For What It's Worth | Ep. 1 | Heist Story: Part 1
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. On the eastern shores of Yona, there lies the great city of Galtica, staring out into a dark and turbulent ocean. This is a place of business and commerce for many, a place of opportunity for some, and home to hundreds of thousands of creatures that make up the many boroughs and districts within the city proper.

Its history is old and storied. Older certainly than the noble families that would call themselves its rulers. For Galtica has no one king or sovereign. In spite of this, or perhaps because of it, Galtica perseveres. This is a hub of many, many races from across the mortal plane and even beyond. And thus is a city of great spectrums. Tremendous wealth and oppressive poverty.

Festivals and fairs and crime and corruption. Adventure and intrigue and indulgence in hedonism. A city of many faces, both literally and figuratively. Each of its myriad wards and neighborhoods houses humans, tieflings, dwarves, elves, dragonborn, and a half other... and half another world of humanoid creatures.

Merchants can be heard from nearly every street corner, calling out the contents and wares of their stalls. Each street brings its own flavors and smells and spices from the many clustered street cart food vendors and cafes and taverns and eateries. If you can think of it, you can probably find it here in Big Goodberry.

Tonight, we find ourselves in the bustling district of Little Philabertia, just above a quiet deli known as Gino's Deli. Very creative. It is here that you all find yourselves now. Not quite a week after your eventful evening at the Virtue Financial Community Bank, it is here that you'll learn what your new backer,

Miss Lady Greaves has tasked your crew to thieve. How you approach this job, how you plan for it, and work together to achieve this ultimate aim is up to you.

Is Lady Grieve currently here? Hmm? Is Lady Grieve currently here? No, this is just after a week or so. A little less than a week ago was when she had confronted your crew for your heist attempt. Successful though it was, it was very much an audition. It was very much her testing the waters to see if a crew could be experienced enough for her to find someone to task with her priority. And she seems to have found it in the four of you.

And so now you have returned to the second floor where Gino lives just above, effectively your base of operations just above Gino's deli. What time of day is it? I'd say it's about two in the afternoon. What time of year? It's the 23rd day of the sixth month. Is it like spring, summer? Summer. It's the heat of summer. On the desk by the window, stacks of books piled up and...

Tons of documents strewn about. You see the body, small, only about a foot, foot and a half, like really stretched out, of a small pixie. Sweating. Fanning herself with the document. Dramatically. Glitzy. She looks around. Gino, you got a glass of milk for me, please? I'm thirsty. It's so hot in here. When are you going to get that fan fixed?

You know I saw on a document once... Which one? How to make- the one that you're fanning yourself with. Oh, this one? On how to make milk. Yeah. You don't wanna know. Okay, but that doesn't answer my question as to whether you thought of this. You know they come from cows? Yeah, I know. That's disgusting. I've drank it straight from the source before when I was desperate. I thought they came from bears. Why would it be better if it came from bears? 'Cause I'm a bear.

- Do you want me to drink milk from you? - Anyway, everybody, you're probably wondering why I'm standing here. - He's gonna ignore me, isn't he? Oh, good. - As I'll go over to my liquor cabinet. - And what do you look like as you head towards the liquor cabinet? - You'll see as you, standing at about five-two, five-three, a paunchy,

short black bear folk, humanoid black bear in a kind of brownish-beigey suit that is far too small for him. - Single color pinstripes?

- I think that like it's the most old man suit you could imagine, so not pinstripes. - I go in a tweed direction. - Yeah, it's a tweed, yeah, it's a tweed suit and it's busting at the buttons, but for some reason, Geno insists on keeping it buttoned, even though you could just very, very reasonably just leave it unbuttoned. - If you were to do this, would the buttons fly off and ricochet around the room? - See, there's a reason why he's not sitting down very much. He shuffles around. You see a bloody and greasy apron hanging up on a hook next to the door.

and he's taken it off and then there's a similar tweed fedora hanging up on a little hat rack that he has. This being a Gulltokai, I presume a lot of people will wear hats. And so he will shuffle over to his liquor cabinet, which includes an ice box with a glass bottle of milk he knows to keep chilled for glitzing.

He then will fix himself a cocktail, Gino's favorite, a ye olde fashion, with an E at the end of old. Does anyone else want a ye olde fashion? And turning to the rest of the room, there are two other people who are in the room, and I would ask...

Orla to describe herself and whether or not she wants a cocktail. Should I describe my pixie since I didn't? Oh, my apologies. I told you what her name was, but I didn't tell you what she looked like. The window is open. You're sweating. The hot air of summer is blowing across. What kind of appearance? So my pixie is adorable. She has a bright pink, like neon pink faux hawk.

She is wearing a leather jacket that has bits and bobs of glittery things stuck to it, and on the back it's got a hastily drawn bomb with butterfly wings on it that says "That's the bomb." Her shirt is a ripped up Tor shirt from the Iron Maiden, clearly touring Druskinvald this autumn.

I thought it was Ioun Maiden. It's not, it's Iron Maiden. Oh, okay. She's wearing a pair of black leather cut-off shorts and fishnet stockings that have been sewn together with glittery thread. And she's wearing huge black leather boots.

Orla has sort of a big floppy sun hat for gardening in, but it has two nice little holes for her ears and she's currently fanning herself with it. She's got sort of a Midwestern mom meets Beatrix Potter outfit of some nice canvas shorts that go all the way down below her knees. Respectable like little cool bestie guy, nice non tweed fabric since it's the middle of summer.

- And the air isn't on, 'cause the deli is failing. - I imagine, you know sometimes you go into those delis and they have that like gigantic metal fan that doesn't work and it has like-- - Oh yeah, oh yeah, there's actually one. It's a broken like, like artificers fan, right? And it's broken.

- There's like one of those gross yellow fly traps. - Oh yeah. - The like, spinny ones? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, disgusting. - This whole room smells like cheap booze and deli meat. - And you were saying, Lauren? - And Orla's gonna sort of inspect the edge of the bed, maybe, and sort of brush it off a little bit before sitting down. - It's crunchy. - Yeah, it's a little sticky. I can tell. - There's some bread- - I'm not in my shorts. - There's a lot of breadcrumbs.

There's a lot of breadcrumbs. You sit down and there's definitely a liquor bottle will kind of rattle underneath that. And would you have all types of liquors in your liquor cabinet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I'll just ask for a... I'll have some already... I'll be sipping carrot juice. I'll just ask you. Top me off with a little bit of that, love. Good thing I have a nice box here for carrot juice. I don't know. I have some liquor in there. Just a touch.

- I was gonna say, I don't wanna be the only one drinking. I'd be a little insecure. I mean, it's already 10:00 a.m. - It's 2:00 p.m. - Oh, it's already 2:00 p.m. It's late. It's late. - You'll pour it all the way. - Okay, okay, okay. Careful, we have a heist. - Perfect.

I stumble a little bit. You have the long ears because you're a rabbit folk. Yes. Okay. And Knuckles sits on the other side of the bed, perhaps making it lean and squeak loudly. I'm sitting on a tiny little wooden chair. Oh, okay. I'm about three times as wide as the chair. A large, probably six foot ten, rhino folk, kind of a leathery gray skin, smooth head with...

a large horn on his nose, and he's wearing kind of like a dirty, kind of stained A-line shirt, no sleeves. Oh yeah. And he has slim black suspenders that connect to pinstripe charcoal pants.

And he has shoes that he would think are nice and fancy. They're really not that good. They're kind of like schlubby. But he probably polished them this morning. And they don't fit his feet very well because he's a gigantic rhino person. But he thinks he looks slick. And so I'll call out to Geno. Do you have a hat on? No. Okay. That would be awesome.

I was just thinking about how cute a hat would look for those little rhino ears. I pull out one of those little like, what do you call them? A visor? No, it's a little like the taxi, the paper boy hat, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's canonical now. I love that. Like the newsy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A Felix hat. Oh, boss. You know what? I call me Knuckles, don't you? Why? Because.

Because I got knuckles, and I know how to use them. And I like my fucking drink, so please, could I have even just a bottle? I don't need a whole year old. Why don't you be a little bit civilized, knuckles? I know that you're the muscle, but, you know, have some class. Does it make you feel better if you, you know, shake a little bit of your bit of tasting things in it? Yeah, it would make me feel like I'm among higher society than the slubs that we all are.

As long as it's got whiskey in it. Okay, it's got a lot of whiskey. That's the primary ingredient. I'll make him a ye olde fashioned, because I don't want to be the only one drinking a cocktail. And I'll hand it, everyone will have their drink. And I'll turn to you and say, you know, Knuckles, I always thought that that was a very uninspired name. Have you thought about anything more creative? Like my nickname back, especially in the

in the life. Do you know why they call me the butcher of 42nd Street? Why did they call you the butcher of 42nd Street? I don't know if it's stories, but why did they call you that? Oh, because I own a meat shop on 42nd Street. I'm a butcher and a belly owner. That's where you are now. Oh yeah, I pointed at the street sign outside. It's 42nd Street. I guess you'll never guess why they call me Glitzy the Bang Sparks.

We've known each other for so long, I can't believe we're talking about our nicknames right now. But yeah, tell him. I mean, he's full of sake in an audience. We have an audience? Is someone watching us? We're going on a heist. We should cover up all the walls. Wait, is this place bugged? Oh, God. And I'm going to fly into the air. My wings are flapping glitter spraying everywhere. As soon as you do a bunch of cockroaches. Yeah. Oh, no. Dude.

- What are you doing? - Why are you wearing a wire? - Oh no, it's the feds. - My shotgun! - From just my pocket, I pull out a sawed off shotgun and I shoot one of the cockroaches. - I rolled a hit.

- Oh, pretty good. - 14 plus whatever my hit is. Does a 14 plus some hit? - It uses shield and then disappears into a hole. - Okay, well hold on, hold on. Wait a minute then, all right, all right. Let's see, let's see. Does a-- - Classic Feds. - Does a 21 hit? - Even with shield, you hit. - God. - I killed it, Dino. - Good. - I got it. That's one of the bugs out of here.

Hopefully the rest don't take back any of the juicy deets we've been talking about. You know what? Yeah, boss? You know what I hate? What do you hate, boss? About cockroaches and the feds. What? One. Everything? Is a disease-ridden, disgusting, slimy, scaly, useless piece of vermin. And the other is an insect.

Which one's the insect, boss? I'm saying I don't like the feds. Yeah, I don't like the feds either, boss.

Anyways, I think we debugged the place. I'm sure all they heard was our very charming conversation about nicknames and beverages. Feeling confident that you're finally alone to discuss the mission at hand. Oh, and that's why they call me the Bang. Oh, because you banged all those cockroaches? No, because of the noise I make when my explosives go off. Bang! Oh. Yeah, no, I guess we're very on the nose in this team. They call you the...

- The carrot of... - They just call her mom. - Oh. - It's a really... - Is that why all those guys in prison have your name tattooed on them?

- Oh, I guess that actually implies a lot of very uncomfortable things. I apologize. - No, Gino, I think those people in prison have mom tattoos 'cause they're talking about their own moms. - Oh. You know, because I had fur. I do have tattoos, but I just-- you know, they would buzz me, and then they would give me tattoos, but you can't see them. - What's the point if you never see them? - I had to join the secret clubs or else they were gonna shank me. Do you know how long I was in there, Knuckles?

And you still cut the deli the whole time? Yeah, of course. My sister Gina ran it while I was in the state penitentiary. She owed me after living in all the air ducts for so long. That's why the fan doesn't work. That's why it's so hot in here. Fucking Gina. She climbed it all up with the cigarettes in her hair.

So what's the plan until Lady Grieves comes back and talks to us about what we're going to go be doing? Well, as we all learned... Oh, can I mention something before you get on with this? Because it's something that peeves me a little bit. Yeah, yeah. So we went on that heist, you know? And we were told we were going to get 5,000 gold apiece. And then we didn't get anything from it. Oh, that's right. I feel like we got a little swindled.

Well, but she promised that this gig. Oh. This is going to top every other one. And I do have all of the details. Yeah, but. What the fuck are we waiting for? We was promised the first time that we was going to make some money and it didn't happen. I have to agree. I didn't like it. So why are we believing the second time that it's going to happen?

Well, because she said-- Are we stupid or are we just gullible? Or are we both? To be fair, that's when I thought-- This one's even going to be harder, she said. The name of our contact was Mr. Y. No, it was Mr. E. No, I was saying Mr. Y and then Knuckles came up with something that was a lot more clever and I felt very sore about it. Wait, I'm confused. Was his name actually Mr. Y or was it Mr. E? I was calling him Mr. Y, but Mr. Y ended up to be Miss Lady. What?

Miss Lady Graves was Mr. Why the whole time. Yeah, and so she didn't pay us for the first time, so why do we think she's gonna pay us for the second one? Because she said when I met with her in a very special, in a taping of Leopardy, we sat down next to each other. Oh, did anyone win in that

a leopard egg? No, there were no winners. Oh, God, it must have been a really bloody one then. Oh, yeah, I still hear the scream. The leopard's kind of one. Oh, no, yeah, I guess that's right. The leopard had a very nice meal. For all those, for the feds that might still be listening. Oh, a federal agency

- You're the real agent, Steve. - Oh yeah, Steve, you know, I don't know if you caught the last night's Leopardy, which is a Galtican game show where if you lose, you get devoured by leopards. That is now a thing. - But I'm not the one, you answered trivia questions. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Trivia questions. - Yeah, it's trivia questions, but it's just the prize is not being used. - What's the difference between these two rocks?

Not being eaten by leopards. What's behind doing number three about leopards? And so everyone in the audience has, I'm sorry, so the feds have context. A fabulous lack of leopards. I'm not talking about leopards. And how many leopards without going over? Well, uh,

We ran a prologue session, and in that session, they pulled off a heist on a bank and learned that the owner of the bank had set them up, had effectively put out rumors, feelers, in order to attract a heist crew to capture an artifact that turned out to effectively just...

be a tracking device. And so they didn't get the payoff, 25,000 gold pieces that they thought, the promise by this mysterious Mr. E. But they were able to meet with Lady Greaves, who promised them a better, bigger job. And Gino was the only person as head of the crew who met with her and has all of the details of this crew, of this new heist or job or opportunity. And at some point might share them.

Yes. Too many ways

and my point is this. We didn't get what we was promised from the first heist, so why do we even think for a second that this more difficult or harder heist we're going to get anything from it? Let me, Glifty, you've been a great crew member this whole time. Thank you so much, boss. You know, I value, you are all valuable. We do not leave any man or woman behind, well, except for Billy May, who got caught by the feds and she's now in the state penitentiary. We're not going to break her out. I thought she

I thought she was selected for the newest episode of Leopardy. Oh, no, no. She's in prison. And we're not going to do a prison break to break her out. All right. It's not a prison break adventure. It's a heist adventure. That's what it says on the overlay. What's an overlay, boss? The feds. Anyway.

As Gino, if you see Gino's site, he's living in... Gino's site? Oh my God, what is that movie where it's all, the guy's not on TV, it's like one guy and his life is like... The Truman Show? The Truman Show. I can't believe I'm fucking... Yeah, it's a Truman Show in his mind. Let me put you at ease. May Billy May...

Rest in prison. Rip, rip, rip, rest in prison. Rest in prison. She's got a lot of cool tattoos. You know, I honestly think she'll like it there. Yeah, I think so. I think she'll be fine. I think she'll get out on good behavior pretty soon. No. She could use the structure. Oh, yeah, that's pretty nice. Yeah, no, prison did some wonders for my routines. You know, they say that if you give her some free weights... Are you going to tell us what's going to go on with this heist? No, I don't want to interrupt you, boss. Yeah, so I'll put you at ease. So she gave me all the details of a heist in Thieves' Camp.

So no one else around us can understand what you're talking about. Are you gonna recite it to us in Thieves' Camp first and then tell it to us like you always do? Well, no, it started with she sat down and she said, I'll have the number eight with no onions.

And I said, "You want that on a raft?" She said, "No, thank you, but I'd like it animal style." We went back and forth like that for 45 minutes. - You know none of us understand what the fuck you're saying. - That's 'cause you're not proper thieves and that's why I'm the mastermind and you're the muscle. - Every time you're telling us something, why do you always start by telling us what you said in Thieves' Game when we don't know? I'm so sorry, I'm getting in sex thoughts. - I'm trying to teach you guys how to be master thieves. And I'm like waving around this map, this rolled up document.

So anyway, afterwards, she got, and I'll tell you the details after this, but to put your mind at ease, he said, now, Gino, I know I double-crossed you last time. This time, I promise, pinky promise swear, I won't betray you and double-cross you, and you'll get all the gold.

I was condemned. Oh, well, I mean, if she said that, then I guess she would have been like, that doesn't mean anything, boss! No, I bought it. No, you know what they say. They say, fool me once, shame on her. Fool us twice, we break her kneecaps and ransom her to her family. That seems like a reasonable outcome, if it does happen, girl. Probably worth a lot more than what she was going to pay us for this next heist. Her kneecaps? No, the ransom from her family. I mean, you're resuming her family even once they're back? You don't know.

She owns a lot of banks. She's the kind of person that's going to go back on her deals all the time. I bet she doesn't have anyone in her life she can trust. I mean, come on. She had to put on a fake heist just to find people to do her dirty work. And she named her banks Virtue Banking. I guess it's a little Doth protest too much, right? Yeah. And all we know is the name of Lady Greaves.

Miss Lady Greaves. Is it Miss Lady Greaves? I was calling her, yeah, Miss Lady Greaves. Is her first name Lady? That was a small question. I think so. Anyways, would I make you all feel better if I told you how much this job is? She said, I promise...

I will give you 100,000 gold pieces. That's a lot of gold pieces. Do you know how much electrum that is? I don't. It's a genuine question. 0.5. He said 500,000. How many gold pieces go into one electrum piece?

I don't know, that's why I'm mad. Oh no. I think it's 500,000. It's 500,000 Electrum pieces, Liffy! Are you sure? I don't know. Isn't Electrum, but then, oh, is it Platinum that's bigger? Yeah, Platinum's bigger. How many Copper pieces go into one Electrum piece? I don't really feel what Copper is. Are Electrum pieces shinier than gold pieces? No. Hmm. Are silver pieces shinier than Electrum pieces? Depends on the mint.

A copper piece is shinier than an electron piece. Depends on the minutes, like depends on the setting. A platinum piece is shinier than an electron piece. I would think platinum would probably be shinier. We'll make sure you get paid. But I'm going to make sure that I have the same amount of coins as I would be getting with the electron, but that they're shinier, you see? She does have a bank.

i bet you can get us the shiniest newest points i think yeah we can get freshly minted coins and you know what and you know this is genuine and so here here's what it is this is genuine gold pieces it's not it's not fiat currency this is this is the good stuff

- You give fiat currency in Celtica? - There's some banks that'll try to tell you that. There's some mooks that use that. - I had a friend once who drove a fiat. - You know what that stands for, right? - No, I don't. - Fix it again, Tony. My brother Tony will fix it. - That is not what I thought. - Thanks, folks. - No, I missed that one. - I don't have one though, so. - That is the Dale Gribble's first joke in King of the Hill. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - That's hilarious. - Yeah, anyway.

Uh, we're gonna heist a museum. What are we gonna get in the museum? We need to get a skull.

A full skeleton. A full skeleton. I said, big boy, hold on. Are you sure? No. I was the appetizer before the full course, I was going to say. And then we need to get the spine. And then we need to get the rib cage. We got to get the full skeleton. And then there's going to be an owl who's going to say, this is great for my museum. Here you go. Thank you. Oh, my God.

- There's a lot of animal folks here, and we're in Little Philadelphia, you know. The roost is not too far. - How on earth are we gonna transport an entire skeleton? - Yeah, and did, uh... - Miss Lady Greaves! - Miss Lady Greaves!

Did she give us like a full printout of exactly what the skeleton looks like, exactly how many bones there are and where they all go? Because I can tell you once, when I was in school, I had to put together the bones that I found inside of an owl pellet. And if you don't have some kind of like structure for it, you can easily fail that assignment. They were so

many tiny little bones in a phalange. I am not kidding when I say we will not get them all if we do not have the proper, like, blueprint or something. Is there, like, at least a checklist of, like, femur, tibia? What? What?

- It's already constructed. - We'll have to take it completely apart. - Yeah, and then what if we can't put it all back together? What if we accidentally leave a piece there? Well, God forbid, what if I throw a bomb and blow the whole thing up and it could be dinosaur- - I'm the mastermind, I've already accounted for all of this. - Have you ever heard my interpretation of a Tyrannosaurus Rex? - You mean the Bahia? It's very, kind of like a dinosaur-esque creature.

- What does it look like, Walt? - It is a very large creature and you think it might be draconic, but it is a monstrosity. - All right. - It is kind of like a very long, very large snake, but it's like, you know what? I'm a snake and I want some legs and two little hands.

Just two little hands. - You just got four legs and two hands or two legs? - It's got a bunch of legs. - It's got a bunch of legs. - Hold on, so you're saying that it has 12 legs but only two hands? - It's kind of like a dead set. It's like a little raccoon in cotton candy.

Or do those legs end in just nothing? You know, I never was good in biology class. This is why we need some kind of blueprint, boss! No, but I have the blueprint of where the Bahia skeleton is! I got the blueprint! Oh my god, boss, do you have a blueprint of how to put the skeleton back together again or all the pieces we need to collect? We're gonna take it out in one chunk. How are we gonna take it out in one chunk? I've already accounted for that. Tell us, boss. We're going...

make it really small and put it in a case that was my first idea how are we gonna make it really small and put it in a case boss you see every chicken idea well let's figure out boss here how we're gonna accomplish this first well they also had electric breath so maybe we could ride the lightning out of there yeah no hundreds of years perhaps thousands so how are we

- Lightning breath, how did they ever-- - It might be some sort of lightning sack in his bones, I don't know. - It really doesn't seem like you know much about this. - No, I was told everything by this lady, okay? Okay, Orla? Who's the boss around here? Who has the connections to the organized mob here? - Changing your class from mastermind to just mind. - No, I am telling you. And so, no, this is my idea. So I said, wait, aren't there gonna be guards?

I said, "This is gonna be a night at the museum. Isn't Ben Stiller gonna be there and try to stop us?" Who's Ben Stiller, boss? The guy who came into the deli and just, you know... Is he the guy that asked if he could milk cats? Yeah, and you know, whenever he walked in, I'm like, "Do you really need six-inch platform shoes?" Is that really necessary? He couldn't turn left. Oh, really? Yeah. Anyways, they were gonna do it during a gala. A gala.

A masquerade. A masquerade? It's a gala. They have galas and it's a masquerade. Arms mutually exclusive. What could a gala be? It could be a masquerade. I mean, it's a museum. It's got to be a gala. I mean, it's classic heist fair. A gala sort of implies there's a fundraising element. I would say a masquerade is a fun-based thing. Oh, is it for fun? Well, in either way, there's a masquerade ball. Well, you know, it's a fundraising, not necessarily a fundraising. Hmm.

- That 5,000 gold would be very helpful for us getting outfits and potentially buying a table at this gala. - Yes, and so there's a lot of guards. But we'll be in the masquerade. They'll be outside and we'll be inside already. - How are we gonna get into the masquerade? - We're gonna forge credentials.

How are we gonna pay to forge those credentials? We can't even afford to fix that during the day. - I am a master for, I am a specialist in forgeries and I'm a master of disguise. - Oh right, we forgot. - Did you forget this? - Yeah boss, I forgot, I'm sorry. - There was a time I went undercover for an entire week as a grizzly bear. Do you know how impressive that is?

- I mean, the size difference. - That's what I'm saying, I'm five foot two inches. - That's pretty impressive. - We won't need you for another hour or two, babe. - I'm five foot two inches, you understand that? I mean, I'm five foot four inches. That's on my dating profile in the personal. - Oh, on Bare Folk Singles? - Yeah. - I've seen it put in your documents. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Bare folk only. - No, growler. - Yeah, don't growl. No, I don't have growler! No, no, no, you didn't see that. No, I don't have growler. Why would I have growler? No, absolutely not. Anyway, I'm gonna put it down. This is the museum right here, okay? - Oh, can you grab the massive-- - This? - Yeah. - The queen? - With or without the camera? - With the camera.

- I'm gonna get a coffee. - Yeah, yeah, we're gonna, so I'm gonna, and I think that probably once my mind comes back to me, once I have another yield fashion, I'll know what things are. Right now, it just looks a little blank.

And it seems blank. But it's because all of the features are up here in my mastermind. You understand? You understand? Orla, I see that look on your face. You're saying I'm doubting Gino. Gino, Gino, how long have I known? I mean, Orla, Orla, how long have I known you? Many years. Many years? Decades. I've seen all your kids. How's Mary Ann doing? Oh, boy. I don't.

Oh, it's a non-Mary Ann? How's Mary Jane doing? Uh, we'll say A-Sling's great. How is, uh... How is Little Mary Christmas doing? Is she alright? She doing good? As best as can be. Okay, I'm glad, I'm glad. You labeled three rooms on this entire map and it's lobby, men's toilet, and women's toilet.

What fucking map is this? No, this is what Miss Lady gave me and it's all the details are all up here, you understand? We couldn't very well walk around the map without plans on them, could we? Yeah, I don't want to say, oh, the secret plan. Your plan on illusions. Well, I'm saying, what if I get mugged, huh? What if I get mugged? You normally get mugged.

All the time! Little Philipapius really gone downhill! I get mugged like once a month! I'm sorry, I mean, he's dangerous! You're an old man! Yeah, I know, that's why I'm such an easy target! I'm a five foot two old man!

I'm closing up and I always leave my meat hook in my, it's like they know when I forget my meat hook in my butcher's cleaver at the shop. The shop downstairs is in the same building we're in? The fur covers up the, yeah. And you get mugged on the way upstairs? Okay, it's my bookie, okay?

Okay, it's not some just normal thug. It is my bookie. I've not been able to pay him for a little bit. Not the reason for this heist.

It's not the reason. It's because of the healthcare regulations made it a lot more expensive to operate my deli and times the stuff, okay? Not because of my gambling habit. - Are you sure that you didn't get our 5,000 gold? - I am entirely certain. If I had gotten that 5,000 gold, I would have marched down straight to the state penitentiary and said, "You get my friend

Billy May Cooper. Out of here, this is bail. - And you know that he didn't do that 'cause the day after we went on that heist, he went down to the horse races all day. - What? - That's ridiculous.

What are you talking about? You specifically told me. You were like, hey, Glitzy, can you keep an eye on things around here? I got to go down to the horse race. No, I was at the Displacer Beast track. Oh. Way better. Way better. Oh, I'm sorry. Horses? Are you serious? I thought you were more like a slot machine guy. Well, I mean, I prefer the slots, but when I get a little bit of coin, I just feel a little spicy.

I like to dress up a little bit and go to the track. It's like a ritual, you know? They say that rituals are good. Not that I had any money after our heist. After Miss Lady's, like, sorry, there's no money. Anyways, we have to go to the monstrosity exhibit at the Great Galtekin Museum. And while this gala, or the masquerade ball, is going on, all the gods are going to be on the outside.

They're not gonna think, "Gosh, one of these rich people is gonna bother going in and trying to steal a whole skeleton." You don't think a single guard's gonna be inside the museum at the time? Not a single one. I think that is miscalculating. I mean, it's a good point. I mean, who would want to steal-- No, curious-- no, curiously, no one patrols at night.

Very curious. That probably does not imply anything bad's going to happen. It takes about 20 minutes for you to finally get the correct interpretation from Gino, but Miss Lady Greaves... Miss Lady Greaves...

Does indicate had indicated that you know that there are perimeter patrols and That there are many guards on the exterior of this museum, but curiously certainly curiously the interior of the museum does not have Like humanoid people with flashlights and and and shotguns. Oh

- No. - You know, 'cause those are all-- - I also wanna say that it says gala right here in my brain. - It says gala. I meant to write masquerade. - Oh, well, I mean, gala's very fitting for a museum. - It's a party. - A party. - It's definitely for some charity, but primarily just the nobles. And I'll also give you some additional historical context, which is to say, unlike modern museums like today in the real world, where the general populace can go and experience cultures of different varieties and this sort of thing,

Back in the day, museums were where rich people kept their abundance of things. And so you can't just buy a ticket unless it's like a holiday or a festival or a fair day or something, something specific to Galteca where they would specifically open up to the populace so that this great amount of wealth could be displayed. No, these are for the nobles to show off to each other, to visiting dignitaries, to that sort of thing. And so it...

this isn't like the Smithsonian where you all like come and gone frequently from your, from your life. You may never have even seen the exterior aside from the perimeter walls. If you've ever been to this wealthier neighborhood or within, within Galtica. And, and,

I would accelerate and move us into the week before the masquerade. I'm so sorry that we're going to have to end the scene, but you can ask me any questions that you want that you would have put to Gino before we continue in this direction. We're going to have to cross the many corridors to get to the monster.

Oh, yes. This is an important detail. If the masquerade is at the front of the museum, you'll need to find your way through that and navigate that situation however you plan to over the next week. And then you will have to find a way into the museum. You will have to navigate through the different exhibits and then eventually find the monsters exhibit, which is where, you know, if you've ever been to the museum,

like natural history museum. They have those like giant whale skeletons hanging from, this is a picture in your mind, a huge stage, if I'm right word, platform upon which a skeleton that is a behira, 12 legged giant serpentine dragon scaled huge creature

the skeleton of which has been reassembled here and is looking in its like nightmare proportions to create uh the sense of what it would have been like to be in front of this wonderful and majestic uh monster um

Sorry to interrupt. Please continue. That's the best part of being the mastermind is the DM can just tell me. Yeah, yeah, I can just take over. Drive how you like, but in the next few minutes, we're going to suddenly find ourselves in the masquerade. So we need to have great disguises and alter egos, aliases. You need to play them very convincingly. We need to be rich people.

We're rich people that's... We're fun. Remember, your characters have to be rich people that are giving funds to a charity that is certainly not a money laundering scheme where they are on the board and collect bonuses. It's all the good stuff. Oh, and the operating costs, you know. The operating, the overhead is so much. Oh, no. Oh, no.

It's here for charity. It's for good reason. So anyway. So what's my alter ego then? Am I the mastermind? Come up with it on your own. That's exactly right. I've never been rich. Okay, no, you... Okay, Knuckles, you're going to be

- And that's where we'll cut this scene. - Pose. - Make a decision in your mind. I want you to think about what you're going to be as you are carried along in what you have secured, a carriage that is fit for a noble. And it is the night of the heist. You have spent a week planning this, going over every single detail, talking through what could possibly happen, going in, asking for favors from your connections, asking for crafting, whatever you think you might need, anticipating this night because you have this night and this night only

to take advantage of this opportunity that Miss Lady Greaves has put in front of you.

For having participated, you each enjoy one twist of foresight. - Oh. - Woo! - Woo! - Perfect. - Thank you. - Twist of foresight. - Oh, we got our special doubloons. - I'm gonna quickly, in your own voice, explain what that is. - Oh yeah, I tried to. - Use it just for the-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Now I'm gonna pick my own. - The twist of foresight for the feds who are listening in on this caper

is player fiat. We mentioned the word fiat a little bit earlier. I am giving our crew a tremendous amount of freedom when it comes to when they want to spend this singular resource. They have one to spend to start a given heist, but

Obviously, you can benefit them in this way. Spending a twist of foresight is going to trigger a flashback. Effectively, if there is some problem or situation or encounter and the player says to themselves, "Gosh, my character would have anticipated this and solved this problem in some extravagant or magical or specific or sneaky or clever way," they can describe that solution.

They can say, okay, we're about to be burned alive by a trap of lava pouring into this room, but I have anti-lava magic. I forgot to mention the lava. Good thing I have this ring of lava breathing. I got it from a guy in Agwey.

They might have a contraption that suddenly plugs up the holes within which the lava is coming and it'll immediately freeze the lava and stop it from flowing anymore, some sort of freeze weapon or solution. In that situation,

They don't just immediately get granted it. We will go to a flashback and we'll describe the scene, the drama of how they were able to anticipate this move, and then we will progress for them succeeding. It's almost like a...

an auto nat 20. Unless it's a full on wish to become a god, I'm granting my players an enormous amount of freedom with this twist and we will see how they spend them. All I've done here is come up with a tremendous number of problems and I have no idea how they're going to survive. So let's find out if they do. Does anyone have any, was that a fair overview of what we understand the truth of the twists of foresight to be? - Yeah, absolutely right.

Four, five, six days from the time of planning you've had to get your shit together and having gone through the motions, having communicated with the sending stones that I will remind you are also on your person, your ability to convey information to each other almost in a radio-like manner. You feel confident the job will go as planned and without a hitch.

You are being taken now. You can feel the cobblestone underneath the carriage as you're being moved and navigated in a long line of these elaborately decorated carriages. And the four of you stare at each other's faces, knowing the seriousness and precision that will be required in order to execute this tremendously dangerous caper.

The museum exterior is stone.

huge columns, arched windows, domed tops across the top and illuminated by some arcane blue light. Beautiful against the, almost like the, how you imagine a beam of light going through the surface of clear water would appear, but splashed up against the surface of this beautifully crafted stonework.

You're carried many, many feet until you get around to the front courtyard, effectively right at the base of the stairs, looking up at these great columns.

Before you exit the carriage and continue your way into the masquerade, I would ask each of you to describe how you've dressed for the occasion. How you are going to sneak into this situation and not arouse suspicion among the minds of the noble. Most specifically, you've learned in that week of preparation that not only is it going to be obviously extravagant in your dress, in your outfit,

but the nature of the mask is somewhat themed. The theater, celebrating the many stories told across the many districts of Galtica, celebrating the actors, the writers, the musicians, and of course the audience who patronize these wonderful spots.

going going mad with uh uh this theme you can already spy some of the nobles out there um one of them wearing a very phantom of the opera uh mask for example uh these kinds of ideas whoever wants to jump in may do so i will look around i'll say you know they say that

People are disarmed by cute things. That's why children are cute. And animal pets are cute. That's why I went with a cute pig.

and you will see it like it's like a horrifying like pig mask. It looks like a dead hog. And I'm all just like red and pink and I got like a big collar. If you've seen the King of the Hill Halloween episode with the guy who is the butcher, it's basically that. And it's like very unsettling, uncanny valley. And I will say I am decided to portray the great...

The great children's character, Sun Pig from Harlot's Web. It's really convincing, boss. I don't know why they call it... I don't know why they... And Harlot is an Etta Cap. It's not a spider. That makes the Dungeons and Dragons theme. Wait, what? What's Dungeons and Dragons, boss? What I'm saying is that anyway, for Harlot's Web, it's actually a...

It's actually not a children's character. It's like a burlesque show. Yeah, I was going to say. It's an adult burlesque musical featuring the main protagonist, the thumb pig. So are you like a slutty pig?

I mean, it's not Halloween. Is that why you're wearing a thong? He's pulled an outfit out of your fucking closet. He's got a bacon thong on. Oh, no, that's just what I had lying around. Anyways, my name, I am the great, rich, noble Mort. Mort A. Della. You may call me Lord Della.

And I am a great, I needed to make it completely opposite so no one would suspect it's me. So I am a magnate of meat alternatives. - I'm not eating other things besides meat. - I'm a soybean farmer. - More Adela. No one will know that it's me. - Looking away from this mask as quickly as you can, you stare into each other's eyes and you see what kinds of outfits?

I think I would have Orla wear rabbit ears, but then disguise herself as another rodent-like creature. So if anybody made me and was like, I think it was the rabbit who stole the thing, they'd be like, idiot, it was a mass grade rabbit.

There were people like doing it. So I'm pretending to be a chipmunk. Is it double bluff? Yeah. I see. I see. And it's convenient because the little rabbit ears that I have are hiding my actual rabbit ears. If someone were to ask, would you, do you have a theatrical inspiration for this outfit or is it chiefly that you have shown up looking your best?

I haven't gotten out much recently, raising the children at all. So I think I'm going to go for a Jessica Rabbit feel. I'm going to sex it up. Okay. Wearing a beautiful, glittering, sparkling red gown, let's say. My eyeballs pop out of my mask. It's just the front and those holes of the mouth. Oh, yeah. They get stuck in the snort. They droop out. Knuckles, how have you dressed this evening? I...

We'll get there. Would have a...

I would be wearing a nice, probably just like a tuxedo. You know, I would think I haven't, you know, I've earned and spent all my money immediately and so I've never been rich. And so I'm trying to go for a nouveau riche style, kind of new money vibe. And so I'm just gonna wear a classic black tuxedo, you know, two tails on the coat.

And I think for my mask, I will go with a bird mask, because birds have historical-- birdfolk have a historical, good relationship with rhinofolk, so I'm going for sort of like a-- what are they, like, finches or something? I don't fucking know. But, anyway. The ones that land on your back and make the flies for you? Yeah, yeah, you know.

What's your theatrical inspiration? What do you mean, theatrical inspiration? Like what play is your character from? Are they supposed to be based on plays? Yeah, that was the whole theme. I literally spent an hour during our conversation after eight yield fashions describing to you the theme of this gala.

It has to be from a plague? Sazu from the Langan. That's what Abby said. It's a hornbill. Oh. From, you know, the Hamlet King. Oh, the Hamlet King. Okay. It's been done a little bit. It's been done a number of times. But I think that's fine. I think the long bill is very unique. No one's going to do that. I like it. Good job, Knuckles. Well, that's all of us.

- I can't believe we got through an entire Tux description without a Cumberbund joke. - Nice. - I'm disappointed in everyone. - Oh, you gotta have a light purple Cumberbund. That's the only one. - Glitzy. - Glitzy is flying, she's not sitting. And she's in a beautiful blue ball gown. She looks very much like Glinda from "The Wizard of Oz," but she's going as the fairy godmother. - Okay.

She's got a little wand and brain's glitter. Pixie dust. And with a lurch, the carriage comes to a stop and you are escorted out by one of the many white tuxedoed or white dressed, for lack of a better word, servants who are already, you can see, racing around from table to table, seeing the crowd of nobles here all starting to mingle and talk with trays of cocktails, drinks,

many different hors d'oeuvres, these sorts of things. And you are struck by what is a surprisingly cool summer night. The air blowing across the hill, looking out over the surface of Avantras and out towards the sea from this perched point that the Galtican Museum has been built upon. What do you do? Well, as I, Lord Della of the soybean family, not related to the grape,

bear crime family, the Gopika, take me and my companions to the party. We'd like some fancy drinks, what rich people drink. And what you've noticed is that catering has been situated directly in between the two columns at the entrance of this area. In fact, I can point it out on the map.

So the front park area here would be where the actual outdoor masquerade is being held. And inside this center column area, there are tables with all kinds of extremely delicious looking meats and vegetables and fruits and prepared dishes.

At the back is what appears to be an obvious cocktail bar and open bar. And even on either side, you can see at the front of this museum, there's passage for men and women should they need to use the lavatory. Is there like a band playing?

- Oh, very much. And you can see that an area has been set up, a stage of sorts, for people who want to enjoy, to shake a leg. They move back and forth between slow romantic pieces and sort of like a big band vibe when they're ready to get everyone riled up and try to attract additional dancers, that sort of thing. At this point, they're moving a little bit more slowly and you can feel that people are, have just finished a good big dance,

before and are re-mingling, starting to find their new cliques or introduce themselves to people they've not yet met in this wealthy echelon. I'm going to look around as we enter and I will look at Orla and I'll say, "If anyone tries to talk to us, Orla, you handle it. If anyone tries to talk too much and Orla's like, 'Here's the signal,' you punch him in the face."

And if there's a lot of... I don't need to go that far, but I'll rough him up a little bit. And then if there's a little too many guys, then, Clifton, you blow him up. But there's no deaths. Oh, by the way, that is... You know, I know I should have mentioned this. I'm the mastermind. I know that this is the beginning of the heist. And this is the most important detail. I may have forgot to mention. No deaths. We can't kill nobody.

or else it makes sense it's professional or else the uh reward goes to 25 000 gold pieces and i cannot pay my bookie back i mean i cannot leverage that capital to a bigger heist

with 25,000 gold pieces, you understand? - Would've been nice to know that in advance. - Yeah, yeah, no, I mean-- - How am I supposed to utilize all of my tools if I can't explode someone? - No, you can explode things instead of people. - That's not nearly as fun. - No, she said the museum needs to stay mostly intact, mostly, and that we can lawyer that.

Did she say that the people need to be mostly alive? No, she said no deaths. That was very clear. And she's like, and the museum, Gino, needs to stay mostly intact. I'm like, okay, not fully intact. And I'm like, can I get a mostly? We negotiated a little bit. Except I was like, you're going to want to try the pastrami on rye. I just got a new shipment in from South down at the borough. What are you talking about?

Oh no, that's my thieves can. Anyway. Why aren't you telling us about your thieves cans again? Well, you know, I just, I feel like I want to share something that I can do that nobody else can. It makes me feel like I'm useful.

- Can we keep going with this fucking heist? - I have crippling felt out. Anyway, let's go. Let us away. And while we walk in, I would like to look around to see if things go wrong, areas where I would be able to climb. That would be, I am a bear what climbs, and that's how I got my start in the...

In the crime family that I joined. Everyone make a perception check and you make a specific perception check about that. Okay. I perceive nothing. My first dice roll of the evening. That's right. 12. Ooh. Perception. 19. 9. About climbing. 19 for climbing? Yeah. Yeah, they quarter the job if we kill anybody. You glitzy?

No, I failed. Okay, you failed. You all look at the crowd and are dazzled by the wealth on display. As masked figures of various creatures walk back and forth, some laughing and talking, others dancing, you don't pick out anything that you immediately recognize aside from the features that you've seen before, and you start to walk into that crowd realizing you guys are going to have to

Find the way through this and get to get to an entrance away into the museum where you can shed these costumes and get to work but before you can get to that entrance on Gino you were looking at the face of this and you Don't see even with a 19 very many opportunities for purchase This is a smooth

stonework, a column. How hard would it be to grab onto a classic column and try to work your way up? There are definitely ridges, these big, massive bricks from some quarry that you might be able to make your way up in, but as soon as you get up to the

roof, the ceiling of this, there's a very large ridge that juts out. Without a grappling hook or some obvious tool of climbing, you wouldn't just be able to do it with your claws and feet. Alright. Good to know. Are we still alive? Yeah. I just saw that disappear. Okay, cool. And as you are walking through, you suddenly hear a voice.

ah, you've been able to make it to the party. Welcome. Welcome. And you turn and you see behind a butterfly, uh, mask, a very elaborate and ornate butterfly mask. Uh, you can see the parted dual color, dual tone, uh, hair of lady, miss griefs. Who's attending this very same gala. Um, uh,

Hello, yes, we've not met. What are your names? Hello, I am Lady Miss Greaves. Lady Greaves, can I perhaps order a drink for you? How are you doing? She makes a big show of it. Oh, it is me, your acquaintance who's not from Gautica, Lord Della, they call me in the soybean business. It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Lord Della. Oh, you have very fine...

I almost lean forward to kiss Darius's hand, and I thought, you know what? I'm not going to go that hard on the bear. It's the RP. Yeah. I will lean forward, and I will say, oh, the fine lady, and I'll pull up my horrible pig mask and give it. And I got a big bear tongue, so it's very wet.

She pulls her hand back gingerly and then gives it a bit of a wipe down. And you are? I'm Jessica. It's a pleasure to meet you. Jessica, pleasure, pleasure. Unusual, how unusual and beautiful, fairy. Yeah, my name's Cordelia Delia.

Cordelia Delia, Lady Delia. Princess Delia. Princess Delia. You have the court court in the Feywild. I see. Well, it is an honor to have royalty in our presence. The courty court.

The Cordelian court. We're actually distantly related. We're distant cousins. So the Delian name came through the Avantras and Shmela Silen. They kind of said Delia. I'm not pronouncing that. You're Della. I understand that can happen. It's a similar name. Yeah, they're from the West Coast, Delias. Yeah.

She's starting to look around. She has approached the four of you. Is she coming to us with anybody with her? She has approached the four of you alone. And she doesn't seem to be bringing guests or introducing you to someone. She seems to be acting like she's that socially aware that she would be able to introduce herself to people just for the purposes of introduction. And seeing the four of you alone has chosen to do so is how it appears she is playing it.

- And you are? - No, I'm Hands. Mr. Hands. - I was gonna call you Mr. Knees. - Mr. Bluejay, Jay, you can call me Jay Hands or Bluejay Hands. It's a bit of a nickname for college. - Mr. Hands it is, thank you, yes. Is everything on? - You don't wanna see what this guy did to Bluejay's with his hands. - She leans in, are we all set for tonight?

Everything. Everything. I've been telling them for a week, Miss Laney, that there's no death, so don't worry about it. It's very integrated. There better not be. No. No.

I wanted to make that point specifically clear. Well, Katie's professional. Oh, he's very professional. No, the only reason why we had to kill people and blow things up is because we had a less professional. She was a newcomer. We were pitying her. We gave her a pity job. She's in prison now, so you don't have to worry about her at all.

Yeah, exactly. It was all her who did it. It was none of us. Well, that is very much a relief. And I did have a little bird to tell me that information. So thank you for confirming. Do you mean Mr. Hands? We've been seeing what I've done. Things I've done with his hands. Anyways, it's a pleasure. Are there drinks?

Let's go find ourselves a drink and then I'm going to have to continue to mingle. I had a question for you, if you don't mind. A question from Cordelia Delia of the Cordelia Summer Court thing or whatever. Yes, Lord Lady Delia. Yes, what is it? As long as they're mostly alive? Yes. I just wanted to make sure on the wording. I should have tried to get that in the initial agreement. No one ends up underground, understand? Yes.

Well, what if we need to go in through the sewers? In the... Let's go have some champagne. All right. Can we not go in through the sewers? Six feet under. Oh, the sewers are six feet under. Oh, no. Well, I think that went very well.

I think she wants us to follow her, though. In a box, or in the box. She wants us to follow her in a box? Oh, no, sleeping with the fish out of the aquarium and stuff. Ah, you know. Oh, Miss Lady, we'll follow you with your entourage.

The five of you walk up the stairs, passing between these two huge columns and making your way up to what clearly has entrances to either side, but are currently guarded by two guards on either side. Servants are making their way back and forth and can clearly pass back and forth, but it's

that it would not be for the nobles to go back there. That's where the help works, right? You make your way...

In the museum. This is still the exterior. Okay, gotcha. This is still the exterior. And it's like that open air front of a museum where there are still columns. Got it. But still in like the entrance. Exactly right. Exactly right. And at the end of that entrance is where you can see a few bartenders handing out champagne, that sort of thing. Oh.

Lady Greaves grabs herself a champagne says it was a pleasure to meet you all I will happily you know call on me and Galtica should you ever be interested in a brighter banking future thank you yes and brain the banking future that sounds not ominous thank you very much miss

She turns and leaves the four of you to order drinks to do what you want. There are two gentlemen. One is dressed up like a wolf and the other dressed up like a lion. And they're howling with laughter, almost hugging each other. Clearly already intoxicated, even though the night is young. What are you all doing?

- I'll have whatever you got that's strong and round, please. - Hands you what is clearly a rye of some kind of mixed drink. - All down and one gold. - Thanks, all of a never. - I'll have a carotene. - We are rich people. What do rich people drink? Do you think, was I a good rich person back then?

When I said goodbye to Miss Laney. Goodbye. You're handed a beautiful martini glass with the most vibrant orange martini, carotene you've ever seen. What is the richest drink you have, my good man? What is the richest drink you have, my good man?

Oh, incredible. Look at that form. Oh, wow. He's clearly been using his shake-ups. Golly. Oh, my goodness. This is so much easier when you're miming. This, what is this? It looks like flowing silver.

It's effervescent. It sparkles and pops. Just above it, like a cloud of almost magical energy seems to shimmer and shine. And when you hold it, you expect it to be hot from the look of it. It looks like molten metal almost. And when you touch it, it's cool to the touch, beautifully pristine. The wordless servant has delivered their most difficult to execute and most expensive...

of the beverages and then... What is it called? That'll be a hundred gold pieces. Are you trying to tell me... I heard this is an open bar. This is not an open bar? You asked for the most expensive item on... I said the richest, so maybe, maybe some egg whites. Yeah.

This is a unicorn. It's very... It requires... I have... It's really... I don't know. So, I would never eat at an establishment like a Spacho's.

Oh, no, gazpacho doesn't exist yet in this timeline. I would never... What's wrong with gazpachos? Oh, no, there's one. Yeah, no, the ivory... There's the one location at the ivory Italian restaurant. I would never... No, I wouldn't... You would also never eat there. That's where poor people eat. Sir, sir, please, please don't get upset. Please, I... Yeah, we're upset. I know that you said... Isn't it such an endless breadsticks and salad? You did say richest and my mind went... Yeah. Enjoy this one on the house. My sincere apologies. What's your name?

Lorne. Lorne, is it going to come out of your paycheck? Or maybe you should pay better attention next time, Lorne. And that's your tip. Yeah, that's how you act like a rich person. And then I'll take this drink and I'll just put it to my snout.

"That tastes like shit, I'll have a ye olde fashioned." You turn and the servant you were speaking to is about faced and immediately gone through the double doors. You can hear a quiet sob as he disappears and he's immediately replaced by another servant. "A ye olde fashioned, sir, yes of course, run away." And you have a ye olde fashioned. Yeah, this is disgusting. It tasted very sweet. Overly sweet. Is this what rich people drink?

- A good old fashioned ye old fashioned, you can't beat it. - Does Glitzy imbibe? - Do you happen to have a glass of lukewarm milk? - Not lukewarm, but we can warm it up in a jiffy for you, I promise.

Room temperature milk. Room temperature milk. Yeah, it's like defrosting meat. It's going to be disgusting. I don't have it here under the table, but just one moment, please. And he signals another servant to come. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And turns around and disappears through the double doors. Was that good, Bob?

That was great. You were a genuine rich person. I'm learning from the best. I can't believe, except we need to talk about your rich person. Are you saying that you like Gazpacho's Ivory Italian restaurant? I actually do. No, I know. Their endless breadsticks and salad is wonderful. It's a great deal for the whole family. But what I'm saying is you are not rich.

I mean, have you had it via cutlet? Oh, it's delicious. Oh, it's incredible. I mean, the chicken parm is wonderful. You're speaking of a gazpacho. Yes. There's just the one. And it is pretty infamous for those who are...

What's the word? In your cast, for lack of a better word. Wow. You would go there and enjoy a delicious veal cutlet, family owned, some of the best food that you would ever enjoy. And what I'm saying is that, but Mr. J. Ham, or whatever the fuck your weird name is, he would never dream of, do you think he's going to walk by a gazpacho's and say, oh, I'd like to go in there. I'm going to get the giant meatballs.

As soon as you say to get the giant meatball, someone shows up. A giant meatball, yes, you said? And on a silver platter, there's a meatball the size of a flamethrower ringer. Is this like a deconstructed something so I can eat it? Oh, it's for rich people. It don't take anything good to deconstruct it. No, it shouldn't be. It should be a small meatball. Is there meat in that meatball because...

Oh, you're right! I only eat soy. I... Wait, is that... Did you dare offer me... meat? It's veal, but it's fine. Do you eat veal? If you don't eat meat and another servant runs up. Do you know who I am? I'm Mort Adela. You're milk, madam.

And you're getting a reputation now. You can see the servants are more and more starting to fear and avoid. Not just listen, because they want to serve and they want a happy and placid wealthy. What kind of animal did this milk come from?

- I just picked something off the top of it. - There was a weird, utter error. - There was a weird scunge on my finger. - This is from the glass. What kind of gala is this? - Well we know it's a special night, so we got the most expensive milk, it's from alpaca.

- Oh. - That was the correct answer, Al Pacino. - You know I knew a fella named Al Pacino. - This particular servant, the trembling meatball holder is still looking at you with a great amount of fear. - What are you still doing here, trembling meatball holder? - We're gonna need some soy balls, obviously. - Soy balls. - I'll have you know that I am a genuine bear folk who hasn't had a scrap of meat in 30 years.

That's so sad. Let's all pour one out for the vegan animals. He taught a lion to eat tofu.

I'll have to know that unless that is reconstructed, deconstructed, reconstructed, deconstructed, soiling bolo meat, then I will not eat it, for I am Lord Della.

Lord Della says he needs soy balls! And I'm like, where the fuck are you going? And I grab him by the shoulder and I take like four of the meatballs off. Like two in each hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll just...

I mean, with your huge mouth being what it is, like basketballs rolling through hoops, you immediately down all four people. Mr. J Bluehands, I don't think rich people say the F word in polite company. Oh. So you probably shouldn't be yelling that at the help, you know. Wait, rich F friend or food? Oh, what are they saying instead? Frick. I don't think that that's what rich people say. Dastardly.

Oh yeah, or you could do things like smarts or... So like where the smarts are you going? Galley wallop and stuff. Exactly. Yeah, rich people, we then... They make up a bunch of weird words. Yeah, the boss, he did okay, but he was never this rich. What you got to do to get this rich? I need a scaboozing cup of milk. Exactly to your point. You guys settled into the noble life...

Easily. Let's all make a group deception check at advantage. Yeah! You said deception? Deception. Are you sure?

That'll be a 22. 22? 21? 21? 19? 19? 17. Not bad, folks. With flying colors, you guys sail through the evening and you're dancing. You're meeting different people. You do eventually talk to the lion and wolf pair and you find out that's

Lord Coors and Lord Miller, owners of two of the greater sized breweries, arguing about which of their brews are the best. You enjoy food. The servants continue to fear and respect you. And as the night goes on, you...

give each other a look. It's about that time that you've settled in, you've made your presence known, and you each make your way to either side of the entrance to the restrooms, where you know that you're going to be able to gain access to the museum through the ducts that'll lead you to the central corridor therein. Like Gouveni. Why do you think they have so many ducts inside the restrooms? laughter

Ducks? Yeah, you said the ducks were gonna lead us into the museum from the restrooms. Maybe they're trained servants?

And what are we going to do about the ducks afterwards? Like, we're not allowed to kill anyone, so... But if they've taken us in, they're going to know that we were the people they let in, so... There are going to be small, narrow passages that will lead us deeper into the museum. And are the ducks waiting for us on the inside of these small, narrow passages? I don't think there are any ducks. But you specifically said that we should go to the bathroom and the ducks will lead us inside.

I did see a fella in there that had a costume from the play Moby Duck. Um, did you, uh... Did you say small and narrow? Yeah, yeah, no, I figured... Did you see that duck that was dressed up like Howard? Howard? Yeah, the duck. Who? The duck dressed up like Howard. No, I didn't see it. Is he the one who's gonna lead us inside? No, we're gonna go in GoldenEye style. What's GoldenEye? Did you bring your watch? I did.

Oh, wow. It's the golden eye. It's what I'm saying. It's a golden watch that has an eye as the thing. It's the golden eye. You're each in your respective restrooms now at this point. So the only way you're hearing this conversation back and forth is through the sending stones. And you're getting some weird looks or you can hear some weird footsteps.

from people who are hearing only one side of this conversation as you guys are changing and looking up at the ducks, getting ready to make your way into the interior of the museum. Oh, yeah. No, don't worry, rich people. I'm just communing with Moloch, you know, just rich people saying. Oh, Moloch.

Yeah, yeah. No, we'll... We're going to sacrifice ducks. Yeah, don't worry. It's the sacrifice to Moloch. I can't tell you how many nights on the toilet I've communicated with Moloch. I'll tell you. Oh, yeah. No. All the way to my... When I sit on the toilet, sometimes I go straight to the sixth circle. You know what I mean, friend? Well, I hope it no unlocks. Oh, yeah. No. That's what... I need that right now. Okay.

As soon as the door slams, you know that you have but moments before perhaps the next noble arrives and you see Knuckles already climbing into the vent above him. You are both now already also totally changed into your heist outfit. Making sure that the ducks are there. And you look up, you see the air vent and you realize, you know,

Fuck these ducks. Maybe the air vent is a way into this museum. I do think that in that moment. God, sometimes don't, well, I don't tell the boss this, but sometimes Gino's an idiot. We could have just used these air vents and waiting for some fucking ducks.

- You watch her fly up and you're able to easily make it. - Sigh, she doesn't need to do anything and I'm just like, and start climbing up there. - You start to make your way in and-- - I'm gonna see that in my air duct, there's like four very large gray squares on either side and I'm gonna take my watch, I'm gonna think. And then I pull myself in. - A little Goldeneye humor for you. - My favorite kind of humor and that's where we'll take a quick break. - Hey!

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You drop down to the marble floor of the interior of the Galtican Museum of, well, Galtica. And I realize I haven't given you a token to indicate where you are, but the air ducts that you are going through, the vents or ducts...

allow you to join and meet your companions and drop down silently to the floor of this seemingly empty museum. Now we don't have to keep up with our rich persona. No, we need to say, oh, we got lost on the way to the orgy. What? We're rich people. Yeah? We got lost on the way to the humanoid sacrifice. I don't know. What do rich people do? I thought they sat around on plush couches and ate clementines.

Not these rich people.

From where you stand, you can see down this long corridor on either side. You can see that there are what are clearly entrances on either side to what are certainly exhibits of some kind. Probably topic-specific, let's say. But from where you're standing, there's a pair of double doors that lead into a central courtyard, an open-air space with a beautiful fountain in the center.

What you do next is up to you. So we gotta find the best way to get to the monster exhibit. And I've thought about all of the options.

And so I will look down for the first time, which exhibit is to my left and which exhibit is to my right. Your understanding of the truth, based on what you heard, is that at the very end of this corridor, there's a tremendous display of porcelain, of tea sets and vases and dishware, stacks and stacks, shells and shells of them in all directions.

In the complete opposite direction is an exhibit that the director has curated very specifically, a round devantress, tomes and artifacts and objects from all across the many continents of the world. There are some other smaller ones, as an example, if you were to go to left, your very first left after you pass the bathroom entrance, the faces of Galtica, famous figures from the history of the city.

Actually, those are your immediate options. There is a special exhibit, a sign that leads to the most southwestern room. It seems to be closed, but you do see a sign that's indicating a direction. It's along the lines of, "Special exhibit, the secrets of Barovia brought to you by the university."

I asked you and I forgot. Oh my gosh, do you see that? The exhibit by Miss Tallery University. I've always wanted to see Barovia. Well, maybe if we have time, we can hit the... Don't you think we can go in just for a little bit? I mean, come on. It's all about vampires and stuff. Only if we can hit the gift shop, too. Oh, did Lady Miss Whatever, did she tell us whether we could steal other stuff, too?

You know, it was very unclear. I would say it's nebulous, ask for forgiveness instead of permission. But I also don't want to steal nothing, what'll get us caught, and then I can't pay my book. I feel like it would be really cool if I had a cloak, like what would a Dracula wear?

You know... Is it Leopold in opposite direction now? Yeah, I mean, some werewolf pelts is really soft. Yeah. And it gets cold in the winter in my... I can't afford heat. I've always wanted to be able to read my own Taroka card so I don't have to go down to that shady lady on 67th.

I'm pretty sure she's giving handjobs in the back room. She does the Roka readings? Oh my gosh. Serve it! Hold on!

I mean... Why don't we focus on the skeleton first, and then we can, you know, have some extra time. We can always do a quick round, but I really think we need to... I think Ola is the voice of reason. I think that...

We can get the, you know, when she talks about the, when Olga talks about the Taste of Barovia special, I didn't know she meant, I mean, you see the future. Anyway, let's, if we have time, we'll hit the gift shop, we'll hit the Taste of Barovia. We can go by the porcelain place. It looks like my mother's shop. May she rest in peace. And...

And I think that maybe this courtyard is the best way to advance. There could be less, fewer traps. What do we think, gang? I'm the mastermind, but I also like to have, you know, I like to listen to my crew, you know? My job's doing what you tell me to do. Oh, I like that. Okay, you're right. Then I'll go that way. But you need to make up your fucking mind. Yeah, my job's to blow things up, boss. And I'm going to tell you right now, I haven't blown up enough things.

Okay, let's hold off on blowing things up just yet. What we're going to do is go towards... Do I know where the monster exhibit is? You know that the monster exhibit is through the portrait gallery.

the westernmost room, and the northwesternmost room is where you would find an exhibit of taxidermied beasts and monsters of all shapes and sizes. Okay, we're going that way. That's what I think. And if we get in trouble, everyone just climb away. Well, I can fly away, boss. Am I going to go the way of Billy Mays? Oh, that's... Selling oxyclean in prison?

Yeah, she really fell on hard times real fast. You know what they call, you know, you know what oxyclean is in prison, right? No. It's this powdered detergent that if you put it on your clothes, it uses oxygen to get out all the stains and stuff. It's pretty magnificent. It's how I keep my duds so fresh and so clean. I got out of the slammer 25 years ago. These kids, I just, I don't know. The youth is just really going downhill. Hey, all of us, it's the youth, man. The youths. The youths.

Yeah, you better make sure you're keeping an eye on Merry Christmas. With a name like that, she's- I'm worried about it. Do you think that she got into the OxyClean? No. Do you think Merry Christmas is on the OxyClean? I don't know about that, but I do know I saw her eat an entire jar of Flintstones vitamins by herself once. You've been keeping away Billy May- You've been keeping Billy May away from Merry Christmas, right?

You haven't been letting them hang out at the school, Damien. I certainly have been trying. How's Mary Beth doing? The last time I saw her, she seemed kind of sickly. She's better. She's 12 now, if you can believe it. Oh, wow. She made it past 10. I can't believe it.

No, I don't think Avengers has the same death rates as like an equivalent. Oh, it is not like childhood. No, no, that's a little too grim for the setting. It's a fantasy world. Yeah, it's a fantasy. What about Mary Ellen? Is she doing okay? She's good. She's got a boyfriend. Is his last name Carter? That'd be pretty cool.

I don't know that it is. No, his first name's Carter. And his last name's probably Carter, too. Don't worry, I'll wrap him up until she dates a guy that has the last name Carter. I bet his name's Carter Carter.

Oh, that sounds like he's from the rich part of town. My son, Katakana. Anyways, I played golf with a guy named Katakana once. He was a real jackass. Anyway, let's go this way. You play golf? Yeah, of course I play golf. I'm 64 years old. I'm out of shape. It's the only athletic... It's a sport. I can play a sport.

That's an excuse to start drinking at 8 a.m. Even in his all-black thieves' clothes, you still see a golf glove hanging out the back pocket. I was going to, if this heist ends early enough, I was going to hit the back nine at the, I mean, it's not a country club, but you know, it's the... The city club. The city club. It's like... It's the boys and girls club. It's the boys and girls club.

I'm definitely involved in your parking lot. Yeah, well, you know, times are tough for the deli. Anyways, after this heist, I'm going to join the country club and I'm going to be among Thai society. I'm going to be having Lorne lose all of his paycheck on those fancy drinks that taste like shit.

Anyways. So we're gonna go right or left? Whichever way was towards the tactic, there mean animals. You gotta tell us which way. I think it was left. Towards the direction. Towards the porcelain. Your understanding of the truth is that, and I will just double check. Um.

This is the celebrity Faces of Valtika. This is what seems to be the special exhibit of Barovia. This does appear to be the porcelain room, and this appears to be a portrait gallery. Oh, so this is a portrait gallery. This is the courtyard, and as you are passing through this section here, you can look right and see that there are a variety of armored suits of different variety in all directions. Oh.

We don't have footprints down the hall. Oh my god, boss. We're not going the opposite direction of the Barovia exhibit. It is right here. It just packs these wax statues of Prince Harumas. Prince Harumas? You know why they call him Prince Harumas, right? No, why, boss? He has really nice hair. What do you think I was going to say? I wasn't sure, boss.

You're leading the way, Gino, and the three of you are sneaking behind him. Even as you are all being as stealthy as possible, you can hear the sounds of each other's footsteps against the surface of this marble floor reverberating against the walls of this museum. And his feet hit the ground and it changes. The sound stops from click, click, click to...

a softer sound, almost non-existent. It's so quiet in the space that you can barely hear anything as he walks over what appears to be a simple carpet or rug at the intersection of the corridor and the other features of this museum. And he doesn't take another two, three steps when suddenly

The rug immediately wraps around Gino and spins into a column, enveloping him, engulfing him very quickly. Or it would.

If I hadn't brought moon cloud shoes from the Feywild, and we're all wearing them. And so when we are walking over things, we're just hovering, not a full levitation, but just a little bit above the ground. How did you get these special boots or shoes? Oh, from Griselda down on 57th.

She sells shoes? Yeah. That's not her name, Lysolga. No, that is a different person. This is from Griselda's thrift shop in Feywild. She knows all the spots. Oh my god. One moment, one moment. Let's go with... It's a few days before the heist, and it's occurred to you that...

For all the possible traps that could happen in this space that you're the only person that could fly. Exactly. So you jingle the bell of a very small but specific specialty shop that you're aware of that you know from your contacts in Galtica. Who is it?

It's Glitzy the Bang Sparks. Glitzy, what are you doing here? It's Glizinda. Oh, I thought it was Griselda. She's on break. She's my sister. How can I help you? They are hands. Oh, Glizinda. Yeah, I was just...

be hanging out in a real dirty bar soon with some of my friends. Oh, sure. Oh, sure. And I don't want their feet to get old. You know, when we at the end of the night when we're all drunk and we're telling each other how beautiful we are and he totally wasn't worth it. I was thinking it would be a good idea for when we take our shoes off to be able to put on something that we could wear that could keep our feet clean and maybe like rise us up a little bit off the ground. You're thinking of the moon. Those walls

wall cloud shoes you know they're all over the ads those aren't uh those aren't expensive they're to order you know vexachi the the undead clothing line by that new designer i do i do yeah they just came out with some really cool looking ones okay but i'm looking more for a feywild theme what can you give me the sizes that we'd be needing for your uh friends yeah one's gonna fit a black bear with clines

It's about 5'2", but he says about 5'4", in his dating profiles. Okay, I think we can handle that, sure. Okay, and then another one is a, I don't like to call her a used up Rhonda, but she is a mom of 10. And she's a bunny, folks. That won't affect her shoe size. You would be.

Well, you know, she's been pregnant a lot. And, you know, they say the swelling and all, but she's a bunny folk. So her feet are quite large and wide. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. And there's a rhino. Oh, a big order. I was going to give you a half off, but we'll probably just call it even. Yeah, I think that's probably fair. Okay. Well, that'll probably come to...

4,000 gold pieces all told. It's a magical item and I understand it's a bit of a rush order. Is Wygor in the back? I have two kidneys, but I only need one. Let's go out to the back. All right. You see Gino coming out of the back room. Oh, hey, Gino. Uh. Uh.

- Gino, now I'm his twin brother. - He looks very flushed. - Oh, Lito. - Oh, Lito, yeah. - I love your pizza shop. - I'm gonna head back in to get out. - You sell a kidney in order to secure these shoes instead of making a promise of gold or a favor. - I have a really amazing scar now on my back. - You have a really nasty and wonderful scar, but sure enough, with their fairy kidney secured, they are able to deliver in just two days.

- Yes! - The day of the actual heist, you were able to get these shoes and distributing them as you guys were putting on your heist clothes, you were unable to trigger any of the possible carpet or rug traps that might be in this space. - And that was a twist of-- - Foresight! - Foresight!

So it was a flashback that we went back to and he used the resource. - And Derek created a payment, which was my fucking kidney. - You know that's a reagent for some fairy kidney that a bunch of had. There's some horrible dark magic. - That shit is gonna ground up in snow. - Yeah, that is, they're gonna be flying high.

Additionally, moving forward, if you imbibe an overly amounts of alcohol, you'd have a disadvantage on your constitution check. That would make sense. I'm glad I only drink milk.

I'll lean down and I'll pump, pump, pump, pump, pump. Man, I feel lighter than air. Oh yeah, you gotta make sure you squeeze a little full moon on the tongue. Right there. All right. So are we swinging by them? Because the porcelain exhibit, me mom's always wanted a real nice... May she rest in peace. How's she doing? How's your mom? Oh, you didn't hear? No. Oh no, I'm sorry, that's Gino's mom.

You're talking about your mom, right? It wasn't Knuckles' mom or that? Over on 43rd? No, I mean, she didn't do much. She really just sits at home and watches Leopardy all day. I mean, she really just basically... Just, you know, when she walks across the street to Dwayne Reed, you know, over on 42nd.

- I don't know what you're talking about, Lucy. She's a nice old rhino lady. You know, I'm glad your mom is doing fine. I'll send over a care package. We'll send over her a side of health. - Do you remember what happened to James' parents out on the beach? - Oh, yeah. - Don't talk about that. - When they were killed before he had to go live with his aunt? - It was a different time. - All right, well, I'm just saying it was a rhino that ran over them. - If you start talking about that, a giant centipede voiced by Richard Dreyfuss is gonna come after us singing about this fucking city, okay?

- I'm just saying, was that his mom or was it not his mom, the rhino on the beach with James? - You know, they never really found out much about it. It was very unclear. - I just think you should call your mom is all I'm saying. - You've made it 40 feet into this museum. - Good advice for all. - I think you should always call your mother. You never know when you're gonna lose your mother. - You nearly gave me a heart attack. - I'm just saying-- - I don't know what to do without my mom. - I just heard a story about something happened on the beach. - I'll send over some-- - What did you hear about the beach? - Did your mom go to the beach recently? - No.

- Why do you see me shaking sand out of my hand? - I swear to God, Glitzy, as a giant centipede in a dapper outfit, a scamp-like city outfit, voiced by Richard Dreyfuss comes out and starts singing about the city.

That's the last thing we need on the tights. But what we could use, though, to be fair, is a really attractive Black Widow spider with a beret and an attitude. That sounds like my ex-wife. You've been married before? Unfortunately. Anyways...

She was more venomous than a black widow. We've gone about 40 feet in this heist and we've been here for three and a half hours, so I'm thinking maybe we should move towards the appropriate exhibit. You can still hear the party. You're close enough to the entrance of this space that you can hear the sound of the big band. You can hear the commotion and chatter of the people's

Did you really steal one of the desserts from the masquerade? Yeah, it was free. Were you eating that on the toilet before we came in through the door? I couldn't finish it. How did you get it through the door? I commando crowed with the head of it. We got to take advantage. I mean, I'm not going to not enjoy the fancy rich people stuff. I guess that's fair. I did take this coffee. I didn't.

Nice move. I'm going to get some porcelain for me, Mum. Well, if you're going to go ahead and do that, I'm going to step into the Barovia exhibit and see what I can find. I do really want to... Okay, this is the only pit stop, okay? Okay. I mean, the only two pit stops, okay? All right. Well, I mean, they're all next to each other, so we can just sort of... Yeah, I guess that's correct. I guess that's correct. We can have two go into Barovia and two go into the porcelain. Who wants to come with me?

I'm heading to porcelain. Do you know how many glasses 10 children break on a daily basis? Oh, yeah, I bet that's a lot. Gino, I guess you're with me. Oh, no, I'm like, there was some thought I'm going to have to hit the porcelain.

God damn it. I guess I'll go into Barovia by myself. Good boy. No, I'll come. I can hold it. I can hold it. Now I don't want to be in the Barovia exhibit with you if you've got gas. No, that's the spooky rotting dead zombie that isn't me. It is definitely not a spooky rotting dead zombie that is definitely you. No, look, there's a Dracula over there. We're not even in the room yet, Gino. Oh, that's right. Let's go and see what Dracula's up to. You what?

You walk up to the door and you attempt the lock and it is unfortunately not budging. The door seems to be locked. And that is also true at the entrance of the porcelain exhibit. Why didn't we think the doors would be locked? I knew this was gonna happen because I'm the mastermind. That's why I have these thieves tools. So are you gonna unlock the doors for us? But what if they are, what if they have an alarm?

Yeah, I don't think it's worth it. I'm gonna just be honest. I think we should just go through the Poets' Gallery and go. Can't I just check for an alarm? I mean, can't we just sort of take a look and see? Oh yeah, you know what? That's a great idea. I'm gonna try to check over at old Dracula here. Let me take a look. Okay. Okay. There might be some Dracula magic. Okay. Am I able to perceive any traps?

Oh, are you just looking for traps? I'm attempting to... However rogues perceive traps, I guess... Well, there's investigation if you're looking for a specific trap in a mechanical sense, or there's arcana if you're doing something magic-y. And then there are also resources... I'm going to investigate it. I'm going to investigate it. Okay, so make an investigation check. Let me just take a look here. Okay, that's not great. That's not great. I'm looking down at the map and I'm realizing that the doorway to Secrets of Barovia is...

Through the porcelain room. So you're all staring at just the door. Okay, the porcelain room, an 11. An 11. There's nothing here. Seems locked. It doesn't look like there's any kind of mechanical trap or alarm. Oh, that's amazing. That means we can go, you can just unlock it. We can go right in. Yeah. You know, I knew this Tabaxi fellow once who thought he was a great lockpick. He brought a whole very fancy, very expensive kit. And we're on the job. Mm-hmm.

And he rolled it out, ready to go, and he looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." - Is that a true story? - The first session of Feywild that we ever played, I bought thieves tools and I didn't realize you had to be proficient in them in order to benefit from-- - That actually has a-- I have a follow-up question. If I'm proficient, do I have some?

Yeah. That's usually the way to do it. If you don't have it, it's because we made the characters quite late. I will attempt to pick the lock of the porcelain room to get to... Is that dex or... Yeah, it says dex. It's dex plus my proficiency. Dex plus your proficiency. Can I really want Gino to shit in a vault? Since I also have thieves' tools.

I would say that you are guiding him like you might one of your many children, whispering into his ear and hearing the clicks. She's just as skilled with the lock as you are, and so you're getting the encouragement and the guidance that you require. Thanks. It's just like old times, huh, Orla?

Are you going to give him inspiration? I really missed this. Are you just going to give him advantage or are you going to mechanically benefit him from bardic inspiration? Oh. Oh. I could just bardic inspire him. You could do both, yeah. You could do both if you wanted to. Can I do both? I might need it, yeah. Okay. I don't know how bardic inspiration works. So I can enjoy a d6 and add it to it. So why don't you roll it?

- Why don't you roll it? - That was the roll. - That was the roll. That's the roll, that's what the dungeon master says. I think I'm still fine. So one plus 10, so it's 11 plus five, 16 plus proficiency, which is two, seven, 18. - Wow, that was a lot of math. - With an 18. - Your eyes glossed over. - My eyes glossed over. - Derek's like, I'll trust it 'cause I'm knowing that he's bad. - But before you do that. - Click.

After just a few minutes of maneuvering, first gate, second gate, next lock, next lock. That's the sweet sound of success right there, boss. You're able to open the lock and swing the doors open to the porcelain room, and you see what...

was written on the tin. Shelf after shelf after shelf going up 10, 15, 20 feet up into the air. This huge room just there to display an enormous abundance of

effectively overflowed dinnerware by the nobles of Galtica. Oh, gosh. Someone's going to have to hold me back. Every material, there's a beautiful amount of extremely delicate things in this space. Oh, good. Okay. Look at all of this. It looks like it needs to be fired in a kiln. So?

Before we enter the space, since I picked the lock, thank you very much, Orla. I really appreciated your encouragement. That was very nice. It's like old times. Oh, I always knew you could do it. I always like when someone just saying, be careful, be careful, don't mess up. It always helps calm my nerves. Oh, God. Because your mother's a saint.

Knuckles, as the boss, I will allow you to take one item. Orla, because you gave me such encouragement and we go way back, you can take one item. And Glitzy, because you're here too and you like shiny things, you can take one piece. The last thing I want is for you to grab it seemingly carefully. And then when you finish grabbing it, thinking you have made...

your getaway that comically all of the porcelain comes crashing down, destroying all of it, and then all of the guards come rushing. That is the last thing I want. When you grab him, he goes,

And then we walk away and then it all crashes down. That is the last thing I want. Why would it all crash down? Because that would be a very comedic cape burn. And that is very likely to happen. Do you think that this museum's security feature is that if one piece were stolen, the rest would immediately fall and be broken, destroying everything?

millions of golds worth of their collection. You know... Maybe, you know, fate is just... has destined us to a comedic caper. Boss? Yes? Do you think that some of this porcelain is on... on fired porcelain and that I need to just...

- Light it all on fire to make sure that it's cured properly? - No, I think by definition as porcelain it needs to have been already fired. - Oh yeah, it's already done. I mean, you don't have to do any of it to stop it. I know what you're thinking. - You see that my fingers are like sparking. They're glowing a little bit red. You look like little embers.

think of me mom wait think of how sad me mom would be oh i haven't been able to use fire in almost 24 hours you know how i get if you're good you can use lots of fire after the heist just one cup just let me hold one cup and just light it on fire

I'm going to look for like a really nice terrain.

You do. In my mind, you're still all having just only swung open the door, standing there, looking at this menagerie of pots and teapots and all these plates and spoons and forks and knives. You haven't gone in yet to actually take or manipulate whatever object you were. Someone better pick one. I'm starting to get ember fingers. You know what happens when I start getting ember fingers.

- Yeah, I'll find a nice, like small modest teacup. - Okay. You walk in and- - But you, not for me though. - What are we looking for then? - I think I'd really want a gravy boat. I've just always felt like I could do really well with a gravy boat, you know? - Can we find a gravy boat? - Sure enough, just to the bottom left- - Could we find one with some really nice kintsugi on it? You know, it's when one breaks and then they fill in the cracks with gold.

Because they sparkle. Oh, let me tell you. Not in the shelves, but you do see just at the corner, there appears to be what is an ornate, broken and reassembled with gold leaf gravy boat on a pedestal all by itself. You know what I saw in a document? Is it getting hot in here? They do that in the Nari. Oh, my gosh.

- This is like the most famous face. It's on the cover of-- - After this, we should all go out for sushi. What do you guys think? - Did you just say sushi? I'm gonna pretend like you didn't. - Yeah, we should all go out for sushi. What do you think? - Okay. I'm going in. Are you ready? I'm gonna go in. I'm looking at it right now. - Make a dexterity saving throw. - All right, I'll do it at disadvantage. I'm just kidding. I won't. Do I have inspiration for any reason at all?

- No, and I don't think we have any twists of fate either. - You said a dexterity saving. - We're actually playing Dungeons and Dragons. We're raw dogging this adventure. - You said a dexterity saving throw, yeah? - Yep, yep, yep. - How does an 11 feel?

An 11 feels like a very sudden hit to the back of your head, just where the knob is. You know what I'm talking about. Suddenly something crashes into the back of your small fairy mind and you hear a crash as a teacup. The three of you all turn and watch as a teacup crashes to the ground. You've been hit, struck by one of the porcelains off of the shelf. And looking around, all of you can now spy the plates and objects on the surface of these shelves start to scoot

in a threatening manner. One of the spoons starts to lift up almost as if it's magnetically attracted to the four of you. You suddenly start to see another tipa whip around and fly towards you. Knuckles, make a dexterity saving throw. - I see that. - Dex you say? - Oh no. - Dex you say? - Yep. - Oh lord.

- That's not enough. - But being as big as you are, you take one look around and you see a spinning teapot crash into your face and explode outward. The sound is deafening after having been silent aside from your nonstop murmuring, which just never seems to end. You guys hear the crash of the sound in this space and you immediately are

are concerned about not just the loudness of this, but the loudness of the entire side of these shelves starting to bend over almost like its own dragon of sorts. This porcelain objects as they begin to animate magically and start to fly towards you. Gino, Orla, you both need to make additional dexterity saving throws as this continues to happen. - I hate cutlery. That's all. - Dexterity saving throw, a 14. - I just wanted you to know I hate cutlery. - Also a 14.

What was yours, Gino? 14. 14? We both got a 14. Both for you, 14? Crash and Crash. All of a sudden, more porcelain. Four for you, Gino. Four for you, Norla. I'm going to cast Silence.

Okay. I think. Oh. There we go. For the duration, no sound can be created within or pass through a 24-foot radius sphere centered on any point. That's just about the size of this room. So even though the threat of these breaking porcelain pieces that are just hurling themselves towards you is still very much real and you're starting to realize everything in this room is starting to come alive and start to swing towards you, flying at you as if thrown. The...

um sound immediately it's almost as if all of you go deaf and there's still chaos in all directions you're screaming i need everyone to make an additional dexterity saving throw the dc is 15. in silence in complete silence faces are flying down uh oh no 20 sorry 20. dc is 15 and if you uh

- Dodge out of the way, you take no damage. Otherwise it's 1d4 bludgeoning damage. - I got exactly 15. - You're able to dodge out of the way. - 23. - You guys are all now able to, suddenly getting your wits about you. It's pretty actually easy and almost kind of fun to move out of the way of these objects. And looking down, you can still even,

See, even the shards are starting to reform and begin to continue to careen towards you in all directions. What are you doing? I want to try to see a teapot that hasn't left at us yet and just try to grab it and hold on to it. If I can, I shove it in my pack. Make a dexterity check.

- That is a 16. - I would say that it's harder than a DC 15 to catch this and try to stuff it into your pack. You are able to attempt to grab it and it doesn't do any damage, but it nearly shatters at the velocity that it was heading at as it screamed towards you.

- And I'll just be cursing and shouting silently. - Okay, the sound of cursing being what it is, how are you solving this problem? Are you running out of the room? Are you attempting to get through the door to the secrets of Barovia? What is the plan? - I'll go the direction that Gina's pointing. - Elephant! - Make an intelligence check at disadvantage.

- I'm going to. - Anyone watching Gino as you are continuing to dodge out of the way of these? - 14. - 14. - Are these considered creatures? - I would say they're considered objects. - Oh, I'm not very intelligent. I have a five. - Okay, you are not even looking at Gino. And with a 14, I would say that you get a sense of what you're trying to describe. So you may convey in broad strokes what you were attempting to convey to Knuckles. - I'm saying go to the Dracula room.

- Oh, so I see this and I'm going to put my head down and I'm going to sprint and try to basically ram through the door to the, oh, it's open. - Do like a ramby charge from judge. - I would say that you try to ram into it with strength. Strength check.

I'm gonna try to follow with my rabbit hop, but these shoes are like trying to jump with skates on. Are we doing strength or athletics? Strength. Let's give you the athletics if you have the proficiency for it. 17. You slam into it and the doors nearly buckle, but it looks like it's gonna take another hit. And in the meantime, I need everyone to make an additional dexterity. Oh, I'm fine. I'm dodging.

- 14. - Roll a d4 and take that in bludgeoning. - Four. - That's 'cause I'm using your and yours dice. - Nine. - Nine, roll a d4 and take that in bludgeoning. - How much damage did I take? - One d4. - You roll a d4. - Oh, one d4. - It's a cuphead song. - What wonderful. - Kind of sound, I know it's just big bad jazz. - Oh, where's my cuphead mug?

So now the DM has two Twister Dreads. I'll take that Dread. Where is it? We have to give it to you. I'm going. No, I'm not Grickow. This guy over here is making me think I'm a goblin. There we go. I need the thumb.

And back to our regularly scheduled program. - Thank you for that. - Sorry, Jack. - Yeah, no. - Thank God for heart limiters. - You take another stab at, you're smashed in the back by the gravy boat and you make another athletics check to see if you can slam through this door.

- Oh! - 13. - As a mastermind rogue, I'm gonna give you a help action for-- - Oh! - Enjoy some action. - Do any of you hear you? Is it verbal? - It's verbal if you're attacking somebody, I thought. - Nothing verbal works inside the silence. - You're right, good call. - I know that's why I can't use any of my spells.

Have you taken damage since you cast silence? No. Thank you. My dex is crazy, so. Does the help action require, oh, they can see or hear you. And I'm literally pantomiming, so yeah. So that is a 20. That's enough. 21. You are able to crash through the door and you all watch him disappear into the next exhibit room. Um,

and I assume the three of you are immediately following with a rabbit hop, a bear hop, and a pixie flight. You disappear through the space and find yourself turning around, looking through the frame. You see that some of the porcelain stop right at the frame of the door and hover before crashing down and in complete silence. But you're able to suddenly hear, having just crossed the threshold of the silence spell that Orlus cast,

I guess that answers your question as to whether they would have booby traps that would destroy their valuable artifacts, Orla. What a load of nonsense. Yeah, that was a lot of money. They could have lost three pieces of porcelain, just three, but instead they lost a bunch of them. And it's as you're saying this that you can see these pieces start to... The porcelain?

fit back together and slide themselves gently onto the shelves in whole pieces. Perfect and pristine. I haven't seen that level of porcelain destruction since the Shaman Bears came to visit. Fuck. What? I don't get that one. Toilets. It's toilets. The Shaman Bears. The Shaman Bears.

i don't know why i mean it's not i don't anyway there's so many better ways to sell toilet paper the nightmare bears were like huh

Yeah, like have you seen the Poopery commercials? Those are awesome. If you want to sell something to do with a butthole, that's how you do it. Sorry to interrupt the adventure. You find yourselves now in the quiet space of what should be the secrets of Barovia room, but it hasn't been...

It's coming soon. You even see the sign. You can see that somebody has already started to paint the wall and do some sort of like a mist thing on one wall, but it's only half finished. You see what looks like display cases empty. I take out a can of spray paint and I graffiti the walls. Okay. What do you write? Glitzy was here.

That's what you want to write in a heist where you don't want to be identified. No, I wouldn't do it, though. No, no. Why don't you take it easy real quick? Why don't you do a nice smiley face that might look like a monkey or something creative and say-like? What kind of smiley faces are you making that look like monkeys? I don't know. You can get a little... You're an artist, aren't you? What are you looking at?

I'm looking at that squirrel over there. Every time I talk to you, you're staring over there. I know, as it's my stigmata.

I don't want any stigmatism. I have that. I'm in context for it right now. Oh, I don't know. My doc says I have all these things that just glaze right over. Do you think he said arthritis? Because your knees are cracking. Oh, no, I definitely have arthritis. I'm glad there wasn't a spooky vampire in here because my doc said you should not be scared suddenly, especially by a Dracula, or else it could be the big one next time. Oh, hey, Gino. Boo. Oh, no, is this it? Oh, no, I'm fine.

I don't think we should touch another thing in here. No. Okay. I was a generous boss, you know? They always say the nice bosses don't make it very far in the mob, and they were right. Okay. I don't know if that's true. I was watching a major image, and it was about Captain Steed, the gentleman pirate, and he made it pretty far so far in the show.

I mean, that might be just a lot of plot convenience. I saw a document. I saw a document about him and he failed terribly and got hanged. And nobody saved him. Oh, well, I guess you're right then. Yeah, no, I saw him. You just ruined the entire major image for me. Wait, I mean, that's just history from the... Isn't that just history? You don't read documents on history?

Well, I know that Blackbeard dies. Who is Tom to read so many documents? And to be fair, I mean, I would know currently that he was dead anyway because it happened a long time ago. Yeah, exactly right. You have plenty of time. It's not spoilers, it's history. It's adventure's history. You gotta, they gotta read, what are they teaching kids in schools these days? Can you believe this? Can you believe this, Orla? I dropped out of school.

Can you believe Mary Kay and Mary Ashley? Can you believe what these kids are being taught? Yeah, how is Mary Kay and Mary Ashley doing? Can you believe what these kids are being taught in these schools? You know you hate to see it. Yeah, are the twins holding up all right? They're great. Orla, you're barely paying attention because you realize that this museum room is almost a dead end.

There does seem to be one small room to the side of the door that has been busted open, cracked open by Knuckles' intense strength. But that the only way to get through and back to the hallway or into the portrait gallery is to go back out and through the porcelain room. Oh...

So what's in that little room? Can we see it? Like what's in there at all? It looks like, unlike many of the larger double-framed doors in this museum, this one is a full wooden door. There's no way to see into the space without opening it.

Why are we looking at Ola? I don't think we open it. I think we have to head back through the porcelain room and just not touch anything this time. What if it's an elevator to a secret passage or a secret room? What if? I don't know. One of us was supposed to be very, very familiar with the schematics and it wasn't me. No, I... If you like the mood in the lobby and the fucking toilets... Will you listen to me?

What if it's the ducks we've been waiting for this entire time? I think it might be a secret elevator. Well, you're the boss. Why don't you open the door? We do what you say. No, I think we should run back right to the portrait room. I don't think we want to waste any more time. I feel like it's getting late. How are we going to get through the room? The moment we walk in there, all them plates is going to have beef with us. I'll do what I do to destroy that door. Are we just getting behind Knuckles and just running and screaming?

- Is your spell still up? - Oh, that's a good question. Is that a minute or 10 minutes? - 10 minutes. - Oh, 10 minutes? - It's definitely been less than 10 minutes. - Well then we better go before that spell is over. - Okay. - Hold on, hold on, hold on. I lean down and... - I rush off more sand from the bottom of my shoe. - You all pump your shoes.

- A spell that uses V, voice. - V. - Verbal. Could I cast that to get it started and then would it extinguish in the, something like burning hands? 'Cause the idea is I wanna fly and have my hands just trying to burn anything that's coming at us.

No, it's the verbal component. It's the casting. It says casting a spell is impossible there, but not holding onto one. So I would like to do that. Okay, so you ignite your hands and you have burning hands. Now, is that a duration spell or is it like an instantaneous? Oh, it might be instantaneous. I'm pretty sure it's an instantaneous, like I'm going to fuck you up with fire type spell. You could just like let me do it. I could because I'm cool. I'm just asking so that I know I'm right. It's from self.

415 feet from me. Instantaneous. It's instantaneous. You know exactly where the threshold of the silence is. So what your plan is, is almost like a plane delivering napalm. You're going to say the word just before you cross into the silence and then do this as you are crossing through. And looking into the space, it's all glass, metal, and glass.

porcelain. You expect that it will maybe keep things from hitting you and heat any ceramic that might try to come at your person. And so when it does, we're all going to be branded. But it's not going to catch fire to the museum. Hmm?

Well, because I heat it up when it does eventually hit us, we're all going to be branded by whatever these pieces of glass and metal are. That is a possible consequence, assuming that you guys don't get through the door in one hit. Yeah. You're welcome. Okay, so you suddenly dive through, and let's get to a place of more swingness.

Oh, here's an egg for your troubles. Health action. Oh, you want to encourage me on the aces? Yeah, I think we need to do that. I mean, if you want to, you don't have to. It's not a spell. It's more like a feature if you go to the feature section. Yeah, it's a bonus action. It's not like a full action. It's a bonus. You have been inspired. Give it a lash, boy.

- Give it a lash! - The four of you together race through into the space and you follow Knuckles. The flames from above you do superheat the porcelain, but it seems to surprise the objects almost. They are taken aback and you notice that Knuckles has one moment to crash through this door and potentially see you guys through and into the portrait gallery. Go ahead and roll an advantage. - I'm a sprinter. I'm definitely gonna need this.

Well, it's still an eight plus nine is... 17. 17. Oh, I don't know. You slam into it, and for a moment, you think that you have stopped, that you're not going to be able... It's nearly broken through when you feel the body of Orla and Gino hit the back of you and push you the remaining inch that you need to crash through those doors.

and you're able to slide onto the marble floor on the other side of the space. Looking behind you, you can see many of the objects on the shelves had been lifted into the air, and they immediately shift back into place without worry. And in silence, not because of the silence of Orla's spell, but because of the silence of your grave situation, you fall to the cold marble floor, and looking around, you see that you're through and no longer in danger.

for the immediate. And where are we? You are in the portrait room. This is all one open... And I'll describe it, I guess. You find yourself in this space looking up at a tall ceiling, a huge skylight at the surface, but

Even from the moonlight and from the windows that are pulling in this beautiful blue light that's illuminating the exterior of the museum, you can see there are tiny frames, medium-sized frames, large frames, wide frames, tall frames covering the entire surface of all of these walls. Not one story, not two stories, but three stories up.

huge landscapes, giant portraitures of famous people, nobles, kings, they're all looking down

towards the center of this space and it would be possible and you imagine that it's quite an impressive display during the day where you'd be able to quietly sit and observe these beautiful paintings in all directions but at night in this space as you're all starting to pat yourself off get to your feet and and and get a sense of the the space around you um there's a very uneasy feeling uh that takes over there's a very uh uh creepy um

A manor-like, eyes following you kind of feeling that tickles the back of your neck as you enter this next space. Keep an eye out. They might be perverts. I forgot about the perverts. I should have remembered when I planned this. You'd be like blowing the paintings. Yeah, no, perverts. You know, there's a lot of rich folk here. All rich folk are basically perverts. It's true. I was going to say the same thing.

I don't think we should touch anything. Just in case. Make sure you pump up your moon cloud shoes. Keep yourself up off of the floor. I would have used my earth sign agility because I'm a sprinter. So I'm... Oh, this is a big one, I think. Your heart is pumping for a moment. You...

Oh, come on. Just one more. The heart takes a moment. Come on. Just keep going. One more heist after this one, old friend. This is the last one. I promise. You do know that over the week as you've been communicating with Gino and during your planning that he wanted that $25,000 from the bank heist to pay for a larger job.

and that this job will be more than enough capital to pay for it, and even greater, and more big one, big one. I haven't told you about that yet. Not the details. Not the details. Not the details. That's very important to say until after this heist is finished. I don't know. That sounds like multi-level heisting to me. Well, you know, we like multi-level heisting. My friend from high school...

He's like, hey, I haven't seen you in 30 years. I'm like, oh, hey, it's good to see you. You probably want to see me because you want to be friends. And he's like, there's a great business opportunity. I'm like, oh, no. Do you want to sell this lipstick? What's everyone's wisdom score? It's the best lipstick you'll ever find. My wisdom score? 14. 14. Could be worse. 12. 12.

- Everyone make a wisdom saving throw. - Oh no. - Wisdom save, you say? - Oh, I did it. - Nine. - 16. - Three. - Nine. - Natural one plus one. - Yeah, I got a natural one plus two. - You're all looking around and

You look at the eastern wall. And to give you an anachronistic image of your childhood, this is the Vigo from Ghostbusters 2 portrait. A giant conqueror staring down his massive forehead. His eyes...

hypnotize they begin to pull you into the painting you take a step you take a step on your moon cloud shoes silently but you are walking forward and you i'll see sort of knuckles take this first step and and start to look knuckles i need you to make a wisdom saving throw as you stare deep into the eyes are you all right oh that was she looks awfully strong

If he is a pervert, I want that one. That's 17. With a 17, you hear this whisper in the back of your mind. Join us. Join us and we can control, command, dominate the world. Did you say something about orgies earlier? Oh, I did. Is this guy the king of the orgy perverts? He wants me to join him. I just got an orgy invitation.

No. No, you're letting the rich guy go to your head. This is an act. It's not real. Pleasures beyond your imagination. Within your grasp. Approach me and kneel. He wants me to kneel. I think I'm going to do it. No. I don't think you should do that. She's awakening something inside. No. Knuckles, you're a big, strong guy. You shouldn't be the...

You know, it's very difficult. You do, and make a wisdom saving throw at disadvantage. You all watch as Knuckles seems mesmerized by this portrait, but I need each of you to also make wisdom saving throws. Seven. Seven. Twelve. Ten. You're watching Knuckles, and you're seeing the painting that he's looking at, but...

Glitzy, you're distracted by another painting, what looks like a beautiful glade and what appears to be a gorgeous dryad. Okay.

cleaning or drying her hair. And she looks out and you can see suddenly your eyes are pointed directly at you. And you hear this voice in the back of your head, a beautiful voice of a dryad. And she wishes you to join her in this glade, in this space. Gino, you are also looking at a different painting. You see a hunter, what is clearly somebody who is out hunting.

searching for foxes. Looking for their next great kill of a man of conquest. Orla, what did you get? 22. Oh.

You are watching the three of your companions, your crew, start to walk up to these paintings. And you are starting to realize they are just being possessed. They're some sort of transfer. Is possessed the official term for that? They're not charmed, maybe? It started with a charm, and now they are beginning to become something more. Okay.

but are they charmed right now? If, if that was like an official determination. Uh, capital C charmed. What are you mechanically asking? Um, I'm wondering if I can cast calm emotions. Um,

It would allow me to suppress effects causing a target to be charmed or frightened. You absolutely could, and they could then take another wisdom saving throw to see if they can break freight. So, the way that it works is each humanoid in a 20-foot radius centered on a point you choose must make a charisma saving throw. A creature can choose to fail the saving throw of wishes. I can suppress any effect causing a target to be charmed or frightened. It's for...

up to a minute. Okay. And I can all, but here's the fun part. I can also make a target indifferent about creatures of your choice that it's hostile towards. So if the paintings are creatures that are hostile to us, I could make them indifferent to them.

It's like kind of the backwards way of trying to use... I see. You're saying I can calm the emotions of my three companions, my protege, and it potentially might influence the paintings to stop their intrusive effect. Maybe.

- I think it's supposed to, if you're a humanoid and you are hostile towards creatures, it would do that. So we're not hostile towards the paintings. - So if the paintings are creatures, I could make them indifferent to us, but I could also make you resistant to being charged because you guys could be my target. - I think common emotions only works on humanoids. - Yes. - Which is, yeah. - So it would work on you. - Okay, so you just attempting to clear the minds of your companions. How do you do that? What does it look like?

What I mean is, what does Orla say or do in this moment to attempt to calm the emotions of her companions? Yeah, this is something Orla would have a lot of familiarity with. This is probably a little trick up her sleeve for when there's like eight screaming children fighting. Nine, ten, however many. Yeah, some number greater than the number of three. Mary Ashley. That she has like a hush...

And her hush is like her casting, calm the fuck down to everybody in this 20 foot radius. We're turning this car around. Is that specific to when she gives a kiss? We have food at home. The food at home. The three of you are second from...

the influence of the paintings. Let me tell you why they call me Glitzy the Bang Spox. This is a very high up painting. You are going up all the way. These nipples could cut glass and blow glass.

Gino, you are looking at this hunter and you're seeing confidence. You're seeing a life that you would love to live, a life of not just luxury, but of...

It's like all of the infomercials of late night TV combined into one and one simple pill. You start to walk forward. You are on your knees at this point, on one knee, and you are giving yourself up. And it's in this moment that you hear, hush, and you need to make all a wisdom saving throw at advantage. I should say you can choose to fail the saving throw, but I swear to God.

No, we need a fail that we call. I will turn this heist around. We've already failed it. This is the wisdom save, not the charisma save. We're saying we're all going to fail so that we're affected by this, right? Mechanically. Are we allowed to choose? You're asking us to save against the paintings. Yeah. Oh, it's for the possession. Yeah. 19. Do I have to do this? No, you've already resisted that initial charm. What was it? Wisdom saving throw? Yeah. 20. How about that?

In one simple pill, you say? You've only spent a brief time with the paintings. It was Knuckles who went first. And in this moment, you are suddenly, you hear the small voice and then the louder voice of the hush that is Orla's voice and you feel her magical awe.

a melodic voice hit your ears. It flushes away that feeling and you pull away and you realize this would not have been a simple possession. You might've swapped roles with that what is in the painting. - I don't know what should happen. - And regrettably you see as it is not Knuckles there kneeling. Knuckles now is in the painting itself. - Oh no.

beautiful illustration of him he's animated Harry Potter fucking style you can see Knuckles I'm walking back and forth but he's confused you suddenly find yourself in the barren wasteland of the portrait that you were looking at and now standing there a full nine ten feet tall no longer kneeling is this conqueror suddenly turned up and turning around the three of you staring down

He reaches down towards his bronze sword and grabs it. I will look up and I will cast Nathair's Mischief on this guy. Oh shit. What is, I have no, what is that? I've never heard of that. Oh no, that happened once before. Yeah. Fucking knuckles. How big is this room?

It's as big as the room would indicate in the map. I mean, picture the porcelain room. Is there a way to do a 20-foot cube around him without hitting us? I would say absolutely. Okay, perfect. It's not that big. So I will do that. That's a cube, not a sphere. And he has to...

Yeah, well I have to roll on the table first. Oh no. Boom. Bouquets of flowers appear all around and each creature in the cube must succeed on an dexterity saving throw and be blinded until the start of my next turn if the flowers spray water in their faces.

So flowers just sprout up all over him and he has to roll a dexterity saving throw as they begin to spray water in his face. Fuck, what the fuck? The dexterity saving throw, yeah. Is that like the clown thing with the flower? Yeah, it happens if he fails and I think that we're getting close to an initiative play so I'm just going to go with the music. He's blinded for a minute.

Oh, he's blinded. He grumbles and you hear the low grumble of what clearly was some ancient conqueror. Even though this is a representation of him made manifest, it is still a scary sight to behold. And he starts lashing out. You can see him pull out this giant greatsword. What are the two of you doing? I...

- And also, we forgot to do this. And just before you enjoy your twist of foresight, I need to roll two d20s. - I've been rolling them. - Oh, you have? - Yeah, I got a 17 and a three. - Ah. - I know. - Not me. - Not me. 'Cause I'm wild magic. So I've been rolling on the chaos table to see what happens. - I am at least vaguely familiar with how that works mechanically. However, time stops.

And we revisit what Gino may have prepared for the coming adventure, knowing that there was this portrait gallery between you and the monsters exhibit. I look up and I'll say, you know, I saw this in a document once. It's late night. I'm on my eighth. Ye old fashioned. Just finished up.

Washing night court from my window the court the night court of it's emptying out And I decided to settle in with a document on Gronk or the conqueror? We've got the little on the nose don't you think and I read about his entire life and

You find out that the reason the word etymologically conqueror exists is because of Gronk. He was that prolific. A great prolific conqueror. And Gronkering. And over time, the language just evolved to conquering because no one wanted to say it that weirdly. Gronker is a lot harder to pronounce than conqueror. Conqueror is so much easier. And so I'm sitting in my chair and I'm not wearing a suit. It's definitely like a dirty white shirt. There's mustard stains all over it.

And I'm just I'm seeing in the document as I'm reading it. This guy had mommy issues. I don't understand. Like and his mother loved flowers and bouquets and that his core wound was caused by by that trigger. And flowers was the one thing that made him feel soft and sensitive and want to help.

and would probably help those if he felt that tender with his great magical powers, I don't fucking know. But I would think back to what the one thing that he would remember about his mother and the flowers as the flowers explode around and what might be able to gain us a powerful ghost portrait ally, I don't fucking know.

as I'm sitting in the document. I think he has mommy-ish. I think if he just kinda, you know, let in his sensitive side and smelled the roses, he wouldn't have to kill so many people and sit upon a throne of skulls, this Gronkera guy. Come on. Oh, ye Gronkera. As I'm standing. - Oh, ye old fashioned. - I'm just like, Nate, goddamn old fashioned.

I would say rather than a flashback that you realize that the representation of Grand Cours being what it is...

It's playing Fiat. That's right here. That's right here. I get to do what I want. It's Ben the fucking doubloon. Now you realize that he's a pretty two-dimensional character. See? Oh my God. And that by simply describing what you've learned about him,

you will satisfy the meaning of the interpretation of the painting. A representation of his very self can be repeated back to him and that it would reverberate and break the spell, re-swapping Knuckles and Gronkhur back into his frame. And you do that. You start to describe what you remember from this documentary and you are able to... Documentary. You're able to... Give a path into the walls. Yes.

Even as he is blinded and wheeling about, and even as you are starting to prepare for combat, Glitzy, you're starting to prepare your bombs. You're going in, you're hearing the words, and you're seeing it soothing the savage beast. And...

almost like a flickering. He's replaced by knuckles and then he's Gronkler and then he's knuckles and then pop. There's this great sound, this, uh, uh, uh, uh, crack, a break in the arcane magic. What, what held knuckles and you see knuckles there standing before you. Shh,

I need you to roll wisdom saving throw as you enter my 20 foot cube. Not for one. Sam! You begin giggling. You're incapacitated and you use all movement to move in a random direction. Yeah.

You're affected by the spell, but you're back and you're no longer trapped inside a forever painting, perhaps.

The four of you still stand there, and you feel your eyes starting to float about, and you realize... Help us, Gronk Room! Another engagement like this could be even more serious. Even a simple painting in this room, by the merit of just looking at it, will trigger this same magical... Let's fucking go to the dinosaur room or whatever. Did I get a sense that I could walk from a painting to another painting?

You know, you didn't look right and suddenly there was like a new scene right there. You were in a world. If you've ever seen What Dream May Come, you were like paint for a brief period. I was thinking of that, like can we go to a painting? In the hallway that we're going to? And like go to the painting in the monster room. I really thought we'd be carrying you around as a painting.

- I can't remember if it's second edition or 3.5, but one of my favorite spells that hasn't made it to fifth edition yet, it's called Duo Dimension, where you literally turn yourself into a two-dimensional object and you can walk Mario style. - That's incredible! - Get through the crack of the door and then walk up the wall. - So you can literally do Paper Mario things. - Paper Mario, yeah. - Mario Odyssey had a cool section. - They made a Zelda game where that's the whole shtick, is that you're 3D Link and then you can turn into 2D Link.

And get a three star out of your balls. Yeah, Mariana's seen a lot of movies.

- These doors are obviously not alarmed in the like, A, capital A magical way. They're locked doors. No one's supposed to be in here. So you are able to, without looking at the portraits again, break through the next door. - Let's just blow it up. - The monster's exhibit. - I'm gonna use Agnazar's scorcher and I'm gonna blow up one of the doors. - Oh, okay. - I don't wanna risk, you know, nothing. - Roll a d20. - The door has to make a dexterity saving throw. - If it fails, roll a d20.

You're- you're- you're- You want me to roll a d20? 17.

- I know, I'm trying. I'm like, I'm gonna use a lot of these balls. - I want it to happen. - Me too. - And next time we do this, I think I might just be like between one and nine. - Then do that. - I think there's a whole new version that makes the Wild Magic Sorcerer more flavorful. - I have to roll a natural one to trigger my wildness. - Every time she casts a spell or uses one of her types of payoff. - For a free shot doesn't work. - No. - I think if it's for a campaign, it doesn't work. - Change it. - By decree of the DM, a one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, or nine

A failed death saving throw will trigger a wild magic surge for your character in a three shot. Can I roll again with the new rules? Blowing open the door, you suddenly feel this feeling inside of you.

And I got a four. You may now roll a d100 on the Wild Maid's magic search table. So this is just some random insanity? Yeah, it's the chaos that Nikki deserves and loves. Two? Two. Oh, shit. Oh, boy. That's going to be a bad one. No, no, no. It's going to be amazing. Hey, guys.

I'm here to gut you and wear your skin. I'm a demon. And now Feshni shows up. I get to roll on this table at the start of each of my turns for the next minute. Oh my god. You guys watch as Glitzy flies towards the door. It explodes into splinters. She disappears for a brief moment, and you realize. Well, first, my wild magic begins. I start going, whoa!

as all of a sudden you see sparks and glitter just shooting out of me as they start spinning and spinning and then in a puff of glitter I disappear. - I should have had Knuckle. - And you can't hear me. - Mikey, do you want Funky Chunk or Cuban Fanwich?

- I want the Cuban sandwich. - Okay. - What are you talking about? - That's the name of the song. - Oh, I was hungry. - Cuban sandwich being enabled as it is. What happens next? - Next, major image appear, but I'm invisible. So you can't see as three more memes appear beside me. - Three more invisible Glitzy suddenly appear. - Yes. - But Glitzy, you can see three memes. - I can see them. - What is happening?

All of my hair falls out. It'll grow back in 24 hours, but my amazing neon pink mohawk is now gone. Oh, that's what an orc is. You see three puffs of hair. You don't see glitzy, but you see suddenly four faux hawks suddenly explode into the air and start to go down like this. You're all making a break for the door as you race through and into the master's exhibit. And just as you cross the threshold, the next effect occurs.

Okay. It's pretty punk rock to me. A fog, a cloud of fog appears all around me. A pink fog suddenly emerges out of nowhere. Is this a trap? Is this an alarm? Are you made? Is the heist over? What's happening? You'll have to look it up. I can't click on it right now.

- It's hard to see, it's almost zero visibility and you are able to push through into the space. What happens next? - Well, luckily nobody can hear me, but for the next minute I can only shout when I speak. - Holy shit.

- And then finally you see as well, you would see this if I wasn't invisible, I gain pixie skin. I have resistance to all damage for the next minute. - Oh wow. - I shrink by nine inches. - So you're two inches tall?

And this does not happen to- it's not like you shrink for this amount of time for so long. I shrink by nine inches. - And you're 12 inches, right? - So you're three inches tall. - I was saying that I was like somewhere between a foot to a foot and a half, so let's do a foot and a half for this purpose. - Yeah, that's fine. - So I am now... - She's literally an action figure. - Nine inches tall.

- But yeah, you roll a d10, your height changes by a number of inches equal to the roll. If the roll is odd, which was nine, you shrink. If the roll's even, you grow. - Okay. - Okay. - How many more? - Two more. - Two more. - For the next minute, any flammable object you touch that isn't being worn or carried by another creature bursts into flame. - Okay. - That's very me. And then finally, the last one.

I turn into a potted plant until the start of my next turn. While a plant, I am incapacitated and have vulnerability to all damage. If I drop to zero hit points, my pot breaks and your form reverts. You rolled a 42.

- Yeah. - That was a 41. 41 to 42. - Oh, it was a 41 to 42. - Yeah, okay. That's fun. That's very Scott Adams. So all of a sudden, Glissy clearly makes the obvious and evident attempt to burst through this door and you see an explosion, sparkles, fireworks, fog,

uh silence and uh you crash through and you make your way blinking into the other space uh knowing that you're free from the potential uh devastating possessive effects of the portrait gallery but

Glitzy is nowhere to be found and you can't see the rest of the monsters or the items or displays in the space. You're all looking at each other, just huddled together, trying to get a sense of what's happened in this situation as you are covered by fog in all directions. What do you do? I meant to blow up the door. What the fuck? What are they putting in magic these days? This generation of these new youths.

And I'm going to try to run in the direction that we were coming into the monster exhibit. You're 5, 10, 15 feet past the doorway at this point. And, you know, going any farther, you might run into a pedestal or run into a statue or run into some sort of a display or something. So the three of you stop. And looking down at the ground, you see what is a...

very modest potted plant with what appears to be a few very beautiful little flowers popping up from the top. An invisible potted plant though, right? Yeah, aren't you an invisible plant? Yeah, no, I guess I'd be an invisible potted plant, but you just tell my next turn. So it's only six seconds then. Yeah. And all of this is only for a minute. Mm.

So it all just happens one right after the other and that was the last one. So I would turn into a potted plant, that turn would end and then I would poof back into existence. - So we'd have a minute of chaos having to either stop or try to get away from you or whatever. - So first I go invisible, then I have mirror images which you wouldn't know, then all my hair falls out, then the fog cloud appears.

And it's just crazy. I hate this. This is the big one. I thought it was going to be a spooky Dracula. Over in the wrong room. He's east of the room. I hate that none of you can hear me for the entirety of this. Expletives. Only the gods know. We can't see you. You can't hear me. And that was the first one. So I can't even argue.

- I just repeat in the middle and then I go silent. - You have the surge of magical energy coursing through you. You feel the Feywilds just pouring out of you. You're screaming. - Everything I touch is catching, like you see randomly just things catch on fire. - Yup. - As I'm igniting things. - And then moments after you watch this chaos, it finally, the fire dwindles, the fog starts to clear and you see suddenly Glitzy appear shorter.

Balder. Have you been taking that quail ecstasy? Oh, jeez! I just, I don't know, I don't have to scream anymore, I'm sorry! What happened? Oh, it's just a whole bunch of things, really!

All of a sudden I was completely invisible and everything I said I had to scream. Oh, my throat hurts so bad. And then there were three more of me. I'm not even kidding you. Three more of me. It wasn't just one, it was three. Oh, my hair's gone. Now you can see those tattoos I got when I turned 18.

Oh, you should have listened to your mother. Yeah, I know. Oh, it's really horrible. I got this symbol. They said that it was in ancient draconic, but I don't think it says what I think it says. Anyway. Oh, God. I've been there. Anyway, I'm going to have to meet a dragonborn that can tell me what I've done. Oh, I can read that. And then I created a fog.

I learned in a document.

- Now I'm less tall. Anyway, then everything I touch caught on fire, which was probably the coolest thing that's ever happening. And then I turned into a potted plant. - Have you been on that quail ecstasy? Have you been giving, are you the one who was giving all that the Merry Christmas? - Listening to Glitzy, it's like listening to someone describe a dream.

She's been through, in 60 seconds or less, she's been through such an experience that it's almost impossible for her to articulate or for you to understand exactly what she's been through or how to grapple. But things are calmer now and looking around, the fog is starting to fade. I have to say, that is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me. Is that what the kids call a bad trip?

- I'm pretty sure my nephew Vinny. - That was a great trip. - I think I saw my nephew Vinny do this after he met with that quail. - Look at me, I'm nine and she's shorter than I was before. - I don't know how this happened. - And my sister's higher pitched than it was before. - Is that how that works?

know but that's what happened or i scream and made it all raw and throaty she does look smaller well technically if her vocal cords are shorter than you know but because i think when i see that question i didn't write a document about because when i sing i'm a control yes i could possibly go anything completely destroy me

Let's hope you don't roll it again. And as you finish this sentence, you look around and you realize that there's a giant bear above you. It's a taxidermied bear. On the other side. The big one! Who would have thought I'd get scared by a

That's pretty fucking funny. The skeleton of a displacer beast. On the other side, there are more exotic monsters. Aberrations of all types. Monstrosities. You can see in one corner, there's what appears to be a giant treasure chest.

and with gold spilling out the mouth of it and it's stanchioned off by or rather it's cordoned off by red rope stanchions the sign reading do not touch on the side and turning your eyes tell me not to do something and I wanted

To the center of this space. There you see your prize. The loot that you've been asked to thieve this whole time. Standing on top of a massive, or rather positioned on top of a massive frame, a stage.

you see a platform. Platform is the word I'm looking for. A platform. You see the skeleton of this massive Bahir. And it's bigger than what Gino described. This is the size of a huge creature. 20 feet long. Huge ribs in all directions connected to a multitudinous number of arms. A massive mouth that you can imagine would be a terrifying threat were it animated. And

I'm sure it is bleached. It is bleached bone, an ancient artifact of the Galtican area at first. It's storied history starting very much in a place where these creatures were commonly found. And this is a remnant of that distant past centuries ago. Looking up at it, you remember why you're here. You need to find a way to get this massive artifact out quietly.

- All right, Gina, remind us what's the plan for us. - Before I mention the plan, I want us to pretend that we were back and we just got out of the room with all the flying porcelain and I turned around and I said, "Be my guest, dishes."

Okay, that's what everyone knows. Pretend that I say that. Retell the cape, but that's what I said, okay? I like to think that if you hadn't already used your twist, you'd have used it for that. I have a flashback. Nobody heard it. I mean, you remember that I said it. You can use the twist for mundane things. No, no, no. We don't want to. I can feel that. That's what I said. The plan...

You look like you look like an action figure with what is it 16 points of what is it called? Yes, she has 16 points of articulation funny enough and

This is a doll. I found it on the floor. You found it in the... It was the one artifact that you were able to find in the Barovia room. On the side it says, there's no fun in that. Oh. Yeah, see? Yeah, I think that's great. Every time she opens her eyes, she bleeds. So... It's those creepy eyelids that, like, do that... Oh, yeah. Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!

- So, you know, I'm gonna say it. This is the greatest step of my plan. - All right. - We're gonna go up to the skeleton and we're gonna take a look.

I mean, you have a plan to make this world. Oh, no, I absolutely have a plan. Why are you asking me? I'm the mastermind. I got a mastermind. I'm the boss of this crew, right? I mean, we're really not even... I would have said we're a glorified crew. We're not even a glorified crew.

Okay. You walk up and you can... You would normally hear the clicks of your footfalls as you make your way across the marble floor of this beautiful museum. But you don't because of your moon cloud shoes. Oh, that's right. And you walk up and you stare up at the great huge skeleton, skeletal body of the Bahir. And...

It's time to execute your plan. Everything's gone according to plan, actually. For the most part, you have had the threats that were unexpected, but you have taken the shortest path from point A to point B that's possible. And you are able to now do the thing that you're going to do to solve this ridiculous problem. So, when I took on this job, I knew that by hiring my dear friends Knuckles and Orla...

that they were better under pressure and not being cramped. And under a time limit, as I'm sure guards are probably rushing to us at this very moment.

And probably we'll come up with a really great plan to get rid of this Behist Galacta. All the way, oh also we need to get-- - Let me get this right. Your plan is what we'd come up with a plan? - Yeah, that's kind of what I'm thinking right now. - That sounds about like what I was planning as well. - That's my masterful mind plan. - All right, can I-- - How would you like to spend your twist? - Can I kind of set a scene?

You can set a scene. You can describe the solution. However you want to ease into the school. All right. So from down the hall where the actual party is going on, we're going to hear goodbye. Goodbye.

As the ending of So Long, Farewell from The Sound of Music. Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye. Is wrapped up. And suddenly all of my ten children will appear down the hall in matching performance outfits. They're also wearing moon shoes. In a nice orderly line. And the oldest will say, all right, what now, mom?

And all of my children have shown up to assist with deconstructing. They all have tools. They pull tools out of their little pockets and their little coveralls. And we've got all the right size Allen wrenches, which we did all of that research before. Merry Christmas is looking pretty depressed. I think she might need to see a psychiatrist. I think that she'd get into that quail stuff.

Merry Christmas. Very good to see you. Gino, you know what? I know what you like. I have lollipops for each of you. Wow, you are all so big now. Ever since you all started going off to college or whatever it is that you rabbits do.

Mary Berry, how are you? We briefly flash back to the moment that you described to your children exactly what they needed to do in what order. And now, here they are. And this is why everything went according to plan. Because you knew exactly how...

to get from point A to point B. But you didn't know exactly what threats could potentially face this museum. And so as you were making your way through Orla, you have been quietly and sneakily making notes for the children so that they could navigate through the porcelain door, porcelain room, make their way through the portrait gallery without facing real threat. And now you find them standing behind you, interact

with the rest of the crew. Oh yeah, they all came from the portrait gallery with their rabbit ears covering their eyes. Easily, because you were able to set that up and you find yourself now standing in front of the room ready to give them the instructions, the tools that they need in order to perhaps... I have extras. Deconstruct this massive skeleton and your children...

very obediently because you are a great mom. Get to work. And you watch them get up together, pulling the wire apart that hinge these joints, being able to pull the structure apart. Make sure you remember.

remember how that goes together though kids there's gonna be a test and very say oh yeah okay okay and they have like little blue chalk you don't want to repeat this Greg they are Ikea-ing this set and putting it into boxes and boxes from nowhere crates that are able to safely house this femur bone

this femur bone, this femur bone, this femur bone, this femur bone, 12 femur bones on both sides ready to go. And what are the rest of you all doing as you are assisting the caperous crew, the children who are making their way, getting this assembly together? - So, I mean, this is great that they're all in boxes, but how the fuck are we gonna get them out of here? - Well, it's a lot easier to transport it when it's all contained.

And you know, this is why I brought Orla along. It's like the old days, you know, before all of like the old ways got started getting weeded out. When in doubt, rely on child labor. You know, I mean, it's this child labor laws, it's regressive. - I mean, why do you think I had 10 of them? - Exactly right. - What's the street situation like on this side of the, this corner of the museum?

- You would know on this corner of the museum that there is a, as opposed to the other side where there is a tremendous hedge maze, on this side it's actually adjacent to A Street. And so aside from a perimeter wall,

that is between the street and a beautiful, like, grassy area, and then the edge of the museum itself, you know that nothing stands between you and the rest of Galtica aside from those three obstacles. - So there's this wall, then a grassy area, then a perimeter wall. - Exactly right. - And the street. - Yep. - This soundtrack is so good. - Are there any windows?

Each of these rooms facing out, you can actually see on the map, there are these tall, beautiful arched glass panes, huge windows that are illuminated by the blue light that shines against all sides of the museum. This is textbook, Knuckles. I know that you've been waiting for this moment. You've been waiting for this to be placed in the box and very conveniently to be loaded into something. It's like the Indiana Jones shit up in here.

I will... I'll look at all the boxes, and I'll say, "Thank god I followed this!" And I would like to flash back to earlier in the day, or actually over the past week,

to make sure that basically every night I would be going out and I would be in the, what's the barrier wall like? Is it just sort of like masonry, normal? - Classic masonry, probably eight to 10 feet tall with some iron cast pokies at the top.

I would have been going out and then slowly kind of, you know, taking some sort of drill or something and just knocking a hole through that outer wall. And to the point where I could get all the way through and then I would take sort of a big, like, like,

iron hook that I could get through the hole and like have it hook around and before we started our heist I took my wagon and my two horses that look sort of inconspicuous but it is attached to a chain with a that's attached to the hook and I will whistle

And then, so anyway, then we shimmer back to the present. I will whistle, and you will hear a loud crash as the barrier wall basically breaks

giving access to the wagon and the horses and all we have left is these windows. - I think you should have a giant rhino car. - Let me embellish just a little. - As long as I'm gonna be suspicious, I think maybe we'll go for a rhino car. - Yeah, it was covered in bushes or something. I think that's way cooler than a horse and wagon. - Geno told you from the very start. - Bring the rhino car, Michael. Let's ride in fire. - I'm gonna ride in my rhino car, there he is.

Gino told me from the start where to punch, what the opening in this perimeter wall, that it was the final threshold, that once we got everything into the crate, of course the plan would come together and that you guys would be able to open the window, make your way across the grass and get to the door. But how to get so much weight and so many crates with so many people out and through without any suspicion and where

Similar to the film Rocky, where you go out and you're juking and you're jiving, you started to take a new route on your morning jogs. You started to take a new route when it came to your regular training. You'd drink a gallon of eggs and then you would run up to the side of the museum and sort of like, oh, I'm just punching the wall to toughen up my knuckles, right? Wrong. You were hitting them in exactly the correct configuration, exactly the right spots in order to...

A finger push could have knocked over this wall without issue. And sure enough, as soon as it falls over, the four of you and the ten of your children with the crates under each arm are able to make your way through the windows and over the threshold of the grass and immediately to the getaway vehicle, which is what? A rhino wagon. It's a rhino car. What's a rhino car?

I don't know. I have a very well trained pet rhino, I guess. If you want to have like, you know, mechanical Hellfire engine, I don't know. That's something cool. It's sort of a kind of like a higher, it's like a high tech wagon that has like metal and machinery. It's a little sturdier and it's a little armored in case we have some issues.

Some Magitek stuff. Armored, probably. And the wagon would be open, and it would be almost like, instead of your old-school wagon, it would have a big section in the back to store cargo, but then there would be two rows of seats for us to sit in. It's roughly the proportions of a stretch limo with a jacuzzi.

- No, instead of even going out, then if I would've done that, I would've whistled and the rhino just would've charged through the wall and then through the window. - There you go. - And just charged right in and silent up next to the platform. - Better for it to make more noise. - There will be evidence of this heist, but it doesn't matter. The lot of you load up the crates and the entire crew manages to make their way into the wagon and you guys sail down the street.

free, clear, and unmolested. - I'm glad we have 10 children here, Jesus. - Thank you. And you make your way down the streets of Galtica towards the estate of Lady Grieve, where they welcome and expect you. - I wanna jump in here. - Yes. - Before I hand out a word that's original to each one of these children, I'm going to look at, as we're driving away in the garden,

And we're seeing, and the heist that I mastermind has gone off without a hitch. I'll look back, and I'll say to no one in particular, be here today, be gone tomorrow. And dad is the real end of the session.

Sweet baby pain. I'll say a few more sentences before we end this session, because yes. Having gotten away, this is typically where you would ride off to the sunrise, the sunset, the success, the victory. You have your loot, but you do need to make it to Lady Greaves, and you do. You make it to her estate. The gates creak open. They welcome you inside. The servants of Lady Greaves start immediately unpacking the goods, and...

A hefty bag is thrown in front of you by one of the closest partners, one of these huge hulking people, almost as big as Knuckles. 100,000 gold pieces looking inside. Sure enough, this is a bag full of fucking cash. You're carrying that. Oh, don't buy it. Hundreds of pounds of gold. This, my friends, is exactly what we need.

This is gonna leverage us. Thank you, Miss Lady, wherever you are. You make your way back to the base of operations very quickly, and you are now staring, all of you looking at each other's eyes, and then back down. It glows. You can see the light of this gold, this huge chunk of gold against your faces. And looking up at Gino's face, you realize you were successful this evening. There is perhaps more to come. There is.

And this was just the appetizer after the appetizer for the big one. And I know that I've joked about the big one being the heart attack, but it finally kills me. But we can turn this hundred thousand gold into millions.

This is going to be the big one. And don't say, oh, Gino, you just have a gambling addiction. Because, well, I have a gambling habit. It's very different. But in one month's time, the 42nd Grand Fling Flail Championship will take place. And next door to Goodberry Square is a casino that will let us place very large bets.

And that's how we're gonna make our millions. - I have 10 college educations to pay for, so that'll be where my cut is going. - After we bet on the three-point championship. - How's Mary Shelley doing? - I didn't see her tonight, now that you say. - Oh, did we leave her at the-- Oh no, did she not make it out of the-- - Before I had enough seats!

It's not a matter of making a bet that Gino describes. Oh, no. The bet that you will be making is yet another heist. The casino where the money is held by all the gamblers is the real prize. Exactly right. They house all of the gold of every noble, every average citizen, the general populace, everyone who's going to gamble on what is the largest sport event every four years that could possibly happen.

it is going to be carrying millions and millions of gold pieces. And if you're able to break through that secure vault, you are able to very literally become nobles yourselves. To live in comfort for the rest of your lives. That kind of gold. So we're stealing, we're not gambling, right? I have a good feeling about this up-and-coming underdog team, that the odds are really good, but that's a whole other different thing. I'll use my own funds for that. You're gambling with your lives. This will be an investment.

We will make the heist when all eyes are distracted and all attention is on Flee and Flee. So what you're saying is we're doing another heist? It's the big one. How much are we making from this heist? No, we're going to buy all the equipment and make all the preparations with all of this money from Miss Lady. All of the money? No, so you're telling me that we just...

Executed a heist. So we executed one heist and didn't get paid because that was a trial one that we weren't aware of. So that we could do this heist to get paid to use this money to do another heist? You gotta spend money to make money. I wanna take money. No, that's what I mean. I wanna take my portion and run. You gotta spend money to take money. I wanna take my portion and run. Do you know how much shiny...

Do you know how much more shiny a pile of millions of gold pieces would be? - I've never seen it before, but right now I'm looking at a pile of 100,000. - This is barely polished. This is like one of those pewter mugs at the Renaissance Fair. It's like a doll. - I've never been to a Renaissance Fair. - Oh really? - Yeah.

- Yeah, no. - At least 100 of these gold coins are going to my kids, 'cause I promised them 10 gold pieces each to help them out. - I didn't sign off on that. - Well, it was from my cut. - It's 100 gold pieces you can give to children. Instead of a winner's original, you can give them 10 gold pieces. - Okay, you know what? It'll teach them about an honest day's work of crime.

and lead them towards the right path, especially you, Merry Christmas. You know, you get 11 gold pieces. That's from my side. Yeah, there were only nine there. Mary Shelley sure isn't here. Fine, why don't we each get 100 gold pieces? It's only 90 gold pieces to the children. We'll get 100 gold pieces each. We cut briefly to Mary Shelley having the epic battle of her life against a mimic treasure chest. And then we cut back to this room.

- Oh, she's probably fine. - They all show up eventually. - I want some gold to upgrade the rhino car. - Okay. - I have some ideas. - And to pay for gas, at least. - Well, you know what, no, bribing your children and upgrading your car and maybe make placing a few bets. - Already they're planning the next heist. We fade away from the window and that is where we will call tonight's session. - The planning of what could potentially be

the big one. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Avantris podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin tier or higher to unlock Shroud Over Saltmarsh, a patron-exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com slash legendsofavantris.

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