Bonus Bang: Paul Rust, Gillian Jacobs, Paul F. Tompkins (Old No-No’s)
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Sometimes words seem so unnecessary.

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Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, and welcome back to another Bonus Bang. What are Bonus Bangs? Bonus Bangs are episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that were recorded a while ago, years, maybe months, who knows? But they are out behind the paywall currently, and we are re-releasing these every Thursday for you to hear them. Now, we're in the middle of a series of Bonus Bangs right now called Old No-No's. This is the fourth episode.

And what these are are episodes that feature Paul Rust and his beloved segment, New No-Nos. Now, this episode is number 401, where we were breaking off another hundo. And it's titled Love is Thicker Than Water, originally released on February 15th, 2016.

This episode features Love co-stars Gillian Jacobs and Paul Rust. Love was a show on Netflix that they starred in together, as well as Hollywood TV star Alan Thicke, played by Paul F. Tompkins. We have new no-nos. We talk about butts.

A little bit. We maybe even get some new music from Alan Thicke. You have to listen to see. Now, if you like what you hear and you want to hear the entire CBB archive, you can become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com, where you can find every single episode we've ever recorded, as well as every live episode. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Yeah.

Comedy Bang Bang

I see England. I see France. You guessed it. I'm looking at Google Maps. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to catchphrase superstar TheVoblex for that wonderful catchphrase. And it's getting thumbs up from some, thumbs down from others. And it looks like a split decision. Ouch!

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. It's, of course, Valentine's Week, although Valentine's was yesterday. But Valentine's Week, it's the week of love, the week of heartstrings being pulled, the week of... ...kissies. And I hope you've had your share of kissies. And when I say your share, I mean one. I think everyone should get one kiss per their lifetime. You know, there's not enough to go around.

And then you have to choose very wisely when you give that person and who you give it to, to whom you give it. Speaking of love, and gosh, I hope that I was, we have two very special guests here. They, I mean, we're going to talk about it. They...

They star in a show together, and the title of which is Love, and which is released this Friday on Netflix, all 10 episodes at the same time. You can watch them all concurrently. Netflix has that new feature where you watch them all at the same time, right? Simultaneously, all 10 at once. And if you were to do that, how much do you think you would actually retain?

I'd say at least 99% of it. 99%? So why doesn't everyone just do that instead of wasting 10 hours on this thing or five? You're talking about 10 separate squares on the screen. Oh, I was talking about them all on top of each other. Or 10 TVs. You could get 10 TVs. Why don't you talk to that goddamn microphone, Gillian? What kind of professional are you? Is mine on? Jesus. She's just talking to the air.

Well, she said 10 TVs. 10 TVs. 10 TVs. TBDs. 10 TBDs. And speaking of TBD, I shall no longer be keeping their names from you. They are here right now. The creator of and star of this show, love, we have Paul Rust. Thank you. Co-creator. Co-star. I don't put the co's in front of things. You don't like the co's. I don't like the co's. I don't like the co's. You know what I mean? I don't like the co's.

You don't like the cause anymore? I'm going to go on record today. What's wrong with me? What'd I do? Well, that's for another time. Did I do that?

I don't think that was your catchphrase. And, of course, we have the co-star-ess of love, Gillian Jacobs, returning to the program. She hasn't been here in a year. Hello. Clap for myself. Clapping for herself. She clapped for Paul. Had to clap for herself. Had to start the claps for herself. Yeah.

Welcome to the show, guys. Love. Oh, thanks for having us, Scott. Sure. The Beatles said... No, thank you. All you need is love. So I know that.

But what is this that you're doing? They were talking about our show. What? Yep. They were very prescient. The Lovecraft Labs from Liverpool? Yeah, yeah. I said prescient. You said prescient. You say prescient. My prescient. I say prescient. What do you say? I say prescient, too. Oh, no.

Who did I do that? I have a moment of panic before I ever say the word because I'm worried I'm mispronouncing it. I think it's prescient. Isn't it prescient? I think there's two ways. There should be a new feature on this show where we decide amongst ourselves how something is pronounced and then whatever we decide is how it's pronounced. It's like the 21st century version of potato potato. You know what I mean? No.

You say dee dee dee. I say. You say dee dee dee. Guys, this is very exciting because as far as I'm concerned, this love thing is a television program. Is that fair to say? Yes. Yes. TV program. CBDs. Yeah.

And it's on Netflix. Netflix. And is it hours that have been halved or is it full hours? Hours have been halved. So you halved some hours there. Yes, but sometimes they're, well, we call them halfies. Oh. That's what, if Kulap and I have a baby, that's what we're going to call them. Oh. Yeah.

Wait, Killy just threw up. She threw up in her mug. Thanks for bringing your own mug, by the way. I appreciate that. And I trust yours. Yes, they are all around a half hour. Around a half hour. Not on the dot. I would think if you were a professional, it would be a half hour on the dot. No, no, no, no. Sometimes they're a little less. Sometimes they're a little more. Really? Yeah. Do you ever just turn in like a three-hour episode and go, we didn't know what to cut out of this one?

And they're like, you're right. It was all good. How could you even cut one frame out of this out? Yeah. No. So I guess all total, all 10 together. Five-ish Finkel? Yeah. It's about a five-ish Finkel Jr. Five-ish Finkel Jr. Yes. Okay. So if people were to enter into Google five-ish Finkel Jr., this show would come up? Yeah, automatically. Okay. Great. Great.

Tell me about it. I mean, tell me the long saga of this. You know, Pauly, I know you and I have worked together on the Comedy Bang Bang TV show. You were a writer on that for quite a bit.

We knew each other pre-Comedy Bank days. Okay, we don't need to get into all of that. I think I was in one of the first episodes back when it was on the radio. What? Way back. TVT. I remember you were keeping this TV show very close to the vest. Oh, you didn't want to talk anything about it. Well, it's about love. You got to keep it close to the vest next to the old heart. True. Oh.

Oh, you just barfed again. But I remember the day, and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was July 4th, Independence Day. You called me up and quit my show. I was by the pool on vacation. It was your birthday, no less. Yep, right after my birthday. You called me up, quit my show, and said, I got to work on something different, boy. Yeah. Boy! But Scott, knowing my...

My proclivities was like, I want you to know I'm not going to dislike you like you do. Did I say that? Yeah, you're like, you don't have to worry. I'm not going to be upset. You did sound a little nervous on the call. Of course. I was kind of like, yeah, of course. You have your own show. Go do it. Well, Scott, no lie. Even though you had started and you had only worked about a week at that point.

But no, tell us, I mean, aside from all that, I mean, that's good info for the listener to have when they're deciding whether or not they're going to watch this show. And it is a watch thing, right? It's not just a listen? You could just listen. Yeah. The dialogue's crackling. Is this on crackle? A lot of times we'll make sure if you are just listening to audio that we're always verbalizing. Describing what's happening. I'm picking up the teapot now.

That's weird dialogue. I've seen some episodes. Very strange dialogue. You're always discussing. 80% of the dialogue is discussing when a teapot is being picked up or not. And why are you drinking so much tea on this show? I don't quite understand. Well, that's the thing where we rarely are.

We pick up teapots. Oh, yeah. You never get to the tea. Wow. I thought we were trying to like have a sort of Anglophile audience. You know, you got to think internationally now with these streaming platforms. Oh, definitely. Definitely. You got to court those Brits. Yeah. Tough audience. Once you get them, they'll never leave you. Court Brits reminds me of Wimbledon. But go ahead and talk. Reminds me of a powdered wig.

A barrister. Yes. Go ahead and talk about this show at length. Gilead, you want to talk about it? Yes. How did you get involved in this, first of all? I was... How did I get involved? I was asked. I was asked? Yes. Yes, I was asked. Of course. Yeah, yeah. You were asked. I was asked. You were asked. I was asked. And when it was being written...

Gillian was being already conceived to play the part. She was being conceived while you wrote the... Wait a minute. Are you her dad? Then we waited nine months. Then we asked her. We watched nine months with Hugh Grant. When it was over, we asked her. No, we had written it and...

Gillian probably already knew this, but I was a huge fan of hers on Community. I think she's a terrific actress. Very, very funny. So when we were writing, we were like, oh, Gillian would be great for this. In the meanwhile, she was acting on Girls. So we saw her on that, and then it all came together. What does her acting on Girls and you saw her on it have to do with it?

Anything. Well, Judd Apatow, who's producing Love. Oh, there we go. He was doing Girls as well, and he called up, and he was like, this Gillian, she's great. She's killing it on the show. She's Killian. Yeah, she's Killian Murphy. Killian Murphy. That's my Anglophile persona. Yeah, we thought we had hired Killian Murphy, so it was a bit of a letdown on the first day of shooting.

Because you had written the scarecrow into every scene, right? The Ray Bolger. Yeah, that's what I mean. Of course, yeah, the Wizard of Oz Ray Bolger scarecrow. And you were hoping Cillian Murphy would. Oh, my God. There were so many points of confusion. Boy, when you look back at the making of a show, so much could have gone differently. Yeah.

If Cillian Murphy had just done it and done the Ray Bolger Scarecrow character, it would have been so different. And I was supposed to be a sea lion. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

And Judd Apatow was going to be the Tin Man, but he was allergic to all that makeup, right? Yes. So Buddy Epson filled in. But tell me about this. Tell me about the—I don't know why you're pointing at Paul when I'm the one who started it. But I knew—I liked it because I knew that piece of trivia that he was allergic to the pain. He had to drop out. Yeah, but I'm the one who started it. But his, I liked better. Yeah.

But what is the show? I mean, backgrounds all great, but let's now look at the foreground. What do we have? What is this? The show is about I play Gus. I play Mickey. That's all I need to know. Here we go.

And the show begins with us meeting each other for the first time. And then as the episodes go on, it's just sort of a slow look at how their relationship unfolds. So this show is slow. Yeah. I realize every time I describe that one, I'm like, it's slow. And then you're like, what?

We're really boring into these characters. Isn't there some sort of interesting way, some sort of interesting narrative choice or are you not giving that away?

Oh, what do you mean, Scott? I mean, isn't it told from two different perspectives? Yes. It's not the affair. It's like the affair without all that kissing. Yes, because you only get one kiss. Yeah, we obey the logic that you set up in the show. Thank you. Retroactively. We do. We were quite...

Quite prescient about that new rule. I knew that you would say that. Oh, no.

Yes, no, it's told sort of some episodes are told from just locked into what she's seen, what I'm seeing, and sometimes we cross paths and sometimes we don't. But you should watch the show. You don't want to get the, what's that, a spoil? A spoil? A spoil? A spoil. Spoiler? Oh, another comedy bang-bang regular? Yeah. Sometime appearance?

Claudia O'Doherty is in the cast. Yes, she's great. She plays Mickey's friend. Claudia's great. I would say regular, maybe a Comedy Big Bang fave. Oh, sure. A Comedy Big Bang love. She hasn't been around in a little while. We took her. Yeah, well, yeah, because you took her. No, she's been in New York, of course. Yes, it's been a Frontier's Moon since she was last here. Thank you very much. I like to divvy up my time periods by a Frontier's Moon. Yeah.

If you Google that right now, you'll realize that's not a term that exists. But tell me something to get me hooked into watching this show, to anything. You got to work on this. You're about to go into press. Yeah, I know. This is our – You got to like sexy it up a little bit. Oh, there's sex on the show. Really? Yes. Who has sex? People and animals. Whoa, okay. People with animals? No. Well –

If you look at the background, in the corners of the frame. In every scene, there's someone. You can see a munchkin hanging. Yeah. All right, we're all pointing at you now. Uh,

Only because you're spreading your arms wide like, hey, point at me. We do shoot on the lot where they shot Wizard of Oz. True. So this is all I've been seeping through. The old MGM lot. On Sony? Yes, but I like to think of it as MGM. The point furthest away from any other point on the map? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. But a lot of the old actors from the Wizard of Oz are still hanging around there. Really? The woman who played Auntie Em, her skeleton...

Bounces around on the lot everywhere. Really? Yeah. I'm kidding. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for clarifying. And so Claudia's in this. Who else is in this? Never ending sex. Claudio Doherty. Never ending sex. Brett Gelman. Who else? Who does Brett have sex with? Do we get to see it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do we get to see his butt?

You're really having to think about it. Well, I'm trying to think of just based on the non-TV times that I've seen his ass. How many butts do we get to see in this? Maybe four butts, eight cheeks. How about both of your butts? Mm.

You might see a little bit of my butt. Oh, boy. It's not for moms and dads. No, no. Really? Now I'm too close to the mic. No moms nor dads should watch this. Even prospective moms and dads can't imagine that you'll be a mom or dad. So even children who play mom and dad?

Like Playhouse, Play Mommy and Daddy. They should watch it. No one who watches Playing House should watch this. You know what? Even if you have a mom or dad, you should watch it. So I guess that kind of rolls down a lot of the people. Only gods and goddesses. I think moms and dads would like it. Yeah, moms and dads. They get to see what their kids are up to. It's not our moms and dads. Yeah, yes. Are you going to let your parents watch the show?

That's a good question. I think so. I've thought about giving them edited versions. Edited versions, really? Yeah. That's too much to do. Have you done that, Scott? Have you? No, I just go, don't watch this or watch this or whatever. Yeah. Or I've thought about like fast forward until this point. Really? Yeah. So they would have an issue with what?

Do you say the F word? It's not so much that they would have an issue with stuff. It's just more like, do my parents really need to see me jacking off? Ha ha ha!

What my facelift says on climaxes. Do my parents really need to see me jacking off? I love that song. The old Big Crosby. Yep. Oh, hey there. My parents. Hey, what about me too? Get out of here. Okay, that's it for me. You are a scam. That's what they call me. So you jack off in this. We see your butt. No, it's... It's...

Funny, but there's also some feelings. Feelings. This is the first emo TV show. Is that right? Yeah. There's motions. Yep. Emotions. What else do you get to see? Gillian, as an actress, what was appealing about this role for you?

And try to pull your turtleneck completely over your head by the time you answer this. I have a pimple on my chin, and I never know when these photos are being taken, so I'm trying to discover. Let me see your chin. Okay, he's not going to take it. Let me see your chin. You can't even see it. Thank you, but I think that camera can. Okay.

Is it hard, Paul, to be around an actress who's vain all the time? No. Gillian is one of the least vain actors or actresses I have met. Who's the most vain? Well, according to Carly Simon, we're in baby. Oh, that's right. Yeah. So vain. Oh, I was so happy when she finally revealed that. It was such a relief. I don't know if other people have this experience. I always thought it was V-E-I-N vain. Right.

vein. Right, yeah, you were so veiny. Yeah, I was like, I guess Warren Beatty's got some varicoses on his legs that I don't even see. Gillian, have we given you enough time to think about your answer? I think that it was a tremendous opportunity for me as an actress. I feel that... How do I answer these questions on your podcast? You ask her a question, she gives you an answer. What do you want me to say? I can give you the

The real answer or the comedy bang bang answer? What's the... Give me the real one. All right.

I felt like it was a great opportunity. What did you... Opportunity to what? Well, I feel like... To, like, jump up there in the higher echelon of actresses because now you've had a co-starring role on a television show, so now you can be in movies or... What are we talking about? Are we talking about the gross commercial... Commercial? Yes. Commercial ambitionals? I have... Are you talking about...

Are you talking about artisticals? Feeling-cles. And in terms of an artistical feeling-cle, I felt like it was...

A fabulous character with a lot of depth. She's like a lot of conflict and she's struggling with stuff. And I felt like she got to be, I got to be funny and sad and really explore a lot of depth. And then for, yeah, for my gross commercial ambitions, I'm hoping that this really just launches me into the stratosphere of this industry. What do you want? You want to be starring in rom-coms?

I'd love to star in a rom-com. I'd love to be an animated voice in Ice Float 4. And I really was just hoping to open a new restaurant chain that focuses mainly on venison. Gosh, you can barely talk, Paul. How do you deal with this? Well, I'm looking forward to seeing this. Thank you!

You know, some actors just play one note. Gillian over here plays an entire symphony. Wow. So... That was sincere. So all of eight notes and then the, what are they, five or six half note? Okay, all of those. You do all of those in the show? Uh-uh.

Two of the episodes, there's no actors. It's just colors and tones on the screen. Oh, my gosh. I can't wait to see those. And you have synesthesia. It'll be really fun for you. What is that? I don't know what synesthesia is. That's where you see – what is it you see? You have a mental link sometimes between numbers and colors, colors and musical notes. It can happen in a variety of ways. Yeah. And is it –

brilliant people who have this? I think all across the spectrum of intelligence, people have synesthesia. You're about to wipe your nose. No. What are you doing? I'm just like... Up right by your face? Okay, there you go. Covering my nose.

Now you look even worse right now. You look like Claude Rains or something like that. You're at the end of unwrapping your Invisible Man bandages. I read an interesting book by somebody named Claude. It was Revenge of the Tiger by Claude Balls. You might want to check it out. Just a 2016 beach. If you're on a beach right now, you should pull that book out. Got Valentine's holiday break.

Well, guys, this has been really interesting. I think you've done a really good job. Just watch the show because you'll like us. We make you laugh on this beautiful podcast of yours, Scott. You're hoping that we do well. You want to see more of us. And you love Phelanx.

Feelings. It's a links with feelings that runs around on the set. Okay, so now – Would you say this gets the Ocker approval, the thumbs up? The Ocker approval? The seal of approval? Yeah. I mean, look, this is sight unseen at this point. I like both of you guys, Paul. I enjoy your work.

So you like me, but you don't like me. I like you personally, Gillian. Not a fan. A Kulap Velysak makes an appearance as well. Yeah, Neil Campbell, I believe, is in this. Mike Hanford. Mike Hanford. I'm trying to think of other. You've done your share. You've done your share of the hard sell. Is Armin ever?

Yeah, well, has he been on this? Armin's on the show, and it's great. It's great. It's great having him on the show. All of the birthday boy? Almost all of the birthday boy? Yes. If you like IFC, always on. If you like IFC, you'll love Netflix with them airing everything six months later. I was going to say, yeah, I guess that's true. And so now that we've hooked people into it,

Now we can actually do the real reason you came on the show, Paul. Oh, the nip-nip-nips? The nip-nip-nips. That's right. Paul likes to come on the show, and he has a feature that he likes to do called the nip-nip-nips. Oh.

No, go ahead and set this up. It's called New No-No's. Oh. I've done it, I think, a couple times on this show. You've done it a few times. Well, it's based on Bill Maher has a segment called New Rules. Those are things that he's exhorting people to do. Yeah, Mr. Maher.

Exhorting, is that right, Paul? Yeah, exhorting. Paul Rust, of course. Yeah.

Bill Maher, he'll take some gripes that everybody has, something we all have to deal with. And he kind of – he does an irreverent suggestion about how to solve this problem. I mean he's more than suggesting it as far as I'm concerned. He's dictating it. If he were ruler of this land, these would be laws. God, hope. President Maher? Yeah.

2020? Maybe 2020. Or maybe VP of 2016. Oh, that'd be awesome. With Trumpy. Yeah, Trump and Marr together. Trump-Marr. Trump-Marr. Trump-Marr. So we've established what new rules are at this point. So there's been a – I felt Mark could push this further. He's snotty, but I'm snottier. He's cheesed off.

But I'm even more cheesed off. You're cheesier. So I do a little segment called No No No. Start the clock. Start the clock. Good afternoon. At the snow, time will be real. New No No. It's snowing right now all over this globe.

Everybody's inside, it's cold. I'm sick of snow! You guys all sick of snow? Yeah! How about this? How about we split up when it snows? What? Yeah, it could snow November, December. But let's take the snow in January and February, move it to June and July! Yeah! New no-no, it's snowing on the 4th of July. Not really a no-no.

It's more of something you want to change. Yes, do do that. Okay. All right. Number two. New no-no. Where's E.T. part two? Hollywood is so caught up in making original material, they haven't gone back to the big boss himself, E.T. I want E.T. in a sequel forever.

where he plays a chef who is short-tempered. No, no, no. E.T. got burnt. Oh, I get it. Yay! No, no, no.

You guys ever have to deal with these Uber drivers? Oh, yeah. Too often. I love them. I love them. They drive me everywhere. But, hey, let's make a little deal here, Uber drivers, okay? For every mile that you drive me forward, I'm going to get in my car and drive a mile backwards. You're going to get in your own car? Yep. Yep.

I'll keep a record, and if I see he drove me six miles forward, next time I'm in my car, I'm going backwards. Reverse. R, not D. Yeah, right, right. Not even N. No, no, no. No, no, no. I'm backwards, baby. Okay. Let's do more. No, no, no.

Libraries? Yeah! Libraries? Thank you! I'm sorry, but how many books does one place need here? Just needs two favorite books as far as I'm concerned. My two favorites: Pelican Breeze by John Grisham and the Koran. That's all you need, libraries! Noo no no, Dewey Decimal, do it right, man!

New no-no. That one maybe qualifies as a new no-no, by the way. If you were to say it as new no-no's library stop stocking these books. You're saying that people should stop doing things. I'm trying to be in the affirmative here. You've forgotten how to do these. Okay, here's one. I said this last time. Here we go. Now I know how to do it. Okay, all right. New no-no. I can't find a cute top to wear to my nephew's birthday party.

No, no, no. I need a cute top. You don't remember. No, no, no. Lucky horseshoes. You ever hear about these people? Oh, I got a horseshoe. I got a horseshoe that's lucky. Hold on. We got to start the clock again. Start the clock again. Yeah. That means it's going fast. That I'm keeping a good pace that we're cycling through it twice. Yes.

Hey, horseshoes, okay, if they're lucky, then why don't you ever hear about a horse winning it big in Vegas? No, no, no. I'm riding a horse through a casino tonight. No, no, no.

You ever walk down the street and you see a dog peeing on the fire hydrant? All the time. Oh, what do these dogs got against fire hydrants? Hey, dogs, if you don't like fire hydrants so much, next time there's a fire, you put it out with your pee-pee. No, no, no. Fire departments Dalmatians pee on the fire now. Okay, that sort of qualifies. Does that work? Sort of, yeah.

I have some more! Oh! Oh! No, no, no! What's with these caps people wear on graduation? You know, you got the flat top and the tassel. Yep. No, no, no. All those caps need to be made of tassels, and they're not flat. They're bumpy!

No, no, no bumpy tassel hats now. No, no, no. Can we just call sexting what it really is? Horny texts. Two left here now. Wait, that was one? That was it. Okay. No.

No, no, no. You know how I was talking about the 4th of July earlier? We mentioned it earlier. Yeah. Why did they have to shoot them up into the sky? Shoot what up into the sky? Fireworks. Ah, right. No, no, no. They should shoot fire, blast them into somebody's house. Hmm. No, no, no. Look out daycares. Fireworks are blasting through your window at 8 a.m. on 4th of July. 8 a.m.? Ha, ha, ha.

I got one last. Realist in here. Because I would say approximately 60% of these have not qualified.

Here we go. The best thing that I've been doing for years, which you know by now. No, no, no. You know that song? They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway. Al Jarreau, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From All That Jazz. I'm sorry, but when I go on Broadway, I'm not thinking of the lights, okay? I think the song should go, they say the plays are really great on Broadway. No, no, no.

Lights are bright in Vegas, man. Where are you riding your horse? Yeah. No, no, no. It's 2000. 16. 16. Right. Okay. Should we stop the clock now? Stop the clock. Okay. Wow. Sorry, Bill. You apologize. Eat your heart out, Mr. Marr. I'm pretty sure he remembers how the new rules go, though.

All right. We have to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more from Paul and Gillian after this. We'll be right back with Comedy Bang Bang. You know what? You already love DoorDash. And now there's even more to love with the new DoorDash Dash Pass Annual Plan Benefit. Here it is. Drumroll, please. Drumroll. Do we not order the drumroll? You don't even have a tape recording of a drumroll?

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here with Paul Rust and Gillian Jacobs. Hello. Hello! I love this new voice of yours. Thank you! What if you just started doing this during roles? I like it. I'll work! It would be so interesting if you came to Hollywood and you were at an audition and everyone's like, beautiful girl, boy, she's gonna go far, and then you started talking and it was just that. Why'd you do it to me, Sam? Why? Sam. Yeah.

And by the way, no one in the audition, like none of the characters are named Sam. You just name everyone Sam. She's got this weird vocal quirk where she calls every character Sam. Mid-Atlantic Sam. One time I auditioned for some sort of like teen –

Fight Club movie. Teenager Fight Club movie? Yeah, it was called Never Stop Fighting or Don't Give Up Ever No Matter What or something like that. So wait, it was a movie. It was a movie. And it was for teens and starred teens? Yeah, it was aimed at a younger audience than my parents' generation. But it was about a fight club. It was about a young man in a high school who has to start fighting and not stop fighting. Never stop fighting? For how long? Never stop fighting.

Like, is this a 24 situation? It was the speed of fighting. So if he stopped fighting, a bomb would blow up a bus. I've never seen this before. Up his butt? A bomb would go up his butt. It wouldn't go off. It would just go up his butt, which is painful enough. Painful enough. Without going off. Yeah.

And what happened? So I was auditioning to play his love interest. Sure. A fellow high school student. Sure. A great role, I would imagine. Love interest of the lead. Very well-developed character. Dimensional. Much like this microphone that you refuse to talk into. Listen! People like it when they are struggling to hear what I'm saying.

And so I went in, I read for the director. I finished the scenes and he said, you know what? You remind me of...

Christopher Walken. Interesting. In terms of your delivery. My vocal delivery. Which is usually perfect for the love interest in a teen fighting movie, right? So obviously I got the part. Check it out on my IMDB page. What was it like? Were you like, you need to stop fighting these people? I think I was, you know...

Trying to imbue the, I wouldn't say wooden, but stiff dialogue with feeling perhaps. And maybe I had to take a lot of pauses to do that. Pauses? Pauses. Did you, you got the part or were you kidding? No, I didn't get the part. Jay Moore got it. Jay Moore. He's got a killer walk-in. Yep. A real walk-in role. Well, that's two. What was your actual first role in Hollywood?

My first role was in an independent feature in New York City called Building Girl. Building Girl. Was that verb or noun building? Noun. Okay. So you were a girl who hung out in buildings? I lived in them. Like most humans? I was a girl who lived in the building, you know, the girl from the building. Oh, okay. And what was that part?

Girl who lives in building. I don't remember much about that movie. You were the titular character? I was. And I was the tits in it. Really? What does that mean? I was the best. Oh, okay. Great. Well, that's fantastic. I didn't possess the only mammary glands. Everybody's got them, Scott. Sure, everyone has them, but we're not as proud of them as you are.

I heard in a pinch, men can lactate. If you pinch it hard enough. A literal pinch? Can I test this theory out today? If you pinch a man's penis, milk will shoot out of his...

Well, that's fantastic. I think that it's... Oh, the door's... Excuse me. Pardon me. What's wrong with the door? The door is stuck. I can't quite close it. Oh, God. Sorry about that.

Oh, hey. Hello. Hello, everyone. Hi there. Oh, my gosh. Scott, hello. How do you do? Paul, Russ, you must be a fan of this gentleman. Huge fan of Alan Thicke. From pains. Oh, thank you. The pains. Growing pains. Don't call it pains unless you've been there. I mean, I watched it. Your talk show in the thick of the night.

Well, that's very nice to hear. Thank you. It's always, it's nice when young people are familiar with Think of the Night. Well, my parents would tuck me in every night and we'd watch it. Oh, and then you'd watch it together in a big bed like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We had our names carved on the headboard. That's very bleak. But thank you for being a fan. And of course, my sitcom, Growing Pains.

And, of course, you're familiar with my work as a theme song writer. Yes. Sure. I would love – maybe you'd like to write a theme song for Ball Rust over here? A personal theme song for you? Or for his personal band theme song? Or for his show. He's got a show coming up. Oh, congratulations. It's great to have shows. You know, I have a show, a reality show. Oh.

That airs on one of those reality show networks. It's called – It's monstrously thick. Now, Scott, we have a lot of fun with the title. But, of course, it's painfully thick. It's about me and one of the women that I married. Do you have a theme song for the show, Love? It's just got music. It doesn't have lyrics. No lyrics? Yeah. Oh, okay. Are you a lyricist or a composer? Composer.

Hello, Gillian. Hello. It's been a calendar year since the last time I've seen you. Yeah.

Anyway, I am a composer and a lyricist. Of course, I wrote the words and the lyrics. The facts of life. Although I had inspiration from the title. Of course, I didn't come up with the title. No, but I mean the facts of life are things that you probably have. I would have called it. Yes. Bunch of girls. One on skates. Still got the of in there. Bunch of girls. Bunch of girls. Bunch of girls. Bunch of girls. There's one on skates. One's a Christian.

One is deaf. That could be every show. One's a Christian. I think she became a Christian later. I don't think she was a Christian on that show. You don't think she was a Christian on that show? That was not the character. Oh, okay. You're talking, of course, about Blair. Of course, yeah. Blair was just a sort of uptight rich girl. She was not necessarily a Christian. Okay. It wasn't overt. I mean, she may have been a Christian on the show. Yeah.

she may have been, but you know, of course I had to watch every episode because we would do the theme live. Sure, yeah. But then you wouldn't leave? You would just stick around to watch the entire show? No, why not? You know, it's fun to be there. Craft service. A lot of bugles on that set. Yeah, boy. You could put bugles on your fingers and make yourself into a witch. Interesting. Same with the Spider-Man set. There were a lot of bugles on that one, too. Or one of note.

Even Gillian got that one. That's the paper. I feel as if the last time we were together, there was a lot of Spider-Man talk as well. I don't remember. You were making fun of me because I didn't know about some...

issue of Spider-Man where... What'd you want, number 42 where Mary Jane was introduced? No! With the eye. Web? Oh, with this ring eye, the web, of course. Yeah, when Doc Ock married Aunt May. Of course, that was before I arrived on the scene. Yeah.

So I wouldn't know that anyway. So sing a song about love. Love. What is the show about? Can you give me some background? Yeah, try to do a better job than you did earlier. I realize now that we should have. We don't have to know. We don't have to sell this show to you. This is unsellable.

It's insalable. Well, just for the help of the song, I play somebody who's sort of an uptight, people pleaser, dorky guy. Can I stop you right there? Are you the main character of the show? I'm one of the main characters. One of the main. Is it an ensemble piece? Yeah. It's kind of a two-hander. Are you talking about that scene where you jerked off? That's what you need for Uncounterably Thick.

We were all racing to get our joke in. That's more of a one-fister open palmer. One finger in the buttholer. What are we talking about? What a shocker! So that's my character. Hey, now I'm pointing to you. And then Gillian, she plays Mickey. She's sort of a wild child. The second head in the two-hander. Yes. Is it M-I-K-I or is it, what is it? M-I-C-K-I.

K-E-Y-M-O. Why didn't you write that song? U-S-E. Why didn't I write that song? That's a good question. Why didn't I write the other songs I didn't write? Do you think time prevented you? Where you were born in your life? Not enough time? The very time prevented me from...

Writing those songs. That reminds me of something. I don't know what it is. I'm sure I don't know. Okay, so he plays Gus. She plays Mickey. Well, what's the show about, though? Don't tell me. Are you Canadian? Of course I am. I'm from Toronto.

So don't tell me, show me? What were you about to say? Well, I need to know what the show is about, not just the characters. Well, these two characters, can you imagine if they got together in a romantic relationship? They're opposites. They're kind of opposites. They're very different. Yes. Not so much May, December. Whose idea was this? Not mine!

Very, very new. You're already washing your hands of this. We thought it would be cool. I had nothing to do with this. We thought there might be a show and two identical people dating each other. Two people who jibe on every level conceivable. Zero conflict. Zero conflict. The first time they ever talk, they have all the same references and like all the same things. Politically, they align. Emotionally. Religiously. Yeah. I should say spiritually. Background. Background. They both are. Background-ily.

They're from the exact same house in the exact same city. The brother and sister. They meet by the first and then by the second they're married. There was a show about a brother and sister who fell in love recently on television. It was written by Neil LaButte, and I don't remember what it was called. In the company of siblings. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Oh, my God. Do you guys ever act like this on the show or are you acting like normal people? No, it's all this. Oh, are the people mentally ill? Sure. I mean, you could argue that all of us are in some way. Yes. In some respect. Well, our brains are rotting in our heads the further and further we get to death.

Closer and closer we get to death. That was the original title. Oh, did I say further and further? Further from birth. Further towards death. Closer towards death. No, closer, you're right, of course. The further we go from our mother's vaginas that birthed us. Really, do you think life is all about trying to get as far away from your mother's vagina as possible? So you're on the exact opposite of the earth from it? And then you die the minute you hit the exact opposite? Yeah, when you're completely... Is this what the show is about? About...

Oh, I'm sorry. You're from Toronto. Toronto. Well, I live in Toronto now, of course. You do? Yes. Oh. I divide my time. I have several homes. How does that work tax purposes-wise? It's a tough – Pretty good. We looked it up the last time about a year ago, I think it was. Was it exactly a year ago? Yeah.

Almost to the day. Wow, that you were on the show. We looked up at how rich you are. I'm very rich. You're doing pretty good. Yeah, you're surprisingly rich. What was it? It was like 35 mil or something? Oh, I think you're doing me a disservice. I'm so sorry. It was more like $60 million. 60 mil? And Gary. Gary had 80 mil. Not as much as I thought he'd have. I thought he'd be more wealthy. Well, he's just a director. Isn't he a show creator? Yeah, that's true. He also created shows. There's a lot of money in that, of course. Yeah, Paul, tell us about that. Old-timey.

A lot of money in creating love? Hold on a second. Wait, oh, yeah, he wasn't done. Paul, you were the creator of this program? A co-creator, yes. A co-creator? Who was your other creator? My wife, Leslie Arfin. What? And Judd Apatow. You didn't know about this? I didn't know they were married. How long have you been married now, son? Father? Father Thick? Well, I'm certainly older than you are. Paternally Thick? Paternally Thick.

You know, I have a father. My son, Robin, is a very famous singer. Yeah, very famous plagiarist. Anyway. Well, now. Well, I don't want to get into thick water here. He was just an homage. We've been married since October. Sogily thick. Since October.

And how was the wedding? Did you have fun? Oh, it was beautiful. Weddings are fun. Yeah, it was a great wedding. Some weirdo showed up to it. Was that? Oh, no. Party crasher. That is the absolute worst thing you can do is to show up to someone's wedding that you weren't invited. Hey, not if you're Owen or Vince. That's true. Boy, it worked out pretty well for them. Well, that was fiction, of course. Right. And the whole point of that film was that it's a thing you don't do.

Well, um... Theme song for love. Yeah, do you have enough info? So it's about opposites who, uh, they fall in love. Maybe! We don't even know if they fall in love. There's ups and downs sometimes. So it's called love, and then for most of this series, they're not in love. They just coexist in the world. There's ups and downs. Sometimes they miss, you know, they can't connect. Misconnections. Yeah, I didn't want to say misconnections because it sounded like Craigslist.

Did they have that? Yeah. They do. Yeah. Also, if you're German, you can get someone to chop your penis off and cook it in front of you. I am German. Are you? Well, there you go. Excuse me. Something you might want to look into. Can we talk more about that? Sure. German Craigslist. Do you want to do a theme song for that, by the way? I'll do that one. Okay. Let's hear it.

What? Five, six, seven, eight. You don't want your dick, but you want to eat it. Come down to the dick hut. We'll top off your dick and cook it right up. You can eat it in front of your mom. Once you get far away from your mom, you can die. But you can't die with your dick attached. So come on down to the dick hut. Nice. Wow. What do you think now, Alan, as a theme song writer? Well, I have to say that fell more into the... Come on down to the dick hut.

That fell more in the realm of jingles than theme songs. Yeah. Because that sounded like a jingle for a business, a brick and mortar establishment as opposed to an ad in German Craigslist. You think it was brick and mortar? It was not an online business?

Well, if you come on down to... That's true. No one says come on down to Amazon.com. Although if I could go to the warehouse and just pick the stuff up, that would be better. Do you think it would be like Raiders of the Lost Ark where there's just crates and crates and crates? That'd be fun, just crates and crates of stuff. Oh, I wonder if you could order the Ark of the Covenant on Amazon. Don't open it up, though, my boy. Let's see what your face's about. Speaking of indie films, Gillian. Anyway, let's...

Let's hear this theme song for love. Five, six, seven, eight. Hold on a second. We did it to her. You know what I really like about the Indiana Jones characters? What's that? He has a really great art. What? Grow up. All we need to grow up. What about that Noah film? Remember that? What's Noah? I don't remember it. With a dude.

The guy from Gladiator. Yeah, that Gladiator guy. Well, Russell Crowe was in it, but I thought it should have been Russell 2 Crows. Yeah, I mean, two by two they came onto that arc. You really messed up by just bringing A Crowe.

What if he had a crow on his shoulder the entire film? And he's like, it's two. It's two of us. It counts. Hold on. It counts. He's saying this to the camera the entire time. It counts, everyone. But the idea is that Russell Crowe would have sex with the crow, the bird. No, he's not having sex with it. Well, that's why there were two of everything. Well, sure. Eventually. It was not just because God was some sort of OCD weirdo. That's the last.

I didn't want to spoil, but that's the last scene where he's like, all right, buddy, it's time. This is an impression of Russell Crowe. It counts. It counts. Seriously, it counts. Hey, what are you doing here? Oh, dear. Noah.

Yes, God. Oh, he had a famous, that's right, Dr. Cosby had a famous routine. What's a cubit? Where he talks to Noah. Oh, really? Yes. But here would be the problem. Even if they could have a baby, it would be sterile. Oh, but why? Like a mule. Like a mule. Why?

Why? Because if you're not of the same species, it becomes sterile? Yeah. A mule can't have another mule with another mule. Isn't that a shame? Wait, so... A human and a crow having sex wouldn't produce... A crow man? So wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. A crow man? A new viable... A new viable... What are you, him?

Could a human have sex with a dog and create a dog-human? I don't know. As long as it's just sterile? No, that couldn't happen. Woof. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, woof. That would never happen. Woof. My mom wasn't human, and my dad certainly wasn't a dog. Woof. Did you say your mother wasn't human? Wasn't human? Was human. Oh, I don't know about that. I'm afraid you're wrong. I don't know about that. That's the one weird thing that you've said. I'm sorry. You're on the record. Since you started talking about this. Woof.

All right, get to it. Five, six, seven, eight. I think it's that count is throwing me off. How slow do you want it to be? Do you want to be a little slower? Do you want it to swing a little more? I'll take care of it. I'll take care of it. Follow me for the changes. Will you please...

You say up, but I say down. I say smile and you say frown. You're the opposite of me, but I think we're in love. Let's call the TV show Love the End. Wow. I think you got something there. There we go. Now that's just off the dome. Of course, I didn't have time to sit down in my cabin and compose the song. Your songwriting cabin. My songwriting cabin. Yeah, where is that located? That's in a booth.

Kirkland Lake, Ontario. Is that where all the Costco products come from? Did someone say cause? Lake Kirkland. Get out of here. We don't want you around, mister. I'm starting to get the picture.

It's always a shame when a TV dad goes south. Yeah, you must have a lot of empathy for that. Of course I do. Well, both doctors, too. You both played doctors. That's right. I was a doctor on pains. What kind of doctor were you on pains? I don't remember. Oh, medical. Oh, not a medical doctor. A doctor of the mind.

Who was on Growing Pains? It was Kirk Cameron, of course. Leo DiCaprio. The two notable people. The cousin Oliver of Pains. Joanna Kearns, of course, played my wife. And we used to call her the Colonel because her last name was Kearns. And also she threw a can of corn in my head one time. I'm on the record with that story.

And who else? Tracy Gold. Of course, she had her own trials and travails. But she's doing great now. She's doing great. And Kirk is in the hands of God. He's rendered himself to Jesus Christ. Got some great movies out there. The one about saving Christmas. Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas. Check out that trailer. It's a wonderful – you know, I've seen that. I've seen all of Kirk's films.

And Saving Christmas is wonderful because what Kirk does is he comes up with religious justifications for all the commercialism of Christmas. So if you're worried that Christmas isn't enough about Jesus and it's more about presents and so forth, Kirk has made this wonderful film that lets Christians be just as materialistic as they like and still feel as if they're honoring Jesus. That's fantastic. So check it out.

This Christmas. Check it out every Christmas. Check it out at the library. Yes, you can check films out at the library. No, not according to Polly. Rusticles over here. That's right. Two. What? Two books. Just two. That's right. What about – did you say anything about films though? What if the film of the Pelican Brief were in there?

No. No, no. No, no. Did they make a movie of the Pelican Brief? Yes, yes, my dear boy. With Julia Robert. Robert. And Denzel DC. Well, this is great casting. I'm certainly going to check that out. Yeah, definitely. Well, what are you doing here? Well, you know, it's been a calendar year since the last time. It's not been a fiscal year? No.

What quarter are we in? We're in first quarter. We're in first quarter. First quarter of 2016. Yeah. When last I was – I barely remember. You were here a year ago? I was here a year ago around Valentine's Day and I interrupted a wedding.

Gillian was about to marry Gary Marshall. Gary Marshall? Whatever happened to that guy? Well, I believe he was banished to his own dimension. Don't pretend you don't know. Because you asked him what chicks will do when they see Grease Lightning. Oh, that's right. And if he answers, he's banished to his dimension. This is all kind of ringing a bell. I was just about to marry him, get all his money, live out my dreams in Bel-Air.

Right, right, right. A gated community. A gated community. What was your horse in this race? You know, I hadn't been married in a while and I missed it. And so I interrupted the wedding and asked Gillian if she would consider marrying me. And you put your wife in a deep, your current wife in a deep freeze? No, no, no. No, I think. Are you married?

I might be. Honestly, it happens. That's not an issue for me. It happens a lot. That's not the issue. It happens a lot. I don't care if the man's married or not. Right. That's right. So, and what was, where did we leave off? Well, Gary was banished to his own dimension, and I asked Gillian if she would take a year to think about it. Wait, is Gary an alien? No.

I don't know. Have we ever talked about that? I don't know. Why would I know? Gary Marshall. I'm Alan Thicke. My favorite Marshall. Wait, if it's his own dimension, that means he's not from this dimension? Well, he could be. Yeah, well, I believe he's from the sixth dimension or something. Oh, I have no idea. Yeah. You know, there's seven dimensions. Are there? What are they? Well, there's a peanut butter. That's a peanut butter.

That's the one we're in right now. This is the peanut butter dimension. There's Tipsy Topsy. Eggtown. Little Eggtown. Melon Bank. How many is that? I believe we're at five. Oh boy, where are the other two? Gary Wary. Which one are we in? Peanut Butter! This is the peanut butter dimension.

Anyway. Sorry, Gillian. You're exasperated with me. Gillian. What? It's been a year. It's been a year. It's been a year. I hope you have made good on your promise to think about whether or not. A boat? Or about? A boat. A boot. I was trying to make it so that she could understand. If you thought a boat, whether or not you would consent.

To be my latest wife. Why did someone whisper the word consent? He finds the very idea of consent to be laughable. Is that what love is about? Is Dr. Cosby back? Isn't there a thing called a consent decree that the state can issue? Can we take it to the internet? A consent decree? Take it to the net. Take it to the net.

It's a song parody and a theme song. Yeah, please weigh in. What do you think a consent decree is? It's something that the government issues. The state government? A consent decree. Why are you bringing it up? He said consent. I don't know. Is there such a thing? What's a consent decree? Turn up your own mic. A consent decree.

It's an arrangement or settlement to resolve a dispute between two parties without admission of guilt in a criminal case or liability in a civil case and most often refers to such a type of settlement in the United States. Sounds like something I'd like to be involved in. I didn't follow any of that at all.

That's like if I sue you for breaking up my wedding and we settle without you admitting any guilt, but you give me a lot of money. Now, to be fair, I may have interrupted the wedding, but it was Scott here who banished Gary to his home. Who has more money, Scott or Alan? I think the answer to that is very clear. Very clear. Look at our clothes.

I didn't banish him to his own dimension. Yes, you did. You tricked him. No, I tricked him, but he banished himself to his own dimension. Do that. I don't think you can self-banish, can you? Well, I mean, you can fall for a trick. What did you say? He's doing old Romeo again.

Always with her Shakespeare quotes. Romeo. Well, I feel bad. I feel like I interrupted the question being asked and the answer being heard. Did I do the theme song yet? Yeah. Yes. All right. Gil, what do you got? Gillian, let me ask, please. Gillian, is there a chance that you would be willing to become my latest wife?

I mean, Gary's not around. Gary's not around. He's not even in this dimension. Yes, that's true. You have money. I do, lots. Are you currently writing any theme songs or are you out of that game? I'm always writing theme songs. Do you write with your son? Are you an accredited co-writer on any of his albums? We... I...

We don't necessarily co-write together, but when he writes a song, I'm standing over his shoulder looking at everything that he's writing, and I'll make fatherly noises like... Encouraging noises. Robbins.

That's more admonishing. It can be taken either way. I let him interpret it. Guys, guess what? Fun fact. I learned today that Michael Chabon, the novelist, contributed lyrics to Mark Ronson's latest record. Interesting. I'm not even making that up. That's a fun fact. Yeah. And co-writer of Spider-Man 2. Oh, really? Yeah. Speaking of bugles.

So – OK. Here's the thing that's happened in the last year. Yeah. I realized that Gary Marshall isn't the wealthiest man in Hollywood. Who is the wealthiest man in Hollywood? Well, I know that George Lucas has north of $4 billion. He gave all that away.

He gave it to charity. Did he really? He gave it to teachers. Teachers? Yeah. He felt that he had enough. He had more money than he could ever spend in several lifetimes. Are you kidding? Is this a joke? No, it's not. Sorry. Was it part of a consent decree that he had to give his money away? What is that again? It's when you reach a settlement where you don't admit guilt, but you give somebody a lot of money. Well, Gillian.

Can I give you some advice here? Please. You've been angling for Gary Marshall for four years now. I love him. You guys, sure. But he's not around. You haven't done – you got one on the hook here. I'm right here. I'm very wealthy. A stick in the hand is better than two in the bush, right? That's an expression we all use. So you may as well – Much like paternally thick. I'm a licensed – with the Universal Life Church. I can marry you guys if you want to right here and right now.

I'm betting on myself this year, Scott. I think you should do it. You got one right here. Like him. Okay. Well, now we've come right down to it, I suppose. Gillian, is there any way I could make myself more likable to you? Your voice annoys me. What's that?

What's wrong with my voice? I don't know. Can you try talking like someone else? Maybe... Higher octave? Do you do any impressions? Can you do a Gary Marshall impression? Let me try. Please call me Gary. How was that? That sounds like ghost Gary. He's not a ghost. He's from another dimension. Is he an alien?

haven't resolved this. I can't remember. None of us can speak to this because, of course, none of us are Gary Marshall. Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lay out a plan for 2016. Okay. Number one, I'm going to jettison myself into the very uppermost atmospheres of Hollywood. Sure, using love as a stepping stone. Using love as a stepping stone. Thank you, Paul, for your assistance. Okay.

Oh, the show love, not the emotion. Well, maybe that too. Well, she's going to use that as a stepping stone. That's tough. To use the emotion of love as a stepping stone to anything is risky. Risky business. It's risky business. Indelike.

That's what the film Risky Business was about. A boot. A boot. I got it. Don't worry. Boy, three of those and you're banished yourself. What? Is that true? Yep. Oh, no. This is terrible to find out. Okay. I'm going to enter the upper atmosphere where the air is thin and the wine is fine. I'm going to adopt ten dogs. Okay. I'm going to— Lost up there. I have a plan for that. I'm going to— Are you going to make a race or fight?

Wait, am I going to have sex with him and create sterile dog humans? That can't happen, wolf. All right, then I'm going to take all my skin off, turn it inside out, put it back on so you can see my veins.

And then I'm going to... You're so vain. Yep. E. And then I'm going to... I'm going to find true love. I don't need you. I don't need you, Scott Aukerman. And shortly, I won't need you, Paul Rest. It's the year of the guilt. How long before you won't need Paul? You say shortly. Well, I have to do season two. Like the day it's released? You no longer need him? No, we're doing season two. Oh, you are. It's been picked up for a season. Okay, one sec. Congratulations. Congratulations.

Well, I'm sorry, Alan. What a complex handshake that was. Well, don't be sorry, Scott, because when I heard that thing about turning the skin inside out and wearing it, I think it took the bloom off the rose a little bit. I'm not quite as interested in wearing it. Have you ever seen the inside of my skin? That's a fair point. No, I haven't. It's great. Luminescent. I seem to remember something about... Bioluminescent? Like those weird fish? That's what I look like on

Like one of those fish in the deep, deep ocean that grows a flashlight on its head? Yes, I have one of those wiggly flashlights coming out of my head that I'm luring. Oh, is that what's on your chin? Oh, that's my pimple. Oh.

You know what? I seem to remember something about Gary Marshall being banished to his own dimension for, I forget the time period, but I remember that the one thing that would lure him back out was saying his name 13 times. And?

Who says it 13 times? Anyone in the same room. Collectively or one person has to say it 13 times? No, it was – 13 in a row? No, it wasn't even in a row. I'm trying to – Just a total of 13 times. If somebody said, hey, Gary Coleman is the parade marshal. Does that count? Does not count. And I hope that is a true statement. Otherwise –

Get some hopes up. I don't know that he's still with us, Gary Marshall. Oh, you said Gary Marshall. I believe that was 12. You just said Gary Marshall. Oh, wait. Now I just said Gary Marshall. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gary. That pop sound can only mean one thing. What's going on here? What's happening? Where am I?

Mr. Marshall! Yeah, please call me Gary. Of course. Gary! Gilly, how are you, sweetheart? Oh, you look wonderful. Thank you. I've spent some time in my own dimension. Wait, I just want to right off the bat. Gary, are you an alien? Let's not get into a bunch of questions. Let me ask you, how are you doing, sweetheart? I felt a void in my heart, and it's been filled now. Oh.

Oh, that's very sweet. You're a sweet young lady who wants to marry me for my money and wishes for my immediate death. Who's this guy? I'm Paul. Paul, hi, how are you? Big fan, big fan of Mr. Marshall. Don't you please call me Gary. I love the Mork. I love Mork. Mork from Mork! Yep. That's right, Nanu Nanu. Shah's body was a fun alien. And then...

He got married and they had a baby. Wait, it was their baby stare?

Who, Mirth? Played by Jonathan Winters? Yes, he was sterile because, of course, they were two different species. They didn't go into him being sterile quite as much as I wanted them to. No, you know what? It was mentioned in every table read, then it was cut for the rehearsal draft the next day. But it bummed people out. They didn't like hearing that this old baby was sterile.

The old baby part was hard enough to swallow. Every other aspect of it, people were fine with. They were totally on board. Jonathan Winters was a hero of Robin Williams. That's true. That's why they worked together on that show. That's very true. Let's stop talking about it before it gets sad. Well, this is Alan Thicke, of course. You remember Alan. Hey.

Yeah, hi, Alan. Gary. Please call me Mr. Marshall. Oh, sick burn, Gary. Sick burn. Sick burn. Is this an episode of sick burns? That was a sick burn. Hey, look, we have to take a break. This is- Fine, what's happening? We're in the middle of a show. I've been here for one minute. We're in the middle of a show. Taking a break. I just got in from my own dimension. I know, but I'm sorry. So you are an alien. Please, Gilly, the questions. I'm trying to find out about this-

break business. Well, we're in the middle of a show and we need to go to a commercial. Oh, fair enough. You took several of them during Happy Days. Of course. That's right, which was filmed before a live studio audience. Of course, yeah. Well, Comedy Bang Bang is very similar in the sense of it's not. What's Comedy Bang Bang? Okay, we'll be right back with more of it. Tell Mama.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here. Comedy Bang Bang! You know what it is now. I explained everything to you and I showed you all the episodes and you listened to all the podcasts during the break. But because you're from another dimension, you did it at super speed. Yeah. So now you know all the inside jokes. Exactly. You know all the lore. Hey, Nong Man. Hey, Nong Man. We reset. Oh, I think we need three. We need three for a reset. Yeah, Russ, Dorgilly, one of you. What? One of you? What?

No, I can't. I'm sorry. Okay, Gilly. What? Say please, hey, Nong Man. We need to reset. Hey, Nong Man. Thank you. Okay. We're back here, of course, with Paul Rust and Gillian Jacobs of Love on Netflix this Friday. That's right. And we have Ellen Thicke over here. Hello. Of Mercifully Thicke. Oh.

It's incontrovertibly thick. Wondrously thick. My reality show. Right. And, of course, we have Gary Marshall, who's back from his own dimension. Hey, what's happening? Monday, Tuesday. Happy days. That's right. Have you ever had a sad day in your whole life, Gary? It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time.

Lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time. Led Zeppelin. Yep. You know, we wanted to do an episode of Happy Days. I had plans for it to go right up to the 90s. Oh, my gosh. And I wrote an episode where Potsy...

goes to see Led Zeppelin in concert. In the 90s? No, no, in the 70s. I had it all scripted out. You wrote all the episodes up to the 90s? Yeah, yeah, of course. Mr. Marshall, you didn't have a crystal ball, did you? You didn't know that Led Zeppelin would have broken up in the 80s. He wasn't prescient. No, hold on a second. He was writing these. Isn't it percent?

I say percent. Let me weigh in on this. Who? What are you doing? Why didn't you ever make a show about me? Who's this now? It's Bill. The God. What? Why didn't you ever make a show about me, Gary? What are you doing? Who? Me? Yeah. Why? Stop. Did I do that? Sit on it. He ain't no old man. Do it.

All right. Hey, Nong Man. Hey, Nong Man. All right. We've reset and Kaz is gone. Have we? Wait, you included Bill Cosby in the reset? Yeah. Of course. All right. It's your show. So Patsy and Led Zeppelin, that's amazing. Yeah. It was an episode set in 1970. Patsy goes to a Led Zeppelin concert. He gets to hang out with them afterwards and they have crazy escapades inspired by the book Hammer of the Gods. Oh, wow. Yeah.

We couldn't do it because of animal cruelty problems. Oh, boy. The network would not let it happen. It was Scott fucking the dog in the background of every scene. That's right. Right in the corner, like a flip book. Is it just one frame in every frame of love? And you collect them throughout the season and then put them together. Gotta catch them all. Dog catcher, sex man.

That's your show, Scott. Dog catcher. What? Dog catcher sex man? Yeah. That's not a bad show title. Can I write the theme for it? Yeah, go ahead. Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight. Hold on, please. That's terrible time for a theme song. Dog catcher sex man. Dog catcher sex man. He catches dogs. He's out there with Annette. He catches dogs and he has sex. Then he has sex with them. All right. And then he lets them go, presumably, so he can catch them again. Annette Bennington it?

Some people say I'm looking for love like it's my job. And it is because I'm a dog catcher who catches dogs. And I have some sex with them. But a puppy's all a sterile cause we're two different species. And that's what love is all about. I don't know what that is.

No, you don't have a musical break after the lyrics. It's weird. That's the credits coming up. What? The credits coming up? Yeah, produced by Gary Marshall. You want that. Dog Catcher's X-Men was filmed before a live studio. You want that on the very last note of the song. That's true. That is where they're doing it. But if it's on Netflix, it can be a little bit longer.

Oh, Netflix. So fancy. What do you think about Netflix, Gary? Sorry I didn't wear my tuxedo. You're on CBS currently. You're doing just fine. I'm currently on CBS. Yes, you're at the remake of the movie.

couple on CBS. That's right. I'm raking it in. The diamond of network television. Working with Matthew Perry and the pansexual imp that is Thomas Lennon. And you've been away for a year. I know that must be the first thing you're going to do. Gotta check in on the odd couple. TOC. Gotta get in there. Gotta get in. Here's what they do. If I'm not watching, they switch out the Trader Joe's

snacks with big name brand things. Like a cereal bar that's like JoJo in the AM or whatever the fuck they call it. Wow, Gary. Gary, how could you swear before? Very profane. I thought Santa walked in here. I get upset when I think about the money that's wasted.

Instead, they put those kind bars in there. Anyone who's catering anything and buying those kind bars, you're flushing money down the toilet. I bet that when you're not there, too, they start switching and just making it the even couple where they're too much like each other.

Which, by the way, I mean, these guys, it's like the new odd couple with love. Hold on a second. Yeah, what? I just want to understand this. Yeah. Nod couple. Do they write it like it's the even couple or do they change the name of the show and call it the even couple? They do both. They write it so where Felix and Oscar walk in and go, hey, this apartment is exactly as clean as I would like it to be. And then the other person says, I agree. What?

And then they changed the title. What a strange thing to say out loud. This apartment is exactly as clean as I would like it to be. I agree. Because that doesn't mean it's clean or dirty. Oh, that's true. So we don't know if it's two Felix's or two Oscars. Well, now that you're back, I mean, what are you going to do? I mean, your whole life's in front of you here. Well, I'm going to check on that. I mean, everybody's whole life is ahead of them. Mm-hmm.

However long that is. Yeah. That's true. For any of us, it could just be an hour. How close to you are your two children? But some people are closer to the end of their whole lives than other people. I guess that's true, too. But some of us are not as young as they think they are. Oh, sick burn, Gare. That was a sick burn. It would be interesting if we all were exactly as close to the end of our lives. Wouldn't that be interesting? Hold on a second. Hold on a second. I feel like we should acknowledge that...

Way after the word burn was spoken, this young lady, a full, I want to say half a minute later, said knee Sanders. Oh. Because he is sick. Sick Bernie Sanders. Meaning he used to have the name Sanders? Or is that nay?

Nay, as in nay to this bitch. There we go. Oh, Mr. Red, I would have liked a piece of that show. That would have been good. That was a big hit, and I could have catered, saved some money on catering with the peanut butter. We're in the peanut butter dimension. Yes, the best. We are in the peanut butter. It's great to be back in the peanut butter dimension. What dimension are you from, by the way? Yeah.

Have we talked about this before? I don't believe so. Well, I hope not. I don't think we have. I'm from a dimension that you wouldn't understand. You know how many people think there's seven dimensions? Oh, right, right, right. Yes, many people think that. Yeah, Alan Thicke thinks that. Yeah, there's seven dimensions. Peter Putter, which we're in right now. Sure. Right? Tipsy Topsy. Tipsy Topsy, yeah. Melon Bank. Melon Bank.

Eggtown. Little Eggtown. Sure, that's five. I forget. There's two that I forget. Alan, you forgot them too. Yes, I did. Why are those two so hard to forget? Remember. Remember. Knee Sanders. Remember Knee Sanders? That could be the title of the episode. Remember the battle of Knee Sanders? Wounded Knee Sanders. I left my heart at Wounded Knee Burned.

Oh, boy. This has stopped being a human speech. Anyway, I'm from an eighth dimension. You're from the eighth dimension. That people don't know about. Are you an alien? It's complicated. One of my favorite films. Oh, did you like that? Did you make that? I did not make that. It was not themed around a specific day.

That's more my bailiwick. I like to take the day. Are you directing these films? These day films? Yeah. Of course I'm directing them. I don't know.

Are you kidding me? Is Hector Elizondo in every single one? Yes, I'm directing them. You know what I really loved of yours, Mr. Marshall? Please call me Gary. I'm sorry, Gary. Exit to Eden. Oh! Now hold on a second. That was a movie that I was in, but I did not direct. That was directed by my sister, Penny! How much money does Penny have?

Penny does okay. How many pennies? You know, she has her money converted into pennies. She's very vain. She's bad. What a lucky penny. She's a maniac. Penny's with her own head on it? That's right. She has many copper statues of herself all over her estate. Wow. Do you think Penny would marry? As a matter of fact, she might. I don't want to spill any family secrets. All right. That's for another show. Yeah, this isn't that kind of show. Is that a t-shirt?

I don't know if that's a t-shirt. It's good now. You know what?

That is a t-shirt. It's not that kind of show. Why haven't you done that yet? I don't know. It's weird. I think it's the thing you say more than anything else. Well, what are your plans? What are my plans? Well, of course, I'm going to direct some more movies. Sure. I'm going to keep making television. I'm going to keep collecting money for my existing television properties. Sure. And let's see. What about all the things you're hunting?

Oh, all the monsters. Yeah, that's right. Ooh, I hope there's not any new monsters since I've been away. The Jersey Devil. Oh, is that one? What's this little gremlin? I've been here the whole time. Hey, it's Gizmo. Catch him. Gotta catch them all. He's singing the Gizmo song. Where's Hoyt Axton when you need him?

I'm Stripe! Oh, yeah. Oh, no! Somebody got the... I forgot to mention we're taping this at 12.01 a.m. Why are we doing this? Paul Fetty!

Did you do this? I did. I had some peanuts in my pocket. Oh, I have a peanut allergy. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I feel my throat closing up. Oh, no. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, no. He was the closest to death. I'm dying by death. Oh, my God. Bye. What a horrible thing. Bye. Oh, my God. Oh, boy. That was unpleasant to watch.

Wow. Is he still breathing? No, he's done. I put a mirror up to his mouth. Why do you have that little mirror? Well, you know, it's in case I see a vampire. What? Can you not see a vampire in a mirror? Vampires can't see themselves in mirrors. So if you hold the mirror up and you can't see the reflection of a vampire, then you know it's a vampire. Wait a minute. Vampires can't see themselves, but we can see vampires in mirrors? No. Hold on a second.

Listen, I'm trying to remember what I learned from the Underworld series of films. Oh, gosh. Len Weissman. Yeah, where's Len these days? Can we talk about Len Weissman? Sure. What about him? He's a friend of mine. Cupertino. Look, he's from Fremont, California. He went to Cupertino. He's a good-looking guy in his 40s. You've been gone for a year. Yeah. You haven't heard about what's going on. Guess what, Gary? Gary, guess what? Is there some gossip? Hot goss coming in. Some goss. A little sip. A little sip.

Get ready to choke down this hot goss. Well, that's not very appealing. Get ready to choke on this sip. Choke down this hot goss. It burns on the way down and puts a hole in your stomach. Don't tell me.

He's getting a divorce. What? Oh, no. Oh, no. Are you okay? Lannis is divorcing Kate Beckinsale, the beautiful young actress. Yes. Who's going to star in the next Underworld series of films? She is.

So they've worked it out where... It's apparently an amicable split. Oh, that's weird. You know, Len, you seem like such a normal guy from Cupertino. From Cupertino, who has sex parties at his house all the time. Wait, I'm sorry. There's a dead body in the room and none of us are really talking about it. I mean, you know, death comes to us all. What are you going to do? Will it come to you?

Eventually, I imagine it will. But are you an alien? Now, why are you so hung up on this question? Because I don't inherit the bulk of your estate until you die. So if you're an alien who cannot die, I don't... And she doesn't want, you know, your offspring or potential offspring to be sterile. Well, now, Gilly... She doesn't want them to be shooting blanks. Who just walked in? Who was that guy? I'm not sure who I am, but I gotta go, too, because I'm a gremlin. Hey, a gremlin's too, the new batch.

These gremlins, they all develop personalities. Yeah. Hobbies, interests. Yeah. They all had defining characteristics. Why did that happen? How come? What was different with this batch? I can't remember the film that well. It was a new batch. If you feed them vegan food, they develop personalities. Did that happen at the film? They were fed vegan food? Yeah.

I believe there's a lab and a scientist gives them different personalities with injections. Oh, sure. Sure, sure, sure. Just like at birth, we're given personalities through injections. Yeah. They're called. Is that how you do it in your dimension? And a lot of times your name is also your defining physical characteristic. Right. Like if you have a stripe, you're called Stripe. Yep.

But I would call him Mohawk if I was naming characters. Yeah, it's a little strange. Well, but a Mohawk is something that you make yourself. You know what I mean? Some of those dogs naturally have Mohawks. What dogs? Paul. Why are you gesturing at me and saying Paul?

Scott knows. Those are his favorite dogs. It's nice you've been on this show for four years and you can barely remember my name. She's on four years once a year like clockwork. Now, what are these dogs? She says you know about this. I'm having sex with ten of her dogs. Only ten? Gary, I'm turning my skin inside out. I thought we were talking about...

Why didn't you tell me this sooner? I'm turning my skin inside out this year, too. Oh, that's a major turn on. Well, you like it. Oh, I love the inside of people's skin. Are you kidding me? Is everyone in your dimension? Do they have reverse skin? Better not tell you now. Okay. When are you going to tell me? Later. Oh, okay. Thank you. Well, so are you guys going to get together or what? Gilly, here's the thing. Lay it on me thick. How thick?

Unquestionably. We've been having this crazy relationship, you know, on again, off again. Paul, please. On again, off again. Come on. And, you know, I can't deny that you have a youthful vigor that is exciting to me and makes me feel young again. But.

I also got to acknowledge this part of our relationship where you just want my money and you pray for my death. Yeah. That's a bit of a sticky wicket. But she's been honest about it. She has. Paul, you make a good point. She has been honest about it. She's been upfront. Please continue to call me Gary. Oh, wow. Everyone will die except for aliens. Oh, that's why she's trying to figure out.

No, she said it. I'm not listening. So, Gilly, I gotta say that aspect of things... Please, Gilly. No, she can cough. I like when Paul coughs.

It makes me sad. It hurts my feelings that, you know, I can't deny that, you know, after a while hearing somebody pray for your death and actively root for it, you know, it builds up. And, you know, I got to say, I think it's the end of the road for us. No, no, no, no, no, no. Let me plead my case. Sure.

This is how breakups usually work. Yeah, absolutely. Like there's a perfect speech that you can say that'll make someone go, oh, wait a minute. I learned it from Gary's movies. Hey, you know what? For all my movies, people critique them, whatever. Derivative, unoriginal. Okay, okay, dear. All right, all right.

At least I never had a scene like that Love Actually where the guy, a creep, has the cue cards. And he's like, you're my best friend's wife and I love you, you know, whatever. The old cue card creep. And then she kisses him. Like, that's horrible. Yeah, terrible. Anyway, go ahead. Here's what I want to say to you. A, number one, I realize that there are wealthier men than you. So it's not just about the money anymore. I could be going after George Lucas.

She did figure out, though, that George Lucas gave most of his money away. He's got to be making money off these new Star Wars movies. Yeah, but he's giving it away. He sold Star Wars to Disney, whom he referred to as white slavers. And he tried to walk it back, but guess what? It's still out there. That's a weird thing that you said. And why white?

You're going to have to ask him. Does he consider Star Wars to be white? Somebody sent me this link and then it said, for the full context, watch the video. And I was like, I'm out. You send emails and texts in your dimension? My grandchildren are always sending me everything. They want to keep me current.

Oh, that's very interesting that you have grandchildren. So does that mean Barbara is also an alien? Because otherwise your children with Barbara, a human, would be sterile and you couldn't have grandchildren. First of all, I'm pleased that you remembered her name. Barbara is a human being. And currently in suspended animation. Currently in suspended animation. Wait, so that means you're not an alien then? I never said that. So you are. I never said that either. Hmm. Hmm.

All right, well, here's my case. Okay, I'm going to turn my skin inside out this year. You love that. Ooh, I do like that.

I've realized this is the year of Gilly. I'm betting on me. This is the year of Gilly? I thought last year was the year of Gilly. Didn't you talk about this before? Did I? I think so. Haven't we all talked about all of this before? Paul being here is new. Thanks for freshening things up. With my giggles? I like your giggles. It's good. Hey, on every show that I do, I have a giggler. I always make sure there's somebody there who keeps it light. Somebody's reminding us this is all fun. Hey.

I could be your giggler. Oh, that reminded me of Michael Jackson. Unpleasant association. Did someone say my name? Get out of here. Oh, no. Oh, what a mashup. You're giving me a bad name. Don't get those two rascals together. Well. Wait, was that your whole case? You're going to turn your skin inside out? No, I'm going to turn my skin inside out. This is the year of Gilly. I'm betting on me. Right. I realize I'm not marrying you for your money because I could be marrying...

Silicon Valley billionaire. Todd Sollins. I could be marrying Todd Sollins. Is he very wealthy? Very wealthy. Is he really? Todd Hayes? Yeah. They rock the box office. Far from heaven or whatever? Yes. Oh, no. Which ones does he do? Welcome to the box. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Of course. That money maker. He's making it in. Those blockbusters. He's got a new one coming out. The Return of Don Wiener.

John Wiener, I think played by Greta Gerwig perhaps in this latest incarnation. Heather Matarazzo refuses to reprise the character. Why is that? Because she has so many other acting opportunities? Care. Gary. Me, yeah. Claws in, Kat. You're mean, but I still love you, Care. I like to do some deadline snark every once in a while. All right, Nikki Fink. She's not that bad.

Told you she's not there anymore. I know. All right, here's the deal. I could do better than you, frankly, Gary, but I still want to be with you. Can you say the same of me? Can I say, I want to be with you, but I could do better than you. Can you say the same of me? No. Then? Because I'm already a married man with a wife and suspended animation.

Let's do it, Karen. I hear wedding bells. We don't have to get married. Stop pushing marriage, Paul. We no longer have to get married. This is the year of Gilly. I'm a traditionalist, Gilly, and you know that about me. What if she was just like a kept woman, like you paid for her? Well, now I want to ask you a question, Gilly. Gary. Would you still be with me if there were no monetary remuneration whatsoever?

Like you're not even going to pay for dinner when we go out on a date. I'll pay for a dinner occasionally, but a lot of times we'll go Dutch. Will you ever buy me very expensive gifts? Like define an expensive gift. Like the Hope Diamond. No. Whoa. The Bob Hope Diamond. Here's the thing. If this is going to work at all, I need you to be with me for me.

And not for the money. So we'll do, we can be together, but we'll do things that don't cost any money. Like we'll go to the park and feed bread to the squirrels or whatever. All right, Gare, I'm in. Really? Yeah. I love you for you. That's what I realized. Wow. She likes you for you. Not because. Wow, this is amazing. Wait, wait, are you having an episode? What was this?

She likes me for me. What's that? You changed your octave, but it doesn't make it any clearer to me. I was trying to introduce a new comedy bang-bang singing a song lyric. Do you remember the She Likes Me For Me? I do, Paul. All right. Oh, these young people. Who did Glenn Miller do that one? Why would I know that? 1998. Well, this is great. So you guys are together. Do you want to waste your one kiss on each other right now? No. What are you talking about? One kiss? One kiss.

Are we getting... Did you just fart here? I heard kiss. I heard kiss. I got excited. And you fart when you're excited? That's the manifestation of your excitement. All right. Well, look... Why don't we... Hold on a second. Shut up. Gilly, let's try this for a year and see how you feel at the end of a year. What?

So you guys will be together. We only are a year at a time. That's how we do things. Okay. We take it a year at a time. That's right. Take it a year at a time. Do you promise to come back in a year and tell us what you've been up to this entire year? I do. I do. Did you just trick him into a wedding?

Oh, my God. You both said I do. Yeah. And by the laws of the Universal Life Church, that means you're married. Wait. Oh, my God. I did say I was a universal minister and that if you wanted to get married, you could. And you both said I do. I guess I'm forced to marry you both. Read the Bible. There's not more to this. Read the Bible. No. Bible.

Oh, the bylaws. I'm sorry, but you guys are married now. All right, well, I guess. We've entered into a kinship.

to create. All right, but you get no allowance and we don't touch any of my money. Or your body parts. That's right. We're going to be celibate and penniless for a year. All right, let's see how this marriage goes. Oh, this is like Overboard, right? Is that what that movie is about? Yeah, your film Overboard. That's not what it... Come on. You can't... Of course that seems like a movie I directed. Sure, any shitty film. Hey! No, it is. It is, Gary. All right, that's my...

you're talking about. Yeah, she's a good wife to the family. All right. Well, guys, we're running out of time. We just have time for one last thing, and that's a little something called plugs. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boof. Boo

You'll be the life of the party I don't give a fuck how, I just know I made it Comedy, bang bang, this show is the greatest Style cock-a-man and you know he's never trippin' Side by side with his guests but he's never flippin' Tell him about your tour days, tell him about your shows He'll say something funny back, that's just how it goes

Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Oh. That alternated between Cake Boss and Cake Moss. Yeah, it did. That was a plug bag parenthetical in honor of Buddy Velasco?

Question mark, end parentheses, by M-K-Z-O-T-A? How would you pronounce that, Gary? Z-O-T-A? X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I-O-T-A. X-I

What are we having to play? It's like an Aaron Sorkin episode. Every TV show he does is an episode called, What are we having to plug? Do you wish that you were Aaron Sorkin? It's a deep cut. Of course I do. Of course I wish I was Aaron Sorkin. Who wouldn't? What guy doesn't wish he's Aaron Sorkin?

All right. Paul, what are you plugging? Oh, well, I'll plug the Ian Gillian show. February 19th. February 19th. The show premieres. You can watch it. This Friday. All 10 episodes at once. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Check it out. Do you like it when people take a break, like watch one a week, or what do you think? Watch them all at once, baby. All right. Do you like when people eat their dinner and watch your show? If they don't finish the whole meal.

You prefer that they start to eat. Yep. Then they're watching the show. They leave, what, half a dinner on the plate? Because they're satiated or what? Okay. Or is the show gross? And they lose their appetite. People turning their skin inside out. People jerking off. Real two-handers. I'm going to admit. Dogs fucking.

I am part dog. Not dogs fucking. I am part dog, so having a half- Dog's getting fucked. Half-finished sandwich out and about, it helps my brethren. Oh, that's heaven for dogs. Yeah, they come in and they like their things. They love people food. Lick it up. Uh, Gilly? What are you plugging? How's community doing? Hey, been away for a year.

Can I talk to you for a second, Gary? We apparently brought down Yahoo single-handedly. We missed that. No more Yahoo! How am I going to get answers for things? How are you going to get your emails from your grandkids? Oh, I got an AOL. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Is community going to AOL next? Shit. Oh, wait. Is Prodigy making shows? MSN. What was that?

MSN, wasn't it? Microsoft? Yeah. It's still around, right? Yeah. Safari. Safari. Firefox. It's a Firefox original. Season 7 on Firefox. Plug something. Fine!

The ozone layer. Oh, God. Oh, that's true. I think that's a good wish. All right. Gary, do you have something to plug? Yeah. Don't forget to check out everything I've ever done. It's all around. You can find it easy, and it's all good. But no one can do it at super speed like you can.

No, that's true. But thankfully, Netflix has this setting where you can watch everything at the same time. So just watch all 18 seasons of Happy Days concurrently. Maybe mix it up with Laverne and Shirley.

All right. What do I want to plug? Of course, Alan Thicke is dead. He can't plug anything. Yeah, it's too bad. It's a real shame. I'll just plug the Comedy Bang Bang TV show. We're plugging away. We're in the middle of filming, and we'll be on in a few months. Weird Al Yankovic, of course, my band leader, my new band leader, will be debuting soon. What's that? Weird Al Yankovic. Did you know him? I'm familiar. Yeah.

What, he's the new band leader on the show? He's the new band leader. You've been away for a while. Kid Cudi came and went in the year that you were here. I don't understand anything that's happening. Okay, sorry. Never mind. All right, well, let's close up the old plug bag. Shloink!

Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs.

That's a good song. Okay, it started. Okay, guys, this has been an amazing show. It has been. An amazing opportunity for me as well. Some real friends, some good friends. Yep. Some fun times with friends. Some good pals, fun times, good pals. There was a death. One death, unfortunate. That's very unfortunate. Just by the mere mention of me saying I had some peanuts in my pocket. Yep. You brought down a legend. That's right.

He never even opened this. I didn't even know he ate this. You could have been lying. He decided to die. Is that what happens in Final Destination? People die from fear?

No. Well, there's two schools of thought about that. There's some people you could look at the movie as it's a manifestation of death. You know, it's a horror film. And then there's a psychological aspect to it. You could say these people, they get so hung up on the idea of death that they fail to actually live. And so their lives are like a walking death. This director always talking about theme. Who cares? No, it's not about themes. There's a lot of underlying themes.

things you don't know about. Speaking of themes, Alan Thicke, he's dead. He sure is. It's sad. It's very sad, but at least you have a new love theme. Why do we continue doing this show with a dead body in the room? I mentioned it earlier. It's a little weird. People told me to move on. We never stopped and we did move on. Well, guys, that's going to be it. Closing thoughts? Everybody should just be friends with each other.

Everybody should just be friends with each other. Everybody should just be friends with each other. Everybody should be friends with each other. All right. See you next time. Thanks. Bye. Sponsored by Novo Nordisk. Hi, I'm standing in...

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