Pizza? Pizza… Pizza! (Jon Gabrus, Matt Apodaca, John Hartman)
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Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, your secrets are safe with us. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Seems a little repetitive.

Thanks so much to Pigasaurus for that catchphrase submission. Pigasaurus, I'm assuming a combination of a pig and a stegosaurus, perhaps? Or a dinosaurus? No, I think it's just dinosaur. But thank you so much to Pigasaurus for that catchphrase submission. Yeah, again, repetitive. And honestly, it's a little too close to our new tagline, Comedy Bang Bang, we care.

You know, I think adding not only do we care, but your secrets being safe with us. I don't think that that's that's too much on my shoulders. I can't really take that responsibility. But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. It's a Monday. Moms and proms, etc. My name is Scott Aukerman and welcome to another episode. Coming up a little later on the show, we have an influencer. Whoa.

Okay, now we're talking. We've been having a good string of guests here on the show. We've had movie stars. We've had TV stars.

We've had a podcaster here and there, but an influencer. This is new territory for us. I'm really excited about that. We also have someone in marketing, someone who is the head of marketing for Little Caesars. That's exciting. Pizza Pizza, I believe, is their creation, probably, if I'm not mistaken, but...

Uh, that's going to be a big show. I think, uh, this is, uh, uh, I mean, we're coming right off the heels of our 60th anniversary episode. This is a good lineup. What's this now? I'm sorry. The levels sound great. Whenever you're ready, we can just get going. The levels sound good. The levels, uh, levels of what? Uh, for the audio recording. I'm sorry. I was hit on the head this week and I've amused. Who are you, sir? God bless. God bless. Now your head shape makes way more sense.

I just thought that was, I thought you had one of those soft spots. I thought it hammered it to make it even. Oh, you purposely hit your head? Yeah, I'm just trying to talk about levels. I'm trying to level it. Okay, well, I think the thumb look is in this year. Who are you, sir? Me? I'm Gino Lombardo, your intern of, I think, 12 years. 12, 14, somewhere in there. Somewhere in there. Over a decade, that's for sure. How do I know that? Yeah, I know. That's what's crazy. Well, you're a sicko for the numbers. Hold on. I got to hit myself in the head one more time. What do you say? Here we go.

Holy shit. He just smashed his head in between his two Emmys. Oh, God. Wow. Okay. Oh, Gino. It's me, Gino. Thank you. Scotty Ox. The Ox court himself. How are you, buddy?

Oh, dude, I'm doing fucking great. Have you graduated yet? From Nassau Community College? Yeah. I'm a student of life in a way there. Oh, okay. Plus, the pussy's good. And the asshole. In life. Yeah. Well, the pussy in life is good, but at NC Squared, these young Long Island kids, they fucking throw it back.

Yeah. You're an older gentleman now. Yeah, yeah. I mean, my God only knows, you know, the math is, you know, I don't want to do Simpsons age. I'm not stuck at 23. Of course. I've got to be like. Is Homer supposed to be 23? No. Or is that Bart? I meant more like Bart's still in fourth grade. He's still dealing with crab apple. You meant year 2023. Yeah. Am I still in the year 2023? Thank God. That was a great fucking year. Remember when everything opened back up?

up again. It was so awesome. Everything was safe. Politics were solved. Everything was good. The Middle East was cleaned up. We're ready to fucking rip. The world was sanitary and spic and span. Yes, I don't say that anymore. My question for you is

So the levels are good. So let's just take that intro again. Now I'll record this one. Oh, okay. What did I do? Oh, God. I thought it was all just Ipsum Lorem shit because it was boring as fuck. It was boring. Okay. Yeah, you kept saying it's repetitive. You were being repetitive. About being repetitive? Yeah. That sounds about right. Yeah. You like the metatextual. We all know that. And I'm not talking about DM and fucking Zuckerberg.

Because I have a CC. Yes, Zuck, I'm done, okay? I shut down my IG, my Finsta. I was sliding into his DMs. Really? He didn't just shut you down from messaging him. No, he shut you down. He was like, you shouldn't even have an account. Really? Because I guess I was trying to sell weird offline supplements and stuff like that. Oh, offline supplements. Well, they were online, but they were off-brand.

Oh, I see. Me and a few meatheads from the Gold's Gym on New Bridge Road in Belmore, which I guess is now Extreme Fitness, but it'll always be Gold's Gym to me. Me and a few fucking freak meatheads, we got together and we started working on some supplements. And I think you're going to really like them. Working on some supplements? Designing supplements, mixing powders. Pouring a little bit of this. Did you know that the FDA does not cover supplements at all? So you can kind of do whatever the fuck you want, make whatever claims you want.

So are you just taking other supplements and mixing them together? Is that what it is? Oh, all kinds of shit. What are supplements? Supplements are non-vitamins and minerals. They're just things that your body already maybe makes and you add a little bit more. So for example, we have Gizact. J-A-C-T. I've seen that around. Yeah, it's already in stores. And Gizact is great. It's protein, it's creatine, it's Cialis, and it's Seminex.

So it gives you long boners, big loads, and then it helps repair muscle fibers. And with the creatine, it kind of can pump up the muscles using ATP. Okay, yeah. That seems like it would take care of all of my problems. Yeah, I know. All in one. I remember you had texted me, you have anything for low T and low loads? Of course. It's tough when you have both of those. Because, you know, the ladies, they're always bitching about their guy's load size. Of course. Yeah.

Size matters when it comes to loads. Hey, that's what they say. It's the motion in the ocean. Yeah, right. It's the ocean itself. How much fucking cubic volume are you bringing to the table? Of course, Gino. How many ounces? Of course. Do you know the Seminex ads I'm talking about that are in the pop-up? Yes, I believe I've seen these. I'm not giving away my search history, but I have seen these.

My search history is Alia Shawkat, and I can't think of any other cast members other than John Rogers. That's not his name. Of what? John Roberts. Who are you talking about? The TV show Search History. Oh, oh.

John Early, of course. John Early, yes. He's one of those guys. So you have a metatextual search history. Oh, yeah. Please. And Zuck, leave me alone. I know you don't listen to this because you're too busy in Brazilian jiu-jitsu fighting back your bullies of your history. He's like, oh, Andrew Garfield, I got you in a triangle choke. Come on, Winklevoss twins. You try to...

fucking French cuff me. He's trying to Chinese finger cuff me. So you think he wants to fight the actors who portrayed his nemeses? Oh, yeah, I guess. I mean, if he beats up Armie Hammer and Andrew Garfield, you know, that's going to be bad. If those two end up dead or I guess three. Yeah. If we if Armie Hammer dies twice and Andrew Garfield dies once, tick, tick, boom. I'm saying if I were Armie Hammer, here's what I would have done when all that thing sat in a little shelf in the fridge forever. No, I would have said, hey, that's my twin brother.

The cannibal one? That's my twin brother. That wasn't me. That's the other one. That's the other guy. You saw that movie, right? He's got blue-green eyes. I got green-blue eyes. Yeah, exactly. Nice try. I'm a twin. No, I think we should just trust the guy who was raised in Bermuda. Jamaica. Ooh, I want to take you.

I'm losing it here. I'm talking about my erection. I need another. I need to fuel up with some Jizz Act. Yeah, pop some more of that Jizz Act. Oh, the Jizz Act is a powder. It's a powder. I mix it in. But these pills, these are good fucking pills. Okay, what are these pills? They shut off your perspiration.

Oh, why would I want to do that? It seems like I want to get it out. Yeah, a lot of people want to sweat, but a lot of people don't want pit stains in certain situations. But if you take it for more than a day and a half, you can just die from not getting rid of any toxins. Yeah, it seems to me like... You want 34 hours is the maximum amount of time you could be on this. Is it just perspiration or does it... It blocks all fluid. All fluid coming out. It's called retention X. No, we need to get some of this stuff out of our bodies sometimes. Oh, yeah, and sometimes we don't. Retention X. Retention X.

Retention X? Everything's kind of X to me. I was inspired by the video game Generation X, the Aerosmith shooter from the arcades. Wait, someone shot Aerosmith? No, you are Aerosmith. You're Aerosmith shooting people? And you fire a machine gun, but then you also have

discs, CDs that you can fire. Why would you shoot the discs? Why wouldn't you just shoot the machine gun? Because the classic video game thing, one is just like your traditional bullet and then the disc is kind of like your explosive. But now you're supposed to be Steven Tyler or Joe Perry in this game? Yes, you are Joe Perry. I don't think you're Steven Tyler because there's no visible scarves floating around in front of you.

Getting in the way of your sights. You keep shooting haphazardly as your fucking scarves are in your eyes. Jesus Christ. Sing, woman, sing for the year. That's a great impression. Thank you. Thank you. I have heard many a Steven Tyler impression, and that one is one of the best. I know. I was in The Masked Singer for five years, and no one even knew. Really? I was in The Masked. You were in The Masked? Yeah. I recognize you now. You were Cher's kid with the big head. I was his back.

I did a lot of back thing in the 90s and early 2000s. I was in the Austin Powers franchise, of course, as we know. We all know that. You wrote Shocktail, which is something I bring up every time. I did it with my back to Will Smith the entire time. Holy shit, that's a smart move. I had to guess what his... You make eye contact with that guy, he's maybe going to slap you. Yeah, he was swinging wildly the entire time. I was surprised the first time he got caught slapping was at the Oscars. I know. Because he would just slap... My man's been slapping for Generation X. Oh, yeah, he would slap all of us whenever he walked into the recording booth.

Man, parents and writers just don't understand. That's a good point.

Gino, what is going on? Because I haven't seen you now for three months or so. Is that right? Yeah, it's around then. I can't keep track. Time is a flat circle, like Russ Cole says. And for me, I've been actually some good news. I got added. I'm adding the star to the long. Gino Lombardo's star is being added to Long Island Walk of Fame. Okay. The Long Island Walk of Fame. Let me guess who's on this. You have Billy Joel. Correct. Correct.

And he's the majority of it. He's the biggest star. No, they have Billy Joel. And then they started just, you know, like Alexa Joel got one. Christy Brinkley got one. Do they make the star the size of the actual star the person is? Yeah, my star is super thin and it's kind of hard to tell. And it's kind of in.

It's right next to Eddie Money's store. I guess I didn't mean body type. I meant how big of a star you were. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, still mine's small next to Eddie Money's. Eddie Money. Eddie Money, Eddie Murphy, Jerry Seinfeld, Eric B. and Rakim. These guys are all on the Walk of Fame, Woodcliffe Canal. Go down there to the Nautical Mile. I would keep your eye on your wallet and your purse when you go down there. But the stars are fucking awesome.

And you're getting one. This is incredible. Is this due to your appearances on this show? Yeah, it's this show and then my own personal show that I did, the Gino Lombardo show. You can buy the tapes at gino.gabers.com. Ha ha ha!

And yeah, so I'm very excited. The ceremony is going to be kind of a Lindsay Lohan and Mary Jo Buttafuoco are going to be giving me my, I'm going to cut the ribbon as they hold it. So they're holding, they each hold two scissors each. They have two scissors. You hold the ribbon. And I

place the ribbon in between there too and it cuts it into three pieces okay this seems very convoluted but i mean it's a long island way yeah it's a long island way i get one piece of the ribbon and then a piece of the other two pieces of ribbons go to the two counties on long island nassau and suffolk oh of course we all know those two counties yeah everyone knows the two counties on long island everyone knows all their differences and if i did hyper specific material about how motherfuckers in suffolk be and how motherfuckers in nassau be

Sorry, I've been watching a lot of deaf comedy jams, so I'm ready to go. Is that where Copland was set? No, Copland was set in New Jersey. You're actually technically allowed to live on Long Island as an NYPD cop because it is in New York still. I see. Okay, wonderful. You need an exemption to live in New Jersey. You got very serious for that, by the way. I am very serious about the differences between New Jersey and Long Island, okay? I think you were more serious about the movie Copland. Are you fucking kidding? Mangold? Fucking sly? You deaf bastard! Ha ha ha ha!

It's got Leota. It's got Keitel. Come on. It's got Garoff. It's got Garoff. It's got fucking, what's his name? Superboy, Michael Rappaport, who has not used up any of his goodwill. They call him Superboy? He's Superboy in the movie. Oh, in the movie. Okay, I thought you meant in real life. No, I don't think people are calling him at all anymore.

Except for that Howard Stern and the Knicks. I just saw him on an episode of ER. Oh, yeah. He died very slowly from a chemical burn. Whoa, ER is back? Or are we watching the pic and not confused? It's not back. I was re-watching it, yes. I'm on a quest. And you're a big Michael Crichton fan because you're both tall freaks, right? Yeah, all I care about are Crichtons.

You have the full closet of it. You have the Crichton closet. You have the Crichton closet. A lot of people, they go to the Criterion closet. I go to the Crichton closet. It's got Sphere. It's got Congo. It's got Jurassic Park. Disclosure. It's got Yacht. Disclosure. Great movie. Can we talk about the representation of virtual reality in Disclosure? Oh, so good. When they go inside the file cabinet that's just green fucking lines. And finally, when they finally do a movie about sexual harassment-

We're turning it on its head. I know we've never seen any depiction of it beforehand. We've seen it, but we never spoke to it in a movie. But now, finally, it's the woman harassing the man. That's the first one they make is when it's like, well, actually, this shit happens to boys, too. So many movies from our childhood were about like, well, I know I'm a bad dad and husband, but it's because my job is important. It's like, this is definitely a screenwriter straight up writing the subtext of their life. Like, honey, where are you?

Get back here. I'm writing, honey. I'm not getting dome from a development executive. Who are we kidding? Writers don't have girlfriends. Writers can't get pussy. Not like I can. Podcasting interns. I'm fucking dripping in. And now with the star. I'm running through shit. Cock, pussy, ass. You're getting it all. I love it all. You know me. Pen. Yeah, that's right. Do.

You're standing with your fists on your hips like Peter Pan right now. Yes, I'm standing like Peter Pan. I have goat legs on the way down like Pan. Sure, of course. It's a lot of cross panning. Yeah, and that's confusing because I'm going back and forth with my eyes. That's right. Technically cross panning myself. Well, Gino, it's always wonderful to have you. It's so fucking great to be here. You're from the East Coast. I represent the West Coast. I'm from the South Shore. You're from the Southern Cal. You know, our style.

They may be different, but they mesh together so well. And in all honesty, we could probably do a couple of hours on the similarities between Orange County and Long Island. I think especially with Huntington Beach the way it is. Yeah, it's like an hour away from a very progressive city and maybe 50 years behind it somehow. Don't get me started on Downey either. Oh, Downey. That's where Ify's from. I ate lunch there the other day. Oh, yeah. It was a halfway point between me and a loved one.

Oh, that's, yeah. Is that where your mom dropped you off so your dad could pick you up and down? Well, Gino, it's great to have you here on the show. I'm looking forward to talking to our guests. I had no idea you were going to be here. Yeah, me neither. As a matter of fact, I kind of just woke up and I was, I don't know, some guy at the airport. You woke up like this? Yeah, I woke up like this. Wow. Yeah. Okay. You look great. Oh, thank you. I feel great. I got a great amount of sleep. I don't know, like maybe 28 hours ago, I breathed in some guy's napkin at the airport and then I fucking woke up here.

It was fucking sick. It sounds to me like you got chloroformed. Oh, yeah. I thought he wanted to smell my handkerchief. I was like, of course, stranger. So you have no idea where you've been for 28 hours? I have no idea. I don't know if this is true, but according to Find My iPhone, I was sent to El Salvador briefly.

Briefly. These guys, they're treating them like fucking dogs. Half the guys there were just gay barbers. I don't know how they ended up there. We all have similar tattoos. Right. And so everyone thinks it's like a gang tattoo. You have scissors. I have scissors. Barbasol. Barbasol. I have the Barbasol, the blue juice that you can drink, and it does not taste like cool water cologne. I think that's what I meant to say. What is Barbasol? The shaving cream that has dinosaur eggs in it. Yeah, still works.

What am I trying to say? Barbers. I almost said dentists. Dentists, barbers. Back in the day, you would go to one for everything. That's the thing. Can you imagine, like, why not make it one-stop shopping? Make all your dentists actually have to give you a shave and everything. Like, they're already, you're already lying down there. You should just focus on the neck up. Neck up checkup, we call it. Please, come on. Can I go get a neck up checkup? Let me get that checkup from the neck up, son.

And you have to say it exactly like that. You don't have to, but it helps because it gives you a little air of authority. Let our real doctors take care of everything from the neck down. Yeah, doctors can do my pecker, my chest, my lower back, but I want a fucking barber or dentist or a Robin Leach or a dentist.

A bentist? Yes. Are they like, those are those flexible chicks that like put their legs behind their head and go Belgian oyster on you? I don't know what you're talking about. Me neither. That one I don't know. Okay. Well, I wouldn't Google it unless you want to be on a watch list.

Well, Gino, it's great to have you. We are coming up on... Is it? It is. Okay, great. Well, then let's start recording and then we can have this episode. You haven't been recording? No, I just... The levels... I've been keeping an eye on the levels and they seem great. What good are the levels if you haven't been recording? Do you have a backup? Oh, yeah. I got a backup. Oh, okay. Check up from the backup, baby. Backup from the snack up. That's what I say when I eat ass. Okay. All right. Well, look. The show's not usually like this. Time for a little back snack, if you will. Okay. You turn around.

back yeah i don't want to tangle with you stroke nine little backpack back we have our new uh t-shirts out there by the way we have a neck what was it neck back uh check up from the neck up no neck back pussy crack let me get this exactly right because i i think i did ass up neck back that's the way i like to snack these are our new and it's a uh a picture of a seagull with uh eating a sandwich okay okay i saw that and didn't understand it okay yeah anyway these are in the in the store now

You can get them right now. What's the link to the store? I have no idea. You gotta throw the plug out, right? It's in the show notes, we could say. It's gotta be in the show notes, although I doubt it. Yeah, go premium, go Maximus, go CBB World. Everything we need. We need to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have an influencer is gonna be here. We also have the

head of marketing for Little Caesars. Ooh, okay. Are you a Little Caesars fan, Gino? I know you're perilously thin. Yeah, if I mention I'm a Little Caesars fan on Long Island, I'll be stabbed by 13 guys named Brutus. Oh, no, okay. So I have to be careful. You gotta be careful, yeah. Yeah, because you gotta like local pizzas. You gotta go to Bramolo's or Gino's, my namesake. Bramolo's or Gino's. Yeah, or Pizzilli's. Oh, I want a Dino's. Yeah. The thing about Little Caesars, though, is you get two pizzas, so you could eat both of those and gain a little weight, because I'm worried about you, Gino.

oh well you know don't stress about me okay i'm too blessed to be stressed jay don't you know that about me i know you ate a you ate like 12 communion crackers the whole time we've been sitting that's right you're fucking jamming them down and you say whisper body of christ to yourself every time but i don't think you mean the transubstantiation of the host i think you mean if you eat enough of these you'll have the body of christ that's what i'm looking for your goal goal weight all right um at this point we do have to take a break when we come back we're going to have an

influencer we're gonna have the head of marketing for little caesars plus more gino that what an incredible show this is i'll be a little quieter as the other guys come in in the beginning but then i'll start to fill and i'll just rise up back to your normal level i understand uh when we come back we'll have more of all of this we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this

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Scott Auggravin here. We also have Gina Lombardo from Long Island, my intern of 12 years. Do you think it's 12? It's got to be. It can't be more than 13. That I know for sure. So it's in there. And when it does become 13, let's just say it's 14. Yeah, let's skip it. Just like a building, like an elevator. Are you superstitious at all, Gina? Oh, I'm very superstitious. I'm like Stevie Wonder. I'm very superstitious. Yeah, it's hard on Stevie Wonder, honestly.

He, of course, was born without sight. What? You didn't know this about Stevie Wonder? I thought he loved sunglasses. I mean, he's a connoisseur, certainly.

You know, a lot of people say Stevie Wonder can see. I know. Yeah, in the Between Two Ferns movie, there might have been a scene in there where we were considering throwing stuff at him to see if he could catch it. But it never came to pass. We need to get to our next guest. He is an influencer.

That sounds very exciting. I want to talk all about their life. Please welcome to the show, Big Righteous. Wow, thanks, Scott. I'm so happy to be here. I give Comedy Bang Bang five big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Whoa, that's a lot of big bangs. I don't know what scale we're on, but that's a lot.

It's the Bang or Dang scale, of course. Oh, how many bangs are possible to get? Five. You can only get five bangs. So he's got the best score you can have. You got the best score you can have as far as bangs are concerned. This is awesome. This is a great day. And you already have two bangs in the title. That's right. We're seven bangs deep. A secret seventh bang. Wow. This is Gino Lombardo. This is my intern. How's it going, Big Righteous? I can't tell if you're a grown-up or a kid. Don't worry about it. Okay. Okay.

I love your radio show. I gave it four big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang. I'll take it. Four is good, man. That's 80%. Yeah, anything above three and a half, I think, is good. Right. You don't want to get half a bang. I don't know how to say it. I guess ba? I guess ba. You're right. That's a little easier than the other two letters. You're right. You know what? Yes, you're right.

So Big Righteous, tell us about being an influencer. What do you influence? Whom do you influence? Where do you influence? Why do you influence? How do you influence? You know, the reporter's questions. Yes, of course. So I do this with my dad when it's my dad's weekend. And we're sort of known as the Kissies Boys. And we go to those grocery store Kissies. Oh, I've heard of this place. Yeah, they kiss everything in the store. They give it a little kiss. It's one of the owner's personal touches. Yeah, we've had Albert Rowe, the owner. You've met Albert Rowe? He's my hero. Several times.

He's your hero. That's right. Wow. I give him five big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Maybe one more? Bang. Oh, shit. I'm going to start keeping track. Okay, yeah. Gino, that'll be your responsibility. I'll start keeping track. Okay. That's probably better. So...

What did you say about the Kissies Boys? Me and my dad are the Kissies Boys, and we went viral on the internet. Do you have that, Scott? I do have the internet, yeah. We're logged in right now, in fact. You're logged in? Yeah, we're jacked in. That's amazing. Jacked? Yeah, Johnny Mnemonic style. Hold on, let me jack in. I'm married to Cheryl Hines. So you... Let me figure this out. You have a father. I have a father. Big Bang BJ...

Big Bang BJ is your father. That's his name, Big Bang BJ. Is that his Christian name? No, that's our name on viral videos. I see. So Big Bang BJ. That's right. He fathered you. He sired you. Yes. And then at what point did you become a tandem duo act? Well, when it's my dad's weekends, we used to go to the store and to make things fun, like an activity instead of just...

you know, an errand, we started giving things ratings in the store. Okay, so which store is this? The Kissy store. This is Kissy. Hey, hey, hey! Holy shit, I think he might be a grown-up. Sorry. No, no, no. I'm not allowed to swear, but at my dad's house, I can. Oh, okay. I miss my dad. Oh, I'm so sorry. My parents got a divorce, Scott, so that's why I'm a little upset. Oh, that's a real bummer, but you should just know that that happens to a lot of people. Who...

Everyone. A lot of people. Divorce. Name anyone. Divorce? Yeah, have you ever seen the splash page at Pornhub? Everything is step siblings now. They know. They know. Do they have mermaid themed stuff on splash pages? Oh, yeah. It's Daryl Hannah porn. I know exactly what you're talking about. I get it.

I gave it two bangs. So you, I'm sorry your parents are getting a divorce. It's okay. I give it five big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. That was five. With how sad it made you or? I'm sad because it's the dissolving of a family, but they're happy you're separate. Oh, well, I mean, a lot of people would say that. I mean, divorce is not necessarily a bad thing as long as it makes them. They were both like that Nicole Kidman picture. Eyes wide shut? Yeah.

You know, when she's leaving the courthouse after her divorce. Oh, you mean a photo. You're not using the term picture like an old timey Hollywood. Yeah, you're not like variety slang. Okay. Hell of a picture. Like the Nicole Kidman top liner that made Bofo B.O. I call them vehicles. Okay, great.

There's a certain picture of her leaving a courthouse after a divorce. Why have I never seen this? I think it's falsely attributed to her leaving a courthouse. But it's been used for that. She looks like she's having a great day. I'm looking at Nicole Kidman leaving divorce.

And yeah, I'm seeing, I mean, what could be an older picture of Nicole Kidman. And she like arms up cheering and she's got like weird green capris on like she's an elementary school teacher. It's impossible that it's her, but I mean, it very well could be. After signing the divorce papers from Tom Cruise. TC himself. I give Tom Cruise five big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I love all his films and his vehicles.

Dude's got a couple of motorcycles and a couple of cars and probably a chopper or a plane. I don't like how he treats them. I give them four big dangs. Dang, dang, dang, dang. Do you think he's ever driven a Toyota?

Tom? Yeah. Tom in a Toyota? Toyota Tom? TC in a TC? Toyota Corolla? That's pretty good. I thought you meant Camry. No way Camry, but Corolla, possibly. Corolla, absolutely. The ace man. Adam Corolla definitely drove a Toyota Camry. You think when he gets out, he just points at the car and goes, it's fine. That's a pretty good impression, too. Have you ever heard anyone do, what's his name, Steven Tyler? I don't think I have. Can you hit us with that one more time?

It's the only one thing to really get for. Okay, Scott, wait. I think you accidentally pressed play on an MP3. Did you just play Get a Grip, everyone's favorite Aerosmith album?

So I see. So your parents are getting a divorce. I see. Are you hip to my whole deal, man? I see TC. So your parents are getting a divorce, but your father and you decide to go into Kissy's stores and start raiding all of the items. But you're not doing the kissing.

No, no, no, no, no. You're actually not allowed to do the kissing of any of the items in the store. That's one of the rules of the store. You've gotten very serious here. No, because I follow the rules of the store. We don't want to... We have a really good relationship with the flagship store, Kissy's in Downey, California, and we do not want to... Downey.

want to mess up our relationship with that store. Scott, is that where you had lunch with the loved one? Yeah, I went to Kissy's, I believe. I don't think I've ever asked Albert Rowe whether he kisses the items as they leave the store or as he puts them on the shelf. He says you ask him that every time.

Well, maybe I don't remember the answer. Have you ever thought about that? Well, maybe it's because the answer, not that memorable. I believe he kisses them and then puts them on the shelf one at a time. I see. Now, if you purchase a good from Kissies and you get it out into your car and it's yours, can you kiss it then? That's your business and God's business.

So, for those of you who have not heard an episode with Albert Rowe, it's a very unique particular story. Albert Rowe also happens to be Jeff Bezos' son. Yeah, he's Jeff Bezos' son, but it's kind of like not really his main thing. Although, he did go to the bottom of the ocean before all those guys started to do that. That's right. But it seemed unexpected when it came up. It was pretty shocking when it became the news. Yeah.

But in any case, we're not talking to Albert Rowe right now. No, no, no. I go into the store. We're talking about Big Righteous. Put some respect on my name. Yeah, that's right. What was your dad's name again? Big Bang BJ? Big Bang BJ. You got it.

Does he influence without you or are you exclusively a team? Does that make sense? He tries to do it by himself, but he he's tried a bunch of different things before to get before I came into the picture. He tried to be a professional wrestler. He tried to be like a muscle milk or something. And then luckily enough, he had a wonderful kid who's as charismatic as you are. And then he was able to hoist his dreams on you. That's right. And it doesn't matter whether I like doing it or not.

Do you not like doing it? Because I'm not a big fan of children monetizing their childhoods, you know. Well, you should be allowed to just be a kid enjoying things and rating things for fun, not putting it out on the Internet. I rate my own stuff for fun. It's not all that makes it to the videos. Yeah. You know, like, what are you rating these days?

Well, you know, I rated comedy bang bang. That's what I would not. That's making it to air, though, on this show. I'm monetized. Yeah, but that's for here. I wouldn't do that on. I wouldn't do that on my channel. Why is the show not big enough for. Yeah, the show's not big enough. It's not as it's not as big as the loaf of whole wheat bread that you guys rated. That video got three point six billion views. It was it was it's now the most watched Instagram reel of all time of all time. And that's just reels. Whoa.

They might bring back Vine. It beat out Charlie Bit Me. Charlie? Who's Charlie Bit Me? The little boy that he bit the finger? I don't know. You don't know Charlie Bit My Finger? I don't tend to watch internet videos. Oh, okay. No disrespect, but I feel like they're a waste of time. I gotta say. You say no disrespect. You say it right there.

right to my face, looking in my eyes. No disrespect, but I don't respect you. I don't feel respected. I feel disrespected. You shouldn't because I don't actually respect you. It's a generational thing. You understand? You do viral videos. He does like a medium that people listen to while doing other things. But you have to think about it in all this, in this exact same way. Whether it's a viral video, a podcast, a feature film, it's all under the umbrella of content. That's a good point.

Get fucking bent, kid. I was on this kid's side for a while. I perform content that you can do your laundry while you do. I don't believe I could do my laundry while watching your videos. Oh, you can. I don't know. I would put soap in the wrong hole or whatever. You're right. You couldn't. You got to be careful with that. Your eyes lit up when I said wrong hole. Yeah. Well, because this is the first time you've said it in a safer context rather than when we're just wrestling in your pool. Yeah.

But no disrespect, I don't really enjoy anything that you do or really think that your life is worthwhile. But tell me about it. Don't feel bad. He says the same thing about me and I work for him. Hey, you know what? That makes me feel a lot better, Gino. You know, this so far, I got to say, I think I got to take a bang away.

What? You can undo bangs? If I give a dang, it counts as a negative bang. So four bangs, one dang? I might give one dang. The way this is going, I might give one dang. Do you give that as a full review?

Because it's a four bangs with no other words said is a four banger. But if you say four bangs, then one dang, what are you saying there? I might have to issue a notes app apology and redact. Another one? Another one. Yeah, you saw my first one. Who are you, DJ Khaled? Look, this sounds like a conflict of interest to me. What did he apologize for, not eating pussy? No, he just had another one. Another one?

But, I mean, this sounds like a great bit of income for you. Oh, yeah. A little bit of fame. We're making a lot of money doing this. And it's a nice partnership. It makes me sad that you said we. What's that? Are you seeing a lot of the money? Yeah. Is your dad sharing the money with you? Oh, well. Yeah. Because you're head to toe in your own merch. And I don't know if, like. I know. And I'm worried that he's not buying you clothes. He's not buying you food. No, no, no. I mean, he bought me this. He bought me these clothes. Merch from your store? Yeah.

Yeah, no. That's not buying you clothes. That's paying, you know, I'm sure you get some of those for free. Those look like the irregular sizes, too. Yeah, there's one long sleeve, one short sleeve. Both the arm holes are on one side. Yeah, that's a really uncomfortable shirt to wear. But you're making it work. I saw you ride your bike up to the studio. It was very confusing. Yeah, I thought this was like a new shirt that they were trying out, an F shirt. Instead of a T-shirt? Got it. Yeah. Yeah.

Got it? Loved it. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! See, you can give them out too. Anyone can give out big bangs. Then why should we watch your videos if anyone can? Because you don't know if it's guaranteed unless I do it. Your voice got very low right now. I thought you were trying to steal my action, dog. Can Jim Parsons give them out?

Jim Parsons is allowed to give him up, but he's also, he's got to say Bazinga. Okay. He was grandfathered into the bangs, was he not? He was young Sheldon into it, actually. Well, Grandfather Sheldon is coming this fall. This is a good idea, Grandfather Sheldon. That's actually not that bad. Bazinga. Bazinga, child. I'm an old virgin. I'm what they used to call a nerd. Nerd.

And now I've been conscripted into the water wars to fight on behalf of the liberal army. I think the concept of Waterworld gets three big bangs. Bang, bang, bang. It's not bad. The concept of it or the film? The concept of it. The film, not so good. The idea of a Waterworld? The vehicle, not so good. But the idea, they could do it again. It's a hell of a picture. I think it's primed for a reboot. But in any case, I hope things work out for you.

I hope so, too. I think everything's going to work out just fine. Dad said when he comes back from his vacation to Dubai that he was going to get me a triple-dipped ice cream cone from Kissy's, and I give those five big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I guess this begs the question, does he kiss the cones after they've been made? Or does Albert just kiss the vat of ice cream? Ooh.

You know, there was always a little bit of lip sort of indentation of the swirl. It's all soft serve, of course. I think he's kissing it after. He's kissing it and it's soft serve, so he's kissing it once it's on the cone. Yeah, once it's on the cone. He doesn't have other things to do as a guy who runs a grocery store. Other than ranking millions? Yeah.

Dude has nothing else to do. I think I saw one of your dad's videos. He's posting a lot from Dubai. He was doing a muscle car, like he was driving a supercar with like four women in hijabs. That's him. Yeah, he's on what he calls a furious seven vacation. Oh, I love that. Trying to jump from tower to tower. Yeah, he wants to do it. He said he's going to do it, and I think he's going to do it. I give his vacation one big bang.

You're lonely. I'm sort of indifferent about the vacation, if I'm being honest. Big Righteous, I'm worried about you. You seem lonely. Your father is kind of a deadbeat dad. It's your father's weekend and he's in Dubai. And so you're just off on your own, like emancipation style? Yeah, he said no kids allowed. And I couldn't stay at the Kissy store by myself. They closed the shop.

At night, like a normal grocery store. In some ways, it's normal. That's the thing that... Everyone's really focused on the stuff that's weird about it, but it's also just like a normal place. They have groceries. It meets 99% of the criteria for a grocery store, does it not? Yeah, the 1% is the weird stuff. Ralph goes around and fingers all his goods.

I don't know what Vaughn does, that fucking Dutch freak. You don't want to know. And the son of Albert? No son of mine. Albertsons, though. Why isn't Albert Rowe... Maybe he should have a kid and call it Albertsons. You know? That makes a lot more sense. I feel like we want to build up his mythology more than yours. Is that a problem for you? No, it's not a problem for me at all because, like I said, he's my hero and I love him dearly. Oh, man, I think you got to have him back on. We got to get him back on. I see what you're doing now. Honestly, Big Righteous...

You're kind of like, I'll give you three bangs. You give me three bangs? Yeah. I'll give you one slow, long bang. But Albert Rowe... So far, I'm at four. Albert Rowe gets five total bangs. You get five big bangs. I can't disagree with you there. I think... I mean, if I can grow up and be half the man that he is, I'd be...

Half a man, wouldn't I? Yeah. I mean, just as a guest on this show, he gets a total five bangs. The guy who keeps repeating... I'm just naming out random guests. The guy who keeps repeating his day over and over again, he gets like four bangs. Okay. The guy who wants to... That's interesting because you seem to like him more.

I do like him, but the guy who wants to be a mech, he's like a one-banger. That's actually, I would say that's like five dangs, if I'm being honest. Sure, yeah. But I'm just naming random guests who have been on this show before. No, no, no. There's certainly a couple others you can think of, right? Nope.

But Big Righteous... Now, I don't understand your name, Big Righteous. I don't get it. What's righteous about what you do or where does it come from? You're not even big and you're smaller than your dad. No, yeah, you're right. You both have big in your name. It's kind of weird. Well, he's Big Bang BJ. Yeah, no, I'm familiar. My thing is I'm little, but I'm also like, I'm his big son.

Okay. So you're his little big son. I'm his little big son. And I sort of like, what's... Might as well be big little son. I don't know what that is. Is that Smash Mouth? Yeah. Oh, I get it. Walking on the sun. Yeah.

It fit the cadence. Just about. Kind of. In a way. It's not a, hey, this ain't fucking off book, okay? We can let it rip here. We can fire from the hip a little. If you're looking for a good podcast to listen to, though, if you're in the middle of this one going, eh, Big Righteous, not for me, head over to Off Book. Yeah, there's like, I'll take care of you. You could have chose anyone to have been the triggering reason to switch podcasts, but you chose Big Righteous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe go ahead and listen to episode 301. Oh, that's embarrassing.

Knowing that is embarrassing. Well, Big Righteous, you're kind of a dud. I'm kind of a dud? You're kind of a dud. I'm going to give you a dang. Dang. I'll take your dang. I'm going to give you a dang right back. I'm going to give you two, in fact. Dang, dang. He spanked me. Let go of him. Let go of him, Scott. That's a kid. He spanked me. I danged you. I didn't spank you. I'm pretty sure he's a kid, but he has a mustache and visible pubes. Yeah.

Why'd you wear these white shorts? I think the white very mesh shorts that you guys sell in your stores. And they're low rise. You sell white, low rise, pre-wet shorts? I thought we liked wet here. I thought this was like a whole wet thing. It's not wet day here. That was in April. I'm not allowed to talk about eating pussy, but we can talk about wet all day long. Well, look, Big Righteous, we have to take a break. Can you stick around, though? I'll stick around. Because maybe you'll be additive for the third segment. Who could say? Okay.

At this point, who's good? I got two guesses. All right. When we come back, we're going to have the head of marketing for Little Caesars. You a Little Caesars fan, Big Righteous? Pizza, pizza. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. That could get up to 10 bangs, I think, for five per pizza. All right. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more Gino, more Big Righteous, plus the head of marketing for Little Caesars. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Yeah.

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Comedy Bang Bang! Cut back to Scott talking here. Yeah, thanks Gino. Yeah, cut back to me. Comedy Bang Bang, welcome back. We have Gino Lombardo, of course. Bang! He's saying bang, it's addictive almost to say bang this much. It's fun to say! It is! I'm gonna be driving around, pointing my finger at people screaming bang all day long. I'm not sure that's the right thing to do. I wouldn't do that if I were you. We also have Big Righteous. I know, I'm a pretty Italian looking.

But Big Righteous, lonely little boy who decided to go on a podcast on his day off on his weekend where his dad was not in Dubai. I'm in this sort of nebulous space. It's my dad's weekend. He's not here. I can't be at my mom's. It's not her weekend. This is sort of like Schrodinger's Big Righteous. Where am I supposed to be? Scott is technically our dad.

That's true. I'm at a dad's house. Do you want to go to Kissy's with me and rate some stuff? I wouldn't mind. Going down to Downey again this week? With a different loved one? With a hated one on your name? Someone I don't care for? Someone I actively dislike right now? A non-plussed one? I've been nothing but nice. Oh, really? Didn't you give me a dang earlier? Wow, you were really offended by that? I was offended. One dang. You took away a bang and you gave me a dang. One dang in 16 years and look at you.

Humiliating. Yeah. This is our 17th year, by the way. 17? Pardon my French. Holy shit. How many bang bang can drive? All right. We need to get to our next guest. Please do it. It's all you. Look, this is what I know about him. He is the head of marketing for Little Caesars.

And he's here right now. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Lawton Getty. Hey, Scott. Thanks for having me. Hey, my pleasure. Lawton, this is Gino. Hi, Lawton. Nice to meet you. I'm Gino. This is Big Righteous. Bang, bang. Nice to meet you. That was for me? That was just, yeah, I don't know yet. All right. Two off the top. Not great. Not great.

But I'm doing great. I'm glad to be here. Hey, it's great to have you. Business is booming. What can I say, Scott? You been to one of our stores lately? A business at Little Caesars? Yeah. Wait, people go into them? Briefly. We have an innovative design in the store that was one of my ideas, which is three seats max. Two facing the window, one a wall.

And it's exclusive dining in there. It's one of my favorite places to eat. Well, thank you. I go to Little Caesars for lunch, and then I eat in-store at Edible Arrangements for dessert. Sure. Of course. Sure, if you're still hungry. We try to fill you up, though. Try to fill you up for the whole day, yeah. It's doable, and it's on a budget, too. That's right, yeah. It's a cheap pizza, and you get a lot of it. You do. And when I say business is booming, anything that goes bad in this world...

We are immune to it. Okay? Yeah. We're recession-proof. Yeah. I mean, a lot of restaurants went under during COVID. We went over. You went over. Yeah. Over the top. Into the green. Yeah.

We benefited a lot from it. So now, how long have you been with the company, if you don't mind, Lawton? Oh, a very long time. I'm actually some of the inspiration for how they got going. I'm from Detroit, where they started. They started in Detroit. I didn't realize Little Caesars was Detroit-style people. You don't think I could be from Detroit?

I mean, I don't know what people... I grew up with Eminem. You grew up with him? I can prove it. Okay. Do you know it's not actually his real name? Oh. Marshall Mathers. Marshall Mathers. Oh, shit. This guy knows his stuff. Well, the real Marshall Mathers. Please stand up. So I can't be making it up if I know that. Okay, so you grew up with Eminem. But I thought Little Caesars predated Eminem because, quite honestly, I don't believe I've had Little Caesars since...

perhaps the late 80s, if not the early 90s, before Marshall Mathers and Eminem were a concern. He was still alive then. He was alive. That's a good point. Is he a concern? I mean, you know, before he was topping the charts. Scott would hate to get dissed on a track. He was a concern to white parents in the 90s. Oh, yeah. What did he say?

You know, how he would diss NSYNC members. I don't know. Ricky Spears. Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked? Yeah. It's brutal. A lot of our sacred cows he was taking aim at. I'm too close to the matter, so I can't say I'm blind to his disses because I grew up with him. I like him. He's too close to the matters. Yeah. Did he ever talk about you on one of his records? No.

No, because I made sure to stay on his good side. How does one do that with Eminem? Well, if you're nice to him, talk to him like a person, Scott, then he treats you in kind. I didn't know that. That's good to know. That's all you gotta do. Okay. Why don't you try that for once? Why don't you try with Big Righteous? Act like he's a fucking... I mean, he's barely a person. I can't do that with Big Righteous. Big Righteous is a total zero. What the... Look at him. Scott! I know you're a lonely little boy or a lonely old man. I don't know which, but... I certainly am lonely. Okay.

I know you don't want to quantify it. Like Yoda or something. Yeah, but look, okay, so you've been working for Little Caesars for a while. What inspired them? I mean, the fact that they have two pizzas? That's how they got the pizza pizzas, you know, as the idea is that you're getting two for the price of one. That was my idea. Okay.

I started with them early on, and I inspired one of their biggest things, as you know. In college, I was sort of a, I think I was kind of a popular guy, and I would go into parties and stuff, and I would, you know, introduce myself. People would be like, oh, yeah. So you would go to parties. You were so popular, you had to introduce yourself. That's how you, isn't that how you go into a party? Well, I mean, normally. Then you meet a few people, and then they know you for the next party. That did make sense to me. Yeah, trying to get to know people. I was a kind of a hot commodity. Sounds like Scott's never been to a party before.

Hey, fuck you. I don't say that that often on this show, but Big Righteous... You do enough. You fucking suck. What the heck? Dang. Dang.

So you would go to these parties a lot. Don't mind Big Righteous. I haven't been. I apologize. On his behalf, I apologize, in fact. I'm great. Are you wearing a toga to these parties, or other people have togas on? The toga came later. Okay. Now, that little drawing is inspired by me, though. That's supposed to be me. Oh, shit, I see it now. You got that huge nose, and your face is facing away from me. It's a caricature, but yeah. Well, I mean, you don't have...

He has a huge nose. The drawing. It seems actually very accurate. It doesn't seem like a caricature at all. It seems like a life to scale drawing. Well, you can see why it was popular in college. You're very tiny, I have to say. I'm little. It was just going to be Caesars before.

Well, anyway, the party story. I go in and I introduce myself, as anyone does at a party. I'm Lot and Getty, you would say. And people would be like, oh, look at this guy, Lot and Getty. He's hot and ready. They would say this. They would say that. And I assume complimentarily. And I told this story when I got hired at Caesars. And they were like...

That's it. Hot and ready. Hot and ready. Yeah. And so Latin Getty, he's hot and ready. Yeah, that's it. Became the tagline for the season. And I don't think they were making fun of me for the record. I think it was a compliment. What did they mean? It's hard pressed to figure out how it's complimentary, but also to be fair, how it's offensive also. So it just kind of feels, it feels more sexual than anything else. I took it as a sexual compliment. Yeah. You're hot and ready. Yeah. Okay.

And I told that story in the offices when I first started there, and they all laughed, I assume in my favor, with me, not at me, and then they used it in their slogan, and it just caught on. It caught on, wow. And so this drawing of you, which seems mean-spirited...

I'm sensing that now. I hadn't thought of it that way. Although very accurate. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I don't wear the toga everywhere. I guess what I mean to say when I say it's accurate and mean-spirited is if I were to be drawing you, I would maybe, like, you know, soften out some of your rough edges a little bit, try to make you a little more handsome, you know? But this is...

eerily accurate. It sells pizzas. A handsome little drawing might not sell pizzas. This guy's fucking schnoz and weird hair and tiny little body. Almost no hair. And a little crown of leaves, I guess. Oh, I always thought that was male pattern baldness. That makes a lot more sense. We're going with the full Hulius. It's leaves, yeah. I guess what I'm trying to say is it seems like they're making fun of you. They're calling the business Hot and Ready...

They're saying Little Caesars, talking about your height. Yeah. They're showing us how ugly you are by giving a very accurate representation of what you look like as the mascot. I thought it was a step up, the picture, but... So before you got hired, it was Caesars, and then they saw you, and they thought you were so little that they had to change the name of the business to Little Caesars? And then to make fun of you, you told a story about everyone making fun of you, saying you were hot and ready at a party, and they...

They named the... Or I guess they attributed that to the pizzas that your place sells? This all is correct. It's interesting. Sometimes you don't see a story from a perspective until it's pointed out to you that potentially this was some sort of denigrating me as a person. I'm seeing that now, but...

You know, I've got a good job. It's not like I want to get rid of it. I want to stay at the company. What do you do? I mean, how much do they pay? They don't pay you? Well, in pizza. They pay you in pizzas? Yeah. Just cheap-ass, disgusting pizzas? No offense, Little Caesars, and if you want to be a sponsor. If all you eat is Little Caesars pizza, then I take back. You actually are very good-looking, then. What?

Because that's crazy. Because if you're living off Little Caesar's pizza, you look amazing. Thank you very much. And yeah, you know, the ingredients, they're not great. We know that. We keep the price low because, and we're going to make it lower just to be kind of a big fuck you to everything. You're going to go the other way. The prices are going, yeah, if everything's going up, we're going to go down and just show people. They're going to buy it regardless. You know, it's not like your pizza is as disgusting as Domino's where they had to put out commercials talking about how disgusting it was. They changed their recipe. Yeah.

Publicly. The sauce is worse. They admitted it. We don't admit it. We just say, you're going to eat it regardless. So we don't have to admit to anything. We're going to make the price lower. And maybe we'll even add another pizza to the... So you're going to lower the prices so it'll be pizza, pizza, pizza? Yeah. Maybe we'll change the punctuation. Maybe...

Pizza, question mark, pizza, dot, dot, dot, pizza, exclamation point. Okay. Pizza? Pizza. Pizza! Yeah. It creeps, it's questioning it, and then it creeps up, and then you explode it. Oh, I like this. I like this a lot. There's a big load for you. Finally, let me interest you in a Seminex stuffed crust.

That'd be great. But I do worry about you, Lott and Getty. Something I like about Lott and Getty's theory here is if you make the pizza so shitty and so cheap...

You're almost daring people to complain about it. That's right, yeah. Because if they complain about it, you know what you're in for. What the fuck did you expect? You basically didn't even pay money for it, so what did you want for it? What do you want, a refund? Here's a dollar back. The pizza was ready when you walked in, babe. It was ready before you knew you wanted it. It's not cold and waiting. It's ready.

Right now. This is what people would say at the parties. It's Lot and Geddy. Yeah, they would say that at the parties after I introduced myself. Yeah. Lot, can I ask you something? I guess. Are you maybe thinking about, I don't know, having a brand ambassador in your commercials?

Well, we have the little guy that's based on me. What else do we need? What about a different little guy? A different little big guy? I could give the pizzas, I don't know, a rating? Oh, you. Big Righteous has now fashioned his clothing into a toga style. Yeah, I wish I could get paid in pizzas. I just get paid in the clothes on my back.

So many pubes. The F shirt is ready to tie around the shoulder, though. It's like three quarters of the way there to a toga. I am worried about you. I mean, you're not drawing a salary. It seems like they're making fun of you. Well, you know what? Again, I hadn't realized that till this exact moment. The salary thing I had an inkling of, but I don't need much. I've got the toga on my back.

A roof over my head. What's ironic, I guess, is that I work for Little Caesars, but I live in an abandoned pizza hut.

Okay. This is not good. No, they're very roomy. I mean, yeah. Have you ever been in one? In an unabandoned one, yeah. The big red cups, the lamps. They're still left in the place. I use them. Oh, those glass lamps? I give those five big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I love 90s aesthetics.

But look, you should be paid in money, money that you trade for rent for an apartment. Of course, we don't think you're going to own, but, you know. Well, I've got a rent-free place right now. If anything goes bad, I'm going to reach out to Marshall and we'll make sure that he'll cover me. Yeah, I mean, if you know Marshall and are such good friends with him, could you call him up or anything like that?

that or I probably could but again I'm living large right now extra large oh like Bigfoot that was you guys right the Bigfoot pizza in the 90s or I don't remember yeah I remember having that at a sleepover party and it changed my fucking life when it arrived what are the characteristics of the Bigfoot it's enormous square beans it's very blurry it's

It's new. It's got its hog out. You can only eat it in the Pacific Northwest. Now, I want to say you're kind of on, was it Lott and Meester? What was your name again? Lott and Getty. Lott and Getty. Easy because it rhymes with hot and ready. Right. That's how I should remember it. Lott and ready. You're on his case about- So even you know it rhymes with hot and ready. I just am. I'm realizing it now today. Today's big.

Thanks for coming on. I don't talk to a lot of people, so I'm saying a lot of things out loud and hearing them for the first time. How did you get booked on this show? Well, I was delivering, and the head of marketing delivers pizzas. I'm realizing I might not be the head of marketing. It doesn't seem like you are. To be fair, the only person who called you that so far has been Scott 25 times in the lead-up. It sounded great. You don't think you're in a dinner-for-schmucks situation, are you?

You know that popular, popular movie, Dinner for Schmuck? Oh, yeah. I'm a Carell head. You've seen it all, right? I've seen enough. Four seasons? I get it, yeah. His deal, I get it.

Foxcatcher? We're on Hot and Ready's case over here a lot, but you're busting his balls about making money, but he is objectively the happiest person at this table. That's a good point. All of us are way more depressed. I mean, I'm not depressed, but my life is twisted. Me, I'm stuck in a dead-end job for the past 16 years. Yeah, 17. Me, I miss my dad. I mean, we could learn a lot from you. I think so. This is the way to live, like carefree, want not...

End of sentence. You should have a job writing aphorisms. You think? Why not? End of sentence. I could. I mean, I've been the head of marketing, so I suppose I could just slide into that kind of work, too. What did you want to do with your life, Lawton, when you were growing up? I'm presuming a short little weirdo. Did you want to be in G-Unit? Yeah.

I mean that was or D12 the crew I guess I was right D12 is actually I mean you know G-Unit is still sort of a hip hop collective well no adjacent to him because of 50 Cent right yeah being a protege of Eminem's as well I didn't do anything big I didn't dream big thanks for jumping in and saving me on that by the way you just waited for me to be right you had the white guys explaining D12 yeah you were hanging yourself with your own rope and I thought I'd step right in um

I didn't need a lot growing up. My dad, he was doing his own thing at the time, not unlike your situation. What did your dad do? He was my papa. Okay. He was also in the business. The pizza business? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. His name's not John, is it? It is, yeah. Why? You know him personally? No, I just... There's a different pizza chain called Papa John's. I don't know. It's Papa John's...

What's it called if it's his pizza? Red Baron? I actually don't know. I think it's called Papa John's Pizza. Oh, it's named after him. Yeah, it's got the apostrophe that gives it the possessive. It's his pizza. Like Ruth's Chris. But less apostrophes than Ruth's Chris has. Ruth's Chris has more apostrophes than the language from Pandora. Huh.

It's a good slam, right? Pretty good. Take that, Ruth or Chris. Well, I don't know, Lott and Getty. I feel sorry for you. You've said that a lot. Not as much as I feel sorry for Big Righteous. A lot of depressing guys on this one. But I'm happy. So, again, maybe the happiest one here. That was said. I agree. Gotta have more women on the show to just cheer it up a little bit. I mean, you got just three losers here on the show.

Are men inherently sadder? I think so these days. These days, yeah. They're being told that they can't be men anymore. I know, it sucks. All I know is, yeah, I can't say anything anymore. And it's not just me that's lonely. It's all men, apparently. It's an epidemic.

We treat women like shit and then wonder why we're alone. I give the concept of men five big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Wow. Hell yeah. See, that's what we need to make ourselves feel better here as men. We should be male allies. That's right. Yeah, there's not enough spaces for men. Yeah. Men need more places to hang out and be men. A flag that's just black and white stripes. Like a referee. Okay.

I like this idea. This boring fucking thing. Well, Lott and Getty, I'm afraid we're running out of time. Does that surprise you? It doesn't. I was just trying to think of an incel pizza. So the wheels are turning. Yeah, how's that thought process going? I'm feeling frustrated.

I need to take out that anger on something, but I don't know. But who knows? But I'm happy most of the time, except when I'm reminded that men aren't not. That's great. Well, we are running out of time, unfortunately. We are? I just told you that. You asked if it came as a surprise. It didn't the first time. It didn't the second time. Go figure. I don't know quite where you are. But look, we are running out of time. How much time do we have left? Oh, what? There's only time for one final feature on the show. What? That is, of course, a little something called Plugs. Plugs.

All right. That was Plugs by Arsenio Corridor. Thanks to Arsenio Corridor. If you have a Plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs.

I like that pun a lot. You liked it. And uploaded. What are we plugging? Gino, do you have anything to plug? Yeah, you can listen to one episode of the Gino Lombardo show a month on the Maximus tier, I believe, whatever the top tier is. Kind of dripping it out. We're dripping it out. Yeah. Because it doesn't have its semidex. That's right. So it's just a little...

A little drip drip. So you can get that there. And if you want all 30 episodes in a commemorative little cassette tape with some original art from a Long Island artist, you can go to Gino dot Gabrus dot com and buy a USB drive that has all 30 episodes. Now, is there another show? Because I know you like this comedian from Long Island. Oh, yeah. Is there about Eddie Murphy? No.

No, I'm talking about John Gabrus. Is there another broadcast that may be the reason that... Yeah, no, I know. I was going to get to it. Don't you worry. I've been told. I got my marching orders. Yeah, there's this podcast. It stars John Gabrus. Stars is a big word. Yeah, as a matter of fact, he co-hosts a podcast. And he's not even the star. The real star is his co-host. You might know him from Champagne Ill or Indebted.

That's Adam Pally, TV's Adam Pally. TV's Adam Pally, no. He requests that as his title. But I've heard that he feels he's a movie star and too big to do podcasts. Yeah, he brings that up a lot on the few episodes I've watched so far, listened to. Sorry, we're not...

You know what? It is being filmed, too. It's on YouTube. You can watch it on YouTube. It's called Staying Alive, like the Bee Gees song. And what is this all about? It's a health and wellness podcast from the unhealthy and the unwell. So John Gabrus, you know, famous fucking genius, kind of like a comics comic who's never really popped for some reason. Still young, still handsome, but, you know, he's figuring his life out. Sure. And then Adam Pally kind of has been movie actor. And the two of those guys together host this. And they have on.

both comedian friends and then also doctors and people luminaries in the health and wellness community and and these guys are unhealthy and unwell both physically and also in their heads yeah they're mentally unwell and physically unhealthy for sure or either way you want to say that but yeah they're not doing great they're uh and sexually they're disgusting and they seem to bring out the worst in each other don't they some people would say that some people would say that their partnership is going to be their undoing in the long term and uh

That maybe they should just remain friends and not attach each other. Some of the friends of either of these people have worried about maybe we need to extricate themselves from each other. Yeah, because they used to have a show called 101 Places to Party Before You Die. They only got to eight places. HBO Max. Or max.com. They only got to eight places. So then they were like, fuck it. We need to flip the coin. We're dying soon. Let's get a podcast about staying alive. All right. Well, this is... I mean, it sounds like a great show. And it's out right now? It's out right now. It's out right now.

What do they say? Wherever you listen to your podcasts. That's right. And also YouTube. You can watch it. You can watch it. Yes, that's right. We are undercutting union television by making full-blown YouTube series. And would you suggest people watching these guys, like looking at them for this long? Well, I would say do whatever, however you prefer to engage with podcasts. But the hosts of Staying Alive are more traditionally attractive than most podcast hosts. Oh, you don't say. Yeah, they're pretty fucking good-looking guys. And not just like...

comedy good looking like actually good looking should podcasters have their own calendar like firemen do you think yeah like stavi if you got the balls or the bod however you want to phrase it or the walls as we say for the ladies yeah

Balls to the walls. If you got the walls, got blue walls. My wife's got blue walls. I got to get home and tag her. Well, this sounds great. It's called staying alive. Staying alive. They are being sued by the Bee Gees right now. Oh, good. Good for them. Yeah, that's a way to get famous. Oh, yeah. Hey, I'll do whatever. Big Righteous, what are you plugging here? Well, I got to plug my favorite comedian's

Social media, he reposts all my videos. Matt Apodaca on all social media platforms. And also his podcast, Get Played, where he talks about video games with Nick Weiger and Heather Ann Campbell. And they're all so funny. Yeah, that's a great show, right? That's a collection of very funny, very normal people. They're very normal, and they have normal thoughts, and they interact with people in a normal way. Yeah.

Famously. Maybe there's a 1% that's weird about them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The eye contact lasts for exactly how long you want it to. Yeah, but 99% of the time, they're normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They won't drill down on something for too long. I notice you're really hammering Nick and Heather, but I think all three of the hosts are fucking weird. Look. One of them gives too much eye contact, the third guy. And I can't tell if that guy's a grown-up or a kid. He's making up for the lack of eye contact in the other direction. Oh, I get it now.

Well, this sounds good. And Lott and Getty, what do we want to plug? Speaking of walls, did you know that Sheena Easton song, Sugar Walls? Sugar Walls, yeah. I had no idea how filthy that was until I was grown up. I listened to that many times and no idea how disgusting and depraved it is. Prince wrote it. Prince wrote it. Yeah, yeah. He's disgusting. He's a filthy guy, isn't he? Oh, yeah. Famously a hornball. Yeah.

I'm going to plug, this is coming out, we don't know the date, but the season finale of the show Ghosts is going to be on CBS this coming Thursday and then on Paramount Plus the next day. Well, it'll be out, I think, by the time this comes out, I would imagine. Then it won't have been scrubbed from the internet yet, so you can watch it. You think it's going to be scrubbed? I don't think it's going to be scrubbed. You don't think it will? But just in case this episode comes out before the season finale, there's probably some episodes that aired beforehand that people can catch up on. Can catch up?

on and they're all on Paramount Plus or CBS. What's your stake in ghosts here? Like, why do you care about this show? Sitting in the back of the Little Caesars, we only get rabbit ear antennas, so I can only watch one of the main four channels. And that's the one I like. I mean, yeah, it skews older, but not ghosts. Ghosts is for all ages.

From 9 to 99. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good for that. Do they make sex jokes that are too... They do. Too mature? So for 8-year-olds can't watch it and 100-year-olds would have heart attacks. So 9 to 99. 9 to 99 is the right move. I fucking love that show, Ghosts. It's got some of my favorite people on it. BSJ, BS, Betsy Cedaro and Brandon Scott Jones for the non-comedy influenced. Utkarsh. Oh, fuck. So many great people on that show. I can name almost all of them. It's probably too frightening. I keep going.

I'm kind of tapped at this point. The Viking. The Viking guy. He changed his name? They were going to make famous ghosts in there, like Tupac or anything like that? Well, they have to have died on the property, and they can't leave the property. So they have had Al Capone. You know a lot about ghosts. Al Capone died on that property? They used him in a flashback. Okay, interesting. There was a party there that he attended.

Famous ghost, no. Alexander Hamilton? They've used him in a flashback as well. Okay, okay. A lot of owls, a lot of famous owls. Yeah. Weird owl? Is he going to die on that property? God willing. Fingers crossed. If all goes according to plan. One of the actors, John Hartman on there, his dad actually did suggest, why are there no children on there? And I had to explain that would have been, we have to explain a child ghost. It worked for Casper. It did, yeah.

So he's not so dumb, is he? My dad? His dad? Casper's dad? No, my dad owns a pizza parlor. Your dad is Papa John's. Yeah, I'm putting that together right now. The owner of Red Baron. The owner of Red Baron, yeah. And you can also just check out at John L. Hartman. Fantastic. I'm going to plug, head over to CBB World.

This is where you get the aforementioned Gino show one a month as God intended. Oh yeah. And we also have ad free episodes of comedy, bang, bang the entire archive, every single episode we've ever done, as well as all of the live episodes. We,

You have my movie show, Scott Hasn't Seen. We finished up Month Month recently. It was where we did all movies that had months in the title. Ooh. Yeah, it was an incredible, incredible month and just very satisfying for everyone involved. We also have College Town, The Neighborhood Listen. We have CBB Presents, like...

Hey, Randy. Yeah, we have Who Me with the Batman. We have Will, I'm Hinds to Prov You or something like that. Bill Walton. Yeah, Walton. We have this book, Saved My Life. So many great shows over there. If you're just listening to this show, you should go over there. And someone said to me the other day, you know, you should talk about how cheap it is because I assumed it was, you know, $800, $900 for this. No, it's a fraction of that. Oh, a fraction of $900? I'm in.

Tell me no more information. I don't need a numerator or a denominator. I'm ready to rip. No, it's way cheaper than that. Head over to CBB World and get on the plans. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Open the plug bag with me, dude. Open the plug bag with me.

Just please don't close it and be rude. Please don't close it and be rude. Please don't close it and be rude. Didn't we use this one already on the 16th anniversary episode? Pretty sure we did. Anyway, that was Dub Me Dude by Ross Brackett. If it wasn't that one, it was very similar.

Having just listened to it, I think it was. I give it five big bangs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Brett, you can end the episode right before the bangs. Well, guys, and I do mean guys, I want to thank you so much for being on the show. Gino, it was so wonderful to have you here. Always a pleasure, Scotty Ox. Plug that Ox cord in. And I'm, of course, talking about your dick that you can plug into this car. And Big Righteous, hopefully we will not cross paths.

cross paths again but I don't think my mom's gonna let me go on my dad's weekends anymore I'm so sorry because of this show you think because of being on the show the way it's gross negligence being here oh it's gross all right just being on any podcast I would imagine any podcast it's a base art form right it's gauche to be on a podcast it's pronounced ghosts sorry that's right and yes Lott and Getty ghosts of course yeah of course yeah

Big day for me. A lot of introspection. Yeah. What do you think is going to happen to you after this? I mean, this might be the last time we ever cross. I know life is long and anything can happen, but we may never see the likes of you again. Oh, I've seen you in the store before. You may say you haven't eaten there, but you've been there. Come on, don't blow up.

my spot here. Yeah, you've been the saddest looking person I've seen walk in there. And it's Little Caesars. Want to hear my impression of Scott at Little Caesars? I'll have a pizza pizza and a pizza pizza and a pizza pizza. Six pizzas. Come on, guys. Don't gang up on me. I'm the host of the show.

What about you, Gino? You shouldn't have invited so many men. Oh, no, I'm Big Alfred. Let's go to the Capitol. Oh, shit. All right, we'll see you there and see you next week. Thanks, bye. McCrispy strips are now at McDonald's. I hope you're ready for the most dippable chicken in McDonald's history.

Dip it in all the sauces. Dip it in that hot sauce in your bag. Dip it in your McFlurry. Your dip is your business. McCrispy strips at McDonald's.

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