Session 75: Chloe Fineman
01:06:00 Share

This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. Not everyone is careful with your personal information, which might explain why there's a victim of identity theft every five seconds in the U.S. Fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a U.S.-based restoration specialist will fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year by visiting LifeLock.com slash podcast. Terms apply.

♪ ♪

Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. Tonight, we have on Chloe Fineman. She's a cast member on SNL. She's in the new Hulu film, Summer of 69. She's unbelievable. One of the funniest people out there right now. I'm obsessed with her. She's also, like, one of the best impressionists ever. So, like, I had her do a few of her impressions, which was just amazing. Or I think I just had her do one. I honestly forget. But...

It was amazing. She really, really is the best. She's so fucking funny. She's one of my favorite parts about SNL. I love SNL, but she's really and truly one of my favorite parts. Oh, also, I'm back on the road this week. I'm really, really excited about that.

I guess when you're watching this – okay, so it's Wednesday. So I would have done Phoenix, Las Vegas. So I have Vancouver tonight. So right now I'm in Vancouver. So I'm back on the road. I'm really, really excited about that. I really miss tours so much. Being on stage and meeting everyone is just like the best thing in the entire world. And it's coming to an end. We only have a few shows left.

If you want to see if I'm coming to a city near you, go to pastthatpuss.com and click live with Jake Shane. And to submit tell me what's wrongs, go to pastthatpuss.com and click tell me what's wrong. And leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy. Okay, well, enjoy the episode. I love you, pussies. Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. Today we have actress and comedian, one of my favorite impressionists out there right now, Chloe Fineman.

You do do the greatest impressions of all time. I don't know if you consider yourself an impressionist, but you do the world's greatest impressions. I don't know what else I would call it, honestly. A comedian. A comedian. Yeah, but we're doing impressions. And you're in the new film Summer of 69. I am. I guess I'm kind of doing an impression of a stripper, but... Right, right. How did you prep for the role? Okay. Okay.

I brag was at can for a different movie. Uh huh. And Mikey Madison was like winning all of these awards. And I was on Tik TOK and saw like her for two seconds saying all the training she did. And I, I don't know. I've, I was like, this isn't that kind of movie, but like, why not? Yeah. My best friend and I were in LA and we took a pole class together and he was like, you should get into this. Like there's, there's potential here. There's talent. Um,

and then I trained for like a month, um, nonstop every morning in Pasadena. You would go and take a, like a, yeah, basically like I discovered LA is like the capital of pole class. I don't know. Yes. I swear. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Like every corner has a hustlers. It's Starbucks and hustlers. Yeah. There are like three hustlers store in Pasadena. And like, you think like Hollywood Boulevard and all that, but they're everywhere. Right. Truly. And,

And, yeah, I just, like, got really into it, and I trained. And it's so fun, and you would be good at it because you're a good dancer. Oh, you think I'm a good dancer? You're an amazing dancer. Sometimes I forget that people see what I post. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I see...

Even you as a child. Oh, you really do see. Oh, yeah. I'm a day one. Well, we also follow each other. I also forget that sometimes. Yeah. I just swiped up on something you posted. What was it again? Probably me like unhinged in my yard. Yeah, it was something. It was something. It was really funny. But when did you film? Where and when did you film this movie? I filmed it last summer in the not stripper capital of the world, Syracuse, New York. Oh, okay. You ever been? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Why? I got Italian wedding soup there. You were just driving through or were you doing like a college? I had like a little college Q&A. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know. Thank you, college. I'll never forget it because that was when I posted a shirtless photo of myself and someone, one of my followers swiped up and was like, your condition with your boobs is like because of smoking. No! Yeah, and I was like.

Okay, totally, totally. Were you a cigarette smoker? Weed. I used to smoke every day, 24-7, all the time. Haven't smoked in five months. Wow. I know.

Wow. I miss it. I literally miss it every day of my life. That's incredible. Yeah. Yeah, but I guess, like, you have to pause. I had to. I was being, like, so lazy and so uncreative, and I thought it was making me so creative, and it just, like, I wasn't. Whoa. Yeah. So it gives you, like, something in your chest? Apparently it gives you moobs. Man boobs? Yeah. No, I think a lot of things give moobs. I know. I never thought it would be marijuana. But I appreciated that they weren't, like, polyamory.

Hashish. I appreciated that they weren't like you were eating too much. They were like, no, it's a condition you have. Oh my God. Yeah. How brutal. So what was it? Did you like Syracuse? I kind of did. I like humidity a lot. What? Yeah, I do. I like Miami is like my favorite place in the whole world. Because of how sticky it is? Because I'm a Jewish girl. I'm Jewish too. Yeah. I just love Miami.

Where were you raised? I was Northern California, Berkeley. Got it. Yeah. Berkeley, Miami makes no sense. None at all. I don't know. There's just something where I'm like...

Yeah. Have you spent New Year's in Miami? I have, actually. It's, like, horrible. I loved it. Really? Yeah, because you can, like, tan. Yeah. In January. Yeah. First. You can tan? I did. I went to the beach. One time I got, um, have you ever gotten devil's itch? No, what is that? Like, it's when an itch is so bad. Wait, what?

No, I swear to God. You'll look it up. That sounds like, like say to him, a devil's itch. Where? Is it like a private part of there? No, like I laid out one day and I got a little, tiny little sunburn on my back. And I was like, oh, can't be that serious. Took a shower and I started getting shooting itches. Like shooting. From the devil. And I was like, what is this? And they were like, you have devil's itch. That's a WebMD term. Yes. For real. Devil's itch. I took six Benadryl every day for a week just so I didn't have to be awake.

It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I would just lay like this. Oh, my gosh. And I watched Glee. I sat there and watched Glee like that.

And that was in Miami, you guys? No, it was in New York. What? Yeah. Are you sure it didn't just have like poison ivy? No, I swear because I kept looking at my back and it was just white. There was no red, nothing. Oh, so it's like ghosty. It was like a ghost writer for like, it was like a ghost sunburn. Dang, I hate itches. Yeah. It's really bad. I know, I know. Yeah, I know, I know. I went scrubbed my arm with an old loofah.

I was like at my parents' house and I think they just like forgot to throw out a loofah. And I got, I think maybe it was devil's itch. Was it bad? Yeah. It was like all my arm and everyone was like, what? Yeah. And I was like, I haven't been around a jellyfish, but it looks like my whole arm. And then when you have an itch or something, you don't like send it to a doctor. No. Not to stereotype, but I feel like you. Yeah. No. Oh, sorry. That was such an aggressive laugh. Yeah.

It seemed like someone would send a photo of an itch. You know what I did used to send photos of was my ingrown toenails. Oh. So, like, I used to go to doctors for ingrowns instead of the nail salon. Okay, I got that. No, they were like, you should probably go to the nail salon. But, like, one time I thought I had an STD, so I went to the doctor, and they came back and they said, you don't have an STD, but you should, like, maybe get on anxiety meds. No. Yeah. Because of you, because you, at least.

there was a lump or like. No, it was like, it was something. And I remember being like, like freaking out. Keep in mind, never had sex. I was a virgin. And I showed up being like, I'm an STD. And they were like, no, you don't. It was a bump or like a bug. But I,

I remember getting to my bit on my cooch as a child at camp and thinking I had like herpes. Yeah, yeah. I was like 16, but it was a bug bite. Were you a sleepaway camp girl? Of course. What was it? Where'd you go? It was called Camp Kitov. It was a Jewish camp, obviously, in Berkeley. And I worked there and went there. Oh, you were like, this is my shit. 100%. Like, I run this place. Yeah, I did get like fired immediately, but then rehired famously. Why'd you get fired? There was this kid.

who will remain unnameless because he maybe watches this. I don't know. But we won't...

And he had three mommies, which was cool because it was, you know, Berkeley. His mom's are lesbian. Oh, and divorced. And divorced, yeah. It took a while to do the math. But he would always do this thing where he was like, can I have a hug? And he was like a really bad kid, but I was like, I had a soft spot and I would like go to hug him. And then he would lift up my shirt, which was like savage. And I remember I was 16 and I was like, I'm going to get back to this piece of shit, motherfucker. And so we were on a hike and I was like, oh.

over there like do you see the hawk and he's like where and then i pulled his pants down and he wasn't wearing underwear so he's like little peen is like flopping in the wind and a true story a bus of other like campers combined all these kids are like and everything was in slow motion and his friends were like you don't wear underpants and and then i wasn't asked back it was crazy was

Were you like, when you pants, were you like, fuck, I know I fucked up? I was like, what was I thinking? I think honestly I was like, ha ha. No, because I had no remorse because I had to be like talked to by older counselors where they're like, you cannot pants campers. And I was like, but he like lifted my shirt. And they were like, you still can't. And I was like, but he's a shit. And I thought it was funny. Was it a sleepaway camp? It was like day camp with overnights.

Totally. That makes sense, right? No, it's like boarding school. Yeah, yeah. There were some boarders. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, amazing. So when did you transition from, what was it, Camp Ketove? Yeah. Camp Ketove to Saturday Night Live. Immediately. It actually weirdly makes sense. I'll explain why. I'm ready. Okay, so every morning we had sketch comedy.

Yes. It was called kumzitz. Kumzitz? Kumzitz is Yiddish for like skits, I guess. Okay. So I discovered my comedic voice at kumzitz. You've never heard of kumzitz? No, the only Yiddish word I know is mensch. Mensch.

Mench? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I thought mench meant, you know, that's a story for another time. STD or something. I thought it was like a kiss off. And they were like, no, like, you're a good person. It means you're a good person. A good person. Yeah. I was like, oh. My friends were always, I don't know, this is, let's see. My friends were really funny. I was good at kumzits as a hot counselor. Right. Pantsing boys.

And I think I did discover I had like comedic talent at this camp. And then I did nothing with it whatsoever. I went to NYU and was like a dramatic actress. Oh, really? Yeah.

Yeah, plot twist. And then when did you, how did you get involved with SNL? I, yeah, I like shaved head. I kind of had like a Natalie Portman phase where I smoked and I had a pixie cut and I was really serious. Obsessed, like Black Swan. Yeah, I literally, I saw that movie and I was like, this is the story of my life. Even though I never had chance, it like deeply affected me in a crazy way. I've never seen it still.

What? I know my mom wouldn't let me when it came out. Why? Because of the lesbians? She was like, it's too inappropriate. There's a hot lesbian scene in it. I need to see it. You have to see it. Now it's like- Did she win for that? She did. Yeah, good for her. Yeah, she did. And she's amazing. And Mila Kunis is amazing. Yeah, she is in that. Yeah, it's very good. Yeah.

You're an actress too, but we'll circle back to that. Oh. You know? You have to see Black Swan now. I know. I know. Yeah, I know. Now that I'm doing the whole thing. Now that you're a serious actor. Well, yeah. I did a little bit of hacks, so. You did a lot of bit of hacks. Yeah. Cool.

Oh, my God. I love that you know about my stuff. Of course. Yes. I read the trades. Yes, you do. You do read the trades. Every day. When did you find out you were good at, like... Okay, wait. Sorry. Continue. So, you had a pixie... Drama, drama, drama. Pixie cut, smoker. And then I graduated. And, like, when you go to acting school, you play, like, 50-year-old alcoholics for four years. Right. And then you graduate and you're like, wait, I have to be a teenager? So, I had, like, a, like...

And I moved home and I drove my parents crazy. And then I moved to L.A. just because other people at college. You're USC, right? Yeah, I was at USC. I know everything about you. I'm obsessed with you. I'm obsessed that you know this. Yeah, NYU. The other one. They're cousins in my head. They are cousins. They are. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I, I like did an improv class to meet friends. Truly. I had no interest in it, but I was like, maybe I'll meet a friend. And then sort of like when I was like 27, I discovered I could do Drew Barrymore and like an improv class. It was like, I was like, Oh my God. You know, it was like weird. And then I just started post front facing videos. We're starting back in the day. Right. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, and I just started putting them on Instagram and then wound up on SNL. That's insane. Yeah. Do you have like a favorite SNL memory? I mean, where to begin? Give me like a genre. Who was your favorite host?

Ariana Grande. Really? Yeah, for sure. Well, there's Pedro. I feel like Ryan Gosling. Of course. But like of this year, Ariana was like 10 out of 10. Like best personality, most talented, loveliest. Yeah. I'm like so jealous that you got to spend that much time with her. It was amazing. It's also like I...

I get excited when a host really is into championing your idea or girls. I lean girl, girl gay, whatever. And sometimes it's hard to get those ideas through. So if Ariana's like, we have to do Jennifer Coolidge lipstick. Right, right. I'm like, yes, thank you. Wait, so what does your week look like at SNL? Do you just write all week and then just perform Saturday? No. No.

No. We wake up exhausted on Sunday after being out till like four in the morning. I will say the most fun I've ever had is at an SNL after party. Which after party? Do you have more sex in New York? I used to have that before. Yes, I only have sex in New York. That was me for years. Ten years I would like sleep with people in New York and then like focus on me in LA. Yeah, like I lost my virginity here once. Obviously, once. What?

And then I had sex a second time after the SNL after party. And that was about it. Yeah, that's nice. But it was the last SNL after party I went to was, I think it was Billie Eilish. And I forget the host. Billie was the performer. I forget who the host was. Yeah, I see it. But it's all a blur. Yeah, but you sometimes stay out at those until, tell me more. I had a good show that night, I remember. Yeah.

Do you remember your worst show? There's so many. I remember the first time never being in the show. I was like dressed as Natasha Lyonne in the bathroom, like crying. So you wake up Sunday after being out all night. All night. And then you're like, I started Sunday, which is crazy because it does start Monday. Yeah. Yeah. Monday we come in and we pitch ideas to the hosts that aren't real.

So it's like a joke idea. But I've had success with those. So like when Sydney Sweeney hosted like as a joke, I was like, maybe we both work at Hooters and we're like counting tips. And I'm like, oh my God, I made $14. And then you're like, I made $60,000. And then she, you know, I love it.

I feel so good. You have no idea. And then like, I didn't, that was just like a dumb idea. And then she like DM'd me and was like, we have to make fun of my boobies. And I was like, great. So like sometimes ideas come from that. Right. Ariana Grande, I was like, I'm just telling my bad pitches, but like the Chalamet lookalike thing was happening. So I was like, maybe it's a Coolidge or

Or no, maybe it's a Coolidge sound alike. And then that led to that skit. So we pitch ideas. And then Monday, I think, is for me when I'm absolutely the most anxious because I don't know what I'm doing that week. And everyone's meeting in offices and laughing and you feel left out. And I open a door and there's six people. And I have nothing. It's hell. And then that hell feeling lasts all night.

the way until Wednesday. So only two days, two days of absolute hell. And so then like, maybe I'll have some ideas or maybe not. And then I come in Tuesday and then that is like, either you're like off to the races and you're writing your idea or like the last show, they were like, actually there's like seven white Lotus ideas. And then I'm like, well now I have nothing. Right. Right. Right. Um, but we stay up writing till 2am healthy, 3am, 4am, whatever. Um,

It's like half of it's like, it's like call it. It's like you're pulling an all nighter. Right. And just every day. Yeah. And like, I'd say like Marcelo and I are definitely like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we get stuff done. Yeah.

Then Wednesday we submit our stuff in the morning and we read it out loud with the host called table read. And then we wait around a handful of us. Usually we'll be watching a Bravo show for like an hour and a half while we're waiting for picks. It's like theater. Right. You're like, did I make the list? Right. Right. Um,

And then at like 10 o'clock we find out what's picked in the show. And like you either are like, yes! Or crying or like punching a wall. 100%. Yeah. And you say you watch Bravo. Yeah. Like we, yeah, we all like pile in and we'll like watch a show. Right, right, right. Yeah, usually Bravo. What Bravo shows do you watch? Well, Vanderpump was like a big thing. Right, right.

R.A.P.? R.A.P. It's done. It's done, right? Respectfully, I think it's so done. Yeah. After, yeah. Like, after Scandival, it's like, how do you come back? Yeah, I agree. You can't. Like, obviously, they're obviously going to film with each other, but it's obviously, like, Ariana's not coming back, so what's the point? I know. And, like, Ariana's, like, host of Love Island, like, doing the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. She used it to her advantage. And it worked. Yeah, traitors. I mean, that's not Bravo. Oh.

Whatever. It's just like this weird hour where you're like waiting if you like got the cast list. Right. Back in the day, we used to have it like on the wall. So you'd like everyone would like run and be like, yeah, it's so crazy. Like literally high school, high school. But we're like adults. And you started in 2019, right? Yeah. So what's the COVID? Yeah. What's the difference? SNL pre-COVID versus post-COVID? I feel like.

When I started, there's, like, videos, but there wasn't... It was, like, weird that I liked Instagram videos. What? But, yeah, like, there was, you know, Kate and Cecily and all those, like, legends. I don't think we're as, like, video-focused. And then after COVID, like, Please Don't Destroy came on, and, like, they came from videos. I feel like I was more of, like, a...

internet, not like I was like doing content, um, a little bit more before like starting on the show. Um, and now we're, I mean, we weren't on Tik TOK, like I think until like 2020, maybe. Tik TOK really helped us and I'll like take off for the younger generation. A hundred percent. Yeah. Like, especially this year I was like, I didn't even know we like were on Tik TOK. Oh, you guys are on Tik TOK. Yeah. We're getting there. Yeah. Like, um, Domingo, Domingo, crazy.

But then the audio got removed or something. I know. Isn't that crazy? Why did that get removed? I don't know. Were you guys expecting Domingo to be like Domingo? Not at all. No. No. Like it just kind of was like, oh, okay, got it. No. I mean, we had fun rehearsing it. And then like when Ariana sang Pitchy, we were like, ha, ha, ha. But it was like, we really were like, you have no idea. And then it just went crazy. Do you like living in New York? I'm truly bi. Coastal. Okay. Yeah.

You really are. Do you have a place here as well? Yeah, my boyfriend has a place in ***. My parents live in ***. Yes. I thought you grew up in Beverly Hills. No, everyone thinks that. I grew up on one. It's okay. A lot of people think I'm nepo, but I'm not. I know you're not. Okay. Yeah. Do you go to that Italian bakery? Yes, every day. It's amazing. Everyone looks like they work at the bear. It's the bear. There's a really hot sandwich guy. Yes. Yes. And he is Jeremy Allen White to me. Yep. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. I'm trying to think of like where else I go. Everyone's into Capri Club now.

What's that? Oh, Vidiot's. Do you ever go to Vidiot's? I'll see like Quinta Brunson on the sidewalk. What? Vidiot's is amazing. Okay. Yeah, they do all these screenings and like premieres. Oh my God. Yeah, it's really cool. There's like a camera store I go to sometimes.

I don't take photos, but I walk in just to seem like I do. Just to seem like you read. Yeah, and I say hi, and I'm like, how much is this? And I ask for the price of a few things, and then I walk out. Really? I'm like that with bookstores. Yeah, same. When's the last time you read a book? I couldn't tell you. But I do... No, I read if I... I think listening counts as reading. Like audiobooks. Okay, totally. But that's reading. Totally. Yeah, so I'm like, if I can do that, why...

You know, like, that's such a thing. I know. It's so performative. I read The Housemaid. That was, like, the first book I read in years and years and years and years and years. That was good. Yeah. I'll read, I'll do, like, I'll read, like, two books a year and it's all I talk about. Oh, so you read. But, like, two a year. Which books did you read last year? The Guest. I was, like, really into. What's that about? It's about, like, a girl in her 20s who's, like, a slut and she's, like, hot and she's dating an older guy and...

And she were like, is she a sex worker? I don't know. And then she goes to the Hamptons and she kind of ruins his life. And then she just like ruins everyone's lives around her. And it'll like be a movie. Yeah. That sounds amazing. So usually I'll read it if someone's like, you should like look at this to play. Right. Right. Then it always goes to someone else. But I enjoy the reading of it. Do you have like a dream role type thing?

I think like a biopic of any kind. Right. Because I'm like, that's what I always thought I would do. And then it turned into like an impression is just like a little bio. Right, right. Do you get annoyed when people are like, can you do this impression for me? Or do you just like love doing it? I do love doing it.

If it's someone like new. Right. Yeah. So like what do you mean someone new? Like if it's like someone I haven't done before. Were you nervous when you were, was it Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel? And that he had you do the list of celebrities? Fallon. Fallon. Were you nervous? For that, no. Because I've been doing that forever. Like that's kind of how you get, like I got on the show was like, bam, bam.

I was so long ago, they were all auditioning for Big Little Lies. It was just like every white woman. Right, right. So I've like done it for, I think now I'm at a point where I just want to do new stuff. Right, right. Yeah. And do you have like any, besides Summer of 69, like are you working on anything exciting outside of that? Coming up? Yeah. There's, yeah, I shot like a pickleball movie this year. Pickleball's it. I know. And I feel like we're the first one.

Yeah, I haven't seen a pickleball movie. Yeah, I think we're hopefully going to beat everybody. Yeah, you definitely are. I haven't heard of any other pickleball movies. Right? Yeah. I know, and everyone's like, and it was so funny when I got it. Kirsten Forsythe? Kirsten. Kristen. Kristen.

One of the three, four. I'm so bad at Kirsten and Kristen. Oh, same. What's the difference? I like short circuit. She was like, oh my God, we're in the movie. And then it was like she was in a different pickleball movie. No. So there is another pickleball movie. Well, I think there's a bunch, but like we are done. We wrapped and we come out before everybody else. Okay, got it. What's the premise? I represent tennis.

In the movie. Yeah, I'm like the idea of tennis and pickleball is like taking over. It's like Jake Johnson. He was a new girl. Okay. I'm like his crazy girlfriend. Got it, got it. Which is like a role I love to play. Do you love, do you prefer doing like an improv or like a scripted thing? I prefer it's scripted and then I take it and then I improv within. Did you have that on Hack? Yeah. How did they do it? Paul and Lucia and Jen are like...

So like they, you know when you like can tell why a show is as funny as it is? It's because the environment is so good. Yeah. Like I walked onto set and they were like,

It's like creatively you feel so like not judged. Like from the person down to like the boom operator, like everyone knows each other. Like everyone was so nice. So I was like, and I was so, I was so scared shitless, but they were just like, okay. And like for this one, just have fun with it. And like normally I'd be so scared, but you just kind of. Yeah. I like, that's probably how they get half of Meg Stalter's like iconic, you know, she would be amazing on as an SNL host. Oh yeah. Yeah. I was surprised she, yeah. I, for a while I thought she would be on the show. Really? Of course.

Yeah. Like after Hacks or? Before. Before. And then I was like, oh, Hacks, here we go. Here we go. Yeah. Do you watch Hacks? Of course. I love. What are you watching right now? I mean, Last of Us last night. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. So I didn't watch it last night. I didn't watch it. I didn't watch it last night, but people are freaking out. Yeah. I can't say anything. Is it as good as Long, Long Time? Better. No. No. Yes. Better than Long, Long Time? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Cry. Oh, I'm watching it the second we're done. Oh, like, cry. And, like, Caitlin Dever is, like, our greatest actress. She was here. She was sitting right here. I know. I know. And she's so unassuming. She's just, like, grounded and cool and, like, the coolest person in the world. And then I'll see. I'm not giving anything away. But, like, Emmy now. I'm not giving anything away. I'm so excited to watch it. Don't Google. Okay, I won't Google. Whatever you do. I will never forget. Like, I hate spoilers more than anything. Yeah. Season three finale of Succession spoiled for me, so I just didn't watch the rest of the show. Right.

And it's like, great, I missed Succession. Like, so that's cool. You can start it now. I missed season two finale of White Lotus. My friend put it on. I was like, wait, I haven't seen any of the season yet. She's like, oh, no worries. Jennifer Coolidge, dad, cool. So that spoiled. So then you're like, I'll watch it. Yeah. I get, like, if something's really scary, I have to Google it and I have to spoil it for myself. Okay. Because I'm sick in the head. Like, with what? Like, Severance. I guess I get obsessed with, like, Severance. I was like, whatever.

I go on like I'm on Reddit. I'm on threads. I just like I love the theory. I love to like that's what I read instead of books. Yeah. I also do like theory. I call it theory. Oh, it's just, you know, it's yeah, it's all up there. Have you ever seen The Leftovers? No.

Really? Oh, my God. Justin Theroux. Oh, I have, actually. Carrie Coon. Yes. Right, White Lotus. That's when you thought of it, right? It's the best. I just watched it because of White Lotus, and it's unbelievable. She's amazing. She comes from the theater. Yeah, she's like Chicago theater vibes. Yeah, exactly. She's like in it, in it, in it. Yeah, Tracy Letts, baby. Who else? What else are you watching? So, Last of Us, Hacks. Um...

Obviously, Love on the Spectrum. I'm the only one not watching Love on the Spectrum. You have to watch Love on the Spectrum. Is it that good? It's like I've never been more emotionally affected by something. Really? I follow everybody. Yeah. Oh, it's like that big. Yeah. We've had like some season ones and twos come to the show and it's really exciting. Really? Yeah. That's always what's so funny about SNL. Like you'll be like, you know, Steven Spielberg. And then you're like, oh my God, it's- Abby. Yeah. Or like, who was that?

Or, yeah, or, like, Ariana Maddox. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, truly. And that's who you guys, like, really freak out over. I think so, yeah. This episode of Therapist is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah!

I am so excited that Booking.com has come back to sponsor us again. They are the greatest, and it is about to be summer. So Booking.com will be more useful than ever. So on Booking.com, you put in where you are staying, what you need. Like, I need it to be walkable. I need a terrace. I need two beds. I need one bed. And they will give you hotels and rooms and vacation rentals. You can also do car rentals. Like, you can really create a well-rounded trip.

on booking.com. As you guys know, like on tour, we would pull up to a city, we would have nowhere booked and we'd be like, what do we do? And then Matt would be like, pull up booking.com just quickly type in exactly what we need and-

we'd have a hotel and I just wouldn't be worried. Like they always help me figure it out. Like for me, I love being able to walk cause I don't drive. And so I, and I also like love to wake up in the morning and walk and explore the city I'm in. So having it be walkable to things is very, very important to me. And so being able to put that in and get a hotel that's walkable to things is like just amazing. So I'm so happy that they're a sponsor of this podcast because I really like, they are truly the best. Like I cannot say,

Like they just make life easier. So thank you booking.com for sponsoring tonight's episode. Book today on the site or in the app. Find exactly what you're booking for at booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Thanks booking.com for sponsoring tonight's episode. It's crazy. What's the starstruck you've ever been? Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep. When did she come? She was at the 50th. Got it. Meryl, I finally got to meet and then we all got COVID and

- From the 50th. - Oh really? It was a super spreader event. - Yeah, but Meryl, the people I knew who got COVID are like me, Meryl. - Kind of iconic. - So I got Meryl's COVID. - Yeah, you got literally Meryl's COVID. - Yeah, I have like Meryl COVID. - That's kind of iconic. - Yeah, and then she came to the show the week later and she went COVID. Yeah, went hi COVID, and I went hi COVID.

Did she come to a lot of SNL tapings? This is a new thing. I've wanted to meet her my entire life. I did my college book report on her at NYU. I wrote like my, a full like freshman year essay on Meryl Streep's bracelet acting. Bracelet acting? She like behavior, like her behavior in the hours she does, she's like dealing with all this like trauma and then she'll just be like, like be like playing with a bracelet. Right. Yeah. So I wrote like a 10 page essay on that.

How do you, that's incredible. Thank you. You should watch, yeah, her like, she'll just do like little. Always and everything she does. And she'll be like, like, like a whore. Like she like, the love of her life is dead. She just like channels it through like necklace acting. Oh yeah, she does it in Devil Wears Prada. Yeah. Which are like hold on. Yeah, like an object. She always finds these like objects and I'm very like fascinated by it. Meryl. Yeah.

That's amazing. Yeah. And she's just lovely. The best in the whole wide world. Oh my God. Well, she's from theater as well. I'm pretty sure she did Yale theater. Yeah, she did Yale. Wow, that's incredible. Oh my God. Okay, last SNL question. What is the most fun you've ever had at an after party? Okay, when RuPaul hosted...

All of the drag queens came out to the after party and we all danced on tables till like five in the morning. Oh my God. And it was also, I think, the first time I'd ever gotten on Weekend Update in my first... You get your first Weekend Update. Right. And I did a bunch of impressions and I was just like, this is the world. Yeah. And a new person would come in and everyone was like...

And we just stayed up all night and it was amazing. That's amazing. Yeah. And do you, cause there's two SNL after parties. I know. Am I allowed to say? Yeah, of course. Are you going to the after after? Yeah, there's the after and then there's the after after. Are you after after? I'm after after. I have never gone. You've never after after? Oh, I've stayed there till 7am. Are you serious? I've gone with like my nieces. I like to be like a cool aunt. They're like your age. Okay. I was like 26.

Well, the after after has a password too, right? And you're always like, shoop. Yeah, you're shoop or something. And it's always like, I just copied. Like razor laser. Sorry. Yeah.

Um, but I once was at an after after and I looked up and it was bright out and I was like, Oh cool. Yeah. But that's cool. Yeah. I'll stay out like on our finale. Like I'll, I'll go really late. But like maybe it was the Billie Eilish one. It was like shoop. And then we went in and I was just like, Oh, well, cause yeah, it's a lot. Yeah. You don't get grossed out by these after afters. No, because you go to people's like house. Sometimes people go to like the pop stars like house. Right. And I hear those stories. Oh, and those are crazy. Yeah. Like they're up out till nine in the morning. That,

Is what I want to get involved in. Yeah. Next time you're there, we need to do it. Yeah. I want a 9 a.m. Dude. And wind up at the house of a pop star. Yeah. Because it's happening to a lot of people on the show. And then they come in on Monday and tell me about it. And I'm like. So, SNL is high school. 100%. 100%. Yeah. It's high school. Yeah. Is doing the weekend update scary? Yeah. Very. Like how. Like what was. What's scary about it? I feel like.

I mean, there's so many of us that the, there's been a handful this year where it's like not the first time that person's done it. So they'll do it at dress rehearsal. It goes great. And then because there's like three people, there's just like all these mouths to feed or I don't, I don't know the reasoning, but there'll be like, sorry, not tonight. And then they have to come back the next week and try and like re kill. So like that's nerve wracking. Yeah.

And bombing out there is horrible. But how do you know if you bomb though? Because the audience doesn't. They're just not laughing that hard. Right. Yeah. And is it like so terrifying because like you're also on national television? A little bit. But you'll never get to the point of being on national television if it didn't kill at like table read or dress rehearsal. Like you're that that is the one part of the show I think that is like very like set up to succeed, which is why they're always really funny. Oh.

Oh, that's, that would make me feel so much more secure. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you're like, it's not going to, they're not going to put it on TV if it's like mid. Right. Sketches on the other hand, who know? Cause you're just, it's less predictable. Right. Yeah. Do you remember a moment where you're like, oh my God, I just bombed? All the time. Really? No, you don't. Yes, of course. Bombing at like the table rate is amazing. Why? Cause I've, cause do you acknowledge it? Are you just like, yeah, yeah. My dream is to like be at work and if it's bombing, just be like, move on.

Yeah, yeah. But, like, no one's ever done that. Right. And just be like, why are we here? Bye. Done. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, Lauren. You know. Right. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, because a sketch is, like...

10 to 12 pages. It was supposed to be 10. Sometimes they're 12. And just to like sit in like deafening silence for 12 pages is the worst experience in the world. Oh, because no one's laughing. No one's. It's almost as worse as your flight you almost had to take, right? No charger, but then someone saved you. I'm obsessed with you. Like seriously, like I really am obsessed that you like. No, because it happened to me.

Well, also, I like I feel for you and like nothing is worse. Well, it was like a cry for help. I got on the plane. What is wrong with that plane? It was Southwest. I never, ever been on Southwest before. Sorry. It's OK. I've never been on Southwest. And I got on and my my manager was like, OK, so when you go on, it's like the Hunger Games. And I was like, what the fuck do you mean? And she was like, are you not a no? I was. You obviously were. I was a.

But like it was like it was like but she was like you have to bolt for your seat. Like you have to go get like get your seat. Like it's like the cornucopia. And I was like oh okay got it. Yeah. So I sat down my phone was at 3%. I thought I was like so one with the world. I was like I'll just charge my phone on the plane. I'm like go in. No I know this is this and then when you're like

And then I was like, oh, my God, there's no charger. So I 3% left. And it was like shooting up like a, what is it? Like an SOS. Oh, an SOS. Yeah. Heroin. And I was like, oh, yeah. No, I shot up heroin. And then I posted about the. Yeah. Wait. And it's. Okay. Did you go to the bathroom? Because you can go into a wet Southwest bathroom.

And usually there is an outlet. What? But you will electrocute yourself. But you can get a little bit of juice. Okay, so I posted on my TikTok, like, please help me. If you don't see me, I love you. Because, like, really, I was like, what? Yeah, you're dying. It's a death. I'm, like, sitting there, like, there's no TV. I don't have a book. My Nintendo's dead. No, we don't read in this house. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Yeah. And my friend wasn't sitting next to me. How long was the flight going to be? It was only 50 minutes. Okay.

But I was freaking out. And then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was like from God. And she was like, hey, I saw your TikTok and I have a portable charger for you. I've gone back in the day and like gone to the flight attendants and be like, please, please. And what do they say? They're like, we can't. Why? Because they're like, if we give it to you, like there goes the neighborhood. Like we should give it to everybody.

Yeah. And I'm like, I'm not afraid to like cry. I went, I'm acting trained. I can cry on command. You can cry on command. Absolutely. How did you learn to do that? Acting school. But how, what are their techniques to teach you to cry on command? You know, we talked about this at work. Do you see the water coming already? Yes. Okay. So one thing that it's like a, it's like from clowning. Okay. Separate story. But basically like you think of yourself as like a balloon and you think of like someone popping your balloon and your chest kind of sinks. Uh-huh.

And like if you feel that sensation of like sinking. I see water in your eyes. Yeah. But you're kind of getting a little bit. I can't. I haven't cried in six years. Oh.

I haven't. I'm on Prozac. I haven't cried. I know, but that's healthy. Should we try to cry? Yeah. Okay, ready? You don't have to think about anything. Or just, it's also like hot in here. Think about your no battery phone. Think about what if you're going to Hawaii and you couldn't charge your phone because you're on like Southwest to Hawaii and there's no Wi-Fi because there's no Wi-Fi when you go to Hawaii because you're over the ocean. Oh my God, I totally forgot that's how you get Wi-Fi in planes. You can't be over the ocean. You can't be over the ocean. Okay, okay. So imagine we're in Hawaii.

I can't cry. It's okay. I see it. There it is. Sinking, sinking. You are. You are. It's not working. It is. It's working for you. I know.

It's amazing. I think I'm just like, I've had a day. I haven't like actually cried. But you have days. Just like lean into the day. No, I've had days too. You have had a day. What do you mean you've had a day? Trying to drive over. I truly, I can't. I mean, there's obviously I'm blessed and I'm grateful to be here, but like nothing gets me more therapist than like wrong turn. And how many wrong turns? LA is. Yeah. And like the 134 is the five is the 101. Like make up your mind. I don't even drive. You know, I don't have the license.

Mm-hmm. So you're Ubering? Every day, three times a day.

I get the same driver sometimes. Are you? Hey, girl. Yeah. I Ubered three to four times a day, every day. Wow. And you don't see, like, I... Okay. There was a period where I, like, really missed New York, and I moved downtown, and I got rid of my car because I was like, I'm just going to be like, it's like, it's New York. It's downtown LA. It's... No, no, no. I know. I know. No. And I Ubered a lot. But then, like, the Axe body spray scent really started to get to me. Yeah. Yeah.

I like know how to. You know that smell. No, I know how to like. And it's distinctly LA. And then there's also like that like cherry alcohol smell. Do you know what I mean? It's just like car fresheners. Right. Oof. I just, my only issue is sometimes I'm not in the mood to talk, but I feel so rude not speaking and not asking how everyone's day was. That's really good. So it's like, I wish I had a car for that reason, but I refuse to use Waymo. Right. No, no, no. Because I'm like that. You'll die. I feel like puts people out of a job. Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. So I'm like, you know, I don't, I do miss that. I want that feeling of driving and singing with no one watching.

I've never had that. I've always been in the car with someone else. I've never been in the car alone. Do you have your license? No, I've never driven. I've driven once. But you have your license. No. So you illegally drove? Like around a parking lot. Oh my gosh. Because before I did this podcast, I was going to do a show where I had different like celebrities teaching me how to drive. That's a great idea. So it's also illegal. Oh. Because like TikTok wouldn't have let me put it up. Right, right, right. And like it

It was a whole to-do, so then I ended up with Therapus. I almost didn't get my license. Really? Yeah, true story. How? My thing was expiring. What is that? Your, not your, like. A passport? No. ID? Permit. Permit. My permit was, like, about to expire, and I was in Oakland, and, like, the only DMV appointment I could get was, like, by the airport, and there were all these, like,

I don't know. I just kept like, like if someone was like crossing the street early in the morning, I would like speed up. Right. I was just like a terrible driver. Right. But I was in my mom's Mini Cooper. Oh, okay. I failed all the tests. And then I was like, no, but like you don't understand. And then she was like, she was like, I didn't think I was going to fit into this car. And it's really cool that I did. Don't tell your mom, but like you need more help. And then she like erased one of the points and I got my license.

True story. That's how you got your license? Yeah, true story. Are you serious? Yeah, because the Mini Cooper isn't as mini as you think. Oh my God. So she was just so hyped to be like, damn, I got in the car. Yeah, but then like three years later when my sister was doing all that stuff, there was a knock at the door for like student driver. And I was like, oh, let me get my sister. And then my family was like, no, it's for you.

So they like ambushed me and made me like retrain. - Why? - 'Cause I'm a horrible driver. - Got it. - It took me an hour and a half to get here when the ETA was 26 minutes. - No, what? - Yeah, true story. - And how did you- - I just made a lot of wrong turns and wound up in Sherman Oaks for a long time.

I love Sherman Oaks. Me too, obsessed. Good sushi, good frozen yogurt. Yep, Sephora. Don't want anything else. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. Sushi and frozen, what more can you ask for, really? Sweet and salty. Yeah, that's it. True story. True story. Yeah. Wait, so can you tell me about the plot of the movie Summer of 69? Because I know it, but I don't know if the pussies know it. Okay, so are the pussies in the camera? Yeah, the pussies are. Or this camera? Am I doing this right? Yeah, this camera. Okay, the plot of Summer of 69 is a high school girl

girl has a crush on like the football player and overhears that he like is really into 69ing and she like doesn't quite know what 69ing is and for whatever reason like hires a stripper to teach her about sex and confidence and I play the stripper. That's so beautiful. Yeah. And the stripper's name is Santa Monica. Yeah. Okay. I

Amazing. And were you a part of the creative process of writing the script at all or were you just cast in it? I've been obsessed with Jillian Bell forever. Like when I was doing Groundlings, she was like on the wall and like. She's amazing. 21, 22 Jump Street, like just the funniest person. And so I knew it was going to be her first time directing. And like I knew we could do improv and stuff. And then like I read the script and it was like, she's so hot and confident. And I was like, I'll play that. Right. Sign me up. But we did like.

The script was one way and Jillian like rewrote it. And then like throughout the summer, we were kind of like rewriting it and tweaking and doing all the fun stuff. What is your, I know this is kind of number one, that sounds incredible. And I'm so excited to see it. Number two, what is your favorite movie of all time? My favorite television show. What's yours? I hear movies, devil wears Prada.

The most or, yeah, Devil Wears Prada. It's like the gayest answer, but it's true. Because I'll always say, like, when I watched that movie when I was a kid, I was like, I will never make the mistake Anne Hathaway made in that movie, and I will always put my work above everything. Wow, I love that. Which isn't the message you're supposed to take from it, but that's what I took. Yeah, no, I get that. I was like, damn, she fumbled that back. Like, she left Paris. Yeah, that's true. Number one movie, Devil Wears Prada, wow. And then my number one TV show is Girls on HBO.

I love, and you're like, I feel like everyone's like rediscovering girls right now. Yep. I literally was like. What did you read? Or were you like watching it? Like when it came out? I watched it when it came out. Obviously I didn't understand. Anything. The gravity of anything. For sure. And then I watched it as a.

24 year olds. Yeah. 23, 24. We were like, this is my truth. And I was like, I was like, oh my God, I feel so seen. I've never felt so seen. Who are you? Who do you identify? Hannah. Yeah. Yeah, really? Yeah. Oh my God. Cause like, okay, interesting. Who do you identify as? Well, obviously in my head, I've always like, it was like with anything, like I wanted to be Jemima Kirk, mermaid, but like I'm,

I'm probably like wired as Shoshana. Right. Okay. Well, Shoshana is the best character. I agree. But I, but yeah, it's kind of like with sex in this, like my friends and I were all virgins watching sex in the city when it came out. And I was like, I am Samantha. Right. Right. Hadn't had sex. Seen a penis. You did bring up your virginity story before we started this podcast. I don't. Yeah. I'm obsessed. Obsessed with it. What is it? My V, my, when I lost my V. Yeah. Um, okay. Um,

Where to begin? This isn't me being creepy, by the way. Like, Chloe literally brought this up. I was like, I'm an hour late. She was literally 10 minutes late. I was 15 minutes late. And she was like, I have a story, a virginity story. And then we just started. And I never really followed up about it. But now I am. I'll tell you mine after. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, cool. Or do you want me to start? Whatever you're more comfortable with.

I kind of want to hear yours because you make me laugh so hard and then I'll be giggly. You make me laugh so hard. And then I'll tell you mine. Okay, okay. Mine is, I was like, fuck, I need to have sex. Like, I'm 22 years old and I haven't, 21. I'm 21 years old and I haven't had sex. Post-college. No, college. And I'm like, this is ridiculous. So I went on Grindr and I'm like, I just need to find someone to have sex with me. Yeah. At this point. Found this 32-year-old guy and I was like, huh.

He seems cute. And then by the information given to me by him, I Google what I find to be someone and it says he's 39, but he's from Johannesburg. And I'm like,

Oh, this doesn't seem like. That's South Africa. Yes. And I'm like, this doesn't seem like the same guy. This guy kind of has like a valley girl accent or American accent. Okay. You know, like he doesn't have a South African accent. Okay. So you're getting like catfishy. Well, no, but like I'm just thinking, oh, it's not the same guy because he wouldn't lie about being 32 instead of 39. So then I go over to his house, don't eat for the entire day. Once you're 39, you lie and say you're 32. Right. And I showed up. He made me a drink and I was like, so where are you from? And he was like, Johannesburg.

how old are you again? And he was like 32. Like, do I look older? And I was like, and in that moment I could have left. And I said, no. And we went upstairs and had sex. Yeah. And then I was like, oh my God, I can't believe I had sex. And I was like, do you have a cigarette? And he's like, did you just ask me for a cigarette? So you could say you smoked a cigarette after sex. And that is my virginity story. Yeah, exactly. And I hit him up again. Well, because I do believe in like the second time. Yeah. My friends and I were obsessed with sex in the city. And,

And, okay, it's kind of a long story. But I'm going to, can I give the pre and then the full? Yes, please. Okay, so the pre story, what my, we're from San Francisco. We were like very like body forward. Like my friends and I, we all bought each other like vibrators. We were like 15. Yeah. And, you know, just like boo. Right. And, okay.

My parents were really lax, and we all decided to get drunk for the first time at my house because, like, my mom wasn't, like, mean about it. And we were always kind of, like, naked. You know, just like that. Right. Like normal. And, like, my mom came downstairs. We were really drunk. I didn't have a top on. And my mom was like, oh, you girls. And then my friend Hannah, like, didn't know where her clit was. And I was like, Hannah, it's me!

And I was like kind of doing like a science lesson. Because I was like, you have to know. Yeah. Like you cannot go through life not knowing. And so we were like so shwasted. And then my friends were like, you need to lose your virginity. And I was like, yeah. And so they called my boyfriend. And then instead of just saying like you have to have sex, like we drunkenly, my best friends were like, you need to go down on her yesterday. Yeah.

up next morning i wake up i like puke everywhere all my friends get in trouble and grounded i didn't because i like told my parents i drank and they're like thank you for your honesty anyway that's side note okay great that's my pre okay i was so worried that that was chaotic yeah so then the next weekend his parents are out of town they're gonna go antiquing because that's like a northern california yeah have you ever got antiquing i now go antique you just like go to like

Honestly, like near here, you can like get an antique, like a furniture. Oh, cool. They were going antiquing. Okay. I don't know why I shared that part. No, it's important to the story. Yeah, they were going antiquing. I mean, I would have wondered where they went. Yeah, they were going antiquing.

And I got like this like hot pink bra and underwear set from Gap Body, which was like new at the time. Gap Body? Yeah, Gap Body was just as hot as Victoria's Secret, but I thought like, you know. Right. So I'm wearing my Gap Body and I go to his house and he's like, my parents are antiquing, but I'm still worried that they might come home. So let's go upstairs. And I was like, what is upstairs? And he was like, well, my grandma used to live here and now it's just like empty and there's a room. And I was like, okay. So we go upstairs and it turns out she had a clock collection. So there were like truly like two...

200 ticking clocks now it's like it's like The Shining it's like an A24 horror movie yeah and like they're like coo coo tick tick tick and everyone's like tick tick tick time to lose your virginity little girl tick tick tick

And then we're, like, making out, and then we go into this room, and there's, like, doilies and, like, old florals, and it's, like, kind of spooky. And then as I'm, like, going to have it happen, and it's, like, ow. Obviously, that's part of it, right? No, yeah. Ow. Yeah, so the ow. And I turn, and there's just, like, a picture of his, like, dead grandma looking at my soul. And she kind of had, like, you know, it was, like, kind of this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like 80s pictures with like the big glasses. Uh-huh. Yeah, so that happened and it was terrible. But then because I had watched so much Sex and the City, I was like, we're doing it again. Right. And so we like walked and got fake handcuffs and then I was like, do me right. That was fast. Yeah. Dang.

All in the same day. All in the same day? Yeah. Oh, that's kind of amazing. And then the Bible fell. And then the Bible fell? Yeah, the Bible fell. We went to his room and the Bible fell. That is so symbolic. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's an amazing story. Thank you. Sorry, I don't mean to scare you, but do you know about the tell me what's wrongs? Yes. Do you do? No, I don't, actually. Okay, okay. I almost lied, but I couldn't in that moment. No, no, I so appreciate the half lie. Yes. But basically, the tell me what's wrongs are the pussies write in and they tell us what's wrong. Okay. Okay.

Great. And we give them advice. Okay. And I feel like there's... Also, before we finish... Yeah. Do you think if I asked you at the end to do an impression of me, you'd be able to? I feel like it would be like...

No. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have to like get. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's this or this. Yes. Loud and. Yeah. Uncomfortable. Like. This is my favorite thing. That I do. Yeah. Do I do that? Yeah. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like

You are. Buckle up. Wait, can I pretend to interview... Before we get into the tell me what's wrongs, can I pretend to interview Drew Barrymore quickly? Okay, quickly. Okay. Only if the fans don't hate it. Do people get mad at you for it? I feel like people are over it, but... I will never be over it. Have you seen this Drew Barrymore impression? Okay, ready? Okay. Hi, Drew. Hi. I'm obsessed with you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Do you love doing your talk show? You know...

Yeah, I really do. It's like I'm like emotional, like talking about it. Right. Do you feel like your whole life has led to it? A hundred percent. It's the most thrilling, beautiful, generous thing I could do. You know, it's the mom and a mother. It's like to the side. That is uncanny. Thank you. That's incredible. Okay. Are you ready for the tell me what's wrong? Yeah, I'm ready.

My friend smells so bad. Brags about not washing her hair or brushing her teeth, and it's embarrassing to bring her out. Her teeth are visibly rotting. No. What do we do? She has to have an intervention.

Right? But she knows it. Does the girl know her teeth are visibly rotting? That I don't know. I have encountered... I'm like, that is like, I cannot. Right. I have had bad breath in my life, not like at me, and I will go and be like, someone needs to handle this. Right. I cannot. I think it is the most...

insult to receive. Not insult, just like criticism. Like your breath smells bad. Like your entire self shuts down. I know. So maybe there's like a, well, have they been like, hey, do you want some gum? Like usually that, that I used to do. Like, do you want some gum? Right. Like you have the resources. Yeah. Like just go to like CVS or whatever. Right. That's crazy. Intervention. Yeah. I'd say, I'd say like start with gum and then be like Listerine.

And like a toothbrush. Yeah. And a shower. Or like have a sleepover and be like, time to brush our teeth. Yeah. Yeah. And if she's like, no, then be like, you have to leave. I forget. Like I will be the first to admit like we end works at like four in the morning, nine in the morning or whatever. Right. And my boyfriend is like, did you brush your teeth?

Right. I hadn't. Sometimes I forget. So like a lot of our relationship is me being like, I brush my teeth. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. I mean, I like I always brush my teeth, but sometimes at night I'm just like, fuck it. And I go to 4 a.m. is hard. Yeah. But I'm doing my hot landlord left me tequila and pastries. Wants to unpack all my movement, moving boxes and keep flirting. He's a dilf. Is this delusional or fate?

I think it's fate. I think it's fate too. 100% pastries. Yeah. And tequila. And packing. You don't have to hire somebody or like, you know. Right. Right.

Whatever. Roadway movers. Right, yeah. That's what everyone does on Instagram. Do they make money? I don't think they do. Every time I see someone move, they're like, thanks, Roadway. And I'm like, what is this company? They can't make money. There's no way they make money. No, and they're not a real company. But I will be needing them if I do. Are you planning on moving? No, I'm not. When are you back in New York? I leave on a red-eye midnight tonight. I leave on a red-eye tonight. Wait, really? Yeah. We should...

Maybe get together this week in New York. I'm around all week. Yeah, I'm around. Wait, should we get a drink? I want to see your place. Please come over. It's cute. I'm proud of it. No, it's so cute. Did you just do like a tour of it somewhere? I did AD like a while ago. Yeah. I saw that. It's gorgeous. Thank you. I have a ton of fun time friends, but none I'm emotionally compatible with. Am I wrong for feeling disconnected from people I party with?

No, I think it's just... Fun time, that's just party. That's not a sex term. Yeah, I think it's fine to have friends that are just going out friends. Yeah, I think so, for sure. It's super normal. That's also like all of college. Right, and it's like...

almost like so much better when you realize like, oh, I like going out with these people and I like spending time staying in with these people. Totally. You can't always like have a 360 friend. I agree. I have a lot of, like some of my closest friends aren't like, we're going to go dance. Right. They're like, let's chill at home. Yeah. And that's totally fine. Like you have different friends for different situations. Totally. My friends, uh,

The therapist told her she needs different buckets of guys and like that's what I would describe it. Oh, that's interesting. Buckets of friends. Yeah. Yeah. You need different friends for different things. Yeah. I mean like if you hit the lottery and like you like you got a 360 and they like staying in, they like going out, all the things but like that's not always the case and like you can have different friends for different things. But it's like the 360 is like your best friend. Yeah. Yeah. And you, I'm sure this person has that. Yeah. And like emotionally compatible like

Yeah, okay, then maybe... I don't know what they mean by... That feels like dating. Yeah, I don't know what they mean by emotionally compatible. That's, like, too much. Well, maybe they're saying, like, they don't... Their friends that they actually like spending time with don't like to go out. Oh. I don't really know. I have that. You'll find... Going out friends, they come and they go. You find a new one. Yeah. You know, like, you'll get it. Totally. It's like dating. Yeah. Yeah. My best friend of eight years gave the guy I was seeing a special...

If you know what I mean, under a blanket. A handjob? Must be. A special ending? Like, that must be. Just say it. While I was sitting next to them, I just found out three years later. Oh, my God. It's the end of friendship. Yeah. Right? That girl's crazy. That's a crazy person. That's sociopathic. Yeah, 100%. Have you ever had a girlfriend that's, like, broken girl code like that? Yeah. Okay, I don't know if this is, like, known to you, but there's, like, a clown scene in L.A.,

- What? - Yeah, like people who are like bad at improv get into like clowning. At least this is like the east side. - Wait, so what do you mean clowning? - There was like a big clown scene in LA. Like it was like for like people who like kind of did stand up, kind of did improv and then there was like clown.

Okay. No, like alt comedy. Like very alt comedy. Like miming? No, like it was kind of like raunchy and like sort of like fucking with the audience. Right. Prior to me getting on the show, I was like in the clown thing. Got it.

Got it. And I had a crush on my teacher, my clown teacher, because he was, like, very in his body. And I was like, I feel like he'll be good in bed. 100%. He's like a clown. Yeah. And then I had these other clown friends. Anyway, cut to a couple days later, he, like, messaged me on Facebook. And I was like, that's weird. And he was like, I lost my phone. Can I come over? I also left my jacket. And I was like, okay. I guess we want to, like, you know, again or whatever. And then he came over in a wife beater. I don't think you're allowed to say that word anymore. Okay.

He was in a tank top. Yeah. He had just been auditioning for Cirque du Soleil China. True story. Uh-huh. And basically was like, I hooked up with someone else in the community. And you had already been hooking up with this guy. Yeah. And I was like, the clown community? Basically my friend sucked this clown guy's dick, but now they're married and they live in Vegas and I truly think they do Cirque du Soleil.

But I obviously haven't let it down. And you're not back there anymore? No, not at all. And then I was like, I think I'm going to go after SNL. And then, yeah. Everything happens for a reason. It's true. I need to see this clown community. Yeah, it's like, I feel like I'll send you comedians who are like clowny. What's the point though? Like you get up there and you're like, what do you do? It's like a different way of like liking.

Like, I think clown. I did go to clown school last year. Side note. Okay. Amazing. Casual. Yeah. I'm weird. Sorry. I went in January. It's like kind of fabulous. Julia Garner went to the same clown school. Did she? Julia Garner went to clown school? Yeah. In France. Okay. It's like a thing. Yeah. But you learn that like clown school teaches you. You like come out and I like try and make you laugh. And if you're not laughing, it's like you learn about the audience. Like a lot of comedians come out and they're like, no.

And they aren't aware of like what the audience is, how the audience is responding. And clown is like, oh, they're not laughing. Well, I bombed. Let me try something else. And then it's like that kind of style.

So it's like yoga. I'm surprised Hacks hasn't like explored clowns. So it's like yoga for comedians. Kind of. Yeah. It's like being a more present comedian. Got it. And less self-involved and more like I'm performing for you. Do you like it? Right. It's like practicing mindfulness in comedy. In comedy. Yeah. Honestly. Yeah. Okay. Amazing. Yeah. I made out with my Uber driver. Now he's offering me free rides but keeps asking to hang out. I need the rides but not the kisses. What do I do? Oh my God.

You need the rides, but not the... How much kisses? Right. Is it, like... Could you just do, like, a little kiss? Like... Well, like, it depends also how far the ride is. Right. It's like, you know, like... That's, like... I mean, that's, like, a lot of money. Right. Like... Yeah. I mean, I...

I mean, if you made out with him, like, do you think he's hot? Yeah. I feel like you're into it. Like, it's like, it's like if a task rabbit came over. I dream. Right? I'm just like us, like I ain't. And then it's like. I had a task rabbit phase. Not that I ever hooked up with them. Oh, okay. But I kept like hiring task rabbits with the hope. Really? Yeah. Did you? My, my dream used to be to hook up with my teacher. It never happened. I never really had a teacher. There was one. And I was obsessed with him. Oh my God. Still to this day. If I saw him. Really? I dropped my pants like.

I like this. Like truly, truly. Wow. But yeah, I don't think you need to make out with him again for a free ride. Like I would just call an Uber. Yeah, I agree. Because if it's like five minutes, what's the point? I agree. But if it's a long ride and you're like, damn, like. It depends on how much you have to, if it's just like. Yeah. That's fine. Right. It's like French.

My coworker just told me he's having an affair with another coworker who is married. What do I even do with that info? Stay out. Stay out. Stay out. Stay out. Yeah. Like my instinct is always to get involved. Right. And now that I've gotten a little older and not wiser, stay out. Right. My mom was always like, stay out of people's relationships. Yeah. None of your business. That's what all my friends say. Tell them to watch The Other Woman, which I prescribed a million times on this show, but I prescribed The Other Woman.

But like stay out. Stay out. And then yell at your friend for putting you in that position. 100%. You shouldn't even like know about it. Right. That's their own chaos. Right. I thought I met the love of my life at college. We dated, broke up, and have gone no contact. But a year later, I still think about him every single day. How do I cope? Well, I prescribed the movie How to Be Single, which I've never seen in full, but I know that that's what it's about. But you know that that's a prescription. Yeah. I know that that's what it's about.

Okay. Interesting. I like these prescriptions. My roommate, when I moved to LA, would always prescribe Men Love Bitches. Do you know that book? Real Men Love Bitches. Oh. Yeah. But I think it's kind of the same idea of like, do you. Like, focus on you. Build you. Right. Thrive. Girl boss. Girl boss, she boss, she thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I was never over my first love. Really? I don't think I ever fully will be. When did you date your first love? 17 to like 22. You met in college? Pre, actually 16 to 22. Oh, so you long distanced in college. Yeah. He was from Philly. I was from here. And you broke up with who? I probably broke up with him first and he broke up with me.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. There's some loves you just never get over. No, I think your first love is like always a thing. And that's just something we all know. You'll find someone else. I have my different. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. But I think like a lot of it is like, just like focus on yourself. Right. Yeah. Focus on it. Yeah. And have good friends.

And have great friends. Yeah. And I just like tried to one up you with the great comments. Have great friends. I'm so sorry. Have the best friends. Yeah. Or watch also Someone Great. What's that? You've never seen Someone Great? No. I think Gina Rodriguez is in it. Oh. It's amazing. You have to watch Someone Great. Okay. But she breaks up with like the love of her life and like finds herself. Yeah, yeah. I got like a Pilates addiction. Oh, you did? Yeah. Okay. When we broke up. Yeah.

I met this guy at a party and he brought me back to his apartment. We hooked up and he paused to play his quote sexy playlist. A couple minutes pass and he says, do you like this song? And I'm like, sure. Then he laughs and tells me it's his. Like, ick, immediately. Ew. He keeps hitting me up. Help. Oof, I hate that.

Just like don't see him again. Yeah. No. Get out of it. That's I don't have any other words for that. No. Also like sexy playlet. Like come on. Right. I get the egg when people do that. I do too. Like I don't want to know if I want to do that right now. I know. Last one. Okay. I'm 28 and I'm in love with a married man. He talks to me every day and says if I want kids he might be divorced by then and if not he'll ask his wife about it. What the hell should I do? Stay in this or get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out but I get it girl.

I got it. I'm, I got it. But like, yeah, no, I, yeah, yeah. Do they have kids? No, I think he may be, but he was like, he says he'll ask his wife. I don't know if that, I would get out, but like, get out.

I guess like for me, I'm always like, cause I'll always have little crushes from when I was a kid. Like actually I ran into my camp crush this weekend. Really? Speaking of camp. Yeah. Yeah. I had her like on my wall. Yeah. I don't know what I want to say. You ran into your camp crush. Yeah. But I think like, I think like once there's kids, it's like, ugh, get out. Right. Get out. And if he's married too, it's like. Unless you feel born to be a stepmom, which I do have that like in me. I know that. Right. But I'm just not ready for it. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, Chloe, what did we learn today?

that I need to see this Gina Rodriguez movie. Yes, you need to see someone great. We learned that you have strip potential because you're in your body. Am I in my body? I feel like super out of my body. No, you're an amazing dancer. Thank you so much. And we learned that we both learned about each other's virginity, which is cool. I loved your virginity story. And I loved your virginity story. Thank you. Yours was so much better though. But you had an accent, which is like props. Right, thanks. And I also learned that

We're going to get a drink this week in New York. Yes, we are. Yes. Well, Chloe, thank you so much for coming on Therapist. Of course. Do you want to give a little bye, pussies? Bye, pussies. Bye, pussies. Bye.