Bonus Bang: Jason Mantzoukas, Manchester Orchestra, Andy Daly, Paul F. Tompkins, Jessica McKenna, Tim Baltz, Lily Sullivan, Shaun Diston, Jon Gabrus, Carl Tart, Dan Lippert, Ego Nwodim (The 12th Anniversary Show!)
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Hey, everyone. My name is Scott Aukerman, and welcome back for another Bonus Bang. Bonus Bangs being, of course, previously recorded episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that we're re-releasing out from behind the paywall. And we are currently in the middle of giving you some great anniversary episodes from our past to celebrate...

Comedy Bang Bang's upcoming 16th anniversary. And this one was released on May 2nd, 2021. And it's originally episode number 704 and titled The 12th Anniversary Show.

So this features Andy Daly as Byron Denniston and Dalton Wilcox. Jessica McKenna as Marjorie Kershaw. Tim Baltz as Randy Snutt. Lily Sullivan as Carissa. Sean Diston as Sprague the Whisperer. John Gabrus as Gino Lombardo. Carl Tartt as Charles Barkley. Dan Lippert as Bill Walton. Ega Wotum as Charlotte Hornet. And Jason Manzoukas as Jason Manzoukas. And...

An extra special treat is there's music from Manchester Orchestra. And even more special than that, this is the first appearance of The Grizz played by Paul F. Tompkins. Now, we talked about this on The Best Ofs, but Paul came in originally going to do another character. And when Jason and Andy and I were talking about You'll Hear It, we suddenly found out about the existence of a person named The Grizz.

Paul stepped in as the Grizz and the rest is history. So if you enjoy this and you want more Comedy Bang Bang, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com. You get every single episode ad-free as well as every episode we've ever recorded and all live episodes. A lot of great exclusive shows like The Neighborhood Listen, Scott Hasn't Seen, CBB Presents. We're going to have a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang on Monday, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Yeah.

Comedy, comedy, bang, bang. Comedy, comedy, bang, bang. Comedy, comedy, bang, bang.

Make peace with the fish and she'll grant you a wish. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Mmm. I like the concept of that, that people out there have beef with fishes or fish with beefas. Beefas? Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. Thank you to Teenage Grave Robber for that catchphrase submission. Teenage Grave Robber. Thank you so much. And what a week it is.

My name is Scott Aukerman and an incredible achievement we have unlocked.

for this podcast. We are, this is our 12th anniversary. We are, I think last week I said we were closing out our 11th year. No, we have closed out our 12th year and this is the first episode of our 13th year, aka the 12th anniversary. Wow. Yes. So welcome to the show. Breaking off another 13. Well, we're breaking off our 13th.

Second twelfth. Twelves. I don't know. We're in the middle, of course, of our eighth hundo as we broke off another one a couple episodes ago with our friend who's here. We have plenty of friends from the show returning all throughout this episode, plus some other stuff, but I want to introduce him first. He, of course, is the Dink Dink Man. He is the Hainong Man himself. Yes.

You know him from The Dictator and only from The Dictator. Single credit. Single credit guest here. Please welcome back to the show, Jason Mantzoukas. Yeah. Happy anniversary, Scott. Wow. Thank you so much. Who would have thought? Who would have thought? Who would have ever thought back in 2009 that this would continue past three weeks, let alone 12 years? That this scrappy little art upstart that was being broadcast out of a radio station

would turn into this. Or now in each other's closets. Would turn into us locked in our closets, terrified to see and touch each other.

Jason, thank you so much for being back here on our 12th anniversary episode. Of course, we covered everything there is to cover the last time you were on, Amir, four episodes or so ago. You know what I was very grateful for? I heard from a lot of people after the last episode that said, thank you for not talking about comic books.

yes a lot of they were so relieved they were so grateful anytime we mentioned it but that we were not then we moved on we're not gonna get into this because even though we're so relieved about that fact because we could we could talk about them for hours oh we could talk about them you know in a private setting in a professional setting the recent moon night run that'll most likely be the basis for the oscar isaac tv show we read that and

We could talk about comics as they relate to also the pop culture that we're digesting. Of course we could, but we don't want to do it on Comedy Bang Bang. We don't want that. We hate it. We hate the concept of it. So thank you for not doing it. I'm embarrassed that it even came up on this episode. So thank you for bringing it up so that we can abruptly move on from it. Yes, thank you.

How are you doing? How do you feel at closing out 12 years of this? You're entering what is commonly known as your baker's dozen year. My bacon dozen year. Your baker's dozen. A baker's dozen is 13. I eat 12 pieces of bacon before every episode. Your bacon's dozen year.

You know, I never thought I would get past 10, honestly, because I don't think I've ever done anything in my life that has exceeded 10 years. How long have you been married? Oh, that's right. Never mind. No, I think that's been 12 as well.

Did you start both? Yeah, I guess you started a marriage. You could say you started a marriage. But did you guys get married the same year that you started Bang Bang? We did in the same 12-month period, but not in the same calendar year. But yeah, we got married a few months before this started. So really, the best times of my life have been doing this show and married to the widow. You really peaked 12 years ago. Peaked? Yeah.

I think the show's gotten better and better, but who knows? Read the boards. Uh-oh. Tread the boards. Add a little tea to that read the boards and you got something. The immortal bard. But Jason, we have to introduce some very important guests here. They are providing musical accompaniment to the episode. They were on the show for...

years ago I can't believe it was that long ago but they were on four years ago promoting their previous album and

And they are back this week promoting their album, which just came out Friday. That is, they made it a point to make this the hub and the centerpiece of their promotional appearances, if you can believe it. Wow. They are here promoting their new record, The Million Masks of God. Please welcome back to the show, Andy and Robert. That's right. Manchester Orchestra is here. Nice. Nice.

Thank you so much for having us It is our pleasure Lovely to meet you both Did you guys time the release of this new record? We did To the 12th anniversary? We did It's been ready for years but 12 was specific We wanted to wait a few

It feels particularly advantageous to do it now because, you know, you're going to promote on this episode, which is going to be probably the biggest episode of the year. Biggest episode of the year, undoubtedly. Yes. And could very potentially be, you know, the biggest accolade for us of the year. So, you know, it's a win-win. Well, you know, you talk about this being a big accolade and yet, Andy, you know,

I go to your Wikipedia page, which is, of course, my primary resource for all research on this podcast. And I see a little section by the name of appearances in other media. And I start salivating because I know a Comedy Bang Bang reference is...

And we have television performances, late night, late show with David Letterman, late night Conan O'Brien, et cetera, et cetera. Television episodes where you're not even in them, but your songs are just played on them. Movies, video games, not a mention of Comedy Bang Bang anywhere on the page. What do you say to that? I,

I'm going to have to tell my mom who edits that page that she needs to kind of get her facts right. And we'll take it from there. This is like, I'm as embarrassed as you are. This is some gotcha journalism from Scott. This is the only reason I wanted you back. I mean, I like the music and everything, but very Fox news of you. This is like lure them in and then be like, no, am I to believe that?

No, I am very happy to have you back. But, you know, hey, all you Wikipedia, not sleuths necessarily, but all of you Wikipedia bandits out there who like leaving stuff. I guess bandits take stuff. A Wikipedia bandit would be more like someone who edits things out of pages, wouldn't they?

I would think so. They would steal the information from the page and not make it publicly available anymore. I mean, they might they might fence it to another page. They might like sell it. They might sell that information to another page. Andy Robert, what if you were to make your Wikipedia page? What if what if your mom were to edit on to the page in its own section, a comedy bang bang appearance and then make that an NFT?

Oh, now we're talking. Oh, I'd love to get into NFTs and what they are like. How should we be monetizing this episode right now as an NFT? Yes, I think every episode should be an NFT. I think didn't Kings of Leon make their recent band an NFT? They made the band an NFT. It's no longer a band. They made the actual bands.

Wait, what? Yeah, it's insane. I think they had that sex that they did that was on fire. You're saying KOL or an NFT? No longer a band. He heard it here first. Konft.

Well, guys, welcome back to the show. And you're going to be playing songs from your new record all throughout the show. And The Million Masks of God, tell us a little bit about the record. I mean, this is a weird time to be releasing a record. You can't go out on tour, right? Yeah, it is a bit weird. I mean, I feel fortunate that we've been able to wait a little bit. I feel bad for the artists that released things last year and had no way to perform them at all. Don't feel bad for Haim? No.

I saw him on the Grammys. Isn't that the name of a song you're working on? Don't feel bad for Hein. Yeah, it is. It's a bit strange, but at a certain point, we finished this album right before everything locked down, and we were able to spend a really long time mixing it because everything was in lockdown. So you've been sitting on this for a year, which, by the way, is a song that Jason's been writing as well. Yeah. I've been sitting on this for a year. Yeah.

Yes, in a way we have. So luckily we still really like it. Every time we kind of listen to it, every few months we'd go like, oh, right, this is still good. So that was a good sign we didn't want to tinker with it anymore. This is a hardcore Ska album, right? It is, yes. At its core, for sure. Yeah.

It's great. I, of course, it came out on Friday, and so I've listened to it. It's about an hour, so I've listened to it about 72 times since Friday. That's incredible. Wow. Just on repeat? Yeah, just have it on a loop. No sleep all night? No sleep? Of course not. Who needs to sleep when a new Manchester Orchestra album is out there? Thank you, man. That's nice to hear.

It is quite an accomplishment, and I'm glad you guys still like it because I love it. And you're going to be playing songs from it here throughout the show. And it's just the two of you. It's not the full band, but you guys are in your studio here. You have, it looks to be like four guitars up there on the walls. Yeah, these are the four we own. You only own four guitars? You guys are a professional band.

They're great guitars, you know? Okay, well, if you've got four that work, that's all you do. If you've got the right, it looks like you've got one acoustic guitar, perfect for all the acoustic songs. Unfortunately, we have two basses up there, which is a horrible investment. Oh, man. So you have, it looks to be, you have 20 strings up there on the wall?

Let's see. It'd be 24, wasn't it? Six. Oh, no. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Two bases. Two bases. My goodness. Well, that's all you need. I mean, as as they said on the Oscars, by the way, Jason, were you excited for those Oscars a week ago? Boy, you know, I'm going to be honest. I didn't watch a frame of it. Well, there was about 30 per second, my dear boy. I didn't watch. I didn't watch as each frame was going past.

I didn't watch it. So it was on? You just had your back to it? No, no. I didn't watch it. For the first time, I did not tune in. I wasn't interested at all. Well, you know, when the dictator got snubbed, I'm sure it was personal for you. Oh, sure. They'll honor Borat, too. But how about the dictator? Full snub job.

Dictator one, of course. Now, I mean, the dictator one when we were when we came out. Yeah. Total snub job, which, you know, I was glad to receive. Always want to receive a slug, a snub job. Truly one of Oscars most infamous flubs and snubs. Absolutely. But why were we talking about the Oscars?

You asked me if I enjoyed them last week. Yeah, but what happened before that? I don't remember. We were talking about the number of strings on your guitars. We went from 20 strings to the Oscars. Were you thinking maybe violins during the Oscars? Oh, no. I was thinking of those 12 notes that Mozart had and that John Batiste has. Yes, you have eight more strings than notes. So you guys are in pole position.

Nothing to say about that? All right. Not a thing. Nope, nope, nothing. I'm curious now, as you guys are putting this record out, are you thinking of or planning on touring? Is this now starting to become a reality for you again? Yeah, did you have a tour planned that you postponed or are you scheduling one now? We've had numerous tours booked and canceled just trying to get ahead of everything. And we have a tour that hopefully if,

people continue to get vaccinated and we can tour safely we will but we're not going to announce it until we know we can until every other band has announced one so we're not the first one wow well you guys yeah of course it's got to be safe out there and you guys are uh keeping your fans safe and that's the one thing that i've always felt listening to all of your records is i feel safe when i thank you that's exactly what a rock band wants to hear it's just a level of safeness

Non-edginess. I have another question. Scott, will you read the title of the album again, please? The title of the album is The Million Masks of God. Now, is that a direct relate? Do you guys believe that God should...

has been wearing a COVID mask for the last year? Is this a... Oh, yeah. Are these the... Has he been wearing a million of them? I mean, we've all been double masking. Are these KN95 masks that God is wearing? We feel so strongly that whatever type of virus God could contain, he would need a million masks in order to... He created it, though. Like, I don't know. He's a weirdo.

It's complicated. That's what the album's about, you know? He's just a strange guy. Really a strange guy. He splits himself into three with like his son and then a ghost. Like he's a little bit of an oddball. I think, yeah, I think that was Halloween. I think that was just Halloween. He just had a crazy Halloween one year. He's like, I've got such a good costume this year. I'm going to split myself in three. I'm my son and a ghost. I'm a ghost, so spooky, but I'm also my own son. God, God.

God. Suddenly. Andy's sexy. I'm going to be a sexy my son. Did you just say Andy's sexy? I think you would appreciate that. Andy, you know what? Andy, you're very sexy. And Robert as well.

All right. Well, guys, so great to have you on. We'll be playing three stripped down versions of the songs on the new record. And those are the versions for strippers? Yes. Yeah. We try and just kind of cover every market when we're putting on a record. You have safe, non-edgy songs for strippers. That's exactly right.

That's going on the next pressing of the vinyl, you know? All right, guys. Great to have you. We do need to get to our... And again, the name of the album is God Wears His Mask Over His Chin, Not His Mouth. One million times. Again, strange guy. We do need to get to our first guest, and I consider him to be our first guest, as you are our musical accompanists. And Jason, you have strong co-host energy.

But now this is interesting, Jason. When you were on a few episodes ago when we closed out that hundo, closed out our seventh hundo, we had this guest on and then we had...

Let's just say a plan formed on this episode, and then something happened that week, and we wanted to talk to him about it. So please welcome back to the show. He's a royal watcher. Please welcome back Byron Denniston. Hello. Hello, hello, lads. How are you? Am I coming in clearly from London, all the way from London? You certainly are from London, and you are coming in clearly. Coming in clearly.

Over the airwaves, yes. You remember Jason, of course. Of course, yes. Hello, Jason. Great to see you again, Byron. Great to see you. Thank you so much for making time to join us again. And this is Robert and Andy from Manchester Orchestra. Manchester is famously a city in England. From Manchester, England, I suppose. Atlanta, Georgia. Very close.

I don't understand. It's just a hop, skip, and a jump across the pond. Manchester, England, the site of an incredibly vibrant music scene, you know, the Happy Mondays, Joy Division, like that whole- Are you on a Wikipedia page right now? What is going on? No, I'm just saying, like, the movie 24-Hour Party People is basically about the Manchester- Sure, yeah.

And Manchester by the Sea, another rocking, vibrant movie that has a lot of energy. Yes, but that's about Manchester in Massachusetts. Of course.

But be not confused. They are a band from the States here. So I apologize for that. Well, I can't help but be confused. And there's really nothing you can do to clear it up. I beg your pardon. But you know what? I do want to clear up, Byron, which you were on the show. You were on our 700th episode with Jason and I. And we were talking about a plan that we were going to enact that week for

Regarding, of course, what was the plan that the Royals had? Formula One? What was it? It was not called Formula One. It was something planned. Formula One funny cars? Plan one, the Groucho gang? Was that not it? That wasn't it. What was it? Oh, gentlemen, gentlemen. So much has happened since we last spoke. So much has happened.

I can't keep it all in my head. I know. It's absolutely chaotic. It's been an insane few weeks here. And there are things I please when we're done with this episode, will you send it to me so that I can ask you to edit out because I'm just going to tell you what happened. But yeah, we'll edit everything out. Don't worry. The public should not know. But I'd like I want you know, we should talk about it. Yes, we should. Yes. So this is on the deal. Let's talk about what absolutely. So as people will

no doubt should I stop recording yeah do the opposite of hit record Joe great stop record Jason so as of the last episode I make it into the episode that joke I don't know I don't know who knows but this will not this will not okay yes well some of it will and some of it won't that's the that's the point I don't wish to edit myself as I go if you don't mind you just tell me when to hit record again

And I'll hit record again. No, I don't know if I can do that. We may as well just keep recording. We'll edit it out. We'll redact it. Yeah, we'll redact it. Whatever words you need redacted, whatever you need. Okay, so this will be the 12th anniversary episode redacted version. Yes, redacted version.

Precisely. And let's just say that- And I will not forget. I will not forget to redact it. Don't forget. And the full audio will not come out until 50 years after all of us have died. Oh, wow. Is this going to be like a time capsule? Yes, it's like that. Who's going to be keeping track of when all of us die?

It's not that hard. It's really 50 years after the last one of us died. Could it be the first one? I feel like somehow Sprague the Whisperer is going to be keeping track of all of those details. Yeah, that's true. He seems to be in charge of like a lot of that information. All of the canon. All right, so hit us. What happened that week? So, as people...

As people will remember, I was getting into prosthetic makeup every day to pose as Prince Philip in his final days and lurking around Buckingham Palace getting scoops and whatnot. And I had learned that there was going to be a launch into space of all of Europe's royals.

and an explosion of Earth by way of nuclear missiles to coincide with Tina Turner's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which would in fact become Sean Anar's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because Sean Anar would have taken the stage. And that was coincidental, the Sean Anar and Tina Turner of it all, I believe. The plan was going to be enacted that week regardless because the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is still a few weeks away, I believe.

I think one was caused by the other, but regardless. Let's just say that the connections might have been tenuous, but they're there. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, they're there if you look for them. Definitely. Yes, yes.

But then we determined that for me to earn a spot on the spaceship with the royals that would be taking off, I would need to marry a royal. And I set my sights upon... Well, it doesn't matter. It hardly matters, but...

The point became, what then to do with Prince Philip? Yes, right. A person who you had already been impersonating successfully. And whom you had disposed of many months prior. Well, yes, and this is one of the things you let it out, I'm sure, that I had murdered Prince Philip several months before and dismembered him, and he's been dead for quite a while. Of course, put his eyes to good use. Sure, but strewn the rest of his body across the four corners of the globe.

Yes. Never, never, you'd never find him, I thought. Well, of course, I kept track of where all of his parts were. You'll hear. Yes. That plays into it. But all right.

So what we decided to do, we formulated a plan. It was mostly Jason's idea of the Scrooge bit, but the idea was Jason was really into the Scrooge game. I was not into the Scrooge, but that was the one part I didn't like, but go ahead. Well, it came off great. I have to say, but go ahead. Nearly perfectly. The idea was that a bunch of bank robbers were going to hit. We settled on Lloyd's bank, ultimately, uh, near the cathedral. Uh,

Bank robbers dressed as the characters from A Christmas Carol would descend upon the bank, which has a safety deposit box, which would be filled with frozen eyes, which would then be spilled out onto the street as the robbers made their escape. And they're heavily armed. And then there would be an intervention by Prince Philip, which would really be me in prosthetic makeup.

He would be the hero of the day. He would foil the bank robbery and then get just blasted in the face with one of the robber's shotguns. Well, not in the face because it was going to be squibs under the clothes. Well, we would have the squibs, but we felt like we needed to do it on the face in order to hide the fact that you had to switch a body in that was not the real Prince Philip. I know, I know. This is where things got very complicated. So this is where? Yes. Dalton Wilcox had provided us with another body.

which was covered in the same prosthetics and going to be the same clothes and there was going to be a body switch at the last moment. That...

body was going to be buried as Prince Philip while I made my way out of the scene. We missed a real opportunity. I apologize, Byron, to say prior to just exactly what you're doing previously on Comedy Bank. That's right. Well, if only Sprague were here to do that. I know. He would have cut together a previously on. So this is, for anybody listening, these are the events of episode...

700. 700, yes. Yes, to the best of my recollection. But here's where things went, gentlemen, I'm afraid, off the rails. They went pear-shaped. Yes, exactly. The person who we had hired to play Scrooge in the gang simply didn't show up. But it was fine. We went ahead with it anyway. We waited for...

like five whole minutes. Well, yes. And I had argued for giving him the more traditional 15 minute grace, but a bank robbery is a more precise in show business. Yes. You have to be five minutes early and that means on time. So the fact that he was five minutes late, I just, we just walked away. I have a question, Byron. In, in setting this up, did you hire bank robbers?

so as to make the bank robbery feel real? Or did you hire actors to play bank robbers? Jason, were you not paying attention this whole time? I wasn't. I forgot. What did we do? We were there every day of this. We were? We were part of it? I so forgot. We wrote the script.

script right after the episode oh right i'm so sorry damn it and so as you know cut that out devon i'm not gonna redact you just redact i demand the rule is if you say i want it redacted it has to be redacted if you want it redacted it has to be enacted yes if you and so i'm enacting redacting

Well, anyway, it was a bunch of actors who had starred in a production of The Christmas Carol. And we had got this great guy for The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who all he had to do, you know, in A Christmas Carol, all he does is point at a grave. He's wearing big, long robes. All he had to do was just show the teller the note. He didn't have to say anything. Yes, yes. But somehow we got this chatty-catty.

Chatty Catty. Chatty Cathy. We got a Chatty Cathy actor out there who wanted to beef up his role or something. It was crazy. Well, and of course, they did not realize that they were going to be shot for real by

Well, that was we didn't tell them dressed as Prince Philip. And so that was that ended up being. They kept saying, like, hey, where are my squibs? I see Prince Philip has squibs. Where are my squibs? And we kept saying, like, I don't worry. We also told them that the police that were showing up were also actors. Sure. Yeah. And everyone in the bank was they would be totally safe and they should feel free to. We told them actually that we had built an 11 to 10 scale Lloyd's Bank around the real bank.

So the whole thing was a set. So it may be that the Scrooge fellow was suspicious of some of this and therefore did not show up. Can we just say who he was? It was Patrick Stewart. Yes. All right. Good. We were going to kill Patrick Stewart. Yes. The plan was to kill Patrick Stewart and everyone else who starred with him. I mean, that didn't start out as the plan. The plan was to get...

Sure. Get the public to believe that Prince Philip had been killed foiling a bank robbery. That was just a side benefit. The benefit on the other side of it was that we could get rid of Picard. Sure. Right. That was just incidental.

But as it turns out, gentlemen, because there was no Scrooge in the Scrooge gang, when the police got to the scene, they saw the dead body of what was meant to be Prince Philip, this body that Dalton Wilcox had arranged. With the prosthetics. Yes, yes, yes. And they assumed that this was the Scrooge and that this was a bad guy. And then when they determined it was Prince Philip,

There was this terrible panic inside Buckingham Palace that Prince Philip had joined a bank robbing squad. Wow. As Scrooge to the Scrooge gang. Now, it didn't help that he was wearing like one of those nightcaps that Scrooge has when he throws open the windows and goes down. That was the real blunder. Well, because we had thought that perhaps Prince Philip would have heard the gunshots and jumped out of his bed and all that. We thought that made him more heroic.

that he like jumped out of bed just to go down to this bank. Just to go foil this bank robbery. Yes. But instead it looked like he was, if anything, the ringleader, which is a very compelling narrative, I'm sure, that the tabloids picked up with and ran with. I mean, the thing. We've never seen anything like it in London. This was fantastic.

the greatest clamping down of a news story you have ever seen in England. You've never seen such message discipline on the part of the royals or such cooperation on the part of reporters. Anyone who came within a mile of it was threatened with their lives and ran away. Probably a kilometer.

Within a kilometer. Probably within a kilometer. Which is how you would say it. That's so polite of you to translate it to miles for us. You don't have to say it for our sake. No, I assume that Americans are far too stupid to even understand that word and that it is a unit of measurement. This was the biggest clampdown on a news story since Princess Di was abducted by aliens, wasn't it? Yes, exactly. Exactly. And even bigger because apparently you've heard of that. Well, sure.

Piers Morgan told me. I mean, I think The Clash wrote a song about it. Yeah, about the clampdown. About the clampdown. Oh, well, anyway. And also, I thought the law was vaguely about it, tangentially. Yep, absolutely. And London calling because there was a lot of calling in the city of London. Long distance calls are very expensive. That whole song is just about the long distance rates. Yes. To space. To space.

Yes. Well, they put out Buckingham Palace, put out the story that Prince Philip had died peacefully surrounded by family. And of course, that's what everyone thinks happened. And I'm furious because all of our wonderful efforts have gone to naught. They've been so sort of sewn up tight by the palace.

Well, it was unfortunate because we had an airtight plan and we had the branding of the Scrooge gang that was going to be just dynamite and take over the world. And it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate it went down like this. Well, this also really – like –

completely interrupts your entire plan to get on that spaceship to escape Earth. Were you able to go to the funeral, though, and cozy up to one of the royals? Well, the funeral itself was a rather small affair, but there was an after-funeral party, which was very... It was huge. Was that in the hotel lobby? It was in the lobby of Windsor Castle. Yes, and it was really... It was like a three-day bacchanal. But...

But here's where things get only more complicated. Okay. If you'll remember, Lady Amelia Spencer, right? She is single. Right. Single, ready to mingle. Is she the one that's engaged to the Grizz? Yes. Okay.

Well, when I asked Dalton Wilcox, where did you get the body to swap? He said, this is the grizz. What? Yes. Dalton Wilcox. Of his own volition. Well, he came to feel that this was a Dr. Mallet, Mr. Grizzle scenario. Right, that's right.

And so that's right. And he was duty bound to kill a monster. Yes, yes. And so he shot the Grizz through the heart with a silver bullet. And just to be safe, also shot him in the left thigh because sometimes people's hearts are in their thighs. People's hearts can be moved. Wow. So Grizz is gone. So Lady, what's her name?

Amelia Spencer. Amelia Spencer. She's, I mean, the Grizz has dropped off her radar, so maybe she's ready to party. The Grizz is buried in Prince Philip's grave. Wow. Covered in prosthetic makeups. Whoa. Yes. That's what's going on. Crazy. So how does this affect plan one and you getting up there? Well, now, how it affects it is that I now...

I'm trying my best to woo Lady Amelia Spencer and to become her new husband. Well, it's been difficult because she doesn't accept that the Grizz is gone. She says, oh, no, that's just the Grizz. He...

He disappears for a while, you know. He goes off the grizz. Yeah. He's that kind of guy. The grizz goes off the grizz. You know, this is typical grizz biz. Right. So she's, you know, I mean, all of my sort of... There's no grizzness like show grizzness. Sure. So she's not receptive to your charms as of yet? No, she keeps saying, I'm engaged, I'm engaged. Well, what would the grizz say and all this? And I...

Of course, I have this inside information that he's been buried. He's dead and buried. At what point do you just drop this information in her lap and say, look, I know what's really going on and I'm your best bet right now? That's what I'm trying to figure out. At some point, yes. Just take her aside and say, listen.

Your fiance has been murdered. Don't just take her aside. Take her to the grave itself and exhume the body and take off the prosthetics and show her. You might have to show her. Don't just tell, show. I have to bring along some alcohol swabs to get the prosthetics off. That's probably the least of your concerns with exhuming the whole body. Not at all. And also prepare her. Tell her there's going to be quite a lot of spirit gum you're going to see. Yes, yes, yes. And don't worry, we're going to be able to take that off and you'll see the grizz underneath.

Could you imagine going through all the effort of exhuming a body and digging it up and then being unable to take the prosthetics off and prove what you wish to prove because you didn't bring along alcohol to get through the sphere? Well, if you could, perhaps, you could bring like a thermos of drinks, like a slow gin fizz grizz. Sure. Which is...

Which you could be drinking while you're exhuming the grave, you know? Oh, yes. There would be drinks involved, yeah. This is a nice little date, you know, out there in the cemetery. This could be romantic. Yeah.

Uh, I suppose so. And prompt some closure for her. And then, boom, you're right there to be the shoulder she cries on. Next thing you know, you're in outer space. Yes. Yes. Which is the end game, right? Being in outer space. Being in outer space is the end game. Well, I think the end game is killing Thanos.

And getting people back from the blip. Of course, yes. Well, this is, I mean, when is Plan 1 happening, though? Because it was supposed to happen this week. Well, yes, it seemed very imminent, but I gather that the funeral rather sort of threw things off a bit. And now I wonder if perhaps they're considering, they're wondering what will happen with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Oh, so they're waiting for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to see if Sean Arnott legally changes their name and gets to the stage before Tina Turner. Is that what it is? Yes, because if in fact Sean Arnott does not make it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, then they're in the clear. Maybe plan one would be called off. Right. Well, I mean, this all just depends on, of course, the Grizz being gone and the Grizz being... Did someone mention my name?

What? Wait. Well, well, well. Oh, no. I'm a dentist and as I live and breathe. Who's this then? Oh, you know who it is, me old China. Sir, announce yourself. Who are you? It's me.

Wait a minute! What? How can this be? We've just been told you were killed. Dalton Wilcox murdered you with a silver bullet to the heart and the leg. No one kills degrees. Oh, my... Wait! Wait!

So you're unkillable or he just didn't succeed in killing you? Are you some sort of immortal? How do you work, Chris? I mean, I don't think I'm unkillable, but that bloke didn't kill me. Oh my God. So far I'm unkillable. So that was you then with the prosthetics. Oh, it was me with the prosthetics. So was it also you who was buried in Prince Philip's grave? Did you have to, were you buried alive?

Not the first time, dearie, and it won't be the last. Oh my God. So are you here for revenge? I'll tell you what I'm here for.

I'm here to defend the honor of my girlfriend, Lady Amelia. Wow. This is shocking. So you did all of this for love? For love and for sex and for money. Where's the money come into it? Oh, I guess she's got a lot. She's a Spencer, yes. She's a Windsor. So you know everything? You know about the Scrooge gang, everything? I know everything.

The Scrooge gag's not going to work. Wait, did you listen to episode 700? Me and Byron like it. Anytime I'm spoken about, I manage to hear it. I watch the world with the eyes of little birds.

Well, Grizz, it's a pleasure to have you on the show. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. The Grizz. I'm sorry, The Grizz. And by the way, I would like to thank you, The Grizz, because I also was against the name The Scrooge Gang. I thought, I especially thought it was... At this point, it's a tie, and you're not even part of it anymore, The Grizz. It's a bit whimsical. No, I'm not part of it, am I? I never was part of it. This is all a fantasy of your making. Right.

Just so I understand, Dalton Wilcox did shoot you and did cover you in prosthetics to look like Prince Philip and did lay you in the street in front of Lloyd's Bank and you were buried in Prince Philip's grave, but none of that had killed you and you managed to claw your way out and now here you are? That's right. You got in one. Nobody beats the Grizz. LAUGHTER

This is shocking. This is a shocking development. Shocking, isn't it? Nobody beats the Grizz. Nobody beats the Grizz. Are there t-shirts? Because I'd love to make some t-shirts. That's got to be a t-shirt. That's got to be a t-shirt. Well, the Grizz, this is incredible. Did you claw your way out of the grave? What exactly happened?

The easiest thing in the world is to escape from a coffin that wants to be buried underground. Are you some sort of David Blaine type illusionist?

What? No. The guy that goes in the glass box and says, I'm going to go in a glass box for a while. Yeah. So you have no aspirations to be any kind of magician or... What I do, I don't do for show. He's engaged to a royal. He doesn't have time to be doing magic. He's engaged to a royal. You have nothing but time to do magic once you're engaged to a royal. Once you're married. Right.

Oh, okay. So you have no time right now. No time right now. Sorry. No time for magic right now, mates. I've got to be on it. I've got to survive to make it to the royal wedding that I'm going to have. Have you announced your presence? Have you returned back to your fiance at this point? I've been communicating with her through a series of birds.

There are a series of birds. Which birds? Which series is this? Do you mean actual birds or are you in the sense of like in Game of Thrones, like the little street urchins are the gossip network, those little birds? Both. The little street urchins carry actual birds. Ha ha ha.

That's just expensive. It's like a waste of the bird's natural talent to fly. These birds is all wounded, Byron Dennyston. They can't fly no more. Look at this cruel prick. Thinks birds should just be put to death, summarily executed if they ever get an injury, Byron? What are you, the producers of luck but with birds?

You're saying you've written little notes to your fiancé and tied them to the legs of birds who are injured and cannot fly and handed them to street urchins who then carry them to Lady Amelia? Did I stutter? No, you didn't. I...

Honestly, I think it would be more merciful to kill the birds. Oh, you would, wouldn't you? I do. Well, that's you, isn't it? A posh toff like you. All you think about is, is it lower than me? Kill it. Ha ha ha.

I mean, Byron Dennison, I have to say, this is like, this is as a royal watcher. This must be huge news for you. Not only that the Grizz is alive. The Grizz is alive! But also hearing about like a specific royal method of communication heretofore unknown. It's not a royal method. It's a method from the streets. I'm a commoner, you might say. Oh, interesting. Oh, okay. Got it. Had no idea. Oh, you didn't?

Did I sound like I come from Oxbridge, mate? Your accent is British, so very posh. The Grizz, where... What's your background? Where did you come from? We don't know anything about you other than... I come from the gutter.

Are you some sort of like Oliver Twist or Fagin style con artist out there on the streets who's ingratiated himself? First of all, Oliver Twist was not a con artist. He was an orphan, wasn't he? And Fagin was not a con artist either. He was a pickpocket. And he ran a ring of little kid pickpockets.

I beg your pardon. Nobody was conning anyone. People were just taking people's wallets. So would you say, are you a con artist kind of like a Danny Ocean or a, I can't remember what Brad Pitt's character's name in Ocean's movie was. But he ate a lot. He certainly was always eating something. I think his name was Shrimp Cocktail. His name was Shrimp Cocktail. Ha ha ha.

It's not a bad name. Brad Pitt played a character named Shrimp Cocktail in the Ocean's Eleven movies. This is my best friend. This is my best friend, Shrimp Cocktail. And at precisely 11.45, Shrimp Cocktail, you're going to move to the blackjack table.

How long does it take to sing the song God Save the Queen? I mean, shrimp come from the ocean, so it's not that big of a stretch. As do we all, mate. As do we all. That's true. So say we all. So say we all. Battlestar Galactica. Oh, are you a sci-fi fan?

I'm a sci-fi fan. I am sci-fi. Oh, really? What's your favorite? You an SG-1 guy? Any recommendations? I'm looking for something new to watch sci-fi wise. Blake 7, of course. You've got to watch Blake 7. Well, okay. Doctor Who. Yes, Doctor Who. That's the only sci-fi that really matters, isn't it? Wow, you guys are really getting along. On this we agree, Byron. That is the way. All right. Good, good, good. I mean, do you have a...

I guess you don't have a problem with Byron here. I mean, the guy who shot you is Dalton Wilcox, right? Oh, I've got a problem with Byron. What's your problem with me? Dalton Wilcox. You're full of questions, ain't you, Byron? All I'm trying to do is steal your fiancé away. And if killing you to do it is what's needed, I'm perfectly willing. Do you hear yourself, mate? Do you hear yourself? You're shouting.

Are you even aware? I actually can't hear myself that well. And that's why I do tend to shout sometimes. I do. Let me just say, I do have a bit of tinnitus. And so I often cannot hear myself that well. And so sometimes I will speak more loudly than I realize I'm speaking. So if that does happen, I do. This makes sense to the Gris. But there is also anger.

Are you even aware, The Grizz, of the plan to take you up into space? Do you even know that that's happening and that that's one of the side benefits of marrying a royal? Are you even aware? Indeed I am aware. And no one's going to keep me from marrying Lady Amelia and go into space or deep under the ocean or wherever she wants to go because I'm in love with her and that's the truth. What are you going to do out in space, The Grizz?

I don't know, space things? I mean, I can see it. Collect rocks? Does it sound that exciting? I don't... What's exciting to me?

is being by the side of my lady love, Lady Amelia. You know, what's kind of wonderful about being able to, because, you know, previously when we were speaking to Byron a couple of weeks ago, we got this whole story and I got really wrapped up in Byron surviving the apocalypse on Earth and living in space. But now that I'm talking to the Grizz, what I realize at the heart of this is a love story.

You know, at the heart of this is a story about Lady Amelia and the Grizz and that their love is true. It's true. Well, he did mention money and sure. And money was number three. And also love was number one. Sex was number two. And money was number three.

Yes. For me, space is number one. You're not a romantic ranking? What are you going to do with money out in space? Are you going to turn it into space bucks? Buy rocks. Can I ask? That's answered. Now, here's an interesting question. Well, we'll be together then. Yeah, of course. Byron, knowing that you had faked Prince Philip's death, you...

using what you believed to be the corpse of the Grizz. Yes. Have you been trying to woo Lady Amelia as a new suitor? A new person or as Byron? Or as the Grizz? Have you been impersonating the Grizz? And if so, I'd like to hear how that's going. Well, no, I have been a new suitor, but rumor has reached my ears that Dalton Wilcox has been impersonating the Grizz. The man that he believed he killed.

Why would he do that? Because don't you all want the Grizz out of the way? We got to get through. Is Dalton available? I have no idea. I have no idea where he is. Is Dalton around? Can we call him? I have been trying to present myself as a new suitor, but Dalton, who believed up until, well, still believes that he killed the Grizz,

Has sort of stepped into his shoes and tried to take his place to marry Lady Amelia. He literally stepped into my shoes. And you know what's funny is that my shoes is bigger than Dalton Wilcox's shoes. And so he's had his stuff newspaper in his toes. Wow. It's very funny. Wow. You can tell they're not his shoes. His feet are...

They look ridiculous on his body. Just ink-stained toes. That must infuriate Dalton Wilcox because newspapers are usually from the city. Yeah, he must hate that. He must hate all that city type. He would prefer just manure-strewn rags instead of newspapers, but that's all he could get. Kerosene-soaked shirt. You feel like the equivalent of newspapers for cowboys is manure-strewn rags. They get delivered on your porch every day. I mean, like that.

They're wanted posters and such in the old west. Well, did you see the manure soaked rag today? Yep. Look.

Looks like it's going to rain. Well, look, this is an astounding development in the Byron Dunstan story and the Prince Philip story. And unfortunately, we have to take a break. And the Gris story. Well, the Gris story continues on. That's perhaps the most astounding development of all. I will say, based on the theme, this is a bit of a Grismas story. That's true. I mean, the Scrooge gang is ready. A Grismas Carol?

Well, we have to take a break, but can you guys stick around? Is that... Oh, I'll be sticking around. Okay, wonderful. I do have a tea later with Lady Amelia, but I can give you a little more time. Oh, I regret to inform you, Your Lordship, that tea has been cancelled. Ha ha ha ha ha!

We'll see. We'll see about that. And possibly Dalton Wilcox, if you're listening out there, please call in. We'd love to hear from you. Yes, Dalton, if you're listening live, please call in. I'd love to hear your impression of degrees. All right. I don't think it could possibly happen. But before we do, Manchester Orchestra, are you guys ready to play your first song?

Let's do it. Let's do it. Which one is this? This is off the new record, The Million Masks of God. And which song are you about to play here? This song is called Bedhead. Bedhead! All right, guys, here we go. This is Manchester Orchestra. One, two, three, four. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

I'm not alone, but it sure feels like someone left. Deaf notes and talking heads carrying on your debt. There's blood on the bedhead and volumes you left unsaid. Let them talk and let it happen. Now I'm afraid you're alone. Oh my, let me relinquish and start to distinguish my past.

In my time You and I are on the fire So, oh my God Let me extinguish the habit The sequence, the loss In my mind And now I believe in the cold The cold I'm clawing against your skin Clutching my net set It's all supposed to end like this

You and I are panoramic. Now I'm afraid of the ghost. Oh my God. Let me relinquish and start to extinguish my past and my time. You and I are holy fire soul. Oh my God. Let me extinguish the habit, the sequence, the loss in my mind.

Right by the entrance you broke Finally reality's taken its hold You're not who you were, but you can't let it go You're not where you're from, but you're always alone So I stick a flag in the ground I think I know who I'm living for now

I am what I am, same above as the ground. It's not what I want, but I'm figuring it out. Oh my God. Let me relinquish and start to distinguish my past and my time. There is only love and fire, so my God. Let me extinguish the habit, the sequence, the loss in my mind.

Yeah, now I believe in the cold, the cold, the cold, the cold. Very nice. All right, guys, we're going to go to a break. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang 12th anniversary episode after this.

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Focus when I have an eight-hour shift. And Triple X after I was out all night at a club. Call Triple X. Drink vitamin water. It's from New York. At LinkedIn, we know hiring is a big deal for your small business. Sometimes it can feel a little overwhelming. LinkedIn uses data that you can't find anywhere else to give you the best candidates. All so you can feel confident you're hiring the best person for the job.

and even a little hiring bliss. See why 86% of small businesses who post a job on LinkedIn get a qualified candidate within a day. Post a job for free at LinkedIn.com slash acquire. LinkedIn, your next great hire is here. Comedy Bang Bang, we are back here. 12th anniversary episode, and we have Jason Manzoukas here of the Massachusetts Manzoukas' Club.

He said, hey, oh, as and then left me hanging. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were going to move right on. Yes, I'm still here. Yes, he is to be here once again. Happy anniversary. And we have, of course, the band Manchester Orchestra, who is here playing songs from their record just came out on Friday. The Million Masks of God. Hello, guys. That was a beautiful song. Bedhead. That's the single, isn't it?

It is, yes. Ah, so good. Thank you so much for being here. An incredible, incredible celebration of both music and people here on Comedy Bang Bang. Of course, this is the show where we talk to interesting people and, of course, America's Nay Humanities podcast. And our other guests are no exception to humanity. We have, of course, Byron Denniston here. Thank you. Yes, I don't consider myself an exception to humanity in any way or form.

Appreciate that. Maybe you should ask around. The Grizz is here. The Grizz is here. Nobody beats the Grizz. Nobody beats the Grizz. T-shirts in the Shopify store soon. In production. Of course. And, uh, uh,

If we ever get a... We hear that Zoom chime open up, we'll know that Dalton Wilcox has called in to the Zoom. But we do have to get to our next guest. She is a park ranger. She's one of our...

wonderful park rangers out there in our national parks. And last time we talked to her, she was up in the St. Louis Arch, which Byron and Jason, we mentioned, I believe, the last time you were on the show. Yep. And we'll see what's going on with her now. Please welcome back to the show, Marjorie Kershaw. Hi, Scott. Hey.

Thanks for having me. Happy anniversary. One, two, one, two. Yeah. Check one, two, one, two here. Thanks so much for being on the show. You remembered Jason. I don't know if you've ever met Jason. I don't think we have ever met. It's lovely to meet you, Marjorie. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. And of course, Byron Denniston, who's from merry old England. Yes, indeed. Hi. Hi.

You know, the Sheriff of Nottingham, etc. Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Hi, nice to meet you. Pleasure, pleasure. Famous denizens of England, I'm lumping you in with. I've never been to the St. Louis Arch, but now I'm excited to visit it. Now that it's a national park, I wouldn't go if it was simply a thing. Oh, yeah. Gateway to the West. And of course, we have the Grizz here. I don't know if you've ever met the Grizz. Grizz, have you ever gone to the St. Louis Arch? No.

Never been, but it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my lady. Nice to meet you. Well, Scott, I'm actually not at the Arch right now. No? Where? What's happened to you? I'm at arguably the jewel of the NPS, Yosemite. National Park System. That's right. Thank you. You're in Yosemite? I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

Didn't get transferred. Not working here. Just took my personal time to come out and look at it because, you know, it's been my dream for a long time. That's where you want to get to. That's where I want to get to. That's the big show. That's the game. I thought you'd been called up, but no, you're just there on... That's the big leagues? That's the big league. That's the old... So the arch is kind of AAA baseball? If that. Well, yeah, you know, I've been sort of...

I've been making a name for myself through some of the lesser parks, Jason. Got it. I started at Pinnacles in California, as I call them, the jazz hands of Central California. Sure. Then I was moved up to the Gates of the Arctic, least visited park in Alaska. Dry Tortugas in Florida, which is just a big fort. Then the Arch during COVID.

where you couldn't go in the elevator, but I'm here on my personal time at, well, I would say the best park in the system. The Crown Jewel. The Crown Jewel. This is where you want to get, but you're just there on PT. Yep, yep, yep. And unfortunately, Scott, I did suffer a mild ankle injury just as I was going through the South Gate at Wawona Campground. You know, I say don't ever take a social trail, but there was a gum wrapper I wanted to get. Oh!

No! So what happened? You stepped on a pebble? Yeah, I just took a route the wrong way and Timber did I go. Just like a big old General Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland took me down. It started off great and interesting and then was terrible at the end. That's right. That's so far my experience here at Old Southgate. Oh!

You didn't like the fraptious day? Oh, caloo calay. It didn't work out. I chortled with my not joy in this situation. You didn't like the flow again? No. Twas grilling and the slithy toves did. Oops, here I trip I go. That'd be a fun prank for lumberjacks to play. They'd be like, Timber!

And then suddenly Tim Burton walks in and everyone's ducking and trying to get out of the way of trees. And instead of a lumberjack, it was Edward Scissorhands cutting down the tree. That would be funny. That would be funny. Oh, well. Thank you. Better than the Scrooge gang? I don't know. Wait, so Marjorie, are you like, are you down? Are you like out of commission? Do you need us to send help? Oh.

Oh, wow. Are you broadcasting from within the actual park? Do you need help? Well, just barely within the park. You know, I didn't make it to Tunnel View, haven't seen El Cap or Half Dome yet, haven't gone on a hike to the Cathedral Lakes. Nope, just sitting here. Just can almost

see the grove of sequoias just can almost barely glimpse it from where I am. But you can't see even an inch of it, can you? No. Because you're just still just in the gate. Just right within the gate. The promise of it makes you happy. Oh boy, oh boy. I'm almost there. Mrs., is it true that Americans drive through trees there?

Oh, well, not within the actual park. Do you have a drive-thru within a tree? There are drive-thru trees, but none of those exist within park boundaries. Is that good for a tree? No, no, certainly not. Certainly not. Oh, look who cares about living things all of a sudden. Yeah. Birds are in trees. Do you care about them, Byron? I like birds as long as their wings work and they don't snap.

Got a lot of rules. Just that one. So do you need assistance? Have any of the rangers come by and see you there? I've been trying to make some inroads. You know, I'm connected with all these folks on LinkedIn, but I just... Sure, but are they not refusing? Well, you know, Scott, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to spill any tea, but they are Yosemite Park rangers. So, you know, they're...

They're a bit of, you know, it's sort of like they're seniors and I'm a freshman. You know, they're a little bit untouchable. Okay. So if they came by, would you even let them know that you were hurt? Or would you try and be cool and play it off like everything's fine? I have so far. I've been trying to keep it very cool. Have they swung by? Have they driven by you? A couple people have driven by and say, hey, do you need any help? And I, oh, no, just getting rooted to the ground.

Just trying to... You should tell them you need assistance. Getting rooted to the ground? Just connecting. Just, you know, just trying to reconnect. Just trying to surf those frequencies. How long have you been out there? About 18 hours. But I have... I, you know, always carry water. So I'm all right so far. And to be clear, you're not stuck. No, no, no. This isn't a 127 hours type situation. No, this is... You're at about an inch from that. It's an 18 hours type situation. This is just frozen by my own anxiety and pride. Just trying to make a good impression.

on these Yosemite Rangers. How far away are you from the car that you arrived in? So, well, I actually just got dropped off on a bus. Didn't splurge for renting a car. You know, just trying to make the most of my time out here. You can't afford that on an elevator operator salary. No, no, no. Well, this is terrible, but... Oh, no, I'm in

Here were Muir camped with Teddy Roosevelt and said, hey, ain't this a great idea? I mean, I'm right there. I'm almost at the valley floor. That famous John Muir quote. Hey, isn't this a great idea? Isn't that on a plaque at the beginning of the park? The mountains are calling and I must, hey, ain't this a good idea? Yeah.

How far away are you from the gate? Are you just near feet? There's three gates. So I am just within the South Gate at Wawona Campground. So I'm technically in the park. Just haven't seen any of its more resplendent views. But if you were to scooch back even like three feet, would you be outside of the park? I'd be out of the park. Okay, so you just made it right in. Just there. Okay, well that's a good

place to be great. Oh, can't complain. You made it like you really have to like at least acknowledge and honor the victory of having made it into the park. Thank you so much. And I think, you know, a couple just a little bit more, a few more hours of elevating this and and I might be able to hobble back over to my tent. So, you know, I'm I'm and I have I

I cashed in all my sick days, all my vacation days. So I have 12 days. I just, you know, got them. It happened on day one. You've wasted one of them. Yeah, well. But I got 11. I wish I could give you 12 more days. 12 days of grismas. Oh, the grismas. The 12 days of grismas. The grismas. You're so sweet. I can see why she fell in love with you. Thank you. Aside from the sex.

Which is number two to you. Number two. That's what he calls giving her the grizz. Is that number one for her, by the way?

I hope so. The sex? No, the... Oh, the love. What are you asking? I was wondering what order it was for her. She's not satisfied with the sex. Really? Yes, just that's... Oh, I slit your face, Byron Denniston. Wow. Is that the rumor, Byron? No, no, no. She told me that herself. She says, I can't wait for the Grizz to get back, but not for the sex. You lie! No, it's true. They ought to call you liar in Denniston. Whoa. Whoa.

That was an amazing slam. Thank you. Well, it's so great to have you back, Marjorie. If you need help at any point during the show, just let me know and I will contact anyone you need me to contact. Oh, that is so kind. Thank you so much. And being that you are out there in the West, you know, we know people

We have agents who roam the West. We have comedy bang-bang agents out there all throughout. On horseback. All throughout the West Coast. Oh, perfect. On horseback looking for holes in the ground. So, you know, I'm sure there's plenty. Perfect. Perfect. Well, I'm pretty near a big boulder, so I might just try to hoist myself up a little Alex Honnold action, a little free solo right here. Sure, of course. Just lean.

back and just that'll change my view. That alone. Lean in, lean back, do all the leans. Yeah. Are you next to a garbage can or anything? I mean, I can only imagine they're right there by the gate. I'm pretty close to a garbage can. I'm also quite close to, you know, the little newspaper you can get about things to do in the park. That's great. What about any rags strewn with manure? Uh,

Not with an eye shot. Was part of the problem that your hiking boots might not have fit and they're shoved full of rags? Do you know what? Everyone says it's important to have a snug fitting boot, but I was like, prove it.

And I went a size up, and yeah, it's no good for the slide. I wish I had some manure-strewn rags to put in these toes. Search through that garbage can. Maybe there'd be something there. Just so he can fix you his space, you're near a big boulder, a trash can, and a newspaper. Ha!

That's right. Yeah. About just under a yard within the South Gate. Right. You're three slides away from being out of the park entirely. Three adult scoots away from being outside the park.

Well, great. Marjorie, thank you so much for making the appointment to be on the show. I appreciate you. Oh, my pleasure. Yeah. I wanted to talk from from the from the crown jewel. Of course. Well, we do need to get to our next guest. And he is I forget exactly what state he's from. He is from Cincinnati, isn't he?

I can't remember. I'm from Wisconsin. Oh, you're the Cincinnati playboy. No, sorry. That's what I am. Redact that. Redact. Devin redacted has been enacted, redacted and enacted. Thank you. He has been on the show many times. He is, of course, the guy who says yoink whenever he steals anything. Welcome back to the show. Randy's nuts.

Oh, thanks for having me, Scott. And I apologize in advance for the chaos that's about to ensue. What do you mean chaos that's about to ensue? I mean, wow. Yeah, okay, so I'm here too. What? It's me, Carissa. Carissa, Randy Snuts' girlfriend? Oh, wow.

We've heard a lot about you, Carissa. This is great. What is going on with this show? There's a lot of confrontations here. Yeah, I have a bone to pick with you guys big time. A bone to pick with who? Jason Manzoukas or The Grizz? Not The Grizz, surely. Probably with Scott Aukerman.

Yeah, well, with all you guys, with all his boys, with all Randy's boys on here. She hacked my email. She stole the Zoom and she's Zoom bombing us right now. There was nothing I could do. She guessed my email password. What is your email password? The word 69 in lowercase. With a hyphen?

No, that's a good idea. Okay, that'll throw her off the scent. I just want to say, like, I'm sick and tired of him coming on here on Comedy Bangs. I think you guys are a really bad influence on him. And every time he gets off the podcast, he's a different person. And I hate who he becomes. He talks a lot of shit about you, Carissa, I have to say. You and your scandalous behavior. Scott, please do not do this to me, man. I don't need to get double crossed. I don't.

I like Randy when he's at home. He's quiet. He just sits there. What? But after he comes on here, he comes back home and he thinks he's all head honcho, you know, big man on campus, big man in Wisconsin Dells. Yeah, I am BMOC because me and the guys cut a rug and then I'm like, I'm empowered and I get home and I'm like, I'm not putting up with this anymore. Yeah.

Yeah. So I mean, that's the Randy that we see. We see the Randy who talks a lot of shit and talks a lot of smack and says he's not going to put up with you. And you're saying we also see a Randy who, you know, when he talks to us, it tells us about the fact that it sounds like you are charisma manipulating him in a lot of instances, emotionally and physically manipulating him. Does does Kyle Ruggs still mean the same thing he used to?

Are you a professional rug cutter? Yeah, that's my current job right now. And I have a good time at work, so I just repurposed that phrase. Oh, okay.

And me, I work at Yankee Candle. What is Yankee Candle? Oh, okay. So I help with the smells and all that for the candles. What does that mean? You help with the smells? You help them to smell? You don't sell the candles. You help in the development of the scents? Yeah, I help them with the smells. So like one of my latest ones is like the hot bar at Whole Foods. Oh, as a candle.

The entire hot bar? So everything that would be in the hot bar, like chicken tenders? Yeah, exactly. So you know that kind of smell where all the food goes together? Yeah. It's competing pungent smells. Yeah. They have both types of lasagna, the meat and the vegan. And teriyaki chicken. There's often a gumbo in there as well, isn't there? Yeah.

You have Whole Foods there in England? What do they call it there? The Complete Ingestibles. Okay, that makes sense. The one thing Barney and I can agree on, we love Complete. Complete Ingestibles. Complete Ingestibles. So I

So I just want to say this is Randy's last time on here. He's cut off. No, he's one of our favorites. Whoa, Randy. Randy, he's saying dafook. Dafook. It is not my last time on a podcast. Yeah, it is, Randy. This is it. So make it your best one that counted.

Make it count. It's impossible for it to be the best one. It's an anniversary show. I mean, it's always voted on pretty high, but they're always kind of a clusterfuck. Yeah, that's true. But have you ever voted on one of those yourself? You're always like, well, I got to put the anniversary one in there. So you vote for your own episodes, Randy? Yeah, I got burner accounts to spare. Okay, great. Randy, did you get bots to vote?

Yeah, I always buy bots to vote. Like, unfortunately, that's the world that we live in now. You know, like everything is being like infested by bots and the Russians. And this is not the Randy that we know. It's like black mirror. This is what you guys do to him. You get them all riled up like this. And I just like it when he's at home. He sits there. He's quiet. We watch Real Housewives, New York.

And he doesn't talk. And then he comes on here and he gets all piped up. He comes in piped up, I have to say. Absolutely. Because look at what my home life is. I'm drinking sleepy tea so that I can pass out during Real Housewives. How dare you say that? You know that that's my show. That's my entire identity. What?

I don't care. I'm like, look, you're in front of my boys. This is my turf now. All right, Carissa. So I'm going to put you on blast. This is yet another us to be your boys, by the way. I've never considered myself to be, you know what, Randy, I'm comfortable saying that I have your back right now as you stand up for yourself.

Oh, yeah. Disgusting. I'm for all people standing up for themselves and wanting to express themselves however they want to express themselves. So, Randy, that includes you. But, Carissa, that also includes you. This Comedy Bang Bang is an inclusive place where we can all be whoever we want to be. No. See, I think Comedy Bangs is really just poison for his brain. You guys infect him when he comes on here. Sure. It's cult behavior. I don't like it.

I totally disagree. I think that this is empowering. I come back with wind under my sails, ready to call out Carissa's deviance and scandals. How long does that last though? Because it sounds like the minute you confront her that she just bats you back down. Yeah, that's true. It doesn't last that long. I just want us to be, you know, like my friends back home, like, like Mackenzie and her guy, Alec, you know, they, they're, what they do is they go to different restaurants and they try different wings and,

And I just want a life like that with Randy. I fucking hate this. Are you trying them for the smells or for the taste?

I'm trying it for both of them. But I thought, you know, we could have our own thing, you know, like me and Randy, you know, maybe we could go to different different restaurants and, you know, try out the bathrooms, you know, and that could be our thing. Try them out and like destroy them or, you know, try them out, you know, see, see if you like them, if they're good, you know, hard to find.

Marjorie, is this triggering you, Marjorie? Do you need to go to the restroom right now? I can see you're sort of bouncing around in your seat. Oh, me? Oh, I was just trying to get my foot free of the root. I'm sorry. But actually, also, really quick, Carissa, I was wondering, do you have any line of, yeah, I don't know, smells from the park system? I got chlorine.

Oh, oh, just chlorine? Because what I love most about Yankee Candle is like how all the smells have names. You know, like, like, is it called chlorine or is it called like summer skin 630? It's like...

It's called pool pee because, you know, that's actually what that chlorine smell is when chlorine mixes. Oh, yeah, it's not activated until someone actually pees. Yeah, if you're by a pool and you smell chlorine, it's because someone has peed in it. Yeah, exactly. Wait, Scott, is that true? Very true, yeah. Why, do you have a pool at your place? No, never, but...

That just made me so sad thinking about on all the pools I've been in in the past. That explains why every time I pee in the pool, I'm like, where's that chlorine smell coming from? Well, look, Randy, we hate to not have you on the show anymore, but Carissa has lowered the boom. So it appears this is your last appearance.

No way. Absolutely not. Carissa, I'm just going to get a different email and sign in. And I'll think of some kind of devious password that you'll never be able to guess. I could guess it right now. It's all 69s and then 1-666. Damn it. That's a good one.

That's a really good one. All 69, so then 666. Randy, I feel like a lot of times you come on and when you leave the show, you are ready to break up with Carissa. Like, you're in a relationship. And you have for a few months at a time. Yeah, what happens that draws you back in? And I can't help but notice, and I hope this is okay, I'm saying this, I know we're all on Zoom, but it appears as though Carissa is wearing an engagement ring. No, she...

She puts that on. She puts it on and she goes out into the community and she's like, Randy proposed to me. And then I puts me in a position where I'm like, no, I didn't. And I look back. Well, first it puts you in the position where you say dafook. Yeah. Dafook. This is depressive. I just want people to think of me as engaged because it makes me, you know, sexier to other people. Well,

Are you looking for sex from other people? So you're looking for that. It's not that I'm looking for sex. Like Randy is like my rock, like my number one. But, you know, like, do I want to look sexy to other people? Do I want to look hot? Yeah. Number one implies that you're looking for a number two, though, and a number three and a number four. Yeah. You know, you don't know, you know, like I bet Randy's got other girls out there.

Absolutely not. I'm either trying to be at home and have a peaceful time, or I'm going to be out with my boys. That's it. Those are the two sides of the same coin for Randy Snuts. Yeah, I mean, Carissa's a smoke show to me. So if you're coming at me for not wanting to be with her, you better...

You're coming incorrect is what's happening. How dare you say that? How dare you imply that? I've got a question for these two lovebirds. Sure, sure. Randy, turn off your audio so you can't hear. Okay. All right. Here we go. Carissa, explain this all to me. How do you rank the following things? Love, sex, money. Put them in a numerical order.

What you like the best being first and what you like the least being last. Okay, so for sure money first.

Okay. For sure. Does Randy have a lot of money? No, but my dad does. My dad owns a cement factory. The cement factory? Yeah. Can I add going into space? Yeah, let's put that in. One of the things on the list. Does that supplant your number one or? I think that'd be number two for me. I think I'd love to go up there. So first money and then going into space. Yeah.

Yeah. And then Randy, you know, he he's good at sex sometimes when he's sober. How often is that, though? It's so rare. Yeah. But it's good when he's sober. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. What makes it bad when he's what makes it bad when he's not sober? Is it is he? He's just, you know, he's not engaged. Like.

Like, you know, he's like watching TV and stuff or he's eating food. The things we all do when we're drunk. Wow. You know, this really illustrates to us what an unreliable narrator Randy has been on his past appearances. It really is. He's always saying how duplicitous Carissa is and how she cheats on him and how she is manipulating him. And that this casts a whole new light on things. This is really interesting. I mean, it sounds to me like he's a drunk who's not even good at sex. Yeah.

What did I miss? Oh, hey, Randy, you're back. Yeah. Wait, Carissa Love, what was your final ranking? So money first, then space, then I guess sober sex, and then love. Right. Okay. Now, Randy, you've got to rank the following things. Okay. Money, going into space, sex, love. Sober sex and drunk sex. Sober sex slash drunk sex.

So what is your order of preference? What do you like most to least? All right, if I had to pick just one, I'd say going into space. No, not just one. Listen. Please listen, Randy. Focus. All right, sorry. You've got to rank them. Okay, all right. I would pick going into space. Then I would pick drunk sex because you get to eat and watch TV at the same time. LAUGHTER

Then I would pick money because you could buy whatever food you want or DVDs to watch while you're having drunk sex. No, we know what money is used for. Then I would pick love because it's beautiful and fleeting. And then I would pick sober sex because it feels good. I mean...

We'd have to build this list out because those are top five things like in general. It's hard to rank them. Right. Yeah. So they're all maybe tied for first for you. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Wow. OK, well, the Grizz, why did you ask this? An interesting window into their relationship and why they may have the problems that they have. Did that clear it up for you?

No, I'm still confused. I'm curious. I didn't mean you, love. I didn't mean you. The Grizz, are you and Lady Amelia in couples counseling? Is this something that you learned in couples counseling or in therapy of some sort? I am a couples counselor. You are a couple counselor? What? We didn't know that about you, The Grizz. You didn't know that about The Grizz? Yee-haw!

Oh, my God. Hey, Larry, I heard you guys was having a big anniversary show. I just thought I'd check in and say, who the hell is that? My shoes. What the goddamn? What's going on? I killed you. You thought you did, Dalton Wilcox, but nobody beats the Grizz.

Dang it. They told me that when I was going up against you. You never saw that T-shirt? I was specifically warned on three separate occasions nobody beats the Grizz. That can't be the case. I shot you in the heart and the leg. That's right, but I had a portrait of the queen done on a tin plate that was stuck right in my jacket. And the leg thing was not fatal.

So you are wounded in the leg. Yeah, it hurt. It hurt. Oh, okay. That was tough. That was tough. Well, welcome to the show, Dalton Wilcox. It's good. I know you've got a lot of other guests. I was literally just popping in to say, hi, happy anniversary, and you can buy my book. Which one? You must buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse and other poems and observations, humorous and otherwise from a life on the range by Dalton Wilcox.

You can pick that up anywhere where they're selling books and even some places where they ain't. Sure, yeah. What about the sequel book? Oh, the sequel book? Yeah. You still have to buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse. And even more poems and additional observations from a life still being lived on the range by Dalton Wilcox, who wrote the first book by Dalton Wilcox. Yeah, and that third one, though. There is a third one. There is a third one.

I've never seen a cow... Not to put you on the spot. No. I've never seen a cowboy eat hummus. And... Hang on. Wait a minute. There it is right here. Goddamn. Wait, no. I've never seen a cowboy eat hummus and other foods that cowboys have also not eaten in my presence in addition to poems and observations about living life on the range humorous and otherwise by Dalton Wilcox. Okay. Very good. Well, I'm sorry to... Those are my three books. I'm sorry to surprise you with the presence of the Grizz here, but apparently you didn't do the job. It's the Grizz. It's the Grizz.

I'm shocked because I swear to God, I thought I killed. I went all the way to goddamn England to kill this guy. And he this is a real this is the real Grizz. This is not the ghost of Grissom's past. This is the Grizz. No, I know that because I'm not asleep. But I.

You know, I've been posing as the Grizz. What I do is I find a rag and I soak it in some manure and I stuff it into his shoes. Sure. And I put those shoes on and then I'm the Grizz. So let's hear a little bit of your Grizz. Maybe we could have a Grizz-off. Yeah, I've been fooling people left and right. Look, here comes the Grizz. I say, oh, I'm an Englishman and here I am, a chip-chop cheerio, and it's me, the Grizz. Yeah.

It's too good. It's too good. Which one of us said that? Well, now that you know the Grizz is alive, are you going to abdicate the role of the Grizz? Nope. I think we'll carry on as two Grizzers. Two Grizzers? This is unprecedented. There could be only one.

Does the United Kingdom have room for two Grizzes? No, it's very small. Does Lady Amelia's heart have room for two Grizzes is another question. She has four chambers in her heart. Could you each share one? Lady Amelia is in love with me. Oh, Byron Dennison as the new suitor? She's already in love with the new suitor? She's deeply in love with me. And she's in love with me, the Grizz. Well, she's in love with me, the Grizz. Ha ha ha!

So she's in love with three people. Three different people. She's got a big heart, that girl. She can love everyone in the world. But she can only take one of us into space. It's true. Well, well, well. It seems we've got a Manchester standoff. LAUGHTER

How are we going to settle this before Sean Anott ascends the stage before Tina Turner? I mean, it seems unlikely we're going to settle it in this episode. Sure. We probably don't want to do it in an anniversary episode. Yeah, there's like six more people waiting to get in. It's going to be really cool. It should be in a main episode. I'm happy to table it.

All right. We'll tell you what. Why don't we, we're about to go to a break. Are any of you leaving? Excuse me while I disappear. I think, yeah, I'm going to go ahead and sign off, Scott, just to maintain a little bit of energy while I still have daylight. I understand. Yeah. I'm going to head up to Yosemite. I heard there was a person in trouble. Oh, that would be great. Could you make sure?

you go through the south gate, I could choose a little... Three human adults scoots in from the gate by a trash can in a big boulder near a newspaper but not close enough to read. Just gallop in and if you can scooper off of the ground and onto the back of your horse. I'm going to go in the west.

And that's a good choice. Honestly, I get it. Honestly, it's one of the better ones. Yeah, you're going to have a great approach to the park. I'll make my way down to the south entrance if you'd like, but I'm going in the west. Absolutely. And I wouldn't discourage it. Have a great time. Enjoy that valley of light. Dalton, so great to see you. So long. Byron, are you sticking around? I think, yes, for a little while longer. Okay, great. I don't know. But the grids, you're grizzipiering?

You had such a good exit or Brexit, I guess. Grizz. The Grizz. Grexit. Grexit. OK. Grexit. All right. All right. Grexit stage left. Randy, what are you doing? Scott, we're off to argue with each other in the backyard. Got it. OK. Understood. I appreciate this. I'll remember every single one of you that sided with Carissa the next time I am on the podcast. OK. Just come up with a new password.

No. All right. We have so much more show to get to. But Manchester Orchestra, are you guys ready to play another song? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. What do you say? Which one is this going to be? Of course, we just heard Bedhead, the first single. And what what are you going to play here?

This one is called keel timing. Keel timing. What does that mean? It's up for interpretation. What does it mean to you? No, you tell us because you wrote it. I would much rather prefer to hear it. No, no. I would much rather you just explain it because I don't have the kind of time where I like...

sift through your lyrics and pick out clues and shit. I'll tell you what, I feel like this is sort of like a Wikipedia thing. I think we just go to Kiel and figure out what that means. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Well, you've grabbed your instruments. We're all set to go. Here we go. This is Manchester Orchestra with Kiel Timing on Comedy Bang Bang. I'm inside my head, oh

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

I was folding slowly Frozen changed feel It wasn't right, it wasn't wrong It was holy Oh, I think I'll start again Slowly Help rearrange my head Slowly

If I'm the woods, then you're the fire In the low bin, I was smoking Red light, glowing flame For you, it wasn't mine But it wasn't wrong, it was home So hold me now No, I will not repeat myself

So hold me down No, I will not keep myself There's something inside my head It's growing Yeah, something inside my chest It's growing A little more, a little more It is home

Coping slowly, sloping changed The truth, it wasn't right and it wasn't wrong It's been holy So love me now, oh I will not repeat myself So love me now, yeah all I do is repeat myself

There's comfort in the constant quote Now I'm awake and I don't know how

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Comedy Bang Bang, we are back. 12th anniversary episode. So many people left during the break, but we're still here, of course, with Jason Manzoukas. The J-Dog is here. Hey-o!

And of course, Robert and Andy from Manchester Orchestra still here. The Million Masks of God, a great album people can listen to. I really enjoyed those first two songs you guys played. And I'm expecting that's not going to change with the third that we have at the end of the show. Is that right? Fingers crossed. Yeah. Okay, we'll see. Have you ever written like two songs and then been like, that's about it. I don't think I can write another good one.

Yeah. Unfortunately. Yes. Um, but we, uh, a lot of people left during the break, but we have someone back here, uh, who just joined the zoom and, uh, we were roommates for a little while, uh, during the pan, uh, during the Demi. And, uh,

We have split up since then. Yeah, during the full disclosure, during the Demi, we were roommates. I'm calling it Pandy. Pandy, I like it. Yeah. Sort of like designer. Pandy, Pandy, Pandy, Pandy, Pandy, Pandy. Pandy. Pandy.

Mindy. Please welcome back to the show. I don't know whether he has it previously, but please welcome back Sprague the Whisperer. Scotty the Arkman. How are you, Scott? Doing so good, Sprague. So, I mean, I know I moved out, but I miss you, bud. It's so great to see you. I miss you too, my bud.

The Zooks man is here. Look at this guy. Sprague, I'll be honest. I mentioned you earlier at the beginning of the show when people were introduced who had a lot of back exposition. And I said, what we need. Byron Denniston really needed a previously on, to be honest. What we need was a Sprague the Whisperer previously on Comedy Bang Bang. Well, here's the thing. I don't think Sprague did that. I think that might have been a Rudy North thing. Oh, whoops. Yeah.

You know, just for the fans. Look, I'll say, I will say this character, of course, is obsessed with canon. So I could see understanding the mix-up. My sincerest apologies. That is a rooting earth. I'm so sorry. The CVB wiki is going crazy right now. They're constantly trying to update and then delete, then update, then delete. Have you ever heard this?

previously on Comedy Bang Bang. It doesn't work. You know what I mean? You have such a weak, feckless voice. I'm like a little cuck. Okay, I don't know about that. Well, Scott, let me just say, Scott, I am so

Happy to be here. But I'm a little bit sad, Scott, because I know it's the 12th anniversary, Scott. Yeah, we're closing out the 12th year and we're about to embark upon the 13th. Oh, we've done a dozen years. And Scott, I had a gift. I was going to get you a gift and I couldn't get it, Scott. Oh,

What did you have for me? So, of course, we all know traditionally the 12th year is the year of the pearl, Scott. Wow. I was hoping for a pearl necklace from you. And yes, Scott, I was going to try to get you some pearls. So first of all, I Googled. First thing I did was I was like, are pearls marbles? Because I'm not sure.

such a good question like marbles the kids game yeah like i i remember i was like okay i want to get this guy some pearls but are they just those just marbles you know so i looked that up and were there any results did you get to the bottom of it yes because it immediately says it says we understand why you're asking this question that's what yahoo answers says okay they're very kind that's what it says it says i understand why you're asking this question and well of course you know

come from, I guess, the ocean. Yeah, oyster mouths. Yeah, so I, okay, so this oyster mouth thing, I had to really, so apparently they collect sand and through the filtering of it, they create this pearl. I, I,

I had a really fun time watching some documentaries about that, Scott. Okay. Just took a while. I watched a few docs, looked up some YouTube videos. There's a lot of time-lapse sort of like descriptions of what it might look like for a pearl to form, but no one really knows. It's such a mystery, Scott. It's really fun. Well, sure. Those oysters, they have their mouths closed the whole time. Yeah. And when they open it back up, there's a pearl. We don't have cameras inside the oyster. We don't have an oyster cam. Yeah, we...

I think, wait a minute, should we figure that out? Should we figure out a noise-by-the-way idea? This is not a bad idea. That's a... Go pro. That's a porn hub search. I think...

You got brother and sister in there and you got something. Are we dripping milk right now? Oh, no. We're talking Tang. We're talking Tang. The Tangy brine of the salt water. Gosh, I don't want to know what was happening before I was on this thing. We had the grizz here. All sorts of stuff was going on. Oh, the grizz was here. So anyways, I figured out this clam thing. So that was one thing. So that took me a couple of days, Scott. And then I was like, all right, so I got to get some pills. So first of all, got to learn how to scuba dive.

Oh, sure. I guess if you really want to go from farm to table with a pearl. So I went to one of those resorts where they teach you how to scuba dive in the little mini pool, you know, and they put the thing on me. I could not stop having a panic attack, Scotty. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's tough, you know, I mean, to have a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus strapped to you. Yeah. It really is, you know, it's a lot of machinery and was maybe not meant to breathe underwater. I was going to say, next thing you know, you're underwater where it's like, that's very dangerous and claustrophobic. So right now I'm doing some immersion therapy to figure that out, Scott. But as soon as I figure out how to do that, I'm going to get you some pills. You don't need to give me anything. But Scott, it's your 12th anniversary. I just have to.

I feel like I failed you, Scott. No, Sprague, you could never fail me. As tight as we are. Scotty, I just, you know, I came here empty handed. I don't know what I'm going to do, Scott. You know what it is? You know what I'll do?

Maybe I'll come up with a new podcast idea for us to do. Okay. Well, I don't know about that. Maybe I think that might be something. I mean, it could be the gift of the podcast. I do have to say, last week we talked about how I'd never seen Space Jam. I was listening to that, and I'm going to say, there's at least two episodes. Because there's a space jam. There's a space jam, too. Yeah. We bring in Langston, me, you, Langston. We watch the two Space Jams movies. Sounds fun. All right. And I say we do a pod for every 30 minutes. Okay. Let's do that.

All right. Look, I'm easy. Or, you know, if it's Space Jam, you should do a pod for every character. Oh. Yes, we do it through their perspective. And just follow their chronology. Yes. What their pod is. Space Jam Rashomon. Yes. So what Marvin the Martian's whole experience previous to and then arriving at the game, so we understand his whole storyline.

This is great. Because, you know, I heard in this next one, there's going to be like hundreds of characters from the Warner Brothers IP. So we could do episodes from the perspective of the guys from A Clockwork Orange, you know? Or Voldemort. Or Voldemort. There's a lot of really weird people in the crowd if you look at the... Yeah. Or what about Ellen DeGeneres from her show? Sure. Sure.

She tapes on the Warner Brothers lot. Wait a minute. That's good. They could pop out. Okay, Scott. She just yell at all the basketball players. Okay, here's what we do, Scott. We're writing Space Jam 3, which is the Space Jam Rashomon. Space Jam 3 Rashomon Ninja. Rashomon Ninja. And we have to go back and follow every character so we can figure out the timeline so we can sort of do an end game sort of like time travel back into like, this was when Lola Bunny was backstage. Is it like a multiverse?

I think we're doing a multiverse right now. I think we're figuring it out. This is great. So you're suggesting Space Jam is a multiverse. Yes. I'm calling it the Jam-a-verse. Okay. I've anointed it the Jam-a-verse. Are the characters from the Back in Action verse there? Because you know, famously, I wrote one joke in Looney Tunes Back in Action. Well, we can bring those in, Scott. We can bring in all the versions of the Looney Tunes. I'm experienced here. We can do that.

We can do it. We can do it all, Scott. This is great. I think this is a good idea. All right. Well, Sprig, this is a good idea. I'm glad to have it. Jason, you're out. As long as we all are in agreement that Pepe Le Pew is out. No, he is canceled. No, no, no, no, no. He's out. Actually, what we do is we do an episode where we say, we want to talk about the significance of Pepe Le Pew in this movie, and then we do two hours of silence. Okay, great. That sounds good. With maybe like in the middle, we do like a four hymns commercial or something. Can you do two hours of silence?

I'm not quite sure. No, I would have to mute. That is John Cage's podcast. Oh, yeah, that's someone else's pod. Oh, yes. Well, Sprague, you have a deal. If we can get Langston. Langston's very busy, though. So I did come with a gift. This is great. Okay, yeah, a brand new podcast idea. I got a brand new pod. He's got a new pod. Yeah, that's it. Oh, no. The CBB wiki's going crazy. Check it out.

Check. Sound speeds. Sound speeds. Check. I know who this is. What's happening here? It's working.

Scott. Who is it? Is this Gino? Yes. This is Gino Lombardo. I received. Gino Lombardo. You sound so far away. I am. I'm all the way out at Hexer State Park at the end of Southern State Parkway. Almost in Suffolk County, Long Island. He's still out of breath. I'm still by train. Is that what the setup he wants? How do you get that by train? How do you get that by train? Is that what you need? The Southern State Parkway is a highway. You use a car. Jesus Christ. What are you? A comedy bang bang listener on any social media platform? Ha ha ha.

Any other reference to this character is fine. Hello, Scott. I'm at a CIA black site. I'm sorry. I had to call you. What? I'm being deprogrammed. What happened to you? Obviously, the last we've heard of you is in your own show, The Gina Lombardo Show. There was a really funny final episode that a great guy guest starred on. Yeah, that's right. I didn't know it was going to be the season finale, but you guested on the last episode of season two and-

Things got a little hairy. I gained too much clout. I touched a live wire that is the right wing comedy fans. I got a taste of the juice of the success and the money and I couldn't get away from it. And shit fucking spiraled. I had fucking Scaramooch on the pod. That was fun. Then I get Jordan Peterson. Next thing I know, my Patreon's got 25,000 subscribers and I'm trying to come up with hot takes about how kids need to get shot and shit. And I don't

I don't even know. Scott, I'm in too deep, man. The money is too good. Hold on. Hold on. Devin, we should get this clean so we can put it in before.

Previously on the Gino Lombardo podcast. No, your voice is too weak and feckless. It's too, it's feckless. I can't do it. Also, isn't that Rudy's thing? It is, it is. But I just do feel like that was a pretty good previously on We Got What We Needed. No, we got what we needed. So what's happening right now? Right now, well, I don't want to get into too many details, but the CIA is deprogramming me. And I'm sorry, I'm a little fuzzy. It's day one after my shot. So I'm being a little... Wait, you're just day one on your deprogramming?

No, no. They are shooting me up every day with assorted... I got salt pita yesterday and then truth serum today and then lying serum two days ago. I don't know. It was distilled screenplay pages from Jim Carrey's Liar Liar. They figured out

figured out how to distill those. They figured it out. They've been in the lab. Not exactly. I wish. They cracked the liar, liar code. My goodness. I mean, Gino, this is, I mean, I'm scared for you, my bro. You should be. Are you on the run right now? I wish I was on the run. They got me fucking in a, uh,

above ground pool filled with cement up to my waist. So I'm stuck. I'm like a centaur where the bottom half of me is above ground pool filled with cement. How do you do number ones and number twos? I'm not positive. Okay. Just every once in a while, the above ground pool expands slightly. I feel the sensation. Like it feels like I'm urinating and shitting, but I don't, I don't.

Feel the relief. It's kind of like a crack like in an earthquake or something. You're building up a load of pressure there. I'm scared for you, Gino. Well, Gino, we need you out of there so you can finally go back to your own show so you can clear up all of your canon so then you can come back to this show and it's not weird. Wouldn't that be perfect? Well, if only all the things that have happened to me have been previously recorded, we can output it in a very easy-to-listen-to series for Stitcher Premium. Sure.

We could do a third season of Gino Lombardo on Stitcher Premium explaining what's happened to me in my interim, which would allow me to just come back to a podcast that's easy to track down. And we wouldn't have to go through all this. Oh, my God. Yeah, no more sports dudes. But unfortunately, that's not the case. That's not the case. That is the case.

the case sports dudes were great sports dudes I'm a huge fan I was able to get those guys in the CIA black site we have Stitcher the CIA was one of the few people to figure it out they love the interface yeah

Well, they're always on Reddit saying the interface is great. Look, Gino, thank you so much for being on. I mean, and making some time for us. I really appreciate it. Okay. Oh shit. All right. I have to go. Hopefully there's some way I'm able to release a third season of the Gino Lombardo show that would premiere sometime in what you are calling earth summer. Okay. Hopefully we'll see you out there. Thank you, Gino. Bye.

We might need to get that guy at Cannon Rehab, Scott, because he's OD'ing over there. Well, wow. And incredible. This is just a star-studded episode. Andy and Robert, what do you think about all that? I'm blown away. These guys, like I said before, these guys are monopolizing too much of the episode. Yeah, guys, cut it down. Just sitting in amazement, slowly crying.

All right, well, we do need to get to our next guest. They are coming on together, and this is interesting. I guess they're from the world of sports, but I'm not quite sure. This is the first time they've ever been on the show, maybe, or maybe they have. I don't quite know. All I have is their names here. But please welcome to the show, Harls Barkley and Rabbi Bill Walton. Shalom, Scott. Hey. Shalom, Scott Ackerman. Scott. Scott.

Thank you for having me. I sure do appreciate it, Scott. I tell you, I don't really do too many...

You know, podcasticals and things like that. And I just want to say thank you. I'm here with my friend. So really, truly. Now, you asked me to pronounce your name Charles Barkley. Charles Barkley, yes. Charles Barkley, yes. Well, I'm going to let my friend Bill tell you why. Well, first of all, Scott, happy to be on Comedy Bang Bang. Yes! With...

Some of my favorite, Spring the Whisperer, one of the great whisperers of all time. I love this guy's energy. One of the yin-yang twins to the other of the yin-yang twins. Wow, he runs the gamut. Wow. Not to mention Manchester Orchestra, one of the great orchestras of all time, from Unknown Mortal to...

Do you need more help than previous appearances with completing your analogy? Oh, I made it. I made it. Sometimes you just gotta, you know, kill a little time with us and arms. It's the classic announcers trick. Yeah. Have you been on the show before or are you new? I've been on the show before Scott, but not,

Not in this capacity. Harls and I, and by the way, Jason Mantzoukas, one of the great Jasons of all time. From the purveyor of a deli, Jason's Deli, down the street, from me on Oracle Road in Tucson, Arizona, to Jason...

Vorhees. Vorhees. Vorhees. One of the great murderers of all time, of course. Of course. Prolific murderer. You forgot to mention the Electric Light Orchestra. Thank you. Thank you, Carl. I am Mr. Blue Guy because I forgot that and I am sad I missed it. Do you think they're saying Mr. Blue Guy?

Yes. Hey, Mr. Blue Guy, please tell us why you had to hide away. You're so sad. All right. But Charles and I are here. Yeah, tell us what is your deal? Because I don't, I'm not quite grasping what you guys are. Yeah, are you guys Jewish now? We're Jewish now. Thank you. And we are doing what we do for every podcast when it reaches its 12th or 13th year. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah, or as we call it for this one, the Scott Mitzvah. Oh.

I understand now. This is a rite of passage. I love Mitzvah. Thank you. Allow me to explain, Scott. So your podcast is a man now. Thank you, Charles. I think Bill actually, Rabbi Bill rather, explained it. Wait a minute. I have a question, Charles. I didn't know you were. Charles. Charles.

or Carl's like challah bread when did you convert I didn't know this was a part of your personality Charles I'm glad you asked Spray Goo now okay I like that too

I converted not too long ago. I just, I was in Miami and I had, I was looking for a place that could serve muscle ball soup because I had COVID. And I heard that that was the best for it. And so I walked to this place and

And I looked at all the teachings that they had on the menu. You went right to the source of where the matzo ball soup is, not a restaurant. I said, I'm going to do this here. Okay. And that's exactly what I did. I'm a Judas now. Okay. Wow. And then Rabbi Bill, I didn't realize you were a rabbi. I didn't even realize you were part of the tribe.

I became rabbinically ordained when I realized so many podcasts were entering into their manhood or womanhood year and they needed to be welcomed into it. Yeah. Are you going to be on WTF? Yes. I did a bar. Marks. I did a bar.

It is 13th year and we got into it and I wept. I wept at the beauty of the occasion. And Carl's joined me on that, of course. We do dual because we're each kind of half Jewish, what we know about the religion. I was there. I was there. I said, Mark, every time I listen to your show, you talk so much about them damn cats at the beginning of the show. And

And I just want to hear the comedian come on and talk about his life. I want to hear what Dave Attell got to say. I don't care about them damn cats, Mark. I want to hear what President Obama got to say. Charles Barkley stole Boomer. We were in there and Charles stole Boomer and ran off with him. No, Charles. Put him back. I took that cat and I took him right to the zoo.

Because that's where cats belong. That's not where cats belong. Cats belong at the zoo. They're domesticated animals. It's interesting because some cats, you know, some cats do belong in the zoo. Like big cats. Yeah. But I would think if you brought a house cat to the zoo and let it loose, that is essentially feeding that cat.

That cat to larger predators. With someone as big as Charles Barkley, it's like any cat's just like, yeah, fucking panther. That's like a house cat to me. I'm a big guy. So I understand the confusion. That's exactly why I took the cat. I took the cat right to the panther den. And I walked right in the panther den. I said, listen here now, this cat is going to live with y'all. So feed it right. And, you know, do what you got to do. I don't know what y'all eat. Birds.

turtles, something like that. Oh, no. So Boomer's gone. Boomer's definitely not living. Probably is with the Panthers. The way this man communicates with animals is incredible. Carl's had a way with the Panthers that I've never seen. Are you guys, when you do this, are you going to the zoo like off hours? Like, are the gates locked?

I just stepped right over the gate. Me and Bill just stepped right over it. Zoos are not protected against basketball players. That's their one weakness. Every zoo disappearance you've ever heard of was actually a basketball player theft all through history. From the great snake of the Brooklyn Zoo to, of course, the murder of Harambe. Rest in peace was killed by Bill Russell.

Bill Russell shot that gorilla. What? Huge reveal. Whoa. Bill Russell shot that gorilla. Oh, my God. Wow. Well, guys, I'm seeing someone else just came on the Zoom. I hope you don't mind if I introduce her. I don't know anything about this person other than they are an actor. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Charlotte Hornet.

Hi, Scott. Hi. Hey, so nice to meet you. This is Sprague, the Whisperer. I'm Sprague, super producer. Of course, Sprague, the Whisperer. Awesome. This is Jason Manzoukas, who you may remember from The Dictator. It's nice to meet you, Charlotte. Did you ever see The Dictator? Awesome.

I was in a movie called The Dictator. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Spelled the same way? It was spelled D-I-C-K-T-A-T-E-R. Oh, okay. Here we go, here we go. I'm going to have to maybe get off. I don't know if I can be around for this. This is going to get crazy. You just get off when things get crazy? Here's the thing. Right now, I'm in sort of a...

Sex addicts anonymous right now. And if this could be triggering for me. Scott, it's something I haven't talked to you about, but I don't want to get, maybe we can cut that out. You were a sex addict the entire time we were roommates? I never heard you, you know, getting down or anything like that. Scott, canonically, that might be the case. Okay. Okay. I don't, I don't want the producer to leave. I feel like the producer should be here because I want to audition for your podcast. Stick around, Greg. Okay. Stick around. Okay. No problem. This is an audition to be on the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

I thought it was an audition. I feel like we should have that more often, honestly. Okay. Yeah. A little quality control, you do. A little QC. This is Manchester Orchestra, by the way. Hi. This is Robert and Andy. They're a band called Manchester Orchestra. Very nice to meet you. Amazing. Amazing. That's awesome. Nice to meet you. And then we have Rabbi Bill Walton and we have Harls Barkley. Hello. How are you doing? Okay. Harls, I'm great. Harls.

Harls, is this, this is not the actual Harls or is this, is this a different Harls? I think, I think we figured out that it is, these are the people, they've just changed their names. Because of their conversion to Judaism. Becoming Jewish does not make you not a person anymore, Charlotte. I want to state that loud and clear. We are two full peoples. We are two full, full Jewish peoples. You're, you're one Jewish man and one non-Jewish man put together. Yes. Yes. Standing on top of each other's shoulders trying to get into a film. Where?

Okay. Wearing an enormous trench coat. Like all rabbis do. Okay. Yeah, this is amazing. This is so awesome to be here. It is amazing. I'm so excited to be here. You're welcome. Yeah, you want to audition? How can we audition you? Yeah, did you want me to slate? Yeah, please. Okay. Age, my sex, and my location. Okay.

I didn't realize that people slated their locations. That's like a, that's like a AOL chat room thing. Age. Age. I am a 31 years old. Uh, sex. Uh, yes. And location. What sex? Sex. Yeah. Well, what do you think I am, Scott? Let's play a game. What do you think I am? There are a lot of guests on this show that I say the wrong thing. And I, I, you know, from Entree P. Neuer who, uh, to, to, uh, uh, Judge Joe Brown. I don't,

I don't know who any of those people are. Okay. So, never heard of them. 31 is too old for a lady to be on TV. You get three... For a lady to be on... Harls, that was some crazy tape there. Wow. What's so crazy about that? Don't you see a 31-year-old lady on TV and all this high def and 4K, all the wrinkles and things? Okay. Okay. We got to let this... We got to let this lay. Okay. Okay.

You get four guesses to guess what my sex is. I would imagine. I mean, your name's Charlotte. I would imagine you're a female, but I don't know. Wrong. Keep going. Male? No. Keep going. Okay. Do you want me to just tell you? I go to guess. Okay. Okay. Sprague. Doggy style. No. My favorite position is CEO. Okay.

Anyway. Anyway. You got saved over here. Any fucking way. I'm actually highly experienced in sex. Oh, okay. I don't know that that's going to come in handy on this show, but. Comedy Bang Bang. It's not a porno podcast. Wait, you think this is a porno podcast? The name would suggest it's a porno podcast, Scott.

When you have people on like, like dirty man, Jason Manzoukas, I understand the mistake you do. Jason Manzoukas. Jason Manzoukas. Do you fuck? Do you fuck? Not in quite some time.

He's talking Tang all the time, though. Sure, yeah. Listen, I'm talking Tang, yes. And I can understand Comedy Bang Bang, the title might give you the perception. It's a funny porno, right? Yeah. You know what? Has there ever been a porn parody of Comedy Bang Bang? Question mark, real question. I don't think there has. I don't think it was popular enough on television, so I... That's too bad. I feel like this is out of the challenge to me. I feel like the producer's spray could literally check right now.

This is something a producer would do. He's not the producer of this show necessarily. He's a producer of Ninja Films. Hey, Scott. Scott, can we start that podcast, me and you? Are you talking Tang to me?

Unfortunately, Talkin' Tang has been reserved from Jason Manzoukas. Talkin' Tang and Drippin' Milk are two of mine. This is my kind of podcast. Talkin' Tang and Drippin' Milk. I guess, Charlotte, here's the question. What did you expect to do on sort of an audio porn podcast? Is it like faking an orgasm like in When Harry Met Sally? Girlfriend experience. Was that a porn? When Harry Met Sally? Yeah.

I don't know. I guess the title, it kind of sounds like a porn. I mean, the faking of the orgasm was, uh, was, it was porn. That was the one pornographic part. I'm sure there is a porn version of when Harry met Sally. Again, I,

I would love to see Billy Crystal naked in front of us. Look, here's the thing. This is my work computer. I can't be fucking around. I feel like we could easily check anybody. There's so many people on this podcast right now. I feel like anybody right now could get on a window and check. Is there a porno for Harry McFally? Just open the window and check. I don't know that we can. Well, did you want to audition? Yeah, Scott. What do you want me to do, Scotty?

I don't know if I can be around for this, Scott. This is getting... I'm sorry, Sprague, but I'm going to keep it PG-13. Here's what I think would be a good version of the audition is you should...

the character that you would play would arrive with a funny, specific, bizarre point of view that would be introduced before any kind of sex happens. So there would be, so the audition I suspect would have to do with that, that character's unique personality.

This is a master class in auditioning for anything. You must come in with a specific point of view. Don't just say the lines. Have a point of view for your character that's interesting to the people watching. Thank you, Rabbi Bill Walton. I'm an amazing rabbi. I didn't realize you auditioned for things, Bill. I thought you were offer only. Yes, I auditioned for my giant. I auditioned for the Billy Crystal role. We might need you guys for Space Jam, the sequel we're writing. I was in the first one. Oh, yes. Okay, yeah.

Bill, if you were in my giant, they would have had to pick an even more giant person. So is that why you didn't get the part? Well, no, it's because I refuse to let anyone stand near me on an Apple box. Oh, okay. Okay. Should I start my audition? I was also going to have a sort of hang with Mr. Cooper. Yeah, please start your audition. Charlotte Hornet. So interesting point of view. We haven't also, we haven't said my location. We know where I am. Hollywood, baby. Okay. So my point of view. Home of the Charlotte Hornet. Nope.

No, Hornet is my last name. It's a pure coincidence. And also, this isn't my government name. I thought this was a porno. That's my porn name, Charlotte Hornet. Oh, oh, okay. My real name is Charlotte Sims. So, yeah. Oh, are you one of the Sims? Are you one of the famous Sims?

Like the video game? No, Scott. That's a bad joke. Maybe she gets comedy and maybe could just do comedy. We've got people from Pokemon on this show. I'm here to do a funny porno. Is everybody ready? All right, I'm ready. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Point of view is that I walk in, I'm a plumber, but my pants aren't low-waisted. I'm wearing high-waisted jeans and I have a belt on, so no ass crack. Okay. So walk in. Who wants to play with me in this?

I don't know. Charles? I'm happy to. It should be Charles, I think. Okay, so it seems everybody on this podcast is bitch made. Anybody want to play with me? I said y'all said me. I already said I was. I got cuck energy. Okay, Chuck. Chuck, it's me and you. All right. Chuck, it's me and you. You call me to your house. Cuck. Cuck. Cuck Barkley. Cuck Barkley. Got it. Okay. All right. So, Cuck. You... Cuck. Cuck.

I come in. Please stop saying that. Cuck, cuck, cuck. Stop it. Stop it. Cuck, cuck, cuck. What is this, an SNL sketch from several months ago? This is, by the way, this is a successful audition. This is how you get on Comedy Bank Day. I'm cracking up right now. This is a good character. You're cucking up? Did you say? Okay, great. I'm ready. I'm ready. Okay, so.

You called me over because your toilet is clogged. And I am a plumber with high-waisted jeans on and a belt. You initiate and I'll go from there. All right.

Excuse me, Mr. Plumber. I took a big old massive dookie in the toilet and I didn't have no toilet paper. And so I used the old piece of T-shirt that I had laying around. I'm sorry. You had a piece of T-shirt laying around? Just one piece? Yeah. Sometimes I like to rip the T-shirt or the tooth tied around my neck. I rip it down the front a little bit and I take a nice little V out and I have one laying around. You can just buy V-neck T-shirts, Charles. Oh.

Hold on. You're not in the scene. Sorry. Sorry. I thought it was your roommate. Oh, you live with me? Sure. Okay. Well, this is my roommate. I'm like, you know, a freeloading party or posse. Okay, Scott, you can show us without telling us. And that's improv. And that's actually improv. Yeah. So show us. You know a lot about improv. She's very good at this. She's very good. I actually studied at the Upright Citizens Brigade.

The porn parody of that? What? Top rights, caucuses. You got a question here? Wait, we got a question. I just had an update. I did look for the Harry Met Sally. Oh, what do we got? Harry ate Sally.

Oh, that's pretty good. It doesn't rhyme with Matt, so that's, you know, points off for that. It should be Harry ate Sally's ass for the millennials. What about why is seven afraid of nine? Seven, eight, nine? Right, right, right. Or it could have been like Harry put his meat on Sally. I'm going to say, Charlotte, you are hilarious and also very good at sex.

I will say this. I don't know that Charlotte even needs to audition. She's like, as far as I'm concerned, she's got the job. Okay. I've got the job. But let's just hear a little bit of the scene with you and Carl. So I was. All right. Back in. Red leather, yellow leather. Okay. All right. Here it goes. Okay.

All right. So I was taking a big old stanky dookie and I use a piece of a T-shirt. You did tell me that already. And then this is my roommate. His name is Scott Aukerman. You may remember him from Just Shoot Me. And he's one of my favorite. I played a very horny photography student. One of my favorite actors.

And he lives with me now because he's falling on hard times. And I took him in because I'm a nice guy. At what point do I get to chime in? I'm sorry. Please. Will you take a look at my toilet? This is the whole initiative. Carl's is not a very generous. Will you take a look at my toilet? Will you please take a look at my toilet? I would love to take a look at your toilet. Will you come with me? Yeah, come on.

It's right in her. Sprig, by the way, got so horny, he left the Zoom. He said it was too much for him, and that's the power of acting. Oh, my God. Someone's in here. Someone's in here.

Oh, shit. That's my other roommate, Bill Walton. Come back and look at the, see if you can see our back. I got the septic tank. I pulled it up out the ground. Why is he, okay, I have so many questions. Why is he announcing someone's in there as though he's using the bathroom if the toilet is totally clogged? That's just Bill. Bill likes to take baths. And he's probably taking a nice Epsom salt bath. Epsom salt bath.

salt bath in the shit up bathroom. Okay, got it. He likes to poop like Tetris where he's like fitting in between the stuff that's already there, you know? You all know so much about my bathroom habits. Thank you. Okay. All right. What do you need me to do now? I'm going to have you turn around, Mr. Carl Barkley, and I'm going to take...

It's cuck with the H in there, yeah? Cuck. Cuck. Cuck. Cuck Barkley. He's a Jewish cuck. Oh, God. We have gone off the rails, retired friends. There were, speaking of rails, sir, I'm going to need you to turn around. Okay, I don't get to participate? What's going on? Okay, I'm turning around. What y'all about to do?

Yeah, who did you want to turn around? Both of us? I want everyone to turn around. Okay, we're turned around. All right, we have our backs to you. I guess Bill Walton has his front to the toilet now. Bill, I would really appreciate it.

Bill, I would really appreciate it if you put clothes on right now. I know what you think this is. You think you're going to run a train, but you're not because I'm the conductor. So you're going to have to exit the bathroom, Bill. Wow. One of the great dominations I've ever experienced. I will sub for you any day, Charlotte Hornet.

Tell me what to do. Step on me. I'll kiss your feet, whatever you ask. No, I actually want you to leave. This is not... Yes, ma'am. Yes, yes, yes, ma'am. No, no, Bill, this isn't a sex thing. I need you to leave. Oh, baby, I'm out of here. Thank you so much, ma'am. I was cooking some andouille sausage on the stove. Can I go check on it?

Sure. All right. See you, Charles. I'll take care of the plumber. Don't worry. Okay. Okay. Hi, man. Okay. Hi, Scott. Your belt is so high. And it's on the last loop as well. That was a detail I didn't see. So you want to get out of here? Yeah. Let's get out of here. Step into my car. Ding dong. Rah!

A pizza delivery. Oh, yes. I was just making some andouille sausage to put on this pizza. Charles, you can order it with pizza now. I don't like the sausage that got down at that pizza place. I have a sausage pizza minus the sausage. Yeah. I don't like the sausage that y'all got down at that pizza place. It's nasty. I like to cook my own andouille. I put it over there. I make a cage of pizza.

Can we have two pieces in the car? Okay, your car sounds like a motorcycle, first of all. Yeah, it's specialty made. No, this is a motorcycle. There are no doors. It's not specialty made. Why you gotta blow up my spot like this? This is a motorcycle, and there's one fucking seat, and I'm not getting in here with you. I'm gonna fuck one of the guys in this house.

Come on, but you're going to have to wait about 30 minutes after I eat this pizza because I got to eat these. I got to take these antacids. Antacids. I'm so sorry. We were unable to put lactate on the pizza. What? Y'all always getting something wrong down there. And every time that y'all bring me a salad, I ask for the salad. Y'all always got too many ingredients on the salad.

Yeah. We use anything that's left over, anything that's about to go bad. We just put it in and call it a salad. Y'all put them big old peppers on a salad. Do any of you assholes care that there is a plumber with high-waisted jeans and a six-inch waist in your house right now ready to fuck?

We gonna pay you, goddammit. We gonna pay you the money. You ain't fixed the goddamn toilet yet, you told me. We can't fucking tell the toilet's fixed. I was just gonna ask, like, do you have a restroom I can use? No. Pizza man, you can come with me to the bathroom. Okay. I would love to. And scene. Wow. Thank you so much. Did I book it? Okay.

I think you booked it. Yeah, you're on the show. We're not going to redact this. We're not going to enact the redact. Am I a series regular on Comedy Bang Bang? You certainly are. Probably recurring. I can join in now. So this is a porn podcast after all because everyone seemed to know what the fuck they were doing. Yeah, we were very...

Very adept at our scene there. Yeah. Wow. Well, you know, Sprague got too horny. He had to leave. And we are just about running out of time here, guys. We need to wrap it up. But we do have one final feature if you guys are willing to participate. And that is, of course, a little something called plugs. Play two, play two, three, four. Money's coming, don't you bother, mother, sweet little plug. You can't ask yourself for something it's like make for mama's juicy jug.

Ooh, baby, that was the plug habit two in too deep.

By Quiet Wyatt. Thank you so much to Quiet Wyatt. That was incredible. Manchester Orchestra, are you ever going to make me a plugs theme or what's going on? You guys make these professional songs and you put out records and you never make me a plugs theme. We'll do it. We'll put it on the Wikipedia and we'll make sure. Upload it to the Wikipedia. I'm still waiting for a song about Hainan Man. Yeah, no one's ever done Hainan Man. Or the Dink Dink Man or the Chronicles of the Dink Dink Man. Yeah, rock opera.

You know? Challenge accepted, gentlemen. Thank you. What else are you doing during COVID? You made this album a year ago and then have not written a single rock opera since then? I mean, apparently you guys consider God's Mask more important than the Chronicles of the Ding Ding Man. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with Manchester Orchestra.

Well, guys, what are you plugging? Obviously, you have the Million Masks of God, which just came out on Friday, and people are able to buy it. And where do you – if people were to buy it, can they buy it from your website, or would you prefer they do it in stores? What do you got? Go ahead.

Yeah, they can buy it at our website, themanchesterorchestra.com. Do you abdicate all this information to Robert? Is that what happens here? Just whenever it's business stuff, I drop it out. Okay, you're party in the back. Robert, you're business in the front. Okay. I was conflicted because I also want to say support indie retail. That's also important. Go to the store. Go to your local record store and pick it up. And we've been doing...

signings for different record stores across the country. So. Very cool. Are you going to be out here in LA at any point doing Amoeba records or anything like that? I hope so. It's all been, you know, as you know, zoom performances and stuff like that. So it'd be nice to eventually get in front of some people. Can I,

Yes, in terms of supporting local stores and local record stores, but also to get it on your website, that's like truly supporting you guys, right? Yes. That's the best way to support you, the band. That is correct. Yes, it is. One of each. One of each. Yeah, buy one in an indie record store, buy one from your website, buy one from the Virgin Megastore, you know, and then just stream it on Spotify and put those in the basement. No, you know, I heard that Megastore got laid.

Oh, whoa. Megastore fucks. Throw it down, Jason Mantukas, with the big joke to close out the podcast. Clutch. One more time. Clutch. Well, thank you, Manchester Orchestra, and you're going to play one last song for us at the end. But before we do that, Jason, you got anything to plug?

I'll plug the my podcast with Paul Sheeran, June Diane Rayfield called How Did This Get Made, which is also right here on the Earwolf Network. And also I voice one of the characters on the animated show on Amazon called Invincible. Yes. Very good. Based based on the Robert Kirkman comic book. It's really fun. Another friend of the show.

Everybody to check it out. Yes, our good friend Robert Kirkman. Bobby Kirk's. Bobby Kirk's as we call him all the time. That's a great show, Invincible. You can get that on Amazon. All right, let's see. Rabbi Bill Walton, what do you got to plug here? I suppose I would rather have my hair be lit on fire than be lowered into a tub of ice water.

This is not would you rather. Unfortunately. Oh, excuse me. You always get that wrong. My favorite part of getting it wrong is the moment where you have literally no idea what's going on. I've caught on this your fourth time. I've finally caught on to what's going on.

But of course, you're a fan of certain podcasts. I know. Go to big grande website dot com to see the group Big Grande's podcasts. You can get a limited edition podcast directly from the group, much like buying records directly from the band. Or you could go to a patron dot com slash. You're the man now, dog, for an improv and conversation podcast. Wonderful. All right. All right.

Charles Barkley, what, uh, what do you have to plug here? Yeah. I want, uh, like talk about that piece of place that came by the house. Okay. I'm putting those big, big ass peppers on the pizza. Cause they only good sometimes, but also how are they to know which times they're good and which times you don't like them though? It depends on what type of dressing they use. I tell you the dressing is pretty good. Uh,

At Ranch. Those are two I like. All right. Other than that, go to patreon.com slash the flagrant ones. That's a basketball podcast. And they got some other stuff on there, too. So listen to that. Listen to that. Yeah. All right. Very good. And Charlotte Hornett.

What do you have to plug here? Okay. Well, not too much. I'm going to be a series regular on comedy. Bang, bang. Okay. For no podcast. I guess we're going from humanities podcast into the porno podcast. Yeah. Yeah. And that, why not? I'll beat you to this. Scott, my second time meeting you. Um,

perhaps people could watch a comedy program that comes on late Saturdays. It's called Saturday Night Live, but Scott has said it should be potentially called Sunday. Two thirds of it is on Sunday morning, which is just, it's bad advertising. It should be,

One third Saturday night, two third Saturday morning live. Live. Right? Sunday morning. Sunday morning. That should be the whole title. That should be the whole title. What it should just be is Saturday into Sunday night morning live. Or like, hey, thanks for watching live.

Yeah. Yeah. Just like the, the only two real days of the weekend live, whatever you mean. That's right. We could pitch if you want to kind of, or like only virgins watch this show because everyone else is out fucking. How about thunder day night live, but everyone who might be on the show is definitely fucking as well. Okay. Well, that's good to know. This just in cast of Saturday night live is having sex with people. Wow.

Well, I want to plug Threedom is my other podcast that I do with Paul F. Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus. That comes out on Thursdays. That's just the three of us sitting around and talking and playing games. That's fun. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. My friends Ben and Horatio. Do you guys want to try something? Do you guys want to maybe try to sing something here? Open it. When you see something, get a rope up and start to twist and you'll find

Don't mess around with me. Make sure you don't mess around.

Wow. That was exceptional. That was why can't we plug friends by chicken plug? It's,

That was great. Thank you so much to Chicken Pluggets for that. And guys, I want to thank you so much. Jason, so great to have you on. I appreciate you being here. Thanks so much. Congratulations. Happy anniversary. Of course. And Harls and Rabbi Bill, I don't know whether we ever really solidified what your deal was, but I appreciate you being here. Oh, we'll be back.

And, you know, thanks to our previous guests as well. We have the Grizz and, of course, Byron Denniston and Sprague and Marjorie and Randy and Carissa. I don't think I'm forgetting anyone. Dalton Wilcox. Dalton Wilcox, of course. And I want to thank our new friends. We have Charlotte Hornet here. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, Scott.

Hi, thanks so much. Oh, so you're pretty late to say hi. Thank you, though. Appreciate it. And the very last thing we have to do here is Manchester Orchestra. Are you guys ready to play another song? We are. Thank you so much for having us. This has been amazing. It's our pleasure to have you. One of my favorite bands. Thank you so much. And what is this song that you're about to play here? This one is called Telepath.

Telepath. Is this about someone you know, a relative or? It's about three generations of sort of the same couple. Okay. Oh, interesting. All right. I'm not sure if that was the serious answer or you're pulling my leg. It was the first time I was actually being serious there. Sorry about that. No, that's all right. Everyone has been deadly serious on this episode. All right. Let's hear it. You guys have your instruments. Okay, great. Here we go. This is Manchester Orchestra with Telepath. Two, three.

Baby, do you want me?

Baby, do you want me? No, no, no. Well, in your mind, this is some new and glorious morning. You ain't never gonna let nobody take that light again. Everyone I know is slowly falling in the ocean.

I don't want to be the next to row. I never learned to swim. Baby, do you love me? Baby, do you love me? Baby, do you love me? No, no, no. In my mind, you are the road I chose to travel. Might as well have been the very last thing I decide.

Half the time I'm lost, afraid to just borrow. It don't matter much to me, man. I'm not afraid to die. Baby, are you with me? Do you forgive me? You're the one I want, the one I want when I'm old. Baby, are you with me? Do you forgive me? You're the one I want, the one I want when I'm old. When I'm four.

when I'm full oh wonderful wonderful amazing guys thank you so much for being here we'll see you next week for the beginning of our 13th year we'll see you next time thanks bye substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating and so as a black woman in recovery hope must be loud

It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay. When we learn the power of hope, recovery is possible. Find out how at startwithhope.com. Brought to you by the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, Shatterproof, and the Ad Council.