CBB PRESENTS: The Music Man Watchalong (Scott Aukerman, Paul F. Tompkins)
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So, a couple of days. Hello!

When his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird. I was 18. The double bird was how I ended the conversation. The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults? Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8, 7 central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, host of Comedy Bang Bang, and we do not have a regular episode for you this week. Let me explain. Now, if you've been living under a rock, and I sincerely hope you have not, because they're very uncomfortable, the fires in Los Angeles hit.

approximately almost two weeks ago now. We had an episode that we were recording the morning things got really bad and everyone had to cancel. And since then, I had to evacuate for about a week. And a lot of the regular guests on the show had to evacuate for about a week. And some people still haven't come back yet.

And I know of at least five previous guests of the show whose houses were destroyed in the fire. So things have been a little dicey here in Los Angeles. We are not back up to regular speed yet. So what we decided to do instead of just putting nothing out, we decided...

Why don't we put out something special that is only for subscribers at CBB World out to everyone else? So before the fires happened, over at Brett's house, which was dangerously close to being burned to the ground, by the way, everything around him was, Paul F. Tompkins and I gathered together.

Over there, if you can say two people gathered and we recorded a watch along podcast for the movie The Music Man. Now, if you've been listening to the show over the past few months, you know that Paul and I have had some disagreement over the plot of The Music Man.

That has spanned many episodes where we've discussed it. We talked about it with Christian Brun and Tatiana Maslany. And then this continued on the tour and also into the best ofs. We decided to settle the issue for good. And we sat down and watched the music, man. This is me.

And Paul is playing two characters. He's playing Bing Lugeau and Dr. Bill Blondie, both of whom I had this argument with. And so we watch The Music Man.

If you've never heard a Watch Along podcast, we tell you when to start the movie. We give you a countdown. The only slight thing you have to look out for in this version is we're going to take a couple of ad breaks. So when you hear the Comedy Bang Bang theme, pause.

And then when you hear it again after the ads, just unpause and it should be still synced up for you. And this is pretty long. I think it's two hours and 40 minutes long because it's a long ass movie. But we had a lot of fun doing it. And, you know, we really thought the...

The climactic conclusion of this should be available for all Comedy Bang Bang listeners. So that's at least a silver lining to all of this. We should be back next week with a new episode. I appreciate your patience in all of this. Everyone,

Is safe here. But again, I do know several guests whose belongings and houses are not safe, but we're glad that they're personally safe. We've been very lucky here in my house as well. But thank you to everyone who's reached out wondering how we're doing. Everyone's fine here. So don't think about any of that.

You have a fun watch-along podcast to listen to. Here you go. This is the CBB Presents that we put out, the watch-along podcast for The Music Man. Comedy Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang

Hey everyone, this is Scott Aukerman, host of Comedy Bang Bang, and welcome to a very special episode of CBB Presents.

What are you listening to? What am I saying? These are all the questions that I think every single time I ever do an episode. But in this particular instance, I know what both of these things are. And by the way, Brett, thank you so much for doing whatever that was. It's gone from incredibly echoey to not echoey in the headphones. Really good.

And who is that, you may ask? Well, first of all, what is this? This is our watch-along podcast for a very special movie, which we'll get into in a second. These gentlemen here to my right are with me. We're going to watch a movie and talk during it.

And then you can watch, I guess, alongside us. Honey, you sound like you're from outer space. You sound like an alien. Yeah, you sound like an alien. It's a watch along. We're going to watch the movie together with the audience. With the audience. Yeah. Although the audience is not here with us currently.

No? Nobody? Nobody. It's just you and me. Why is your room so dark? Well, you know, that's how I like to watch a movie, unfortunately. Okay. You don't get scared? Well, usually the lights from the movie...

illuminates the room a little bit so but still it's dark it is dark but and unfortunately we're not watching this in a theater where the exits are illuminated either so if there were to be a fire that's if I watch a horror picture what I do is I look at the exit signs I say okay I'm in I'm in real life I'm not in the yes and at least I can leave that's right if it gets too scary and I know how yeah I know how would we have

How would you, what are the steps involved? Steps are for, I would go towards that sign. Yeah. The lighted exit sign. Yeah. Instead of backing up away from it. Because, you know, they can't put that over a door that's not an exit. That's right. Yeah. Now, a lot of times. Is that actual law? There are some theaters that do a fake one for fun. That's your thing. That's escape room, Sonny.

It's escape rooms. Is that, is that, do they have to have exit signs in an escape room? I've never been in an escape room. In an escape room, you can have fake exit signs, but you do have to have a door marked escape that is, that does lead you to outside. Okay. This is very confusing because I would go through the exit ones.

In any case, we're doing a watch-along podcast for a movie, and let me introduce my guests here. We have two gentlemen that I've had discussions with regarding this movie. Oh, boy, that's true. We have, first of all, what is your biography, sir, Mr. L? You don't remember my name. I know your name. I just haven't introduced you yet. Okay.

I am a malt shop owner and proprietor. That's right. You own it. You propriet it. Yeah. I'm propriety every day at the malt shop. Please welcome Bing Lujo. Hi, everybody. What a pleasure to be here watching this wonderful film with you. It's so wonderful to have you here. We also have this

This gentleman has inspected me every which way. Oh, that's true. He's checked out every orifice of my body. Uh-huh. And... Sometimes twice. Like Santa Claus. Yeah.

Well, he checks a list twice. I don't think he's checking orifices of the little boys and girls. It was more the twice part. Okay. I think people got it. I don't think you needed to introduce orifices of little boys and girls. I just wanted to make sure the audience knew that we weren't talking about that. But this is my doctor, Dr. Bill Blondie. Scotty, how are you doing? I'm doing great. Need a bump?

Sure. Are you just head-butting me now? What is going on? I don't know. Let me cut some gorilla fingers on this table. Gorilla fingers? I don't know that I've heard gorilla fingers in a while. You've never heard gorilla fingers? Yeah. Yeah. I love it. It's a medical term. We're watching a movie, Dr. Bill and Bing.

called The Music Man. That's right. What year is this from? Who could say? I want to say 1956. I feel like it's the 60s. I feel like it's 60s. Yeah. Free love. What is that? What is that?

Honey, what is that song? That is Quincy Jones' song that I feel like is prominently featured in the Austin Powers. Oh, no. Do you mean One Mint Julep? I don't know. Why stop at one, by the way? Oh, no. That's not One Mint Julep. What?

Now this is...

Okay. Okay. Okay. These songs will not be featured in this film. This film is from 1962. Wow. The swinging 60s themselves. Do you think everybody in this movie is all acid? I bet not.

The Beatles were just starting to record. They were in the basement in Hamburg. Yeah. Buck Shaw wearing a toilet seat around his neck. That's right. John Lennon. I bet that got big laughs. Just walked out on stage, people were like, ah! Bunch of German people sitting in a basement sweating. Just 10 years after the war. This guy comes out with a toilet seat around his neck like, ah, it's pretty good. This is good. This is lighten the mood here in Germany.

Okay. No, the war was 15 years earlier. Right. Because it ended in what? 47? Somewhere around there. I think 47. But we're going to watch The Music Man from 1962. Robert Preston and Shirley Jones, of course, star in this film. They must have been nominated for prizes. I bet it won.

the Academy Award for Best Picture. Really? I don't know. I'm just throwing it out there. But Best... I'm seeing Best Music. Is that something? Original Score. Did it win that? Or are you just bringing that up to my attention? All right. So it won... So that means it must have written a song for... No, it won for the score.

Oh. So it's not an original song. The play doesn't have a score, really. A musical. Was this just a play and then they added music for this film? It was a boring play. Ha ha ha.

All right. How does this work? We are going to all start this movie at the same time. Yeah. We'll count down. Three, two, one, play. Three, two, one, play. Now, what you have to do is you have to get it synced up. You're going to start it on... Basically, the first frame is just a big blue nothing. This is... If you're watching it on iTunes, this is two seconds in. Suddenly, you see a big blue nothing. Yeah.

That's where we're starting. It's like a blue void. If you go all, I mean, if you go all the way to zero, zero, zero, zero, it's black. It's just black. Yeah. But we're starting on the first frame. This is sort of like the first frame of David Lynch's Blue Velvet. And here's another thing you can do is you can sort of narrate the opening credits so people can know if they're synced up or not. Right. Okay. And then if you're not synced up, I don't know how to get this back on track for you.

I think it's a lost cause. I would just stop the podcast. But if you are synced up, this is going to be a lot of fun. And the reason we're doing this is we'll get into it, I think, as we go along. Yeah. But let's get synced up like a women's prison. That's right. All right. We're going to do the big countdown a la the ball dropping. That's right. In Times Square. You want to start from 10? Sure. Why not? All right.

All right, here we go. Should we do a countdown to the countdown? Just so people know. Yeah, let's do a three, two, one to the countdown. Three, two, one. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Play! All right. Blue. It's still blue. Oh, I hear a whistle.

Okay, so Warner Brothers. The Brothers Warner are involved. It's a little animated band. Yeah, I don't remember this part of it at all. How long has it been since you've watched this? It's been a while. It's been probably 20 years for me, but I would watch this regularly when I was growing up. I've probably seen it a bunch of times. Meredith Wilson, by the way, wrote this. And where did he get him? The Music Man. There it is. You see these...

This is, of course, the famous song 76 Trombones. Is this old thing claymation? Is it claymation or is it... Starring Robert Preston. I don't think clay is involved. I think it's just mation. I don't know all the terms. Shirley Jones, of course, plays the titular music man. Buddy Hackett. Now, if you don't know who Buddy Hackett is... People tell me I sound like him. You'll never know.

And Paul Ford, of course, the Buffalo Bills, the football team, the AFC. This is when they were still in the AFC. Ha ha ha ha!

I think OJ Simpson is in this. It's a fun cameo. An entire football team. Filmed in Technorama, of course, which we still use to this very day. I love Technorama. And the director of photography is Robert Burks. He's in the ASC. Yeah, what does ASC stand for? Have we ever figured that out? It's secret. It's a secret society. Yeah. It's like skull and bones. We all have them. We do. Speaking as a doctor. Hey, what about flesh? Flesh.

What about it? Blood, piss, cum. Love it all. Love it all. Love it all. Look, I'm a choreographer by Una White. Look, I love everything to do with the human body. Sound, Emmy Merrick, Dolph Thomas. George James Hopkins. Vocal.

Vocal arrangements, Charles Henderson. Boy, these are just going by too quick for us to say. But Ray Heindorf. Heindorf. Heindorf. Get in here, Heindorf. Based on Meredith Wilson's The Music Man. How considerate of them to base this on something. What a weird string of credits. I couldn't follow that one. Screenplay by Marion Hargrove. She was just excited because she's like, oh, I'm writing my own name so much. I think that sounds...

Fake. Like a fake name. Like a pen name. Yeah. Interesting. Maybe it was Steven Soderbergh. Oh, was he alive? Produced and directed by some guy. I didn't turn back in time to see it. Okay. So now we're seeing. Oh, this guy. This guy. Now he's a train conductor from everything I've gathered. This guy has a big suitcase. Rude. And they're hurrying to get on this train. That guy did not try to get on.

It was like he arrived a little too early and they shut the door. And he was like, oh, better slow down. He's a coward. Okay. So this is a train car, obviously. And there's a bunch of people gambling. So, you know, they're up to no good. These are traveling salesmen. Anvil salesmen. Now, this is a fun bit of business, as I recall. An anvil salesman. He has one anvil and it's in his case. And anytime he puts it down, there's a big clanging sound. That's pretty funny. It is funny. Yeah.

This is the first song. It's the first rap song. This predated, I believe, Rapper's Delight, did it not? Absolutely. The fancy goods for the soft goods. People will say that their way to a cache. Cache. Pickles in the flypaper.

Why is he asking, what do you talk, do you think? Have you ever been able to ascertain that? I think that was an expression back then, what do you talk? Because it was rude to say, what? So you have to say, what do you talk? What do you talk? What do you talk? By the way... It's before the word saying was invented. Oh, what are you saying is how it became. I have a theory, and we're going to hear a lot of old slang terms. I've got some theories too. My theory is that slang...

is all popularized by time travelers who already know the slang. Because it's too hard to come up with slang terms and have them be popular. So time travelers, like, go back in time with the slang that already is popular, and then they start it. You talking about the bootstrap theory? Of course.

Do you know what that is? I don't. I don't know why you glanced at your watch, by the way, in the middle of asking me that. I was timing your answer. The bootstrap theory is... You guys are going to kiss, by the way. ...is the idea of somebody traveling backward in time and inventing the bootstrap. Right.

That we've always had the bootstrap, but then we didn't have it until somebody, I can't remember. Right. And what is a bootstrap? Is that the thing you get your boots on with or the thing you hit people with that is on a boot? Like you spank naughty little boys and girls with. What does it have to do with a boot? Well, it's like a big strap that like hangs off your boot. Hangs off the boot? Yeah.

Which is it? I want you to guess that I'll tell you if you're right. I have no idea. These guys are all traveling salespeople and they work this route. You can say men. They are men. They all happen to be men. You don't have to be inclusive here. They happen to be men, but they were hired on merit. That's right. All these white men were hired on merit. These are all traveling salespeople and they...

it must be fun to choreograph this. Like you're all going to fall when I count to three and then they all do. That's exactly what happened. Oh, cigarettes are illegal. Can you imagine cigarettes being illegal anywhere? In bars? That's what I can imagine. So they're talking about this traveling salesperson who's a con man, Tarn Feathers, who,

Tarn feather, of course, is a form of execution. Without a jury. That's right. That's how they would get around it. What if we just do this ourselves? Because it's a lot of trouble to go through. Now, this guy's really pissed. He's furious. Obviously. He's saying that this guy, Harold Hill, doesn't know anything about music. This is not really how you do a watch-along. You don't...

Well, I figure people aren't really watching the movie. They're just listening to us. So we need to explain it a little bit. What do I mean? Do we? Well, I mean, in order for us to settle this argument, we need to encapsulate what they're talking about a little bit. Well, maybe he's talking about it. I don't know. Yeah. Oh, he's talking about Nick Mode Hawkeyes. Oh, this is the guy they were talking about. He got him.

And they're all like, what the hell? So long, idiots. Meanwhile, none of them ever think to get off the train. This guy's going to throw his hat down on the ground. Those hats are very fragile. You shouldn't throw them on the ground. You should, at the very least, like wave it a little bit at him. This is a great song about how Iowa hates people.

Now, here's a dog in a movie, which I think this is the first time there's ever been a dog. That's a horse. Oh, there's a dog there. Oh, wait, that's a horse. Okay, got it. I've never seen one of those before. Actually, I saw two on the way here. I didn't know what they were. Why did you? Oh, there you go. Yeah. Why did you? Oh. Now, this guy is like massaging his lettuce for some reason. He's like pretending to like. There's another dog back there.

This film is dog crazy. Okay, so this is a pool table, which were tables that where people used to swim. Are you kidding right now? Look, don't confuse. The pool table is very important to the story. Now this is like... You fucking got him. Okay, where do I find a bad hotel then? If you're going to be such a fucking asshole about this.

By the way, why is Try the Palmer House in Chicago still up on the screen for us? It's like everyone is saying this to him. Okay, now...

This is a classic Undertaker guy. Yeah, he just stands out in front waiting for people to die. Waiting for people to bring out pistols at high noon. Or maybe he waits for them to bring in corpses and he gets the door for them because it's a handful. If I were an Undertaker, I wouldn't dress up every day and just stand there. I would wait until I hear someone's dead. Then I would put on the suit. I'd just sit around in my underwear all day. I think it's like if you do it...

then it's like it hastes the process. Right, got it. Shoulder attitude. Now this woman famously couldn't sing at all. Did that match her mouth? She couldn't even speak English. Okay, is this our issue? This is a friend of the director, I guess. Is it our issue that the voices are not syncing with the sound? I think this is the movie. Are you sure? This seems like a big thing to me. I think once they actually start talking...

Yeah, see, we're synced back up. I think this is the movie. Like, it was so hard to do back then. They didn't know how to do it. What do I say? Bye, God stubborn. The whole town came out to yell at this guy. I like to think that the town was already there and that yelling at them was just kind of a byproduct of their, the constitutionals they were already taking.

What are you talking about? I don't know. Just trying to fill time. Two and a half hours. Oh, boy. All right. So these guys. These guys. They got sued for copyright infringement by the painter. That's right. Grant Wood. And they had to leave the business, apparently. The famous case. Yeah, it was just those two actors. Yep.

This scene took about a month to choreograph. They had to stop down production to choreograph that. Because of the lawsuit? Yeah. So the choreography is basically everybody getting a big crowd. Okay, now a livery stable, we don't have these much anymore, but this is a place that horses, it's like a hotel for horses. And it smells like liver, which is why they call it a livery stable.

And it always did, which is why it's stable. Yeah. Yeah. And so now I know the question on everyone's mind is like, does Harold Hill have friends? He's, he can't possibly have friends. Can he?

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Our world gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then there are moments that remind us to be more human. Thank you for calling Amica Insurance. Hey, I was just in an accident. Don't worry, we'll get you taken care of. At Amica, we understand that looking out for each other isn't new or groundbreaking. It's human. Amica. Empathy is our best policy.

ABC Wednesdays. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears. Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like. So, a couple of days. When his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird. I was 18. The double bird was how I ended up.

conversation. The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults? Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8, 7 central on ABC and stream on Hulu. Marcellus. Marcellus Washburn. Now, is that a bit of business with the horse that they've trained the horse to do, do you think? Or is that Buddy Hackett just knowing his comedic persona so well? It seemed like Buddy was just reacting in the moment. Yeah. Yeah.

The horse like, you touch my tail. So now Buddy Hackett, I don't recall, Buddy Hackett used to be a con person too? Yeah. Con man. I'll just say con man. So he moved here. Yeah, they used to run games together. They were in gangs? They used to run games together. Oh, I thought they were in the Bloods and the Cribs. Simultaneously. Wow.

So this guy basically gives it all up for Ethel Toffenmayer? Yeah, for love. For love. That's nice. But you're skeptical because of the name? I mean, I think when a writer chooses a name, it's for a purpose. And the name Ethel Toffenmayer. What do you think about the pest house? They don't have pest houses as much anymore. Yeah, they don't. Where basically people would go to bother people? No, it's sick people they put there. It's short for pestilence. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I wouldn't want to be right across the street from the past house then. You want to be in it? Those are my two choices? Yep. What's it going to be? You got to be honest. I'll be across the street. There you go. That's right. You will. All right. Now this lady. That's the mayor's wife. She was in the running to be I Love Lucy for a bit because of her hair. For a bit. Yeah. They were replacing Lucille Ball in the third season, I remember.

Wow. Oh, they were replacing Lucille Ball. What happened? Lucille Ball, she had too many abortions. How many is too many? There's a definite answer, by the way, if you want to know. I'd like to know. Okay, now this is Shirley Jones, who people would know from the Partridge family.

Which was a 60s television show. Maybe from Elmer Gantry. That's a good point. 60s television show regarding a family band. Yeah. That would travel. Would they travel around the country or were they stationary? I've never seen an episode of the Partridge family.

I mean, they had a big bus, but they did seem to mostly stay in the same place. Yeah. So they weren't like the Incredible Hulk where they would go around town to town solving problems? Well, I mean, they would turn into monsters, but they didn't solve crimes. They were self-involved monsters. Yeah. If they all got angry at the exact same time, they would turn into meager monsters. So she's a woman who is the caretaker of these books in a way. In a way, yeah.

This is the song Pick a Little, Talk a Little, which will come into play a little later. So now this is very important. The billiard parlor. That's right. The please old billiard parlor. And he's trying to figure out an angle. How can I fleece these people? I think he already has his angle. He's got his angle, but he's like, how do I get into it? What's my in? How do I get them all fucking nuts? Yeah. Now, is this how... It's a beautiful hat band on Buddy. Look at that. That's nice. Is this how a con man would...

Would dress or is this more ostentatious than everyone else's? I guess my question is he like, is this a showbiz outfit? Like, is he sort of like a dandy? Yeah. Is he like, oh, I dress this way because these are my showbiz clothes. Or is this just like how everyone would dress back in that era? Yeah. And by the way, when is this set? Is this the future? Do you think it's the future? It could be the future. Star Wars. You think it's the future? It ends up being a long time ago. Yeah. But they tell you that at the beginning.

Should this have had a Star Wars type crawl? Yeah. Every movie should. It would be helpful. I'm not going to lie. What's he eating, by the way? I think he's eating like sunflower seeds or something. Sunflower seeds. Maybe pistachios? Oh, maybe pistachios. That's a fun word for you to say. Pistachio. So now the sink is out of sync again. But it must be very hard for Robert Preston to... Like he basically just talks things. Does he ever even sing a note? That's a different thing.

Trump was right here in Tennessee. Why, sure, I'm a rebellion player. Certainly a mighty proud to say it. I'm almost mighty proud to say it.

I consider the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden. Now we go to the horse sense. And a cool head and a keen eye. But just as I say, it takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score at any bulk-like game. I say that any boob can take and shove a ball in a pocket. And I call that slaw. The first big step on the road to the depths of Dagmodean. It's a first...

but it's a little wine from a teaspoon than beer from a bottle. And the next thing you know, your son is playing for money in a pitchback suit.

And listen to some big out-of-town Jasper here tell about horse race gambling. Not a wholesome trot race, though, but a race where there's a town runner on the horse. Like to see some stuck-up jockey boy sitting on a damn patch, make him love Boyle? Well, I should say. Now, friends, let me tell you what I mean. You got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets on the table. Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum. With a capital B that rhymes with P, that stands for pool.

And all week long, River City used to be frittering away. Say, yo, you better be frittering. Frittering away that new time, simple time, short time, too. Get the ball in the pocket. Never mind getting dandelions pulled or the screen door patch or the beefsteak pounded. Never mind pumping anyone until your parents are caught with a sister and empty on a Saturday night. That's trouble. Yes, we got lots and lots of trouble. I'm thinking of the kids in the Nicaragua. Speaking of the blue, I'll win you at school. You got trouble, folks, right here in River City.

Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for pool. Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents. I'm gonna be perfectly frank. Would you like to know what kind of conversation goes on while they're loafing around that hall? They're trying out Bebo, trying out Cubans, trying out Tantamates like cigarette fiends. And bragging all about how they're gonna cover up until breath went sen-sen. What fine night.

They leave the ball, headed for the dance at the armory. Limited men and scarlet women and ragtime. Shameless music. Gotta grab your son, your daughter with the arms of a jungle animal instinct. Masteria. Friends, the out of brain is the devil's playground trouble. Right here in River City. With a capital C that rhymes with P, that stands for pool. We've surely got trouble. Right here in River City. Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones bored while after school.

Mothers of River City. He the warning before it's too late. Watch for the telltale sign of corruption. The moment your son leaves the house, does he re-buckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a niggity standard in his X-Figure? An iron novel hidden in a corn crib? Is he starting to memorize jokes from Captain Billy's whiz bag? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like...

Like swell. Aha. And so is your old man. Well, my friends, you got trouble right here in River City. With a capital T that rhymes with P, that stands for pool. We've surely got trouble right here in River City. Remember the main blimpeth rock and the golden rule.

Oh, we got trouble. We're in terrible, terrible trouble. That game with the 15-number balls is devil's tool. Oh, yes, we got trouble, trouble, trouble. We got trouble. Big, big, we got big, big trouble. With a T. A little T. That rhymes with P. That rhymes with P. That stands for pool. Stands for pool. Because I passed this way but once.

That's so well done. I love the duet version of that song, by the way. It was fun to do. It was fun to do. Did you guys rehearse that or? No, we're just both big fans. Wow. They're just singing at him. Now, Buddy Hackett is playing an invisible piano. Yeah. Which is a big plot point. That's the signal for the music teacher. Not to. You know, I didn't, I never put it together. Yeah.

There's one invisible piano in the town. Well, there's two because Harold Hill also plays invisible piano. Yes, but he brought it there. So he brought one and there was already one. And there was already one. Yeah, exactly. So now the laws of the town are there can only be one invisible piano because there would be too many people tripping over things. That's right. The outlaw cigarettes and invisible piano is all but one. So this is a big plot point that's going to come up a little later. So now she's... You got him.

Kind of an old maid character, sort of akin to Donna Reed. Because she had glasses on before? Now, this piano is visible to the eye, which is how pianos normally are. This lady is named Pert Kelton, and she is the second most famous Pert, the first being the shampoo. And do you think any of these people are still alive? No.

Good question. Maybe that little girl? She could be. Because Zuzu from It's a Wonderful Life is still alive. She's still with us. You keep tabs on her? I have a private investment account. Every year. Oh, dude. All time. It's not just that you look it up. You have somebody following her. This is her mother. Yeah. What is she so interested in? The suitcase aspect of this? She wants her daughter to get laid. Suitcase means she has clothes. But when you get laid, you take them all off. It doesn't make sense. She's got a place to put them. This movie doesn't make sense.

Oh, Amaryllis. Now, someone says Amaryllis later, right? No spoilers. But somebody does say Amaryllis later. So she's supposed to be probably first generation immigrant from Ireland, perhaps. And meanwhile, Shirley Jones is a lot like second generation where she's a

Doesn't have the accent. Well, she would be first generation implies the first generation to be born in the country. Oh, okay. So she's Shirley's first generation. Yeah. And then Amaryllis, who knows what her story is. She's from parts unknown. It's a very mysterious character, Amaryllis. Nobody ever says where she's from. No. And at the end, she floats up into space, doesn't she? Yeah. Yeah.

Like there's a big light that comes down. And then Amaryllis says, now I must return to my people. I don't know if it's on this version. Yeah, if you're not going to make it to the end. I hope you're watching the right version. It's the extended cut, right? Yeah. It's just that. This was the first movie to do it. Studio hated it. They really had a problem syncing the lips to the...

to the lyrics back then. I mean, can this really have been how people saw it in the theaters? I think so. I think, well, back in the theaters, it was, you know, at a different frame rate and, you know, with like flickering lights and stuff. So no one noticed any of this shit. Plus people were just generally dumb. Everybody was smoking. There's so much haze of cigarette smoke. Nobody could see. No one cared about any of this kind of stuff. They were just like, oh, hey, is that thing...

Oh, wait a minute. There he is, the star of Eat My Dust. Ron Howard. Look at another dog. Winthrop is this guy's name. Now, he is more commonly known these days. He's Mork. Mork for Mork. No, a different guy was Mork. But he met Mork. You have to agree about that. That's right. I do agree he met Mork. If you've never seen Ron Howard, meet Mork. Now, that's supposed to be an item. Like, she's got a little crush on him, but he looks like a baby. Yeah.

She looks like she's 12 years old. He looks like he's four. He looks... He's got a little lisp. You shouldn't make fun of the way people talk. I shouldn't? Nobody should. No one should. Oh. So this is... I guess I'm wrong. Who's the sister of who?

Oh, wait, no. Ron Howard is the sister of Shirley Jones. Right. So he must have been a surprise. By the way, I think the backstory to this is Shirley Jones had, was, is actually the mother of Winthrop, but lies to him to say, I'm not your mother, I'm your sister. Like Jack Nicholson. Yeah. Jack Nicholson would lie to everyone. Yeah. He'd say, my mother's my sister. Mm-hmm.

And then he said, we got to put that in a movie. It's so hilarious. This prank I'm playing. Jack, do you mind if we use that for a movie? This is the first hug in cinema history. First female to female hug. FF? F2F. I don't give a shit what you do. That's a great question. This has never come up in my relationships. Really? Yeah.

You better check with your girlfriend. Ask her if she ever said goodnight to you on the evening star. What is the evening star? I think it's like Jupiter. Oh, is it Jupiter? Really? I don't fucking know. You ever been to Jupiter? Are you asking both of us? I've never been to Jupiter. Nor me. Okay. I mean, there's so much music in this film. Look, even then you couldn't take a good picture of the moon. So much music in this film. She should be considered the music woman almost.

Amaryllis? Either of them. Oh, it's a lovely song. When do you think they perfected sinking technology? For Dunkirk, maybe? Because the boat sank. That's the most famous boat sinking movie you could think of. Probably. Nothing beats it. So at this point, we haven't seen anything or we've talked over it regarding our arguments.

Is that right? My fear is that we did talk over some of what would have explained it. Okay. But so what are, just for the listener, our general difference of opinion is that I'm of the opinion that Harold Hill, the con man in question, takes money for... The titular music man. Exactly. Takes money from these rubes for not only his time and his lessons...

But also for uniforms and instruments, which he then purchases and they arrive on the Wells Fargo wagon. And he, at a markup, he steals money from them, even on that score. But the instruments do arrive in order to solidify the fact that he is an actual music man. See, now I remember the argument as, could people figure out how to order things from a catalog? What?

I say yes. I don't know that we'll ever be able to figure out that just from watching this movie. But... Yes, and I was thinking... And I was thinking this as well, from what I understand, we're both thinking the same thing. Yes, that he doesn't do anything except... Teach. Yeah, fake teach, and he gets them to get all the shit. Yeah. Right. I think the argument... I shouldn't say shit. It's okay, Bing.

Podcasting. The FCC is not involved here. You can fuck a curse if you want. I believe the argument started on my end as, is it illegal if something comes true?

Now that we never had a disagreement about. Wait, I don't think... Let's talk about it. Yeah, because this was my original point is he ends up teaching them music. Yeah. They get everything that he promised. Yes. So should it be illegal what he was doing? He's like, look at these fucking people. It is fun to curse. If this happened...

That reminds me of Bioshock Infinite. Are you a gamer? Yeah, I like to game. Dr. Blondie? Yeah, yeah. If you came across this in your life, this would be the most insane thing you'd ever witnessed. Yeah, yeah. I'd be running right out of there. But this just seems like Tuesday to me. Yeah, they do this all the time. Just simpler time. But I guess back then there weren't video games, Dr. Blondie, and there wasn't anything to do.

There was nothing to do. They could have just sat there staring at the wall all day, or they could do stuff like this. This is when they developed the idea of looking at clouds and trying to figure out shapes. Right. And stars going like, oh, that's a hunter. Oh, really? No, it's not.

Have you ever tried to figure out... They did a bad job with those, I gotta say. Like maybe the Big Dipper. You can kind of go like, all right, I see how that could be. That's the one. Yeah. That is the one. I never saw like a guy fighting a bear up there or whatever. Come on. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Isn't this a recurring thing? It is. He goes, he starts going into force. He constantly tries to do the Gettysburg Address.

Wasn't that a Curb Your Enthusiasm plot point? This was Larry David trying to memorize the Gettysburg Address. I don't know. Why would he be doing that? Because it was posted above the urinal at his golf club or something. In any case. That's three quarters of the Buffalo Bills that are sitting on the stage. Yeah. This guy has a Larry David sort of thing. This guy here? Yeah. He's bald. Ding. Ding.

He's still got some comb over strands. I thought you were saying ding like I got it right. Ding! Oh, there's Amaryllis. Yeah. This is Lauren Boebert's daughter, apparently. This is as political as I get, folks. This doesn't hold up super great.

I mean, it is the kind of thing they would have done. People are too sensitive. And all I'm looking for is truth in cinema. This is a tribute. People shouldn't be mad. Look at that gigantic cartoon firecracker. I bet it was delivered as an actual, like, real-size firecracker, and the director was like, that's not going to read. Got to be bigger.

Now, if you actually were, everyone saw it. If you actually were to set a firecracker off underneath someone. Everyone saw it. Well, you're not me, so I'm going to leave. It's easy to get out of these types of situations. ABC Wednesdays, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears. I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days. Hello.

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The Undertaker is bummed. I got dressed up for this. I like that he tries to rush into it after he already sees it. I love character actors from this era. Yeah, they're good. So good at time, time, timing. Time, time, timing. Ha ha ha.

So now are these guys in the reality of this? Yeah. Are they friends who sing together or do they, in musical fashion, just start singing together? Not yet. Not yet. They despise each other. They despise each other. Now Harold Hill's up to something. Merry wicks. This is how easy it is to get people riled up back then is you would just like shout something. He's got this gorgeous reversible jacket. That old man was somebody, but I can't remember who.

Everything should be reversible, shouldn't it? Everything. Clothes. Laws. Cars. Rights. Okay, watch what he does with his hat. Do you think this is Robert Preston's real hair? Oh, yeah, I think so. Real color? Doubt it. He's a young guy then. I mean, youngish. He's only 60. Every song he sings is so well done. Really? He was terrific. If you...

Were to even write one of these, you would probably say like, I'm a genius. It's always interesting to me where you get these, you know, movie adaptations of a musical and they get like some people, it's like, we got to get him. He's the only one that could play this part. Right. And then everybody else are like, eh, let's get somebody else.

Right. So he originates this role, right? But the lady who originated the role. Yeah. Who was it on Broadway? I can't remember. But it's a name you'd know. Right. Well, you. Why are you contemptuous of me knowing something? No, I'm not contemptuous. It did sound contemptuous. Let's not gang up on Dr. Bill Blondie. All right. Does he talk about the instruments and buying them in this, do you think? I'm going to buy. Okay.

I provide the instruments and I keep the money. This is too many instruments he's describing, isn't it? There's not even this many people in the town. I think it's that you promise big knowing that you're going to have to scale it back. Under deliver? Yeah. That's what you want to do as a con man. So you make it sound like, oh, we're going to get 76 trombones. And then they say, we don't have that many people. Like, oh, okay. So now it seems reasonable. Right. Yeah.

There's too many trombones. 76? Euphoniums, too. This is one of the strange cuts to almost the exact same angle that movies back then would do. Yeah. Like, I was watching It's a Wonderful Life recently. Christmas Eve. Why am I... Sure. Why am I obfuscating? But several scenes, they just cut to the exact same angle, almost like...

Like they widen out or something? No, no. They just like in the middle of a scene, someone's talking and then there's a cut to another take that's in the exact same angle. I'm having a hard time picturing what you're talking about. It's like, say you could notice a cut because everyone's positions changed.

But it was the exact same frame. Was that maybe a bad print of the movie? I don't know. Was something cut out of It's a Wonderful Life? I don't know. But there were just scenes. This is on NBC. I would think they would have the best print available. Who gives a shit? There was a cannibalism sort of dream sequence in It's a Wonderful Life. Oh, right. Where George Bailey briefly went, would it be better if people had eaten me? Instead of the not existing? Yeah. Yeah.

And then he dreams it and it's gross. And then he goes, I'll just kill myself. I mean, they're on board with this idea immediately. And look how talented everybody is. It's like, why didn't they start this before? And then this guy who's setting off firecrackers just not five minutes ago. He needed a purpose. He's like, oh my God, what if I were to do the craziest dances while I did the trombone? Princess Leia.

Wow. That's where that hairstyle came from. Yeah. This sort of makes me think like they're not on board yet because like they're making fun of the idea of marching bands. It's like this. This is all sarcastic. It's all sarcastic. This is the first dance that's been sarcastic in a musical.

How fun to be in something like this though, you know? Indeed. I bet they had a great time. I bet they all slept with each other. Yeah. You know what I mean? Everyone's just having sex with each other. He got struck by music. But he's fine. Okay. So this guy is like, check this out. I've been taking lessons.

Speaking of It's a Wonderful Life, the sheriff guy in the hat. Yeah. He was in It's a Wonderful Life. That's right. He's the guy who's always adding up numbers, right? This young man is going to go work for George Bailey. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you ever say anything like that to your boss? My boss? Yeah. You mean at the Mayo Clinic? Yeah. Like, hey, you're not smart enough. I'm going to go work for someone else, but please continue to pay me while I... I mean, I would say that under my breath. Yeah.

That's probably a good policy. So now we cut outside a little movie making movie magic trivia inside when they were filming what is supposed to be inside. That's actually outside. And then when they're filming outside right here, this is actually inside. Yeah. They shot inside for outside of this. That's a term. Filmmaking term inside for outside. Yeah.

Hey, idiots, go out and join him. You couldn't find his actual sailor hat? This guy is so into the idea. Just to dance like this, throwing one hand up in the air. I love it so much. And then this guy just waving his whatever it is, baton.

I mean, here's my opinion about Harold Hill. This is already so fun. They were at the meeting. Yeah, really. This is already so fun for everyone. They should just pay him what he wants. It's like sunk costs. Yeah. They go to a meeting once a week, some boring ass meeting. They're like, okay, Harold Hill, do your thing. He gets them all whipped up. Just pay him for that. This is incredible. They're having a great time. Oh, look, even people that were at the meeting are excited. Yeah.

Like, what's going on? We're doing an imaginary parade? Let me in. Meanwhile, Robert Preston throws his baton up in the air and gets off camera immediately so he doesn't have to dance anymore. Well, that's true. Oh, I do love peck horns. Yeah. I hate Esterville.

This is great. He's already like on board and talking about how great they are. And then she's like, you idiot. I've been a music teacher here for the last 30 years. I have one student. God, she's a bummer. What is he talking about right there? A wrestling match. The Strangler. The Strangler. You mean a wrestler called the Strangler? Call yourself the wrestler. My signature move is strangling.

All right. So they're going to arrest him. We're not going to arrest him yet. They want to know his credentials. This was also a point of contention between us during our argument is if someone's put in cuffs, have they been arrested? I say not yet. I contend that they are under arrest. I think that they're being detained. They're not under arrest. What is the difference to you?

One can be detained for questioning without being, without charges being filed. But they don't put handcuffs on you. No, that's, you're arrested. Handcuffs. If you're, if you ever have handcuffs on you in a non-sexual manner, that means you've been arrested. No, people can, you ever, these, these cops by the side of the road, they'll put handcuffs on you for anything. Then they let you go.

When does that happen? You ever see people sitting by the side of the road with their hands behind their back looking glum as hell? Like I'm just, I'm just going to put handcuffs on you for a little bit. It happens. You're not arrest. I'm putting handcuffs on you. While I run your stuff. All right. So everyone. Okay. Here he goes. Oh yeah. She says ye gods. That's her catchphrase. They're saying library a lot, aren't they? That's folksy.

So he's basically saying like, okay, here's how we get our juvenile delinquents not to be juvenile delinquents. If they have sex with Oliver. Honestly, that's a great plan. Uh-oh. What? Now this is an eclipse. What's the space? So now this is a time jump. This now takes place five years in the future. Well, five years. Are you sure? Across the creek from the pest house. Here he is. It's a gorgeous jacket.

Everything about his whole thing. I wouldn't mind if people started dressing like this every day again. I think it would be nice to see some gentlemen. What if we had one day where everyone just had to dress like this? It was compulsory. Okay, here's a schoolboy who wants his credentials. How does he get out of it? He listens to their ridiculous voices. Say ice cream. It's brilliant theory. I love this so much.

He just knows what parts they'll all be singing by their personalities. See? Well, guess what, lady? Ice cream. Ice cream. What if that was the only song they ever sang again? For the next 10 years, they're just ice cream. Could you stop and sing? This is gorgeous.

Now, this guy I know. Yeah. This guy, Paul F. Tompkins. Who? And Doug Benson. And I and one other person, I think. There was talk 25 years ago of us learning how to do Barbershop Quartet. Really? Do you think this Paul F. Tompkins remembers that at all? I don't know. I'm sure Doug Benson does. And you can't remember who the fourth person was? Can't remember, but...

There was like kind of a push for it. Hey, let's go take lessons so we can walk around doing this. Wouldn't that be great? I mean, somebody should. Yeah. You know, once I went down a YouTube hole looking at a barbershop quartet stuff. Really? It's pretty wild. The outfits or the singing? The singing. The outfits actually not that interesting. Yeah. They got to keep it business casual sometimes. You know what I mean? You know...

I think it's interesting that the band Weezer all took barbershop quartet lessons and that comes out in their harmonies. Is that true? It is true. Yes. But like they took them independently of each other and then they were like, Hey, Hey,

No, I think these guys, I think that was part of like, I don't know if it was Rivers Cuomo making them do it, but he was like, we all have to learn how to do barbershop harmonies. And so they, a lot of their harmonies are based on those like barbershop. How come more barbershop quartets don't do Weezer songs? Why don't they take rock and roll lessons? All right. So, so far we've not seen any, any evidence regarding either of our theories. No, I do have a real, real fear that we missed it.

I think we may. Because I think he explains to Buddy Hackett what his scam is. Should we call Buddy? Do you know him? Let's get him on the horn. Maybe he'll fill us in. Is he for sure still alive? I don't think he is. I don't think that he is. So now he is probably, how old is he? Oh, I thought he was going to go to space again. He's 55. She's probably 25. This is respectful.

I want to know how old he was because he... You think he's young? He's younger than we think. Probably. Everyone had hard living back then. Back then, this guy, he could be 26 years old. That guy could be a baby. Poof. So he's lying here. This is part of his scam. So he does know a little bit about music because he heard the enemies talking. He knows the term perfect pitch. Yeah. Yeah.

Which, to be fair, he could have picked up at a baseball game. That's really true. Meanwhile, Buddy Hackett is like getting involved in this scam for some reason. Even though he's gone straight. He misses the life. They call this scatting. It's not scatting. Scatting is... I'm trying to do control. Zapped away. He's 44 years old. He dogs, she dogs. 44 years old. Okay. So we sort of split the difference here.

Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go. And instruction books. Oh, this is very important. Wow. Okay. So he's added... What did he say? Uniforms? So he's saying he is buying the uniforms. Can we agree now on that? Well, he said by the time uniforms arrive. But I think before that, he was saying, oh, we've added uniforms. But you're right. They've never said...

He's never said, oh, you're the person purchasing this. I feel like it's implied, but we'll see. It still might come up. They can't just imply it. Avis Grubb. Can you imagine being cast in this? Like, hey, we need a bunch of ugly old ladies. I don't think that anybody said they were ugly.

Is he going to try his thing on her? Where he's like, listen to your voice. Ah, see? Yeah. Oh yeah, brother. Now you're talking my language. Mr. Hill. Now we need even uglier ladies to come up behind her. You're not being a gentleman. This guy is good. You got to give it to him. Just all these gangs of women roaming the streets.

I think if you're a woman and it's dark, what are you doing? Go inside. Oh, I thought it was like a riddle. If you're a woman. You're a woman. It's dark. What are you doing? Miss... Peru is her name? Yeah. Really? Peru. The famous Irish name. Peru. And then they just go crazy. What are they talking about in this song? I've never been able to figure out. I know that they're... Yes, they're...

Get it? I understand the rhythm of it, that it's a lot like a chicken. But what are they supposedly talking about? They're talking about marry the librarian. Oh, okay. This all makes sense then. But when they say pick a little, talk a little. Ball sack. Ball sack. They set up all the slang terms, but it doesn't help. Yeah. So they're trying to say, see, this strengthens and bolsters my theory that

that her brother is actually her son. And that this guy, Madison, is the father. Right. And it was a scandal. Yeah. I'd rather own... Did you hear that noise? Yeah. What's going on? What's happening? What is that? I think there's...

What is that? There's a dog underneath, like about knee high. You can't see it. Wait, this is what a dog is? Yeah, you can't see it on the picture, but there's a dog running around by their feet. I've never seen one in real life. Yeah. I'd rather own the building than the books because the building and the land is going to appreciate... This made me laugh when I was a kid. Ball sack. Of course. So good. It's so good. And you know, it's also anatomically, I appreciate it. Yep. See? Yeah.

They want his credentials. They want his credentials, yeah. Here you go, idiots. Good night, ladies. Good night, ladies. Good night, ladies. We're going to leave you now.

Farewell, ladies. Farewell, ladies. Farewell, ladies. We're going to leave you now. We did it. So fun. She really does look like an alien, right? I think so.

She's got that oval face. She almost has like a Bjork quality. She's got that gray skin. Dominoes. No pupils. Just black. All right. So this guy just hangs out with horses at any time. He works there. Okay. Does anyone care about may I or can I these days? Who gives a fuck? Yeah. Sorry for my language. What's the difference anyway? Is can considered to be vulgar?

Like anyone can do something. Exactly. You're asking for permission. Yeah, that's the difference. Shut the fuck up. Get the fuck out of here. What are you thinking about, you fucking perv? So he's basically heard that Marion fucked this guy. Oh, this is where he slut praises. It's the opposite of slut shaming. He's slut praising. Slut praising. I love it.

"'Rose to my sink down the aisle, "'gold and glorious, sleeping pristine goddess. "'No, sir, love, no, Diana, "'do I play fauna to tell you that right now? "'I hinarle, I hiss. "'How can ignorance be compared to bliss? "'I spark, I fizz. "'For the lady who knows what time it is, "'I cheer and I rave. "'For the virtue I'm too late to save. "'Thus sadder but wise a girl for me.'"

Buddy Hackett's acting. Boy, that's hot. That's so hot. He's too good at this. He tickled him. Do you think the little flute guy is so excited when they mention sailors or boats? He's like, I got to do this. I did it. Who do you think? Do you think there was a lot of competition for when Old Spice had that? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Do you remember the old commercials? How old? Like from the 70s? And it was like old Spice guy. He was like coming home from sea or whatever. And the wife was all excited. Robert Preston can barely dance, but they got him doing everything he could possibly do.

I mean, he looks great next to Buddy Hackett. Meanwhile, they think a horse is applauding them. They look over. It happens to be a little girl. She totally freaks them out. All right. Now that's important. The book. Yeah. This, by the way, this is a very kind of bebop-y. It's like that Quincy Jones song I was singing. Maybe we could do a mashup here. But...

Looks like no. Look at his hair. It's gorgeous. I had to do a show where we had to do finger waves like that, and it was fun. The hair part? Yeah, the show was terrible. What was the show? It was a Rodgers and Hammerstein review that I did in Sonora, California. Oh, boy. Why did you have to have finger waves? It was set in the...

Maybe 30s. Do you know there's pills you can take to make your hair like that? Really, Dr. Blondie? Yep. Can you prescribe them? I'll just give them to you. Want some? Hell yeah. I got a pocket full. Here you go. These are loose. Yep. And that's how you'll be feeling. So he's... It's been so long since I've seen this. Yeah. Is he basically coming in here going like, I know you fuck that guy. Guess what? I'll fuck you too. Yeah.

Because he's trying to seduce her so she won't stand in his way. Right. So does she have a bad reputation in town? Is that what it is? She does have a bad reputation. So no man would ever... They think that she had sex with that old man and then, you know, she's got all the books. Yeah. Do you think she pays herself a salary to do this? It's like, oh, I make $100,000 a year as a librarian. Maybe she does it for... Well, how would she do that?

Well, she owns the book. If she pays herself salary, how does she... Where does the money come from? You're like trying to Harold Hilby right now. Man, a whole couple of rows for just science. Get it? The gods. They're falling in love. Drama and science and history all equal. What is she supposedly writing at this point? Dear God, please get me out of this situation.

So he... Helping along. Helping along. Okay, so he doesn't actually... Oh, and she's into it at this point. I mean, he's very charming. He's a very charming guy. So he views her as a means to an end at this point. He's not actually... He doesn't mean anything he's saying. This is a liar's song. Exactly. But, of course, you know he's going to end up actually in love with her. And this is part of my question. Yeah? If it comes true, is he lying? Exactly. Exactly.

It's a great philosophical idea. Yeah. If it comes true, was it a lie? But if you know that it's a lie at the time, it's a lie. So your intent plays into it? I think your intent plays into lying, yes. What?

What if you think you're lying and you say something that's just true, like facts? Like an accident? Yeah. You accidentally... Like the monkeys, you know, making Shakespeare. By the way, that could never happen. No, of course not. It's a ridiculous thought. They're not interested in doing that. Well, even if they were, I don't think they're able to.

The idea that... The idea is there's infinite... The monkeys are going to focus so much on these typewriters. They're just typing all day. No, they're going to get into fights. And that's the other thing. They're going to throw the typewriters. Oh, if you do enough random... Like, there's an infinite amount of universes. So in one of them...

One of the monkeys will have accidentally, without knowledge, typed out Romeo and Juliet. It's fucking ridiculous. It could never happen. Because the idea is it's an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters. Yeah. That's just stupid. Why are we even entertaining that? Because... I'll tell you what. Every single one of them would be illegible. Yeah. Yeah.

There wouldn't be a single one that could... Because now they're not just going to write the words. They're also going to get the spacing correct. Yeah. Who's going to go through a manuscript that a monkey wrote to make sure that they got or, you know, O apostrophe ER. This is the other thing. Harold Hill comes into a library. Yeah. Everyone just starts doing this shit. Yeah. This guy rules. Pay him his salary. I have no problem with him. Anything he does. He's like basically the town...

What job is it where like someone comes in and does a bunch of fun stuff? The circus. These people have never done cartwheels before. They're suddenly doing cartwheels. She's like, well, now I'm having fun. Now it's fun to dance in the library. Look, I'm a plane. Hasn't been invented yet. Fuck my glasses.

This dog, by the way, is just at their feet. You can't see it in frame. Yeah. But you hear it barking everyone. I still can't believe that's what a dog looks like. They've cleared the frame at this point, but the dog. Now that should have snapped her out of it, I think. Yeah, but now she's like so into the idea of. Being a plane. Yeah. She's like, I'm going to invent this. I'm going to invent this. But then she's going to get to him and she's going to be like, I don't like you. You creep.

She's just gorgeous. Look how gorgeous she is. Look at her outfit, too. It's like a cross between a tuxedo and like an apron. That's what it was like back then. Yeah. Wait, did they regress in age? This is the most singing he does because normally he talks things. That's not true. He's got a number coming up. So there was you? Yeah. Ouch. Can you imagine? He goes down the book elevator. That's an elevator just for books, sir.

Mission accomplished. I love a quick fade out. Like why, why? How come he didn't go? Do you think he'll go to space again? I hope so. Where that girl's from? Do you think these patterns are? I was just going to say they're twinning. Yeah. That's gotta be fun. But you know how you're always told whenever you're on a TV show, like no patterns. You may not wear a tight pattern. Guess what? They figured it out here. Why can't they on after midnight? Yeah.

Oh, boy. This is what doorbells were like back then. I collect doorbells. That's probably his worst con. Uh-oh. Have you ever considered jerking off? Oh, this is important to us. There we go. There we go. Okay. Let me formally say. Yes.

You are right about him buying the instruments at a markup. Thank you. Thank you, Bing. I will also concede that that seems to be the case. At this point, there's no confirmation, but it seems to be the case. Come on, Bill. All right. Come on, Bill. I concede.

Okay. Now, will you concede that these people have proven themselves able to order things from a catalog? I don't know. All that guy did was sign something. I guess that's what ordering something from a catalog is. They have the Wells Fargo wagon come. We got to wait for the Wells Fargo to really figure out this point. Because I can't remember if they're like the Wells Fargo wagons coming down the street and they're in awe like they've never seen

anything like it. That's why she's Irish. So he's racist as well. Or is she playing on other people's racism? Oh. Mm-hmm. Boom. Dead. Gay. Oh. Saucy. He wants to say stripe. Okay, so there's that dog who was during the dance sequence was running around the weekend. Yeah, they gave that dog too much leeway. Yeah.

What? Is she on to him? I can't remember. Isn't there a part where she's like, oh, okay, yeah, this is it. She knows he's a smooth talker. There is no Gary Conservatory, you fucking idiot. You bog-trotting peasant. Dr. Blondie. That's not cool, Dr. Blondie. A Shakespeare. Indiana, Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana. They say it once again.

So how does he get Ron Howard to sing Gary, Indiana? Just by singing it? I think he makes it look so fun. Yeah, it is. Little Ronnie Howard is like, I got to get in on this. Save me a taste. Let me wet my beak. She's having a great time. She loves it. If you could pay a guy to come over and just sing to you like this, I guess that's what singing telegrams are. Do you think there's still such a thing as singing telegrams? I hope so.

Why? I'd love to get one. Would you really? Yeah. Open the door. Jane Weedlin is there? From Clue. Would Jane Weedlin do it for, like, what amount of money would she go be a singing telegram? That's interesting. Like, the amount of money she just could not say no to. She could sing one of her own songs. She could sing Blue Kiss, whatever she wants. Oh, you're giving her a lot of leeway.

Oh, you want her to sing what you want her to sing? Yeah, it's a telegram. Okay. Well, I'm just saying like maybe she adapts one of her own songs. What existing song is going to fit? I mean to tell you. I love songs that end in musicals with someone falling down and going, oh! It's great. It's the perfect way to end a song. Because people fall down in real life. Yeah. Since I tried to kiss you when you didn't want it.

No, when I say his father, I mean the man who owned the library. I mean... What? This is the guy who owned the fucking library. He really looked at her like he didn't understand what she meant. This is a little heavier than I remember. Screen door, nothing I can do. What if he just tore it open? I bet that would be satisfying to do.

Put your fist through a screen door and rip it away. Funny for him in one of the bloopers to just go like, rah! Everyone laughs on set. You're caught! Peru. I do not remember her name being Peru. Seems fake. It does seem fake. She all right? She just farts. Been holding this one in. Goes in the house.

Oh, she's making some brown. Why didn't she just move? Move? Yeah. Where? I don't know. She has all those books. She wants to take care of the library. No, she wants the books. She owns the books. She doesn't care about where they are. Just rent a U-Haul. She wants to be... I think she cares about the library's finances. No, take the books somewhere else. She doesn't have this reputation.

But she's not going to be cowed by these cheap, cheap, cheaps. These henpecking harpies. Okay, so Ed Griner. Is a creep. All these Eds. Another Ed. Removable backseat. What does that mean? Oh, meaning that's where you can have sex. What's she making? I knew you'd get there. Is she making chili? What is this? Yeah, she's making her famous four-lob chili. In 1910 Iowa. What?

I do not remember this song. It's not a great one. This is probably the least or most forgettable or least memorable. Which do you think it is? I don't know. It's one end of the spectrum somewhere. It's got a gorgeous voice. Yeah. I remember, so I grew up in the 70s. I don't know when you grew up, Bing.

Oh, long time before the 70s. But I'm a very old man. Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah. But... You know, my wife died two days ago. Oh, I'm so sorry. I know we scheduled this three weeks ago. You could have said something. That's all right. But when I grew up, Shirley Jones was... She was kind of... It felt like she was an older woman, especially to someone who was six. Of course. So I never viewed her as...

you know, a sexual object, a sexual object until watching this film and say, we're exploring it. Oh, okay. Oh, she's making a pizza. Just like Frank Sinatra. She's making a chocolate pizza with walnuts. This actually sounds good. Should we market these? Chocolate pizza with walnuts? Yeah, sure. With like round kind of like, you know, those coins, the chocolate coins that you unwrap. Those are pepperonis.

Chocolate coins that you unwrap? From the gold, you know. Did you include the unwrapping part because you thought I was going to put wrapped chocolate coins? Well, I didn't want to, yes, because Bing, you have this tendency to. But you can make this like a gold leaf paint. Sure. That's edible. Yeah. That would be fun to make that. It would be fun. What do you think the recipe is? I think it would be fun.

Recipe is chocolate in a circle. Not need for the gold leaf paper. Gold. Okay. Brush. Okay. Melt everything. Season to taste. This song sucks. It does. But we do get her sexual history. It's about someone pondering. Oh, did she mention? Did she have sex with that dude? A past lover drove the streetcar. Drove a streetcar? Yeah. What happened to him?

I don't know. We started talking. We'll have to rewatch this. I was just watching you guys. So she, everyone thinks she was with the guy who owned the library, but instead she was in love with a guy who raced streetcars.

Fast and Furious style? I don't think he raced them because I think they're on a track. But he'd still go fast. You're just not getting off track. You can go fast or slow. You can go fast or slow, but I don't think they're able to line them up so that they can race. You have to go all the way to the roundhouse and turn it around. Or you get a crane and lift it up to face it the other way. It was really inefficient back then.

Yeah, now streetcar races are easy. And legal everywhere. In a little walnut. In all 48. Oh, now he went to space. Oh, she's going to space too. Bye! They're both going! More movies scenes should end like this. I like that relationship. Like you're watching The Brutalist and just scenes should end like that. I haven't seen The Brutalist. Is it about a mean guy? I hope so.

Wait, have you seen it or you haven't seen it? I haven't seen it. It sounded like you did see it. Yeah, that's what I thought. You referenced it, but you haven't seen it? People reference things they haven't seen all the time. Okay, so explain the reference. Hello, Gunga Dean. Perfect example. Ye gods. Ye gods count at three or four? Four. Wow.

Good math, Gunga Din. You're a better man than I, Gunga Din. That's what I'm thinking of. Another you got. Five. Five. Meanwhile, the oldest woman I've ever seen. What if she's still alive? Boy, give me a number. Again with that book. It's important. Oh, that's right, because there's where he went to school. She's going to look it up, right? Why is that book always facing out? Who's reading this book ever?

The fact that she's constantly putting it away. People are checking it out, returning it. They can't get enough. Look at that dog. Okay, this is a Wells Fargo wagon. So does anyone say like... It looked extremely pathetic. In my memory, it was much bigger than that. Does anyone say, I know how to order things from a catalog. A what? A bird? From Tampa. I think a...

What's a Mackintosh? Mackintosh is a raincoat. Oh, so a Mac, yeah. Which is... Because also a Macintosh is a coat. Yeah. So now we've dated this movie. It's 1912. That's right. Although this season... The year of the Titanic sank. Did it really? Yeah. I only know Dunkirk. Just a few months before. Boodling. Ooh, boodling. That was a filthy word back then. Yes, but if you just... Why don't you just out with it, Shirley Jones?

Instead, you give little girls time to interrupt you. I wish this guy was still alive. I know. I'd love to shake his hand. Without saying a word. And then just pivot, turn around, and walk away. COD, cash on delivery. So they know the term COD. That's right. Kind of implies that they know how to order things. They know how to order things, but it does seem like they're not able to track things. Yes. Although...

I know we were talking about this person got something on her birthday. Like, how do you order knowing it'll come on your birthday? Or was that just chance? I guess it's up to whoever is the shipper. You know what I bet happened is someone else ordered it for her birthday. I expect a new rocking chair. This weirdo watches Raisins. Courthouse square. So this isn't...

Harold Hill's doing. No, he has nothing to do with it. He's just excited by the fucking wagon. This is just capitalism they're excited about. No wonder Ron Howard's so embarrassed by his acting career. Like, he's great in this, but can you imagine being him and ever watching this and going like, what a goober? It'll be wild to have film of yourself like that from being such a little kid.

God, this looks so cheap. It looks shitty. What? Oh, and he's in the back of it. I love it. Oh, he's got a trumpet. He's got one trumpet. Gonna give it to Winthrop. He wipes his fucking face. I love that. He's broken out of it. Now, you would think the instruments are the most expensive part of everything, but he must be charging a lot for his time. Because he's...

So now I was incorrect, by the way, because I thought they were about to arrest him right before the instruments. Yes. But they were just suspicious. Yeah. Which I think was what I maintained. Yes. So I wouldn't mind. He wouldn't mind apologizing again? For what I'm about to do, which is punch you in the fucking face? I concede that you were correct in that he was not about to be arrested. Thank you. That they were merely suspicious. Yes.

They couldn't be about to arrest him that many times. It's true. It's an escalation, as we say in the biz. Also, the mayor can't arrest people. Now they're all going to space. Goodbye! All right, Roddy, just look up at the, just look up side to side. So they're going to practice, right? That's right. Okay, this is where we first see his think method in action. We're about to see the think method. Okay. Girls' locker room.

Now, this is what the movie Porky's was based on. Yeah. This is a prequel to Porky's. Or I guess Porky's is the unofficial sequel to the music. Boy, I'm glad we got to see them all one at a time. Yep. And then the last one, they were like, don't do any business. We got business out of the first few. So they have basketball. Now, I remember, did you ever read those great brain books? What? What?

The book's a series of books called The Great Brain. Mormon, little Mormon boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little LDS boy. And he was all set around this. Make him LSD. You got my attention. It was all set maybe 15 years before this, right? Before the turn of the century. Maybe. I remember things like basketball coming to town and they were always like...

We've heard of this new game called basketball. And then, you know, the great brain gets really good at it. It's like one of those things where they had a hyphen in there that they don't have anymore. Yeah, like the Batman. And great brain gets really good at it. He's sinking threes from half court. And he's just like swish, swish, swish. They describe this in the book? Yeah. The great brain throws again. Nothing but net.

This is a boring scene, but I guess it's necessary. It's a real, like, you know... This is not enough students. Women's lives and men's lives. By the way, that dog is still, like, just right at Harold Hill's feet. They've cut him out of the frame. He doesn't even get a credit. This poor kid, he doesn't know that he's being bamboozled. This guy, by the way, the main love interest looks way older than everyone here. He really does. He's like 30. Yeah.

And it looks like he's seen some shit, too. He's been to Nam. Got back from the war. It's like I saw horrors in Korea. Shouldn't he have his hat off indoors or is there an age cutoff for that? Oh, that's a good question because some of the little boys do have the hats on. Yeah. It's like, hey, you're 10 now. You take your hat off indoors. Look how serious they are. This is a good school. Look at Michael Rapaport back there with the tuba. Yeah, really. Why doesn't he just say he's a singing teacher?

Because like everyone, he teaches to sing and they're all good at it. This guy is old as hell. He's like Bobby Darin's age right before he died. How old? But he died young. Yeah. He had like a heart palpitation. Is he the best example? Who do you want me to pick? JonBenet Ramsey? Jesus. The candy guy looked like Alex Trebek. Alex Trebek. Jeopardy, by the way.

I wish I had a million dollars. Hot dog. Hot dog has a exclamation mark in the title. That's right. So you got to pronounce it. Jeopardy! Jeopardy! You guys count up to six. Great honk. A little late for a catchphrase, my friend. He did say it once before. Okay. You got to say it at least five times. He's got three more to go. I hope he can get it in there. This town has so much stuff in it. Why are they so bored that they need this guy? I would just be at this place every day.

I think a ye gods is coming. This guy, he rules. He's so good. I wish there were more people like this. I wish there were more roles like this. Oh, nice. Horsewhip, another form of execution. That one. That's so funny. Just great actors all around. Weird joke. Yeah.

He raises his hand really briefly like, I'm going to say something. It's like he has mind powers. Yeah. Like the force. He was using the force. Okay, seven? Him and his phraseology. Into the wrong side of town. Yeah, that's what the point is. Thanks for the buggy ride. That's a good thing to say to somebody. Thanks for the buggy ride. G-L-I-S. G-L-I-S. G-L-I-S.

This is great. God, this guy's great. Paul Ford. Hello, mayor. Oh, hello. Hello. References. God, that hat. What if her hair was that shape?

Is she drinking that liquid that the bird drinks when you set him up and he... This is what I ordered. Do you know what I mean? What the bird drinks when you set him up? Like the plastic bird and you push his head and then he drinks from the water and he goes back up. These phrases, I love them so much. He knows so much about the instruments. He should just be a music guy. Wouldn't it be great if that was true?

I would have dreams where I could play. The Minion N.A.G.? Well, instruments like this, and I would be handed it, and I would have a concert. I would go like, oh, yeah, I know how to play this. Wait, you were handed it, and you instantly had a concert? Yeah. Wow, congrats. I wish life was like that. It should be. You know? Like, you're handed a guitar, and it's like, hey, you have a concert now. That's what's great about drugs. Somebody hands you a drug, and then a whole new world happens. A whole concert happens. Hmm.

Was she about to pay for her drink? Is that what was happening? And he's like, forget about it, baby. I got this one's on. Harold Hill. What's his actual name? You got to spend money to make money. Gregory. We never hear his last name. We never hear it? Oh, wow. Maybe we do. Maybe when... When he's making those posters, he's... But I feel like he's just...

plastering over another fake name like an alias has already. You know what? We should have looked at what the poster said. Let's just do another watch along and we'll see it next time. Same movie? Yeah. Okay. Just for that one part. The rest of the time it'll be quiet. You can enjoy the film. Oh, now he's in space. Okay, great. And he's transported back to Earth. Wow. They're starting to match. It's really happening. Conspiracy!

A pipe? Oh, no. What's overdue? The rent. He held it long enough that they could see it. It was pretty big. It said overdue. I know. I wasn't looking. No, but I mean, they could see it. And then they're still like, what is it? He goes, oh, it's a letter from a lady. He's good at singing. Just be a singing teacher. See? Look at the magic he's making. Just pay him for that. I think they're going to do the key change thing that I love when...

When barbershop quartets do it. Yeah. This is shot. That's the stuff. Ding, like you said earlier. Ding. That's so close to your name, Bing. It is. Bing again. Bing and Ding. I used to have a friend when I was a boy, his name was Ding. Really? Yeah. What happened? Did he not grow up or? No, he's still alive, but he did not grow up. He's still a little boy.

So he has like a Peter Pan kind of thing going on? There was three of us. Bing, ding, and thing. Thing from the Adam's apple. This thing was a little rocky orange boy. My name. Light a rose. Oh, everyone knows. That I am hoping you're the same. Aimee.

So here is my love song. When they do the crossfade, that's when they do the key change, right? I don't know what you're talking about. I'll point it out. Yeah, please. The crossfade. To another song, I think. Won't you be my rose, my rose. Okay, listen, listen. Rose, and they do the key change up to here. Singing is just the same talking.

My love song. Can you imagine a woman? Yeah, but what are you imagining? I can't imagine anything. Okay. I bet you can't imagine a dragon sitting on top of a golden carriage. You're saying I can't imagine dragons? I'm thinking about it right now. All right. You got me.

But can you imagine a woman singing a song about you? Oh, sure. I like to think about that. My wife used to sing to me. Oh, until she died two days ago? Yeah. Yeah. But she would always sing the same song. What song? Happy Birthday. Once a year? Yeah. On special occasions. They're separated by outer space. They're both on separate planets.

that are racing. Yeah. Do you think the other three guys were like, how come you get the chair? I bet two of them were like, okay, you get the chair. I'm just going to sit down on this then. The other guy's like, I'll stand. And we're going to man spread. So the fourth guy has to stand up. Meanwhile, the mom has nothing to do. Nope.

She's just staring off into space. I mean, she gets to listen to Shirley Jones sing, which is nice. She's looking out the window of the spaceship, I think. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's Pluto. Oh, no, a space whale. He needs our help. Pluto in outer space. The dog. Not the former planet. FKA Pluto. Rose, oh, lighter, lighter, rose. Oh, lighter, lighter, rose. Lighter, oh, rotolize. Rotolize. Brutalize. Initiate rotolize.

Are you talking about the brutalist again? Brutalize. That's his catchphrase. Brutalist. Brutalize. Time to brutalize. Why don't I ever get to sing a fun song like you get to sing? All I can do is this accent. Meanwhile. Is whittling and walking a great combo? Jesus Christ. He's going to stab himself to death. Martin of Tours.

Audible weapon? Oh, he's Harold now? That's nice. They've become friends. Best friends. What do you think Buddy Hackett feels about that? Oh, you're friends with this little boy now? You've got more than one friend. I thought you and I were friends. Are we friends? Bing? Yeah. I was in the guise of Buddy Hackett. No, but I'm asking you. I'd like to think we're friends. Well, you have more than one friend, right? Right.

I mean, you're my doctor. I think we have more of a professional relationship. A doctor is the best friend you can have. A doctor is a best friend? That you can have, yeah. I don't know when it could save you from death. Are your other friends going to do that? Well, if I was in like a Tesla that was exploding in front of a casino or something like that, I hope they would pull me from it. They won't. I can tell you that right now. All right. Oh, boy. This is like an immediate fast forward. Yeah.

In my house. It's also, luckily it's a short song. Yeah. I like it to sing and it's this.

It's so crazy that this guy would end up being my boss one day. He's really adorable. He's great. He's a cute little guy. Very nice man. Ah, see? I love you, son. When I was watching this when I was 14 years old to think that one day he would sign my paychecks. Well, what about when you watch Happy Days? That's another part of it. Oh, boy. Here we go.

When Charles Cowell shows up, that's a problem. Have you ever leaned on a post like that? Probably. I've leaned on a lot of things in my lifetime. Like what? Wall. Deer? Tree. I don't know if I've ever leaned against a deer. If it's there, I'm going to lean against it. You think it'll let you? I have so much time to clean.

Do you think the expression is, if you have time to lean against a deer, you have time to clean a deer. Deer. Honey. Okay, you're a creep. Get the fuck out. Now that's a good fake name. Heavier than that. Anvil? Oh, she's all in now. She's all in. This is so... Every line is...

Just crafted so exquisitely. Exquisitely crafted by an artist named Meredith Wilson. Man, knit. This guy's pretty great too. Girly girl. He's like the proto Dave Koechner. Yeah. He looked at her boobs. Right at him. Maybe I do at the time. You know, that's the one thing as a doctor I never get tired of. Looking at boobs? Love them.

I thought I'd keep expecting to get bored. Yeah. Never happened. Any size, any shape. I love them all. Drop your anvil again, man. He's really strong. Oh, yes. I don't remember this at all. You don't? I love this scene because she's acting all hot.

I don't remember them having any exchange whatsoever. I just remember him showing up at the big town square. Right. He starts screaming and yelling. No, she's... She's stalling. She's stalling for time because he's got to get back on that train. Plus, maybe she's just horny in general and is like... Yeah, why not? What are anvils for? You hammer stuff on there. Yeah, like what? Like a horseshoe. It's how you make a horseshoe. Why don't you just do it on the table?

That's a great question, Scott. Tin type, girly girl. Not on your tin type. I mean, that was, nobody ever said that. Not on your tin type. Like, were there people in the 70s saying, not on your Polaroid camera? Oh, the train's chugging. Oh. Taking it away. That's slang. That's slang for sex.

Mouth's open. These assholes are still singing over there. My question. He's made everyone's lives better. You know what I mean? These guys hated each other. Now they own extra hats. Yep. The two hat gang. Oh, now they're writing their own material. That went well. They feel good. They feel good. They feel good about that take. Oh, he points at everyone he talks to.

I feel like that would get tiring. It used to be. Now it's rude, but it used to be you had to do that. I just feel like your arms would get so tired doing that. Yeah, that's why people don't do it anymore. You don't listen so good. I just feel like your arms would get so tired. He's out of focus. He is out of focus. I guess he's behind her. Do you think it was an intentional choice? Maybe. Although normally you would pull focus over to him when she turns around. But now he's in... I guess you know a thing or two about pulling focus. Yeah.

Because I've directed a movie? Yeah, I think that's what he meant. It actually is. Dog is still in the take. What's the eyeliner budget? I'm trying to say is taking the virginities of 100 people. Have you deflowered 100 women? I wonder if that's a world record. Wish I could call my friend. Who's your friend? My friend Fred. I don't care. Call him.

You want me to call Fred? I don't give a shit. Hmm. Let me see. Try to call him here. So she, because Winthrop is having such a good time and not moping about his dead dad anymore, she's like, I don't care that this guy's a con man. He's great. Yeah. Why are you asking? Fred here. Hey, Fred. Scotty! What's the, uh...

What's the world record for virgins deflowered? By one person? By one person, yeah. Okay. Not by country. Exactly. All right. Hold on a second. 252. Okay. I was nowhere near close. Okay. Thanks, Fred. You got it. You don't want to know who it was? Yeah. Who? Who is it, Fred?

James Carville. James Carville. I got a text from him earlier today. Crazy. All right. Thanks, Fred. Bye. You got it. Love you. So my friend says 252. Wow, that's a lot. That's a lot. James Carville. I wonder if it's the same, the famous one. I doubt it. She relates because people started rumors about her. That's right. That's how they bond. We're the rumor couple. We both have rumors about us. He's giving me an in to forget about my morality.

Yes. Just that you're a real James Carvo. Acting is all about the shoulders and above, isn't it? I couldn't have put it better myself. If you can't act there, you got to get out of the business. If your shoulders are stiff and wooden, forget about it. Acting is reacting with your shoulders. I wonder if these two liked each other. That's a good question.

I mean, it happens sometimes that they don't like each other. I bet they did, though. I bet they did. It's only a summer you're spending together, you know? I could like this person for three months. Yeah. Then I'd never have to see them again. Other than at the cast party. And maybe the Academy Awards. He's taking it up a notch, saying let's go to the footbridge. Wants to take her to the second location. The footbridge. Everybody knows where it all goes down.

The WikiFoot Bridge. 15 minutes. Is there also a website that's WikiFoot where it's just one foot? Yeah. We could only get some data on this one. Is he in love with her yet? I can't quite tell. I think this scene is meant to flip the switch on him. This is where it really happens, I think.

But I feel like he's still kind of... He's still kind of the con man. Yeah. At what point does he go like, oh, I actually do like her? I think it's going to happen real soon. He's still kind of playing his thing though here. Yeah. That music and being... Oh, he drugged her. Oh, Rufy's. Bill Cosby. How old was she when this was made? I bet she is 23. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. What's your guess, Bing? I'm going to... Big laugh. I'm going to say she is... She's... 23 and a half. Price is right rules. 29. Okay. I'm going to say she's...

19 years old. 19? Okay. That's a wide range. I can't, I don't judge ages. It's surprising for a doctor. I don't judge ages very well. Now bear in mind, there'll be a year younger. Who's bear in mind? Excuse me, Baron? 28. 28, but a year younger would be 27 because 28 when the movie comes out, 27 when she films it. Did Charlie Cowan miss his train or he came back on a different train?

Oh, is he there? Yeah, he just came up to the Buffalo Bills. He must have come back on a different train, right? Oh, no, this is still the same night. That's why they put a ticking clock on it, right? The 15 minutes of it all? That's right. He must have missed his train. I bet he clarifies. So he's a dance teacher too? Just do that, man. You don't have to be a music teacher. It is fun to fool people though, isn't it? That's true. Absolutely. It's a good point.

Like a lot of times I'll tell people. So the very first date is usually a hussy. And a woman who will kiss on the second time out is anything but fussy. But a woman who will wait till the third time around. Head in the clouds, feet on the ground. She's a girl he's glad he's found. She's a shepoopy, shepoopy, shepoopy, shepoopy. The girl is hard to get. Shepoopy, shepoopy, shepoopy. But he can't win her yet.

Walk her once, just raise the curtain. Walk around twice and you make first certain. Once more in the flower garden, she will never get sorry if you beg her pardon. Do you think this is the most that Buddy Hackett ever moved in his life? Do you think he like had to think about it before taking this role? Like you want me to what? The little sow was a no-gal as anyone could see. Look at her now, she's a go-gal. A no-gal. Who only goes for me. Do we ever see his girlfriend?

His wife? Yeah. We've seen her a few times. Who is she? She played the piano. I love that. And then the roller kept going and interrupted to get his burger. I feel like the tune is getting away from him a little bit. He's also looking down at his feet a little more than I, and probably the choreographer just off camera. Meanwhile, let's let the professionals at this. Let's let the professionals at this. So these are the steps that Harold Hill taught them.

Now, see, that's always the thing in musicals is that do the people in musicals know they're dancing? These people know they're dancing, definitely. But... Now, why do you say that? Because they were like just talking about, oh, we want to show off the steps. Okay, but that's the thing. Are these... There's his wife. But to your point, do people in musicals know they're singing a song or is it just like a fantasy? I think in this particular case...

They know they are singing a song and they know they are dancing. And this is part of the festivities. Right. That's not the case. For instance, when he sings very soon until there was you. That's right. That is just pure love. Pure love coming out of him. But this is like, hey, these are steps that Harold Hill taught us. And this is part of a fun. So the idea is that Harold Hill's choreographed this entire thing. Which is like, just be that. Including the Buddy Hackett part?

Like, can he get together with Marcellus and say, hey, I got this new song, Shapoopy. Could you choreograph some of this? You can do your own moves and I'll take care of the guys and the girls. So good. He got his great hunk. He got his great hunk. I got to look up this guy. I've liked his work ever since I was young watching this movie. I don't know anything about him. You know that he was in this.

And that's all I know about him, but gosh, I hope his life was good. The first thing I always look at when I check out a Wikipedia page is personal life. Because I want to know, like, were they happy? How many divorces do they have? Were they racist? Hey, I got a question. Were they canceled? Were they racist? I got a question. Yeah. Why did Harold Hill stay 15 minutes when he's just standing there watching this thing? Because she needs time to prepare, I think. Like, she said she had to get dressed.

Oh, she probably had to take like penny royalty or something to make sure she didn't get pregnant. Meanwhile, I love the style of dancing too. This should come back. This seems like the kind of dancing I could do. How about that part? I could do this. If Robert Pressing can do something, I can do it. Yes. I can do anything as good as Robert Pressing. Oh, I love this. This is something I could do. I could do that part for sure. Oh my God. That looks like, again, it looks like making fun of dancing. I would love to do...

Bing, did you say that you wanted to play this part, Harold Hill? I don't think I did. I would love to. I've never been on the stage. I would love to do this with you where we switch off scenes. Switch off scenes. Yeah.

I'll do this scene. So not switch off nights like True West style, but switch off scenes. Now, I saw my friend's child in Little Shop of Horrors when they were five years old and there were two people playing each part. Oh, I see. And they just said the lines along with each other. That's interesting. It was. That's interesting dramaturgy. This woman in the front was not even pretending to...

To sing, really. Okay, so is this his wife? She's the pianola or whatever? Yeah, she plays the pianola. Okay. You know, when you cast someone in a movie as a love interest, they don't have to look exactly like the person. What's this theory? Well, like, okay, we need someone for Buddy Hackett's love interest. Oh, let's cast someone who looks like Buddy Hackett wearing a dress. No, you don't have to do that. I didn't think that she looked like Buddy Hackett. Come on.

Is he still saying 15 minutes? 15 more minutes. He keeps adding time. Every dance number is a setback. It doesn't feel like he's in love with her yet. Oh, he's going to try it again. Can I just break a dress? Oh, no. Don't you think this movie would make a little more sense if like everything in the town sucked before he got there? And then... What do you mean it did? Yeah, but they still had that 4th of July thing. Yeah, this is part of it.

This bullshit, Grecian urns. Right. I guess everyone was standoffish when he got there, but. Oh boy. Now it's trouble. Right here in river city. Wait, is she in it's a wonderful life too? Second from the left. She's the, the, the person in who plays a she's in the office. No. Okay. That's a good guess though. I see why you say that. Now this is filmed. Oh boy. Look at the sex that's happening back there. Yeah.

This is on the trails at Griffith Park. This is just pretty close to where we're taping this. Yeah, it's definitely not a soundstage. It couldn't be more outdoors. From the echo of the footsteps to the lighting. This is a real lake, obviously. Okay, so this is where we see that he literally has dreams of being. He's kind of using the think system on himself. Although this really is all a conductor does.

Just waves his arms around like a flapping bird. I dare you to say that to Dudamel. Go up to him and say, you're nothing more than a flapping bird, Dudamel. Where can I find him? So he breaks the stick. He's like, that's not going to come true. I'm actually leaving all these people because I've been conning them. You're pregnant. Oh. Because she's supposed to be canonically 26 years old. She's counting the time when she was a baby. Come on.

What if he was counting the time like from conception? So the nine months? I don't think that's fair. That's when a person becomes a person is the moment of conception. I'm not going to argue that point with you. I'm not going to get into that. But I do think it's unfair to hold it against her for a part of her life. She can walk. She can walk. Cry enough that your parents take you? What are you pointing at? Oh, there's a fly on her head? Wow. Like Mike Pence. He had COVID during that debate, right?

Yeah, of course he did. Of course. Of course he did. I mean, we all know it. Why isn't that story broken? Like, yeah. I mean, both he and Trump did have COVID during their debates. Probably several times. This is a gorgeous song. Now, I believe my parents got, I believe this played at their wedding. Oh, that's nice. So in the documentary I made about their love.

I played this version and then the credits had the Beatles version. Oh, yeah, the Beatles. And John had a toilet seat around his neck. Toilet seat around his neck, yeah, while he played that song. All them at all till there was you. There was a guy. Oh, sorry, go ahead. There was a guy that I was in choir with who was a foreign exchange student who sang this during one of our choir concerts.

And he had the heaviest accent. And it's just been burned in my mind of... Till there was you. He's from Transylvania. Just for 40 years I've been thinking about this. Was this concert at night? I do not drink wine. It's... Oh yeah, she's going to go for that crazy note. Yeah. This is why you cast a Shirley Jones. If you want that note. Now this is why you cast a Shirley Jones.

So this is where he falls in love with her is like, oh shit. She's also the fact, doesn't she say that she knows he's a con? I think she does. And doesn't care. Like when they're coming, when they're coming for her. He's very tender right here. I think, I think he's like, he's heard her explain it. He sees him. He knows he's bullshit. He sees himself reflected in her lies of love. Yeah. He knows he's a piece of shit. This is, this is what all love stories are. There's, let me see if I can get this right. There's three people that you present to the world. There it goes.

There's the hero that you present to your family. The one that walks on three legs. Yes. And what you know yourself to be, which is a piece of shit. And he's seeing himself as the hero that he's been presenting himself as, but he knows he's a piece of shit, but he thinks he can be the hero that he actually is. That was like me and my wife. Really? She made me feel like I was worthwhile. What are you going to do without her, Bing?

Well, I get to move the furniture around the way I like it. How do you like it? Different. Like in different rooms and stuff? Yeah. Do you need help? Dining room and the living room. The kitchen and the bedroom. Yeah, why not? Rudy Fribble. Another fake name. F-R-I-M-L, Fribble. Rudy Fribble. Rudy Fribble. I don't sound like him, right? No, Bing. My wife told me I had a beautiful voice.

Okay, but uniforms, uniforms. He collected the money for the uniforms. So he, okay. So he got the money for the uniforms. So yeah. Yeah. She's it. Oh, and his real name is Buster Brown. Oh, so when he's talking about his commission, he's talking about boning Marion. Yeah. That's what they used to call it back then. Yeah. Let's have a commission. Because you're committing a sin that results in a child. Right. Yeah.

You know, my wife and I never had kids, even though there was nothing wrong with either one of us. So we had sex positively all the time. It just never happened. It just never happened. Wow. That's the thing about sex. That's what happens when body starts lapping from doing the wild thing. Well, they're doing like a role play, but pretending to be themselves. So he, he's back to, he's like snapped out of it. Like, okay, now let me, let me have sex.

But now he's realizing, wait, you know I'm a piece of shit and you still love me? How can that be possible? It rings true. You fucking got me. It rings true. Now he falls in love with her. I'm not stupid. How can you tear out a page where there's the absence of something? You know what I mean? Like there was no conservatory in 05. I tore out the page where it said that. This just in. No conservatory. We still don't have a conservatory.

Maybe next year. These guys do not look happy. It's your car to go, dear. That gets me down. Oh. Okay, so here's... More conducting. The anvil guy. Does he ever mention if he got on the train or not? Nope. Wouldn't you love to do that during a show? Stop!

Just talk to the audience like this. I think if we ever do a live show together, Bing, I would love for you to just talk to the audience like this. Sure. You low-down idiotic fools. You stupid idiots. You bow-legged. I think I got a line. Wow. You're fiddling in the parlor. Oh, so funny.

God, I wish I could talk to my wife like that. Quiet! She hated the grapes that's on a costume. Hey, welcome to SAG-AFTRA. You, sir, are Taft Hartlead. Uh-oh. And we'll execute him.

crucify him crucify him crucify him crucify him who are you Harold Hill why have you been brought here oh Ronnie are those real those titties on his mom I think she got a boob job for this okay all right dear that's good Dr. Blondie do you ever perform boob jobs

If they ask. They have to ask? I've never done one without consent. Well, I did one without consent. Okay. I did one because I thought it's what they wanted. And then they informed me afterwards, no, I did not want this. When did they find out? Like they went all the way home, looked in the mirror? No, it was immediately upon waking in the hospital. Oh, wow. Yeah. What have you been doing all night? There's a huge social going on. Yeah, what the fuck? He's pointing at her. He loves to point. Patented pointing at her. What does that mean?

He's like, ooh, you're getting all ready for me, huh? And then only bass. Why would there be only one bass? It does seem like if they have a billion instruments, why would they only have one bass? Is he talking to bass guitar? That's what I assumed. Maybe he's got a stack of Marshalls that are so big. A stack of Marshalls? Is that the term? Marshall amps? A stack of Marshalls? Yeah. Not the clothing store.

Oh, yeah, that was my confusion. Like, can you imagine a bunch of Marshall's clothing sort of stacked up? Marshall stack. Yeah. Sweet dreams. See, he's crossed over now where he's like, I'm not even thinking about this fake band. Here I am singing this love song because I'm in love. But how can he stay here in town? He's a con man. He's got to move on before they catch him. He's got to move on like Funky Town. I like this because it's live singing, too.

Oh, yeah, it is. But it hasn't been other times because of this gorgeous acting. But the other times it wasn't because you can see the... That's a great suit. There's no two ways around it. Little Roddy Howard wearing a great suit. Now they're going to burn him alive. Yeah, that's the idea. They're going to Joan of Arc him. Winnie-ing! Oh, my God!

So that people could just take whatever horse they want. That really made me anxious. Even more horses. What this town needs is horses to catch this guy. They're just whipping these horses. They even brought the dog. It would be great if someone was whipping them too. Faster. If the mayor's wife is whipping them all. Let's look in here. What is that? That's a different criminal escaping. He's been hiding out in the lumber factory.

It's nice that he grabbed a suitcase for him. Oh, Mr. Hale. Execution? They're going to execute him. It's called a people's execution. What if she came with him and got the hell out of this town? You can send for the books. Who cares about the books at that point? You know what I mean? Other than the one that's how to have sex. She's going to need that one. This is why he can't leave. He's betrayed him. It's the first time he's ever told the truth.

I wish this would work on my daughter, but it doesn't. I'm bigger than you. Catch more flies with honey. Well, the non-existent band. Ah, great, great line. Wait, so is the idea that he thinks, you know what? I bet they did it. Like he does it. I think he fools himself. He's such a good con person. He cons himself into thinking, you know what? There is a band. That's deep. Sister. Sister. Well, that's a little too much.

So is this Labor Day? I thought it was still 4th of July. No, 4th of July was when he first got there. This all doesn't take place in real time. No, no, no. He didn't get there on 4th of July. Well, at a certain point, the mayor says like, I asked for his references on July 4, 1912. He's saying that on the day. He's saying it on July 4th. But remember the lady with the torch? That's like July 4th ceremony.

That's an Independence Day. No, the first day? Yes. No, that's probably. That's July 4th. I don't think so. Okay, we got to watch this again. They're going to catch you if you stay around singing Harold. But they didn't have a Labor Day back then, I don't think. Oh, that's right.

All these holidays that you think, oh, they just always have existed. Also, he's been in that outfit for a while. Other people have changed their clothes around him, but he's been wearing that white shirt. So how long do you think this takes? I think he gets there July 4th. I think this is around August 31st. This is like a two-month period, I think. I think he gets there in June. Okay. And now it's July 4th. No, this hug is too good. He wouldn't have gotten away anyway.

Okay, so they put handcuffs on him, but they don't take him to jail. No. They take him to the- They take him to the town square where they can vilify him. They take him, yeah, and the mayor gets to say what he wants to say. Ah, buddy. I wouldn't be holding that suitcase if I were you. Remember when he got here on July 4th? What's that guy mad about? He's not going to live long.

Her thing went flying and the guy didn't even notice. But he didn't even tell his own wife that it was a con. Really? Restribution. Look at big fat Taft back there. He's the only president who is as mad as all of us. All murmuring. Okay, so he's in handcuffs to execute him. Not arrested.

He's not arrested. He's just, he's being detained at this point. Where are you getting this information from? Even though the one man with a badge put handcuffs on him. I think they're just there. They want to, you know, pepper him with questions, put them under the hot lights. Look at that guy's tie. Which guy? There's 20 men. Executed.

This is great. This part right here. The last thing that happens. I remember it so well. Of course, it's going to be her because she's been on his fight. She wanted him to get away. But then you have all of these guys. Their lives are so much better. It's true. All of these guys had so much fun doing all the Grecian bullshit. Everyone else like danced around. You can't hold him responsible for the Grecian bullshit. And then there's one holdout. But you know what?

That's so good. Shropshire sheep. That's a good point. I'd love to see one of the instruction books. Jump, jump, jump. I mean, he made that happen. So the uniforms are real. Uniforms are real.

This is their debut, though. That's right. You would think if he had planned, maybe he was going to be leaving earlier than expected because they're on to him. But you would think if he had plans to leave, he wouldn't have even ordered the uniforms. Like the instruments are enough. Right. But why not make more money? That's true because he's taking a commission on the uniforms. But my point is take the commission. Yeah. And then never order the uniforms.

pocket all the money for the uniforms and then leave. But look, who knows how long it's going to take for things to show up. I mean, it's an inexact science. They don't have order tracking on the Wells Fargo wagon. And it looks like shit. Oh, the Wells Fargo wagon looks like shit. It's a lot smaller than you think. Now, this is one of the greatest endings, I think, to any movie and any musical. Absolutely.

It's so true to life because you think like, you know, he's going to get away with it, but how did he teach them how to play? She believes in him too. I know. She thinks, you know what? I was skeptical at first, but I think you magically made them be able to do it. But the writer doesn't just cop out and have them play really well. Yeah. It sounds like shit. Yeah.

But it's recognizable enough. That's my Barney. That's my Barney. That tube is my Barney. Arguably the worst one. Clary and that. All the parents love their kids so much that they don't care that it sounds like shit. It's so funny. Who are you, sir? It's good enough. It was recognizable. Ah, so good.

So now here's a question. Okay. He looks so handsome. He's rehabilitated himself. Here's the question a lot of people have. What was this catchphrase again? Is this a fantasy? This part leads you to believe maybe it is a fantasy or is this just a time jump? But she was looking at it as if... As if it was a fantasy, as if she was... Not as if it was real magic that she's seeing happen right in front of her eyes. But I choose to believe...

That this is just a, that, that this is an arty way to do a time jump. Oh, see, I think this is just the way they feel. Could be. Cause it's probably too many people. Yeah, this is way more people. But I, but, but I like to think that, that he actually does end up, by the way, it goes to daylight. I think he stays. He stays, but I, I'd like to think that he, he does lead a band. That's right.

relatively competent. So he learns, he knows enough about music. Because it's daytime now, that leads us to believe it is a different time. Yes, and that, and that the, the, they cleared the street of all the shit. The sort of, the link in between those scenes is artfully done and it does have to do with, with a, a fantasy sequence. I agree that it is artfully done. Props.

to the music. The property department, by the way. Big shout out to them. Big shout out to them. All those suitcases. They had to find all these goddamn instruments. They didn't have music stores back when this was filmed. No. You had to find an instrument. Yeah. Music stores weren't a thing until 1978. 77, I think. But you're, yeah, close. Wait, we're both wrong. It was for the bicentennial, 1976. 76.

Trombones. They made up music stores. That's right. Oh, Peggy Mondo. Mary Wickens. What else has Mary Wickens been in? She's been in everything. I like this. Oh, yeah. This guy's like... Oh, right on his foot. I like that he's just getting out of town now. Yeah.

He's been there for months. Maybe they arrested him. Years. He's been there long enough for them to become fantastic at their instrument. They probably arrested him just for like being a troublemaker. The Buffalo Bills. Remember us? Where's our other hats? We don't know. Ronnie Howard, Pert Kelton, Monique Vermont. Ah, these two. Class. Hermione. Pure class. Second most famous Hermione. Buddy Hackett doing his bits. Crosses his eyes. Come on, buddy.

Why did we freeze on that? Because you want to make sure that his eyes were crossed and that the audience laughed really hard. Shirley Jones is... There he is. The tunes...

Can anyone do that, by the way, if you're dating this guy? Yeah. Oh, I get to just prance along with him? I think that's her privilege. He's working on it.

I think that is a privilege of the spouse of the person leading the band. Here comes the end. Ah, too big. Too big. Thank God. That was like the train coming at me. The train. Wow. That was wonderful. I'm glad we watched this together. I'm glad we watched it. It's such a good movie. No credits. Well, I guess all the credits happened. Hey, this expires in 45 hours. Do you want to just watch it again and try to figure this out? Let's keep watching it for the next 45 hours.

Wait, what's our new argument? I can't remember. Oh, when did he get there? When did he get there? And when did he leave? How much did he know and when did he know it? Yeah. Unknown unknowns. Well, that was fun. Thanks for having me. Yeah, that was so fun. Thanks, guys. It's so wonderful to spend time with you. Pills for the road? Yeah.

Yeah, please. Yeah, what do you got? Mystery. Oh, really? So I don't know what will happen to me. Spin the wheel. All right. Well, thanks, everyone, for listening. Thanks, Brett, for accommodating us here. Thanks, Brett. And for your fact-checking as it was going along. Thanks for the fact-checking. And thanks to you listeners. I hope we've settled...

at least part of our argument and we've raised another one apparently. That's right. So we'll do this again next year. We'll do this again every year. I like, you know, I do watch It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve every year. Sure. It would be great to watch this. See if we say the exact same comments. Yep. All right. We'll see you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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