86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. I found my love in Portofino. Portofino, Portofino.

I found my love. Now, if you know that song about, if you know Dahlia, whatever her name is, Dalida. I found my love in Portofino. Guys, what are we sipping on this morning? First of all, welcome back to the Berserk Report. Second of all, check out this Coca-Cola can mug. The bounds of human innovation. We really hit it with this one. We really did it with this one.

Mm-mm. Now, what's in there, you may be asking? A little bit of lead, a little bit of cyanide, right? I'm trying to do this thing where I'm doing small doses. You got to work yourself up. Every morning, I take a capsule of lead, a capsule of Red 40, a capsule of microplastics, and a capsule of cyanide because apparently cyanide is in tampons.

Right? What are we talking about there? And why is that? Why is that even? Why is there cyanide in tampons? So I made that up. Arsenic. Now see, sometimes I get arsenic confused with arsenists. And I was like, surely that's not it. It's arsenic. Sorry. I'll be taking an arsenic pill every morning.

Arsenic and tampons. Arsenic is a naturally occurring element that can be present in soil, water, and plants. It is believed that arsenic may enter tampons through the cotton or rayon used in their production.

Studies have detected arsenic levels in tampons ranging from 0.002 to 0.035 nanograms per gram. These levels are generally considered low, but they're still higher than the maximum allowable level of arsenic in drinking water. Yay! The long-term health effects of exposure to low levels of arsenic through tampons are not well known. However, arsenic is a known carcinogen, yay, and can cause a variety of health problems, including skin lesions, cancer, and cardiovascular disease.

Awesome. If you are concerned about the presence of arsenic in tampons, consider using organic or bamboo tampons, which may have lower levels of arsenic, but never free of it, right? Never truly free.

Choose tampons made from materials that are not bleached or treated with chemicals. Wash your hands before and after inserting. Yeah, we get that. Here's my thing, though, is even things that are sold as organic or marketed as organic or sustainable or all this shit, who's to really say? And of course, there are measuring techniques to measure a company's sustainability.

It's actually called a CSR, a commercial sustainability report, consumer sustainability report, CSR. Corporate social responsibility. Well, I was in the world. I was on the planet, but I wasn't in the city, okay? Corporate social responsibility is based on the idea that businesses have a duty to society beyond making profits.

These practices should include being transparent and ethical and complying with laws and international norms. To that point, to that point. I've talked about greenwashing on here before where companies, specifically car companies, just to highlight one, will do this thing where they'll put a little green leaf next to an option or planes do it too. Like, we're going carbon free by, hey, no, you're not.

And also, that's not going to fix anything. It's a step in the right direction. It's not going to fix anything. Maybe I'm just being doom and gloom today. I don't fucking know. But CSR was my introduction to, oh, everyone's lying to you. When we studied this in college, I was like, oh, I've just sort of been lied to. And how naive to trust that these brands who want me to buy their product would be telling me the truth about what they're doing with my money.

You know what I mean? That's on me, actually. That's on me for being naive and trusting a corporation. And to that point, saw this TikTok the other day, not to get political, saw this TikTok the other day that said, why are we treating the US government like a business? Because if there is one thing that we know to be true about businesses is they don't care about the consumer.

And also, I'm not a consumer. I'm a citizen. I have rights. You know what I mean? I'm not just... Anyway, saw that and I was like, it's so fucking true. It's so fucking true. She's spitting. That is so true. Okay, let's move on. I don't know why the fuck I was talking about... Oh, I had to talk about my little Coke can. Okay, let's get into the serious shit. You may be wondering...

"Brittany, did you go to the New York City Ballet? "Brittany, I just had this feeling that you went "to the New York City Ballet. "I wanna put all of your worries to ease." I did go to the New York City Ballet, and I did actually buy this beautiful blouse, this beautiful sweatshirt that has all the positions, okay? First position, second position, fifth position.

And you dirty gutter-minded bitches are not, I'm not talking about sexual positions. I'm not talking about Eusexua by FKA Twigs, which by the way, that album is crazy. That album's crazy. Sometimes I'll get super high and listen to it and I get scared. Sometimes I get high, listen to FKA Twigs and get scared. But it's all love. It's all in a good way. Sometimes it's just a bit too much for me when I'm in that mental state.

I tried to get high and listen to Sleep Token the other day, almost had a fucking panic attack. Damn near had to take myself to the hospital. So don't do that. I like to reserve, you know, Still Woozy and sports, the band sports and California Honey Drops for those sort of scenarios. They make just great, oh, who's another one?

♪ I can't have you ♪ ♪ I can't have you ♪ Who sings that? Disco Surf, Disco, Disco, Surf Curse. The song is "Disco" by Surf Curse. ♪ And I can't have you ♪ That song, look, if you have the means

If you're in a state where it's deemed safe and doable, go ahead, pop a little Eddie for me and listen to this song and just close your eyes and dance. When was the last time you bitches had just danced? Just with reckless abandon, just close your eyes and dance in the kitchen. Have you done that? Have you thought about Dancing to Disco by Surf Curse? Release date 2019. Just close your eyes and dance around for a second.

Might help. Look, it's not going to fix it, but it might help. Now, back to Eusexua. Yeah, that kind of freaks me out sometimes because she is, and I know this to be true, a goddess locked in human form. Do you remember from Pirates of the Caribbean? Calypso.

How she was like a goddess and she was trapped in a human body and her and Davy Jones had been lovers and they had been torn apart. That's, I imagine FKA Twigs, her energy and her being is too divine and it is too sacred. And I think her creativity is just like, she is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of us.

Someone put a curse on her and trapped her in human form. And I'd like to get to the bottom of that. So we're going to get the Broski Nation research team on that really quick. And we'll get back. We'll give you progress and updates as they come in. Back to the ballet. How the fuck did I get started talking about that? I went to the New York City Ballet. You hear all the mucus in my throat?

So me and Stanley went and it was in the Lincoln Center, the Lincoln, the David H. Cock Theater. Of course, of course, me and bro went to the Cock Theater. Yeah, he loves that one. He loves that theater. It's his favorite theater. So we went and first of all, super busy, completely sold out.

which is so heartwarming. And there's a part B to what I'm about to say. Actually, I'm going to address that first, and then I'm going to get into the part A. There is clearly, when it comes to the arts, like Broadway, any live play that's in a professional capacity, any musical, any ballet, any opera, things like this that are live performance theater, there is a barrier to entry.

These tickets were so expensive, and it really just-- I don't know when this happened. Because I remember going to see, like, Lion King the musical with my mom in middle school and being blown away. We were pretty close up. And I can't imagine they were that expensive of tickets, you know what I mean? 'Cause that had to be, like, 2009, 2010.

These fucking ballet tickets, one ticket was $250. What are you talking about? All of this ties into the monopoly that Live Nation and Ticketmaster have on literally everything, how that form of art should not be gatekept because of finances. It actually enrages me. Like, it actually makes me so upset that you cannot...

spend $40 on a ticket to go see a ballet. And that may spark something in you that

you would never otherwise know. Like, there is a barrier to entry on the arts, and it's something that really, really bothers me. It's just been something I've been thinking about. And thank fuck for YouTube and all these things where you can see some of these most famous ballerinas in the world from Russia or France or London, wherever, and you can watch their variations and you can watch their performances in live, like, 4K, and

But nothing beats watching it in person and hearing the tap of the pointe shoe box on the stage and seeing the makeup and the sweat and remembering that these people, they're doing it right there and they do it every single day. They do it sometimes multiple times a day,

I mean, it's just, it's psychotic. And also Swan Lake, it's the same ballerina that dances for Odette and Odile. It is nuts. It's nuts to me. Me just marveling at like live performance. It's crazy that they do it right there. It's not even on YouTube on my phone. It was fantastic. I cannot, like, I just don't, I was so excited and the excitement did not stop. Afterward, I was like, and Stanley kept asking me all these questions.

Sorry, my mouth is watering crazy right now. I'm trying this new Red Bull flavor and it's kind of making my throat close up. Strawberry apricot? Like, my throat's kind of closing up. It's kind of... Maybe we might need to take a break. Yeah, not loving this flavor. Me looking at the thing like it's... I can read it. It's just my Coke mug. Yeah, strawberry apricot Red Bull. I don't know what you put in there. It's anti-Britney venom. You put anti-Britney venom in there because you know I flock.

I flock to Red Bull like a snake to a rodent. You put Red Bull within a 10-mile radius of me, I'm going to sniff it out and I'm going to sink my teeth into it. This, I don't know, man, my tonsils are kind of swelling. I don't know what you're doing. What's going on with strawberry apricot, team? See, this is what I get for straying from blueberry. Blueberry is my go-to. It's my tried and true. I know it well. I know the effects. It's almost a part of me.

You know, I've got however many arteries coming out of my heart. There's a fifth one. Aren't there four? There's a fifth one there. And that's just sort of straight Red Bull up to the heart. And it just... I'm like Iron Man. I'm like Iron Man in Iron Man 2 when he creates that new element. He discovers that new element. And they're running tests on it. And he goes, tastes like coconut and metal. Ha ha ha ha!

And if you've seen Iron Man 2, you know it was a great impression. It was a great impression. Y'all don't get me. God, I'm leaking. My tonsils are swelling up. My nose is running. I'm drooling. Fuck! Okay.

Like I was saying, in Iron Man 2, and he discovers that new element, and he's like, he puts it into the arc reactor in his chest, which of course is a part of him because it's magnetically keeping the shrapnel from going to his heart. Are you guys keeping up? Because when there was that bomb blast in Iron Man 1, which was, and not to get too deep into Iron Man, because I will, because remember Tony Stark goes out to the desert,

in the Middle East to go see what Stark Industries weapons, to give a weapons display, right? An exhibition of what the new Stark Industries weapons of mass destruction can do. And he is getting a contract with the US government. Well, of course it goes wrong. And of course there's other things at work, but he watches in a very like dramatic hyper-political scene, he watches the same weapons that he designed to attack

kill and maim foreign humans, kill American servicemen. And he has this full circle moment of like, I'm part of the problem, right? And so therefore, from then on out, when he gets back to the US, everything's fine. Sorry if I'm ruining the plot. It came out in 2008. Fucking watch it, maybe. When he gets back to the US, he immediately gets this press conference. He gives a press conference where all these reporters are there and

He completely uproots and remolds the mission statement of Stark Industries to be that they are going to be focusing on scientific research. They are no longer going to be creating these weapons of mass destruction because he's seen firsthand the ripple effect, right? And now how ridiculous is that? That you have to be over there and be personally affected by it to realize...

I'm aiding the war effort. Negative connotation, right? Anyway, Iron Man, love that movie, great movie. Now in the bomb blast, part of the whole thing is when he's giving this crazy Stark Industries weapons display, something explodes and he's in the splash zone, so to speak.

He gets riddled with shrapnel. And someone takes him in as sort of like prisoner of war type of thing, realize he's a scientist, and they want him to recreate a missile. And in the meantime, because he's my goat, because he's Tony Stark, he's my goat, he creates the Iron Man suit.

which is this prototype with the help of the scientists that saved his life. And thus we have Iron Man. So he gets out, he goes back home, he escapes and he starts making, you know, Mach two, Mach three, Mach four. And that's how we end up with the red and gold Iron Man suit. Now the integral part of Iron Man is that that scientist that was in the cave with Tony, uh,

puts this arc reactor in his chest, and it's a magnet. It's an electromagnet that keeps the shrapnel from going to his heart. It suspends it. And he realizes that this is something he's going to have to deal with. And so when in Iron Man 2, stay with me, in Iron Man 2, his blood toxicity is increasing.

So he recognizes his conditions getting worse. He starts really doing some self-destructive behavior because he knows that he's dying. He knows that he's dying and there are tonics and things like this that he's created to quell the symptoms. But ultimately, his blood is being poisoned and he is dying because of all the metal in his body. Towards the end, he discovers slash death.

Yeah, he doesn't invent. He rediscovers an element that his dad had actually made a sort of prototype for back in the 40s, 50s, 60s. And he discovers it because Howard Stark left behind all of these things for him to use as tools to finish. Because, of course, he was limited by the technology of his time. And he knew that Tony...

Being his son and being a genius would be able to complete the plans that Howard put in place You know 80 years ago, so he does discovers this new element and it completely fixes the shit going on with whatever and then in Iron Man 3 of course he gets the arc reactor taken out Now any questions for me about the plot of Iron Man? Anyway

While in Iron Man 2, when he's testing that new thing, that's what I was likening it to, is this new Red Bull flavor. I'm not liking it, okay? Tastes like coconut and metal. That's, it's what I, I was juicing up this morning. And it comes out of my chest. The arc reactor beam comes out of my chest. That's how I feel on this podcast. You give me one and a half Red Bulls. Oh, and mind you, I did have an espresso this morning as well. I'm realizing that I'm,

It's not really sustainable, what I'm doing. Because I have to come in this room juiced the fuck up. And usually I am. Usually about 85% of the time on this podcast, the juice is flowing. And by juice, I do not mean liquor. I mean strawberry apricot Red Bull that makes my throat close up. Okay.

Anyway, let's move on. This episode is sponsored by SeatGeek. It's a new year. It's time to leave the house. And I have the perfect suggestion for how. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There's more than 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more. So many artists are going on tour, and you can get tickets to Kendrick Lamar and SZA, The Weeknd, Beyonce, and more.

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That's 10% off any tickets with promo code Broski2025. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thanks, SeatGeek. This episode is sponsored by Tinder. Did you hear a recent study found that 80% of women find having a hobby sexy? Imagine that, someone having personal interests and passions. Different.

Different people find different hobbies attractive. For some people, it's cooking or reading or rock climbing. Mine is straight men who watch the Broski Report. All four of them. Now, alternatively, if your whole personality is crypto, yeah, you're going to need to show us something else before you show us that profile. The judges are asking for some diversity. But here's what's fascinating. Pottery and plant parents are having a moment.

Something about someone who can nurture things and create with their hands. It's very primal in me. And don't sleep on the unexpected ones like woodworking. Build me a book nook. How about a birdhouse? Now, let me share some insider tips for showing off your hobbies on Tinder. First rule, action shots over gym or car selfies. Show yourself actually doing the thing you love, not looking like a psycho freak.

Your bio is also prime real estate. Instead of just listing hobbies, make them conversation starters. Try looking for someone to try my experimental eggplant brownie recipe. That hits a little different than, I like cooking. And when you match, your hobbies are literally the perfect conversation starter. Trust me, talking about something you're passionate about is way more interesting than, hey.

Tinder is perfect for showing off who you are through your interests. It's not just about looks. It's about finding someone who vibes with your hobby. Explore all the possibilities for yourself. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download the app today. Back to the ballet. Back to the ballet. Saw Swan Lake.

Now, for anyone who has not seen Barbie and Swan Lake, go watch this. Pause this. Pause this episode right now. Go watch Barbie and Swan Lake. I don't give a fuck if you're driving. I don't give a fuck if you're at work. I want to see an extra monitor pulled up with Barbie and Swan Lake now. Go watch it and then report back. So for those of you cultured citizens who have seen Barbie and Swan Lake, and shout out to my sister because that's one of our favorite movies.

That movie honestly did a fantastic job of telling the plot of Swan Lake. Because think about it, ballet, there's no dialogue. It's a lot of this, okay? It's a lot of signaling and no, and heart, and want, okay? It's all miming. There's no words, there's no dialogue, there's no mouthing.

It's hard to tell a story that way. You are genuinely telling a story through the classical music accompaniment and the dance. It's hard. And set design and all that, you know, whatever. Yeah, okay. You fucking bitches. I know. I know.

I feel the need to qualify every single statement I make because people in the comments are going to be like, "Well, actually, part of what goes in this right now--" Shut up! I feel like HRH Collection sometimes. There's a little bug in the back of my brain that's like, "I can predict. I'm six steps ahead." Right? I know what people are going to be mad about. Because I didn't say the stage design is also a vital part of ballet. Fuck ever. Okay.

Swan Lake, if you've seen Barbie and Swan Lake, very, very accurate telling of the plot line of Swan Lake. So essentially, I'm going to do this from memory, and then we're going to fact check it on Wikipedia, okay? And is Wikipedia reliable? No, it's not reliable, but it's all we have. It's all I feel, let me be honest, it's all I feel like referencing at this point in time, okay? So Swan Lake is about...

a young woman who is cursed by a sorcerer into becoming a swan. And she's only human for a few hours at a time. Other than that, she's a swan on the lake.

Simultaneously, there is a prince. He is the queen's son, and it's his name day. It's his birthday. And it's about time for him to select a wife. He doesn't want to do that. They bring six maidens in front of him. They all do a crazy little dance for him. He's not fucking with it. He is not rocking with the six maidens.

For his birthday, his mom, the queen, gives him a crossbow. Okay, loves the crossbow. Him and the boys are going to go out and hunt. So they take the crossbow. He's like, fuck all this party. I know there's a bunch of bad bitches in the throne room. Don't care. I want to go be with my boys. Gay, right?

Him and his friends go out and go into the woods for a hunt. They go on the hunt with this beautiful golden crossbow. And as he's about to, boom, shoot a swan, which first of all, why are you shooting? Are you eating swan meat? What the fuck?

Why would you shoot a swan? Oh, the most majestic creature probably to ever live. Yeah, let me gun it down. Gotta get that barbecue swan meat. Yeah, just the pulled swan meat for me. Yeah, on a brioche bun. Thank you so much. Can I get a side of waffle fries with the swan meat? Oh, you're out of swan? Fuck. All right, we're gonna go somewhere else. Swan meat? Leg-o-swan. What do swan legs look like? Swan legs.

Oh, there's absolutely no meat on that. But that's not a swan. That's a swan. Goofy all legs. Goofy all legs, bruh. That is so... It's just tendons. No meat on the swan bone. I wonder what that feels like on the hand. Like if you were to grab a swan by the legs, would it be rubbery? What does a duck foot look feel like?

Is it rubbery or is it like a dolphin skin? You know, where it's kind of like smooth and shiny? Or, because they've got to have some grip on there, right? Also, I'm seeing some crazy talon action. What the fuck? Swans have talons? Oh my God, swans are dinosaurs. That's a dinosaur. What? There's talons. Do swans have talons? What the fuck? Relaxed webbed foot of a mute swan. Hind toe claws can scratch.

Swans have claws that can scratch. Why is no one talking about the fact that a swan's foot is called the webbed or palmated feet of birds can be categorized into several types. Palmate, only the anterior digits are joined by webbing, found in ducks, geese, and swans. Gulls and terns.

and other aquatic birds, ox, flamingos, fulmars, jaguars, loons, petrels, shearwaters, and skimmers. Birds are crazy. But you aren't just so pretty. They're pretty, but they've got razor-sharp, banshee-like talons and claws. Knee, hip, ankle. Why? Oh, God, that is just beautiful, though, isn't it? Look at that wing.

It's like an angel wing. Do you think the modern understanding and depiction of angel wings is based on swan wings? Where do angel wings come from? Angel wings are a symbolic representation of qualities like guidance, protection, and purity. Okay, anyway, back to the prince. Prince is on the hunt. Aims the crossbow at the swan.

Before he can do that, "Stop! It's a woman!" Okay? He goes and dances with the woman because she is beautiful, stunning, the most gorgeous creature he has ever seen. They dance in the wood. And it's a beautiful-- It's a "pas de deux." "Pas de deux." Two. Two people dancing together. "Pas de deux." "Deux." "Un, deux." "Pas de deux."

We have got to get a linguistic guy just sitting in the corner in here. Who's just a polyglot who speaks every language for every time I have a question, I can just be like, right? Anyway, now hiring. If anyone is a polyglot, go ahead and let me know. We can just zoom you in. Anyway, they dance. It's wonderful. And then she has to go because she turns back into a swan at night. Okay.

Well, he returns to the castle. Oh, he's in love. He's sar, sar, sar in love. And they promise each other that they're each other's only ones. They're in love, whatever. And also it pays to mention now that

that the only way to break the sorcerer's curse is true love. Duh! Duh! Is it your first day on planet Earth? Yeah! True love's kiss. Anyway, opening of act two is another birthday celebration for my young boy. Another birthday celebration for bruh. Bruh is, again, dancing with all these maidens. Who gives a fuck? He's thinking about Odette.

And there's all these... Actually, the top of Act II is really fun because all these different countries or cultures, so to speak, come in and do a little jig for the prince and the queen. And they incorporate... I was trying to... Me and Stanley were like, who is who? There was a Spanish one. There was like a Russian one. There was a German one. There was...

Oh, there was like an arabesque one. Really gorgeous. And they do all these and they're all in their like respective little outfits. And it was so much fun. And the music is so good. So that's kind of a breakup of the... Because that music is so, it's so heart-wrenching. And it's so like dramatic or whatever. And then the top of Act 2 was like...

They have tambourines. Anyway, so at this little ball, right? Rothgart, Rothbart, Von Rothbart, the sorcerer, okay? The sorcerer who cursed Odette. He's off number one. He comes in in disguise with his daughter named Odile. Now, Odile is dressed just like Odette, but in all black.

Well, the dumbass, stupidass prince thinks that that's his woman. So they start dancing together. Oh, they're so in love. Oh, they kiss. Oh, they're, well, I just miss you so much. You want to be my girlfriend? Yes, I'm going to be the king. Okay. They are betrothed. Then during the ball, a vision of Odette appears above the throne room.

And it's her dancing like this, okay, because she's the swan and her wings, brah, her wings. And he sees the vision and realizes what he's done. This is not Odette. Shorty is not Odette.

And so he runs, he flees from the building. He knows what he has to do. Oh, he's going to apologize to Odette. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How can I do that? I did not know it was you. I did not know it was not you. Okay, I saw another baddie and she was dancing with me. Pas de deux, pas de deux, and I didn't know. So he runs back into the forest. They start fighting.

Yeah, they dance together for a second, and Odette and all her little swan girls are just mourning. They're lamenting. And it's actually so cute because the swans protect her when the prince comes around, and when Von Rothbart comes around, they protect her for a second. And then, of course, the prince and her find each other. They do a little dance. They're in mourning. And then Rothbart comes out. They all start fighting. They're fighting. They're fighting. They're fighting.

And then towards the end, and this is the fun part about Swan Lake, is different companies do different endings, which is, I think, fun and slay. It's kind of like that episode of SpongeBob when you had the DVD where you could pick your own ending. The Flying Dutchman episode, hello, does anyone get me? Remember you could pick your own ending where one of them, like Patrick was in that fruit smoothie, another one was, do y'all remember that? I had that DVD. Anyway.

It's very much that. And so some iterations will have Odette and Prince, I think his name is Siegfried, up on this hill, this cliff. And they know that the only way to break the curse is they have to die. One of them has to die, right? Because she can never be free because he picked Odile.

And so she jumps. She jumps from the cliff and Siegfried follows her. And that's the end. This one we went to, the end was, it was beautiful. I just got a chill thinking about it. There is this light coming from stage left. It's just this like big spotlight.

And it's very minimal lights above the dancers. And it's almost this godly, omnipotent light. And the swans form a line around Odette. And her and the prince embrace one last time. And then she does that crazy, like, where it looks like they're floating across the stage. They're like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do with their little feet. And she does it backwards, and she's doing her hands like this. Ah!

"Oh, I love Slahtlik!" And she just disappears into the light and she's smiling and she waves him goodbye and then of course he's heartbroken, devastated, and then it ends. So she had died.

So good. It's so good. And there's also this move that they all do. They all. It's Odette and Odile. And some of the backup swans. Where they do their hands like this in front of them. And that's to represent the dying swan. They also do this crazy move where I was like, it looks like a swan. They do this crazy move where it looks like.

It looks like when swans like sort of fly and then like get in the water and just sort of coast. You guys, you guys just don't. Okay.

You know, where when birds flap and then they get in the water and then they kind of like float on the water. They would do a dance move that looked like that, where they would do this and then they would like hop on one leg and it looked like they had hit the water and they were just coasting along the water. I'm picking up on this shit. I'm watching, that looks like a swan. Yeah, that looks like a swan in a lake. Yeah, yeah. I kept hitting, I get it, I get it. I get it, because they're swans.

Stanley, okay, so here's a... I'm talking the whole time narrating it. Okay, so that's actually called a fouette and she did 32 of them. I did say that. I leaned over and I said, she's about to do 32 fouettes. Fouettes are spins with your leg up in the air and it's completely balanced and you spin around and you get back on point every single time. She does it 32 times in a row. Also, Tchaikovsky did the... He composed the music for Swan Lake and for...

the other two famous ones, Nutcracker and the third one. And that music that the 32 Fuentes are to, oh my God, go watch it. Go watch Swan Lake 32 Fuentes compilation on YouTube. It is gag. How the fuck? Also to practice that,

You have to be really careful not to let one of your legs become more powerful or muscular than the other, especially for any combinations that require spinning around the stage. I forget what that's called. You're spinning around the whole stage really quickly, and it's on one leg that you do the actual spin on, but you're on two. Okay, hello.

That, how can you not just like, your right leg is roided up, just like rippling with muscle. And then your left leg is a little noodle. Like, how is it not that? It really takes so much behind the scenes, obviously rehearsals and practice, but these people are athletes. They are athletes, bruh. I'm telling you, it is so impressive. And then they look pretty. They look pretty while they do it.

I literally went home that night and I said, this is going to take over. And did I email a local dance company around my neighborhood? Yeah, I did.

Yeah, I did. To do an adult ballet class? Yeah, I did. Because I had a moment of just blissful inspiration where someone commented under a Bruce Gruber video, dude, hit up a local dance studio and say, do you do adult ballet intro classes? And guess what? I did. And then I got kind of scared and I didn't respond.

But they were so nice. They were like, "Hi, Brittany. Yes, class is on Monday." And I said, "I'm nervous." Never mind. I don't even like ballet. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. That is nerdy. But what time is it? What do I need to bring? Is there an entry fee? Do I need to pay? Do I need to have pointe shoes? I don't know. My toes are sensitive. I don't have good toes, and my toenails sometimes hurt. I get ingrown toenails, so I can't spend around 32 fuertes on my ingrown toenail. I'm going to go to the ER.

They're like, "You don't have to buy... You don't have to bring pointe shoes. We're just gonna be stretching for first come..." "Okay, well, I don't want to spend 30-foot days! I don't even know swan lake! I've never seen swan lake! I don't like it!" Okay, just being way too defensive. Anyway, yeah, I had emailed a local dance company because I don't give a fuck! But I do. Ultimately, I do. Because there's something very humiliating about dancing.

And rewind to me 30 minutes ago being like, just try dancing in your kitchen. I don't really fix everything wrong with your life. Stupid. No, I think it's something embarrassing about, it's like singing in front of your parents. Like, I don't want to do that if I don't have to. I don't want to do that if I don't have to, but I want to. Yeah, I'd like to. One of these days, I'm going to work up the courage and I'm going to go.

I'm going to get some of those little dance shoes and I'm just going to go. Not pointe shoes, the other ones they wear. They don't have a box in it, but it's like, it's still got the elastic on it. I just really think that that's in my future. It's something that I see for myself. So yeah. Also, you know, in this theme, this ever-present theme of Renaissance woman, that I want to have lived a full life and tried anything that interests me,

To give it a shot. Do y'all hear how cotton mouthy I am? Fuck this Red Bull flavor, bro. I'm telling you, it's not good.

I am going to finish it though. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that Red Bull flavor. Pull it off the shelves, team. It's making my tonsils touch. Jack of all trades, master of none. That's really, and I know there's like a negative connotation to that a little bit, but also no, there's not. Jack of all trades, master of none. Someone who's competent in many different skills, but not an expert in any single one. Essentially, someone who dabbles in a variety of things without achieving mastery in any particular area.

without achieving mastery. That's tough. That's tough to read. It implies that while a person can perform many tasks, they lack the depth of knowledge and expertise to be considered a true master in any of them. Yeah, because that takes a lifetime of work. I just want to be an appreciator of a simple bystander, right? And a true fan of that art form that I like.

And you don't have to be great at something to appreciate it. You don't have to be great at something to say that you do it. Okay? And hear me when I say that. It's not even like a New Year's resolution. It's just sort of my... Jesus Christ. I am so sorry for all the phlegm in my throat this episode. Yeah, that's just sort of my personal doctrine moving through the rest of my life.

Because some of the people that I look up to the most or really idolize are that. They are so cultured in a lot of different ways and a lot of ways that are not related. You know, to know so much about this one thing that is completely disjointed from society.

Swan Lake or it's just like to have I think to have an across the board knowledge is signs and evidence of a life well lived and Yeah, just to say that you've tried everything. Okay. Here's something completely separate that I also want to talk about This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc

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I went to NASA this past week. Hey, the most fun I've ever had. Shout out to the team at NASA because I got a cold DM from them that was like, Brittany, we'd love to have you. If you're ever in Houston, just come to, and I was like, I'm literally going to be in Houston in two weeks. And so we coordinated and I went, I got to go with Tato, bestie Tato and my mom and dad. Oh,

How fun is it? We got a VIP tour of NASA, and let me tell you something. A lot of people think that NASA shut down after they stopped the shuttles, and it's just simply not true. It's not true. You know, for people like me, like on the fringes of...

the scientific community, I try my best. I try my damnedest to understand, but sometimes that shit is not for me. Okay. Cause I'm, I'm actually studying on a very hyper intensive level, the plot of Iron Man one, two, and three. And as that relates to, you know, a lot of my scientific understanding comes from the Iron Man universe. And that's not easy for me to admit. It's not fun for me to admit, but it's kind of, you know, so,

It's just very, my worldview and scientific understanding is very limited because that's not the part of my brain that is there.

Okay, when God was sort of cooking me up in the oven, forgot that ingredient. He forgot the science ingredient. Because y'all watch me struggle through these Google searches. What is centrifugal force? Centrifugal motion. Centrifugal motion. Centrifugal. I'm not getting physics. I'm not getting electricity. I'm not really understanding any of it. So...

A tour like this, imagine my awe and wonder. Because so much of NASA and what their current missions are, which is

By the way, establishing a home base on the moon, SLEI. Maintaining the ISS, International Space Station, SLEI. And third of all, the long-term goal of establishing something on Mars. Okay, some form of, like, we're still, and think about this. They've only been really freaking their shit like this for probably 25 years. Like, space exploration is so new.

And I know that sounds like a stupid statement, but you would think that, okay, first man on the moon, 1969. We've made great discoveries and breakthroughs since then, but it's really not as much as I thought.

Like, it's crazy. And a lot of the equipment that is up there and even some of the government buildings that NASA's housed in. And I went to the Johnson Space Center. There's another one in Florida, the Kennedy Space Center. And there's another one in Alabama. And there's another one in Arizona. Or is it New Mexico?

There's one in Canada. There's one. I mean, there's all over, right? International Space Station, of course, has a bunch of different points globally of if it were to go down, if anything were to happen, it is an international effort, which is truly beautiful.

We got to walk through a mock-up of the ISS, which is so neat. And there are different segments, different areas. They're called nodes of which country sort of not donated, but contributed what. And there's an American side, there's a Russian side, a Japanese side, this, that, the other. And it's just all this stuff interests me where our tour guide was saying that

It is common courtesy on the ISS, which at any one time probably has about 11 people on it. I think there's seven up there right now. About 11 people can fit on the ISS. Crazy, by the way, because you think it's this huge warship thing,

like, aircraft carrier that has 250 people working on it. Like, I don't know. I don't know why I think they're in Star Wars. I mean, it's very small and contained. And think about how much preparation and training goes into sending people into space to go be up there and collect samples and do this, do all that. It is so intense. And so, yeah, only 11 people. It is so...

specific and selective and for a good reason, right? Okay. So many variables that could go wrong. You need highly trained individuals. 11 people up there. And when you're going back and forth or for whatever reason, like if you're an American in the Russian node, all of the controls and the signs in the Russian node are in Russian. And obviously all the ones on the American side are in English.

And they said that it is common courtesy when you enter into the Russian side, you should speak Russian. And when Russians come to the American side, they speak English. And it's just this sort of common courtesy. Like there's manners on the space station. How cute is that?

What else? They showed us, oh, you know that scene from The Martian where he, those little plant incubator things where he grows that potato? And it's the most emotional scene in the movie when he runs out of ketchup on that one potato. Yeah, I almost turned the damn movie off. I couldn't handle it. It's too much.

That is so scary. Matt Damon is my hero. Matt Damon is just my fucking hero. That scene where it's that wall of all the planters. In this mock-up, they had one of those. So cool to see. Where it's like the sun lamps and there's water and you keep them hydrated. Just crazy. We're growing shit in space. And I also did not know that there is evidence on Mars of moving water

Again, I'm not tapped into this shit. I'm not really, that's not for me. I'm not being targeted. And when I get TikToks about space, I scroll because they freak me out. But that's the shit I want to see. And so all these formations on Mars, I could be talking out of my ass. Let's Google it. Almost all water on Mars today exists as polar permafrost ice, though it also exists in small quantities as vapor in the atmosphere.

What was thought to be low-volume liquid brines in shallow Martian soil, also called recurrent slope linae, may be grains of flowing sand and dust slipping downhill to make dark streaks. While most water ice is buried, it's exposed at the surface across several locations on Mars. In the mid-latitudes, it is exposed by impact craters, steep scarps, and gullies. Steep scarps and gullies!

Who fucking wrote this? A pirate? Water ice is also visible at the surface at the North Polar Ice Cap. Abundant water ice is also present beneath the permanent carbon dioxide ice cap at the Martian South Pole.

More than 5 million cubic kilometers of ice have been detected at or near the surface of Mars, enough to cover the whole planet to a depth of 35 meters. Wait, that's scary. Even more ice might be locked away in the deep subsurface. Wait, I'm scared. Some liquid water may occur transiently on the Martian surface today, but limited to traces of dissolved moisture from the atmosphere and thin films, which are challenging environments for known life.

No evidence of present-day liquid water has been discovered on the planet's surface because under typical Martian conditions and ambient atmospheric pressure, warming water ice on the Martian surface would sublime at rates of, see, you're losing me.

You're losing me right here. Before about 3.8 billion years ago, Mars may have had a denser atmosphere and higher surface temperatures, potentially allowing greater amounts of liquid water on the surface, possibly including a large ocean that may have covered one-third of the planet. Water has also apparently flowed across the surface for short periods at various intervals, more recently in Mars history. See what I'm saying, dude? Because he was saying that some of the...

movement or tracks in the sand is, or not even sand, the surface of the planet indicates moving water. And I was like, that is crazy. Red rising is happening. It's real. It's real. We're terraforming Mars. We're terraforming the planets. It's just crazy. So yeah, I think, honestly, here's one of my reflections from going to NASA. First of all, humans are amazing when we work together.

There are truly no bounds for what we can accomplish. It left me feeling hopeful. And second of all, we are so limited and bogged down by red tape because NASA is a government agency.

that contracts companies, you know, commercial, you know, like SpaceX and Blue, whatever the fuck Jeff Bezos is, like all these sort of private companies that they contract to either build craft or things like the technology, like Velcro was made for space, I'm pretty sure. You're not allowed to say Velcro though, because that is a, it's copyrighted the way that Kleenex is copyrighted.

Velcro for space. Okay, so I had lied. Essentially, Velcro wasn't developed for NASA, but NASA used it in the Apollo missions. Velcro is used in many products, including clothing, footwear, packaging, medical supplies. NASA used Velcro to secure equipment during the Apollo missions.

The Velcro brand of hook and loop was invented by a man named George de Mistral in the 40s while hunting in the Drura Mountains in Switzerland. He was a Swiss engineer, and he realized that the tiny hooks of the burrs stuck in his pants and in his dog's fur, he wondered how they attached themselves. Because nature is the greatest inspiration. Nature is the blueprint.

Have y'all seen those things of like stars in nature? How sometimes on a cellular level, it's a star or how leaves form stars, star fruit, this, that. It's like some of these patterns or shapes are truly natural. Like they occur naturally in nature. And it's just amazing. Even when you think about things like a spider web, like,

Why is it so complex and beautiful? If the goal is just to trap food to eat, why is it beautiful? Why is it so intricately designed and symmetrical? That's the craziest bullshit, is that there is a symmetry in nature. And that gets back to like Fibonacci sequence and all this, where for whatever reason, nature is mathematical.

And a lot of, like, this is a perfect example of he recognized something, like, why do birds get caught on things? And what is that technology? And how can we harness that and use it for other purposes? But it was naturally occurring. So, so fucking cool. So fucking cool. Yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about. Things NASA invented. Memory foam.

Camera phones, freeze drying, insulation, solar cells, foil blankets, food safety, water filters, ear thermometers, wireless headphones, cochlear implants, shoe insoles, prosthesis, athletic shoes, LASIK, scratch resistant lenses, baby formula, cordless tools, dust busters, smoke detectors, computer mouse, cordless vacuums, Nike Airs, what?

See, this is just... I love this shit. Anyway, the whole NASA trip was so fun, learned a lot. And I guess I just misunderstood where we're at in the grand scheme of things when it comes to space exploration and space travel. We're not that far. And let me qualify that statement with, we have made leaps and bounds, right? Like, we have done things that...

people 400 years ago would call magic. And it is magical. And so, of course, recognizing how incredible, especially when internationally these teams work together, what we can achieve and how far we've come since the 60s or the 70s, especially through all the government red tape, what we've been able to accomplish. However,

It just makes me so upset. Like, what are we missing out on? Because NASA and what it's able to do and what it's able to greenlight is limited by who the fuck sits in the Oval Office. Like, it's just so endlessly annoying and makes me mad. So, very cool, though. I got my little NASA sticker on my thing. Got my little NASA sticker.

I'm a fan. And with that, I'll leave you with my song of the week. It is My Love Will Never Die live by Hosier. This is on the extended version of self-titled. I, can I admit something? I'd never heard it until like two weeks ago. And I said,

My God. So lock into that. Super, super good. If you want merch, go to broski.shop. Go subscribe to Royal Court now. Now. We've got a crazy guest coming. Y'all are going to freak the fuck out. Very, very crazy guest. And yeah, keep your eyes peeled for an exciting project coming out later this month. Love you guys. Bye.