Session 70: Meg Stalter
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Hi, pussies. Welcome back to Therapus. I am really, really, really tired today. I just got back from New York last night. I had a very fun time last week. My first episode of Hacks came out, which was so incredible. I watched it in bed and I was like, I seriously can't believe this is real. So I just want to say a quick thank you to Paul, Lucia and Jen for taking a chance on me and letting me be a part of their incredible

incredible show and they also introduced me to the wonderful Meg Stalter who is our guest tonight she is so fantastic we worked together on Hacks for the few days I was there and she was just so welcoming and so lovely I was such a huge fan of her before and meeting her after just made me an even bigger fan we didn't really touch on Hacks during the interview because I think I thought it was going to come up before and I didn't want to spoil the surprise but she was so so lovely to work with she's so hysterical she's such a pro and

I just adore her. Everyone on that set was so wonderful. But yeah, I was in New York this week. I had a lot of fun. Yeah, I had a great, great time. I love New York. I do, though, have an anxiety there that I don't have.

in Los Angeles. I go back on tour May 16th. I start in San Francisco. We just locked down a really exciting guest for Las Vegas over Memorial Day weekend. It's just, I'm so excited to be back on the road. If you don't have tickets yet, go to pastthatpuss.com, click live with Jake Shane and see if I'm coming to a city near you. Also, if you want to submit a tell me what's wrong, go to pastthatpuss.com and click tell me what's wrong and leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy. Yeah, enjoy tonight's episode. Love you pussies.

Hi pussies, welcome back to Therapist. Today we have, you know I'm gonna say it, my favorite comedian in the entire world. Nobody makes me laugh harder, nobody is more original, nobody is better. Wait, do you mean that? I mean everyone, I'm saying.

She's about to embark on her Prettiest Girl in America tour. She is a star of the Emmy Award-winning, Golden Globe-winning, Critics' Choice Award-winning comedy show, Hacks, and the star of the new Lena Dunham-directed show, Too Much. Exalt her! Thank you. Is this my camera? This is your camera. Do you think I'm better than Dave Chappelle? Yes. I do. I do. Joan Rivers.

Okay, no. You don't think it. It's different. I think it's a taste thing. It's a taste thing. It's different. Yeah. I'm not saying I'm better. I'm just asking you because you said all-time favorite. You are my all-time favorite. No one makes me laugh harder. Except for Joan Rivers. Well, no. Joan Rivers didn't make me like... She made me laugh in kind of like a... You know? It's like, I can't believe you said that. She made you clutch your pearls. Yeah, I clutched all my pearls. Yes.

That is, thank you for saying that about me. I think that you're the all-time funniest. And when I met you, I was like smiling at you and I almost felt like I was flirting with you all day. We were flirting all day. And then do you remember I left for Miami that night and you had me text you every hour and update on my travels. Because I wanted to make sure you were safe the rest of the day. I was. And the rest of your life. Hopefully I am.

You will be. Oh, thank you. Well, how are you doing? They didn't have anything else to say. Anyway, I like the octopus. You like the octopus? Yeah, I heard you on your podcast, the one that we're on, talking about different kinds of octopus that you can eat. Oh, which podcast did you hear that on? On the Katy Perry one. Oh, okay, cool. I actually did like everything you chose to put on your burrito, by the way. Thank you so much. Thanks. Well, I got in the habit of getting this burrito...

Like, every week, and it kind of made me sick every time, but it tasted so good. I won't say the place, and I can't remember the name of it. We'll bleep it. I can't remember the name, but I got it every week. Have you ever been there? It's called, like, Big Nasty Burrito or something like that. And it has, like, hash browns in it. I don't know. I don't know. I had to stop ordering it. But it is one of those names where it's, like, Big Crazy Guys Burritos. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wake and late. I guess that's not. What is that? What did you say? Nothing. Never mind. Are you nervous to be on the podcast with me or does it feel like your old cousin's here? No. How nervous was I say I was? I said I've never been more nervous in my life. No, you're joking. No, I swear. I swear. I just didn't know if it was like, oh, yeah. Well, we have Meg, so we don't have to be nervous today. No, I was. Turn the cameras on. Turn them off. Who cares? Who cares?

I was so nervous. I still am. You don't seem nervous at all. Really? I get nervous to do podcasts. I'm not very good at them. You're excellent at everything you do. I went on the Bald and Beautiful and people in the comments were saying, boring interview. Who's that? Are you serious? And some people defended me and they're like, no, no. It's funny. It's like they're just old friends hanging out. And that's what I really want to listen to. Just normal conversation. Yeah.

I left going, oh, I wish it was another hour long. I felt like I was so funny. You are always so funny. One time I ran into Trixie Mattel and I didn't know who she was. Was she out of drag? No, she was in drag. I just wasn't well versed in the space. I like in my head, I was like, is that Trixie Mattel? We am really bad with celebrities. Um, and, uh,

I won't say who, but somebody came up to me, a pop star, and she was like, oh my God, I love your comedy, but I didn't know what it looked like. Right. And I just thought she was like a beautiful model. And I said, I love your sweater. That's okay. And that was all. But that was years ago. And I didn't know what she looked like. I know her music and love her music, but at the time, it was like a long time ago. And so I didn't know what she looked like.

I just knew like her popular songs, but that is literally. And I was like, oh, my God. She's like, yeah, that's one of the biggest pop stars. And you said that. And she was obviously kidding. Sarah wasn't being mean, but she was like, you stupid bitch. But you did say you liked her sweater. Like you played it off. Well, I said I loved your sweater, actually.

So that's really, that's really like, I, like I was saying, like, you look so gorgeous, beautiful, but I was playing cool being, oh, I love your sweater. Right. That's like, I mean, there's so many pop stars that I feel like before they blew up, I didn't know what they looked like.

Yeah, of course. And this was years ago, so how could you even blame me? You can't. And I don't even think I had a lot of stuff out. I mean, she probably said she liked a TikTok video or something. It must have been, because I don't even know if I was doing hacks or any indie movies at that point. I think you were doing hacks. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, Hacks has been around since what, 2020? Oh yeah, I guess. Okay, yeah, so maybe she saw me on Hacks, maybe. But either way, if she's listening, I love you and I love your music. I'd love to do a collaboration. Have you ever thought about doing a comedy album? I thought about doing a singing album. Okay, like dead serious?

I think that it would be so fun to transition. I think it would too. Not because I don't want to act or do comedy, but it would be like, I think, not like funny songs, I don't think. It'd be like sexual songs. Yeah. It would be like pop star songs. And I feel like my dream would be like Addison Rae where it's like, wait, she actually is, that's a bop.

But I don't ever want to leave comedy behind. Of course not. But, okay, have I thought about doing a comedy album? Well, the thing is, is my jokes don't always play. The stuff I do on stage doesn't always play for the ear.

What do you mean? So it's like if I'm on stage, I'm usually like berating an audience member or being like, okay, like I hated my intro. Can you come up and introduce me like to an audience member? Yeah. And then I teach them how to intro me. And I just don't know if I think you got to see the visual. Okay. How would you see this ass shaking on stage? How would you tell me to intro you?

So I, I usually, I, when I do this bit, I'll bring someone up on stage and I will say like, you have to stand here. Okay. And when I say go, you have to take three steps towards the mic. If you take more steps towards the mic, you might fall off the stage or you might look like, um, you're not supposed to introduce the show and people will be scared you have a weapon. And then I make them do that like probably for like 45 minutes. Are you serious? Yes.

I usually make them do it for like 20 minutes and keep telling them they're doing it wrong. I just don't know if you want to listen to it. I would listen to that. Manny, would you listen to that?

Really, guys? For 20 minutes? 20. I'd listen to it for an hour. I told you, you could be four hours late today and I wouldn't care. I'm usually making fun of like, oh, you didn't introduce my name right. Or, oh, God, you sound like you're about to sing in a musical. Come on. Let's get it right. Or there's a bit I do where I make them hold up a poster board of rules for the show. But I keep saying, well, your hands are in the way. They're distracting me. You have to get your hands out. Ah!

And you can't really like hearing that's kind of like, come on. No, I don't think so. You don't think? Okay. I think you should do it. I think that I really want to sing. I think you should sing. I think you could do anything you set your mind to. That is so sweet. I remember when I wasn't acting.

I was in school to be like a nurse and a teacher and like all these random things. No way. I was like, I was in nursing classes or teaching classes and I was like talking to my mom and I was like, what do you think I'm going to do after school? And she was like, we'll be a teacher. And I was like, you don't think I'm going to be an actor? Like I was like still wanting the, that's why I was like, wait, I need to get out of school and be in an improv class for eight years. Okay. So where'd you go to school?

So I didn't finish. I don't have a college degree. My partner actually says that's really hot about me. I think so too. Okay. I think so too. Well, to me, it's hot to have a college degree and it's hot to not, it doesn't, it's hot to do what you, what you do. It's, it's hot to do what you're meant to be doing, I think.

Period. And I'm a God girl. So it's hot to do what you feel like God's put you on the earth to do and make people happy. What do you feel like God's put you on this earth to do? To model. I think that comedy makes me so happy. And performing in general. I'm not against doing a drama. Yeah.

So I think that when I was in nursing classes and teaching classes, I was like, this isn't for me, but I want to do something to help people. And now I realize I think it helps by berating the audience member just because it makes them happy. Your video of when you do. So for those that don't know, Meg does meet and greets during the show. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You do meet and greets during the show and that she just screams at the audience members because they're doing it wrong.

They're doing it wrong. So, like, for example, someone will be walking around and go like this. Yeah. And you'll say... Well, so I'll line them up and say one at a time to come on stage and wave at me, but I'm behind a big table because I don't want them close to me. Basically, I'm, like, playing a character the whole time that's, like, delusional, thinks she's very talented, but she's not.

We all know that I am, of course, but the character is not, you know, and people have fun. It's so fun. People have fun. People love meeting me. And I'm just kidding. People love my what did God put me on there to do to say hello? Yeah.

Let them see someone that is so beautiful and good at singing. No, I've always loved to perform since I was little. And I think, wait, if I love it that much, I must be meant to do it. You are meant to do it. I was bad for a long time. Really? When I first started doing improv.

I always thought I was really good. And my friend was like, no, you were like the person that like, you were like Michael Scott. Like you were the one that when you come on stage, we'd be like, oh my God. I felt so like, I was like, I was like, I'm the funniest person in class. Well that, wait, when did it switch then? When I was in Chicago, I moved to Chicago to do standup and improv. And it was like,

After maybe the first two years, I was like, oh, I should just... I felt like I was funny in real life. And I felt like I was good in the scenes. But I guess I wasn't, I guess. But I think eventually I started doing on stage what I thought was really funny. And not... And just being my... I think when I first started doing stand-up, I would do jokes like...

It's crazy that Chuck E. Cheese is selling alcohol, right? Could you imagine a drunk mom at Chuck E. Cheese and then I would like do it? Yeah. I wanted to do characters. Right. But instead, I learned that you don't have to set it up like that if you don't want to. So you could just come out and do something that you think is funny. I started doing a lot of like slideshow presentations. I do that too.

I think they're so fun. I do that too. I love, I love that. I actually remember the first time I did one was the first time I was like, wait, that was like, it was something different than traditional standup. And I was like, wait, I could do whatever I want on stage. Right. Like, this is what I think is really funny. I didn't think the turkey cheese joke I told was funny. I think, I think if you just do what God put you on this earth to do,

Yes, it does make people happy. Not everyone likes my comedy. There's a, obviously, there's a clip of me online and everyone has ripped it to shreds. It's literally on Reddit as like, fat comedian does horrible stand-up. It's literally like, worst bitch in the world. Wait, what clip is that? It is crazy.

The thing is, is that I... They just don't get it. They don't get it. It's literally like, brunette bitch does horrible set. And it's like, years ago I did a set and it was like, I thought it'd be funny to take all the laughs out and make it look like I did, like, really bad. That's...

And I'm like, how could they not tell we did that? Like, it's like several clips of the same people kind of like not laughing. It's like a different part of the joke where they're not laughing. Like we edited it like that. And I can't believe people don't realize that. I need to see it. I'll send it to you. Please. It's really bad. Wait, but no, it's funny. It's funny. It's really, I don't, the comedy is not bad. It's like my typical, like.

oh, I'm like, hi, I'm amazing. Like, but then no one's laughing. So people, mostly like straight men, I think we're like running with that. That means you did a good job. I think so. I'll send it to you. You'll like it. That means you did a good job. When straight man hates something, it means you did a good job. Oh yeah. Yeah, definitely. One time someone told me, I think it was a straight guy that he wished I was on the top floor in the twin towers during nine 11. Oh,

In a comment, they said that? Top four, which means I have no way of getting down. Wait, that's crazy. Why would they say that? I did a Google ad that they really didn't like. A Google ad made them say that? Yes. Could you imagine someone with a family text putting that in writing or saying that to anyone? And they don't even know you, right? They knew my Google ad. Wait, what was happening in the Google ad that they were mad about? Louise, what was the Google ad? Yeah, the pixel Google pixel.

Did you like say a slur or something? No, I like. That is crazy to be that mad at you. I think I was doing like a bit. It was like find out Google has a phone. Is it the one where you're in the office? Or is that a different one? Okay, I love that. Wait, what office one? Oh, that's Walmart. Oh, okay, okay. That's Walmart. With Paul. Paul Briganti directed that. Yes, yes. Okay, I'm thinking of the wrong one, but I'm sure that that one was amazing. He told me to tell you that he says hi, but only as an animal Memoji.

Well, at first that was confusing to me, but then I remembered he used to send me videos where he'd be saying something serious, but it'd be like with the animal emoji. It's so funny. Oh, yeah. Guess what? I love him. Yeah. I'm saying hi back to him and I'm saying...

Please put me back in a movie. You're going on tour. You're in Hacks. And you're in the new Lena Dunham show too much. Yeah. I'm so excited for that show to come out. And I'm so excited for you to see the new season of Hacks and the political campaign I'm doing on my comedy tour. What is the political... Tell me about the political campaign. So the show is basically like if I was running for president and like who would be... Basically, it's like...

Okay. Sorry. Let me restart. So please cut me stuttering out. Please. Okay. So the show is basically if I was a crazy actor who decided to run for president, who is rich and full of herself, and basically the whole show is being like, the message is like, I want to connect to you guys because I have so much money and you guys don't have pools. And

And then I sing a lot in it, but I'm not really singing. It's like me lip singing. It's all about like playing like a really fake, like political actor person who also wrote a book called like Red, White and Blue Balls. Wait, that?

It's going to be awesome. Have you written the show or are you just like getting up there and doing it? I just did it at the Largo and I had so much fun. And yeah, there's a fog machine. There's a fog machine? It's really like...

Lo-fi. Like, if, like, an actor truly had to, like, do a campaign rally tonight. Right. Like, put it all together. And, like, I'd talk about who I would have on, like, in my cabinet. And, like, it's, like, family members. Right. And, like, there's slideshow. There's music. When is your first date outside of the Largo? Oh, my God. It's, like, in two weeks. But I can't remember the date. Where?

I think the first show is in Toronto. Oh, whoa. Okay. There might be one sooner that we don't have up though. I want to go. I really want to do it in LA again because it was so fun. Please! But you're going on tour. I know. Ah!

When is your first date? February 28th. Why didn't you ask me to go with you? Do you want to? I cancel my... What if we do a night where we switch? I do your show, you do mine. Should we? And then you have to wear the blue skirt suit I wear. Happily. I try to do my hair like a crazy...

I was like Googling like politician hair and then I just put a bunch of curls in it and like pinned it up and it looked like a Pentecostal woman. Like Sarah Palin? Yeah. Well, I wish it looked more like that. Whatever happened to her? Where are the... Sometimes I mix her up with Tina Fey.

I actually see that. Because when you just said Sarah Palin, I was like, oh yeah, Tina Fey. Tina Fey used to play her on SNL. Yeah, but I pictured Tina Fey. Yeah, where is she? Didn't she say she could see something from her house? Wasn't that Sarah Palin's whole bit? Oh, she could see Russia from her house. That's what she said. Why did she say that? Where is her house? In Russia? Alaska.

Why is she saying that? Why? First of all, don't give away where you live. Literally a close friend could be like, where do you live again? And I'll be like, in LA, of course. Yeah, right up the hill. Like, I don't want anyone. I don't ever tell where I live. I was talking to this guy from the other day. And in a sexual way, a little. Yeah.

And he asked me where I live. And something about it just, like, told me him, like, maybe I shouldn't. So I was like, you know, I live in, like, this vicinity of Los Angeles. And then I didn't respond to him for a day. And I knew my gut was right because let me read you. No. Where's my – can I want to read you what he said to me? Will you grab me my phone? Okay, ready for WhatsApp? Yeah. Because it was WhatsApp.

So we met on Grindr and he said to me. Okay, so that is a sexual way? He said, because he called me six times. Oh, that's scary. I'm glad he doesn't know where you live. And then he said, I didn't respond. And he said, typical gay, loves the conversation until you don't. Well, it seems like you do, first of all, because you guys didn't meet yet, right? No, and now I'm scared of him.

Well, doesn't that, even though you're absolutely incredible, you deserve all the numbers off Grindr and any number you ever want. Wait, I don't understand. Why is he acting like that? How crazy? He never met you. But then he called me blackout drunk, screaming at his Uber driver. Oh, hot. You think? No, absolutely not. Not hot at all. Opposite of hot, to yell at someone? Mm-hmm. Ew, what was he yelling? Right here, right here, love. No, the Uber driver was like,

Where do you want to get dropped off? And he was like, I don't know. Ew, that is so gross. It was so gross. It's really a turn off to be drunk like that and yelling at someone. Yeah, it was just gross. When I used to date men, I feel like...

That would be the vibe sometimes. Like anger. Anger after not getting something. Fury. Yeah. It's switching up on a dime. Very scary. Yeah. That is like straight men, but it seems like also gay men. That's just men. Yeah, men. Men in general. But not you. And there's some, I like to say some men are goddesses. Who? You, my brother. Your brother? Yeah. How old? How old?

He's like 26. Okay. Does he think what you do is really cool? No. Oh. No, I'm kidding. Oh. Oh, no, he does. I used to do a podcast with him. Did you really? Yeah. And it was called Confronting Demons with Megan Salter. And it actually was really funny. Why'd you stop? Because he's so funny.

You know, I loved doing it, but it was getting hard, I think, with schedule. And I think, like, it was getting hard because at the time we were doing it, we lived together because it was, like, during the pandemic. But then, like, when we left, it's, like, the time difference. It's hard to, like, schedule. It's hard to schedule. Where does he live?

In Ohio. What does he do? He's a tattoo artist. Him and my dad are. That's cool. So I have tattoos from them. And so it's hard for a tattoo artist to do a podcast. I got that. I guess unless they want to do it on the weekends. No, no. He works on the weekends. But Voodoo Monkey Tattoo in Cleveland, if you're ever there. Voodoo Monkey Tattoo in Cleveland. Done.

tattoo sales spiking right now. All up the wazoo. They actually are really a famous tattoo place in Cleveland. Like they've won like so many awards. Really? Yeah. I love to brag about them. What tattoo do you have from him? Um, uh, well this one says cunt. Just kidding. Oh, where? No,

No, I'm kidding. I don't see a single tattoo. I know. Could you imagine I'm lying? No, no, no. They're up here. So this says, baby, I'm a star. Oh, that's sick. People think it's from a song, but it's not. It's just you. And then this is a bee with a wolf head, and my sister has it. Oh, that's sick. My brother did the star, and then my dad did those, and then I have this, like, bunny rabbit with a...

A red hat. I did a commercial for something before. What? In the commercial, it was me and... Oh, no way. So it was me and him during our little part of the commercial. Yeah. And I will say, and I'm not saying anything bad, he did keep falling asleep. What? During the shoot. And he's a dad. I don't blame him. What do you mean he kept falling asleep? He was fully asleep.

I love him. I don't think, I think we did get his lines, but like towards the end of the day, he was like, or like, yeah, I was like the, every part on the couch when he was standing, he wasn't asleep. But when we were on the couch together, he was asleep like almost the entire time. And I love him. I think that's so funny. He was just like dead asleep. Yeah. They'd be like, okay,

Like they'd have to wake him up. And I don't blame him. He's tired. He's a dad. And I do not blame him. Like, I'm like, that is so funny to fall asleep on the shoot again and again. And also it was a long day. I can't blame him. Did he say like, sorry? No. And I love that. It's confident. He's like, I'm sleeping. Probably. He's like in tears. Who does care?

I definitely like in between scenes will go like rest, but like it was in the middle of the scene. Like it'd be like my coverage. Not, no, no. He wouldn't sleep while the camera was on, but in between, well, there was some sleepy takes. I would say he wasn't being rude to me. He was literally just so tired. He was sleepy. Yeah.

So I'm like, I wonder if like something happened with the footage. Wait, you should get it. You've never even seen it? No. Your manager definitely has it. I have weird pictures of me like holding up Uber Eats bags though. Do you actually? Like weird pictures I can send you. I want them. But I'm like, these are weird now because like, please hire me again. I mean, come on. They will. You know what I'm looking at? I can't stop looking at it because I was thinking about how I don't like mine. You have an amazing nose.

Why would you say that about yours? I love your nose. No, it's fine. Your nose is amazing. That is so nice. I love that you're saying that. I had a friend that used to say I had a movie star nose. You do have a movie star nose. No, but that's not my statement. Oh, okay. Because I think that every nose is a movie star nose because I like like different unique noses. So that's not my statement, please. Well, my nose used to be perfect. It is perfect. I was at Arnold in Cape Cod, which is a lobster place.

When I was six years old and I fell off a tree. Oh, God. And so I have a bump from that. I have a little tiny bump on my... You can't tell. But I like it because I love how different and unique people look. So I like a different nose. Right. Like, to me, I never really thought about my nose being like that. The first time anyone said that I had a good nose was that friend that said I had a movie star nose. And I thought it was cute she said that. But I loved her nose. Like, I like...

when people look different in any way. Like, I think it is interesting that like people all get the same face now. That is true. I've never had any work done. Have you? No, never. I've never done it. But I still think if that makes someone happy, I used to be like, I used to be like, I'll never get anything done because I want to have the opportunity to see the way I look when I get older, which is how I feel. But I,

I think I might have used to think like why do people do that and now I'm like if it makes them happy it's like okay right like I think they're beautiful before and now right I still think like if I got work done when I get older won't I wonder like what would I have looked like yeah

I always felt like that. That's so true because I want to facelift so badly when I turn 40. What? No. Oh, again, not judging anyone that wants that because I want people to be happy with themselves. But God made us so beautiful and different. I like think it's so unique and like I love everyone's nose. Everyone has a movie star nose. Oh, thanks. You have a beautiful nose. I've never thought ever. You can't see the bump. I don't know what you're talking about.

I literally have the same thing. I like it. No, you don't. I really do. All of this goes to say what I was therapist. What I'm therapist about is that I do have a deviated septum. Does it bother you? Closed. Okay. So basically what happens sometimes is like I was just talking to you. You can't see it though at all, by the way. But I was just talking to you and like something closed up here and then like it felt like an like a.

like an echo in my ear and like... Oh my God. Yeah, it hurts almost. Okay, so I'm therapist about that too. Yeah, I was like... I don't want you to be uncomfortable. No, and like I want to get it taken away. I'm not going to get a nose job. If I do, I just like... It just happened again. That's why I thought you were saying like it looks... Like you could tell. I'm like, you can't though. No, no, no, no. Because since you were saying the thing about you didn't like your nose. No, I was just thinking about my teenage acceptance which had me thinking about my nose. Well, that does... People should...

medically get things that help them. Want to know something weird though? I went to the ear, nose and throat doctor. It's literally happening right now. And he said, you don't have a deviated septum. I know he's lying. Like, what does he mean by that? Why is he saying that? He lied to my face.

What? Isn't that crazy? What, you like didn't want to do it or something? I don't know. He was phoning it in that day. He was like, no, you don't have one. I feel it. I know I have one. That's so crazy. Did you say that to him? I was like, what? I feel like I have one. He's like, you don't.

Maybe it's so slight. It hurts so bad. Wait, it hurts all the time? It's like, it like clogs right there and then I like hear a vibration in my ear. Oh my God. Maybe it's something with your ears getting clogged though. I don't think, I don't do too much to my ears, but I think some people have like a problem with their ears getting like stopped up. I think I do.

Wait, so maybe that's why. Yeah, it always gets clogged up on airplanes. Okay, my ears pop really bad on the airplanes. Really, one time they popped so bad that I started crying and all the flight attendants had to help me. Oh, it's so sweet. Yeah, and they had to give me tea to put in my ear. Did it help? Nope. Oh my God. I had a layover in Amsterdam and I walked around Amsterdam, the airport, crying and they didn't have any iced coffee or any good food, just crying.

And I was so upset. Were you sick that day? Because mine really hurt on the plane if I'm sick. I was sick, yeah. Mine didn't pop for a full day once. See, like I would have had a panic attack. I started panicking, yeah. I was like, I'll never be able to hear again. That's what I thought.

And then finally when it pops, it's like you're like orgasming. And nobody really cares. Like, like every time I was complaining, like people are like, okay, like you're okay. But it's like, no, it actually feels, it's hurt so bad. And I think it just is like, oh, well they'll pop eventually. Like people don't like, like I care cause I know what the feeling is. But if you don't get it, people don't like, they're like, okay, you're fine. You know what I always think about when cleaning ears is,

Have you ever seen that episode of Girls where Hannah has an OCD attack and has to... Oh, my God. It's so scary. It's so scary. I'm so... I don't use those in my years. Neither do I because of that episode. What was it like working with Lena Dunham? I love her. She's so funny. She's my idol. She's literally so incredible and so good at her job. And she's so funny and sweet. Like, I just really loved working with her. And I just think she's the best writer, like...

She's such a good director. And I just had the best time. I can't wait to see her again. Oh, she's awesome. Is she just as funny in person? She's so funny. She's literally like how you imagine her. She's like the good parts of Hannah. Yeah. And the character I play is kind of a mix of me and her. And it takes place in London, right? Yeah. Oh, I'm so excited. I'm really excited. It's on Netflix. It's on Netflix. And it's called Too Much. Yeah. There's sex scenes. Yeah.

Wait, really? Yeah. No full nudity. No full nudity? From me. Okay. I have always thought about if I were to do a sex scene, like... Yeah. I don't know how I... Like, what was it like? It was like...

I feel like they try to give you a lot of privacy. Right. And so, but then sometimes that makes it funny. Like, it's so good that they do. Uh-huh. But, like, I just remember this one scene where we were in the, well, I'm not, it's not giving any spoilers, but there's just a sex scene and I was in the bedroom with the person and, like, they were like, right when we say go, we'll swing the door open and the camera will come up, like, we'll shoot it.

And so, but the way the door swung open, it's like,

Like so funny and awkward. Yeah. It's just really like it was just such a quick scene. But it's like being in a room alone and then all of a sudden the door swinging open and you see a camera. It's like so funny. And I just couldn't stop laughing during that scene. Is it do you laugh on in the show? No, they got they got they got the shot. Yeah, definitely. It was like so it was just so funny because like there's a camera there. So it just is so like sex scenes are so funny because it's so not.

Right. Real or sexual or anything at all. Right. Well, I learned that actually when I lost my virginity.

You learned that it's not... It wasn't like the movies. But do you feel like the first time's never like the movies? It's the first time. It's very scary. And then it's with someone older that's probably experienced, so they probably maybe didn't handle it as well. So that could be very scary. But I think when you're in love and...

It could be like the movies or better, but. Oh, okay. Yeah. I like that. But the first time is never like that. Unless it's your wedding night. And I think even then would be. I don't know why I said that because I'm like, wait, what? The wedding night would be so scary and awkward. Where do you want to get married?

I saw a beautiful TikTok the other day of someone getting married under a waterfall. And I was like, that would, I always joke that I want to come down. Have you seen that video of like this bride coming down on like a parasail? Is that what it is? No. So it's like tons of balloons. No, yes, that is what it is, but I've never seen that. Okay, so she's on a parasail and there's tons of balloons around her and she's coming down into the wedding. And I always joke I'm going to do that. That'd be awesome. But no jokes on the wedding day. No, a parasail. They're like parasailing.

Maybe I'm getting the video. She's on some device where she's flying down. I think I want to have an outside wedding. An outside? Yeah. Yeah, but okay. So I once went to a wedding that was an outside wedding and it rained.

See, that is, maybe I go somewhere where there's never rain. Yeah, we thought there was never rain. No, I know, exactly. There was. I think wherever, maybe somewhere also special, like, oh, like, you know, I think it, I haven't really, I just, when I imagine the wedding day, I just imagine the person, and

It's beautiful. And I sometimes imagine what my hair will look like. What do you think your hair is going to look like? And I imagine what my person will wear, what my partner will wear. What do you want to wear? Because she's so hot. So I think I can imagine. I used to imagine my hair on my weddings really big, like classic Priscilla hair.

But now I'm thinking maybe a little smaller Priscilla hair. I think that'll look amazing. Thank you. But also it gives me a lot of hype probably. And I definitely want to be high, but I'm like, am I also going to wear heels? Right. So I'm like, I don't want to be the... I love being tall, but the tallest woman in the world. I mean, I don't know. It depends on the shoes, I guess. Right? I wish I could be taller. Why? Because...

I just feel so short. I feel like you're the perfect height. Really? Perfect nose, perfect height. Ugh, Meg. How tall do you want to be? Seven foot? Five, six, five, seven. Okay. Can you... You could get there with just shoes. Yeah. Right? But then it's like I take them off and it's like, oh, whoa. Well, you know, a lot of actors are really, like...

Bruno Mars is really short. Like, sometimes people have to be on a box next to me. Really? I'm not that tall. You're not that tall. Like, I'm like five, seven and a half. That's like what I want to be. Well, I just feel like everyone is so unique and perfect. Ugh. Except for ugly people. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, pussies, it is almost Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas out there. This is Peyton and I's first Mother's Day as mamas with our babies, Justin and Bradley. We are so in love with them. And it's just a real reminder that mothers everywhere deserve the best. Without my mom, I would not be who I am. She taught me everything.

how to write. She taught me how to gossip. She taught me how to

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We are here for you and we love you. This episode of Therapist is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.com.

Um, oh my god, that one was a little more singy than usual. Booking.com is my go-to for booking any vacation needs, especially when I'm on tour. We literally, as you guys know, show up to a city and don't have anything booked, but we always go on Booking.com and we can put in exactly what we need. If we want a terrace, if we want walkability, which obviously I need because I do not drive and I like to...

Move my feet while I'm on tour because most of the time I'm just sitting. But I've been using booking.com especially recently because I'm trying to book summer travels, which I don't usually do. I'm like doing it as an adult for the first time. I usually get a lot of help with it. But for the first time, I'm kind of doing it on my own.

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Like, okay, sometimes people will send me a really crazy video and be like, this is you, or like, do this, you know? So when someone sends me something, they think this is my character. So who has someone sent you that you're like? It'll be literally like a woman in a courtroom screaming or something. And it'll be like, this is so Meg Stalter. And I'm like, guys, I'm not really like that, though. You're talking about my videos, right? People think I'm like Kayla.

Kayla is my favorite character on television. That is so nice. You mean it? Yeah, I fucking mean it. Kayla is the funniest character on TV. Okay, so I watched this episode of Girls and I was like, fuck, that's something I would do. Hannah has a book deal and the publisher dies. Jenny Slater. Yeah, the publisher dies. Oh yeah, that it was bad. And Hannah's like at the funeral being like,

shopping her book around. Oh, wait. Sorry, not Jenny Slate. You're talking about her... Yes, yes. When she has a book and she's like, well, what happens to my book? I thought you were talking about how...

that she's like really angry at Jenny Slate's character because she has it all. And her boyfriend dies and she's like, well, cool. You have this cool book. Yes. Yeah. And then everyone's like, you're such a narcissist, Hannah. You're right. That was funny and bad that she did that. Like what's going on with my book? Yeah. I understood her. I was like, well, what's she supposed to do? She was really relying on this book. It is like people are like, like Lena's so good at,

Making real people and like being able to show bad people, but the good side of them too. Like, like Lita wouldn't act like that, but I'm sure she knows people that would. Right. But it's also, I think what's so good about her is like, those are like very real feelings. Yeah.

that everyone's ashamed to feel and everyone's ashamed to say. You are so right. Cause like that is a lot of people's first thought, but they wouldn't say it out loud. Yeah. But Lena says it out loud. Yeah. And that's why it's so true. Like you would think there would be at least one point in the day if you weren't close to that person to be like, wait, what's going on? What's up with my book deal?

Really and truly. No, I wouldn't go to the funeral and say that. No, I wouldn't go to – but obviously it's television. It's exaggerated. Yes, exactly. Exactly. But like that – I just – I love Hannah. I probably would relate to her – I think I'm probably a combo, but I would say like Hannah is not the worst one. Who do you think the worst – Marnie?

Or Jessa. Jessa is so fucking selfish. The Adam and Jessa thing. I forgot the Adam and Jessa thing. And also when she makes them pick her up from rehab, which is my favorite girls episode of all time. Oh my God, it's so good. I also didn't like that. To be honest, I love Shoshana, but I actually didn't like how- It ended? I didn't like her little attitude at the end. Yeah, neither did I. I like how the show ended because that's real life, but I actually felt like she was really like-

I liked how they did her. Right. Like, the writing of it. But if it was real life, I would be mad at Shoshana for being, like, at the end, like, kind of abandoning them and being, like, thinking she's better than them. And not inviting Hannah to her engagement party. Jessa and Hannah made up in the end. That was a really beautiful scene. Like, that was so... And they actually hurt each other. And Shoshana's acting like she's better than everybody else. Yeah.

Of course, love, love, love the actor. Love the writing. Love how they told that story. Like, it shouldn't have ended any other way. But, like, wouldn't you be mad? I'd be furious. I'd be so mad. If I was Lena or if I was Hannah, I'd be so mad. I actually really liked the final girls episode. I know, me too. A lot of people give it slack. But I thought it was great because it was like Hannah's entering her next stage of life. Yeah. But she's still Hannah. Why do they not like it? Because it doesn't...

Like the episode nine closes it. Yeah. And then episode 10 reopens it. But it's smart. I loved it. It's smart what she did. People didn't like that she was like. Well, people want more. And people are like, oh, wait, well, what's happened? This isn't a season finale. Leave them on more. Oh, I see. Because it could have been another like. Yeah, another show. Yeah, I get that. That's life. Yeah. Yeah. She's trying to get the baby to latch. Yeah.

I loved that Marnie ended up helping her, too. Like, they're so... I think that people, like, get annoyed by Marnie, but she's so funny to me. She is funny. I mean, the Kanye West song. The Kanye West song, the Desi marriage. Oh, my God. One of my favorite lines ever is when he's like, open your heart to me, Bella. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, fuck you. Oh, I love that show. Did you watch that show before too much? Oh, I watched it, like, when it was coming out. Like, literally, like...

I guess I'd be like 21 or something. Oh, did it hit different? It was like, oh my God. Like I was like, I probably was like 21, 22. And I felt like it was like, I was nervous that my mom would see me watching it or something because of the sex. Like I was like- You were 21? Yeah, but I was still actually living at home. No, I mean, I was also at home like when I wasn't in college during that. But I wouldn't have been like-

Nervous, you mean? Like if my parents walked in. Why was I nervous? I literally used to watch Sex and the City with her. Like I don't know why. I think it was something different about the sex scenes on girls that felt so real. They were really real. I think that's why. Yeah. You know what? I actually, I'm going to validate you. If my parents walked in on me. Yeah. Like those sex scenes were different than Sex and the City. But they were just like. They were like raw and like real. They seemed like I was actually like seeing something that I've never seen before or something. Right.

Right. And I think that's why. But I did live at home like later than most people, I think. When did you move out? Like 23? Yeah.

Okay, so I don't know if you'll count this, but that's kind of technically when I moved out. I moved out when I was 22. I don't get people moving out when they're 18. No, like I went to college. That's so hard. But when I left college, I went home. And I lived at home for summer and winter. And then COVID, I was at home. I was living at home. Oh, I forgot to tell you. You asked what school I went to when I started saying. You never told me. I went to community college. I was paying for it myself. So I'm like, I don't have the money to move out. And also, I helped my parents.

mom a lot, like babysitting my siblings. Like I just like, I didn't have money saved and I was paying for school and I was in, I also did like church missions work. Wait, so you're like really a child of God. I'm a child of God. Wait,

What do you mean church mission work? So there's something called YWAM, Youth With A Mission. And it's basically like they have centers all around the world. And you go there in different – you could go like, oh, I'm doing YWAM in Boston. I'm going to spend three months in Boston. Then we're going to travel for three months. So I did mine in Peru. So it's like three months in one section of Peru. And then we traveled all around Peru.

for three months and we did like Christian dances. Wait, what do you mean? So like we would like memorize a couple Christian dances or like Christian like the

little dramas. Like, like the, so we'll do them at the church. It's like, we're guests at their church. So we'll like run a service and we'll like do the dance. And to be honest, like it was such a powerful dance. Like I really would like tear up. Okay. So it'd be like, some of us are dressed as angels. Some of us are dressed as demons. They're playing this like really intense music. And we're like doing this like wild, like,

like dance that it's like interpreted and it's like perform for like the church. So they'd be so excited. We were there at different churches all around, like Bolivia, Peru, like Chile. It was so, um, fun and like life changing to be somewhere where like you were just focused on like something bigger than yourself. Yeah. Like, did we, do I feel like I helped people, uh,

Like, I think I made friends and I shared the love I have for God. But like missions are funny because like my first missions trip was in Costa Rica and half of it was like a vacation. I was like a teenager and I was like, I loved our pastor. Like, he's amazing. Like, I didn't think anyone had bad intentions, but I did feel like this. It does feel like it's a little bit weird. We like raise money and like there is like I know they have good intentions, but sometimes it can be like weird.

What's bad is if you go and you think, like, I'm going to be, like, the savior and, like, help. But actually...

They helped us way more than we helped them just by like seeing like the world so much bigger. I mean, I was a teenager and I think going and like spending time with people that live in different places important for you. But I know we didn't go and like change people's lives. We went and visited churches and like I think it is life changing. If you what's life changing is if you're talking to your friend who like needs something and

like spiritually that they're not getting and you're sharing your experience with God. I think that's really important. Like going to a church and like performing the dance, it's more so like community than like that you're actually like changing their lives. Like you're not, you're not a white savior going there to help. Okay. You want to get into the tummy? What's wrong? Yeah. I think you're going to be really good at that. Oh, I'm excited. I'm really excited too. My best friend was sleeping with an older guy and we were all like, okay, yes. But then we were over.

But then we were over at one of my family functions and my aunt wanted to introduce her new boyfriend slash future fiance. And when he came, my best, when he came in, my best friend gasped because it was him. We don't know what we should do. Should we tell my aunt? Please help. Plus, love you so much. I think that

You should tell your aunt. Because you got to be a girl's girl. But it says my best friend was sleeping with an older guy. Oh. Well, and it's a new boyfriend. I feel like she should actually, yeah, she probably should be like, yo, like. How young is it again? How young is the age difference? No, no. We don't know. Well, that's important. Because if it's 18 and 64. Yeah, then. If it's 35, 40. Yeah.

But it seems like that would be a different age difference because the aunt probably wouldn't date someone that much younger than her. Can I take a guess as to the age difference? Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking like this group of people is 25. Definitely. And the aunt is like late 30s, 40. Really? That's a young aunt still. Mid 40s. I think too young. You think late 30s is older. Maybe like late 40s. Look, here's some context. I'm 35. What? Wait, am I 34? Yeah.

Sometimes you forget exactly your age. 34, sorry, yeah. I'll be 35 this year. So you're saying the aunt's about my age? Do I look like an aunt to you? No. When's your birthday? September 15th. So I'll be 35. So you're a Virgo. Yeah. That's awesome. Do you feel like I act like a Virgo? What do you think I act like?

Do you? I'm a Scorpio. I love Scorpios. Scorpios and Virgos get along so well. It makes so much sense. We're so different in the best way. Do you like to control things? I think with career stuff, I think being in charge. So then in relationship, I like someone being the leader.

You'd be taking care of me. That's what I like to do. I like taking care of people a lot. So it's actually nice to have someone to take care of me because I am a nurturer oldest daughter. Oh, your oldest daughter. Yeah, so I'm naturally trying to take care of everyone else. So it's nice to have someone in a partner to be kind of like the leader. 100%. Do you like to be in control? In my career, yes. In my relationship, no. So I'm the same as everyone. Oh, okay, okay. Like I like to be in control of everything outside of sex and love.

Yeah, it's so sweet to like, yeah, I get that. Because I think it's like I want to feel like so wanted that I don't want someone to I want someone to be want me so bad that they want to control me. Oh, wait, you and Katy Perry were talking about Scorpio and Virgos being good together. We were? I think one of you said like, oh, I think you said maybe.

That Scorpio and Virgo is good because the Scorpio is like, this is how I do it. And then Virgo is like, but this is how it's done or something like that. Yes. Yeah. Is it coming back to you?

Wait, so you, I think, to be honest, if I was the aunt, I would probably want them to tell me. Yeah, I would want to know. Yeah. So in a fun, casual way, it doesn't have to be like, sit down, we have to talk about this. Your new boyfriend, disgusting pervert. Yeah. But I would want to know. I think if the person was 25, like, I'm okay about the, like...

Oh, if I was dating someone, it's like, oh, they actually dated someone 25. Who cares? Right. 25. Who cares? 21 or 19. That's weird. But like 21, if a third year old is dating a 21 year old. Okay. Right. But if a 64 year old is dating a 21 year old, that's weird. That's weird. It all depends. Right. But after 25, I think you could date. Right. Agreed. So you're saying tell. I think tell. Just be like, I fucked him.

Oh, you think that... I think the person should go... I think that he was dating one of my friends. Yeah, or that. That's good. The fucked is giving them an image that might never leave their mind. But what if we left it open-ended? Like they were dated, yeah. Yeah. I like that. But also, I'm not going to say no because maybe you should say it crass like that. Yeah. You know what I prescribe? What? You ever watch Pretty Little Liars? No, I actually didn't watch that. Okay, so Aria dates her teacher.

And there's the scene where she walks in and gasps because he's her teacher and they already hooked up. So watching that. Just like is a vibe. Yeah. Yeah.

My best friend slash roommate's boyfriend is a narcissist. He also lives with us. I'm moving out in a couple of weeks, but I've just seen her slowly become less and less herself because of how he treats her. He is very controlling and pushes her away from me and our friend group. Should I tell her that I think he is a narcissist and that she should run? She knows. Okay. There. It's all in the end. She knows. She knows.

Or does it say that she knows in there? No, but I'm telling you. Oh, you add she knows. Okay, yeah, that's what I agree. Yeah, she knows. If you want to stay friends, just like, you can't really get that involved, right? Yeah, my mom always taught me not to get involved in other people's relationships. Because you actually might think that person's controlling. There might be a whole other...

information that you don't know. There could be literally like, oh, well, this person is controlling because this, this, and this, and like that's something they're working on and you don't have any idea. Right. And then it's just like awkward. But it's also like, what is controlling? Is it you've been locked in your room and you can't leave for a day? Right. Or is it like, oh, like, do you think you should change your sweater because we're going to parent, like, dinner with my parents? Yeah.

You know, and that's like annoying, but it's not like you leave the person. You're like, hey, don't tell me what to wear. I think that your friend knows whatever is going on and they just need to figure it out.

Because if you're being controlled, even though it's easy to have the love goggles on, on some level you probably know how you want to be treated and eventually you make a decision, right? I don't think the friend is going to be like, your boyfriend's controlling and she's like, wait, what? Right. Are you serious? Yeah. There's no way. You have to just be there for your friend when your friend comes to you. Right. Like you don't stop being there.

You don't stop being in there. You don't. And if it's abusive, well, yeah. Hello. You're not allowed to just talk to my friend like that. Yeah. Jake, I am literally obsessed with my boyfriend's ex from high school. Oh. I don't know her, but I consistently find myself stalking her on social media. He gives me no reason to worry, but I can't help it. I think a part of it is that I don't have an ex. Help. Okay. Well, I prescribe getting a hobby. Yeah.

Well, first of all, we don't know how old these people are. They could be just out of high school or they could be literally like 25, right? But still, that's a lot. Everyone's 25. But it's still a lot. Everyone's 25. But the thing is, is like, who cares? People stay best friends with their exes. Yeah, they do. It's not that, it's like that person's not with that person. They're with you. So, like, there's nothing to worry about. It's not about the ex. It's more about, like, if you're really secure in your relationship,

Literally, your partner could be going out to dinner with their ex and you not care if you are feeling like you trust that person. Do you think we have a different outlook on it because we're gay? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Because if the straight person. Yeah, I do think we have a different outlook on it because I think gay people stay friends more often. I mean, they're really close to their exes. They go on vacation with them. Like, yeah, but straight people, there's a different culture there. Yeah, you're right.

But I'm confused. Does it sound like the boyfriend was still seeing the ex? No, she's just like obsessed with their ex. Just don't look. I know what to prescribe. What? Obsessed by Olivia Rodrigo. Yeah, that's good. Right? It was a good one. Yeah. I also prescribe not looking at the social media. Yeah. Like blocking them. Right. Just block them. Even though it's a little bit like kind of like what if... But who cares? Who cares?

If they see that you've been blocked. I think part of it's like, okay, you don't want that person to be like, why did they block me? Don't give any energy to it. If you are actually thinking, should I go on, should I not? Just try to distract yourself until it stops happening. Agreed. And I think maybe you have a friend that I text this person every time I want to look at that person's social media. Right.

Or you go, I'm going to go ride my boyfriend every time I want to look at his social media. Yeah, have sex with your boyfriend every time you want to look at your boyfriend's ex. Yeah.

I'll make you feel better. What about this? Go to your own page and look at your page as if an ex was looking at you. Oh, period, Meg. I love that. Yeah, and just pretend and be like, oh, look at how beautiful her hair looks. And yeah, it's life's too short to be worried about these things. It is. Actually, the thing that helps the most is being like, if something actually happened and that...

Between these two, that would not be the person for me. Exactly. If my boyfriend leaves me for their high school ex, that would give me the ick. Right. Right?

Yeah. That's what they should be saying. It's just all about self-talk, I guess. Yeah, it is. My boyfriend went to a bachelor party in Mexico and drunkenly posted a video of him making out with a stripper and took it down two minutes later. I didn't see it, but my friend screenshotted it and sent it to me. Good job. Now he's back and he doesn't know that I know. He's acting normal. Do I dump him or get my revenge?

You literally, I can't even, there's so many stories where it's like, oh, I found out I was being cheated on, didn't say it until this time. I'm like, I would literally immediately send it to them. Like, hi, hello. What is going on? Yeah, I don't know why she hasn't sent it to him. I'd be like, oh, this is an interesting video of you kissing someone. I don't think that's me, though. Yeah. Well, I wonder what kind of revenge that person's thinking of. I would have just texted him in the moment.

Yeah, don't come home. Or maybe you go to a strip club, you make out with a stripper, you post it, when he gets mad, you be like, yeah, we're done. So you like, checkmate him. Yeah, and guess what? You could also find out what strip club they're going to, and then you go and strip there. Yeah. And during one of the lap dances, you turn your head high, fucker. Yeah.

Yeah, you want to see me dancing like this? You could have been getting that at home, asshole. Yeah, but you didn't. I like that idea, the checkmate. Yeah, checkmate. And he tries to get mad, and it's like, you can't get mad. You're done. We're done. Yeah, and you have a huge boner because you love watching me dance. Yeah, exactly. Cheating's all about the person and not the person they're with. It's like insecurity and stuff. So he was probably insecure and...

wanting to kiss the stripper who was probably beautiful but like he he was wanting that attention right yeah have you ever cheated on someone never never been cheated on I had a gay boyfriend in high school I think was cheating on me but um do you forgive him I do yeah I do I I I do forgive him you guys friends I never see him but yeah I think so probably why what makes you think people were telling me that yeah

But I think he's, I love him. I guess at the time I was upset, but also like, I wasn't like, oh my God, like you're cheating on me. I don't even know if I told him, like, I think I was like,

I think it was like someone was like, I saw him like whatever with someone. And I kind of was just like, I don't even remember confronting. Like maybe I did and I repressed it, but I, it wasn't like we weren't sexual. I wasn't like ready to do that anyway. He wasn't wanting to cause he was gay, but like we did love each other. It was really, really electric. It's like Hannah and Elijah. It was like that. Yeah. I mean, it was literally like,

Really intense. Like, he would throw my computer. I would throw his phone. Like, if we were mad at each other. But we were best friends. Like, yeah. It was, like, really, like, it was, like, a really intense. He was, like, my sister and my boyfriend. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. This is.

Actually insane. What? Me and my ex-boyfriend have been working on getting back together for months at a party. He kissed a gay guy. He is straight. Oh my God. That is crazy. I have the chills. I've had a lot of synchronicities lately. Is it wrong for me to take this seriously?

Take the kissies? I don't know what... Like, just acknowledging that your ex-boyfriend is, like, maybe bisexual? Making out or kissed? At a party, he kissed a gay guy. He is straight. Who cares? Who hasn't? Yeah, period. I feel like gay guys love kissing. Like, I feel like at a party, gay guys are always trying to kiss me. Right. Like, I think it would be actually...

interesting to talk to that person and be like was it like silly or was it like sexual because it'd be cool if he was bi and if even if he is I prescribe season one episode three of girls all adventurous women do where Hannah finds out Elijah is gay

Yes, I love that. It's the best episode ever. It is the best episode. Wait, don't you agree that it's like flirt, like, no, I'm not saying all gay guys, I'm not, please don't, don't put a viral clip of me up going, gay guys love to kiss. But I'm just saying that they're like, they, at a party, I mean, come on. It's like not, yeah. With tongue, make out, like, what was it? Well, we don't know. Sometimes the pussies don't get specific.

Okay. Well, I want to tell the pussies that I think if my partner kissed somebody, yes, I would be really upset. Yes. It's cheating, but it's their exes and they're getting back together. They're not together yet. This,

This person, if anything, that would be a turn on to me. Wow. Cool. Bye. All right. I've always wanted to date a bi guy. Well, why can't you? Because they're hard to come by sometimes. That's because they are being told that they can't be bi. There's so many bi men. There's so many bi men. Especially in LA. Yeah.

Exactly. You're going to find... There's probably more bi men than you could even think of. My boyfriend and I only had sex with each other. I love him and I hope we get married one day, but I will always wonder what sex with other people will be like. But I don't want to break up. Should I tell him? What would you do? Well, I don't have sex, so...

Meg, what would you do? Well, I would say, first of all, God, how old is this person? Because it would make a difference. If it's someone who's like...

I would say you guys probably will break up. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But no, I'm saying if it's like a, I, I'm no plenty of people that dated at 19 and they're still together. So do not get mad at me. Pussy, pussies. Um, what do you call it? What do you call them? Pussies, pussies. Don't get mad at me, pussies, because every couple is different. But what I'll say is that, um,

Um, I think that to be honest, if you, it is good. If there's other things you want to explore and you're like, I don't know if this is the right person, then, then think about maybe like, is it, is it worth, is this my person? This is what they need to ask. Is this my person? If the answer is yes, I'm so in love with this person. It's not worth it.

What's hot to me is finding somebody that is loyal to you and you're loyal to them. Agreed. And so like, it's not worth it. I think I've been there. You don't need to shop around. If you found your person, literally hold on because it's literally rare and like just stay. But if it's someone who like, okay, there's all these other categories. Like, I just don't think this is the person and you're really young. It's like,

If you break up, you'll find your way back to each other if it's meant to be. Right. But that's only if you're not sure it's your person. Because I wouldn't risk it. Right. So you know what I would prescribe is the movie How to Be Single. How about How to Have a Threesome? Or that. Yeah.

I love How to Be Single. I love that movie. Isn't it good? Take me home, lady. But that's so true. I don't know where you live. She leaves and then she wants him back. Yes. It's just not worth it if you think you found your person. If there's any chance that this might be the one, I would wait and find out. I wouldn't mess around with that. I agree. This precious life, it's hard to find. It is.

I know you're going to find the most perfect bisexual man. I hope. I really want one. You are literally so magnetic. I know that the person, you are literally, you are magnetic, young, vibrant. You need to like just have so much fun because the bisexual person is coming to you. Okay. I really hope so. And you're like, don't explore after you find them because it is like, it's not fun walking around with these people.

In the streets, test them for test drives. Yeah. That is monogamy's in. Monogamy is in. Yeah. Do you watch Real Housewives? I really don't. I think I've seen maybe a little bit of it. You would do the funniest Real Housewives skit. I need to watch more of it. Me too. It's overwhelming because there's so many episodes out. Start with Salt Lake. Okay. You'll appreciate it. Okay. Start with Salt Lake.

How do you know when it's the right time to move on from a relationship? Like, literally, what are the signs? I should be looking for it. It doesn't feel like it used to, but there are no blaring issues. Help, I'm so lost. If you were writing into a podcast about it... It's over. It's over. Right? I kind of agree. I would never, like...

I would just never write into a podcast about it unless I was like, I'm leaving this person. Because imagine they get married. I would still have in my mind that I did that. Oh, yeah. That you wrote into a podcast about them. I'm like, this is someone that at one point at midnight, I was crying writing into a podcast. Is it over? If they make you feel, I guess, like less like yourself than you do on your own, probably. Yeah. Damn.

I don't have the timing right of that sound. No, it works. Because usually, like, someone's like, and that's on period. But I'm like, yeah. Like, five minutes later. Meg, what did we learn today? Well, I learned that dating, well, I already knew this, but dating men can be hard because all those questions were about men. Yeah. I learned that you think that 35 is an old aunt. Yeah.

That's older to you. I mean, to me, like when I was 25, 35 felt like.

Like so... 30s are the new 20s. But 30s are the new 20s. I always, I actually do say 30s are the new 20s. 30s are like, okay, 20s, you're a teenager. Right. 30s is like, okay, I'm in my 20s. Like I'm finally doing what I want to do. I'm figuring it out. 40s is like, okay, it's time to get started. It's time to start working. Yes, yes. It's time to start getting into the office and work. Yeah. 50 is like, maybe I could start thinking about kids. That's what I think too. Yeah.

60s is like, let's rev it up. We're in the height of our career. I agree. 70s, oh my God, like I have everything I've ever wanted. 80s, time to party. And then 90s? 90s, we can start to settle down. 100? We're on vacation. We're retired. Yeah. But we're thinking of writing a book. What would your book be called? Living Life in the Fast Lane. That definitely is a book, right? Yeah.

What would my book be called? It would be called Hello, God, It's Me, Meg, again, because I've always loved you. I love that. What would yours be called? Wait, I had one. Oh, Mommy Help, I'm a Narcissist.

Um, you, do you really think you are a narcissist? Cause you're, I just feel like, do you? No, no, no. Um, I think I have narcissistic tendencies, but I feel empathy. You are not a narcissist. I care about my friends. I put like, I love my friends. I love my family. I have deep amounts of empathy.

I do not think you're a narcissist. I'm a little self-obsessed sometimes. No, being in love with yourself and loving who you are and accepting who you are is not a narcissist. I know it is funny to say, though, in a book title, so it's a perfect title. But I do say that you, in real life and in the videos I've seen, I could not read you as a narcissist. Okay, well, then today I learned maybe I'm not a narcissist. You are not.

Before you leave, can I ask you what music you're listening to and what you're watching on TV and movies? Yes, you can. I'm really excited to hear. I love shows like Love is Blind. Do you really? Yeah. I do like The Bachelor sometimes, some seasons. Yeah. I love, I like like dating shows. Yeah. You know what's funny? I just started, I literally, when I had pneumonia.

I watched almost all of Transparent, which was so good. I can't believe I haven't seen it. Oh my God, that show used to be amazing. I know. I can't believe that I didn't. What happened to that show? Didn't the main character get in trouble? Yeah, that's something I didn't realize until I was two seasons in. Why did they get in trouble? I think he... Ooh, yeah, so that was...

Oh, okay. Yeah, it was a very big deal. But that was, like, one of the most celebrated shows at the time. Apparently, it's amazing. I didn't know that that person was, like, canceled until I was, like, three seasons in. And then I, like, looked up an article and I was like, what? So I was watching that. I watched that. Oh, music. Everyone, you know, what everyone's listening to, Charlie XCX. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And...

Sabrina Carpenter. Well, you were in her Christmas special. I was. I was. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Yes.

I love her. She's so funny. She is so funny. And she's so talented. I do. I love Taylor Swift. I fucking love Taylor Swift. I know. I do. I love Taylor Swift. I'm sorry. I just, well, I guess I'm not sorry. No, you're not sorry. I guess when everyone knows. Everyone loves her. Everyone loves Taylor Swift. I love that new album. Torture Poets? Yeah. I love it too. I loved it. So I'm always listening to her. I listen to a lot of rap music.

Um, Sexy Red and Megan Thee Stallion. A lot of, um, stuff like that. Are you a Nicki fan? I love Nicki, of course. I love Nicki so much. I do. I really do. I really love her so much. I love Lil Wayne. I, wait, Meg, we are so synced up. I was listening to Lil Wayne this morning. Really? Oh my God. You know, my favorite feature from Lil Wayne is his verse on Motivation with Kelly Rowland. Well, can you sing it? Um.

I can't think of it. Yeah, let me get the lyrics up for you. I need you to sing it. Girl, I turn that thing into a rainforest. Rain on my head. Call that brainstorming. Yeah, this is deep. But I go deeper. But make you lose yourself. And find us keepers. It's go green light. Go, go, go, wheezy, go. I like to taste that sugar. That sweet and low. But hold up, wait.

New position. I put her on my plate. Then I do the dishes. She my motivation. I'm her transportation. Cause I let her ride while I drive her crazy. Then I just keep going. Going like I'm racing. When I'm done, she hold me like a conversation. Wheezy baby. You sound just like him. Thank you. Wait, that, he is literally like, his voice is hot. Yeah, he's awesome. Like, it's like, like, my motivation. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

I love him. I love you. He's, by the way, he is short. He is very short. Lil Wayne. And there's, I don't want him any other way. Yeah. You've never looked at Lil Wayne and been like, I wish you were taller. No, because his name is literally Lil Wayne. Yeah. Oh, I, well, I didn't really think of that. That's why. But like, he's like confident and like, I wouldn't want to see Lil Wayne tall. No, a hundred percent. Like I, and he's not too short. Like nothing's too short. Nothing's too tall. Right. Hmm. Hmm.

Put that on a t-shirt. Put that on. Maybe that will be the name of my book. Nothing's too short. Nothing's too tall. Yeah. Perfect. Everything's perfect. Well, Meg, thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. I had the best time with you. Do you feel like you had the best time ever? I've never heard them laugh more in my life. Is that serious?

That makes me feel amazing because I had so much fun. It was so relaxing. Well, not only... Usually I get stressed. Are you the prettiest girl in America, which is the name of your upcoming tour? You're also the funniest. And you're the funniest and the prettiest. Please, everybody, please come see the Prettiest Girl in America tour coming to you for two weeks in some random places. So go see on my tickets if...

It's going to be coming to you and it's going to be worth it. And the tickets are great. It's a steal. Want to say bye, pussies? Bye, pussies.