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Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 155. Round of applause, please. Nice.
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Whistle me... Happy Mardi Gras. Happy Mardi Gras. Wouldn't do that. Hey, I'm not going to lie. If you were on Bourbon Street... Oh. I'd collect. During Mardi Gras, brother... I'd come home with a bead collection. Dude, especially if it was like... Especially if there was a certain demographic out there, they would think you're a thick old white woman. They'd be like... And I'm just like...
I have like Snow Allegra in my AirPods and I'm just like going crazy. Dude, yeah, you on Bourbon Street either get a lot of beads or a lot of police activity. Probably a 50-50 split in both, honestly.
You show you get beat. Yes. Yeah, I go home with a lot of beat. Oh, yeah. I go home with a suitcase full of beat. Okay. Like, what's up, mister? Bam! I'm not going to lie. So if you don't know, Mardi Gras is a holiday, right? Yeah. And one of the biggest celebratory things of Mardi Gras is in New Orleans on Bourbon Street.
which is like a street packed with clubs and bars and people. It's just thousands and thousands of people just standing on this road, partying, having a good time. And it is tradition for the ladies...
On Mardi Gras, if they lift up their shirt, beads get thrown at them. You get some beads. Now, I remember one time I had a girlfriend. She went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, and this was before I knew the tradition. She came back looking like Trinidad James, brother. I said, go to all of my watch. I said, you had a great time. She gave me some of the beads, too. I went down bad, brother. You go, what's that on your neck? It was like...
And not only like the little bitty beads, she had like the big ball beads. And I said like, what did you show? Like they saw a wink. Yeah, that's not just chess right there. That is, that's something. You know, I've been to Bourbon Street too. Really? I went to New Orleans. Well, I was in New Orleans building homes for the homeless. And then, no, why do you, okay. Now, why do you have to do that though?
I was in Louisiana, specifically New Orleans, building homes for the homeless. Who are you? In, what is it, section nine? Not section eight. Ninth ward. Ninth ward. Here we go. Nothing to do with sections. In the ninth ward. No, but I said the wrong word. Okay, it doesn't matter. Let's relax a little bit here. Let's get some context. When did you become the Messiah? No, I'm not. It was a mission trip. Probably 2013. As a 15-year-old. Yep.
You weren't building shit. Oh, no. I was. Would you get a nail and a hammer and you were like, here's your... That's exactly what I had. I was hitting the shit out of two by fours. And I was really doing a lot of landscaping, too. They gave me a manual weed whacker, like a scythe, basically. It said, go take out that lot.
Okay, four and a half hours straight, sunburn, soaking wet clothes from sweat. I was cutting grass. What year was Katrina? I think like 07. And so you were like eight years later. Oh, it was still impacted. Trust me. There was a lot to do. But I was saying, I brought up that because after the day that we were building homes for the homeless, we went to Bourbon Street and I got... Crazy dichotomy of a trip. And I got... For the...
You know, you gotta see... You're like, we're building houses in the name of Jesus, now let's see some... Oh, no, God! No.
But I got robbed at Handpoint for bags of socks and sandwiches. At Handpoint? Straight mitts. Someone said, give me a shit. No, straight mitts. And you gave it up? Yeah. 100% did. So we spent another collective about three hours making like 400 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Got a lot of white Hanes socks and toothbrushes. Yeah. If you see where I'm going, we made these little care packages for the unfortunate that may be left without a home, homeless, whatever.
We were strictly told, hey, we put a lot of time into this. We really want to spread the gospel and the wealth of
one pack per person okay 100 we get out of the van i'm like dude this bourbon tree this new orleans and i hear hey i was like oh i said yeah yes sir yes sir he goes what you got there and i was like oh i just wanted to say that jesus loves you and i'd love to give you this pack if you wouldn't mind good sir he said give me all of it now and i went well i can't i was told by my my youth group leader to only give one he said man did you not hear what the
I said, give me all of it. And I went, you know, you're right. Here you go. I said, you look hungry. I said, you have all of it. As soon as you got off the bus, that guy was like, that chubby girl is green.
That chubby girl is green. He said, hey, Steve-O, you see a little chubby white girl with a crew neck on? Hit a lick on her. I'm just like, ah, running back to the bus. Dude, yeah. Fun time, though. That is insane. I never knew that about you. I saw Chris Paul play in New Orleans when they still were the Hornets. That's insane. Wild. Not as entertaining. They played the Washington Wizards. Not as entertaining. He could have kept that. I could have touched the ceiling of that arena. I think I actually did. I went, yeah.
Dude, when I was a kid, I went to WWE, right? Oh, my God. I went to Night of Champions. Jeff Hardy, John Cena, Ric Flair was there. It was insane. Oh, you did better than me. And I sat behind the screen, like the entrance screen. I was at the top behind it. Ask me how many wrestlers I saw in person that night. None. That might be the most defeating...
Oh, we're gonna talk about John Cena's turn, heel turn, in pop culture at the end of the episode. Oh my god. But that might be one of the most defeating things. You're so excited about an event, you get there and you're like, I can't see shit. That easily tops mine, but I also had a defeated experience with the WWE. So not only... Oh, you told this story. But I didn't tell the other part. I did the throw up with Winter Ball, right? Yeah, yeah. I spent probably 30 minutes and maybe six bones...
on a poster board. The second I get into the arena, they said, can't take that. I was like, but I made it with my hands. It's mine. They said, can't take it. And I go,
Why the f*** does he get to take his? Like, what did it say on it? I don't remember. I was like 10. Well, they check signs at the door. They always check signs. They still do today. Yeah, but I'm saying, what could I have wrote down at 10 years old? I probably said, Cena, I love you. Actually, I think I printed out logos of them. Like, their logos. Like, John Cena's little Ruthless Aggression shit. Like, put it there and just words in sharpie. Well, there probably was a logo on there that's not a part of the WWE anymore and they didn't want it to be on camera. But...
I took a sign to Monday Night Raw one time too. Did you really? Yes. It was in Austin, Texas. Do y'all remember? We'll get over wrestling. I know a lot of y'all aren't wrestling fans until later in the episode. Oh.
There was a time on Monday Night Raw where they would have guest hosts of Monday Night Raw, where they'd have celebrities come in and host the Monday Night Raw. And so they came to Austin on a Monday. What a time. And the guest host was Ashton Kutcher. Oh, wow. And at the time, I was like in my That 70s Show bag. So I was like, dude, this is perfect. Like, I'm going to end. I was like, I don't know how we did this, but I was like,
eight rows from the ring. And so I was on TV this whole time. If y'all find that raw, you can see me with my long hair on TV. I swear to God. So I remember the night before me and my mom went to like dollar general. We got a neon poster board, right? Shit. Went to my family computer. We printed out pictures of Ashton Kutcher and shit. And then I brought it.
into the arena because I was like, when he comes out to the ring to do his promo, I'm going to hold it up and he's going to be like, oh, that's cool, kid. That's cool, little girl. You're like, no, I'm a boy. I promise. He didn't even show up in person. He was on the screen the whole time. I was like, you go...
Bro, that was the worst part. I didn't even get the worst part of it was the guy took my sign. We're walking in and I do a double take. Just like, damn, am I really not getting in? I turn around, brother folded it and put it in the trash can. Yeah. All your hard work is done. It's just done. 100%. I was like, wow. Dude. That's wicked. And I was, this week I went out to a bar. Surprise. Okay.
Go to it. This week I went out to a bar, right? And I've said this before, right? I've said this before, I think, on an early episode. I genuinely do not like PDA.
Oh, man. I hate when I see a couple and they're doing a lot to each other in public. It is honest, but I do feel like there are limits to PDA. What are your PDA rules? Oh, God. My PDA rules...
I would say that the max PDA that can happen for me in my personal playbook, last play Hail Mary did Shefford. As soon as tongue gets involved, as soon as tongue gets involved, you need a
Pop off, whisper in that ear, hey, let's wait until a little later. We're still in public. That, for me, me personally, if it gets to tongue, it's fantastic, but I got a creep watching me in that corner, friends over here. What am I doing? What's the most you've done PDA-wise? Except for New York. That doesn't count. You're deeply inebriated, and I wouldn't want to smell your hand. So if we're being honest about what we saw. No! Oh, my God!
Oh my god, that makes it sound so much worse! Oh no! No!
No, no. That makes it sound crazy, but it was wicked. I threw up so much. What's the most you've done PDA with? I'm not big on it, neither is my partner. I don't have traumatic, crazy experiences. I would say the most is just a good old kiss. Just like a peck? No, like a good kiss. So tongue. Like an I love you kiss, and then it got to that point, and I was like, hey, we need to... You use tongue when you kiss?
Do I use tongue when I kiss? I use my feet when I kiss. Yeah, I use tongue. Yeah, I like it. I'll, yeah. What? Yeah, I use everything. You're like this. I use all my, yeah. Suck it. I go, no. I grip her up, and then it's just like, I can't breathe. I'm like, no, I know. I know. I'm like, go to sleep.
Put your girl in a submission hole. No, I'm kidding. But yes, I use tongue. You don't use tongue. I use my tongue more than my lips. Exactly. So you just thought I was... I just can't see you using tongue. I'm just a grown man. Show me. My lips aren't even big enough to just pleasure someone with pecs. It's like I'm sucking a fucking Tootsie Roll. Wait, show me.
I'm kidding. But I'm not going to have to show you. I'm getting hot. I'm getting hot about it. Show me. I'm not showing you. Come on. Show me how you use tongue. What is happening? Come on. It's like this. I'll give you this. No, use your tongue. I'm not using my tongue on an air live. No. Come on. No, no, no. I'll show you. Go. Oh, my God.
It's like that. Oh, God, no. I'm like this. I do like a surfboard is the best way to describe it. I ride that wave. I imagine her tongue is water and my tongue is like a Hawaiian. Like just a guy that lives in the ocean. He just grabs that surfboard. He runs straight to it. If this is her tongue, this is my tongue. It gets a little friendly. You got to test the water first. Make sure it's not rough. She goes...
Yeah. No, it's bedroom talk. We're playing Tigers. Whenever I use tongue... Oh, my God. I've had a girl ask if she had Pop Rocks in her mouth, how fast my tongue works in there. It's like you put a goddamn bop it in your mouth. I feel like your tongue suffocates other people's tongue. You go, come here, baby. All of a sudden, you just hear her breathing because it's all out of her mouth or her nose. She's like...
Because it's literally like this. This is her tongue. Yours goes like this. It's just like... They could use my tongue as torture for prisoners of war. Oh, they could. Like, you just suffocate somebody. Have you ever had... Okay, what's your, like... What's been your feedback on kissing? Oh. Like, have people... Like, what's... Like, one to ten. Like, you're putting out a LinkedIn profile. My kissing score's about a... What is it? What is it?
Number one through ten? One through ten. Based off the reviews. It doesn't have to be whole numbers. It can be points. Based off the reviews I've gotten. Based off first-hand reviews you've received, either in moment or after through via text FaceTime email. I'd say 9.2. Oh, man. Because I like kissing more than I like doing the actual coitus. Oh, my God. Dude, thank you. Like, I don't want to be in there. Scary. You go, what was that? It was like, oh.
I haven't been in the Holy Clam in a minute. Oh, you're-- What do we have to lose, right? Biblical clam? You haven't buttered a muffin in a minute.
No, that's not true. I haven't felt those sacred walls in a while. What? What about us last weekend? Stop it. I've sat down. Stop it. Remember when we went to the third floor, CJ? I wasn't trying on shirts. No, okay. Honestly. So much of the internet literally leaves the comment, why don't y'all kiss already? I leave that comment too. I have so many burners on the YouTube. Damn, these guys should kiss. Damn it, come on, Cam.
Oh, I've left them there. Oh, my God. The fact that people watch this with their infant, dude, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. Back to the 9. Dogs can't speak. Back to 9.2. Yeah.
Now, if you had to grade your own performance, so it's like a peer review, like a paper. Your friend slid you a 92 on the test. Yes, yes, yes. And you did good. I erased one bad for you. Yeah. Do you think all those were very logical, thought-out, honest reviews? You think some were blowing smoke, getting brownie points? What do you think? I think a lot of them were caught up in the bliss. Like, a lot of them were caught up in the, like... Caught up in that stonewall tongue. But...
But one of the things I am self-conscious about is my gingivitis. Like when I kiss, I know you can hear it and feel that. Hear it! Oh, there's cracks. You ever put your finger in like some Play-Doh? It's like a little... You have pockets of... Oh, yeah, there's something wrong up there. Holy shit, dude. I had a scab on my gum the other day and I flicked it and my mouth was gushing blood. Dude, it was like my mouth is not healthy. Yeah.
We need to take a moment of silence for anyone that has sent one of those reviews and you've experienced this. Oh my God. But...
I'm not going to lie. Like, the only downside is the gingivitis. That's one. The second is I drool a lot. I got a really wet mouth. And so there's been times there's been strings that weren't asked for. There's been a connection that kept us together. Oh, you shut up. Oh, now that would do it for me. Even with my wife. Yeah. If I unlocked my prism wave riding tongue and there was a...
string of slobber spit it wouldn't do it for me it wouldn't do it for me do you have now we're gonna stay on this we're gonna stay on this little this little x-rated vibe i kind of like you okay fluff my feathers you've been married for how long correct i am married how long pushing three almost three sorry i love live i love live but you've been together for how long pushing seven seven years you've been in a relationship for seven years right correct
Question for you. I have never experienced that length. I'm assuming sometimes in the bedroom we might need to spice things up. How do you feel about role play? Now, I'm going to answer this very, very well thought out and careful. I'm all for it. Okay. I would be all for it. Yeah. And my wife.
She's a beautiful companion. This is awkward because her family's watching this too. Oh, what? How do you think Malachi got here? Yeah, Malachi did get here. But we are...
We are synchronized. We are in one. Oh, stop all this bullshit. What do you want to say? I'm down. I'm down for it. Now, the roles in the game which is played, that's where I got to really be careful. That's where it starts to get a little tricky for me. Now, I'm okay. You want me to be a cop. Come here. Yeah. You want to be a firefighter. Here's the hose. Yeah, I'm a doctor. Oh, what do you need? Let me check that. Yeah. Let me give you all that. Let me give you a pap smear. All.
All that's fine, right? What? I'm a plumber. Your pipe's broken. Mine's not. Now my problem is, I think I would have the problem with role play is if she was like,
Okay, today you're Dwayne The Rock Johnson. No, no, no. If my wife said, I want you to take your football jersey off Travis Kelsey, there's no way. There's no way that I or he is ready for performance if she is name-dropping a real human being and she's thinking it's me. No. Yeah, no, that's where it starts. She's like, come on, Klay Thompson. I'm like, come on, man. I can't shoot that well. You go, bam!
Bang! My top's in for three. Now that's... You can give me a profession. You can even give me some weird, wicked, like, we gotta escape something and we're just butt naked. I don't know. Oh, no, I don't want to leave my bed. Oh. Oh, you want to explore the house? Oh, man, I got a nice pantry. I got a... I got counters everywhere. Hell, I got a staircase. You want to... It could be... Oh, I'm coming for you. Butt naked. I'm like...
That's a twist of status. Liv's like, "No!" I'm kidding. Oh, no. Now we're starting to hear it. No, yeah, now we're... no. That's... I've never been asked to do it. I asked. You've asked? I asked to do it. What was her answer? No.
She is a lover of our bed. She's a, this, now, I am starting to sweat. I am starting to sweat. She's a great wife, a great lover. That's that. Yeah, but I'm just saying for me, at some point, like if I'm in a relationship for seven years, right, at some point you're going to have to put a collar on me. At some point make me bark, you know what I mean? You're like, now that hurts. Shut up.
Oh, well, we came in pod. She's got that little... Yes. Okay. Oh, my God. It's all comedy part. It's comedy podcast. It is. It's comedy podcast. I was just wondering, because I do see, like, I genuinely cannot... I can imagine you in a lot of circumstances. I cannot imagine you intimate. And I've tried very hard to visualize it. Like, I've Googled, like, people that would resemble you. Just to, like... You have Googled other people that resemble me naked? Yeah.
To resemble- Well, I've seen you naked and that's what makes me not be able to see it. You saw me in a vulnerable light. I was small and in a shower. And I was turned away. And that didn't help the video. I was like, I can't see the rhythm. I'm very white. That one video of the guy in Best Buy, he's listening to the headphones. He's like- Oh, last question on sex and x-rays. Oh, I love it. And then we'll get off. I don't care. Is there too much? Is there too much? Can you overdo lovemaking?
Do you know what I'm saying? Like that guy. Like in the Best Buy meme, it's obviously he's fully clothed. He's in a Best Buy. He's putting on headphones and he is like grinding. Like full grinding. Yeah. Is there a point where you're just showing out at this point? Are you talking about publicly or what are you talking about? No, I'm talking about do you think that there is from male or female side that you can do too much? Like you're overdoing it. You're overselling it. Oh, yeah. I've experienced it. It's like I am not doing that to you.
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The other day, I was coming home. I don't even know where I was at, but I know I was in the car by myself, and I was coming back home. And in my neighborhood, when you enter in my neighborhood, it is like a ball of joy and peace. There's always kids out playing at the park, all these things, right? So I came in this back entrance, and it's like right when day is turning to night. And I go down this street, and there's this young girl. She's probably maybe Pierce's age, 18, 19, okay? And...
So at the street that I came, I hit the end of the street, very abrupt stop, because I remembered wifey said, got to go by mailbox. Okay, mailbox is to the right, house is to the left, girl's right in front of my car. So I hit this mean stop, and she turns around and looks at me. And I swear to God, worst timing ever.
It turned night enough to where my lights kicked on. So she turns around and looks at me. My lights kick on right on. I swear to God. And she's looking at me and I'm like, and she, in my car, there's not a ton of tint. So she sees me and I'm probably tired because that's what new fathers are like. I'm like this, right?
I'm sitting there looking at her dead in the face the lights kick on it's bright on her and she started now This is the crazy part. She was walking toward the left remember I said houses to the left She's walking towards left she we all know what she's thinking yeah, so she switches her route starts going to the right She starts taking off to the right kind of like a quicker walk and I go oh
I hit that slow turn. Hit that slow turn. The lights perfectly, like, follow her walking. And then she looks at me again. And she does, like, a triple take. She's literally like this. Like, she's terrified. And I felt awful. But the last thing I'm going to do is roll down my window and go, hey! Like, she would take off running. So I'm like, I just got to let this play out. She'll be fine. Obviously, I know myself. I'm not doing anything. So I go to the mailbox and park. She's already far, like, past.
I get the mailbox. I turn around and go back to the left. I am not shitting you.
It's like little streets they can connect and stuff. So she was gone and far enough, and she turned back left where she was originally walking. We meet at this intersection. I swear to God. Bro, I felt so bad. I meet at the stop sign, and she's at the edge of the street. She looks at my car, sees it, takes off on a full sprint. Oh, shit. And in that predicament, what do I do? Honestly. Do I drive fast after and tell her, hey, nothing?
to worry about? That's the last thing you do. Do I just let her run off and think she's running for her literal life? No. What do I do? Because I got to go that way too. The first thing, okay, that's all, that's on you. That is not on me. That is on the ecosystem. It was immense timing. Like it was wicked timing. The only thing you could have done is nip it in the bud immediately.
And this might sound crazy, but as soon as you see that she's concerned that you're going to take her, you roll your window down and be like, hey, I'm not taking you. That's what people say. Hey, I'm not here for you. Just hop in. We can talk about it.
*Kink* Put 'em in handcuffs *Mmm* *Mmm* And you drive off. That's exactly what I didn't want to happen. That is exactly what I couldn't say. So what did I do? What'd you do? I just followed her a little more 'cause I had to get to my house. She took off running to the left, I drove my ass to my house to the left, and she was sweating. Do you have one? She literally was like *claps* She was like *claps*
Full sprinting away from me. Do you have one of those neighborhood apps where everybody in the neighborhood talks to each other? Oh my God, there's a Facebook group, but I'm not in it. I bet she dropped a paragraph in there. Oh my God, yeah. She goes, black sedan, it's a white guy, awfully tired, big beard, he tried to kidnap me. The next day, I'm like this. Some dad like tackles me. Yeah, 100%. It was crazy. That's the worst timing ever. It was unreal. I immediately walked inside, started...
Now, it's not funny, but I started cackling with Liv. Yeah. Just due to the circumstance. You traumatized that girl. I was like, this girl's really like kind of, she's going to be f***ed up for a little bit. Oh, yeah, you f***ed her up. She thinks someone was just trying to get her. 100%. The lights, I follow her. We meet again. I follow her more. And now she told her parents about it. And now she has less permission to roam streets now. And it looks, oh, my God, she's Harry Potter. She's under the staircase. But it also looks worse because she never saw me stop at the mailbox.
Oh, so now it's just wonder. She's like, was he waiting on me? Yeah. Because I went and stopped. You have to get out. It's like the big community ones. Like all of them are at one spot. Yeah. So I get out, get it. There's like hundreds. There's like 20 little things I got to grab. And then by the time all that's done, she's made enough ground where we meet again. But in her mind...
I went that way. She took off. I stopped. And she's like, bro, she's probably messed up. If you ever see this, I don't know. I literally don't know your name. I don't know who you are, but I'm sorry. I think the best thing you could do is just hope that you run into her again and just be like, hey, about the other night, I changed my mind on taking you. I was going to.
Funny enough, you look really similar to the target. I'm sorry. I was supposed to get another girl. You look awfully close to her. Have a nice day. That might not be good. No, I mean, that's to the target. No, no, no. I mean, hell, she thinks I'm an assassin. Okay. Bro, it was, it was, um, oh my God. It was so, it wasn't funny, but I know what I'm saying. I brought up that, uh, those, those neighborhood apps, right? Were you like, I think
I think that's the worst thing ever. Do something else. Those community neighborhood apps, right? And my parents are in one. Everyone's parents are. But it's not one of those ones where there's a discourse. I guess there is, but basically it's just like, pings alert. Like, hey, somebody stole my Amazon package. Hey, a hyena just killed my poodle. Hey, too many black people in this park. You know what I mean? It's like, that's what the things are saying. Hey, the five on five game's getting really loud.
Dude, I'm saying like I think at a certain point, I hope I am never at that level. I pray to God we never, ever touch that level. Oh, Liv is definitely going to get there. Liv's already there. She's already in those groups. I swear to God. Oh, really? She's in like the moms of blank, moms of blank, single, stay-at-home moms of blank, housewives of blank. I'm like, what are you doing? Like live your life and love it. Dude, and the funny thing is, so I go back home to Austin and my parents are in there. And like we'll all be in the living room. And we don't talk.
So we're all in the living room on our phones. And I'm looking at Preston, my mom, my dad. I'm like, what are y'all looking at? And they're like, somebody broke in, two houses down. And then they're talking. And they just talk shit about neighbors and what they say.
Bro, that's, I mean, now I can see the drama part, but like. That's what they're in it for. Exactly. The drama is like, drama is thrilling to anybody. Not really. Like, I don't care. Drama's nice. I love drama. I've never been into it. God, I love a good drama. Just a cup of tea and spilt right on your lap. Boy. I'm not a cheese. For no reason. I'm a kind of girl. What? A cheese man. What the hell is a cheese man? Cheese man.
Cheesemay. You cheese me. No, no, a cheesemay. What is it? What are you saying? A cheesemay. A cheesemay. Now you've changed it. A cheesemay. Cheesemay. Yeah. What is that? Is it a snack? Is it a group? What is a cheesemay? It sounds like you're saying kiss me. And I'm getting close. What is a cheesemay? I swear to God, I don't know what a cheesemay is. Stop saying it like that. A cheesemay. What is it? Are you going to chiss me? No, no.
No, why'd you stand? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. You literally said... No, I did not. I genuinely never pointed at you to come towards me. Oh my God. Oh my God. CJ's a rat. I don't like when you tower me. No, you went... I literally didn't do that. Okay, I'm getting angry. It's like gossip in Spanish. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
I thought it was like some undercover agency or something. Like a chist smoker. But I never want to get to that age where I'm looking at the group chats of the neighborhood, like who's doing what and what's doing what. At that point, just put me down. Oh, yeah. No, I don't. Like, don't. Just literally spray paint my windows. Like, I don't see anything. I don't get sunlight. Someone put me down. Right. Okay, so I got a question for you. Say I'm on my deathbed, right? Oh, no. I'm laying down. I'm on my deathbed.
I can talk to you, right? My eyes are straight. A little loose. I can't do this or that. I can't look left or right, but I can talk. You come to my deathbed, right? You get granted one wish, right? What? Not one wish. You get the power of you can ask me literally anything you ever wanted to, and I will answer it honestly. Oh, my God. What would you ask me on my deathbed if I have to answer honestly? Oh, my God.
Doesn't really hook. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm kidding. Holy shit. That is a wicked prompt. Yeah. That's like, God, this runs... The answer is yes. To the left.
This is built like a nine iron dog. Alright. Okay. That man. This is such a blank canvas. Okay. I can break it down. Anything. Last question. And I have to answer it honestly. I could. Okay. You're going to be like 50. So it could be. You're not living that long. That's f***ed up. I just got it. It took you so long. Shit, bro. I could go multiple ways.
I could go something... Because as of now, I don't have one of these questions. But say this big event happened here in a couple years or something. And you just lied your ass off and I believed it. But then I slowly started to see the lie. I could be like, did you really do that in Vegas? Or did you really crash Michael? Some shit like that. But I don't have that yet. As of now, I'd probably say...
Like, who's getting all your shit? Like, how much of your stuff am I getting? Because you got a lot of stuff, dog. And I think it should go to me. That's the worst last question ever. I mean, I don't have like... Do you want to know what I'd ask you? Oh, God. Not really. Oh, my God. What would you ask me? So you're at your deathbed, right? Okay. I get one question. I like that. I get one question to ask Cam.
you're laying there you can only see straight out of your peripheral you see me walking up to you and i got my arm around live and i go are you sure this is okay oh i literally go oh i'll just die right there you sick no you would not no first off she wouldn't if she did i would haunt her like no one's
It wouldn't even be funny. I'd walk live in there. Cam, are you sure this is okay? Oh my God, you'd kill me right then and there. That would be my syringe of whatever. I would just die right then and there. No shot. That would be a great last question. I'd just send you in absolute confusion on your way out. I have just filled with question marks entering eternity. I'm just like, no, no. Bro, I don't...
Your darkest secrets don't excite me. You don't have dark secrets. Oh, everyone has some dark secrets. I don't. Oh, you've got some dark secrets. What is it? You've got some dark secrets. What? You've got some dark secrets about your past. What? I kind of wanted to keep fishing to see if maybe you'd bite. There's nothing. See, yeah, you're an open guy. You always talk about how honest you are. I'd say everything on this podcast. I'd probably genuinely say where...
Where's the hard drive that contains all your passwords and information, including bank accounts? Should I ask the guy that got the TikTok? I don't know. Better to ask him. The You Should Know Podcast.
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For you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com. Booking. Yeah! Now on to the rest of the episode. I saw this viral tweet. Right? Oh, God. And it was definitely a question that if I would have asked it, I would have gotten roasted on the internet. Ridiculed. But since somebody else asked it. It's free game. I'm going to ask it here. Go for it. How did... I saw this on Twitter. So it's not my thoughts. Okay. I love the preface. Make it your...
How did people wake up on time before there were alarm clocks? Jesus Christ. Now that... Now that... That's a goddamn cue. Now that... Because the Lord himself knows if I don't set an alarm clock, I'm either waking up at 6 a.m. before the birds or you can catch me at 1.30. Yeah. I missed half of that. 100%. There's nothing like a good time. Bro, that...
I feel like you, without an alarm clock, would die quicker. What do you mean? In life. What do you mean? Your natural alarm clock is disturbingly early. Yeah. Like, so early. And I feel like you would just... Those days would just pile up. You're just losing hours on hours. Oh, yeah. Losing hours. Going to bed at 2, waking up at 5. 100%. Going to bed at 2, waking up at 6. But, Junior, how did they do it? I have no... Like...
The only thing I could think of is there was a city bell, right? There is like a huge city bell that they had the local ogre go to. Some asshole in slacks is like, everyone's like, but that was my initial thought. But then I was like, how is that guy waking up at the exact time every day to go ring the bell? Who's ringing his bell? Someone's working the graveyard shift. Someone's like, hey, Phil, you gotta go. He just goes to bed. He's so tired. Phil's like,
Phil goes up this 40-pound hammer. He's like just dragging it through the city. Dude, it makes no sense. Well, okay. I think a very important thing is what time period are we talking about? We're talking about alarm clocks. There's still time. I know, but I'm talking about we're talking like United States like in the maybe 1900s. I don't even know when an alarm clock was made. Who invented the alarm clock? Who invented the alarm clock and what year? We're talking way back when?
We're talking like, I don't know. Just before I walk when it was sun. Sun's an animal. Yeah, but I'm saying whenever you had to get somewhere at a certain time. There was jobs, infrastructure. Yes, like the world was still revolving how it is now. You had to go get on the assembly line for Henry Ford. I'm liking the bell theory. But there was no alarm. Exactly. It doesn't make sense.
Fill in your city that rings the bell or a great friend that somehow is like addicted to coffee or something. You got to have a buddy system. How did that work? How did jobs work at that time? They're like, hey, when you wake up, come by. Like, how is that? As soon as you feel like it, come give us 11 hours of your day to pay at 26. Yeah, and there were like seven-year-olds working at that time. Oh, my God. Dude, how? Okay, genuinely.
They had to have just been so wired. But, like, what happens on a long day? What happens when your boss asks you to clock overtime? There's no way you're waking up at the same time. It doesn't even matter if you're super wired. To have your mind wake up at this exact time every day, that's an anomaly. I don't think so. I think it's more normal to just wake up at the same time every day. Around the same time, if there are circumstances. Like, Cam, that is – you cannot just wake up at any time, the exact time every day. You cannot wake up – Maybe you can't.
You cannot do that. You can get pretty close. You've been late here 90%. But that's traffic. If I leave a whole other 30 minutes early, that's fine. I'm saying when I was teaching and I would set an alarm, right? Every day right before that alarm would go off, I would naturally, like my eyes would wake up. Like probably five minutes, eight minutes before. Like it's just because you wake up at the same time every day. But how did you get accustomed to that? Alarm in the beginning. Exactly. In the beginning. Exactly. So I'm saying you had – Paranoia. Yeah.
Paranoia is the best alarm clock. It's gotta be. Dog, I don't know if anybody else experiences this. Whenever you have something big in the morning, right? Big the next morning, you go to bed. Oh my God. And you wake up, you wake up out of your sleep, but you didn't hear the alarm clock. You're like, what the?
And you check your phone and there's like 30 minutes left. Oh my God. And it's like, oh my God. Okay. But then you start to play with Satan. And then so you're like, I'm going back. Yeah, you do. So you start shaking hands with Lucifer. You go, I can get another 25. Exactly. But you check to see if your alarm clock is still set. So, you know, right. You know that it's still there. Bro.
That shit, oh my god, especially when it's like something that involves transportation. Like you gotta, like your Uber's scheduled for this or you gotta get on a plane. Yeah. Oh my god, I wake up four times. I'll wake up an hour into the sleep. And every time it's the same jump scare. It's the same jump scare. Two hours later, I'm like, f***. You start getting mad and your sleep is shit. Dude, and then, and then if you play with Satan for too long and you miss it and you're like, oh my god, dude. Oh, when you play with him, when you play with Satan and you think you're hitting snooze and you accidentally hit stop.
Oh, yeah. I'm the king of that. I'm the king of that. Oh, my God. I just thought of something. Before the alarm clocks were around, we didn't rely on human beings. We didn't rely on the guy hitting the bell. It was that goddamn rooster. There was a lot of birds. It was the neighborhood rooster. Oh, my God. You're not bad. Everybody was like, kill that.
Like, take his neck! And you're just sitting there. Bro. Oh my god. Some people have incredibly annoying alarm clocks. Yeah. Like the Martian one. That's what I got. That's what I got. And I get it. It's to wake you up. But imagine a living being. Oh my god. Every day. That's like your son. He just went. Oh no. Seriously. But his is at least semi-cute. And then you're just mad. He's like. Bird with a gobbly little neck going. Dude.
Like screaming? No. Oh, I'd shoot it. I would end that person. But then you'd be late to work. That's exactly how it happens. Dude, waking up might be top five most anxiety things in my life, dude. 100%. Dude, when I wake up, my day is...
ruined or like just i am blessed to see another day but my mind is at the darkest at the first of a wake up i remember when you told me that like off pod we were just on a call and you're like bro waking up scares me dude it's like i it's immediate panic and i don't know what kind of medicine i need to not panic when i wake up but it is pure shock you said you said you
You wake up and you take a big breath. Dude, yeah, like... You go... And then in front of you, you go...
Oh, yeah. I check my phone to see who's dead. I am going through it. Another thing that gives me anxiety that shouldn't. Oh, that's a lengthy list. Do you know? So I've told this on the podcast before about how I sometimes forget how to do the most normal things. I forget how to eat sometimes. I forget how to breathe and pee. Right? This week. Little brain farts. This week, I was having the hardest time ever with door handles. Like, not a knob. What do you mean? Not a little knob. Okay.
Actual handle that comes out.
Because for the life of me, I could not remember, do I pull that bitch up or down? It doesn't matter. It doesn't, but what's the right way? Down, I would assume. But isn't it easier to go up? It is easier. But we're also, you gotta think, we're also, our hands are lower. Our hands are lower than the average foe. I've been this way for a long time. No, but I'm saying that's why it might be easier for us. No, but I'm saying I've been like that for a long time where I prefer the up. Like, I've been eye to eye with the bitch. And you're just like,
Yes or no, is it not easier to lift the door handle up? It is. Well, then go down. Naturally, pulling is easier than pushing. You're pulling either way. You're putting a door handle down. You are pushing it down. You're literally on top of it, pushing it down. And then when you're doing this, what are you doing? You're pulling. You're pushing it up. If I was to grab this, and it's right here.
That's pushing it up. Or a pulling motion. You're pulling something toward... Pulling this this way. What is this? Pulling it towards you. You're doing that with the handle. You're just going up. It's going straight up. This is time for your condolences. I might be sorry. I might be sorry. Yeah. Yeah, I might be sorry. That might be an upward push. I'm just saying, it's my hardest ever. Like this week, figuring out the door handle. I've been sitting at a door for two minutes this week.
It's honestly, I don't know. It's something up here. We need to figure it out. I need doctors. No, we need to. I mean, yeah, but we need to get, we need to find out why. I feel like once we find that why, it'll be like the book of the dead. Just a book of treasure that we uncover. I think it's a mix of anxiety, ADHD, and a little. You can mute it for YouTube. A little anxiety, ADHD, little blankety blank and a vice. Yeah. On the back end. Yeah, it's like. Oh my God. I shouldn't spend that much time at a door. You know what I mean?
It was the four glasses of Johnny Walk Dog and the 200 insurgents I killed in Team Deathmatch. You wake up, you're just like, bro, that, I, oh, okay.
On the thing of waking up, real quick. When you wake up, you're different because you immediately, you're in so much fear. You take a huge breath. I feel like that jump starts the system. I am like a slow dying patient where when I wake up, it takes me genuinely 20 minutes to like see straight and hear things. I swear to God. Especially now with these late night shifts. I wake up and I am...
wobbling around my room. I am not drunk. I did not drink the night before. I'm wobbling. I can't see straight and I can't hear shit. Have you ever experienced that? 100%. Mine's more of a fear-based thing because I've left my contacts in for months. And I gotta like... You have dailies! I gotta rub my... I gotta get in there to see something. You know what I mean?
I genuinely don't. I swear to God, I don't know what you mean. And once there's a little bit of oil in there, I'm like... A little bit of jet fuel in there. Once we've warmed that engine up, I'm like... Engine's good. Dude, I... But I said that because I have recently been... I have been stubbing the shit out of my feet in my room when I wake up at night. That's top five worst. Oh, man.
Oh my God. And then, but I'm holding this little sack of joy. Oh my God. I feel handicapped. I feel like I can't do anything to release. And sometimes I just want to bite something. I look down. I'm like, I can't bite him. And I, oh my God. It has been like seriously pissing me off because every night,
It's on the foot of the bed, on the recliner, on the door. Pitch black. Yes. I can't see shit. I'm holding the baby, and I'm just like. You know what makes stubbing your toe worse? Oh, my God. Is having somebody in the room with you and laughs. Oh, okay. Dude, if you're laughing at my. Dude, I'm okay. I can take a joke, right? You joke on me on anything. If I kick something, if I stub my toe, if I'm in pain, and you're like, oh.
Like, you're about to feel this pain. You know what I mean? That is so, so you. This man will laugh and joke at anything. If something is... If it crosses that line to where he's experiencing actual pain, he doesn't even like you anymore. Oh, no. You're literally like, bro, shut the... And I'm like, oh, okay, sorry. No, yeah, I'm ready to send insurgents. Oh, my God. Dude, that's the worst...
Oh my god. And I think that's messed up. At what point is it okay to laugh at somebody's pain and not laugh at somebody's pain? Bullshit. You would laugh at any pain that I received. You would laugh at any pain.
That's not true. That's how that works. No, that's bullshit. I don't think that's true. Hypocrisy. I don't think that's true. Peyton, if I got up and fell face flat first on that concrete, you would cackle. Then ask if I was okay. That's fact. Then...
That is a fact. That is a fact. The reason I laugh is because I was thinking if you fell over right now, all this equipment's over. All this equipment's on the ground. I go, oh, oh. The whole room's like. Yeah. I mean, there's certain things I do laugh at that I shouldn't. Like, like people breaking up. And I'm not going to lie. It's a majority of the TikTok couples. And it's not funny. Because it is like, that is sad that you're breaking up. That is sad that you're breaking up. Why are you laughing at it?
But, like, come on.
It's like, there's these... Why are we making videos? Oh my God, yeah. I'm so sad. And then you record it. What is the appropriate way to break up with somebody? Dude, face-to-face, get it all out before they can ask questions, get the hell out of college. That's all you do. You take your girl out to dinner, and you're like, you sit down, the waiter brings the water, don't ask for appetizers, it's over quick. Yeah, literally. Be like, hey, let you know, not feeling anymore, checks on you, right? You're like, let it go.
That's what I was going to say. My hungry ass, I'm like, let's get a whole dinner. And I go, hey, Jessica, really not working out. You're hella annoying. You need to do better. See you later. She's paying five. And you walk out. What's the worst way to break up with somebody? Okay, I'm not going to say specifics because... Just give us a scenario so we can... I believe she does watch this, but I heard someone that is a friend of a friend of a friend got broken up with...
By her person that they lived... She lived with this man in the same house. And he broke up with her via email. And now that is the biggest...
biggest all caps you i have ever seen for you to be clocked into a job and you take a two minute break to email someone you live with shit's not working that is that is wicked and i swear i'm not i'm not making that up that somebody really got broken up with through email by somebody they lived with friend of a friend of a friend of lives
Liv was told this and now I'm saying it, I'm hiding for secrecy. Well yeah, okay, but yes. That genuinely happened. Actually happened. They lived together and then it goes on. She said when she got back, his shit was already packed. And I'm like, this man had some demons? He found something out about this girl? Because there's no way.
Sends the email, probably goes, "Hey boss, I gotta get out of here a little early." Speeds to the house, clears the shit. Okay, that's almost like some serial killer-esque thing. Like imagine, you're living with your girlfriend, right? You go to bed, right? You go to bed with your girl. Oh man. You know that in the back of your mind this is gonna happen tomorrow morning. That, yeah. He's laying down, they're cuddling, he's big spooning his girl, looking at the back of her head being like, "You don't even know what's gonna be in your inbox in the morning, bitch."
He goes, good night. Wakes up, right? They're in the house together in the morning. Cooking eggs and shit. Oh, he's got a new pep in his step today. And he's like, hey, babe. Oh, dude. And then she's like, oh, don't worry, honey. I'm going to clean that lady. He's like, don't even worry about it. She goes to work. She goes, what do you mean? He goes, oh, don't worry about it. She goes to work. She logs onto her work computer. He's at home like this.
Sends a goddamn email. Dude. To whom this regards. Yeah, to whom this may best concern. We're through. I would pay so much money to see this email. I want to meet this man. Based off how he ended the email. Like, what did he end it like? Best. Sorry. Good luck. Next. And then...
Oh, my God. He had that U-Haul prepared to have everything moved out. Or he has a dually truck. There's no in between. He either doesn't have a lot of shit, or he had this plotted, planned, and scheduled. That poor girl, bro. Honestly, it does suck for her. Oh, my God. But you have to realize the comedy in that. The level of genius that this guy has. He kissed the back of her head. He rolled over and smiled and went to sleep. Imagine that.
Imagine if he cc'd the new girl. If he gave the new broad a carbon copy. Oh my god. He goes, you better act right. This is how I did the last one. I'd be like, this man needs to go to jail. That is sick. Breaking up through an email has to be top tier. Top tier. What could top that? Like genuinely, what could top that? Breaking up through parents. What? Like breaking up with someone through their parents. How would that work? Hey, Miss Jo, I know. I know. It ain't working though. I know. Your daughter was great.
She was, but it's just, it's not my time. Were you breaking up with my daughter? I'm breaking up with her daughter. Have you told her? No, that's why I'm here first, Miss Jo. I just, I wanted to tell you, you've been great for me. And, you know, me and Sydney, we just weren't seeing eye to eye, and I just, I'm going to have to let her go. Oh, I appreciate that, that you're coming to me before you tell her. Yes, ma'am. You got a big old foot, Miss Jo. Wait, what's wrong with this? I said before you tell her. Oh, no, I'm not telling her, Miss Jo.
I'm not. No, my truck's packed. I was telling you, you can relay the message. I'm going to California. You go, no, I don't like it anymore. You're going to break up with my daughter through me? Why are you telling me? You've just been a respectful woman from the start. I viewed you as a mom. It's just not working. I felt the right to, I owed you an explanation. I don't owe your daughter shit anymore, Mr. Joe.
That's just the way it is. Do you think that's actually ever happened? Oh, 100%. No way. Bro, I am on the side of there's almost nothing you can name that hasn't happened in the history of mankind. There's so many people, so many different lives, so many opportunities. If you could say, do you think a squirrel farted or something?
farted fire and a turtle captured him. I'd be like, I don't know. It might be. Okay. At this point. What? No, I'm so... What did he just say? I don't know. I'm so passionate because the other day, what was... It was a discussion about the same thing. I was like, I think everything's happened almost. Like, everything is a remake. There's a lot of... A lot of... Just try me. There's not amount...
Oh, I heard you swallow it. Oh, I heard you swallow it. A mountain hasn't had sex with a tree. Okay, real things though. Real things. That would be, oh, it'd have to be a California redwood. It would have to be a redwood. If it was a damn oak tree in Everest. Okay, okay. A tornado, a volcano, and an earthquake have not all been at the same place at the same time.
A tornado, a volcano, and an earthquake. Never happened. But there has to be validity. We don't even know if that can happen. Okay. That's what I'm saying. Say something with humans. Watch this. No, no, no. Watch this. A tornado, a hurricane, an earthquake, a tsunami...
What's another natural disaster? And a wildfire. Have it all happen at different parts of the world at the exact same time. I would argue that. I would argue that like hell. I guarantee we could find that. You think the goddamn dream team of natural disasters all went for 30? They go, where do you break? They go...
That has not happened. Bro, I'm talking about the original thing we said. Like, you said, you think this has ever happened? Like a guy breaking up with his girl through the pants. Okay, so human. Yes. Do I think a guy... Now you're getting to the point. I'm thinking damn near about everything. But it doesn't all have to be documented. That's the thing. I don't think a whole family has sneezed at the same time. I've sneezed with my parents at the same time. I'm talking about grandparents, cousins...
immediate family. I'd argue that that's happened. One, two, three, kazoon hide, bitch, that's not happening. What did he say? Oh,
Everybody. Bro, I'm telling you. I think you're too optimistic about it. That's the only thing you're optimistic about in the world. Yeah, but it's scary. That's why. There's that sense of fear. It's a little bit of fear. Okay, weirdly enough, you know your GPS, right? Strange segue. Yes. Your GPS. You enter in somewhere, it tells you your time, right? Yes. The other day in the car, I entered to come here to this building to work.
Okay? They gave me three options. Alright. One was 50 minutes. One was an hour 12. One was an hour and 47 minutes.
Now I said, oopsie, on my part. I must have hit don't use tolls. Right. Oh, no. All three of those options were including me paying to drive on pavement. Why the would I pick an hour 47? Why would I pick something that is double the time? How did that work? Why is that an option? Apple, Steve Jobs, whoever it is, why? Rest in peace. Whoever's in charge of that. Don't ever do that again. There's no way that.
I'm not kidding. How can there be three different variables of getting to the same place all using toll roads and one of them is double? How does that happen? Do you make a U-turn and try again? Did you program a pit stop for me? They're like, you're going to be thirsty. You're going to want that. Hey, there's a Bucky's right there. You're going to stop. We've seen your DoorDash, Bill. You're hungry. Like what?
Like, what on earth? No way. I swear. I swear to you. Did you screenshot this? Because I really want to see it. But I laughed at it. I immediately went to my notes and wrote it down. Honestly, I think that's an older person thing. What? Taking the long route.
Okay. But the only thing that's confusing me is the fact that it was a toll road. I just don't see the possibility of that. Maybe one of them was just a highway. It has to be. But I don't have avoid tolls on. So first off, when you enter in something, what's the goal? Get there quick. What is the quickest route? So it gives me three options that are not even remotely near.
Right. Tollway, tollway, and what? Okay, one was a tollway at one part of it, but then it wasn't. Okay, so you literally have to get on this because there's no road? I'm paying money regardless. Yes. Get me there in 52 minutes. Maybe it's like, okay, you want to pay $5 in tolls on this trip or like 75 cents using this one little thing? Now that, that's where it comes in probably. I'll start taking the long route if that's the truth. My dad does that. My dad has literally like a vendetta against toll roads.
Dude, that is an old person thing. Bro, this shit wasn't here when we were driving. It's not even that. He's like, I'm not spending money to drive. Like, that's his whole thing. And I'm like, Dad, like, you drive a Jeep, right? He drives my brother's old Jeep. You're buying a shit ton of gas. So much gas. Starting and stopping on these damn back roads, and you're driving 35 miles per hour. Bro, that is such a...
Our parents thought process though. It's the worst. I already damn, I damn saved up, bought the car, got the insurance. Yeah. I tricked it out a little bit. I filled gas up. Now I got to pay to use the road. Yeah, bro. That is, oh my God.
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I have a role-playing, maybe a little game thing for you, right? Not a game, but more of a role-play. I have been watching a shit ton of TV while feeding my son. Great. An amount more than I ever have before. And the last three shows that I've watched are all like Secret Service shows, CIA bullshit. My favorite. Peter Sutherland's, all of those, right? My favorite. And I was watching, and there was this scene that struck me, right?
Immediately made me think about you. And that's how you know I love you. This guy is at the head of an operation and he gets shot at. And he drops down below a car and he rallies the troops and he does this little face and he's like, ready. Now I said, that can't be Peyton. That would never be Peyton and Peyton can't do that. What can't be me? So my role play for you is,
I don't think you would be good or ready in the heat of battle if you were a Secret Service agent. I feel like you'd be the shit walking the president in, doing your little task force, you'd look fly in your suit. As soon as shots pop off, you're like, oh, that's it. You would take your shit and you would literally just ditch everybody. You would absolutely run out. So I want to play a role with you. It's not much of playing. I know exactly what I would do, but go ahead.
Wait, yeah. Are you gonna do that? I didn't even vote for this. F*** this guy. I got f***ed. Bro.
The funny part is you would be qualified for the role if you had it. That's the thing. And I could literally still see you going, that. And you take the earpiece out. Yeah. You throw it and you just get out of dodge. Yeah, 100% I'm out. Why? But that's, now you're not loyal. You're not loyal to your job, your boss, and your country. If I get killed right now. Dude.
It being the Secret Service, guess what they're going to do? Indeed.com Secret Service. They go, oh, close his eyes. How do you get hired for this? I think you get recruited. Oh, but you would really do that? Kim, what else are you supposed to do? Like a sad little three-legged dog just rolling over on its crusty back waiting to get those little nipples scratched. What else are you supposed to do? You're supposed to go out with honor.
If I was a Secret Service agent, shots fired, I'm thinking, oh, it's Fourth of July. Let there be fireworks. Let there be light. So I can get in the back ad of BET Magazine. Like, that's the most publicity I'm getting after getting shot by the president. Oh, my God, the president isn't shooting you? He goes, I knew he was a traitor. I didn't like his knees. His ankle is too loud for secrecy. There was always a must following him.
Kid's mouth smelled too weird. But you really wouldn't just nut up and just do it and just be that guy in that moment? No. No. Hell no. You are in a role of responsibility. And it goes out of the window when you hear a little 9 mil. Now, if it's a big gun. If I'm hearing like a .50 cal, I'm hot.
I might duck a little bit. No, because on it are the Secret Service's suits made of armor. You got a vest on. They do. They still go for red dot head shots. But you know, dude, but there's rarely anything that if I'm on the front lines of fire, I'm going out for nothing. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not y'all.
No, no, nothing really. I value... Your mom? Yeah. Your dad? Yes. Preston? Yes. Malcolm? End of lesson. You go, that's it. What? No, you wouldn't take a bullet from Malcolm. Never mind. Not now, but he's got four weeks. Young Malcolm? Like four-year-old Malcolm? Deadly bullet?
Yeah. Oh, no. It's a fucking ball. No. Bro, see? Oh, my God. A what? A small bullet? No, well, if I'm not dying, then yeah, I don't care. I'll take a little bit of pain. Okay, then there's no... You just said it, you coward. Cam, I wouldn't even take a paintball. You're hired. You're on salary. Cam, I wouldn't even take a paintball for you, bro. I don't want that. I don't give a shit. Oh, my God. Who signed up for that? I signed up for that.
We didn't sign up for it, but shit happens. When I got signed a social security number, when I came to this earth, my responsibility is not taking something for you. Exactly. But when I said yes to joining arms with you, I, in my mind, said if a gun is ever pointed at him like that, I'm jumping in the middle. Good for you, bro. Thanks. What do you want?
I'll put extra candles on your birthday. I'll drop some flowers off bi-weekly at the casket. I don't know what you want. In your podcast, you would do it the first time, never again. You'd be like, Pierce, go put the flowers. Go put the flowers and set up studio afterwards. You wouldn't do... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What would you...
What would you if you were in if you were in control sorry of my tombstone? Yeah, what would you have it read if we're gonna do that if I could make your tombstone and you can make mine What would you have my tombstone read? He's not in here and exceeded the weight limit God bless your pallbearers. They're like oh put the goddamn great Kali in here. Oh
What would you put on my tube, son? Yours would have to read like, as stinky as he came, he left stinkier. Because you're dead. Probably don't smell the best. Oh my god. When they embalm me, they're going to be like...
There's gonna be another vaccine that goes around. Your shit would read, um, this is here simply for all of you. His real self is hanging in Pflugerville. Hanging? You said you wanted to be on the wall. You said you wanted to be a bust. Okay, let's put it. Hanging on the wall. No, not, no! Oh, wow. No, his real self is hanging on the wall. I just don't like that word. Hanging. No, say, like, plastered. Plastered.
The real him, actually, no, hell with that. The real him is in Cameron Kennedy's closet on wheels. Yeah. That was yours. Oh, my God. That's actually kind of sad. You're really not going to beat, like, I genuinely believe once you get, like, older and shit and you start writing shit out, like, you're going to have, like, that happen. I'm going to have wicked wishes. Dude. Oh, my God. First of all, you're cutting down stairs making it a plaster. What? What?
What? Like, it's gonna be like a damn trophy on your desk. That little Jim Jim down there. I want you to put him, I want you to wrap him in gold, put a little plaque on it. World's best. Undefeated heavyweight champ. It's your Johnson. Just gold. It's like a little fish thing. Oh my God, we put a battery in it. It was a high school musical. It's like, the Hulk can talk and sing. It's like...
Oh my god, but there's such a hook it just keeps hitting the wall. It's like It starts denting the wall. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh my god Yeah, dude, your pallbearers are gonna have a hard time. I keep thinking about that Instead of pallbearers bringing you out for your funeral, it's a forklift Everybody put your hard hat on. Can't see falls
You signed those waivers, right? Everyone with a waiver. Hold your waiver up. Having to get a waiver for your wake is crazy. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. I think it's time for people's... Oh, my God. Your penis is going to be on my wall. Would you do it?
Because there's either two things. Either if you die young and this happens, you wouldn't. In this, in this, if it's a young death, that means your Johnson is on my wall now. That would be absolutely hilarious. I don't want you to take upper half of dudes too. So like, that's what I hate. That's where you put the thumbtacks in. That's the tapestry behind it. You have to go buzz it off. We get a pubic bone chia patch.
I gotta water that bitch. Give it to the face. You start saying low fruit flies. Get on that bitch. You're like, get off of him. You're slapping her. I go, this isn't your real dad. Just let it go. Oh, that's sick work. Oh my God. Or the other one is we're older and my kids already out of the house. It's just me and Liv. And every day when I go to play solitaire and drink my coffee, it's just right there. You're like, you're like playing solitaire. You're like, good shit. I'm daffing up to leave the room. All right, bro.
Hit the button. Oh, oh my God. Oh my God. It's like a little afterlife. It's like randomly. It's like, oh, we got to get a patron. But before that, let's get into people's favorite segment. You know what that is? Pop culture, pay and they can pop culture, pay and they can anything else, anything else straight to it. I am going to have questions for you.
And I got answers for you. Now, my Twitter people, right? At YSKPod, at DPSHA. We talk about this often on Twitter. That's where my YSK WWE community really comes in strong. They're heavy. This week, well, when you watched this last week, was the Elimination Chamber. Tell us about it. And the heel turn around the world happened. If you don't know what a heel turn is...
It is basically when a good guy turns bad. That's what the phrase heel turn means. Now, let's break down the Elimination Chamber first of all before we get into the heel turn of a lifetime. I think that was one of the best PLEs of all time. One of the best, it used to be pay-per-views, of all time. From the women's Elimination Chamber match, great. From...
Not a big fan of the Trish Stratus match, but it's okay. Go be a grandma. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn had one of the best matches of all time. That was such an entertaining, nasty match.
Bloody match. It wasn't even blood, but it was insane. So good. Randy Orton returned. And that's how you know this was so good because Randy Orton returned. It's the least talked about thing. That's very true. I didn't even know that. He returned. Damn. But every time I tweeted this, every time Randy Orton returns, some shit goes down. Because the last time he returned to WWE, CM Punk returned after like 10, 11 years. Oh. So...
Randy brings that heat. Oh, my God, he's so goddamn good. Such a good pay-per-view. Then the Elimination Chamber happened. The Men's Elimination Chamber happened. John Cena won. He punched his ticket to face Cody Rhodes for the undisputed WWE Championship of the World at WrestleMania. So is that... If the winner of the Elimination Chamber automatically gets...
WWE Championship bout? Or do they get to pick the belt? Yeah, I think it's pick. Because Royal Rumble, you get to pick. Jey Uso won and he picked to do the heavyweight championship. Which is currently held by who? Gunther. Gunther, the big German. And John Cena said, hey, before Elimination Chamber, after Royal Rumble, he said, hey,
I'm going for 17. 17 is going to break the record for amount of championships, right? So I'm going for 17. It's best for business. I'm going to win this. I'm going to win an Elimination Chamber. I'm going to go to WrestleMania and win 17. So he won the Elimination Chamber. Everybody's, he's going to WrestleMania to face Cody Rhodes. Cody Rhodes comes out. Adrenaline! MSO! So Cody Rhodes comes out in his suit as he always does. What?
John Cena helps him into the ring because John Cena is a man of respect. Man of honor. Hustle, loyalty, and respect. Ruthless aggression. A couple weeks ago, The Rock and Cody Rhodes, they've had beef for a little bit. They've had a little issues. I heard him squash a little bit, though. The Rock has been nice to Cody Rhodes, saying, you know whenever Monday Night Raw went on Netflix? What?
The Rock was saying, hey, give it up to Cody Rhodes. He's really leading this company right now. You know, we've had our problems. Let's drink this Terra Mana together. Everything's good. Everybody's a little confused. Like, why? Well, that's such a weird. Everybody on WWE Twitter is like, what the fuck's going on? I don't like that. I was one of those people. I was like, I don't like that shit. Like, we were just beefing and now y'all are friends. Yeah, it's fake shit. But little did I know it was all set up because the other week The Rock said, hey, Cody, good friends now.
I want your soul. He said, you give me your soul. If you sell your soul to me, I'm the biggest star in the world. I can get you anything you want. I can open every Hollywood door for you. I can take you past the W. I can do everything. He actually said that? Said that. No. That's, yeah. Oh, God. And so, back to Elimination Chamber. Cody Rhodes, John Cena in the ring. They're shaking hands like, hey, I'll see you at WrestleMania. Boom, The Rock comes out. The Rock goes up to Cody Rhodes and says, hey, this is where you make your decision.
Are you going to sell your soul to me? Cody Rhodes tells the Rock to f*** off. Oh my God, that was a big pop. It was. Huge pop. Rock, go f*** yourself. Big pop. I was like, me and CJ in the living room, what the f***? He said, crazy. I was like, oh my God, John Cena's in the back, hype. Yeah, good shit. He goes up to Cody Rhodes up being like, hey man, way to stay. Hustle, loyalty, respect. Way to stay for this company and all your fans.
Do we know John Cena already sold his soul to The Rock to get 17? The Rock said, how'd he do it? John Cena absolutely turns heel for the first time in his 20-something year career. Now, if you're a part of the WWE...
If you've been a fan of WWE, John Cena has always been the face of being good. He's been the good guy. He has never done anything bad in his career. Stuck by the code. Played, showed up every day. Worked hard. He's real life Superman. Yes. Like that is Superman. But all of us diehard WWE fans were always kind of waiting on that heel turn. But John Cena, it never was going to happen. But on his retirement tour, his last year of being in the WWE, he finally did it. And when I say...
The amount of, oh shit, I had in my mind. I am so goddamn excited to see John Cena as a heel. Oh my God. I have never been more happy in my life. Triple H, Paul Levesque, you are a God. Yeah.
you are a content god the rock god like it is insane how good they are couple questions for you right one this was gonna be the second question but i can go straight into it because you actually just said that in terms of the the storyline the scripts and everything is there do do superstars have to agree
What do you mean? So say Triple H says, you know, on the Elimination Chamber, whatever. Elimination Chamber. You said Elimination Chamber. Say Triple H goes on the Elimination Chamber night. Cody, you're going to go out there and talk to John after he kicks you in the nuts. Whoever. Jey Uso is going to cash in money in the bank and steal your belt. Like that. Does Cody have to say yes? He works for him until yes. Now there is a...
Is there a checks and balance? Not really. Is he the only Triple H in that other guy? No, there's writers. There's a whole writing team. That's what I'm saying. You might not know, but is it? But they talk about this all before. It's like, hey, this is the way we're going with this storyline. This is how... And especially this, Triple H's WWE, it's a lot more on the side of the wrestlers. Like, hey, you can go take time off. Or, hey, you can...
let's talk about this. What do you want to do? How is this going to work? And it's like a bit, it's more of a group think type of thing. Now, I think it's a way, it's a way healthier thing. Now, back in the old days, it was more of like, dude, Vince will go to you 11th hour. Hey, by the way, you gotta go Swanton Bomb Batista. Yeah, exactly. It's like,
And so, yeah. And I think... So there is ultimately not a say-so from... And that's why I said superstars. Because it's not like your regular guys that are on contract that are filling out the roster, they're going to do whatever the hell. But like, if say they...
Yes. Like if Cena didn't want to turn heel, you know, like, no, he wouldn't have, he wouldn't have, but does he have that option? But that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Now, yes, I would assume so. And, but I think that they all, I know that they all have the best storyline possible. How can we push the company even more? Like, they're like, I'm already whoever I am. And,
this is kind of the storyline that they're going in now is that that that corporate and wrestler dynamic the rock is the his character now is the final boss yeah it's like whatever i'm saying is gonna go and that's the character yeah and so he's going in big dick and everybody being like hey you want this you got to do what i say he's such a dog so it's mixing like the real and the reality and the in the script it's like it's so goddamn good and i'm telling you chat
If you are not involved in WWE, I will stamp this right now. It is the best. Oh, tell them who was at Elimination Chamber. Drake was there. Lil Yachty was there. Travis Scott was there. Who else was there? Who am I missing? Nav was there. WWE has become so mainstream now, which is great. I love it. I can't wait. Now, I said this before, but I went back on it.
I'm never questioning Triple H again. There's been times where I'm like, dude, what is this? You're ruining this great storyline, but you just got to wait three months, and now it will go back to why you were so confused. It's like the MCU in real life. Well, now they have Marvel people. Oh, my God. You've been telling me that for like two years. Yeah. There's some Marvel people working at WWE now. But now I'm done questioning. There's some things I'm still a little confused about now, and old me would go on to Twitter and be like, why is this happening? But I'm like, I know this is going to happen. I trust the process. Dude, I know.
Oh, my God. WWE is the best it's ever been. I am so excited for WrestleMania. It's going to be crazy. I got to watch it. We have Money in the Bank coming. I got to watch it. Last question. I saw on Twitter somebody say that John Cena is obviously cemented Hall of Famer legacy, one of the GOATs, if not the GOAT. Yes. But, and it was a thread, maybe like 10 different replies, and I just read it, and I wanted to bring it to you. They said, now that he has turned heel...
He has a full body of work.
And there's not a single stone uncovered. And now he's fully cemented. There's no question whatsoever. Do you think if someone, like a Mount Rushmore type, maybe even just a top 10 wrestler of all time, do you think someone has to have a heel turn in their resume? Or at least play a different character to really show they went through adversity, they did both sides, and they still are one of the greatest? I think on paper...
Like, does that add to it? I think on paper, yes, probably. But with a superstar like John Cena, he could have had the career he had, done this farewell tour just being like, you know, having pay-per-view matches, WrestleMania.
gone off and he still would have been the guy. He still would have been a legend. The reason I thought that is because I immediately went to when I was like heavy in wrestling and the first three people I thought of all had either a different character or turned heel. Yeah. Like I thought Undertaker. Okay, he started off as American Badass on the motorcycle chopper and now he's undead. Yeah. Randy Orton went absolutely psycho, started hearing voices and stuff, boom. And then Batista.
He was fantastic, turned heel, and I was like, holy shit. I was like, is John Cena really the only goat of goats, multiple-time champion that didn't have one of these? And that's why it's such a big deal. He's the only one. Hogan had it. Yeah, Hogan had it. Everybody had it.
But everybody had it. So does that... Is there any validity to what that person tweeted? Like you have to have a field turn or a different... I think from 99% of wrestlers, yes. But I think with John Cena, he's such an anomaly. He literally is like the... Yeah, I think it's so good because it keeps him in the WWE longer as...
because he's going to retire at the end of the year, right? And he's never going to wrestle again. I hope he doesn't. No, he's genuinely he's never. I genuinely believe he's never because he said, I'm done. But I think he's going to come into the WWE as The Rock is doing. He's going to be, he's going to come in in a suit. Actually, he f***ing
It's at a press conference, and I might just be putting two and two together. Talk to us. He told someone at his first retirement press conferences, he's like, once my final match, I'm hanging up the jorts, you'll only see me in the WWE in a suit. These are the exact words. He said, I'll still be a part of the WWE, but you'll only see me in a suit. So this goes to the corporate scene. I just turned heel. I joined The Rock, and I'm going to f*** everybody as a corporate guy. God damn, the WWE is...
Great. Quick, quick side notes. Jorts in 2025 is criminal. Yeah, dude. He has to tan. He needs to tan before these matches. I don't know why he stopped doing that. Dude, he has to tan. I know he's not going to cut his hair and I've accepted it, but you have to tan. His hair sucks. You're starting to get wrinkles and you're so pale. Like, my God, you are not the John. Please. Oh, golly. But anyway, that was Pop Culture Payday Camp. Pop Culture Payday Camp. Pow!
Kim, get us out of here. Hey, there we go. Absolutely love and appreciate every single one of y'all. Come back to episode 155 of the You Should Know podcast. Before we talk about some specifics, confuse the casuals, get your good karma with this week's secret code. Oh, we're really going to get them. You had to stay to the end of the episode for this one. Okay. JCT. You had to stay to the bare butt end to get this code. JCT. JCT.
John Cena turned. John Cena tan. Tan. But either or. Tan or turned. It works. JCT. And if someone says, where'd they leave the code? Tell them you got to watch the whole episode to find out. Leave it everywhere. Instagram, Facebook.
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Everything you need to know is all there, and we absolutely love you, and thank you for coming back. And remember, one out of ten quad bears don't make it home to Christmas, and we will see you next time. Yes. No, he's really white. Please put some tan on. He needs to tan.