Oh, OK. Because they're gold bars, they're worth more. So it takes you up to another comma. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. OK. Yeah. OK. Got it. Well, in any case, just wanted to point out that you are, of course, a very rich person who is on his last legs. Are you sick at all or? Scott, I feel like I felt 83 years ago. I feel alive. I feel alive. I feel great. Can't nothing happen to me, Scott. Nothing. Nothing.

Okay, great. And you think you – do you think you're immortal or do you think you just – Can any man be your equal?

No man can be my equal except Jesus Christ. Oh, boy. We're getting into some religious territory that we don't normally get into on this show. Let's talk about it, Scott. A statement you don't hear people make often. No man can be my equal except Jesus Christ. And then only an equal. Not better. Not better, Scott. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He also laughs like that. It was an Overbunker laugh. If I was a rich man. Now you're walking on his side of the street. Careful, he's coming for you, Halimony. Weirdville Weirdenbarker.

Well, Orville, I asked you before, but are you sick? Are you had any health scares or anything concerning? Any dark spots on any x-rays? Moles with irregular borders. I am the picture of health. All my moles got normal borders and they closed. Build that wall. Am I right? May I ask your opinion as a person?

wealthy businessman, how would you go about seducing a wealthy businessman? Yeah, if one were to seduce you, Orville, I know you haven't been married in 70 some odd years. And maybe that's for a reason. Maybe no one has seduced you properly. What would you want to have happen from a partner?

Hmm. That's a great question. What would you want to have happen from a partner? Yeah. That's a great question. All right. Let me think about it. Okay. New wrinkle to this voice. That seems like a loophole to say great question. That's a great question. I feel like I want a woman to come up to me and say, ain't you that popcorn man from the popcorn bottles? And I'll say, yeah. Popcorn man.

And she just grabbed my nuts and started swinging me around. Started swinging you around? Yeah, I'm not the biggest man. Very slender. I'm not getting a sense of how tall you are, though, on this Zoom. What are you, three feet tall or something? I'm three foot six. Three six. 64 pounds. If you're an inch tall.

You don't get a sense of that on your bottles. You know, it's just a headshot. I didn't realize the bottles were life-size. I don't want nobody to see my body. You're ashamed of it. But you want someone who's into your height, who's going to pick you up by the testicles and swing you around. That's right, Scott. And is that what your dear departed wife did when she met you? Every morning. Every morning? Every morning before she had a coffee and a popcorn cereal.

She had popcorn cereal. Popcorn is very cereal-like if you think about it. It truly is. I can understand how it would look. It would look normal if you poured milk on it. It would. You know why people put kicks on Christmas trees? They're supposed to put popcorn and they started putting kicks.

That was a direct attack on me. Yeah, I mean, I can only assume December is your biggest month, what with everyone stringing popcorn all over their Christmas trees. And then suddenly the Kix Corporation takes over. You must have taken quite a hit. Every morning when my wife wakes up, she grabs my nuts and swings me all around the room. How about that? I mean, you got all the way through. For the first try, that's the farthest I've gotten. Ha ha ha ha.

So I can imagine that there hasn't been another woman to do that because it's an odd thing to do upon your first meeting of someone. But were that to occur, what would you do? Would you just marry that person right away? Occur is spelled O-C-K-E-R. That's right. Thank you. If that were to happen again, if somebody randomly walked up to me and said, I ain't you the popcorn man. That's a important part of it, by the way, saying ain't you the popcorn man.

You got to say that. Ain't you the man for the popcorn bottle? Ain't you the man for the popcorn bottle? And then she grabs my nuts and swings me around. She can have my whole fortune. Wow. All five commas. Five commas. Wow. Now, how will that happen in this time of distancing? How are you supposed to meet someone who's going to grab your nuts and swing you around? Got to go to Florida somewhere where they're not taking it seriously. Right. Makes sense.

Georgia. And if a woman were not to do that, no sale? No sale. No dice. No card. Hmm. Well...

An interesting conundrum here for our main guest, Gillian Jacobs of Compré. Oh, what are the rankings? What are the guest rankings? Okay, so Gillian's the main guest. Yes. And where do I fall? By the vice guest? You're vice president, yes, of course. And we have treasurer guest over here is Orville Redenbacher. Oh, that's me? I thought I was guest-a-terrier of education. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Gillian likes it. Can I talk to Gillian for a second without you guys listening? Sure. When you come back, I think it's important that we designate a designated survivor in case something happens to one of us. Gillian. What? You got two guys on the hook here. How am I supposed to grab his body part and swing him around? We're on Zoom.

I mean... He said that's the only way to his heart. I don't know what I can do here. Yeah, you're a little... I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to be here. Wait! What are you doing here? I'm more mad at you now! I want to help. I want to help. Do you remember the early days of Facebook? You could poke people.

Maybe there's a virtual grab and swing you can do. Just look at the Zoom settings. Maybe in the chat or something like that. Maybe you could describe you doing it and that's virtually you doing it. I'm going to go back over there with Orville. Thank you, Alimony Tony. She's still mad at you, by the way. I know. I'm sorry to butt in over here. Orville, you're listening too? But I just wanted to know, would any of y'all like a cup of kernels of popcorn?

Yes, please. Can you leave them in the chat for us? Absolutely. And that's just exactly like the real thing, right? If someone were to do something in a chat, it's exactly like doing it in real life. You could print it out, ball it up and eat it. Oh, don't forget salt. Okay. Thank you. Scott, all I see is invite, mute me and raise hand. Maybe I should just hit all three at once. All three at once might do it. Yeah. Okay. You want to do it? Okay, here we go. Ready? And here we go.

Oh, my nuts. You forgot the first half, Gilly. Make sure you say it. You're the man from the popcorn. Let him go. Yeah, hit him off. That's the end of that lamp.

You forgot the first part. She said it. She said it. What was it? I didn't say it in the character. You don't even know. I remember. Oh, no. It's like a spell. If you don't say the words properly, something terrible happens. I mean, she paraphrased a little bit, but she essentially said, hey, ain't you the popcorn man? Oh, this is supposed to be ain't you the man from the popcorn bottle. Oh, Scott. You've changed it. You've ruined my chances. I'm sorry. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. My legs are turning to dust. Oh, no. My arms are turning to dust. You killed him, Scott. You killed him? You're the one who grabbed him by the nuts. No, you're the one who said the incantation improperly. I'll remember you.

All of you. What a nice thing to say. It stopped at my head. Oh, okay. He's just a head. Just a head in a pile of dust. Oh, my gosh. People can still tell I'm the man from the popcorn bottle because it's just my head as well. That is true. You sound like yourself. Let's be honest. Your head is probably two-thirds of your body. I mean, you had a little tiny stick figure body on top of a normal-sized head. Your bow tie turned to dust as well. Oh, wow.

I don't know that I would recognize you and say, hey, ain't you the popcorn man if I didn't see your bow tie. Ain't you the man from the popcorn bottle? Why is this so hard for people? Everyone knows what a popcorn bottle is. It's a very common thing. You just say, ain't you the man from the popcorn bottle? Everybody eats their popcorn out of bottles. Oh, I eat it by the bottle full. I bought a six pack of popcorn the other day.

Well, Gillian, I don't know. Ruined it. Yeah, I'm sorry. Ruined it. Look, can I talk to you for a second? Oh, fine. What? No, not you, Alimony. I'm sorry. I was talking to Gillian. How come I'm never part of the secret meeting? Hey, I'll have a secret meeting with you right after this if you want to. All right. I look forward to it. All right. Here we go. Gillian, so you blew it with Redenbacher over here. Correction. You blew it. All right. Let's not point fingers because whenever we do that, there's three fingers pointing back. Pretty loud, Alimony.

All right, all right. We'll keep it up. I guess I got to – should I pivot back? You got to get it back to Alimony Tony. This is your last chance. Look, I've been worried about you because you used to have like NBC sitcom money and now you're doing indie films, you know? I don't know. And from what I can tell, you're sitting in a closet, which –

I don't know if there's a house attached to that or just you're in a closet or something. I mean, I worry about you. Thank you. I'm worried about me, too. I looked you up on Celebrity Net Worth the other day, and I was aghast at what I saw. You need to get those numbers up, baby. All right. Well, give me a hint. Give me a hint. I'm getting nowhere. Okay. Well, you need to close this guy, okay? You need to, first of all— Like, clothesline him? Yeah.

No, and that's what you almost did to Orville over there. No, you need to land this big fish, okay? All right, okay. Come on back, everyone. Orville, you still here? I'm still here. That's right, you're left. A little head.

We're running out of time, Gillian. Alimony, Tony. Tony, Tony, Tony, alimony. I feel like there's unresolved issues here between Tony and Gillian here. Is there anything you want to say? Well, Gillian, I'm so sorry. The last thing I'd want to do, you're such a wonderful young woman. The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings in any way. And please accept my hearty apologies and let me know how can I make it up to you.

Well, it's so funny. I did think of one thing, one little thing you could do for me. Get him, Gillian. Get him. Get him, sis. Marry me. I beg your pardon? It sounds very ominous, but I feel like you're saying marry me. It's my lizard voice. Oh, I see. Now that's an old-fashioned girl who uses a lizard voice to propose to a man. Gillian, what choice do I have but to say yes? Of course. What?

I did it. It's been months since I've been married. I'm due. Let's do this. Da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da.

Wow. Brilliant. You did it. You're the winner of our showcase showdown. Now, unfortunately, you didn't come within $500, so you don't get both Alimony Tony and Orville. You just get Alimony Tony. So you won't be a bigamist here. Again. Again, that's right. Alimony Tony, should we just do this?

Yes, let's do it. Let's do it. I'm ready. Comedy bang bang. Comedy bang bang. Comedy bang bang. Comedy bang bang. Yes, let's start the episode. Comedy bang bang. Comedy.

That's how Gillian, she associates all of her marriages with that theme song. So that's what she wants to walk down the aisle to. Oh, I understand. Yes. So it's like, here comes the bride. So here she is. I was wondering why she was doing that. Here she is. Is there anything- I don't want to view an officiant. I am, certainly. You legally can marry us. Although I believe the last time, didn't Reverend Parsimony marry you? Yes. Yes. Parsimony? Parsimony, that's right, yes. Troublesome man. I don't think he's around, though. Thank goodness. So unfortunately, it'll-

It'll have to be me. Alimony, Tony, anything you want to say to her? Gillian, since I first met you, it's been an hour. And now here we are, standing at the altar, ready to pledge our truth to each other and be married for, I hope, forever this time. A lifetime. I do.

I do, I do, I do. I do, I do, I do. I didn't even want to wait for me to ask you. You are just all in. I do, I do. Bang, bang. All right. Bang, bang.

I'm the popcorn girl. She's showing her parodies. Orville is spitting kernels out of his mouth. It's like you're throwing rice at a wedding. All right, well, it's not over yet because I haven't pronounced it. Is there anyone who objects to this wedding? I object. What? Record scratch. Under what grounds? Gillian, ever since I met you and I will go, I said that Wubble right there is going to be my second wife. I have been married in 71 years.

And I know that it's time today to put this gold popcorn kernel on your left ring finger. Oh, my God. He's holding out a golden popcorn kernel attached to a wedding band. How is he doing this with just a head? He's doing it with his tongue, of course. I can't compete with this guy. Scott, I need you to do one quick thing for me.

Go to Celebrity Net Worth. Okay. Type in both of these gentlemen's names. All right. Hold on. And that's how I'll know what to do. Hold on. Hold on. Typing. Typing. Enhancing. Enhancing. Enhancing. Mm-hmm.

Oh my God, they're exactly equal. Oh my goodness. Of course, all of Orville's is in gold bars. Okay, does that... Wait, you said that means it's worth more? Hold on. Do your gold bar conversion. Enhancing. Enhancing. Zooming in on enhancing. Don't look up bold gars. Oh, I looked up bold gars. Those are shameless fish.

If you factor in the conversion rate, they still are exactly as rich as one another. Oh my goodness. What is being made around him?

I'm going to go with Orville then, I guess. Oh, alimony. Tony, I'm so sorry. In the middle of your wedding. I can't believe it. I fell in love. A few steps away from the finish line. I know. I left at the altar. That's a first for me. It's never happened before. But I wish Gilly nothing but the best. And, of course, Orville, the better man or head of a man won.

I'll be back. I got enough money to buy my body back. Anybody that I want to buy. Name somebody who just died. I'll take their body. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I'm going to take Ruth Bader's body. Ruth Bader Bodyberg. All right. So if we see Orville Redenbacher on the head of a woman with a long black cape.

Then we'll know it's you, right? I think it's a robe. It would be his head. I believe it was a robe. A lot of problems there, Scott. A robe is a backwards cape. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, Orville. We never do see them from the back. It's true. It's open like when you go to a hospital. Doctors count. That's right.

They could just be wearing another garment backwards. What if they're all naked from the back? That's all I can think about now. Oh, my gosh. Well, congratulations, Gilly and Orville. But you're going to have to get married on your own time because we're running out of time here. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That's a little something called plugs. Plugs. You gotta put them in your bag. Yeah, plugs. Plugs.

Oh, nice. That was egg punk plug. Some junk by Evan. One, one, one, one, one. That's five ones.

Thanks so much to... Was that a robot that wrote that song? Yeah, it might be some sort of simulation or an algorithm wrote it. Chilling. Better than any song you wrote. Well, to be fair, I just paradise existing songs. True, true enough, true enough. All right, what are we plugging? Gillian, obviously you have a major motion picture coming out in theaters this Friday.

Yes. Say the title once again for the people at home. Come play. Yes. And then my episode of 616 on Disney Plus in November. Fantastic. Alimony Tony, what are you plugging here? Well, I just like to plug a couple of podcasts that I like to listen to. One's called Stay F. Hopkins. It's a married couple who are doing a podcast in quarantine. They thought they'd be done by now, but it's still going.

Another one is The Neighborhood Listen, a very funny podcast where two people take posts from the Nextdoor app and they use it as improv comedy fodder. They've had a lot of great guests, including people like Carl Tartt. Hello, Mudder. Improv fodder.

What do you think of that as a parodist? Hello, brother. Improv fodder. I would change the hello, brother part to something else. Okay. Hello, brother. Improv fodder. Sure. Absolutely. Okay. Thank you. And another podcast called Freedom.

That's three people. I could talk about that. I mean, that's three people talking over each other and a lot like this show in some ways. Three people talking over each other, but they're real people that are really talking. Real people really talking. And that's out for free currently. That's Paul F. Tompkins, myself, and Lauren Lapkus. Oh, wait. Are you the Scott that's on Threedom? I am the Scott that's on Threedom. I never put it together.

Our first episode came out Thursday, and people can subscribe to that. They're all coming out for free here on the Earwolf Network or wherever people get their podcasts. Well, that's wonderful news. Okay. And Orville, what do you have to plug here? Okay. Well, I always want to plug eating popcorn. And then you know what you can watch while you're eating that popcorn is connecting on NBC Thursday nights at 8 o'clock.

You can watch that there. Is that on currently or is that about to premiere? That's on currently. It premiered a couple weeks ago. And it's on right now. You can watch it if you got Xfinity from Comcast. Charter Spectrum. Cox Communications.

Optimum by Altice. Time Warner? MediaCom cable. Wow. Suddenlink communication. Sparklight, which is formerly. Isn't Optimum from Altice a Housewives spinoff? It's on Bravo. Optimum from Altice. Now you can watch it on Bravo. And if you want to watch Bravo, you can watch it on New Wave Communications, Midco, Wave Broadband, Atlantic Broadband. So many cable providers out there.

Oh, of course. Peacock. Yes. All right. Well, I, you know, I was going to plug freedom, but alimony Tony beat me to the punch, but also I guess you can check out all episodes of the comedy bang, bang TV show of which you were on like three of those. Oh, yes. Four. I think you might've been on four of them and you dress like Peewee Herman in one for our Halloween episode. Perfect time to watch the Halloween episodes. By the way, this week we did a,

four Halloween episodes and Gilly was in our episode 511 or 512 as Pee Wee Herman. And a great time to watch those. You can watch all of those on AMC Plus, which is a new streaming service that's something like $9 a month. But I think you get Breaking Bad's and Walking Dead's and stuff. How come none of these services do like a minus? I was just going to say,

I was just thinking that. Hey, you know those shows we do that you don't like? They're not on here. Oh, less. And less is more. Less is more. Less is more.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Can I sing the plug songs? Yeah, go ahead. Do you want to have a closing up the plug bag theme? Go ahead. I would like everyone to join me. Okay, great. Everyone. And a one. And a two. And a one. Two, three. Close it up. Close it up. Close it up. Close it up. Close it up. Close it up. Close it up. Close it up. Close it up. We're going to close it up.

You know, I mean, shorter than the normal one actually gets the details right, says closing up the plug back instead of opening it. I mean, you know, maybe lacks something melodically compared to the one that we normally do. I'll take that note. Are you sure about that? Not at all. Okay.

I mean, because the other guy adds music to it. That's where the melody comes in. Sure, of course. Guys, I want to thank you so much. Gillian, always great to see you, and I hope everything's going well. But wonderful to have you around these parts. Please don't be a stranger. Come by more often if you can. She's blowing kisses for the listener. It doesn't necessarily translate, or she's doing something as her lizard person. I can't quite tell.

That's my lizard goodbye and my human kiss. Ah, wonderful. And Elemony Tony, I'm sorry we couldn't make a love connection here for you. Hey, that's all right. Look, I've been around the block. You know what I mean? Yeah. Love happens and love goes away. I'm afraid you're going to have to keep all that money. Ah.

For now. You'll get rid of it. Don't worry. Thank you, Scott. Thank you for believing in my failures. Yes, of course. Orville, I'm glad that we could make a love connection. And soon you'll have half the money that you normally have. But to a disembodied head, that's certainly more than enough, is it not? It's more than enough. And I'm soon going to be on Ruth Body Ginsburg's body.

And I have all my money back because everybody's eating popcorn. All right, everyone eat popcorn this week to make sure that Gillian gets enough money. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.