The 16th Anniversary Show! (Jason Mantzoukas, Paul F. Tompkins, Ego Nwodim, Jessica McKenna, Edi Patterson, Lily Sullivan, Tim Baltz, Dan Lippert, Will Hines, Gil Ozeri)
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My friend has never seen a Keanu Reeves movie. I got him up to speed. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

I mean, there's so much more to go. Yeah, I mean, there's decades. There's so, so much more. You're actually a bad friend. Yeah. You're a bad friend for stopping at speed. Considering they're just starting right now, I mean, it's not bad. I mean, because, you know, how many years did he have before speed? I mean, probably a solid decade. Yeah, so, I mean, one decade out of... He's got a 40-odd grunts.

Worth of a career? Speaking of another actor with a band. I think 40-odd feet of grunts. Oh, I'm so sorry. It was 40-odd feats of grunts. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week, and this is a very special week because we are celebrating our 16th anniversary. Sweet 16, baby. Can you imagine 16 of anything?

You come on like a dream. Who's this? Hey, guys. Hey, Shimmy. It's me, Shimmy. Hey, Shimmy. What's going on? Nothing much. Just want to say happy anniversary. Yeah, happy anniversary to you. Do you mean our 16th anniversary of the podcast? What? Is that happening too? That's also at which anniversary? Wow. What are you talking about? Oh, yeah.

What's an anniversary again? Something that happens every year. Birthday? Happy birthday to you. They should call it happy anniversary of your birth. Yeah, that's true. It is not my birthday, though.

This is not your birth, though? I'm not getting born today. Oh, that's too bad. I may get born again today. Wouldn't that be great if you took Christ as your Savior today? Let's all baptize each other today. Bye! Hey, Jimmy! Oh, Jimmy! Geez! Wow, it is good to see him, though, especially on this anniversary. It seemed like a bad time! He seemed to have no idea what we were celebrating, but he gave us a nice warm wishes. Sixteen years. So how old were you when you started this?

Well, I was 13, I believe, and now I'm 29 years old. Wow. Yeah, pretty incredible. Let me introduce you because people obviously know your voice, but they may know your name a little bit more. He is the co-host of his own podcast called How Did This Get Made? He is also an

an actor of note, and he is a contestant on the season of Taskmaster, season 19, which I believe is coming out this week or so. If that's the case, then that's great news. Thank you for shouting it out. I believe it is. Please welcome Jason Manzoukas. Well, well, well, here we are, all celebrating this, your sweet 16th.

How long do you know that? Do you how you feel younger internally? Do you feel like the show's been going on long or are you like, oh, no, no, this is 16 years. The first episode seems like 16 years ago, but it doesn't feel like it's been going on 16 years. Does that make sense? That does make sense. The first episode on terrestrial radio. That's what we're counting. Yeah, well, it wasn't. It was computer radio. It was computer radio. Indy 103.1.

I see. Was where the first episode was, and then we put it out as a podcast, as a lark. And now here we are 16 years later. It's one of the world's biggest podcasts. Oh, it is. It's the world and the animal kingdom's biggest podcast. Also, we have a new... This is very exciting. We coined this a couple of weeks ago. We have a new tagline. Comedy Bang Bang, we care. Oh, wow. Wow.

We care. We care. That's right. Wow, that is great. That's very meaningful. It is. Because people want that right now. They do. Yeah, they need the solace in these turbulent times. And I just want everyone to know out there that at Comedy Bang Bang, we care. It's really good. We may not want to hear it, but we care.

Uh, it's wonderful to talk to you, but we have so many guests on the show. We need to get to them. Uh, I believe you met this gentleman in Boston. I believe so. And, uh, he is, I mean, there's so much to say about him. He is the owner of a malt shop called Bing Lujo's malt shop. Oh yeah. We heard all about it on the road. I watched the music man with him and another pal. Yep. And that's about all I remember about him. Uh, he's a classic. He is a classic. Uh,

Please welcome back to the show, Bing Lujo. Hey, happy anniversary to you. That's right. I wasn't sure either, and now it's coming back. It's me, Bing Lujo. That's right. Hi, Jason. How are you? Great to see you, Bing. Good to see you. Wonderful to see you, Bing. How have you been since we watched that music, man? Hold on a second. I got to talk about what an auspicious occasion this is. Thank you so much. And congratulations.

Sixty years you've been doing this. Sixteen. That's what I said. Oh, you did. Okay. I just wanted to make sure there was no confusion. I've not been doing this for... Sixty years. Sixteen years. That's what I said. Sixty years. Okay. Yeah. All right. And I brought you, I hope you don't mind. I don't mind anyone bringing me anything. Okay.

Because here it comes. Okay. It's a special anniversary Malt-ed. Oh, my God. I love Malt-eds. And as you can see, it's in a container the size of a trash can. Wow. Oscar the Grouch style.

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. He lived in a container the size of a trash can. It happened to be a trash can, but it was the size of one. Right. I would not drink a malted out of a trash can. Well, because it's not a trash can. No. What is it? It's a big malting cup. Is it specially made? I made it specially for you. Wow. I forged it myself in a forge. Really? Yeah. Like a suitor. Who? I don't know. Justice David Souter? Yeah, sure. Yeah.

Surtr, maybe? I don't know. Try to think of an Asgardian myth. Oh, well, that's made up, so don't bother. Oh, yeah, don't worry about it. If you mispronounce all that shit, no one's going to get mad. If you ever forget a made-up thing, who cares? Exactly. It doesn't matter. Well, thank you so much. Did you bring three straws, I hope? No. I brought four straws. Oh! Who's the fourth for? I need to. Oh, okay. I have a problem with suction. Yep.

It seems like, yeah, you have the reverse problem as well, where there's a lot of air coming out, uh,

What do you mean? You mean talking? Yeah, I mean, with the way you speak, it just seems like there's a kind of a waste of air. A waste of air? Oh, it's interesting. So I'm hearing now notes. These are notes on how you talk? That almost sounded rude. That you said what I'm talking is a waste of air? Thank God it was almost, because it was not rude. Okay, so here's how you do it. Okay, this is a malted. And of course, it's very thick. It's got chunks. Oh, I love that. Just like the Goonies did.

I don't understand the things that you say. I think they just had a singular chunk. We're a different generation, so I understand that. But why do you say these things? Are you trying to trick me? I'm not trying. No, no, this is not any kind of a game. Oh, look, look, look. Yeah.

I'm an old man, okay? And my wife just died yesterday. Wait, the last time we talked, your wife had died the day before. Oh, Bing, I'm so sorry. Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. This is terrible. She was an old lady. She had a good long life. She had a good long life? She Googled long life and then she had one. Oh, and she Googled long life and yet your name is Bing. I remember we were sitting on the couch.

She turned to me and said, I want to live a long time. And I said, Google it. And she did. And were there tips or just said, this is what a long life is? How long ago was that conversation? She looked at how long the oldest person lived. And she said, well, not that far. Okay. And then she knocked a few years off and she did it. How long ago was that conversation? This conversation was last week. Oh, no. Oh, no.

So a week ago. Why did she knock that many years off? It made her die in a week. Oh, that's awful. I don't think she was really concentrating when she decided. I mean, could she have known? We watch the TV show, we have to pay attention. What was the show? Was it something that made her think that it would be great to have a long life, but not too, too long? Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Was it perhaps the movie Cocoon? What? Cocoon?

What's that mean? It was a Ron Howard movie, Cocoon. Was that somebody's name? No, I don't think anyone knows. Is that the sound a bird makes? I don't think anyone was named Cocoon in Cocoon. In any case, Bing, it's so wonderful to have you. What flavor is this malt, did you say? It's black and white. It's chocolate and vanilla. I love that. And there's also some surprises in there. You know how in New Orleans they do a king cake? In New Orleans there's what?

In New Orleans, they do the king cake. Oh, the king cake. Oh, that's what I've heard about. I've never seen one. And it's like a little surprise in there. Oh, right. You get the baby. Oh, yeah. Sometimes people bake a cake, there's a coin in there. Oh, right. Sometimes in certain cultures, they'll put like ground glass. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Sometimes they'll put human blood in a cake. Oh, right. If you can think it, they put it in a cake.

And whatever it is, that's the king cake? So is there something in this one that we should be able to look out for? There's nothing dangerous. Okay. It's fun. So I urge you to start slurping away. All right. Jason, are you ready for this? Let's go. And I'll join you. Yeah, you got two of these strong. Yeah, I need two because I got a problem with suction because of the chunks. All right, here we go. Ready? Chunks. Oh my God, Bing, are you all right? Do you need the Henderson movement? Bing? Bing?

Oh my God. As long as he's coughing, that's good. Okay. You're good. Yeah. All right. Do you need any sort of CPR? I got a chunk. You got a chunk? I got a chunk. Okay. Just let it melt in there. It wasn't the prize. It was just a chunk. Is it something meltable? If it's meltable. Have some water. Have some water. Yeah. Well, you know, I don't really drink water that much. Oh, okay. Okay. Because the pipes are all rusty and stuff. You know what I mean?

Sometimes it's good to send something else down after. Yeah, I drink Pepsi instead of water. Do you want a shot of Pepsi? Yeah, we got a shot of Pepsi. Maybe what about a shot of tequila or something like that? No, no, no. I don't drink. Oh, that's right. I'm not a drinker. You're devout, aren't you? I can't recall. No. Or is that someone else that was talking? It might be somebody else. Okay, right. Yeah. I've been to church, though. Oh. Yeah, I prayed. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Wow. It just didn't... Didn't stick? Yeah. I couldn't figure out if anything happened or not. Yeah. Oh, what did you pray for? Do you remember? Well, that's why you have to have faith. Yeah. You know? Oh. Yeah. Is that why? It stinks. No deal. Did you pray for something? I did. What was it? I did. When I walk outside, please let me see an elephant. And then you... That seems easy. Don't know whether you saw an elephant or... No, I definitely did not see an elephant. You did not. So you...

Maybe it was hiding somewhere. Or maybe... But I get prey to see one. Well, but then you didn't put a time limit on it. You could still... You have walked outside now. That is a good point. And the elephant could be... You could see it at any point. Have you been to a zoo since then and seen an elephant? That doesn't count. Why not? That's me going to the elephant. You want the elephant to come to you. I want to be walking outside and then see an elephant.

I mean, that's not a lot to ask. It would be great. If God is so powerful, he can't do that? Yeah, you're right. No, it would be cool. So you want to see it just anecdotally in your world, like in the supermarket parking lot? That's a good place. Right? Are you a fan of elephants? Why do you want this? I won't call myself a fan. I think they're neat. They are neat. I don't think about them all the time. Would you want to ride the elephant? Or do you have some unfinished business? No.

I wish you had said that phrase because, yes, I do have some unfinished business. With elephants or un-elephants? With elephants. Oh, wow. What is the unfinished business? Do you mind discussing? I don't know. I had to write one. Okay. I was promised when I was a child. Who would promise such a thing? My daddy. Oh, wow. Your daddy. Mr. Rougeau. My dear old daddy. Wow. Did he start the malt shop?

Is this a family business? He did not start the ball shop because he was very angry when I started the ball shop. Wow. He said, no son of mine is ever going to make a drink with Chunk. Oh, wow. And I said, I live my own life. I said, I do not want your life. Yeah. What did he do for a living? He was an assassin. Oh, wow. Anyone famous that he got? Whoa, that's so interesting. Anyway.

Anybody famous? Yeah, like Osama bin Laden or Hitler. Any of the bigs? Any of the bigs? You think the same person who could have done Osama bin Laden could have done Hitler? No, I'm just saying one person could have done either. That would be amazing if one person did both. What a career. Oh, they got to call him back for one last score. Look, we know you got Hitler.

You're the best of the best. You're the only guy we can trust to do this, Bing Sr. My dad killed Sasquatch. Oh. Is that assassination? The government had him do it. Sasquatch is very political. Oh, that's a bummer. He was going to reveal a lot of political secrets. Oh, no. So Sasquatch is a name.

Sasquatch is... His name was Thomas Sasquatch. The cryptid's name? Thomas Sasquatch. I wonder why we never see pictures of him anymore. Remember that famous one of him with his arms out? He didn't like that picture. That's why you don't see pictures of him.

It's so hard because you know when you've taken pictures of yourself and you're like, oh, I like this one, I like that one, but I hate this one. The only one that exists of him he hates. That's terrible. And this is before Please Delete. You know what I mean? So it's like that picture was it forever? And then I said, let's take another one. He said, no, no, no, I don't like to see myself in pictures. Yeah. This was serious. Was your father like on the lam afterwards or? The government just sold him. No. Oh, wow. And he had to run around the world forever.

He might still be out there. Oh, you don't have confirmed that he's passed? Not a confirmed kill of my dad, death-wise. And he could be, I mean, if he's still alive, he'd have to be 160? Maybe. How old was he when he had you? He was an older dad.

Yeah. But how old? Yeah. I mean, I was a baby. How old are you? You don't know. You have no idea. If he was alive, he'd be 160. How old are you? I'm pretty up there. You seem older than 60. Oh, I'm older than 60, yeah. So he was like 100 when he had you, which is pretty fucking rad for him. Wait, if I... No, you both could be 80. Ah, that's, I guess, it.

I mean, that's the great thing about being a man is you can father a child at any age. Isn't that incredible? Robert De Niro knows, Bobby D and Al Pacino. Yeah, the stars of heat.

Yes. Can you imagine if they had talked about that at that diner scene? They were sat down at Cape Mantolini restaurant. Was that at Cape Mantolini? It was. That's weird. Do you think that it could be on a cutting room floor where they sell you a shot? Let's have babies with my old man. I think it might be, yeah.

I'd love to see that scene. Let's go to lunch at Cape Mantolini and talk about the children we'd like to have as we are octogenarians. Hopefully that'll be a scene in Heat 2. They'll just use some of that found footage. Robert De Niro, he was a bad guy. And Al Pacino, he was the good guy. And then he decided, truce, let's have lunch. Let's have lunch. Let's do lunch. And then they pitch each other TV pilots.

Which, as is customary at Cape Matalini. If you're going to sit in one of the booths, you better be pitching a TV project. After all, it is downstairs from Mosaic, or at least it used to be. It is. No, not Mosaic. 360. Oh, yes. Management 360. How could I forget? Yeah.

Well, it's wonderful to have you, Bing. Thank you so much for being here. It's great to be here. I want to tell you that you should be proud of yourself for this accomplishment. Thank you so much. Because in life, a lot of times we don't get to do things for very long. That's true. A lot of people, they start something, they give it up. I mean, the podcast graveyard is littered with podcasts of people who said, hey, I have a great idea for a podcast. And then they did six episodes and were like, this is a pain in the ass. Yeah.

Still a great idea, though. Still a great idea. Too bad. I was just going to say, it's good that we keep the Tomb of the Unknown Podcaster lit. Yep. The fire at the Tomb of the Unknown Podcaster. What were you going to say, Bing? I was going to say, whether it's doing a podcast or going to elephant riding school, if you get to do it for a long time, you are blessed.

what are the basic tips of riding elephants that you've been to school for oh you're wondering about riding elephants oh yeah sure but he never got to no he's you've been to school though school though yeah but if they don't let you ride the elephant until the last day oh and you haven't reached the last day yet my dad pulled me out of school i'm so sorry we had to go it's actually jim jones well wow were you the guy who poured the kool-aid

No, Jim did that himself. Oh, okay. He thought it was regular Kool-Aid. My dad poisoned it. Oh, good job. Jim Jones actually had pretty good intentions. He was just like, hey, everyone enjoys Kool-Aid. He's like, hey, it's a hot day. We're Guyana. And so your dad would pull you out of school and just bring you along? He was a single dad. Wow. Oh, yeah. So you must have been like... We had like a Kramer versus Kramer kind of relationship. Like, where else did you guys travel to? Like, what an exciting time in history. Where did we travel to?

Maybe Dallas? Maybe... We did not go to Dallas. Okay. Cuba? They'd already been taken care of. We didn't go to Cuba. We went to Aruba. Jamaica? Okay, Jamaica. Jamaica. Oh, I want to take you? Maybe Key Largo? We got there fast, and then we took things slow. Oh, that's good. I think the Beach Boys were singing about assassinations. Oh, whoa. Wow. Wait, what? Do you know that song, Kokomo? No.

Did you ever go to Kokomo? Of course I've been to Kokomo with my dad. Were the Beach Boys in Siop? Were they sending messages to Bing Lujo Sr.? Oh my God, this is like a debt drop. They shouldn't have been doing that. They shouldn't have been doing that. I blame Stamos. He has loose lips. It's Stamos and Mike Love. Blamos. Blamos Rancheros?

All right. It's making me hungry. All right, Bing. Well, we do need to get to our next guest. I hope you don't mind. I don't care. Okay, great. Let's welcome them back to the show. It's so special to talk to this person.

They've been on the show so many times. Please welcome back to the show, Pastor Pasta. Pasta, Pasta. Pasta, Pasta. Pasta, Pasta. How are you, Scott? Pasta. I know that's right. That is right. Hello. So great to see you. Halo. Hello. Halo. Halo. Put a halo on some rigatoni.

If you know what I'm saying. A halo of Parmesan cheese. Does that appeal to you? That is very appealing to me. Congratulations on your anniversary. Thank you so much. Passed the past up. Yeah. I'm just so impressed with what you've done here at the Comedy Bang Bang Theater.

I think it is awesome. Repertory theater. Oh, wow. Repertory, okay. How long have you been doing what you... Now, for those of you out there who don't know Pasta Pasta, you are a clergy person. Clergy person. Thank you. Right. And you have a special affinity for the...

The food that comes to us from Italy. Yeah, and I'm starting to make some in my backyard, actually. Backyard pasta? I got a dispensary. I'm getting a dispensary going. Oh, a pasta dispensary? Yeah. You can dispense things other than pot, right? You can dispense whatever the hell you want. Napkins. Think about it. Yeah, sure. You can dispense whatever. Wisdom. You can dispense wisdom. You could dispense wisdom. You could...

input tampons and dispense them as well. Yeah, they go in and out. Little ball bearings. Whatever you like. So, you know, I'm going to be honest with you. This is Bing Lujo. Bing! Hi! Bing, it is wonderful to meet you. It's wonderful to meet you, Pastor. I love your voice. Thank you. I love yours as well. I appreciate that. It seems you're lying. You seem to stutter. Can you tell... Do you have people's tells? Can you...

you know, when they're lying, can you see your body? Are you a body language expert at all? I can read bodies. I know how to read bodies. Yeah, if you're talking body. If you're talking body, I'm talking I know what. I know what you're saying. But as a person of the cloth, can you really, should you be reading bodies? Well, I'm not doing anything once I read them. I'm not doing anything with the information. I'm not getting excited or nothing like that. I'm just reading the bodies. And I've

I really just wanted to come to say this is awesome what you guys have done here at the Comedy Bang Bang Repertory Theater. Thank you so much. I am so pleased. And it's the evolution of this podcast as well as my own professional career has been inspiring to me. I feel like we've been going in sort of tandem. Our careers have been on the upswing. Absolutely. In fact, at one point, you know, I passed away. Oh, I forgot about that. I passed away. What happened with that? You passed away? I passed away. I ate too much pasta. What happened with that? How'd you come back to life? How'd I come back to life?

The same way Christ did. Oh, after three days? After three days, my daddy brought me back to life. Oh, wow. Can I ask you? We know that that's when, how long it took, but we don't know how.

How he came back to life. Did he hook him up to a machine? Oh, there was no machine. I was laid out in a tub of marinara sauce. I was laid out. They thought it was blood, but it was just tomato sauce. Sure. Right? And you're just laying there like a precog? What did you call me? Excuse me? From the movie Minority Report. What did you call me?

Pre-cog. Pre-cog minority. What? All these slurs can throw you away. Sorry, sorry. Oh, it's a pre-cog. Pre-cognition. They can see the future. And so you could be cog and post-cog?

Post-cog is you're a historian. Cog is you're just a person watching things. Okay. All right. Well, then I would say I'm cog. But they would lay around in a big bath of milk. They would. Did that have anything to do with their precognitive abilities or did they just like it? I think they were just fancy. It felt to me like they were trying to suggest that they were some sort of a serial. Hmm.

Well, I'm some sort in many ways. I'm some sort of a market. I thought that there was I thought that the minority report tie in was little precogs and that you could put milk in a minute. Could you call it a marginalized report by chance? OK, yeah, it's like it's like changing master bedroom to primary. Yes, exactly. You know, we need to change the verbiage around. We do need to be mindful of our words. And as a

Pasta, pasta, I'm one to know. And so I just think it's amazing what you've done here. You've said that now three times. Okay. Well, as a pasta, I oftentimes find myself repeating myself so that the congregation can really... Are you selling pasta out of your...

out of the dispensary? I am selling pasta out of the dispensary in my backyard. And how are sales? Do you feel as though the church is bringing in, the congregation is bringing your message to the congregation or through the pasta itself? The pasta is speaking to people. That's just it. Is it kind of like the body of Christ, the wafer? It is. You break it, but in this case, we boil it. You boil the body and then you slather it in sauce. Do you like things al dente?

Oh, the firmness of Christ's body. I do enjoy al dente. I prefer things to be al dente. Al dente. Al dente. Yeah, everything is better al dente. Al dente. I feel like, how has there not been someone on this show named al dente? That should be it. That should be. We just have real people on the show. That's why. And I haven't found that person. And somebody will show up for sure. Maybe a relative of mine is named al dente. I don't know. Maybe someone...

a guy named carl talk do you have do you have it i don't know that guy do you have any relatives named al let's just ask right now named al dente i do have a relative name okay well i do have a relative named al dente you'll meet him soon enough okay that's for sure great um you absolutely meet him soon enough i'm taking that down ominous in my eye that sounds like a threat yeah you're gonna meet him you pissed him off yeah and so

Things have been going great. Tariffs are not impacting me one bit. Oh, wow. You make everything in-house. I make everything in-house, yes, in the backyard of my house. The backyard of the house. Yes, backyard of the house. So in the house, which is the backyard of the house. You understand. A lot of people consider the backyard to be the backyard of the house.

You make your own sauce? Yeah, I make my own sauce. Yeah, I like what you did there. A little New York-y and Italian-ous. Oh, hey, bada bing. Bada bing, bada boom. Okay. Yeah, so I'm making my own sauce. I've really evolved here, and it's going to be a big day tomorrow. People are going to be coming over to eat pasta and hear the words. Are you only serving— On Tuesday? On Tuesday, yeah. Great. It's a great Tuesday, yes. See, everyone does church on Sundays. There must be so much competition. Yeah.

You're doing it on a different day, so you get it everyone. I'm doing it on a different day, and I'm serving food. Here's what I'm going to say, and I hope that you don't find this rude. Please. I feel like your desire. I'm offended. I feel like you would rather be a restaurateur than a clergyman, a clergy person.

It seems as though you're more focused on the pasta than the people. I'd never considered that, you see. I was born to be a clergy person. Okay. My father was a clergy person. Oh, wow. His father was a clergy person. Oh, hmm. His neighbor was a clergy person. Okay.

That's a large community of clergy people. Clergy people. Passed it down. And I didn't, I don't think. From neighbor to father to father. I think, running. From neighbor to grandfather to father. I think, I think running. Circuitous route of going. Followed in his neighbor's footsteps. Yeah.

Exactly. No neighbor of mine is going to do that. And that's what I'm trying to tell you. And so, you know, the notion of running a restaurant just felt so radical. That felt radical. Two-bidder even. What? You know 80s slang really well because you're in your 80s.

You have to understand, I might look aged, but I'm a bit of a young person. No, of course. Yeah, I'm a bit of a young person. And me, I'm gnarly. A hundred years old, I understand. You're saying, everything you're saying, Bing, is totally random. Yeah.

Bing, I'm going to be honest, Bing. I am a big fan of yours. Thank you so much, Bess. And I'm going to ask you something, and I don't hope that you don't take offense to this. I don't hope that you don't take offense to this. You don't hope that I take offense to this.

Well, I'm not going to. I assure you, I won't take offense to what I'm about to say. If I was going to take offense, I would perhaps not say it. But I hope you don't take offense to what I am about to say. Have you ever thought about Invisalign? Or even Visalign. Yes. Just braces. Just regular braces. Or just a line. Because I feel like you have a bit of a lisp.

Is that accurate? You have a lot of air coming out and not much going in. I got not much going in. I do have sort of a thing going on, yeah. But I don't know what it... Just like me and Mrs. Jones.

the same place we got a thing going on but i would it would it changing the shape of my teeth would that help it i don't think you need to change the shape of your teeth i think the shape of your teeth are gorgeous yeah they're teeth shaped they're they're gorgeous yeah what do you want like round i just it's a lot of air

It's a lot of air, and I don't know if you heard about the environment, what's going on. Oh, no, what happened? They say it's going down. Oh. They say it's going down. Don't we need it? We need it to be here, yeah. Yeah. And I need it to grow my pasta. It just seems like you have a lot of- I'm sorry, you're growing your pasta? Yeah, what does this mean? How are you growing that pasta? Well and a half. Oh!

with pasta seeds. All you need to do is have faith the size of a pasta seed. And are these from Italy, pasta seeds? Yes, they're from Italy. Modena. Oh, really? Modena. Modena woman. Modena woman? Modena woman to me. Modena woman to me. Modena woman. Yeah. Where Chef Massimo is? Yeah, where Massimo is. Yes, so...

Yes, so they're from Modena. Modena. Modena woman to me. Modena woman to you. This is, I mean, this sounds like a great business plan. Yeah, you could put, because oftentimes, oftentimes,

the work of doing all the dough and the water and then the machine and then it's cutting the pasta. Who has time for that? So this is instant. You can grow it in your backyard. But I'm not going to tell you where exactly I get the seeds lest I wouldn't be making sales. But is this like a haggard witch? What did you call me? Uh...

Some sort of old crone, perhaps, gave you these magic seeds? I don't dibble and dabble in magic and witchcraftery. Any doobling? What's that? Don't we have dibble and dabble coming up on the show? They might be a little bit later. And Al Dente will be here, too. Yeah, at some point. If Al Dente doesn't show up, I'm leaving. Al Dente will have to show up. Oh, look.

You have not talked passionately about Christ, the church, anything. Yeah, we haven't heard anything about religion. You have spoken rapturously about al dente pasta. Speaking of the rapture. Yes, please. Oh, when's it going down? Some of y'all are not getting swept up in the sauce. Some of y'all are going to have to stay here. No. Yeah, some of y'all are going to have to stay here unless you give your life to Orzo. To Orzo, God.

Hey, what happens after the rapture when everybody goes up and all the clothes and shoes are lying around? What happens to the people that are left behind? The leftovers, let's say. So the leftovers, that's a great way to put it. Well, they go to hell, simply. Right away? Straight away to hell. Then the earth is just empty. So that's basically the leftovers getting reheated.

I mean, in a sense, but really, they're getting burnt. Oh, okay. They're getting burnt. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense for, like, there still to be people here on Earth. I think just, like, half the people go up to heaven, half the other half go up. Well, you heard what's going on with Earth, right? What's going on? It's going down. It's going down. It's going down to hell? I don't know if you heard. Yeah, it's going down.

And so we don't have to too much worry about what's going to happen here. But in the interim, I am selling different pastas out of my backyard. If anyone is interested before the big day. I'll take two orders, whatever an order means. Yeah, I'll get a... What's in season right now? Right now in season, we've got farfalle. Okay. Linguini. Yeah. Spaghetti. Great. Always in season. Angel hair, of course. Oh, wow. Always in season.

We're for a planet that's going down. It's good to be in touch with the angels. That's exactly my point. How do you get their hair, though? How do you get their hair? I could tell you, but... And I'm going to. Oh, good! So...

So, in Modena, the way Modena got its name is... It's Modena name. Modena name. Modena woman, okay? So, the legend has it that it was a woman named Marisol.

Marie So lived in that region of Italy, right? And every day she would cut her hair. She had beautiful locks. Beautiful locks. And would they all grow back in 24 hours? Quickly. Less than. 12 even. Wow.

And and Rapunzel, a little bit like that. Yeah, a little bit like that, but not quite because nobody was climbing up her head. OK, so that's the one major difference. I would say the one big difference. She even had her shit dangling out a window. Excuse my French. This is a Christian podcast. I think so. Yeah. We forgot to mention that. So you're going to bleep that out for me. OK. All right. So I think we're out of bleeps. How many bleeps per episode? No, we ran out.

earlier in the year. How much is one bleep? Yeah, one bleep? Probably $8,000. I got that for you. You got that? Thank you so much. I got that for you, okay? Because again, I'm doing well with these sales, all right? Okay. So she would chop off her hair, right? Every 12 hours. And it would grow back. Luscious, gorgeous locks. And she had a partner. His name was

Oh, his name was Modena. And what was her name again? Her name was Marisol. Okay, got it. Marisol and Modena. Yep. Okay. So he would tell her she looked like an angel. Are you following? Yeah. Sort of. Is everybody following? Absolutely. I'm right there with you. Okay. Yes. Yes. Oh, you keep spitting on my face. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Does anybody have a handkerchief? I left mine in the car. You are in the splash zone. I am in the splash zone. You're the first five rows. That's what I tell my congregation. You in the splash zone. You're going to get hit with this. I do have one of these ponchos if you want to put that down. Okay, yeah. That's a branded poncho. Don't be offended. I hope you're not offended that I put another poncho. No, I bought the poncho. Okay.

Look, that's my face on there. Oh, wow. This is the malt shop poncho. That's right. This is really cool. I might be interested in getting ponchos from my congregation, by the way. Yeah. Past-chos? What's that? Pasta-chos? You're trying to put pasta and ponchos together. I wanted to do it, but I don't think I did a good job. Ponst-chos-ta? See? Maybe they don't belong together. Sometimes you need to stick to your own kind.

Not sure what you mean by that. Just words. Oh, words. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. Sometimes words need to stick to their own kind. Why can't we still talk about words? Right. They're just words. They're just words, and some of them don't belong together. Exactly. Why is that so crazy? Why y'all look uncomfortable? Why y'all look uncomfortable? I'm allowed to say this. If anybody's allowed to say it, I'm allowed to say it. If anyone, you are. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, pasta, pasta. You didn't even finish sharing the story, Angel. Okay, yeah, what's going on?

To be honest, I was lost. So I thought that was the end. I thought I was doing a great job. You were. Thank you. They're the problem. Cut to the end quickly. Basically, she passed away. Passed away? She passed away. She went the passed away? She went the passed away. Oh, no. And passed away. Went ahead and passed away. Although I bet everyone is dead from back then anyway. From back then? Like, how long ago was this? And she died in time.

She lived her average life expectancy. So was it tragic or nothing? Was this hundreds of years ago? This was maybe 2,000 years ago. Yeah, everyone's dead. From then to now. So there's no tragedy. And she lived to be like 95. Yeah. Anyway, pretty good too, right? Yeah, pretty good. Really good. Especially for that time.

For 2,000 years. The average life expectancy was probably like 40. 40, right. I mean, Methuselah, he really skewed the numbers. But that's the thing. Haleva. Is that who I'm talking about? Do you think he was just like 60 and then they were like, I don't know, this guy's got thousands of years. Look at this guy's gray hair. We've never seen it because everyone else died by 25 back then.

I guess y'all don't care about the history of it. Yeah, not really, honestly. Okay. Every time a pastor walks into a room, everybody shuts down and starts acting well-behaved or boring and stuff, and that's something that I'm grappling with. How come people don't name their kids Methuselah? I know. It's so classic. Why don't people name their kids Fettuccine? By the way, even better. Why don't people name their kids freaking Bucatini? Do you think Boba Fett's full name is Boba Fettuccine? No.

That's a whole meal. Boba tea fettuccine. You think it's boba tea fettuccine? And those two words do belong together. You know boba tea fettuccine. Those two belong together.

Well, Pasa Pasa, it's great to have you here. Well, I guess you'll never know the legend of Angel Hill. I'm sorry, we do have another guest. Don't be sorry. Who's waiting to come out. Stick to your guns. Stick to your guns and your little schedule. I will tell you. Okay, so I'm going to... Okay, so then... Okay, while I introduce the next guest, go ahead and have this conversation. Coming up on the show, we have a child prodigy. Oh, a CP. A CP is definitely going to be here.

Let's see. Why don't we talk to them, in fact? I'll introduce them now. Introduce them right now? Why not? Please welcome back to the show. I believe we talked to this person in England somewhere. Yes, Mr. Ackerman. Manchester, perhaps? That's right, Mr. Ackerman. So pleasant to see you on this fine spring day, Mr. Ackerman. Of course. Please welcome back Bruce Banner, a.k.a. Lil Hulk. Oh, we don't talk about that other side of me. Oh.

Mr. Offerman. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, so quick to talk about my little green guy. I'm sorry. Oh. Oh.

I beg your pardon? No, no, it's quite alright. You got to... He really... He took up the lion's share of my time in Manchester. We barely got to talk about my fascinating music career. Because that little green guy came out. I don't really recall anything that we talked about other than when he came out. Yeah, that's true. Because you and me barely discussed anything, Mr. Ockerman. Is that what you're here to talk about today? Yes, I would love to talk about me, Bruce Banner, a child prodigy. Of course. In music! In music!

Oh, that's what you're a prodigy is. Hi, Jason Manzoukas. Great to meet you. Nice to meet you, Mr. Manzoukas. This is Pastor Pasta. How are you? Nice to see you. Good to see you as well. Bing Lujo, of course. Bing. Hello, child. Sorry, could you say your last name one more time?

name one more time for me. I don't call adults by their first name. My name is Bing Lujo. Mr. Lujo, a pleasure. You can remember this by thinking when the movie Cujo came out. Oh, I'm going to Bing Cujo times to go to the theater. Or as Bing would do it, Google it. And then just take the little top part of the C off. You lost me, Mr. Ackerman, and I'm a

And I'm a prodigy. Thank you, because I was going to say the same thing, and I wanted to get him back, because that was a long walk, and what the fuck? What was that? We talked about this on a previous episode. It's easy to remember. And I do forgive you. I am a child, so could we bleep that out? Yeah, and I'll pay for that. Are you going to take care of this one? $16,000 right now. Okay, let's do those bleeps right now. Ready? Ready?

Okay, there we go. Two right in a row. Excuse me. I'm sorry, your last name? Pasta. Pasta. Yeah. Reverend Pasta? Pasta Pasta. Pasta Pasta. Yes. Pasta Pasta. Pasta Pasta? Pasta Pasta. Pasta Pasta? Pasta Pasta. We already went through this before you came in. Did we already eat pasta? Oh, I wish. No, in fact, Pasta Pasta didn't bring any free samples. No, because I'm making money off all this. Yeah, well, that makes sense. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Oh!

answer your question from a Methuselah years ago. I played glockenspiel, the cello, the piano, the harp, the dulcimer. A lot of string instruments. These are all percussion instruments, I believe. You're hitting one thing with another thing. That's true. You can say the glockenspiel, your number one instrument since you mentioned it first.

I do keep... Well, it's the way I found music. Mr. Cujo. I forgot how I was supposed to remember. Lujo. Lujo. Yeah, Mr. Lujo Cujo. Remember it like somebody said, hi, my name is Bing Lujo. It's like if somebody said poncho, but it was Lujo. Oh, like a pasta? Yeah. Like a pasta Lujo? Take the pasta away. A pasta Lujo. All these mnemonic devices are making me so frustrated. What's going on? Oh, no, no, no. Bruce. I can't contain all these mnemonic devices.

Bruce, Bruce, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Hey, remember me? Oh, yeah. You remember me? You remember me, Lil Hulk? Yeah, I, in fact, just said your name. What's up, losers? I'm Lil Hulk. Oh, hey. Oh, a loser. Hey, Lil Hulk. We're losers. Yeah. Oh, is that a little jerk out here trying to talk about a talking spiel? Yeah, honestly, yeah. So boring. It kind of was, honestly. What are you into, Lil Hulk? Oh, Smash. Crash. Yeah, hell yeah. Purple shorts, Lil Hulk. Yeah, this guy's fucking cool. Are you going to sing the musical Smash?

Adapted for the stage? Yeah. Little Hulk wants to know, should Little Hulk watch the show first? Yeah. Okay, Little Hulk will add to Little Hulk's list. Little Hulk, are you going to go see Death Becomes Her? Mm-mm. Little Hulk wants to know. Should we just ask him? Adapted for the stage? Adapted for the stage. Little Hulk wants to know, should Little Hulk watch the original movie first? Sure. Is there an original movie? There is. Okay, yeah. All right, Little Hulk added to his list. Little Hulk, who's your definitive mama rose?

Little Hulk's got to say, Patty. Patty. Little Hulk loves Patty. Little Hulk loves when Patty says, turn that fucking cell phone off. Sorry. Little Hulk's good for a bunch of bleeps. That was to me, by the way. Really? Yeah. Oh, Little Hulk. That's the first time Little Hulk shows up.

Stupid little Bruce Banner was watching video of that. Lil' Hulk got so angry someone would defy Miss Patty like that. Lil' Hulk showed up. So, Lil' Hulk, you share the same obsession with musical things. Oh, sure, sure. But you don't play any of the instruments. Do you like the glockenspiel? Smash. Yeah. I think that means yes. Marimba only. Marimba.

Oh, Marimba. Smash means no. That's my iPhone ringtone. Yeah, me too. Marimba. I love that. I remember Marimba. Yes, yes. You love a map. Is that the one that all TV characters have? I think that is the one because it's the default, Marimba. Lil Hulk is like, it's not the theme song for Sex and the City, but Lil Hulk thinks it's so close. Lil Hulk wonders how they got away with that. Lil Hulk, how have you watched Sex and the City? Lil Hulk has it on Lil Hulk's list. Lil Hulk has big lists of movies.

- Little Hulk big list? - Yeah, right now. Next up for Little Hulk is Northern Exposure for Little Hulk. - Oh wow. Wow, you're really going, that's a time and place. - Little Hulk loves physical media. - Yeah. - Little Hulk found, one season was in like Little Coat. Little Hulk thought that was very funny. - Little Hulk, are you gonna watch Dying for Sex?

That's physical media. Lil' Hook love her. I believe you're talking about one of the Michelle Williamses? Which Michelle Williams do you love? Lil' Hook love both. Okay, that's the right answer. That's the right answer. Lil' Hook love both. Lil' Hook love Michelle Williams. Lil' Hook want Michelle Williams back in features. Okay. Lil' Hook thinks too many movie stars in television. And too many TV stars in commercials. Lil' Hook agrees. How do the people watch?

We're the middle class. But Lil' Hulk, do you not think of Michelle Williams as from Dawson's Creek? Oh, Lil' Hulk adds to the list. Dawson's Creek. I mean, physical media, that would be a pretty good VHS box set right there. Ooh, Lil' Hulk, COVID's a box set. Lil' Hulk, did you listen to Britney Spears' audiobook?

Little Hulk does not F with audiobooks. Oh, really? Little Hulk physical media. Little Hulk read memoir hard because Little Hulk wants to hear it in the artist's voice. Little Hulk listens to a record of the artist. Then Little Hulk reads memoir out loud. Well, this was in Michelle Williams' voice, I believe. Little Hulk?

Little Hulk didn't know this? Little Hulk did not know this. Oh, yeah. Okay, Michelle Williams, Little Hulk. Hey, Michelle Williams got to talk. Michelle Williams belongs in features. I think she belongs in Destiny's Child, so we have a difference of opinion. Say my name, say my name. Oh, yeah, Little Hulk. Ooh, Little Hulk love hearing Little Hulk's own name. Little Hulk, have you ever met the regular Hulk? Big Hulk?

Big Hook, not in this planet timeline. Is Big Hook your father? No.

No, Little Hulk, different planet, different timeline. What about She-Hulk? Multiverse. Multiverse, Little Hulk. Little Hulk, this one. Were you, Little Hulk, was Bruce Banner exposed to gamma radiation? Were you exposed to gamma radiation as a little kid? Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah, Bruce Banner fell in a puddle. I mean, you are a little kid, so did it happen recently? Yeah. Two years ago, Little Hulk was running around, going to places.

had to learn the glockenspiel, slipped and fell into a gamma puddle. - No, they have to stop leaving those lying around. - He keeps his Little Hulk stupid saddle shoes untied all the time. - His fucking nerd.

Is that little puddle the same thing Alex Mack used to throw up or turn into? Remember Alex Mack? Little Hulk adds to the list. Thanks a lot. Clarissa explains it. Hulk. Hulk? Hulk?

Is that anything? That's not. It could be something. Keep digging around. I bet we'll find it. Little Hulk, do you have hopes and dreams? I mean, it must be tough sharing a body. But I mean, do you maybe have things you want to do? Little Hulk wishes Little Hulk and stupid nerd Bruce Banner were more like split up 12 hours each day. Right. What time period do you get? Little Hulk would love the night. What do you get?

Little Hulk only gets when Bruce Banner gets angry. And he's a very polite little nerd. So Little Hulk sometimes only gets a few moments of daily. And I bet he has to be awake as well. Yes. Yeah. So annoying for Little Hulk. You're pretty polite as well. Oh, really?

Yeah, you cussed. Oh, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, smash. Back up, back up, back up. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Little Hulk, no. I'm so sorry. Pardon me. Was the little green guy just here? Wait a minute. How did that work? When Little Hulk gets mad. He turns back into Bruce Banner? Yes, I'm able to exert my dominance once I can feel too much of his rage emerging through that pesky green guy. Oh.

Oh, great. You seem disappointed to see me, Mr. Ackerman. No, no, just we were having such a good convo with Lil' Hulk. Bruce Banner, how do you feel about the marimba? Oh, I hate the marimba. Oh, thanks, Jason. No, good. The marimba's too big and wooden.

Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, thank God. Little Hulk. Ooh, did you ask about the marimba? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He hates it. He hates the marimba. What's the ringtone? It's like... Little Hulk thinks that's Little Hulk's timer, usually. Little Hulk can't remember the name. Little Hulk. So you have a timer, Little Hulk? Oh, yeah. You share a phone with Bruce Banner? Oh, no. I had with my mom. Are you doing the...

And I only get so much screen time a day. Then the timer goes off and I go, oh, I'm so angry. And then that little twerp comes back. Do you get more screen time than Bruce Banner gets? No less. And how does your mom feel about you being Little Hulk? Loves me the way I am. Oh, that's beautiful. Thank you. Little Hulk has a question for all these adults. What's going on?

When you set an alarm on your phone, like, "Little Hulk, oh, Little Hulk has early flight. Little Hulk gonna set several alarms because Little Hulk worried Little Hulk's gonna sleep in." - Right, right. - Sure.

Little Hulk wants to know, do you scroll through and you have a bunch of old alarms that you can choose from? Yes. I probably have 80 alarms. Same with Little Hulk. I think that's weird as hell. Oh, that's absurd. A friend just showed me that about three weeks ago, and I thought, why do you have all these alarms? Little Hulk at this point has most times. Why? And that's what my friend had, whatever time. Every 15 minutes. What? Even less incremental than that. Same for Little Hulk. I never delete one.

I delete them all. I delete them every time. I edit the ones that are there. Well, yes, exactly. I don't. So there's like three. It don't cost nothing. No. Yeah, exactly. Lil' Hulk can scroll. Lil' Hulk has times that they're like, Lil' Hulk, why do you need 5.45 p.m.? I don't know. One day you did it. Yep. Lil' Hulk. Take a nap. That's a nap.

a nap. Classic little Hulk nap. If I have a PM in my alarm schedule, something's wrong. Jet lag, little Hulk. You don't like naps? I love a nap, but if I'm setting an alarm for a nap, that's dangerous. Maybe I'm in Scotland, want to meet some people for haggis at night, have to set an alarm. Little Hulk

Lil Hulk sometimes switches to doing timer in that situation, but then Lil Hulk gets worried about timer somehow. Why? What if you're staying at a hotel in Scotland and you're like, I want to wake up and have a drink at 11.30 p.m.? That's happened. You could do it.

Little Hulk wants to know from these adults, Little Hulk, do you max out on how many weather cities you have? Yes. Same for Little Hulk. Partly from being on tour. See, Little Hulk keeps all the cities. But you don't go and delete them? Nope. Little Hulk has a great record of cities Little Hulk's been to. Why don't you just Google them each time you're going? Well, Little Hulk likes to look. Or ping them. Little Hulk likes to look about seven days out, get excited for where Little Hulk's going next, and Little Hulk goes, oh, Little Hulk.

been to Minneapolis before, Lil' Hulk still has Minneapolis weather. Do I need to bring a coat? Exactly. Yeah. Lil' Hulk likes to look. We have a lot in common, Lil' Hulk. Yeah. Hey, Lil' Hulk. You ever fuck with the world clock? What's that? You ever fuck with the world clock? No, not really. Oh, it's great. I put it all the time. Ooh. Yeah. Lil' Hulk likes that. I feel very cosmopolitan. Lil' Hulk likes to use that the front page of the weather holds the time for the city. So sort of like weather is the world clock.

Have you ever done that? Hang on. I think Bing Lucio and Little Hulk are becoming obsessed with each other. I think they're becoming best friends. The youngest person we've ever had on the show and the oldest. I'm watching. I think Bing Lucio is becoming a grandfather. Little Hulk could use a grandfather figure. I'm very charmed by you. Oh, thank you. For a Hulk, it's not so bad.

We haven't had a lot of granddaughters on this show. We're not allowed to. Bash, bash, bash, bash, bash, bash. Smash is mad. Bash is happy. Also, a very cogent Hulk. Yeah. Like a very thoughtful Hulk. Oh, little Hulk is very, very touched by this. Just leaves out articles. Just loves saying one's own name, little Hulk.

Hard when you only have a person, Little Hulk. Sometimes your identity can get lost. Little Hulk, nice to remember that you exist, Little Hulk. You know what you could do? Yes. Little Hulk. Yes, Mr. Manju, kiss. You could use one of your alarms to play a song or a sound that infuriates Bruce Banner. Yeah. So you could schedule your own arrival. Oh.

If there's ever a show that you've never been able to see. Oh, Little Hulk has such a long list. You said you want the night, so every night at 9.30 or whatever time. Little Hulk gets all the nights. This is a great idea. Then what happens if Bruce finds the alarm and figures it out? That fucking

You think he's going to figure it out? You talked to him, Passerposter. I did talk to him. Bruce Banner, the Bruce Banner we talked to, that kid was a fucking idiot. Unless it's a fucking hammer and dulcimer. That's three curse words, back to back to back. Yeah, your tally's going up. He's a musical prodigy. Oh, oh, what? Oh!

That's Marimba. Look, Lil' Hulk loves that one, but Bruce Banner hates it. Bruce Banner hates it, yeah, so we're not switching that. So I'll keep... Let's see, what existing times do I have in the PM? I don't want to set one. He'll get suspicious, Lil' Hulk. Okay, let's see. Let's see what times we have. Okay, let me go just... Okay, my latest... I have as early as 3.30 AM. Oh, I have... What? It takes me...

I believe we had a 4 a.m. cab ride in Seattle once. I have as early as 2.45 a.m. Okay. 3.10 a.m. And then it's quite a scroll to get to my lates because this is p.m. for Little Hulk. Okay. I have 6.30. That's too easy. Bruce Banner will be having dinner. 7. That's too early. He'll be having screen time. I have as late as 9.50.

11, 11.45, and 11.50 p.m. Do you want to hear my latest? Yes, Mr. Ackerman. 11.59 p.m. You beat me, Mr. Ackerman! Was that the spy on Santa Claus? At that point, just stay asleep, no? I only have three alarms.

I thought I had a ton, but I got 2 p.m., 3 p.m., and 5.15 p.m. Whoa. All the p.m.'s, really. Wow. I have a 9.18 p.m. for some reason. I have an 8.57. That's a weird one. Okay.

Look at how long it takes me to scroll through all the versions of a lock. I think I have more PMs than I have AMs. Wait, Little Hulk. Little Hulk, I demand that you read in order all of your alarms. You got it, Mr. Manzoukas. And then Little Hulk actually has to go because Bruce Banner has a Glock. We do have to take a break. Okay, here I go. And thank you so much for having me, Little Hulk. This has been Little Hulk. These are all of Little Hulk's.

Real alarms in order. 1am, 2.45am, 3.10am, 3.30am, 3.40am, 3.50am, 3.55am, 4am, 4.10am, 4.15am, 4.30am, 4.40am, 4.45am, 4.50am, 4.55am, 5am, 5.10am, 5.15am, 5.30am, 5.35am, 5.40am,

5 a.m. 5 a.m. 5 a.m. 6 a.m. 6 a.m. 6 a.m. 6 a.m. 6 a.m. 6 a.m. 6 a.m. 6 a.m. 6 a.m.

10:45 a.m. 10 a.m. 10:50 a.m. 10:30 a.m. 10:47 11:00 11:20 31:05 1:25 1:31 52:15 2:40 p.m. 3 p.m. 3:20 p.m. 57:57 9:50 p.m. my alarms Thank y'all this been little huh, oh that may be a little oh, oh

Mr. Ackerman, I'm so delighted. Get the fuck out of here. You got it. You fucking nerd. All right. We have to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more from Bing Lucio, more Jason Manzoukas, even more guests coming up. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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And a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com and put in code BANGBANG. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. 16th anniversary show. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Thanks. This malted is almost gone. I know. It really tore through it. Yeah. It's incredible. I mean, the taste is incredible. Black and white. That's right. Chocolate and vanilla. That's right. They should make...

You know, because normally when you make a black and white, you put in both chocolate ice cream and vanilla ice cream. They should make an ice cream that has the flavor already combined, shouldn't they? They can't do that. They can't do it? No. Government regulations. Government. See, this is why I think we need to get rid of all regulations. I think we need more. You need. Oh, so you need a regulation that cancels out that regulation? Yeah. That's the way to do it.

You got to regulate the regulations. That's right. I got to regulate the regulations. Everybody knows it's true. If you want to regulate any regulations, you

you know what to do. You gotta write to your congressman, write to the president, write to Jesus Christ. You gotta go to the church and pray as hard as you can. And then it's so nice when you got some regulations.

Regulations Everybody loves Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Reg�ings Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Regulations Reg�ings Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions Regions

Well, let's get to our next guest. This is exciting. We haven't seen our next guest in maybe about a year. I'm excited to catch up with them. You know her as a local raconteur, the owner of the...

Los Angeles W Hotel and no other. Just a local rock and roll. Yep. She likes to keep it within city limits. Does not nationally tell stories. No, no. If she ever leaves Los Angeles, she shuts the stories down. Please welcome back to the show, Bean Dip. Hey, Scott. Hey, Beanie. Hey, Scott. Hey. Hey. Haven't talked to you since that whole flap about love is blind and people slapping titties. Well, hey, it's been a minute. Yep.

Hey, it's been a minute. You know Jason Manzoukas? I don't know if you've ever met him. I love Jason Manzoukas. Look, I'm not expecting him to acknowledge it, but we have a past. Oh. It's great to see you again, Bean Dip. Tell us. It's great to see you. Can we get some juicy deets? Well, okay. Spill the tea. I mean, how juicy you want to get? I have seen up close of his balls, and he's seen up close of my pussy. Yeah.

Yeah. Those are the juices I'm talking about. Okay. It's juice city. Yeah. The most of them, we would just meet to look at each other's genitals. Yeah. Just to give everything a good once over. Give it a good peep. Because a lot of...

Well, Scott, a lot of people don't realize, like, huh, do I really know what's going on down there? And if you have a friend you can trust to, like, get an up-close look, then they can give you, like, a printout. Also, because doctors give you so little time now. It's a volume business. So are you just acting as her gynecologist and you as his urologist? It's not medical. Well, it's not medical. It's not medical. Because, like, sometimes, you know, it's more like...

literature type language. I'm not trying to write like, oh, this is a medical thing that's happening and you're involved. I just say like,

Like, you know what? Today they're gorgeous. Yes. Today is very smooth. So it's an ego boost. You know, it's fearless feedback on how they look. Right. Right? Was there ever a day where they didn't look good or they weren't as juicy as you'd like? Absolutely. Sure. Sometimes you've got the juice and sometimes the juice is loose. You know, every now and then, like, you know, if I had gone for a very strenuous hike, I'd

Things would be a little different. Or like if Jason had, you know, had sometimes he likes to go have about five filet of fish. Oh, five. Really? Yep. You know me. I love a I love filet of fish and I can't say no to more than one.

And that will affect your testicles. Oh, yeah. Because you can get the... A lot of people don't know it. They've got a secret menu. You can get a five-pack of filet-o-fish. And it's just... They're stacked in between two pieces of bread, five fish. Five total. Couldn't you just do that yourselves by buying five? No. Come on.

Don't be a dick. I take your part. You go to McDonald's, you say, I want to order a flail fish lunatic style. And then they give you five. You say lunatic fringe and they know what's up. They know what's up. But then if I meet up with Jason and we're going to look at each other's genitals, I know if his balls have a sheen.

It must be a Friday, Filet-O-Fish Day. He must have been eating a file of Filet-O-Fish. He must have gone to Loonatex Talk. If they look real shiny. Yeah. Because that tartar sauce gets everywhere. It gets everywhere! Oh, calm down, Bean Dip. Calm down. Oh, my gosh. It's the most animated I've ever seen you, Bean Dip.

Who do you think has the nicest looking testicles? That's a great question. Wow. Probably somebody related to Paul Newman. I'm trying to think of who's I've seen. Lenny Kravitz, maybe. Who else? Were they gorgeous? Oh, I mean, yeah. Especially, he was mid-playing guitar. Oh, dang, it doesn't pop out. Can you describe his guitar playing as mid? No, no. What?

Wow. He's a huge talent. Savage. He's a huge talent. Other than that, I don't think I've seen any other human beings. Why are you winking when you say huge talent? I know. Why do you keep winking at us when you say huge talent? Scott, how come when you winked when you said huge talent, you also put huge talent in quotes with your fingers? I tried to put talent in, but I also got huge. Sorry. Oh. I got huge. I got huge.

I got huge. Hey-o. All right. Okay. All right, Hank. What else has been going on, B&B? It's been so long since we've seen you. Oh, yeah. Where have you been this year? Have you been roaming around? Oh, roaming around so many places. I've been traveling the world.

Scott, I've been to Tucson, Arizona, Rome, Italy, Belgium, Brussels. I went to Oslo, Norway, Texarkana, Texas, Houston, Texas. The routing on that is, yeah. I mean, all over the place. Bing, bong, bing, bong, bang. Wow. What have you been doing? What do you do in all these places? Every place. Going up, set up a business, make about $1.2 million, get to the next place. On to the next one. On to the next one.

one place I'll set up a thing where I'm like, huh, I bet people here want to buy dish towels with little drawings of themselves on them. What was that you said, by the way? Dish towels with drawings of themselves on them. The first word is the one I'm most confused about. What you use in the kitchen to dry them dishes?

I don't know. Dish towels. Oh, dish towels. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Did you think they said dick towels? Probably. I thought dis-child. Oh, boy. Dis-child, like what you did to Lenny Kravitz. He dis-child child. Yeah, that's true. What child is this? Oh, yeah. What child is this? What child should I dis? What child is this?

But anyway, people want to buy pictures of themselves on dish towels. That's why I make about $1.2 million in one city. How do you customize every dish towel to look like the person who's ordered it? Or do most kids kind of look the same and you can just sell it as like, oh yeah, this is the picture of your kid. Don't come for me this morning. Please. Don't come for me this morning. It's 5 p.m.

I draw a specific and personalized picture of everybody who wants a desktop with their face on it. So you draw it with what, a marker or? Yeah, Sharpie. Usually what works well on cloth is like a Sharpie or maybe like a Sharpie plus magic marker mashup.

A mashup? Uh-huh. A Sharpie plus a magic marker. A marker mashup? Sharpie X magic marker? Yeah, Sharpie X magic marker collab. Whoever wins, we lose? Yeah, you put the Sharpie ink thing into the magic marker. The pen. Yeah. Yeah.

You put it inside of there, and then you got a perfect thing to draw portraits on this house. And people walk up, they go like, oh, what is this? This looks like... Because I just call it PD, portraits on this house. Do people know what you're talking about? No, that's part of the appeal. They go, what's PD? I love that font that you got the P and the D in. There's so many balloons out here. This looks like pretty much fun. So then they...

How many balloons do you normally have out there? Dude, at least 3,500. That's a lot. And do you draw anything on the balloons? No. The balloons are silent. Oh, they're silent. Yes. So no images and they don't make a sound. No images, no squeaks. You got spare money to make money. Now, here's what I'm going to say. No offense. And I don't know how much. It sounds like you're pulling down great money. I could never take a piss for you.

Silent balloons? Yes. That sounds like a gangbusters idea. This is where your money is. You got to start making these. Oh, my God. We hate the squeaking, don't we, folks? We hate it. Oh, okay. Well, you heard it here first. Solid balloons, SB, that's going to be my new standard. Ketchup. Hey, ketchup right outside the W, Los Angeles. SBDs, maybe, in fact. SPDs? SBDs. SB, solid but deadly?

Oh, deadly balloons? Oh, good one, Scott. Maybe your father would enjoy those, Bing. He would? I mean, he might be enjoying them right now. Deadly balloons? We'll never know. We'll never know. He might be killing people every single day. We don't know. Assassins never... I feel like assassins... I'm sorry, Bing Lucio's father was an assassin, at least. He'd be 160 years old if he were still alive. And he may be. Beep, beep.

You're more surprised than I've ever seen you. Bing, I feel like you think these are reveals you should react to, but this is just casual information we've gleaned in a previous segment. Well, I don't know if I'd talk about it if somebody walked in here and said, hey, what's up, y'all? I'm 160 years old. I'd fall off my chair onto the floor and maybe never wake up. That's a blog past life expectancy in 2025. A blog? Huh?

Weblog? 160 is long past life expectancy for 2025 years. Dang. It's like nobody here ever says anything. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's okay, Scott. Well, it's wonderful to have you here. I've missed you. Oh, man. I've missed you, Scott. Every time I go to a new city to make $1.2 million, I think...

Man, I just would love to be home in LA just hanging and kicking it with Scott. It's a pretty specific number, 1.2. Every city. You know what? I could go over that, but you got to have- Once you hit 1.2, move on. Well, then you have to declare it to the government. Oh, yeah. You got to have that Vegas mentality. I'm like, I got what I came here for. Let me get out. This is all under the table. Oh, this is so under the table. I usually don't even leave the city with it. I give it to somebody to launder. Then they can send it to me in an envelope. Got it. Yeah.

And you're in quite a few, like, you're setting up shop in foreign countries. So how are you conquering, like, the language barrier to setting up these businesses in a place like... Art transcends language, though, don't you think? I see. But Italy, Norway, I mean, these were some, these were really... Italy does, look, Italy, Norway, you listen to me, I already know how to speak it fluent. Oh, okay. Let's, how about Prague? Yeah, Prague. What do you want me to say? Say hi, Germany.

Welcome to Prague. Can I get your baggage? Wow. That's pretty great, actually. I mean, I have no way of checking it. It sounded good to me. How about Italy? Same sentence, Italy? Let's just do that for ease. Yeah.

Tacked on some stuff at the end there. I wonder what it is. I mean, Italian, they probably put it at the end. Yeah, they may transpose the syntax, yeah. But it's also like that is such a romantic language. Yeah, it was gorgeous. Oh, man, you do not want to know the people that I met in Italy, okay? Like who? Why?

Why don't we want to know this? Because it is so romantic. Every single hour of every day, somebody's trying to get you in bed there. That sounds pretty spicy. It's great, man. It is great. Are you someone who's attached, or are you free to go where the...

Are you single and ready to mingle? Look, I do whatever I want. Even if I have a significant other, they need to know I got to live my damn life. That's right. We only live once. We only are on this merry-go-round one time. We're on this merry-go-round one time. If you're not going to come with me to a city where I'm making $1.2 million, I'm going to have to do stuff there to get my pleasures. Ah, I see. You have to take care of your own pleasures. If you're going to be with Bean Dippin', you're not going to travel the world with her. If you're going to be with Bean Dippin',

You gotta travel all over the world. Gotta travel all over the world. If you're gonna be with BJ, gotta get to travel all over the world. Pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, a little late. Okay. We all got to do it.

Well, Bean Div, it's great to see you. Can you stick around a little bit? Scott, I would love to stick around, talk to anybody you got in here. I just love you and miss you, man. I miss you, too. Have you ever set up shop in France? No, I can't wait till I do. I haven't. So you don't speak French? So you don't speak French? No, I speak French. Let's hear some. Say, welcome to Prague. May I get your luggage in French? Welcome to Prague. Welcome to Prague.

Wow. Gorgeous. Said Prague twice, I think. So it's interesting. So I think the word for luggage in French is Prague. Yeah. Yeah.

Interesting. It's interesting. Wow. Well, Bean Dip, stick around. We want your input. Okay, great. Here. We have a couple of guests who have never been on the show. Am I correct on that? If you're honest. With total candor, I must say they've never been on the show before. I don't know who they are or what they're doing here, but please welcome Harris Teeter and McGarth Darby.

Hey, Scott, how you doing? Hey, how are you? That's right, Scott. I'm Harris Teeter. And I'm McGarth Darby. Name a more iconic duo. Go ahead. I've never heard of you, so... We challenge you. You know, Abbott and Costello. We've laid down... Nope. Nope. Although, Abbott, Costello. Name a more iconic duo. And Abbott and Costello?

Go ahead. Okay. Laurel and Hardy. We double-double you. Wait a minute. Laurel, Hardy. Laurel, Hardy. The iconic duo. You can't. Lennon and McCartney? Yeah. No, we're not Beatles fans. No, I don't know this. We don't like the Beatles. Chocolate and vanilla?

Sure. Yeah, yes, yeah. That's a more iconic duo, chocolate and vanilla? Well, here's where we get in the weeds. These are all equally iconic duos, and the challenge is name a more iconic duo. I'm sorry, Harris. I'm sorry, McGarth. We tried. We tried. Thank you for the apology. Scott Aukerman, being bashful, apologizing. Name a more iconic trio. Trio? That's right. Scott Aukerman, being bashful, and apologizing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Scott Aukerman. The three little pigs. Name them all, Rocco. Harris, you didn't want to join in on that one? I didn't know how many. I was surprised by the duo. If you put Scott Aukerman and a microphone in a sentence, you could extrapolate beyond the possibilities of the human mind.

We could be saying, name a more iconic infinity. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Can I ask? You are a duo then. What is your relationship? What is the nature of your relationship? We're boat boys. We're boat boys. We're boat boys. Boat boys? Boat boys. Boat buoys? Just a couple of boat boys. You work on a boat or you live on a boat? We live on a boat.

We live on separate boats. We live on boats next to each other. Yeah. Are they like tandem boats? That's right. What's a tandem boat? It's like a tandem motorcycle. Tandem motorcycle? Tandem bicycle. Tandem bicycle. By the way, tandem motorcycle sounds pretty great. That sounds fun. It almost sounds like it would be side by side, but I think it would be one in the other. I think it would be side car maybe. Nobody has to do all the work. Yeah, yeah.

We're boat boys. So you're boat boys. Thank you for resetting. Repremising us. Boat neighbors. Oh, so you're neighbors. How'd you meet? How'd we meet? We met in grade school. Oh, okay. Grade school. Are these houseboats?

Well, yeah, we treat them as our house. I got my clothes on there, don't I? On the boat? I got my chairs on there, don't I? I got my toothbrush in there, don't I? I got my glasses in there, don't I? So these are traditional house things for you guys. I got my rugs in there, don't I? I'm sorry, sorry. Things found in a house. I got my air filtration. Oh, God.

In there as well. Donut? I got my five-gallon bucket where I do my business, don't I? They don't have restroom on the boat? Now I feel like... Are you guys actually asking this? Yeah. Yeah, what is on our boat? Now that's a houseboat, isn't it? What's in our house? That's a houseboat, isn't it?

You've seen the movie Seven? What's in my boat? What was in the boat? What's in my fucking boat? Pop culture fan. So you are old friends from grade school and then neighbors. Did you buy the place intentionally or did you find out you were neighbors and like, oh, I remember you from grade school? We lost touch in our adulthood and then we both found ourselves living on neighboring boats. And we rekindled our relationship on Date Redacted.

Date redacted? I don't think we care. Why is the date redacted? No reason. We separately met up in our nation's capital on date redacted. Oh, okay. I understand what's happening. Hang on a second. Which we do celebrate that very special day together on date redacted.

So you're boat boys. We're boat boys. Is that the majority of your interests, boat related? Well, you know, we love where we live and we live where we love. You know what I mean? Absolutely. We love. We're hometown boat boys. We are layabouts, Scott. Okay. So you don't have jobs? No jobs. No jobs. No need for jobs. No worries. No worries. Because the boat provides. The boat provides. No. Bean Dip, you have a question? I did. Just two quick questions.

Did you guys come from a lot of family money? Oh, did we? Yes. We're from old Southern money. Generational Southern money. Generational. Money. The South. Houses. Generations. Name a more iconic Quattro. Quartet, maybe. What? That doesn't rhyme with duo. Oh, we said Quattro. And the Audi Quattro.

I'm going to throw that out. What was the name of that? What was that Mars movie Arnold Schwarzenegger was in? The Mars movie Total Recall. Wasn't there a Quattro in there? There was a Quatto. You fucking Quaid. Quaid? Quaid?

Jack Quaid, Hollywood's good boy? We are good old boys. We are. Okay, I was worried about that. Were you? Yeah, that was my next question. You had another question, though. Well, I just want to know, was Harris named after a grocery store or was the grocery store named after him? Such a good question. Is there a grocery store named Harris? Harris Teeter. Harris Teeter. I'm actually Harris Teeter VIII. Oh.

Oh, snap. So that's where your money comes from. Absolutely. So you get free groceries, and you have a place to live. So I imagine you get free groceries. I walk in with no shirt, no shoes, but I get service. Heyo. That's awesome, dude.

We never have shirts on. We've got our boat shoes on. We've got our tan little small salmon-colored shorts. And we've got shirtless backs. Name a more iconic trio! Shirtless backs? So, but shirt full fronts? We've got Dickies on! God damn it! Garth? Was it Garth? McGarth. McGarth. Sorry, man. McGarth Darby. McGarth Darby.

Look, can you explain that big tattoo on your chest? Oh, yeah. It's a tattoo of the movie Big. That's right. I love that movie. Iconic movie. So iconic. It seems to be Elizabeth Perkins when she realizes she had sex with a little boy. That's just what I wanted to happen to me. Somebody older coming in, taking advantage. It never happened, no. No. Instead, I've been cleaning up on our little dog.

So instead of having sex, you've been cleaning up on the dock. The little dock. Why is the dock so little? Yeah. Why is it miniature? It's such a tiny dock. It used to be bigger, but I had too much sex on it and collapsed part of the dock. Dang. Dang, Harris. I'm sorry or congratulations. I'm not sure which to say. I refuse to have sex on my boat. Oh, wow. Why, dude? The boat is for the boys. The boat is for the boys. Boats. Boys. Bacon. Bacon.

Beards! Barbecue sauce! Name of our iconic Cinco! Cinco? Cinco! Quintet, maybe. You want to know where we live, Scott? Not really, but go ahead and tell me. I would love to know. You have side-by-side boats. Why not have one be for the boys and one be for the girls? No! The boats are for the boys. The dock is for sex. Ha ha ha!

Okay, so if this dock's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'? Amen. Amen. Good luck getting your boat if I'm having sex on the dock. The dock's too small for you to walk around my lovemaking. Scott. Yes? You're holding up a sign that says, where are y'all from? Scott, you need to slow down. Too much of a coward to ask on mic. Sorry. We'll tell you where we're from. Does this answer the question, Scott?

Up on Sham Creek, she shams me. If I sham the creek, she shams me. I don't have to sham, she shams me. I don't have to sham, if I have to do sham. Sham Creek. Sham Creek. Hell yeah. We're from Sham Creek. Oh, okay. Sham Creek. You guys seem like a blast right now.

Now, can we do it? Do we have to clear that? No, I'm pretty sure we have that dead on. That was incredible. Melodically, every element of that was perfect. Do we have to pay for that? I don't think so. Yeah, we pre got the rights to that. I'm pretty sure. I'm so sorry. I've gotten a text from Levon Helms Estate. They are furious. Thank you.

Hey, can we hang out on your boat someday? I mean, you said the boat is for the boys. Being if I am, I don't know whether you'd be invited. You can hang out on the dock. Hey, I will get on that boat. Whether they like it or not, I'm going to see what's inside that boat. Some chairs, from what I understand. An air filtration system. Desk. Computer. MacArthur, you're just looking around Scott's room at this point. Guitar. Coffee table. Comedy.

This is starting to become almost an improv opening exercise. We're getting close to these are five things. Let's do a herald.

We'll do an organic opening, please. Deconstruction style. Your suggestion is burrito. Burrito. We see a bunch of beans hopping towards the stage. They've been refried, so they're tired. They're tired beans. Over behind the curtain, there's a tortilla. Watch it all get out there. The tortillas slowly start to levitate as if they're alien spaceships. Whoa.

They look like UFOs! And aliens are coming out of those tortillas. A crowd gathers and chants, this is not an ordinary burrito. This is Taco Bell's new burrito. This opening is sponsored by Taco Bell. And now we lead you into the first scene of the first beat. Boo!

Can I get another taco? I'm starving. Okay, well, how much would you like to pay for the taco today? I think just $3, please. Okay, well, that'll be okay. How about $2.95? That sounds actually much better. Thank you.

Edit while the coin's in the air. Same two. The opening was a description. The opening was a description of a scene that we didn't even see. Wow. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe I've been abducted by aliens. Oh, okay. The Herald continues. The Herald continues?

Well, we'll stop the Herald there while the coin's in the air. While the coin is in the air. Harris. More Herald to you. McGarth. Are you guys improvisers from wherever you're from? Aren't we all improvisers? Okay. Life is an improv show. Free will. Conversations. Improv shows.

It's funny that Harris says free will because I would think because I live on boats, he would have said free willy. Yeah. That's a good point. That would have been smart. Yeah. Be honest. If free willy flew over your boat, you'd be tempted to stick your finger in his blowhole. Oh, fuck. You ever put your finger inside a blowhole? I don't think so. I mean, not intentionally. I'm going to tell you something right now. It's better than the pussy of Jim Carrey.

That's some good pussy. McGarth, please put your fingers away. We don't want to smell those. Look how many I can fit in a ball. No, we don't want to smell those. All of them. Yeah, all of them. All ten. And thumbs. And thumbs? All ten and your thumbs. And thumbs. I'm noticing you have an extra finger on each of your hands. I've got twelve. And McGarth, am I seeing this right? The two extra fingers seem to be rotten.

Yeah, they got smashed between my boat and his boat on two separate occasions. They're dead fingers. You know when you have a dead tooth in your mouth and it's all gray? It's like that, but fingers. You could probably let it fall off and then you'd have the normal amount of fingers. No! When I say normal, I mean... Or chop them off. What's normal? But you're like giving them the dozen, right? Scott Aukerman's being ableist about... I'm sorry, I didn't mean normal. I mean the... I don't know.

So what, just for McGarth to be normal, they have to chop off two fingers for you? Well, I'm just saying, like, two of your fingers are rotten. They seem like they're hanging on by a thread anyway. Scott, you ever put your fist inside a dolphin's ass? No, I haven't done any of these things. Give it the full dozen. Was the movie Free Will your meditation on free will? Oh, wow. Great question. I believe so. That's all I've been thinking about. It is.

Being Luso. Am I pronouncing your name correctly? Being Luso? Being Luso. Being Luso. It's my regional accent butchering your name.

It's by Bing Lujo. Bing Lujo. Bing Lujo. Anytime I'm out of my region of the country, I get so self-conscious about pronouncing people's names. Do you think we have accents? Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, but everyone does. I'm hearing a little something in there. Everyone has their own accent. It feels like y'all have accents to us. Sure. Hey, guys, hey, guys, just think about Cujo. Then put an L on it, right? Yeah.

Well, you think about binging it. Showtime's for the movie, Cujo. We went over this in an earlier segment. Showtime's for the Cujo! Amazing that you and I have both hit on the exact same way to remember his name. I have 31 copies of Catcher in the Rye. And I have 31 flavors of ice cream. Welcome to Baskin Robbins, bitch. Is the improv still going? Yes.

I'll have the alien special. Your character work, McGarth, is great. Thank you so much. Use your space work. You slip into a completely different person. I'm transformed when I'm on the stage. My specialty is scene painting. This character is wearing Sperry top siders. It's funny because I'm actually wearing a pair.

That is funny. Oh, yeah. Why do you have so many copies of Kessler and the Rye? I don't know. I have compulsive behavior. He's an addict. I watched the movie Conspiracy Theory with Mel Gibson one too many times. How many times have you seen it? Three times. Two is about right.

Two more than one is three. I love mathematics. Watching Mel Gibson's conspiracy theory once and watching Mel Gibson's conspiracy theory twice, name a more iconic duo. Whoa! You blow their mind. They're fucking flipping out. Whoa! Oh, my God. What's in my mind? What's in my mind? What do I do? What do I do? They can't name a more iconic duo? I can't name one. I can't name one. Oh, no. That's the most iconic duo. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot.

Who's got a Piper bag? Their eyes are spinning around in their heads. We edit the scene as their eyes are spinning. Excuse me, Mr. Alien. Hey, how's it going? Yes.

I need to return this burrito. Okay, well, it looks like this is a burrito that you paid $2.95 for. I will take that back, and yeah, you get $7. Where are you getting burritos for $2.95? The South is cheap. Y'all watch Southern Charm. Y'all watch it. Southern Charm? I love Southern Charm. We have partied with Shep! Shep!

- Shep, Shep Rhodes? - Yeah! - He has a passive income from real estate? - Yeah. He's a layabout, you know. - Every time I've gotten COVID, it's been from Shep's mouth. - How many times? - Count 'em!

I got COVID from Shep one time, two times, three times, four times, five times, six times. Name a more iconic six-o. Six-o? It's a six-o, goddammit! Name a more iconic six-o? Let me hear that thong. What? Thong? You can hear Cisco being, name a more iconic thong. Cisco's?

That's two thongs. More iconic. What's a more iconic thong? Oh, Kate Moss, when she wore that see-through dress, you could see that thong coming out. Are you horny right now? Oh, shoot. I gotta go put a sock on the dock. Let him know I'm gonna be fucking... Put a sock on the whole dock? I put a sock on the

Scott, are we all going to answer that? I guess so. Yeah, sure. Yes. Bean dip? Are you horny? Oh, yeah, man. Okay, great. You all got to come down to the dock and into the boat, okay? I want my boat boys there. We're not on that dock. What happens? How do you get people to come to the dock with you? It feels like that would be kind of sketchy seeming. It's like a pod popper thing. I play my flute. Popper, no. Popper. Oh, wait a minute.

What's that from again? They stole that from us. White Lotus stole that from us. They stole that from us. God damn it, Piper, no. I play my flute at people who don't want to be horny. They say, Piper, no. And you think Mike White was just walking by one day and then wrote it down in his notebook or something of good ideas? He was staying at the Four Seasons. Is that near the docks? Is it near the docks?

Up on Sham Creek, she shams me. If I sham a creek, she shams me. I don't have to sham, she cranks me. I don't have to sham, if I have to do Sham Creek. Sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, sham, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram, dram,

- Autumn. - Summer. Winter. Summer. - Spring. Spring. - I'm a little more iconic. - Autumn. - Let McGarth cook. - Sorry. Sorry. - Autumn. Summer. Winter. Oh, and summer. - Dang. - Bean dip is blown away.

Well, this is incredible. I would love to be a boat boy with you one of these days. Absolutely. Do we have just an open invite? And when we say boys, it's all inclusive. Yeah. So you pay one fee and you don't have to pay for anything afterwards? No, I mean any gender. Any gender is welcome. Bean dip, you're welcome. The only rule is if you're going to have sex...

Or masturbate. It's got to be on the dock. Even masturbate. Forgive me, but what happens when you guys take the boats out on the ocean? We don't go out there. Oh, no. Or are the boats inoperable? Far too dangerous, yeah. We wait for the dolphins and the whales to come to us. Yeah, we ride on them. Ski style. It's very accommodating that you're like, yes, the option to masturbate.

absolutely y'all look like you need to masturbate honestly i gotta say when i go to a party i look for that invite yeah i'm like okay here's the chips here's the dips for like where do we jack off thank you exactly social anxiety is at an all-time high if that's what keeps it at bay for you don't you worry we got ed medication and

bowls on the boat. Take a couple of those and you're set to go masturbation. I'm very happy that you guys have found each other because there is an epidemic of loneliness amongst young men. For the boat boys to have found each other is a move in the right direction. Community. Understanding. Long talk. Walks on the beach. Sand in your shorts. Sparrows on your feet. Wind in your hair.

A gleam in your eye. I'm a moron. Connick. Ado. Ado. Ado. The speed that you rattled that off was incredible. And how many fingers had to be put up and down and then looked at confusedly.

Scott, I hope you slow that down a lot for the listeners because we said it so fast. We'll do. Don't worry about that. You can slow this whole segment down. Slow it all down. All of this on single time. If only the listener could have seen McGarth panic-stricken looking at their fingers trying to figure out what the hell this meant. Oh.

How many is this? My guard. Hey. I got you, buddy. Thank you, buddy. You're not the strongest math elite. You're my boat boy. You're my boat boy. Listen to me do math. Hey, guys. You guys, I gotta ask you. That was wild to watch y'all list all those just now. And like...

I'm not trying to offend you, but have y'all ever thought about turning toward each other romantically? Whoa. Whoa. I mean, the boat is for the boys. The boat's for the boys. Y'all have a connection? I'm just going to say it. Wow, Bean Dips onto something. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. I'd be lying if I hadn't said under the pink sky and the clouds of the low country with sand between my feet, I haven't turned and looked into McGarth's eyes and thought,

God damn, those lips look juicy tonight. I think with Bean Dip, Harris, and McGarth, we've got an E2 Mama Tambien situation. Hey, I'm not opposed. E2 Mama Tambien, I'll have that special at the burrito shop, please. Oh, that would be $2.95. Thank you so much. We edit as the coin is in the air.

Now that you mention it, we have had a lot of threesomes where we kind of ignore the third and just focus on each other. That's a tip-off. Now that you say it, we're both on either side of our boats kind of going at each other, and they're on the dock with the sock. Yeah, the ladies are on the sock dock, and you guys are on separate boats going at each other. Yeah, with telescopes pointed at each other.

You can expedite this process. Just get on the same boat. These objects are closer than they appear. Did you hear that? Get on the same boat? Yeah. How about we get on the same boat? Oh, my God. What's happening? Harris, McGarth, name a more iconic duo. Harris, Tater, McGarth, Darby.

I'm hugging you. Is this like an official wedding ceremony? You're describing what's happening. This must be an opening of an improv scene. We're holding each other's hands. I'm touching your knees. We're locking fingers. I've got my head near your handles. Handles? What the hell?

They're rising into the air. Oh, my gosh. I see. He does have handles. I'm doing a handstand. You're holding my ankles. This is beautiful. We're in 69 position, but fully clothed. They're ascending to the ceiling. This is just what Chip does. This is just what he does on that shot. We're both boys. We're the real.

We're the real deal. Nobody's questioning it. Their final words were, we're the real deal. We're the boat boys. We're the real deal. Incredible. And then they floated up through the skylight. Like the end of Greece. Yeah. Just like the end of Greece. Wow. Well, guys, I think we need to take a break. Who knew? Yeah, who knew indeed?

indeed but um we're gonna take a break uh when we come back we're gonna have more with jason manzoukas uh more guests are even coming up if you can believe it we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this

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Comedy Bang Bang 16th anniversary episode. We're back with Jason Manzoukas. Hey-o! Hey-o! And of course, Bing Lujo is still here. Hey-o!

Did I do it? It sounds so natural. Yeah, I mean, you did great. This malted has been so good, Bing. Yeah. So good. It's so good, but it's very filling, isn't it? It's very filling. Well, I'm glad because I didn't need a meal. You know, it's a long record. You're good for another six weeks. Yeah, this is a six-week malted, you were saying. Yeah, it's my famous six-week malted. Eat it in one day and you won't have to eat for another six weeks. You won't be able to. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

If you try it, you'll get very sick. Oh, okay. I did not know that. There should be some sort of disclaimer on the trash can that it's in. I feel like if you drink it, it malted out of a trash can.

You should know. You're going to be sick. Yeah, exactly. But you will get sick and you will cry. Oh, I didn't realize crying was a... You know, I haven't cried in about 30 years. This will make you cry. Oh, okay. You haven't cried at all? You haven't cried at anything? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, many of life's events have happened to you. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, some serious shit's gone down. You're saying happy and sad? Yeah. Oh.

No, I don't think I've done happy tears either. Not even at a commercial? No, no. I watched the whole Super Bowl this year. A lot of men will say that they don't cry, except for one commercial. No, there was one thing that I was... How about this? Picture like a dog that looks kind of wet, all right, and he's in a little cage, and

In the arms of the angels lies a way. I'm imagining Sarah McLachlan. That was our Frank and Shenandoah. That's beautiful. There was one time that I did cry. I can't remember in the past few years. It was when Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer put on those African costumes. They kneeled. That was beautiful. Yeah, I thought it was beautiful. Who didn't cry? That was very moving. Yeah.

All right, let's get to our next guest. Could you imagine where we'd be today if they didn't do that? Oh, man, the world would be going to hell. Let's get to our next guest. He was on the show once before a couple of months ago, I believe. Please welcome back to the show, Russ Suaro. Howdy, Scott.

Hang on. Is this your voice now? Let me hang on. Howdy. Super quick, where are you from? I'm from, well, Arizona mostly, a little bit of Texas. But now I am staying. Where they cross over, right? Just a little bit of Texas and Arizona overlap? Yes, it's the part of Texas that skips New Mexico. Right. Just skips it. Right over to Arizona. We're going to skip it. It's like taking the local if you're coming from Arizona. You don't want to see.

And you had a bit of a confusing story when you were here before because I hadn't seen the show Landman. I don't think you need to see the show to have a nice time with me, Scott. What are your details? I do happen to be a water man. I'm in Los Angeles working with their Department of Water and Power. But mostly I am staying in your ADHD.

That's right. As you know, but I'll remind the audience, of course. And just trying to get used to all these modern amenities that you have in Los Angeles that are not really for me. Yeah, what are some of the modern amenities? Well, the current one I am dealing with is still your Sling TV, Scott. Right, yes. You were unable to get channels? You have a Sling box in the ADU? Yeah, well, you know, we don't want to put actual cable in here.

I understand. We don't want to pay for the hookups. I've got no problem with it, but I'm trying to watch my World Series of Poker, and every time... How often does that occur, by the way? Because you're always saying I'm trying to watch the World Series of Poker. Do they have, like, 12 a year? It's one a year. It happens in the summer, but thank God. So technology's not all bad. Now we have a network on Sling that shows all poker all the time. Oh, wow. You said we have...

a show on sling. Are you part of sling? I, I, I would love to be, I met we, the people, uh, you know, yes. As our constitution begin as the greatest document known to American man has ever been. Yeah. You pulled out a pocket constitution out of your front pocket. You're waving it in the air right now. Well, I'm constantly waiting to be shot in the chest and hoping that that will protect me. Yeah. It does not look metallic. Uh,

And now that I'm noticing it, you do have a number of other pockets that look like they also have constitutions. I'm pretty well protected. You're also wearing a bulletproof vest, so that'll probably do the trick better than the constitution. You also have one of those plexiglass drummer cages. And like the Popemobile hat around it. That's right. And it appears that every limb is individually mic'd. And you're wearing a suit of armor? This is maybe overkill.

I happen to disagree. I love my country. Every item you mentioned is either forged by something Constitution-related, the frame that the Constitution is in, the glass that's on it. Okay, what about the armor? The armor is the armor that every single founding padre had to wear when signing the Constitution. Thanks for making it cool, by the way. Oh, yeah. Yeah, daddy, yeah.

They donned a suit of armor to sign the Constitution. I had no idea. But does Don Jr. have his own suit of armor? They donned the suit of armor, but Don has donned no suit of armor yet. I see. Okay, got it. That makes total sense to me. Thank you very much. So what are you doing here? Well, I wanted to just pop by because I'm going to go... This is more than a pop by at this point. Oh, because I sat in front of the microphone and I kind of bummed the guest out of the way to ask you about this? Yeah.

You made our previous three guests leave. You said you wanted to talk to me privately. And then you said roll tape. They said they could stay, and you said I'd rather you not. I've got big stuff to do. And I appreciate them leaving and respecting a boundary that a couple of you did not respect. Did you FaceTime the bomb threat to just those three people? Yeah, but I think it was pretty anonymous because I had one of the animojis on.

It was a bomb threat from a T-Rex, as far as they all know. But it is very important. I'd rather just talk to you, Scott, but since everyone's here, I'm just a little... Hey, you know what? Anything you say to me, you can say to my great friends Bing Lujo and Jason Manzoukas. That's right, Scott. Name a more iconic trio. We'll wait.

Third eye blind. But anyway. Shit, I didn't think you'd be able to do it. So fast. I just wanted to ask you, I am going to see... You can just ask me. You don't say you need to ask me. You can just ask something. Okay. So I'm going to say a sentence now. Okay, sure. Which will end with a question mark. Okay, sure. To which I would like a response. I am suitably prepared. All right. I am seeing sinners at the AMC movie theater. The...

The movie or just people that you are sitting in judgment of? I mean, at an AMC, both can be true. Yes, I've done both, but today is Ryan Coogler's film, Sinners. And then maybe I'll stick around after, eat myself a little bit of Cold Stone Creamery, sit on the Batman statue and look at Sinners. But the question I have for you is, in this newfangled world, what time do I get there? It used to be you showed up at a movie...

They started the trailers. There'd be two or three. This is stand-up. And then the movies. Hang on. Hang on. This is stand-up. It has the markings starting to sound like stand-up. The cadence of stand-up. Yes. This is why I wanted to just talk privately because I'm already being humiliated here.

in a way that you would not have humiliated. This is a chunk. What are you asking? Are you asking you want to dip in just two trailers before the movie? Things just used to be so different from a simple water man, and I'm just having trouble as a man in this crazy world. He just said man twice. Well, one was water man, which is kind of a title. Well, probably, I mean, a water person probably because anybody can do this job. Yes, but I...

I don't want to get into it, but I happen to be a water man. I see. And I believe with no broad commentary that the water person should be a man. I don't believe that about all jobs. I mean, you can't just say you believe something. Come on, you can't with no broad commentary. Okay. Thank you. And while I appreciate that, I think that's a way to try and avoid any scrutiny, which I think we should be applying. It is. Hey, you were tricked by the best. Yeah.

Well, that's a man's game. It's like the end of the John Wick movies. You and me facing off mano y mano. Mano y mano?

Mano y Mano. You weren't sure which one it was, so you better split it. I hit both, and now I got all audiences, and you cannot accuse me of mangling my spangling. Didn't it used to be Mano a Mano, which was man to man? I believe so. And now it's man and man? I believe so. Now what's the broad commentary here? It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve. Did he get me again? I think he did. Two points for the water man.

Yeah, I saw your toe on the line. Yeah, that's right. I shouldn't have worn my size 15 cowboy boots. So what are you asking me? Well, at what time did you get to... Get there 10 minutes before... The trailers nowadays are about a half hour. Okay, so 10 minutes before what? Including all the Maria Menounos trivia. I want to see that. You want to see that? You do. Don't you want to see Coke and Sprite race to the desk?

I didn't realize it was to the death. I just assumed. I assumed because they would get drunk. Do you want to do the name jumble? One of them is Don Cheadle. Yeah.

Do you want to see? Well, now I don't. Do you want to see the ads for, you know, you two, your business can advertise here? Yes, I need to advertise. This is the most captive audience. I have a business I'd like to advertise. Okay, you want to get there like an hour before the movie then. Christ, okay, I should probably roll soon then. What time is your movie? 3 p.m. Today? Yes. It's past 3. It's 6 p.m. right now. Well, God damn it, I'm missing sinners. Oh, yeah. Once again. They'll show it again. They show movies all day.

They didn't used to be that way. It would be one screening and you mostly went just to get into the cool air. So this is post air conditioning. Yeah. But they were showing one movie a day. Correct. Yeah. What were they doing the rest of the day? At the theater? Yes. Cleaning up the popcorn. Yeah.

Asked and answered, Russ. Figures didn't used to be so sticky, Scott. The only reason the floors are that sticky now is too many showings, in my opinion. I understand. They would do a full deep clean after every showing, like 12 hours of cleaning. Right. This man knows. I got to ask you, where'd you go to high school? Where do I go to high school? Where did you go to high school?

Currently at East Valley High School in North Hollywood. Oh, you are going to high school currently? Well, I go to high schools to just explain to the kids how things used to be different for men. You're invited? No, no. You don't have to be invited to it. It's not vampire rules at high schools. I understand. Is it just in the quad? Yes. I go into the quad and I get a little hacky sack so the kids think we're having a fun little game. A little hacky sack, not one of the big ones. Well, how could you kick a big one? Why do they make them?

If you can't kick a big hacky sack, why make a big sack? Now these guys know what it's like to be a man in this crazy world. You see a big hacky sack and you go, it didn't used to be this way. And you go to people that work at stores and you spend 30 to 45 minutes telling them how it used to be and why it's wrong now. And they say, sir, that's a beanbag chair.

So you've had the same issue in the love sack store. And this is a Wendy's. Russ, I don't think the world has changed all that much. They're still showing movies. They still have trailers. Maybe they have a couple more than they used to. Maria Menounos is kind of new. That's true. It's in her name. Compared to Nicole Kidman. Nicole Kidman is there. That's new. New Cole Kidman. New Cole Kidman. Yep.

New Coke Kidman. New Coke Kidman. She should change her name. New Coke Kidman? Yeah. She should change her name to New Coke. New Coke Kidman. They kind of did that with New Coke in a way. They said, it's New Coke. And then they went, hey, I'm Kidman. It's Nicole. New Coke. Oh, I get it. New Coke Kidnia. New Coke Kidnia. New Coke Kidnia. Kidnia. Kidnia. Kidnia. Kidnia. I'm Kidnia. Oh, I thought you meant kidney. Kidney.

No, but maybe New Coke Kidney? New Coke Kidney. Should Nicole Kidman change her name to New Coke Kidney? Let's put a survey up in the podcast right now and see what the fans are saying. Yeah, vote on this in the chat. New Coke Kidney Bean. Okay.

I don't know. That's guilting the willy. Wait, hang on. I don't want to shut it down right away. We could maybe make Kidney Bean really something, Jason. No, no, no. By the way, Russ, you're not part of this. Shut the fuck up. We were riffing here. See, this always happens, Scott. I've been in your alternate dwelling unit for a little couple months now. Kidney Bean should be what Jason Bourne's name is now. Yes. Oh, yeah. The bean identity. Kidney Bean.

I wish bean dip was still here. I know. She'd have a field day for this. Her ears are hot right now. May I ask why? Why what? Kidney bean should be his new name. I don't want to waste the bean. Yeah. We brought up the bean. Jason brought up the bean. We feel bad for him. We got to move it into that. All right. The bean ultimatum. Yep. That's right. The bean dependency. Yeah.

The bean dependency? That's got to be one of the ones that stars Renner. Well, Russ, it's great getting to know you. It's been absolutely... Never have I believed you less in my life. Scott, I love every moment we've had together because... It's mainly you asking me Sling TV questions. That's the...

Pretty much the foundation of our relationship. Well, I've got another one, Scott. I keep trying to get on your Wi-Fi down there. We intentionally have not given you the password. Okay, so it doesn't pop up on your phone when I try to get up? Oh, no, it's a constant popping up that Russ Suaro wants your Wi-Fi password. I would love to be on there. I would love to put that DNS in. In my day, we'd all just share one internet together.

But this world is so segmented with everyone's Wi-Fi. No, it's an ADU. Aukerman, Maine. Aukerman guest. Why can't I be on Maine with you? Because it was right there in the contract that you are required to pay for your own internet. We don't want to be paying for... By the way, and I've seen your internet bill that's come to the house. It accidentally got delivered to me.

I mean, like, is it supposed to list all these weird sites that you go to? I requested that because I want my bill itemized because I don't want them screwing me on that. So I want to say every website and be like, I don't think I visited that one, but it's been pretty accurate. But yeah. What is bork.gov? Well, I'll tell you what.

It is a drunken typo. Supreme Court almost Justice Robert Bork? I think it might be. That's what I don't know. How many near Supreme Court justices are we mentioning in this episode? You've been there thousands of times. Harriet Meyers? You know that thing where you remember that you know someone's name is either Chris or Sean?

And you're like, I know I got it wrong last time. I think I said Chris. So I'm going to say Sean this time. Hey, Sean. One of the times I'll be wrong. Yes. But you're always wrong. I have that because I keep looking to download a digital download of a Bjork album. You keep downloading an analog download of it?

You're trying to download a record. I've tried to download a record. Well, I'm accidentally. And so I'm like, well, I think I went to Bjork.gov last time. So this time I'll go to Bork.gov. Makes sense. And then if that doesn't work, you'll just go, you'll keep taking one letter out of it? Yes. So I got a bow, bow.gov, which is, of course, the Obama's dogs. Of course. Russ, I thought we wrapped up earlier. Oh, was that a wrap up? Yeah.

Usually when I say it's nice meeting you. Oh, I thought it was just a nice thing to say to somebody. It's nice meeting you. I am getting the keep the... I think I'm getting the... Stretch signal? Stretch it out signal. Okay. What about this? Okay. We don't have time for your stand-up.

witty observations about the modern world. We don't have time for any of them. All right. Well, this is why I would like to just have a nice man's dinner with you one night without all of this, and no offense, riffraff around.

Because then you get into your... You can't say no offense and then say something really offensive to people. I can't say no offense. I can't preface my questions. I mean, riff-raff is pretty... That's not a compliment. Well, it is if I'm referring to the recent Bill Murray, Ed Harris movie, which I gave four stars on my letterbox. Okay, I'm not... Again, I'm not interested in your letterbox. You've tried to get me to go visit that. I can't tell where you live politically.

What if it's Richard O'Brien's character from a regular picture show? I would say it's a compliment. You're very crafty. Okay, Russ, it's been nice knowing you. Are you going to kill me? I'm not going to kill you. You can stick around. You can stick around. We need to get to our next guest. I just got to catch a movie, but please. You missed the movie. Okay, well, I don't know what I'm doing tonight then.

Okay, I'm not interested, but you can stick around until the end of the show. I'm going to go to Pubelle. Okay, now I really don't know what's going on with you. You're going to La Pubelle? Yes. On the Franklin block? Yes, well, I'm beefing with them because, as you may know, the people who take videos of them and post them online, I have been in the background holding different Van Leeuwen ice creams in every video, and it has embarrassed me in front of my family and friends. Oh.

What flavors? Too specific. What flavors? I like specific references, but this is... I don't think anyone knows what you're talking about other than maybe four people at this table. Well, I don't want to leave Jason's question hanging about the flavors. Cookies and cream. Okay. Great. Vegan cookies and cream. Yeah, I like that one. I like that vegan honeycomb. You have vegan cookies and cream and cookies and cream? I prefer the vegan, believe it or not. But you buy both. Well, I didn't want to because I was like, vegan ice cream?

but we got these cows. We're a country of farms. They said, just try it, Waterman. And I said, I'll do it once, but I don't like trying new things. And it blew my dick off. Right off. And so you went to the non-vegan one to see if you could get your dick back? Russ, we were wrapping up.

Are the cookies and cream both vegan? You gotta be, yeah. Oreos are vegan treats. Is that true? Oreo is, yes, is vegan. Because they're just made with science? Yes, because it's literally all preservatives. Okay, Russ. Russ Farrow. Can I ask him one more question? Okay, all right.

Whatever you need. Go crazy. What's a man's dinner to you? Oh, great question, King. Well, it used to be a nice Chinese dinner. What? Wait a minute. What?

Did not anticipate that. A succulent Chinese meal? A succulent Chinese meal eaten out of a box amongst friends while you're kind of trying to come up with the best idea together. It's midnight. You got the chopsticks on the rice.

But now, and I used to get it delivered straight from the restaurant, but now I've got to use DoorDash. Postmates. And Postmates is Uber Eats now, Scott. You could go around them and just call the restaurant. It's just stand-up. Don't disagree. It's just stand-up. I'm not interested. This is just exposition for the joke. I don't care. I don't care. Please don't imply that there is a joke at the end.

It's all setups. No punchlines. Yeah, I guess so. Okay, look. Russ Suaro is here. We need to move on to our next guest. Russ Wireless here?

Swarrow. Swarrow. Swarrow, yes. I thought you were doing a new guy. Russ Wireless here. Russ Wireless. Hello. I'm just now noticing that Russ has like a tan line on his wedding ring finger. I guess we can ask about that. What's going on? I just noticed. Look, if you just noticed it. I just noticed. This is late breaking news. What's going on? Are you recently separated? Well, I am recently separated, but what you're noticing is... It's a reverse tan, by the way. It's darker...

Where the ring used to be. That's my mistake. Because what happened was we broke up and I took it off and there was no tan line. And I wanted people to ask. So I went to a tanning salon. You covered the rest of your body other than the ring? Yes. And then I left and I went, oh, this was a mistake. So I'm not this dark normally. All right. Let's get to him.

It's the 16th anniversary, so of course we have guests that we love returning, and then also a new guy. Let's welcome him. He is a community activist. Please welcome Jim Reese. Oh, thank you, Scott, so much for having me. Of course, yeah. This is Russ Suaro, if you're interested. How are you? Pleasure. Um...

What's that about? Tell me about what you just did. What's the spitting? It's a cowboy handshake. You spit on your hands to let each other know you both don't have COVID. You hocked up a pretty good loogie there. Yeah, and you didn't do that to anybody else when you met them in the room. Well, I knew a man when I saw a man there, and I had milk. That's why it was a bigger loogie than normal.

Oh, yeah. I have a cloying amount of milk and Starburst. I see. A cloying amount. And I don't think that a cowboy handshake includes a loogie. Yeah. That's where things are different on the West Coast. I've left you hanging. Let's get that handshake. Thank you. He's really going in for it. Whoa. Feel it in there. Jim Reese, welcome to the show. Thanks so much. I hope... Look, I know...

This is a comedy show, right? Yeah, it can be. But we get serious sometimes. Okay, because I have a serious issue I want to talk about. I live in Los Angeles. Hey, at Comedy Bang Bang, we care.

I've heard that. Yeah. That's getting around. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, I think so. I think it's catching on. And if you're a community activist, this show goes out to the greater Los Angeles community. So I feel like it's a good place to get your platform. That's perfect. That's perfect. That's exact. I want to get a message out there. And if you speak to the community. This is Bing Lujo, by the way. Hi. Oh, hello. How are you? It's nice to meet you. Oh, it's great. Do you want a hug? Okay. All right. Come on in. What about a cowboy hug? All right.

You guys spit on each other's arms? Yeah, and I spit on my chest. How about, just for good measure, Christian side hug. Okay. Yeah, let's keep it. There we go. It's nice to have human contact. My wife died yesterday. Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.

Yesterday. Are you sure? Yeah. Look, we're older people. It's fine. Every time he's here, he says his wife died yesterday. You get past it really fast. Every day he's here, he says his wife died yesterday. And you don't want to think about it. I didn't see you go into the whispering corner and say that. I don't know. I think he's either reliving the same day over and over again. It's possible. He's just confused about when his wife died. Anyway, hi, Bing.

Yeah, hi. Yeah, hi, Bing. Oh, hello. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. So, what were you going to talk about? Anti-littering. Okay. Okay, there's too much littering in the streets of Los Angeles. So you want people to anti-litter? Yeah.

You want them to throw away non-litter. No, I'm hoping that they pick up the litter. So throw things out the window that are just not technically litter. No. So throw things that are meant to be out the window? Yeah, throw leaves out the window onto the ground. No, no, no, no. Does it have to be out of a window? Can't you throw it out of maybe a door? None of these. It shouldn't be out of a window or a door. What do you want us to throw? What do you define as non-litter? Like a television set?

Well, if it's in a living room and being used, that is not litter. So you throw that out the door. Well, not necessarily. I'm hoping that there's... See, there's a lot of... I don't get what you're saying. So let's start by defining litter. Great question. Great. And who are you? This is Jason Manzoukas. Nice to meet you. A pleasure. So a litter of, let's say, so for example, a litter of puppies. Well, you know, oddly enough, that's not the litter that I'm talking about.

about so you're so you're fine with people throwing away like newborn kittens not at all you said you're anti-litter i am you are anti-litter you did say that i did i did so you're anti-dog anti-cat anti-anti-any anti-litter anti-lack you know if it's necessary for the environment then i will be anti yeah i like where this tune's going yeah

You're anti-dog, anti-cat, anti-this, anti-that. There is a guy you want. He's against it all. And he doesn't care if you throw it out the door. I didn't think I was going to use this drum major stick I brought. Thank you so much. So wait, did you pick that off?

the ground yes this was okay i assume it was thrown away that's what i'm i'm surprised that so i but i picked it up because it was thrown away and that's hurting the environment are you happy that you were able to pick it are you happy that you found the the thing and that it was useful here yes then that's not litter did that make you happy then that's not a bad did that make you happy yes yes so then a good then litter made you happy wouldn't know but

Only once it was no longer litter, right? Turning it from litter to non-litter made me happy. When did that happen? When I found a use for it. When I found a use for the trash. One man's trash, as they say. Yes, what do they say? Is bad.

Oh, yes. That's right. Or it's another man's useful item. Okay, right. So I'm saying, look, here's... What do you feel about litter in the word literature? That's a good question. Never thought about it. It's a good ask question. I've never... Well, I'm pro-literature, certainly. What is your favorite book?

Or, I'm sorry, novel. Okay. I'm not much of a reader. So you can't say the Bible. Okay. I wasn't going to say the Bible. I'm not much of a reader, to be honest. So I'm afraid this question might be... But you can read. Yeah. What have you read in your life? Just as...

List all the books you've read. In order? A Snowy Day. That was the first book you ever read? I think maybe, yes, A Snowy Day. The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Pretty advanced. These are pretty advanced. These are what he's doing in order. It's fun to remember. The Mouse and the Motorcycle. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I'm skipping some, I'm sure. These are the ones that are coming to mind. And what's the last book that you read? The most recent book I read. And hopefully it has a creature and an item. Yes.

It's not my fault that the genre of children's books... Mouse and the Motorcycle, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. That's not... The Elephant and the Stool. No, the most... Oh, that's tough. I'm not calling out things I'm seeing right now. I'm sorry. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Okay, well, that has a fault and some stars. Name a more iconic duo.

Me? Lennon McCartney. We don't like the Beatles. Okay, fine. Well, I'm left out of the war. Screw it. Let's just talk about the Stones. Okay. So what do you want to talk about? I'm lost. It's a very simple message. Is it? It's seeming so complicated. You need to strip some of the elements out of this. Okay, great. Hey, that's good for me to know. If there's good feedback, I want to take that feedback and make it better. I want less litter in Los Angeles. So pick it up.

Well, I am picking it up. You want less litter in Los Angeles. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

And most advocates for things that I would consider non-masculine, like picking up litter, come in with this non-alpha energy. And you're letting these guys big dog you about a thing you love. I think you got to big dog them and say, I love to hate litter. And anyone who doesn't is a coward. And then you shoot them.

Or you pull out a gun or a knife or threaten them. Can they hear this? Are we in a whispering? Yeah, no, we're hearing everything. Oh, really? Well, I'm not going to shoot anybody, but you know what? I will try to. I'll try to. I'll fit it up a little bit. Okay. Russ, okay. There we go. Hey, assholes. Hmm.

Don't like that. What'd you say? I said, hey, asshole. Hey, you got a problem with me, asshole? Stop pushing my shoulder. Stop pushing my shoulder. I've never seen Jason. I didn't know his sleeves could roll up that high. He's really getting ready to fight. Like right up to the pit. It looks tight. Starting Noah Wiley. Ooh, you're getting up. Ooh, I'm going to go Dr. Robbie on you. His arms are turning purple.

It's too tight. Too tight. Oh, I got them purple arms. I don't like litter. Okay? We should pick up litter. That's what I'm saying. We got to clean up this town. So you're saying you want us all to pick up litter? Yes. I don't respond well to being yelled at. Are we all going to get one of those poles with the nail on the end? No, this is just a drum major staff that I found on the way and I pick up the litter. He's talking about your pole. Right.

I can get you one of those. Yes. I can't promise one. No, we all want one. Yes. And we want good ones. We don't want shitty ones. There's no shitty ones. You want us to pick up the litter?

I think we should all do our part. Then give us the fucking sticks. You know what we should do is convince people not to litter. Then we won't have to pick up Jack shit. Using our sticks. I don't need you to rubber stamp me. We should use our sharp sticks to threaten people. That if you litter, that's not what they're for. We're going to stab you. I've got one sharp stick. I'll give it to you, Bing.

Thank you. Okay, so you asked for it. Wait a second. That's just a stick with a nail on it. We can make that. Let's make more of those. No, that... Well, yeah, that's how I just fashioned that. You didn't invent it, though, did you? Well, I'm not trying to patent it. Great. We can do it without you. That's fine with me. I don't need to be... We don't need you as part of this process here. That's great. I'm just trying to get the message out. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Okay.

This guy's tricking us into picking up all the litter. He's Tom Sawyer-ing us. Absolutely. That's not at all what I'm saying. I don't want to stick. Yeah, you pick it up. You pick up all the litter and then come back and tell us how it went. I've picked up some of the litter. I've done my part. Some? How much? Uh.

Which pieces? Yeah. I don't have a list of the... Well, let me see. Two plastic from an individually wrapped slice of cheese. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, guys. I'm seeing some litter right outside the door here. Yeah. It's a piece of paper that's been crumpled up? Yeah. Let me undo this. Yeah, uncrumple it. This is a list of books.

And this is a lot like the list of books that you said you've read. All right, so it's my garbage. What do you want? What do you want? So you're littering. I littered a little bit. A little bit? A litter bit. I...

I littered a litter bin just to come inside. I didn't want to be- My yard is strewn with pieces of paper. I would not say it is strewn, sir. I think that is an overstatement. We're not at strewn levels. So you're responsible for the rash of littering that this town has seen over the past- You're the litter rash? The rash. The litterati. I'm not the litterati. I'm not the litter rash. I leave a few things behind when I go inside people's homes. Clean up your own mess. Sorry. Have you noticed that there's a big pile of human shit outside the door?

Is that you as well? Yes. So what? That's not litter. Did you want me to shit inside your house? I think that would be rude. That's shitter. Are you shittering? Yes. Are you the shitterati? Shittering is not littering because it melts. Not fast enough. It melts. It melts. Shit melts. It melts like ice cream. Yes. What do you mean? Shit melts. Shit melts. I think that only a childless man could say.

I don't know for sure that I'm childless. We're pretty sure. You just met me. Listen, the shit melts, so it's not littering. And I don't want to bring, I don't want to step inside someone's house when I'm chock full of shit. I want to empty it out. Chock full of shit. I don't want to. Where were you guys fucking gross? Your home and here. Nope. Four tacos dance.

Four? Yes! Why not just get four tacos from one stand? Yeah, are you doing a taste test? No, I just thought I only need one. I'm watching what I eat, but then it was so good, I got to the next taco stand. I'm like, okay, just one more. Okay, so you're a glutton. I would not. I do not subscribe to that deadly thing. Four? Four tacos. Four tacos! So you're a four taco gym.

I mean, you could say that I'm for Taco Jim. I guess that would be a nickname that would fit. What did you do with all the... Why didn't you introduce yourself that way? Because it's not a name that I had before six seconds ago. It seems pretty fucking obvious. I don't like litter except...

When I'm going inside someone's house and my pockets have some papers of my personal records of memories that I'm trying to recall. I think this is what you get off on, man. Yeah. Get off? I think you get off going to people's houses, littering around their yards, and taking a big shit outside the door. I think that's your whole thing. What makes you think I'm aroused right now? Would you treat Marc Maron this way on WTF? Never. What? I mean, or here. Or here. You did treat me this way. No. Just because-

Well, out of respect. I took a shit outside of your door out of respect. I don't like to kink shame, and I never kink shame. You don't like kink shame? You're disgusting. Your kink is disgusting, and you should be ashamed of it. I feel like your kink is kink shaming people. Yeah, it is. And you should be ashamed of that. I am. Listen, I'm filled with shame. You're not kink shaming me because it's not a kink of mine. It's not a kink of mine to take a shit out of somebody's face. Could you say it is? That would do a lot for me. Yeah.

Maybe someday. All right, look, Jim, you suck. You're not going to be in the second book. All right. Come on. Somebody's got to be. You're not coming back. You're not going to be in the second book. There's nothing going on with you. And the stuff you were saying about the Holocaust earlier, you're glad it was off mic. Yeah.

Although I might record it as a bonus episode because the mics were on. Yes. That's not fair. You told me they were on. Sorry. Four Taco Jims thoughts on the Holocaust. CBB Presents episode. Before we move on from my segment because I have a feeling that I will never get a chance to speak on this podcast, I just want to remind everybody that I came in here and said I'm against littering.

But then we got to the real heart of the matter. And you're a piece of shit. You're a fucking villain, bro. Quite a heel turn. You're revealed. Thank you for having me. Yours is a legacy of shame. You know what? Pleasure to have you on. Let's get to our next and final guest. Of course, we have our old, old friends here on the show, as well as new people. And this is someone that we've never met before. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Bitsy Bottom. Hi, Scotchy.

Hi. Hi, Bitsy. How are you doing? It's great to meet you, Bitsy. I'm Josh. How are you doing? Hi. Hi. What? Sorry, Bitsy. Hi. I'm a little round weasel. You're a little round weasel? I'm a little round weasel, yeah. I came from my cozy borough. I live under a weasel tree.

Yeah, in Whistlewash Farm. In Whistlewash Farm? Yeah, you know where Whistlewash is? In Redwood Forest. Oh, in the Redwood Forest. Yeah. Have you been there? No, I've never even heard of it. Oh, it's so cool there. I've been to the Redwood Forest. You have? Yeah, it's beautiful. I've been to the Gulf Stream Waters. Have you been to the Wise Old Tree? It's so cute. I've never been to the Wise Old Tree. Oh, we got squirrelies in there. We got owlies in there. Sounds very cozy. Yeah, we got

Oh, badgies in there. We got raccoons in there. We got everybody. All kinds of critters in there. All in the tree. Yeah, we love sweet stuff. We love cute stuff. Okay. Like honey. You like honey? Honey. Yeah, sure. Is there a... What is that made of? A hive, right? A hive? A comb? It took you a while for hive, huh? Hey. I've said a lot of words today. I know you have. You gotta admit. No, we always got a plum jump high.

What? Plum Jump Pie. Plum Jump Pie. Yeah, we got ladybugs with too many spots. That's cute. Too many spots. Yeah, too many spots. Do you have ladybugs with normal amount of spots? Sure, but no one, you know. Nobody pays attention to them. And we also got all kinds of sweet stuff. We got jumpers.

We got, you know, what is it called? Sweetberry juice. All kinds of stuff. But I haven't come out in 13 years. This is my first time in the big city in 13 years. Welcome. Thank you so much for being on the show. Oh, no problem. Kind of like a rumspringa. Yeah, it's sort of like Critters. I'll tell you all the Critters. Do we elect like a representative to go outside? Right? Oh, this is an elected position? Yeah, it is. And we haven't been...

out of the tree. I haven't been out of the tree in 13 years, so we don't know what's going on. So they sent me all these questions. Oh, okay. I got all these questions from all the people. Everyone in the tree. I'm sure we can answer this. What's going on? Questions since 2012? I haven't seen one like that. That's great. You do the math. What a position of honor you have. Oh, yeah. I was elected. People were saying you do the math before you. Oh, sorry, what? Yeah, people were saying you do the math for years. Okay, great. It's like a thing.

By the way, anyone want some crumb dum? Crumb dum dumplings? I don't even know what that is. Do you know what a dum dumpling is? I don't know what a crumb dumpling is. It's kind of like go-go dumplings. I don't know what those are either. Go-go dumplings? Yeah, it's kind of like onakas. Onakas. Onakas, I don't know what those are. I'm okay. Like a dooku nut. We don't know any of your... You bite it and it's like a dooku nut. No, we don't know any of your food. Do you know what an onakas is?

Yeah, so it's nothing like that. Oh, okay. You want one? No, no. Okay, well, I have some questions. Can I ask you some questions from someone in my family? Sure, yeah, maybe we can all answer some of the... Okay, this question is from...

My girlfriend, Unicuni. Unicuni. You have a girlfriend? I have a girlfriend, yeah. How old are you? Me? 12. 12. No, I'm a weasel. I thought you haven't been out in 13 years. Oh, it's different for weasels. I was giving you like the dog years. Oh, got it, got it. Yeah, every weasel year is nine years. Oh, okay. So you're quite old. You're an elder. You do the math. Sure. 118 maybe? Unicuni asks, okay, this is what she asks. Did we finally elect a president?

A president who prioritizes being a sweetie pie? Not a special... Let's see, in the last 12 years... I think it's okay to say no. I think the answer is no. Who is the president? I'd rather not say, but it is Donald J. Trump. The movie star? The tall one? From Home Alone 2? The movie star, yes. Oh, no. Oh, that's weird.

It is weird. That's okay. That's all right. This is from Mama Egg. Oh, Mama Egg? Yeah, she's the princess of cupcakes. Okay, she wants to know, is it true that AI stands for almond ice cream? Almond ice cream? Yeah. That would be AIC, probably. She's on the road right now with Bernie. AI stands for artificial intelligence. Okay.

Okay. You got that one wrong. Speaking of your first question. Both of your questions happen to be, the answers happen to be things that are disrupting and disintegrating society. Okay, well, this is from, that's okay. This is from Sour Cream Pie. Sour Cream Pie? Yeah, he's my brother. He's your brother? Oh, okay. He wants to know, is it still a fact that his birthday is regarded as the best day ever?

What is his birthday? January 6th. Oh. Wow. I don't, I mean, I think Harrison McGarth would probably. Yeah, I was going to say, it depends on who you ask. Date redacted is, I think, what we're calling that. I'm not getting the vibe. Someone be clear. There's been a vibe shift. Yeah. I think it is no longer the coolest day ever. Although, Russ Suaro, you've been awfully silent during this. Well, yeah.

uh you know i don't believe a sweetie pie should be running a country um okay all right i believe that ai should stand for almond ice cream so we do agree on that one by the way i love you oh everybody's here i love you may i have when you uh deliver in our culture we have you got a deep voice huh oh and you got a high one you

Hey, baboo baby. Yeah? Ba-boop. Yeah? All right. Hey. Can I bite him if I climb on your shoulder? Come on up. I mean, you have to get through some of these. All right. All right. Look at that. Hi. Why don't you eat one of these little, what do you call it, a dumpling? Yeah. A googly dumpling. Can I ask you a question? Oh, yeah. This is something my mom wants to know. Who's your mom now? My mom?

My mom's name is Erdy Birdy. Erdy Birdy? Yeah, she's a piss nut. She's a piss nut? Yeah, that's what we call the queen of the tree. She wants to know... Why not queen? Why not queen of the tree? It's just cuter. Oh, it is. I mean, I don't know. My mom wants to know... Your mom's a piss nut. How are all my girls making choices about their bodies doing? That was your mom's question? That's my mom's question.

You know, a lot's changed in 12 years. Why? What happened? Roe v. Wade was overturned. I don't know if you're aware of that. No, I'm aware. Oh, you are aware? Yeah, no, I'm aware of Roe v. Wade. Yeah, that's no longer the law of the land. You can't say you're aware when someone says Roe v. Wade was overturned. I thought it was a two-part question.

When you deliver this news there, how do you imagine they're all going to react? I don't know. It's pretty all bad news. Maybe there's something good in there. Okay, sure. Ask us one. I'm sure there's got to be something good. There's got to be some good questions. How was LeBron James' funeral? Uh-oh.

I don't think, he hasn't passed away. Oh, that's good. Yeah. What's he doing? He's still playing basketball. Get the hell out of here. Along with his son. Jesus Christ. Who asked that question? Yeah, whose question is that? That was the caterpillar, Cookie. Why did Cookie assume that LeBron James was dead? Because she's so goddamn old. Do you guys not have- Not really, by human standards. Do you guys not have TV? No, no.

TV. We have a couple movies. Oh, which movies? Crimson Tide. Oh, of course. We have Crimson and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Oh, I have terrible news for you vis-a-vis Crimson Tide. Oh. Gene Hackman has passed away. No. He was one of our big three. He is. He was one of you. Big three? Yeah. Big three. Favorite three actors in the tree, in Wise Old Tree. Who were the three? Gene Hackman.

It was Woody Allen and Bill Cosby. Uh-oh. Bill Cosby you described as an actor primarily? And Woody Allen. How would you describe Bill Cosby? Comedian? Maybe. Okay, and what did he do on the Cosby show? He acted. Okay, I would step off, okay? Okay, my apologies. What, you never saw the Devil and Max Devlin? Oh, I got a question from Rudy Rue. He's the acorn guy. Rudy Rue. What does Rudy Rue want? Rudy Rue. Rudy Rue.

He wants to know, let's see, he wants to know how quickly did we learn a good lesson from Columbine? - Oh, wow, wow, wow. Well, it depends on what the lesson is. If the lesson learned was this works, we should do this constantly, we learned it immediately. - So there's been more? - Oh yeah. - Yeah, quite a few more. - Oh no. - Almost every day. - Almost every day there is something that counts as a mass shooting.

But you know what? You got to put in your 10,000 hours. Yeah. Okay. Good point. I will give this. Malcolm Gladwell had it right. I don't know if I should keep... I don't know either. Honestly. I have a question for my dad. Oh, who's your dad? My dad is Winn-Webis. Winn-Webis. Okay, what does Winn-Webis want? Winn-Webis wants to know how is the middle class doing? Seems to be shrinking. Oh, if it's not completely evaporated. Why...

What is Wim Wiebes' stake in this? Why do these animals live in a creek? We want to know! Yeah, your mic... I have another question. Okay, what is Wim... What's the second part of Wim's question? Is it true that everyone's got a house? Everyone's got housing available? It was never true. That's been bad for a while. I want to say something about your people. Or your animals. Yeah.

You're so happy because you live with your damn heads in the tree while we're out here in the real world. Oh, no. I mean, of course it's easy. Everybody goes, oh, everyone's so happy in Finland. It's because they just sit in cold ass Finland all the time. And frankly, it's not a very inclusive country. All right. And it sounds like I couldn't live with your people if I had to come in with bad news. Can we all agree on that? Yes.

What do you mean? Why couldn't you live with us? Well, because I'd have to tell you the truth sometime. And then what? You'd get all sad and it would make me think about how my life is sad and I never think about it ever. What's going on in your life? He's just watching poker all day. Honestly, he'll have a ton of questions about, do you have Sling TV in the tree?

If not, he's not going to be happy. Sling TV. Yeah, we got Sling TV. Why do you only have two movies? What do you think Sling TV is? Oh, we got you there. I guess it's a service that you hook up to your TV. No, it's like a slingshot. You're a titty varnish. So you guys slingshot titty varnish all day. That's what we do.

The hardest part of getting titty varnish on is the close quarters you have to do it in. So how's the weather doing? Is it still... This is what... Let's see. This is what Sweet Goose Goat wants to know. Okay, let me... Is the weather still extremely consistent?

No, there's a lot. I mean, there have been just in the past few months, there have been fires here in California. Yeah. Did you see any of those? No. No, no. Yeah. What's going on? The weather. We lost a lot of trees. Why? Because of spontaneous fires breaking out due to extreme heat and climate change. Climate change. Yeah. Climate.

That's your takeaway? Clima? Clima. Clima. Every time. Clima change. Clima. Okay, this one's a good one. Oh, this one's a good one. Oh, this is from Grandpa Funrich. Okay. He's the old in the weasel tree. How old? 95. Wow. And he wants to know, did Miramax ever get a Facebook page? Right.

Did the studio Miramax ever get a Facebook page? Unfortunately, there is a part of that question that is a bit of a bummer. Don't tell me Facebook. No, but it's not nearly as ubiquitous as it once was. Miramax does have a Facebook page. I'm happy to tell you. Good, because those

Because those guys make great movies. Oh, but it's no longer those guys. Miramax is no longer... In fact, you can bring this message back. Not only is Miramax no longer the Weinstein Brothers, the Weinstein Company is no longer the Weinstein Brothers. And that's because... Various hijinks, if you can call them that. So you would come back and I'd say, Harvey Weinstein did some hijinks is what you want me to say. Sure, I mean... Is that okay? Scott said... Scott Ackerman said...

Harvey Weinstein did hijinks. Is this truly the only way you can get this information? Buy one newspaper. Every single person in your tree is asking pinpoint specific questions about very important things. It's almost as if it is, but not exactly.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news. I just can't stop thinking about this. LeBron James plays on a team with his son, and instead of it being celebrated, everyone mocks him and how bad his son is at basketball on a public level constantly. Oh, okay. Is his son bad? I mean, he's not good enough to be in his position, but he's no LeBron James. Well, his name is the same, but he is LeBron James, but he's no LeBron James. That's why he is LeBron James. Stumpy Stumpish wants to know,

Pick a good one. Is it true that Hayao Miyazaki is very happy with the state of the world right now? These are so specific. Why? Hayao Miyazaki. I don't know what you mean. We love Totoro. You love Totoro, yes. Is that one of your two movies? Well, uh...

Crimson Tide and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. So you just... We saw the last... I came out. By the way, I dug a hole in your yard. Something awful. Oh, okay. I'm so sorry, Scassi. It's okay. You're so cute. You're so cute. I saw Toadstool. We like it because it has something to do with Critters 2. And then you looked up the fact that... Did you see Critters 2? I love Critters 2. I love Critters 2. Critters 2 is so good. Critters 1...

Yabba dabba double? That means mad, I think. Yabba dabba double means okay. Critters 2 really delivered on the promise of Critters 1. Yes, right. I have a question for myself. Okay, sure. Does Grogu ever get his own movie? He actually, I do believe next year it'll come out. But it's actually, he's going to have to share it with the Mandalorian. He shares it with the Mandalorian. Oh, that's too bad. No one likes the Mandalorian part, do they? But...

But everybody seems to have gotten on board with Grogu instead of Baby Yoda. Yeah, which is nice. Oh, they like the name, Grogu. Yeah, I think I remember the first six months that we had to say Grogu. No one liked it. And no one stands up and says, that sounds like cheese. Yeah. Nobody does that anymore. You did take a little peek out of the tree to talk about Grogu. On the way here, buddy. Wait, you binge watched The Mandalorian on the way here? On the way here, yeah.

How did you get here? I heard about Scotty and CB. Yeah, Bitsy Bot. Oh, okay. Well, I think we have time for one good one. Okay. You guys managed to keep the Nazis dormant. Well...

How did we manage to keep the Nazis doormen? How did you make the Nazis open and close the doors for you? That's what we should do. How did you make the Nazis have conversations when you come inside the building with your guma? How much do you tip the Nazis at the end of the year? Especially if they've been taking in packages for your guma. Yes.

How many times you asked the Nazis not to look at your wife's rear end? To stop chewing so hard in the hallway. I can't tabulate numbers that high, so I'm sorry. Well, Bitsy Bottom, thank you so much for being here. I love you too. I love you. You're so cute. Would you mind if I lived with your woolly pubes for a month? Oh, no. I already have someone in my ADU here. No.

Oh, come on. It's so warm in there, I bet. I'm sure it is, but I... Come on. Be a sport. Yeah, be a sport. Come on. All right, hop on in. Hop on in here. Whee! Oh, God. Oh, my God. I love it down here. I love it.

I'm glad we attached a lav mic. Yeah. I always lav my pubes just in case something happens during the show. Oh, gosh. If there's any litter in there, throw it out. Oh, Jim Reese. That's the worst. What a bummer. Well, look, guys. We are, if you can believe it, running out of time on this episode. We only have time for one final feature, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs. Plugs. Plugs.

Oh, very nice. That was Plugs by Arsenio Corridor.

That made me feel like I was in a bad dream. Yeah. That felt cursed in some way. Yeah, exactly. All right, guys, what do we plug in here? Jason, do you have anything to plug? Obviously Taskmaster season 19, I believe. Absolutely. You can watch it on YouTube right now or this Friday. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So yes, at the end of this week, every episode available on YouTube Taskmaster UK. Also, the final season of Big Mouth coming out later this month. So check it out on Netflix.

All right. Bing Lujo. What do you want to plug? Well,

Well, I want to play a show called Varietopia that's on tour right now. Yeah, this is a good show. It's a really good show. It's like a night at the theater. It's like a night at the theater, but not pretentious. No, but people should wear tuxedos and tails. I think people should everywhere. Is it black tie? It is not, but it's optional. Yeah, black tie optional. Every Varietopia is black tie optional. I think everywhere in the world is black tie optional. It's true.

Not the pool. Will you just start putting on that it's black tie optional and see what happens? There's got to be someone who shows up. Absolutely. There's got to be somebody who shows up. So how do people get information about this show? Go to paulftompkins.com slash...

Varietopia. Wow. Okay, and all the dates will be up there, and this is a great show. All of them. How many cities? 20. 20 cities. That's a lot of cities. It's too many. And Russ Suaro, what do you want to plug here? Why don't you go to biggrandewebsite.com to get Big Grande's newest county fair series, 10 mono scenes all at a county fair, and listen to the Man Dog Pod Improv and Conversation podcast, and go to CBB World.

I've noticed these three sites on your internet bill just recurring all the time. Well, the issue is I can't figure out my dang login for each of them. Oh, okay. Then it's like, well, do you want to use passkey on your phone to do the login? And I'm like, how do I use passkey? How do I bring the keyboard back just to log back into this? It doesn't really respond to questions like that. It's just like, do you want to do it or not? Yes, but I have a lot of questions. You're exhausted. I have to tell my phone. I don't know.

Don't get me started. I mean, I'm going through a divorce. You're welcome. I'm already tired there. But yes, those websites are incredible. All right. And Jim Reese, community activist. What do you want to plug here? I want to plug a podcast that I like called Screw It. We're just going to talk about comics. These two...

Pretty low energy middle aged guys named Will and Kevin Hines are going over comics right now. They're going over some issues of The Incredible Hulk that were written by Peter David and drawed by Todd McFarlane. Drawed. Drawed. And yeah, so check that out. And also, Scott, I got to take a big shit somewhere. Do you know where I can? You just took one right outside the door. I know, and I knew that I'd have another one coming. Oh, that's disgusting. Mitzi Bottom, what do you want to plug? I want to plug a new movie that I just saw called Austin Powers. Oh, yeah.

And it's got this fabulous line in it. It's called, who does number two work for? I mean, that movie has been out for 30 years at this point. You've just seen it and you want to champion that line? It's so funny because what's going on in the movie is there's a number two.

He's like, oh, it works. I'll do this guy. Also, they're in the bathroom at the same time. So it works on like two. Don't say multiple levels. Just two levels. Number two levels. Yeah. It's really good. It's really good. All right. Great. Scott, thank you for pointing the microphone at your pubes. Oh, no. Thank you so much, Scott. See?

I want to plug, look, we mentioned CBB World. Head on over there. You get great shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn't Seen. I'll shout out, just because some folks aren't here anymore, I'll shout out the Hey Randy show on there. Hey Randy, yeah, there was a great Heinz I'm Proud to Meet You the other day. Very funny show. I don't care for the host, but the other people on it are fantastic. He seems great. He seems great. He is garbage. College Town as well. Great book writer, Juju Rowling. She's a good... No, no, no. A book about a book.

Magician. That was your takeaway from that? Bullcut Magician written by Juju. Juju Riley. She's classic stuff. Everything she says is gold. Yeah, let's close up the old plug bag. Open the plug bag with me, dude. Open the plug bag with me.

Oh, I'm sorry, this is a dub version? Get the fuck out of here. Hey, Prince Jammy, get out of here.

Ooh, okay. That was Dub Me Dude by Ross Brackett.

If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and you can be famous for a week. And Ross Brackett, you're famous. And guys, I want to thank you so much. What a way to celebrate the 16th anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Best friends and Jim Reese are here. You're welcome. And Bitsy Pond. Yeah, I've seen him 13 years, I guess. I don't know.

Well, you don't have to go just yet, do you, Bitsy Potter? Now that you're out, why don't you stay out for a while? Really? Yeah, see the world. It's gotten great. Yeah, things have changed in the last 13 years. What's going on? Is Busch Gardens still hot?

hot place to go? Like the weather there is hot. Yeah. People still putting ziti on pizza? Is that a huge major thing? I wish you were here for pasta or pasta. Oh, wow. Yeah. All right, guys. Thanks so much. We'll see you over the next 16 years. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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