Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 58 | The Birds and the Bees
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Welcome to Legends of Aventress! Torbek's name is Torbek, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. How have you harnessed her magic? Who are you? Frost reads the letters. Sister.

I don't have Eidolon's horn. If I did, I would use it to free Bloodybeak and send it after the jabberwock that lairs in the palace and hunts in your forest. How Zibilna managed to befriend it, I'll never know. You've a very nice reading voice, Rosalie. Thank you. Dear sister, there's no use asking Endolin if she has the horn. She doesn't tell us anything.

Oh, that's right.

We're going to yawn, all right? Do you know how to get there? I'm gonna figure it out. I do. You all watch as Torbek stands up. His shadow gets large behind him as it casts shadow over all of you as he slowly sinks down into this throne. Immediately, you hear the crack

of lightning as from these two pillars high up on the top of the mountain like lightning rods, they connect and slam down into this throne. You watch as Torbek's entire body begins to shake and convulse. You can see his entire skeletal system. Torbek, you slump forward. Your body is wracked with pain. You still see remnants of worlds beyond the stars. You...

Torbek, your body is wracked with electricity.

Your form has been pulsed through with electricity for five minutes, 10 minutes, as the rest of you stare on his whore, in a way not just as Torbek is being electrocuted in this chair, but as Frost lays on the ground face first in the muck, all life draining from his body. All the while, little Katja is around the edge of the tree line,

rummaging and paying no attention to any of you. Torbek, you have spent the last 10 minutes mentally barreling through space and time, stars shooting past you as you feel your mind travel beyond the edges of space.

into a black hole. It's as if you've been here for seconds and hours and years, all at the same time before finally you come to and you feel the electricity shoot from hair to hair to hair all over your bugbear form. And you realize that your mind has been opened. You feel an intrinsic connection with the arcane, with magic.

as the electricity begins to fizzle out. Is this what clarity is like? It feels like-- No, I don't want to go back. It feels like time stands still for a second before you all realize what's just happened. Torbek, you are sitting here in this chair and you can smell the burnt hair from the electricity that coursed through you, frost, your body, no--

Your chest does not rise and fall with breath. And behind you, for a moment, you see what looks like a portal appear. Torbek, behind this chair is that the lightning itself had channeled an opening into Yon before it quickly fizzles out and you are all in this glade. What do you do? And? And? You are all? Not yet. Oh, okay, sorry. Mostly, but not yet. Do I get the sense...

Does my madness where I'm trying to like... Yeah, how are you like... I try to dome Frost too. Oh, you... Oh my God! What did come over you? That feeling went away once I sat in the chair. That went away the moment that he sat in the chair and the electricity started coursing through after. Oh, so we've just been standing here watching him get electrocuted for 10 minutes? There is almost a... And Frost has just been slowly dying on the ground for 10 minutes? You feel yourselves almost stunned as this is happening.

and I'm using 10 minutes as a rough approximation of how long it took. It's been 20 minutes? You all feel as though barely any time has passed at all.

As if you're in a waking dream watching this happen. Can we simulate 600 rounds of this? Everyone roll for initiative. Everyone roll for initiative. My actions continue foaming at the mouth. Yeah, I continue bleeding out. Torbjorn, you've taken no damage. You feel, you actually feel invigorated, almost as if you benefited from a long rest. Okay.

And your mind feels... You know, smoldering. Even more clear than it had before.

Does Frost need to make a death saving throw? Yes, Frost does need to make a death saving throw. 600 death saving throws. Yeah, I have to make 600. No, no, no. No, you only had one fail. I know for a fact that I failed twice. You only had one fail. Why would I copy it wrong from laughing?

Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do

I succeed. I stabilize. Oh, wow. Oh, you had two, you had two. Oh, wow. Okay. So Frost is laying there. And then he like slows down. Oh, do a big thing. I think Kremi was like foraging, weren't you? Were you there the whole time? No, I went to Stolovus. Oh, God. Okay, okay, okay.

He just didn't get involved. He was a not my circus, not my monkeys kind of guy. He didn't fall to the check either. So I pass my check. Yeah. And in the reality of the world, that'll happen in like... In seconds. In 20 seconds. Yeah. Oh my God, Frost! Oh my God, Tobe! Get! Are you okay? Well, now I'm glad I didn't get to the chair first. And I'm only a little upset I threw that rock at...

Frost. It's Angela. No, of course I knew his name. I'm gonna walk up to Frost. It was Killogue. Actually, I've been running. I have a rock in my hand and I stop at Frost's body. He's bleeding. Frosty, are you okay? Hey, buddy. Frosty! Frosty, here, have some bananas.

He's rubbing your throat up and now he's giving you good berries. Oh, I thought he was mashing the bananas. The man put them in his mouth. Yeah, he's making a banana mash. I don't know, I don't know. I'll take one hit point. Frosty, I'll go check on Torbjorn. Do I, am I a druid that, oh wait.

I actually have this spell slot for that. I actually almost did it. Okay. Well, you all had a long rest. We got a long rest. You slept overnight and then traveled all day. We did. And you didn't do anything during... Well, it only took you 20 minutes to get here. Oh, my spells are bad.

I will fix that. That's fine. Whatever you want to have prepared, you can have. I cast Goodberry probably more than any druid that you know. That's true. That's true. That's true. I will cough my eyes dirt open. Oh my, what happened? Guys, what the fuck? Frosty! Guys, what the fuck? Everybody else was doing it. I don't know. We all wanted to get to that chair. Gideon was the first one to throw it. He told me.

Torbeck threw it first. No, man, Torbeck threw it first. No, I'm clipping you. No, who threw it first? He was the first one to throw it. Maybe he was Gideon. It's not very clear. Torbeck's pretty sure Torbeck started the whole rock throwing thing. Torbeck! You gave me the idea. I knew it. You know that goblinoids are very suggestive. When one of us does something, it just turns into Oliver.

All of us doing that. Well, and when the two of you were throwing rocks, it just looked like so much dang fun. It was a lot of fun, and it was effective. In my village, the Macarena had a death grip on my entire village for an entire year. That's crazy. We couldn't stop.

My head hurts. Well... Why did you throw the rocks in my head? You were too close to Torbec's throne! Why do you look so well? You know, that's a good question, Mr. Crammy. Aside from the horrific taste of copper in Torbec's mouth, Torbec feels pretty good. There was a span of time where Torbec began to travel...

far distances and long amounts of time. Okay. Torbek. While you were being electrocuted. Saw the beauty of the infinite and the terrifyingness of the abyss. Torbek, roll a wisdom saving throw for me. Oh shit. Okay. Well.

Oh, I got 19. Oh, that's great. In your mind, you hear a disembodied voice. It doesn't seem to be speaking any language that you know. Really, it doesn't sound like a language at all. It's almost as if...

Whatever this sound is, the sound of the stars is being translated in your head for you. And you hear the words, "I have traveled from beyond the stars, claimed by a black star at the edge of night. I have become nameless. Sit upon my throne and unravel." I'm talking to Cremius, so... Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm witnessing the beauty of the infinite and the terrifyingness of the... What? Okay.

Hold on, hold on. Well, that was weird. So Torbek continued to travel and there was stars and darkness and Torbek just feels like Torbek has changed. Torbek has seen things that you mere mortals couldn't begin to fathom. And that all happened while you were being electrocuted? Electrocuted? You don't remember that?

Zorbek went on a wonderful journey. - I think this actually holds true with a lot of people who've been struck by lightning. This is the kind of thing that they say, wonderful journeys. - It is as you're saying this to him, Kremi, that you were able to watch this entire thing from a place of pure consciousness. You were not affected by the pull of this throne. You were not having rocks curled at your head. You were able to just watch this uninterrupted

And you remember that the lightning came from Yon itself. And as you look up through the cloudy sky, you're able to see what look like lightning rods dotting along the mountain face behind the lake. We know it's literally the whole province is sort of lightning themed, right? Yes. And so you are able to see these mountain rods off in the distance. They are long, incredibly tall, golden metal rods. Some of them topped with moon, some topped with the sun.

you could see the lightning connecting to them and when Torbek sat down, the lightning channeled directly into that throne. And at one point, you were able to see what appeared to be behind him an archway open up that looked like an entrance to Yon. That's no longer there anymore. Do those lightning rods look at all like the ones we saw the unicorn? They look exactly like the ones you saw around the unicorn enclosure. Wait a minute. Lightning?

And you got visions, right? Yeah, well, and voices. But, you know, that's pretty normal for Torbjorn. Right, right, right. Torbjorn drinks to get rid of the voices. Anything about the unicorn or the king of hearts or anything like that? Something about nameless, the nameless edge of darkness. Something about sitting on the throne, becoming unraveled.

Alright. You know, how put together is Torbek really in the first place? It just seems like that's just, you know, kind of what happens. Things us people wouldn't believe? Yeah, I mean, you know, it's just what it is. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. Attack ship? I don't know what an attack ship is. Sea beams glittering near the Tannhauser Gate. What the fuck is he talking about? I don't know what I think.

You might have been hit by the lightning, too. How long have I been out? Huh? Oh. We all got our brains scrambled. Giddy and I... Except me. Giddy... Well, except for Krimmy. Giddy and I... And except for me, too. Oh. Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. How's your head wound? How's your head wound? I think I may have... I think...

Gideon knocks you aside so that you hit your head on that tree stump. - I definitely threw a rock at you and it hit you in the head. - I did not die, but I am trying to look for the way into Yon.

Did you say that I noticed that there was an opening previously and now the opening is gone? Yeah, it had appeared directly behind you right as like the final bursts of lightning had been entering into your body. Oh man. It appeared and it looked like something that you would have been able to step through, but it is no longer present. Okay.

Did I notice that? Yeah. Look, Torbjorn's willing to, you know, take one turn the team here and just try something. But if we're going to do this again, then we got to be quick about it, all right?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I was about to ask you to do the same thing. Yeah, Tormentor's gonna stand up and sit back down. Oh, I thought you were gonna say grab the kid. No, hey, I mean, you're trying to go to Yharn too, right? Well, I want to be, I was really hoping to become a star, so I want to be at the theater. Oh, oh, we know somebody that goes to that school.

Yeah. The theater? Oh, well then. The Grand Theater of Motherhorn atop the highest peak in Yawn. Huh? What? You want to be an actor? Yeah. Just like the snake kid. Oh, the snake kid! Mr. Snake. Oh, young snake. Jeremy? What was his name? I forget his name. Jonathan, I think.

Jonathan? Jonathan Snake Snake? Do you mean Snake as Snake Jr.? No, it might have been Snake Jr. Oh, Snake! Oh! Snake as Snake Snake Snake Jr. He was a good lad. And we sent him off to acting school? No, he was gone already, man. We just met the parents. Oh, no, we encouraged him to pursue his dream of acting much to the crippling disappointment of his parents.

I don't think he ever was there. He was not there. They were sad and they wanted him to come home. They were promoting? Yeah, no, he was not there. Oh, there's a snake! Just don't get eaten by the snake. We'll help you get there. I think he's kind of like, you know, a dude. We know somebody that's there. We can say, hey, uh...

To be fair, and I'm not saying this to be rude or anything, but I don't really need you, because I know how to get into Yon, and you don't, so I was just going to go to Yon and then get there myself. Oh, excuse me. I thought we was going to try to help you pursue your dream of acting, just like Snake, Snake, Snake Jr. As she was saying that, Torbek had gotten up and was about to sit back down and stop and look at him.

You can get us in? Quick, hurry, Turbix. Thaia's gonna get out of here in a second. Yes, the entrance to Yon is just along the base right here, but I can't quite find the rock to get in. All right, Turbix, can't hold it. Just sit down. Oh, shit! I'll sit down again.

You sit down and for a second you feel your body tingle with electricity. You see all of the hairs on Torbjörn's body stand on end, but the lightning rods do not seem to connect and nothing happens with this throne. It's as if you have used up all of the magic within it. Maybe it can't be Torbjörn twice. Well, I mean, maybe it's just out of juice. I mean, you know what? Maybe Gideon can try it.

Sure, why not? I'll bet you're strapped to a chair now and again and zapped for, you know, normally for fun, but I'm not. I'd give this a try. Oh my goodness. Don't drag the young people back to church. What do you mean? Don't fucking share that information. How would that be fun? Hold on. Griggo, you just wouldn't understand. That'll teach you that kind of thing at the rec. No, no, no, it's not fun. It's fun. It's fun?

Is it like a game? You could say. I mean, people play. Like a game of, like, I've heard about these newfangled electronic-type games. Maybe electronics involved. Exactly. Basically what you're talking about. Yeah, exactly right. Give it a try. Well, I had a tour-backed SWAT battle. All right, good luck. Oh, just... Ugh.

You sit down in the chair and you don't even feel the electricity that Torbeck described. I feel it! Is it working? I think it's working! I think maybe I'm just using it! It's working!

Sounds like he's moving his pants. Perhaps we should bludgeon him to death with the rocks. What's the matter, Frost? Are you a little while bitter? Frosty! Are you still over that? Look at his skull. Ha!

I mean, get over it, man. I mean, that was like 10 minutes ago. Blood is still dripping out of your ears. Real friends don't hold grudges. Get over it. It was just a couple of rhymes. Yeah, we only almost the lottery.

That's right. Well, why would you-- it was ten minutes ago, man. Well, remember that. What's a few rocks between friends? Yeah! Come on, man. Yeah. Hey, have another banana. Banana, you're not you when you're hungry. Well, did I do it? Is the portal opening? Well, I don't know. Do you feel anything? Well, I felt it for a little bit, and I'm just kind of like, no, there's no lining. I don't-- I don't-- what do you mean is the portal opening? Portal for what?

For Yon. Yeah. There's no portal for Yon. What? No, you get in over here because the Briganox, they have mines and there is an entrance to one of the Briganox mines over here, but it doesn't go deep into the mines. It will actually take us out to the stone bridge that goes over the Misty Pathway and then that will take us into Yon proper. It's still at the very edges and it will be a long distance for us to travel.

But if I can find this stupid little cave thing, then we'll be able to get in! Wait, so, hold on. Then why don't you bring us to this seat? Yeah, when Dormuk sat down, Dormuk saw like a portal hole. Well, because, because Squirt told me that that seat was what marked the fact that the cave was over here along the base of the mountain. So the chair doesn't have anything to do with getting into Yon? I don't know. It's like a landmark. Then what happened?

I don't fucking know. I mean, the fucking foyer lost its damn mind. Do you know what it's like to see the infinite?

That's a concept, that's abstract! Torbjorn's losing his mind over here! I don't know if you saw what you thought you saw, Torbjorn. That's really pretty, though. The lightning has a strange pink hue to it now that it didn't have before. Oh well! And then she's going to start rummaging around in the underbrush. I'm sure that's fine. And then eventually, a few minutes later, you hear her begin to squeal.

I found a little entrance, we can get in right over here. But some of you are going to be very big. Well, I guess we'll never know what was through that portal there. Wait, some of us are gonna be big? Big? Some of you are going to be a little big, you're going to have to really squeeze in. You might want to have the big ones go first. Not you.

Which one of us might be too big? Well, I think the owlbear is going to struggle, and I think that-- Oh, who's she now? She's a tiny little peapod.

And then I think you are going to be a little bit. Oh yeah, that's just classic. And you look really tall, but underneath that fur, you probably are like a slinky and you just get really small. So you should be fine. Yeah. I think the rest will be, you are definitely really small. You can get in super easily. You're actually shorter than me, so I think that you should go in last.

I'm looking at it, right? Guys, I don't know what you're putting in kids meals these days. So I think we should put the big ones in first, so that way if they get stuck, the rest of us can push and push and push until they make their way through, and then once they're through, they'll pop out the other side and they can wait for us there, and hopefully,

Hopefully, there's nothing creepy or mean or bad on the other side that will eat them or capture them or push them off the side of the mountain until we get through. Well, Graco, can't you do that thing where you turn into that thing and you dig even bigger holes, man? Oh man, I thought a big man would be able to do it himself. The last time I went first down a hole in this damn place, I got caught up by snakes.

These same snakes that went off to the theater to learn how to play a song? Well, it was his parents, yeah. They made the mean spaghetti dinner. They made okay spaghetti. A mean spaghetti dinner. I'm still not entirely sure how they made the dinner, but... Their tails are quite dexterous. The last time we climbed into a hole, Greggo turned into some horrible mud monster. It was awful.

Oh god! That fucking sucked! That was weird. It was weird! That was a really weird adventure. Who turned into a mud monster? A couple of us did. Really? No, so did you, Frosty, didn't you? At least two of you. At least two of us. Yeah, at least two of us. I think you were lying to me. That was Torbjörn's very first adventure. We fucking walked out of the inn,

He doesn't know the answer. You don't know the answer. I don't know why I'm... We just met each other yesterday. Yeah, that's totally fair. Are we really nerds? He's going to be able to fit. He's a little guy. You kind of look like a nerd. I mean, are you afraid to go into the hole? I'm not afraid to go into the hole. You should be really careful. Could you have made the thing easier? I'm happy to go first, Graco. We could have Toolbag go first. No, Toolbag!

I'm happy to dig it out. I'm happy to give you the... I don't want you to dig it out. I feel like a bitch would ask me... You know what, Gricko? Why don't you make it smaller? Can you make it smaller, Gricko? Because I want to enjoy that more. I make my way through this. He's going to like... I start crawling through the whole line. It begins to crunch and compile me...

- No, stop, just stop making it smaller. - He's being really squeezed, he's going from red to blue, someone must save him. - Yeah, I just couldn't hold that for a while. - You wouldn't have a banana. - Okay, and then roll acrobatics or athletics to see how well you do this. - I love this, Ross.

And then I also want you-- This is a version of Frost is Best Frost. Just petty Frost? Yeah, Derek, it's Best Frost! You're gonna look like Plato at the other end of this thing. And then after you roll either acrobatics or athletics, I also want you to roll a dexterity saving throw. Oh.

While this is happening and I'm waiting for my turn to go in the hole, I just look at Mr. Crammy and I say, "Ugh, Mr. Crammy, I really feel like we're downplaying the things that Torbek saw. I mean, imagine if you could touch or hold the abstract concept of justice, your mind would be blown." 22 for athletics. Okay. I know Torbek. And then a dexterity saving throw, please.

I want to believe what you're saying, but I feel like given your perspective and your intellect, you could probably see like just maybe like more than a few dozen things and think you're seeing the fucking infinite, you know what I mean? So it's hard for me to appreciate what you really saw unless you could maybe somehow put into words the vastness and horribleness of infinity. Dormag, I believe you.

Did you, uh... did you reach the inner circle of doubt? Did you see the structures, the infinite sets within infinite sets? Did you realize that it's also nothing and nothing at all? How did you know, Frost? I too was subjected to these visions once. I can push them out of your mind if you want to be free of them, at least for a time, until you can confront what you've seen. Torbek feels like if you do that, Torbek's gonna lose a piece of Torbek.

It would just be a calming, compartmentalizing, just to get it to the back of your mind until you're able to reason with the unreasonable. Torbett will get back to you. As little you know that the option is there, I know what you are going through. How's Gideon doing? How's Gideon? Hey!

Let me help you out! As the conversation is happening, Gideon, you are able to make your way through this. And as you are sliding through and angling your body, contorting yourself to the ever-changing size of this cave, you are--

It's almost like a dance. No, you can't dance anymore. You are somehow able to make it through. Remember that? And just as you get towards the end, you hear the voice of the little girl of Katya. He's not afraid of spiders, is he? Because the cave spiders

spiders that are in there are horrible and I wouldn't recommend only one person going in. They like to swarm as you hear the skittering of what sounds like thousands of horrifying cave spiders. Hey, what'd she say? I can't hear her over this weird skittering. Hey, somebody shout what she said up here. I can't hear her. There's some weird, creepy skittering. Do you say skittering or littering? I don't know. It could be like a jabber.

It's hard to tell exactly. It's like a... Can it be gibbering? It could be a little pause. It could be gibbering. It could definitely be gibbering. It's hard to tell. Wait, pause? I don't know. I don't see anything. Hey, man, what'd the girl say? What'd the girl say, man? There's over a spot down there. Ah! Ah! Ah!

As he says this, you feel the web brush your face and you immediately dart out of the way and propel yourself almost bullet-like out of this tunnel, your dexterity holding true for you as you are able to get out of the way of this cascade of spiders as they rain down around the tunnel. You see they don't seem to leave. You're now on the opposite end of this tunnel. You are firmly

in yawn, and now level six. As you look into this cave, you see as the spiders cascade down around the edges of the cave, but none of them make any move to make it out into the light. The air here is thick,

with condensation, it almost crackles with the ever-present lightning that's in the air that's being carried from one end of Yon to the other via all of these lightning rods, and you see that they're being pulled down from the storm clouds themselves and pulled into these lightning rods. You look up as you hear a loud crash of thunder as the lightning jumps from one rod to the next, and you see far off on the cliff,

Cliffside on the opposite end, the highest peak in Yawn, built into the very rock face itself is a castle-like structure. The largest lightning rod on top of it is all of the lightning is funneled into this structure. And you see it illuminate with white and almost pink light, the very residual light.

pink light that had infiltrated the lightning after Torbeck was electrocuted. All of this you see in a split second, but the spiders themselves seem to be almost afraid of the crackling lightning in the air, and they do not leave the tunnel. I don't blame you for being afraid of me, spiders. They have now accumulated inside of the tunnel, smelling your blood and hunting for you, and now standing between you and your friends is a tunnel filled with

Hey, hey guys, hey guys! Yeah, yeah! Can we hear this? Send Amit, Amit! It almost echoes through the tunnel and you, it's almost like a horn. Hey, hey, hey. So Torbjorn's supposed to go next, right?

No, hey, send either Gricko or Frost next. There's no danger. Just come on down. We discussed anything. Take it casual. Maybe Frost. He's been kind of a pain in the ass. Wait, wait, wait. So this little girl that said there's a whole bunch of cave spiders, there were no cave spiders, huh? No cave spiders? There are no cave spiders in there, but...

I'm happy to send Torbeck to deal with all them cave spiders. If the cave spiders aren't there, Torbeck wants to go before the cave spiders are. You know me too well, man. There's a whole bunch of cave spiders. Torbeck, go home. I just want to giggle

Grigoro frozen. It just bit a little. Just a little. It's just like it's another carnival. You clean up plenty of glue. Yeah. Like one day. Got in the basement. Torbeck, you just got to leap past them, man. I just shot right past them. Do you know how many few hit points I have? Well, that's what I said. Go on next, man. Anyway, okay. Frost, when you inevitably fail the check, I'll save you. I'll throw my chains out. Frost, no.

Oh no, because Frosch is gonna be a little big baby about all the blood dripping from his skull. I'm gonna serenade him so if baby little Frosch feels better. So anyway, here's Blunderball. And I sit casting your wounds.

You're gonna kill me. So, I play Blunderbuss, because I think I get one for use with my Gift of the Metallic Dragon. Wow. Oh, yes, yes you do.

It didn't need two free uses. That's gotta be like a conversion thing, right? No, no, no. Could be. Oh, I have two uses! You have a free spell. I am using two of both of my-- oh, no, hold on. No, I can do it with the spell slot as well. So I never have to prepare. Yes, yes, yes. So I have it double prepared. I'll fix that. I will use, uh... So I've used one from Goodberry already. I'm gonna do... I'm actually gonna cast Cure Woo. I'm gonna do that. That's for free. So you get, uh... It's 2d8. Oh, it's 2d8. Yep. Six.

That's gone. How is that possible? That doesn't make any sense. It's landing on a flat-- this is a D8, and it's landing on a flat surface like this. Just stop it. And it's like, it's not falling on one side, it's not falling on the other side, doesn't make any fucking sense. 14 points of healing for you. Oh, thank the Lord in heaven. While you're healing, I'm gonna prepare to walk towards the entrance of this cave and start to position myself in a way to get ready.

- All right, once you're ready to make your way through the cave, you can see now that just from all of these tiny tunnels that are built up into the mountain itself, there are hundreds of spiders that are beginning to make their way down. You realize that the cave is, yeah, just by poking your head in, you're able to see this. You can see that there are webs lining this space and you imagine that you could get from one side to the next, but it's gonna take some fancy footwork. And so I would need an acrobatics or an athletics

and a dexterity saving throw, unless you have something else in your arsenal that you think that you could use to make it to the other end. - No, my dex is absolutely absurd, especially given the nature of my alchemical makeup. - 30 points of healing. - Wow. - Whoa. - 2024 Cure Wounds? I guess at a second level, it's fine.

48! Yeah. Oh! Yeah. Huge. Cure Wounds is so good now! So I already added the 14th, so another 16. Another 30 on top of it. Another 30 on top of it? With two spell slots, I healed you 46. So that's max. Yeah, 46, whatever it is. That's impossible. I'll look into the game. After all. And I'll see what I see, what you tell me that I see, and Torbeck will give a big sigh.

All Torbek is saying, Mr. Crammy, is imagine being able to explain the pinnacle of humanoid art to an ant, and the ant being able to understand, I just don't think we should take this lightly, and I go into the cave. And what were you-- I'm going to do an acrobatics check, and then I will do a dexterity saving throw, because I am dexterous in nature, and I feel like that's my specialty. I love that. That's correct.

I got a 25 on my acrobatics check. Nice. And on my dex saving throw, I got a natural one, but a plus 10 gives me an 11. Okay. Are you going to use twists or are you going to go with it? I don't believe I can after I roll unless I'm... Oh, no. So Witchlight works differently because if you use them, you have to pull a Faker's. So that's...

Torbec failed the dex saving throw. He's really confident in his acrobatics. You are able to get through this tunnel. The problem, however, is that as easily as you are, as easily as it is for you to contort your body through the shape of this tunnel, though Gricko has made it a bit smaller with his mulled earth, you are able to slide through it like a hot dog down a hallway.

I love that Derek, thanks for looking at me in that way. But your fur gets everywhere and the spiders get everywhere in your fur. They are going to roll to attack you. - Okay. - They got a natural one. - Oh. - So I actually, I need to roll to see how many. Okay, only two.

So it takes you two turns to get through this tunnel. Okay. Their first attempt to latch onto you is unsuccessful. You're so covered in fur, they're not really sure how to deal with this as you're barreling through this cave. But they do eventually make it towards the fleshy parts of your body and you feel them begin to gnaw at you doing, oh wow, I'm just rolling like crap. Oh, that's not so bad.

13 points of piercing damage as you feel tiny fangs pierce into your body, and you're also going to take four points of poison damage.

Okay. But you're able to make it out onto the other end. The moment you spill out into Yon, you witness the same scene that Gideon witnessed, the lightning crackling in the air, the moisture all around you, and immediately all of the spiders begin to sizzle and pop. You can smell burnt,

burnt hair as they all shrivel up into these essentially cooked spiders and they all fall to the ground at your feet. Gideon would hear in the cave.

Get him off the carpet! Get him off the carpet! And, like, you'd see him burst out of the cave and there'd be spiders falling off him, screaming and, like, flailing. Look out for the spiders. Look out for the spiders. They get fucking fried. We have to get him off. That's one. Take your time. That sucked!

Hey, it's all right now, man. You're here. You're covered in dead spiders and wolf webs. I actually don't notice the difference. I'm going to turn back around to the cave and just say, there's so many spiders! How far down in the cave did you have to run in order to reach the other side? Touring along this track, there were so many spiders! What? So many spiders! Oh, God. Did you get them all?

Did you get them? He said, did you get them? Torbett got a lot of them. Yeah, they were everywhere. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. They were in Torbett's hair and Torbett's mouth. There were a thousand spiders left. No, I'm not going through this tunnel and they're all dead. Torbett got so many. Torbett, your job wasn't to go through.

through the cave and kill all the fucking spiders. And leave the cave. We're not fully clear about that. Dormic never saw them coming and there's no chance that any of you will either. Oh god. I can't do anything.

What does that mean? Uh-oh. Well, you know, if you're going to be a bunch of wimps, I'll see you on the other side. And Katya rushes in. Oh, yeah, let us know. Let us know if there's-- Whatever you do, don't send the child. I'll send the small child. Okay, okay.

She'll never make it, she'll never make it! Okay, okay, don't listen to him. Don't listen to him, Katya, you're doing great. I feel like her name was Mishka, wasn't it? No, Katya, you're thinking of Thone Elf. You watch as Katya pulls the hood up overhead and she rushes into the tunnel, she's small enough.

that even with the shrinking of the tunnel itself, there's clearance above her head. And she throws her arms behind her back like Naruto and she just runs through this tunnel. And you all see her appear mere moments later, not a single spider on her. Oh, how was it, Katya?

There like weren't even any spiders in the cave. I don't know what Torbek was saying. They're all dead on the ground on the other side. Oh, very easy. Maybe Torbek did get them all. Sure were a lot of spiders when I went through. Oh, so you guys are on the other side. Yeah. Oh, and you're also level six. Yes. Okay. Well, now that you're, how's it, I feel like I'm gonna go rush it. I feel like it's been like 14 months since our last play. It's been a crazy couple minutes. Yes, it is. Uh,

Now that my brains are no longer coming out of my skull, I think I can think clearly. That is remarkable. I really got brained by Tormek there. It's about time. I think I can make it through without issue. Will you be all right? I'll be fine.

Kill the rest of them, Frosty. If I see any, I'll endeavor to crush them with my mind. I'm telling you, I'll endeavor to crush them with my mind. That's what I was going to say. I will. I'm leaving you. I'm probably going to have to really hunker down to squeeze through, but if Gideon Torbic can make it, I can make it. So I enter the cave, and as soon as I do, I'm going to move at a good pace, but I'm going to look for the exit.

It's a straight shoot through the mountain. Oh. But I need you to roll an acrobatics or athletics to see how well you make it through the cave, and then a dexterity saving throw to see how you handle the spiders. While he's doing that, I just heard a Gideon, and I say, So, Gideon, how have things been? Torbjorn feels like we don't talk very much. Well, I mean, you know, not too bad. It was a little crazy watching you get electric for ten minutes straight. Yeah, right? Hey, you want some garbage? Hey, I was just going to offer. Here you go, man. Thank you.

- Thank you. - I got a 21 for my acrobatics check and I got a 19 for my dexterity saving throw. - You know that's all good, you're a drinker. - Similar to what Katya did, you pull your robe, the hood of your robe up over your head and you look into the cave and though it's quite a distance away, you can see the small pinprick of light that indicates to you that that is the exit of this cave.

and you begin to calculate. Well, if you move here, if you move there, you see the way that the spider webs glisten in the light on the entrance, and you imagine that the way that spiders would build these webs and the channels that they would come out of, these are the most likely locations for where, at this point, given the amount of time, they would all be located, and then Torbek rushed through, and then Katya rushed through, and you believe that you've pinpointed the exact way that you need to travel through this space to avoid any dangers.

And even though part of your cave, your head has caved in and you're still bleeding from your ears, you are able to make it through the cave completely unscathed and you're now level six. And now I make? Yeah, you made it through. And I'm now level six, excellent. I do that. How is it, Frosty? Well, if you know how to calculate all the things I just calculated, you'll be fine.

Easy. Come on, Hootsie. You go right behind me, Hootsie. I'll protect you from any lingering cave spawners. Don't you worry. Your old man is good in the scrap. Good in the scrap. Let's go. And I will go with Hootsie behind me. All right. A roll for both of you. What was the roll? Acrobatics or Athletics, and then a Dexterity saving throw. That'll be easy.

I'm gonna do Gricko first. Yes, please. Acrobatics, the acro for Gricko is a 22. Okay. Deck saving throw is a, oh, can I use a twist and reroll? You can, but you'll take a Faker's. All the people who are all the side questers are really getting angry right now. I'll take a Faker's. Okay. I'll gladly take a Faker's.

Pass the tarot cards down to Mike. I got a 10. Give him a good cut shot. Even with your reroll? Okay, fantastic. I really wanted to dread you, but you were fake-hearsing. I'll get a 10. No, you have to do the cards, Michael. I'm just going to roll for Hootsie. Yes, roll for Hootsie. Hootsie annihilated the acrobatics. Nice. Oh, classic. She had a natural one on the next saving throw. We both get the acrobatics, but we fail the...

So once you pull your card, let me know what it is and we'll find out what's happening to you. You can cut that and shovel it and whatever you want. No, I trust you, Frosty. Oh wait, hold on. I'll say this is... It is the reverse... Wait, no. It is the upright Seven of Swords. Seven of Swords, you say? Oh.

That's badass. And it's a spider! It's a spider! Oh my god! Or the Chansey. That's pretty crazy. It's a fucking silkborn. You can get this tarot deck, along with many other things, at thecrookedmoon.com. This is so great. This curse table appears in the Crooked Moon book.

There are 156 of them. So many. - You begin to make your way through the cave. You and Hootsie are going slow. You believe that you are just as smart as Frost, and if he can do this, then so can you. And you are gonna do everything that you need to do to protect Hootsie. - Yeah, not a big deal. - And you are able to get through this tunnel. But about halfway through,

you begin to sense that feeling that you've sensed in the air before. You can smell Torbec's burnt hair. You can see lightning shoot off of the lightning rods, and you know intrinsically that there is witchlight in the air as you breathe in a healthy helping of these spores, more than likely from somewhere within the cavern here.

And then your reality begins to change. Oh, Griggo, don't breathe in the pocket of witch light there to the left. You believe you are turning into a scarecrow.

You are convinced that you must stand like a scarecrow with your arms out or you and your allies will be horribly devoured by swarms of birds. You stop in the middle of this tunnel, blocking Hootsie's path completely as you attempt to do this. And you both are swarmed horribly by spiders. - There's crows! - For three rounds. - Oh, there's no spiders, but there's crows all over the fucking place! - Fucking crows!

Oh, there's crows in here! Cave crows? Oh, there's cave crows! What are you talking about? We're going to know there's a whole bunch of spiders! Oh, there's truly ancient deep crows! Remember when Penny Arcade was good? I look across from the other side of the-- There's truly ancient deep crows! On the other side of the cave, I look at them and I say: Guys, I think something's wrong. Yes, I think you walked into the witch lane. How many damages are spiders? Hootsie.

sees that this is out of the ordinary. And she uses her form and her beak to constantly push you forward. So you are able. You are not able to block the tunnel in this tea cup. She eventually pushes you out of the tunnel, but you're both completely covered in these swarms. You take 26 points.

I'm sorry, sorry, I lied. You take 22 points of piercing damage and four points of poison damage. And Hootsie takes 27 points of piercing damage and four points of poison damage. As you have three rounds of being bitten by these spiders before your-- How many did she take? She took 17 piercing and four poison.

Wow, she's looking wrong. Before she's finally able to push you out of the tunnel, you both get to level six and all of the spiders immediately electrify and crumble to the ground, but you still believe that you are this scarecrow and you are blocking, you stand right at the exit to the tunnel.

to this cave. You believe that no one should exit this cave. And though it is only Kremi left on the other side, you are determined to not let him exit this cave. Hold on, hold on. There's so many truly ancient deep groves in there. Griggo, what are you talking about, man? There's so many truly ancient deep groves. Kremi!

"Have you guys not seen the fucking deep crows?" Krico, you're covered in spiders. He's T-posing again. Why are you doing that? Are they crows or are they spiders? No, it's definitely spiders. Oh, crummy, crummy there. Definitely spiders, not crows. Holy ancient deep crows. Krico, what are you talking about? Hoochie made it worse by pushing me forward.

But she's a little child, she understands. Oh my god. Poochie, how are your-- I can't turn around. How are your crow wounds? Can I pick Grickle up? I mean, yeah, I would imagine you could. I am not going to do this because my friends are here. Grickle is T-posing. Perfectly T-posing. Yeah, I'll be trying to just walk forward and see if I can pick you up from under the arms and just gently move you up. If you're not going to resist any-- Oh, don't move the crows! He just screams, but-- The crows are coming!

I'm gonna get close, truly ancient deep close. And I'm gonna stick my head back in the spider game to see if I see any deep throws. Can you roll a dexterity saving throw? Yeah. You know, at disadvantage because you're holding a screaming, deep hosing scarecrow trap. Yeah, I got a 12. I pull my head back out and just come in. You're covered in spiders, however, however. It's rapidly moving.

It's a big bird and spiders. It is nothing but eyes and spiders, and I just look at the guys and I'm like, it's just spiders. You're going to take seven points of piercing damage as the spiders are able to bite into you, and then you're going to take two points of poison damage as...

And then they explode. Toolbag, no, no, I'll-- Toolbag, you'll kill us all! I'll push them off. I'll essentially create a little telekinetic shove and all the spiders will just-- All these dead spiders just completely-- I'm swollen, my face is swollen. Your face looks just awful, Toolbag. It's just a nightmare. It's only spiders. It looks so much worse than normal. You didn't see the deep crows? Roll a perception check. Sure.

There are so many crow stalls which are large swarms of tiny fiends which can only be accessed in the Crooked Moon and by pre-ordering at thecrookedmoon.com. And there's so many of them.

of them in there? He's just speaking gibberish. Oh my gosh. Don't listen to him. It's already closed. Tom, can you kill us all? I need to stand like this so we don't get the rest of us. You may want to hold your breath. Just race through. I think that he's under the influence of witch light. But what you're saying is that all the spiders are not gone or killed? No, no, no, no. There's a tremendous number of spiders. There's no spiders in the cremation. There's a huge number of spiders. No spiders cremated.

only truly ancient deep crows. We will now go to kookyboo.com. I'm really confused, man. It's either truly ancient deep crows or spiders. Torbjorn checked a second time, didn't kill any more spiders, but he came back with a whole bunch of spiders on his face. So I can't really tell you what's in the cave. Either way, just move quickly through the cave and then you'll be on the other side. Oh, but there's fucking spiders in there. I don't want to go in there. You know what spiders do, right? They're fucking tricksters. You know what I mean?

I feel like I'm about to get tricked in some sort of fashion. It's not a trick. All they'll do is bite you and you'll swell up and take some poison damage and you'll end up looking like Torbeck. What do you think? I think maybe you should go first, all right? I mean-- Who are you talking to? What I'm trying to say is I'm not going in there. I think you fucking go first, all right? You fucking clear me out, all right? And no one will see me, but my shadow's head will turn and start to be nodding and opening its mouth and closing.

Look, it's not embarrassing to fucking crawl. I mean, you can just do your thing. You slither on the ground all fucking day. And it'll sort of snap its head back and forth. All right, you go first. Get halfway through, just tell me how it looks. And my shadow will start to extend and arise from the ground in a perfect replica of Kremi. The pure shadow will walk in.

and it'll walk to the cave, but instead of crawling, it will basically lean back and limbo through the cave, and it'll get as low as it needs to, even if it's bending at the angles. You immediately see that every single one of these spiders runs from the shadow. The moment any of these spiders see the shadow in any way, they begin to skitter back up into the rock, almost as if they're horrified.

how's it looking down there and it'll sort of be walking through um with its cane right but basically like it won't it won't crawl it wants to walk through and once this is about halfway through the cave how's it look are they gone

They're not gone! Oh no! If I move, if I move, then all of us will be killed by truly ancient deep crows. Just run, Grimmy, just run quickly. All right, well, just clear them out if you can. And then from the cane of the shadow, where the skull, the head of the crystal skull of my cane would be,

There is a sort of a spectral, like, purple glow in the eyes and the mouth, and this mouth will open horrifyingly. And you'll hear all these different voices. Oh, God, please, no! Let me out! And a horrible scream will shriek from my shadow spawn as it uses its once-a-day dreadful scream.

Each creature within 30 feet of it must succeed on a rhythm saving throw or be frightened of the spirit for one minute. And I basically want to, if there's any spiders left, I want to make them so scared of this thing that the tunnel is nice and clear. I'm not even going to make you roll for it. The shadow alone was enough to terrify these spiders. You're not quite sure why, but this is not spider behavior. What you've been able to sense from your shadow in this situation, but any spiders that had been remaining, if,

any of them were alive, they have already descended deep into the crevices within the mountain and you are able to not even-- you make your way forward completely nonplussed as you're able to walk uninhibited through this. All right. I trust you. Well done. And all sort of crawl through.

and I'll follow my shadow behind. You'll see the shadow walk in front of me, and from the other end, my shadow will appear and then just stand upright, and just stand there like silently and still, but he's still there. Because I stopped controlling. I stopped hitting shift right click as I'm crawling through. Wow, this feels like launch day of Cyberpunk 2077. LAUGHTER

What is happening? I make it through. And you make it, and you are level six? Oh, Kremi, that was awesome, man! And he'll slither back down as my shadow. You couldn't have just gone first? Well, no. I don't like spiders, man. Neither does Dorbeck. Well, I really don't like them. I don't want to fucking get bit or just feel weird creeper legs on my skin.

I'm missing the point, all of you! You fools! Do you not see all these truly ancient deep crows coming back to Ding Dong Cave? I think that Gregor may have been taken by the witch light. He's acting very strangely. And he just said "Ding Dong" from the breeze. Everybody, everybody move. Not at all. Everyone stand perfectly still and raise your arms out like this. And that is the only way to protect yourself from the crows. Dormant things were gonna have to carry him.

Perhaps it will fade soon. We can give him a few minutes and just stand here while we plot our next move. He refuses to move at all. God, Tim. Do you know where we go from here? Well, I mean, that really depends on what you plan to do. I'm going to Motherhorn. Well, where is that?

Way over there. And she points to that structure that you saw where you once again notice the lightning arcs against all of the lightning rods channeling all the way down until it hits the large lightning rod at the top of Motherhorn. You see the entire structure illuminate almost as if all the lights have turned on within it for a second before it once again goes dark. And again, you see the clouds roiling up above

and as lightning emanates from it, you watch as these lightning rods collect it and funnel it back towards Motherhorn over and over and over again. Yes, that's where I'm going. And because I am little, and because I am dexterous and I can jump, I'm going to take that.

and she points up and you see that all along this almost sheer cliff face, there are these small jutting rocks that she jumps up onto a couple of them. I'm going to just jump all the way up there, but I don't think you will be able to come with me. It is like the straightest shot. And you notice that further up there are those really creepy goats that like to sit on very sheer cliff faces. You see a handful of them dotting along the mountain face.

And you can see very quickly that though some of you might be able to make this climb, not all of you would be able to. Greg is so nimble, though. Oh, no. Well, you could come with me, too, but then you'd have to leave your friends because I really appreciate everything we have done together, but I wanted to be a star. And quite frankly, you're all a bit lost, right?

What? You're really complicated for adults. Yeah, well, at least we're not going to get devoured by one of the two Leia's of Deep Crows. Fair. He's got you there. Good luck, Gib. I'm going that way. It's rough, but I feel like I am more likely to survive if I don't stay with you. What? That's preposterous! Can you believe you cooked that creamy burro?

Oh, I made you creamy brule and this is how you repay me? Yeah. I've repaid you by getting you into yawn. Oh, that's pretty good. Oh, no, that's not. You didn't do that. That's the thing. We all got attacked by spiders. Here's the thing. Once I get to Motherhorn, I will become a starlet.

and become very popular, and then when you get to Motherhorn, you will know someone there, and I'll be able to help you again. What's your talent? I don't have one yet, but I think that I could learn how to be a fantastic actress. So you don't have a plan? You're just going to go be famous? No, I do have a plan. I'm going to go be famous. I think she probably specializes in

Improv. Ew, that's gross. Who would even do that? Oh, God. Oh. But remember, if you're gonna be on a stage show, you know, there's acting, there's dancing, and there's singing. You gotta be good at least two of those things, understand? Why? Well, because otherwise you'll be outclassed by the rest of the talent. Why would you be on stage in the first place? Well, not if the rest of the talent is...

at all of those things than I am. I don't have to be good at them. I just have to be better than everybody else. Guys. Duh. That's a fair point. Do you think? Okay, goodbye. Goodbye, Katya. She begins to scale the mountain. Good luck, Katya. What?

What a strange child. Live your dream, Cartier. Beware the truly ancient deep crows. Beware. That kid was weird. Beware the crow storms from the crooked moon. Preorder now at thecrookedmoon.com, Cartier. What are you saying? Who just, like, sets out and says that their whole goal is to be famous? All right.

I feel that just by merit of that statement, she will almost certainly fail. Those goats are eating her. I mean, we all agree. Those goats up there, yeah, there's no way she's going to...

Goats. There's goats, hey? There's cliff goats right there. Didn't we have some sort of prophetic-- Oh no, Jelena's deep goes, "Didn't we have some sort of prophetic vision where a theater was gonna all be horrifically ritually sacrificed?" Yes, yes, I recall very specifically everyone in the audience was electrocuted to death. Is that one of the ones with all tulip fruit? Ah, well. It was also a vision of the future to come.

That's almost certainly impossible to avoid. I'm sure it is. She won't get mixed up in that, right? I mean, we... There's no way it's the same theater, huh? We've seen a whole bunch of crazy shit. You're seeing Truly Ange and Deep Crow. Yeah, now then, they're gonna devour us all. If I move from this bar, they're gonna devour all of us. Don't get in. Then we should try to stop... Oh, she's already gone. I can probably reach her with my mind powers, but I won't. She's very quick.

Well, given that the name of that mountain is a reference to the Matterhorn, we all know how the first descent of the Matterhorn went, I feel like her fate ain't that too dissimilar. How did the second one go?

Probably better than the first. So that'll make us the second. We guarantee our chance of survival. Ooh, what if it's more like, not the real life one, but a reference to the Schmizzly Land one? You sneeze really loudly. You exhale the last remnants of the witch light from your body, and you no longer fear these deep crows. High five, Griggo. You feel an invisible hand. I think that I've destroyed all the deep crows. Good job.

So what do you think, Van Luz? What do you think, Van Luz? Mr. Cranny? Well, I guess we just start walking up there. What? What? What? What? Mr. Cranny, thank you for calling on Torbjorn. Torbjorn is very aware of the Matterhorn, but for someone like Frost, who has no idea, could you perhaps explain it to all of us?

Well, in the diegetic reality of Earth... What's Earth? People died terribly. Like ground? Trying to climb the mountain. Oh, that's it? Oh, yeah. I mean, basically, they were all tied together, and then one guy slipped and brought, like, four more with him. Oh, my God! What? Yeah, no, it was terrible tragedy. What?

Why would they tie them? Two people mysteriously survived the incident. That's not funny at all. Dulek's reaction is very bad. I can't believe Frost didn't know that. Yeah, Frost, read a book. Why would they tie themselves to each other in this manner? It seems like an easy way for... I can't believe that you were going to have us blow all of the budget we didn't have to build a replica of that thing in our park carnival. Well, it's kind of, you know, the dance macabre, the whole...

Cache of Carnival of Crew, you know? The curiosity of the moment. Were you going to simulate a doomed climbing expedition? Yeah, exactly right. Is that why you called it Macabre Horn? Oh, damn, I forgot I named it that. That's pretty good. That is pretty good. I'm proud of myself. Hold on.

I feel like the thing we forgot to do back in the day. What's that? Probably nothing. So, where are we right now? We're in Yon. We're in Yon.

- It's contagious. - You're so stupid. - Oh, you've been sitting on that one, huh? - I'm sorry. - Observing viewers, you know I've been doing that for fucking 30 episodes. - I jam my finger deep into Gricko's brain. Through the eyeball. - All right. - But now that you are here, you are standing

You are standing right next to a sheer cliff face that travels all along what is very clearly a long stone bridge that is spread out over a large cavern. Wind rushes beneath the stone bridge. And I'll say for the sake of brevity, you are moving along.

this bridge as you have this conversation. This vantage point gives you the best ability to see the place that is laid out in front of you, the domain of Yon here. And it is nothing but towering peaks, this dark gray stone. It is...

unlike Hither and Thither, it is significantly more devoid of vegetation. You see the lightning rods everywhere, but you also see

glimpses of different lights that appear out of nowhere, almost as if there are beacons of sorts off in the distance, but it's so hard to get a good look as to what they are. You occasionally see glimpses of structures hidden up high on these peaks, shrouded in clouds.

It is cold here, significantly colder than it was in either of the other domains that you had been to. And again, the air is thick with moisture and

You can feel the electricity on your skin that's being channeled straight to Motherhorn. It's hard to see how this place is populated at all, but you imagine that nestled between the valleys of these different mountain peaks that there could be communities of different types of residents within Yon. But from here, what you're looking at

is heading towards what looks to be an open outcropping between three different mountain peaks. And once you get there, you imagine you'll have a better vantage point as to where to go next. And that is what you are seeing as you make your way across this bridge, occasionally being blasted by huge gusts of wind as it

as it's channeled through these mountain peaks. But you're able to keep your ground, though the stone itself is a bit slippery. It's not so precarious that you're unable to make the track. And you eventually get to the other side as you are met with a strange sound. It sounds like the whipping of wind. Not too dissimilar from the sound that you heard as you were crossing the bridge, but altogether strange.

not quite the same. And it sounds like it's coming from one of the three openings between the mountain peaks that you see in front of you. And the...

The openings are winding and twisting. It's impossible to see what would meet you on the end of one of this crossroad. And with the way that the sound echoes, it's impossible to hear where that sound is coming from, but it is getting increasingly louder and louder and louder. Isn't this your thing, Frost?

Yes, but before we proceed, I have something to tell you now that we're no longer next to that child who could possibly have been a disguised hag or some sort of other evil villain. What? What? What? You thought that kid was a hag? No one trusts my kids. You thought it was a disguised hag or something? I was concerned that someone with that much knowledge would be undressworthy, yes. Well, I guess, to be fair, it wasn't that old lady. Oh, that was true. Yeah.

Well, and it's a good point that, you know, for a penniless orphan who, you know, had only known being locked in a cage to be food for an owner, you would think that she wouldn't know shit about any of this. So, I chose to wait. And now that we're alone, I have to tell you that while we were stuck in that cage, and when we were finally freed, I noticed, in the very last moments,

vine of blue roses. Okay. It was what I think helped break us out, or at least protect us in some way, as we finally were able to free ourselves, and I believe that it came from Twig. From whom? From Twig. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

There's no way that could be wrong. Twig is an inanimate puppet. Yeah, she's like she got turned into that wood doll, man. It couldn't have been Twig. Well, it was either perhaps the danger of the scene allowed her to awaken briefly and exert her power and then return to her form, or something was acting through her. Well, I'll walk around here and inspect my back and see if anything looks weird. I looked at... You've got to walk around, man. I've seen that the whole time. What's the matter, kiddie? You can't look at your own back?

What do I see? Roll an investigation check at advantage. Here you go. With my help, roll a triple advantage. Sorry, I knew that hit me. It should be an 18.

Within 18, you find the puppet that is Twig, and you remember that everything about this puppet had been just Twig in puppet form. But the main difference is that where her spectacles had been, where her eyes had been, they had been replaced with wooden roses that had been painted blue.

What you see now is that the frames around those roses are now thorny vines, and that you see that thorny vines are beginning to spread further along her body. It seems like there's no longer any progression of them, but whatever magic had been used has had its effect on how this puppet looks now. And though the vines are made of wood just like the flowers are, she is markedly different.

Gideon, Twig is transforming. She no longer has the blue roses for eyes. There are vines. Well, she does. She does. There are just vines now. There are now more vines growing across her wooden puppet body. You think she's doing weird stuff? I mean, she is doing weird stuff. I don't know. You're saying that was Twig? Either Twig or something acting through Twig, yes. Wait.

We've seen roses in other places, haven't we? Uh-huh. And we did the thing with the sword and then we turned all the roses blue or whatever. In the hourglass, right? Yeah, when you got the sword. Yeah. In that strange hourglass realm. And I had to galumph all over the place. He was galumping. And then Torbjörn was galumping, but he was doing that bush. And then Torbjörn was galumping. Yeah. Torbjörn's galumped the time we were doing the massacre. And what about all the mimsy where the borra goes or something? Wow. And the moom rafts.

did outgrabe curiouser and curiouser.

It's alarming that Torbeck only understands like 25% of what you say sometimes. Hey, didn't we see somebody with crazy teeth in that thing? That sound is significantly louder than it had been before. Yeah, yeah, but what about the crazy teeth? Sound, go away, sound. It doesn't matter. We're talking. We're talking. Wind, get out of here. Yeah, I mean, golly. Shut up. Turn the volume down. My bad. Hey, Abby, come on.

Yeah, golly! Walk straight in the yard and nature's interrupting you. I'm going to try that the next time there's like a gust of wind. No, no, not now. Not now, not now. Somewhere, do I hear an angry person typing on a keyboard, get on with the plot written by Hasbro? LAUGHTER

Wait, hold on. Yes? That Howlin' Wind sounds like the Howlin' Wind in The Howlers, a mountain chain on the west side of Wickermore Hollow, the valley, the main location of the adventure that takes place in The Crooked Moon. The Howlers? Well, you can pre-order at thecrookedmoon.com. You can pre-order the book and...

As you say this, out of the middle-- 632. Out of the middle channel between these mountains, you see what is very clearly a tornado rip through this place, headed straight towards you. But it is not just the same gray that you would expect this to be. It is interlaced with what is clearly witchlight spores as it plummets towards you. All of you need to roll a dexterity saving throw at disadvantage. What did I just say?

Oh no. 21. Okay, I did okay. I rolled a 19 and a 15 in my low. You rolled a disadvantage, right? I did, yes. I'm asking, Darren. Oh, a disadvantage? My low was a 25. In my disadvantage? Yes, all of you are. And it's a what? A dexterity saving throw. Oh, like an eight. Nine. Oh.

Someone playing Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. That's very funny. So you passed. You got an eight. I got a ten. Ten. Oh, nine. I got a nine. Oh, nine. You got an eight. I got a 12. Oh my god, guys. All of you are whipped up into this tornado. As I was. Including you, Torbeck. Yeah. You...

- You are able to immediately cover your mouth. You see what this is right away. You are familiar with the witch light. You cover your mouth and you breathe as little as possible as you're all whipped up into this tornado as it begins to, having you inside of it changes its attitude

is it begins to swirl and move and you, instead of going back down the middle channel that it had come from, it veers off to the left and begins to hurl away all of you stuck inside of it. You feel sick to your stomachs as you're being whipped this way and that and you're stuck inside a tornado.

Didn't they literally just plagiarize Looney Tunes? I think so.

That was different than everybody else. Similar but legally distinct. Legally distinct tornado. Do we feel any agency over the situation? No, you are stuck in this tornado and you are...

screaming and you are... Maybe there's something in my pack that can help us. You feel sick to your stomach. Oh no, there's gold. Oh, well, there it goes. As the tornado moves you along, yawn at a very quick pace before eventually you...

you are scaling sides of mountains, mountain sides as you are riding this tornado. And eventually it begins to slow and you are all dumped out in what is very clearly a grassy glade between two huge peaks. You've made it a significant distance into Yon. Motherhorn is closer than it had been before. You see some of the lightning rods

far closer to you than you had expected to see them. You can feel the electricity more strongly here. As all of you are dumped in this space by this tornado, I need all of you, except for Torbjorn, to pick a tarot card for me, please. Good luck, boys. Yeah.

Who blew the warp whistle in Super Mario Brothers 3? I love a good warp whistle. Are we in World 8? It feels quite like World 8.

Are we doing it that way? That way. Okay, so I'm gonna, I'll just remember to do it. It doesn't really matter how you do it. It's up to you how you wanna do it. If you wanna flip it the other way, that's you. You could spin it 180 degrees. Spin it around. Until you reveal it, it doesn't matter. You just have to decide what up is. It's very bitfy-esque. Which way is up? I'm cutting before I pull. Okay, I love that. You can shuffle if you want. You can do anything. Nah, it's already done. Oh, oh. You just went straight in. Oh. All right, we'll start with you, Frost.

Yes. My waifu. A very frost-looking King of Cups. Oh, okay. Upright. King of Cups Upright. That is King of Cups Upright. Okay, who is the first person you see? Actually, I'll roll for it. I'll roll a d4, one, four. Does Hootsie count?

- No. - Gricko. - Gricko appears before you as a biblically accurate angel. Every time you close your eyes, he appears to get closer to you. Don't blink. - That is incredible. - Let's look at the card on the camera. - Yes, please. - The King of Cups. - Hold on. - I should have fixed this. - I should have fixed this. - I thought you did. - Philosopher Wizard. - That's the name of the episode.

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Cricko, as you land, you come to the realization that you are a bridge troll, and anyone that tries to move past you must pay a toll.

Noted. Cremmy. I got the Hermit in reverse. This card features Farron pre-fall with, oh, there's a little cameo from Flora. Yeah, everyone who plays Edge of Midnight, that was the only, this is the only appearance of Flora. It won't be this dark. Yeah. We brightened this a little bit, but look at this beautiful art. Look at this. There you go. PeriodicMoon.com.

I'm actually gonna have you pull a different card. Because I don't think that this one's gonna work right now. Here, cut it. Should I upright it? Do you wanna see what the upright option is? You could upright it if you would prefer. No, let's do this one. Draw a new one. Draw a new one. Show 'em off. Are we almost making all of them preform? What? I got the Wheel of Fortune upright. Wow. Crazy catch. That's wild. You become the epitome of the deadly sin of greed.

I feel nothing's changed. Nothing's changed! Nothing's changed! Nothing's changed! Another through line with his alligator folk. I got... I got the High Priestess. There's another pre-fallen Edge of Midnight character. A pre-fallen Lethika with her Moonlight Chakram.

Upright or in reverse? Or is this two? I mean, is this High Priestess two? No. This is the number two in the Major Arcana. Got it. Did you-- It was like-- Upright? Just upright, yeah. You cannot stop coughing up blood. Oh dear lord.

Very Lethega. Oh yeah. Extremely Lethega. I am made of cobwebs. You must know. You all land on the soft, earthy ground. You can smell

you can smell the loamy earth beneath your feet and as you look around you you see that there are trees growing here this is the most verdant of anything that you've seen here in yawn and it looks like a small forest spreads out in front of you um

But what catches your eye is that just right on the inside of the tree line is what is clearly a recently set up camp. There is a small yellow tent. You can see where a fire was being constructed. There is a small cooking pot that's sitting over it ready for the fire to be lit and food to be cooked. You see a satchel leaning up against one of the trees. And but

but you don't hear anyone around it. You just see this little camp. That was rough. Is everyone all right? Yeah, Jormek's in one piece. Jormek?

Gideon? I was spreading a tornado and got thrown straight at him, man. I feel pretty okay, all things considered. I hurt you. Are you okay? I banged up harder than I thought. Gideon, you're suffering from horrific internal bleeding. Oh, my God, Gideon, are you okay? Oh, man. I don't know. Maybe I landed on you. Is that blood? That's blood, yeah. Oh, my God. Gideon, you need some of Griggo's healing powers. He's really quite...

I flee. I run into the, whatever direction Graco is in, I go in the opposite direction. You do not. Oh, no, oh, my God, what's happening? Oh, no. Is there

You fucking died! Maybe his brain got scrambled or something, man. I mean, what the heck is going on? The moment you turn around to run away from him, you immediately see in your mind him coming towards you, and you know that if you face him, he will stop moving, and so you could flee, but you feel like you might need to turn and look at him.

Oh, so this is Enderman rules. Yeah, Enderman rules. Okay, I will start to, I'll just continue screaming as loud as I can, and I'm going to keep my eyes on him, but I'm going to walk away. Be not afraid! Be not afraid! That choir that plays at the beginning of the fifth element starts pounding in my ears. Oh!

I'm just on a trip. I don't have anything else I could possibly do. I'm fucking... Have you seen this shit? It's a nightmare. No, you better fucking move! Unless you paid a troll toll. What? Oh, oh no. You better not pay... You better not do that... Unless you paid a troll toll. Does he just look like your foot off? He just looks like your foot off. I just have an underbite now. I just have... I just... Do the thing with his jaw. Yeah. Yeah.

You get to jump forward. I don't know if you notice or not. How do you feel? Fine. I feel pretty normal, frankly. Torbjorn was going to get Frost, but now I've got to get around. I try to get around you. No, you move! You move every time. Calm down! Would you like a little shake and make this? I try to get around you. No!

Can Torvac interest you in some licorice?

That is not the troll troll. What? It's delicious! Yeah, it is not the troll troll. But the troll bitch gotta go get fried! You better pay the troll troll, or you don't get past the troll! Which is me, Google. You're out of your goddamn mind if you think I'm gonna give you a fucking penny, a fucking copy of you, you understand that? No, you better give me the fucking troll troll! I'm not paying your fucking shit! Pay the troll troll, or you don't get past the troll! Which is me, the troll, the bitch troll. In fact, if you keep this up, your cut's gone. I'm taking it.

"No, that's the troll toll." You're making this up! Here we go, what's the toll? Help Torbjorn, help me. "The troll toll, you better give me that troll toll!" What is the toll? What is the toll? You have to tell Torbjorn what the toll is. "You better give me--" I'm not giving you the troll toll! You better give me the troll toll! Now you're throwing it at me over there.

You don't deserve shit. I wind up and I punch her in the face. Oh! Yeah! Torbek is sorry! Frost, you watch as Torbek winds up and goes to punch this biblically accurate angel in the face. You watch as the eyes multiply and wings begin to spin around this as it looks like it's almost about to consume Torbek's forearm in a maw of eyes and teeth. I continue to scream in fear.

and it's like watching a kaleidoscope consume Torbek as I'm unable to do anything to assist him. There are wings. How does Frost react to this? I'm not trying to harm Gricko. No, no, no. Just throw him off his game. That's just what Frost sees. Just crack him in the face. You just wind up and pop him in the face. And then if I can, I try to juke him and get around him to get the hold of him.

Roll to hit. And I would say roll at advantage because he is so, like, he is so consumed with these troll tolls that he's not looking at you. It's 24 to hit, but my unarmed strike will only do three points of bludgeoning damage. Okay, that's great. Three points. Hey! Oh, in my deep, in my Juliette's deep crow wounds. And as soon as I connect, I, like,

Ha, ha! And like, you go around him, and then I start yelling, Frost! Frost! Oh, my door back is coming! Your door back is coming! How are you doing? That door back-- I'm like watching him dance through like rings concentrically, interweaving with like eyes that run on his hands. Calm down, calm down! Calm down! And I just try to run to defrost it. I try to get-- I try to get--

This is falling. Stop! Now that Torbek's moving towards you, Frost, the biblically accurate angel is chasing after Torbek. And no matter how fast you run backwards, it's getting closer and closer and closer. Torbek! Torbek! No, Frost! The other way! Frost, come to Torbek! Come to Torbek! How are you not seeing this? And I'm like trying to swat a Griggo. No, no, no! Swat a Griggo. No, no, no!

The wings that are flying in, somehow they're like being batted away by you. I'm just like, it's impossible. I don't understand how you could possibly geometrically do what you're doing. Geat, what's wrong with you? How do you feel? I'm not as bad as these guys.

I'm feeling pretty bad though. Oh man, I think that's at least three pints. I'm starting to get high. No, no, it's going to be okay. I'm worried about this. You finally...

You thought I came down with consumption? No, I knew they would come. It's gonna be okay, Gabriel. I've been talking a lot about this. Retiring in Tahiti, you understand? We're gonna get to Tahiti. The weather's gonna be beautiful, okay? It's gonna be beautiful. Kremi, you are saying this as the light here glints near the bag at the camp and you realize there's an entire satchel of gold.

They have mangoes, man. Oh, man. Just stay right there. Don't mind if I do that. I look around. Anyone? Anyone? I sort of walk up and I'm like... I grab the satchel of gold if it's there. Can I have my d20? Yeah, it's the witch light one.

Yeah, you grab the satchel of gold and you and Gricca are... I don't like that. I give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit! I don't give you shit

- You wanna dance, Rukia? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go. That's me, Drogon. I'll take care of you. - If Rukia's attention has been drawn away-- - Yeah, you notice that all of a sudden that the biblically accurate angel completely shifts and glides horrifically towards Gremi. And you are just watching as it glides through the air. - Frost, are you all right? Are you okay, Frong?

I'm scared beyond the capacity for rational thought, Torbeck. Torbeck is here. Griggo has six wings, and there are six of him. No, no, no. He's just Griggo. He's just acting weird. He's talking about Trolltol or something. It's gonna be okay. With two, they covered their faces, and with two, they covered their feet, and with two, they flew. What? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

I'm going through my pack. I'm going through my pack. I ain't done eating the choco right now! You know, Frost has given me at least two or three of these over the course of this adventure, and here's the thing, I'm the embodiment of the mortal sin of greed, and not even I want these, and I take out a Dad's Root Beer. I give it to Greg Oak, 'cause I've never eaten them as many times as Frost has given me a Dad's Root Beer.

Oh, that's a pretty good joke, though. Oh, hold on. I'll take one for you. Oh.

- That's a pretty good trophy. - Fucking sucker, right? - Oh, you made it through though! - You watch as immediately the angel turns from Kremi and begins to just barrel towards you as quickly as possible. - Run Torbjörn, two was its root beers. Two was its root beers. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

- They got to pay the toto, you pay the toto right now. - Torek doesn't want to give you anything. - All right kid, let's get you up. - Oh, don't touch the phone, coach. - It's gonna be fun. - Oh, what's in the beaches? - We just gotta find Tahiti. - Oh man. - I'm sure it's in the Feywild somewhere, that's what I heard.

A gust of wind blasts all of you as out of the tree line, what is very clearly a walking dandelion jumps out of the tree line towards you as it brandishes its rapier. A blast of wind hits all of you. The accumulated witchlight spores that had been on your person are blasted away from you and skittered

on the breeze as this creature looks out towards you. You knave, what are you doing here and why are you disturbing my peace?

All the curses have been blown away from you. Did I cough out five points of blood? Yeah. You're lightheaded, you're very lightheaded. Who are you and what are you doing in my glade? Is everyone else seeing this crazy flower guy? We dropped off here, we just kinda fell out of the sky. What happened? You gotta pay a toll. You gotta pay up, if you have any gold, give it to that guy. Let me go get my--

- My coin sack? Where on earth did I put my coin sack? - Oh, this guy does have gold. - Oh no. - You see as he goes over to the spot where you had just picked up the pouch of gold and he's looking everywhere, he can't seem to find his coin sack. Where did I put it? Oh, it must have been one of the pixies. I believe I've been robbed by pixies.

I do not have a coin to pay a toll, but I could provide you, I could regale you with a tale of daring do goods, or I could sing you a song. I have some trinkets on my purse. I do have trinkets. And he reaches into his pack and you see as he's throwing out a...

trinkets here and there. I can offer you something other than coin. So just so Torbek understands, you're saying that you left an entire sack of gold just sitting on the ground here? Well, I was setting up camp and I had to go

I need a dry wood. All the wood here, it's wet. I need a dry wood to light a fire so that I could cook for myself. And I'm quite scatterbrained today because I did not like the way the chapter of my book ended. And it's really, I'm perturbed because really...

He should have gotten the girl, quite frankly, and it's just-- Why'd he not get the girl? Well, you know how it is. There's this miscommunication, and instead of just talking to each other and realizing that they're both horribly in love with each other, they stick to the miscommunication, and then four chapters later, they'll finally realize that someone had lied to them and that they do truly love each other, but now I have to-- ah! And I spilled my drink, and the pages are drying, and he points, and you see that there is a book hanging in the trees where the pages are drying.

And on top of that, I have to find that elf that ran away the other day. How am I going to reunite her with her sister? And quite frankly, I've got a lot to do and I don't have time to explain it to you. Especially when you're encroaching on my camp. Director, I'm sorry. Wait, why am I paying you a toll? You're here as my camp.

That's such a strange coincidence, don't you think? There was a toll on account of there were some crows earlier. Crows? You can relate to deep crows, and then there was the troll toll, and so the troll toll is still in effect. There's a troll? Will everyone get your weapons? We have to fell the foul beast. There's a troll toll, yep. All goods that pass through this bridge, you must pass through the troll toll.

There's no bridge in the vicinity? The Bridge of Life. It's a metaphorical bridge, exactly right. All of the saves pay up. There's a causeway through the trees. Well, if I see a troll, I will consider paying the toll. Uncle Globo needs his cut. Well, no, we're actually collecting the toll in advance. We're basically, you could say, custom, so to speak. And if you happen to come through here, we collect the gold and then we pay it to the troll.

Or the federal government. Well, as I've said, I've been robbed, but I... You're still at small businesses. I have...

Well, I can't speak to small businesses. I do know they have it quite rough in Yon as of late. Are you saying you can't pay up? Well, I can provide you with a tale. I could sing you a song. I can't part with any of my books. Could you tell us all about exactly where we are and maybe anything, a tale about a unicorn that might live in this here province? Oh, a unicorn. Well,

"I'm not sure I could tell you all about Yon, "but I do know the layout of all of Prismir. "There is no better guide in Prismir than myself, "and so should you want to go somewhere "or need to go somewhere or not be able to get to a place, "well, I'm to pour out your service, "and especially with the help "of my darling sweet love, Polinella." And he points towards this beautiful round bumblebee that's buzzing through the boughs of these trees.

"We could get you to wherever you need to go." What was your name? "Amdipoor." Amdipoor? Yes, Amdipoor. Amdipoor. The dandelion. That's pretty funny. And that bee is your love? "Well, yes."

Hello, bee. It's Polinella. I call her Polly for short. Polinella, are you just a bee? Extremely plump. What do you mean, just a bee? It's Polinella. Polinella, do you speak... I'm just saying, it's an extremely plump bee. Do you speak the Troll King's common? It is one of the reasons I fell for her. Well, I'm going around on this guy. Are y'all married?

"Oh, how we wish we could be. "No, I rescued Polanella from capture recently. "It was-- my heart yearned for her. "She'd been captured by a beekeeping cyclops." Oh, that's terrible. "Yes." Cyclops keeping bees? "Yes, she was his queen bee. "And he coveted her, as you can see why.

But her heart belonged to Andapur, and my heart belonged to her. You rescued her from the cyclops? I did. And what happened to the other beasts? Well, they are still encaptured by the cyclops. You just rescued the one that you loved and not the others? Or the others. I did, yes. No, she was the plumpest one. Well, no, she was. No, he is quite right. She was.

That's a pretty plump V. No, yeah, she can't fly straight on. You don't need to raise your hand to convert. Do I make an excuse to the fact that if he doesn't raise his hand, that Mr. Crumby will never make eye contact with him? In fact, even when he does raise his hand, Mr. Crumby still tries. It doesn't matter. What does any of that have to do with the two of you not being able to be married? Well, we've only been reunited shortly, but...

In that time, I've also made a promise to this elf that I need to return her to Motherhorn.

And as a knight, as a gentleman, I always keep my promises. Holy shit! It would be dishonorable if I do not, so unfortunately, we were parted while we were attempting to make camp, and I am not sure where she's gone to. You see, she is a shadowless. A shadowless? A shadowless? Yes. Did you say this bee's heart belonged to another?

Well, to me. Oh, okay, all right. She was stolen from me by this cyclops. Yes, Polinella was stolen by this beekeeping cyclops. And Andapur rescued her, but none of the others. And now they're going to get married. And I was about to ask whether or not the ring was going to be on one of its little legs, or if there were just going to be like a large metal belt that you wrapped around the bee's body. That's confusing. The ring doesn't have to be physical. It can be metaphorical.

I mean, if you have a rat body, it's like a horse brow. You're gonna take one of the other bees that she's married. You should put a ring on that. Well, if you like it, you should put a ring on it. That's what I'm saying. That's what the bods sing. It's like, just a... I mean...

First of all, we would gladly help you on your quest. We will add it to our collection of Cyclops. Yes, I have them all right here. And we'll get it done. Like a steel trap. I promise. But, just so I'm getting this right, you cocked a beekeeping Cyclops and stole the queen bee whom you wish to be betrothed and you guys are like, fuck. LAUGHTER

I'm not sure what that word means. Uh, pollinate, let's say. Well, I am a dandelion, as it were. Instead of out of porn, more like out of Chad. And there is no one that makes me feel quite as much joy as Polly.

Oh, wait, but she pollinates you. Oh, hey! I mean, it is the equivalent of 2025. Different stroke, different stroke. I've never yucked a yelp a day in my life. You know what I mean? Never once. Every day you learn something new. Well, well. You sick fuck. Take us over to that castle. Golly. I would be...

I'll honor Cud and his guard. I can't wait to travel with this guy, man. I shall be happy to help you on your quest. If you're on your way to Motherhorn, you're welcome to join me and Polinella and Gleam, but we have to find Gleam first. Gleam is the name of this shadowless elf? Yes, she's escaped, you see. I'm not sure. Do you know much about Bitter End?

Bitter end? I don't know the meaning of the word. I-- Well, come to-- For the sake of explanation, no. Come to camp, you're all scrawny, you all need a good meal. You have a camp? Let Andapour cook dinner for you, we can get to know each other, we can trade stories and become lifelong friends and we'll have a nice meal and we can talk about Yon. You must be new. Very.

You're not quite as disheveled as I would expect. But I don't think, I mean, we don't have to pay the bridge troll toll, but I mean, that Dancerupio is pretty good. If you happen to find a sack of my gold coins-- We'll keep an eye out for it. I'll let you know, absolutely. Yeah, it's tough, those things don't tend to turn. Or add it, Frosty, can you add it to the list of-- Yeah, yeah, I'm going to Evandra's Wiki right now. Okay. All right.

Yeah, let's go to camp. I feel like we just got here in Yharn. It's like a windy electro hellscape. I feel like we should take a bit of a rest. The storms will be rolling in soon and when they do, we'll be drenched if we don't have tents set up.

Okay. Well, we wouldn't want that. No, we wouldn't. And I am, if nothing, underprepared. Are you? Overprepared. You always offer to cook. I mean, I like it, but you know, it'd be nice every once in a while if somebody cooked for me. Are you prepared if we get hit by a tornado? Why on earth would you be hit by a tornado? Well, we were just picked up by a tornado. That's why we were dropped here in the middle of your camp. Oh, that can happen. And our minds were addled. I, for one, saw...

Well, it's very difficult to describe. It's like six flaming bands of feathers and also circles, covered in eyes, burning away into my retinas. I am not sure your name, but as much as I would love to trombobond with you, may we do it around the campfire? Oh, Knight Andapour, my name is Morning Frost. It's lovely to meet you. Sir Andapour, at your service. And you?

Oh. Oh, Griggo. This is Griggo. My name is Griggo Grimgrin. This lovely little lady is Hootsie, the cutesy. I don't...

I feel like I'm a pretty open-minded guy. I'm here for you, just to make sure that you have Polly, Polly make you, when she's like out of here, son. And like, oh, son, I'm just trying, you know, I'm just trying. She's young. She's young. And so I don't mean to tell you. Hootsie's young. Presumably not that plump. Yeah, oh my God.

I'm just trying to make sure that we have positive experience for a positive enrichment. And it's just, it's a lot. It would be a lot for, and I don't really put a conversation. I went to the rat casino and the rat didn't tell me nothing about talking about the beast. Or the birds. We haven't gone to the birds yet. Were you not good, sir? Amdapor would not do anything untoward. And you, sir? Tormek.

Lovely to meet you, and you, good sir? Why do the names come in the crew? Lovely to meet you, and you. Hey, I'm Gideon. One moment, you have a bit of blood on your face, and he wipes the blood off your face. Oh, thanks, you probably have something now. Gideon Cole, I shake your hand, but I'm extremely confident as to where it's been, so I won't do it. It's been right here at the hilt of my rapier. Yeah, I'll bet.

Well, that's... Polnareff, no! Dormant can't wait to hear about how he polishes his sword off. He polishes his sword. He's going to come out of his tent looking like he just powdered his face. He's going to have to go in and powder his nose. And for the sake of seeing it, this is what you're looking at. Yeah, I knew it was his face. I knew it was his face where the fire was. Everyone knew it was his face. Yeah. Uh.

Is there Polanellos up there? Yeah, she's right next to him. He's a little pumpy. Oh, wow, she's smaller than I thought. Oh, I thought she was like big. I thought she was like Minecraft bee size. Yeah, I was picturing that bee just like-- Yeah. Laying there, head fast, like, oh, it's so confusing. Can our campaign, can she be like, Miss Piggy style? I say no!

Yeah. Completely imagine. I thought it was just like literally a guy who happened to be a dandelion, looked like Quibbly from Soros Rhapsody, but a dandelion, and then a thick ass, fat ass bee. Yeah, no, she's, we'll say she's like four times that size. Yes! Great, we're all okay. That's fine, that's fine. Woo! Woo!

- You can choose whatever depiction you want. You can choose whatever depiction you want. - But canonically. - Just know. - Canonically. - Just know on the Wiki. - Just know. - The second you said put a Xanax rape in your head, I'm gonna give you the Xanax bitch you had, you sick fuck. - Yeah bitch in my head. - Do it.

Well, let us make our way to the treeline and we shall set up camp. I have extra tents, so anyone who is happy to help, I would love the assistance while we set up a tent for each of you so we all have a nice bit of privacy and then I will get dinner started and we can all sit around the fire and

"Get to know each other like good chums." Well, you can start the cooking now. We can set up the tents, including yours, if it doesn't already-- "You are too kind, Morningfrost. "Well, here you are. Here's a tent for you, "and a tent for you, and for you, and you." Oh, Torbjorn has his own tent? Sweet! "Oh, wow." Yes, they're significantly bigger on the inside than they look. "Oh."

Magical tents? We're just starting. We got picked up by a tornado. We're a little off our feet. This guy needs so much privacy and a lot of extra room for it. Golly. Look, when everyone dies in their own tent, it's their own business, okay? Business. Yeah.

You take some time and you're able to set up the tents. Each of you walk into your tent when you're done and you see that it has multiple rooms. You have your own little kitchen, you have a bathroom where you can clean yourself and do your business. You have a living space. It is very much Doctor Who, TARDIS, Harry Potter tents at the-- The Triwizard Tournament. Triwizard Tournament. Not the Triwizard Tournament. Not the Quidditch, the Quidditch one. The Quidditch, yeah.

And they, as you're building it, you realize that as you're setting up these tents, that you're thinking of things just,

almost against your will, like what your dream space would look like. And it's as if it pulled from your mind what these spaces would look like. And it's very, your tent is very quintessentially Torbeck. And once you're done, it feels really nice. And it's at this point that you are able to make your way. God damn it. Torbeck's wildest fantasies is still just a shithole. Your tent is the only one that is, it's actually smaller on the inside and then it's bigger. It is just a tent.

It's actually a cage. Don't make me think Sturmik's town is broken! What's going on here? Just an empty, rusty, wet dumpster. Why can Frosty's toilet speak? Oh, yes. It's been so long. Why is he begging for his waste? You follow me everywhere, don't you? Yes, I do, Frost!

That is, for every one of the funniest moments. I'm a quiet old-- Why should we need that? Where are you going with all of that? I need more fiber. Ew, stop! Make your deposit. Dammit! Just deposit thine health for us. Stop!

That doesn't happen. No, it does. Canonically, it happens. Oh, it canonically happens? Okay, well. I'm going to go put that on adventurous wiki right now.

Can Ross kill Andy in real life? Yeah. Again, I endeavor to crush Andy's mind. Perfect. No, that doesn't happen. You are able to not have Ascension Toilet in your tent. But you all finish putting your tents up and popping your tents, and you make your way back to the campsite where Amdapor has a roaring fire going, and he is already setting out a...

large bowls for you as he is clearly making what appears to be a hearty stew of some kind. You got all these magical houses and you cook them in the fucking dirt? He's always cooking in a pot. But on the dirt. Well, I like the rusticness of a good camping session. There's something about...

looking out at the sky above you and breathing in the fresh air and making yourself a nice hearty meal out in great yawn. Yeah, that's fair, but each one of these tents has got like two kitchens in them. What? My tent doesn't have a kitchen. Dev, did you think about a kitchen when you made the tent? Well, no, because I was excited to build a fire and make a stew. For some reason, all of the things in my house are sentient. Well,

Well, no, I just feel like I've let you down, my new friends. No, no, it's a truly amazing day. No, this is magical. I'll do the very best that I can with the meager offerings that I have, but I will make you Amdapor's most delicious stew. I'd be willing to trade quite a bit for a tent like this if I could keep it. Would you like to keep it? I mean, if you're open to trade...

"Well, I would always like to partake "in a bit of reciprocity. "What could you provide, Andapour?" That's one of the rules. We have some gold. "Do you now? "Well, as it so happens, I am all out of gold. "I have misplaced my satchel. "I believe that the Pixies have stolen it." Oh, those Pixies! Can you believe those Pixies? Every time. And I mean-- "I've been hoodwinked by Pixies yet again.

And when they wear their leopard print jeggings, I mean, just like, it's, I mean, they're a children's dresser. I mean, he's married to three of them. He knows how needy they are. Three of them. How did you get yourself in that position? I don't know, contracts. I don't, I'll never read them. Crum reads them for me. You must be careful with the fade. I mean, that wasn't even close. How is that? They never usually require me to be careful. You mean protection?

I mean making packs with him. Oh, okay, okay, okay. What did you-- No, that I did all-- what? What will you refer to? I think we just get on to the stew. Yeah, what will you refer to? I think we get on to the stew, everybody. How's your mother-in-law doing? I don't know, I haven't heard from Taxi in quite a while. I don't know about her mom. Yeah, how do you know? Oh, busty. So you're going to offer me gold in exchange for this tent? Oh, no. Someone told me that in this realm,

Trinkets are more desired. Well, I would, I do enjoy good trinket. I have a satchel of trinkets over this way. But I am also devoid of all gold at the moment. Well, I have...

Only these trinkets to trade, because that's what I was told. Frost and Krimi has a whole bunch of gold, man. I'll buy everybody. He can buy everybody ten. He's looking for commerce, and you're giving him trinkets? That's how commerce works in this plane. I would very much appreciate to see what trinkets you have for offer. Well, no, I don't want to. Oh, Frost, go on. Oh, no. Give him a trinket. Come on, let him...

Let him show you his trinket. I've been specifically writing them down. I don't want to make the old boy uncomfortable. I have a copper coin with a satyr face and skull on one side and the other. I have a valuable piano key. I have a silver fork with bent outer teeth.

I don't have a bent fork. You could go on all day. I have three of these pristine straight forks. That's exactly right. Would you be at least willing to trade my ten? You can accept gold for the others, but I'm endeavoring to

Be of the Fae, like the Fae. The tent is quite large. Would you be willing to do the satyr coin and the bent fork in exchange for a tent? I'll throw in a pixie's executioner's hood just for you. Oh, chap, you are doing wonders by me, he claps you on the back. I accept. Oh, that's surprisingly strong.

I'm going to give him the valuable piano key, the pixie's executioner's hood, and the copper coin with one face of a satyr and the other being of a skull. Not this key. I have no need for this key. I was hoping for the fork with the bent tines. Oh, yes. Is that because it's made of silver? There you are. Thank you. Thank you.

He takes the trinkets that you provide. "What a lovely trade, what a lovely trade. "Well, the tent is all yours, my good man. "The tent is all yours." - I feel good about this trade. - Well, how much did you need? - A large sack of coins. - Well, I had about 13 gold pieces in my satchel, so I would one, two, three, four. We did three gold pieces.

gold coins apiece. That would put me at 12 gold coins, which is not quite what I had, but it's close enough, I'd say. Oh, that's like highway, I didn't know that there were highway robbers on this mountain palace. You should just buy your tents and refill your entire coffers. An old boy morning frost over here gave me three trinkets in exchange for a tent. He should have been collecting trinkets. Frost doesn't understand the

value of goods. Also, Torbeck's tank is war-logged and smells like trash. That's not worth three gold. You might as well buy that one. I'll buy three tents. What? I was not worth anything. Torbeck still needs a place to sleep. I can smell it from here. So? So nine gold coins then. I'll do six.

"I don't know, that feels like you're trying to rob me." Do you know how valuable a gold piece is? "Do you know how valuable these tents are?" You misplace your own gold and you expect the five of us to bail you out of that mistake?

- It's worth forgetting you've lost your gold. - I'm not expecting you to bail me out, but I don't need to get rid of my tents. - Oh, now something's amiss. All right, how about we give you six gold, you give us these three tents. - How about you give me six gold and I give you two tents? - How about we give you 10 gold and we'll take two tents?

I like what you're thinking. What? No! I accept. He reaches out his hand. That's not a don't. Don't a don't! Fantastic. Good negotiations. At least two tents. Your tent. Yes! Yes! And your tent. Well, we haven't decided. We just said two. Well, that's fine. You can pick the two then. No! Yeah. No! No!

Yeah, I was feeling generous, you know? But, Gricko, you know you're on your own then. Oh, Victor Wigson. Oh, please, please. You gotta come up with ten gold all yourself. Oh, wait, I...

But you shook on our deal. You shook on it. Oh, Tormek all of a sudden-- I'm going to battle. Yeah, Tormek, you know what? Tormek doesn't want Tormek's head anymore. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I got a bunch of cheap crap. Per the rules of a Fey Pact, if you cannot pay your part of the pact, I will choose and I think I will take that out there.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, this owlbear's not for sale. Well, then you must find a way to provide me with 10 gold coins. Oh, how about this? This seems like shit you'd like. I'm gonna pull out a dandelion. We've already made the agreement. We have shaken on it. How about a dandelion? These are too tense. I am contractually owed those 10 gold coins, and if they're not provided to me, I will take the owlbear. No, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I have a lack of displace of beast eye. So do I. Oh fuck. Oh no, I have basilisk eyes. That's, I don't know. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I have a mask that helps you remember your dreams.

Mmm, what else you got? I'll have this false set of wooden teeth. That's pretty cool. I'll be back when you're ready for food. I'm gonna let you guys continue to negotiate. Zip up the tent, I'm back. Oh! Sick bug! Oh, look, have I shown you how I play with this? I'm using the stuff. Use the stuff, Griggo. And I open up my hand and a rock will float.

Oh, that's pretty cool. Using the star. Is this floating rock? Yep. How's he doing it? Ooh, impress your friends at parties. Pick up chicks at the local mall. Tormek really wants that. Well, I'm offering it to Kremi for ten gold. I'll give you five gold for that. Okay. Oh, Mr. Kremi, come on. And I'll take that five gold for one tent, all right? Okay, what do you got? I paid down half of my tent. What do you got, Tormek?

Well, I think that it's more, and Torbac thinks it's more important that we resolve potentially losing Hootsie Forever first. But just know that Torbac's got his eye on the Floating Rock. Okay? Understood. Thank you. Oh, look, the mask is...

It's like, it is an actual prop from Courage the Cowardly Dog. What? You have an actual prop from Courage the Cowardly Dog? An actual prop from Courage the Cowardly Dog. I went on set. I toured the set. Is that genuine? Oh, yep, yep. Let me take a look at that. Oh, I have little goblin disease. My last wish is a Courage the Cowardly Dog prop. Jesus.

Check the signature. Check the signature, man. It's always signed. I assess the quality and authenticity of this prop. Encourage the cowardly dog. Roll a deception check and roll a perception check to see, or an insight check to see if... Oh, I'm pretty good. Deception, I...

Oh god, I'm 18. I got a 9. You know what, Gricko? I didn't know you had this this whole time. I'm a big fan! Me too! Oh wow! Yeah. Wow!

Oh, you know... Remember that song about King Ramsay's? Oh, I was thinking of the song about Doc Gerbil. Remember the song about Doc Gerbil's world? Oh, how does that one go? Oh, it goes, it goes, It's Doc Gerbil's world. It's Doc Gerbil's world. It's Doc Gerbil's world. It's not bringing a bear, but... It's Doc Gerbil's world. And then it goes, It's Doc Gerbil's world. All right, he's got gold. He's got gold. I must take my rapier. I can only take half the owlbear now, so... No!

No, no, no, here's if I go, here's if I go. Oh, wonderful. Well, our deal is complete and you're taking both of their tents. Yes, mine has water everything. Like a water bed, but every other kind of furniture. It's very confusing. Yours is like a teen girl's room in the 90s and you've got a bunch of that blow up furniture. Oh yeah, exactly. It's all inflatable, but filled with water.

It's very confusing in there. So we'll get, I presume that they kind of have like a thematic, rustic frontier vibe, you know what I mean? Well, I love that their tents combine to each other to create one larger tent. Exactly right, all of us can fit. Sweet. I was thinking quite correctly. Thank you. Well, it looks like we've had a very advantageous meeting.

In exchange, I'm so glad you'll get use of the tents. And the stew is done. Oh, it's done? Yes. What are you doing there, Frosty? I just wash my hands. It's important before every meal. It is? Ewww.

Wait, so did we buy all the tents? I think somehow-- You bought two tents. We bought our tents and they didn't buy their tents. So your-- Griggo bought two tents for 10 gold pieces. And so he picked your two tents.

So you've now paid the ten gold pieces, but Gricko's tent and Torbek's tent have not been purchased. Frost bought his with three trinkets. Can you throw in theirs for this handsome dandelion that looks... That looks like the corpse of one of my kin. A spittin' image. I'm not sure... It's like all ground probably written mockery of this man's life! I have some goblin teeth. How does that sound? He looks towards Gricko. They look exactly like his teeth.

He smiles, they're a couple missing. That's fucking funny. Well, goblin teeth can be used in quite a few-- A lot of witches' bruises. -- potions and bruises of sorts. A lot of me makes, I feel like at least 10% of me class got picked off by witches before we graduated. How many teeth do you have in there? I think it's a full set.

It's a good hand. It's a full set. Basically, at a certain point, his teeth kept falling out. Now it's collecting them for some fucking reason. I also have Tabaxi fingernails. Well, if you want to combine the fingernails and the teeth, maybe could you provide two more teeth? Two more teeth? Yes. Bricko, how badly do you want to tamp? Oh, man. Do I get to modify it every time I put it down or something? Yes, every time. I'm trying to just think of something different.

Oh God

There are a few extra. They're your own bag. Thank you very much. That is quite the trade. Oh, I found some goblin teeth in my bag. I feel spoiled. Mr. Talavon? I'm sorry, who? Mr. Talavon? I'm sorry, who?

Mr. Daily Lion? Yes? And a boar. And a boar? I need you to know this about me. You can buy my popsicle. Anyway...

Oh, I got him. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Oh, you don't say, I do love a good popsicle. How would ten gold pieces for a popsicle sound to you? Don't accept anything more. I'm screwed, I have so many teeth. God!

Well, let me dole out some of this soup. And he begins to dole out some of the soup to you. What the hell is a soup? It has medicinal properties. It's good for a long day. Well, all right. Off with it.

I told that. Yes, Gregor. I think Gideon got two Ds on the first book. Oh, man. He got three on the first book. Torbjorn's not great at counting, but yeah, yeah. He lost more than two. I'm sure. Uh.

Uh-oh, your nose. My nose is touching my cheek. It is. It's shifting. Your nose is shifting a bit. It's like a full-length unit. Yeah. That's, you know. Oh, oh, hold still, hold still. And I press one of his nostrils. Blow out your nose real hard.

And a bunch of teeth. I was saying the leaves for later. Goodness gracious. Who knew that your teeth would turn out to be such a currency here in the Feywarn?

Me old mate, Bosh, he got picked off by a witch in the sixth grade. That's really sad, Rick. Yeah, you could use an occupational hazard. There's always witches looking around.

Have some soup. I don't feel better. What kind of soup is this? Is it good? It's not. It is absolutely not. It's very clearly a vegan. And it's a high-end recipe. It's the kind of thing that you'd find at a five, a Michelin star restaurant.

It's a dandelion soup. Uncooked quinoa in a soup. That's inventive. I hope this isn't bad on my mouth. There's so many of them. I wouldn't recommend eating any more. They're just going to stay in your sockets and live there for a while.

Ew! Oh, it's all in the sockets. Those are impacted. It's wet, raw quinoa on his tooth socket. Some of the wet, raw quinoa gets all the way down to the nerve, and you can just feel pain shooting down your neck.

Perhaps we should set up another tent and think of a medical facility. I'm frozen.

- I reach into Gricko's pack and I pull out some bananas. I'm gonna mash these. We're gonna make these into a nice little paste for you. - Well, all the while, it's a medicinal stew, and so as you're taking damage from the quinoa that's making its way to the very nerves of your tooth sockets, you are healing almost immediately,

actually makes it worse, because with every bite that you heal, you do more damage to yourself, and it's just a perpetual circle. The gums are trying to close over the water? That's a nightmare. Eventually, I prepare a bowl of mashed bananas, and I replace his soup with the bananas. Just eat that, and you should be okay. Just very, very slowly.

Try to swish it around first. That's not... No. He's gonna be like this for some time. Guys, I don't know how to say this, but we should just kill Griggo. I can't watch this anymore. Nah, he'll be fine. Man, are you still on that whole teeth thing? That was like three minutes ago.

I believe it was 35 minutes ago. I got brained by Torben. Come on, Graco. You're tougher than that.

Annabore, I understand that you're looking for Gleam, is it? Yes, I'm looking for Gleam. Glean or Gleam? Gleam. With an M? With an M, yes. Thank you, thank you. Gleam, all right, all right. Yes, yes, I am. She is from Motherhorn, did I tell you? She's from Motherhorn? Well, not originally. Well, that's because most of the people in Yon are either at Motherhorn currently, escaping Motherhorn, or trying to get there as refugees.

There really isn't much else to this place. That's not completely true. There are denizens of Yon. In particular, we have quite a few. There's a Cyclops beekeeper. I don't know if I, did I tell you about the Cyclops beekeeper? Does the Cyclops beekeeper have a name?

"the Cyclops Beekeeper." That's it? "Well, he might have a name. "I did not stop to ask. "He was furious when I stole Polly, "and I rushed out of there, "now realizing I did not take any of the other bees with me. "That was not valiant, that was not heroic, "and that was not knightly of me, was it?"

Well, you were in love and you made a mistake. Still am, yes. And perhaps you can go back. You can't keep a thought out of him. I would be afraid to go back. I do not believe I could take him on yet again. And if he were to get poorly in his clutches, my heart would be broken. Is this a traditional giant with one eye or is it a psychic horse? I'm sorry, what? Don't worry about it.

Well, as I was saying about Gleam, Gleam escaped from Mother Morn, but she needs to get back. That's where her sister Glister is. They are, you see...

Two sides to a coin. Do you know much about Bitter End? Gleam and Glister. Yes, you know much. You asked me about Bitter End. I assumed you meant some sort of narrative metaphor, but now I'm beginning to believe you meant a physical location. No, no, no. The woman, Bitter End, Enderlyn...

Oh. Bitter Endelin. Endelin does ring a bell. I recently experienced some brain injuries, so you're gonna have to start from the very beginning. It's the dame of unhappy endings. Oh. All right, let's talk about it. Everybody stay cool. Stay real cool. Yes. I've had a few of those. Yeah.

So you do know her, then? LAUGHTER

You know, you try to give them stuff to tell the story forward, and this is what happens. So we just go back to the toilet that wants to eat Frost's shit, because they participate in that. That's what they want, is a shit-eating talk

talking toilet. The dame of unhappy endings. Oh, he's unhappy. Yeah. Tormek was interested, then he wasn't interested, then he thought about it again. I say nothing. The dame of unhappy endings, you say. I say completely normally. Her hands are like sandpaper. Are you familiar? In Yon, she is...

She is known by all, she-- I'll bet she is. Quite, she is, yes. She is the matron of the theater. Yes. Oh, yes. And she, I imagine she is at Motherhorn as well. Oh, yes. So where does Gleam and Glister fall into all of this? Well, it is commonly known that Bitter End believes that her downfall will be at the

At the hands of an eclipse. An eclipse? Yes. As in the astrological effect? She does not believe it will be a literal eclipse, but it's a metaphorical eclipse. And you see, Gleam and Glister are two sides of the same coin. They're both elves. One is a sun elf and the other is a moon elf. And because of this, she tries her best to keep them apart. Now, they used to work at the Witchlight Carnival, you see. They were acrobats.

Oh. And now that Bit End has them in her clutches, she torments them by keeping them as far apart as possible, and Gleam was having none of it. She thought she could escape and eventually rescue her sister. She was unsuccessful. So now, with my help, she wants us to go back to Motherhorn and try to rescue her sister. Whatever you do, don't tell her it's like a ketchup bottle. You know?

I bet she's the kind of... I have a ketchup bottle if you'd like one. He takes one out of his pack. Does your quinoa need a little bit of spice? Yeah, please. I have mayo. Whatever you got, just throw it in. Here's a jug of unnecessary sauces. Sweet. Dormix not picky. It's all just liquidy stuff.

Somebody photoshop a mustard that says "just the water" Just the mustard water. Just the first squirt, just the water.

Oh boy. That's a brilliant idea! Ew! Oh, the only thing it doesn't have is French dressing, unfortunately. We're all out. Well, that's okay. I swear to fucking Christ. I've got these biblically accurate angels one time. I swear to fucking Christ. If I were playing an heroic fantasy game, I would ask you where you think Liam is.

Go on, Frost, ask him. Well, the problem is, I'm not quite sure. You see, we were traveling together when we were separated. Now, Gleam is what is called a shadowless. A shadow beast? Shadowless. Oh, she has shadow. She does not have a shadow. She doesn't have a shadow. You see, Bitter End has shears that can sever your shadow from your body.

She keeps them for her own devices at Motherhorn. It is a punishment that couldn't befall really anyone. And no one in all of Yon trusts the Shadowless or those who travel with one. And we were traveling together when we found ourselves amidst a band of Briganox.

and they did not trust Gleam as a Shadowless. A kerfuffle ensued, and I held them off as much as I could, but when I went to look for her, she was no longer with me. I turned the other way, and then the Briganochs were gone as they travel through their mountainous tunnels. I'm going to write that down. I have been looking for her nigh on a day.

No sign of her or her missing shadow. Let me ask you this. Yes? Are there any consequences to losing one's shadow? Why does she do this, and does it hurt? I can't imagine missing my shadow. I am not sure. I am luckily not a shadowless, but I do know that there is a stigma about them. They are not treated kindly here. The ability to manipulate one's shadow is quite rare.

So luckily it's not something any of us have to worry about, right chaps? Right. Well. Yep. Good soup, this. So that's my hope is we had been traveling. We believe that our, we believe that the fastest way to get to Motherhorn is through the Khorids. So we were planning to travel to their mountain top plateau in the hopes of

gaining their help. You're familiar with Khorids, of course. No, no, no. Khorids? Khorids. K-O-R-R-E-D. K-O-R-R-E-D. E-D. You could be writing this down in a bigger-- Khorids. Yes, Khorids. They're about Gricko size, maybe slightly smaller. They look to be almost made of stone, but their beards are-- they're dwarfish in nature. Their beards are made of metal. They can be used as-- Whoa.

similar to metal cording if they were to be chopped, but you don't want to take a khorid's beard. It's quite offensive. However, Bitter End has no qualms about it. You will find much of the stringing and cordage in Motherhorn is laced with khorid hair. That's terrible. It's quite unfortunate. But the khorids in the Briggenarks are in an internal war.

So we're hoping to find them and see if they can help us to get around the Briganox and make our way towards Motherhorn. Didn't we see some metal-looking dwarves? Maybe you told us about it? Well, have you been to Lockberry Henge? That's where they like to play their strange chess-like game. No. This is really, I guess, out of character. Didn't we...

Did we see any stone or metal dwarves in any of the visions, either Torbeck saw or-- I believe so. We did? I believe so. Yeah. Who's to know? Who's to know who saw what? That sounds about right. So that was our hope. In our journey through the Khorids, we are hoping to see if we can find Liram. You, of course, know Liram. No. The prince of the Summer Court, trapped here eternally.

Yes, both him. And you're a bugbear, aren't you? Yeah, that's what they tell Torvang. That is quite interesting. I have heard of another bugbear. Hurley was his name. Both Leram and this Hurley made just complete foul deals with Bitter End. Now Hurley is trapped in Motherhorn to eternally play out her plays and her theatrics, whereas Leram, however, is trapped in Yharnam.

I believe she has some need for him, being his summer court magic of course, being a prince and all. He believes, last I heard, that he could use the Fey Beacons to teleport all throughout Prismir, and maybe even the Feywild proper. Almost using them like portals. The portals of old.

Ancient stories of creatures beneath the earth that had arcane portals all over the Fae. Yeah, that's cool and all, but what about that Hurley guy? Oh, I don't know him. I've only heard about him through gleam. Now, she did not work at the Witchlight Carnival when Hurley was there, but she did meet him when he started here at Motherhorn, and apparently he has just...

completely sullen missing his brother. They had quite a bond because she misses her sister, being unable to-- Hurley worked in the Witchlight Carnival? Yes. You remember Torbjorn? He had a twin brother, another bugbear, Hurley and Burleigh. Yeah. We sold him out to Hurley's brother a while back. Yeah. Remember that, Torbjorn? No, Torbjorn tried to get a job and they didn't want Torbjorn.

Yeah, Burley was the one who imprisoned you for five years. Well, you know, things are sometimes hard to remember when you get tortured for five years. Well, yeah, it was Burley who... Draw ten. Yeah, we basically said, hey, I think that guy you're looking for is right there, and then he came up and, you know, clapped you in chains. Ugh.

So really, I have so much to do and so little time. All before I can go to Motherhorn. But there is no one else in Prismere quite like Amdapol and Polly. But we can travel all over Prismere. You have somewhere you need to go in Thither? I can take you there. No, really? You have somewhere you need to go in Hither? I can take you there. You want to get to the Palace of Heart's Desire? I can take you there.

That's nice. That's pretty cool. Just like that? Well, it would require a journey, but significantly faster.

Than anyone else. I'm sorry, I'm choking on quinoa. Yes, the quinoa really... It's quite dry. I don't think I cooked it like that. Have some mashed banana. It's actually worth it for me. Oh, no, thank you. Okay, well... I'm a bananitarian. Would you be willing to transport us for free, or would it come at some sort of digital trinket cost? To be fair, you almost abducted and trafficked my daughter. No, I did not. I did not. Well...

You kind of did. I don't feel like a certain point of view, but I'm just going to say we'll put that behind us. We'll put that behind us. What about the unicorn that's in this here province? You know what he is? Hmm. Unicorn.

I know of a beautiful white mare. Yeah. Oh, no, you're right. No, not a unicorn. I'm sorry. There's a beautiful white horse that has a spot on his forehead. Yeah, like he's missing something. Yes, I do believe I have seen him. It's quite sad, really. There's an air of sorrow around that lake. Yeah, well, I think there's like a lightning fence or something. Well, yes. An electric fence of some kind. That is Bitter End's prized steed.

Could you get us land? Of course I could. Oh. I could get you anywhere you want to go. Wow. Well, like inside the fence? Like directly to the steed? Or like... I'm not sure I could get you inside the fence, but I could get you to the fence. So it's like a general location, not an exact location. Yes, but I can't take you anywhere until I find Gleam. All right. I guess we're looking for Gleam. Tomorrow.

"In the meantime, if we're going on this journey together, "you're going to need something. "Let me see. I've got this." Oh, you're coming back in. A ton of weird, every time. "You're coming, we're going to Motherhorn. "That is the end goal, yes?" A car. "So you're coming with Amdapor to Motherhorn?" Yeah, I mean, it sounds like we gotta get these two gymnasts-- Everyone keeps talking about Amdapor, and we just set a little title up there, defenseless, towards it, so how hard can it be?

Everyone keeps talking about Amnipore. Or Motherhorn, is what he meant. Oh, yeah. He's still in a considerable amount of pain. I didn't even say the name of a place, I was just saying, in Momland.

I was- Spit it out! 'Cause all my teeth got knocked out of the pot of gooey on you two! I am! I can't believe you're still on this! In this economy, do you ever want to take your ass off your tits now? I mean, it's now at least six minutes ago, man. Man, you're my own, Rico. You're not gonna pay for your tents. You know, you're awfully ungrateful for everything Gid does for you. Yeah! I mean, you take all my teeth! You weren't gonna extract them yourself! I mean, look at my nose! You know how painful it is? I mean, I have to snap back, man!

Ow! Oh! Thank goodness for the bananas. That's all I'm going to say. I agree. Well. Well, if we're going to go to Motherhorn together, then it's...

fortuitous that Gleam sought to give me these. Here you are. Take one and pass one down. Oh, thank you. You'll need one of these if you're going to accomplish your goals. Oh, thank you. Take one down. Are they all the same? Oh, they're all the same. They're the B2B tickets. They are private audience with Bitter End herself. Oh. And that is where we'll end tonight's session. Oh!

Whoa, good for one. Thanks for running the session, Nikki. You're welcome. Good for one private audience with Enderlin Moongrove. And funny enough, I realize I've been pronouncing his name wrong all night. His name is Amador, but I've been calling him Omnipore, and I'm going to keep it. It's Omnipore. Because that's what it is now. Oh, like when it Omda rains, it Omnipores. That's very funny. I get it. It's what Frosty was from. Yes, that's exactly what I say. It's Omnipore.

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