Bonus Bang: Paul Rust, Claudia O'Doherty, Carl Tart, Ego Nwodim (Old No-No's)
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Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome back to another Bonus Bang. Bonus Bangs are episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that we are re-releasing out from behind the paywall. And we have made it! This is our sixth and final episode of a series we called Old No-No's, where we revisited archived CBB episodes featuring the new No-No segment from Paul Rust...

Now, this episode is number 534. It's titled Solid as a Rock, and it was originally released on Morch, Morch.com.

What am I, Irish? March 4th, 2018. And this features Paul Rust and Claudia O'Doherty as the guests. They were both on the TV series Love, of course, with Gillian Jacobs. And we have also Bashford and Franklin, played by Carl Tartt and Ega Wodum, joining in. Paul and Claudia talk about their TV series Love. There are new no-nos, of course, and then Bashford and Franklin sing a duet.

You know what isn't a new no-no? The CBB Archive. That's right. If you've been enjoying this series, you can become a subscriber at cbbworld.com where you can find every single episode we've ever recorded as well as every live episode. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Yeah.

Comedy Bang Bang

Those are my loaves, those are my fishes, but those aren't my Hershey's Kisses. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thanks to Captain Pukefish, barf, for that wonderful catchphrase submission, and welcome to the show, Comedy Bang Bang, for another week. We are now at the very beginning of it, but I mean, it's safe to say that we're in the throes of March, even though we're right at the beginning. Um.

March, a very special month, and I believe it's coming in like a lion, which means I guess the episodes at the end of the month won't be all that good. They'll be out like a lamb. Who knows? Maybe I'm telling the truth. But this is a very incredible episode today. Scott Aukerman, by the way, your host, you know me from such things as this show. But this is a great episode because for a number of years,

Two, to be exact. We've had a woman on the show by the name of Gillian Jacobs who starred in the television show...

or streaming content show. I'm not sure exactly what you would call it, but ones and zeros, basically. You put them all together and her image appears if you put them together in the right way. Isn't that weird? If you put ones and zeros together in the right way, Gillian Jacobs will appear. Isn't that strange? Um,

But she was on the television show Love, and she would be on this show to talk about the season premieres of that for the last couple of years. And last year, a gentleman by the name of Paul Rush joined her, and this year she's not here. Anyway, we have two people who are here from said television show Love. Please welcome the co-creator and the co-star...

And also a co-star and doesn't have anything to do with the creation of it. No, no creation. I'm not a creative person. You're not? No. Okay, we'll talk about that. But she's been on this show many times. He's been on this show many times. Please welcome back to the show Paul Rust and Claudio Doherty. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Thank you so much. I believe some congratulations are in order. To whom? To me, from you. Because once again, I won a competition to come on the show. Congratulations. I didn't realize. Can I say congratulations? Yeah, please do, Paul. Congratulations. Paul, how have you

I haven't seen you for so long. Yeah, it's been how long? Five minutes? Is that true? Hold on. We saw each other outside the studio. Oh, okay, but previous to that. But previously, I guess the last time I would have seen Paul was when we were on set for the show. The show Love, by the way. It's on Netflix. Season three is coming out this Friday, March 9th. Yes. I can't wait for people to see it.

Yes, and you're in this. Now, let's talk about this because you've been on the show a few times. Yes. A few years back, what happened? You're from Sydney, Australia. I'm from Sydney, Australia, and my mom and I are very, very close. Yes.

And she entered me into a competition that got me onto Comedy Bang Bang. She, unbeknownst to you. Unbeknownst to me because I love to color things in, join dots. If I see a puzzle, I'll do it. Sure. By the way, for anyone who has a puzzle out there, keep them away from Claudia. Keep them away from me because I will solve the puzzle, spot the differences, all of those kind of things. And lots of times, I don't know if you realize this, Paul.

I don't know if you realize this, Scott, those puzzles are connected to competitions. Really? So I would just, I'd be coloring things in or spotting differences and then even just doing crosswords, finder words, you name it, I've done it. Sure. And then lots of times I didn't realize but they would be connected to competitions and I would win them and then my mom would send me to wherever that could be. Well, you would win the prize, a trip to somewhere. Yeah, so your mother just, unbeknownst to you someday-

came up to you and said, Claudia, good news, you won a competition. Yes. And it was a, to be on this program, Comedy Bang Bang. Exactly. And then she also said- Even though we were not hosting this competition. What? Unrelated. I was the willing and happy recipient of your win, but we- You weren't aware of the competition. We were not aware of the competition. I think this may have been something that your- That is fishy. That is definitely fishy. Fishy on my end or fishy on your mother's end? I mean, it's sort of-

fishy on my mum's end but I do trust that she wants me around her and that she loves me very much because you keep winning these you keep going back to Sydney Australia then you keep winning competitions to come out here yeah and I did she I didn't she went to high school with Judd Apatow um

Oh, she did. Which high school was this? Beverly Hills High. She went to Beverly Hills High? Yeah. Really? What was she doing out here? Studying. Oh, of course. That's what you go to school for. Stupid question. I'm so sorry. So that's how she knew Judd. And I guess like she'd been talking about me a lot to him. And then I did. I colored something in and she was like, this is crazy. But that is a competition to go on the show Love. A competition winner.

Wow, congrats. So I wondered how you got hooked up in that show because I've seen, you know, Paul, you're the co-creator of the show. Yes. Yeah, you should know about this. Yeah, well, I had received some of the dots you had connected and I had seen... But you're a professional entertainer. You're someone who... A pro-ent? A pro-ent. You're a pront. I guess I'm a pront. I watch that show and I say, out of anyone who's on that show, the person who's the most pro is Paul Rust. Yeah.

Thank you. Hey! And so... Whoa. I mean, that's not a slam to you, but you are what we call... A natural. Sure. A raunch. You're all natural. Is that what you were saying? I'm all natural. Me too. Okay. Yeah, you're all natural as well. But what I'm trying to say is you're a novice at this. A savant. Yeah. Navant. Can we agree on that? Dave Navant. Dave Navant.

Is that a James Addiction reference? He's my favorite guitarist. But, you know, in contrast, you serve in sharp contrast to the professional actors who appear on the show. Because I'm so not good? Why? You wouldn't know it. Could you unpack this for me? On set, you wouldn't know it. I mean, I think there's times, you know, where they'll call cut and Claudia. That's usually what happens. That's my least favorite time of the day. Absolutely.

After they call cut. I like it when they call action, and then it's just playtime. Yes, that's when we play. We often say that. We say, it's so weird, we only feel alive between action and cut. Exactly. Couldn't we live between action and cut all the time? Let us all live our lives as if it were between action and cut. Every minute of every day. Every second is between action and cut.

We love it. So. Yeah, I love it too. Yeah. So, but you're saying that you wouldn't know it on set because anytime they call cut. Initially when Claudia, I think you would admit to this, they'd call cut and you'd say, does that mean it's done now? Do I need a haircut? Right. I know. How often was the answer yes? Well, I mean. Every month or so? Yeah, every few weeks they would cut my hair. So I was like, oh.

So maybe it's like a cumulative effect and then you have to say cut 90 times. For every hair that needs cutting. And then I get a haircut. So when they say cut, I would sort of just try to, I'd sit down somewhere. You would put the cape around. I would put a smock on myself and I would wait. And then they would be like, can you come back and stab where you were? And you always carried those scissors. Yeah, I did always have a lovely pair of scissors that my mom gave me. Aw.

You're like a regular Edwina Scissorhands over here. I am. Thank you so much. Not a compliment. Joni Depp. Thank you. Much better. Played by Joni Depp. Much better. Much better. Joni Hair Depp? Because of the... I don't know where we're going with this.

Well, he cuts other people's hair in that movie, and I want people to cut my hair. Don't you think that it's assumed he cuts his own hair, though? It doesn't look like it. It's a real mop. But that's the point, because if I were to cut my own hair, I think it would be all shaggy and different sizes. Don't you think it's implied that he cuts his own hair, but that's in between the scenes? It's like, you know how when you're watching a movie...

You don't see, like, say you're watching, what was that, No Strings Attached, Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman? Oh, sure, I saw that. You don't see every time they take a shit. Like, that movie is over the course of months, I think. You skip every time they take... You see sometimes them taking shits. I mean, if you could ever catch them...

You talk about spot the difference. Yes. In every movie, every actor takes a shit in a scene. If you can catch it, it's a very special moment. You have to be wise to shop. But so isn't it just naturally implied in that movie that he is cutting his hair in between the scenes? Well, I don't know. Maybe his dad, the vampire, was cutting it. Wait, his dad was a vampire? Yes.

Isn't his dad like Bela Lugosi or something? Vincent. Yeah, Vincent Price. Price. Sure. I think his dad would cut it. I assumed he was cutting Edward's hair, Vincent Price. Vincent Price was? Was it reciprocal? You mean simultaneously at the same time they were cutting his hair? Yes. And then they moved down to the pubes?

Well, they made a sequel. I don't know that he had genitals because isn't his body just like the leather bodysuit? Oh, so you think that that was his skin? Yeah, because isn't he an enchanted doll? He might have been. I mean, that's another thing that was probably heavily, heavily implied. He's definitely a cookie. Remember...

A cookie? Is that what you said? Vincent Price is like making cookies and he looks at one and he cries because he wishes it was real. And then he puts it through the machine. That's a weird scene, isn't it? I don't think I've ever cried at a cookie wishing it was real.

I've cried in a cookie scene. Give me one. And then Mommy, of course. Mommy puts three in my mouth. Paul does eat a lot of cookies on set. Does he really? Yeah. In between action and cut? Yeah, I'm a real, what do you guys call me, a cookie creature. He's a cookie creature, and he also wrote a lot of scenes into the upcoming season where he is eating cookies. That's very interesting. I mean, write what you know. The first line in every script would always be,

Chips Ahoy. And someone would then offer your character a Chips Ahoy. Yes. Would you then cut those out of the scenes? Because I've watched the show and I haven't been seeing a lot of scenes start with that. You'll catch the tail end of them a lot of times. With someone going, oi? Yeah, you'll just hear oi and then... Which would work out for you, of course. That works because I'm Australian and my character is Australian and we say oi to get someone's attention. Oi! Does your character in love, did she also win a contest? Did you write that into the character, Paul? No.

Paul? You wrote it in. Yeah, I would often improvise that. Well, you do bring a typewriter sometimes. Yeah, I do. It's so heavy.

He's so heavy. Those typewriters these days, they're very heavy. They're very heavy. They're like as heavy as you, I think. I weigh 105 pounds. Usually typewriters these days are like, they're 110, 115 pounds. I shouldn't have to carry anything like that. You should not be forced to carry something as heavy as yourself. I think so. There should be a law. I agree. There should be a law. I agree. I'm standing in the middle.

I agree. But the thing is, Paul wasn't writing it into any scenes for me, so I had to start bringing the typewriter to set. Oh, that's too bad, Paul. Why wouldn't you? I mean, a woman brings a typewriter to set. You think that you would naturally include that into the scenes.

We tried, but a lot of times the typewriter had nothing to do with Claudia. It would just jostle on camera and start vibrating and humming, and we couldn't fix it. Wait, was this a fax machine? Let me think. It had a keypad, and I would dial into the keypad, and somebody would say— Can I do an impression of it? Sure. Sure.

That was it. That was it. That was it. That was it. That was exactly it. So it was a fax machine. That's a fax machine, yeah. Oh. So. Can we cut this out? Definitely, definitely. I promise you I will definitely cut this part out. But I definitely was riding Sane's on the fax machine.

Right. It was. Yeah. Were you just sending pages of the script to someone? Yeah, I don't know who was getting them. Do you know what? Some very lucky boy. Might have been my mom because she does have a fax machine. Oh, okay. That is the only phone number I know. Okay, to her fax machine. Oh, and when I met your mom, she was holding that fax machine. How I met your mother. That makes sense. Do you remember that show? No, I don't.

Tell me. I don't remember it either. Isn't that weird how we all used to watch that show. I don't remember it either. It's like the Berenstain, Bearstein, Bears kind of thing where like I feel like we're in an alternate universe because everyone used to watch that show and used to remember it but no one can, no one remembers it anymore. Yeah. Um,

And a lot of times people will miss say the title. Yeah. They'll go. How did you meet my mother? Yeah. And it's like, you don't even realize you're saying it wrong. Did you meet my mother? Can I ask about love? It comes out this Friday, third season, third and final season. And you were just like, you know what? I'm tired of doing TV shows. 30 and I'm out.

Bye. Bye-bye. It's more than 30. How many is it? 34. 34? Wait, how many per season? What was going on? You had a 10. 11 and a half episodes per season.

We were originally, Claudia and I were banging around this idea for a long time and trying to get people on board. We were going to try to do the same amount of scenes and time, but just split them up into 120 episodes. Yeah, I like that. Don't you like that? I like that. 45-second episodes. I like that a lot. And when you say like half episodes, I would like it if I was watching a show and just in the middle of a scene it just went to black. Not even credits. It was just like, no, no, no, we didn't finish.

Yeah, we couldn't be farther. You've heard of Can I Finish? Can I Finish? Can I Finish? Can I Finish? Can I Finish? What if it was the opposite of that? Can I start? I can't finish. Exactly. I'm going to let you finish. I'm not going to let you finish. It doesn't even make sense. Of course not. So, but three seasons. How many episodes this season?

Did we go with the idea of doing 120? Because I think maybe... I think we left that up to Hulu. I think your show should have been... You know that show 60 Minutes, and then you got that show 120 Minutes? Right, both on Sundays. It's so informational. Don't you think most shows should be like that? You know, just tell you how many minutes it's going to be? Like in all movies. You know what I mean? Like I saw Black Panther recently. I wish it had been called 125 Minutes.

Right. You know what you're signing up for. You know, I'll see your 125 minutes and add. Mm-hmm.

I think they should have the time on screen rolling down. Yes, a countdown. I like that. That would make every movie much more exciting. They should have two countdowns, one in the left-hand bottom corner, one in the right-hand bottom corner. And the left-hand one is for the scenes, how much longer each scene is going to be. Actually, every edit. I think it should be every edit. So even in scenes, if it goes to a close-up, you know. Because it doesn't cut you off.

I get too jarred. Suddenly it's like close up on someone's face. I'm like. Yeah, because you feel like you've just loomed in very close. Yeah. I'm like, what did I did? I just get up out of my seat and run towards the screen. Yeah. Why am I above that person's head right now? I was watching a movie and it cut to a close up of a mug of coffee. And I leapt back convinced I had been dunked.

That you were a donut that had been dumped? I ran out. I grabbed a towel. I started drying myself off. Where did you get the towel? Well, I was on the beach. Okay, this is a beach time movie? Yeah. So I grabbed a guy's towel and he went, hey! Did he kick sand in your face? Was he cold? Is that why? He was cold and he kicked sand in my face to stay warm. Yeah, just getting the blood moving. Exercise will keep you warm. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably what it was. Exercise will keep you warm. Yeah.

You wrote that was what Claudia wrote on my yearbook on wrap day. Oh, wait, you guys gave out yearbooks at the end of the show? Just me and Paul. Oh, okay. And it was just two, both of you? We edited it together. Gillian was upset that we didn't get one. Yeah. But Paul and I mutually agreed we would be giving each other yearbooks because I've never had a yearbook so we don't do that in Australia. Oh, really? I didn't know that. No, no, no. And I think that's

probably why Australian people come across differently to Americans. Because we can sense about you like, oh, this person didn't

Celebrate the demarcation of their high school experiences and by creating some sort of bound together booklet. Exactly. We didn't get a funny quote. Did you guys give each other funny quotes and vote each other like most whatever? Yeah. What do we got? Well, I said best co-editor of a yearbook. Oh, that's so sweet. Because we didn't do anything digitally. We used old...

No ones and zeros here. No. We used a typewriter, a fax machine, and a stamp.

Well, that's all that needs to be said about this show, right? I mean, we've talked about it endlessly for the past couple of years. By the way, where is Gillian? Gillian's doing a play on Broadway. She couldn't make it. She would have loved to, but she couldn't make it. Yeah, I bet. Where's the video message that you, if she would have loved to have made it, that she recorded and gave to you to play on the show? Well, she was toying with that idea, and I said, well, it's a podcast show.

So a video message doesn't make much sense. Well, we could have heard the audio on it. That's true. Why don't they call them audio video messages? You know what I mean? Yeah, that infuriates me. Yeah, because you don't know to turn up the volume. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, Claudia. Are you getting heated?

I'm getting heated. Are you getting cheesed? I'm getting cheesed. Is it time? This cheese is melting because it's heating up. Is it time for our favorite segment on this show? That's right. Is it time for... Start the clock. Start the clock. Good afternoon. Oh, man. It's time for some new no-no. New no-no.

Oh, boy. If you've never heard these before, this is where Paul gets some things off his ample chest. Yeah. I get a little steamed about stuff, and people like to hear it get off my chest. And you know this, the new no-no's. New no-no. Lunch time. Oh, drag.

You know that annoying co-worker of yours goes into the break room, decides to cook something up and it stinks real bad? I hate this guy. I hate... You know what? I got a deal for you. No, no, no. If you cook something stinky where I work, I'm gonna cook something stinky where I live. Just sitting in my house eating eggs and there's nothing you can do about it. Oh, and the worst part?

You don't even know it's happening. No, no, no. I eat steak. Yes. No, no, no. Have you ever had people go, you want to look at a picture of my kid? Oh, man. I hate that. I've done that. Yeah. Yeah. You want to look at. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'll look at it. I'll look at a picture of your kid. If you look at a picture of me dressed as your kid. And guess what? I already got it.

Ready and loaded. How'd you get the kids' clothes? Shopping. I assume they're grown person-sized reproductions of the clothes, not the actual clothes. No, the same size. I twist, I cram, I fit. No, no, no. I twist, I cram, I fit. Yeah. Okay, look out. Ugh.

No, no, no. You know these people who slurp their food? So annoyed. Okay, you like slurping? Slurp everything. What? You gotta slurp chicken. You gotta slurp turkey. You gotta slurp ham. You gotta... No, no, no. Throat clearer.

They're worse than the slurpers! Okay, how about this? How about this? Every time you clear your throat, I pee in my pants a little bit. You're annoying. Dribble, dribble. Yeah, I'm just peeing my pants. And guess what? It's uncomfortable for me. Not you. No, no, no. You made me pee my pants tonight! Yes!

Any more, my good bitch? I don't know. I don't think the PC thought police will let me. No, come on. We're going to let you. We're going to let you. Restart that clock. Restart that clock. Start the clock. Don't spoil anything. Don't spoil anything. That's what people say all the time. La, la, la. Plugging my ears. Okay, well, I'm sorry. I'm going to spoil everything for you people. In the sixth sense, Bruce Willis is in it.

Go back, rent the Sixth Sense, and give it a watch, because Bruce Willis is in it! No, no, no, Bruce Willis is an actor, and he plays a character in the Sixth Sense. He takes a shit in it, too. If you see it, if you can catch him. In the middle of the movie. Throughout the movie. No, no, no, my bad.

My bad. Oh, I'm so sick of this expression. My bad. My bad. Everyone uses it constantly. No, no, no. My bad. It's now my bat. Huh? And is it a baseball bat?

Is it a vampire bat? I'm not going to tell you. You'll have to find out when you say it and the person hands it to you. No, no, no. My bat. And then they give you a bat. So do we have to carry around bats to give to people when they say it? Check your lockers after the show, guys. Full of bats.

Any more? Express lanes. Oh, turn up that clock. Oh my God. You go to the grocery store, what do they say? 10 items or less. They got that in? 12 items or less. 10, 12, 8, 8. 15 sometimes. Okay, so if it's up to 15, let me get this straight. Okay, let me do the math. Does that mean I can bring in...

Yes. Does that mean I can bring in nine? Well, you could probably just breeze right through the line. Could I just bring in one? Yes. Are these real questions? Okay, deal. I'll bring in less than 15.

Great, that seems like a little work as well. You can also bring in 15, because it's 15 or less. Oh, but I can't bring in 16? No. Sure. You probably could bring in 16. I don't think they'd notice. I feel like this is less of a new no-no and you asking us how these lines work. How do these work? Okay. Low talkers, close talkers, high talkers. You've never seen Seinfeld? No, no, no. Watch Seinfeld. Double dippers. Yes, yes.

Sponjworthy. Social media.

Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Casting a wide net here. I've had enough to hear. I think he's moved on. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Snore, snore, snore. Oh, what's that app? That sounds good. Snore, snore, snore. Snore, snore, snore. Snore, snore, snore. There's four. You've got to write them even though you only say three. Whoa, I love that. I'm downloading that now. What? What's with social media? No, I don't want to look at a picture of your sandwich.

Okay. Maybe, you know what? You want me to eat the sandwich? Is that why you're showing it to me? Then I'll pretend to eat it. Every time I look at one of your sandwiches, I'll put down my phone and I'll pantomime holding the sandwich and spend 20 minutes at least eating it. Is that what you want? So you, what? Is that, are you done? Was that the end? The music faded out.

Fellas, put the toilet seat down. Yes! I agree. I agree. Thank you, thank you. Oh, sorry, I had to get that off. I had a real bee in my bonnet. Oh, good stuff. Really grinding my gears there. Oh, my gosh. I'm allergic to bees, so I'd die if there was a bee in my bonnet. Would you?

You've got to stop wearing that bonnet. I know, but it suits me. I feel like when people say I'm allergic to bees, it's like, yeah, we all don't like bees. They sting us. None of us like bees. We get it. You don't like bees. Okay, yeah, we don't like bees either. Have you seen My Girl? No, I haven't. That's so weird that you haven't seen that movie. But he dies from bees. Oh, sure. I'm just saying, like, it...

It's like saying, I don't like being hit by a car. Yeah, none of us do. Some of us die. Some of us don't. I guess you're right. You're not special. That should be a new no-no. Hey, wait a minute. Oh, God. Start the clock. We can't. We can't. We paid for one use. Oh, okay. Bill Maher told us we can use it one time. Oh, okay. Anyway, Bill Maher, that's his song? Well, yes. It's based on his, he does this thing called New Ruins.

Oh, no. And so we have to ask for his – but Bill's super cool about it. Bill's great about it, yeah. He's so cool. Such a supportive person. He's granted us the license each time. On New Year's Eve, he does a show in Hawaii, and Claudia and I always go, and we just hang out with Bill. Yeah, we're close with Bill. Oh, I didn't know that. It's just a chance to get dressed up and just relax. Go Hulu dancing. We Hulu all night long.

Well, guys, this is exciting. It's exciting to be here in the room while you do that. We need to, we're coming up on to a break. Yeah, but love. We're on a break. We're going on a break. We were.

We are getting on a break. Yes. Watch Seinfeld. Watch Friends, too. Claudia and I. We love Friends. For real. I've been watching Friends a lot lately. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I do. Ross heads. I'd only maybe seen three episodes fully. Which three? The one with the first. One. The one with the second. And the one with the turd. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, where they take a shit during that. Yeah, all six of them. Phoebe took a shit in every single episode. Yeah, and that's why people love her. Yeah, they love her. She's funny. She's just funny. Anytime she enters frame, she sort of waves the air a little bit. She does, yeah. Oh, wow. Well, and I don't know. Did you guys have those TVs that would...

Emit the smells? Sure. Any smell that the performer would make, it would emit those smells. So that was the way that you could find out. So anytime Phoebe was on, I'd run out of the room. Oh, yeah. That's a shame because she's very funny. I would laugh as I ran out of the room. I would hold my nose and then laugh and go, oh, no, I laughed so hard I'm not holding my nose anymore. That can be very dangerous. The Phoebe conundrum. Be careful. Who's your favorite? Phoebe?

Ross. Ross. Yeah, you guys love Ross. We were on a break! We were on a break! We were on a break already! Speaking of breaks, though, the reason this came up, yes. I love my friends! Yes, all of

I love all my friends, George, Elaine, Ross, Carlton. He names himself. All right, speaking of breaks, we need to go to one. When we come back, this is- And the mud puppies. This is exciting. We have a couple of musicians slash scientists. I love music. And science? I hate science. Oh, okay. Well, you are going to be just some, what do they call that? Net sum zero? Yeah. Yeah.

Net sum zero. Yeah. I love science, hate music. Okay. This is going to be a neutral situation for us. So you're going to be. A neutral situation for us. You're going to be saying yay during part of this while you're saying boo and then vice versa. Yeah. Well, this is exciting. We'll be talking to them. Bashford and Franklin coming up after this break. When we come back, we'll have more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, Paul Russ, Claudio Doherty, contest winner and raconteur. Hello. And a person from another country. Foreigner. Foreigner, yes. Foreigner, Claudio Doherty. Yes, thank you. Hello. Did you like that band, Foreigner? Did you get them down there? Love them. With their songs, More Than a Feeling. Yeah.

Journey. Serious question. When you're in Australia, do you exclusively listen to Australian music? You know, Men at Work, Mental is Anything? Yes. Yes.

That is exclusively what I listen to, but I have to, obviously, because my dad's in Mental Is Anything. He's what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that. Legally, it's my job to listen to Mental Is Anything only. Only? Really? Yeah. It's actually the only music I know. Really? So every Mental Is Anything song, you... I know really well. I mean, I mainly know the choruses. Okay, so like, if you leave me, can I come too? We could always stay.

I know that one. Okay. Yeah. Good, good. Yeah, that one. Wow. How was that having a musician as a father? It was incredible. Yeah, I bet. But that's why I love music. Yes. For the next guest. You've grown up around it. Yeah, for the next guest. Yeah, I got to just, it's in my blood. He's probably the only parent who comes into the bedroom and goes, turn that music up. Turn that music up. It's my music. Okay.

I love it. I love it. You're playing my song. We just jam in the kitchen most nights. It was really fun. You playing pots and pans. Pots and pans. He was playing the broccoli. It was really good. The broccoli. Yeah, that's what we would have for dinner. Yeah. What about chopping broccoli, right? Oh, yeah. Have you seen that before? No.

That's why I bring it up. I want to know about it. Please describe it. I'll tell you when you're older. It's a little blue. It's a little blue. Well, speaking of blue, we need to get to our next guest, who I guess they have nothing to do with blue now that I think of it, so that's a terrible segue. But they are musicians and also geologists. Wow, what an exciting combination. Please welcome Bashford and Franklin. How you doing?

doing? Oh, Scott, thank you for having us. Oh, you're quite welcome. It's my pleasure to have entertainers of any stripe here on the show. So and you fit into that perfectly because you are musicians. But I think what's also interesting about you is you're also geologist. So it's my pleasure to have you on and thank you for appearing. Thank you so much for having us, Scott. We're so happy to be here. Are you happy to be here? I am happy to

I'm happy to be here, Bashford. I'm happy to be here, too. Okay, so you're Bashford. I'm Bashford. And you're Franklin. I'm Franklin. We are a married couple. Oh, you're a married couple. Yes. Oh, okay, that wasn't in your bio. It should read musicians slash married couple. We want to be known under our own merits. Sure. Oh, I see. Because you think people would judge you differently if they knew you were married? Absolutely. Why did you say it right off the bat then? This patriarchal society always gives the male more credit

In the workplace. Sure. Behind the music board. So what you're saying is you think that Franklin wouldn't be given her due. No. Because they would assume that you just pulled her up into this business. Absolutely. But if you don't know you're married, then people will assume. We're equals. You're equals. Great. Great. Much like Claudia and Paul over here. Yes. Oh, my God. Equals. Equals. Am I equal to you, Paul? I thought you were my boss. No, you're double me.

Ooh, double both. That's not it. Like W? W. W. Yeah, I just got the... It was sent to me in the mail this morning. I found out. Okay, great. You ever see that movie, W? Nah, God damn. Haven't. Can't say that I have. I saw that movie. I loved it. Did you really? I thought Josh Brolin...

Did a great job as George W. Bush. He did, didn't he? He did. Yeah. The spitting image. He endeared him in my heart because I was quite upset. You were upset at George W. Bush? Between the years of 2000 and 2008, I was quite upset. The entire eight years you were upset? The entire eight years I was in a tent. He didn't get out of bed. We didn't get out of bed. What did that do to your mental health? My God. Oh, that made it worse. Oh, yeah. Well, no. It was a byproduct of his mental health. Oh, my heavens.

But now I'm back. You're out of bed. You're on stage. Oh, yeah. And was it the movie W that got you out of bed? The movie W got me out of bed. Wow. Once he became a human to me and endeared himself to me. He's fine. He's fine. He loves baseball. He paints. He loves alcohol. He paints. Oh, he paints. Do you own any of his paintings now? No.

now? Yeah, we have a whole room. We have a whole room of George W. Bush paintings and all painted by Josh Brolin as George W. Bush. Wow, those are even more rare. There were only like probably 27 scenes where he was painting in that movie. Yep, and we have 26 or 27 of those copies. Wow, who has the 27th? I don't know. I'm not exactly sure. Who do you think has the 27th? You gotta track that down. I was so

I was somebody in, I think I saw somebody in Ghana had it. In Ghana? On Etsy. I was looking on Etsy. Not gonna do it. Not gonna do it. Scott, I love you. That might be George H.W. Bush. But so you guys are singers as well as, I assume you said musicians, but you sing? Sing, yes.

Yes, we sing. We're both singers and songwriters. You sing, you duet on each one of your songs or do you take turns? Do we ever. We duet on each one of our songs because we only have one song. Oh, honey. Oh, let's duet. Oh, yes. Why don't you start it off for us? Wait a minute. You say you only have one song? We only have one. And you're going to do it now? And it's a cover. I don't know that we're set up for this. Do you need the music? No, I don't need it.

Do we have access to the music? We can do it acapella. We can do it acapella. Let's do it acapella. All right, go ahead. You start us off, baby. Your name is first. You don't even know who starts? You want me to take your part today? Yeah. Okay. How about I just start at my line when I come in? Okay, baby. Not a way. There was no time to play.

We built it up and built it up and built it up and now we're solid.

Solid as a rock. Honey, I did the Barack version. You did the Barack version? You said solid as Barack. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Let's take it back. Okay. Okay. I'll start from my part again. Okay. So wait, you guys are doing a cover of Solid as a Rock, but you forgot and it was Solid as Barack. Okay, so now you need to start over. I just want to be on the same page. Yeah. Get on that page, Scott. It's page 68. Oh, hey, right before my favorite one. And five, six, seven, eight. There was no time to play.

We build, build it up. And build it up. And build it up. And now we're solid. Solid as a rock. Did you say Barack again? What? I don't know. What keeps getting into me? All right. I was looking at your lip. I was reading your lips, much like George H.W. Bush. Solid as George Bush.

We have our political differences. I will say that in our house. Really? What are your differences? I like Barack. And I like Michelle. Not that different. So you liked the first lady. You both supported the administration. And I liked the first man. Right. But still, you have to like the other one. You like the other person in the marriage, right? I have no qualms. Bo, the dog? Bo. Bo. They had a dog named Bo? They did have Bo. Sasha and Malia?

I liked Sasha. Michelle's brother is the basketball coach at Oregon State University. Good bit of trivia. So you guys feel like you have big political differences. Huge. We do not get along. You know, the other day we got into a fight over our political differences. I stayed in bed for weeks. He wouldn't get out of bed. I said Michelle was fine. I said she was fine. He wouldn't speak to me. He wouldn't look at me. He wouldn't look.

One look, one speak. One look, one speak. I close my eyes and shut my mouth. Close his eyes and shut my mouth. But now we're solid. Solid as... Barack, right. Can I ask you guys a question? You say you're musicians. Yes. We don't say. We are. We are. You are musicians. Yes, we are. But you only...

Halfway know one song. What? You don't even know who starts it. You can't even get the lyrics right. And it's not your song. You didn't write it. We didn't write it. And that's why we don't know who starts it. Okay, sure. But it's a cover that we use and we go around the town. And every time we do a dig in, we sing this song at the dig site. It's like a coronation of the dig. Oh, I see. Okay, which brings us to the geologist part of it. Yes. So you guys are geologists. You're scientists. We are.

We are. You're married geologists as well. We're married. We're geologists. And we sing. But we don't tell anybody that we're married on the digs. Really? Because, see, in our patriarchal society, I don't believe that she will get the credit for being a better digger than I am. I am a better digger. I am a better digger. He's an okay digger. I'm an okay digger. Okay. Well, you guys obviously know what you're talking about because geologists call each other diggers all the time. Me.

That's my digger. Okay. I wasn't going to say that. You were thinking it. You were thinking it. You were thinking it, and yes, that's my digger. Okay, look. Guys.

How did you get into the science of geology? Well, I got into it because I was studying communications at University of Wisconsin Oshkosh. Not Bigosh. Not Bigosh. Just University of Wisconsin Oshkosh. That's a community college. Okay. Yes. What's the mascot there? Overalls. Overalls? Just overalls?

Just like a sentient pair of overalls? A sentient pair of overalls. They walk around town. They go to the basketball games. Every time they lose, they unbuckle. Is like the flap of the overalls like the mouth? Yes. And it talks. Right. Okay, good. Go Oshkosh. Go Oshkosh. Not Bigosh. Not Bigosh. Right. And something was weird under the ground of my dormitory.

And so I began to dig and dig and dig. Tell them what you found, baby. I found a pot of gold. What? How could you tell? What was weird about it? You know, every time I walked, I'm so glad you asked, Claudia. Every time I walked, I walked over the carpet and there was always a hump.

In the carpet. And I was on the ground floor. I said, why is this hump in my ground floor? So I took a box cutter and I cut open the carpet. And then I saw that the ground under it had shifted. Okay. Was it concrete underneath? Concrete. But it was broken. Oh, it was broken. Okay. Yeah. Oh, interesting. The concrete. So it was carpet on concrete. It was carpet on top of concrete. A very hard floor. There's probably a carpet pad under that as well. None. No carpet? No carpet. Just carpet? What? This is the first time.

- What's the meaning of this? - This floor was solid. ♪ Solid as a rock ♪ ♪ That's what this floor is ♪ ♪ The carpet's dead ♪ - I'm just getting, by the way, that you're singing Solid as a Rock and you're geologists. I'm catching up to that right now. - Twist. - This is like when I found out that Bruce Willis was in The Sixth Sense. - Ooh, spoiler, don't spoil things. - What a twist.

Scott! Don't spoil things. I haven't seen that movie. So how did you dig into the concrete? I took a spoon. Oh. Like prison style. Like Shawshank Redemption style? Like Shawshank Redemption style. Did you know that Bruce Willis was in that? No, I didn't. Stop spoiling movies for me. I'm sorry. Is that a normal tool for a digger? In prison? Yes. Okay. Yeah. So wait, you weren't in prison though? I wasn't in prison. They had imprisoned you in this college. No, no, no. I could leave and go as I... But they did put you out.

you out for breaking the floor of the dormitory. They put me out of college. But at this point, you have a pot of gold. What do you need college for? Exactly, Scott. You caught right on. So was it, had a leprechaun left it there, or was it literally in a pot? It was in a pot. Or was it as much gold as could fit in a pot? It was in a pot that you would use to cook oatmeal or some other hot breakfast cereal. Molotov meal perhaps. Like a hot pot? A hot pot. And it was in the pot, had a handle. Not to be mistaken for a crock pot. Not to be mistaken for a sock hop.

Not to be mistaken for a hot block. I will not mistake any of those things for each other. Sometimes the block is hot, isn't it, baby? Sometimes the block is hot. So you have this pot full of gold. Did you ever find out whose it was? I didn't, but the pot stayed hot. And when I saw it, I said, the pot is still hot!

So then how did you get into geology, if I may ask, Franklin? You see, I was living below him in the dormitory. What? So this is on the second floor? She lived in the basement. Oh, okay. Okay.

So you dug into the floor, but it was really your roof. Yes. And you see, I was bleaching my hair and I started getting concrete in the dye. I stomped upstairs. I said, what is the big idea? Right. And were you, I have to ask, is this pot of gold, was it your possession? No.

It was. It was mine. It was mine. And this is news to you. This is news to me. Spoiler alert. Stop spoiling our love. I put it in the ceiling. I put it in the ceiling because I thought it would be secure. People always put things in a mattress, in the floor. But no one ever looks up. But no one ever thinks to look in the ceiling. Yeah, it's like that movie Taken, if she had hid up on the ceiling, she wouldn't have gotten dragged out. Please don't spoil it. Oh, I'm sorry. Liam Neeson is in it, though. Also, that movie 54.

The boss of Studio 54 hid all of his tax evaded money in the roof. Mike Myers. Mike Myers. Yes, Claudia. Yes. Come through. Come through. Come through, queen. Yes. Yes. So. Yeah, I went up there. I said, what's the big idea? I'm trying to dye my hair. And then I said, this man, this man is solid. Well, Scott.

I beg your pardon, but I just felt like you were leading us there with that dramatic pause. Do you sing, Scott? I've been known to carry a tune. Oh, you're carrying it all right. Straight to hell. Look. Hey, you guys only know one song. Oh, but we sing that song. But we sing it to the skies and heavens. And it's on key.

Upon pitch. All right. I said, this man looks solid. At that time, I had been lifting a lot of weights. I was on the Oshkosh football team. Oh, okay. So you were lifting a lot of weights. As many as your own body weight, like Claudia was doing with the fax machine? Oh, nobody should ever have to do that. You're right. I think I've said that before. Thank you. So you guys got into a fight, but then you said you were solid. I said he was solid. He looked massive.

me dead in my eyes and said what color are you dying your hair i said blonde and i said that color is solid solid as a rock oh my god okay so you thought he was solid but that didn't lead you into the song it took you it would no it didn't it didn't it was just a moment it took him thinking that your hair color was we looked each other in the eye you know from that moment i

I haven't spent a day without him since. Really? Not even one day? Even all those days in bed? She came in and watched me. She sat at the foot of the bed. I said, I'm not going to do anything until you do something. It's going to be a while. So how long ago was it that you met? It was pre-2000? It was 19...

Wow. Oh, you guys are old. I had no idea. We are quite old. We are quite old. I had no idea. You look incredible. Yes, black doesn't crack. But I tell you what does. What? The floor. And the floor.

So what have you done with this pot of gold? Have you just been holding on to it? We've been holding on to it. And I've been watching a lot of infomercials and they've been asking for cash for gold. Oh, yeah. So you've been thinking about it? I'm thinking about getting a little cash. But also, I think it's some sort of conspiracy theory. Don't quote me, but quote me.

I think it's some sort of conspiracy theory that they're asking for all this gold now while the economy is doing some weird stuff. It's weird. It's almost as if they need this precious metal for some sort of reason that doesn't have anything to do with monetary. Yeah. Well, you know, what I didn't tell Bashford, it's going to be news to him. Oh, boy. News to Bashford made a donation to- Spoiler alert.

The Koch brothers. The Koch brothers. You made a donation to them? Yes. Coca and cola? Coca and cola, yes. Wait, you made a donation to the Koch brothers, the right-wing billionaires who fund most of the Republican Party? Yes. And you gave them the gold? Because it's a twist. It is a twist, but I mean, that's not motivation for someone to do something just because it's a twist. They wouldn't expect to get a donation from people like us, you know? So we donated. Geologists? Geologists?

Geologists never donate to them, which is why I wasn't going to do it, honey. Why didn't you go through this with me? Our marriage is supposed to be something... I can't believe this. It's supposed to be something solid. Something solid. Oh, no. Are you guys okay? So if you were in college in 1934, you're very old now. Yeah, I mean... As far as numbers go, sure, but in spirit... 104, at least. I was born in 1917.

I'm 101 years old. Wow. I was at University of Wisconsin, Oshkosh. As were you. Not Bogosh. I was there as well. Yeah. In the basement. I was in the basement. Women had to live in the basement at that time. Yes.

It was the safe haven. I can't believe you gave away our gold. Not all of it. How much? And to be frank, it was because my name is Franklin. It was my gold. It was my gold to begin with. You could just say to be Franklin. I like that, Scott. Thank you. To be Franklin, as I am. I'm Franklin. There was six pence of gold in there. And now we are six pence and under Richard.

Does that lead you into any songs? Yes. Solid. Okay, I don't know. Look. Solid ass suits. We need to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more from Paul Russell, we'll have more from Claudio Doherty, more Bashford and Franklin to be Franklin. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here with Paul Russ and Claudio Doherty, stars of the hit Netflix show Love. Such a hit, it's ending after this season, I guess? Yeah, it hit so hard they had to stop. They were like, ow, just cancel it. Oh, stop. We also have, speaking of hits, Bashford and Franklin, who sing approximately one hit of

Solid as a rock. And you say you do this anytime there's a dig opens? Anytime a dig opens. Yeah. Anytime we are asked to come to any type of opening for anything, Applebee's, Ruby Tuesdays. Really? Okay. They should come to the opening of the final season of Love. I would love that. We would love to. I'd be there. What do you think, Paul? Yeah, definitely. It's out of state. Okay. Where's it at? We're going to...

We put a bunch of states in a bowl and drew out because we just wanted to be fair. It's like a key party. Yeah, yeah. Did you put all 50? All 50. Okay. So even the Hawaii and Alaska, Hawaii where they do the Hulu. Yeah, the Hulu dance is the most famous dance of Hawaii. We're Kansas. Kansas? Kansas, the pink state. I've heard we're not in Kansas anymore, but I think you guys might be. We might head there soon.

Isn't it funny that Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. It's two bands from the 70s. Yeah, Toto, Kansas. Like, what's next? Dorothy? Yeah. What's next? I'm going to pop my headphones on and listen to the Cowardly Lion? Scarecrow. Is this new No-No's?

I think it's a new no-no. No, we can't pay for it. We can't pay for it. No, we can't pay for this. Sorry, Bill. When he finds out that we're almost going to play it, he gives me a shock. Oh, he does really. We are a cover band. I can sing it.

Please, please, please. Good afternoon. Sorry, Bill. That's a loophole. Speaking of loopholes, you ever fit your belt through one of them?

I haven't seen this many loopholes since I looked on the waistband of my pants, babe. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. So how much actual geology do you guys do? It sounds like you're only interested in singing. Well, as I told you, that's my digger. And I'm his digger. And I'm, she's my digget. And I love rocks. Some of my favorites are chalk. And speaking of Kansas...

Rock Chalk. Solid as a rock chalk. Rock Chalk. Jayhawk. My favorite rock. Could I? Please. Honey? I'd love to know. As equals, my favorite rock is the rock.

Dwayne The Rock. Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Yes, yes, yes. Dug up some information about him. What do you got? He is one fine honey. Okay. What did you use? Google image search? Well, a scientist never tells her sources. Oh, she always usually does, actually. I thought you didn't have to cite the sources. No.

Not my kind of science. Mystery science. Yes, it's that kind. He is one fine honey. Yeah, you like him, huh? Rather successful as well. That's what I found. I think he's also quite attractive. If The Rock were a real rock, you know what kind of rock he'd be? That ass tight. Yes. Oh, my. I've been working on my stand up. Honey, tell them, but no, but also, honey,

How many that ass tights we've found? We have found a few that ass tights. The Rock. Okay. Michael B. Jordan is a that ass tight. Chadwick Boseman is a that ass tight. Ryan Reynolds. Hashtag Wakanda forever. Ryan Reynolds is a that ass tight. Chris Pine is a that ass tight. Pratt? I am holding my breath.

Uh, Claudio Andrade is a dead-ass type. Yeah! And Gillian Jacobs is a dead-ass type. Okay, sure, but... Still holding my breath. Mike Mitchell is a dead-ass type. I'd say Scott Aukerman. Scott Aukerman is a dead-ass type. Every bit of breath is being held. I think Paul's gonna pass out. I think the valet downstairs we determined was a dead-ass type. Yes. He is, yeah. Who else is on love? Oh, I...

I know now. David Spade. David Spade. Which is someone you guys will be friends with because he's a geologist as well. Oh! Because of his name. That would make for a good friendship. Well, guys, we only have one final feature on the show. No, I'm sorry, we have two more features, but it's time for one of our favorite ones. It's time for a little something we call Would You Rather. Would You Rather.

All right, it's time to play Would You Rather. We all know how this is played. People send us Would You Rather scenarios at our Twitter, which is at CBBWYR, Comedy Bang Bang Would You Rather. I'll read it aloud. I will then open up the floor for questions. Please don't ask questions before the floor is open. It's not the time for it at that point. Keep that music up, my dear boy. Not that loud. You've done the show. Before we play this every week, why are you so...

We do this every single week. We all know how it's played. At a certain point, I'll close the floor for questions. There will be no questions after that. We'll then take your orders, tally up the points. It's that simple. All right, this comes to us from Stellan from Sweden, at S-G-A-K, asks, would you rather have the love of your life always talk like Rodney Dangerfield whenever he or she is within 100 feet of an inkjet printer,

or have an asshole that occasionally sings like Pavarotti? Would you rather have your current partner or the love of your life always talk like Rodney Dangerfield whenever he or she is within 100 feet of an inkjet printer or have an asshole that occasionally sings like Pavarotti? I'm opening the floor for questions. So they're both good things. Yes, they are both great, wonderful things. Yeah, but you have to decide which of these two wonderful things you would prefer to have. Yes. When your asshole...

Things like Pavarotti, is it during shitting or farting or is it randomly?

You know what? It's definitely during the former of the three things that you said, the shitting one. I don't know why I'm being so delicate. Well, that's going to be embarrassing for the love of your life. Yes. I mean, they will always know what you're up to, so there will be no mistaking. Wait, it's their asshole. No, it's, well, no, it's your asshole. Oh, it's my asshole. Yeah, these are two separate things. And they sing like Luciano...

Luciano Pavarotti. Pavarotti. No, they talk like Rodney Dangerfield any time they're within 100 feet of an inkjet printer. I feel like the love of my life is not the kind of nerd who would go near a printer. Really? How often do you think you're around a printer per day?

Like two minutes of the day. Like two minutes of the day? You'd be surprised how many printers are out there. 100 feet. How far is 100 feet? 100 feet, that is... In meters? That's a third of a football field. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm sorry that we didn't do... Do we need to convert this into meters for you? I need to know it in meters. God, I don't even know. 30 meters, roughly. 30, yeah, I guess. 30, really? That's long. 30?

30 meters compared to feet? Yeah. Let's see if I can convert this in my head. You are a scientist. Yeah, you're also a musician, and someone told me once that musicians are good at math. Musicians are good at math. I've heard that before. Let's see here. 100 feet. Let's see. I am 6'11".

And when I measured myself... You're so tall for an older gentleman. It's usually an older gentleman who's hunched over. I shrank. You should have seen me in 1934. Really? You were even taller than this. Seven foot five. Wow. I tell you, he was solid. And you're so tiny. Yes, I'm 4'1". Yeah, I mean, you're... But I used to be 3'2". I almost think that you might be the leprechaun, and that's why you had this pot of gold. I'm no leprechaun. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm no leprechaun. That is a racial slur.

I'm so sorry. Way to go, Scott. I don't know how I'm throwing these around today. That is a racial slap. I feel bad about that. I measured myself in Europe once. That sounds fun. It was quite fun. And I was two meters tall.

And so... And you're 6'11". 6'11". 6'11 is two meters, is it? Yep. Okay. Let's round it up to seven feet. Okay. And let's just say seven feet is two meters. Okay. Seven times seven is... What's seven? Seven times... We're talking 14. Seven times 11 is 77. Sure. So we're talking like 14 meters. 14 meters. Yeah, somewhere in there. So you seven times...

Me, 12. 14 times. 15 to 14 times. Well, then the answer is yes. Would you rather, yeah. So the answer is yes to my question? Yeah. It's a solid yes. So would you rather do this or this? Your answer is yes. Yeah. Okay, great. Which era of Dangerfield are we talking about? Okay, let's break them down because obviously...

We have back to school Rodney. Right. Hey, I'm going back to school. Hey, look out. I'm enlisting in classes. And then there's ladybugs. Hey, look at all these ladybugs. How'd these ladybugs get on this soccer ball? Then we have rapping Rodney. Rapping Rodney. Hey, I'm rapping Rodney and I'm here to say. Rapping Rodney.

Oh, you sang another song. We sang Background on that. Did you really? Yes. If you Google it, you'll see Bastion and Franklin, background singers on Rap and Rodney. Wow, I don't think I will Google that. So out of all those eras, which one? Yeah, out of all of them, which era is the Dangerfield? It's Caddyshack 2 era Dangerfield. Hey, why aren't I in this?

I forgot. The love of your life talks like Rodney Dangerfield when he's near a printer. Or she. Or 15 meters within. Thank you. Here, Scott. I Googled it for you so you could see the picture. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. There you guys are. It's us in the studio with Rodney Dangerfield. You guys are arm and arm with Rodney. Yes. You're kind of doing that improv game where, like, you're...

He's using your arms as his arms? Right. Also, I sang, you brought up Caddyshack too, I sang the titular song. Which song was that? I don't even remember it. It goes, I'm not all right. Everybody's worried about me. Right. So it just negates what happened in number one. Yes. Any other questions here? The floor is wide open. How, how...

Is the singing very loud? Is it belted? Is it head voice? Is it chest voice? It's definite chest voice. It's like you're in an opera house. You know how loud you have to be because they don't have microphones. How weird would it be if you're watching Candide and they just whip out a handheld microphone? You know what I mean? That would be weird. It would be strange. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That changes things. I came to see Candide not handheld. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Gridstones.

That's right. You said it before. I'll say it again. Gritstone. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Can you drown out Pavarotti's singing by turning on the faucet? That's such a good question. In this scenario, you are a scientist who has invented the loudest faucet there is.

That is so loud that it sounds like almost a, like, I don't know if you've ever been to Universal Studios, but there's this part on the tour where a flood comes, a flash flood comes. It's as loud as that. And that's when Jaws comes out. Well, the floor is closed for questions, everyone. I'm sorry. There was no warning. But I had so much fun.

Ouch. I had soap. You got to get in early and often. My fingers got pinched in there. I was cut off. You were so lackadaisical about it. I was cut off. My fingers got pinched. You've been cut off. All right, guys. How are we voting? Claudia, I'm going to go for you. You said yes. I said it's a yes. But we never found out to which. It's a yes from me. Yes. Just a yes. Just okay. So yes from Claudia. Paul, how are you voting? I'm good.

Scott, I'm going to have to give all my respect, all my respect to the Rodney D. Ah, yes. Oh, you've got to give this respect already. I don't get any, so thank you for that. Thank you, Margaret. Thank you for the respect. Not going to do it. Not going to do it. Hey, I get no respect, you old building and lawn.

All right, Carl, how are you voting? Who? Oh, all right. Bashford, how are you voting? I am not in reality. Scott, careful pulling that curtain back. Scott, all black people do not look alike. My name is not Carl. I beg your pardon. Do you know what black men

I know one black man named Carl. He sounds like a real puss. I am going to vote. I'm not going to disagree. I am going to vote because I'm such a big fan of old Claudia over there. I'm going to vote yes. Thank you. Oh, two yeses and one Rodney. All right. And Franklin. I'm going to vote yes.

I want my asshole to keep singing tunes. Okay. I want this asshole to pervex its tone. I love a good loud asshole. Okay. So we have two yeses. My brother-in-law. Wait, Leslie has a brother who's an asshole? No. No.

Okay, so we have two yeses. We have one Rodney Dangerfield, one asshole. Let me tally up the points. The people who got yeses got three points. So that's three points for you, Bashford, and you, Claudia. The Rodney Dangerfield, you got four points. And the asshole vote gets you 126 points. So... Franklin, you are the winner. Thank you, Glory. Congratulations. That's how we play... Not a competition. Would You Rather...

Oh my gosh. You really pulled it out there at the end, even though I know you had so many more questions. I had many more questions, but a woman like me knows how to make do with what she's got. She really pulled it out of her asshole. That's why I am solid. Solid as... And now you both just have gone into Baracuda.

He's changing his mind about Barack. All right, guys. Well, we only have time. This has been fun. We only have time for one last final feature on the show, and that is a little something called plugs. Plugs. It's time to open up the plugs. So tell me everything you've got. I want to get to know you more. Follow you to the end of the tunnel. Plug it in. Plug it out.

Nice. I like that a lot. That was Plug It Up by Noelle LeBlanc. Hey, LeBlanc, we were on a break. We were on LeBlanc. That was very good. I enjoyed that. I want to talk to her about a cover. Yes. Oh, meaning you guys singing it? Plug it in. Plug it out.

Plug it in, plug it in. Solid as Barack Obama. Now you got her to it. Now you got her to it. Come through, Claudia. An additional plug for us. Thank you, Claudia. You're welcome. I'm a big fan. Thank you. All right. Claudia, what are you plugging here? Love season three. Season three. You in every episode? I don't think so. Or were you on a break sometimes? I think sometimes I was on a break.

That's what I'd like to plug. I'm in a movie. It might not come out in America. Oh, really? What are we talking about? It's called The Festival. The Festival? It's a movie. Go to England to watch it in August. Oh, okay. It's not for ages. I'll go to England to do that. I won a competition to go in it. Congratulations. Wow, your career is really taking off. I've got good luck. Winning so many competitions. It's all luck, isn't it? It really is. It's all luck. Just luck. I've heard of, you know,

Perspiration and what's the other one? Luck. Luck. Right, yeah, yeah. Because they rhyme. Speaking of luck, the show Luck, season three on Netflix. We're across seeing universes. Yeah, so all the dead horses come into your show. They pop up, yeah. We used them, obviously we got like a sort of discounted rate. Sure, because they're dead. They're dead. Yeah, yeah. But they play most of the parts.

Yeah, I get a new boyfriend and it's a dead horse. Wow, okay. I guess that's an upgrade. But we actually worked out a deal with HBO. We got a lot of their characters. Dr. Melfi's on for a few episodes this season. Wow, that's incredible. Tony Entourage. Yeah. Tony E...

Entourage. Entourage. Oh, wait. Is that what E stood for on Entourage? It was stood for Entourage? Entourage, yeah. Oh, it makes sense now. Yeah. Because they never say that word on the show. They've never said it. They wink at it. Yeah. With the letter E. Right. Of course. And lots of the characters from Crashing are popping up as well. Oh, very cool. Artie? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Nice. I like it. All right. And Bashford and Franklin, what are you guys plugging here? We are going to plug our just newly acquired show in Rock Chalk. What? At Kansas to premiere the new Season of Love. Oh, yeah. That's going to be a huge gig. Could I sing with you for that? I wouldn't have it any other way. That'd be incredible. As a matter of fact, I'm going to divorce my wife. Oh. I'm open to it. We're going to be Bashford and O'Doherty. I'm open.

into it and I'll just be Franklin the turtle to be Franklin to be Franklin the turtle the turtle why the turtle it's a cartoon oh I didn't know that I wanted kids Bashford never gave me them oh I think he'll give me some oh well you are in love

You're in luck. I'm going to continue my musical career. I'm going to found my own streaming service, something of the sort. What would it be called? Sisa. Okay, so like the female version of Sisa? Like in Spanish? Yes. Sisa. It's a music streaming service for comedians. In cars getting coffee. Oh, wow. It's very specific.

So it's just for comedians who are in cars getting coffee. Female comedians in cars getting coffee, singing music. Oh, I love it. Yes. That's great. Well, yeah, so we'll look out for that. Anything else you want to plug? I would absolutely love to plug a show by a young Afro-American woman called...

Great Black Women and Then There's Me. It will be at the UCB Theater at UCB Sunset. You're in Los Angeles. In Los Angeles. City of Angels. 9, excuse me, 8 p.m. Don't go at 9. You'll have missed it. Just any day at 8 p.m.? Any day you go. Or is there a specific day you want them there? No, they can stop

Any day, it'll be happening 8 p.m., seven days a week. No, in fact, it's March 22nd, Thursday, March 22nd. I thought that one was at Franklin. 8 p.m. You know what? You're right, Scott. It's at Franklin.

Thank God for Scott Auk. Franklin. I thought the one at Sunset was on a different date. Here, let me explain. And what skin in the game do you have as far as this goes? I am a fan of black comedians, and that's my skin. What do you think of Red Fox? Don't know him, don't like him.

You're right. You said black comedians, not red foxes. Don't numb, don't like him. Red fox. Wilma. Don't numb, don't like him. Wilma, get no respect. The old building and law.

I have done this plug completely wrong. You have to understand, my husband just divorced me on this podcast. I know, you're in a fragile emotional state. I'm a little flustered. You're a wreck. I'm trying to keep it together. Try it again. What do you got? Great Black Women and Then There's Me, a show at UCB Franklin here in Los Angeles, March 22nd at

8 p.m. Yes. That is the correct information. That's the one you want people to go to. That's the one you should go to. Yes. That's prime time. I'll be there. That's prime time. Prime time, baby. I want to plug the Comedy Bang Bang show at South by Southwest coming up. Coming up this...

this weekend, Saturday. Well, you'll certainly keep it weird down there. I certainly will. No problems there. This Saturday at 6 p.m. over there at Esther's Follies. Come on by, say hello to us, only if you have a badge. Don't, by the way, don't every year for the past 10 years people write to me and say, hey, can I get in if I don't have a badge? No. Yeah. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Whoa! Whoa!

What a bag. It's time to open it. It's time to open the bag. It's time to open the bag. It's time to open the bag. It's time to open, open, it's time to open the bag. Open the bag. Open the bag.

All right, guys. I want to thank you all. Claudia, Paul, so good to see you guys. Thank you. What a treat. This is fun. Thanks, Scott. Continue success. Claudia, I hope you win another contest. I'm entering every one I can. Yep, you sure are. If you have a puzzle out there, just hand it over to Claudia. I'll solve it. Yeah. Win the prize attached to it. Ashford, Franklin, I'm so sorry that you guys, this is the end, but... We'll get back together. You will, really? We will? We will?

We've done this before. Oh, this has happened before. He's divorced me plenty of times. We've been together 82 years. Yeah, that's true. We'll get back together. It's fine. Okay. How much longer do you expect to live? Another 30 or so. You know, heart disease runs rampant in our community. It does? As does diabetes. All right. Well, all right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Sometimes words seem so unnecessary.

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