Jason Alexander, Peter Tilden, Shaun Diston, Jessica McKenna
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That's the sound of my dumb niece. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you, TaylorTheBoy1. TaylorTheBoy1 for that catchphrase submission. I don't know if that's going to stick.

I don't know. Pretty good, though. I don't know. Maybe I say that every week. I'm not really sure. Oh, well, let's talk to our guests about this. Get their opinion. I definitely want to hear what they think about it. Welcome to Comedy Banking for another edition. My name is Scott Aukerman. Coming up a little later, we have someone who works in the film industry. That's exciting. Wow. Stars are back. Stars are back on the show. We also have an acting coach. Okay. Well, they work in the industry a little bit.

So that'll be exciting. That's a B block and C block, but let's get to a block here because we have some other people who work in the industry. They, uh, look, uh, their accomplishments are many, uh,

Certainly on one side of the table. Ow, ow, ow. Jason, I don't mean to slight you. I feel so bad. He's slighting you. That's horrible. A lot I know about one of you and a little I know about the other one of you. That's good. That's what he's keeping at. He's worked very hard to cultivate that image. One of you had a 10-year run, 9-year run? 9. 9-year run on an incredible sitcom, probably the number one sitcom of all time.

In terms of viewership, at least, and critical acclaim? I'm not familiar with the stats. You don't know the stats, really? I know the checks cleared. Why didn't they make baseball cards of like all the signed characters? I do not know. With all their stats on the back. Do I not know why they make the cards? I don't know why people feel they are more valuable if I sign them.

That's right. Isn't that strange? I have no idea. But Seinfeld for Magic the Gathering. This is an idea, right? Sure. Okay. So one of you is in Seinfeld and the other one of you- Wash Seinfeld. Wash Seinfeld. Occasionally. Oh, only occasionally. Not a fan. Not a fan. I never saw it. Not a fan. But they are doing a podcast together. It's a podcast that's out currently and in perpetuity, I hope. It's called Really? No, Really? Really?

It's on the iHeartRadio network. Please welcome to the show, for the first time, Jason Alexander and Peter Tilden. Oh, and by the way, not just alphabetical order. That's right. Just saying. And alphabetical in both names, as well as the first name and the last name. Absolutely true. What a job you're doing. Interesting. You know, we just started, but we're observing because we want to see how to do this. You guys are new podcasters. We are new podcasters. I have to say, finally, celebrities are doing podcasts. Yes. Yes.

Well, we saw that there was a niche, a huge open. I called Jason and said, you're not going to believe this. But I did some research. I think we got a slot. What I do like about the show that you guys are doing, and I'll have you explain. Why don't you explain it first, and then I'll comment on it.

I would like to hear, can he explain it? No, you know what that means? He's not familiar with the show. No, no, I know everything about this. It's fine. I don't have to look down at these notes here in front of me. Look up and look up. Okay, I'll look up. It is a show that explores the unexplained questions about, well, the earth, uh,

Sure. As well as the universe. Sure. Questions like, why are the bathroom doors, why don't they go all the way down to the bottom of the ocean? Someone read the pamphlet. Okay. And you have guests on to talk about things. Guests like William Shatner. You are exactly right. This is pretty cool.

Pretty good off the top of my head. I'm about to say, light years ahead of where our research. So tell us about, first of all, I want to know how you guys know each other because I saw you've worked together on a couple of TV shows. I know that. Is that how you met? I met Peter. I had a 30 plus year career here in doing radio in LA. KABC from what I'm told. That was where he ended. Where were you when I met you, Peter? You were like a sponge. You were watching the osmosis happen. Look, you told me five minutes ago. Where were you when I first came on the show? In the parking lot.

No, it wasn't KAB. It was KAB. It was KAB. It was Morning Drive KAB, so you came in. Right. This is like 1993 or four. Three or four. Early in the Seinfeld run. Yeah, so perhaps when it was still called the Seinfeld Chronicles. No, it was past that. That lasted for a pilot. And then- Much like The Office, an American workplace. Yeah, see you later. And we had such a good time on the air.

kind of collect. And Peter said, Hey, you want to, it was an early morning shows. He said, you want to have breakfast? And I went, yeah,

I think that would be fun. I do that with all of my guests, by the way. Zero percent. By the way, we brought pastry. I was offered nothing since I came in. I have to tell our listeners, a lot of people have brought gifts over the years. Allison Williams brought a wonderful baby gift for my new nepo baby that she's wearing today, as a matter of fact. How old is the baby? Four months. Four months at this point. And Jason and Peter brought Winchell's donuts. That's right.

Why are you laughing? At least we stopped. They are cronuts. We'll give you the cronuts. And how many are in that box? Four. Four. No, four. One for everybody. You don't come to somebody's home to do something. Without bringing half a dozen. I was going to repurpose a gift that my agent gave me, but it didn't look right.

- What was the gift? - It was some coffee thing with the takes, it takes Kerrigs, but it's a once. - Why does everybody give? - I'll take the credit. - Okay, send it when we get home. - Everybody gives the coffee thing now. I have nine coffee makers. - Because most people drink coffee. - Wait, people are giving you coffee makers? - Coffee makers. - Yeah. - It's the big wrap gift. It's the big Christmas gift. - I've got 67 of them. - People were giving me iPads for a while. I was just lousy with iPads all over the house. I was like, stop giving me, oh, I don't know. - Just throw them out. - Okay.

Fucking iPads everywhere. So you guys met in the parking lot of KABC. You had such a great camaraderie and chemistry. Instant rapport on the air. You take it to breakfast. We took it to breakfast, and at breakfast, Peter said, by the way, I know you're on the Seinfeld thing. I have your next TV series. Really? And he did. It was the next TV series I did. It didn't go as planned. Really? What was the show again? See, that burns my butt. Ha ha ha!

We have a butt burning situation here. No, because it's hard to get a show on. Exactly. Just getting a show on the air is an accomplishment. Maybe not necessarily right after Seinfeld. With all that momentum. How does your butt feel now?

Butt burn number two. Wow. But wait, what was the show? I think I may take the cronuts back. It was a show called Bob Patterson. I love that show. So it's a motivational guy who can't motivate his own family. Love that show. Great concept. Was this based on your own life? No. Your family loves it.

No, my family doesn't like me, but I'm not a motivation guy. I also can't motivate anybody and they're probably packing while I'm here, but it has nothing to do with that. Honestly, I always cracked up with the Tony Robbins and all those guys that they're going to come in, you're going to give them five grand and somehow after a seminar, you're going to go- After eight hours. Yeah, you're 48 years old. You're living your truth. A lifetime of- You're living your truth. Exactly. And obviously, you go fourth out of five out of Tony.

And you're going to go home and go, oh my God, I have to... He helped me reinvent myself. No, you're still the same schmuck you were when you went in. You're five grand lighter and Tony just bought a sweater. Tony's life is better. Tony's life is immensely better. Yes. So I always loved those characters that they somehow have...

roadmap for you. So I thought that would be great. Hey, look, I'm in. I'm going to make the show if you guys want to make it. If you have heat right now, Jason's out. You know what? Actually, I have no heat. That is the other issue. I directed a movie in 2019 and then a little thing called The Pandemic happened. Oh, sure. Well, that's sort of what happened to Bob Patterson. The pandemic of no one watching? Well, no. I think 2001 was our show. There was 9-11. And I think we debuted on 9-12. No.

Big time for comedy. No. We had a second episode. We had to do a candlelight vigil. No, really? Yep. And one of the Wayans brothers had to show in the adjoining studio. Right. And lit a cigar and the alarm went off and everybody had to be evacuated. What? After 9-11. That was good for comedy too. The audience was in a fine state of mind. Oh my, wait, was this a shot at Wernher?

It was shot at Disney. Oh, at Disney. This is for ABC because you'd worked for KABC and you're like, let's keep it in the family. It was ABC, Touchstone, and Fox. So I had 37 people giving me notes. Yeah. But I mean- It's the right word. An incredible accomplishment. We've all been, I mean, not all of us have been there to have a show on the air, but I mean, I had one, sure. Yeah, sure. 110 episodes maybe. Jason was kind enough to be on it. Absolutely. He did a great fun. Great fun. Yeah. By the way, and I've mentioned this on podcasts before.

I, I, I don't know if you remember this, but I asked you at one point, I said, Hey, why are you even doing this show? Because it's such a tiny show. And you said, I love the script. And I said, yeah, this guy gets it. He gets it. I just did a little movie, you know, first time director, writer, Larry David's daughter is, is one of the stars of it. This is John Rudnitsky. But I,

I mean, I don't know if it's ever going to be see the light of day. And they were like, I can't believe you're here. And I went, cute script. That's right. Well, I mean, that's the thing when you have a look, you're because you, you started, were you a Broadway guy before the show? Yeah. Theater guy. Right. You're a theater guy. That's the thing. I mean, you spend, you spend your life in the trenches, just sort of like, you know,

wondering about these parts. Am I ever going to get to play? I mean, and then you get famous. I don't understand the people who retire the minute they're famous. It's like, this is when you should be doing all this stuff, right? This is the whole point of having any celebrity name. There's no good use for it other than you get invited to a few more parties with gigs attached to them, you know? And it's, and, and,

They were astonished that I said yes, and I said, look, you know, it's a really fun, same thing with this. I mean, I don't really know from podcasts. I really don't. I don't listen to many. - So which ones, did you listen to Obama and Bruce Springsteen together? - I did not.

One of the greatest podcasts. I read the book, though. They go super deep. They do. And comedy. Oh, so funny. These guys are like so funny together. It's incredible. Bruce, many people don't know, he's a crack up. He's so funny. He's hugely funny. I love it when he just stops the show. This is the reason his shows are so long. He does 20 minutes of stand-up in the middle. Gotta go to the bathroom to Obama and said, born to run, and Obama just went nuts. Now, you did Obama. You worked

worked with you did i worked with obama yeah i've i've met uh barry a couple of times and uh yeah he's great guy wonderful guy i mean i don't think okay so when obama comes in to do between two firms okay are you asking me did he know what it was until he got did he get it and how much rewriting and how much he's not going to say this he's not going to do that he's not going to go here are you surprisingly and look i'm not the one being interviewed but i love to tell these stories um so

Surprisingly, everyone got it. And in fact, we wrote a joke that was pretty hard. And the script, his speech writer at one point said,

I don't think we can say this. And then he said, you know what? I'm constantly being told that I can't write stuff into the scripts. I'm not going to be the one to tell you not to do it. So we're just going to leave it in. I was like, really? I don't think they knew how much power they had. Like they could have given us any note. We would have been like, okay, sure. But they were very hands off. It was an incredible situation. And in fact, Zach tried to say right before the shoot, hey, I don't want to do this really mean joke.

and I said, they've approved it. And I worked around it by saying, he's going to expect it. And if you don't say it, it's going to throw him off. And he went, oh, okay. We don't want to throw him off. Wow. Fascinating. Is it fascinating or is it boring? I can't quite tell.

You're right. Now I'm thinking about the combo. You're now exactly in the turf of our podcast. And this is what I want to get back to. Wait, wait, wait. I was going to say, Laurie, we're sitting over there. Pull that clip for really, really. Yeah, pull the clip. Let's hear the clip. Let's use that. Make sure we get okay. So your show, you asked him to do it. You had the idea first? Yeah. And the same is true of the podcast. Did you go to breakfast about the podcast? We didn't because I'm always expected to pass.

at this point and i'm not doing it anymore did you pay for the cronuts sign for money i paid for the cronuts thank you very much you're very much you're very welcome um no peter peter said i have an idea based on something that we do all the time so we've been best friends for she's close to 30 years already wow and we always talk about bizarre things and he'll he's a he goes down rabbit holes of research and things so he'll say he'll give me a little factoid and my response will always be

No, really? And he went, that's our show. It's the stuff that makes he and I just...

cock our heads a little bit and go, that can't be a thing. How is that a thing? How is that a problem? Now I'm doing it. How is this a solution to the problem? And so one of the things that we did, it was episode one of our show, was Jerry Seinfeld, bless him, had a really funny premise of why is it in high volume public restrooms, the stall door doesn't go down to the floor. And I want to talk to you, I don't want to give away the answers because I want people to listen to it, but I have a theory on it. Okay. That...

that that first of all uh there's a big bathroom stall uh uh the the handicap store no no i mean i mean the industry oh yeah yeah the industry itself yeah yeah although i didn't want to go micro on you okay okay um i think i think there were very few manufacturers of this kind of thing and in the u.s as there were very you know how there used to just be less of everything sure you know

Yeah. And they had a lock on this and they didn't want to pay for the door to be, to go all the way down. You couldn't be more wrong. Really? Not even close. What is it they wanted? Well, we're not going to tell you. Why would we tell you? Why would I give it up here? The bigger issue is in researching it, it's not just that the door doesn't go down. It's that when you're sitting on the seat that has been carved with hieroglyphics by the person before you, and you're doing something that's really private.

You can see what's going on in the bathroom. People walking by. You can see stuff pretty clearly. You can see, yeah. Yeah, you can see. Well, that means they can see. You know, in film we say if you can see the camera, the camera can see you. If you can see the people outside the door in the little cracks, they can see you. So that led us to the illusion of privacy. Why are we okay with the illusion of privacy, which then takes you to your house. If you had a neighbor who was staring at your house all day, you'd punch him.

His ring doorbell is humming you all day and you're fine with that. He's got the movie. And then you're putting cameras in your house and listening devices and on and on and on. So we live in this world where there really is an illusion of privacy. And is it because we're okay with it? What do you guys think about cameras in the bathroom stalls?

I'm for it. Cameras in the bathroom stalls. So that, so that, and then we broadcast it live, live stream. Sure. As a revenue source for, and this way, like if people can't get jobs, like everyone's out there doing the gig economy and stuff like this. I'll tell you the upside of your, of your, of your proposition there. It would humanize all of us. Wouldn't it? Yeah. And that's the thing. There's no more celebrity. We're now in a, in a, in an environment in our culture where, um,

Anyone that you want to see naked has a sex tape, right? You know, like I'm sure you have a sex tape out there, right, Jason?

If you want to call it sex, that's the only part of it that's debatable. But I think this is good. I think that before you go on any date, you should be able to see a sex tape of the other person. Right. Just to see what you're in for. I'm tracking this with you. It's good so far. And this is what I'm talking about with the bathroom. It demystifies everyone where now we're all on an even basis. What about all the people who can't get a stream started as it is?

That's true. Live streaming, somebody who can't stream. Exactly, done. God, this is a good point. I loved your supposition that I'm going on a date, so I want to see what I'm in for, as if the date is a slam dunk to sexuality of some kind. There's literally no conversation. I think much like when you're kidnapping someone, getting them at the location is 90% of it. Wow.

Well, this is a great podcast idea. I haven't listened to it yet, but it's been out for a couple of weeks now. As we're taping this, there's been two that have dropped. What's the second one? This phenomena that you see all over the internet of people who have trained their pets, mostly dogs,

to talk via these prerecorded buttons on the floor. If you look at the internet, there's many celebrity animals that are doing this. And they talk English? Or whatever language. They're pressing a button, whatever the button. Right. Oh, I see. And it starts with, you know, the basics of outside, water, hungry,

But it becomes, they start to express feelings. Really? Yeah. And they start to ask questions. And so. How do they, but are there buttons for the questions? How do they do it? If the pet parent makes the button and

And the dog starts linking on their own buttons together. They're forming sentences. And then you've got a dog going, really? You're going out in those pants? It's that kind of thing. Interesting. Yeah. Did you guys read about the new Bing AI chatbot? Sure. That basically just today, I think a New York Times writer had a two-hour conversation with it where it tried to... The chatbot tried to get the writer to leave his wife for it. Oh.

This is where we're headed. Dogs talking, chatbots trying to get me to divorce my wife. Yeah. What is this world? Well, the fun thing about the talking dog episode is that it then took us into this exploration of, let's say they can communicate more than we assumed. Let's say they can express self-interest and sentient intentions. Now look at how you treat them, even if they're the love of your life.

There was a wonderful mom. I'm going to give away one thing from the thing. Oh, God. Here you guys. We asked the woman. Do we need permission for this? Do we need to call up iHeart? We asked the woman who created this technique, have you ever run a video camera when you've left the house? Does the dog still hit buttons like randomly? And you have to tune in for the answer.

I want to know. Come on. Don't make me beg. Don't make me beg. All right. This is the kind of thing. He's giving me the look of don't give it away. This is the kind of thing if you give people a taste. This is a lot like dealing drugs, which I found out in Amsterdam. First taste is free. That's right. Get them hooked. So give us one little taste. I will tell you that the dog, I won't tell you what the dog did, but it did continue to use the buttons. And the result was when you hear the story, it's heartbreaking.

Really? So I got over some of this. Your dog actually pressed the button and said, leave your wife. And fell in love with the dog. And this is the kind of thing that's so interesting about your podcast. Men falling in love with dogs. Is that interesting? Okay. Yes. Is it interesting? I don't know. What's interesting is how we look at animals, how we categorize them. And I think

The study we used said, I don't think any study has been used that shows that animals are dumber than we thought. So you start wondering what they know and how much we really want to know about what they know. I find it interesting because you read all these things. Now I have a Nepo baby. And so you read all these things about like, oh, babies, regular babies or Nepo babies.

They think this. So when they're trying to express this, we don't fucking know. No, we don't know anything. We can't. They can't tell us. Yeah. How old is your baby? Four months. So how do you end up a baby? Don't they have to get a job in the industry? Well, we're just training. You're assuming. Oh, yeah. We're podcast royalty here at this household.

So what? We're on Mount Podmore and you guys will get there. You guys will get there. You're teaching the baby to talk. Your wife is sitting like a casting director across with a camera and going, look in here, look in here. We will not talk to her unless it's on mic. It has to be a podcast. I am so proud of you. As soon as that baby learns how to slate, it's all over.

Well, look, this is a great idea for a show. I'm glad you're not just doing regular interviews with your celebrity friends like every other celebrity does. And even the Shatner interview, I mean, there's- Was he talking about space? It goes into many, many things. Well, that was the really. Our really on that was- No, that really was that he's not- He does more than you do in a year. Oh, yeah. At 92 in a day. Literally, in a day. He doesn't stop. I called Kathleen, his assistant.

And she said, well, I can't do that thing because he's doing a paintball tournament. He's doing a horse. That's the thing that you don't get old. If you continue to do stuff, play paintball. Yeah. Play paintball. That's what I mean. And then, and then yes, we get into the space thing with him and, and there's some surprise there too. I will set it up. I, I said to bill, so was there a contingency that,

after they shoot you up and you're on the way up, not you, not you. Oh, in dispense. They're not giving you heroin just to go into dispense. Or at least you can tell us that. But when they shoot you off, was there a contingency in case like, not you, but somebody there has a heart attack. I'm now laughing when you said when they shoot you off, which sounds like the jerk came up.

Find some sort of... Scott, you need to leave your wife, okay? Wow. So when they shoot you into space, is there a contingency if, again, not you, but somebody there has a heart attack and he gives the answer? Really? Really, no, really. Really, no, really. See, this is the kind of thing. You guys are... I'm doing it just naturally.

and you guys turned it into a podcast. This is an incredible job. And it's out right now on iHeart, and it's called Really? With a question mark, and then No, and then a comma, and then Really? With another question mark. I know that sounds complicated. You don't even need the punctuation. You can probably just type in Really? No, Really? It'll just come right up.

You guys are on episode two as of this recording. I believe we're on, I think the 798 or so. Do you think you'll get on to Mount Podmore? Size queen. We got a size queen. Which by the way, my sister-in-law, I was ordering her a mattress and I said, Hey, which one of these do you want? And she emailed me back, which one? And then she wrote size queen. And I was like, what are you trying to tell me? And I realized she was telling me the size of the mattress. Yeah.

Bigger question. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why are you ordering your sister-in-law a mattress? This is the real question. I need to go on your show to figure this out. I mean, that just went right by everybody. Hold on a second. I guess I'm the mattress guy now. I don't know. I advertise. You have some insight in the mattress. Because my back is hurting. Can you? I'll hook you up with a mattress. Give me half a dozen cronuts. I'll hook you up with a mattress.

Well, Really No Really is out there right now. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we have someone who works in the industry. This is incredible. And then an acting coach after that. So this is a big, big show. I'm looking for that. This is a very big show. Really, are you? Okay. Well, we'll get some tips. All right. We're going to come right back with more Comedy Bang Bang, more Jason Alexander, more Peter Tilden. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Yeah.

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Apply. Comedy Bang Bang, we are back. We have Jason Alexander and Peter Tilden. Really, no, really is the podcast on iHeartRadio. And Jason, it may surprise you to learn that my co-host on my other podcast, Scott Hasn't Seen, and I, we recently watched a movie. I watched a movie for the first time called Pretty Woman. Oh, yes. I've heard of it. Yes, where you play the...

co-worker of Richard Gere who smacks the shit out of Julia Roberts at one point. I don't smack her. She smacks me. What did you do to her? I, you push her down? What do you, I can't remember. No, no, no. I see people attribute very bad behavior to me. In my mind, you smack her. To remind people. Oh,

Oh, yes, I do. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Scott, Scott. What you have to understand is there's denial in abuse. There's denial. No, she. We're not going back to old movies and canceling characters for smacking people. Yes, she plays a prostitute who has, in my character's opinion, derailed his business by corrupting Richard Gere's character.

And I become inappropriate with her. That's right. And she bites my hand. And in response, I smack her. And then Richard Gere pulls me off her like a bandaid and beats the crap out of me. Was that a fun shoot? I mean, you're great in the movie. I'd never seen it before. I personally didn't even know you were in it when you popped up and said, there's my guy. You betcha.

It was incredibly fun. And the long story truncated down is that the script was actually much more of a drama story.

That's right. It used to be called $3,000 or something like that. And Gary Marshall came aboard as the director. And when I came to the film, they had already been shooting for two weeks. I remember Richard Gere saying to me in the makeup room, get ready because I don't know what movie we're making. And I said, what do you mean? And he went, you'll see. And I went out for my first scene. All I can tell you is we never got to the dialogue. Really?

Really? Richard had on a very fancy pair of shoes and Gary saw the shoes and Gary said, when Richard comes in, talk about his shoes. And I started ad-libbing about the shoes and we shot that and he went, good cut, let's move on. And I went, what about the scene? He goes, shoes are good. And then Richard went, that's what I'm talking about. And we had no idea that he was making that film or that.

We couldn't see the forest for the trees. When we, when we wrapped having had a great time, we went, he's got nothing. There's no story. There's no, there's nothing there. And we were wrong. Wow.

What a story. What'd you get for the wrap gift? Was it a coffee maker? Let me tell you, when it became the highest grossing rom-com in Disney history, we got a plaque saying it's the highest grossest rom-com in history. Oh, the Mouse House. Yeah. That's industry talk. That's all right. I kept the plaque. And you should know, Richard Gere helped him get the gig. Oh, did you know Richard before? I did not. But Gary did not want me because for many reasons, he had another actor in mind, but also I was...

I think 29 years old when I was making that. Really? I was playing Richard's high-powered attorney. And because of the fight scene, which was scripted to be a bigger deal, I'm considerably shorter than Richard. And Gary said, it'll look like he's beating up a dwarf. And because it was a Disney film, they're very protective about their dwarves. Oh, of course. This is the issue. But they couldn't get that actor. Oh.

Oh, do you know who the actor was? I do, but I don't want to say it. You don't want to say it. I understand. And he would have been terrific, by the way. Right. Well, it was... Yeah, it was... Anyway, Gary was pretty adamant that I was just not...

Right. For it. Right. But the casting director really believed in me and they didn't have anybody and that character had to start shooting. So she convinced Richard to invite me to his office with her and he put phone books down on the ground and I stood on the phone books to get a better approximation of his height. Oh, that's so nice of him. And we shot a scene and then Richard took the video and put it on Gary's desk and went, this is the guy. Wow. Incredible. And did that help you get the Seinfeld show at all?

Possibly. Possibly. I mean, I'm not sure, but there's a strange geography from Gary Marshall is the brother of Penny Marshall. Penny Marshall was married to Rob Reiner. Rob Reiner was the head of Castle Rock producing Seinfeld. And just any being in a movie, a big popular movie. Yeah, I guess it gave me enough visibility. Richard Gere, you owe your career to him. I do. I worked with Richard twice. Really? What was the other movie? A little movie called Hachi, a true story about a...

A dog, it's a very small story. It happened in Japan, but a dog that would accompany his owner to the train station every day and then come back knowing when his train would arrive and walk him home. And one day after about a year and a half of this, the gentleman died while he was at work and never came back. The dog never left the train station for the rest of its life. And in Japan, there's a statue of this dog. It's revered as a symbol of undying loyalty.

And so Richard produced an American version of that story. And I got to see this movie. I've never even heard of it. Hachi. Hachi. Don't rush. You waited 28 years to see Pretty Woman. I mean, holy crap. Yeah, maybe I'll see it when I'm 70. And by the way, a little trivia, the movie's directed by Lassie Hallstrom, also the name of a dog. That's true. That's a great point. And he directed a movie called My Life as a Dog. There you go. And he got that because his name is Lassie. And he's married to a very pretty woman.

Did you ever hit up Julia Roberts after that movie was after she became a huge star and like, like maybe I could beat the shit out of you in other movies, like Aaron Brockovich, just come into the courtroom and just womp. You know, it's funny. I sent her an email that said exactly that. And I never heard back. I have, I don't think I've seen Julia more than once since. Oh yeah. Smart pitch though, Jason. Yeah. Right.

If the podcast doesn't quite work out, yeah. There we go. Well, this is great. Really, no really out there in podcast land right now. We need to get to our next guest. He is someone who works in the industry. And look, I mean, we all work in the industry. So this is going to be an interesting conversation with him. Please welcome to the program. I forgot how to say program for a second.

Please welcome to the show, Tony Nails. Hi, Tony. Hey, hey, Scott. How are you? Hello. I'm good. This is Jason. This is Peter. Jason, Peter. Hi. Yeah. Before we get started, I'm intimidated. Oh, by a huge, huge- Huge star, and then Jason Alexander. I get that a lot. Yeah.

I mean, the guy was on ABC radio. Yeah. K-ABC. Yeah, in California. Los Angeles local. It wasn't that. It was on ABC radio. Yeah. Thank you. But I'm just, of course, but a simple union guy. Well, you say, of course, how are we supposed to know that? Well, you can see I'm wearing a wrap jacket from Night Court and

Did you work on Nightcore? That's a big hit. I worked on Nightcore. The original or the reboot? Both. Both. They brought me back. You're like the lara cat of the crew. Yeah, but Scott, hey, before we even get into any of this, can we get some room tone? Oh, what do you need room tone? Room tone. So for the people who don't listen, sometimes on a set, they'll do all the lines. And then at the end of the shoot, they'll say, let's get some room tone, which is just silence on set.

in order to edit around it. And I feel like I got a mic in my hand. I think we should get some. Yeah, why'd you bring your own mic? Well, Scott, I'm a sound professional. I'm not going to- You work in sound. Is that what you do? I'm a sound guy, Scott. Oh, okay. Did I not say that? I said I was but a simple union guy. Yeah, you never mentioned the word sound. I didn't mention sound. Look, to be fair, you were making sounds. Maybe you thought it was heavily implied.

I was like, he could hear me through a bike. He must know I was in the microphone services industry. No, wait, I own these actually. So yeah, you can see where the confusion lies. Scott, I think we should get some room tone. Is that okay? Yeah, I guess we can get some room tone. All right, hold for room tone. I just feel like, shh, shh, shh. Just shut the fuck up.

All right, I think we got it. Okay. Oh, my God. That's always the best part of a podcast. The room tone. Definitely the most tense moment on any set. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody can move. You're afraid you're going to make a noise. MacGaffer drops a light or something. The director's going to eat their ass. By the way, you guys always call for room tone right at the end of a 12-hour work day. Yeah. Get it before. That's the last shot. We got it. And wrap. Wait. Can we hold for room tone? Which means nobody can move.

Nobody can exit. Nobody can come five seconds earlier. And let me tell you something. If your stomach growls or something, cause you're hungry. We got to start all over again. We got to start all over again. Tony, do you have a top three room time? Okay. So I, top three room time.

The cockpit from Top Gun Maverick. Wait, whose cockpit? The Kenny's. Which plane? The Hangman, of course. Oh, the Hangman. That was an incredible day on set. You worked on that? Oh yeah, I worked on that. You want to know some of the movies I worked on? Sure. Avatar. The Way of Water? Yeah, Moonlight. La La Land.

Moonlight and La La Land. Who were you rooting for in the Oscars? You know, for me, it was kind of whoever wanted to win. Whoever wanted to win. Banshees of Edeshira. To Leslie. To Leslie. Let's see. That's confusing me because I thought I was seeing the sequel to Leslie. No, no, no. I thought it was Leslie too. I'm dyslexic. To Leslie. Let's see. Avengers Endgame. From indies to the biggest motion pictures in the world. Wow. Jurassic Park.

The original? Yeah. 93? Oh, yeah. 93. Wait a minute. You have Jurassic Park Moontown? Oh, yeah. That's my top three. That would have had to have been tough with all the dinosaurs. Can I tell you? Well, it wasn't the dinosaurs. It was Sam Jackson. He would just shut up. I would say, hold on to your butts. I said, we got to stop. Well, here's the word, hold. He did it. I said, hold, and he would cut me off and say, to your butts. I said, no.

Hold for room, dude. On to your butt. But he's a good guy. We get lunch every couple of days. Well, yeah, you caught up back with him on Endgame. Yeah, we worked on Endgame together. Snakes on a Plane? Oh, yeah, yeah. Snakes on a Plane. 187. 187.

Which I believe is a police code for a murder. Is that what it is? I believe so. I thought that this was like his 187th movie. The man works. They should just call movies like Sam Jackson number two, number three. That's what I think. You know what I mean? Just like comic books. Yeah. Sam Jackson, Robert Downey, Judy crossover.

So, yeah. So we got the room tone. Yeah. Does this conclude our business? Yeah. Why are you on the show? I have to be interviewed by you, Scott. Why is anyone on this show? That's a good point. I mean, what the hell? I mean, honestly. Scott, of course, I'm...

I'm a 30 time Mikey winner and the Mikey's I haven't heard about this that's not one I've heard of Jason you've never heard of the Mikey's I have not what's your word look like oh it's a microphone it's a it is actually no it's a big tree for some reason that's so strange yeah it's the golden tree well you know the Oscar's is like a dude yeah so I'm like I don't understand I guess his name could be Oscar well yeah true but then the Emmys are just like some lady with a nose with a wing yeah yeah

Yeah, we have a big silver tree. Just a big tree. I don't understand why. Are there supposed to be mics in it? Like it's an FBI sting or something like that? They've hidden microphones in the tree? I'm going to ask somebody about that, Scott. Who are you going to ask? Who's the head of the Mickeys? A guy named Mikey, perhaps? Yeah, it is a guy named Mikey. Are you sure these are microphone-related awards and it's not just some guy who lives in a tree? No, no, no. When I go in there, they say, best sound. What?

And then I go up and accept my award. Wow. Oh, so you're a Mikey winner. I'm a 40-time Mikey winner. 40? Who are you up against? Oh, wait. I'm actually thinking of the 10. I got 10 Razzies as well. Oh, you got 10 Razzies? Yeah. They're giving Razzies to sound? Yeah. Because sometimes my sound is really bad. Oh, my God.

Well, they don't get good room tone. This is the thing. If you don't get good room tone at the end of the day. The director wouldn't let me do room tone. They wouldn't let me put the mic pack on their thigh. I mean, I'm pissed.

You guys were talking about bathroom privacy earlier. Right, that's right. Let me just say this. On my sets, I'm recording the entire time. This is what, this is the thing. Anytime you go 10-1, as they say in the business, which is- Which I think they should call it 1-2. Yeah, 1 or 2. Well, I'm either going 1 or 2. I used to say 10-2. What?

That's good. Because I was taking a big old nasty shit. But when you go, you always like look at the sound person like, hey man, you're not taping this, right? And they always go like, no. And then one day Rob Hubel's on our set and suddenly in my headphones, I hear him going to the bathroom and I'm like, lying to us. I think it's important to get all the sound on the set.

Because no matter what happens, you don't want to get it all. And I'll tell you why. The documentaries. Oh. 10 years, they might do a documentary about this thing. They might be doing a Night Court reboot documentary. And they're like, oh, what was it like when John Larroquette was in the bathroom? And I've got the sound. It's right there in my database. So you keep a database of all these sounds. What's the most interesting sound you have? Let's see. The most interesting. That's a great question. Thank you so much. I mean, I thought it was a little better than the top three room tones. No, no. Ouch.

I think it's pretty good. Most interesting sound I have, it is the waves crashing on the beach of a little film called

perfect tan perfect what is that a movie i you tell me what's that movie where where 10 just 10 with oh it's just oh you mean bowder is that what you called it perfect yeah it's shooting it was called perfect dudley moore shooting screen was perfect and i think they they dropped the perfect yeah sure and um let me tell you something i'm recording i'm recording the sound the ocean it's hitting the sand all of a sudden i hear these little pitter patter i'm like

I'm like, what's that? It's freaking Bo Derek running across my microphone. Yeah, that's the shot. You should have been paying attention. I was out there getting, I was getting ocean tone. Ocean tone. Yeah. And she runs by. I hear the...

That's a good impression of Bo Derek's feet, by the way. And those feets were feet. Yeah. Did I tell you I was a foot fetish guy? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wow. No. Lead with this. Yeah, you should lead with this. Is that more interesting than my 40 Mikeys? Honestly, yeah. I want to follow up with foot fetish questions. You work with Tarantino a lot. I work with Tarantino. I did Inglourious Bastards, Pulp Fiction, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Yeah.

You can't pause. They all blend for you. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Did you get to do 10 feet from stardom or whatever that movie was? Oh, 50 feet from stardom? Yeah, yeah. Is it 50 feet? I don't know.

I think 50 feet is pretty far. You're the only one. Yeah, 50 is too much. I think it's third row. Yeah, if it's 50 feet, I feel like the backup singers are like backstage or something. Can't be that. But the feet thing. 50 feet is like one-sixth of a football field. Yeah, that's a bit too far. That's too much. Although it's a good movie. It is. Is it not? 50 feet. It is 20 feet. It's 20 feet. It is 20 feet. Peter, you're right. That's Hal, the parking attendant. That's his story.

But you were 30 feet away from the actual set? Yes. I was doing, so for me, it was 50 feet. Okay. When you had it all together. I see. And then the restraining order was 120. Yeah. Look, I'm just merely a simple union guy. Right. Who's a sound guy, who's a foot fetish guy. I'm a sound guy, I'm a foot fetish guy. And I worked on, I don't know, every movie in Hollywood. Wow.

Seemingly, yeah. Incredible. Have you ever worked with Jason Weir? Have we worked together? Yes, we did Blank Man. Do you remember that? Blank Man. Yes, I do remember Blank Man. I was doing Room Tone on Blank Man. Well, you know what? That was probably the highlight of that film. That was a movie filled with Room Tone. I'm sorry. I actually have to disagree. I think the electric nunchucks were pretty good. Sure. I feel like...

The big bank robbery scene was great. Your mustache was great. Oh, yeah. Well, thank you. I have a, it would surprise you to know, I have a co-host on another show. He keeps trying to get me to watch Blank Man. Yeah. I feel like you don't want to watch it for some reason. No, he said after pretty well. Yeah. Only after pretty well. Then we did it and I said, what about Blank Man? He said, he's not real. I didn't say it. My friend who's your co-host. Oh, you're friends with Sprank the Whisperer? I sure am. You sound sort of like him and another guy mixed together.

So you're a foot fetish guy. Tell us about that. Okay. So I, you know, I'm a wiki feet 20 hours a day. 20 feet. Is there a wiki feet? Yeah. Oh, plausible denial. Okay. That was really good. We have an acting coach coming up. You're not going to need it. I've never heard of wiki feet. Is there a wiki feet? Is that a website? Is that a website?

Feet porn. I wouldn't. Wiki feet, really? Yeah. This is good. Okay. Good. How? Can I get room tone? We should get room tone after the discovery of Wiki. So when you look at Wiki feet, is it just all kinds of feet or do you have to go to categories? Peter, this is so sad. It is a disgusting website where- And you're a foot guy. I'm a foot guy. I think it's disgusting.

They aggregate pictures of celebrities' feet and they rate them one to five. And these are not consensual pictures that the celebrities are uploading. These are pulled off Instagram. Yes. This is not Grauman's Chinese. No, no, no, no, no. Although there could be a great tie-in there. Absolutely. Did you put your mitts there in Grauman's ever? I have not. You should.

I'd love to see your hand print. On my own accord? Yeah, you should go down there. Let's just do it. Throw down some cement and just, yeah, after the show. Why wait for that? You know what? Let's use the cronuts. We don't need the cement. Honestly, if you did it and just showed up with your own cement and did it, they would probably be thrilled. What would they do? What would they do? They would probably be like, cool.

We get 50 people. You're crowding down. We make a fake star. We put it there and announce it on the news. I'll be sound. Okay. I'll bring my boom mic. You're just going to be taking pictures of the feet. No. You know what? We'll peel off Charlie Callas' star on the Walk of Fame. And we'll put some pictures of the stars that you said it's enough for. Let's go. It's enough. I was interested to find out when I was there recently that they cycle the cement.

Thank God I got that. I thought he had a stroke for a second. They cycle them through. So they'll have some stars out there on some days and then they swap them out. No. Because there's way too many people. Really? No, they do not. There's an episode of our show. There's an episode. Really? Kirk Douglas gets lifted up. I think there are some who are- For like Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop. And Pauly Shore goes in. Goes in. Unbelievable. That can't be. Can you believe it? I think this is really great. But for a quick second, can we get some more room tone? All right. Hold for room tone. All right.

Okay, we got to start over. Come on, Peter. Come on, man. Come on. All right, hold for room tone. Who was that? That was you. No, that was not me. That was your room creaking. That was you just groaning. Listen, I'm not on the mic right now. You're talking into where I can hear you. Scott, I need you to hold for room tone. What did you say about Nixon? I got a tough break. The president? Yeah. Are there any other Nixons? History was not content. Bye.

All right, I think we got it. How many times does that happen where the star of the thing just goes ahead and talks during it? But you can't be rude to them. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do at that point? Tom Cruise starts whispering to somebody. Do you just put it in the movie then as a room tone? At that point, when there's silence in the movie, you're going to hear a little bit of Tom Cruise whispering. What do you do with the NFT? Can you make them NFTs? Can room tone be an NFT? Yes. You know, I try to do that, but I do not understand the technology or the way people make money off of it. Got it.

Of NFTs? Yeah. Have you guys done an episode of your podcast about NFTs? No, we shouldn't. I want to do one on Bitcoin. I still don't understand how all that works. Yeah. I think we should do, you know... I would love to get you... I have...

a little business called FTX. I'd love to get you involved. Really? Yeah, if you don't mind. I invest in anything with initials. I would love for you to do some commercials, some Matt Damon style commercials. I love that idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think that's, I see no downside to that. They're bringing it back. It's coming back. It's coming back. It's going to be a retro soon. Yeah, we're going to love it. Yeah. What's wrong? I just have to finish my Theranos campaign first, but then I'll be right there.

I thought that was a Theragun for a while. I was like, what are we so upset at her about? Yeah, what's the rub? I love my Theragun. Can I ask you guys a question about that? Yeah, please. And this is why we get to the really, no really. Yeah. The board members on Theranos were like the top people in the country. Educated, smart. Right. Nobody said, let's see if the test works. How do you get to that kind of valuation? Yeah. That big. See, I don't know because I've only read the headlines of the articles. Oh, okay.

on Twitter about this. So I don't know anything about it really. - Got it, got it. - I think the conversations were probably, well, Elizabeth says it works and she's kind of attractive. - Give me $6 million. - So now you think she was kind of attractive.

you know, if I'm, if I'm, I don't judge women that way, but apparently, you know, I like the look with the turtleneck and the, it's a good look. And the eyes, Jason says, he's got two, he's got actually two qualifiers. It's attractive. And then if you're on your way to prison, it's kind of, yeah. Prison blues. This sounds, this is all great, but what's going on? Do you want to ask me about boom mics? We didn't go there yet. We haven't talked about boom mics. I have a question. Why? Uh,

Tony, why do you put a sort of a lavalier-like mic on me, and then you also have to be there with your big stupid boom in the seat? Why is one microphone not capable of doing the job? Sound travels in multiple directions, Tony. Oh.

Okay. Two directions. Really? And above your head. So if you start talking, I need to have both sides covered. Right. Sure. And a lot of people are worried. They're like, this guy's holding up the boom mic. I mean, just use the lav while he's holding up the boom mic. Can he hold it up for the entire scene? So of course, before every scene I go in, I do 50 pushups. I say, look at how strong I am. That's not a lot. I say, look at how strong I am. Of course, I'll be able to hold up the boom mic. Okay.

But the problem is when I hold up the boom mic, I'm like, you're tired from the push-ups. I was going to say, I would imagine pull-ups would be better for a boom mic. That's not a bad idea. But where do you get the pull-up bar on a set? I got to bring my own pull-up bar. See, and now we're into like, you're bringing your own pull-up bar. I'm a professional. I'll bring whatever I need to the set. It's part of your equipment. Can I ask you a question regarding your field? Yes. So in today's world with trigger warnings, what's the most important thing you can do?

when you let's get into cancel culture this is prime podcast yeah yeah when a bunch of guys do a podcast we got to start talking i'm the front line of cancel culture well i figure if i get you off the air we move up one so um that's a good point when you when you love somebody when you love somebody up it used to be i mean i'd be going to set they can go right down the your back with the mic and now what kind of permissions do you need what kind of work do you have to have somebody else witness it

So basically the way it works is I walk over to you, I start tugging at your shirt and say, hey, let me get in there. Before you introduce yourself. Well, you do tell them you're a union guy. I say I'm a simple union guy.

I start tugging on this shirt. Let me see what you're working with here. If the shirt's tugged in, I'll untug it. I reach out to the thigh. I mean, maybe I put a thigh thing on here. You're obsessed with the thigh. I've never had a mic on my thigh. I've had it in my sock. I've had it around my waist. You haven't worked with a professional, Scott. When you're shooting something and you have to walk away from the camera and you see that little weird little tail thing, just like you in Shallow Hal. Sure. Yeah.

That little tail thing. Did you work on Shallow Hal? I did, yeah. Oh, I'm talking about Tony. I know you did, of course. I was, of course, there. I was the secret sound guy for Shallow Hal. Secret sound. There's a secret sound guy on every movie? Oh, yeah. Secret sound. Full of the secret room tone, I say. Everyone's like, I don't know what that is. What is the purpose of the secret sound guy? It's for the documentary, Scott.

It's all about the documentary. Still waiting on that Shallow Hell documentary. The Shallow Hell documentary. There's an eight-part Netflix documentary series coming out. What was I talking about? I don't know. You start tugging on their shirt. Tug on their shirt. You ask me why I'm obsessed with the thigh thing. I just think it's a better hiding place. Now back to tugging on the shirt. I tug on their shirt. Yeah, we know. We get to tugging on the shirt. No, just let me explain. So I walk over. I tug on their shirt.

You keep saying you walk over and tug on their shirt. You have not progressed past that point. Did I mention that I say I'm a simple unique? Okay, no, you didn't. I have that one. So I tug on their shirt. I say, let me get in there. No. All right. Look, room tone, Tony. We have to take a break. Hold on. Let me explain. I get the two-sided tape. I don't have the pay. We have the time. We have so much more time. You do have a lot of time. I don't have the patience to listen to you anymore. Okay, okay. But.

But let me just explain. I get the two-sided tape. I reach under there and let me just say, the first thing I say is, I'm not doing this for sexual reasons. Well, that's good. And that covers me. Okay, got it. You make that problem. All you say is, I'm not doing this for sexual reasons. Maybe I go down, I string the love cord a little through their toes. I go up through their legs. Through their toes.

It's amazing because I've been mic'd up so many times. Jason, did anybody ever say I'm not doing this for sexual reasons? Nobody's announced that. Yes, actually. I don't know.

you've heard Tony say we've worked together many times this man has turned to me and said I am not doing this for sexual reasons even in the van ride to the set he said well look we do have to take a break say one more thing Tony I'm begging you these sponsors need to be heard I just need to remind everyone I'm but a single you know we know

We know. All right, Room Tome Tony. Look, can you stick around, though? I'd love to talk to you further. And I do want to say, while we're in commercial, let's get some more Room Tome. Okay, we'll do. Yeah, I need to do the ads, though. Okay. All right, we're going to come back. We have, on the other side of this, we have an acting coach. Very exciting. And we have a wonderful actor here. So maybe we'll get some good tips here. We're going to come right back. We have more Jason Alexander, more Peter Tilden, more Room Tome Tony. We'll be right back with more comedy. Bang, bang, after this.

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Does that make sense? I think we're arguably co-hosts where our ownership isn't. How do you mean you, you, you have a bigger stake in this? Is that what you're saying? Let's come on. What do you take? 98%. Let's be serious.

Excuse me? What? Excuse me? Have you not talked about this at this point? Do I need to mediate between you two? We're all grown-ups. We're all grown-ups. Obviously, you're bringing a lot to the table here. How dare you? All Peter needs to do is wet his feet. Oh my God.

I mean, man was on KABC. So I'm just saying. I thought this was an uplifting, fun, free-spirited show. Is that just not how we're coming across? I swear. I thought this was a fun- It's 50-50, okay? Hey, great movie. Great way to have a partnership, in my opinion. Great. Absolutely. This is what keeps you two together. That's right. Well, they do a 25-25-25-25. Of course. Do they really? They do. Yeah. I don't believe it. You don't believe it? I don't. Why wouldn't you believe them? Do they do it on- Is that with publishing? Publishing?

See, this is the thing. See, I think Bono writes the lyrics and he gets 100% of that. Yeah. See what I mean? I don't know that. I don't know that either. Do you think they split the lyrics? I thought they split everything. I got to schedule another interview with him. I'll get to the bottom of this, guys. Don't you know The Edge? Can't you call him up? I do know that. I don't know his last name. I look it up. Edge is the last name. He does. I keep entering that. The Edge Malibu. It doesn't come up.

It's just pictures of cliffs. You need the last name. Exactly. We also have Tony Nails and we were getting room tone here the entire break. And that was a long one too. I think we got it. I hope so. I'm going to check again. I'm going to check the gate and make sure. You don't check the gate. That's not what the sound person does. No, we have our own gate. You have a sound gate? We have a sound gate that we check. Wow.

All right. Well, we need to keep the room tone. Where do you keep all the room tone? Yeah. I've got an extensive series of servers that operate throughout the East. Is this like a Westworld kind of situation where they're all in like a dam? Oh, yeah. Yeah. If a sentient computer gets a hold of any of the AI that I mean, any of the stuff I've recorded, they could deep fake pretty much anyone in the world. Wow. Oh, no. Where do you live, by the way?

What's your address? Santa Monica. 1-2-3 Santa Monica Lane. 1-2-3 Santa Monica Lane? Yeah. Okay. We don't want any of the sentient AI computers. We don't want that because, of course, I'm just but a simple union guy. Okay, yeah. I don't want to hear that again. All right. We need to bring in our next guest. She's an acting coach. This is incredible. Jason, you're an actor. Yes.

And a distinguished one. I'm an actor and I have taught acting for many years. Have you really? I have. Who did you teach? Could anyone sign up or was it like- I don't think I have any famous students at the moment, but I've taught- What I'm asking is can I take classes? Can you take, sure you can. Sure. Can I really? Absolutely. Would you come over here? Yeah.

No. Where do I have to go? I've been here, and I think I've put him in my car. Hey, this is better than Marc Maron's garage. There's no cats running around here. But she's an acting coach. Let's welcome her to the show for the first time. Please welcome Philomena Trapp. Well, hello, Scott. Hi. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Welcome to the show. This is Jason. This is Peter. Hello, hello.

This is Room Tone Tony. Hey, hello. Hi. Let me mic you up. And I'm not doing this for sexual. Thank you. She's talking into a mic right now. No, but I think she needs an extra mic. No, I'll take the extra. No, very professional. Thank you so much. Can you do a thigh strap? She's speaking my language. See, that's what she was. She's a pro. This is a pro here, Scott. Yeah. You use a thigh strap when you're in skirts. Oh.

Oh, right. Oh, I'm sorry. That's when thigh straps come in. That's part of my gender bias coming through. I apologize. That's all right, Scott. I would just hope that you know. Now I know, and now I am correcting myself. Well, it's good to see you. Now, Scott. It's good to see you. Yes. Welcome to the show. Scott. Yeah.

Good to see you. It's so good to see you. Welcome to the show. Scott. What? Good to see you. You're supposed to repeat that. Good to see you. Good to see you. I feel like I've been saying good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you. Wait a minute. Good to see you. Good to see you. Is this an exercise? Yes. This is a classic exercise. This is a classic exercise. Good to see you exercise. No, Scott. Scott, Scott, Scott. You know, I hoped. I hoped when I walked through the door that you would remember me.

My teachings, but also just remember me and the fact that you didn't drop in Meisner with me. Well, I remember you from what? I'm sorry. Are you a famous acting teacher or you? I hope I'd be famous to you, Scott. I'm a. Who's famous to you? Your acting teacher, Scott. I'm your act. You know what? That's your credit F. You can't make that up. That's that's that's 10 hours. You're not going to be at the SPM at this rate. Well,

wait wait you you taught me acting uh yes scott when um i obviously you didn't do a good job yeah it's very fun playful okay these are not uh adjectives you give to someone when you're talking about their acting well you know you're playing a version of yourself scott so you know i haven't seen you stretch that much but i like a more annoying version well i

Well, I don't know. I haven't hung out with you in a while. That's true. When did you teach me acting? I'm sorry, I'm not recalling this. You were 14 years old, a freshman at Cypress High School.

Oh. Oh. Oh, right. Oh, right. Oh, Miss Trap. Oh, right. Miss Trap. You didn't trap that in. You didn't even remember the method. That was your famous joke. The trap method. You know, some people believe in method acting or some people don't believe in that. They think you should try to be in the moment. But I believe in the trap method, which is sort of a combination of the two. Yeah, what's the trap method? I don't remember. You just take trap little memories and if they work, they work. So that's methods.

No, Scott. Oh my gosh. You don't have your acting journal still from my class. I, I, I don't think I ever filled that out. I mean, honestly, like that's 10 hours of extra credit F and you can't make that up. I barely remember you were there for like, what? Uh,

How long were you there for? Like half a semester? Yeah, about 2.5 months. What happened? Where did you even go to? I got transferred to a junior college. Oh, well, that's a step up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, congrats. Thank you so much. I guess it's great to see you again. Oh, wow. I don't, I mean, to be honest, I don't remember anything that you taught me. You didn't trap it, huh? Are you trapping anything right now, Scott? I wish you would stop saying trap. But that's great. Just trap it in your mind palace. I don't have a genie, so obviously it didn't work.

Because you're still saying. What are you? Oh, because your wish didn't come true? Yes, my wish didn't come true. Okay, yeah. You didn't have a genie or a shooting star or a birthday candle or a penny? All the classic wish things. All the classic wish vehicles. Look, what was your... Well, actually, I'm going to talk to Jason about this. Well, I wish you would because I'm...

You know, you don't even remember me or my method, you know. I apologize. No, it's all right. And I'm fascinated by your trap memory methodology or alternate to methodology. Right. So, you know, it's not so much in preparation for creating a role, Jason. You're not conjuring a specific, oh, my dog died. I need to be sad in this scene. I can't get there. Because that would be like a sense memory. Right. We're not doing that. These are random traps. So there's...

They're like, I think I maybe had a conversation with my aunt, but it could have been a dream. Trap it. Right. And then you go on to do Stanley Kowalski in that moment. That's right. That's right. How would that help you if you're trying to do a scene where you're sad?

Well, because, you know, Scott, because you're connecting to the confusion of what is this and that that can get you to any core emotion. So any trap can lead to any core itself. Sometimes you need a trap leads to confusion, which leads you to a core emotion. Yeah. One of the four core. This is so clear. What are the four core emotions? Sad, mad, glad, bad, happy.

Ennui. Oh, Ennui. Oh, that's good. So any trap can lead to a core. Sometimes you need a subtrap to get to a more specific core if you feel like you're frustrated versus mad. How do you do a subtrap? Trap within a trap. That's easy. Just combine two traps. It's an inception. That's right. So you need a totem. You need a totem for this as well? You need a totem.

Totem to remember which side of the trap you're in. So it can be a coin. It could be a penny. Actually, a lot of wish vehicles. Oh, really? So a genie lamp. A birthday candle. Got it, got it, got it. I thought when all my students left my class, I gave them totems. I can't believe you didn't remember yours. Honestly, it just seemed like you were emptying the contents of your purse that day. Sure. A binaca bottle. I used to be real into binaca. Used Kleenex, I think. Yeah, 100% of us threw them away the minute you stepped out the door. Yeah, sure. All right. Well, you know, I did my best.

Yeah. I don't know about this, Scott. That's 10 hours of extra credit. Look, I am no longer a student, even though I am intimidated by you because we all have that thing where a former teacher. Once you remember that I once taught you for 2.5 months, you can't unring that bell. Yeah, exactly. Scott, do you remember anything about that period?

It was freshman spring, so you're not too... It's not freshman fall. It doesn't seem like you trapped anything about that. I remember I was very, very cool. This is a good trap. Now, why'd you think that, Scott? Scott, why'd you think you were cool and popular second half freshman year Cypress High? I just remember, you know, just having a general like BDE about me. Okay, three, two, one, trap. Trap it, trap it, trap it, trap it.

it i got my bde trapped good good now do you have a totem do you have a totem around you i have a pretzel here okay hold the pretzel and the pretzel bde i'm 14 and a half here we go i don't know that i want to be thinking about being 14 and a half that's the trap that's the trap i got it okay now we need to funnel it to a core what do you think uh happy sad uh glad sad matter on we probably on we because that's gonna be on we yeah yeah okay see and that's the trap can i just do something of course can i eat the pretzel no it's your totem eat a different pretzel it's a whole bag

That one's the totem. I'll switch the pretzels. Switch the pretzels. Don't eat. He ate the totem. I was hoping you wouldn't notice. I'm looking right at you and we have sound for a documentary. Yeah, I did get the sound of the crunch. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead, Peter. So I'm concerned because I'm trapping his memories. OK, this is

great. No, this is what we want. No, that's the communion of scene work there. So sometimes you can trap while you're in the rehearsal process. That's great. So now you can have some of his trap. But I didn't consent to give him my trap. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Do you consent to giving Peter Pardee your trap? Now he can use it. This sounds like a tongue twister.

Do you consent to giving Peter Harding a trap? And he can use it for any of his four core. All right, I give you consent. Thank you very much. Now, you can trap that. I'm right there. Now, do you have a four core that you want to trap that to? Wow, it's taking me to a place. Glad, sad, mad, unwee? I think a little bit of sad with a touch of unwee. Oh, no.

He's crossing cores. Oh, in a complex. That's tough. It's a two totem. Okay, you need two totems to cross a core. Do you need two pretzels? I'll take these headphones and a mic. You can't take my headphones and mic with you when you leave. Oh, yeah, my totem is this laptop and these...

My totem is three of these iPads. That's what I'm saying. You can take the iPad. We've done our job. Thank you. Thank you so much. Mr. Trapp, I think maybe we should do a scene. Oh, that's great. I'm trying to learn how to act myself. On a set, I'm normally checked out. I'm

If you're on his head, you should be able to do the job of anyone who's on that. That's what they say. That's what they say. That's why I knew about the thigh mics. Yeah. Maybe we should do that shoe scene from Pretty Woman. Oh,

Okay, I'll be Richard Gere. Okay. And Scott, would you like to be Jason Alexander? Yeah, I mean, I just saw the movie. I don't recall the shoe scene all that well. Now I want to start before you dive into the scene with a little bit of prep work. Okay, so what do you think the core emotion that your character has in this scene?

Glad, sad, mad, ennui. For me, it's horny. Okay, now that's crossing cores. That's crossing both ennui. That's actually all four cores. Okay, great. To be horny, you have to have all four cores. All four are engaged when horny? Yeah, because you're sad because you're not being satisfied. You're getting...

mad about it so you have a little frustration you're glad because you're thinking about well what if I'm not horny anymore and then on week because where's it going to come from this makes so it's all four cores so that's going to need four traps okay so think of four traps okay all right you only need one totem all right okay and that's for that's for that's for Tony and what about you Scott I think I'm going to be glad were you glad in that scene Jason I don't remember in the shoe scene yeah I was I well I was crossing I'm going to do whatever you were I

I was mad glad. You were mad glad. Two course. I'll be mad glad. That's good. Two course, two traps. Okay, right. So just go ahead and take your traps. Two pretzels? No, just one totem for two traps. Okay. Okay, one pretzel. Because we're only- Do I need to break it in half? Yeah, that'd be great. Break it in half. Trap it. Okay, and go. Okay. Hey, so Jason Alexander's character. Hey, Richard Gere. Yeah. His character. Yeah. You know, the deal that we were trying to work out, I- Hey, where'd you get those shoes?

My shoes? What do you mean? Those shoes on your feet? Well, I was fucking them. I was at my morning. Yeah, that's good. You're using those cords. Oh, yeah. These were my sex shoes. Oh, I'm mad about it, but I'm very glad about it as well. Okay, great. I'm going to stop you right there. Now, Jason, is this bringing up a trap for you?

It's bringing up something. Yeah, I feel like you might want to trap this experience because this, I think, could be a helpful trap for you. I don't want to speak you. You have a fabulous career. I don't want to imply you need any coaching, but if you want to try the trap method, you probably want to trap this. Okay, trap this and maybe he jumps into the scene now. Yeah, sure. I'll be Julia Roberts. Perfect. Okay, so you are at I Want to Fuck These Shoes, which I know is part of your own self you're bringing to the part, which I support. That's great. Go ahead.

Hey, who's this? Oh, this is Julia Roberts, my prostitute. Hi. There is no way I do this bit without my life, my career, my reputation. Don't open your mouth. No trap. Completely canceled, right? Yeah, go ahead. There's no way I can do it. Shut your trap. There's some safe things you can say, but I understand that. I understand it being a narrow walk. I'm going to have my Winchell's cronut. The intro you got is rough. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, you're right.

Okay, yeah, you know what, Tony? I feel like you weren't supporting your scene partner very well in that scene, so that's 10 hours of extra credit F, and you can't make that up. Damn, I'm going to have to do that again. Why don't you be the other person in the scene? Who was the other person? I could be Gary Marshall directing it. Yes. That's good. There we go. Just be careful. And he did the voice of someone on the street as well.

He did the voice of someone on the street. Sure. Yes. Okay. Yes. Hey, Jason Alexander's character. Cut. Cut. Let's move on. Really? We got it? That was perfect. Hey, Jason Alexander's character is good. Next scene. Let's do the next scene. All right. Now, what do you think of the trap method now? Okay, the trap method works. It's pretty easy. It's pretty good, right? Yeah. Makes a lot of cogent sense. Yeah. I got to tell you.

I'm never going to look at a movie the same way again. Yeah. You're just going to think about it. I may just never look at a movie. This has opened up my, I understand. There's so many things I understand now. That's right. Yeah. You know, when you know how the sausage gets made. Yeah. Sometimes it can hurt your appreciation of the art or sometimes it can help it. And who needs to look at a movie when you can just hear it? Yeah.

That's all I want to say. And with all the room tone. With all the room tone, I'm sure. Well, you were starring in that PSA for a while. That's where I recognize you from. Who needs to look at a movie? I say, who needs to look at a movie when you can hear it? Now, did you feel bad about the fact that you were on screen in that moment? Yes, but... And people were like, you're right. We're looking at you and we don't like looking at you. Hey, I wasn't directing it.

What am I supposed to do? Gary Marshall? No, it wasn't Gary. It was Penny Marshall. Oh, Penny. That was a Penny. That was a Penny. Classic Penny. Director of very few movies, but they were all really good. Solid. Indeed. Do you know something that was a real trap for me? What was that? Was the friendship between her and Rosie O'Donnell on Rosie O'Donnell's daytime talk show. Really? That's a huge trap for me. You think about that often. Oh, it gets me glad so fast. They were dear pals. Did you ever go on the Minions ride over at Universal Studios? No.

Oh, that's a trap. That's a sad trap. Ever make you crap? Yeah, yeah, only every time. Yeah, it's good, right? The Minions are funny. We can agree the Minions are funny. Oh, the Minions are hilarious. Can we all agree on that? Hilarious. The Minions are funny? I have never seen the Minions. Oh, Jason. Jason, you got to do an episode of my show. Scott hasn't seen. We'll watch the Minions. We'll all agree the Minions are funny. All right, I'm up for it. Okay, great. Minions are Steve Carell, right? Steve Carell is a

part of it. The despicable Groose. Yeah. He watches movies 20, 30 years later and they're doing that right now. Yeah, exactly. The Minions will do it in about 20 years. Can you come by? Do I need to go to you? You bet. I'll be there. Who have you worked with? Have you worked with... You...

And 25 years of junior college students. And none of them went on to anything? I mean, not anything. You know, some of them are theater actors, as you wouldn't know their names, theater educators, a lot of theater educators. Oh, I wouldn't know their names. You didn't know my name. That's a good point. You introduced me as an acting coach, not my acting coach of 2.5 months. I'm so sorry. And I should have known the name Trap.

Spelled with three P's at the end? Very strange. Yeah, I added one. Oh, you added one? Yes. Oh, so...

Well, I think there was a trap in the union. There was already a trap in the union. I am but a humble union gal. Me too. I'm but a humble union guy. After, but I didn't buy into SAG when they murdered me. Oh, really? So you're not a partisan. You refuse. I refuse. I said, I don't want to get this way. You want to earn it. I want to earn it. You want to be Taft Hartley. Taft Hartley. Please, please, someone Taft Hartley me. And of course, I'm a member of IATSE for 2069. Okay. All right.

Do you like that one, Scott? I love it, obviously, but come on. Trap it, Scott. I've trapped it. That union, that union local, is at 124 Santa Monica. Oh, right. Very close. Made it convenient for me. Across the street, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, guys, we're

Unfortunately, running out of time. No, Scott. Scott, that's crazy. I feel horrible about this. Scott, you have 10 hours of extra credit F and you can't make that up. I'm sorry. You can't make it up. We only have time for one final feature on the show and that's a little something called plugs. It's time to give me your plugs.

All right. That was some good sound. I got scared at the end. I'm going to trap that. That was your production. That's amazing. That was the Gimme Plug Shimmy by Brandon E. Gaylor. Thank you to Brandon E. Gaylor. If you have a plugs theme you want to submit, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and you can...

submit those and get played on the show. Guys, what do we want to plug? Obviously really? No, really is out there in podcast world right now. And, uh, I had big news breaking today. Want me to plug it? Yes. Uh, it was released in the New York times today. I will be making at the age of 63. After all my years in the theater, I'm directing my first Broadway show this summer. Uh,

It is called The Cottage, starring Eric McCormick, Laura Bell Bundy, and Lily Cooper. Congratulations. And it will be starting performances in July of 2023 and playing through October. Really? No, really. Will it be playing on my birthday, July 2? And do you need an acting coach? We will not be playing then. Do you need an acting coach? I was glad you brought that up, Ms. Trapp, because I want to talk about locking in those traps. Okay, fantastic. We're going to Broadway. Oh, yeah. Eric's a big trapper, I can tell. Oh, yes. Yeah, a lot of traps. Is the Sondheim, where's it playing? It's in the...

It's going to be at the Hayes Theater. The Hayes. Right next door to Sardis. I thought you were going to say the Hague. No, not the Hague. Not playing at the Hague. Interesting. Congratulations. Thank you very much. And that's approximately, sounds like a three-month run? Four-month run? It's a 16-week run. Yes, indeed. That's called a limited engagement. Wonderful. And then you get better actors because when you go see a real Broadway show. No way but up.

When you see a real Broadway show, it's 13 months, so you get the worst actors because they're people who don't have anything else to do for 13 months. But like you, you get to do a 16-week thing, so you get really good actors. That's right. You've nailed it. Is that true? With the long ones? It's very hard to get a celebrity to do anything more than 16 weeks. Yeah, they asked me to play Shakespeare in something rotten. I'm not even acting.

Peter, anything separately you want to plug? I'm just going to Jason's show on Broadway if I can get tickets. Is this the first time you're hearing about it? I actually, no, I knew that he was doing it and I'm still fuming a bit because he's going away, but that's okay. We'll make it work. Wonderful. Do you really know, really? You guys' friendship is an inspiration from breakfast to this. Yeah, pretty amazing. Look where we came. Wow. Look where we ended up. We're inspiring. What does it inspire exactly? Well, it inspires, maybe I can have a human relationship like that at some point. Do you have a best friend? No.

- I think his name's Sprague the Whisperer. - I don't know about that, but a lot of people say like, "Oh, my wife's my best friend." It's like, no, my best friend's Steve. - Oh, Steve. - Yeah. - Good guy. He's a great guy. - What does Steve do? Does Steve have a- - Steve's a wonderful man. I keep him very private. I don't like to talk about him. - Okay. - Because for the first time, Steve's going, "Why don't you talk about me?" He's okay with it. - What industry? Give us an industry. - An industry? Oh. - What's he do? - He works in the Corona industry.

Well, there you go. So you're making jokes about Steve. He's very uncomfortable. He sold you those pronouns. It would surprise you to know. He's the one who sold you the pronouns. Jason Scott. We have to have him on. He's trapped. Could I be on your show? You've trapped him a little too far. He's made of traps, yeah. Could I be on your show? I don't know anything about anything. Is that the kind of person you like to have on your show? We would find the thing about you that would make people go, really?

Okay. This is a challenge. There are quite a few really no release to him. What? He was early in on the podcasting. No one wants to hear a podcast about a podcaster, do they? I didn't say we're going to do that. Maybe they do. Hey, hey. Tony Nails, what do you want to plug? Well, of course, I want to plug Avatar the Way of Water. Because you worked on that. To Leslie. It's boring though, isn't it? I think it's pretty boring, but the sound is great. Sorry.

Especially when you get underwater. You hear splash, splash, splash. Really good whales. Yeah. I had to mic up a lot of different areas of the set in order to get the right sound. Yeah. Wow. I also did everything everywhere all at once. Banjos have been a sheer. So you've done everything that's out there for the Oscars this year.

Did you do tar? I didn't work on tar. Oh, because there's a lot of sound in tar. That's our biggest competition. I feel like the tar guy is going to get us this year. Yeah. Room Tone Totino is his name. Room Tone Totino? Yeah. Yeah. He's my direct competition.

For every 12 Oscar winning movies I do, he does one. And I hear he's a scab. He's not a union guy. He's not a bus. He's a very complicated non-union guy. He's out there breaking up picket lines. Is that true? He's over there with like sticks and bats. He drives by. He's got a hose in his car somehow. It just sprays us. Uh, and, uh. Oh yeah. A little podcast called Scott Hasn't Seen. Oh yeah. Yeah. Jason's going to be on that. I do sound on that. Yeah. Uh,

And I'm searching for your name. Where did I write it down? Hold that pretzel. Okay. There it is. I didn't trap your name, unfortunately, still. Oh, geez. Yeah. Fill me in a trap. What do you want to play? Yeah. I'm going to be directing a production of Three Sisters at Fullerton Junior College. If anyone wants to come see that, you can listen to the Off Book podcast or watch Play It By Ear on Dropout. You can stream shows on Dropout. That's incredible.

Thank you. I didn't know what any of that meant. I would imagine with Three Sisters, you can't even get to the four core emotions because there's not enough factors. There's not. You can't. So I have to cut one. I've decided to cut Mad. I mean, Three Sisters, a lot of them are mad as I recall when I read it. Yeah, most

Mostly on Wii. Oh, okay. Is Three Sisters about three black women? It should be. Don't answer that. You'll get canceled. I want to plug. Hey, guys. The Comedy Bang Bang book is coming out in just a couple of months in late April. And I just got mailed a copy today. And it is pretty cool. I got to say, I think...

I was telling a friend, I was like, is this going to be worth the money? Because I've only seen a flat PDF of it on a computer screen. And I picked it up and it's really good. I think people will really, really like it. And you're doubling the price now, right? Yeah. Now I saw it was worth the money. I was like, let's jack this up.

People can get it anywhere books are sold, but if you're looking for links, go to cbbworld.com slash book. And while you're at cbbworld.com, you can hear all the archives of this show as well as different shows like Scott Hasn't Seen or CBB Presents. We just put out a Alimony Tony, Valimony Shoney podcast.

Oh, Alimony Tony. That's my cousin. Good guy. You know Alimony Tony? Yeah, he's from the Tony family. A lot of the people in our family know Tony. Got it, got it, got it. So head over to cbbworld.com for all that. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Doors are made for closing. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

So we take them up and shut them tight. And then doors are made for locking. So we take our key and make it right. We turn it to the right. Oh, no, that's not locked. It's time to open the plug. Open the plug. Open the plug.

Everybody loves it. Everybody loves it.

Wow. Wow. It's right. It took a lot longer to close that bag than open it. It's like Pandora's box. Once you open it up. Pandora. Wonderful from Avatar. I worked on Pandora. Oh, I want to go back. That was take a plug on the wild side by Danny defibrillator. Thank you so much to Danny defibrillator. That was a good, that was a good, to be honest with the raw material that you guys have to work with. I'm surprised you are able to come up with such great remixes every week.

If you want to make a remix, all the stems are over there at cbbworld.com slash plugs. Guys, I want to thank you so much. Jason, Peter, so great to meet you, Peter. So great to see you again, Jason. Thank you, sir. A huge fan and really hope that you stick with the podcast thing. Really? No, really. That's right. Good, Tony. How long do you think you'll do it for? Are you in this for the long haul? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's legal. Yeah.

We owe them. You owe them a bunch of episodes? They made the big mistake in podcasting. They paid up front. Numbers like 104 or something like that. Until Steve gets his own podcast. My good friend Steve. Good luck with it. Always love welcoming new podcasters to the podcast. Welcome to the family. Tony Nails, so great to see you. Great to meet you. Before we go, Scott...

Okay, I think we got it. So that's how you trick people into getting room tone by just taking a long pause in the middle of your sentence. Sometimes I gotta do what I gotta do. I understand. And Philomena Trap. Good to see you. It's good to see you again. There you go. Let's not make it another 15 years before I see you. That'd be great, Scott. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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Hey girl!

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