Kyle Mooney, Will Hines
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I'm a little teapot short and stout. Please help me now. I'm filled with gout. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you to Hobobot. Hobobot. Well, I guess an automated unhoused person. Thank you so much for your automated response here for that catchphrase submission. I believe the hunt will still continue. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. We're in December. We've made it.

I forgot to mention last week the Best Ofs voting is now open. I forgot to mention this, but it's very important. Best Ofs are a mere three weeks away, I believe, and we need your votes. Head over to cbbworld.com slash vote and vote for your vote.

10 faves and raves, and then we hope to hear them in the best ofs coming up at the end of the year. That's very important. We want to make sure that you vote early and often. And my name is Scott Aukerman. We have a great show for you today. This is a classic episode of Comedy Bang Bang. And I've said it before. I'll say it again. Stars are back. Stars have returned to Comedy Bang Bang. There was a fallow period. First, of course, we had the

That terrible the coronavirus, the novel coronavirus shocked and rocked podcasts across America, if not the world. And then we had that SAG after a strike, which, boy, even though we accomplished so, so much with it, it was a death blow to podcasts where we couldn't talk to any of our favorite people.

Movie actors, television actors, they would not come on to discuss their work. I was forced to speak to other podcast hosts for months and months and months. But now stars have returned to Comedy Bang Bang and there is none brighter than today's. He was a cast member of a little show that occurs every

Honestly, only one third of it occurs on Saturday night. The other two thirds occurs on Sunday morning. And yet they still for 50 years have called it Saturday Night Live. It doesn't make any sense. But he was a cast member for, I'm going to guess,

I'm going to guess six seasons. Did you do six? Wow. You're off, buddy. Did you do five? Nine years. You did nine? Yes. That doesn't seem possible. Hey, I'm here, baby. I'm here to talk about it.

You did nine years. I did nine years. Remember when that was like, you know, like a Belushi would stick around for three. Right. And Bill Murray was maybe like four. They were much more impactful in a short amount of time. I just can't. I mean, like when I think about your reign and we did call it a raid when you were on. I know it doesn't seem possible that it was almost a decade.

Do you feel like you were there for a decade? And I'll introduce you in a second. I'm trying to... Yeah, I mean, yes, I lived in New York for close to a decade. So because you lived it, it felt like that for you? Absolutely. Yes, it was most of my 30s, I guess. Really? So what are we talking, 30? I turned 29 when...

I got the show when I landed in New York a day later. So most of you. So we're talking 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 is about when you opt out. Yep. So most of your 30s, we're talking eight of those 30 years. Yeah. Eight of eight of those 10 years in the 30s. Wow. What'd you do when you were 38 and 39? That's that's when I left. Right. Yeah. I had a child.

And then I made the movie that, and I made a movie. So you made a child, you made a movie, and great. Those are two good things to do when you're 38 and 39. Relatively life-changing to some regard. So you have sex, which makes the child. Did your movie start with having sex? Uh...

First of all, thanks for bringing it up, brother, because this is actually one of my favorite subjects. All right. Here we go. But I actually really do love fucking. He really loves fucking. Kyle Mooney is here. Hello. Hey.

Great to be here. Thanks for having me, Scott. Wonderful to have you back on the show. Good to see you again. And we, of course, we talked about your first movie that you made. Yeah. Pretty extensively mere moments ago. But you have a new movie that's coming out this Friday. Oh, wait. This was the movie. This was the movie. Wait, what about Brother Bear? When did you make that? Brigsby Bear was 2017. Brigsby Brother Berenstain. Brother Bear, I think, is a Disney animated film. Would you have liked to have made that?

I love Disney animation. Yeah. And I think it was one of the could be one of the last like 2D, non 3D. Do you wish you had made that instead? Then Y2K or Briggs the Bear or both? Either one. Both. No. No? It doesn't feel necessarily specifically me, but I still. Brother Bear doesn't?

I've never seen it, to be totally honest. But I would love to. I would love to say. I mean, I would like it additionally. I've never seen it either. I would love to do an episode of Scott Hasn't Seen about Brother Bear with you. Let's do it. Let's do it. We'll do it right after this. We'll have to watch the movie first. OK. This is probably like a six hour commitment. I know I can't today. You know you can't today? Yes. Well, when are we going to do it then?

Well, I'm going away for the holidays, but I will be back on Sunday. You'll be back Sunday? Yeah. I've got some press stuff. What time on Sunday are you going? I assume press stuff starts early afternoon. But what time are you back? I'm back Saturday. Saturday night. No, I'm back Friday. I'm back Friday. Oh, you're back Friday. Oh, let's just do it Friday. Saturday might be the time to do it.

Okay, well, we'll get this. We'll tell you. No, no, no. Let's figure it out right now. Let's figure it out right now. Okay. What? I mean, what time are you? Is this something I come to you for? Yeah, I don't tend to go to. Why six hours? The movie is probably 90 minutes. The movie is 90 minutes. But then my co-host Sprague is really hard to get a hold of. So we'll probably be like texting him trying to figure out. Well, let's figure that out ahead of time.

That's not maybe that day of. Okay. It's part of the process. Oh, okay. He dodges the text for a while and then he just randomly shows up. And maybe I can't do it. All right. We'll, we'll figure this out. Let's figure this out off air. Okay. Um, so when did you make Brigsby bear? You made that while you were at SNL? Yeah, I think we, is it S and L? Uh,

Like sports and leisure? Well, no. No. It's not S-N-L. Saturday night N-L. But is the N, you know, like puss in boots? Does it stand for in or and or? It's night. It stands for night. The evening. Like Saturday night. It starts at 1130 p.m. Okay. It seemed like you had a, conceptually, you wrapped your head around this when you intro'd

Well, I mean, when you say it out loud, Saturday Night Live, that makes sense. But then you say SNL. I don't say that. I rarely am. I'm not really referencing SNL being like SNL was crazy. I love SNL. But if I were to say. How many times per day do you talk about SNL? Would you say it was a big real your 30s from what I was told? OK, yeah, that's accurate. Yeah.

In conversation with my family or strangers or all. With your clergy person? Don't have one. You don't have a personal clergy person? I told you, I'm really into fucking, man. That's sort of... Okay, that's a good point. So with your family, your loved ones, who are you closest with in your life? Definitely my loved ones. Your loved ones, okay. Very close to them. Yeah.

You know, maybe it definitely comes up multiple times a week. And I feel like I hate to say it. I refer to it as the show, the show, almost like it's like you've been called up to the show. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, oh, well, when I was at the show or like it loomed large in your life. I mean, I believe I called my television show the show for a while. And then someone called me on it was like, what show, dear? Yeah.

Yeah, it was Paul F. Tompkins. But he knew what I was talking about. But yeah, when you work very hard on something for a number of years, you can just call it the show as a shorthand. Yeah, exactly. Do you write shorthand? Can you write shorthand or read shorthand? How does that work? What is that? It's like a bunch of squiggles and little symbols and stuff. Yeah, it's like little symbols and stuff that people write down and then they go like, oh, okay. And the reason for it is because...

The human mouth travels at such speeds when one talks that it would be impossible to write longhand accurately. So it's for like kind of transcribing mostly? Yes, notating what people are saying in real time. Okay. I don't know. I can't do that. Would you like to learn? Yeah.

I would love to... I want to do an episode of Scott Hasn't Seen about Brother Bear with you. Okay. And I want to learn shorthand with you. Okay. Possibly at night school. Okay. Whatever you want, sir. Okay. I am left-handed, though. Oh, interesting. How long have you been left-handed? Your entire life? As far as I know, yeah. I don't know when I became aware of it, but I feel like... I think I heard that one of my parents...

tried to correct you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Do you feel like that tied into your off-kilter sensibility? Well, back to the fucking thing. I'm so sorry. They do, what do they, yeah, they say there's an artistic

quality to it um i guess uh although jimmy hendrix jimmy abraham lincoln maybe obama do you think that's why jimmy hendrix was always setting his guitar on fire because he's like i can't play this thing i'm left-handed people have said that that's true um so uh you you made brigsby bear oh yeah did i say when i did it that was summer of

2016 and it came out summer of 2017. That's a good like amount of lead time to make a movie. Sometimes you'll get a release date for a movie and it's like, this is next week. I can't make the movie. That's scary. You know, so like a year. I don't know if exactly that version has happened, but yeah, I guess. Yeah. Sometimes it's just too quick. I mean, I need to cast it. I need to shoot it. We need to edit it. Like next week is just too soon.

Sorry, is there a movie specifically you know of where this happens? Just every once in a while this happens to you in show business where they're like, we need a movie next week. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. But a year, that's a good amount of time. It was perfect for us. Yeah. How long did it take to... Like if they had said, you know, you only have nine months, could you have done it then? I think so because we premiered at Sundance and that's in January and we probably wrapped in...

maybe late July, July or August. So how many months is that? That sounds to me like seven months. So I think it was pretty much, I don't know that we really changed it after Sundance. So seven months is about what it took for you to make Brigsby Bear. Yeah. I mean, well, Dave McCary directed it and there were a ton of other artisans who worked on it. So I can't take sole credit for that. But you'd like to, right? Yeah.

This is a bit. It's funny. I feel like this is sort of the reputation I have. And no, I'm not. I'm actually not that guy. I apologize. I this is just what I've heard about you. These are in the notes. But so you didn't direct Brigsby Bear, but I co-wrote it. OK, with Kevin Costello. OK, I'm not mad.

I'm not saying you didn't. Okay, I'm sorry I said that. I apologize. What I'm trying to say in my roundabout way, and I apologize for taking too long to getting to it, but that you didn't direct Brigsby Bear. Yes, you co-wrote it. I don't know why I'd say it like that. But then suddenly a movie is coming out this Friday called Y2K, and you're directing this? How does that make sense? What...

You know, like you didn't direct one movie and then now you're directing this movie. What's what's going on? It seems very possible that something like that happens. But yeah, I mean, it's been a minute since Briggs-Juvert. And it sounds to me like it's been about seven years. Your math is probably better than mine. We shot we shot Y2K in the spring of 2023. So, OK, don't bully me, sir.

I don't feel like I'm bullying you. I feel like I'm trying to get you to stick to the facts. Okay. Well, over here, it feels like bullying. So you're not used to hard questions? I guess not. You're about to do a press tour starting on, I believe, Sunday. I've already done some. You've done some. And everyone's treated you with kid gloves, I would imagine. I guess so. Yeah, this is kind of the harshest it's been. Well, I apologize, but that's what happens on this show. Comedy Bang Bang. It is the podcast of record. I guess that's cool.

It is pretty cool. Okay, so you directed this movie, Y2K. Did you co-write this one, too? I co-wrote this with my friend Evan Winter, who, yeah, I pitched the idea to New Year's Day 2019. If you want to keep, I'm still throwing out a lot of years here. Yeah. Tell me about this movie, Y2K, from what I'm told it comes out this Friday. It's your follow-up to Brigsby Bear.

Which you did not direct, but you co-wrote. You also co-wrote this movie. Now you starred in Brigsby Bear. Yeah. You have a smaller role in Y2K. That's correct. Who is in Y2K? Oh, we got Rachel Zegler, Jaden Martell, Lachlan Watson, Daniel Zalgadri. At what point did you just start making up names? Because I knew Rachel Zegler. In that run? Yeah. Well, no, I didn't. I feel like I'd get in trouble if I started making up names. Really? Yeah.

Like give me- Dude, A24 made the movie. Give me 10 names of people who were in the movie and make up two and I'll try to guess who the two are. Okay. So now there's a new batch of names, right? You can start with the ones you started with because I don't remember any of them. Okay. Rachel Zegler. Okay. Jaden Martell. Mm-hmm. Lachlan Watson. Mm-hmm. Eduardo Franco. Mm-hmm. Daniel Zalgadri. Okay. You got five. Five more. Ethan Hetherington. Okay.

That one's real. That guy I've heard of. Four more. Tim Heidecker, Laurie Dunaway, Alicia Silverstone, and Johnny X. Johnny X. Johnny X.

I'm stumped. I haven't heard any of these people other than Heatherington. Yeah. Ethan brought it and it was cool because he's not a comedy guy and just to see him out there like, and he's so tall. Yeah.

What is he up to now? Because he's one of the rare human beings that just kept growing. Yes, exactly. Still growing. He is 9'4". Incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, now, shit, what time is it? Yeah, he could be 9'5". Oh, shit. Now, a lot of people have not seen these folks out in the wild, the ones who are still growing. They are legally, of course, prohibited to play any kind of sporting activities. Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, and I talked with Ethan quite a bit about this. Yeah.

Does he wish he could or is that a burden that he didn't even want to take on? Yeah, because he would be great at some of the sports where taller people excel at. What are we talking? We're talking, I guess, any of them. Video games. Yeah, video games. Probably skiing. Yeah. Because you're so tall, you can see those poles that you have to go through. Yeah.

Before anyone else can. Yes. And you're like, okay, I'm going to aim for that. Yes. And that's like one of the things that Ethan and I would talk about is the skiing poles or the, those things that you're talking about. Sure. Yeah. Well, it is frustrating for him, but I think that like, that's why turning to the arts was so powerful for him because like, that's his way of expressing himself. And like, it is, it's sort of a vehicle for,

if you will, to sort of talk about those struggles that, you know, he's within character, but that he might not always get to talk about in front of other people. Wonderful. I love this. Tell me about Y2K. The film comes out this Friday. From what I understand, it's coming out in theaters everywhere across the United States. That's my understanding. I haven't, like, looked at all of the cities, but that's essentially what I was told. And what is the...

Premise? I guess premise or vibe. Yeah, what's the vibe? What's the vibe of the movie? Okay, well, I'm going to start... Just chill vibes, or is it... I think that depends on your... I think it sort of depends on the demeanor you bring into the movie theater and your movie-going experience. Hmm. I will say...

The movie is about teenagers in on New Year's Eve, 1989, going into 2000 to two dudes who decide to go to the big high school party. And at midnight, some serious shit goes down. I'll say that Y2K actually happens. So the this this movie comes out. It's Friday and you must be excited.

You're in the big leagues now you're up on the silver screen. Yeah, and You know things are about to change. I mean hopeful. I I definitely am excited. I like the movie I feel like we've been shot we spent the last week touring with it to some different cities and The response has been really wonderful Yeah, I hope it does. Well people let me guess laughed. I

There was definitely some laughing. Yeah. Now I'm at the point where I've seen it enough times that I sort of, I leave so I don't fully get to observe what people are reacting to. But typically I'll stay for 15 minutes maybe. Why the 15? Like what happens at minute 15 that people should decide whether they walk out as well? I don't want you to put it into people's heads. Give them the idea that they can walk out. Well, you're walking out. Why shouldn't they walk out?

Well, it's a movie I helped to create, and I know it very well, and I spent a lot of time in the edit watching these scenes over and over again. So if this is like someone goes to see Y2K, it's one of their favorite movies. Yeah. But how many times do they watch before they get bored and they go, I can't even watch 16 minutes of this thing?

You want to know what my number is? Yeah. So you can sort of let that person know. Let that person know, like, if this is your favorite movie, don't watch it more than... Well, I don't want to stop them from watching. I don't... I mean, I'll probably watch it again. I feel like... Um...

Nine, 10. Only 10. And you're already like, can't stomach another. Of the full, of the complete, the absolute completed version. The like end of the process of editing the movie that. Soup to nuts. The soup to nuts version. Yeah. That could be inaccurate. Maybe it's 24. I don't know. Yeah. Jack Bauer. Remember him?

Dude, my brother is actually friends with him. Friends with Jack Bauer? Yes, which I thought was crazy. Fucking rules. Thank you. That's awesome. Is he always like... I mean, I guess he's busy like one day a year. Yeah, I guess that's the thing. And really busy that one day. Yeah, I've not met him, but like, yes, I have...

I have heard. I guess that's sort of the deal. Yeah. So like you can hang out with him, but one day of the year you try to get ahold of him. Again, I don't know him. My brother has said that like, yeah, he is sort of, he, it gets difficult, but yeah, seems to be a nice guy. I saw him once.

one time at my brother's place, but he was sort of leaving as I was entering, so didn't get to talk to him too much, but really funny, nice guy. He's funny, too. Really funny. Oh, that's awesome, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was telling me this story about getting wasted and he was going to school or something like that, and the teacher's like, is everything okay? He's like, yeah, I'm just fine.

He was telling this on his way out, and you're on your way in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny. I mean, it sounds funny. It was a story that he was telling to the group of people before I arrived. So you cut the tail end. Exactly. So I was like, oh, what happened? He's like, oh, this story about where I got wasted. And the teacher's like, what's going on? He's like, I'm feeling fine. And nice guy, funny guy. Sounds funny. Sounds like a good story. I mean, I would need more context. Yeah, that was pretty much everything that went down. It's cool, though.

Yeah. He's a legend. I don't know much about him. Like, yeah, but yeah, I know he has cop stuff or yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's hush hush secret stuff. Sure. Sure. Sure. Yeah. CTU.

Nice to see you too. Hey, it's always great to have you on the show. All right. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll have an athlete. And then a little later, we have a restaurant tour. That's very exciting. Yeah. So we're going to be right back. We'll have more Kaimuni, more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this.

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Acura precision crafted performance. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Y2K is in theaters this Friday. We have Rachel Zegler and Mr. Hetherington. Ethan Hetherington is in it. Stacked cast. Kyle Mooney directed. He also has a smaller role.

uh, in the film. Are you a teacher? Have you, uh, are you the age of people who play teachers now or a principal? Maybe I play a video store clerk in it. Video store clerk. Yeah. Okay. You remember video stores?

I guess, although weren't they kind of closing down by the year 2000 anyway? No, they were still around, but it was the transition was VHS to DVD. Okay, really? Yeah, I think it was sort of the, it was the early aughts. It was probably around 02, 03, 04, 05 when like they really started shutting down. Okay, so this is about the kind of the last golden years of a certain era? Yeah.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And you grew up in this era and it's got a lot of nostalgic. Yep. I was 15 when Y2K happened or didn't happen, depending on how you... Depending on your point of view. Exactly. Yeah. And were you able to stay up all night or did you fall asleep at 9 p.m.? Like a good boy. Yeah.

Well, I was 15 years old. I was kind of bad at that at that point. But you were a bad boy when you were in high school. I mean, I did some bad boy thing. I was a good boy generally, but I did some bad boy things. So you're a good you view yourself as a good boy who does bad boy things. That's your sort of self image. I think that's fair. Yeah, I feel OK about that. Yeah. And that's how that's what your loved ones would say about you. You have to ask them. But could we talk to them? Do you want me to call somebody up? Could you call someone?

Somebody who knew me when I was a child or like a teenager? Sure, anyone. Yeah. Who's a good- Or just somebody- Are we talking about- Talk into the mic right now. Are we talking about like- How about your friend that you wrote the movie with? My current status? Am I- Okay, I'll invite it. We just need confirmation that you're a good boy who does bad boy things. Let's see if Evan picks up. I feel like he would pick up. He should pick up. This is the director of his movie. Okay.

A week before the movie comes out. What if you're calling to tell him like, we're a hit. Hello, this is Evan's phone. Leave me a message. Wow. So you don't even have. That's how much of a bad boy I am. You don't even have people who will pick up the phone when you call. I think you're a bad boy who maybe occasionally does good things. Yeah, I feel like that's right. But then why would you describe yourself as a good boy who does bad things?

Wait, sorry, give me your... I think now you're a bad boy who does good things. Oh. Actually, I still think I'm the former. You think you're a good boy who does bad things? Yes, I feel like the starting point is goodness. Excuse me, I'm sorry, sir, why are you clearing your throat? Yes, I'm just waiting to come on and I...

I don't know how to explain why I had to clear my throat. My body just... It's okay. We'll get to you in a second. Yeah. It wasn't an expression. We're in the middle of a discussion. Of course. Not an argument. It was non-judgmental. It wasn't... It was not an intentional... And I'm not... You know, I'm not trying to stretch this out. I can see you're trying to wriggle out of it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Did we resolve it or...

I think I generally come from a place of goodness. I think I've got a good heart. You seem like a good guy to me. Thank you. But I see the potential. But I've done some bad boy stuff. What are you basing this on, though? You just walked into the room and sat down at the microphone. But I've witnessed this interview for the last 45 seconds, 50 seconds, and he's got a very polite air. I appreciate that. He's listening to you. Okay. I'm listening to him. You also seem like a good guy. How do you categorize yourself?

I'm a good boy who does good boy things. Oh, that's what I would say. You're strictly good boy. Strictly good boy across the board. You're a good boy who does not have the capacity to do bad boy things, and you're a good boy who can really get down and dirty. But I will say, I do feel guilty if I go too bad. Like how bad?

Like, where's the guilt start to set in? Like, how bad do you have to get? I think if I hurt somebody's feelings. Yeah, I don't feel good about that. Doesn't leave a ton of room for bad boys. Not a lot of wiggle room there for bad boy stuff. Just hurting someone's feelings. Toothless bad boy stuff. Yeah. Okay, well. You're a good boy who occasionally does bad things and feels terrible about it.

Yeah, that's probably more accurate than the initial pitch. Cal Mooney's on the show. Y2K is out this Friday. We need to get to our next guest. You don't need to. Truly, I mean, I don't want to. I'd love to talk to you, but I mean, we have the time. I love talking to interesting people. And this is the show where we talk to interesting people, of course. And our next guest is an athlete. I don't know.

for whom you play or what sport you might play, but please welcome Bags McGee. Bags McGee. How's it going? Baseball player. Baseball player. That's right. Great. And you're a Padres fan. I love baseball. I love Padres. Me too. Me too. Great team. Oh, thank you so much. Not my team. Yeah. Who do you play for? Well, I'm currently unemployed. I most recently played for the Newark Bears, single A team. Oh, the Newark Bears. Newark. Newark Bears. Newark Bears. Isn't that funny how they try to trick you into thinking it's New York?

But they call it Newark. I never thought of it as a con. You know what I mean? Like, hey, everyone, come to Newark. Newark. We have so much going on here in Newark. I always took it upon myself to really articulate the name of the city so nobody could mistake it. What's your thing? I have reason to believe, and I can't completely prove this, that I am 200 years old. Mm-mm.

You have reason to believe you're 200 years old. That's right. But you can't prove it. No. Okay. I mean... I remember being born in the year 1780.

Wow. Okay, that's almost 250 years ago. Time flies. We're coming up to the sesquicentennial? How do you say that word of when you were born? Sesquicentennial. That's a tough one. Call it something different if it's going to be that hard. You're telling me to?

I'm just saying the people who invented words. Let's call it the 250th anniversary. Sure. Now, you remember being born, though? I don't know. I don't remember being born. I didn't mean to say that. I have memories shortly after, but I remember being six or seven. And in the 1700s. That's correct. The birth of our nation. Why do you think it was the 1700s? Were people wearing...

The tri-cornered hats. They were. The wigs. I mean, why did I think? You know, probably at that age, I didn't really know what year it was. But by the time I was 12 or 13, I started to be aware of what year things were. And it was the 1700s. That would be 1790s. Okay. I remember George Washington stepping down for being president. Oh, damn. I remember that news. Wow.

Okay. Was he a one-term or was he a two? He's a two. He's a two. He's a two. And then he voluntarily left. Yes, people were like they wanted to elect him again. And he said, and it was all the news that he refused to run again. And you heard this on the news, on the radio? My dad was railing against it. Not on the radio. It was just the guy walking through the square shouting the news. So this is how you got your news back then? A guy would walk through town shouting? The crier.

He'd have his newspaper, and we called it Fool's Scab. Fool's Scab is a newspaper-sized sheet of paper. Okay. And he would read from it.

So can I say you don't look like you're 200 years old? I agree. You look like, you know, kind of a 55-year-old guy who doesn't really take care of himself. I'd say I play mid-40s. I don't know about that. Well, I'll take you to court for that. I'll sue you for mis-aging me. Yeah, mid-40s. I stopped aging at about this time. And for a while, I thought I was just well-preserved. I always had a special diet. So when you hit, like,

That's right. In the 1860s or so. That's right. Is that when you sort of got the inkling that maybe you weren't aging any longer? And I kept it quiet. I kept it mum. Started getting into baseball. You started getting into baseball? That's right. It was a new sport then. And so how long have you been playing baseball? I mean, I've been...

My first game was in 1890. So you must be really good at it because you played so much. I can't get a handle on it. I can't get a handle on it, to be honest. Really? Yeah. But I have a couple of skills that I have.

uh sort of evolved that made me i'm never going to be the star of a team but i'm a good utility man okay um so how are you uh catching pop flies bad you gotta catch those pop i know i i get i get in my head about it big part of the game one of the easiest things to do but i get in my head what's in your head like it's gonna conk you on the head maybe you might die i mean i think that i just think how stupid i'm gonna look if i miss it

I worry that I've overshot it. Have you ever come close to dying in like an accident or something? So it seems like you're not going to die of old age. What about from an accident? I've been in several accidents and they haven't killed me. I was thrown from a train. And then what happens? Felt great. It felt good? That's right. That feels good to you? That felt good. I was surprised too. That's like pleasurable? It felt like I was getting a nice big hug.

Okay. So then I kept pushing it. Right. And I started flinging myself off of faster and faster things. First a horse, then a faster horse. The next fast thing I tried was a plane.

So you flung yourself out of a plane. Whoa. That's crazy. And what? Without a parachute? I was like, maybe it's my time. I've had so much time on this earth. Maybe this is how I'm meant to go. Because you're in your 130s, 140s. Yeah, that's right. And so you jump out of a plane. What happens? I landed in the, by coincidence, landed in a huge bale of hay.

So it wasn't a good test. Yeah. Because I felt great. And it, again, it like stimulated your pleasure zone. Yes. I felt comforted. So I went on another plane because I didn't feel like that was an accurate data point. Yeah, the hay bale. Exactly. Exactly. You need to fall on something. Hard. Very hard. At least the ground. At least, at the very least. Yes. If not more. I mean, water might do the trick if the plane's high enough. Yes. Water would be fine. Absolutely. You're a reasonable man. Sure.

I got another plane. I threw myself out of it. Wouldn't you know it? Mattress sale. Mattress sale. Was it President's Day? Yep. Damn. Landed on a huge pile of mattresses. Felt great. Felt great. Not a good test. I actually have a question. Yeah, please. So you're not positive that you've lived this long, or you are? I feel crazy saying it, and I'm like, I must be remembering something.

I believe that I am 250 years old. Have you kept any relics or clothing or anything from the course of your life? I'm not much of a keeper. Any evidence? Yeah. I wish I did. I should have. Do you have any old Confederate money? No, I didn't. I moved so much. Maybe the Declaration of Independence. I wish. I wish I had one of those. I saw it. You saw it, really? They got passed around a lot. Really? They did a little tour of it around all the...

Wow. Cities. Wow. God, I'd love to see that. So you're very old and indestructible. That's right. Are you akin to a god? In a way, I suppose. I mean, it feels crazy. I mean, I'm just a wannabe third baseman. What position do you play? Shortstop. Trying to move over. Trying to just move a little bit to the right. Yeah, feel a little exposed.

That's a tough position. Third base? Both. Yeah, they're both very tough. Yeah. I can't really do either of them that well. Yeah. It's interesting that they allow a shortstop, right? Kyle, you're a baseball fan. Yeah. They allow a shortstop because it's like, look, too many balls are getting knocked in that area. We need to add a player in there. Oh, yeah. But they don't let you have one in between first and second? Well, I think the distance between first and second and third base and shortstop are pretty equal. Mm-hmm.

So shouldn't there be a player? Well, if there would be a player, it would be a player behind second base, I think. Behind second base? In front of the center fielder. Oh, okay. Yeah, why not? Well, they call that rover, and I feel like we have that position in T-ball, but I think at this point, not speaking as an expert, I think the game is pretty well established. How many people should be on the field, in your opinion? Because right now they allow nine. I think nine's a good number. You like nine? I'd go 15 at least.

Well, then it feels like a lot of balls would get caught and there'd be a lot of put it. Like right now, there's a lot of balls just being hit everywhere and people are scrambling around trying to get them and all this kind of stuff. Well, that's to me the fun of the game is people getting on base, you know. I love that. Running around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The people getting on base? Getting on base is great. It's fun, right? How are you as a batter? Not good. Okay. So you can't catch. I'm okay as a hitter.

That's cool. Not a lot of power. What's your average? 50. Not good. Yep. It depends who you're playing against. But you keep on getting invited back to play in these. I've had a number of contracts. You're playing single A ball. Single A ball is no joke.

Have you told your friends or players? No. I've kept this pretty mum. If somebody notices it, I won't lie. It's one of those things like it's not a secret, but I'm not bringing it up. What about, have you ever been married? Been married four times. Four lovely women. And I did tell, I told my wives. You told them. And they ended in death? They ended in them getting old and dying. I'm so sorry. That was very difficult, very difficult to endure. But I usually would get the hell out of Dodge.

When I saw them getting a different age than I was. Oh, really? So you were like... Well, this is too weird. You divorced them before they could get to... Well, once I'm dating a 75-year-old woman, you know, and I'm a spry late 40s, mid 40s, could play for mid 40s. Mid 50s, probably. I can't, it just looks insane. So I just would usually either fake my own death or just amscray.

Sometimes I would do that. I did that for my second wife because she was persistent. And if she thought I was still alive, she would have tracked me down. Okay. Yeah. It's kind of a dick move. You know what? It's true. I wish if I could find her again, I would. Oh, she's dead. I'm sure. But I would owe her an apology. Yeah. Yeah. She was a ragtime singer. Ragtime singer. Musician. Yeah.

Wow. Is there a lot of singing in Ragtime? It seems to me like a piano, jangling piano. She would just mix it up, mostly piano, but she would insert herself into the song and really make it her own. So she was... She would make up words, you know? It's the entertainer now. Yeah. The entertainer has come to my place of business and now I pay him. That's right.

this is fascinating stuff that's okay well i'm just here looking for a baseball gig so if you know of one that's why you came here yeah i'd like to yeah i'm hoping to get a job you know we don't have any baseball jobs i'm hoping somebody listening maybe needs somebody um okay i need someone who's good at getting hit by pitches well this is i gotta say bags mcgee by the way your last name mcgee it's spelled mk period g ee are you related to the singer mcgee i am yeah

Related how? I believe he is my great-great-grandchild. Okay, so you've had kids. Oh, yeah, yeah. And a lot of them are dead? Yep, a lot of them are dead, yeah. They age and die. Are you still having kids like Al Pacino and Robert De Niro? Yeah, well, I'm not having a child right now, but I'm open to it, sure. Okay. Yeah, if I meet the right lady and we fall in love, I would love to have a

But the right lady, if you fall in love, she has to know that once she gets to be, what, 50? 75 or 80. I mean, like, I'm not 50. 50 is great. Once she hits 50, we're like in the same ballpark. Metaphorically, of course. Although sometimes we are in literally the same ballpark. If I'm in a ballpark, yeah. From 50 to 65 is the real sweet spot of my relationships. Then it starts to get weird. They're like, oh, I miss my friends. Oh, I'm going blind. And I'm like, all right, you know what? I don't know what you're talking about.

All right. Well, uh, look, Hey, I appreciate you letting me on. Hey, I understand you had no choice bags. It's my pleasure. Okay. Um, I don't book the show, but pleasure to talk to you. You're an interesting guy. Yes. Thanks for having me. Well, um, we have to take a break, but when we come back, I guess bags McGee is going to be here. Um,

Kyle, you have to go, right? Yes, so much fun as always. Okay, well, it's great to meet you. Great to have you here. Good luck with your movie. Thank you so much. But when we come back, we'll have a restaurant tour. I'm sorry you're going to miss the restaurant tour. That's too bad. I do like restaurants. Yeah, so do I. I like eating at them, usually.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a fun thing to do. When we come back, we'll have more Bags McGee and we'll also have a restaurant tour. This is a packed show. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. You know what? You already love DoorDash. And now there's even more to love with the new DoorDash Dash Pass Annual Plan Benefit. Here it is. Drumroll, please.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Kyle Mooney had to go, but I did want to say his movie Y2K is out this Friday and people can go to the theater and see it. And it sounds like a fun time. Y2K was a stressful, weird night when people were wondering if it was really going to go down. I can only imagine you've seen the turns of three centuries. That's right. And that was the most stressful one.

That I mean, I can't imagine there's nothing going into the 1800s. People are just kind of like, yeah, we barely even know more horse shit everywhere. Exactly. Yeah, right. All right. Well, we need to get to our next guest. He's a restaurateur. We've been hyping him long enough. He, I guess, has a restaurant or is starting a restaurant. I'm not quite sure, but let's talk to him. Please welcome Ian Venturi.

What's up, Scott? It's incredible to be here. I'm very excited. Incredible to have you here. This is really something special for a guy like me. Yeah, it's great to have you. This is Bags McGee. How are you doing, Bags? Nice to meet you. It's actually wonderful to meet you, and it seems like you're a very interesting person. Thanks so much. Wow, that's so nice. Oh.

Absolutely. There's no problem. Were you listening at all to Bags tell his story? I heard a little bit when I was coming down the stairs, apparently something about the olden times and the Abraham Lincoln, I believe. That's right. Yeah. I thought that was very, very fascinating. Oh, thank you. Absolutely. It is. Yeah. I mean, was his hat as tall as people make it out to be? Oh, yeah.

yeah it was up there yeah it's weird it looked crazy he's so tall already and then he's got that he's like oh I'm gonna shave the mustache off but keep the beard he's just like very weird ostentatious style choices right up until he went I was like this guy's a this guy's full of himself he's just peacocking then I felt terrible yes um

Ian, great to have you on the show. Hey, like I said, incredible. Incredible to have you. You own a restaurant or you? No, sir. Well, I guess I should properly introduce myself, Scott. I'm actually a little nervous to be here, but it's very, very incredible. We have people from all walks of life here. We have, of course, Bags McGee is...

baseball player who's immortal and indestructible and then you're a restaurateur? Well, not exactly, sir. I'm 26 years old. See, there I am. I'm already swallowing my words. I'm 26 years old. I'm from Irvine, California. And yeah, I'm not...

I'm currently a restaurateur, but I do have an idea, a restaurant concept that I'd love to share with you and all your listeners, if I may. Sure. Are you looking for backing? Is that why you're here? Yeah, I want to get this thing off the ground, and I think it's really original, unique, and I think I got something really special on our hands. That sounds great. Some of the unique restaurants out there in, you know, Planet Hollywood...

Yes, I'm not aware of it, but yes, sir. That sounds... They're not around anymore, but you would go see Hollywood memorabilia on the way. Oh, okay. Because, yeah, I love going to see a movie or a TV show or whatever is the newest, hottest trend. Yeah.

Yeah, what are the newest, hottest trends these days? I'm not aware, sir. I'm not really paying that much attention to movies or TV these days. Right now you're just focusing on the restaurant? Yes, sir. Yeah, it takes a lot of my time. I want to make sure it's the perfect thing. I want to bring people together. Okay. And Bags, do you... I mean, you must have... I love restaurants. I mean, back when you were born, it was like inns and taverns. Oh, yeah. A pub. A pub.

Sure. I wonder what the first restaurant was. Like the first... Yeah. Where they were like, no, no, no, this is not like an inn. This isn't a tavern. Yeah, they were all functional for... This is a restaurant. That's... Yeah. When that first started happening, it seemed crazy. Yeah. But now they're everywhere. Yeah. People really took off. Yeah. Ian, what's your restaurant? Well, here's the thing, Scott and Bags. If you're like me, you love good, high-quality food. I love it. Me too. To me...

If you're going to put it in your body, make it high quality. Absolutely. And I've found that it's the fancy restaurants that sometimes have the best food. You know, great ingredients. It tastes good. It's well made by the chefs and the cooks. Yeah, that's true. And I love going to a fancy restaurant. Yeah, it's a nice treat sometimes. Absolutely. But with my restaurant, with my concept,

This is exploring something a little different because I love that type of food. Yeah. But what if I said at my restaurant, you can get that same type of food, well-prepared, tastes excellent, but you don't need to wear a tuxedo.

- Ah, interesting. - You don't need to. - You don't. - No, sir. - You don't have to wear a tuxedo. - No, sir, it's the same quality food, but you can just come as you are, casual. There's no need for a tuxedo. - Do you mean, maybe you mean you have to come in black tails, just not white tails, is that what you're saying? - No, sir, I'm saying you can come dressed just as you are right now in a hoodie or a t-shirt. You don't need to, we're gonna serve really high quality, good, great food, but there's no need to wear a tuxedo.

I don't understand. So, okay, walk me through this. I go to your restaurant. Yes, sir. Dressed the way that we currently are. Yep. And I sit down and they don't just bring a pile of shit out to the table and make me eat it? No, sir. We're going to take care of you and make sure you get a great meal.

I, I, this has been my experience. I go to a restaurant, a high quality, fancy restaurant. I'm dressed akin to the clothing I'm currently wearing. I get turned away at the door. We will not do that. Um, and that's very sad. And, and this is sort of what I kind of figured was happening to people. Um, which is why I was like, let's serve good food. But like, you just...

Come as you are. Would there be a conversation between the maitre d' and perhaps the owner where they're like, should we let this person or just breeze right through? Absolutely, sir. And actually, there are several components of our restaurant that I think are very original, unique like this that I would love to share with you if you're willing to hear. I'd love to hear. We also, besides the fact that you can come dress however you like, we will also be serving cocktails. So this could be a margarita or martini. Once you put a tuxedo on.

No, sir. No, sir. This this goes back to my one of our foundational ideas and concepts behind the restaurant is. Yeah. Again, come in normal clothes. You don't need to wear a tuxedo. I think I think I understand where perhaps bags and I are misunderstanding you. Yes, sir.

what, what happens at your restaurant is you come dressed in a hoodie or whatever, and then they provide you with a tuxedo jacket. Is that what happens? Or you're making me laugh over here, sir. Uh, uh, no, no. The idea is that we want to be able to create an experience where, um, you can have a wonderful dining, uh, a wonderful time dining and eating foods that, uh, uh, uh,

balance out your palate in new and exciting ways. That's a great way to put it. Thank you so much. It's something I've been working on. But yeah, but like, we don't need to make it all fancy dancy. It should just be like, oh, this is just like, this is just my neighborhood restaurant that serves really, really good stuff. So wait a minute.

You have your restaurant that serves high quality food. It's delicious. You don't need to wear a tuxedo. And then you have a separate venue for the cocktails, which is normal, right? So you walk out of the restaurant and go to like a bar close by. Hopefully it's close by. Yeah. And you get cocktails there. Also not a tuxedo. Yeah.

I've had a cocktail bar without a tuxedo requirement. So that part I understand. I wish you two were at all my meetings. You're making this sound like you have a better idea than it actually is. But, you know, it's all in the same restaurant. Everything's taken care of. And actually, that brings me to another one of our ideas that I'm really, really excited about. I think that is something that really hasn't been done in the restaurant community. I don't know about you guys, but I am so sick and tired of menus.

I mean, honestly, there's got to be a better way of imparting this information. Flipping through the pages. It's like, oh my gosh. So what we want to do at our restaurant... Yeah, you're right. That's the bigger problem. I was thinking I would get paper cuts. Yeah, I'm talking about I'm about to fall asleep. Which is like what I usually do after I go to the restaurant. Oh, yeah. If you had a nice good meal, ooh, that puts you in a food coma. But yeah, yeah.

we're thinking instead of these menus that you have to just flip through and be like, oh my gosh, what is this? There will be a code. A code, so like some sort of

like numerical puzzle. Yeah. Like absolutely on the table that, um, one has to solve in order to get the answers to you're cracking me up. I wish you were in all of my meetings. You guys, we could be in all your meetings. This is the second time you've said this. I'd love to come to some of these meetings. I love meetings. Oh, well, let's see how the rest of this goes. And maybe, um, I could talk to you. I have plans. I think on Sunday, I'm seeing a movie with, um,

the S and Dell, uh, cast member, Kyle Mooney. I'm going to watch brother bear with him. Uh, not familiar with his work, but, um, sounds like I do love that movie. Yeah.

You love the movie Brother Bear? Oh, yeah. What's the plot? Because Kyle and I couldn't quite figure out what the plot is. Brother Bear gets lost in the forest, and it's just a whole adventure about him and his friends trying to make their way back. Like it's all about watching someone find their way back to something? Yeah, yeah. It's really funny. I'd rather watch a movie about a guy who knows where he's going and then actually gets there.

Well, maybe you might skip this one. Maybe I'm locked into these plans, unfortunately. But yeah, anyway, there will be essentially, yeah, it's a series of sort of, I don't know, like tiny squares and you just take a picture of it with your phone and then all of a sudden all of the information regarding our restaurant, like what we serve, will be in there. So you don't have to deal with the big old book. Huh. Okay. So you're going to program...

your phones to be able to recognize a puzzle of some kind do you give us the phones no no no we should bring your normal you have a phone uh i mean i do but i'd rather like get one

We will not be providing phones. Wouldn't that be cool, though? Like a restaurant that you don't have to wear a tuxedo to and you get a free phone? That is a very interesting idea, and I'd love to pitch that to my partners on this project. But at this time, I cannot commit to an idea like that. All right. Keep that in mind, though. Okay. So we bring our own phones. Yes, sir. And then we rub it on the table somehow, and then just the menu's on our phone. Absolutely. The same thing.

So pretty good. We also have been talking about I don't know if you guys have this experience when you go to restaurants, but um you you know, maybe Your eyes were a little bigger than your stomach. Mmm. Yeah, you order a little too you are a little too much food. Yeah. Yeah and And so you're like, oh I want to take us home. We we've come up with this brand new idea we're thinking like for if you come to our restaurant and

You do not need to pay for to-go boxes. We will provide them for free. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. This is... Still on the not tuxedo thing? Absolutely. This is the same place. So they're going to... I'm going to come in dressed like this. So they know that I'm a piece of shit. And they're still going to give me a free to-go box? They're not going to make me beg for it?

Or pay for it even worse. Again, this is part of the elemental foundation of what we want to bring to the community. Do you have any other features on this restaurant? Yes. Actually, another very, very unique feature that I'm really excited about is all the servers are going to be cats and dogs. So I have a friend who is a scientist, and he sort of developed a sort of goo.

And, um, there were some cats and dogs that accidentally fell into the goo and, um, they have sort of begun to, um, walk upright and they can talk, um, and they have muscles and, um, they will be serving the food. How,

How big are these muscles? Um, very big. I mean, like Schwarzenegger Stallone. Yes, absolutely. These guys, these are the guys who started playing at Hollywood, by the way. I don't mean to throw you off. I don't even know what I'm not aware of. I'm not aware of that, but I have, but a restaurant tours, but you describing somebody, I'm like, yeah, that's probably about the size. Yeah.

So, so really muscular cats. Back up one second. So yeah, you have a friend. So no, not that far. No tuxedos. Cause even though that's confusing, I think we're, I think we cocktail wrapped our mind. Cocktails. Yeah. Margarita, martini, whatever you like, anything in the spectrum. No menus. Yes. We want it. So it's called a cure QR code and we're utilizing those to sort of show what the restaurant serves. And then you have a friend to go boxes to go box. You don't need to pay for it. Skipped over that. Okay. But then you have a friend.

Who's a scientist. Yes, sir. Who accidentally invented goo? No, no, he intended to make the goo. What did he think the goo was for? I think he was sort of trying to combine different elements and create some sort of powerful substance that actually wasn't meant to be used with...

or humans. The human physiology. Yes, exactly. And unfortunately, there was a situation where I guess some cats and dogs got loose. And maybe... They got loose. Were these his cats and dogs? Or... I believe they were just sort of running around. These are like random cats and dogs? Yeah, yeah. There might have been because it's at a university. Oh.

There might have been a situation where there is some sort of veterinary school and the cats and dogs got loose and they broke into the laboratories and the goo. They sort of, I guess, sort of splash around in the goo and then sort of became sort of mutated, if you will, and became very strong. And they they, of course, they will be serving the food at our restaurant, which I will say it's slightly different.

The only other component that is... Are you aware of Mr. Hammer? I don't... Bags, have you ever heard of Mr. Hammer? Not an icon. Do you mean MC Hammer? Master of Ceremonies Hammer? No, sir. No, sir. Mr. Hammer is a bad man who unfortunately also got hold of the goo. And him along with his hammer soldiers...

are mutated soldiers. He's actually trying to take down these cats and dogs. Oh, that's a drag. Yeah, and there's sort of some sort of battle over the bodega, sorry, the blodega crystal, a sort of fight for control over that and whoever...

um, gets a hold of it, sort of brings either light or darkness to the planet. Light or darkness, right? They're entrenched in some sort of mythical battle right now. Yes. Yes, absolutely. And the, and these cats and dogs, um, they're so, they're so tremendous. They're so courteous. Um, they, incredibly strong. Um, they're actually athletic as well. Um, Oh,

uh, they can invent stuff, but yeah, so they can invent stuff. Oh, absolutely. That was one of, one of them. So their brains have been mutated too, is where they have. Yes. I think that there was, there may have been a computer involved in a laboratory. Um, and that may have sort of synced into their brains. Um, but yeah, they, they invent, have they invented stuff for you? Well, there's one, uh, one of the dogs in particular, um, his name is, um,

His name is Spike Ruffles. And he, yeah, he's one of more inventor ones. So he does, he'll like kind of grab stuff around the house and pretty soon the next, next thing you know, oh, here's a machine that can, you know, take you back in time or. I mean, I thought you were going to say like.

some sort of super wrench or something, but he, he just- Oh, I'm sure he has tons of stuff like that in his workshop, but they're, they're going to be helping us out at the restaurant. Um, like I said, come as you are. Does Spike Ruffles- Yes, sir. Mind being a waiter or- Yeah, it seems like he has better things to do with his time. Um,

Um, you know, they're, I think they're excited for the chance at normalcy. Sure. And, um, I think they, they're looking forward to, um, just interactions with everyday folk. Um, I'm sure Spike Ruffles would be very happy to help you out with your phone problems, Scott. Yeah. If you could,

put a word in for me or something. Absolutely. Okay, well, I mean, this is... Does Mr. Hammer ever crash the restaurant and cause a scene? Well, again, this restaurant has not been built yet. I'm sort of pitching the idea. Do you anticipate those kind of issues? I do think that could be an issue because I believe Mr. Hammer's army is just becoming stronger and stronger. Why do you believe that? I've just seen kids on the street getting recruited. Oh, kids.

That's too bad. That's tough when you're watching a little kid on the corner. Absolutely. And he gets recruited by Mr. Hammer. Absolutely. He's a mean, mean man. And it seems like he's really got his core to settle with these cats and dogs. What was his skin in the game? Did he want to be in the goo? Or did he wind up in the goo? He... Yeah, well, it's complicated. Okay, well, we have a little bit of time. Okay, absolutely. I'd love to tell you the story of Mr. Hammer and the goo. Okay.

So, yeah. So, he actually was the former dean at the university. Uh-oh. Those deans. Yeah, he got into some trouble. I'm not exactly sure what it is. I think it has something to do with, like, stealing money. Yeah.

embezzlement and fighting people those are two bad things to be a combo when you're a dean well like I said I'm not I'm not speaking on behalf of Mr. Hammer this is just what I've been told I've only run into the guy a couple times and again this guy

Well, I told you I've seen kids being recruited. I have been to his base, the Hammer Tower. Sort of a lair of operations? Absolutely, absolutely. But yeah, so he used to be the dean of this university and he was kicked out for fighting for...

some money stuff um do they find both of them out at the same time was it or was it like hey this we got to kick this guy out for fighting and then once he's gone they look through his records i think that's exactly what he embezzled millions yes they went through the records around that he was good to me if i was embezzling i would be as like yeah you know quiet well he was also and the thing is he was also aware of what was going on um in the laboratories and was sort of um i think um

Sort of planting ideas about like, oh, this could be a sort of an avenue to try out. And I think that he had a hand in like, oh, maybe there's like a goo that could be created. He had militaristic aspirations. That's I think what I think was more militaristic. So, yeah. So he was aware. So he actually, I believe, had a plan to steal the goo, if I remember correctly. Unfortunately, cats and dogs broke broke through.

They absconded with the goo, and the goo is all gone now? There was just enough amount of goo left that he was able to scoop it up into a container and turn into Mr. Hammer We Know today. And he has been able to maximize his goo through—he has imprisoned some scientists, and that is how he's now using his goo to transform children. I see. So they're synthesizing now some of this goo.

Yes, absolutely. And they're using it to transform. I have a question. No tuxedos. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was. That's what you're going to ask about. I went back on that. With the cocktails, can you get a beer as well as a cocktail? That is what we like to do. And I'm a big fan of. Okay, I love that. I'm a big fan of microbreweries. Oh, that's fun. So there's a good selection of like IPAs? Absolutely. IPAs, Pilsners. Back to the scientist guy. Microbrewers.

My friend. Your friend, yeah. Is he still in the picture or? Unfortunately, Mr. Hammer did kill him. Oh, that is sad. I'm so sorry. When did this happen? That was actually last, three nights ago. I'm so sorry. Your good friend who's a scientist is dead. It was very sad. I think we all sort of saw it coming. Why? Because he was getting up in Mr. Hammer's business. Mr. Hammer. Mr. Hammer's not the kind of guy you want to get in his business. He was a little bit starting trouble. The

the science oh a lot starting trouble i mean like mr ham absolutely mr sammer's something i want to mess with this is and you gotta remember he's been mutated so he's stronger than ever he has access to weapons and of course he has a hammer soldiers didn't know the mutation hasn't given him the access to weapons that's just because he was the dean of a of a college he had access to these you know i'm not totally sure i do think while he was a dean he was collecting uh vintage weapons but i do think since he's become mutated he has um

gathered some weapons experts and they've been developing new technologies to help take down the Kassan dogs. Makes sense, I guess. Well, okay, so that said, that may be a bit of an issue were we to go to the restaurant or invest in the restaurant. It's tough to tell at this point. And there's always the chance that before we open up, the Kassan dogs will have taken down Mr. Hammer and then it's not even something we need to worry about. Okay, great. All right, great. Anything else unique about this business or...

Well, I was thinking we'd call it Ian's Spot. Ian's Spot? Ian's Spot. That's great. That's a great name for it. Friendly name. Friendly, yeah. Appreciate it. That's great. Well, I mean, it sounds like a good place. Good luck. I'd love to invest. I don't have a lot of extra money. You must have accumulated wealth over the years. I'm not good with managing money, so I don't have a lot. How much are you looking for?

You know, I'm not really the numbers guy. I believe it's... Who's your numbers guy? That would be my friend, Calvin. Not your friend, the scientist. Oh, no, no. He's long gone now. Long gone? He died three days ago. Yeah. Mentally, you've moved on already? Well, that's sort of my relationship with death. I feel like once it happens...

really why is that can we dig into this a little bit i mean certainly i mean like i've never put a lot of thought into it but for me it's like that's the finite moment you know and um my good friend christopher scientist like i love my time with him i had such a good i had so many good moments and i remember him telling me about the goo and and the possibilities of it um what did he think the goo was for um he would he so he knew it was all it was not meant to be mixed with

any kind of like species. So what did he think it was for? I think that he was hoping that the goo could be implemented in new technologies and potentially like, um, you know, in, in foods and, and sodas and waters and sort of, um,

be used as sort of a supplement for people to gain strength and maybe something for the bodybuilding community. Some sort of additive. Absolutely. Because you see there's such a market for that these days. So he wanted to maybe sell these to like the Joe Rogan. I don't think he was even that far. I think it was like, these are the possibilities because it was such a powerful goo that could do so much. Turned out to be an incredibly powerful goo, but then he had to go get up in Mr. Hammer's face. I know. I know. I know.

At least they're synthesizing the goo now and his work lives on. Yeah, well, yes, but it's for a bad, you know. Sure, but I mean, these things have a way of working themselves out. I think so. I do think that sort of thing goes in waves. I'm betting on it. I think the cats and dogs are going to take care of it. Yeah, and then they'll retain the goo. They're very fierce. They're very strong from what I hear.

absolutely. These are real kick-ass superhero guys. Some are cats, again, some are dogs. Sure. And they all walk upright.

Yes. Which helps them carrying the trays, I would imagine. Yes, and I think they'll be able to carry multiple trays. I mean, like, you could carry... Some of these dogs are so strong, just think, like, imagining the amount of trays they're going to carry. But I would imagine balance comes into it a little bit, too, because no other... Well, cats are, like, famously great at balancing and, like, landing on their feet. Some say that they have nine lives. That's a good point. Have you ever seen evidence of that, of them, any of the cats dying? There was one of the cats, actually, that we did kill. What?

And he just died. Why did you kill a cat? That was a sort of test. Like, sort of, it was actually about the theory. Oh, about the nine lives theory? That's got to be hard on that cat. Well, again, my relationship to death is that, like, I had a good time with this cat. So you're a sociopath.

I do not know what that is. All right. Well, Ian Venturi, this sounds like a great restaurant. Ian's spot. That's the hope. And I'll open the pitches. And yeah, if anybody listening is interested in investing. I'll be there first night. Thank you so much. We'd like to open at Irvine, California. Irvine, California. Wonderful. Well, we are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. And that is, of course, a little something called Plus. Here we are with the

Okay. Oh, gosh.

That, I believe, was supposed to be our closing of the Plugback theme, but wouldn't you know it, it actually worked out because that mistake that Ben always makes every year worked out. That was Plugback Gassy Mashies by Rupert Holden Mashups. Thanks to Rupert Holden Mashups. And what do we want to plug here? Bags McGee, you have anything you want to plug? There's a podcast I want to plug called Screw It. We're just going to talk about the Beatles. I'm just a fan.

But if you listen to this podcast and it's I've never listened to it. I've heard good things from some friends of mine who are discerning. But you describe yourself as a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan of the idea. Great. Yep. Yeah. Sounds like a good idea. I think so. People can get it at wherever podcasts are. No idea. All right. And Ian Venturi, do you want to plug anything?

Just be good to people. That's a good advice. That's a great plug. Absolutely. Especially seeing the havoc that Mr. Hammer has wreaked over the city. It's a time for people to be nice to each other. Exactly, yeah. And watch out for Mr. Hammer because he might try to recruit you. Yeah, that's a good point. I feel like on Kyle Mooney's behalf, I should plug Y2K, which is out this Friday. What a nice guy. Yeah. I'm sorry he had to leave. You would have loved him. You would have liked him.

I couldn't say whether I would like him or not, but I would have been interested to meet him. Yeah, do you ever watch that SNL show? He calls it the show. What do you think about that? First of all, that sounds very weird. I've not seen it. I have heard of some people talk about this as a show. You haven't seen it? No, sir. Again, I don't... Coneheads? Is that... That's not an ice cream thing? No, no, no. Just like people who are obsessed with ice cream. With ice cream cones? I don't know.

It's not a bad idea. I like it. Open an ice cream store called Coneheads. I'm doing it. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, anyway, Y2K out this Friday. And what do I want to plug? I want to plug, hey, again, get your voting in for the best ofs. That is at cbbworld.com slash plugs. And I really want to plug, coming up in just about 10 days or so, we have the biggest live comedy bang bang live show that we ever had.

have ever done and perhaps will ever do. It's coming up, uh, on December 13th here in Los Angeles at the United theater on Broadway. Um, we have, Hey Randy opening for us. That's with Randy snuts. And of course, uh,

Uh, the duplicitous Carissa and, uh, Stu and all of the gang are going to be there. And then, uh, a big, super huge comedy bang, bang show that we're doing, uh, right before the holidays, you can get your tickets for it at CBB world.com slash tour. This is the last show that we're going to be doing for a long while. So I hope to see you out there. And, um, you know, while you're out there, uh, check out all of our merch at CBB world, uh,

There's a lot of good stuff there. So go head on over to CBB World. Just poke around there. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Hello. How you doing? My name is Scotty D. Scotty D. Scotty D. You know what they call me, though? You can take a guess. It's because of my dick. All right. And that's it. That should do it right there. Open the plug bag. Open the plug bag. Open the plug bag. Open the plug bag.

All right, that was Scotty's D by Sid Fischus. Thank you so much to Sid Fischus. And guys, I want to thank you so much. Bags McGee. My pleasure. Hope, do you want to die or do you? I would love to. Really? Yeah. Living has become wearisome? Yes, I hunger for death. Yeah. But we'll see how it goes. Has anyone ever like shot you in the head? Yeah. And? Doesn't hurt. Feels good? Feels great. All right. All right. I was going to say I could have.

Shot you in the head, but I guess that's not going to do it. I appreciate that offer. Yeah, no problem. That's so nice of you. And Ian Venturi, good luck to you with your idea. I don't believe I have... I'm a little cash poor right now. I don't believe I can invest, but you understand, besides the fact you... When I brought up the subject, you didn't even know really who your money person was. I believe his name is Daniel. Daniel? Daniel.

And do you have his contact? Or it was Calvin. It's Calvin. Oh, it's Calvin. Okay. See, this is, it's feeling dicey. Sorry. Daniel works. He just, he's, he's a driver. He's our driver. What do you need a driver for at a restaurant? To get from place to place, sir. All right. I'm not going to quibble with your business model.

Thanks so much for being here. And please come back again. I'd love to hear about it because I'm so far removed from from, you know, all the drama surrounding Mr. Hammer out there on the streets. You know? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Hopefully, if I were to ever come back, I come back bringing good news and he's passed away. Yeah. I would say apprehended by the I'm not rooting for his death necessarily. Death is a release. We would hope that would be a compassion. Do you want him to die?

People want to die. He wants to die. I want to die. Mr. Hammer obviously doesn't want to die. He doesn't think he wants to die. I'm sure once the sweet embrace of death grabs him, he'll be psyched. I think he'll be good for the community. Okay, all right. We'll see you next time. Thanks, bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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