209 - Habitually Fat & Angry - The Kinda Consensual Crossover | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 209
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Say hi to

ready for this okay you gotta say hey hey do you know what month it is

It is April 17th. We're doing Autism Awareness Month. Uh-huh. Because we're helping people with... Autism. Yeah? Mm-hmm. Autism. You put a big smile on your face? Mm-hmm. Bruh! That's not a smile. That's not... There's a real smile. You little goober.

Hey, first off, thank you so much for the freaking insane response already. We just broke $50,000 in money made so far. You all always show up and step up to the plate and really make a difference. We cannot ask for a better community. The best community ever. Is it? Yeah. Do you love them? How much?

You love them that much? That's crazy. I love you, big boy. Give me a kiss. Thank you. Now, I know what you're thinking. What, Eli? What the? That shirt, though. What is that shirt? Oh.

Weaponize autism. Caution. Autism. Intentional special interests. ASD. No eye contact. This is my favorite freaking shirt we have ever done. And part of it is because of all of you. We read the comments. We read the responses. And you guys asked for even better design for this month.

You know what? Y'all deserve that. Easy. And you deserve this next thing. All the old autism shirts are going to be up for sale for the remaining of the month. And 100% of all these profits are going towards those amazing causes. So thank you. Thank you. Now, how do we make this even better? And how do we raise even more money? I had an idea.

Introducing the Tisms. That's right, they are called the Tisms. We wanted to launch a pair of shoes that represent being different, but also being awesome at the same time. And I think these

I'm so proud of these. And on top of that, any money spent will enter you to win some amazing stuff. These shoes? Yup. That safe over there worth a couple thousand dollars? Yup. Eli, what about the full metal spectrum shirt? Even better, we have a one-of-one helmet that we'll be giving away too. Look at this. Bored.

Dude, thank you so much, Tommy and Hard Headed Veterans, for making this. Also, Maximus Knives creating a one-of-one blade. It looks amazing, and it is hand-forged. And down in the link below, you'll be able to bid on these bad boys. Silos, yeah!

Fat electricians, one of one. I love communism shoes. Shame he never wore them. But we know we could probably raise a good chunk of change for these. And then 100% of whatever we raise will be going towards that final number at the end of the month. It's a whole bunch of stuff to buy and a whole lot of chances to win. You looking at signs? Show the camera.

Guys, gals, I hope you enjoy this episode. And more importantly, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for making stuff like this possible for me, for the guys, for Raiden, and for all the individuals out there that will truly benefit from something like this. Keep doing amazing things. We are so thankful on this side. Each and every day, you change this little man's life.

Y'all did that and you changed my life. So thank you always. And this is how I pay it forward. And I'm going to continue to pay it forward until I take my last breath. I'm blessed. We're blessed. And now because of you, we can bless others. I hope you all know how much you mean to us. Thank you from the bottom of all our hearts. Love y'all. Community. Right. You want to say something to the camera? I like making signs. Yeah.

What kind of signs? Prohibited signs. Thank you for the happy birthday. And to the parents out there, this might be something you can do. I, Ryan and me, still do it to this day. Ready, Ryan? Let's do the 10. Talk in here. I'm smart. I'm handsome. I'm funny. I make people laugh. I make people smile. I always help others. I'll never give up. Always want to smile. More enjoy me. And more enjoy yourself. So proud of me.

Hey, smile butt. Hey, big smile butt.

Stop. Bye. Love you guys. Let's get some shoes. Shit, let's light this candle. We're waiting on that guy with the face over there and the beard, not the brown one, the slightly whiter one. Which guy? Green-Eyes Bearded. The racist. Green-Eyes Bearded Dragon of the KKK. Oh my god! Shit!

We're like 30 seconds in. It's the grand bearded eye, green eyes bearded dragon. Green eyes, grand bearded dragon. Oh my god. Green eyes bearded dragon has told us all the darks. Why am I in all the racist episodes? It's time to duel. You're not a host.

I know, but I'm on all the racist episodes. You're not a host. Oh, that's fair. Because I'm fucking here, dude. That's how we're going to start it. And now we just go, three. Oh, fuck. Screwed him. I don't know why I just kept looking around the table like it was going to materialize. Three, two, one.

Hi, everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribed podcast. I'm joined today by Eli Double Tap, fat electrician, angry cops, habitual line crosser, Brandon Herrera, myself, donut operator. You are getting into a star-studded podcast today. What's going to happen? We don't know.

It's unsub versus kind of consensual. We are. The battle. We're also here. Kind of consensually. We forced this to happen. Well, I will say we can't do all the stories that are out there because all Brandon's are still classified. Fuck off.

Rich, are you going to say something? Oh, yeah. How much did you spit onto this microphone? It is visibly wet. No, that's from the thing. Sorry. Can you fit your mouth around it? You just do the gluck gluck 9000. I don't know. It's a way of passage. Yes. I remember I was on like right after you did it. Dude, I love watching. Here we go.

Hey. Hey, how you doing? Hold on to my hand real quick. Okay. Okay. We're having a conversation. Okay. It's us versus them today. Okay. Okay. Okay. Don't embarrass me in front of my friends. You're embarrassing me in front of the wizard. I guess that's it, folks. I'm going to go ahead and wrap up. I'm going to just... You're starting it. All right. I'm going to shut up. There we go. Until Richard cares he's dressing for success, he looks just like me, drinking a bush light and everything. I'm just saying you can be replaced. No. No.

So, you know, just letting you know, Eli, if you've ever need, you know, somebody to fill in that can be, you know, as equally ignorant and hairy. I need to hear your best. Today we're going to talk about a whole bunch of people doing some stuff at a time that I wasn't a part of and I'm going to get upset about it. Delete me. This is accurate. Where's my hot wife so I can put guns in and not have to pay for them? Yeah.

At least it's entertaining. Check out the woman that I banged! Ta-da! Eli, what are we talking about today? I have so much to... Okay, well, we have... We'll just start this one off with the charities. We'll go into that, but before we do that...

Remember this fucking thing? Oh, no. I opened it. Dear God. That was the worst thing I've ever done in my life. Is that what we're doing? I would... Spelling salts? The world's strongest one? Let's not do that. Oh, the things that Connor was freebasing? So this sealed, sealed and sealed was like... It'll short circuit your brain for a second. So I opened it and was like, I wonder...

I reset. I just started hopping around. I hit my back of my head a couple times. I ran to the bathroom right before. Really? Yeah. I was like, go! Dude, that's... Is it just ammonia? Yeah. It's just ammonia, isn't it? You know it's good when the brand name is... I was like, there it is. I was like, go! I think I got a whiff as it went by. Oh, I'm like, my heart's going. Oh my god. Rich. Why is my heart going? That's... Oh god, it's still here. Dude, that's sealed.

It's in my white cloth. Oh. Ugh. I didn't want that smell. It does burn the nostrils. That smells like embalming fluid, man. Oh my god. And for the camera, that is sealed sealed. That is in a sealed case. So I accidentally opened that before this. Dude, Connor loves this stuff. I want it. Dude, this, when you... King Trial was freebasing that shit. Dude, do not, like, just, like...

Just come on camera first before you do. But, like, just don't go... We're not going to hop it. Just the tiniest... No, that's nothing. You're just fucking babies.

Bro, alright, hold up. Sorry I didn't call y'all babies. Dude, like it is a full fucking reset. I'm gonna go for a walk. Dude, he did what I did. You don't smell it. You're like, oh, it's not that.

You can see how much my eyes are watering, right? Yeah. Oh. Oh, fuck. I just saw Connor get force reset. Dude, it... Yeah. He held down the power button for five seconds. You're like, I watched him do the PlayStation 2, like, Why am I still getting whiffs of it? with the cubes. Bro, that was the worst experience I've had in a long time. I was like, man, I want to nap so bad. I'll just do, like, a... What is...

Wide awake. I don't want to nap anymore. No. All right, I want more. I'm still getting whiffs of it. Did it drip somewhere? I'm getting it too. Okay, fuck. Oh, it's really bad right here. Oh, God. That's why I opened the thingy too. The big boys with muscles do those, right? Open it and then give it a little. All right, guys. Welcome to Unsub. Dude, Joe Rogan talks about that, the awe.

No, you have to open it, Brandon. No, I'm just like, I'm smelling it from here, like it's wild. It's... It just smells like cat pee. Go! Take it, take it, take it. Oh god, I'm getting residuals. Yeah. That shit has some recoil. Alright, you boys wanna do a podcast now? Let's fucking do it. Oh my god. Starting defense! Steal at the table!

Rich, how's the Merv doing, man? I've got three of them now. You have what? You have two? They're multiplying? I have three. Why? Because when we did the podcast up there in Buffalo. You still doing it? Yeah, sorry. I'm just, I'm not all right. We came up there for Buffalo and you brought the Merv out for us. It was fucking amazing. You have three now. I have three.

So I've got the Merv 19, which is the one that you guys were on. What is the Merv? So the Merv is the morale response vehicle for everybody that doesn't know. It's a fire truck that I was able to take it over the course of like a couple of years during COVID turned into like a massive tailgating mobile. And I take veterans and first responders out to Bill's games and I'll go to their birthday party or stag in Western New York.

And we get them hammered, all the booze. I put the booze on it. And it's sponsored by you. You have the Donut Operator gaming station where I have an N64 with some classic games on it. Ooh, throwback. Gold 9. So you have the Merv 19. That's the OG one. I have the Merv 13, which my buddy uses primarily for the KIA Memorial Rock March in Western New York every August.

It's a veteran non-for-profit. And then we just got the new one and it's a massive rescue. And like, it's, it's like 10 feet wide. And,

And when you open up the storage containers or the storage doors, you can look through to the other side. Like you could just slide 30 racks of bush light from one side to the other. And it's got this large pull out like metal, like hook wall, you know, like you hang tools on the wall and like old workshops and stuff like that. You can pull it out. And our plan is to put TVs on either side of it.

So did you just get that? We got that last, uh, we got it like early autumn of 2024. So that's got to get a sound system put into it. It's got a, it's got an 18 foot spotlight on top of it. So you can light up the area. It's, it's got the indoor seating area has a desk and five outlets. You can, and it's got like a skylight. It's,

It's a little intense. Basically, if you guys don't know what Rich is putting down, he takes old fire trucks and turns them into the coolest fucking bars ever. I'm a bad bitch. And then you pick us up in it. Oh, you did pick us up in it. And play Miley Cyrus in the USA. I like how all the other live shows, it's like, drop us off in the back. And then we go to Buffalo. It's like, pull up with the sirens on. It's my town. It's my people.

Own that shit. Oh, autism month. This will be, what, this week? Next week? Speaking of fire trucks, autism month. Yeah. I mean, that's as autistic as it gets. Yeah, dude. Trucks and trains. Yeah. See? Oh, and planes. And planes. Yeah. Yeah, we got the huge month going on, so we're trying to crush 250,000, but we have a safe. We have the new autism shoes. We have the bidding for your one-of-one communism shoes. We have...

I will say, like, moms love this shirt. Traveling, I've never been stopped by females for shirts. Oh, my God, my son's autistic. I love that shirt. I love that shirt. Oh, that's a really dope shirt. I was like, oh, I like this. This is universal. It's not aggressive. Do you like MILFs that are definitely going to be packing snacks? Wear that shirt.

Don't get laid. So go check that shit out. We're super stoked for that. And you've all crushing it so far. This is my free juice box shirt. You know what I'm going to have as an after sex snack? Your gushers.

And some of that string cheese. Hmm. New daddy ate my gushers. I do not like him. I will set fire to his truck. New daddy ate my gushers. That's the real next autism shirt. New daddy ate my gushers. It's just a kid just like this with like an evil face. That could be a Halloween shirt too. It's the same face but you put the Freddy Krueger fingers on it. Hey, Eli. What's up, Brandon? Ah.

Just getting ready for today's ad. Oh, you mean the perfect gene, Brandon? I do mean the perfect gene. You want to touch my genes, Brandon? Jeez, fuck. Thank you for that. Picture this. 700,000... Hold on, I'm picturing it.

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It's time to stop crushing your balls and uncomfortable jeans by heading over to theperfectjean.nyc. Fuck your khakis. Free returns and free exchanges when you use code UNSUB15 at checkout. And one more time, our listeners, get 15% off your first order plus free shipping. Once again, that's code UNSUB15 at checkout. After your purchase, they're going to ask you who sent you. This is not like a fight club thing where you don't talk about it. Please, by all means, tell them that we sent you their way. And remember...

Fuck your khakis. Get the perfect jean. Have we talked about how much your son loved New York? Oh, no. I don't know if we talked about riding. You took riding out and like he loved New York. He loved seeing all the sights and stuff. We had one day to knock out all of New York's buildings because riding had a schedule to keep and there was like seven places plus. He had his schedule to keep, right? Yeah. How bad does he want to go to Dubai?

Paris is his. Really? Yeah. He wants really Paris and England because he's like, and then I can see the Louvre and this and this and this and this. I'm like, okay, cool. So New York was land go walk and walk. And I was like, he's going to want to go home soon. Yeah. Homeboy. Other than when we went to the statue of Liberty, he got really good, like really fucking good photo. Happy. Also cold. So he was miserable. He came back. I was like, ready? Ride the double back, duck or a bus back, buddy, which he usually loves. He's like, no, I want to take a taxi.

I am sleepy. I was like, are you sure? And the double decker buzz, you love those. It's like, no, I am good, daddy. I was like, okay. We hopped in, got home, passed out. He had the time of his life and yeah, now he's like, okay, that was great. Now I want to go to, uh, I think, oh, DC. Oh, no. Yeah. Gross. And then you get to find out they charge a hundred dollars per person, right at the top of like the empire state building or anything.

Wow. That's $100 to go to the top of the Empire State Building? Mm-hmm. Probably part of the congestion tax. Thanks, Kathy Hochul. This shit's expensive. Idiot. Expensive. Paying $100 to go to the top. You'd have to be retarded. I don't even think it costs that much to go to the top of the version. He's wearing a shirt.

Golden Dome. Golden Dome. What about it? I wrote a note. Not that. Dude, I thought the same thing. I wrote it down because you talked about info on the Golden Dome. I was like, I don't know what the fuck that is. I thought you were talking about your head. I was like,

Yeah, some really good head. So, so it depends. Do you want me to go like missile to light or heavy? Okay. All right. So the golden dome has been proposed by president Trump. He put it into action. And what it is, is it's a nationwide intercontinental ballistic missile defense for the United States. Now the United States right now has a program of record that is currently in use. It's called GMD ground-based mid course defense. They use these things called GBI is ground-based interceptors, by the way, fun fact, they travel at mock 33. Okay.

Yeah, that's for you guys. Yeah, that's the misaltism. Those are fucking cooking. Yeah, they're fucking cooking. They're moving. Downside is they're $77 million a piece and we only have 44 of them.

So right now we have a whole bunch of different sensors. Like when it comes to the world of radars, America makes better radars than everybody else in the fucking world. Like we have Cobra Dane radar, which is, I didn't even know where it was. It's on the Aleutian islands in Alaska and it's a low frequency radar. And it's, it's been around since like the 1970s. And we use that one. We use this thing called SBX, which is the sea-based X-band radar. We have one of them and it watches the Pacific and,

The whole thing. At the same time. All of it. All of it. Just before we have to make some phone calls. This is all declassified. Yes, of course. I verified all this.

And then that also means we have cooler shit. Much cooler. So then we have Aegis, the Aegis combat system with the, what is it? The Spy 1 and Spy 6 and Spy 7 from the United States Navy on board their Arleigh Burke class destroyers and their Ticonderoga class cruisers. And then we also have these things called LRDRs, Long Range Discrimination Radar. Oh.

Oh, that's like us. Cody and Rich. Cody, you and I do long-range discrimination. That's only in underprivileged neighborhoods. You guys were beat cops. That's short-range. He's still got it because we were driving through Texas the other day and he was just like, minority! And then he locked the doors. I was like, yeah, he's got it. What color are the silhouettes that you guys shoot at in training?

African American. Black shit. What do we call it? I'm going to get a water. Anybody need anything? No, no. Just stop eating. I'm sorry. You're on your tism right now. I have never seen anyone bully people so well on Twitter. I thought I was good at bullying people on Twitter, but when people start talking about missiles and attacking the United States or attacking other countries, you're like...

Honestly, I learned from you. So I will say that I got Twitter when Brandon was running for office because you guys were in a knockdown drag out battle with his opponent. And I was like, I just want to watch. And then I watched you. Of all people. I started seeing what Cody was saying on Twitter. And I was like,

I could do that. I could do that. And now me and you are tag teaming Iran. It's my favorite pastime. Like, honestly, more than any social media I open on my phone, Twitter is number one. I'm just like, all right, let's see whose day I can.

ruin let's just scroll through this it's my favorite pastime i love how they're parading around like the iranian military is like parading around cripples in formation they're just like we could fuck up the united states i'm just like dude you guys are the people that like are the tutorial of the game we actually want to play

I broke it down mathematically because I did a video, USA versus, it's my USA versus the world series. And it was versus Gaza. And what I ended up doing for most of the video was talking about the history of Gaza and Israel. And frankly, the more I read, the less I know who the fuck it belongs to. I have no idea why everyone wants to kill each other for that chunk of land.

Beautiful area. Yeah, I guess. But Gaza is on. It could be. Originally, I was like, let's just see if I can prove this mathematically. How fast did the U.S. take Iraq? Okay, we took it in X amount of days. It was like 33 days. How many square miles is Iraq? It was like 7,000 square miles. Okay, how big is Gaza? 141 square miles. I was like, okay, let's do some math, break this down. 26 minutes, by the way. The United States could take Gaza in 26 minutes.

That was on my list of shit to look up. 32 minutes, the whoppers will be ready.

To be fair, in actuality, it's taken Israel a few thousand years. That's fair. Don't make those people mad, Brandon. I was going to say, I feel like those people is worse. What are they going to do? Donate millions of dollars against this political campaign? God forbid. Like a pack of them? A super pack of them? No.

I don't know how much of that we can even keep. That was... I'm going to get another water that I'm not going to get. Just put black bars over Brandon's eyes. Redacted Brandon. Yeah, just pops up and then goes away. Punished Brandon. But jumping back to the Golden Dome. So is it, you know, a lot of people ask me like, is this realistic? Okay, first of all, you got to understand we're the United States of America. Anything we...

want to do is realistic. Like we just, we do shit because we can, we have a knife missile. We have just like crazy amounts of shit that the United States has built. And it's just like, why not? Like that's kind of the U S mentality. So is it going to be expensive? Yes. However, the goal is to build a network of sensors that all talk to each other. Now, sensors that talk to each other and say, Hey, I see this here is an easy thing. The world has that.

But sensors that say, hey, I'm looking at this thing. I need you to fire your missile and guide it until it's within my radar fan. It's like we were talking about last time with the relay race of sensors and missiles. Imagine like you're a sniper and you have spotters all along your path. And every time you squeeze the trigger, your spotter, as it gets into their flight path, takes control of that round and guides it where it needs to go. It's the same principle. It's a really difficult concept. Is it possible? Yes, absolutely. But...

Then we get into like what is considered, and this is the part of my job that I really hate. It's kind of like playing God. We do what's called a CVT assessment, criticality, vulnerability, and threat. Now is Pawtucket's farm in fucking Pennsylvania, Iowa important? Yes, because we need sustenance for our forces. However, is it important as where we build bullets, bombs, ships, things like that?

No, it's not as important in the short term. So we need to protect those assets more. It's kind of like the Fight Club thing of where they do the mathematics on, is it more expensive to do a recall versus the lawsuits on the people they kill? Exactly. Exactly. So the same thing with us is we base... I'm glad somebody got it. You build a whole plan based off of what is the highest priority target. And it's the same thing that Israel does with the Iron Dome and Arrow 3 is...

if your Iranian missile, which is hot dog shit to begin with, is going to land in the middle of the...

desert they're not even gonna shoot at it they're just gonna laugh at you like when the the uss uh was it the dwight d eisenhower uh the hoothies fired at an american ship and they missed by a hundred miles i know those guys really yeah they missed by a hundred miles here god so i know what did they fire that was that bad an 80 dog a dog and a cat i guess it's so bad man yeah

It's like, why didn't you just fire the... Why didn't you just throw the explosives in the catapult? Funny. We tried this thing very, very, very many times. But yeah, no, so is it possible? Yes, but we're going to have to prioritize the highest assets first before we prioritize the lower assets. It's going to be an overwhelming amount of sensors that network together. You're going to need a large amount of manpower to man these sensors together.

And right now we're currently replacing our GBI's or ground-based interceptors with the NGI's next generation interceptors from Lockheed Martin, which are $111 million a piece. And rumor has it they also traveled at Mach 33.

So there's my missile test. How's the missiles firing, like flying that fast? That is cooking. How fast is the, what's the fast jet, Blackbird? Mach 3. Mach 3 is the SR-71, yeah. And that is built loosely because the heat then expands. Yeah, expands the titanium. But we don't have hypersonic missiles. I fucking hate that so much.

Based off of the logic of hypersonics, which is anything that travels over Mach 5. I don't like using Mach because Mach is speed. Audio or what is it? Sound travels different at different altitudes. So pretty much anything that travels over one mile per second. We've had hypersonics since 1946 with the V2 missile program.

which traveled at 1,700 meters a second at its fastest altitude. Well, the people that we paper clipped away from the G2 anyway. We just borrowed them. Like it's, you know, hey, you can go to prison or you can build us some really cool rockets. Mach 33 is guess how many miles an hour? 32,000, something like that. 25,000 miles an hour. Well, I mean, the slam missile was just designed to stay up in the air.

atmosphere permanently wasn't it yeah they uh so china actually has one like that it's a their dfzf it's the df-17 and it's the hypersonic glide vehicle but it they fire it up and it just loiters in orbit as long as they need it to until they're ready to drop it down kind of like what we were talking about with the in the video that you cameoed on my channel with the uh the hot laps on the the b-52 chrome dome oh that's a great one

one where it's just like they just had a fucking aircraft in the air ready to nuke at any given moment and they were just doing hot well I don't know about the Chinese one but the it was like the 1960s we came out with the slam yeah the slam I think it was also if I'm not mistaken it's been a little while since I read about the slam wasn't that also the one that they had nuclear propulsion with yes small nuclear the slam missile was a nuclear propelled missile that would go super high up and literally just do hot laps around the planet in perpetuity forever

Until they said, oh, land here. And then it would just... That's the sort of shit that makes me kind of okay with paying taxes. Yeah. It's like, that's pretty cool. It's... Well, so here's the thing. When you talk about hypersonics, you run into what's called the rocket problem. And this is my tism coming off, right? So...

The rocket problem is based off of physics. How fast can you make that object going with the thrust that it is producing? But you also have to factor in wind resistance, heat, drag, everything. Yeah, so fuel. So like ballistic missiles nowadays, they travel at like Mach 9 or something like that, but that's when they're at apogee. The phases of flight of a ballistic missile are launch, boost, apogee, separation, and terminal.

Most systems engage in the terminal phase, like THAAD, Terminal High Altitude Air Defense, and then Patriot is in the terminal phase. The only exception to this is GMD, which is in the midcourse. So that is usually right around Apogee. That's why it has to move at Mach 33, because it has to meet that target when it's moving that fucking fast. Like, dude, missiles are so fucking cool. Like, for example, THAAD, right? Terminal High Altitude Air Defense, which, by the way...

on paper is the most effective air defense system in existence it has had four shots and four kills in American history that is the only time THAAD has ever fired and has killed everything it's ever fired at what was it fired at? dogs more dogs? god damn I ran by the way slam missile nickname for my penis it's also a loitering munition waiting to be called upon it turns out the THAAD was used exclusively by the ATF

So that has been fired at Houthi missiles and Iranian missiles. But that is really cool. And I'm saying this just because, again, I'm not that qualified. But this is I was talking to one of my students and they were kind of explaining this to me on class. All my classes on class. You're explaining you're like, I'm not qualified on it. I'm like, I mean, none of us knew this exists. Yeah, that's fair.

But that is the epitome of, but first let me take a selfie, right? So this is the way it works. It's a two-stage missile. Takes off like a bat out of fucking hell, right? Like moving wave, makes Patriot look like a slow goat, if that makes sense to everybody. Flies past it. Yeah. Separates. Separates. Then the warhead takes a picture of the object it's supposed to intercept, right?

It then sends that picture back to the radar, which then does an infrared or digital overlay and says, yep, that's the target. It sends it directly to ChatGPT. They do a Studio Ghibli photo of the target, and then it intersects. Do they then make it one of those action figures? Exactly. Exactly.

That action figure tells me I need to go to the gym. What does Miss Number Five look like? Yeah, right? But yeah, it overlays the picture and then boom, it just smokes it. Sends it right for it. Sends the warhead right for it, which I think is one of the coolest interceptors that we have. We have a lot of interceptors out there. That's one of the coolest. Also terrifying we have that tech and we just don't use it that much. Oh, yeah.

With you explaining what the gold dome is supposed to be, I'm just kind of surprised that we don't have something like that already. So right now. At least that we know about. So GMD is, again, the program of record. We just, it's a limited system. Now when people like, so we have 40 missiles in California and four of them in Alaska. Yeah.

That sounds like a lot of missiles until you realize they send between 2-5 interceptors at every single target to get that high probability of kill. So you run through that really quick, fast, and in a hurry.

We need a lot of interceptors, but you also need qualified people who are able to fire those interceptors, which is the problem we run into. Like air defense right now, our retention rate, like maintaining people in the air defense branch is really difficult because we just run a ragged because every COCOM commander out there thinks air defense is an infinite resource. Well, we'll just put Patriot there. We'll just put that there. And these guys are like,

12 months out, 9 or 12 months back, and then 12 months out, they're constantly fucking deploying. We never slowed down. When GWAT ended, air defense never slowed down. We're running ragged right now.

But there is a big push to expand our branch exponentially. Like it's finally, it's really good because the powers that be, I don't know if it's, I don't know if it's the Pentagon. I don't know where it is, but they're like, we need air defenders and they have been pushing people through. Now we don't have enough instructors. We have people at the AIT advanced individual training schoolhouse.

And they're having to wait there for nine to 12 months before they can even enter class because class is now you're making me feel bad about getting you to quit. This is a perfect time for you to just do the Jake Gyllenhaal bounce out. But it's, I mean, it's, it's such a cool like program. Like we can absolutely do it. So I worked, uh,

Okay. I got to be very careful here and thread some line. I worked on a program called IBCS, which is the integrated air missile defense battle command system. I think that's what Eli has. Yeah. I can't have milk. No cheese, no milk, no dairy. And that system is any shooter, any sensor. So like it passes interceptors in real time. So I, it was probably the highlight of my career. Been all downhill since there. 2010,

And this is all in class. You can look it up. IBCS flight test five. You can see it on YouTube. It's all there. I engaged two missiles that were flying a cruise missile profile low and fast. They were maneuvering. Well, I couldn't see them with my sensor.

but I had other sensors networked in with me. So I fired circumstantially and nothing. And in the middle of the engagement, F-35s grabbed my birds and sent them into the targets, which is terrifying. You can use surface-to-air missiles with F-35 air picture. Oh, so the pilots drove them to where they needed to be. That's fucking cool. That's what they're doing with the new F-15EX. Oh, yeah, the EX, yeah. That's the whole strategy is they just took the F-15s and made them...

be able to carry way more ammo, like way more missiles. They're basically a fucking missile truck. And the F-35, so it's like an F-35 and four F-15s. And the F-35 is like the mothership. 10,000...

above the F-15s using its sensor. And it's just sending the targeting data directly to the F-15s. So you turn them into a 200 million dollar Wi-Fi router. That's pretty much literally like it's like a it's like a mothership in an alien. F-35 is like a computer with wings. It is the smartest thing that has ever flown. And its sensor is like its radar is beast.

And it was cool as shit. Like after I did the shot, which was, I'm so glad we hit our targets. I was worried, but I'm so glad it was a, it was a preliminary test. And then afterwards the pilots were like radio down to us. They're like, you guys want to see us do some maneuvers? Look, if I ever say no to that, just go ahead and chop my dick off, man. Like, do I want to see F-35s do backflips and barrel rolls over top of me? Absolutely. I do. But you had good effect on target. The wedding never saw it coming.

Yeah, that wedding party in a rectangle out there in the desert somewhere. Yeah. Hey, Brandon, you ever wake up in your bed feeling like you just fought in the war?

All clear? Yeah, what do you ask? You ever wake up and feel like you slept in a sauna? Yeah, I believe that's called night sweats. Means you got a trash mattress, Brandon. Why are we talking like Macho Man Randy Savage? Because today we're talking about our premier sponsorship, GhostMed.com. GhostMed mattresses are built with cooling technology. So you're not sweating through your sheets like some street bugs.

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I'll show up under your bed and make ghost noises until you do. Go now. I just want to reiterate, none of this was in the script. I don't know why we started talking like Randy Savage.

So I have a question that I'm a not sure if you can answer and I'm not sure I know I want to know the answer. Okay. You're talking about like those things like they're they're being like the most intelligent things that have ever flown and like all this data and everything.

To what degree is the DoD interfacing AI into stuff like that? So I don't know fully because the DoD compartmentalizes information really well. But I will tell you, it was brought up to me on a project that I worked on and myself and several other NCOs who are really competent. What we did is we gave the AI a moral dilemma.

So when I was talking about the CVT assessment, criticality, vulnerability, and threat, we prioritize the threats one through eight. Don't do it, Rich. Don't do it, Rich. I don't even know what you're going to say. Don't do it. Prioritize them one through eight. Don't do it, Rich. Don't do it.

Fire and forget, Richard. Just go on. You're doing a good job. I am proud of you. You haven't embarrassed me yet. You've done great. So I'm not going to fuck you up because you're doing a good job. All right? I'm sitting back and letting you shine.

All right, friend. So we prioritize the targets one through eight. And then I think it was like target three or four. We just bombarded with missiles. We threw everything at it. Now the logical response is to reserve your missiles on those higher priority assets because they are a higher priority. The moral answer is to, Hey, how about we protect these things equally? And if priority one isn't getting fucking smoked, we, we send the resources to priority four. Okay.

So it's separate but equal? You couldn't resist. I got him to keep it in. You gotta segregate them, I get it.

Um, so the system, the AI prioritized it as a lower priority and, uh, didn't, it did the logical thing instead of the moral thing. And that's why we were like, look, was that a pass or a fail? Uh, that was a fail. Okay. Um, so our, like for us, what we ended up like the agreement that we kind of came to, and this is not under NDA. This was just like a separate thing. Um,

We came to the agreement that AI can augment operators, but AI cannot make lethal decisions on behalf of operators. So that's where we came to. Like, if it can give me information faster and at the right speed so I know what I'm looking for, I'm all for it. But it should never be able to pull the trigger. It's like Brandon driving, like...

The car is driving. He just kind of has one hand on the steering wheel. Yeah, the full self-driving that is basically like if I close my eyes, it

yells at you kind of shit if i'm texting it yells at you yep dude i was in uh it says it doesn't see your face it's like you're not making maintaining eye contact with the road it's crazy how good it is at that do we the the fucking the thing the white house released the other day the hooties gathering in the circle that's right yeah the rectangle thing so rumor has it and this is through the rumor mill i have no way to confirm this but that that was a jasm and i think that was the first time jasm jasm is the uh joint

Was it joint? Jism. Jism missile. Jism. I had a massive jazz in the corner. Joint something, or joint airborne standoff strike missile, I think. I'm shooting in the dark there. I'm sure somebody will correct me if I get it wrong. So were they, but it seemed to land. Did you see afterwards? It should look like the moon. Like it was perfect. Be like, did you see that one? Yeah. Yeah. I just saw the presentation. The president tweeted it. That's how I was. I was like, oh, they're just tweeting this now. That is. Bro, but you.

The president of the United States is tweeting snuff films. That's fucking wild. I'm here for it. The shit on LiveLeak we used to watch the president's like, look at this shit, yo. But I've seen a lot of Predator feeds. I've never seen one that clear. Like, have you ever seen one that clear? I've never seen one that clear. Dude, tech is getting insane. Like, that was 4K...

wide angle, 120 frames. Like that was beautiful. We're getting close to the fucking slow-mo replay. It's so good, man. We're taking sponsors. An orgy has them. Steak is underneath it. There's a little line like, steak patting.

this this killing of 18 hoothies brought to you by buffalo wild wings there was a whole lot more than 18 there man i think afterwards like you see all their bodies just blown out i'm sorry that's fucked up i shouldn't like make fun of that yes that's the worst thing that's been said on this podcast like i'm a reasonable person but i don't like i'm i'm not one of those like i want to negotiate with terrorists we should talk with terrorists like you should be eradicated

Like you're either a terrorist or a terrorist sympathizer. You should give us the information. We'll pay you handsomely. Like when, when you, when I was in Afghanistan and someone gave us Intel, like, Hey, the Taliban are here. This is where their stuff is. Blah, blah, blah. You got paid like.

bank like ten thousand dollars a pop for good intel so you're either a capitalist or you're a sympathizer i'm sorry for bumfuck afghanistan it's like you're a king oh yeah it's uh 47 to 1 when i was there was the turnover rate so that's what 470 000 or 4.7 million i don't math in public

You're quite fine. Yeah. I mean, that's just one piece of intel. Like, you can leave Afghanistan after that. Like, I live like a king. I'm out. Oh, unless we forget about you. I'm trying to think. You know the story. I'm not sure what you're allowed to talk about. I was going to talk about that. Oh, God. Yeah, that was one of the things I was going to bring up. What? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm lost. I don't know how much of that you can say, but that's up to you. Well, the investigation's over. Oh, so we're good? Yeah. Ready to go. Fucking, all right. Why? Buckle up, buttercup. This is the one I was going to tell you about. Okay. I haven't heard this one yet. I haven't fucked up in a couple days. I have a body. I have a body. I did an investigation on a guy for sleeping with a 12-year-old, and he unsubscribed. What?

Is this stateside or are we talking about like... Stateside. This happened last week. He unsubscribed from life. From life. Because I stuck on an investigation that I could have stopped because it was going nowhere. But because I had time and it wasn't really like setting me back, I kept the investigation alive. And most importantly, because he was guilty. Well, I knew that if I could just get...

a certain piece of evidence, then it would lead me to him. It was just a waiting game. Yeah. And I'm not saying that there's like, I'm not shitting on anybody. Like, I'm just saying that,

I decided that I was going to keep going on this case where I could have let it slide because I was hitting brick walls. I was telling you for the audience sake that you didn't just that you're like, yeah, I made this guy like you knew he fucking done that. Oh, he admitted to me. I'll tell the full story, but he fucking he chose to unsubscribe. So probably lead with what Brandon's for your career. Yeah. Once you realize like, oh, this guy's a fucking bitch.

It's like, oh, all of a sudden I care a lot less about his side of the story. It was a muscle, like, instinctive reaction on his part. Oh, you guys bully people off the internet. Wait till you see what I did. So this guy cut me off. I will never top that on Twitter. I just want you to know I will never top that. So I'll try to make this short and sweet and give you the information that I think I'm allowed to give. Because once again, the investigation's over. But I was, like, I called a hospital where a 12-year-old was...

This person went on the internet on a dating site and then met up with somebody on the dating site who was an older person. So the 12-year-old was on a dating site. 12-year-old was on a dating site. Jesus. It happened. You'd be surprised how often that happens. Dude, the internet is a fucking scary place for fucks sake.

teenagers, underage kids, the amount of like blackmail that young men get because they'll send a dick pic to somebody that they met on Instagram. Like I'm talking like 10, 12, 14, 16, you know, kids that are just like, you know, turning, going into puberty. And then they take that photo and then send them like a template that says, we will show your Instagram handle and your face and your dick that you sent us unless you give us money.

Like, there are tons of teenagers that fall for that trap. Yeah, my sister works with that shit all the time because she's a child crimes unit. Yeah. So, same. So, like, this kid has a hard life and because of that hard life made some bad decisions. Regardless...

She's – you look – it's not like, oh, what a well-developed teenager. You're a young lady. Oh, she looks like she's – no, no, no. She's a fucking 12-year-old. I don't want to give a physical description because I think that's too far. But she's an obvious 12-year-old. Like prepubescent. Yeah. Like goofy-looking hair and face and awkward shit. If this person walked into the house, he'd be like – 12. Yeah.

Do you want to play? Are you here for Pokemon? You know, that's, well, the wrong person to ask because... Not like the 17-year-old with a fake ID. Like, it's straight up very obvious. Not an icon situation. And dude, this dating app, they were very helpful, but it was...

You want to go down a conspiracy thing. It was like borderline satanic. It was like devil horns and everything and all about kinks and all fucked up. It was very weird. Anyway, so she gets on the dating app. She meets this older guy, which happens more often than you think. He picks her up, brings her home. They do the deed, drops her off back home with Uber. There you go. Tracking it now. Mistake one, motherfucker. So I'm...

Unfortunately, and I don't want to give away too much, but there was... Because there's another investigation with this poor kid. And this one's... Yeah. And I think that one's done. But if it's not, either way...

The kid was a mess and it made the investigation very difficult. And we were like, I was specifically. Just cooperation wise or like what? I can't say. I can just say that the kid was in rough shape because of what happened. And so that stonewalled my investigation and I was kind of like stuck. So eventually what I was able to do and...

I'm working with the district attorney's office, which were phenomenal, is I was able to get a warrant for Uber. And so Uber gave me the guy's email address, phone number, his name. And I was able to backtrack that, figure out if he had a registered vehicle, if he had a driver's license, which state, what were the addresses. And I had several addresses. And then before I went home that day, I just jumped in my truck and started driving around and going to these different locations to see if I could find his shit. And I found his car. And I was like, there's his fucking car.

And I see it and it's parked in apartment number so-and-so spot. And I'm like, oh, that matches with something else that I have. So I get another detective with me. And the thing is, the following day, I'm like, hey, I got to interview this guy. It's called a non-custodial interview, which means if you're not in custody, what don't you have to read, Cody? Yeah.

Your Miranda rights. You don't have to read them. They're Miranda rights. So people are more open. That was the law school. I was like, yeah. I was shooting in the dark. I was thinking the same thing. Yeah. Pledge of Allegiance. It's not immigration law. I'll ask you those questions. I...

I get so turned on when you're talking about being a cop actually doing police work, real police work to help people. It's super cool. Even when I was going after gangs and guns, like the ATF guys that were with me were like going after bad guys. The ATF division in Buffalo is phenomenal. Some of those guys really do like good work. Like,

Not to take the... Tell us about the ATF, Brandon. Not to take the side of the ATF on fucking literally anything, but there are legitimate roles that they play as far as like... There's door kickers in there that go after gang members and aren't trying to screw businesses over because they put a one instead of a zero at the end of a form. Arson investigations, things where there's like a real victim. It's like, well, yeah, there's like real shit there, but like, yeah, no, but there are also plenty of paper pushers that just want to like...

Take out mom and pop businesses. Make their careers fucking... Yeah, bureaucrats. Did the ombre's touch? The ombre's touched. I'm gonna put you in prison. Yeah, now my career's gonna advance. So speaking of bad touch... Oh, God. So I interview... Why? I love it. I'll f*** myself if I don't make jokes about it. So... Take that, YouTube.

So my buddy and I interview the guy and it's always like a game to me to be like, to like try and get them. Even if like, that's how I kind of stay sane is if a kid gets touched or there's the potential of a kid getting touched, we do interviews to see whether or not the kid makes some sort of statement that something happened. And if they don't, then I'm like, sweet, then nothing happened. False alarm.

Nobody's upset. That's great. But if a kid is, and he gives like a statement that something happened, I'm like, fuck yeah, we're going to get this dude. So it's like, it's a weird way to say win-win, you know, but it's a way that I'm like, all right, I've got to focus to try and get this bad guy. Right. Anywho, we talked to dude. We're like, Hey buddy, let's get out here. Let's talk a little bit about some stuff. Yeah. You're his friend right now. I'm his, Hey, I'm, I went through, I want, honestly, I want to get this guy, um,

on your podcast. It's not my place to put guys on your podcast, but he's absolutely brilliant. And he came in and taught our entire detective division how to do interviews over the past year. And he's an old MI5 guy and did undercover work in the IRA and was busting like bomb placers in the IRA. And I'd love to get him on here. Dude, a hundred percent. Dude, he's super interesting. And all he does is teach how to interview now. And when I tell you, he'll get you to talk just by guiding you, guiding you and listening. He,

creeped me out when we were in class holy shit did he scare the shit out of me anyway so i'm using these i don't think i want him on the podcast he's he's got some stories he's very and now we're in brandon's crying we get some shit on the podcast i don't think i want to podcast just slowly puts a burger king crown on me oh no i was saying get him and christian craghead on oh that would be very fun i was like you shouldn't meet him because they were i've

I bet you that they were, they know, they have the same friends. Yeah. I bet you they have the same friends. Fucking wild. So I interview this guy and part of the interview techniques are like, you be honest with them with what you can. If you lie to them, that doesn't really help. And it also doesn't really make you look good. You can absolutely do it. There's nothing wrong with that. But one of the ways that you tell the truth is I go, hey man, I'm investigating this woman for money.

I'm investing this woman and her relationships that she had with people potentially online, but any of our relationships, which is true. But also key word there is I'm saying woman, not child. Right. And no Miranda rights because he can leave at any time. It's non-custodial, a non-custodial interview. And he admits that he has sex with her. I show him a photo. He's like, yep. Yeah, that's her. She's a different name. But yeah, that's her.

I'm like, sweet. What is his incentive to be doing this? Why is he being so open? Because he's helping me investigate her. He's not helping me investigate himself. What's she under investigation for as far as like... Can't talk about that. I can only tell you that I'm investigating her and the relationships that she's been having with other men. So he just openly admitted to f***ing a minor. People want to help. Well, he knew. You know what's amazing? It's a lot of s***.

want to talk. I don't know why. So if you want to get it off their chest, they want to say the quiet thing out loud. I don't know why, but a lot of them want to talk. They want to show it's a show of power. It's like Mr. Swirly face. I think we might've touched base on that. The, the, the Photoshop guy, the, the swirl that was like a, like a cereal. Yes. And,

And then they unswirled it to find like five years of investigation. FBI was like, wait, what happens if we reverse swirl? His face just came perfectly into picture. It was like, oh, that's the guy. So were you doing the, like the Django Unchained thing where you don't go there to buy the Mandingo? No.

No, no, seriously, seriously. I go to the, no. Yeah. You're not going there to fucking buy his wife. You're going there to buy the biggest Mandingo. So like, you're talking about the woman, this, this, and this. I'm talking about the Mandingo. And they're going to reveal. Yeah. They're going to reveal the wife, Django's wife on the side. Like that's an investigatory. Does Buffalo PD have a wood chipper?

Not necessarily. You didn't go there to buy the farm. You went there to buy the cow. That's right. But I was talking about the farm. I'm talking about the thing that I'm investigating. I'm not lying to him when I'm saying that

It's not him. Yeah, I'm not really investigating you. I'm investigating the relationship, which is absolutely true. I don't give a shit about you. I give a shit about what the relationship was between you and her. Right? So it's the truth. And he makes these admissions. And then he made what I think is probably...

I'll just say what he said. A life-ending mistake, maybe? I'll just say what he said, and then you can say what you feel about it. He said, like, yeah, we didn't really have sex. We had sexual relations. And I'm like, okay, what's that mean? And he goes, well, you know, I received oral sex from her. And I go, okay, with a condom? And he's like, yeah, with a condom. You get a blowjob with a condom? Yeah. Has anybody ever done that? Not with a hooker?

Like the second I heard him, like, and I looked at my partner and we both had like this moment where we're like, well, that's more shit. You had a blow job without a, with a condom on. Okay. All right.

Whatever. Apparently, I am far darker than you guys because that's exactly where my head went and nobody here is like, oh yeah, that's bullshit. Anyway. I was with you. That sounds like the laziest attempt to reel back what he said. And it's exactly what he did. Saf really loves latex.

We do it all. The flavor of Trojan rimmed. Mmm. Mmm. Nothing like chewing on a bubblegum wrapper for, you know, ten minutes. That's great. It's like sucking on a balloon animal. That's what it is. Basically. The most disappointing balloon animal. Like sucking on the tread on the side of the road that's supposed to wake you up if you fall asleep.

So we leave. We leave him from questioning. Glad you enjoyed that, Nick. Oh! You pull that fast, it's like a little ripcord. It's like ripping a Beyblade.

Oh, this is really funny in any other context. Hey, Brandon. Yes, Eli? When you think of businesses that are just crushing it, bonker, onset, what's the first thing to enter your mind? That's easy, Eli. A good child labor law attorney. Huh? Eli, I said Shopify. What did you hear? Actually, it was the overlooked secret behind the business. Like I said, Shopify. Oh. Oh.

Which brings us to today's ad. Shopify. I mean, we use Shopify on a daily basis. That's right. We use Shopify for Bunker Branding and Unsub. Those magical shoes we have, well, they're linked through Shopify to the mythical store Bunker Branding. And because of Shopify, they communicate. It's like your mom and your dad on their anniversary night. Not yours. Not yours.

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Head over to Shopify.com slash unsubpod to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash unsubpod. All lowercase. Yeah, sorry to bring it down. Don't worry. The end. The end. The payoff. Well, there's a funny spot after the end. Really? So we leave. We go back. And, you know, just like anything, when you get like an admission to Guild, you're like, fuck, yeah, this is awesome. And so we go back. I talk with the ADA.

And we decide like, sweet, we're not going to ask him any more questions. He's said enough. He's already trying to back out of stuff. Let's get a search warrant for his phone. We'll get in his phone and see what's in his phone. So there's two types of search warrants that you need to get in somebody's phone, right? One, you need a search warrant to collect the evidence, to grab the phone. They need a search warrant to get in the phone, right? If they don't give you permission. Jailbreaking or whatever you want to call it, busting into an iPhone takes a long time, weeks, right?

So what you want to do is you want to get them to sign a permission to search. Even doesn't matter when, as long as he gives you the code and says you can look in it, that's going to make it so much faster. So I'm like, sweet. I call him up. I'm like, hey, dude, why don't you come over? I want to, you know, I got to talk to you for a second. Stop by. He's like, okay. So he comes over and my buddy is, my buddy whose nickname, he's six foot four and over three, he's like over 350. He's just, he slimmed down from over 400 pounds.

His nickname is the Slim Reaper because he's massive. But his nickname is the Slim Reaper because he's had three guys close the investigation for him. And I've said this before. We call it a baptized in the Niagara River. He's had two guys walk into the Niagara River during December and just like drown themselves because he was like, hey, what's going on? You touched a kid. I'm the investigator. And they were like, sweet.

Oh, my hero. Not that I have much sympathy for those people, but that is, we were talking about this a little yesterday. That is a wild way to yourself. Drowning? Is to intentionally drown yourself in a fucking river. Oh, the United River is rough too. It took a police officer, one of our divers. His safety line got cut. We don't know what happened. Fuck. But his safety line got cut and he drowned years ago.

Yeah, good guy too. This guy, totally off the topic of that diver. I mean, that's awful that it happened, but the fact that two people have done this in the Niagara River, this guy deserves like a medal from the fucking Buffalo Bay Raiders. What are the odds he's doing it? What's that? What are the odds that

Slim's tossing motherfuckers. He's dextring people. It's a public service. He does have the tism, so he could dexter the shit out of these people and be like, that's what happened. And tell me if that's too far to say as a joke. He just chucks them in at 350, slimmed down 350 pounds.

Not right. Well, the one guy didn't. So, I mean, at least that guy might not have been him. Jesus Christ. You know, like, how do you say, like, oh, he walked in or he was politely tossed in. You know, who knows? Politely tossed. Respectfully. Sir, I apologize for this. Politely fucking drowned. He doesn't have to throw him in. He's just like, get in. Get in.

In. Jump. So that comes in. That's some true detective shit right there. It's like the accountant where he's just like, you know, hey, we could do some awful shit to you and your wife or you could just take all that insulin. Yep. Anyways, your friends were at. So my friend's awesome. He's great. And eventually he's going to go to homicide very soon. I hope he's still. I hope. Love you, buddy. And, uh,

So he's down there with me talking to this guy as he comes in and I'm about to take his phone. And this guy's talking in circles like, hey, bud, listen, I'd like to know if you'd give me your phone so I can look through it. Oh, do I need a lawyer? Hey, you can have whatever you want, man. I'm just asking you, would you like to freely give up your phone? Because I want that permission to search. Yeah. I want to make it easier for the investigation. 20 minutes of it. And like my buddy's like looking at me like, dude, fucking just give him the warrant. I'm over this. And I'm like, all right.

Will you give me your phone? Yes or no? Will you give me your phone? Yes or no? Here's a search warrant. Oh, you're going to take my phone anyway? Yes. Can I look through my phone? No. I gave you the search warrant. That phone is mine now, even though it's in your hands. Give me the phone. He's like, okay. And he goes, well, I still want to show that I'm helping out the investigation. I was like, sign this permission to search. Give me your passcode and let me go in the phone. And he's like, and this is when I was like,

There's something on the phone is he goes, so like, well, you, well, you, well, we, what are you going to look at? Like, what do you look at? I'm like, well, we download your entire phone and we look at your entire phone. Like, we were like, what do you mean with my entire phone? I go, everything. I look at your entire phone. He goes, like, what do you take off of it? Like there's personal information on there. I go, listen, I'm going to look at your entire phone, everything in it. And you've got, if you get a dick pic with your girlfriend or there's a sex video with you and enough, like somebody that's what I don't care.

If it has to do with the case, we'll keep it. If it doesn't, we won't. But I'm going to look in your entire phone. And he's like, okay. So he signs the permission to search. And then I go upstairs and I turn in the phone and I start writing my notes for the case. And then the next day I'm notified homicide is at my guy's apartment. And I'm like, why is homicide? I know why. I know why. But why is homicide at my guy's apartment?

And I fucking call up the homicide detective that's there. And I'm like, hey, dude, what's up? And he's like, hey, do you know so-and-so? I go, yep. He's like, well, he's dead. And I'm like, really? What happened? He goes, well, he wrote a letter and he sent a text message for somebody who's come to my house and checked me out. I'll see you later. And he's gone. They did not, in fact, see him later. Well, they did just...

Not alive. Now, was it an easy death for himself? I can't tell. I don't feel like I can say how he did it. We can cut this part and then we can give reactions. Yeah. So we'll cut this part out. We can give reactions. Whoa. And then. And now I assume that he missed the first time because this is just this is assumption. I don't know for a fact, but there's there's two. There's two points here.

I don't want to... Because I'm trying to make sure that I can save the story without having all this deleted shit. Um...

I mean on the plus side at least he cooperated with the investigation enough to fuck off. You can keep that part in there. Open and shut case boys. Back to recording. He did the ultimate cooperation. I don't want to cost the taxpayers any money. Literally the investigation is over and you're like, okay, close. He became a member of Doge for three minutes.

That's how you cut government spending. You really cut government spending. So, historians... Save the taxpayers a lot of money. My face hurts. I've been smiling so much. The reaction to how it happened. We need... And you're just like, what? What's funny is that people are going to take little sections of this out of context, but we're just over here laughing over the death of a fucking...

We need a morbid R-rated version of Scooby-Doo with Rich. Oh my god. Scooby-Dooby-Doo. Who f***ed you? Oh my god. You've got some holes to fill now. Oh my god. Everything was going good until Rich showed up. It was old man Jenkins again.

So I'm glad. Yeah. So it caught me off guard. So the day I was actually kind of fucked up because I talked to this guy. I met with him. Like my investigation, his actions led to his death. But my investigations, you know, push him over the edge. So it's kind of up for a day or two because I met him. I talked to him. Like there was a relationship, even though he was the suspect. So fuck me up for a day or two. Did you did you like hand hurt from all the high fives you got from like other detectives or anything? No.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, no, no. That was fine. That was fine. I'm saying, so remember how I said that my friend got a nickname, the Slim Reaper, because three guys took themselves out? Which yours? I now have an unofficial nickname.

And it's called the influencer. The influencer and then it cuts to you on CNN throwing up a fucking rainbow. Which I want you to know, I changed your name in my phone to that after the intro. I need to change mine now. It used to be Rich Angry Cops, now it's Rich the Influencer.

So, somebody told me, quote unquote, the influencer...

Like and subscribe. And then I said more like unsubscribe from life. Hey, that's the name of the movie. So my unofficial nickname that I've gotten now because the first person that's off themselves because of my investigations now.

the influencer. Oh my guys, which I, I'm not going to lie. Like it's morbid. I laughed for 30 minutes. I was just like, holy shit. This sounds like an eight 24 movie. Oh, it's the same thing that happened in true detective. Remember that scene with Matthew McConaughey where he says, Oh,

You should just **** yourself. At the first opportunity you have, you should **** yourself. Just like there's no break. At the first opportunity you get, you should **** yourself. It's like The Happening, except instead of nothing, it's just Rich following you around and telling you to **** yourself.

The richening. It's just Rich following you. It's just Rich walking through. He's the hypenning. He's in your backyard just staring at you.

Just like tying the noose over you. Holding your phone. Oh, yeah. So we've got to go through his phone. He's got a permission to search. It's still good. He's dead. It's our property. Is there any reason to do that at this point? Yes, because... See other victims. So one... Well, there you go. So the main reason of the investigation is to...

discover if there's any you know information regarding my investigation now i have a legal warrant to look into his phone regard anything that revolves around my investigation

With that legal warrant and in the process of looking for information for my investigation, if there's additional information that's damning or evidence, et cetera, that can be used to open up another investigation or assist in something else and potentially find other victims. All right. So I know this is probably an attorney question, but I'm genuinely curious now. Let's say that you have suspicion. Let's say you don't have a letter of consent, right? Signed consent to search his phone, but you do have a warrant on his phone. Not to access it, but let's say you get- To collect it. Yeah. Yeah.

If you have a suspicion that, like, maybe he's victimized other minors, are you allowed to, even though he's dead now, does that allow you to search his phone? So I think I know what you're saying, and I'll try to answer it. I probably phrased it very poorly. Yeah, you're pretty dumb. Fuck off, Richard. So...

You can't help it. You're more tan than us. And so I made a comment earlier today that he is beautiful. He's not Puerto Rican. The thing is, I think maybe I want to make sure that I get what you said right. So you're saying, hey, Rich, your investigation is over.

Can you go through his phone to look for something that's not your investigation? Yes. No, because I, when you say suspicion, there's like legal terms, like reasonable suspicion. Yeah. That reasonable suspicion has to have a foundation of like facts, statements, um,

One might call it probable cause.

I would be, I'm looking into his phone because of my investigation. Even though he's deceased, it's not over because I'm looking for more information regarding the assault that I am already looking into. So I'm in his phone, already in there. If additional information comes along, that's going to create other spider webs, which is a good way to get into a phone for other stuff. However, let's say that

you're not really getting a warrant for a phone if you don't have information on what might be inside of it already. So your answer would be no, because if I don't have

the right reasonable suspicion, meaning like statements or other evidentiary facts that I can use and state to a judge of why I need to get into his phone. You're not going to get the warrant to get it. Slightly more gray area thing then, I guess. If lawyer Jake, yeah. Yeah. Lawyer Jake. I forgot. Fruit of the poisonous tree doctor. Yeah, correct. So if, if I just say, uh, if the warrant is bad for his phone, let, uh, let's, I'll give you a bad warrant example.

I go to a judge and I go, I think this guy's, I think this guy's touching kids. So...

Huh? Why me? And you just look like one. So, no, I'm sorry. God. I'm not. He's on the same team today. Yeah, no, you can take a joke. Rich just realized he dressed like me today, so he had to switch it up. That's fair. Yeah, you know, I gotta, listen, the people love it when I pick on you. I gotta give them what they want. On this episode of HLC Unsubscribed. Fuck, man. They call me the influencer.

Missiltism versus influencer. You like missiles, huh? Phallic-shaped objects? Just the fast ones. But you like telling kids those stories, too, don't you? Jesus Christ. Maybe you should...

with a missile. Bleep that out, please. You gotta bleep that part out. No, that's okay. You're fine. I'm just letting him know. Don't run with scissors. Yeah, you can say all you want about it. That's fine. But if you say something where I'm like, I'll let you know. Here's another thing, though. If you had suspicion that he was victimizing other minors,

Would they even still pursue that now that he's dead? Yes. So what's the purpose, I guess? Kids help. Closure. Kids help and then expand into that criminal, like, hey, where'd they get this information? Like just the data side of it, like how did this happen? Because if you hurt one kid, you obviously hurt other children. Yeah. That's what they're chasing. I guess I just never considered it where if they figured out like, all right, well, the perpetrator is dead.

do we still pursue? Absolutely, dude. If they hurt one kid, they've hurt multiple other kids. So you pursue that. You see, good people would want to help out the potential victims, Brandon, not let them strand and tread water with their horrible PTSD, which we all have at this table because we've all served.

You never want to just make a power vacuum and leave. That's how the Taliban take control. Twice. I don't know. I think you could probably bide in your time for that. You say we can't just pick up and leave? Rich is just like the lawn sprinkler flamethrower right now. So yeah, I got a body on me now.

I feel different. Are you getting a teardrop tattooed? Dude, I thought about it. You should. I'm not going to lie. There are – I can't say it on this one. There are ways that some people remember days where situations took place, and sometimes you remember those days with tattoos for different meetings with numbers and stuff. Yeah.

Put all the wood chippers on your left ass cheek. Right? There we go. There we go. Do I get a wood chipper? But on the wood chipper, there's like a little one scrawled on it. And then in three years, you see like there's seven tally marks on the side. Just buy a wood chipper and just carve an obvious one. Dude, you got to.

Conus kill. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I kind of have a conus kill. Yeah. That's what I said. I got a body. Like, I kind of have a body. You take that deal? I take that deal. I take that deal. That's .5 of a body. And if you round that up in math, like, I passed when I was in fifth grade. The only year I passed. That's one. You ever kill anybody? I don't like to talk about it. So there was a...

Rich, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. No, look me in the eyes. Thank you for your service. You're welcome. Thanks, buddy. Just remember, be nice to me. He'll influence you, motherfucker. Nick ran upstairs and I'm afraid. When the person said your nickname is the influencer, I was like, oh.

That's cool. That's pretty funny. Does Taylor know about this story? Yeah. Actually, I talked to Taylor about it because I was fucked up for like a day or two. I told you just briefly I was fucked up from it. Because like I said, you build a relationship and even though they're bad guys, you want them to go to jail. This is going to sound really fucked up. I knew I was afraid by the way you sprinted upstairs. Forgot I had something in my luggage. For who? On your feet! No. No. No.

Wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, not yet, wait, oh, yeah, we got that. I have the official memorandum from the Department of the Army. Memorandum for Commander. Stand up! United States Army Civil Affairs Psychological Operations Command, Airborne, Fort Bragg, North Carolina. K-pop? You're one of me! Subject, the acceptance and wear of former...

foreign badges. Under provisions of AR 600-8-22 Appendix D Section 7342 Title 5 U.S. Code, the following individual is authorized to wear the Latvian Parachutist badge. Can we pin this bad boy on? Can we read the name? Because that's ridiculous. Jesus Christ. Bro. Bro.

On three gentlemen, one, two, three. On that note, I want to- Dear God. Brandon's like, oh, it's not over yet. How does this fucking happen? That's fucking rad. When you're a hero, Brandon, people do things for you. You're an American fucking hero.

That's a full on... I feel like I'm smuggling stolen valor from my PO box to you. You're my forced valor dealer.

I think technically this is the authorization for the individual that gave it to you to wear it. Okay. This is the memorandum that he got. Jesus Christ. Speaking of weird, like, awards and shit, you guys know, I did an Angry Meme review about him. You know Throck the Destroyer, the big SF guy that was running with Pete Hegseth? Oh, yeah.

I know who he is. The big boy? Yeah, I know who he is. And I don't want to throw the guy under the bus, but I went overseas with a buddy, a great guy, and now he's got stars on his collar. He's very nice. Wait, that guy has stars? No, no, no. My friend has stars. And I was like, hey, Hegseth was where you're at around there, somewhat that area. Do you know anybody that could get me in touch with this dude? And he's just like...

Yeah, hold on. I'll figure it out. And he figured it out. And then he gave me, I think, his commander's email or his email. And I'm trying to get him a POB. He is not happy.

that he made it like all over the fucking united states because of yeah because he's like an sf commander he's like he's a jesus yeah he's like a fucking lieutenant colonel in the special forces he likes to be no one sees his face he's like he's the silent professional like legitimately and i was like hey i'm reaching out because i used another channel to try and get to him and be like hey bro i want to send you a thing he's like hey we talked to him he like he wants to lay low he doesn't want to know he wants doesn't want anything i'm like no i'm not gonna make a story about i want to give him a nana boy

And he was like, nah, sorry, man. He's radio silent. And I was like, fuck you. I'm going to get some stars involved. And then I called my buddy and I was like, give me this motherfucker and I'm going to send him a goddamn gift. So...

Sir, respectfully, I'm going to get you some shit. You're going to get it from my email. Like, I don't understand, like, mentality wise. Like, why could you not lean into that? So I made a series of tweets. Because he's a silent professional. He's not a SEAL that has to make a book about it. I get it. Or lose his eye. I totally get it. If you're accidentally thrust into the spotlight. So I made a series of tweets referring to him as the tactical Kool-Aid man. Because, like, dude could just go straight through the fucking wall.

Yeah, he's a fucking monster. And I'm like, why would you not play into that? Like, I think they took his picture and were like, tougher people are hard to kill. Like, that was the whole big Army's thing. Was he the one in the commercial where he says harder to kill? No, that was a different refrigerator. Yeah. It's just like, dude, why not lean into that? Like, obviously, you're fucking the top. Like, right. You are the absolute, like, top of your field. You're special forces and a unit commander. Sure.

I got it. You want to be quite professional, but if you're thrust into that role, bro, play Captain America, play John Bass alone before he died on Iwo Jima, run that shit, right? I see where he's at. He wants to do the job. He wants to do the job. And I mean, social media would suck if you're trying to hide everything, especially with what you do. And you're like, ah, this could endanger my family. Now everyone in fucking America knows you and not only America overseas. So you don't know the repercussions of that. You're just like,

Dude. Which I totally understand, like, the privacy concerns and stuff like that, but I mean, that being said, remember when ISIS released their kill list? Oh yeah. Like five, ten years ago, something like that. Tim Kennedy was on it. You know, he's got a backpack full of grenades. Well, so he's covered. He's covered in that case. Yeah. But how many of our friends were on that fucking list? I wasn't, and I was so disappointed. Like, it was double digits. Oh yeah. People we knew on that list, but it...

God, nothing ever happened. Yeah, what about your pussies? What was it, like... They didn't kill one of my friends! What about your dicks? Have they met the influencer? They didn't even try. How many flights have they ever been able to even afford over here? Jesus Christ.

At least three. You know, that is my favorite comeback on the internet is every time somebody says something about like an aggressor nation, I'm like, how about you get with the Taliban? You guys brainstorm. They tried for a year and failed. Maybe you guys can come up with a new plan to actually get me. Dude, they have really good helicopter pilots, though.

I was so disappointed. They get in the cockpit, there's way more controls than a donkey. And I can't f*** it. Where do you put your dick? Where does the penis go? Do they? Is it the reason why they have the, what is it, the Toyota, the Hiluxes? It's the only car they can't destroy. F*** it.

The reason the Taliban is dead. Sorry, I got like that. The reason is you. Who sung that? Chumbawamba? I wanted to ask around here, right? So the common thing that I've run into is that America ran out of Afghanistan. We were chased out and all that stuff like that. Does anyone here feel that way? Or where does your logic lie? So we did the math on this yesterday. Okay. GWAT deaths. Okay. Okay.

United States. 5,200 something? So in Iraq and Afghanistan, I believe it was just over 7,000. That's Iraq and Afghanistan. And we compared that to just Afghanistan's numbers, didn't we? No, we compared that to the total deaths in GWAT. So American deaths, roughly around 7,000, which is nothing to sneeze at, over the course of how many years? 20-something years. How many total deaths in GWAT do you believe?

I know of Afghanistan only, which is estimated between for the Taliban and a coalition forces for them, between 51 and 100,000. Total was 4.5 to 4.7 million. Fuck. The KDR is 600 to one. It's more than that. We did the math. Yeah, it's like 650 or something to one. It's like.

They're going to cause campers. That's what they're going to do. It's a lot of airstrikes. We got pulled out by anti-cheat. Do you know how many tactical nukes we could have called in? Oh my God, a lot. Tell us about the missiles there. We were actually the only one in that conflict who could have called in a nuke. To answer your question, you have to like...

People don't have a good grasp on like when a war ends, I guess. So the problem is, is like, in my opinion, a war ends when you dismantle the current government. Yeah. Whereas a lot of people seem to be under the impression the war isn't over until you dismantle the current government and get every single civilian on your side at all times. Yeah. Establish a brand new government. Right. Which is easy when communism is your opponent. Yeah, that's true.

because people get food. It's really easy to buy them over food. You want food or you don't want food? You want to eat? Yeah. Or do you really want to go home? I mean, we were doing that when they were still communist with the Berlin airlift. That's true. It's just, so I broke down just Afghanistan because I couldn't speak for Iraq. I got bored and I was like, I wonder what, you know, because for me, a good measure of...

And a country's fighting force is if you took both of those countries and around the same time you had them fight the same enemy. Holy sh**. The Russians fought, well, the Soviets fought Afghanistan from 1980, I want to say 83, 84 to 88.

actually maybe earlier because it was theirs was 10 years uh and then we fought from 2000s yeah and then we fought from 2001 until 2021 2022 wherever we did so i was like let's do a side-by-side comparison turns out russia in 10 years lost 15 000 troops in afghanistan we lost in 20 years 2 400 troops so russia was 79 to 89 79 to 89 okay

In their defense, how much of that was to exposure to the elements due to bad logistics of communism? That's true. You know, people always bring up... How many of them would have still died in Russia? That's totally true. But the U.S., so then I was like, all right, well, let's look at enemy kills. The Russians killed between, I want to say it was 75,000 to 90,000 in their 10 years of enemy troops. Which...

Also, just to fucking hammer that point home, they were doing things like poisoning water holes. Yes. It was genocide to them. You didn't know that? No. No, they were straight up pouring poison in water sources. They were putting landmines inside of teddy bears.

- Like Russia was just like, okay, hey. - We were trying to avoid civilian casualties. They were trying to cause them. - And I can prove that mathematically. So, well, at least by the numbers. So the US, we killed between 51 and 100,000 enemy combatants while we were there in 20 years.

So relatively comparable. Now we look at civilian casualties. The U.S. civilian casualties, best estimation for just Afghanistan, not Iraq, just Afghanistan, 49,000. Now, civilian casualties by the Russians in 10 years, a little over 1 million. They were killing everything.

Just stacking bodies. So, like, I don't understand why the U.S. gets all this flack about us, like, oh, constantly killing civilians. Like, the Russians are way worse. Like, tenfold to what we did. Actually, like, I think that's like 12 or 15-fold to what we did. Yeah. That's fucking wild. Yeah. Well, communism, right, Nick? Uh-huh. You love it. Big fan. Actually. Big fan. When's your next communism video? Who won the Cold War, Nick? I don't know. Us? Metallica? Metallica?

What do you want me to say? Blue jeans? Yeah, that's right.

I would love that. Like America didn't win the Cold War. Like it was between the U.S. and Soviet Union, which one of those still exists. Thank God that show happened before they dropped the Reload album. Yeah. I haven't told it this story. We might have lost the cold before. We got a story. It's not my story. It's a buddy of mine who is Special Forces. And since we're talking about Afghanistan and like the Russians, it was one of my favorite stories to listen to. My buddy would tell it all the time. And I want to share it with you because it's.

I think it's cool. So during the Russian pullout of Afghanistan, there was a base. I forget where it is. I wish I could tell you the name.

Somewhere in Afghanistan, the Russians are pulling out and they're driving everything in fucking trucks, right? So they're like, hey, here's the space. The Taliban's coming up. They're pushing back. Taliban, whoever it was, Mujahideen back then. They're fighting us. We're pulling out and they're fucking murking us as it goes. So what we're going to do is we're going to send everybody from this base in a fucking massive convoy.

Up this one road to get the fuck out of here, go to Russia, and a bunch of Spetsnaz are going to stand by. Their special forces are going to stand by at the post and fight off anybody that comes. And I forget if the Spetsnaz were just like there on a mission, like we're here to defend until whatever happens, or if they had some trucks and they could get out of there. Either way, the opposite side was ready.

So the massive convoy is leading with all the shit. They get in this valley. They get an ambush. Everybody in that ambush dies. All the trucks, all the equipment, every single Russian dies. And then...

There was an attack on the post and it's all a Spetsnaz and they're all in one building and all the Mujahideen closing on this building and they kill every single one of this. But like, you can see like this building is like filled with bullet holes. And like, Rich, what do you mean? The building's filled with bullet holes. My buddy's there with one of the Mujahideen that had fought the Russians. And then he's like, Hey,

So this is where you fought all the Russians? Like, yeah, we killed all the Spetsnaz. They were in this building and we murked it. We just threw everything at it. Rockets, RPKs, PRKs, everything with a fucking K was at this building and we killed all the Spetsnaz. And he's like, well, then what happened? He's like, do you see this big concrete pad? He's like, yeah. He's like, they're all buried here.

They dumped all the Spetsnaz in a f***ing unmarked grave and then poured concrete over it. It's just all this dirt, a building that's all f***ed up, and this random pad of concrete that's poured shitty by...

Well, Afghans. By Afghans. And so, and that's how the conversation got brought up. He's like, hey, what's this big concrete pad? He tells him that story and he goes, and the concrete pad you're standing in is all the spats that I and all these other guys killed from the Mujahideen. Holy shit. You're talking shit on the construction skills or the concrete pouring skills of people who could never conquer the third story building. That's fair. That's... Yeah, that's about right. Yeah.

They're not Mexican. The only thing they can build well is graves. I got to ask a question real quick. Some of you have been to Afghanistan before. You got all these influencers who are like, oh, we're taking our vacation to Afghanistan on TikTok and stuff. How do you feel about that?

They're doing that? Yeah, dude. Like these fucking little baby boy influencers are like, we're taking our vacation to Afghanistan. Griff seems to really like it. Like, obviously those people are just retarded, but... I mean, if you're Muslim and a man, that's probably kind of cool. That's probably great if you're Muslim and a man, but... Would you let your wives go there alone? Nope. No. Ah, it depends if I want a divorce. Yeah. Um...

Did I sign a prenup or not? It's a lot like going on vacation in North Korea. They're going to let you see what they want you to see, but if you spend enough time there, you're going to find out that women are for babies, men are for pleasure, so are goats, and so are fucking donkeys. I mean, tell me if I'm wrong, anybody. So we have more in common than we think. Um...

They have like, it's, it's, it's crazy. Like the thing that I would say overall bothers me most about Afghanistan. When I see like these young influencers go there, like I think back and you see like World War II vets, like you guys have had World War II vets here on the podcast. And I'm so fucking jealous of that, by the way, like those guys are just living legends, right?

And, like, they get to, if they want to, go back to Normandy and, like, see where they've been previously. They're treated like heroes, too. Yeah. And I know, like, for people in GWAT... That was liberation in France. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I know for those of us in, like, GWAT, we'll never be able to do that. Like, we'll never be able to go back. And so, like...

When I see all this shit and like all these kids going over there, like they have no idea that we spent 20 years of just everything we had to give a generation of children and families hope. Like that was the thing that bugged me the most when we pulled out of Afghanistan and everything collapsed. It was like I gave everything I had to give a generation hope and the Afghans that we left in charge are f***ing cowards. Like that's the thing that burns me the most about the whole situation.

Influencers doing influencer shit. Yeah, influencers being... I met my first influencer in the wild.

Oh, no. I did. It was some dude. He had, like, fucking stickers all over his bone stock Mustang GT. Like, he didn't even have the fucking regular license plate on it. He had, like, the stupid 360 camera sticking off the back of it. He's doing 40 miles an hour down Rogers Lane and just, like, switching lanes real quick thinking he's cool. And I was like, oh, you silly bitch. I'm just trying to go get some fucking Chinese food, man. I love you. That was my first time ever seeing one. We had... I think we've had the same Uber driver before.

The guy who, like, the Afghanist, the Afghani guy. Yeah, he was an interpreter in Afghanistan. Oh, hell yeah. Some of those dudes are legit. Well, his whole thing is he's just trying to make enough money here to get his family out, because his family is still there. Fuck. Which...

That's its own wild thing is like being able to leave your family there in Afghanistan. You helped, but we're not going to bring you back. Yeah. Good luck. The whole pullout, like I'm so torn because on the one hand, I look at it like my brain is torn, right? Like you got moral and then tactical. Tactical, leaving fucking quickly makes logical sense. Less bodies used. You know, it's more expensive to get that equipment back. Like I totally understand that.

But the moral aspect, we had a lot of allies and assets and people helping us there. Like, we shouldn't have done that. That and I just don't believe in pulling out. I do the push and pray. I push past all our important stuff and blow my load into her heart.

What the fuck? Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast. I love how quickly we oscillate. It's like a metronome. Yeah, it's like very serious words that I don't know what they are. I'm going to take it as an offense. You want to oscillate the shit out of you. You say that word again. He's going to influence you.

No, that's actually one question I had. I wanted to, I don't remember how everyone met because everyone has different, like, how did you two meet? How did Brandon, like, I know the story about how me and Rich met. Yes, it's one of my favorite stories. Because you're fucking, you're fucking Mike the cop. Yeah.

Because we were all hanging out in Charleston, South Carolina, because Cody just invited us down. That's the one I didn't go to. Yeah, that was the one you said you were going to. And just like usual, you were very late. By not going this time. And we...

We never know when Eli's showing up. That's fair. I made a joke to JT this morning. I was like, hey, man, I'm going to go see the boys and blah, blah, blah and do a podcast. He's like, oh, that's cool. I was like, yeah, I'm supposed to be there at noon. I'm going to show up at 1230, though, because, you know, Eli. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We didn't start until like 2, 2, 3, 2. Yeah. I don't even know what time it was. I've been drinking. Height of COVID. 2020. Summer love. It was summer love, baby. Yeah, because that's when the riots happened in Buffalo. Shit was burning down in Charleston, too. I invited Eli to come down. We got a nice beach house on Isle of Palms in Charleston. He said, I'm going to the airport now. Yep, and then I didn't go. He didn't go.

I'll be there in like three hours. I don't think Eli's coming. That's the most I'm on my way text I've ever heard in my entire life. I'm on my way. Not even to the airport. Dude, I, when I was supposed to first meet Savannah, I'd never told this. Uh, my first flight was going to go out there. I was visiting a friend and I was going to go meet her. And I texted her that day. I had a ticket. Everything's like, Hey, I'm actually not going to go. Like,

Sorry, I just didn't feel. I was like, eh, something feels off. I'm just not going to go visit my friend or her for the first time and waited. You? Eli? Yeah, I know. Weird. So I stand up. Everybody. There's the tism right there. Don't worry. I do this to everyone. So I got this big house. I was like, invited all my friends out, Eli included. Eli included.

And, you know, my good friends, Brandon Herrera, Rich comes. And what did you say to him, Brandon? We had never met before. Remember the first thing you asked me? What kind of man am I? I don't remember this at all. You said, hey, hey. Oh, okay. I do remember this. Go ahead. The gun? Yep. Yeah. You an AR guy or an AK guy? And I said, you know what? I really like ARs. They're my jam, but...

I just, I love AKs, man. I think I'm more of an AK guy. I had no idea who the fuck he was. Good. And he was just like, sweet, we're going to be friends. I was like, ah, cool. And then I made, you know, he didn't know who I was. He thought I was Mike the Cop. But I also never seen a single video he did. And I lied and said, yeah, I love your stuff. I legitimately thought I like, I'm like, oh, I'm pretty sure I've seen him around because the way you described him, like, oh, I think I know who you're talking about.

And we're on the beach and I had said something and I don't remember what it was but it was one of those like, "Sraglances" I remember some shit like that. Yeah, you were like, I had like three beers and I was like, "Hey, do you think I'm Mike the Cop?" And his face went... I had been, not only like was I called out for something off but he was called out exactly who I thought you were. Yep.

I was like, because I'm not him. And in my typical fashion, I thought it was hysterical that he felt awkward. And then I thought I was like, this is the best joke ever. Bullied for the rest of the week. Oh, it was great. I loved it. Dude, I had ammunition every time he wanted to say something. I was like, all right, well, you know, like and subscribe, Mike the Cop. And he was just like, fuck.

The first ever you rich I think you ever got. Yeah, that was the first one. Yeah. It's the start of many fuck you riches. How do you meet Cody? We, that was our first time that we met in person. It was actually the same thing, but we were like talking back and forth on the internet and you were like, Oh, you're still in like, that's cool. Um,

Dude, you know what? We just kind of bro'd out. It's such like a man story. Like, you know, like the typical wife – you tell your wife, hey, I'm going to go golfing with Gary. And you come back from golfing with Gary. And wife's like, you know, what's going on with Gary and his wife? And you're like, I don't know. Us the first time we met. Dude, I feel like I haven't changed at all. I'm just –

Because I gave you my shades. Yeah. I was going to be young, Brandon. And like the wife asked you like, hey, you know, Gary broke up with his wife. Did you talk about the divorce? You're like, oh, no. But you were golfing with him for four hours.

And like, that's kind of me and Cody. Like, I don't know what started our friendship or when, what we started talking, but we were already like friends and knew that we melded together and he invited me out to go hang out. And then, yeah. And then I made like three videos about you freaking out on public service. And Oh God. The knife hand of the judge is probably my favorite. He retired. Did he? Yeah. He's no longer the influencer guy. Yeah.

His daughter, stepdaughter, through marriage, I think, works with me. The funniest thing was, I'd known you for a little bit. We were friends. And you would text me and you're like, I'm on the news again. Yep. What the fuck are you on? And I would just search it up. And sure enough, guy.

Listen here, guy. When you made the chest bump video of me chest bumping that dude, I think it was with Taylor. I think it was Taylor at the time. It was. I was in bed and she was next to me and I wanted to watch it with her. I was like, hey, Cody made a video about me chest bumping this guy.

And let's watch together. And when that part came on, I laughed so hard I was kicking in bed on my back. I laughed so hard. Calling it a chest bump is like calling you an influencer. Ethan, have you seen that video? No, I don't think I've seen that one. I was just thinking about the one where... Dude, this little Puerto Rican kid tried to get his friend out of a police car, and Rich runs over and just chest bumps him.

He goes flying. I got to see this, man. The only one I've seen before I really knew who you guys were was when you pinned down the minority. I know that doesn't narrow it down. That was my video too. That sounds worse. That sounds bad. The guy who was there with the skateboard hitting the... I think he hit your truck or something like that. People were like, you can't kneel on him. He's a black man.

And you were like, he's just a man. And that was, I was fucking dying. Which is like the least discriminatory thing possible. Unfortunately, it happened right across the street from this massive apartment complex filled with pieces of shit. And then all the pieces of shit that were in that apartment complex emptied out and just made it a complete race thing. As you're in full uniform, too. Army uniform, right? Yeah, I got it. I got it.

The chest bump in space. We can put this up on. It's one of my favorites. I gotta watch this. And here I come. The fire breaks out and the crowd starts interfering with the arrest. That's when the commander in pig shows up. Oh, I love it. Oh, it's so good.

Oh my god. Remember when we enjoyed making videos? Yeah, right. That was crazy. Oh my god. Don't worry, it'll happen again. Once I get back on the streets, I'll let you know when I get... Cody, by the way, I think you should go back to the mustache. I really liked it. I like the beard. Lose the beard, keep the mustache. I think it was magical. Alright. It was good. Moody. Moody. Yes. Mustache only? Nope. Yes. Yes.

And then eyes of terror. Yes. My mother's saying no. Mom says no. Mustache only. Yeah, mustache only. He's so handsome with a mustache. Get that dick broom back. Can I tell you something? Two stories come from that. One, inside baseball, while I was running towards him, that guy that I chest bumped, I was like thinking...

Am I going to forearm him and give him an elbow and put him under arrest for trying to – he was literally trying to un-arrest somebody that was being arrested. He's like grabbing officers that are trying to effect an arrest. Am I going to elbow him and do a use of force at a full sprint, which is probably – he's probably not going to wake up from that for a little bit. Am I going to elbow him, do a use of force, and arrest him? And then at the last second, I'm like, none of that is worth it. Drop it.

you're just going to chest bump him out of the way. So like my arms up here and I'm sprinting and then I go drop chest bump. And then he came back and I was like, well, you wrote your own story today and handcuffs. And it was a choose your own adventure. Did you see the one where you fucking hip toss that dude? Yeah. Did you break that one down?

He didn't know that was me. That never came out. Oh, that one never came out? I don't think he's seen that video. And he's never done a breakdown. Hip toss. This is like two frames. It's like he's up and then he is vertical to the concrete floor. I'm up. Rich sees me. I'm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The influencer strikes again. I'm upset now because I built my entire career off of watching Rich beat the fuck out of people. Wait a second. I haven't seen that one. And that's 800 videos. Bring it back here. All I know is I'm getting on Photoshop and taking the cover from the movie The Equalizer and changing it to the influencer. Put Rich's face on it. Homework. The influencer. The influencer.

If I don't do it, it's not my fault. Oh, man. Second story that came out of that is I had an internal affairs investigation on that. Oh, you did? Mm-hmm. Wouldn't have never guessed it, Rich. It was not for the use of force because the use of force was appropriate. It was because one of the people that I arrested, their mom complained.

Because I went up to this person. That was an armed robbery. And we got the gun. That's how that whole scene started. The whole scene started because it was an armed robbery. And I had the victim in my car. I got over there with another cop. Guy had the gun, threw it. Another guy picked it up. We chased him down. He threw it. I grabbed the gun. And then, this is where the complaint comes in. I go over to this person. And I go...

Come here, fat boy. Just like that. I've heard the fat boy story. I go, come here, fat boy. And he's like, me? I go, yeah, you. And I grab him and I put him in handcuffs. I didn't put him in handcuffs. I threw him in the car because it was so chaos. There was only two cars at that point. There wasn't all those cops there at that moment. It was chaos. So I threw him in the car really quick. And his mommy made a complaint that I called him fat boy.

And the best part of this is this guy is retired now, but there was an internal affairs lieutenant that had seen me grow up throughout the police department from rookie to where I was at the moment. And he's like, Rich,

Your reports, when you write them to Internal Affairs, are great to read. Because they're exactly what happens in the camera, but it's you telling the story, but just typed out. And I can hear you say it. J.R. Tolkien over here. Right? And he goes, so you're...

We're investigating you calling this guy fat boy in that like you shouldn't have said fat boy. And I go, but that's the physical description that I had of the person, that he was the fat person in the white shirt, not the skinny person in the white shirt, that I asked the victim. I'm like, hey, skinny guy in the white or fat guy in the white? He's like, fat guy. I'm like, sweet. The chaos erupts. So you had the victim saying fat boy. Yeah. So the whole chaos erupts. And that's how I identified him as a suspect. So when I say, come here, fat boy, that's like...

That's what the victim told me. So if you ask the victim, let's say he's of the darker persuasion, if you asked him to say, is he the hard R in the white or the hard R in the black, could you get away with saying it? If I was on the stand and they asked me what the person said verbatim, I have had to say the N-word on the stand.

You've done that? Oh, yeah. I feel like my oh, yeah was too excited. Oh, yeah. It's just the judge looking at Rich saying the words, you're under oath. That's a judge peer pressure. To be fair, Joe Biden has said the same thing, quoting, in the floor of the Senate. So...

Say the word. Yeah. When you're on the stand and they're like, when you're on the stand and either the defense or the prosecution, you know, the district attorneys are asking you like, and what did the person say? And you're like, well, they said, you're not going to catch me. Fuck you. N word. Well, I say the whole N word because that's what he said verbatim. But in this case, once again, I'm talking to the internal affairs Lieutenant and he's like, this is the complaint you said of fat boy. And I was like, I said, fat boy. And that's what he's like. Yeah.

And so during the internal affairs investigation, instead of saying fat boy, I say like portly young man and overweight youth. Opie's male. I just try to keep thinking of different adjectives to describe him. And in the middle, I'm like, he's, it's recorded, but not video. It's just audio. He's like, he's like putting his hand over and being like,

stop it stop it and i'm like okay you went full sing-songy is what you're saying i went full sing-songy yeah young man he didn't like that i called him fat boy so in my interview with internal affairs i used every other word including uh scientific medical terms like obese

Obese youth number three. Wait, Cody, how many times did you get investigated? Not enough. Did you actually ever have a serious investigation where they were trying to fuck you up? Yeah, yeah. Once or twice. When he specifically stopped on the side of the road and said, you shouldn't have had the sun go down and just broke out his ass. That's...

Nick, how did you get into this circle? Because I think you were the reason I ended up in this circle. And we'll get into how I met Eli in a minute. Because I've been waiting like seven episodes of Unsubbed to tell the story of how I met Eli. I've got a story about Eli, too. The second time.

Uh, no, I mean, I've told the story before. Just Cody just hit me up on Instagram. I was like, Hey friend. I was like, hi, you want to come on my podcast? Sure. And then I flew out here and I was on the podcast. But my favorite story is like when he picked you up from the airport. Dude, the first three minutes. I didn't know.

I'd like, it was the first time I'd flown in 10 years. Like I didn't have Uber on my phone or nothing. I thought they were picking me up and he wasn't responding. Daddy wasn't responding. I text Cody. He's like, yeah, I'll be there in like 15 minutes. I'll be in the Raptor. Okay, cool. Pull up, hop in his Raptor. Hey, I'm Cody. Hey, I'm Nick. How's it going? Blah, blah, blah. And then it's just like, we're pulling out of the airport and it's just like awkward silence of like two people that don't know each other at all. And Cody just like trying to break the ice, like,

So what do you do? I was like, I'm an electrician. And Cody just goes, fuck.

And then the rest is history. And then he drives me out to Batty's rental house at the time, which I'm telling you right now, Batty's house at the time looked like a house out of like the Devil's Rejects movie. I was just about to say A Thousand Corpses. It was literally like down a road that had not been maintenanced since it was first released.

built 40 years ago and it's like you gotta put it in four-wheel drive to get there you get there it's this little tiny house just out in the middle of the desert most importantly the air conditioning didn't work the air conditioning didn't work it was hot as fuck you open up the door his living room had like 7 000 reptiles in it i could touch the ceiling all right i'm getting fucking murdered probably should have vetted these guys more i was like i'm gonna go to the bathroom i walk in the bathroom there's a bath

slash shower with no shower curtain, just the rod to put shit all over the house. That's where I'm going to get my kidneys taken out of me later. This is awesome. Why does it have ice in it?

So yeah, that's how I got involved. I do remember you asking me, why should I do long form content though? Yeah, that's true. Yep. It worked out. I think we were all like, me and Brandon and Eli, we were all like, do long form content, Nick. I don't think anyone's going to watch an hour. It's true. Well, you know what? Like my videos are like, you know, two minutes long. Who the fuck's going to watch me for 30 minutes?

Now you make the longest videos of any of us. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Jesus. Thank God you did long form. Otherwise, you'd still be wearing that metal Roman helmet. What the fuck? You talking about the Roman helmet guy? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. That was a joke. I was going to joke like he stole his thing. Oh, they're the same person. We're not going to talk about the eyes and mouth thing that people steal. I was just about to make a joke about it. How did you get in this group? It's a wonderful experience. Eli messages me on Instagram. I think I've been tagged in unsubbed videos like fucking a thousand times. Did you message him? Was it show that messaged me?

Show just spawned out of the stairs. What the fuck was that? Well, okay, I guess it was show. Message me. It was like, hey, you know, we'd like you to come. What do you want? The tank commander's here. Y'all keep talking shit. Don't start your car.

So I was like, God damn it. Oh my God. Remind me. I have a story. Oh God. Oh God. So show text me through Instagram was like, Hey, you know, we'd like you to come on the podcast. And I was like, Oh yeah, cool. I've heard of unsubscribed, but I, I had no idea who was on it. I had no idea who you were. So I was like, I'm going to fucking look at Eli. Right. I'm going to figure out who the, who the hell Eli is. I looked into who bad he was at the time. Cause that was, I think that was the last podcast with that group. Yeah. It was, it was me.

and um kiss of death it was me that's his nickname yeah right so i like six hours go by because eli doesn't do anything on time and i completely forgot that i had contacted unsubscribe i have a brother named eli i love my brother death but he's also a convicted felon and a

deviant who gets a new cell phone every time the sun goes down oh my clientele so i get a text from eli and says hey uh what's up this is eli and i think it's my brother and my response is something along the lines of oh would you get a new fucking phone for this time dickhead right like something stupid not realizing it was yeah i was like that's a weird response and

And like as soon as I said it, like my brain like 30 seconds later clicked on it was like, oh fuck. Like I panicked and I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, man. I have a brother named Eli. Like I thought this was him.

And they, you know, you guys invite me out. And I like, honestly, it was a really good experience. I get here, still don't know where the thermostat is in this house. I have no idea where it is. Okay. I was like, everyone knows where it is. I could see everyone. Unemployment at the same time. No one was here at the time. It was just me. And I was like, oh, this is cool. Like I took a couple of selfies, like I'm on unsubscribe, right? And like, I text Eli cause I can see my breath in this house.

And he goes, oh, yeah, hey, come on over to here. You know, I'm here with Brandon. Not realizing Brandon meant Brandon fucking Herrera. So, like, Eli, nothing personal. I was not a fan of you. I was the biggest fan of Cody. Not a fan of me. Sounds like a dig. I'm sorry. I fucking hated your content, Eli. I'm sorry. Looked in. I was, like, geeking over fucking Cody. And I had seen some of Brandon's content, so I knew who he was. I didn't really, like, know much about you.

And so like I walk into this bar and it's you and Brandon Herrera. And I was like, I, my middle name is not fucking. I think it is. I'm pretty sure it's Gonzalez. Yeah. Right. It's a consuela. Uh,

And, uh, but yeah, that was the first time I'd ever met Brandon. I remember taking a selfie with him that didn't turn out very well. Cause there was a big light behind both of us and he probably thought I was a goober. And, uh, you were a nice man. Yeah. And that was my first experience here. And I remember the second time I came, I'd never met Nick in person. We'd talked to each other, but I'd never met Nick in person. The second time we were at another restaurant when I showed up and Nick was like, Hey, just come to this restaurant. I was like, cool. And the only open spot was next to Cody, uh,

And I remember geeking the fuck out. I was like, oh my God, a stonet operator. I geeked the fuck out for a few minutes. Yeah, that was my thing. Look, you were the only one I was really a fan of. Okay, give me a break here. Y'all have really good memories. Do you remember when I said, I don't remember. Look, man, I'm telling the story as it went. Didn't have to tell a story. Oh, God damn it. Fuck you. Do you guys know that Eli has a magic cabinet in his kitchen?

What? All right. Bro, I'm here for it. I went to Eli's right before I had to flight home. And I was like, I want one of those Eli gummies. And he's like, cool. Oh, we're telling this story. And he's like, cool. And he walks over to a cabinet and spawns gummies. I'm like, okay, cool. And I eat it. And I'm like, that's fine. And then, like, 20 minutes later, somebody else is like, I want gummies.

a certain type of fungus and he was like cool and he walks over to the same cabinet and hands out okay this is where he keeps his drugs that's fine and somebody's like somebody's like I want a protein bar and he's like cool and he walks over to the same fucking cabinet okay okay

That's where he keeps all his edible shit, I guess. That's fine. That's fine. Whatever. Can I have a bottle of water? Bro, no. So then somebody, we're talking about 8-6 blackout because Tackett doesn't know much about it. And he's like, oh, bro, it looks like this. He walks into the same fucking cabinet and there's bullets in it too. It's the fucking Marybeth.

popping bag of a cabinet in his kitchen. I forgot about that. Eli reaches into his magic bag. And the worst part is, as it's going, I'm getting progressively more high and I'm like, what is going on? So it's bigger on the inside. It's his retardus. I forgot your face was...

The craziest part of that story is Cody goes, you know, I'm looking for like a thick young Latina. Moody comes out of him. Was I not provided? I actually had an interesting question and I was thinking about this on the flight over here. I don't know why I thought about it. So we know communism, communism, communism summons Nick. I was just wondering what would summon the rest of you guys.

Like, stop resisting three times would probably be rich. Both of them. Old habits die hard. Latino, Latino, Latino. What about you, Brandon? AK. I don't know. That's a hard one, because, well...

Trunnion, Trunnion, Trunnion. Trunnion, Trunnion, Trunnion. Trunnion, Trunnion, Trunnion. I still get people commenting just Trunnion. And I know exactly what the fuck they're talking about. I'm not going to lie. This was an intentional psyop of you and your fan base when I started doing Angry Meme Review. What is Trunnion? Wait, hold the fuck up.

I don't know this. Trunnion. Trunnion. Trunnion. There's two trunnions on an AK. One's the rear trunnion that holds the recoil spring, dust cover stock, all that. Front trunnion is where the bolt locks up, and it also holds the barrel to the receiver of the gun.

Brandon also says trunnion like four, five, six, ten, a dozen times in every video he's talking about. I'm sorry. I used the right name for the word. It's not a sexy word, though. Trunnion. Trunnion. Ooh, trunnion. It sounds like a sexually transmitted disease, in my opinion. My balls are sliding on your trunnion, Brandon. Ooh. Never mind. Hey, you want to look at this? Oh, you've got a trunnion growing on your...

penis yeah you want to touch my trunnion joke choke rich and hear the word trunnion yeah when i die it's gonna be him choking me i'm gonna be like trunnion and i'm gonna come when he kills me so i my psyop was i wanted to affect brandon and his community and so i was like if i be like trunnion trunnion

because he says it so many times I want to get Brandon to crack on videos and be like Rich every time I say Tranya now I think of you and I fucking laugh and keep fucking up my videos I think I've said that verbatim yes you did in like one or two videos

And also, I wanted to like... I think I paused and was like, fuck you, Rich. Yep. And which fucking I came. So... And then also, I wanted to see his comments be like, he said Trunnion 37 times. And I wanted somebody to make a compilation of him saying Trunnion. There is a compilation video from a fan. Is there really? Five minutes or seven minutes of you saying Trunnion.

Well, it's going to be longer now. There's going to be a new one. I promise you. They're going to grab it from this episode. So my goal was I wanted to, you know, like make Tronion a thing for Brandon without forcing him to do it by like my, my psyoping skills. And, and it worked so well. There is a video and it was, I saw it cause somebody sent it to me and it said, Brandon Herrera says the N word.

is the name of the YouTube video. It's just me firing a PALSA P50, I think it was. And I just look at the camera and I go, nice.

I was like, why does this have 40,000 views? Those comments have to be gold. It was all Tony Gonzalez's campaign. Yeah. That's all of the views. Some of the videos they used in that campaign were fucking hilarious. Dude, they were great. I wonder if you run again, like since the last time, how many snippets they're going to get from Unsub or the Unsub Live or Pepperbox. You know they're going to pay for a subscription. What's wild is that they still had to spend, they had to outspend me 10 to 1 to even make any of it stick. Yeah.

Because it's crazy. Like, half the shit that they used to, they're like, just like, look, how can we make veterans hate this guy? And the more clips they showed, the more they were like, this guy's pretty. Dude, like, the whole, like, premise of the thing, like, kind of blows my mind. Like, I try and explain to even my students, like, social media is more powerful than anything we know.

And to put it in perspective, we are, what, 23, 24 years past 9-11? It's terrifying. And we have people advocating for terrorism because of social media, because Hamas has a better social media campaign than the IDF does. Like, social media is stupid fucking powerful. And the powers that be don't understand how powerful social media is. It drives me insane. They're starting to, which is interesting. It's been very funny to watch that ship get steered by the caboose. Oh, God. Yeah.

When they try to use social media and they have the little hairy sissons. Oh my God. Choose your character. The new White House, like all the comms they've got there have been fucking killing. Oh, it's great. The new social media team has been hilarious. I love when you get like the weebs or the fucking super f***ing tards, liberal tards or whatever. Everyone knows I don't pick sides. I just...

I call both sides retarded if they're stupid, but like, they're like, I can't believe we have the president of the United States sharing this. I'm like, fucking awesome. Terrorists dying. It's great. I love it. I love every bit of it. Getting some like fentanyl dealer deported to Studio Ghibli copies is hilarious. Oh, the fat lady? If it was a lady, then fuck it. I don't know what that was. That was bizarre. But hilarious. I'm like, I...

Love whoever's running this account. Dude, it's crazy watching that new wave because they're treating it like, here's old legacy media. Oh, we'll do the same thing. But now with our personal accounts, I swear they probably use you guys as models for running for Congress because that was not done to that time. So how did not do it? No, well, not. Do you want to lose an all-star role? Yeah. I can give you plenty of advice on that. Well, think about it. If you would have spent maybe $2 million more, you probably would have beat him. Uh,

It was way less. Well, that was less than I spent total. Because you lost by what? Like 70-something votes? It was 400 votes in a runoff election. So we progressed from the primary to a runoff. So it was just me and him. And I think they...

he and all of the, uh, you know, packs, super packs, everybody that was running ads for him, something like 13 million, I think is what it ended up being. That's fucking nuts. $13 million to beat a YouTuber as an incumbent, which by the way, incumbents already have like a 93%. Yep.

93% re-election rate. It's crazy. I would say probably next time you have to put Cody on your payroll because he was just... It was savage. You know what we can do after they spent like $1.3 million or $13 million? You know what we get to do? This. Get fucked. I

That was the only reason I got Twitter. You almost beat your opponent and we get to get drunk and talk shit? You know what happens if you lose? The streets, mother f***er. You know what happens if I lose? Nothing changes. That's f***ing crazy.

Goddamn, best job ever. Best job I ever had. I do have to do a quick shout-out to my boy Jankwagon here. He's Jankwagon. It's a 10-68 that was constantly falling apart and lighting on fire. It looks like a toaster with tracks. My boy is having some liver failure. He's a good dude. I told him next time I'm on Unsub, he's a hell of a dude. Jankwagon's fucking awesome people. So I told him I'd do a shout-out on him.

I'm going to do 21 push-ups for you. Yeah, 21. We hope Jankwagon's doing okay. There we go. You got it from Brandon Herrera. Cody, I do want to ask a question. Where do you think you're going to get married at? Ooh. Charleston, South Carolina. Oh. I'm going to place a D.

Is it going to be water? What are you thinking on that? Oh, dude. I want big oak trees, the moss hanging off of them. What is your scent? What's the scent you're going to use for the table? You've been waiting your whole life for this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is your first and only one, isn't it? Yeah. What? It wasn't you, Rich. I'll still marry you. Shut God every time. Man, I just couldn't let it. I thought you were sad. I was trying to build you back the fuck up. You couldn't read the.

The subtext that said awkward silence in parentheses? Yeah. That's what Rich was going for. Yeah, I was trying to break the awkward silence by like making a statement about someone I care about. Did the parentheses say something about the awkward silence? No, I wasn't paying attention to that. The guy can read everything but the room. Yeah.

Every training manual. I understand missiles, not people, okay? That is my fucking tism. We got the tism titan over here when we're talking about cameras. That's a great shirt. It's just, I can read missiles, not people. That is a really good shirt. The missile knows where it's not. Dude, watch it. Just going on kind of consensual and reading just...

The one I missed an episode, I turned that one on and I was like, "Oh, what happened in this one?" I just did a quick jump in it. "You just shaved your head." I was like, "Huh?" And then immediately, wherever I skipped, Rich is just lighting him up. I was like, "He just get bullied." That was the whole episode. That was the whole episode. Getting shit on, then I read the comments. The influencer. And then it's like, "Rich is so mean to him." I was like, "Dear God."

My wife yelled at me and she came on. I think you were back and it was the four of us or you might have left. I think you were gone after that one. It was just the three of us. I'm so glad I was. And she came on over my shoulder and she's talking to the guys and she's just like, I told him not to pick on Ethan. And I'm like, he's not here. I'm still going to pick on him though. He doesn't have to be here for me to do that. She's like, I told him he's got to be nice.

Everybody was mean to him in the comments. And I was like, he's a grown-ass man. He's okay. I can handle some smoke. Yeah, then I got that text from you. Okay, we don't talk about that. All right. Over the top. All I said is that you were going to be explicitly named in my... All I'm saying is I think you've got good enough hand-eye coordination where you could...

The first time. Jesus! You can't put that one in. You can't put that one in. Hysterical. Glad you said it. You just can't put that one in. You beat me to that shit. I was about to say, he got the good **** to explain. That's how I know I got into the right friend group, is they immediately make **** jokes. You guys are really going for the neck on this one. Look at me.

I think on that one, we can close her up, Mr. Cody. We're going to close it, buddy. Are we doing an after show? Yeah, we'll do a 10-minute after show. Just complete chaos. Well, guys, thank you for coming to the Unsubscribe podcast. I was joined today by Eli Doubletap, fat electrician, angry cops, habitual line crosser, Brandon Herrera, myself, don't operate it. Join us on Patreon for the after show. Love you. Love you. Oh, yeah. Where do we find you? Habituallinecrosser.com.

BuffaloPD.org. Let them know how good of a job I'm doing and that I deserve a fucking medal. Yeah, you can email and you can... Hey, unsub, welcome. Hi. What's the website?

That's not a website. It's the Buffalo Police Department's email. Go to that email. Tell them what a fantastic member Rich is to society and call him the influencer. Just address him as the influencer. No, don't do that. No, no, no. The higher-ups don't know that. They're going to be like, what?

God, why? You and him. Maybe this just isn't the episode for that. Yeah. Be like, any buffalo...

News outlet you can find rich all I want to see is go to Google go to leave a review at Buffalo PD and just leave a really five stars for rich and just be like love rich now just call the Buffalo Police Department headquarters and tell them that we just love to see the fucking fake reviews. It's like five star detective Richard. Hi my wife and it was She loved it and I cried when they looked at me and said how beautiful it was I saw that video

And off to the after show. Yeah.

Yeah.