Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
We're gonna play which couple is the better couple and we're gonna play the shoe game. Who's the better kisser? Well, we haven't kissed yet. What? Are you and Kate racing the same one? No. Okay, Kate, we gotta start. Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon.
Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more.
Oh, no. All right, guys. So they wanted me to sit in the cage again. I think it's a little crazy how you're in the cage and the dog is. You know, you would think that. You would think that. You think that that's pretty crazy. But Tank doesn't want to be in the cage. Someone's got to be in the cage. Okay. Yeah. So I'm in the cage. So we put the wild animal in there. With a shot collar to make sure that he behaves. But there is a shot collar on my neck, but I have the remote. Yeah. And he's going to give the remote to me.
I'm going to give the remote to you. I made a deal with Harper that I would give her the remote to my shot caller if she plays pickleball with us afterwards. So she's going to play pickleball with us afterwards. And that deal was just made, actually. She's going to play pickleball with us afterwards. And I'm going to wear the shot caller for the rest of the episode and give it to Harper. And she can shock me if I misbehave. If you misbehave. If I'm talking too much. When you misbehave.
So there's seven levels on this thing. I'm gonna test them out starting with level one. Here we go. Okay. Oh, I can see his neck moving. Here we go. Ready? I was on one. Here we go. Okay. That's not that bad. That's not that bad. Wait, was that two? That was level one. Here's level two. Bro had a whole twitch from level one. Oh, okay. Level two's not bad. Here's level three. Oh, level three's got a little kick to it. I don't know why. I kind of like it. All right, here we go.
Level four up dogs going crazy guys going absolutely wild what happened come back to your place Stella apparently Stella don't make us put the shot color on you still place Well looks like we put the shot color on the wrong animal Here you go, hey, she'll be fine probably I think she's fine. Yep. All right. Here's level four. Oh
Alexis, will you shut Max back up? I can't press it. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, the dog is knocking everything over behind seats. The dog is here. Oh, my gosh. How did you do that, Stella? Are you okay?
Bad dog! Dude, Alex just got concussed by like a hundred pound light. Oh my goodness. We're like, she'll be fine. And then boom. The second we were like, she's fine. The dog cannot be behind the camera. There's honestly about a hundred wires back there. Yeah, I don't even know why we said that'd be fine. Make sure we still record that. We're also delusional. We had too much faith in you still. I had zero faith that I was just going with it.
Okay, here's the level. Actually, Harper, I'll let you test the level for me. Okay, okay.
But just a tap. Yeah, just a tap. Don't hold it, please. If you hold it down, it'll pulse for 10 seconds. Okay, I won't hold it down. Don't tase me for 10 seconds. Oh, please don't, Harper. Just tap. What level is it on? It is on level... It's on level 4. Make sure it's on level 4. You ready? Oh, gosh. Oh, man. It's out of nowhere. Okay. How do I go to level 5? Okay, show her how to do level 5. You see this knob right here? You just twist it, and that's 5, and that's the arrow. Okay, I think 5 might be the max here. Do 5. 5?
Oh! Oh! Oh! Hold it down. Don't hold it down. Don't hold it down. Don't hold it down. No, no, no. I won't hold it down. Are you holding it down? No. Are you? Because I don't want it to touch. No, stop. Someone take it away. I don't want to let it touch my skin. No, it's not going to touch your skin. She's touching it. No, I'm not. She is. She hasn't touched anything. I saw you spam it. No, it's all in your head. Yeah, it's all in your head. It's... What level is it on? What level is it on? It's on six. Six? Yes. Six? Yes. Yes.
Okay. All right. Level six is the max I want to do. I can't go to level seven, I don't think. All right. Do level six. What's one more level? Come on. Oh, gosh. I saw it.
I saw a jerk, I saw a jerk. - Can I see it? - No, don't give it to Matt, don't give it to him. No, no, no. - Matt, be nice to him. - I'm just gonna turn this baby up. - Oh gosh. Matt, please don't, please don't, please don't. - I'm just turning it up. - I'm stressing for you, Cash. - Let's see. - I feel so bad for dogs now. I'm not touching. - Oh my goodness, I haven't done anything. - Show me the level. - It's on one. - It's on one. - Why'd you pull me down?
Why did he sound so fancy? I know, that's what I was thinking. Don't hold it down! Man became Planet of the Apes. I like you.
Please let me fix my microphone, bro. Is it okay? Just let me fix my mic real quick. Ow, Matt, please stop. I've literally only been vibrating it. I've only been vibrating it. This is vibrate, right? That's shock? Matt, you have to turn the dial to vibrate. Oh, so I've been shocking it? Yes, you've been shocking me. Every single time. I've been getting shocked a lot over here, actually. All right.
That's enough of this. Are you vib- is it vibrating? Yes, it's vibrating. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't. I see why dogs obey this. Yeah, quiet. Hey, turn it back to soft. No, please. Oh, keep up. Kate, I think you would like this. Yeah, give it to Kate. I like Kate having it. That would be useful for you. Turn it up to seven. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, we should have put that thing on tighter. What's it on? Seven? No. What? Which one is it?
She doesn't even know how the sevens work. It's gotta actually be on seven. This one. Yeah. Okay. All right, Cash. It's on. See that? That's seven. I can't see it. Let me see. See? Right there. It's on seven. Why is it actually on seven? Put it on your skin. Wait, wait. Is it on seven? No. Let me look.
She's gonna actually put it... Kate, please put it on seven. You know he'll be fine. We don't know I'll be fine. Cash, you will 100% be fine. No one's been shocked on seven. Cash, it's just a shock. My grandma's done it. Oh, her grandma's done it. You said your grandma went up to three. No, her grandma went to seven. All right, Cash. She went up to seven. Press it, Kate. She went up to seven? Yeah, I wasn't gonna put it on my dog. Okay, can we move on with the episode? Okay, get at me.
No, no, we'll just shock him if he's a bad boy. Okay. Did that actually hurt? Yes. Does it actually hurt? I don't know. You want me to strap this dog collar to you? He's not crying yet. I gotta move it to the other side of my neck. This side of my neck is getting abused out here. Let's actually play the game now. We're gonna play a game this episode. Do we have the blindfolds? Oh yeah. We're gonna play which couple is...
I'm just not. Nose each other better? What were you guys saying? He was just making fun of Harper. Oh. All right, we're going to play a game. It's making noise?
Alright, can you give me some tape? Oh wait, can we just prop it up? No, just like, oh wait, that actually worked really well. Alright, let's see if that works. Alright guys, sorry, my mic's probably been noisy. It's because this was rubbing on it. I just engineered that. Women in STEM. Are you kidding me? I thought you held cash for me in that noise. No, I'm proud of myself. I problem solved.
You're with these blindfolds on now. What a slay you are. All right, so we're going to play. I don't really know what the game's called. Oh, which couple knows each other? Hey, give Harper the remote because if you get the question wrong, she's going to zap you. I know she's going to zap me no matter what. No. No, please don't. Just hold the remote, please. No, give it to Harper. I really don't want to do it while I'm blindfolded. I really don't want to do it while I'm blindfolded. Please. I'm not. I'm not. I should not go to shock. Let's play the game. Let's play the game. Just hand it over.
No, no. Let's play the game. Okay, blindfolds on, people. Alright, we're gonna play which couple is the better couple. And I'm interrupted again. So I'll just sit here. Oh, I get one? He gets a high heel. This represents me. Yeah. Alright, so I'm gonna explain the game again. We're gonna play which couple is the better couple. And we're gonna play the shoe game. If you guys don't know what the shoe game is, it's great woman engineering we have here.
Women in STEM. I gotta be still in this cage. There we go. Um, Harper's gonna ask us some questions. We gotta raise which one it is. So Harper's gonna ask us a question like, um, for instance, uh, anybody got a for instance question? Uh, who's more likely to get arrested? Who's more likely to get arrested? I gotta raise it. Who's more likely to kiss a bunch of people before they get married? Uh, what the? Hmm? That seems directed at Tank.
Tank you been kissing a lot of people? Tank you been kissing a lot of people? Can we clarify that Tank is not that poor dog's real name? Tank, that is his nickname. Alright, so for instance we would say... Wait, what did you say? The first one you said, for instance? Oh, for instance, who's more likely to get arrested? Alright, ready? Everybody play the game. Oh, wait, wait, my blindfold's on. Cash, you don't have a blindfold. No, it's a for instance. Oh, it's a... It's a demo. I'm showing them how the game is played. Okay, ready? I think we get how the game is played. Well, we haven't even demonstrated it.
Who's more likely to play? Demonstrate demo! Who's more likely to get arrested? Go! Everybody wears their shoes. So, see, me and Kate, it's per couple. Why the heck did you get the same shoes as me now? Well, these are my shoes. You saw me pick out these ones for the game. No, I didn't. I saw his own eyes. He was like,
Cash got those shoes I'm gonna get those shoes I wanna twin with Cash Yeah So these shoes Are not related Across the couples But pretty much They're gonna answer the question And they both gotta try To get the same one right That's his shoe So Guy's shoe
Mine's a little bit more dirtier. So they gotta raise the same shoe to get a point. Me and Kate gotta raise the same shoe to get a point. Alright, let's play. And we're not versing couples, right? Yes, you two versus us. Yeah, like me and Cash would've gotten the point. That's why I was like, why'd you get the same shoe as me? Okay, got it. Me and Cash would've gotten the point because we got it right. And you guys didn't. Okay. Alright, everybody put your blindfolds on. Harper, you're in charge of Stella because I can't see her. Alex, can you keep score? Alright, here we go.
Alright, ask us questions. Okay. Okay. Ready? Hold on, my blindfold's on. Okay, I'm ready. Oh, gosh darn, it's not working! Hey! Engineer better! Here, put this guy here. Let's try man engineering. Now that a man's done it. That's not it. Now it's already wobbling. Alright, here we go. Do the wobble, do the wobble. Whatever that song is. Alright, blindfold's on. Ask away!
- Ready? - Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me. - Who is the most likely to sing horribly? - What, who shot me? Please don't shot me, whoever shot me. - All right, ready? - Don't hurt him. - I'm on. - You gave Harper a hit. - I did. - Oh, all right. - I did. - Oh, this is fantastic. - It's on one. It's on one. - Yeah, yours is on zero. - Okay, ready? - Yeah. - Who is more attractive? - Oh, this is easy. Easy.
- Duh. - Okay, wow. That's kind of sad. - Come on now. - Wait, do I say what? - No, no, no, I'm for real, for real. - Wait, are we doing for reals? - For reals. - But we wanna win too. - I'm trying to get points. - Oh wait, okay, okay, wait, okay. - You're trying to get points? - Trying to get points. - Yeah, we gotta try to get points. - Okay. - So be honest, Kinsey. - Do I have to keep score these points? - No, Alex is. - Oh, Alex. - Be honest. - All right, Harper, is either one of us raising the same shoe? - Oh. - Is Matt and Kinsey raising the same shoe? - Oh, come on, I'm pulling the tape. - Why did you do me? - We are.
Yay. I'm glad we... Ow! Stop tasing me! Sorry, sorry. They both raised cash this shoot.
So Cash was honest and Kate was like, my husband is conceited so he's going to raise his own. No, no, no, no, no. I knew Kate was going to raise my shoe because she thought I raised my shoe as a joke. So you're cheating. So I was like, I have to raise my shoe in order to get a point because Kate's going to raise my shoe. I just can't believe you raised my shoe. I look like a knuckle-dragging ape that didn't evolve correctly. Bro, what's with you and the apes? My arms are too long. Knuckle-dragging. But for clarification, clarification. Ow! Stop tasing me!
Clarification I would like I would have rather Raised Kate's shoe But I knew Kate Was going to raise mine Well I like you too much Yeah I like you too darling Are you being held At gunpoint to say that Okay Okay here we go Here we go By one zero We have zero Okay ready Who's the better kisser
Well, we haven't kissed yet. What? Wait, raise both shoes? No, only one shoe. No, what? Kate, are you raising one? I am raising one. Oh, no. Well, Cash sent me these, by the way, so I know. All right, here we go. These are rigged if Cash sends them to you. I just sent a couple. I sent her a couple questions. I just feel like. Okay, I'm completely guessing here.
- Okay, are you and Kate racing the same one? No. - Okay, Kate, we gotta start being for real. - I'm being for real. - So they got zero points on that one? - Yes, but-- - How many did we get? - Zero. - Oh, come on. - Anyways. - You know I'm probably gonna be the bad kid. - That's so rude. - What? - No. - No, come on. I can't believe you thought that of yourself. - So why have y'all kissed? - Why haven't we kissed? - Kissed. - Kissed, kissed, kissed, kissed. - No, no. - Ow!
Why don't we kiss? Well, you know, we probably would kiss, but... You have rabies? Yeah, I'm not kissing that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have rabies, Kenzie. No, we just haven't kissed because... Do you know why he kissed her? No one's taught him.
I know how to kiss. So you raised the wrong shoe, too, then, if no one's taught you. Also, we're waiting until marriage, so if y'all want me to kiss a guy sometime soon, go follow us. Come on. Wait, what's happening? That's facts. We're getting married when we hit a million followers on TikTok. That's crazy.
Alright, so zero- Stella sit, Stella sit, sit. Good girl. Alright, zero points for Mackenzie, one point for me and Kate. Kate, we gotta start being for real. I am being for real. No, no, I know, but I've been raising my shoe like it's jokes, but I thought you were raising my shoe because you knew I was a joke. So no more jokes set aside. We're being for real this time. Okay. Alright, ready? Here we go. Yes. Now, who is more likely to cheat?
I'm not answering that. Don't say your line, I would never cheat. I would never cheat. That's not funny. I'm not answering that because neither of us would cheat. No, she was being raised from Kate. Well, I'm not a cheater, so. I would never cheat. Yeah, I'm sure as heck not a cheater. Wait. So, if one of us were going to. But, Kate, didn't you, like, kind of cheat when you had, like, a boyfriend, like,
Fifth grade or something. Well, just because I cheated on the boyfriend with cash doesn't mean I cheat on cash. But it does mean that you have a history. Wait, Kate, can you raise a shoe? Oh my gosh. Put your blindfold on. Okay.
Okay, I was going to lift up my blindfold. If anyone raised themselves, that's highly suspicious. Well, y'all just gaslighted me into thinking I did. I don't know what shoe to raise. Well, you had to raise one shoe. I didn't raise any shoes. You didn't raise any shoes? I didn't either. Everybody's got to raise one here. I did not raise a shoe. Seriously, what was that one? I said raise a shoe. Okay. If a holiday is play.
Anybody know the rest of the song? It's "Eating Eating My Milk, Catch a Tiger Ride, So If Y'all Are So Dope, Eating Eating My Milk." Cash, I don't know which hand is in what. I'm gonna say raise your left hand. Okay. I'll raise my left hand too. Okay. Y'all raising? Yep. I'm not raising. Raise one. You gotta raise one. Cash and Kate got it right. Y'all got neither. Let's go! 2-0! Wait, who's cheating over there? These questions are rigged. Unfortunately, I was the cheater, but you just told us to raise our left hand. How did you know you were the cheater? Ow!
Because I read it.
Oh, yeah. Stop shocking him. You're going to hurt him. I can't believe you would cheat on me. If he was a real man, he wouldn't get hurt. I'm not going to cheat. Wait, is a shock collar safe to be shocked that many times? I don't know, actually. Okay, can you take it off? Yes, everyone knows women are more likely to cheat. Somebody fact check that. Women are definitely more likely to cheat. I feel like that's not true. Also, I don't feel Stella anymore. Anybody know? Stella, come here. Stella. I thought something was like on my toes. Sit, sit, sit. I was like...
I was like, Alex, what are you doing down there? I like how I told him. That's weird. Alex. Good girl. Okay. Next question. Let's see. Who is a better driver? Oh, this is easy. Like, what are we talking about? We're going to lose this game. What? All right. Ready? So Cash and Kate got it right. Kenzie and Nav got it right. That's what I'm talking about. 3-1. 3-1, baby. Ow. Why are you taking me now? Stop talking. Okay. Okay.
Okay ready? Okay, who's more likely to pee in a shower? So sit easy peasy lemon squeezy easy peasy pee in the shower easy Okay fine fine fine who got it right well y'all got it right let's go for us
Hey, by the way, it's 4-2. You guys got a lot of catching up to do. Wait, who's more likely to pee in the shower based on a Mav and Kinsey? What would y'all say? A Mav. Oh. Dang, now you really be peeing in the shower like that? Ow! I am, but not when I want. Alright, who else would pee in the shower? Sorry, I wasn't in charge of Stella. I didn't know girls peed. Huh? Tank, sit. You don't pee. Tank, lie down. Yeah, what do you think I go in the bathroom for? Just to look at myself?
Yeah. All right, here we go. Next question. Four, two. Okay. Last question. Oh, last question. Here we go. Yes. I can... Wait, we need about four more questions. Okay, I'll make some up. Okay. Ready? Oh, also, guys, by the way, if you ask... I hope somebody makes an edit of this. Harper, you're so left out. You don't have a couple.
If you have a boyfriend, we'll let him on the show. Yeah, but you don't have a boyfriend. But he also can't be a boyfriend that is mean to you. You ain't got no boyfriend. If you get a boyfriend that's mean to you, they're not welcome on the show. Girl, why are you sneezing? All right, what's the last question? Last question, Harper? No, no, I'm making more up. Oh, I'm scared if you make them up. And I want to amp it up to seven. Okay, make... What?
Make one more up and then ask that one. Okay. For everyone that Cash gets wrong, raise the level. No. All right. Make one up. Okay. Who's more likely to French kiss a dog? Oh. Kate, you got to raise yours. I'm really thinking right now. Cash hates dogs so much, but I also could see him doing it. Like he doesn't even want to look at a dog. Gosh. I think he, I feel, I have a feeling he's raising my shoe. Okay. Well, so Cash and Kate got it.
right, right, right, right. Let's go. Mav and Kenzie got it wrong. What? You guys, I'm never French kissing a dog. Breeze for impact. You totally would French kiss a dog. I would never cheat. If Cash was like, you should French kiss a dog, you might. Okay. What? Yes, you would. No. Yo, you guys. Dogs be licking their own booty hole. I ain't doing that. You can tell you guys aren't married. Let's do it. Ow! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I think I did it.
Hey, let me put it on
- Harper put it on, give me that button. - No. - Yes. - Harper wants to do it. She'll be fine. Go get it. - I'm fine. - She wear it? - Stella's fine, she's fine. - She's fine. - Stella, come here. - Oh, Harper's gonna-- - Stella, you gotta get better at sitting on this podcast. - Hey, Kate, can you grab that? - Yeah, you're gonna get fired if you keep leaving the show. - Guys, I'm putting the collar on. - All right, give me the remote, give me the remote. - No. - Yeah, I get the remote. - No, pickleball for you. - No, I get the remote.
Hold on. Oh, that was so funny. Man jumped out of the gate. Yeah, you guys put it on max level, bro. I caught like the last half of it. Hey, who did that? Was it you or you? We were all aware what was happening. I was not. I would not have let that happen. Who pressed the button? Maverick. Maverick Harper. Oh, I didn't press it. Okay, give me it. Give me it. Give me it. Give me their remote. Give me their remote. You good.
What an absolute idiot. Why would you give the man that you just put her on seven? He's not gonna shock her. You can't shock her. Alright, is it on? It's not on. She's faking it. I've been holding it down this whole time. You little faker. No, don't shock her. Don't shock her. I've been holding it down still. It's on. Really? See, it's on my skin. No, but push it on your skin. The light's going off.
Are you pressing the right button? Is it on something else? No, it's on, but she's not. Just put it on your ceiling. Press it. Put it on vibrate. Yeah, there you go. What was it on? Level four, you little baby. That scared me. That scared me. It actually jolted me around. You want to try level seven? It jolted me around. No, it jolted me around. You want to try level seven? No, Cash. Hey, she tried level seven on me. She kind of does. I can tell. She's like a third of your size. Shock isn't like by calories or nothing. What?
Oh, sorry. It's not my body weight. Well, I still don't think you should shock Harper. Poor little dog. If it's my body weight, poor little doggy over there is going through it. I didn't like that game. I feel like that game kind of ruined our relationship. Well, no, it didn't. Really? You think I would French kiss a dog? Okay, all the other ones we thought highly of each other.
Hey, you guys don't know each other very well. I just thought I'd say that. What? You guys lost miserably. Well, it's okay. They'll know each other. Yeah, I pressed it that time. If I was playing to win, then we would have won. Really? But I was playing truthfully. I agree. You need to play truthfully on these games. And you need to play truthfully as well. I just feel like this game ruined everything. What does that even mean? Don't play it at your wedding. That's for sure. She said that I cheated. Or I would cheat.
Hey, yeah, why did you say I would cheat? I would never cheat. Let's go back through these answers. What was the other thing? What were the other things? There was other things I was not happy with. Nah, wait. She's freaking out. She's terrified with that thing. No, I'm not terrified. You were spaced. You were literally not even here. You just stick it right there. No. Keep it there. She is a wiggly dog. Wait, what's it on? She's under the couch. Oh my gosh. Funniest story in the world I haven't told on the podcast yet. What?
Oh my gosh, y'all are gonna laugh your butts off. Y'all are gonna laugh your butts off at this story, man. Oh my gosh. She's under the couch. Guys, hi. Stella is gone again, guys. It's fine. Alex is like, please sit. Y'all better buckle up.
tell us because oh yeah i shocked you again because this story is the best story ever okay so so me and kate this happened recently last week to be specific oh what happened me and kate she's fine wait i need this story uninterrupted so what are we doing with the animal do we do i need to call animal control or what are we doing do you want to she's eating the wires of the do you want to
- Should I call her and beep it? - Alex, can you just maybe-- - Not shock her, but just beep it. - Yeah, yeah. - Should I take the collar off you, Harper? - I'd be glad. - How often do you actually have to shock her? Wait, talk into your mic. - This is crazy. - Not very often. - But how often do you shock your dog? - I feel like you just beep it all day just to warn her. - I do beep it a lot, probably three times a week. - To actually shock her? - Yeah. - On like level one, yeah. You never have to turn it up.
It just feels like it takes a dog getting shot once. Level one's just like, you can just vibrate it and she's like, oh. Oh, Stella. Oh, Stella. Oh, she's... Wait, why does she voluntarily put the collar on? You know it's a shot collar dog, right? Oh, Stella. Every time you've gone outside, dog, you whine. Tank, you aren't going outside. That's tricking you.
Her little tail. I'll buzz her if you need me to. Just let me know. Give it to Kinsey. It's on vibrate. Give it to Kinsey. All right. Now that the animal is under control, I can tell the best story in the entire world. Hey, vibrate that thing. Okay. So me and Kate...
We're in our bedroom. Oh my gosh, everyone's gonna love this story. I can't believe I've kept this story private and I haven't told anyone. Okay, let's hear it. The whole room's gonna love this story. Oh, I'm excited. I don't think I will. No? Okay, the whole room besides someone sitting in the pink chair. Don't embarrass me. What are you gonna say? Me and Kate are in our bathroom chilling. And I hear, and I'm like, what the? And I'm outside and Kate's in the bathroom in the toilet. And I hear,
I was like, that's not a fart. Ain't nobody fart like that. And I was like, oh my gosh. Any guesses what it is? It's just Kate in the bathroom, door closed. Oh, the only thing that's in our bathroom is a toilet. There's no sink, nothing. Just a toilet and four walls. Can we stop the story? She pooped. What? Why do I gotta stop the story? I don't want to hear anymore. Any guesses on what happened? She pooped. No. She dropped her summer Fridays in the toilet. Nope. She dropped her cell phone in the toilet. Oh.
No. In poopy water. Was it actually poopy? Yeah. Oh, no. I don't think I've ever freaked out as much as I have in that moment. Did you stick your hand in there and get it? I don't know how it happened, but one second my phone was in the toilet. One second it was in the toilet? Barely, because for some reason our toilet wasn't very... Our water has been really off in this toilet.
So it wasn't very full of water. So it didn't really, like... It was just full of poop. No. Oh. No, it was not that bad. Can we please talk about something else? Yeah. Wait, I have a question. When...
- So when, so are you that comfortable with Cash to like, just like when you go down and poop, just fart, like let it all out? - Oh yeah, she, oh yeah, oh yeah. No, she saves it for nighttime. Sometimes when I come down to get like a midnight snack, all I hear from their room, just machine guns going off. - No, you guys think I fart a lot during the day? I fart a lot during the day because that's when I let it all out all the time. Kate holds it all up and at night it's like, sometimes you think it's a machine gun going off. - That's not true. - It's just . - That is not true. - It is. - Like you know when you fart and then it's like, it's like.
I was like minding my business just like sitting in bed cash was like dead asleep I farted and he like rolls over and he makes eye contact like not a smile on his face. He goes you're taking off like a helicopter So seriously like not a smile was I don't know how so nice when I wake up in the mornings in case something I can say the funniest things and not smile at all honestly
Then I go back to sleep. My favorite is whenever he's asleep and I look at him and he randomly gets in my face and he goes, no!
and then falls back asleep. I don't know why I do that. I don't know why I do that. Honestly, she'll be sleeping and I'll be sleeping and we both wake up and I just look over and I go, and then I go back to sleep. And like he doesn't laugh or anything. I don't want to sleep with you. I want to see it. But yeah, she drops her phone on the poopy toilet and then she gets it out and dude, it was...
She literally bought a whole new phone case. Which I would too. I ripped the screen protector off and I thankfully I had a screen protector and a case on. So like the actual phone
phone i've been trying to tell harvard that doesn't happen the whole thing's still really okay i like i literally drenched my phone in marketplace two dollars i like drenched my phone in alcohol for like like literally like five times the next four days after that she'd be like can you hear my phone i was like no yeah it was really bad yeah you just don't have someone there to expose you on a podcast for millions of people do you
Harper guys like I was so thankful it wasn't a public toilet
oh public toilet because like i keep the same at that point once it's in there it's in there i have a fear if i drop my phone in the toilet i won't grab it no i don't you okay see that's what i would have said before a week ago but a week ago i'd be like kate come get it no like my reflexes like kicked in i like dropped my phone and i so quickly screamed and like grabbed it without thinking and then after i was like oh my gosh and i like threw my phone on the floor what happened to be a
Wow. At school? See, I was scared. The public toilet. I was scared because I heard, and she goes, and I was like, what happened? And she goes, I dropped my phone in the toilet. And I thought, it's because she didn't say she got it. I thought she was going to ask me to get it. I was like, I'm not getting that for you. You wouldn't get the toilet.
No, I'm not grabbing your phone out of your poopy toilet. Ain't no way I'm doing that. I would do it for you. No, you wouldn't. I'll go poop in the toilet, drop my phone there, and I'll be like, Kate, come get it. I would do it. Okay, I'll do that tonight. Touch his own feces? Yeah, that's weird. You touch his feces? I would if he asked me to because I love him that much, but I see the love is not received. Would you touch my feces? I don't think I could. Actually, I don't poop. Harper, what's the most embarrassing thing you do in private?
Okay, actually I was just trying to think of that really like you were Because like when when I was like when Kate was like I'm sure you've done it before too I was like well I'm trying to think of secondhand embarrassment things I do behind other people's back that nobody knows about me I'm just gonna use how you drop your phone on the toilet while sitting on the toilet
I don't know how it happened. It just happened. Yeah, I could see like maybe why your pants are coming down. It like falls out of your pocket. Yeah, like you're standing up or like walking by. But like sitting down on the toilet? I don't know. I think I actually, I think I started to stand up and that's what happened. Did you drop it on the back end or the front end? It was like towards the front. I told you it wasn't that bad. It was like towards the front of the toilet. Like it like barely slid in there. So I'm imagining you standing there like this, sitting there like this and just.
Uh-oh. I don't know how it happened. It all happened so quickly. One second I had my phone, the next it was in the toilet, and the next it was back in my hand. One second she just talked about the poop emoji, next second she grabbed it with the poop emoji. I really feel like you were right here and you were like, oh, oh no, oh. I don't know. I wish I could remember. Still, please.
I have no clue. But you know what? That's what you guys have to look forward to when you get married. It's absolutely no time alone. No, it's not time alone. She wants to watch me poop, but I won't let her. What? You freak. I don't want to watch him poop. It's just like... Yes, you do, you little weirdo. Because... No matter how... 40 years into marriage, when I'm pooping, door closed, no one else in there. Not even a dog. Not even a dog. Stop.
Not even a gerbil or a hamster. Nothing. He gets so mad when I'm in the bathroom if I don't. Because we have the master bathroom and the toilet is in its own room. He gets so mad if he walks in and I'm going to the bathroom with the door open. Yeah, like close the door. You say that, but you'll FaceTime me on the bathroom. Well, I'll FaceTime people, but that's different.
You only see my face. No, sometimes you show everything on FaceTime. Pooping is the most exposed you will ever be. No, but it's not true because you do sleep naked. I'm pretty sure you moon people. You know what's ironic? I actually did film a selfie video and posted it on my Instagram of me pooping. You did? And it was a video like this. Oh my gosh, all my friends are talking about it.
Really? What? They're like, oh my gosh, Harper, did you see Cash's new Instagram post? They liked that? They thought it was funny? No, and I was like, what? And then I went on, and it was like a huge dump. Yeah. You're like...
like i begged him to delete it's funny to see people talking about it no i wasn't gonna go and then i tried to back you up i was like oh it's that's cash yeah she's like actually there's no defending you no i was like and i was like yeah at least i don't do that on my sorry i was like at least i don't do that on my tiktoks right you had no idea how many people called him texted him it was like dude you accidentally posted this so it'd
so many people texted me. Even I, I like ran, I ran over here to the balcony and I'm yelling downstairs like, Cash, Cash, take it off. Cash, take it down. Everyone's like, take it off, Cash. Is it still up? Well, it was a story. It was a story, that's right. But I can post another one tonight. No. Should I do a daily? No. I should start a daily
Daily Story and I rated it one out of ten. You will lose followers so fast. But Dad does one viral time. I will unfollow you. I will unfollow you. You'll lose so many followers, but you'll gain some too. But won't the tension be so high because people are low-key waiting for the 10 out of 10? I think it's low-key on the TikTok channel. It's a TikTok channel. Even if it was in a good way or a bad way, they were still talking about it. Yeah, and I could start a morning poop and every day I just rate the poop. Just how it went. How that day went. It's awesome.
Oh my goodness. Like if you run out of toilet paper, that's a zero out of 10 right now. I just, I think this is bad.
Well, I mean like literally like when I used to do take dogs like that or is like I gotta go see you take talks like that Yeah, I used to be I gotta go pee and throw a glass of water. That is his favorite video. That is my favorite TikTok you ever posted. I thought it was so funny. Why did my video get reactions like that? Favorite video all of a sudden? It was so funny. She's like I gotta go pee. He goes off screen with water. Demonstrate what you did. It was what I do in case water bottle.
No, I don't. I feel bad. Let me find the TikTok. It was like you can't even. It was my favorite TikTok. Wait, no, no. Just you right here. Like what? No. No water is going to come out. I'll take the lid off. I'll take the. Well, then I don't have any water. Women in STEM. I'll find the TikTok. I'll find the TikTok. Because then we got to pop it up on screen. No. And add all that stuff. Waste my water. It's water. It's water. No, I don't got water for the rest of the podcast. There's plenty of it. I don't got water for the rest of the podcast. I did exactly how you did on the TikTok. Okay. I was like this.
I was like, so about to lose it. And now the carpet's going to be soaking wet just so everybody knows. But guess what? I wear slippers in the house, so I don't got to worry about my socks getting wet. But all y'all, all y'all want her to dump water everywhere? Don't come complaining to me when your socks are wet. My socks are going to be very dry. Anyways, I was like, I was like, guys, I got to go pee. And I was like, I was covering my mind just in case she gets it. She just peed on you. She just peed on you, Kat. You don't pee on me.
yeah that's better it was actually hilarious guys i do miss making weird tick tocks like that stuff yeah i miss it too they were funny they were yeah funny tick tocks why'd you quit making funny tick tocks because stupid school i would totally be crazy if i wasn't in school like i would do i would why do you care so much about people at school that are doing absolutely nothing no what like you don't want to just bully every single kid at her school yeah wow the average
That was crazy, not gonna lie. Okay, I'm sorry. All those kids at your school, Harper, they're nobodies. That's what you just said. No. I'm saying that they're not doing much. When a high school student doesn't do much, you do lots. Those high school kids can grow up to be the next president. Well, right now, they're just a bully high school. Isn't that crazy? There's a high school kid right now that is the next president. That is crazy. I'm convinced I went to school with the next president. He was the smartest kid ever. Young Sheldon.
Oh, I wish I went to school with Young Sheldon. No, I went to a big school. But there was this one specific kid. He was so smart. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Presidents are not smart. Have you seen... Have you seen all of our... Well, I can't say that. Some of them are comedians. Some of them are. Have you seen all the presidents...
I just need a smart one in a minute. But guys, if you go to the bottom of my page, I was insane. They were way better, Harper. Your videos were so good. Hey, that's our opinion, though. Yeah. I don't want you to get bullied, though, either. So this is a message to Harper's school. Stop bullying Harper. Oh, wow. Okay, I think that's really going to work. You really told them. In the beginning of all my videos, I'll make a really weird face so everybody would stay. Yes.
It's like this one, that one, that one, that one, that one, that one, that one. How old are you in these? 13. I'm 15 now. That one, that one, that one. It was so smart and so good. Harper, you realize that there are 4 million people that love those videos and there's maybe a thousand kids you go to school with that love them.
think it's what my my i'm gone now like i am not i can't go back to where i was yes you can what does that sentence even mean because everyone talks about it in your comments everyone in the comments is like bring back the old videos i miss the old videos we miss seeing harper be herself i know but i was just a little kid like i like i was just like you were younger
younger but i feel like this is the episode on nickelodeon where the parents are like you have to go to college she's like i just want to be me i want to live my dream you don't understand mom i don't want to be in the nba draft i just want to jump rope no harford you were younger but it's also just your personality i just you have a good funny personality and people are intimidated by different personalities and like literally i thought this was the most normal tiktok i made it was like i bet she has a cute laugh
Wait, wait, don't play that. Don't play that. Copyright music. Wait, put it on the mic.
Yeah, I thought that was my most normal TikTok, but it wasn't. And everybody's like, why do you laugh like that, Harper? I just don't understand. Don't be rude at school to me. Just leave me alone. The other thing is... Oh, sorry, I keep spitting. Hey, would you like an episode where we have Dr. Phil on to talk through your problems? No, I want to have an episode on where I just sit down and talk about my stupid school and how they make fun of me. It's not just that. Every time I make a weird TikTok...
I'm like, sorry. Like, I'm like so scared to go into school the next day. I'm like, oh God, like somebody's going to look at me. Hey, I was, I was scared too in school. I didn't like going, I didn't like going anywhere that there would possibly be anybody from my school. That's why I listened to Lil Pump and Jake Paul and I dropped out. My teachers never taught me that, how to buy a Lambo cash. Well, you still haven't bought a Lambo cash. But he could. What? Could he? Could he buy a Lambo cash? I don't know. No, because I went to Vegas. But,
Spent all my money in Vegas. Hey kids, when you grow up and turn 21, don't go to Vegas. And stay in school. Yeah, and once again, I'll say it again, do not go to Vegas.
you do not win and the casino always wins yeah you lose your money if you like your money don't go to vegas yeah like the thing nobody can talk me into doing my weird tiktoks again like i want to so what about me please please no i'm like let's put that shock collar on again i try to incorporate it into my daily tiktoks but it just doesn't work anymore like i don't have that kind of humor anymore because like do people have changed me like i don't even
even know like she's just different now no no like you don't understand like i like i like it's like no it's okay you slow down talk through your feelings i was trying to joke around no and then like i'm just so paranoid that somebody like that i like for my score my crush is gonna see harper who's your crush i don't
- Harper, I hate to break it to you, but the girl with four million followers, everyone likes. Whether they make fun of you or not, they secretly watch your videos because they like 'em. - Well even outside of that, you're probably gonna see five of them after you graduate. - Yeah. - Not even that, probably. - I will say,
When I was, like, 15, 16 doing social media and I wanted to quit and I didn't want to make videos because I was so embarrassed, like, I'm so glad I stuck to it. Yeah. Because we've done so much with it. Like, we've had so many cool opportunities and, like, we have, like, the best job ever because I didn't stop doing it when I was 16. Hey, you should make them again. If somebody bullies you, just sing the song. Piper Raquel? No. No, I would highly recommend not to sing that one. Okay, we'll get to that. Piper Raquel? No, no, no, no. The, uh...
This is real. This is me. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now. Sing that song to them. They'll understand. If you show your heart, they'll get it. It's not that people bully me. I just know what they think. Even Kate knows. But
before you met me you're like who is this girl like why does she do this on the internet and stuff and then like when you actually like met me in real life it was like real but like i'm gonna be so real right now the only reason i don't do it is because i'm scared no like no guys are gonna like me i'm all my friends are i'm gonna lose all my friends and the rest of high school every time i go to like a party or something i'm not gonna get invited because i'm the weird get ready with me you're not gonna be okay what kind of guys do you want to like you
That's what I was thinking. I don't know. Do you want guys that actually like you or guys that like this fake version of you? Yeah. These kids take screenshots of my TikTok and zoom in on my face. Do you want a guy that likes that sense of humor, the sense of humor you have, or a guy that's just like... You don't want to feel like you have to filter yourself for the rest of your life to cater to a guy or to your friends. Do you like your life before social media or after social media better?
like the same. Like, I mean like obviously after social media, but like sometimes I wish I could go back and like see what it was like. But when you're like doing like really cool things, like going out to LA and filming videos with like huge influencers and like we have a podcast with so many people that watch it. You go out in public all the time and you have, you have fans come up to you and ask for pictures. Like, and like I,
I do think, like, if I would have never made that TikTok with Sophie, like, it, like, or just, like, this account in general, like, nothing would have ever happened. And, like, that's the thing. Like, like, and I don't want to go back to the normal, my normal self. Because, like, but if I did, nobody would think I'm weird. And kind of before that, people did think I was weird.
weird like because I was kind of like a crazy person like a fun like crazy I don't know yeah and like now they're like oh Harper in real life you're like mysterious and chill and I was like um you're like mysterious and chill you're so into this you say like but when you say like if I went back to my normal life you would do that for the next two years three years you're in high school and then once you're out of high school you're never gonna see those people again you're gonna be in the real world with real adults who are like
like don't think that of you because high school is like literally I know how it is like in high school like you think you're never gonna get out everything matters more than it does but like when you get into the real world like people don't care or your future can look bright like me see he's in a cage he's in a cage and I'm doing what and like I
think that I would be here today and I'm not saying that I'm not happy about it. It's just like, I like... Yeah, I remember when you first met us, you were all excited and you were so happy. Yes. And remember how you were then? Yes, I do. But I was super shy back then. I was like, hi, Katie. Put that right next to the E.
Well, it was appropriate because she was a 13-year-old girl. Hi, Katie. No, I was like, hi, Katie. I didn't know what to call her. I was like, Katie. No one knows what to call me. Yeah, I was like, Katie. No one ever knows what my name is. Katie, Katie, Catherine, Caitlin, Tank. It's all the same. Kathy. I like to call her Kathy. And then when I saw Maverick for the first time, I was so scared. I was actually. Wait, why? Why? I was so scared to meet you. I'm not joking. I'm not joking.
That's why. Probably gets it out. Yeah. I'm going to go with that. No, I was actually so scared of me, Matt. Like, y'all have no idea. Wait, why? What specifically, Matt? Because the first time I met you. Because I have high testosterone. No, I remember the first time I met you, you were in this tank top with your, like, pit vipers or, like, colorful sunglasses. And you're like, you look like a cheerleader. I bet I can throw you into the air and catch you. What?
That is 100% the first thing Maverick would say. I was like, I could throw you out. Wait, wait, wait. Where was the first time you met him? I was down there, and he came into the door, and I was like, oh, hi. Who's this? And then I was like, oh, it's Mav. Or Maverick. And I called him Maverick. I was like, oh, yes, Maverick Baker. That's right. Put some respect on my name before I throw you. He was like, oh, yeah, you're the next Emma Chamberlain. Yeah, that's right. That's right. That's right. And I was like, oh.
And then he was like, you're a cheerleader, right? I can throw the air. So then he tried to throw me in the air, but I went maybe two centimeters. When he first met you? No, she was even smaller. She was tiny. I was here. I was right here. She was tiny. She's grown like four inches. Yeah, I've grown really tall.
Like, we literally could have thrown her through the ceiling. Wait, wait, back to the story. If he was wearing sunglasses inside. No, I think I first met you the first episode we did. No, you met her at the house. Because we had been filming with her for a couple weeks before we started the pod. And it was with my sister.
I remember. Yeah. And it was with my sister. I don't really remember meeting you, I guess. It just wasn't that memorable. Okay. Well, no. Yeah. But like, and that was like so much fun. I was like, yeah, like, yeah, I'm with famous people. And I like turn off the location. No, Harper, you were the famous people. Actually. Now you are the famous people. I am the famous person. Hey, well, we did stunt after that. Yeah, they sure did. No. I one manned you.
Hart, you sure did, like, throw her in the air. And I was like, Maverick, we don't know this girl. You can't break her. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, like, the second time, third time we hung out all together. He was like, okay, okay. So, tried to go in the yard. And we were, like, on the concrete next to his Tesla. And I was like, oh, God. Okay.
I know, I remember that. No, she was standing up there. We were like, oh, look at this. And he was like, look at this. I was like shaking up in the air. And I was like, it's like dual live. I was like, okay. It was actually really, you're actually really good at it. But yeah. You want me to do it? No. I'm going to pass on that. Not that. Yeah, but I couldn't stand up straight. I was like, but yeah. No, and then now we're all like family, right?
Yeah, if you come play pickleball with us. Yeah, you have to play pickleball. No, I have homework. I have homework. I'm not even joking. Y'all, we've never... What kind of homework? I don't think we've ever been around Harper outside of... I really want... What? I don't think we've ever... World Geography. Oh. I know where everything is. Wait, what is it? Geography. World Geo. Yeah, I know where all the Geo is. Geocaching? So what were you saying? What were you saying? I don't think we've ever...
Been in each other's presences without work. I went to a Huda Beauty event together. Yeah, but that's kind of work. That's kind of like social media stuff. I mean, it was social media, but it wasn't work. Like, I wasn't paid to go or anything. Oh. That was just like a fun thing. I'm trying to think. Hmm. Nope, not even once. Yeah. Wait, what did...
Picking her up from school hillside hillside, right? Oh, we did go to meetings. Yeah, that was meetings. Yeah, guys, we're gonna in this episode so heartbreaking get out of here Yeah