Bonus Bang: Vera Drew, Tim Baltz, Casey Feigh (Nutz 4 Snutz)
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Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, and welcome to another bonus bang. Of course, bonus bangs, we all know what these are. They are previously recorded episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that we are trotting out in front of the paywall. And this is the fifth and penultimate episode of our series Nuts for Snuts.

That's right. Each week we've been re-releasing some of our favorite Randy Snuts episodes from the archives. And this week we have a great one. This is episode 820 called Limo Karaoke. It originally aired on July 9th, 2023.

and it features filmmaker Vera Drew. We also have Tim Baltz as Randy Snuts and Casey Fay as Joey Salsa. This week, Randy has another new job, apparently, as a traveling karaoke station operator, plus...

music from Joey Salsa. We also talk about Vera's movie, which I am in. It's a great time. If you've been enjoying this series and you want to hear more archived Comedy Bang Bang episodes, as well as episodes of Randy Snuts' own show, you can become a subscriber at cbbworld.com, where we have every single episode we've ever recorded, as well as all the live episodes, including all of the live shows that Randy Snuts has appeared on, as well as the episodes...

of his own show that he's recorded live. We have all of that. We're going to have a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang out on Monday, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Comedy Bang Bang

If Moses supposes his toes is a roses, do you think maybe he had a drinking problem? Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

An interesting hypothesis, one we probably will not explore, but thanks to the tiny mammoth for that catchphrase submission. Don't think it's going to stick, but who knows? Next week I may say it again. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. This is, of course, used to be the show where we talked to interesting people. Now it is Humanities and the Animal Kingdom's podcast. We have a great...

A few guests coming up. We have a person... I don't even know how to describe him. A person who used to clean ice out of urinals. I can't remember if he cleaned ice out of them or whether he just cleaned the ice that was in them or the ice would melt and he would pour more into them. But we'll figure all of that out when he comes on a little later. We also have a person with an exciting opportunity coming up after that. A packed show, I have to say. I mean...

Some of these shows, I gotta tell you, the worst fucking guests come on this. And this week we have a guy who used to clean ice out of a urinal. Someone with an enticing, exciting opportunity, I should say. But let's get to our first guest. She is a writer and a director. Used to, full disclosure, used to edit the Comedy Bang Bang television program.

So, you know, there'll be softballs. Although I gotta say, if you were just walking down the street and someone threw a softball at you, that would, that would be dangerous. So who knows what, uh, the safest kind of softball somebody could throw at you. Exactly. Close up. Um, she has a new, uh,

A film that she co-wrote and directed called The People's Joker, which was embroiled in controversy at TIFF earlier in the year, but it has its premiere this Saturday at Outfest. Please welcome Vera Drew. Hello. Hello. Thanks for having me on. Great to have you. It's so nice to see you again. I was so...

I'm so nervous to do this because I've been listening. You've been on the other side. Oh, you've been listening too. Well, I, yeah, I mean, I, I gotta admit, like I haven't, I have fallen off a little bit in recent years. Was it COVID? Oh, having me as a boss. You're about to say. I think like, yeah.

You see the behind the... Yeah, you see all the bullshit behind the... Yeah, I get it. Surprisingly, though, I have... I've revisited the... I've seen Comedy Bang Bang quite a bit over the years. I think just the wealth of it. Yeah, yeah. Age is like fine wine. Which seasons did you work on? My impression of it was four and five, but I don't know. I started...

So I was on set for season two as a DIT. And if people don't know what DIT is, it's basically dip, right? Yeah, exactly. I'm still not quite sure what that job was. It's a person who basically would run in all the time and go, you have to stop.

We have to stop. We have to do the DIT. Yeah. And then everything was shut down for like 15 minutes, right? Yeah. Most stressful job I think you could have on set. Just constantly telling people we're running out of media and I need to back up everything. I think we lost that entire take. We would also do, we would do long ass takes, uh,

which was DIT is basically the person who takes all of the things, recording everything, transfers it, wipes it clean, and then comes back with those because they're all expensive and you need to recycle them as much as you can. But we would do super long takes and it would be like, and every once in a while it would be like, we need to do this.

to stop because you're just running out of memory. Which you never want to do while somebody's in the middle of an improvised... Yeah, if they're on a roll, but that was hardly ever a problem, wasn't it? So second season you were the person doing that and I gave you nary a glance. Yeah, no, I don't think we talked maybe once. I think I talked to Reggie that season more than you. I doubt he remembers.

Well, he's a real glad hander. He's out there meeting all the crew. One thing about him, he likes to learn what everyone does, what everyone's job is. And he memorizes their name and he memorizes all their children's names. Yeah, so I couldn't remember his lines. He learned everybody's name and occupation on set. But yeah, then I came in, I think my first...

episode was the kevin smith episode oh season three yes three late in season three late in season three and then yeah came came in strong four and four and five and four was the four was the mammoth season crazy so you were basically on for more than half the show because uh you you essentially did about 65 episodes out of 110 yeah it's i it

it's crazy. Like I, it's crazy just having that many things that I've edited. And like, I feel like particularly like that season four, like it kind of was like an impossible task, uh, like of trying to deliver that many episodes. It was hard. Yeah, it was. I,

And I made you guys work weekends, but you had a weird schedule. You had... Was it Wednesdays through Sundays, I believe? Because I had to shoot Monday through Friday, and then I would Saturday and Sunday work with you guys. Yeah. Yeah. You'd come in very, very tired on the weekends. Yeah, apparently doing that job was not good for my health, my sanity. Yeah, yeah. I can only imagine...

especially like the days where you were like filming multiple episodes in a day and then coming in and like hanging out with a bunch of sweaty editors.

You guys were not sweaty. I want to make sure that is expressly expressed. I was playing into the stereotypes, I guess, a little bit. No, you guys actually used to take baths in the middle of the day, didn't you? Yeah. Well, that was when we flipped and became a union show. They actually made us do that. Union guarantees. Yeah. They make you take one communal bath per day. Yeah. But that was more from our side. We were like, let's get these guys to bathe. That's in our contract. Yeah.

So you worked on that for a while, and then I didn't see you for a while. You were working at that public access station for a little while with Stoney. And then I didn't see you for a while. Now, another full disclosure, you hit me up. I'm actually in this film. Yes. I'm a movie star. You play Mr. Freeze in this film. Let's talk about the film, because you hit me up to be in it. I didn't really know what it was, but I'll do anyone...

Any kind of favor, basically. I was shocked that you said the lack of context that was given. I was so blown away that it was an immediate yes. No, honestly, like anyone I've worked with, if they want me to do something, I'll do it. Also, I'm offer only and your offer was zero dollars. And I was like, well, that's a loophole. Yeah, yeah.

But what is... This film is... I wanted to have you on to talk about it because it's had a fascinating journey to its now premiere this Saturday. Describe... First of all, just describe what is the film. It's... So it's about an unfunny transsexual clown named Joker who starts an illegal comedy theater in Gotham City. And it's very...

I mean, it's a Batman parody. That's what I say, you know, legally cover my face. And that's what it is. But it's really like autobiographical, just about my experience working in comedy and coming out as a trans woman and kind of being on TV.

Because I've gotten to work on really cool stuff like Comedy Bang Bang. God bless you for remembering. But you also did... I mean, you worked through Absolutely, right? So you did. What else did you do? You did. I worked on Eric Andre's show. I was on season one of Nathan For You, Craft Punk's Political Party, a handful of Tim and Eric things. I co-directed and produced Tim and Eric's Beef House show.

which nobody watched. Not even me. I don't even know what it is. It came out right at the start of the pandemic, which just kind of killed it. Good timing. Yeah, yeah. That was by design. We didn't want anybody to watch it. March 20th. Yeah, on Adult Swim, too, when alt-comedy was a center. There was a time early in the pandemic where you would watch anything. I remember watching that Will Ferrell, what's the big music festival in Sweden or whatever that they do? The...

I forget what that movie's called. Oh, the Eurovision. Yeah, Eurovision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. And just something would come out and it'd be like, thank God, something's here. Yeah. But apparently not Beef House. But yeah, I was really, I mean, I've had a handful of web series and video art projects and stuff.

throughout the years where I was very much on like the fringe and very like kind of unfunny and kind of figuring out my identity through like the art I was creating. So, and I really, I wanted to make a movie about that. And I'm obsessed with,

The Caped Crusader, some call him. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a good chime in? Yeah. Yeah. Just stops the train of thought immediately. Great chime in.

but yeah that's kind of the long and short of it it's it's it's it's a comedy but it's it's also like a very kind of tender queer coming of age story and you are you in it or yeah I'm I play a character called Joker the titular Joker the titular Joker I'm the first trans woman ever play Joker and the

Let's go through the jokers. You have Cesar Romero. Yes, possibly the best because he refused to shave his mustache. I did that on a show that Paul F. Tompkins was on where I put on a fake mustache and makeup over it as a tribute to Cesar Romero. And then you have Jack.

Yeah, it wasn't anybody till Jack. Right. And then, of course, you have, I forget who else. But anyway, some good people. And then you're the first trans person to play the role. Do you think you'll be the last? Probably based off of the legal response from Warner Brothers. Let's talk about this. So basically the show was, or the movie rather, some people call things shows when you're in.

when you're in uh when they go i'm working on this show but it happens to be a movie yeah like you'll hear like grips gathered around me like i just got off this this last do the grip voice i just got off this last show you know they're talking about like the last indiana jones or whatever right it's not that's a movie actually so so this you just slipped up i don't know that i probably did slip up um uh thank you for keeping me honest um but uh this was scheduled to come out at

Tiff, there was one showing, and then you mentioned before Warner Brothers gave you a cease and desist. Is that right? Well, yeah. So we never got an official cease and desist. We really just got kind of this strongly worded letter that was like, we don't think this is a parody anymore.

What makes something a parody? Because if you can put out Batman, a porn parody, it's just people in Batman costumes fucking. Batman's been fucking Joker and Robin and Catwoman on screen for years, but somebody can't make a tender gay Batman movie. Yeah.

But yeah, so they sent us that letter literally like two days before we were supposed to premiere. And they had known about the movie. I'm friends with a handful of people in the Harley Quinn writer's room. The Penguin himself is my brother. And they really waited to the last minute. I think they were trying to kind of kill our...

to really get into the, let's kill a big film sale. And like, yeah. And there's no point in doing it two weeks before, because then you would explore your options and learn that you could do it or whatever. But two days before is meant that happened to me once when we were doing the day, the clown cried reading with Patton Oswalt, which is this Jerry Lewis movie. We were doing a script reading and we would do it around town every once in a while. And then they gave us a cease and desist, like a few hours before we were supposed to go on. And that,

It just is there to scare you. Yeah. And, and yeah, like really scare you. And it, you know, I,

It freaked me out, I guess, but I think it's scared my team more and kind of the people that were sort of trying to help me put together a release. And we weren't going to premiere, but I was like, I got a passport to go to Canada. Like, we should do it. Like, we're all here. So we actually negotiated with the head of Warner Canada. And we're like, we have an army full of people that are already ready to see this movie tomorrow.

let us screen. So we, we had our screening. It was, it was great. And then I kind of paused after that to sort of go back to my lawyers and just make sure that we were in, you know, the legal green zone. And like, I had to finish the movie. Like the movie still had some effects and stuff that needed to be done. It's, it's live action, but there's like a lot of animation and like every kind of animation, stop motion, 3d animation,

So there was a lot of moving parts that I needed to bring home before we started screening again. And I also wanted to come back with a plan this time instead of... Did you hope to get it sold when you were up there and then come back? And is it sold? Is that why it's premiering? Or what's the status now? We don't have any distribution plan set in stone, but it is coming together right now.

I mean, really, like, Outfest and pretty much every festival that we've screened at since TIFF, you know, because we've done a handful of secret screenings. Like, I did, like, a whole secret tour with the movie in Australia. Like, every festival. Down Under? Oh, yeah, Down Under. Does Batman, is he different down there? Like, does he work during the day? Yeah. Yeah.

It's so crazy being 18 years old and listening to comedy death ray on the radio, listening to you ask these kind of questions to somebody. And they're funny when you're listening. It's not so funny when you're sitting here. Like breaking into a sweat.

But yeah, like every, like Outfest has just really gone to bat for us. I mean, they're sponsored by Warner Brothers. Gone to bat, by the way, is a pun. Yes. We should just like really let everyone know that you meant to say that. Yeah. Moment of silence for that.

And, yeah, that's kind of why we were sort of confident that we were able to screen. That's great. And, you know, I mean, the little I learned about parody law doing Comedy Bang Bang because we would have all these, like, conversations with lawyers all the time and...

The closer you are to the thing, the better. Like, I remember there was one thing where we were trying to parody the ghoulies, which were the, I don't know if you remember, the little monsters that come out of the toilet and, like, bite your butt or whatever. And we put them in there and we called them something else. And the lawyer was like, no, no, no, you got to call them ghoulies. That way everyone knows you're parodying the ghoulies.

Yeah. So like, and you're parodying Batman. There's like Batman costumes and Joker costumes and stuff. So it's like, yeah. We've, and like. You're not, you're not basically trying to fool people into going like, this is the new Batman movie that's coming out. Exactly. And like, I think, you know, the kind of like,

deep negative nerd response out of Tiff was like, why didn't you just call it the jokester or something? And it's like, because I actually couldn't do that. That's actually not legal. Yeah, that's trying to... Although that's pretty good, the jokester. The movie goes out of its way to show that it is not a DC movie. I mean, there's a lot of canon references just because I...

love batman and and all the iterations of batman but like you know it's the worst batman we've that you will ever see like he's he's more like kind of just like an overweight cop in it and it is interesting because batman you know when you really think about it you go like oh this poor little guy you got he got his uh parents face blown off or whatever and so it goes he goes and fights crime he's really a rich dude who's out there stomping on poor people

Yeah, and is still... Look, we all have trauma. It's 2023. All of our lives are miserable. Go to one therapist, Batman. Yeah, you'll get over it. This is not the solution. I don't think that... I don't know that they've ever shown him going to a therapist in the comics. No. That would cure him. Yeah, it's... Worse than that, he's like a super dick now. It used to be like, hey, okay, he's out there and he's at least like...

You know, he had this shit happen to him, but he's out there, you know, trying to help out. Now he's just an asshole to Superman.

Yeah, I mean, I think that was the thing too, making this movie. I really love the... I mean, I grew up on the Schumacher Batmans. I loved the Tim Burton ones, but I loved Batman Forever. I saw it... I remember seeing it as a kid and seeing Nicole Kidman in that movie was an early, oh, I think I'm trans or gay or something for me. Because just seeing her and the way Batman looked at her and the...

the rubber nipples, like, you know, some, some wires got either crossed or connected in that moment. Just everything was pinging for you at that moment. Like, Oh boy. Um, and like rubber nipples. I just love the, I love the colorful campy. Did you, did you like the, uh, the, the little projected question marks anytime the Riddler would come on onto the set. Yeah. Although like all the, like, yeah, like, like he said, like he's in there, like setting up lights. Yeah.

beforehand like or at least telling someone like hey i want all these question marks projected all over it's like where all the money from like the diamond heist goes to the production design of his lair yeah i like miss those i mean i love the nolan batmans like as much as anyone but it was cool it was cool to see something like hey this is batman realistically

but now we don't need to go darker. It's like, how much, you know, already like this new one, you can't see what's happening on screen. And it's too, it's way too quiet. It's like, what's next? Let's go back. Let's go back to the, let's, let's out Schumacher Schumacher. Yeah, no. Yeah. I really, I really wanted to make him, him proud with, with this movie. And I hope, I hope, I hope in heaven, he's watching down. Do you think he's in heaven? Yeah.

I'd like to think so. Like, that heaven, at least. Yeah, at least. He's probably in a very specific type of heaven. Like, that's where Alfred went when he died? Yeah. Spoilers for the current comic book. By the way, I know the current writer, Chip Zdarsky. Oh, boy. If you're listening, Chip...

You have a few notes. Anyway, so The People's Joker, it comes out... Well, it premieres this Saturday. You were telling me 9-15. I'm going to check that against the official record. But apparently that's your opinion. It comes out 9-15 this Saturday. Yeah, that is a weird time to...

It's strange, especially like I can understand if it's an hour and 45 minutes, but it's an hour and a half. It's a cold 92. So I don't really know. And when you say cold 92, it was a Mr. Freeze pun. Yes. Yeah. You meant to say that. Thank you for catching that one too. And I play Mr. Freeze in the film.

which upon your instructions, I recorded approximately 40 takes on an iPhone of my line lines. I don't know, but I don't remember what I would describe as the most Scott Aukerman. I felt like I did about 40 reads. I was like, oh, the 40th one was actually good. Yeah. But I bet you didn't listen to it all the way through. No, I definitely think the last one, like if I may do it. Oh, sure.

Cool party. Okay, sure. The most fancy boy. Great. Wonderful. And people know it's the craziest thing is there's nothing about the design of the character to suggest it's you. But it is like, I mean, to my credit, I guess I'm a good director. Like I did pick the Scott Aukerman take.

because people know it's you. And the other people who are in it, you have Tim is in it, right? Yeah, Tim plays Perry White. It's kind of an Alex Jones version of Perry White. Bob Odenkirk plays Bob the Goon. Elliot Glazer plays a character named Timmy two times.

Sarah Squirm? Maria Bamford now plays Lorne Michaels. That's one thing you found you can't do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, Sarah was Lorne Michaels. She was in the movie before she was cast. That was one of the aftertips. That's why she was cast. Yes, yeah. I heard someone does a good impression of me.

You're on the shoe. Yeah. Well, this is great. The People's Joker comes out this Saturday. And after that, we don't know. But how can people follow along with the saga? You can follow me at VeraDrew22 on Twitter. I also am doing a behind-the-scenes podcast for my Patreon, patreon.com slash VeraDrew22. And...

And yeah. What's the 22 for? Is that the year that you started it or is it just rhymes? I think, I think there's also, I think it does. You're right. Hold on. Let's, let's test it out. Drew two drew two. Yeah. And then the extra two adds a little bit of, it adds like the, the, the syllable in between. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Um,

Okay. People can follow it there. We're going to take a break. And Vera, you can stick around, right? Because we have some exciting. Did you hear who's coming up? They sound exciting. Yeah. Someone who cleaned ice out of a urinal once at least. And then someone with an exciting opportunity.

Pretty good. Yeah. For this show. Not bad. No, no. You've landed some good guests. I feel very honored to be among this illustrious group. All right. Well, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more from Vera Drew. We'll have more comedy. Bang, bang. We'll be right back after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Vera Drew is here, the People's Joker, out this Saturday at an odd time, 9.15. I would suggest getting there...

Just in case something happens, it starts early. I'm like wondering if I should show up early just to be on the safe side. I think you should show up early no matter what. I'm so traumatized from TIFF that I worry that like it is just like not going to happen in some way. You might get one of those cease and desist literally because of this show. Like some, you know, the Brothers Warner are listening or something like that. And they send you another one. So yeah.

We'll see. I mean, you're tempting fate by being on this show because it's a very popular podcast, Humanities podcast, and of course, the Animal Kingdoms. We need to get to our next guest. He is the aforementioned person who used to dump ice in a urinal or clean the ice that was in it or...

Take ice out. No, I used to dump the ice in the urinal, and then the urine cleans the ice out of the urinal. That doesn't sound very sanitary to me. Well, we've talked before about how cold your urine stream is. That's a good point. But everyone else's is incredibly hot, and it melts the ice, which gives you a sense of power. And mine would make the ice even more ice, essentially. Yeah. It would be a glacier. Hence your perfect casting as Mr. Freeze. Thank you so much. Barry, you must have known. By the way...

As far as A Block interviews go, no shade. That's the best, most interesting, informative interview you've ever conducted. I learned something. You were at attention in every...

And every time you got called out, I was like, dang. I mean, it's not bad. I think I'm getting okay at this after 14 years. In my 15th year, I'm like, yeah, I do all right. This was at, he used to do this job at my favorite restaurant, which is called what? The Domeo's. Domeo's. D apostrophe. The Domeo's. Domeo's. That's my favorite restaurant. Yeah.

And he has his own podcast called, what is it called again? Hey, Randy, a Randy Snuts show. And that's over at CBB World. Please welcome back to the show, Randy Snuts himself. Hello, Randy. How could I possibly top that introduction?

Does every guest come on here trying to top their introduction? I mean, come on. You can just be yourself. I couldn't do better myself, though. Well, you don't have to. You're the guest. Oh, you set a high bar, Scott, and I'll never reach it. You are very complimentary today, Randy. I'm not used to it. Well, you know, it's a new year, so I have new habits. Oh.

okay that's good to know this is vera by the way how you doing vera nice to meet you likewise really admire your work oh really what do you know of uh randy snuts's work the ice part of it or yeah yeah and the the particularly i i think i really resonate with like the that feeling of power like when the ice is melting and absolutely would you that was the other thing i didn't know like would you dump the ice and that's the end of your relationship to that particular batch of ice or would you come in and check on it all

and see its progress. Yeah, you have to come in and check to see if more ice needs dumping. But would you check on it just to see how it's going without...

That part of it. So you're saying, would I have a personal relationship with this batch of ice? Like, you just want to know, like, is it melting? Yeah, absolutely. I do. I want to know that other people are feeling their power. Like, say you dumped a big thing of ice and they were like, Randy, you're off the clock. You go home now. Would you like wait another half hour? Can't do it. I'm giving you work for free.

I got to wait until that last cube of ice is melted. And then watch someone else put the new batch of ice in. Then shake their hand. Then we wash our hands together. Then we walk out.

Wonderful. Randy, it's so good to see you. You, of course, a longtime guest on this show. The saga of all of your comings and goings is legendary. Oh, thanks. You have your friends Amber and Stu, of course. They're on my podcast. My duplicitous girlfriend Carissa is on the podcast. And, of course, our ne'er-do-well moron libertarian friend Mark Cadivano is on the podcast. Yeah.

And what is going on with Carissa? You mentioned Carissa, but what is, are you guys, because sometimes you come on here and you're broken up. Sometimes you're back together. Absolutely. I mean, it depends on how her devious meter is flowing. Right. And where is it? Is it off the charts right now? Right now? No, we're in a good place right now. Oh, good. Yeah. So we're together. I've started a new endeavor. Obviously, I haven't worked at Dodomio's in a long time. And why is that? I never knew why you didn't work there anymore. Suddenly I got there and there was no ice anymore.

They just, they didn't have an ice budget or what exactly happened? Yeah, they lost their ice budget and I was the first one cut, you know, pandemic hit, pandemic hit. And they were like, Hey, we got to scale back. We're going to take out. And I was like, so you don't need, would you maybe, did you pitch like, maybe I could throw some ice in the bag. Yeah. I should take out and they could put it in their own toilet. Oh, ah,

I mean, you're reading my mind. I had written little handwritten things stapled to little bags of ice. Like little fortune cookies, but it was... They all were the same thing. What was it? Well, they all said, if you dare, dump this ice in your toilet at home and pee in it to get a sense of power. Why is it like... It kind of sounds like a threat.

Yeah, if you dare. Why put the if you dare there? If you dare? Yeah. Well, because... Seems like, first of all, you're calling people who don't dare cowards. True. Implicitly. Yes, absolutely. Why are you afraid to feel this power? Right. Why are you afraid to melt ice with your urine stream? It's hot. It's inside you. But you bring up a good question, though. Why don't we have ice in our toilets all day? If it's so great in the urinal at restaurants, why don't we do it at home? Well, because...

Well, first off, you have to have like an ice machine. Not everybody has that. Sure. But if you but I mean, you could make the cubes yourself like overnight. True. Dump them in in the morning. Uh huh. Then refill them. Yeah. And then by the time you need more ice, you know, maybe they're they're ready again. You know, I think that it might take away the special sensation of visiting, you know, an establishment and going into the bathroom and being like, I have to do my dirty business again. So it's basically why you don't have a maitre d' at your house.

This is for the restaurant. Yeah, and I'm not going to be a maitre d' myself. I'm not going to be like, Carissa, right this way. Sit down. I ordered pizza. Although it sounds nice. Yeah, she might like some special treatment once in a while. What do you do for her? What do I do? Do you do special things for her? Yeah, absolutely. Like what? I say things like, that was not duplicitous. So I affirm her good behavior. Right. So you think the way that she treats me, I should be nice to her?

I don't know. Personally, I think you guys should break up. I mean, I've always said that. Yeah, well, that's coming up soon. Oh, you think so? You said you were in a good place. Well, we've broken up like 785 times. We're going to get back together. Right. You know? Because I love the way you lie. Are you going to get married? I mean, do you see that in your future? Children? Marriage? I don't know. Right now, we're a dink couple. What is dink? What does that mean? Double income, no kids. Ha ha ha!

Where does she work? I don't even know. Yeah, I don't know. She's between jobs right now. I mean, it's her unemployment. You're like a sync couple right now. Yeah, true, true. But I got a new endeavor. Oh, yeah, your new endeavor. What's going on? So, you know, like a couple of years ago, I bought a limousine off of Craigslist. I guess I didn't know that, but okay. Oh, you didn't? How would I have known that? I announced that on the show. Okay, sure. Okay, I don't remember every single thing we've talked about on the show.

I barely remember the name of my favorite restaurant, which is apparently Dodomio's. Yeah. Okay. Got it. You probably haven't been in a while. No, I mean, you know, after COVID, no ice. No dice. No ice, no dice. That's one of those rhymes that we were talking about with Vera. Nice. That's another one. I know. Thrice. Yeah. Well, now four times, but yeah.

Fried rice. Yep, there we go. Hey, there we go. That's the Pentagon. Yes, we did it. I wonder how many times they have fried rice at the Pentagon. Do you think they deliver? Do they get food delivered at the Pentagon or are people like not allowed to bring food in there? Because if so, that would be a major security breach, I would think. This is one of those Chimans Vera was talking about not being good for the podcast. Why? I'm interested. You want to take a tangent to talk about fried rice at the Pentagon? Yeah.

Okay. I bet they have it every other day. I hope so. I hope that for them. They probably do eat it a lot there because I think there is a food court that's like one of the staples of food court. Is it right there in the center of the Pentagon? That would be so cool. Yeah, it's so big. That's why they had to build it. They built the food court first. There's like an Orange Julius and a Derwiener schnitzel. Sbarro. Yeah.

generals are going up there. Could you take a paper napkin and kind of press the oil out of that slice of Sbarro? See, this turned out to be a good chime in. It was. It was pretty good. Okay, good. Anyway, so your new endeavor. I have a new endeavor. So I converted my limousine into a traveling karaoke station. Oh, yeah. I remember something like this. So you would pick people up

I pick people up. It's BYOB. They can bring in whatever they want. Really? Well, then you have to park if you want to drink. Oh, okay. If you want to drink. Well, I mean, no, if they want to drink, you can't drive around with an open container. I've always wondered, what is the legality of having liquor in the back of a limo? Is it just because it's a limo and there's like a window in between? Yeah, and the window on mine is busted. Oh, okay. If we get pulled over, they're going to be like, oh, the window wasn't up. Well, like if you were drinking in the backseat of my car and I get pulled over, could I just go, no, this is a limo?

Test your luck, my friend. Just install a window, I guess. I guess, yeah. See, I installed TVs. I got a karaoke machine at this vintage shop in town. I installed that, and now we're good to go. All right, so you did that how long ago? About a year ago or so? Well, no, I bought the limo...

a couple of years ago, but I just recently converted into a karaoke station. Oh, okay. So, which is, it's been great. It's been very fruitful and people love my hosting skills too. Oh, so you're, are you driving while you're hosting? I'm driving and I have a microphone up front and then there's one microphone in the back. Oh, what's that one for the people singing? Yeah. Okay. Oh,

Well, that was implied. It's not karaoke. You said it like it was a special thing. Well, it seemed like you were implying that the karaoke was I drive around and sing karaoke and people just sit in the back and booze it up. No, I was not implying that. I just find it funny that you're hosting while driving. That's all I asked you. Well, it's just hosting. I kick things off and then I get the mood going.

with a song. Sure. You know, I have a couple standards that I'm really good at. What are you good at? Which ones? Oh, you want to hear it? Not the song, but I just want to hear the title of them. Okay. La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf. Are you singing it in that language? In that language? Absolutely, yeah. I could give you 15, 20 seconds. Sure, let's hear it. I've got bars. Okay. Okay, hold on a second.

Hold on a second. Hold on a second, Randy.

It was beautiful for the intro part of it. It was. I'm not a trained singer. No, it sounded amazing. And then suddenly, what happened when the chorus came in? I'm not a trained singer. I'm not really sure. It all sounded the same to me. But I don't have an ear for music. I don't have perfect pitch. It just sounded like range to me. Oh, no, no, no.

No, I've got no range. No, my music teacher. You're like Bruce Hornsby when he went solo. Oh my God. The amount of times I've gotten in bar fights because people are like, Hey motherfucker, you sound like Bruce Hornsby when he went solo. And I'm like, that's it. I'm going to cut you up.

So if you have no ear for music, why are you doing this? Just it's a money making an opportunity. Absolutely. I'm an entrepreneur at the end of the day. Yeah. Like anybody else. Yeah. Here's my Venmo code. Oh, scan it. All right. Here we go. There we go. All right. Now I'm going to request some cash from you. Why? Because I just serenaded you. I didn't. I mean, I guess I did ask for it, but you offered. You're asking for it all the time. My friend. Look at that outfit. Bare feet in the studio. Yeah.

Hey, this is my home. Oh, still okay. I can have bare feet in my own home. I'm not saying you only have to ask for it out in public. Clearly, you're asking for it at home as well. Hopefully, I get it at home. No kidding. You're making... I got a Joker smile looking at those feet.

Right, Vera? How about you? I'm not going to participate in this part of it. Okay. My friend is looking exfoliated and hydrated down there. Down there. Hey, my eyes are above my feet, okay? Somewhere. Somewhere.

You got to find them, but they're up a little bit higher. Okay, I'm going up the body. I haven't seen them yet. They're usually towards the top. This is a feast for the senses. The sense of sight. Oh, there they are. Wow, beautiful. That took you so long to climb up his body. He's like 6'2". Yeah, you're really resting on the midsection there for a long time. I thought I'd see the eyes. There are a few things down there that look like the eyes, but it turns out it's just buttons and belts.

And bulges, of course. Ah, yeah, that's true. The eyes. The crotch of the face. For a minute, I bet you thought that one of my eyes was popping out like a cartoon. But no, that was just my boner that I have while I record this show. Yep, your single eye-shaped boner. Single cartoon Popeye-shaped boner. You got an early Matt Groening-looking eye boner down there.

How would I describe my boner? Well, 1987 Matt Groening eyes. Well, this sounds great. So you, I mean, how much business have you received? Pretty good business. You know, all you got to do is like you post a couple of things on Craigslist. Local Craigslist is really active for us. There's a lot of people that have not abandoned it.

Really? There are a lot of sex workers there. Sure. Okay. Do people expect that from you when you come and pick them up? Are they like... Maybe. I mean, that explains some of the comments that I've gotten, but I don't discriminate. You discriminate what? People who want... Against sex workers. Oh, sure. But no. So when you say you don't discriminate, if they want sex from you, you just give it to them? No, I don't discriminate that that's what they think I offer. And I say, no, no, actually... I was going to say, your definition of not discriminating...

Very different. They come expecting a sex worker. You don't discriminate, so you do it. No, no, no. I'm not discriminating. You're intimating. I'm not intimating anything. I'm just merely asking you questions. Okay, well, my answer to that question is I say, no, thank you. I'm not looking for that. Would you like to listen to some karaoke? Then do some. And then usually they're like... And then do they say, when you say do some, what do you mean? They do say that.

They do say that. Yeah, absolutely. And then I'm like, what do you think I meant? Wink, wink. And then they're like, why did you just say wink, wink? Because that's what I say when they say that. Okay, yeah, but I'm imagining them saying, why did you just say wink, wink? Oh, yeah, that's exactly what they say.

And then I say, I'm just I'm winking at you. You must know what I mean. That's the thing. Winks have gotten a bad rap, haven't they? Because anytime you like you wink at someone, it's suggestive. Supposedly, it's like, no, it's just fun to do. You know, go do it to your friends every once in a while. Wink it at me right now. No kidding. It's fun. Those toes are twinkling as much as your eyes. See, now you're turning it into a weird thing. I was winking at you. Why is it weird? Like a friend. OK, the foot is the part of the body.

I can't argue with that. There we go. You got me there. I'm not being weird by looking at your bare feet in studio. You're parading around showing us right now. I'm not prancing. I'm not parading. For those of you listening at home or at work or wherever the hell you are, Scott's got his feet up on the table. He's twinkling his toes at us. I'm doing sort of a wink with my toes. Yeah, absolutely. So

So this sounds great. I mean, what does Carissa think about all this? I mean, she's against anything that gives me a sense of independence. Yeah. So at first she was not happy about it. And then, you know, I took home a little bit of cash and I took her out to eat Taco Bell Cantina. Oh, the fancy Taco Bell. I love that. Yep. That way you don't have to sneak booze into the Taco Bell. Right. Yes. Because they serve it or I haven't been in one. Yeah. It's like Starbucks Reserve.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I should do Comedy Bang Bang Reserve or something like that, where it's like a better version of this show. Oh, Comedy Bang Bang After Dark. Oh, yeah. We always do it during the day. They can wink and have a Matt Groening boner whenever you want. Yeah, exactly. Like Peach Pit After Dark, but it's Comedy Bang Bang. I used to love that because Peach Pit was just the squarest business in the world. It was a 50s diner. And then it turned into the hottest club in Beverly Hills. In the back. Yeah.

And by the way, who used to run it? Nate? Was that his name? I don't remember. Let's see. Whoever the owner was, he was like, oh, I got this space in the back. It's like a gorgeous club in Beverly Hills. He just had diner supplies back there. Yeah. And then they cleaned them out, and it turned into the hottest club in Beverly Hills. And by the way, where are these 50s diners in Beverly Hills? I don't think I've ever seen one. They got run out of business. Yeah. Aaron Spelling pulled the plug. Yeah. Yeah.

Cease and desist. CISO and desisto. You a big fan of CISO? I used to be. Still got the app on my Apple TV. Oh, really? It'll kick back to life someday. And guess what? It'll have technical difficulties. That's right. Well, this is great, Randy. You made some money. Yep, I made some cash. It's a cash-only business, so if you want to ride in my limo, just bring some cash. Bring some ideas for karaoke songs that you want to sing. Ideas? What about just names of them?

Yeah. You're splitting hairs right now. I just find it funny of someone coming and going, I have a few ideas I want to throw against the wall. Like maybe something with music in it. Maybe something in 4-4 time. Yeah, I'd be like, you're on the right track. Keep going. Give me the title of a song and I'll plug it in. There we go.

There we go. You know, bangers only. I'm not trying to- You're a bangers only business. A bangers only business. You're a B.O.B. Yeah, absolutely. Because I couldn't, you know, I haven't been able to afford like entire catalogs. Right. So I'm just- You're not on the internet on YouTube because you might try that, but I was doing it here at the house and you've got to play an ad before every song. Oh, right. Yeah. No, I don't want to do that. No. I don't want to. That would weigh people down when they're trying to make their decisions. Do you have CDs or are they downloaded? Yeah, you need to see these nuts. Yeah.

Randy's nuts. They're not on cassettes. Yeah, we have CDs, so it's bangers only. And, you know, I mean, it's pretty good. People are pretty pleased with the selection. How many CDs do you have? Probably like 14 CDs. Okay, this is not a lot of songs. You can maybe fit 15 songs on a CD? Yep.

Yeah. Well, Violent Femmes Greatest Hits, that's like 21 songs. There's a whole karaoke CD for Violent Femmes Greatest Hits? Well, it's not the karaoke CD. Is it two tracks? No, it's actually just the Greatest Hits CD, and I turn it down every time the lyrics pop up. Like a DJ at a club? Like a DJ at a club. When he wants them to sing? Yeah. So it's like, you know what? Okay. I mean, that counts. I would sing along with it. Yeah, absolutely. You seem like a Violent Femmes head. Sure. Why not? Cool.

Cool. Milwaukee's own. In a battle to the death, who would win, Violent Femmes or the Bodines? Well, the Violent Femmes, I mean, it's all about the branding, you know? I'd be scared to go up against the Violent Femmes until I met them.

But the Bodines is like, I don't know. They're probably Christofascists now. Well, this is great, Randy. I really respect your hustle, your get up and go. Thanks. Ain't no bustle without the hustle. Good point. But how long do you think this is going to last? Probably a few months, like most of my other endeavors. Then I'll either get bored or sick of it, or I'll get fired from my own job. Yeah.

How does that happen? How do you get fired from your own thing? I mean, have you ever fired yourself? Absolutely.

You just get to fight with the boss, a verbal altercation. I eat enough CBD, I'm bound to start talking to myself. If I say something to myself, I'm bound to disagree. You're eating so much CBD that it's having a psychoactive effect on you? I mean, you've been eating from like, I mean, it's just goop, essentially. It looks like a massage oil or something like that that you've just been chugging right now. Really sticky stuff. I melt down all the CBD gems that I can find.

You know, because most of them don't have more than 0.3% of THC legally. Right. So you got to melt them down and separate the THC from the actual gem part of it. You got to separate it chemically. Yeah. You got to keep it separated. Yeah. Yeah. When I said chemically, I was quoting Brain Candy by Kids in the Hall. Oh, you were? Oh, interesting. I didn't realize you were a K-I-T-H fan. Well, I am a K-I-T-H fan.

BC fan. Before what? Brain candy. Brain candy. Oh, that's the only thing you noticed. Everything they did. Pre-Jesus Christ. Well, Randy, this is fantastic. Can you stick around because we have a great guest coming up and I would love for you to stick around. I'll stick around for the podcast and I'll stick around afterwards. Oh, for what? Just ask you advice on how to get your feet so clean and hydrated.

When you say hydrated, I mean, they're not wet or anything. Yeah, but they're not flaking. Okay. Do feet in your life tend to flake? In my life? Have you seen my friends? Stu and Amber, yeah, I met them once. Will you finally give me your phone number? I'll send you pictures of my friends' feet after this. I don't think I do.

I don't want to do that. But Randy Snuts is here. His podcast, Hey Randy, is out there on CBB World. We also have Vera Drew, the People's Joker. And coming up, we have someone with an exciting opportunity. So this is, I mean, do you think we'll be excited for them or? Absolutely. Yeah. We'll share in the excitement. That'll be incredible. Let's do it. Let's bring it on. I can't wait to get this ad break.

Because then we'll be beyond the ad break. That will be beyond the ad break. Yeah. All right. So let's do it. We're going to all sit here in anticipation of the person's exciting opportunity. We'll have more Vera Drew. We'll have more Randy Snuts. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bam Bam for this. This podcast is brought to you by Hulu. Hey, everybody. Hulu has a bunch of new stand-up specials that are not just funny. They're hilarious. Very funny, Hulu. Anyway.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Vera Drew is here, director of The People's Joker, going to be premiering this Saturday at Outfest and then hopefully in your homes after that at some point where all of America and the world can see it. Yeah, I'm hoping. Yeah, I mean, I really do want people to see it in a theater.

you know, because I worked really hard on it. And also you want that Nicole Kidman thing to play in front of it because you were so into her in Batman Forever. Oh, that would be... Do you have the same kind of thing when you see her going, you know, talking about AMC movies and all that kind of stuff? You know, I actually really am...

you know, when those, when those ads started, they did kind of give me some like warm nostalgia pain pings, but I feel like the like ironic, it's worn off now. It's kind of ruined it for a little bit. Everyone enjoyed it. Ironically to,

To the point where like three weeks ago I was there and people were applauding. And then in that three weeks, now people are not applauding for it anymore. Like everyone's over it again. Yeah. We might see like another cycle of that. But yeah. Yeah. But that would be cool to see it play before your movie. Yeah. No, it would be great. Especially since we do have a fully CG version of her in my movie. Oh, really? Cool. Kind of a...

Here's what she looks, actually looks like. - What was her name in that movie? - Dr. Chase Meridian. She's a psychologist, fascinated with bats.

Because that's what psychologists do, is they grow fascinated with someone in the animal kingdom. Yeah. We also have Randy Snuts here. Are you a fan of Batman? Absolutely. I love Batman. All the works. I just remembered the other day that Burgess Meredith is the first penguin. Yeah. That blew my mind. What reminded you of that? What made you suddenly remember? Were you watching Twilight Zone episodes and suddenly he went, rah, rah, rah? I was scrolling Twitter and Burgess Meredith was trending. What?

This is weird. He's been dead since 97. What's going on? What was going on? What did you find out? I have no idea. It was just the new algorithm sucks so much. It was burping out Burgess Meredith. And then I saw him with Cesar Romero. I'm like, oh my God, that's right. He was a penguin. Yeah. Amazing at it. I grew up watching the first one. I mean, I like them all, but you're right. It's gotten too dark. Too dark. Let's go back pre-Nolan to Batman having fun. How about Batman in Godspell?

Yes. Yeah, that's fun. That could be good, right? As Jesus or as John the Baptist? I guess he'd be John the Baptist. Yeah, prepare ye the way of the Lord. Mm-hmm.

Yep. That's something you could bring into the karaoke box. That's right. I sang that in high school. I played that role in high school, and I came from the back of the theater, and I walked down the steps toward the stage. Barefoot? I tried.

And then apparently the choreographer who was a former student who was maybe a couple years out of high school who came back to help out with choreography, I was not there for one rehearsal and she made fun of the way I walked and did an impression and it scarred me for life. Oh, Jesus. Wow. Scared the shoes right off you. Yeah.

That's great. Well, yeah, you should absolutely sing that. I'd be honored if you sang that. I would love that. Let's set that up at some point. How do I get a hold of you? Do I call you? You can leave a voicemail on my voicemail. We're always taking voicemails. We love our callers. 779-379. Wait, this is the voicemail from your program to book your Uber? I have to call and you sift through those? Yeah, I sift through those. And hopefully you just give me an address and I pick you up. But it's 779-379. This doesn't seem like the most expedient. Let me get through the number. Okay.

I'm trying to promote a show on your Patreon. Okay. Our Patreon. But go ahead. 779-379-2679. I'm just saying it doesn't seem like the most expedient way to book your services. Oh, yeah. Because so many people are calling for your podcast. Well, you could text it as well. Okay. We take texts. You take texts? Uh-huh. So you sift through those to find out who wants to book your Uber for a karaoke? Yep, absolutely. Okay. All right.

right. Well, we'll see. Give it a call. Maybe some people, you might get some business after this comes out. I hope we get voicemails pertaining to the podcast, but if I get business too, sure. Okay. Great. Well, speaking of business, we have someone who has an exciting opportunity coming up and he's been on this show once before, but

Please welcome back to the show, Joey Salsa. Thanks for having me. Don't expect me to top that intro. That was fantastic. I don't expect anyone to top any intro. I mean, I don't even think that intro was all that good. You were on once before. You gave my name. You said the information. I've been here once before. That's true. And I got to say, as a frequent listener this time and the one other time I've been on here, best B block I've heard, best A block. So you listened to the one episode you were on before. Yeah, you make us sit here before we talk. I don't know if people know that. I mean, where else are you going to be?

I could be running errands. What kind of errands would you run instead of being here? You could give me an estimate of what time I needed to be here and I could walk in. But no, it was fantastic. I learned the phrase dink. Never heard that before. Vera called you a fancy boy in A Block. I like that. You kind of just let it roll right off you. I didn't take offense to that. Should I have? No. Tone complimentary. Right. Yeah. Based on his feet, how could he not be fancy? We named the look of your boner. It was all fantastic. There was also some musical stuff in there. And that is my wheelhouse.

That's right. You're a composer. Is that right? Yeah, I like to write musicals. My hope is that they're musicals that don't exist. Last time I got burned a little bit by that. Yeah, last time you came on, I guess you were doing, you got deep into the role of you were writing a musical about Alexander Hamilton, and you got very deep into the process where you weren't even looking at phones, and you didn't realize that a very popular musical had already come out.

Yeah, I was living like Alexander Hamilton at the time. My musical was called Alexander the Great, not the one you're thinking about, Hamilton. And then I started presenting it, and you said that a lot of my songs were very similar to the songs. It was very weird because musically they were note for note. And that could be my stepson writes most of my music. And he turns these tunes around real quick. Okay, and he wasn't doing the whole process, if not. I'm writing the lyrics, and then I give him these lyrics, and he just comes, and he's like, I got the track.

And I'm like, wow. It sounds to me like he's not a writer. He's a guy who bought an instrumental CD of the latest Hamilton. Like, I honestly could be. I tried to, I went home. I tried to talk to him, locked himself in the room for weeks. Didn't get, let me get a word in edgewise. But anyway, I realized my mistake was that I'm not Alexander Hamilton.

So if I'm writing about... Hold on, your mistake in writing this musical is that you're not Alexander Hamilton? Well, yeah, because what do they always tell you in writing? Vera can help me here. Write what you know. Write what you know. I would have made the same mistake. Right, yeah. So I was trying to write about things that people might not know about, but then I was like, no one knows about me. Why don't I start writing about myself? Then it can't be anything that's ever been done before. Okay, well, great. Because this is actually my life.

Every human being has a unique perspective upon this world. So this sounds good. So you've written a musical about your own life? Yes. So I was trying to think, what's my best time of my life? When did I really get happy? And I was thinking it was mostly when, for a little while, I would go to small town to small town and I would try to... Why the small town? Well, because I was... Not big towns. Well, after I finish my sentence, you'll figure out. I think.

Because I was trying to scam these people into thinking that I was a music guy and that I would try to get all the kids to buy instruments. And then they give me all the money and then I would leave town. And so if it's a big town, this is something you used to do. I love to go from town to town as a musical instrument salesman. Loved it. Yeah. And they would give you half the money for how much would you take? Would you take all of it? I'd

said much like hen yeah say hey come on don't worry i know the guy i know the guy let me place the order so you they would place the order for these instruments you would skip town before the instruments so it was it was it was amazing and and so then i said well let me write let me write a couple of songs about that you know i mean it's a very interesting life do you have a song i do have one i actually have a few but why don't we start with the first one okay so this is this is based on your life uh as a traveling salesman or as a traveling con man correct uh all right

76 trombones led the big parade. That is way too many trombones.

There's only 82 kids that are even in the band Why did everybody pick to play trombone? Here's my theory why it happened Randy Johnson picked first And he's a cool kid so everyone did what he did But now I got so many trombones And I got no flutes or drums And two kids carrying the front of the flag They die

So now it's mostly trombones and the song doesn't have trombones. And what are you going to do with all the trombones and everything? Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay. Joey Salson. Yeah. First off, I have to say, when you mentioned the premise of this...

You know, the execution can differ. Everyone can have the same idea. There's a lot of parallel thinking in art. Multiple discovery. Yeah. Armageddon and deep impact. Exactly. But the execution, you hope, is a little different. And yours is a little different. Great. Maybe not different enough. I do have to say that the song 76 Trombones exists in a musical with the exact same premise as your life called The Music Man.

Oh, okay. Well, mine's called The Instrument Guy, so it's different in that way. Is the song all about how 76 is way too many trombones? No, it's the perfect amount in that. Whoa! They love the fact that there are 76 trombones. In a small town? I know. Yeah, it doesn't make... Way too many trombones. Yeah, okay. The thing that doesn't make as much sense is why do you care how many trombones there are? Because you're not even... Well, that's the one town that I stayed in, so I actually did...

Actually, again, that's kind of more of an ending song, but I want to start strong. That's how the musical ends. Well, I don't exactly remember, but it's pretty close to the end. It's pretty close to the end, yeah. And so that's me actually leading, and I lead the band through it. So that's when they get their instruments, you stay there. Trombone after trombone after trombone after trombone. Yeah. How many trombones is too many trombones, would you say? I'd say over four.

Yeah. Wait, so, but you had 72 more trombones to sell to this small town? Your inventory must have been pretty big. Yeah, no, well, because I just do it on Amazon. Right.

right so once they tell you are you a prime member yeah yeah i joined i joined it gets so expensive yeah just to watch the show the title makes sense you're a third party instrument guy right yeah exactly um and and so and again have did you consider calling it third party instrument guy instead of just the instrument i'm open to that i'm oh i was trying to go i thought last time i made the mistake with too many words in my title so i was trying to what was it the last time the hamilton alexander the great not the one you're thinking of hamilton right and so this time i thought i'd just keep it

compact i mean it definitely tells you what you're in for the third party instrument guy i mean you know he's not a guy who's like out there making the instruments right yes absolutely he's not a guy who carries them around with no no no i sometimes do this with my hands which i know isn't great for podcasts by the way yeah for podcasts he's like sort of conducting an imaginary orchestra conducting like tar yeah exactly lydia or should i say linda you think tar fan yeah i watched it on an airplane you a tar heel i'm absolutely a tar heel

I'm one of Dean Smith's boys. I love the movie Tar. Rest in power, Dean Smith. Yeah, of course. Well, that's one. I think it's a little too close. It sounds like the same. Is your stepson your composer still? Because it also sounds exactly like the music. Yeah, it sounds like he just got an instrumental track from...

Okay. All right. Well, maybe like the instrumental tracks that Randy here plays on his. Yeah. Maybe you could hook up with his. Yeah. I'm also not a music guy. This is just this is all temp audio. If anyone's wondering, I don't think I need to be the star. I'd love to borrow those or I'd even I'd even reward you handsomely for it. Because like I said, I mean, almost none of my tracks are instrumental. Yeah. Oh, fantastic. Yeah. That's almost like that's what I'm here just to make money and stuff. So if that. Yeah. If we want to set something up, that'd be awesome. Right. Well, here's some cash in my pocket. Oh, heck. Yeah. Thank you.

How much did you just give him, Randy? $3? I don't know. That's not... For one song, I got some more. So maybe by the end of this, I'll have like $15. Okay. Wow. You have five songs? Okay. Yeah. Let's get to the second one. Well, yeah. So, okay. So there was this one town where this kid...

He was a real wiener of a kid, you know? But I was trying to sleep with his mom. And so I'd hang out with him and he'd always... Did you ever get there? I think maybe at the end of the musical, I'll grab her butt a little bit and wink so you think that it might happen. Now, is that a wink like a suggestive wink or is that a wink between friends? Good point. That one actually was suggestive. But my shoes will be on so it'll be confusing for the audience. Okay.

So this next one, he would always sing about how much he loved his town. And so this would be, this is this, and this one, musicals, I realized are long. They take forever. And so this song is-

I mean, both of them, really. They want them to be like, you know, a couple hours because they want intermission. They want to sell drinks. So I had to get... I saw six the other night. It was 90 minutes, no intermission. Well, there you go. I felt a little cheated. Oh, see? And that's my point. And that is exactly my point. So this song, it's about... It's like a six implies it's going to be six hours. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. I was thinking... Turned out it was the number of performers. I was thinking six songs. It's like it could have been either. I thought it'd be the woman... Hours, number of performers? The woman from Blossom. Uh,

while we're doing topical Beverly Hills 90210 stuff, let's dip into a Blossom reference. Poor Six. Oh, poor Six. She was an icon and we didn't recognize it. Hats. She started hats from what I remember. Yeah, she did. She was the first person on TV to wear hats. Yeah. No one was allowed to. It was like, remember the I Love Lucy where they couldn't even go to the bathroom or mention she was pregnant? That's right. And then like no one was allowed to wear hats until Blossom. And then suddenly like everyone's wearing them and people don't remember it. First toilet was on Leave it to Beaver. Oh, wow.

That's what Joey said when he saw Six's hat. Yeah. He's like, you can't wear that. That was a sketch right? A sketch right is you can't wear that. You can't wear that. So you have another song. And this song I'm going to have be really long. I'm thinking like maybe a 45 minute song. 45 minutes. Oh, okay. Just to pad out. Kill up some time. Yeah. Yeah. This is number two. Number two. Yeah.

All right, here we go. This is from the third-party instrument guy. Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana, not Louisiana, Paris, France, New York, or Rome.

Also not Buffalo or Phoenix or Seattle or New Zealand or Madrid or other cities. Here are some Minneapolis, England, and there is another town and another city that I'll tell you about. All right. I got to stop you here.

So your plan is to do a 45-minute song where you just name places that are not Gary, Indiana, even though you've named Gary, Indiana at the very top of the song. Don't tell me that happens in the other one. No. There is a song called Gary, Indiana in the other one. Okay. But it's a point of pride about the little child is very proud to be from Gary, Indiana and sings about its qualities. Right. Not just what it is not. Oh, okay. Huh. Yeah.

This does sound like an interesting, nihilistic, kind of depressing version of the music. Yeah. Depressing, boring. Okay. Yeah. I mean, those are qualities that I think I connect to. Yeah. Really flips it on its head, though. When it's just not these other cities, you're like, dang.

There's a lot of cities that are not like Gary, Indiana. Yeah. I would probably around like the, you said that song was 45 minutes long. Yeah. Probably around like minute 30. I'd say Gary, Indiana again and be like, whoops. Oh, right. No, it is Gary, Indiana. Sorry, everyone. Then go back to other cities. Or put a reminder in there. Oh, yeah. That's good. Reminder it, I am in Gary, Indiana. Not, and then go back into the knots again. Absolutely. I mean, to be fair, I guess I didn't realize how many cities there were. I thought there were maybe 20.

But it seems like there's a lot. Yeah. And even in my thing, he lists some countries too. Oh, okay. Like which? Zimbabwe? Paris, France, New York. That's not a country. France. That's not a country. France? Paris, France. Okay. France, you got one. Not Paris, France. And then Louisiana is a state. So it's not just cities. I'm opening it up, I guess. Oh, okay. Got it.

Yeah. All right. You have a third song? I do. Yeah. Okay. So this one, I think women should learn from men about when to kiss. So I wrote this song. This is not part of the play? No, no, no. This is just a song you wrote about what you think women should... This is part of the play. It's my friend. He's my sidekick, and he sings about when women should kiss. Okay. Here we go. Here we go.

Now a woman who'll kiss on the very first date is usually a hussy. And a woman who'll kiss on the second time route is anything but fussy. But a woman who waits till the third time round, head in the clouds, feet on the ground. She's the girl you're glad you found. She's your shepoopy, shepoopy, shepoopy, shepoopy. That girl is not a whore. Shepoopy, shepoopy. It was exactly the same until...

Until the chorus... No way. There's no way that a musical about a music man has a character just singing when women should kiss on date? No, no. There is. Your interest and the original writer, Meredith Wilson, I believe, is interesting.

really align. Wow. Incredibly. But the only difference was the original, of course, is Shippoopi, Shippoopi, the girl is hard to get. Not the girl is... Well, modernized, I guess. Yeah. Too modern. Yeah. Still, it's the song choice, the melody itself. Your stepson is fucking you. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Because if it

If it were a different melody, then, you know, it would probably be unrecognizable. Does he give you the melodies first and you write the lyrics to it or vice versa? No, I write the songs. I write the songs and then it just, he gives me the song and the tracks, they match up perfectly. I thought it was like Elton John and his writing partner. Bernie Taupin. Right. Yeah.

But much like... If you're going to be a songwriter, you should learn the names of other songwriters. Much like me and my stepson. I don't want anyone to think of my stepson. What's his name? Let's not even get into that. Let's not get into it. No, because then all of a sudden, everyone's going to be like, oh, where's he getting these songs from? This guy's a genius. All of a sudden, you know, but then Elton John, me, Joey Salsa, is what it's all about.

You're the old John. It's still going to be about you. We're not trying to give your steps on credit. We're trying to give him criticism. Then his name's Doug. Doug Salsa? No, I wish. You want it? You want him to take your last name? Yeah, I'd like to. Nothing else has my name except for, of course, the stuff you dip in. Right, yeah. That's the one thing that shares the name Salsa. Oh, okay. I feel better about it now. What would it give you if he took your last name?

Oh, I guess I... A feeling of power much like peeing on ice? Yeah, it feels like I'd maybe feel as if my life might be worth, you know, I've created something, I left something behind, not just a failure at every attempt I try to create art and I'm

again and again. - This is only your second appearance. - Right, well, yeah. - You'll fail many more times, I feel like. - Oh, okay, fantastic. All right, great. - You have another song? - Well, so, okay, this one wasn't going well, obviously, I can tell. So I will, let me just adjust completely. This is a different time in my life. I was, it's kind of a complicated story.

I was learned music by a nun who came to live with us and have sex with my dad. And she would teach us kind of like... She came there expressly to have sex with your dad? Yeah, I guess the nunnery was like being really mean to her and like telling her they would like write songs about how she, I don't know, was a weirdo or something. And so she came here and then they were like, I think they were actually trying to do it in a weird way. I think they were winking. This is a different musical?

Or this is part of the same, the third-party instrument? Yeah, yeah. This is a different one. I'm adjusting. This one isn't fully finished, but I do have this song. So you came here prepared with two musicals. Well, yeah. And then if I need to adjust again, I can adjust again. Oh, okay. So what's this song about? Well, this one's about, this is like kind of me learning about how to sing, basically. Okay, you're learning how to sing. She would teach me, and then I would also, this is like my, as a child, this is me learning with my siblings and stuff. So we're all singing this. All right.

So, a deer, a female deer, ray, a drop of golden sun. Me, a man looking for a Russia poopy. Girls, they always kiss too soon. So, I tell them they're a slut. Or, I'll tell them they're a whore. I can't bring you to meet my mom.

It's the third date when you kiss. Duh, duh, duh, dumb. You slut. All right, all right. I have to stop. I don't like that kind of talk. Okay, fair. On this program or any other. But dear.

No. How dare you bring animals under this? The shaming of that kind of language is not, it's not for pleasant conversation. Did somebody hurt you? Oh, good, great question. What happened? Well, that was actually, what I was trying to do on that one was I was going to show you as a child and then how I, how I, how I changed. Like that's, so that's me as a child thinking. Those are child thoughts. But what, what happened to you personally to, to give you this sense that women should kiss on the third date and if they don't, they need to be denigrated like that? Well, I think that's just the perfect time to kiss.

Based on what? You have a wife because you have a stepson, right? Well, I guess maybe here's what we're not... It's like, I'm a man, and I think that I know what's best for women. Am I not getting that across? No, that's part of it. Yeah, it's very clear. Well, yeah, maybe it's my dad used to whistle. He used to have a whistle, and we'd all line up, and then... Line up to do what? To just be inspected or to sing. Oh, I see. I thought you meant to take turns on the whistle.

Oh, no, we'd never get to whistle. There's a lot of patterns here. I wish we could whistle. I wish we could whistle. But okay, I'll just do one more because I feel like maybe I'm not representing myself. You brought two more tracks. Okay, well... You're just going to do one? Well, I'll do one and then you can decide if... We'll call the audible? All right, what's this next one? Now, this is to show you how I've grown as a human. This is... Much later in the musical. Much later in life. I was living in New York City and I was at the...

I lived in this place. The first of the month, the guy who owned the building always wanted me to pay money. And I hated to do that. Yeah. I hated giving him money. I think we know where this is going. I hated giving him money on the first of the month. We'll just start the track. And so this is a song just about how I hated giving this guy money at the first of the month. Here we go.

And so you got to understand, this is me in New York City with all my friends. No, I understand all of this. Yeah. It seems like you're family. 525,600 minutes. 525,000 moments so dear.

525,600 minutes. That is too long to wait to be my shit poopy. It's the third date. It's the third date. Can I make this clear? Okay, I'm going to stop you before you... Oh, no, I don't see any of that. I don't see any of that. Oh, is it...

But no, it's a good stop. Yeah, it was a good stop, I think. Don't, don't, don't, don't play it again. Boy, so you didn't denigrate women in that one? Well, no, because this time they waited too long, I think. They waited a full year.

And I think that is, I think we can all agree. What if the dates only come like one every four months? Oh. Then it would be the third date. But it would be a full calendar year. That's perfect. I think I gotta add a second. I gotta add a second. You gotta add a second verse. That's from a different musical already. Yeah, this is from a different one. No, no, no. This is from a different one that also exists by the name of Rent.

Doug fucked you again, man. What does your wife say about all this? Because you're like, you're actually like, you're being deceived by your stepson. What's your wife's name? Well, would you believe it if I actually don't have a Shapoopy? What? What? You have a stepson without a Shapoopy? Yeah. What happened to the Shapoopy?

I, well, I started talking about some of my beliefs about other people. You know, she'd introduced me to her friend. She'd say, have you met Carol and Brandon? They started dating. And then I found out that sometimes they would kiss on the first date and I'd be just horrific to them the entire time they were over. And so she eventually, yeah, she eventually, she left, she left.

But she also left her steps on Doug. Yeah, you got full custody of Doug. Well, because the game system set up in his room. He was just used to that. Oh, I see. You know kids these days. They're always playing their games. They love their gaming. What gaming system is he on to? I think Twitch? Switch? He's playing Switch on Twitch? Yeah, he watches Switch on Twitch.

yeah he just watches it yeah he's not even so when you say the game system it's a tv yeah he could go anywhere he puts it in cpu mode and demo mode and he watches it on twitch that's right yeah get doug in here sounds like an interesting yeah can doug come doug salsa okay yeah yeah or doug whatever his name is yeah i would love to talk to him at some point sure because honestly like these songs have been a bust okay i i you know

if truly this is parallel thinking, right. I have to say it's really impressive that you keep hitting on these things that are very, very popular with minor slight alterations, but I'll take, I heard a couple of positive words in there, so I'm willing to take those. Yeah. Minor slight. Yeah. I would love to hear a song that's just about how you, the positive things about kissing on the third date. Yeah. What do you like about kissing on the third date? Oh,

what feels good about it? Is it the anticipation, the buildup? I've had two dates that went well. We know each other now. We're not kissing just to kiss. We actually want to. If we wait until the fourth date, of course, then there'd be too much pressure on that fourth date. Right. Because then it's like, well, we haven't kissed. Are we friends? And a full year. And a full year. I mean, don't even get me started. Of course, asterisk.

unless it's once every four months like you busted me on. But otherwise, yeah, once every... Always looking for that technicality. Yeah, sorry. The loophole. I do have one final song. It's about... Do you now? No.

We can always save it. No, no. Why save it when we can spend it right now and never talk about it ever again? So this actually is, well, when my wife was leaving, I was texting. You can start. You can hit six. Oh, I can play? Yeah. Thank you so much. Six, put a hat on. So I was texting with my wife's sister, and then she texted me something. And because of where the comma was placed, I figured maybe she actually likes me. And maybe she was trying to date me. And so this is a song.

I wanna fuck, I wanna suck, I wanna fuck him I wanna fuck, I wanna suck, I wanna fuck him I wanna take down my pantaloons and put my butt in the air and put his butt next to mine, blow a butt bubble, I invented that Yeah, we invented two butts, I'm making a bubble and fucking sucking and I want to fucking suck

fucking suck him i wanna fucking suck and that's what i want to do to him and it would be nice and the butt bubble don't forget i invented that and here's the part where i act it out please don't act it out oh god oh jesus okay stop joey you sang this last time

Did you forget? No, I just, I liked that one. That's a banger. You got bangers only. You can sing that one in my bus. Oh, heck yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. All right, so I made $3 and I got a gig. Well, I'll give you some more cash for that one. Ah, two more dollars. $5 and a gig. Yeah. Wow. Well, Joey, look, I would wish you luck, but I don't want you to have luck because I don't want someone like you to succeed. Okay. Okay.

I get it. A new boundary drawn for Scott. All right, we're running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plugs. I am sitting in the morning listening to the podcast. I am waiting for Scott Ackerman to open up the plug bag and he opens it only halfway but then opens it fully and we're hearing all the plugs the guests have to share.

Joey, is this you? I love how original this song is. Scott Ackerman. Hey, Scott! Scott! I'm listening to Comedy Bang Bang right now. Scott! I'm a piss pig as well. Scott! Scott!

Hey, can I get some more coffee over here? That's for my other show. You fill this up halfway, then start talking to another customer. Come on, Tom. You gotta do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do your job. Okay. Thank gosh. Wow. That was Plugs Diner by Michael Muto. Or Muto. Not sure. This might be one of your most musical episodes of all time. It truly is. Yeah. I mean, from the Comedy Bang Bang theme to that. The singing earlier. Maybe we should. Is there a way to get this out? I wasn't going to include that. Oh, okay. Okay, thanks.

You want a soundtrack put out? Is that what you're angling for? I was wondering if there's a way that we could advertise to music lovers that this is the episode to check out. Like, could we somehow get this in the broad... Is there like a Broadway museum or something? There should be a Broadway museum. Where they have like Broadway theaters in there? Yeah. Like a Songs Hall of Fame. Songs only. Songs only. So there would be one wing that's just for songs only?

Yeah, what? No, the whole Hall of Fame is for songs. Just for songs. Yeah, just for songs. So what, you walk in and you just hear the songs? Yeah. Then it could be a small museum. It's a fucking mess. All the songs at once. People would go crazy and they'd run out, but they have to pay admission first. Maybe we open it next to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and then if you can't get in or if you want to go to another one, you come over to songs, make a little bit of money on the top. You guys are really on the same wavelength here. You get the overflow. Yeah. It seems to me like you're getting excited by this idea and you might abandon the limo idea. Absolutely no.

Okay. Sorry. No way. It's all bangers. Everything's going great. Joey's going to join me in the limo. It's going to be fantastic. Okay. All right. I don't understand these new boundaries, Scott. Look, I want you to succeed, Randy. Oh, thank you. If you're happy. But you want Joey to fail. Yes, I want Joey to fail. All right. Let's plug things. Vera, what do you have to plug? Obviously, the People's Joker is coming out. How do people get tickets for this?

On the Outfest website, I will say it's a very confusing website. Okay. What's confusing about it? I'd describe it as top-heavy. There's just a lot of links. I sort of like that. Yeah, I mean, that could be complimentary in other contexts, I guess. Top-heavy bottom feeder right here. So when it applies to a woman, it's great, but a website that's bad? What are we even doing? Joey, you should write a song about that. Got it. I'm already done. Yeah.

Just follow me on Twitter, Vierdrew22. Yeah, you'll direct everyone there. Anything else happening for you that you want to plug? This is your plug time. No. I mean, yeah, just be on the lookout for the People's Joker, hopefully. Be constantly vigilant. Yeah. And bother James Gunn. Wake up nervous. Like, tell James Gunn to not sue me.

I'm sure he won't. He's pretty chill about these things. Again, that's a pun. Yes. Based upon my character, Mr. Freeze. You're still in character. I've never left. Yeah. It's like two years ago you contacted me and I recorded this for 60 seconds on my phone. I'm hoping for a theatrical release, obviously. I love the magic of the theater, just like Nicole Kidman. Yes. I think that's when the Venn diagram- It feels good in a place like that. Absolutely. Absolutely.

The Venn diagram of me and Nicole Kidman is we like movies. Right. Nothing else. Have you ever been to Australia? Oh, okay. Great. Is there a VOD release plan? There will be. I'm very confident about the VOD release plan. The thing we're holding out for is theatrical, and that has been the kind of big sticking point. But I can't get into the specifics, but I do have people...

smarter than me hopefully helping us put together a an art house run uh the end of this year sometime early next year how about december 25th that's a great day yeah yeah perfect time for a third date too right at the end of the year uh randy what do you want to plug i'll plug uh season three of righteous gemstones on hbo that's right it's out now at stream on max

Yeah, sure. I don't know what that means, but okay. That's an Instagram handle. Check it out. Yeah, so that's coming out right now. Catch up on that. Shrink is streaming on Peacock.

I believe it's been extended for another 12 months, which is great. Oh, that's wonderful. And what else? I think I have plans to put out the hentai zine that I made for you. Oh, great. Oh, you do? Limited release, maybe a little sale for charity. That's right. You were at our live show in Los Angeles and you made a little hentai magazine for me. I did, yeah. And since then, I still have no idea what hentai is.

Sure. Yep. I think there's something up in the sky. It's a bat signal that says bullshit. I think I mentioned it to Cool Up and I said, is it this? And she said, well, not really, but...

And Joey Salsa, what do you want to plug? First, I'll get to the bottom of that hentai mystery for you, and I'll come right back. I'll text you. I'll call whatever works for you. Sure, a hentai musical. Yeah. If you're in L.A., you can watch Holy Shit Improv live. It's a great comedy show with all your favorite comedy bang-bang performers. You can also watch it from anywhere in the world at our Patreon. And on this Saturday, we made sure to end it before that. Even communist China? Especially. Especially. It's not jail-blocked in China.

A communist dry mouth? No, we have a workaround. We have a great workaround. So we're excited. And we have an all-day improv festival that we're ending at 9 p.m. this Saturday. So everyone can come to the improv festival and then go check out Veer's movie. Oh, it ends right at 9. It ends right at 9. That must be why... That's why you did 9.15. We're 1 p.m. to 9 p.m. And a 15-minute travel time.

And you're there. And you're there. We got Edie Patterson, Lily Sullivan, John Gabrus, Lisa Gilris. Is Edie back in town? She confirmed that she's doing the show. So we'll see. And yeah, we're checking it out. Check out all of our shows. We're going to start being every other week at UCB. And I think we're the only streaming show at UCB. So if you want to see what UCB looks like on an improv thing, go to Holy Shit Improv. Guess what? You're going to be disappointed. Well, but we have some camera angles. Not we. They have a camera angles lighting. It's pretty cool.

I want to plug, look, first of all, the Comedy Bang Bang book is still out there going strong. There may be some news about it coming up about a new edition. So stay just tuned to this show. One of these episodes, I'll tell you about it. But people can get the info for that anywhere books are sold, but also at cbbworld.com slash book. While you're at CBB World, look, we have so many great shows. Hey, Randy.

779-379-2679. That's right. Hey, Randy is now out twice a month from what I'm told. Yeah, it might be. A lot of other CBB presents. You heard it here first. That's right. We have Heinz, I'm proud to meet you, as well as This Book Changed My Life. Bill Walton. Yeah, Walton on Walton, as well as what's his other show called? It's the, not Walton on Walton, but I mean, he did those, but yeah.

you know, he travels the world and stuff like that. So many good shows over there, as well as ad free episodes of this show, as well as our back catalog. Don't go too far back, maybe one or two years.

Wait, wait. So you're saying that people can go far back? You're saying that one and a half don't go? Yeah, just one or two years, maybe. But you stand by everything that was said in this episode? Not everything you said, necessarily. But, I mean, when did you stop listening, Vera? Maybe around...

like up till two years ago. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean, before then, dicey, right? Yeah. I was outraged and I stopped listening. But all of that is over at cbbworld.com as well as all of our other shows and an exciting time over there right now. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Oh no. Bag. That's good. Look at her. Bag. What's the other set?

Yeah, that was simply closing a wonderful plug bag by Chuck Dunker Dippy Dots. What am I doing with my life? I want to thank my guests. Hey, hey, hey. Grazie, grazie, grazie. Very true, grazie.

great to see you you revealed your real accent finally finally a barefoot contesto uh randy always good to see you please come back uh joey uh you uh told me that you uh want me to uh play track six again for you is that right all right here we go well this is joey salsa thanks for being here you have to understand it was a text that my my ex's sister sent me but because she put

but the comma after deer instead of the comma after another spot, I thought maybe she's interested in me. So then I wrote this little song that goes a little something like this. I wanna fuck, I wanna suck, I wanna fuck him. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, goodbye. I wanna fuck, I wanna fuck, I wanna fuck. My fault. Graceful.

EARRAPE!

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