Bonus Bang: Jason Mantzoukas, Mary Holland, Tim Baltz (Teenage Dirtbag)
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Hey, everyone. This is Scott Aukerman, and welcome to another Bonus Bang, where we re-release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from behind the paywall. This week, we are continuing with our Teenage Dirtbags series, featuring some of the fun teenage characters we've had on the show. And this week, it is Jennifer Spott, played by Mary Holland. Jennifer Spott is a high school student running for student body president at Hindeberg High School.

And she has a really interesting platform, which we're going to hear about. This episode was titled Who CB Beefed? Originally released on June 29th, 2017. It also features Jason Manzoukas and Tim Baltz, who you may know from The Righteous Gemstones, as Jason Turley, an adult coloring book maker. Adult coloring book maker. Okay, well, if you enjoyed this episode...

And you want to hear the other episodes featuring Jennifer Spot, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com. We have all of the past episodes all in the archives. Plus, we have every live show we've ever done, ad-free, new episodes, bonus shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn't Seen. So much stuff over there. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus bang. B-b-b-b-bang.

Comedy Bang Bang

I hope my final words are avoid the noid. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. I hope they are too. You're hoping my final words are soon. I hope they're spoken to me. Wait, are you going to have your hands around my neck? Perhaps. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Tom Lucky for that lucky catchphrase submission. Boo. You don't like- Wordplay already?

Now, you're not going to be a critic of the show. No. Gaging. You're not going to assign letter grades. You're just going to boo. It's pass fail with you. It is. It really is, by the way. Yay!

Yay! By the way, this is a bonus episode, special emergency episode. B-b-b-b-b-bonus! Can I do that? No, we don't do that. Am I allowed to do that? No, you're not allowed to do that. I'm not? That's for one person only. I'm not allowed to do that? No, sir. My apologies to the person who owns that catchphrase. If on Monday's episode we were balls deep in June, now we've stuck the balls directly inside the vagina in June. Really? Because we're at the very end of the month. We're just cramming those balls right on in there.

We are indeed, because... Just shoving them in. Special emergency session. Oh, boy. This may be the first time I've spoken today. Are you wasted? I went to your premiere last night, and I got fucked up. Yeah, bro!

Special emergency session of Comedy Bang Bang. I'm Scott Aukerman, your host, and we have a very special guest across the pond from me, if this table is a pond. Jason Manzoukas, star, and above the title, I was surprised to see this, at least of the one poster. Did you see that? Oh, oh, oh, okay. The one poster I saw. Yep, okay, great. Above the title for the upcoming movie out this Friday, The House...

Jason Manzoukas is here. Scotty! Hello, J-Dog! How are you, my friend? I am, uh, don't worry about it. I haven't seen that poster. I have to see that poster. Uh, Kulop took a picture of it. Oh, good. Have her send it to me. My future wife, Kulop? Yes, you're holding stacks of money. Oh, yeah! Uh,

Amy is holding cards. Great. And Will... We're on message. We're on message for that movie. Will had nothing to hold. I don't know. Nope. Nope. Nope. There was no other plot point? Not a lot of people know this, but Will Ferrell doesn't hold things in pictures. He doesn't? Nope. He really makes him uncomfortable. And now that I'm thinking about it, every single time I've seen a movie of his, I've looked at his hands. You'll never see him holding anything. He's never held anything. And a lot of times he's framed so that his hands are below screen. Below the camera. Why is that? Do they not work? You're going to have to ask him. Some sort of Bob

You're going to have to ask him in his weird hand thing. By the way, don't ask him about it, though. Oh, okay. I'm thinking about the elf. He never held a candy cane. Nope, never held anything. Elves hold candy canes. Never held anything in elf. That's so strange. And a lot of times, if you see him holding something, it's like a hand reaching from below frame that you assume is his. Sort of like Marty McFly's Back to the Future hand that disappeared? Totally. He has one of those hand guys.

Eddie Murphy has a total body double. Anything other than the close-up is the body double. Correct, is another guy. But Will has a hand guy. Hand guy. Now, I have a hand guy myself. Sure. But it's a totally different thing. What is it? He gives me hand jobs, Jason. Great. Jobs are on the rise. Ever since Trump got in office. Employment is going great. Those jobs numbers are really great.

Jason, let's talk about The House because as far as I know, this is your first film since The Dictator. Correct. Two movies, one career. LAUGHTER

I saw this last night. You were kind enough to invite me to the premiere. Of course. As one of my dearest friends, I would have been heartbroken if you hadn't come. Would you really? Of course. I would have cried. I would have wept. This was your big night. I would have sat on one of those weird leather sofas at the party and just wept.

That would have been so sad. I'm so glad I came up. Until a puddle formed. I had no idea that any of that was going on. I just casually said, oh, yeah, I may as well go. Exactly. Class story of our relationship. I was at the premiere of this film last night, and I have to say, I didn't know what to expect. Yep. Were you expecting a movie?

No, I was not. So you really – I thought I was going to see this poster. You had no idea. You had no idea what to expect. No, absolutely not. When they informed me it was a movie, I was pleasantly surprised. I am a casual acquaintance to film. Yep. And all I had seen were the posters. Sure. And most of the posters do not feature you on it. Correct. It's Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler. Yes. And –

And I saw this film last night, and I and Kulop and the rest of the audience, total delight, the entire film. All right. Incredibly funny. This is a rave. You know what? No, I mean right now this is a rave. I'm on ecstasy. Y'all ready for this? Yeah.

A lot of times I have people on the show and they're plugging their projects and I don't really like the thing. Sure. Name three. Uh-oh. And...

And so I was a little fearful seeing this last night because I knew you were going to be on the show today. And what if I didn't like it? What if it was a tepid kind of thing? Although, you know, you and I are used to... And you couldn't do that thing and be like, oh, I wasn't able to see it. You know? Oh. You know, oh, they sent me a link, but it didn't work. No, you would not. I would know. This actually happened. Christian Bruhn invited me to a film of his. And...

I had just gotten back from some sort of trip and literally three minutes in, I started having the worst stomach problems and I'm sitting near him. Oh, no. Five minutes in, I walked out of the film and had to go shit your brains. Yeah.

And had to give him like, and it was so bad that I couldn't just like go shit in the bathroom. And come back. And come back. It was so bad. You had to like go take a shower. This had to be a specialty tour. That was the kind of shit that requires a shower afterwards. Exactly. And it just sounds like such a weak excuse of like, oh, I had. My tummy was grumbly. Five minutes in, I decided. I had a bad case of the grumbles. Yeah, but it was entirely true. If he's listening to this, and let's be honest, we know he is. Of course he is.

Hello, Christian. But no, your film, the funniest film of the year. Thank you. It's so good. And it's got all of our friends in it. It really does. It's got Lennon. It's got Jess. Yeah. It's got Nick Kroll. Michaela. Hubel. Randall Park. Yeah. Yup. St. Clair. Hubel's got a big part. Oh, yeah. It's got everybody in it. It's Andrea Savage. There's like a lot of Rory Scovel, Kyle Kinane. It's like-

It's incredible. They did a very good job, I will say, hiring all people we know. Yeah. Which I was very excited about. And the script is really, really funny. It's kind of a return to form for Will Ferrell and Amy in a way. I don't even know if I've seen Amy do an R-rated film like this. I don't know that you have. I just remember her in PG films for the most part. Oh, no. This is like a hard R movie.

This is a hard R movie. This is a hard R movie. It's a lot like Will Ferrell. It's totally kind of like old school in a way. It's kind of like him doing those types of movies again. It's like basically them going off the rails. Yeah. Like what if your suburban parents like lost their fucking minds? Great script. Great direction. Seems like there was improv. Oh, yes. Although I don't know. Oh, no. There was a lot of improv. Too much improv. I did not envy the people who had to cut that movie. Really? Because there was hard R.

Hundreds of hours of stuff. Good old snippy. Yep. Oh, yeah. Do you know him? Snippy McChoppers? McChoppers?

No, it's... Snippy McAdvid? I feel like this film is a lot like a plane that's trying to bomb another country. It's flying under the radar. Oh, boy. In these times? In these times, that's where you're going to go? Wow. Wow. It's pretty tone deaf. What I'm worried about, obviously, Baby Driver this week is getting the old CBT bomb. Great movie. Great movie. I loved every minute of it. Seen it twice already. Seen it once only, but I still loved it. But I feel as if...

The House is getting short shrift, and I want people to know about it. I want people to consider Jason Manzoukas as a movie star now. Yes. His name is above the title. Hooray. That means he is one of the three stars of this movie, and I want people to go see it. And I think fans of this show would really, really like it.

You are just a delight. Thank you. Well, my pleasure. You must be very proud of yourself. You're a big boy now. Yeah. No, and you let me sit in the big chair. I did. It was very exciting. Usually you're at the kids' table when you tape the show. You told me I can look at you today. No, it's been pretty weird. I'll be honest. It's like I've never been...

this version of involved in something this big, it's pretty bananas. Usually Jason Mantzoukas is the kind of guy you call when you have like two scenes that you want him to be real gross in and probably be wearing just underwear. Yeah.

That is, I'm pretty good at that. But no, this was like something I was like, oh wait, I have to like actually play a character who starts off in one place and ends in another and have like an emotional journey. Did you have an acting coach? Yes, of course I had an acting coach. Of course, who is this? Of course I had an acting coach. I've been studying acting for many, many years with Jeff Goldblum.

Really? He's just one of the greats. He was on the show recently, about a week ago. Oh, was he? As a fly. I wish he was my acting coach, but he is a delightful man. But no, I didn't work with an acting coach because mostly I just improvise and be goofy all the time. Right, right.

So there's that. And like do fake tears. What is it? Fake tears? Really? Yeah, lots of like fake crying. What is it like being in scenes with Will and Amy? That must be a dream come true. They're two of comedy's greatest stars. Is this a junket?

This is a junket question. As a matter of fact, the junket started right now. Wait, are you being paid to do this interview? No, but really listen. I think comedy fans, and look, let's be honest. Do you think comedy fans listen to this show? Be honest. Let's be honest. I can't tell. Do you?

Do you think the people that listen to this show are fans of comedy? I think it's fans of – they have a morbid curiosity of what's going on right here. But I also believe this truly is the show where we speak to interesting people. Oh, my God. And so I think that's a lot. That's maybe 90 percent of our listeners like to hear about the interesting people with whom we speak. Oh, that's – you know what? You're probably right.

But I do also believe comedy fans will be interested. What is it like? I mean, in a junket, you're going to give a one-sentence answer. Sure. What is it like showing up on the day? Had you ever improvised with Will Ferrell before? You know Amy. You've done ASCAP with her, obviously. Yeah. No, I've known Amy for, like, you know, going back to UCB New York, you know, late 90s. I believe when I met you, you both were in the show that I did monologues at. Exactly. In New York. Yeah.

So I know Amy and I have been improvising with Amy for, yeah, like 16 years. So that's old news when you get to the set. It's like, oh, hey. I will say, I think partially what makes this movie very fun is the familiarity that almost everybody has with each other. Like, you know, I might not have improvised with Will before, but Amy had.

And I know Will. And so everybody immediately slipped into just very easy bits. Just bit city. The minute you get to set. Poking at each other and aggressively trying to make people break. Right. Trying, trying, trying to ruin takes. Trying to ruin takes. There is such a funny...

by the way, the very last one during the credits. Which, what is it? In the garage with the three of you, with Will. I don't want to give it away. But Amy is laughing immediately. Oh, immediately. And it's so funny. I wish it had made the film. I wish she hadn't been laughing. We could, and that went, that kept, I wish they hadn't cut even the blooper short because it's such a longer thing that keeps trying. We keep trying to restart again and keep going with it and it just will not work. I would love to see the uninterrupted take.

I would too. Could you send that to me, please? Put it out. We're calling for Warner Brothers to put that unedited blooper out in its entirety. What are you afraid of, Warner Brothers? Is this picture the Brothers Warner? Yes, it is. Really? Yes. How is it working for them? You know what? They're the greatest. Did you go to the WB lot a lot? Every day. Yeah. Every day I drove onto that lot. The old dubba dubba. Gate four, baby. Is that where it was shot? Yeah. Really? Yep.

We shot it in a big, giant studio. We had to switch studios very dramatically. What happened? Oh, no, we didn't switch. They just changed it. Someone farted? Someone farted, and everybody couldn't handle it.

And everybody kept being like, who beefed? Remember when you used to say, who beefed? Yes. How come we don't say that anymore? Well, let's get it back going. Yeah, let's get who beefed going again. The name of this episode, who beefed. Who beefed. Yep, who beefed. Is that a shirt, who beefed? Yeah. Although I bet it's a shirt that exists. Yeah, it probably exists already. Although not with a CBB logo on it. Who CB beefed?

Hey, hey, hey. Who's CB beefed? There we go. There's the title. That's the title. We did it. Name above the title. And now we can just kush. And that's it for this episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Jason Manzoukas in Who's CB beefed?

I think the show should always end when the titular line is discovered. Really? So we're just going to need to hear? Yep. That's it for this episode. That would be interesting if they just stopped cold. Some of them were two minutes long. And now we're going to plugs. Well, Jason, congratulations.

this is very exciting for you. I was, uh, thank you, Scotty. Very excited for you when you got the dictator. And obviously that didn't work out quite the way that everyone wanted it to work out. But, uh, you know, this is even more exciting and I want everyone to see this. Oh man. Gotta get those digs. Gotta get the digs. Gotta get them. Gotta get them. Gotta get them. Get those digs, baby. Uh, no, it's really great. I implore everyone to go see it this weekend. Uh,

Thank you, by the way. I will say this. Thank you so much for holding your explosive diarrhea in during this movie. I know that it interrupts a lot of movie viewing for you. When I found out this was a movie, it was bad news because I had a good 90 minutes of explosive diarrhea in my future. And it only had like three cups of black coffee and a spoonful of rancid mayonnaise. That was all. That's all I had to eat today.

Well, congratulations. We're going to take a little break. Is that okay? I love breaks. Of course. I love it. This is the show where we speak with interesting people and – or where we talk to interesting people. Is that the tagline? What do you want it to be? The show where we talk to interesting people. That's very catchy. And then we take breaks. Yes.

and sell them nonsense. So we're going to take one of those breaks. When we come back, we're going to have one of those interesting people. We have a coming up a little later on the show. Uh, we have an artist and, uh, after this break on the other side, we'll have a politician that's in these times. That's very exciting. I'm very excited for that. You know what? I'm, uh, what are the issues to get into it? What are the issues you have right now? Um,

And, you know, the same as everybody, you know, jobs, the economy, health care. Sure. You know, horse rights, all of these things. Horse rights? Yeah. I haven't heard that. That's unfamiliar to me. See, and that's part of the problem. Rights that horses have? Yeah. What rights do you believe horses should have? All the same rights that you and I have. Meaning the right to vote? Yeah. The right to— Why shouldn't horses be allowed to vote? Give me an honest answer why they shouldn't.

I mean, they don't know English. That's one thing. Wow. Wow. Okay. Oh, no, no. That's not what I meant. Wowie. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wowie. There it is. Hold on. Hold on. There it is, listeners. Oh, no. There's that bias. Let me backtrack. Let me backtrack. Look, look, let's take a break. I'll think about what I want to say about horses. When we come back, we'll have more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, Jason Manzoukas, J-Dog in the house. Scotty Ox. We need a soundboard. We do. We need a soundboard with drops and all that stuff. Do you mean just drops of your actual voice? Just drops? Saying the things that you've always said? Just saying my patented catchphrases. What do you got? Hainong Man. Hainong Man, of course. We haven't even Hainong Banned.

We have not, by the way. You just did to me. Have you been, you texted me recently and said you've been getting a lot of hey-dong. Uh-huh. Very good.

We've talked about the pluralization. Is it Hainong men? Have you been getting a lot of Hainong men? I have. I was just in New York City, and I got a ton of it. Somebody screamed it at me from a moving car, like very aggressively, to the point where I thought I was about to be murdered by a fan. But it was urgent and loud and well above the din of New York City. Really? Yeah, it was a good one.

That was a great one. And I try and give – it's one of the only things I will try and engage every single person who says, hey, Nong Man, to me. I will return, hey, Nong Man. But the number of people who scream, hey, Rafi! Rafi! You just ignore it. I ignore it. But you know if it's a hey, Nong Man, it's a very special type of person. Yeah, it's a real weird nerd. You weird nerds, you get it. You get it. You get it. I mean, you've built your whole career on weird nerds. Oh, categorically, yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It was just, oh, and the Del Close Improv Festival, Del Close Marathon, rather, at UCB was this past weekend, and a lot of Hainong Mans. Yeah, that's great. A lot of Comedy Bang Bang Mans, obviously. What shows did you do? Before we get to our next guest, what shows did you do? Anything interesting? I did Manzookas Brothers. Oh, that's right. Who's that with? It's usually with Ed Herbstman, but this time it was with Tammy Sager because Ed Herbstman could not make it due to volunteer fireman duties. What? Hey!

Absolutely. Doesn't that mean that he can not go to it if he's a volunteer? No, he had like something to go do for the volunteer firemen. Meaning something got set on fire. No, no. It was like, I don't know, it was like a test or something. It was like a training, because our show was in the afternoon. So it was like a training day, testing day for them. You have to take tests to become a volunteer fireman? He told me this crazy story where they have to do an obstacle course.

What? Like an intense obstacle course in all the gear, in the tanks and all of it. And you have to- Are you on fire? No. But part of the obstacle course is you have to find your way into, you have to find holes of escape and get through them while your mask is totally blacked out to simulate smoke giving you zero visibility. It sounded terrifying. Who would do this? Ah.

My very dear friend. Just to be a volunteer? Yeah. I would do that to get paid. To be a hero. I don't know. I would do that for me. I would do it for six figures, definitely like mid-six figures. Mid-six? Yeah. 550. 550 is what I would do it for. 550. You would do the job of a volunteer fireman or you would do the test?

I would just do the test. You would do the test. There would be an option for another six figures. Do you think, at what point, at what financial, at what number do you become brave? What number gets me to brave? Yes. Okay. Do I have the money I have now? No. Okay. Sorry. Yes. I have the money I have now. Yes. No amount of money. No amount of money. No. I'm good. You're just stewing in cowardice. Yeah, I'm fine. I get it. I'm fine. Yep.

All right. We need to get to our next guest. This is the show where we speak to interesting – or talk to interesting – that's more catchy, right? I think so. The show where we talk to interesting people. I want to see that on billboards. How about that show? That show. Like that 70s show? That 70s show where we talk to interesting people in the 20-teens. The show. The show.

where we talk, the show where we talk to interesting people. The show wherein Words are not making sense anymore. The show wherein interesting people are spoken to by us. Not bad. Alright, I may take you up on that. That seems cleaner. That's definitely cleaner. That seems cleaner than what you do. That's like Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction. Cleaner. Yeah, the cleaner. Mr. Wolf. Let's get to our next guest. This is very exciting. In these troubled times, we need to have

people out there who are representing our interests, and this person is undoubtedly one of those. She is a politician. Please welcome Jennifer Spott. Hello, Jennifer. Hi, I'm Jennifer Spott. I'm a two-time senior and a big-time winner. I wash my hair with olive oil and I never think twice. Vote for me. The future is ours. Oh, that's... I must say to our listeners, you say two-time senior. You're not an elderly woman.

Oh, no, no. I'm a two-time high school senior. Yeah, you look to be a young girl to me. Yeah, yeah. I'm 18. Scott, don't be weird. Don't be weird about it. Wait, just judging people's ages is weird now? Here's what you just did. You look to be a young girl to me. I am young. No, I know, but like just- Barely legal. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Wait, how barely? How barely? One month. Whoa. Happy birthday. Congratulations. Thank you.

We're just going to be saying it in 11 months. Yep. What's the cutoff for saying happy birthday? What do you mean? When someone just had a birthday. I mean, especially if it's as momentous as 18 or 21 or 30. It's a big one. I say six weeks. You can keep saying it to me my whole life if you want to. Happy birthday. Thank you. What did you do for your birthday? Oh, I didn't do anything.

I didn't do anything. You see, I'm involved in about 13 extracurricular activities. Oh. It's part of my goal of being the most involved student at Hinderburg High School. Hinderburg. Hinderburg. I haven't heard of that one. Hinderburg. Yeah. So it's not like the Hindeburg. It's not like Hindenburg. No, but her mascot is a blue. What did she say? She said Hindeburg. Hindeburg. There's an N. Hindeburg. Are you guys Hindeburg? Wait, we have another title. Are you Hindeburg? Jason Manzoukas is Hindeburg. Hindeburg.

It's like in the house in a way, but in the city. It's like in the club, but in the burg. It's like a Swedish hip-hop dance movie. All right, enough of you. Let's talk to Jennifer. Yeah, get it. 13 activities. So, yes, at Hindenburg High School, which, you know, it is weird. Our mascot is a blimp.

But we do really well. But the mascot is a blimp, but it's called Hinderburg. Right, that's right. Is that because there was a mistake or you couldn't call it Hinderburg? I don't know. The school was founded in 1819. That's an old school. For California? Yeah. By whom? By prospectors and Indians? Yeah.

I don't know that we say Indians. Do we not say that anymore? I don't think so. I think we're meant... Cleveland does. I understand for you, non-English speakers are all meant to be derided, but I think we're supposed to say Native Americans. Explorers and adventurers. That's what we've heard. That's what we've been told at our high school. Was it like a one-room schoolhouse kind of situation that expanded? I don't know. Right now, it's a building with 18 floors. 18 floors? It's what?

Wait, what? 25 houses housed within the floors? Yeah! Or on the property. It's like a community in a way. It's like a city almost. Yeah, it's a community. How many students in this high school? There are 20!

2,000. Oh, wow. It's a big school. This sounds like a college, like a university almost. It is almost. And that's why it's such a hard task running for student body president. You know, it's really competitive. There's a lot of people in the field. Yeah, I mean, you have a 1 in 22,000 chance, unless that's, I guess, four different grades. I don't think they're all running. Yeah, there'd be freshmen. So 4 into 22,000 is approximately 5,000 and something. So you have a 1 in 5,000 chance, let's just say. Oh.

Remember, she's a two-time senior. Oh, that's right. So maybe math is not her strong suit. That's exactly right. I have an issue with math, and that's why I haven't been able to complete my senior year. Really? Let's test you out a little bit. Okay. Well, A squared plus B squared equals... Okay, A squared plus B squared equals... Well, you carry the troll, and you times the dreams, and no one... Times the dreams? Yeah.

And you envelope it all in a little squash. This is that new math. You get a honey bear. Honey bear? I mean, by the way, thank you for showing your work. Yes. And it's just as ridiculous as C squared when you think about it. I would love it. Did I not get it right? I would love it if more math included envelopes, honey bears, dreams. Scoops. Scoops.

See, that's the issue. I turn numbers into words when I do math problems. That's interesting. So you know how a lot of people, they feel colors or they... Synesthesia. Yeah, synesthesia. Exactly. You turn numbers into words. That's right. Exactly. So like, and let's just, for sake of argument, just I'm curious, like what is the square root of 81? Square root of 81. Well, you push the...

the blaze and you make the squirrels eat. And then, no, but don't forget, don't forget you have to subtract the oranges. And then everybody's there and it's a hat. It's a hat, which might be nine to her. It could be, yeah. So really, we just need to figure out the translation of each of your words into numbers. It's kind of like a code almost. It is, yeah. It's kind of like where that guy who was chemically castrated.

Who was that guy in World War II, you know, touring? Yep. We're trying to figure out the code. Yep. We got there. You know, the best kind of castration. Yep. The chemical kind. If you got to be castrated. If you got to go, you got to go chemical. Go chemical.

Well, I would love for you to tell that to my math teacher. He refuses to pass me. Mr. Hummingbird is a stick in the mud. Wait, now, is Hummingbird, is his name a number? Is he Mr. Four? Mr. 36? I mean.

Or is it actually Hummingbird? It's the number 36, but I pronounced him Mr. Hummingbird. Interesting. It is weird, though, that his last name is 36. He worked for the CIA. Really? Okay. Is he up on that wall I've heard about? Mm-hmm. He is. I think that just might be dead people. Uh-oh.

Unless they painted a mural of their favorite CIA employees. Well, we have murals all over the place in our school. Is that something you're in favor of as somebody who's running for class president? Are you in favor of? Absolutely. The future of our children in America is all about artists. And you have to dream if you want to live. And no one is going to give them a chance if they don't have the money or the funds. So you've got to get the funds.

Artistry is so important. That's why half of the extracurricular activities I'm involved in, I am involved in painting with colors. Painting with colors. Yeah, it's hard to paint black and white. Well, I'm also involved in a painting sepia tone color class. And then

Also, don't forget, there's not enough rainbows out there. So I'm involved in a class that paints rainbows everywhere. Is this the gay studies class? You're trying to get more rainbows out there. Yes, because rainbows unite us all in love and hope and dreams and wishes. And no one can believe it.

You're like a very passionate speaker. And when you're talking like this, you know, just for the listeners' sake, like your body is like you're almost choreographed. Don't say it like that, by the way. Your body is almost choreographed. You're young. You're young. You're almost. My barely legal body. Your barely legal body. One month as an adult.

Please don't put your finger next to your mouth like that. Don't do that. Please don't do that. Yum. My finger tastes like cherries. Have you been fingering cherries? No, I put on cherry lip balm. Oh. Okay, so your lips taste like it too. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, it's important to be a good orator as a politician. I learned that from everyone. George Washington, Francis Bacon, St.

The famous politician, Francis Bacon. Sure. Karl Marx. And, of course, Winston Churchill. Of course. Of course. Great man. The great Winnie Church. Cloud Debussy. Okay. Sarah Silverman. All great politicians, great orators. Exactly. So, what's...

What is your platform? What do you... Okay. These are the basic tenets of my platform. No more lunch lines. Done with them. So let's break this down. How are people going to get their lunch? Yeah. Oh, it's easy. Is it like a lunch riot? Uh...

I don't mean to challenge you on... Are you okay? I just mean, is it... I'm not good at debates. Oh, it's not a debate. It's just clarification on your position. Yeah, I'm not going to try to shoot down your debates. Yeah, so just how would... How would it work? With a lunch without lunch lines, how would it work theoretically? Let's pretend you're... It's lunchtime. It's just about lunchtime. Oh.

Okay, so the bell's just about to ring for lunch. Uh-oh. Did I pack a lunch or am I going to buy today? You have to buy. You have to buy. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Everybody, everybody organize. Everybody.

Everybody meaning 22,000 people? Yes. Everybody is assigned a different lunchtime. So my lunchtime would be troll, wallet, flap,

And that's when I go to get, and then someone else. I'm already foreseeing a lot of trouble. Yeah. Are these lunch times spread out throughout the day? Yes. So somebody's lunch time will be as soon as they arrive in the morning. Right. And someone might be 1130 at night. Exactly. Oh, wait. Are they individual lunch times? Yes, yes. 22. So there's no lunch line. No lines. There's no line because each person gets one lunch time.

That's right. 22,000 people. How long is lunch? You'd have to break them up by the second as well. How long is lunch? I mean, you know, not long. Yeah.

You get it, and then you go. Here's the thing. You can eat it in class. So you can bring it back to class with you. Oh, I would think there would be a lot of coming and going from classes with people with food. Yeah, nothing would get done, but no lines. Okay. By the way, you did it. If I were in school and heard nothing is going to get done and there's no lunch lines, I might vote for her. And you can eat in class? Yeah. That doesn't sound too bad. Great. See? That was terrific, Jennifer. All right. What else do you have? Cancel the football team. Cancel. Cancel.

Do you think the football team is a TV show? Not disbanded. They're not being renewed for a second season. No, I don't think the football team does anything for us. What do they do? What is football? And why are we doing that? Wait, are these real questions? Yeah.

Yeah, boy, we're not good at debate either. I'm not good at debate. Football is, you know, football is obviously a sport. It's a pastime that people enjoy watching because of the competitive nature of it. But also it gives, you know, schools a team to root for in rivalries. What does it do for the economy or the future of our children? Well, they raise money by getting people to pay for games. No, no, no, they don't, no. Very angry.

Football team is not real or relevant. No one is doing it. It's an institution based on the possession of women as property, and it has nothing to do with our current political state or what we want to accomplish as a school or as a student body. Jennifer, can I ask you a question? Have you ever dated a football player? No. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that where this is coming from? I don't know. It has nothing to do with him. My thoughts are my own, and everything is independent. Okay, but what is this person's name? Kyle. Kyle? Kyle break up with you? Kyle Blarf. Kyle Blarf? Yeah. He sounds like a real Blarf. It doesn't matter. I don't care. It doesn't matter anyway. He's just a—it doesn't matter. What position did he play? Quarterback. What was his number on his jersey?

Farts. Farts. Well, let's see. It's just his... Hold on. Blarf farts is what the back of his shirt says, right? By the way, if we're cracking the code, usually the quarterback is within the first nine digits of...

Because they have a single number, so farts must be one through nine. Farts must be, yeah, must represent one through nine. Interesting. That's not necessarily, oh, I guess that's right. I see what you're saying. Got it. Yep. Okay. Interesting. Interesting. By the end of this, we're going to have a codex that we're going to put out to the audience. That we're going to send to Mr. 36. We're going to send to the audience so they'll understand everything. Mm-hmm.

So Kyle plays in football. He does, and we went to the prom together, the junior prom, two years ago. Oh, so he's not even in school anymore. No, no, he graduated. He's good at math, but when he graduated, he broke up with me because he said, I didn't get it.

Well, I mean. What didn't you get? Your diploma? Or my diploma. Oh, I see. Yeah, well, it's hard. He's going to college and you're still stuck in high school. That's a hard relationship to keep going if you're both, you know, not going to college or you're both not. He's going to be around those college girls, you know. Oh, you just blarfed. Wait, is that a number?

Oh, my gosh. It just really upset me. I don't know. Just thinking about it. I haven't thought about him a lot. Does that happen to you a lot when you get upset? You kind of spit up like that? Yeah. Okay. That's okay. That's why I'm barely legal. Oh, God. The vomit is in the corners of your mouth. You're pointing to it. And Mama's the baby. Oh, God. Ugh. Ugh.

So, I mean, you guys must have just broken up because it's June and you must be going back to... This is her second... Yes, she's going... But, I mean, we're in summer. Oh, I see what you're saying because it's June now. Yeah, you're going back to school in September. So, you guys just broke up. So, even if you were successful in, I will say this, Jennifer, in getting rid of the football program, Kyle Blarf would not be hurt. Yes, he would. How? Because his memories...

He's an alum! He's an alum of the football program, and his dad is the head coach. Oh!

Oh. So Mr. Blarf. You wanted to get in on that? Yeah. Coach Blarf runs the football team. Uh-huh. And so you'd be taking away his job. Yeah. His whole living. That's right. Oh, that would be a real hit for the Blarf family. And then Kyle may not be able to afford college anymore. Exactly. Stick him where it hurts. And then he would have to come back to town and. . .

I don't know. I mean, I guess I haven't thought that far ahead, but... Are you sure you haven't? Yeah, I'm sure. Well, we're playing chess while you're playing checkers here. No, you're not. I don't know. No, you're not. There's nothing... Something people say on Twitter these days. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm not familiar with it. Yeah. Are you okay? Jennifer? You just seem to be spacing out. Jennifer, are you all right? I don't... What are we talking about? Where is Kyle going to college? Yeah.

Oh, so across the country. Yale, Francisco. What now? Yale, Francisco. Is that Yale's West Coast campus? Or is that? UC San Francisco. Oh.

Is that like a joke that you guys had where he's like, oh, I'm going to Yale, Francisco. Okay, great. Look, I have to warn you. I don't think this is going to be a very popular part of your campaign, getting rid of the football team. So I would ditch that one. I think, you know, the no lunch lines –

You're on to someone. It's a home run. Yeah, you're on to someone. That's a promise that almost everybody can get behind. But you're going to have 22,000 people. I'm sure a significant number of them are fans of the football. Yeah, and there's probably thousands that play on the team. Yeah. But you're just getting rid of work. Okay, okay. Well, how about this? How about I just cancel head coach Blarf?

Sure. Wait, do you mean murder him? Let's just say eliminate him. From the schedule? From the formula. Wait, do you think life is in algorithm? Let's just say. She might be a math genius, by the way. And stop just saying things. Just actually say things. There's a lot of let's just say. Why don't we just say he'll be terminated from the equation? Okay, got it.

Okay, so you don't put that into your campaign. Don't actually say it out loud either. If you're really going to do it, the less people that know that. We'll cut it from the episode just to be safe. Yeah, definitely. We're definitely going to cut that. In fact, we already ended the episode once the titular title came out. Then what the

What the heck am I doing here? I was hoping to get an endorsement from both of you. Oh, is that why you're here? Yes. Our endorsements do carry a lot of sway in high school elections. I mean, you know. That is true. We're going to see how the House gets the CBB bump this weekend. And so, you know, if you're looking for the CBB bump, maybe. That's what I'm looking for. Jennifer Spoff.

for Student Body President. Give us one more part of your platform and we'll see exactly what we can do. I'm also just curious now that we've heard two, you know, like one really successful and one, you know, kind of in the middle. I'm wondering what else you're working with. More pets.

How's that? More pets? Yeah. Are there pets allowed already? No pets are allowed on the campus. So I think everyone should get a pet. And that pet will be sort of like... A school pet. Well, yeah, but it's also an extension of their personality and of their soul. And it'll be like an avatar that can go into classrooms and learn if someone's sick. Okay, so... Oh, wow. There's a lot to unpack here. Do the kids get to choose their pet or is it chosen for them like... Is it like a spirit animal? It's like...

the sorting hat. Really nice reference, Scott. Oh, great. So, like, is there something sorting hat-esque that will give each kid a pet? Me! Okay. So every kid will come up to me. You're the sorting hat. That's right. And I assign them a pet, and then that pet is with them the whole school year. Well, let's try that on. Why don't you assign a pet to Scott? Okay. So, I'm a kid...

What do you have to do in order to make that happen? I'm not even legal.

What? Ew. What are you doing? Ew. Don't be weird. I'm saying I'm a high school kid. I'm getting into character. No, don't be weird about it. I'm not legal. What do you mean? I'm not legal. It's not. It would be improper to have sex with me if you're a man your age. Oh, so you're in. Wow. Okay. Got it. I'm just saying. I'm in character. Does that make Kulop a child molester? This is me in character right now. What's your character? I'm not married to Kulop in character. Oh, okay. What's your character's name? What's your character's name? Queef.

Nope. Queef? We have a blarf and you're going to do a queef? Yep. Queef! Really? You're doubling down on this? You can't be if my best friend is queef. Chief queef? I'm Donjamin queef. Isn't there a chief queef? There is a chief queef. Isn't that canon? Donjamin queef? Donjamin queef. Hello. Donjamin queef? Hi, Donjamin queef. Is Donjamin one word or is it Don-ja-min queef? It's not like we jammin'. No, it's just one word. Donjamin. Okay.

Welcome to my presidential library. Oh, wow. When was this erected? Just today. Is it within the 18 floors? Uh-huh. It's on the very top. Oh, wow. Now, I'm in the mood and in the market for a pet. Well, of course. They're mandatory at this point. Yes, thank you. So your mood is irrelevant. Yeah. Now... But I like it to be considered, you know. First, you have to kiss my ring. Donjaman Queef's so needy.

Kiss your ring? Is that what you did? Kiss my ring. That's right. Very good. And now, you turn around three times. Okay, your animal has become clear to me. You are a marmot. A marmot? I'm allergic to marmots. How do you know? That fits.

How do you know you're allergic? Because I once went to a marmot festival and I just could not stop sneezing. That's how you know the marmot is for you. The more allergic you are to it, the more it's like you. That's why you don't like it. So it's allergic to me? Yeah. There's a long line. I thought this was the squines. Wow. Donjaman Queefs just summarily dismissed. Focus.

Vote for me. Vote for me. Why are we still voting for you? You only won. Vote for me. Vote for me. Even Jennifer's spot doesn't like your characters. And scene. I don't know about this. I like it. Yeah, really good. Donjum and Queef gets a marmot. Do you want to play? Of course I do. All right, who are you going to be?

How old are you? I am 18. Cool. How recently? How recently? Like a month ago. Oh, happy birthday. Thank you so much. Wait a minute. This is sounding a lot like me. A lot of people had an 18th birthday just a month ago. I'm in high school. I'm at Hindenburg High School, and I'm running for class president. Oh, wow.

Oh, no. Are you all right? Ow, ow, ow. First of all, clean up the previous vomit. Ow, my nose. What'd you hit your nose on? The vomit. Ow. Vomit is supposed to be soft. Why do you have hard vomit? I'm sick. Oh, God. Clean up the previous vomit and then clean up the recent vomit. Okay, fine. Wee, wee, wee. Here.

Good morning. What are you here for? Oh, hi. How are you doing? Tim. Tim who? Oh, Tim Puss. Tim Puss. Well, it's in the morning. I was sleeping in my library. Tim Puss Wigfield. Oh, well.

Tim Puss is my first name. Tim Puss? Is that like Krampus? Tim Puss Wigfield. Is it your assigned lunch time? Is that what you're up to? It is. I just picked up my lunch and you know what? I realized that I have yet to get my pet assigned. Oh. So I wanted to stop by and get that. Well, of course. Come on into the... It is so interesting you have a lot of old-fashioned curlers in your hair. Yeah. I gotta keep it volumized. Now, let me see. So, Sanum

Stand in front of me. Sure. And here, I took my ring off and I was going to bed and then I just put my ring back on. Oh, wow. And kiss my ring. And you wear it. Oh, okay. More tongue. More tongue.

That's good. Okay, now, spin around three times. That ring is beautiful on your finger. That's stuff it. Tastes like cherries, too. Who is this guy? I'm sorry, I'm the creep. I'm watching. I'm Donjaman. Donjaman Queef? You get out of here. I like to watch, so sue me. No surprise, Donjaman Queef is a real creep. Anyway, so, did you spin three times? Oh, yeah. Woo!

That was so fast. Yeah, I'm really fast like that. Your animal is a bullfrog. Oh, thank you so much. You're welcome. Anyway, I should get out of here. All right. What are you up to later? Sleep. Okay, cool. All right. Take care. Bye. Tim Pulse-Wigfield out. Wait a minute. If he's running for student body president, then that means... Oh, also, just one last thing.

Are you holding a knife? No, this is a potato flipper.

Got it. I just wanted to say, under the assumption that you will be graduating at the end of this year, I am currently running for student body president. Please, I would love if you could, you know, maybe talk me up to the student body and... Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, my God, what did you do? Oh, my God, I don't know! Don't you mean queef? I'm a witness to this! No, you're not! I'm part of... Oh, God! What have I done? This is not why I got into politics.

Don't stab your neck. Anyway, that's what I would do for my policy. Interesting. I'd die for them. That was Shakespearean. That really got ugly. Yeah, that was like a tragedy. Well, I'm really good at English. Oh, really? Oh, nice. And literature. What's your favorite book of all time? Probably The Truth Will Be Outed. What's that? Oh, it's a series of short stories by Phil...

Okay. Yes. Collins. Phil Collins. Phil Collins, the singer? Are you thinking perhaps about the record No Jacket Required? Yeah, that might be one. Is that your favorite book? Yeah. Your favorite book is the record No Jacket Required. It did have a gatefold sleeve. It was.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of. All right. Well, very good. Well, I don't know that I'm ready to give you my recommendation or endorsement yet. Oh, come on, please. Let's just see. We'll see. Let's wait. Don't whine. Don't whine, Jennifer. Let's wait until the end of the show. We do have one more guest coming up. Maybe you could solicit his endorsement as well. I need all the endorsements I can get. Coming up after the break, we have an artist. So that's exciting. Ooh. Ooh.

There's an artist coming in! Why is that just ready on your phone? Do you use that a lot? Mr. Puss?

All right, we're going to be right back with Jennifer Spot, more Jason Manzoukas, and we have an artist coming up after this. More Comedy Bang Bang after this. We'll be right back. Instacart is here to keep you on the couch this basketball season. With pregame rituals and postgame interviews, it's hard to find time for everything else. Let Instacart handle your game day snacks or weekly restocks with delivery in as fast as 30 minutes.

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Hey, everyone, this is Scott Aukerman, host of Comedy Bang Bang, and I wanted to tell you about The Debaters. Now, what is The Debaters? It's a CBC podcast where comedians face off on the most debatable topics, topics like sandwiches versus wraps. Oh, I definitely have an opinion there.

And the Earl of Sandwich would perhaps agree with me on that. Belts versus suspenders or even whether it's OK to have a favorite child. Host Steve Patterson keeps things rolling in front of a live audience across Canada who vote for their favorites by applause. And yes, favorites is spelled with an OU. Check out new episodes of The Debaters every Thursday wherever you listen to podcasts. Come on.

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here. Jason Manzoukas, The House opens on Friday. Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Jason Manzoukas. June 30th. Go to the movies. Buy all the tickets. Buy them all. Buy them all. You don't have to sit in every seat. A lot of people are worried if I buy every ticket in the movie theater, I'm going to have to sit in every seat. No. I don't think people are worried about that at all. Oh, really? I think they're just worried they're going to get, like, somebody else is going to sneak in. Also, it's probably expensive.

Yeah, but you know what? Spend those bucks. Spend those bucks, Bucco Dolores. Yeah. We also have Jennifer Spott here who is running for senior class president. Did you run last year as well? Yep, sure did. Didn't get it. Didn't get it. No. Too bad. But that's okay. This year you can vote for me and never trust a stranger. Who won last year? Kyle. Oh, boy. Okay, yeah. Did he do a good job? Yeah. Oh, boy. What were some of his promises? Um.

No homework. Wait, so no one did homework? No, we don't have homework anymore. Wow, this school sounds like a dream. His follow through is impressive. Yeah, or whatever. Wow. Is anyone learning things? Can I ask you a question? How long did you and Kyle go out for? Two days. Oh, no. We went to prom together and then the next day he said I didn't get it. Your diploma. My diploma.

My diploma, and he might have been referring to other stuff, too. I don't know. There's no way to know. Did you consummate the relationship? Were you legal at this point? Hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what? I'm interested in her sex life. Okay. Thanks, Donjum and Queef. We did. Yeah. He braided my hair, and I kissed his forehead. Oh. That's very romantic. And you've kept the braids in, I've noticed. Yeah, I haven't washed them once. It's cornrows.

Yeah, it really hurts my skull. You look like Stella who got her groove back. They're really tight on my head, but I love them, you know? Kyle put them in, and I don't want to take them out. Sure. That's something to remember him by while he's at Yale Francisco. Studying cosmetology. Yeah.

We need to get to our next guest. This is very exciting. He's an artist, and that's all I really know about him, but please welcome Jason Turley. Hello, Jason. Thanks for having me. Cool name. Thank you. Turley. Yeah, I guess you're referring to my first name, which is Jason. Yeah, we share a first name. Yeah, that was fun. The whole time I've been sitting here waiting to introduce myself-

Really, I just like was so surprised when Scott said it. I was like, is it mean? But no, then he said Turley. It's pretty rare, right? Yeah, very rare. Yeah, it's a rare name. Thank you for saying artist. That's a bit of a stretch. Oh, it is? Yeah. I make adult coloring books. Oh, that's nice. Oh, okay. I've heard about these. These are coloring books for adults. Oh, boy. Okay. Wow. Wow. What just happened?

Did you think people might not have understood I make adult coloring books? Well, there are recent phenomenon, but I couldn't figure out a way to explain it better than reversing the words. His word order choice was the problem. You're like, oh, these listeners, they're not going to know what's up. I got to reverse this shit. That's like, that is great hosting right there. That's great hosting. Why don't we do this? Why don't you describe what an adult coloring book is? Okay, so an adult coloring book is a great way to reduce anxiety in an adult's life.

And it's also a way to just beat the stress, beat the heat, and waste time. So what I do is I draw situations, all kinds of situations. I have many different books out and they have different themes. And then you kind of draw within the lines. Or if you're a bad little boy, you break the lines. Ooh. You draw across the lines. Oh, my goodness. You're getting very excited. Yeah. I thought of...

And why are they little boys? I thought these were adult coloring books. Like you're baring your teeth? There's like a real energy to it. Oh my God. Now, you can't stay within the lines and it brings a certain amount of peace to you, right? Yeah, sure. It's just like a switch. That's right. I will say that.

I've had family members do adult coloring books, and they do. They say it's very meditative and relaxing. It's very peaceful. It brings a lot of calm to your life, you know, because following the lines and staying within the lines, that can give you a sense of order in these turbulent times in which we live. But then, you know, if you want to break the line, routine is good, but ain't nothing better than breaking routines and crossing those lines. Okay, okay. Jason, Jason.

Jason Turley, I mean. Yeah, call me Turley. Or JT. Do you ever get called JT? I wish.

call you jt he's a sex symbol i'm no sex symbol oh i got a pear-shaped body my parents call me my parents call me grimace is that because of your mouth no i suspect because of the mcdonald's character if they call it because of my mouth boy i tell you grimace's mouth is the hottest part of his body okay i don't mean that they're comparing your mouth to grimace's mouth i mean you might be grimacing all the time oh that's why they call him grimace i thought

they call him Grimace because people look at him and they're like, ugh, nasty. Yeah, that's Grimace. Look at his sick pear body. So you do understand what Grimacing is. Yeah, I get that, but Grimace's mouth is, he's a happy fella. Oh, sure. Okay, you're not understanding what I'm saying. Okay, look, Turley, his attitude beats the heat.

All right, Turley. And I'll tell you, he's feeling the heat. Look at his body. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Look at your body. And you would know. You share the same body. Hey. Look at your body. I see my body all the time. I can't avoid my body. You have a Wampler-esque physique, let's say. You do. She's like an upside-down grimace. That's right. You're like a right-side-up. That's right. I stamp my foot twice and it goes, womp, womp. I'm a Wampler. Right? That's what that means? No. Look, Turley...

Now, a lot of these adult coloring books are geometric shapes. You say you draw situations. What are these situations? That's true. So I might do like the Sistine Chapel, you know, and then you fill it in. How is that a situation? A situation? Well, that's a situation. Someone asked that. Someone asked Michelangelo.

Right? Yeah. Someone asked Michelangelo. Oh, so wait. In your coloring book, is Michelangelo there? Here, I'll show you. So I've got an entire book that's just Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel. Oh, my goodness. And it's him entering the chapel. Oh, wow. There you go. I'll pass them out. I got each of you. That is big.

This is like a thousand pages. This is very long. And these are like, I don't want to make it sound not professional, but these are handmade. Oh, absolutely. These are all me drawing this. Now, this is a story. By the way, yeah, these pages are not all cut to size. Like, these are just random pages.

Pieces of scratch paper. A lot of mine look to be like cut up old brown paper bags from the supermarket. All right. Some of these pages are just tree bark. All right. I'm not white power when it comes to sheets of paper. Okay. Okay. Hold on. What? I don't know what...

I'm working with what you guys are giving me. Sure. Brown sheets of irregular paper are somehow bad. Clean, well-cut sheets of white paper, almost translucent, if you will, are the only things that can bring beauty. I see where you're going, but let's move on. Anyway, so this is the situation of Michelangelo. So he walks into the Sistine Chapel, and one of the people that owns it says, Hi, Michelangelo. By the way, you're describing the first 50 pages. This is like a flip book.

Yeah, yeah. You flip it and he barely moves and you see him shake hands. Right. And then you see the guy point up to the ceiling and then there's a thought bubble where Michelangelo says, shit! And then...

And by the way, that's just one page. This truly is a flip book. You're going to miss it, I think. You're going to miss it. You're not going to be able to read this. I have a question. Oh, I'm sorry. Jason, this is Jennifer. Yes, Jennifer Spock. Oh, hi, Jennifer. Hi. She's running for student body president. Yep, at Hindenburg High School. Oh, yeah. Okay. Hinderburg. Hinderburg. Good luck. You got my vote. Oh, my God. See? Damn. I'm taking on his accent. Yeah, what was your original accent? Yeah. It was just cool. Yeah. Oh, okay. Right. Um.

I have a question about Michelangelo because obviously you've studied him and his reactions. Well. What's his first name? Mac. His name's Mike Michelangelo? Yeah, his middle name's Louie and his last name's Angelo. Mike L. Angelo. Mike L. Angelo. A lot of people just called him Angelo.

Really? Like a lot of his friends would be like, Angelo, let's get out of here, right? Angelo. Angelo, let's go get some pizza, right? Looking at the book, there's a lot devoted to that, actually. That's pages 800 through 850, it looks like. Uh-huh, yeah. You're skipping ahead. I'm sorry. Let me go back to the beginning. Yeah, because we got up to about page 75 where he looks up and he says, shit, at the ceiling. Right. And the next few pages are him going, that's fucking high. Yeah.

And then being like, well, you want some ladders or scaffolding? And then Michelangelo says, what's scaffolding? And then the next 40 pages of them just shaking their head and slapping their forehead, being like, he doesn't know what fucking scaffolding is. So that's the situation of the Sistine Chapel. Oh, wow. It makes sense. It does, yeah. What other situations do you tackle in your books? Garfield trying to get to the end of a Monday. Oh, here you go.

Okay. Oh, wow. I noticed each page is one second of a day, and you have...

All the way through 24 hours. This is the thickest book I've ever seen. Now, it's interesting. Each page is one second. 24 hours in a day. Jennifer, could you help us out with that math? Sure. How many pages are in this book? An avocado toast and a light switch. Wait. I'm new to this. What the hell? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm confused. He's grabbing me by my neck. Oh, Turley. Put her down. No, Turley. She's 18. She can handle it. Get the fuck out.

What are you talking about? He's right. She is legal. All right, enough, enough. Sorry. I crossed the line and it felt good. What second does Garfield have lunch, by the way? What is his lunch time? Also, what is lunch for him? Is it lasagna? Yeah. I mean, lunch for Garfield is all day, every day, right? Garfield wants to fill every day with a lasagna lunch. That's why he's bigger than he should be for a cat.

Right? Yeah. Now, the interesting thing about the situation that I filled, that I drew for everyone to fill out, is that you watch Garfield wrestle with his Monday's depression. You watch him slowly put a gun into his mouth, sob, and then take it out, and slowly put it back in, sob, look at a picture of John, look at a picture of Odie, put the gun back in his mouth. Is he trying to determine who he would,

be leaving behind when he looks at the picture of John? Or are these the things that are driving him to pull the trigger? Yeah, that would be the picture of Odie. Or Nermal. All those interpretations can be correct depending on what colors you choose to color in. Wow! Wow!

Wow. Jennifer, really on board for this. I like this. My target audience. She's barely legal. She's an adult. So where does it end up? Because I don't want to go through this whole book. Garfield eats a lasagna, falls asleep, wakes up, checks the clock. It's 12.01 a.m. on a Tuesday. Oh, yeah.

He's made it through the night without suicide once again. Wow. Isn't that great? Good for him. It's inspirational in a way. Yeah, yeah. If Garfield can do it, who can't? That's a great point because Garfield is lazy. He's the laziest among us. The Garfield cartoon is a parable for everyone. Just get to the end of that Monday and you're going to be all right. Hmm.

And find your favorite food. Sure. Find someone who takes care of you and also find someone who's stupider than you who can make you feel better about yourself. That's Garfield in a nutshell. Those are the needs, the basic human needs. Find someone to take care of you. Maslow's hierarchy of need. That's right. That's right. Someone to take care of you, someone who's stupider than you. Well, maybe I should change one of my platforms.

Taking on your accent. Well, I mean, where are you originally from, by the way? Everywhere. Oh. Yeah, my dad's in the military. Oh, okay. What does he do? He's a soldier. Yeah, how many is he killed? Okay, you're not supposed to ask that. I don't.

No. You've never spoken about this with your dad? I've asked him, but he's always looked me in the eye and said, you don't want to know. Ooh, he sounds like a sniper. I've got a sniper situation. Oh, wow. Look at this. It follows Barry Pepper's character from Saving Private Ryan. Oh, my. All the way through to the final moments of his life.

And then there's also a bonus thing where that one character who was in the movie Twister watches that one Jewish guy get killed by the strong Nazi guy. Tragic. Oh, that's the toughest part of that movie. That's a bonus 300 pages tacked on at the end of this book. Yeah, that's right. Thwap. Thwap, thwap. There you go. Leaf through it at your own leisure. I thought that was the saddest, tragic, most difficult part of the movie to deal with. Twister? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I went to a Bruin View recently. It was a double feature. It was starting with Save at Private Ryan and then Twister. And I thought they put them in the wrong order. How so?

Well. Or for what reason, I mean. Twister ends in a happy way. Yeah. But Saving Private Ryan makes you think. So through the first half of Twister, I was just thinking and sad. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah, yeah. Whereas I would have been energized and happy going into Saving Private Ryan. But then the fall would have been more steep. Wouldn't it have ruined your mood? Don't you think it would have ruined your mood? Well, either way, Tom Hanks dies in both movies.

Tom Hanks dies in Twister? Spoiler alert. Oh, yeah. Right away. Right away. It's like a Janet Leigh and Psycho kind of thing? He's in the first Twister. Oh, I had no idea. Twister is a sequel to Castaway. Castaway, he comes back. He tries to get with his ex-wife. Helen Hunt. Helen Hunt. And then he gets with that other woman, right? He's like, hey, what's this? Oh, I guess life can have two chapters. Bullshit. Bullshit.

And then you're in the middle of nowhere, and then the twister comes. It sucks him up, and then Helen comes there. Wait, you're saying life can't have two chapters? Yeah, what happened to you, man? Jason, I mean Turley. Thanks, man. JT. JT, what happened to you? Wait, are you saying I think that life can have more than one chapter? Well, I mean, that's a very pessimistic view. You kind of shrugged and rolled your eyes when you mentioned that life can't have two chapters. Did you have a Kyle Blarff?

I'm going through a divorce right now. Oh. How did you know what she meant by, did you have a Kyle Blarf? You weren't here for the previous segment. But haven't we all had a Kyle Blarf in our lives that we, I mean, it's implied. It was the color in her voice. Oh, interesting. Do you have synesthesia? Yeah, definitely. That's why I got into what I do. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Sorry, I wanted to get in on that at the end. Yeah, boy, it's fun. So you are using your coloring books as a way of communicating emotional feelings. That's right. So what are these books? What emotions are within? What should we be getting out of these? How is your divorce being worked through through these books? Are you Garfield?

Sometimes I feel like Garfield. Yeah. At least on a Monday when I'm stuffing my face with pasta and carbs. And a gun, apparently. Yeah. You ain't lying. Wait. I put a clob in my mouth.

A club? I played Goldeneye the other day. It's a very old video game. You played Goldeneye and got so inspired that you bought a club. I bought a club and I stuffed it in my mouth. I covered it in marinara and melted cheese. I stuffed it in my mouth. I sucked the filling out of it. That sounds delicious. It was actually not bad. But as a delivery system for pasta and sauce, I don't think a gun beats a fork. Were you shooting pasta-ed?

mouth with it? Yeah, I load it with carbs and I fire it into the back of my throat and I hope it busts through the back of my head and ends my stupid, miserable, grimace life. But it doesn't. It just feeds me. And then I reload it and I shoot it again.

So sorry. So why did your wife leave you? I got a shitty attitude. Is that what she said? Yeah. Yeah, she can't handle my fucking patterns of behavior and communication. At least you have some self-awareness about it. You agree you have a shitty attitude.

attitude. Yeah, and that's why I'm starting to color more and more, and that's why I want to bring it to other people, right? Now, I need to color a lot, which is why I made 1,500 page plus coloring books for adults, right? Because I need to calm down a lot. I don't think I could color one of these books in a lifetime. Oh, no. And the fact that you've made, handmade, for each of us, many thousands of page books. Isn't there? Exactly.

Yeah. And the fact that you think they're gifts. They have not been photocopied. He never said he was giving them to us. Enough such that each of us has a copy to look at. Oh, okay. A copy for perusal. The volume of work that has gone into this. These are gifts, though. I was just going to say. They're for you to keep. Now that you're a big movie star, you just think people are giving you things? Listen.

Were you in Twister? I was not in Twister. Boy, would I have loved to have been in Twister, though. Were you in Saving Private Ryan? I was not in Saving Private Ryan. Were you in Cast Away? I'm just going to jump straight to the chase here. Jennifer, I've been in The Dictator and the upcoming movie The House, and that is it. Oh. Well, the reason that I put out such a high volume of coloring books is I don't sleep. No.

When I was born, the doctors dropped me into a pot of coffee. Okay. What? Was it hot coffee? How big was the pot? It was lukewarm. It was a big pot. I would assume so. It was a big hospital. Because I suspect, for nothing, you might have been a big baby. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And they just had big old pots. So it was a big pot because it was a big hospital? Yeah. Yeah, because there's a lot of people working there. Jason, I know the question you're going to ask. Yeah. 31 pounds, 7 ounces. Upon birth. Oh, yeah. Oh.

How many floors did this hospital have? It was bigger than a dog. It had three floors, and I dropped through the first two. Into a pot of coffee. Yeah. Oh, no. Wow. In the kitchen. In the kitchen, yeah. If these hospital floors can't sustain a 31-pound weight dropping onto the floor, this is a rickety-ass hospital. Well, I shot out pretty fast. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah. I grabbed the inside of my mom's uterus, and I cool-runnings-ed it out of there. Like carbs in a clob. Sure.

Shooting out. Shooting out of there. Carbs in a clob. That's my next situation. I'll do an autobiographical one like American Splendor. And then everyone will get to know the real Jason Turley. You're a Harvey Pekar fan? Yeah, I love Harvey Pekar. Sad ass motherfucker. It's not something to aspire to.

His emotional state. But he was able to use what his life was and make a living at it and get people to kind of sympathize. Yeah, maybe he had temporary happiness, but is that really the life that you want to have? I don't think I deserve. Emotional distance from his loved ones? Scott, I don't deserve real happiness. Why? Look at me.

Everybody deserves happiness, regardless of their looks. That's right. Everyone has a hope and a dream, and there's so many worlds in the students. Forever, the future is yours. What color of the rainbow would you be? I mean, you have synesthesia. Brown. Oh, boy. Like, what type, what shade of brown? Deep, sick brown. Deep, sick brown? DSB? Yeah, bro. I'm concerned. The brown you see that makes you say, somebody's sick. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, God. 90 minutes of diarrhea in a movie, brown. Like hard vomit brown. Oh, oh. Hey, yo. Don't you get your butthole sewn up? Why is it coming out brown? Oh, you weren't here for that. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Sparkle. Oh, boy. Your color is sparkle? I'm sparkle. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm great. Jennifer, you are out of your seat screaming. Hi, babe. Fuck off. Calm down. I'm just so inspired by JT. I inspire you? Well, yeah, of course. The misery that is your life makes me want to live my life to its fullest, especially now that I'm young and sad.

Okay, Jeff. You still have vomit all over your mouth, by the way. It's like a vomit goatee. You've barfed like four times. Mmm. Yummy. Oh, God. Oh, God. Man. Why are you guys disgusted? I'm turned on. By her throwing up? Yeah, the bottom of my pear is tingling. The bottom of your... Your stem? Yeah. Pear. Pear.

The bottom of my pear is going wild. I got bees down there. Wait, really? No, it just feels like it. It feels like I got bees. That's like a saying. Yeah, yeah. I guess the stem might be the top of the pear. What's the pear's butthole, that little circle down at the bottom? It's the pear's anus, I think, is what that's technically called. I can't tell the difference between my genitals and my anus anyway.

You can't tell the difference between something that is external and something that is internal? It's a fucking mess down there. Oh, no. How so? Is it like a maze in the back of Jack and Jill magazine or something? Yeah, that someone dropped beef stew on. Oh, no. And then did you say who beefed? Nailed it. Wow. CB beefed. Who CB beefed? Who CB beefed? You know. Yeah. Get that T-shirt now available on the CBB website. I don't believe it's available. Nailed it.

on the Today Show. I told you guys how I beat the heat, how I try to calm my anxiety and the demons within. You are not successful, by the way. No, I'm not. Every Monday, you're sticking a gun in your mouth filled with lasagna. And your downstairs is a tingly mess. It is when barely legal teens are telling me that I inspire them. How old are you, by the way?

JT Turley 43 43 yeah okay well you know the age difference how long were you married I was married for 21 years oh wow who's your wife's name who's your wife's name her name's Beth Angie she was named after a kiss song and a Rolling Stones song should have seen the sadness coming what's your last name

No, her last name is Angie. Oh, okay. So she was named after a Rolling Stones song? She chose? Well, she's a first-generation Croatian, and when her parents got to Ellis Island... First-generation Croatian. I like that.

They named her. They just named her. Beth Angie? Yeah, Beth Angie. They took a look at her and they said, this family looks sad as hell. She's destined for breakups. So two of the saddest songs ever written about women, Beth and Angie. Yeah. I think so. I mean, Beth is about a woman who just sits around the house waiting for Peter Criss to return from drumming practice. The cat. The cat.

And Angie's about, yeah, an imminent breakup, you know? Yeah. Beth is about someone who would rather spend time with Gene Simmons than her. That's a sad song. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the two saddest. The point is I should have seen it coming. Yeah. And I'm working through a lot right now, but I'm here to not only give you guys gifts, maybe can help you, but also to find out what you guys do to beat back the anxiety and the sadness in your lives.

Well... You know, I try and connect with friends. You can work out. Yeah, sure. Exercise is important. I talk to my parents. Sure. Yeah. Talking to one's parents. Do you have parents? They died long ago. Okay. How long? Interesting. That day in the hospital. Oh. Both of them? Yeah. Well, I mean, you shot out of your mother. Did that kill her? Please tell me you did not, like, a bullet past your father. Well, I mean, yeah.

And kill him. Well, I went through. On your way to going through both floors. I went through his feet. Okay. So I went right through his feet. So I smashed a couple holes in the ground. I broke off his feet. And you still have the umbilical cord in. Yeah. So then my mother went right after. Oh, God. She grabbed the umbilical cord. She went right after.

And then my father grabbed her by the hair and he went right after that too. Oh, goodness. Well, he was going to fall anyway. He didn't have feet. So they fell on the ground and you... The pot of coffee broke your fall. That's right, yeah. I was a nice sploosh. And then my first memories of them, and this is probably why I think that my color in the rainbow is brown, is that I opened my eyes in lukewarm coffee and I saw my two dead parents outside the pot of coffee.

You have that memory. Yep. That was my first memory. I guess when you're bathed in coffee when you're born. It really creates. Yeah, it's very vivid. Talk about trauma. Good one. Nailed it. Jennifer, great zinger.

Thanks. You cheer me up a lot, actually. Oh, good. You're the first person that's cheered me up since my wife left me. How long ago did she leave? About a month ago. Oh, okay. When I was born 18 years ago. No, this is not a connection that you should be making. Oh, okay. It was around your birthday. Wow. Around probably when Kyle broke up with you, around prom. Yeah. You went through a breakup about a month ago? Yeah. Man. Hmm.

I don't know what you're doing later, but if you want to get lasagna shot into the back of your throat... Okay. She said she's sleeping. Oh. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, you just sleep with your mouth open. What? Okay, okay. This is like a Cosby situation. Jason, I don't think you should be putting a loaded... No. ...clob full of pasta into any sleepy person's mouth. This is like that dentist with his syringe that I read about. You don't believe in the rule of law? Cosby got off, my friend. Okay, okay.

I guess I believe in the rule of law, but that doesn't mean I have to think he's innocent, you know? He got his power back. Oh, no. All right. Oh, no. I think...

Just because he's not legally guilty doesn't mean that we should think that he's not. There's still many impending cases. Sorry, I just read the headlines. You only read headlines? Yeah. I mean, very busy working on these books, I assume. Yeah, it's tough. Do you use these books as an escape from the difficulties of your life? Or like in an autobiographical sense, will you put out a book based on your divorce? I'd like to do that. That'd be a great way to stick it to Beth.

And I'll tell you what, I won't color inside any of those lines. I'll be all over those lines, all over Beth's face. And Beth will be covered in shitty colors. Okay, you really shouldn't be coloring in these books, these coloring books you're making. If you're selling the books, you shouldn't color them. I always color one myself and I give it away to fans. Oh, do you have a lot of fans?

I got a handful, three or four. Yeah. Great. Yeah. In the adult coloring book community. Well, a lot of the nurses that were there when my parents died. You're still close with them? They kept in touch. Okay. Because it's probably a very memorable day for them as well. Yeah. I always get a phone call and they're laughing. How you doing? It's the sight of those two chalk outlines next to the pot of coffee. Are they laughing at you?

What are they laughing at? The way you said it made me concerned. What's the call like? Okay, so I call. Carol, why don't we reenact this? So you be, why don't you be Jason? Okay. Please, oh please, please, please, please. Can I be in it? Please. Yeah, who would be in your life? Please, please, please.

Can I be? Well, I feel like Jennifer could be one of the other nurses that's calling Jason, which I will be playing. Okay. Okay. So you're Jason. Jason, you're Jason. Jason, you're one of the nurses, and Jennifer, you're one of the other. Angela. Angela.

And I've been married for two years. I don't know if you should be Angie just because of Jason's reason. I'll be Beth. I'll be Elizabeth. No, no, no. I actually think that's also going to be a problem. Oh, that's right. Is there some other woman's name that's in a song? I'll be Garfield. James Garfield. Oh, Garfield. James Garfield. James Garfield. Perfect. And...

Scene. Here we go. Okay, so my cell phone rings, and it's a personalized. I'm going to answer it, though. I'm going to answer because I'm you. Jason is playing Jason. I'm going to play you, and you're one of the nurses calling me so we can get a sense of what they're doing. Just so you know, my ringtone is Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Okay. All right. Beep, boop, beep, boop. Beep, boop, beep, beep, beep, boop, boop, beep, boop. That's you dialing. Yep. Okay, shh, shh. Is he picking up? He's going to pick up. Okay. Okay.

Hello, it's me, Jason Turley. I bet it is. You sad motherfucker. Who is this? It's one of your nurses. I'm also a nurse. Oh, oh, is this James Garfield? And what's your name? Abraham Lincoln. Is this James Garfield and Abraham Lincoln? Yes, it is. How dare you call me at this hour? Yeah, I bet. What are you up to? Nothing?

Yeah, nothing. What kind of life do you have right now? It's bleak. My wife has left me. Man, there aren't enough sticks left at the bottom of the tree for you to hit before you hit rock bottom, are there? No. How did you get this number? Have you ever taken an improv class, Jennifer? No.

You seem to be stuck. This is not a debate. You seem stuck. Jennifer, just go with it. Just what were your first thoughts? No more tacos. No more tacos. This is your campaign platform. You said that's my first thought. Is that part of your platform? This is not a good campaign platform, by the way, if it is. No more tacos. People love tacos, Jennifer. No, no. But you've got to get rid of them. Kyle liked them. Kyle liked tacos. Anyways.

Okay, James Garfield. I'm sorry. All right, all right. We're back in the scene. We're back in the scene. Okay. How did you get this number? Leave me alone. Turley, you're still in the phone book. You don't have a cell phone, you frigging loser. Yeah, and you... I just need to be in the phone book in case people want to get my adult coloring books. Are you calling to order one of my adult coloring books? Oh, yeah. Just so you know, it's a coloring book for adults.

If that wasn't clear already from the title adult coloring books. Now that you phrase it that way, I get it. I'd like to purchase zero. I'll take one. Oh, thank you, James Garfield. Hey, I'm here too. Who is this guy? Donjaman Queef? Yeah, that's me. Donjaman Queef, get off this call. I'm just fucking watching these two. You fucking marmot. Stroking it. Get out of here, you marmot. Ah.

And scene. Wow. Great scene, everybody. Really good scene. Really good. Really good. Great stroke and object work. Jennifer, after straight up panicking there, you really recovered pretty well. You are white as a ghost right now. You do not look healthy. You are none of the colors of the rainbow. Are you going to throw up again? I feel sick. Oh, no. Here, here. Let me get my clob out.

Yeah, that's what it is. I'm hungry. Stuff it in this lasagna. I don't think you should do this. Not in front of me. Oh, boy. Oh, God. This is a crow situation here. You guys trust my aim? Should I go from way back here? No, I don't. You should not. Stick it right in your mouth. All right, so you're going to need to kiss it or kind of lick the... Kiss it? Or lick it. Oh, this is gross.

This is earwolf, not airwolf. Come on, don't do this. Here comes the clobber. Here comes the clobber. By the way, good catchphrase. Ready? Three, two, one. Oh, God.

God, it just exploded all over her face. Oh, God. It does look delicious. I will say that. You want some? She's a barely legal teen with cottage cheese all over her face. With lasagna all over her face. What is this? What?

What kind of show are you running now? It's not this kind of show. The show has changed. It's not that kind of show. The show has changed. I'll take two. Oh, boy. Here comes another one. Oh, no. I don't like this. All right, before you do this. This is making me uncomfortable. I'll just shoot this one off in the air. Oh, that's on the ceiling. It's on the ceiling. Oh, God.

All right, look, we're running out of time here. We just have time for one final feature on the show, and that's a little something called Plugs. Here we go, Plugs. Come get some plugs. It's no time to dance. When we go to Plugs, they can tell you all the time. It is, and that's what we're gonna do. Snacks are fun. Plugs. Ooh, it's short and sweet. Plugs, my dear boy, by UnluvTogs.

Unlovedogs, thank you so much. If you have a plug theme, send it on over. And what are we plugging? Obviously, James, you have the house. James? James. You just called me. There are two people in this room named Jason, and you just called me James. James. What just happened? My performance must have been incredible. I don't know. What just happened? I believe that song put me into some sort of meditative trance. That was wild. That's crazy. Crazy. Why did I call you James? I don't know. I don't know, but hey.

Bless you. Jennifer, bless you. There's the lasagna coming up. Are you okay? You need another club. I'm allergic to lasagna. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's my animal. Lasagna? Yeah. Is your pet? All right, James Manzoukas. Oh, God. You have The House above the title. In theaters. I still haven't seen that poster. In theaters tomorrow. In theaters tomorrow, June 30th. Please go and see it, everybody. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then, obviously, The House.

the How Did This Get Made podcast on the Earwolf Network. Of course. I want to plug, let's see, you know, a couple weeks ago, I believe, my issue of Deadpool and Spider-Man came out in the trade paperback. Oh, nice. Also, Paul Scheer, other host of the How Did This Get Made podcast, he wrote an issue or co-wrote an issue. Great, yep.

As well as Jerry Duggan. That is in the trade paperback right now. People can get that. And then... That TPB. Order that TPB. Speaking of comics, we're going to be out at Comic-Con this year. Yeah. Doing a show on Thursday night, the 20th. I'm not sure if tickets are on sale yet. As of this recording, they're not. So, but keep watching Twitter for that. Do you ever... Are you nervous at an event like Comic-Con that there won't be people who are fans of your show that were willing to come and see it? That's happened a few times. I'm just kidding. It's like all nerds. Oh.

It's like all nerds in one place. I thought you were being serious, but no. No, no. I mean, has there ever been a time where a comedy bang bang didn't have like max audience? I was going to say that a couple of times at the House of Blues, they tend to give out tickets to radio stations. I get it. And so there will be a pocket of like 20 people going, what the fuck is it? Like literally saying, what the fuck is this? Oh, I love that. That's why I stopped doing shows. Oh, I wish I would want to be on that show. Yeah, it's no good.

Let's see. Jennifer, what are you plugging? Hey, well, vote for me for student body president. Obviously. That would be, I guess, first day of school people are going to vote? Yeah. Vote for spot. In September? Mm-hmm. Vote for spot. And there's bumper stickers. X marks the spot. No, that's not it. I was just saying that you put your X next to spot, and that would be how you would vote? No? That would have been better.

Wait, what is your slogan? Do you have a slogan? Yeah, it's vote the number potato and then spot. Okay, vote potato spot. Vote potato spot. All right, well, you know. Now, just out of curiosity, is it a visual of a potato or is it the word potato? Or is it the number potato? Like for you, do you think of numbers as like pictograms? Uh...

Okay, it's all right. It doesn't matter. It's not the number of potatoes. So vote for Spot. Vote for Spot. And then also follow Mary Holland on Twitter, AdamHolland85, and check out Shrink on CISO. What do you think? Do you think that she didn't get on Twitter before 84 other Mary Hollands got on Twitter? I think that's exactly what the issue is. What an idiot. I think she's great.

Why not Mary Holland 85? Why is it... Anytime I try to tag her and stuff, I have to remember, oh, no, there's no A-R-Y. I'm doing my best in the world. I'm doing my best. It's Mary? No. Oh. My name's Jennifer. Yeah, no, I know. But is it M-A-R-Y? No, it's M-Holland 85. Oh, it's M-Holland. I'm sorry. You'll never forget now. Oh, boy. And check out Shriek on CISO. Already gone. And...

And I'm performing with my team, Wild Horses, this Saturday. Your team? You said my team. My team. You, Jennifer. And by my team, meaning I'm a fan of this team. I don't feel like you're, I believe it's the 7th or so? No, the 1st, July 1st. July 1st, you are. Oh, okay. And then we have another show at Largo. And by we, I mean this team I'm a fan of. This team.

another show at Largo on July 10th. Yeah. Okay, got it, got it, got it. Okay, very good. JT, what do you got? Well, I'll plug my favorite Twitter comedian who mostly just retweets stuff that other people tweet. Why is he your favorite then? Because I love it. I love watching people retweet things that have been tagged and then mostly ignore Twitter.

at Tim underscore Baltz. And then I'll plug Shrink on CISO. Check out CISO now while the time is right. It truly is ripe right now. And then watch Badillion Dollar Properties. There are count of one, two, three seasons on CISO as well.

Big CISO fan, huh? Huge CISO head. Hey, here's my CISO hat and my CISO choker and my CISO wristband. CISO choker? Yeah, that's right. That seems like swag that maybe bankrupted the company. Jennifer, how many seasons do you think Bajillion Dollar Properties has? Probably, I got to say it. It's not potato. Oh, interesting. Basil? Basil?

Basil. Okay, so we got Basil, Potato, and Fart. We're getting there. And Blarf is in one through nine because he was the quarterback. Yeah, but that's just someone's name. That's Farts. Yeah, I said Fart. You said Farts. Okay, look. You said Farts. All right, I said Farts. You said Farts. Sorry, the CISO choker is putting off air in my brain. One final thing I would like to say. Well, before we do that, let's close up the old plug. Oh, yeah, close it up. All right. Talking about bags and bags. I'm talking about opening bags.

All right. Very long. James Manzoukas, what did you want to say? I just wanted to say I hope sincerely that you both, you know, find your way through these terrible breakups that you're going through. And I believe that you will come out stronger on the other side. You wish. What does that mean?

Thanks, man. You know, my next adult coloring book is going to be a situation of you telling me that. Oh, wow. How many pages is just that little chunk going to take? Well, it's a short one, so maybe 950. Okay. You're like the Stephen King of adult coloring books. Who's that? Prolific. You don't know who Stephen King is. Who's that? Ah!

Have you watched The Mist recently? On Spike? Yeah, I wake up every morning and watch The Mist on Spike. That should tell you everything you need to know about Stephen King. All right, guys. This has been a fun one. Good luck to everyone. Jason, it's always a pleasure to see you. Always a delight. Please come back soon. Thank you for making the time. Thank everybody. And you guys, you know...

I love you. Okay. Oh, you know what? I would love to see how the election goes at some point in the future. Yeah, please come back and let us know. Maybe talk to you again. Oh, well, yes, post-election. Hopefully it'll be a celebratory interview. Obviously this will be post-Labor Day when school gets back in session, I would imagine. Obviously. Okay. And I'll definitely be back if lasagna doesn't crack through the back of my skull. Okay, good luck with that. Thanks. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye. Bye.

Heroes!