Best of lol Podcast 2023!
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- Listen. - This is actually true. - No, because Maverick, for the longest time he was always like, "Kate, you wanna make some cookies?" And I was like, "Yeah." And then I was like, "You know what? "If he wants cookies, I'll show him how to make 'em." So I started buying the pre-cut cookie dough, so all I had to do was put them on the pan and put them in the oven. - It literally just turns them up. - It's simple. - I mean, I'm not gonna lie. - You don't even have to roll them up into a ball.

Home eat cannot do it. I don't blame you. I just realized the other day I have not used the laundry machine since we moved here or the oven. Bro, those things are complicated. I've never used it. Kate was gone to New York Fashion Week and I was like, bro, this thing is like a rocket ship. I got a text. He was like, I need you to come home. My laundry basket's too full and I don't have breakfast in the morning. Dude, I was having to try to find breakfast at like Smoothie King. It's not fun.

Uh, no, listen, baking cookies, it's just not my thing. And I don't know why you think it's a good idea to try to teach me how to do something. I'm not like, Hey Kate, let me teach you how to put shelves on the wall. No, I don't do that. I just thought that you might like cookies. If I'm not here and you want cookies, you might like to know how to put them in the oven. You would think that, but I look like I would. What do you mean? Cause you're 36 and you look like you would be a handy little maverick.

is such a Bob the Builder. Yeah. He just built that before we went live. He just built that. I ordered that little end table thing for like right there and it was sitting up against the wall and I kept meaning to tell Mav to build it and then I walked out of my bedroom and he's building it and I was like, wow, something in the house just needs to be put together and Maverick's on it. No, to be fair, I told him to. Oh, you did? He did. But...

It bugs me if there's like something that needs put together and it's not. That's a lie. Remember the shelves? You had those things there for months. No, it did bug me. He just won over the shelves. Yeah, I was gone. I was like in and out of the house. But like the computer, we just got some new computer stuff in and Cash was like, don't set that up right now. It's a waste of time. We have more important things to do. And I was like, dude, I was like itching. Remember LA when we were at, I'm not going to say her name because I'm not going to put her on blast, but we were at this influencer's apartment and- Hills.

Wait, who's? I said, I'm not gonna say it. You want me to whisper it to you? Yeah. No, I can't trust you. If I whisper it to you, you're gonna say it out loud. I won't say it. Anyways, we're at our apartment, and she has a mirror. All that needs to be done is to put one screw in it, and it hangs on the wall. Oh, I know who you're talking about. It hangs on the wall. No, you don't. She has no clue. And she called a handyman to come put a screw in her mirror and hand it on the wall. What? I don't blame the girl. You don't know what a handyman is?

- A handyman, like a candyman? - Like Bob the Builder, you know how Bob the Builder is? - No, it's like a construction worker guy, kind of. - Like my dad. - Yes. - There you go. - My dad's not a construction worker, he's an engineer. - But can your dad hang a mirror on the wall? - Nope. - I'm sure he can. - Did you say your dad's an engineer? - Yep. - Then he could probably hang something on the wall. - No, he's an oil engineer. - A petroleum engineer? - Nope. - Okay. - Yes he is. - No, he is not.

Is dad a petroleum engineer? Yeah. Your mom said yes. And he can't do stuff. He's not. How did you know that? What do you think petroleum is? It's just called petroleum. Petroleum jelly.

jelly is vaseline yes i am with you on that yeah like when i was getting my tattoo removed she said put some petroleum on it wait what do y'all think petroleum in your vaseline is dude i have zero clue i'm gonna be honest they're gonna they're gonna act like they know what so much more sense oil yes so there's oil but vaseline and the petroleum are two different ways yes but they mix them together the oil that you get out of the ground goes in your vaseline yes there's oil in like everything that's

The oil that you put in your car is also in your Vaseline? Obviously. Okay. You didn't know petroleum was two seconds ago, right? There's oil on that car. You're getting educated by Harper. There's oil on this couch. Yeah, and, like, you know how, like, oil comes out of your pores and stuff? Do you think it's because of, like... The petroleum, right? But it's not the same oil that goes in your car. No, but, like, the oil, like, when you eat food that has oil in it, it's, like, coming back out of your pores. And the oil that's in food... So, ultimately, it's, like, oil. Yeah. I know...

Okay. I didn't take algebra. I don't know. What about olive oil? Olive oil? That comes out of your pores. Yep. What? Yeah. That is not where I was going, Harper. I'm asking Maverick because I think he might know. No. Olive oil? What do you think olive oil comes from? Olive oil? I have no clue where olive oil comes from. Are y'all kidding me? Olives. Olives.

Olive oil definitely comes from olives. I'm googling it. I don't even need to google it. I just know. Where do olives grow? Do they grow on a vine? No. Facts, bro. Where do olives grow? I've never seen an olive in the wild. You know what I keep thinking about and I keep meaning to google it but I

keep forgetting? Oh, I live with degenerates, guys. What's that? Listen, every time I'm on an airplane and I go to the bathroom and I flush, I'm like, where is it going? Because it's such like a loud, it's like, whoosh. Dude, it is aggressive. It sucked my clothes down. It sucked your clothes down? Yeah, no, it sucked my whole t-shirt down the drain. That is cat, Barbara. Real quick, can you just sing the chorus song like as majestic as possible? Like as good as you can. It's like, whoosh.

This is going to be a joke, by the way. I'm not actually singing and trying. No, no, no. Try. No. No. Okay. Okay. My voice is lost. What's going on? It's corn. What the heck? Wait, wait. What was that? Why did you hit that? Okay, Ariana Grande. And then, wait. A big lump of numb. A big lump of numb.

What is going on? Oh my god! And then what's next? A big lump of nub. I don't know. It's going to be a big lump of nub. It has the juice. It has the juice. Wait. It has the juice. I like corn. Yeah. Wait, can you say it when I try it with butter and everything changes? I'm wrong as well.

I'm very impressed. Hit that line. When I tried it with butter, everything changed. How does it go? When I tried it with butter, everything changed. When I tried it with butter, everything changed. Oh, yeah.

That's so crazy. Yo, yo. They would love you at this black church I went to. I love singing gospel songs. Like, joyful, joyful. Me too. We adore thee. Like, I love that. What's that one song? What's that one song? At the end of every black church movie. What's it called? You know the song that it's like,

Oh, it's like, "Let's be old for today." You guys never saw that on TikTok. "Oh, let's just be used to it." "And it'll take you away." "Let's be old." Remember that song? Remember that trend on TikTok?

Those are my favorite churches, dog. Best worship. They win in worship. Do you guys want to read this? Are you ready for it? Are you 18 plus? Are you? Yes, I am. Oh, okay. This is further than we've ever made it on the application. Oh, yeah. He's been to four proms. Are you single? Wait, what? What? What?

Are you talking to somebody? I mean, like, I feel like it's like, yes, no. I'm not like looking for a relationship. A situation ship? Yeah. Yeah, same. Yeah, same. I feel like a situation ship. We're not together, but y'all are just like iffy. Maybe. Maybe we'll be together. Yeah. Yeah, low key, I just like play around.

You keep your options open. Harper doesn't do nothing. She's lying to you. I do. Okay, so number one, there's this one guy. We're going to call him George. I was talking about him yesterday. George. Does George know we talk about him on the podcast? Wait, is this the same as... No, but Harrison knows we talk about him on the podcast. Yeah, he lets it. Did Harrison get mad? Oh, no, he likes it. Harrison loves it. He loves it. He's like, oh, yeah, Harper talked about me on the podcast.

Shut up. So, yeah. So, Harrison was my first kiss. Okay. Yeah. As you can see, I have raised... No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Okay. So, Harrison. And then now I'm talking to this guy named... I'm not going to say... George. George, yeah. And he's going to like... So, Harrison and George are going to be fighting for you. Yeah. No, no. I'm kidding. No, no. So, like... What's his name? George. How old are you? 14. You're 14? Yeah. Yeah. So, you said I was 13. Man, I did not have this many guys when I was 14. No, I have two. But...

Well, there could be a third and a fourth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There could be a fifth, you know. Wait, Harper, does your mom know you kissed Harrison? Yes, yes. After the podcast, she grounded me, but... What was that? Oh, wait, wait, wait. I have a hidden talent. I have a real hidden talent. Oh, let's see. Okay. All right. I'm just going to do this thing I saw off TikTok, okay?

I said daddy daddy. I'm stuck in the closet, and I can't get out it sounds like I'm in the closet Yeah, see it's hard no I did this oh

I can't get it. Listen. Okay. Because I watched iCarly and real ones know they did this on iCarly before they did it on TikTok, so I practiced. Oh my gosh. I watched it on iCarly too. Really? What? Okay. No. All right. Do it, Kate. Did it. Did it.

You're freaking me out today. I want one tattoo. I want a matching tattoo with you. Nope. I'm down for matching tattoos on our butt cheeks. My uncle got branded. Let's get half a heart. Dude, I've almost

gotten branded before. Yeah. Branded? I don't know why, but as a guy, when you're with other guys, just getting branded sounds fun. Growing up, Maverick and them always tried to convince them to let them brand me. Wait, like a cow? Yeah. Like, put it in the fire and brand me. And I almost fell for it once. Yeah. Fell for it.

My uncle's branded on his butt cheek. Yeah, and it's always a good spot. It's like, you gotta do the butt cheek. And his initials are still there. It was like his sorority, like initials. So, yeah. His sorority? It's so bad. Your uncle's got a sorority. Yeah. Your uncle made the sorority. That's awesome. He is one of a kind. Legendary. Like, every guy wants to join a sorority. No, like a frat sorority. Oh, frat sorority.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Those are the best type. - Yeah, exactly. - 'Cause those exist. - Hey, speaking of Riz, Cash?

Or Kate, would you say, would you say, would you say Cash has Riz? Absolutely not. Not anymore. What? Whoa. Okay. Not anymore. I can vibe with that. I used to have Riz. Then I got married. Why would I care about Riz? Well, my follow-up question was going to be, can I see you Riz, Kate? In action? Yeah. You want to see me in action? Cause like, you know, I'm single now and like, I need, I just need an example. Harper was the one giving date advice, not me. Yeah. Cash, like what would you do if like. Like if Kate was a random girl in the bar.

The bar. We don't go to the bar. Okay, Kate is a random girl at the park. What do you want? Yeah, I'm riding my scooter through the park. Yeah. You see Kate. There's two low-key popular boys behind me, but not really. I fall for Kate. You see Kate, and you're like, she's just sitting on a park bench reading her book, doing Kate things. What do you do? I would say, wait, you want me to just go off the wrist of that situation? Yeah, so Kate, pretend you're on the park bench. I'm like reading my book. Cash, you pull up. I'm on my scooter? Yeah. I would say...

I would drive by. I wouldn't say anything. Okay. I would loop back around. And then I wouldn't notice you because I'm still in my book and you have made absolutely no impression. Okay, if you still haven't noticed me, I'll loop back around and then loop back around again just to make sure I think you're actually pretty, right? Get three looks. Whoa. Get three looks, right? He has to check three times to make sure you're pretty. Then I come back the fourth time. I fall on purpose. And I'm like. Oh, my knee. Yeah, I'm whining about my knee, right? And I'm like, look at it. Look at me. I just fell for you.

But then, no, it's not over. Then she offers me help up, and I realize she's not popular. So I say no thanks, and I get back up, and I go on my way. That's called playing hard to get. Oh, this one's graphic. I don't know if you should tell it. No, this one's unfortunately graphic, but I'll tell it.

So I was on the way to the airport at 9 a.m. Stopped at a gas station. I told him not to. No, sorry, not 9 a.m. It was like 6 a.m. Got a taquito. From Quick Trip. Those are banging, okay? I told him not to. 9 a.m. is a little early for a taquito. And I ate it on the way to the airport. And we're like pulling up to the airport, but we're not there quite yet. We're on the highway and I'm like, Kate, we legit might have to pull over. I'm going to poop my pants. No. And.

It was bad. Like never had to try to poop my pants on the side of the road. And I was like, oh no. And I'm like digging through my glove compartment. I'm like, hon, I don't got like napkins or anything. You're not getting. I was like, I'm about to poop on the side of the road. Here we go. Make it to the airport. Then it goes away. I didn't even think about it. Go through security. Get on the airplane. On the airplane. Airplane takes off. We're about five, 10 minutes into the flight.

And I've been on well over a hundred planes, like traveled a lot. Worst turbulence I've ever had in my entire life. I'm not even kidding. You got that taquito in there. Yeah. And the taquitos bouncing around. We're like this. Like, I'm not even kidding. Like you can't like move. And then the taquito comes back and it gets bad. So I ground, I grabbed the paper sack in front of me and

And I run to the bathroom and I'm like having to grab onto all the seats. The flight attendants are screaming. Oh, the flight attendants are like, sir, sit down, sit down. And I'm ignoring them. I'm like, no, you don't want me to sit down. And I get to the bathroom and they're like trying to block me. And I just, I literally go past them. I like push body slams, a flight attendant. I push a flight attendant, go into the bathroom. I'm like, bro, do you really, do you want me to poop on you? Is that what you want? Like the options aren't great here. Okay. And I get in there.

And I have to throw up and poop at the same time. The same time. While the turbulence is horrible. He's like fighting for his life. The turbulence is so bad that I can't just hold the paper sack to throw up in. I have to grab it like this and press it against my face. I'm pressing the paper sack like this so I don't miss and throw up all over the bathroom. So I'm pressing it against my face.

And I have diarrhea at the same time. And I'm like, this story just gets worse before it gets better. No, it's all just coming out at the same time. And then I fill up the bag and I have to do a throw bag. Yeah. The throw bag is filled up. It was a small, it was a small bag. Wait, no, no, no. What did you say? I had to do a switcheroo. I had to stand up for a second.

Throw all the stuff in the bag into the toilet and then sit back down and go back to it. It was so bad. And then I'm just pressing it against my face again. My head. Oh, that's so gross.

My head is hitting the side of the walls on the airplane because it's that bad. I didn't think I was going to make it. I really didn't. I was like, this is bad. It was bad. And I've only ever had to poop and throw up at the same time twice in my life. See, that's just never happened. Oh, one truth, one lie. Did you come up with two lies? No. One truth, one lie. I'm 6'3". And I have blue eyes.

We'll just leave that there. He's calling us. He has green eyes, right? No, I have a real one. I just forgot what it was. What? I thought you were being serious. I was like, oh. Your first statement. So the real one. One truth, one lie. I can bench press 450. No, come on. And I'm in love with your wife. What? What?

Somebody get this guy out of here. Call the police. Oh my God. Okay. No, I actually have a real one. I do. Keep going. No, keep going. Let it cook. No, no. I got real. No, make me laugh. Okay. Real one. I kissed a girl last night. What? Yo. Sorry. Mouth.

She threw that microphone. Okay, I kissed a girl last night. Or I secretly listened to Taylor Swift. Oh, you secretly listened to Taylor Swift. You did not kiss anybody last night. Not with that riz I've been seeing lately. What are you talking about? I just had so much riz the other day. Okay, Taylor Swift. Yeah, it's Taylor Swift. I really like Taylor Swift. If y'all guys had children, what would your rules be?

Like what would the restrictions be? Restrictions? I'll start with me. I'll start with me. Okay. All right. Sounds like Harper just wanted to answer a question. Harper had a thought pop in her head and just wanted to go. Okay. So I would let them party all night long. Yo. What? Hey. Sounds like Maverick. What? Hey. And then I would let them buy anything they wanted, but not on my card.

Okay. Wait, I'm so confused right here. I'm waiting for the part where you're going to have a real rule. No rules. Yeah, this sounds like no rules. So they can have anybody over to the house, which we're not going to have a house. What? We're going to have a hotel. Oh.

What? We're going to have a hotel that we're going to buy a whole hotel because I Like a Hilton? Yeah. I'm going to adopt 100, 200 kids and then I'm going to not have a husband. I can't hold relationships and then I am going to You're going to single parent 100 kids? Oh, nice. It sounds like you just want to open an orphanage. No, I want to have

a bunch of dogs actually. I have my life laid out. No monkeys. Don't have a monkey. Don't get a monkey around Lansing. Wait so do you want kids or dogs? I don't want to have a kid. I hate kids. Then why did you just talk about rules for your kids? I'm so confused. Because dogs and monkeys are basically kids. So you were talking about animals the whole time. So you're going to let your dogs party all night long. Yeah. Gotcha. Harper would you put a song out? Yes. Oh.

Do you want to? We should make you a song. Dude, we have a studio right here. Let's get you on it. Wait, wait. Can you sing? Harper can sing well. Yeah, since you sing earlier. Oh, snap that. Since you sing earlier and it was really well, can you sing the note from the chandelier song? Or wait, no. What's it? Ah.

No, that's not it, but she tried. My voice is gone. Wait, you got it? No, I was saying the lyrics. Okay, what happened 10 minutes ago? No, wait, what's the high note? It's like, and I... Oh, no, I'm thinking of a different song. No, no, this song. Sing this song. The one that goes, I will always love you.

Sing that one. I'm going to cry like... You got it. Stop faking. Harmonize with her when she does it. Harmonize with you. Yeah. No, no, no. It's like this. It's like this. We always love you.

Oh, wow. She just shot y'all up so high. Okay, here we go. Let's get it. Let's get it. All right. Wait, this is so... Can y'all start it off? Okay, ready? Okay. A one, two, a three, two, one, four. What the... That's kind of counting. Three, two, one, four. Are you ready? Three, two, one. And I'll be you. That sounds so good. Wow. Wow. Harper, I wish I could... Can you sing? Wait, wait, wait. Kate, no, you do it.

Okay, alright. Some people got it, some people don't. I unfortunately do not. Everybody's going to feel so click baited when they come back to this video. Wait, is this all? Are we like clipping this part?

Or is this all going to be? No, this is all going to be. The podcast. Sorry, guys. The TikTok is just going to be this. So if you're watching this because of the TikTok. I'm so sorry. You got click baited. Hardcore. You have been click baited. Okay, this is going to be a good clip. Act like you're not feeling good. Okay, okay. And then pass out. And we all got to stand up and like freak out for a second. Okay, okay. And like check on it. But be like, really, you got to really sell it. You're not feeling good. Start saying something. Yeah, we got to talk about something random. What should we be talking about? Are you okay? No, his feet are just.

Look how big they are. No, okay. Here's one thing about... You can't even find shoes anymore. Hey, can we clip this? Because I need to go to the restroom because I'm not really feeling. You don't feel good? My head is like hurting. Wait, restart. Restart. This is not okay. This is not...

Just talk a tiny bit louder. Guys, guys, guys. I'm going to go for a second. Start to get up and take one step. Okay, good idea. I don't know what it is. There's something about you. You look like an over-inflated five-year-old. Someone took a bicycle pump to you and just kept pumping. Guys, I feel like gas is coming to my head. I have to stand up. I just have to stand up for a minute. Okay, we can pause. Harper! Harper!

So dramatic. I don't think they're going to believe that. No, no. One more time. One more time. All right. You got to really sell it. I got to sell it. You don't got to talk so much. Just be like, almost like what? And then Kate, you'd be like, Harper, you good? No, you got to just be kind of like, don't even tell her. Just kind of stand up and try to walk away. Sorry, guys. And then when Kate asks how you're doing, just be like,

I just don't feel too good. I'll be like, just be like, one sec, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go use the bathroom. Something like that. So you don't think it's weird that your wife calls me daddy? I just think it's weird. Sorry, I was just trying to create conversation. I was just trying to create conversation. You can't say that. I mean, I guess it was funny. It was funny.

I'm sorry. It's a joke. All right. Take three. Tell me that's not a good opener, though. That's going to be a good clip for the beginning of the podcast. All right. Ready? Okay. So here's the thing about my feet that I've never... Actually, everyone knows. Why are you still talking about your feet? Because listen, you've got a foot obsession with yourself? Yeah, he does. Low key. That's like weird. Kate, do you remember you're supposed to ask her how she's doing? Oh.

- I'm supposed to ask. - Guys, we're spending all the time. - Oh my gosh. - Let's move on, move on. Ready? All right, so here's the one thing about my feet that my mom always told me. - Why are we talking about your feet again? Because every time you wanna talk about your feet. - I just don't feel well. - You don't feel good? - Can I step out for a minute? - Yeah, we can pause. - I'm sorry, my head is like- - Yeah, go get a drink or something. - Okay, are you sure? - Yeah, we'll just take like five. We can pause for a second. - Yo! - Harper! - Are you okay? - Yo. - Are you okay? - Harper?

I think that was really fake. It's fine. People think it's good. Alright, what else? I want to get that chair for the pod. Okay, Harper, this one's for Cash. I'm ready. No, you're not ready. Oh, wait, what? I'm so confused. It's for me. It's for Cash. So you don't answer. Did Kalani ever get a solo?

No. Correct. Oh. You never got a solo? What do you mean? I had so many solos. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I was like, what? I was like, is it like a one-liner or something? Yeah. No, no. I was like, I know I got a bunch of solos. Now she's questioning everything. Yeah, I'm questioning everything. Like, did I? I don't even know. We guessed. You were like, you never had a solo. I know.

I'd probably be like, oh, maybe I didn't. They actually cut a bunch of my solos from episodes. Yeah, you have to go on YouTube and find them. And they always cut my favorite ones. I know that. I got a perfect score on one and they cut it. That sucks. What? What the heck, guys? That's so annoying. That's really unfair. Yeah. She's like, I was never on the pyramid? Wow. I was like, oh my gosh. Wait,

Wait, am I even real? Ever on the show? I saw it. No, our friend was wearing a shirt the other day that was like, gaslighting isn't real, you're just crazy. And it was so funny and it made me think of that. Oh, wow. Really? I'm like trying to think of that again. Gaslighting. Gaslighting isn't real, you're just crazy. Oh, okay. Do you know what gaslighting is? Yeah. You guys are gaslighting me right now.

I don't think you know what gaslighting is. You don't know what gaslighting is? Okay, so I'm trying to think like, I don't know. See, like mid-conversation. I have to switch it up. Yeah, I have to switch it up fast. It's like her brain never stops, to be honest. Yeah, it goes like 100 miles per hour. I don't know. Yeah, we can tell by the way like you talk. Yeah. But it's fine. I like it about you. It's fine. Oh, thanks. Thanks. Okay. So what did you want to say? Yeah, what were you going to say? Wait, wait, wait.

Where are we getting at? Yeah. Oh. You don't know, do you? No, I don't. I really don't. Do you feel like you have to be talking? Yep. All the time. She's just mad if anyone else is talking to her. She's like, actually, wait, wait, wait. I got to say something. But she has nothing to say. Wait, wait. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So I was sitting at a stoplight. I'm actually excited to tell you guys this right now. So I was sitting at a stoplight. And I was like, what are we going to talk about on the podcast today? I was like, hmm. I wonder what we can talk about, you know, for our first episode. And I'm sitting there. And this lady...

drives across the intersection. I'm at the front row too, okay? I'm the front person at the stop sign. I got front row seats. This lady drives across the intersection on a four-wheeler. And it's not that crazy. I was like, well, that's a pretty Texan thing. I was like, that's kind of crazy, right? Yeah, we're in Texas. Yeah, that just proves that we're in Texas, right? Then...

two cops come speeding after her there was a high-speed chase on a girl on a four-wheeler and she had this she had like long green hair and she was just riding the four-wheeler like this and these two cops are just behind her and there's two of them and the lady's going like 35 mile an hour and she's just she's literally doing this she's trolling the cops

You guys know what I mean? This is crazy. I think it's so funny that you were stuck. And I took a video because I knew you guys wouldn't believe me. Wait, let's see it. Okay. I'm so excited to see this. I think I took it on Snap. Hold on. Oh my gosh. That's actually funny. Okay, here it is. Here it is. Okay. Obviously, I didn't get the part. What street was this on? I don't know which street it was on. I'm just curious because it was busy. Look at this. Ready? You can't really see it that well. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And she was not pulling over. And she didn't even look back. She was just...

She might have been deaf. Listen, I said there was this girl. Her name was Natalie. I remember her. I said, she's a beautiful girl. I said, you want to go to the dance with me? She said, I'd love to go to the dance with you. Side note, I liked Natalie too. Oh, wait. I got to back up. Before I asked her to the dance, my parents made me call her dad and ask him. And I was like, no. Nine years old. I was like. Imagine you get a phone call from a nine-year-old. Hey, sir.

Can I take your dog to the dance? That's so cool. Yeah, so I call her dad, and it's awkward, you know, and he's like, obviously nice. He's like, yeah, sure, whatever. And so I go pick this girl up. I dress all fancy, and I had to pay with my own money to get her into that dance at night. Aw. So I did. That's so sweet. This is burnt in my memory. $8. $8. Okay? I paid $8. That's low-key.

Yeah, right. So I pay eight bucks to get this girl into this thing. There goes grandma's birthday money. Guess what? Guess what? I take two steps into the door. She takes off. She's gone. Didn't see her the rest of the night. She used you. As soon as we walked in the door, she disappeared. I went. Maverick, did you like want to cry? I went, what? And she was gone. It all makes sense now. And then she used you to get in the dance. And that's why you were using that girl just to dance with. So then...

I end up seeing my sister there and we dance. Because we had danced a little bit growing up. And then everyone saw that I could dance. And they're like, oh, Maverick can dance. Now all of a sudden...

They want me. Now they want me. No one wanted him. No one wanted Maverick before they saw him dance. Then they start coming up and asking dance. And I'm like, no, you didn't want me then. And then they offered me money. I was like, yeah, I'm kind of down right now. I could use the cash. He's like, I got to make my money back. So maybe you just broke even. Maybe you weren't really scamming. No, I definitely made money because I spent a lot too. After they paid me, I started buying other girls concession food. Oh my gosh.

I had money now. I was at a funeral when I was 11. And I wanted to see if they kept the teeth in the corpse. My God. No. Say psych. So I pulled, I just grabbed the lid and pulled it down. No. No. Yeah. Wait, the real question is, was there teeth?

No questions. I'm not answering who's funeral was. You'll have to find out for yourself. Next fact, Cash. There's no way you did not tell me that. That's so fake. Something you would do. You would do that though. Wait, have you guys ever poached the body though?

Well, I did with you once. Yeah, you did it with me. This guy died and we had a spoon roll. We were like nine, eight and nine. And me and Mal were like, poke, poke, poke. I mean, at my grandma's spoon roll, I like grabbed her hand and I was like, oh. No, yeah. Same with my great grandma. I like touched her forehead. Open caskets are like the weirdest thing that we normalize. Yeah. No, anyways, wait. No, no, no. Continue with the others. That's my first one. My second one is, is me and all my buddies were out.

And one of my buddies, or well, we're not out. We were at his house. One of my buddies put glitter in the other one's drink, like a good amount of glitter. And I didn't tell him and he drank it and he drank the whole thing. He didn't notice. Is he dead? No.

No, he's alive, but he drank the whole thing. That's funny. Imagine he's peeing later. He's like, what's going on? Why is there glitter coming out of my pee? That's crazy. Okay. That would throw me off. My pee was shining, glistening, sparkling. Okay, here's the thing. Like red and blue, you're like, what's going on? Here's the thing. My pee looked like the 4th of July. I think...

That the first statement was so astronomically wild, I don't think you could make that up and lie about it. Like, who comes up with that? I don't want any glitter in your buddy's drink. And before this, he was thinking for a while about a lie, so I'm like... Plot twists, they're both lies. Yeah, yeah. Oh, is one of them true? Is one of them actually true? Yeah, one of them.

It's a truth or a lie, Kate. But you're cash. You would like put two lies just to... Or maybe two truths. Okay. Okay. I'm going to go with... I got to say, I think... Oh my God, I don't know. Michael, which one is it? The teeth or the piss? Okay, your conversation. He said it's the first one. Wait, but is it... Is this the lie?

I think the lie is the first statement. I think that your friend did drink some glitter and you didn't tell him. So you think the truth is the glitter? Yeah, I think the truth is glitter. I can see that you have to know about the teeth. I think the teeth is true. Okay, you're a tiebreaker. I'm going to say the teeth is true too. Really? Is the teeth true? Tell me if the teeth is true. It's the teeth. Let's go!

Two for two, baby. Two for two. It was funeral. I'm not going to say that. Where are the teeth in the corpse? I don't remember. Oh, of course you did. Cash, why did you do that? I'm going to have to check next time. I knew you touched the teeth. I knew it. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It was bad. I don't recommend it. And the sad part is I don't remember if they were there or not. Y'all didn't leave the house until like 9.30. Yeah, because of her. Dude, I woke her up two mornings ago. What was that?

I woke you up. I woke you up. I woke Kate up two days ago. And this is exactly how I woke you up. Oh my gosh. I have the uke so no one can talk to me. Oh.

Do you not understand the rules of the Uke? I have the Uke. Yeah, I just don't really respect the rules anymore. No, I have the Uke. I don't care. No one's respecting the rules of the Uke. Okay, go ahead. No. I have the talking chopstick. Oh, no. She does have the talking chopstick. You don't have the talking chopstick. I'm making things up. Well, I just think it's...

Stop. Whoa. What is this? I have the talking uni. No. No one's got the talking uni besides me. Put it down. No, I'm not putting it down. Please put it down. I'm not putting it down. Please put it down. Okay. Enough of the fighting. Okay. Lovebirds. Okay. So I have it. It's making. No, not Kate. Why do you keep saying Kate? You can have the talking uni, but put down. A chapstick's not a talking chapstick. Okay. Do you agree? Yep.

But then I go next. Maverick's red flag is his lack of like cookie baking skills because he always, listen, no, because Maverick for the longest time, he was always like, Kate, like you want to make some cookies? And I was like, yeah. And then I was like, you know what? If he wants cookies, like I'll tell, I'll show him how to make them. So I started buying like the pre-cut cookie dough. So all I had to do was put them on the pan and put them in the oven. It literally just turns them up. You didn't even have to roll them up into a ball.

Home eat cannot do it. I don't blame you. I just realized the other day I have not used the laundry machine since we moved here or the oven. Bro, those things are complicated. I've never used it. Kate was gone to New York Fashion Week and I was like,

Bro, this thing is like a rocket ship. I got a text. He was like, I need you to come home. My laundry basket's too full. And I don't have breakfast in the morning. Dude, I was having to try to find breakfast at like Smoothie King. It was not fun. What did she say? She said I ate my own feces when I was younger. Wait, Harper. What? I just remember. You were so unhinged. Oh my gosh. When I was. You better answer me right now. How long ago was this? A week. No, I'm kidding. No, when I was.

No. No. How long ago was it? Harper, answer the question. There's only one right answer. No, it was like... I'm 14 right now, so seven years ago I was seven, so I was like four years old, so it was like 18 years... That's some weird math you're doing. I'm 14 right now, so seven years ago I was seven, so I was four. No, yeah, so...

Sounds like you were seven. When I was four years old, I was wiping and I got poop on my fingers and I thought it was Nutella. So I ate it. Oh, no. Am I the only one who thinks this is funny? No. Harper! Cash is broke. Cash got it. My man just broke his chair. I knew this was going to happen. Oh my gosh.

Anyways... Hold on, stand by. Let me just...

It's broken cash. It's snapped isn't it? No, I'll fix it. I sound day yesterday. Yeah, I did break it She was like slamming your back into it. That was so funny But anyways back to the man died after the feces turned off behind you - what? Okay, well anyways yeah, I were back I I can let me hear you freestyle no no no you got a Harper like what what do you mean? Okay, um

Come on, you got this. Okay, okay. Ready? I'm trying to think. Three, two, one. Rap about your friends. All right, three. No, rap about anything. Okay. Three, two, one, go. Right now, I'm on the podcast with Cash K, Mav, and Harper. Yeah. I have 22 minutes and eight seconds on the clock. I clock, and it's a whole bop. Feeling like a rap city god. Oh, yeah. Rap city god. Uh, uh.

Got a new web, got a new car, got a new chair. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You gotta do words. - Yeah. - I'm gonna give you words, ready? - You give me words while I'm freestyling. Watch how quick I do this. - No, no, no, I'm giving you words right now, ready? - Yeah. - Um. - Hurry. - Wait. - Now I missed the drop. - Okay, T-Rex, here's his words. - T-Rex. - T, no, T-Rex is too easy. - Light bar. - No, light bar, no, give him words that you get me. Dinosaur? - Lightsaber. - Lightsaber? - Yeah. - Okay. - Oh yeah, speed. - What's the one dinosaur at your dractosaurus?

Pterodactyl? Pterodactyl. You gotta rhyme with pterodactyl, okay? Okay. So I have to use, okay. Pterodactyl. Lightsaber. Lightsaber and Roman candle. Let me write them down. Pterodactyl, lightsaber, Roman candle. No, no, not Roman candle. Roman candle. I changed my mind again. Lightsaber, pterodactyl, and... Lightsaber, pterodactyl. Hasbulla. Hasbulla.

What is that? You don't know who Hasbulla is? No. I'll look him up. He's great. Basketball player? No. I would love to see him play basketball. Everyone stop. The opposite of a basketball player. Bro, what? I'm so confused. Okay.

I'm actually going to get a cardboard cutout of Hasbulla and we can see which one's taller. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cash has found a new chair yet again. I don't know how you do it, bro. Dude, every episode, you got a better chair than the last episode. Yeah, I know. My personal favorite is that one, if I'm being honest. No, this one looks like it came straight out of a 10-year-old boy's room. Yeah. And he was like, Mom, I'm too old for a football chair now. I got to get rid of it. Yeah. Yeah.

So the 20 year old down the street came and picked it up. Yeah. I asked him, I was like,

can I have this chair they're selling it for five dollars and I was like five dollars yeah that's a good deal she was like yeah I sat out on the porch and I was like okay do you take paypal and she's like you can just take it honestly five dollars is not worth the hassle of having someone go to vidmo and like do it though yeah you wouldn't talk about dude I think it's because I was gonna pay her in cash and she doesn't think real that money's real either and because of the needle she starts passing out and she's like she was like and

And so I had to stop. So for the last few years, she's had half a heart on her wrist because it wouldn't go away. Oh my God. That's so weak. Passing it off from a tattoo. I know. It was a sewing needle. And so then she was like, you know what? I just want to finish it. So she ordered just a tattoo gun and finished the heart herself. And it looks really cute now. So I like to take credit for that. Perfect. But I am getting mine removed because they're not cute. Yeah. Does it hurt getting them removed?

So it doesn't feel good, but I will say. The laser? Like that little laser thing? Yeah, but I also. Does it go like. Yeah. I want to go. I've been getting like. I want to see it like pop, like blow up. It's weird. It's weird. I will say that because I have been getting like laser hair removal and stuff.

and I have finally gotten used to that. And like at first it like really freaked me out but now I'm like I go in there and I'm like okay I got this. But then I was like I need to get these removed. These are so bad. And the laser is frightening. It's like this big. It's like a laser. It's like a gun. It's like a gun. And she puts it all up on my skin. I thought it was like a little handheld like a pencil. No I watched videos on it and I was like okay it's only going to be like because they're super small. I was just going to be like super quick. And then she whooped out of a dookie. Oh my gosh come here.

- I was like, Becky, I'm so scared. And she was like, it's not gonna hurt that bad. And I was like, have you ever-- - Keep in mind, Becky's like almost 70 years old. - No, she is not. - I don't know. Just from the way you described her. - You just made up old Becky's? - No, I don't know. - No, Becky, I love-- - She told me that.

love Becky. I didn't say, why would I say something Kate's like, no, I love them. I didn't say you didn't like them or whatever. I love Becky. If I had to guess, Becky's probably like 50. Yeah, I'd say like 50 to 60. I don't know her age. I've never asked, but I love Becky and Becky's like, oh, she's like, you're fine. You're fine. You can do it. And so I was like, have you ever gotten a tattoo removed? And she's like, no. And I was like, she's like, it's not going to hurt at all. And I'm like, Becky, I think it will. And then I was like, how long is it going to take? And she was like,

I probably, because it's like pulses. It's like, and there's like 20 of those or whatever. And I thought it was only going to be a couple like super quick and she looks at it and she's like, it'll probably be about 20. And I was like, 20? But yeah. 20 hits or 20 minutes? Like 20 pulses. But it's super small so I thought

thought it would only be like so wait is the tattoo gone no i have to go back for a couple of sessions oh yeah so this is my word of advice to every 15 year old don't get a stick and poke tattoo i want a tat i want one tattoo i want a matching tattoo with you nope i'm down for matching tattoos my uncle got branded let's get half a heart dude i've almost

gotten branded before. Yeah. Branded? I don't know why, but as a guy, when you're with other guys, just getting branded sounds fun. Yeah, growing up, Maverick and them always tried to convince them to let them brand me. Wait, like a cow? Yeah. Like, put it in the fire and brand me. And I almost fell for it once. Yeah. Fell for it?

My uncle's branded on his butt cheek. Yeah, and it's always a good spot. It's like, you've got to do the butt cheek. And his initials are still there. It was like his sorority, like initials. So, yeah. His sorority? It's so bad. Your uncle's got a sorority. Your uncle made the sorority. That's awesome. He is one of a kind. Legendary. Like, every guy wants to join a sorority. No, like a frat sorority. Oh, frat sorority.

Yeah. Yeah. Those are the best type. Yeah, exactly. Cause those exist. Yeah. No. Um, also what's it called? Um, I was going to say something. Oh, so I went to fright fest last night. Oh, it was so much fun. And I'm going again tonight. Cause that sounds fun. Wait, I want to go. You're going double nights. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

Low key, I'm gonna be there. So no. No, low key. I'm gonna chaperone. I'm just telling you right now. Wait, no, because we have a friend coming in. We should go to... We won't go with you, Harper. No, why do I feel like if we saw Harper out in public with her friends at Fright Fest, she would act like she didn't know us. I don't know them. She would be like... It'd be like when your mom shows up at your hangout and it's like, oh. No. He's an NFL player and he thinks he can run faster than anyone else.

But not me, right? No, he does. So he's like, you know what? I'm going to get Guinness out here and get them to time me and see if I'm the fastest man in the world. Okay. So he does it. His other buddy, he thinks he's the strongest in the world. So he's like, hey, you know what? I'm going to get Guinness to see if I'm the strongest in the world. So he does it. Guinness comes out.

The third buddy, he says, you know what? I think I'm the most annoying person in the world. I'm going to see if Guinness will see how annoying I am. So they do it. They wait a couple weeks. They finally get their results back. The first guy opens it up. He's like, oh my gosh.

I am. They gave me a certificate. I'm the fastest man in the world. Okay. The second guy opens his up. He's like, oh my gosh. Guys, I did it. I'm the strongest man in the world. Okay. Stop touching those mics. The third person opens theirs up and they said, who the heck is Harper? Hey. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

It's not that funny. It's not funny. That one is good. No, no, no, no. I was lost for a second. I was like, this show is not going to be funny. But it was. I stick around. So there's a certificate. Did you make that up yourself? Yeah.

No, I didn't make it up. You have a certificate. Yeah, I have a certificate. Oh, let's see yours. Okay. I wonder whose name is going to be on it. So, I come into the Guinness World Records, and I'm like, huh, I wonder who doesn't get any girls. Oh, who's Maverick? Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah. Okay. You're really bad at...

Cooking chicken. Oh my gosh. I don't want to talk about it. It's not good. Oh, that's not good. If you want salva vanilla poisoning. Salina vanilla poisoning. I got you. Salva vanilla poisoning. Salmonella. Salmonella. That's what you're trying to say? You said salmonella. Salmonella. I thought you said vanilla poisoning.

No, no, no. Wait, hold on. It's salmonella poisoning. Nope. How do you say it? Salmonella. Salmonella. Salmonella? It's salmonella. Wait, let me think because now I'm forgetting. All right, well, whatever it is, just trust me, she can give it to you. Oh.

She's got it. Okay, I have an idea. Harper's got a game again. Let's do a talent show. Oh my gosh. I'm so down for that. I'm not going to lie. That's actually one of your first good ideas. I hope it's a good idea. Okay, let's do a talent show, I say. Okay, go first. What's your talent? So I didn't think about that, but I'm trying to think. Do you have any secret hidden talents?

Yeah, let's do like a secret hidden talent thing. So not like a actual thing. Can you like put your leg behind your head or something? No, I wish. Actually... Okay, so you said let's have a talent show and you don't even have a talent? Wait, wait, wait. I can put my thumb all the way down there. Oh, I can do...

Everyone was commenting about this and it made me so insecure. Watch my talent show first. Okay, I don't think I can do it. Oh, that should be broken. Show it to the camera. That one.

- Oh my god! - Look at yourself! - Wait, can you do it backwards like this way? - No, I cannot do it. - Oh! - Well, since everybody can do it, I have another hidden talent. I can hyper extend my arms. - Oh, same. - Okay, let's see. Like this? - Nope. Okay, well I can actually do better. So, look, wait. - Oh, that does look a little broken. - Wait. - Oh, no! - Oh my gosh! - Take the arm!

What the frick is wrong with you? Oh my gosh.

- Oh, quit it, quit it, quit it, quit it. - Did you get noticed a lot there? - Yes, like I got swarmed. - Oh, it was so funny. - Listen, this is, no, I was, I was going. - No, I'm telling the story, bro. - I'm telling the story, bro. - I literally was gonna say it, I let Kate speak. - I literally said it first. If they run the episode back, I said it first. - No, no, no, I was gonna say it and then Kate started speaking and I let her say it. - Dude, you know I was gonna say it first. - Rock, paper, scissors. - This is absolutely ludicrous. This is ridiculous. - Rock, paper, scissors. - Rock, paper, scissors? You want best out of one or best out of three? - I shouldn't even have to play this game right now. - I shouldn't have to play this game, but I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt. - This is ridiculous. - One or three?

- One. - Three. - Three. - Okay, ready?

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Dang it! Let's go. I need two more, baby. Just one more. I need one more. I can't do math. Ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Yes! No! Yes! One more. One more. I'm the king of rock, paper, scissors. Ready? Are you ready? You shouldn't say that before you win. Rock, paper... Wait. No, no. I was ready. Oh, my gosh. Stop trying to rush me. Okay, I'm not ready for that. Are you ready? Let me think about it.

Yes. Nah, I'm just gonna tell a story. No, no, no! Rock- Oh. Oh my god. Can I say it? Can I say it? Rock? Is that what you're throwing? Yeah. Yes. Wait, ready? I'm throwing rock. You're throwing rock? I'm throwing rock. You better not lie to me. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! No! You went through rock! That would've been funny. I would've won. Alright, ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! No! I'm gonna tell you the story. Why don't you just date a famous guy? Dang it!

Gosh darn it. I didn't even see her. She got it. I saw you. I literally didn't even see it. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Sit down. Don't do that again. No. No. No. How do you know? Guys, we got to start paying attention. Bro. No. Bro. Bro. That doesn't count. Now I can't eject anymore. Y'all follow my wave. People are going to know if I eject. I totally forgot about that.

You're ejecting. You are clearly ejecting. Don't even say you weren't. Look at the position you're in. I'm not ejecting. What the frick? Is it raining in here? Wait, what was that? Yo, what the heck was that? Did y'all see that? Something just happened. Wait, did he spit at me? From over here?

I'm actually generally probably the air vent. Did one of y'all do that? I'm generally confused. It's probably the air vent above you. Somebody has a spray bottle inside. Stop touching it! I swear, water just went on me. Harper, stop lying. What? The water didn't go on you. No, I saw it. Oh, I saw the water.

It's literally feel my hair. It's literally wet. Oh, so they might have came from the AC vent. I literally said that like four times. It's probably because water air builds up condensation. Oh, hey, hey. So my night last night, I went over to Sophia's. Then we sat there. Okay, that one hit me. My gosh. No, I'm with her now. Can we actually put a bucket underneath and see what happens? No.

No, actually what if that's some like ju-juice That's what I'm saying! There's literally- Cause that one hit me and I did not like that feeling. There's juice falling out! Where is that coming from? Cause that is tripping me out. Yeah, I'm actually flipping out right now. Like I'm not joking. Are you getting hit? Like, okay so basically I went over to Sophia's last night and we hung out for a while then we door dacked. Oh! That was the biggest ranger scene!

No, no, no, no. I'm not lying. I'm looking at the couch behind you. I see it. No, it's on you. Okay. I actually... I mean, we're...

after the episode. It's falling, but I don't know where from. I swear. Keep an eye out. What if it's like a... I don't know. Literally, water keeps dripping from that. I think it happened before to me. Really? It happened to our air vent before. Water does not just come out of your air vent like that. No, condensation. You think water's just going to come out? Yes, I do. Oh, shit!

- What do I have to say here? I swear, look, look. - Every board game stresses you out. - I know. - Every board game we play stresses Kate out. That's why we're not allowed to play Monopoly either. I love Monopoly. It's my favorite game. - But I'll tell you what we can do. - Everyone knows how Monopoly is. - We can build puzzles.

Those don't stress me out. Oh, those sound fun. No, we will not be building puzzles. Those do stress me out because then I'm like, where's the freaking piece? Out of every board game possible, puzzles is like the most stressful one out of all of them. Life is like a puzzle. You never know what's coming next. What? That's not the quote. That's so inspirational. Put that on a t-shirt, please. Listen, who picked out these costumes? Because I'm not happy with my hot dog costume. I'm very angry. Y'all are angry. Look at me.

What are you? What even are you? You're mad you're a hot dog? Yeah, what are you? A donut? I'm confused what you're supposed to be. Are you a donut hole? No, I'm not a donut hole. Are you a tire? Yeah. No, I'm not a tire. You guys don't know what I am. Are you a marble? Wait, wait. He's a cereal bowl because there's a spoon going in his mouth. Oh, cereal bowl. Yeah. I'm confused. I'm not a cereal bowl. What are you? Cereal bowl? You guys really don't know what I am? No. Okay, she's Rapunzel. So what am I? A rock? Flynn Rider? Definitely not. What?

I'm the pan. You're the pan? I'm a frying pan. Oh. You don't get it? I get it now. Because when I said, hey, let's be Rapunzel and Flynn Rider, he said, I don't want to be Flynn Rider. I said, okay, you can be the frying pan then. So now I'm the frying pan. Ooh. Hello. I thought Cash was so fine. I was fine at 14. No. Okay. Looking back, Cash was like string being little noodle dude. No. And like literally my biggest flex is I liked him before he started working out. Oh.

Not before he like had clout or anything? No,

Oh, I did like him before that too. I feel like that's a way bigger flex. Yeah. Wasn't it? That's so weird. I liked you while you were like trying to do social media. When he had nothing going for him. He was failing high school. No, I was. He was failing high school. He had absolutely nothing going for him. I was at that point where I asked Harper, yo, if you dropped out of high school and you're homeless, what would you do? I did TikTok just like she said. Yeah, honestly. It worked out. He begged for money on the internet. My brother worked at Whataburger when he was 16, right? Pretty much like two weeks after he quits working Whataburger,

They got security footage because this homeless lady had went into the women's bathroom. I don't even know if she was homeless. She might have just been vibing. No, this homeless lady had gone into the women's restroom, opened up the tile ceiling, and was living on top of the Whataburger above the kitchen. In the attic. No, not the attic. It was just the ceiling. In the drop ceiling. Yeah, and so then...

Then she falls through the ceiling, barely misses the stove, barely misses a worker. It was like rush hour. She barely missed the, dude, it was one of those huge stoves. They're flipping burgers in the video or something. And she just falls. She falls through and like the security camera footage got leaked because someone. No, but nobody's ever, like it's not viral. It's not viral.

but it should be. It should be. I'm going to see if I can get it and throw it up on the screen. Please, please. If we get that video, it's going to go viral. It's so funny, but it's like, I literally was like, imagine like, like someone's living on top of Waterbury while they're flipping. But like all these underpaid, like 16 year olds are just barely getting by. And like, the lady like almost crushes them. Imagine trying to drive through line waiting.

waiting on your food. It's taking forever. And I'm like, sorry, a lady fell through our ceiling. I'm like, how high are you right now?

A couple months ago, a couple weeks ago, whatever, he was underneath our jet skis. Oh my gosh. Because we were, our jet skis had broken this day. So he was like, oh, I'm going to take a look, see if it's anything I can fix. I was like, okay, I'll like go get you dinner. And so he's under the jet ski. That's funny, you thought you could fix it. What were you looking at? You're like, oh, this is what the bottom of the jet ski looks like. The next day we took it to the shop and dropped a couple hundred. I think the thing is,

broken with that thing. Yeah, so I go and I get him dinner. Yeah, I did. I did end up taking it to the shop. I come back and he's like under the jet ski like working. See that? Working. Doing what? He's like poking. No, no, I was just like shaking it. I was facing it. No, homie is singing his heart out to Enchanted by Taylor Swift. Okay, that's a good song. He was like, I was enchanted to me.

And then, but he's working on a jet ski. Like, what man is listening to Enchanted under a jet ski? I had to balance my steroid level with my hormones. Wait, steroid, no. Testosterone. Testosterone. I had to balance my testosterone level with my hormone levels, okay? No, estrogen. Estrogen. Oh my gosh. You guys get the point, okay? No wonder you dropped out

I had no idea what you were trying to say. You're lucky she was here. She's my translator, bro. He started an underground fight club at church camp. Yeah. No, that's crazy. Church camp sounds so fun. I never have to go. There was this crazy story. Okay, so we played hide and seek at church camp with the counselors. Oh, my gosh. So we had to find the counselors, right? They all went out, and we had to find them. This is a wild story. And so our buddy...

He's a counselor. My dad's like best friend. His name is Tim. He's like, you know what? I'm going to stand right at the cafeteria door and act like I'm on the phone. And I bet all the kids will just run right past me. Everyone knows Tim. He's like this big loud guy. He's the loudest guy on the campus. And he's like acting like he's on the phone. It's working. All the kids running past him. He's right outside the door. But this one kid loves Tim.

But he's like a little like mentally disabled and he's like blind. Like his glasses are this thick. He literally can't see like two feet in front of him. Yeah. And he's walking out and somebody's like walking with him and Tim's acting like he's on the phone and he hears Tim's voice and he goes,

Found you. All of the other kids ran by because he's acting like he's on the phone. Except the kid who's blind. Except the blind kid. The last kid out, the blind kid goes, found you. No way. The blind kid found the first person in hide and seek. The blind kid found the first person in hide and seek. Crazy. Like that's so wild. Yeah, that's like actually insane. I'm about to fart.

Don't you want to switch chairs? Yeah, you want to switch chairs real quick? Can I do smart super fast? Okay, yeah, we'll swap. This is not real. Matt, why did you run away? There's no way. Wait, why are you... What? Wait, did she actually do it? It's not real. There's no way. This is not real. No, no, stop, stop. Harper, stop. Please stop. Please. I just pooped. I'm getting, I'm getting. Oh my gosh.

Yo, Alicia, don't put the jolly right. Oh, my God. Gosh darn it, Harper. We're okay. Is the drama, like, real? It depends, you know. It's a show, so you have to remember everything's going to obviously be produced, right? Yeah. We can't just go into it with, like, a blind eye. It's like, you know, when you go into this podcast, you kind of have an idea of what you're going to talk about, you know? For sure. It's, like, same sort of thing when we go into the week for the show. We have an idea of, like...

what the fight is gonna be or like what like so and so gets the solo and then these people are gonna get mad because she got it you know what I'm saying but it's not like scripted as in like say this right now and say this right now it's just like there obviously has to be drama so it's gonna be produced in a sense but some were like actually real like sometimes you were like oh that was like

people are actually... They didn't get intense when it was real and everybody was like, oh no. Yeah, because I think everybody kind of looks at each other like, oh. That was a plan. Yeah, that was it. Should I rip the unicorn's head off? Cash versus unicorn round one. Cash versus the unicorn round one. I'm telling you, it's a fail. It's a fail. It's head is coming off. Okay, let's see. Mark my words. All right. Three. And... Two. Go. Wow.

I can see you shaking. - Try it again. Three, two, one. - I can't take this seriously. - Oh! - Yo! - I can't see! - You broke his leg! - Wait, it's broken? - You're too fat! You broke his leg! - Wait, wait, wait. - Unicorn's messed up! Harper, if I can't do this, I promise you, you can't do it. - Okay, so unicorn one, catch zero. - Yeah.

I get better like this though. Oh, that's so sad. It looks like it's doing one of those, you know when those horses do like their dance moves on the rodeo? Oh yeah, they're like, and then they slip in the mud and they're like. Well, I'm glad we didn't completely destroy the unicorn. Man. Yeah, there's no chance to destroy it. I kind of want to try. Try it. Try it. I just want to see. But don't break the unicorn unless you're going to rip its head off. Don't break it, Cash. You already broke it. Okay, anybody can do it if we twist it.

I barely twisted. I barely twisted. If I twisted, I could have got it. Stop so I can do it. No. The fabric's not ripping. Oh, no. Oh, no. Leave it like that. Leave it like that. That was the goal. That was the goal. That was the goal to rip its head off. Yo, this unicorn's been through it.

Yo, what did we do with that thing? It's more realistic. The head moves. Oh my gosh, finally. It's like a real horse now. Yo, the thing got ran over by a car. Wait, we need to add red marker right here. Poor baby. She was like, no. Dude, come on now. What the? Your chair broke again. Dude, this is the second time I've had a chair break on this podcast.

Bro, maybe you should- I'm so- Hey, uh, they have this- I know a thing called Weight Watchers, if you want to- Oh. That's good. It's the second time in a chair, bro. That's good. Yeah. Do brunettes get blue eyes? Yes. Yes! I'm naturally a brunette. Do you have blue eyes? Oh! Idiot. I just realized that. I'm a brunette. I'm a brunette with blue eyes. You are? Wait.

You're a brunette with blue eyes. I am! I feel so dumb. I'm not. I couldn't tell if you were genuinely asking the question or not. No, I was actually genuinely asking. Bro was like thinking hard. So stupid. Listen. Whoa. You guys are perfect for each other. Who? You two. Why? Y'all just are. Can you take that off? No, it's so much better. Y'all have a crush on each other? There you go. Hugs are one of the weirdest things I think we've normalized. Really? Yeah, it's like, hey. A hug? Bro.

why are we hugging people think about it you see a person any age any gender any human to you and you hug them like it's great it's just real great no it's just like to show your appreciation love it's not like no well like you don't want to hug i'm just gonna say it i mean i've never hugged you i'm not gonna say his name wait y'all have never hugged before y'all need a hug right now now who's never hugged me you guys hug

hug right now please I've never hugged Matt in my life I don't think I've ever hugged him unless it was like maybe ironically oh so now you agree me hugs are weird no well with you y'all need to hug each other you just said it's for appreciation instead of someone you love how are y'all 22 and 20 years old and y'all have never hugged

Each other. Because why? What situation? First of all, what situation would I ever hug you? The only time a hug you happen is when you see someone again. We never separated. No way. Wait, wait, wait. 22 and 23. You lied. What? You said he was 36. And you believed it? Yes. Kate, this is your prime time.

We're going to give you a clip. This is going to be your clip on, on TikTok and everywhere else to post. Make a clip. So guys, don't put me on the spot like this. Now make a clip. Nope. Just do something. She's letting us down again. If you're not going to get a clip now, you're not going to give them the rest of the episode. Y'all make me mad. Oh,

Y'all make me mad, okay? I can't be funny on the spot. Like, I'm sweating. I'm getting nervous trying to think of a joke. Like, my hands. There's five people in this room and four of them are us. I know, but then, like, people online are gonna watch this. Don't worry, nobody watches your clips anyway. Oh my gosh! I'm gonna walk off. Nobody watches them because there's none to watch, okay? That's why I'm trying to give you a chance here. Well, like, I can't just be funny on the spot.

Just do something. You can't be funny off the spot. So we're trying to do you on the spot. But like I was... Guys...

Okay, okay. At least just say something. Watch this, watch this. Cash, this is your chance. We're gonna give you a clip. I thought you were gonna do it. We're gonna give you a clip right now. I thought you were gonna do it. Be funny right now. This is your clip. If you know, you're gonna disappoint everyone. If you're not funny right this second, everyone's gonna hate you. Yeah. Alright, okay. 3, 2, 1, go. He doesn't look like he's sweaty. Okay. He is sweaty. What role do gingers play in movies? The cameraman. What?

Wait, I don't get it. The cameraman? You want to get it, Harper. You want to get it. Guys, I just had a bunch of dad jokes right now. Wait, why would they play the cameraman? Because nobody wants them on the screen. She's over here trying to have an acting career. She's like, why would they play the cameraman? She was like, I feel like my acting career takes off. She's like, why would they play the cameraman? If anybody's watching this and wants to hire Harper to be your actress... Yes, please. Or cameraman. Or cameraman.

Yeah, you know about those cuddles, Matt. Matt told me the other day, he said, cuddles be dangerous. Harper said you're a girly girl. You are a girly girl. Matt goes, he straight up looks at me and Kate, he goes, I knew, I literally... No. Let me say no. I literally told her one time, I said, I can never say this to Cash. Yes, and he goes... And then I did. He looked at me and he said, cuddles are my favorite. Ew. I was like...

No way, bro. Just say that. I did not say cuddles are my favorite. He said, I like cuddling better than kissing or anything. I love cuddles. Ew. Like if you said, we could make out or we could cuddle and watch a movie. Bro. Oh my gosh. I'm so happy. This is the same guy. Harvey, you're going to love this story. You know how you called him a girly girl? Yeah. Not only did he do that, he had some friends coming over one day. Oh my gosh.

Oh my God. No, this is what they asked for. They asked for it. No one asks for this. Listen, okay. First off, Harper, first off, Harper, they can call me what I want. I have four girls coming over to my house. Yeah, that's a girlie

You're like, no, you're just one of the girls. You're one of the girls. I was not one of the girls. And listen, he has four girls coming over and he's like, maybe it's three. He's talking to me and Kate. He's like, oh, I got four girls coming over guys. Like I gotta, I gotta get something. I gotta get something. We're like, what do you mean? You gotta get something. He's like, I gotta have, I gotta have snacks. We gotta have something here. And I was like, snacks? No, you don't have to have snacks. I was like, I was like, Matt, never once have my buddies been coming over and I was like, yeah,

Buddies are different than girls. He goes to the store. I said, Mab, these kind of girls were expecting a treat. They were not. Listen, he's going to the store and I said, don't get snacks. And he comes back.

This is so bad. They're going to hear this too. They're going to hear this. Yeah, because it was freaking funny, bro. I'm never freaking this in my entire life. He comes back and I'm in my room or something. I come back outside after he's back from the store. I've never done this before. One time. Listen, there's a charcuterie board out on the counter. Nothing's on the counter but a charcuterie board. And I was like...

This is not my brother. This is not my brother. It was a prepackaged one from Walmart. I didn't know what to do. And I was like, oh, no. I'm so embarrassed. Secondhand embarrassment, next level. And then you know what's even sadder? What? They never touched it. Nobody touched it. Yeah, they were expecting it. They didn't even touch it. I put it in the fridge fully packaged. Okay, well listen. Bro bought a charcuterie board for some friends coming over. Okay, listen. Right before they got cuddled.

What? Like four girls with one guy cuddling in one room. Whoa. No, that didn't happen. Okay, moving on. Listen. Oh, my first hug. His first hug. Wait.

Dude, I can't even remember my first kiss. And you're like, my first hug. No, it was a long hug. Wait, how long do you think this hug was? I mean, four hours. What? It was a four hour hug. I need y'all to understand. So I, Cash's cousin is my best friend. She's been my best friend since I was like six. Slow down. I'm sorry. So eighth grade,

Eighth grade, spring break, I'm still dating the same guy that I left Cash for. I find out Cash is coming into town over spring break, and I'm like, heck yeah! And I'm like, shoot, I still got a boyfriend. But...

And I was like, yeah, coming into town. And I actually, I didn't know she had a boyfriend. So that's not me. So then that night I'm laying in bed with my two best friends and we're all about to fall asleep. Cash had come downstairs and was in the bedroom, like talking to us. And he was like sitting on the edge of the bed, not sitting. He was on the ground on the edge of the bed where I was laying and

And we literally are like- - The other two girls are asleep. - The other two girls are dead asleep. And we start like flirting with each other. Like it was awkward flirting. This is like dead middle of the night, like literally like 2:00 AM. Like the parents are asleep. Nobody knows this is happening. My two best friends are sleeping in the bed next to me. - Oh.

Just lays over me and we literally just like that. Yeah I just put my arm over her like this and he's on his knees for like four or five hours I was on my knees by the bedside cuz there's three people already on the bed and I'm just on my knees for four hours Just hugging her like that and I literally in my head I and he knew I had a boyfriend too I did and that's why I didn't kiss her cuz I was like she has a boyfriend and

But also, she has a boyfriend. Why is she four-hour-ing hugging me right now? And then... So I was, like, hoping... It doesn't really sound like a reciprocated hug, though. No, I was hugging him. I was loving it. No, she was hugging me back. Like, literally, I remember being able to hear our hearts, like, pounding. I remember that, too. It was loud. What is going on? What kind of... No, Matt... Y'all have, like, some euphoric experience hugging each other. This is weird. I literally... It was, like...

It was like the longest... It's like you're one of the Avatar people and you like connected. Yeah. And so I was like really... I remember hoping like that you would kiss me, but I was also like, but I still have a boyfriend. Like that's not right. Yeah, that's the only reason I did it. But then when he got up to leave in the morning because my friend's mom was going to come wake us up because... Poor guy.

Oh, he doesn't. I don't even. He never. I never even told him. Is this Nick's first time hearing about it? Probably. And so then Cash gets up. I think Nick speculated. And he kisses me on the forehead and he walks out. And then the next day I told my two best friends about it. And I was like, yeah. She was like, Cash has so much Riz. Yeah, he did have Riz. I still don't think that's Riz. A four-hour hug is like the opposite of Riz. At 13, yeah.

- Yeah, 13 is pretty crazy. - In the middle of the night, first of all, someone needed to be guarding that. I don't know how that happened. - What, the door? - Yeah, like somebody needed to be at that door because every time- - Yeah, it was at my uncle's house and he was like, "Guys upstairs, girls downstairs." And he thought the stairwell just disappeared in the middle of the night. - He thought it was magic. Like him saying, "All right guys, you stay upstairs. Girls, you stay downstairs." 'Cause it was always like a full house.

Like, it was always like... There was always, like, 20 people there. Yeah, there was always, like, 20 people, like, hanging out. Like, a bunch of guys, a bunch of girls at, like, 13, 14, 15 years old. So... Yeah. And so... But anyways, moral of the story, me and that guy from eighth grade ended up breaking up, like, two or three weeks later. And so then... That's Kate's first kiss. My first kiss, however, was with Kate. And that's about it. So I... My first kiss was with my wife and hers was not with me. So...

Well, I'm sorry. Glad to know that was reciprocated. Want the backstory tea on that episode? Yes. That's actually so funny. I was never supposed to be on Dance Moms. Oh. Like, ever. Really? Yeah. You didn't, like, audition for it? No. Nothing. What? I was on Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, which was before. Yeah. And so Abby just really loved me from that show. Yeah. Lucky. So she wanted me to be on Dance Moms, but the producers didn't like my mom because she wasn't very, like,

Yeah. She wasn't super like... She was like on the show, she was crazy when she needed to be, but she wasn't like constantly causing drama. Yeah. And that's like a good thing. Yeah. I think she was like the peacemaker. That's a good quality to have. She was pretty good. I don't know. I mean, you know. Yeah. She's my mom. I always say I love her. Yeah, yeah. But so...

I actually was competing that duo, two Sapphires with Maddie at a different dance competition. And then Abby was like, well, you're going to do it at the dance, the dance moms dance competition. Yeah. And it was like a secret. I feel like, because I wasn't supposed to, like I said, at the beginning of an episode or the beginning of the week that we're filming an episode,

You know what dances are going on stage. And like there's a set, you know, drama that's going to happen. Whatever, right? So we were obviously coming in and going to switch up the whole storyline. So we weren't supposed to. Obviously, you're not supposed to do that. Producers know everything. So Abby literally didn't tell the producers nothing. And we just came in and like caused all this drama. Yeah.

But I bet the producers ate that up, though. No, they literally came up to me when I was like, what, 12? And were like, you'll never be on Dance Moms. What? Don't think you'll ever be here. And I was just like, okay. Honestly, I wasn't expecting to even be on the show. I was just told that I was... I'm clueless. I'm 12 or 11, however old I was.

I was just like going and I was like, oh, I can't wait to do my dance. Yeah. Like that's all I was really thinking, not really knowing what was going to happen. Yeah. But we weren't supposed to be there and that was never supposed to happen. And then obviously Brooke and Paige left, which I'm actually pretty close with Brooke now. Yeah. You know, like we're all pretty cool, which we were never even on the show together, but we kind of hung out like after the show. Yeah. So...

They left. So then they, the producers were like, which I'm actually really close with the producer now that said all this to me, but he was like, you'll only be on the show for the two weeks until we find their replacement. Like you're not going to be on the show. Oh really? And then I ended up being on it for the rest of the time. Hard for just everything you've been feeling. Unleash it now. Okay. Uh, you're really bad at, um, uh, yeah.

You're really bad He's gonna cry This is like the biggest thing He's like You're really bad at dancing That might should have Wow stayed unsaid Yeah some things are better left unsaid I think you gotta compliment him now Um You better hurry Oh no I see tears forming You look really bad You have better style than Cash

I'll take it. All right, go fast. Matt, say something good and bad about everyone. Okay, off the top of your head. Kate is really, really good at freaking...

Oh, what? Cooking. She's really good at cooking. Okay, now bad thing, bad thing. Bad thing, she always brings grandma vibes to the podcast with the blanket. That is true. Okay, me, me, me, me, me. Wait, I was so harsh. Cash is really good at keeping the podcast on track. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cash is really bad at interrupting people in the middle of their stories. That's totally not true. Well, I said it. No, dude, you just interrupted him. Harper is really...

So she's really bad. That's true. Shut your mouth. That's all I want. We're not talking to you. She's also really good at annoying me. Oh. There's that. Oh. Those two were the exact same things. Okay. Cash, you are first. Oh, so good at finding a new fun chair to sit in each week.

You are good at that. He does. It's incredible. Yeah, it really is incredible. Thanks, guys. Your... Your style isn't even that bad, actually. Oh, thanks, Harper. Yeah, I felt kind of bad. Your socks aren't even that bad. Cash, you are really bad about...

Not going into the bathroom when you have to fart and just farting. I'll take it. I'll take it. I stand strong in that. Yep, and it's really gross. All right, go. Me, me, me. Harper, you are really good at the podcast. You're good at it. That's it? Just the general podcast? No, you're good. You're like funny. You're entertaining. You're off the walls. Your hair needs fixed.

No. No. It's just kind of stupid. Yeah. There. There you go. Okay. Anyways. What did I just say? You're really good at the podcast? Podcast, yeah. You are.

really bad about like zoning out sometimes and you just like pick at yourself or you're just like stare off into space. You are you are really good at making me feel bad right now because you're giving me the sad puppy dog eyes. So that's a great quality you have. Thank you. Your map does make Kate feel bad a lot. I'm not gonna lie. I do? Yeah. Alright, what's his good thing? Or what's his bad thing? You're really bad about sometimes you make jokes that hurt my feelings. Oh, okay.

That's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, my turn, my turn. Who should I start with? Kate. Alright, Kate, you are really good at... Dog, she's your wife. Come on, say something good. Yeah, you're really good at making the bed. Oh. Wow. That's what I'm good for. I wake up in the morning and our bed gets made. And you're really bad at... Let's see. You're really bad at making the bed. First one. Here you go.

I'm not doing that. Just open your eyes. Gosh darn it. No! Okay, now close them. All right, pop it. But I know you had more than this. Pop it. No. Okay, here's the second one. You have to wait. Yeah, really let it dissolve in your mouth. You have to smell coffee beans to make sure the taste goes away. Wait, are they the same flavor? Yes. Okay, all right. Can you eat the second one now? Gosh darn it. Come on, hurry this up, man. This is supposed to take off. Bro, can you please get that haircut? It's so funny. Huh? That haircut is funny. Please.

- Okay. - All right, what was the first one? - I don't know. - Oh. - Okay, good job, good job. - That's the whole point of the game. - You spent 30 seconds eating. - Yeah, you were like, I was savoring the flavor. - What? Am I gonna say it? Am I gonna say it? - Obviously I know which one was which. - Okay, which one was which? - The first one was Feastival, the second one was Hershey. - Dang it. - All right, Mav, your turn, ready? - My turn. - Okay, her. - No, Mav, your turn actually. - I think I know which one's which. - Okay, close your eyes.

Okay, I'm going to hand this to him. Don't eat it. Okay. All right. All right, hand it to him. All right. Did Harper put this in her mouth first? No, she did not put it in her mouth first. She definitely probably did. No, she was debating between eating it. Come on, hurry. Okay. Oh, my gosh. What did you do to it? That was so... She cast it on it. That was so foul. That's pretty foul. I thought you were going to stop him. You just let him eat it.

I will get you back. Me? It's her. I thought she was going to stop you. No, that was you. I would not have spit on it. Bro, you ate the whole thing and then gave it to him. I knew better than to close my eyes and let you give me something. I knew. Okay, well. But it wasn't me. Especially going you and then her. What was it? That was Feastable for sure. Dang it. My turn, my turn. But don't spit on it. I swear. Don't do anything. I'm not. I'm not. I'm just handing it to you. All right.

Man, I'm not gonna lie. Hershey's is banging. No, I'm kidding. Don't do it. Hey, it's pretty good. I can feel you moving. Oh, sorry, sorry. Wait, did you eat it? No, don't do that. I ate it. I didn't eat it. No, that was really mean. Harper, don't eat that one. I'm sorry. I can't hold it. What? Yo, leave the podcast. They just spit on my eating. Leave the podcast. What the heck? I panicked.

Give me the next one, but not that one. I feel like you're giving me the same one. I feel so much better having that on. You let them spit on mine. Well, that was spit. You rubbed yours on your feet. Are you sure this isn't the... I would way rather someone spit on my food than put it on my foot. It was the same one. It was the same one. No way we're eating more snacks right now. Then we got a freeze-dried beef jerky stick thing. This is good. This is good. This is good. Bro, I'm not eating more snacks. Unfortunately, you are. It's Halloween.

It's a freeze-dried beef jerky stick thing, and then I'm gonna eat this out of freeze-dried. You gave me the freeze-dried beef jerky? This is also freeze-dried beef jerky. I'm gonna eat one, too. You gave her like... This is busted. The rest of the stuff's just not that good. That's the best stuff. Wait, I wanna try that, Harper.

I'm not eating this one. What in the world? This is not pre-snuff. What? Throw up snacks. You eat it. Eat it. Why don't you eat it? Because you don't want to eat it. No, you eat it. Eat it. Cash, I'm going to eat the other thing. Okay, let me see it. I don't want to eat that. I don't want to eat me. Yeah, I don't want to eat me. That's what I'm telling you. So you eat it. Stop acting like I'm ridiculous. You eat me. I don't want to eat it. No, you eat me. I'm not eating it. You eat me? What's going to happen? It's a frying pan. Oh, this is so bad. That's bad?

Did you lie to her? The cookies and cream thing is not good? This is terrible! What is- that's a- what happened? That's- don't throw up. That looks interesting. Is it a ghost? I'm immediately throwing this away. Okay, I'm actually not eating that, but- No! I thought you said it was good. Harper, will you try this one? Yo, we're making such a mess right now. Alright, Harper's gonna try the beef jerky stick thing. It says for dogs. No, that's- it's- I got it from the snack convention. You're good.

Oh my gosh, it's for dogs? Yeah. That's why you were trying to get me to eat it? Oh. Um, what? I was. You're such a girly girl. What? I see that though. That is a little bit of a girly girl. I know what you mean. Says one wearing whatever that is. You have leopard print on it. We're going to Cancun. You have leopard, not for like a week. Yeah, but we're gonna go. I wouldn't say I'm not. We're going to go to Mexico. I'm getting in the mood. I'd say I'm in touch with my feminine side, but I wouldn't say I'm a girl. Feminine side.

No, your mom actually always says that. Your mom is always like... Wait, what? Okay, not to put your mom on blast. Sorry, Tara. I don't mean to expose you if you don't seem to know this. Your mom has always, ever since I met her, she's always been like, Matt is definitely more in touch with his emotions than Cash. Because, I mean, it's true. No, no.

No, that's obvious. No, you're more like empathetic. Think like, like, like cash a lot. Like if, if he thinks something's stupid and someone's upset about it, he's going to say, why are you upset about that? That's stupid. Yeah. Mav is more the kind of guy that'll be like, I'm sorry that you're upset. He'll,

think it's stupid but he won't tell you but cash will tell you i mean stupid yeah cash just won't care that you're upset well that's not true well no he cares if you're upset over something valid but like if you're upset over something that's not like a butterfly landed on you like yeah what uh yeah no it's gotta be bad on people like somebody's crying because like

Their ham sandwich fell on the floor. I'm like, yo. Come on now. This is stupid. I've seen you cry over that. No. 100%. Have you known? Like, he doesn't cry, but he throws his body on the floor. Yeah. He'll be like, aw. I do throw my body on the floor. Yeah. See, that's girly of you. I'm literally acting like him. Exactly. No. Listen. Listen. I'm like... All right, guys. We're going to try...

I found this at a gas station the other day in literally the middle of no- the middle of nowhere when we were going to Oklahoma. It's Warheads Sour. Oh!

I don't want to drink it because of the color now. This smells sour. Dude, I hate Warheads candy. Wait, why don't you want to taste it because of the coloring? It's blue. Look at how blue that is. What did you expect it was? Yeah, this looks like something from a beaker. I'm the only one with the pink. But we're going to test taste these and see how they taste. I know this is not sponsored. By the way, if anybody wants to sponsor us, you should because we could put your ad right here. Yeah, your ad could be right here and we don't have any ads at all. I'm scared to taste this. And we're broke. Also, nobody wants... We'd like to eat lunch tomorrow, so please sponsor us. Oh my gosh.

Come again? We gotta keep these lights on. These lights gotta stay on somehow. I really wanna splurge this. We can't even afford AC, I'm not gonna lie. It's like 83 degrees right now in this house. And I'm literally under my pants. I am literally dying. It's 83 degrees. Alright, ready? 3, 2, 3. Nope! Oh, it gets worse before it gets better. Oh my gosh.

I'm hoping blue is better than mine. - Is your stomach churning? Mine is. Like mine is like circle. - Oh, that was horrible. - You think people actually just drink that? Why are you drinking more? - We know. - She's chugging. - Oh my gosh. - She's chugging it. - No way. Drink the whole thing, you won't. - Oh. - No way. - Oh, Harper. - Oh.

Your mouth is definitely blue. Oh, that's not good. It tastes kinda good. No, it does not. That is so much sugar. The blue's not good either. Not good. That's bad. I need water. I know my teeth are gonna rot. Yeah, nobody wants to sponsor our podcast apparently and also- You like it? Joe likes it. I like it. No way. Don't. Also, nobody wants to come on our podcast. Yeah. Look at all the guests we have.

Nobody. It's great. We had Joe for like 30 seconds. So if anybody wants to come on our podcast, just come. Yeah. It would be a good time. I promise you. Yeah, DM. Can you do your best like female impression? Like how do you order when you're in a drive-thru? Yeah. Why would I? I'm not doing a female impression when I'm in the drive-thru. I'll be the Starbucks lady. Hi, welcome to Starbucks. What can I get you today?

Okay, I'll try the Mavs Mavs way better at these than me. Would you do yours first? Yeah? No? I don't think you're Kevin trying to make me look no no I I promise you no you know you do a great girl voice That is so annoying team. Oh on your team math. Oh, he's pointing his fist at us instead of a way we welcome to theory No, okay, for sure do Siri and then do a girl. Oh

Okay, I lied. I can't do Siri. Okay, you go. Wait, wait. But can we pretend that I do Siri and I make a short of it? Yeah. And we just add Siri's voice over it? Oh, that's a good idea. Just do a girl. That'd be a good short. Wait. Hey, Siri. What's the weather? Oh, my gosh. Wait, the TV's going off. Oh, shoot. Oh, never. Sorry. What? Why cannot Siri access the weather? Sorry, just the weather outside. No, a girl voice? Yeah. Okay.

hi how are you is it possible that i can take your order down right now if not then that's okay wait one more time i'm close to my eyes i'm trying to imagine i just want to read the freaking book and i can't read it anymore she's five three i can't i just blonde hair i'm i don't know what to do cash i'm just frustrated rainbow hair i want to i want to stop fingers i don't want to do this anymore i'm breaking up with you she's definitely i'm done it's over

It's over, Cash. I got that image in my head. Cash, it's over. Oh, this is getting personal. We're done. Quit. Go home. What the heck are you talking about? That brought back way too many flashbacks. It's your turn. Try to act like a girl. Talk like a girl. Dude, all I can do is South Park. That's it, okay? But give me a sentence. We are ordering at Taco Bell.

First of all, ain't no woman should be ordering at Taco Bell. I'm sorry. That's a man restaurant. If a girl says I eat Taco Bell, immediately no. They said the same thing about wings. They were like, do you ever voluntarily go get wings? Yeah, if I picked up a girl on a date and I was like, where do you want to go? She's like, wing stop. Wing stop. No way. Wing stop at Taco Bell. Get out of my car. But same thing. I don't feel like a guy should be like, let's go to Starby's. Oh.

That's weird. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, maybe not Starbeast, but guys drink coffee. Can I get an extra latte with two pumps of vanilla? And... You just sound stupid. Yeah, you just sound like a... You can do better than that. Yeah, you can. You're trying too hard. I need better friends. Just talk normal. Oh...

Talk normal. That's what I'm saying. I need better friends. Harper, do your best like guy impression. You're ordering at Wingstop. Okay. Because only men go to Wingstop apparently. I'm trying to think of my little sentence. It's just facts. Okay. Okay. Wait. Okay. Ready? Wait. Hold on. Hold on. I'm trying to go really low. Really low. Wait.

Just go. Okay. Oh, gosh. Okay. Like a grandpa voice? Maybe just like a guy that's not above the age of 60. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So 60 or below. Oh, hey, man. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, man. Can I just have some, what are they called? Some wings or with some barbecue souls? You said barbecue souls. Barbecue souls. Barbecue souls. You can do a backflip, right? Do a backflip.

What? Wait, please do a backflip. Why would I do a backflip right now? We have a lot of space. Yeah, that is a good reason. I mean, Matt could make it right now. No, I was going to ask you to do the backflip off the yoga ball. Nope. No, that's not happening. No, no, no, like this thing. Why is it so... Why is it lots of... You deflated it. Oh, yeah. He's deflating it.

Bro, what's going on? You're too big. Wait, Ashley Cash, try the backflip on the yoga ball. No, but you know what I'm saying? Where you go... Yeah, I can't do that. I'll give you my $5 in my phone case if you do it. There's not even enough space here. Dude, you can do that. There's not enough space. The ball is so deflated. I would run into a camera. You do it. I believe in you. You got it. Please. The mic can't hear you. Let's go, Cash. Let's go.

Let's go, Cash. Let's go. Please, please. Let's go. Please, please. Running astray. Running astray. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I'm scared. This is crazy. He's not doing this. Oh, gosh. Alex shall protect the equipment. Alex watching the camera. All right. This is a really bad idea. It won't stay in its place. It's going astray. Go for it.

Full send, buddy. I'm nervous. I'm actually- Oh wait, let me try one more time. Oh my god. Why would your body flop like that? You know I don't like going backwards. The way his lips flew. No, I'm telling you, if I liked going backwards, I could do it. You could do it. I have a fear when I get here, when I get here, I freak out. I'm like, ow, stop! Ow!

Helen freaking Keller. Oh my gosh. Listen, y'all. I went into a downward spiral my sophomore year of high school. And I was like, there's no way this woman. That was a real thing. This is actually true. When we started dating, three years after I found her notes on her app, on her notes app, and it was Helen Keller. And it was like... And she had...

Like 20 paragraphs on why Helen Keller did not exist. Say paragraphs again. Paragraphs. Listen, listen. I have to tell y'all why. Wait, did I say that wrong? The first time you did. The second time was better. Helen Keller, supposedly this 100% blind and 100% deaf woman,

You know, she supposedly flew a plane. Yeah, I heard that. That even goes more towards that the planes are fake. Right? No, listen, listen. Helen Keller was literally, I genuinely believe that she was meant to be some like inspirational story to prove to like kids in school that they can do whatever they put their mind to. But I'm convinced that she was not 100% blind and 100% deaf.

There's no way. Not her whole life, at least. Yeah, not her whole life. No, she got sick when she was like two. Yeah, I'm hopping on board with that. No. I'll add that to my list of things. What? So the other day, guess what? Since Harper loves Mavericks Riz, guess what Mavericks said to a girl? Oh, no. What did I say? What?

Oh, no. He probably doesn't even know what he said. Wait, was this at the resort? No, no. I know one of my friends called me the Wizard of Oz. No one says that. Yeah, they did. Yeah, they did. And I felt pretty good after that. Okay, listen. Listen. They said it to Kate. Kate was trying to interrupt my Riz. And then they said... He's the Wizard of Oz. No, he said, let him cook. He's the Wizard of Oz. Yeah, he did say it. He go, let him cook. He's the Wizard of Oz. I can't say it. Wizard. Okay, Matt was Snapchatting this girl.

I was? Yes. And don't you interrupt me, Madeline. Madeline's not chatting this girl. Yeah. And she wasn't showing her face. So he says, he, I wasn't. No, I said don't interrupt me. Don't interrupt the dude. He texts back. He's like, I gotta see your face. And he texts back, show me that pretty face. I'm sorry.

That one hurts. And then I got one more. I got one more. And then the girl's taking too long to respond. So he sends a selfie of him smiling. Geez. And he's geezing. He said, he said, yo, did you throw your phone across the ocean? You take so long to respond.

And then she thought that was funny. I do not believe this from how bad this is. Oh, gosh. No, that's bad. No, show me your pretty face. I said, yes, yes. I said, show me your pretty face. But listen, this girl...

I wasn't really interested in her. She was just really pretty. And I wanted to show one of my other friends. And I was like, yeah, sorry, dog. I can't show you a picture of her. She doesn't have Instagram. And she has an Instagram, but it only has a picture of her gerbil on it. Right? Oh, that's a red flag. Not even a dog is a gerbil.

I know, I know. Not interested in this girl. I just wanted to show him a picture of her because she was really pretty. Because you pulled her, I guess. Maybe it was a terrible costume. I mean, I got her Snapchat. Listen. I was like. If I were single and any man Snapchatted me, show me that pretty face. Immediately blocking. Immediately deleting Snapchat and immediately throwing my phone in the trash. That makes no girl smile. No girl goes, really?

not the only way to read here's the thing here's the thing it wasn't my best move but it was the only move i had because i i went through every we just sat there for like 15 minutes trying to come up with a snapchat to get this girl to send a picture of her face and then she takes forever to respond because she's like what color your eyes are she would have been like green with a picture of the wall why don't you just say hey can you send me a picture of you um i liked your hair and i wanted to show it to my sister-in-law she wants to dye her hair like yours or something

No, she would not. That's just a random thing I said, but you could have came up with something like that. No, that's even more weird. I just can't believe that y'all sat there for 15 minutes and all you could come up with was let me see that pretty face. Show me your pretty face, little girl. No.

Okay, that's the end of the podcast. No, we're done. Sorry. No, that's the end. You just went and put your nose in your fart. All right, guys. Yeah, I'm not doing the ABC. Stop turning in the podcast. No, I'm done. No, don't end it. They don't want it to end. They do. No, they don't. The lights are literally going off. Let's think about who wants the podcast to... If you don't want the podcast to end, raise your hand.

Okay. This should show you guys that I should be your favorite host because... Wait, oh my gosh. They're lame, huh? Who's y'all's favorite host? Comment down below who's your favorite host. Comment down below who's your favorite host. Obviously, the one who just said they want the podcast to continue. Yeah, but honestly... Do y'all read the comments? Make them longer. Do more. Obviously. I'm trying. I'm fighting for you guys. Ha!

But they're not. No, I'm down actually. We can keep running this. Oh, y'all don't want to be hated on in the comments now. Yeah, I don't want to be hated. Please don't hate me. Wait, do y'all want to all pop our fingers at the same time? Absolutely. In the mic though, in the mic. Ready? Wait, wait. Listen to my elbow. Ready? That's what I do. I think it's going to be like ASMR. Oh, I can do my back right now. Yeah, I don't think you'll hear my back, but let's see. Are you sure that's not a two-

How many seasons was Kalani on Dance Moms? Oh, we don't know. We just said it. I know. Let's go four. Four. Four. I don't know, but I'm going to say it's correct because you were the one on the show. Yeah, I was on four. Okay. Am I counted correctly? Yeah. Okay, do me versus her.

Oh, it ain't questions about myself. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, so everybody should answer. No, they should guess, and then I should be like, yes, that's right or wrong. Oh, good idea. You're not that right or wrong, right? Yeah, what if you're the wrong one? I'll let you guys know if I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Did Kalani ever get to the top of the pyramid? Yes. Yes. Yes. Four times, right? No. No, definitely more than four times. Four times.

Four times in my 100 episodes? No, no, no. Like, so I know Maddie got 52 because I saw this TikTok. 52? Yeah. I saw this TikTok. I think I was like 40-something. 40-something. Yeah, and Paige got one. Oh. I felt so bad for her. I know, I know. Wait, wait, hold on. Y'all got 40 and 15, Paige got one? Yeah. Abby hated her. Oh. And then she sued Paige for $5 million. I didn't even... Abby sued Paige? Mm-hmm.

And then Paige sued Abby. No, no, no. Paige sued Abby. I was like, I don't think Abby could sue Paige for anything. Yeah. Is Paige the one that got the chair thrown at her? Yes. That's how it happened probably. I think so. I think so. Maybe that was. That might have something to do with it. Kate, remember last episode? I think it was last episode. It was an episode where you said, Cash said, you say yeah a lot. And you said, do I? Yeah.

We ran a thing on the video to track how many times you said yeah. Guess how many times it was. Yeah. Guess how many times you said yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. No, shut up. Don't do it again. Please don't do it again. But guess how many times you said it the entire episode. I know. I know. No, that's not a guess. You know how many times? That's not a guess. 35? No. Wait, hold up. The episode was like 50 minutes long. I'm going to say like 30,000. Okay. Okay.

You're closer. It's more than that, Kate. Oh, I thought you were talking about just in that like 30 second clip. No. The entire episode, how many times do you think you said the word yeah? 117. Okay. Harper, how many times do you think she said it? Really? 216. Wow. It's 250. 250 times you said. You said the word yeah. Yeah. There was times where you were literally like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The one with Kalani? Yes. Yes.

remember because we were all just saying yeah yeah because we were all so mesmerized by her existence you know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure yeah yeah who ran away on the tricycle and started shooting basketballs please be me

You? Yes. No. No, mom. It was me. Remember? Yes. That's what I thought. You almost gaslighted me. All right. Wait, wait. No, mom. Mom, wasn't it? It was Matt. Wait, didn't I run away too? Maverick ran away on his bicycle, his little bicycle with training wheels. Whenever he was mad, he was going to run away. Yeah. Dash, you were getting a haircut halfway through it, and you was about two years old, and you

All right. Well, we just had that question. All right. I'll call y'all later. We're on the podcast, by the way. All right. Bye. Love you. You never even told them they were on the podcast. I know. I did forget about that. My dad was shaving my head. So wait, wait, wait.

He was trying to move past that. He was like, we're just going to forget about this. Wait a second. So you said that he's been telling you the story for how long? I mean, you know, when you start dating and you talk about the times you ran away, probably like three, four months into dating. So you've been trying to be me for years. You've been trying to be me. Okay. Wow. Listen, mom and dad forgot. Just saying.

You look out to me and you want to be me. You say you want to be me. Because I have.

I have the memory of being at that line and going, I can't. And then I went back and played basketball. I have that memory. Cash, so do I because it was me. Maybe we did it twice. No, we did not. Maybe I did too. Maybe you watched me from the window in mom's belly because you were so little. You guys ever had a crush on a cartoon character? Great transition. Wow, that was good. Wait, I'm trying to think because I was so obsessed with somebody. The boyfriend from Phineas and Ferb?

Huh? What? First of all, hold up. Ain't nobody should have a crush on anyone from the show Phineas and Ferb. They're all triangles. And like we said the other day, you look like Candace from Phineas and Ferb. Me and Jeremy would have been perfect together. Show off your neck. Move your microphone. Trey!

You do not have a long neck. Why does the giraffe sound like a chicken? Giraffe. Wait, who was your cartoon crush? Wait, anybody know what noises giraffes make? They don't make any noises. No, I'm trying to think. Cash, who was your cartoon crush? What? Who was your cartoon crush? My cartoon crush? Spongebob, probably. First off, why y'all crushing on cartoons? Yeah, that's kind of odd. Wait, mine was Bugs Bunny. What? What's that?

No, my Loki probably would have been the chick from Avatar. Sokka's sister. What's her name? Oh, yeah. He goes, oh, yeah. He's like, oh, yeah. She was fine. Oh, yeah. No, what about... Oh, yeah. What was her name? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Aang, Sokka. No, The Incredibles' mom. Nikki. Everyone talks about her. Oh, yeah. The Incredibles' mom, Mrs. Elastic. That's the one. She had a giot. I can tell you that. I know.

Everyone always talked about that. Yeah. Everyone like, she had the perfect body too. Like I, I dreamed to be her. We're all looking at this and then we're trying to, everyone's going to know the word except for one person. So everybody's going to know what animal it is except one person. And then we're going to go around the room and everyone needs going to say something to do with that animal.

My turn. It's Kate. Okay. No, it's not. It's death. I got it. Just off reactions, I think it's Kate. They like to do this thing where they... All right, sweetheart. They 100% believe they know who the chameleon is before anything is said. Even the chair said it's Kate. Who's the chameleon? Yeah. That's a bold statement. How does the chair talk? All right, well, you start. Long.

Mmm. Yeah. Wow, that's not obvious. Cash. Yeah, it's cash. What? Yeah, it's you. Why is it not? No, no, no, no. We all switched up real quick. Yeah, we did, and I'm sorry, but it's him. No, no, no, no, no. I actually swear. No, it's actually you. Can I go first? Yes. She already went. I can go? Yeah, you go for it, buddy. Okay, I'm gonna say Kate.

No. We're still sticking with you. No, my word is Kate. And if you actually... Because Kate looks like one. Oh my gosh! You know, he would say that about any animal on the card though. Yeah, any animal. A hippo, a monkey, a lion, an elephant.

You just called Kate an elephant? You always call them an elephant. Me personally, I would not take that. Are you really going to take that? Me personally, I think you were insulting me. Harper, what's your word? My word is tall. Dude, it's math.

Oh, it's me. It's Maverick. Y'all switched up. Mine's going to say, I'm going to do. And unfortunately, I gave it away when I said mine. Okay. It's math. No, it's cash. It's cash. Because he said me because he would relate me to any animal on that card. We literally talked about this. Cash, unfortunately, it's you. We talked about this last episode. No, we did not. Harper, Harper, I know it's not you. Yeah. It's cash, right? It's cash. No, no, no. We didn't talk about it. I'm not.

- First of all, even the chair says it's cat. - Let's take a vote. - No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, you said tall. I said you, this literally describes you. We make fun of you for this because of your neck all the time. - Everybody comment who you think it is right now. - I think I know what he thinks it is, but you're wrong.

It's not me okay, I'm voting you I promise you guys it's not me Okay, we're gonna play another round but every single round people before Before we started this game. I said they always vote me and I'm the chameleon cash because you're the chameleon fun fun the chameleon Yeah It wasn't draft no ostrich Oh

Yeah, I knew you thought it was giraffe. Confidence is key in this game. Hey, yo, we had this one girl. She was little. How old? She was probably like seven, six. You're talking about the girl's department? Yeah. She was like five or six. And yo, she is literally... We're playing pool. It's like a...

What would you call that kind of place? It was like a little clubhouse area. Yeah, it was like the clubhouse. So we're playing pool and there's some music on and this little, our song comes on and we're like, hey yo.

Our song's playing. That's so cool. What? But it was like on the TV too. So our music video is playing too. Yeah, you can see the music video. And we're like, oh, that's kind of cool. It was like their most popular one. Is this a joke? Someone turn it on as a joke or something? And it's only us and this five-year-old and this seven-year-old in there. Yeah. And this five-year-old just dancing around to it. Seven-year-old's like dancing. She's singing the lyrics. She's singing the words. Really? She knows every line.

And all of a sudden. And we're standing right next to her. She has no idea we're there. No idea. But I have my hat on. Yeah. Like this. No idea. No, but it was funny because we had been like talking to her before and stuff. Like we were talking to her. But she did not put the dots together. I was talking to her the entire time, like messing with her because she was like this loud, like five-year-old. Yeah. And then she's looking at the music video. She's singing along with it, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, hey. And she looks at me and I take my hat off like this. And she goes, what the?

and says the F word. And she was like five years old. And I was like, whoa, whoa. And then she said it again. She was like, what the? And I was like, no, stop it. Oh my God. And she was literally fine. She was running around. She screamed. Like she was screaming like. It was pretty funny. Yeah, she started screaming. She's like, ah. Oh my God. She's like, you're dying on the TV. Oh my gosh. That's actually funny. It was awesome. I have a question. I saw your TikTok the other day. You got banned.

What'd you do? What did you do? I literally didn't do anything. I love TikTok creators. I know you did something. I love the TikTok creators of this, the app, but like, why did you do that to me? The creators of TikTok? Oh, you mean like the people who own it? They banned you? Well, what'd you do? I did nothing. You did something. I know you did something because today I went to go help you get your YouTube plaque.

And I log in. Yeah, this is funny. I log in and it says, it says, this account has been like associated with other accounts that have been suspended. What? How many YouTube accounts you had that have been suspended? And what have you done? So they were like, you're ineligible for a plaque because you've been suspended on too many accounts. So I can't get a plaque? Yeah.

Oh, is this new news to you? We're reaching out to try to see if there's something we can do about it. But yeah, they said that you've been a bad, bad person. Creator. Dude, why is Harper's Heart breaking? I'm nothing but the best creator. Then why'd you get banned from YouTube too? Multiple times. I didn't know I got banned from YouTube. Yeah, he said multiple bans.

Well, if I'm going to be honest here. Don't make something up. Yeah, I was about to make something up. Well, yeah, that's like. What kind of stuff do you post on YouTube that's banable? Well, I used to go live on YouTube, but then maybe that's why. But I literally did nothing except for sing songs.

I mean, that is a crime. That's a crime. Hard for seeing. Nobody wants to hear that, man. I don't know if all y'all know this, but Cash and Kate did not kiss for pretty much their whole engagement. That drove me crazy. We kissed. It drove me crazy. It made me so mad. It was weird, man. It was.

When they finally kissed. It felt like she was, because she came over every day and filmed with us. It felt like she was our sister. And then all of a sudden, at their engagement, when they proposed. Oh, they didn't kiss? They kissed at the proposal. No, we kissed at the proposal. Oh, that's good. Oh, that was so crazy. Yeah. And then Karen was like, I just did that in front of my dad. Oh my gosh. Yeah. My sister just kissed my brother. That was like a jump scare.

It was not okay. It was so weird. Because we were filming a music video when we got engaged. So after Cash proposed, we were like, okay, we got to get a couple of shots for the video. So Cash and I had a quick little makeout scene. But we just got engaged. Not a makeout scene. It was a makeout. Have you seen the clip, babe? We're like sucking faces. I know. Every time I watch it, I'm like, why did we do that? I think

Kissy is gross. It was very like, it was like, literally when I first saw the video, I was like, my dad watched this. Yeah, it was fun. My dad was there. Her dad was there in person. Dad, I'm so sorry. Actually, I would hate that if my dad like saw me kissing somebody or my mom. Well, I was getting married six months later, so they have bigger things to worry about. It was my favorite scene.

I told you guys, I will leave the podcast whenever y'all tell me to. No. Should we have a meeting? No. I don't want to be the only girl on here. Harper, you just were talking about how everyone clicks off when I talk, though. That was cash. No, but you said it too. No. But I will, if you guys just say the words. I'm not. Guys, y'all comment. Do we kick Kate off the pod? No. Let's not. No. Harper, would you rather have Kate or Olivia Rodrigo?

Kate. Oh. Wait, wait, wait. Well, that's kind of a hard answer or question. What about both? No. No. It's one or the other type of thing. I would pick Olivia Rodrigo to replace me too, honestly. Oh.

Are you? No hard feelings. Do you want to go to a therapy appointment? I need therapy after every single episode of this podcast. The podcast is therapy. And that is our sponsor, BetterHelp. BetterHelp. They don't sponsor us. Nobody sponsors us, actually. We're doing really good and still nobody sponsors us. So we're broke is what we're saying. So if you want to send money, our P.O. box is...

My Venmo is... We are doing a... I don't know. Or, I mean, not a grooming. What's it called? That one thing? GoFundMe. GoFundMe. GoFundMe for the LOL podcast. Yes, because we really... No one will sponsor us. Listen, these... Oh, I'm bankrupt, guys. These LED lights got to stare on somehow. Yeah, yeah. You're going to have people actually concerned about us. No. We make it by. Oh. We get by. We get through. We get by. It bothers me when y'all three have experiences and I'm like...

Yeah. Like the one where you try to catch the predator? Cue the sad music with the like...

Yeah, we won't be doing that. Well, Matt, that's because when Cash was, like, dating me, you guys were still living in L.A., and, like, you obviously weren't going to travel with him every time you came to visit his girlfriend. To me, like, if Cash is going to do something and there's a chance he's going to die, like, I should be there. No, Matt, actually... Like, if you're going to die, I'm dying with you. No, actually, no, think about it. Almost all my near-death experiences, you weren't there. Yeah, that's what I just realized, and I don't like it. One time, I was sitting in a Jack-in-the-Box parking lot in Compton. What?

you know what I also realized? All your near-death experiences, pretty much, I said, that's a bad idea. We shouldn't do that. That's why you weren't there. Yeah. That's why I remember. Malvin's the voice of reason and so when he's not there, it's just like, let's just do it. No, but this one, Malvin was like, bad idea to go to Compton. He was like, it is this place in Compton. It's called Devil's Gate. Yeah, and it was like, I was like, no,

No, no, I don't want to go. It was this abandoned place. Me and my friend Parker. And we wanted to go at like 2 a.m. Yeah, well, you got to. Wait, do you know what Compton is? No. It's like a super high crime. It's like the highest crime area. Well, I don't know how high, but it's really high. It's like one of the highest crime cities in LA. Anyways, I was in Compton doing this, checking out this abandoned building. Called Devil's Gate. Were you doing like a video? No. No.

No, I just went. And me and my two buddies and our other friend, Paige, went. And afterwards, we pull off in this Jack in the Box parking lot. It's like 2 a.m. and we're like... Paige was there? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, we brought Paige. I didn't realize you brought a girl. Yeah. I thought it was you and Parker. So, we're all sitting in the Jack in the Box parking lot. And all of a sudden, this car whips in the parking lot like super fast. And it's like...

And they pull up like four parking spots across from us. And we're the only two parking. We're the only two cars in the whole parking lot. These four guys all jump out and they started like coming over to our car really fast. And my friend Connor was on the other side of the car. I was like, Connor, get in the car. Get in the car, Connor. And he was like, what did you say? He's on the phone with his mom. And he's like, what did you say? Get in the car now. And he gets in the car and I pull off and they start like walking faster towards our car. And I zoom off and it was bad. And unfortunately my backup was Paige.

And Parker and Connor. And Parker, I know, is running away. Parker's definitely running. Connor's going to be like, hey, we can fight. Just don't hit my face. Paige is like 5'4", 100 pounds. Like, she's little. Yeah, I almost got jumped that day. And then I also almost got jumped that same week. Me and my friend Michael were driving down the road. It was like midnight. Yeah. And we're driving through a neighborhood. And this house is throwing like a huge party. Like a huge party. There's like 200 people there. And...

We roll up to the house and i'm like michael I bet we can sneak in there. No one would know there's like literally 200 people there No one knows who's coming in out. I was like, let's just go walk in and see what's going on And he's like, yeah, so we pull over and we start walking out of like all all cool and calm and We walk up and they stop us at the front gate. Like it's just a normal house, too It's not like a big gate just like this little gate and they stop us at the front gate and they're like don't cross that line or we're gonna and they curse me out and i'm like, uh

I'm across the line. And then turns out I was the only white kid there. It was all Hispanics. And Michael is Hispanic. And Michael was, and Michael was like acting like he didn't know me. He was like, yeah, this kid, man. And Michael, he's like speaking Spanish to him. And I'm like, yo, what's going on right now? And I was like, yeah, I'll get this guy out of here. Like, what's going on right now? And then he, Michael's like, we should go. And I'm like, and,

And then they were just like staring at us as we walked off. And when we walked up to the gate, they turned off the music to the party and everything. Everyone came outside. And I was like, oh, so this is not what I had in mind. I was just coming for some Dr. Pepper or something. Can you be my hype man? I got you. Three, two, one, go. Oh.

Up in the podcast room. Just two dudes. Let's go, Kate. And me and Harper. Hey. We're really trying to rap right now. Not very good, but it's going somehow. Really want to go downstairs and get some food because I haven't had anything so busy with the day. So many things to do. I thought you were going to rhyme for once there. That was good. That was pretty good. She didn't rhyme once. She said food and dude. Food and dude. There's the other thing. There's one more thing. I forgot what I said. Yeah.

Yeah, it was okay, I guess. All right, Koush, your turn. No, Matt, you rap. No, no, no, no. No, no, I don't want to rap. You rap. Wait, y'all just made us rap and y'all aren't going to rap? Yeah, y'all are putting us on the spot. Wait, so if she gives you her... Wait, I don't know how to... Oh, my goodness. Do you need... She needs to hear it. What's the ukulele song? No. Riptide. No. Down to the riptide, taking away to the dark side. All right, ready? Go, I'm going to play uke. Ready? Wait, hold on. Go.

Okay, no, please stop that. How about one more time? Nope. I can't even sing to that. It doesn't sound like you can sing at all. If you don't sing in the next two seconds... I don't know what I'm going to do, but just do it. One, two... Dude, hit the one-two buck on my shoe.

No, but sing it. Like in a good voice? Yes. Okay. One, two, buckle my shoe. Three, four, buckle some more. Five, six. Nice. It's crazy. It's just crazy. No, I can't do it. I can't do it. That's all it took was me saying, sing one, two, buckle your shoe. Yeah, that's better. Wow. That was your motivation, huh? Yeah. I've never actually been more angry in my life than Justin. I know. I saw your face. I was like.

No, I meant because you wouldn't sing. Me and Kouch have literally, like, we have wished upon the stars way too many times that we could sing. But you can. No, we can't. I mean, we have a singing career, but we can't really sing. We really can't sing. Like, if we could sing like that, game over. Is it just the auto-tune? Game changer. I can't even sound good on auto-tune. Bro, just... He just whipped up the music video. Oh, there it is. Yep. Ew. Ew.

It's so bad. Can we get it in slow motion? No, we don't need it in slow motion. Can we make the playback speed slower? That's kind of scary. Try not to swallow each other. We can. Let's go. Slow motion. You can do that? Yeah, slow motion. Here we go. Can y'all tell that we have to do that? Oh, nice. Ew. That's... I mean, get it, I guess. It's still going. It's still... Oh! The hug thing.

Why did I bring that back up? No, I was going to bring it up at the right time. No, hug it. That'd be so weird on camera. No, please just hug real quick. It'd be the awkwardest hug you've ever seen. And we'll be out of frame. Oh, we're just going to get on your knees and hug. I bet the frame don't even go that high. No, it does. Just hug. Joe, does the frame go that high? I don't want to hug. Yeah, no, no. I think he might be wrong. Please, please, please, please. Let's harmonize and say please. So please. You can't harmonize. Please.

You're gonna have to harmonize. She can't do it. There you go. Okay, that's enough. So y'all are gonna hug? Wait, guys, this is so romantic. And maybe like a little like on the cheek. What? Like how Italian people do. This is Germany. Wait, well, do you guys know how to hug each other? Harper and I can show you. Yeah.

No, that's okay. We don't need to see. We know what a hug looks like. Fine, hug me, Maverick. Y'all don't know what a hug looks like. Hug me. No. Please. It's been 20 years and y'all have never hugged. Why would I hug you? I'll be the bigger man. Get off your pony. Oh. Oh. No. Oh, gosh. Okay. Oh, shoot. I thought I was going to laugh. Oh. I just realized. Oh. Oh.

*Caption: I'm not sure what he's saying*

So... You would fall like that. I guess that was their first hug. You would fall like that. He fell like a rock. Oh, yeah, like he does when he swims. Yeah, it was just like... Okay, so that was their first hug. That was their first hug, and it was so cute. Everyone was like, how cute is this? Can you not do that with your hair? Why? I don't like it. Wait, can I borrow your glasses? Wait, what's the song? The Burger King song. Oh, no. Cash, what's the Burger King song? Oh!

Oh, no. What is it? I don't know the Burger King song. I'm at Burger King with my Burger Queen. Oh, that song. Side of fries. That's what you look like, Harper. Oh, no. She's like, keep it like that for the rest of the podcast. Guys, if you don't like me, that's fine. But, you know, watch your mouth. You don't like me? That's fine. Okay, bye. No, literally, I... That's the OG if you don't like me.

Kay, bye. If you don't like me, that's fine. Kay, bye. Next question is for the bag. How about no more games? I want to talk. Next question for the bag. Wait, just give me real quick. I got a thing to play. Give me it. No, the whole bag. Whoever catches the most wins. No, no, no. I need a whole game. No.

What are you doing? I'm gonna pee. Kate just ran off to pee. I told you she was gonna pee. Why is she leaving to pee? Hot dog came in. I got it all. Guys,

Why was that so funny that she needed to go pee? Why did Harper go instantly like we were going to beat her to it? She was scared. I never really watched the show. Even when I was on it or before. You never watched it when you were on it? No. Yeah, I don't watch this podcast. I hate watching podcasts. I mean, I don't really watch the podcast. Harper gets it. I hate it.

Now we'll watch dances. But I will never watch like a full episode. Like I'll watch like clips and stuff just because I'm like interested in things. And honestly, I forget half the things that even happened. And of course, like it's all over my For You page. So I'm like I see it like all over TikTok and stuff. But I feel like mostly I just watch like the dances. I don't watch like the drama parts of it as much. Yeah. I get like more intrigued to the drama than the dances. Like literally.

I love the drama on it, but yeah. He's an oil engineer. A petroleum engineer? Nope. Okay. Yes, he is. No, he is not. Is dad a petroleum engineer? Yeah. Your mom said yes. He can't do stuff. He's not. How did you know that? What do you think petroleum is? It's just called petroleum engineering. Petroleum jelly

jelly is vaseline yes i am with you on that yeah like when i was getting my tattoo removed she said put some petroleum on it wait what do y'all think petroleum in your vaseline is dude i have zero clue i'm gonna be honest they're gonna they're gonna act like they know what so much more sense oil yes so there's oil but vaseline and the petroleum are two different ways yes but they mix them together the oil when they get out of the ground goes in your vaseline yes there's oil in like everything that's

Like the oil that you put in your car is also in your Vaseline? Obviously. Okay. You didn't know petroleum was two seconds ago, right? I thought you came straight from school. Yeah, I did. Harper, what'd you do at school today? Study for your biology test? No. What? Okay, so do you want me to run you through my schedule in one minute? Yeah. So first- I mean, it doesn't have to be one minute. You can take your- No, it's gonna be a minute. No.

So, starting... Ready, set, go. Wait, wait, at 120. And go. Okay, so first I wake up at 7 o'clock and I'm really, really late and my sister starts yelling at me. So then I get out of bed, I do my makeup and it takes a long time. So then I, after that, I go to school and then I ask for coffee but my sister doesn't want to get coffee so she's yelling at me. And then we get into school, I go to math, I do all that. And then today, what we did in math, my math teacher found out that I filmed a video in math.

And so she got a little mad at me. And let's just say... You're running out of time here. Okay. 30 seconds. Okay, okay. And she's not mad. She was just like disappointed. And she was like, yeah, just don't film in my class while we're doing work. But we weren't doing work. It was like before the bell rang. But it's okay. I love Coach King. Okay. And then after that, I went to bio. 15 seconds. Okay. Okay.

and then he asked me to have a one-on-one conversation with him, so I did, and he was like, "Okay, yeah, your grade is doing well." - Five seconds. - I'm really proud. So then after that, I went to ELA, I finished my work. - Time, time, time, time. - I went to cheer and that's all, yeah. - Wait, what was the one-on-one talk about? - Let's just say my grade has been not slipping. - Oh, that's good. - That's good, it has been not slipping. - So are you calling?

Yeah, it was her addiction to tanning. Guys, who's Cash calling? We're on the pod. That's not... No one else is allowed to make phone calls. Hey, Mom? Yeah? Hey, who's your favorite out of me and Maverick if you had to choose one? I don't have a favorite child! Okay, but if you had to choose... No, no, no. No, I can't. Why are you asking me that? Like, if you just had to choose one. Yeah.

No, one of us is gonna die. Okay, okay. The other one's gonna die if you don't choose. They both die. Maverick's older. He's already lived longer. Hey! I'm not picking a favorite. Okay, okay. Is Dad there? No, Dad's not gonna put either. Is he there, though? He's here. He's talking to Ken. Okay, well, we need to talk to Dad. Can I talk to Dad? She said, don't pick a favorite.

Yeah We always knew that wait, so what was the point of that I just was bored confident it was gonna be me Call your mom see who's the favorite. Hello mom. Who's the favorite me or Reese? Oh

Mom! Oh, but she has one. She said, I'm not going to say. I'm not going to say it. But she didn't say it on Apple. She's like, we talk about it behind your back, but we're not going to say it to your face. There's definitely one of you that's less trouble, though. You don't look like my wife. She's probably still cleaning up. It's going to be a while. I can't believe she actually peed her pants again. That's so bad. Joe, do you go trick-or-treating?

Yes. Really? Yeah. You have a child. I thought he's not lying. You go trick-or-treating with the kid? At the parties? At the churches. It's a good excuse, right? I do trunk-or-treat. I do trunk-or-treat. I'm going to take my kid trick-or-treating this year just to get his candy. Your kid's zero. Exactly. Your kid has no teeth. Bro.

No, it's like girls have different languages like and you might need some advice for this but like How are you 12

Okay, yeah, we're right. Please continue and give Maverick advice. Yeah, let's hear it. Okay, so if a girl ever says, I'm fine, she's not fine. If a girl ever says K, just like a normal K, like K, not okay, then that means she's real mad. Hold on, I need to write this down. Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now. Writing this down. And then, like, really, like, what else is there? There's a bunch of things, but girls know girls, and guys are just like, hey, like, it's really... No, that's actually so true. Like, this, like...

Nevermind. Well, I just figured out a new thing about girls too. They lie? That's what I just figured out. They say they're fine and they're not fine. Yeah, for real. If you want to figure out if you're popular or not, just shove her to the ground. See if she wants your help. And if not, you're not popular. Yeah, exactly. That guy, he had a buzz and I was like, no. I'm eating a spoon with my Hezbollah. What? You know what Hezbollah is, right?

It's a person, by the way. No, I don't. Like, he really smells. Actually, is there a word that rhymes with Hasbulla? Hasbulla. Have y'all seen the little boy at the trampoline park? Hasbulla, didn't I already tell ya? Like, you just rhymed with it. Oh, I have this skincare named Tula. No. Hasbulla. You can say, Hasbulla, these other rappers, Manua.

Manua? Manua is kind of good. Manua is not a word. Manua? Manua is a word. But you just rap it like manua. Yeah, that's how Eminem rhymes everything together. I'm good at the rap guy. You can rhyme it? Rap it? Uh-huh, right? Wait, is it inappropriate? I don't know. I'm just going to not do the cuss word. Okay, so...

Oh, he's too mainstream.

wow i'm impressed um like two hours maybe three like did you just get bored one night yeah and i was like wait that sounds cool so i was like you know i'm gonna learn i saw a tiktok and and it like this girl was like doing i was like my gosh and then i was like okay did you recently learn this or is this something you learned a while i learned a while ago like really a while real quick can you look

Look at the camera like you're checking it out. Like, pretend it's, I guess, Kate over there. Oh, you want me to show... Okay, I'll show y'all how I look at Kate. I want to see you romantically entice the camera for five seconds. That's, like, cringifying. I can confirm he does do that, and I have to tell him to stop. Oh, that's so gross. Like, I wake up in the morning, and he's like...

That's what it does. That is not true. Socks cost like a dollar. Yeah. But they put so much work into these things. Like, if you can't see, like... You know how socks made... Like, it's like handcrafted. Handcrafted. No. We buy them Louis Vuitton. Yeah, and then look at this. There even is a little sticky thing on the back, so it holds onto my heels. Oh, wow. Maybe her socks are kind of advanced. I'm not going to lie. Mine don't have that. Yeah. Mine have holes.

- Oh. - I keep trying to throw them away. - That's embarrassing. - This is the last question and it's worth three points. - That is so Kat. - No, not ruler of this game. - Fine, fine, she hasn't got one this whole time. She's not gonna get one now. All that's gonna do is make us at five. - This is worth three points. - Okay. - Okay? - Just to be clear, Mav's at two, I'm at two, and Kate's at zero. - This is stupid. - Whoever gets this is gonna win. Who is my favorite, Cash or Mav?

Don't turn yours around yet. Is this real or fake? It's real. No, no, like, on the podcast, like, obviously, Mavs, but, like, are you talking about, like, off-camera? Like, off-camera, like, we vibe, right? Yeah. I mean, you vibe a lot more. I'm not giving any. I know she has a favorite. I know who the favorite is. No, I don't think she knows. She's just going to say yes to whatever Kate wrote down. No, I already know. Write down your answer on your phone. It's already written. No, it's not. Yes, I swear. Okay. No, no, no, no. You have to say it before we flip.

You haven't wrote it down yet! No, but before we flip our things around, you gotta say it. Okay. Gosh darn, I genuinely don't know. But I got confidence in myself. Hey, hey, hey, as long as you go with whatever Kate put, you think, then you're good. That's what I did. Okay. Alright, say it. Okay. Kate. It's Kate. It was Cash or Maverick. It was Cash or Maverick. She doesn't even know this. Yeah, okay. Did you even hear your question? Kate, you lost. No, Kate won! Okay, okay, no. What?

No, okay. Well, redo, redo, redo. No, no. I'm talking these made-up questions trying to rig the game so we can't win. I want to know the answer now. Mav, keep your thing written down. Okay. She already knows mine. She already knows what I'm talking about. Everyone's going to put this. Cash? Yeah, obviously. Obviously. Don't tell me butter. You're my manager, right? I guess so. Yeah. So, you see, Mav does nothing.

He stays home and dances. Listen, Harper. Bro's got happy feet. Just let him die. With my free time, I gotta hang out with real women. Oh, really? Not 14-year-old girls. But your brother's literally a grown adult with a wife. Think about that. Okay. She got you there. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, I'm really trying to come back right now. Let's do one more. We're going to do toys. All right. Shuffle the cards. Don't cheat. Kate loves cheating in games, bro. Kate does not love cheating. Kate just doesn't like being the chameleon because it stresses Kate out. Okay? I get nervous. Really? All right. Give us the cards. Take one down. Pass it down. Did you take one? I'm taking the top one. 99 bottles of milk on the wall. 99 bottles of milk. All right. Who starts? You because you're the chameleon. Oh, that is right.

five three no you start five across three hello oh okay i'll start oh i got this in the bag what are we doing toys i can go first if you want but the person who's the chameleon last starts no i was the chameleon and it's the person after the oh wait no does the chameleon go first five three it's the chameleon yes that's why we always say it sucks if you're the chameleon last because okay okay what is it so i go first it's five over three down is the thing

Whoa. Whoa. Now, that was pretty cool. Okay, I can't get this out. Okay. Wait, do I start since I was the chameleon? No. Yes. Okay. All right. My word is... Definitely is the chameleon. Circle. Mm-hmm. Harper, it's your turn. Lights. Mm-hmm. Come on, Mav. What's your word? No strings attached. That's not a word. That's not a word. That's a phrase. Oops. That's illegal. Okay. All right.

Come on, just say something, bro. We know you're the chameleon. No, I'm not. Finger. Okay. Repetitive. Oh, this is hard. I think it's Maverick. Is it hard? Maverick got it from one of those two.

No, it's she did not get it from Cash. Wait, wait, what was her word? Lights. No, they light up sometimes. No, those are lights. Oh my gosh, guys. Okay, the fact that you're trying to blame it on that, it's you. They light up. No, I know it's not you. And I know it's not you, it's her. I think it's Mav. Oh, I got it.

It's not cash. It's one of those two. That is so guilty. Have I ever seen it? That is guilt. I said circle. Harper said lights. Mav said what? Finger. I said finger. Okay. Which is so like... It's a good answer, but what did you say? Repetitive. Okay. Yes. It's not YouTube. Yes. It's lights. But Mav, the thing is everyone had a good answer. Harper answers is good. Yeah. Well...

And what toy on there has lights? I will say a lot of those do have lights. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. It's her. Actually, I haven't even read the full card, so I might be making that up. Yeah, I mean, not many of these have lights. Let me see the card. All right, well, y'all think I'm the chameleon? No. Oh, I know you're the chameleon. It's Maverick. It's Blue Couch.

Someone on the blue cap. It is someone on the blue cap, isn't it? I think it's Kate. Who should we vote? Now she thinks it's Kate. No, she is just trying to flip it around. I'm not. It's Harper. She's smiling. No, it's Mav. Okay, no, I'm going to go Harper. It's you. It's Harper. It's not me. It's one of them. I know it's Kate. What? I just know it's Kate. I just have a feeling. Look at them deflecting. There ain't no way. We're about to vote one of them out.

We're about to vote one of them out. I know it's repetitive. What did you say? Circle. There's no way you're trying to vote me right now. Wait. What did you say? Repetitive. Yeah, I think it's circle. Circle. No. There's no chance. They're actually just trying to. Okay, okay. It's Harper, right? It's Harper. I don't know which one it is. What are y'all? Do you not see the way she's acting now that she's getting caught? Look.

Look at the camera. No, I understand. Look at the camera in the eyes. I look guilty right now. No, look at the camera in the eyes. Especially because I really was. I know it's not me or Mel. Dad said it was Harper, but I believe it's not Harper anymore. Okay, look at the camera in the eyes. Look at the camera in the eyes and say it's not you, Mel. It's one of y'all. Look at the camera in the eyes and say it's not you. It's not me or Harper. It's one of you. No, it is not. They're literally teaming up against us. It's Cash.

It's not cash. I told y'all they want to vote me every round. It's not Kate. Oh, it's Kate. It's Kate. You want to lose? There's no chance. Guys, guys. There's no chance it's Kate. It's not Kate. Guys, guys. I bet $100. It's Kate. Wait, can I see if that's real? Alex, if you had to pick one of them, which one would you pick? I just want to know. If you had to pick one, which one would you pick? Definitely Harper. No. It's Harper. No, Alex. It's not Harper. If it's cash, if you had to pick between cash and Kate, which one would you pick? Kate. Kate.

I'm leaning towards Kate too. But look at him deflecting so hard. We got to vote. Everyone point your fingers and that's what it is. And there's a tiebreaker. Alex will break the tie. Three, two, one, go. I guess Kate. It's Alex. Who's the tiebreaker? Kate or Harper? Flip your card. It's you. You suck! I knew it was one of y'all. I'm the best in the game!

Are you? Look at everyone's jaws dropped! Everyone at home is like, "There's no way it's cash!" There was no way, huh? How did you figure it out? We're playing again! I started counting my farts. Yeah? And I was like, "Cause it's getting out of hand." So you're just like, you're just like, throughout the day, you're like, "That's one." Yeah, no, no, no, it's two. And I noticed it was getting out of hand when you told me something.

I said, bro, the worst thing about an airplane is when you got to hold all your farts in and your stomach's hurting at the end. And Matt goes, that's not normal. He was like, what do you mean? It's a three-hour flight. What, do you got to fart like once? And I was like, no, I got to fart like 12 times on the plane. And he's like, dude, that's not normal. You should get that checked out. You took that literal. Well, I took that to heart. No, listen. And so I started counting my farts.

And I get up every day. I don't count the exact amount because after like 20 or 30, I stop counting. Oh my gosh. Every day, I get up to like 20. Y'all think he's joking too. Not joking. I get up to like 20, 30s, maybe even mid-30s. And I'm like, this is out of hand. Like I'll walk in somewhere and I'm like, wow, I farted. Like if I walked in somewhere for like 30 minutes, I'd be like, dude, I farted seven times. So if y'all don't know, there's monkeys taking over some city right now. No, they're not taking over the city. Apparently they are. A monkey killed a dog.

I don't know when we started recording, but a monkey killed a dog. No, a dog killed a baby monkey. That's what happened. A dog killed a baby monkey. And now that monkey went over and he told the rest of his gang and in through his like gang sign language to the other monkeys. No, he did not. Yes, he did. And now all the monkeys...

are killing the dogs by throwing them off a building. Yes, they are. That's out of a movie. Yeah, it's crazy. Hundreds of monkeys now are throwing puppies off a building. That's insane. It makes sense though because monkeys are low-key very close to humans. Yeah, that's... What humans throw dogs off buildings? Angry ones.

Angry ones? Yeah. I'm pretty sure there have been humans that have thrown a dog off a building before. Like that one guy who blended their cat, you know? Yes. What?

Yo? Wait, what did you just say? Okay, this is not funny. I'm sorry, but a guy blended their own cat in a blender. And he's been doing it for years on years and he just got arrested for maybe two months. Oh my gosh. I was like, take him in jail. Monkeys in India throw 250 dogs off buildings. That's insane. And cold revenge killings. Revenge killings? There's no way this is true. It's revenge. There's no way this is true. Because a dog killed a baby

monkey oh my gosh it's true there's pictures here let me see they're just holding a dog in its hand and he's going to throw it off a building let me see that again let me see that dog had no funny why am i laughing that's so sad yeah that dog was like not prepared either that dog i don't even want to look at that photo oh my gosh this is crazy oh that's psyched i don't know why but it's

But it's funny Imagine you look up And a monkey's Just holding a Labradoodle And he's climbing up The building And he's like Oh this is gonna be So good I don't understand Why would the dogs Not like bark Would it not like Scare the monkey I'm just imagining Like 30 monkeys Taking a golden retriever Up this building Monkeys are smart dogs Golden retriever Absolutely not Golden retriever No it's like A lot of monkeys They're like crowd surfing Him up to the top I mean it says There's been 250 murders

Dog murders. That's crazy. That's actually, that's wild. Imagine you're walking down the street. All of a sudden, some monkeys start throwing puppies off.

Oh my god. Imagine you're like walking on the street. You're trying to like catch these puppies as they fall. No, you're just like walking on the street minding your business and then you're literally like a dog lands on your head. Dude, I just. And you look up and there's just some monkeys looking over the edge of the building. I think we're going to go ahead and end this podcast right here. Oh man, it's been a minute. I know. It's been a lot of minutes. Yeah, it's been 49 and 12 seconds. That's crazy. To be exact. Yeah, but I don't think it'll be that on the podcast.

How many minutes do you think this podcast is going to be? 35. Are you still going to... 35 to 40. Are you still going to... I'm going to say like 52 because you still got to put the music video in. How is it going to be 52? We're not putting the whole music video in. Yeah, just the chorus. She thought we were putting the whole music video. It's going to be 51, 32. Why are y'all naming more than it's at? Because of the music video. Because of the photos, music video. What do you think it's going to be at?

Like 48, 47? I don't know. No, pick one. If you put your mouth over the whole microphone, does that muffle it? Okay, I'm picking 48. The audience will know who's... Stop! Stop! We gotta cut that out! Oh my god! Yo! Y'all didn't see that, but we're in the podcast right here. Peace out. We'll see you next time. How do farts smell? Like, how do they smell? Right?

Like, it's just like air coming out of your butt. Like, I don't understand how it smells. Like, I understand like you poop, but like that doesn't smell after you wipe, you know? - Yo, of course. - Well, if you do wipe, I mean. No, but-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - No, it's-- - Wait, wait. - Some people don't wipe. - No, no, no, no, no. Everyone-- - Whoa, whoa. - I mean-- - Everyone, wait a second. - Some people don't wipe. - Harper, do you-- - Harper. - Do you just pick and choose on days you wanna wipe?

- I don't poop a lot.

I

I go days without pooping and days without peeing, and then it all comes out. That's the opposite of her. She says she poops three times a day. Okay, it stops, but, like, I'm not going to lie. Let's hear more about your wife's poop schedule, Kat. No, I'm not joking. I'm not joking. Probably, like, a month ago, and I was, like, I don't know why. It must have been something I was eating. I literally was pooping three times a day. Okay, so back to you not wiping.

Oh, anyways, we don't have to talk about that anymore. But, like, I was like, I don't know. So I also ate this one brownie. It's a fiber brownie. That'll do it. Yeah. That will do it. The fiber. And it's in the school vending machine. Who has a fiber brownie in the school vending machine? Right? Like, that's offensive.

That's offensive to some people. Wait, a fiber brownie? That's offensive because they're like, you need to get all your poop out in the next three days. I'm like, well, I got all mine out in the next hour, so I don't understand. Harper, do you poop in school bathrooms? No. Okay. Yeah, I do actually. I mean, I can't be lying on this. Somebody's going to find out. Wait, what's the difference between a brownie and a fiber brownie?

One has fiber. No, yeah. One is a brownie and one has fiber, but fiber makes you let all. Yeah, it like literally just clears you out. Oh, actually? Yes, sir. No, you know what this makes me think of?

When Cash and Maverick were living in L.A., Cash didn't cook, and he was trying to eat at home, so he would get these frozen meals. Hold up. I feel bad for this. This is the actual. I genuinely feel bad for this. This was me. Never live with roommates. This is the actual. No, never live with five guys. Yeah, this is a horrible story, man. So they're cooking, and I remember dating Cash, and he was telling me he was getting sick every day. Every day? He didn't tell me he was getting sick, so I didn't know. But he was.

like out of the norm norm because like i fart a lot yeah so now i was just pooping a lot i'm sorry but and i was like bro why am i pooping so much and not only am i pooping so much i am sick can i tell the story and all right you tell yeah so every day cash was on the same schedule he'd come down and he'd get his pasta i was frozen pasta i was playing video games a lot he played video games a lot so he would come down he'd get his frozen pasta thing out of the fridge like

Like those packet meals? Yeah. And then he'd put it in the oven or microwave or whatever and it would take a couple minutes. Six minutes. While he did that, he would go upstairs. Every day, he'd go upstairs because he would run down in between games, stick it in there, and then go back up. You got to sprint. Yeah, he's on a loading screen. So he's got to get back up there before the game starts. I don't want to drop in, you know? So...

I would be like, oh, I'll take his food out for him. So I'd take his food out, and me and Michael decided to start putting laxative in his food every day. Every single day. Every day. Every day. For like two weeks.

And after we didn't realize anything was happening, we just started putting a lot, a lot more. They started pouring laxative in my food. Like, I mean, it was at one point we were putting like this whole water bottle of laxative in his food every day. I was literally eating a bottle of laxative a day. Every day. And I was horribly sick, but I wasn't whining about it. Like, I'm going to say, I'm not going to go to my guy roommates and be like, bro, I'm so sick. Can you hold me? Like,

Dude, I'm so, so sick, and every day that I win. Oh, and we also, Michael would make his protein shake every day. He would make one for him and one for Cash, and so we also put it in Cash's protein shake every day before the gym. Yeah, so I was getting two extra, extra, extra doses of laxative a day. And after the first week, I kid you not, when I said we were putting a lot of laxative in there, we were putting so much laxative in this food. How big is the bottle? Well, we went through multiple bottles. No, but how big is like a bottle? It was like...

I can't remember if it was a bottle or a bag. I can't remember. It's a bottle. But it was like, it had these scoops and we would do like multiple scoops. It's like a bloom nutrition container. Yeah. And we would do like multiple scoops in your thing. Yeah. And so moral of the story, I was horribly sick all because of self-sabotage. Moral of the story is living with men is terrible. It is terrible. That was funny. Harper, do you want to make a song?

Yeah, I guess. I don't want to get you on a song. We talked about that this morning. Actually. I got this one called Two Homies in Cancun. Two Homies in... Yeah, we wrote a song that we went to Cancun. She didn't jump on that. She didn't go to Cancun, though. She wasn't like, we went to Cancun. We went to Cancun this week and Mav wrote a song the night before about Cancun. Really? Me and Michael did. You want to hear it? We wrote a theme song. Sure. We should play the music video.

It's not edited yet. It will be edited by this time. Yeah, throw the music video up. It's a Maverick and my brother-in-law. I was the director. Just want to point that out. Yo, that's cool. So camera skills are on me. Wait, wait. No. We got to throw the video up. No.

Stop touching it! I gotta lift it up. Stop touching it right now! No! Stop being- You're so, like, crazy today. No! Listen to this thing, bro. We talked about this. What are you talking about? Wait, I'm so- We talked about this. Just touch it again. Stop touching it. I'm adjusting it. He has an actual issue. You're a little bad at it, too. Oh. But he has an actual issue, bro. I'm listening to the podcast, and I hear-

And Matt touches his mic. Go back to the other episodes. That's not true. Matt touches his mic like every 10 seconds. Exactly like that. He touches his mic every 10 seconds. Is this ASMR? I literally just told everyone to stop touching their mics. Joe is smiling. Can you hear me? Oh my gosh, Joe is giggling.

Okay, okay. No. The thing is, when you touch the mic... Oh, my gosh. The thing is, when you touch your mic... Oh, he's stressing so hard. Yes. Because I stopped touching the mic. Stop compressing your mic. That's... It's his little dog. Y'all don't know what I went through, bro. What did you go through? Actually, specifically... I got this phone chain, and it is...

y'all are all over the place today jeez that's what i'm saying crazy yeah yeah what we're chilling usually we're the kind of all over the place but today y'all are crazy yeah well then everyone just keeps interrupting me okay you randomly bust out and singing let me dude for a sec when you touch the mics like this every gosh is are you paying him to stop singing

I actually got this from a friend. You can't talk for a sec. You're talking about the mic, so no one cares to listen. Nobody cares. Oh, he's aiming that at us. Listen. I care about the mic. Because last time in all the episodes, someone's talking. Where'd you get that $5? Oh my gosh.

We're not going to talk about that. Someone's talking and then the other person is touching the mic and the camera angle switches to the other person and the other person's just like this. So don't do it for me. Do it for Joe and the editors because they're the ones that have to fix the whole thing. Exactly like that. If y'all listened to the last episode, you're just here throughout the podcast because of this guy. 80% him, 15% you, 5% him, 0% me. Oh, you're so perfect. You just called her him.

Oh, shoot. Oh, no. How long until we make people mad and get canceled? I don't know. I can get some people mad pretty quick. I feel like there have been some questionable things said on this podcast. I'm kind of surprised that we haven't had more people mad at us lately. Yeah. Because of her? Yeah. Wait, I'm literally 14. Yeah, that's the only thing she said. I'm literally only 14. How do farts smell? Like, how do they smell? Like,

Like, it's just like air coming out of your butt. Like, I don't understand how it smells. Like, I understand like you poop, but like that doesn't smell after you wipe, you know? Yo. Well, if you do wipe, I mean. No, but. No, I'm kidding. No, it's. Some people don't wipe. No, no, no, no, no. Everyone. I mean. Everyone, wait a second. Some people don't wipe. Harper, do you. Harper. Do you just pick and choose on days you want to wipe? Yes.

I don't poop a lot. I don't poop a lot. I don't care if you poop a lot. Did you do it even one time? Because that's too many. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. So I basically, some days I don't like...

This is like watching a car crash. It's like you want to look away, but you can't. I want to stop listening. I want to tell you to stop talking, but I can't. Well, I'm not going to stop. So basically, I go days without pooping and days without peeing, and then it all comes out. That's the opposite of her. She says she poops three times a day.

Okay, it stops, but like, I'm not gonna lie. Let's hear more about your wife's poop schedule. No, I'm not joking. I'm not joking. Probably like a month ago, and I was like, I don't know why. It must have been something I was eating. I literally was pooping three times a day. Okay, so back to you not wiping.

Oh, anyways, we don't have to talk about that anymore. But like, I was like, I don't know. So I also ate this one brownie. It's a fiber brownie. That'll do it. Yeah. That will do it. Yeah. The fiber. And it's in the school vending machine. Who has a fiber brownie in the school vending machine? Right? Like, it doesn't.

That's offensive to some people. Wait, a fiber brownie? That's offensive because they're like, you need to get all your poop out in the next three days. I'm like, well, I got all mine out in the next hour, so I don't understand. Harper, do you poop in school bathrooms? No. Okay. Yeah, I do actually. I mean, I can't be lying on this. Somebody's going to find out. Wait, what's the difference between a brownie and a fiber brownie?

One has fiber. No, yeah. One is a brownie and one has fiber, but fiber makes you let all. Yeah, it like literally just clears you up. Oh, actually? Yes, sir. No, you know what this makes me think of?

When Cash and Maverick were living in L.A., Cash didn't cook, and he was trying to eat at home, so he would get these frozen meals. Hold up. I feel bad for this. This is the actual... I genuinely feel bad for this. This was me. Never live with roommates. This is the actual... No, never live with five guys. Yeah, this is a horrible story, man. So, they're cooking, and I remember dating Cash, and he was telling me he was getting sick every day. Every day? He didn't tell me he was getting sick, so I didn't know. But it wasn't like...

out of the norm norm because like i fart a lot yeah so now i was just pooping a lot i'm sorry bud and i was like bro why am i pooping so much and not only am i pooping so much i am sick can i tell the story and all right you tell yeah so every day cash was on the same schedule he'd come down and he'd get his pasta his frozen pasta i was playing video games a lot he played too much so he would come down he'd get his frozen pasta thing out of the fridge

Like those packet meals? Yeah. And then he'd put it in the oven or microwave or whatever and it would take a couple minutes. Six minutes. While he did that, he would go upstairs. Every day, he'd go upstairs because he would run down in between games, stick it in there, and then go back up. So you got to sprint. Yeah, he's on a loading screen. So he's got to get back up there before the game starts. I don't want to drop in, you know? So...

I would be like, oh, I'll take his food out for him. So I'd take his food out, and me and Michael decided to start putting laxative in his food every day. Every single day. Every day. Every day. For like two weeks.

And after we didn't realize anything was happening, we just started putting a lot, like a lot more. They started pouring laxative in my food. Like, I mean, it was at one point we were putting like this whole water bottle of laxative in his food every day. I was literally eating a bottle of laxative a day. Every day. And I was horribly sick, but I wasn't whining about it. Like, I'm not going to go to my guy roommates and be like, bro, I'm so sick. Can you hold me? Like, and I was like,

Dude, I'm so, so sick, and every day that I win. Oh, and we also, Michael would make his protein shake every day. He would make one for him and one for Cash, and so we also put it in Cash's protein shake every day before the gym. Yeah, so I was getting two extra, extra, extra doses of laxative a day. And after the first week, I kid you not, when I said we were putting a lot of laxative in there, we were putting so much laxative in this food. How big is the bottle? Well, we went through multiple bottles. No, but how big is like a bottle? It was like...

- I can't remember if it was a bottle or a bag. I can't remember. - It's a bottle. - But it was like, it had these scoops and we would do like multiple scoops. - It's like a Bloom nutrition container. - Yeah. And we would do like multiple scoops in your thing. - Yeah. - Yeah. And so moral of the story, I was horribly sick all because of self sabotage. - Moral of the story is living with men is terrible. - It is terrible. - That was funny. - Harper, do you want to make a song?

yeah i don't want to get you on a song we we talked about that this morning actually i got this one two homies in cancun two homies in yeah we wrote a song she can jump on that she didn't go to cancun though she wasn't we went to cancun this week and mav wrote a song the night before about cancun me and michael did you want to write a theme song sure we should play the music video

It's not edited yet. There's a music video? It'll be edited by this time. Yeah, throw the music video up. It's a Maverick and my brother-in-law. I was the director. Just want to point that out. Yo, that's cool. So camera skills are on me. Wait, wait. No. We got to throw the video up. No.

Stop touching it! I gotta lift it up. Stop touching it right now! No! Stop being- You're so, like, crazy today. No! Listen to this thing, bro. We talked about this. What are you talking about? Wait, I'm so- We talked about this. Just touch it again. Stop touching it. I'm adjusting it. He has an actual issue. You're a little bad at it, too. Oh. But he has an actual issue, bro. I'm listening to the podcast, and I hear-

And Matt touches his mic. Go back to the other episodes. That's not true. Matt touches his mic like every 10 seconds. Exactly like that. He touches his mic every 10 seconds. Is this ASMR? Ooh. I literally just told everyone to stop touching their mics. Joe is smiling. Can you hear me? Oh my gosh, Joe is giggling.

Okay, okay. No. The thing is when you touch the mic... Oh my gosh. The thing is when you touch your mic... Oh, me stressing so hard. Yes. Because I stopped touching the mic. Stop compressing your mic. That's... Bro. It's his little dog. Y'all don't know what I went through, bro. What did you go through? Actually, specific... I got this phone chain and it is... Shh.

y'all are all over the place today jeez that's what i'm saying crazy yeah yeah what we're chilling usually we're the kind of all over the place but today y'all are crazy yeah well then everyone just keeps interrupting me okay you randomly bust out and singing let me dude for a sec when you touch the mics like this every gosh is are you paying him to stop singing

I actually got this from a friend. You can't talk for a sec. You're talking about the mics and no one cares to listen to the mics. Nobody cares. Oh, he's aiming that at us. Listen. I will not listen. Because last time in all the episodes, someone's talking. Where'd you get that $5? Oh my gosh.

uh-uh nope we're not going to talk about that uh someone's talking and then the other person is touching the mic and the camera angle switched to the other person and the other person's just like this about middle so so don't do it for me do it for joe and the editors because they're the ones that have to fix the whole thing sorry exactly like that no and i listen if y'all listen to the last episodes you just hear throughout the podcast because this guy 80 him

15% you, 5% him, 0% me. Oh, you're so perfect. You just called her him. Oh, shoot. Oh, no. How long until we make people mad and get canceled? I don't know. I can get some people mad pretty quick. I feel like there have been some questionable things said on this podcast. I'm kind of surprised that we haven't had more people mad at us lately. Yeah. Because of her? Yeah. I literally thought...

14 yeah that's the only thing she has 14 i'm literally only how hot is arizona like i've heard it's so hot you guys live in texas yeah i know but like arizona is the hottest state in the world right i don't know i think you made i think you made that one up no no no she was where was she she was getting oh nope her tat nope uh no what come on we can't talk

Kate has a tattoo. Come on. Oh, I said it. There it is. You do? Not only does Kate have a tattoo, Kate used to be a tattoo artist, okay? Yeah, she did. Kate was an artist back in the day. Guys, listen. A piercing artist. Listen, listen. When I was 15 during quarantine, I was like, Whoa! Oh my God! It was a bad thing! It was a bad thing!

It missed the beanbag. That's a terrible thing to say. We don't joke about breaking up or getting divorced. We're married. No, but I do. Because he's jealous. Listen, you can go post right after this and say that was the last thing for the podcast or whatever if you want. That's wild. I wonder how many views it has. Man. Probably more if we'd all repost. Think about all the people that are going to feel so sad right now. Like their hearts are just breaking. That is true. That's really sad. I didn't think about that. I didn't think about that.

Wait, what if people start unfollowing us? Kate's phone's going to start ringing. What if people start unfollowing us? What? Do you not like it? No. It's content. It's funny. No. Laugh. Laugh a little. No, I don't think jokes about me and my husband getting divorced are funny. It didn't say divorce. You should hear what he says when you're not there. Cash and I are done. Guys. Maybe like Cash and I are done cooking.

Should we add it to our stories? No, I can't. I can't do that. I just can't. Oh, yeah. I'll take my phone. I'm sorry. I shouldn't. Okay. More people throwing my phone. This is great. I shouldn't have thrown your phone, but my intentions were for it to land on the beanbag. Nice and safe. You can delete it if it's that sensitive to you. Yeah, just delete it. Delete it? Wait, how many views does it have at least? Come on. We just posted it. It's only at 50. Okay, but some people got to be freaking out.

I wouldn't delete it. I would post something after. Okay. We're done cooking. Or cleaning. I have a gift for you. Feastables. No, it's not Feastables. Stop. We're not sponsored. Okay? And there's not Feastables behind me.

Do it again? Angled! It's cause you have like a spiky neck. Oh! It's cause you have a spiky neck. Your map dude got a spiky neck. Look at this, my Adam's apple. Oh, dude. His spiky Adam's apple. Oh! Yo, you can move it like that. I don't like that. I hate that. What is this on the Hidden Talent episode? Wait, do it. Do it. Like move it. Oh! Oh!

Y'all didn't know that? He flexed it like a muscle. You know how people do the peck things? That's what you just did. It's an Adam's apple. Oh my gosh. We're going to show it in there. So, what was that? Well, Alex thought it was funny. I'm still confused why you just ejected out of your seat. What are you, a fighter pilot? She was like, boom! What was that like?

Wait, what? Eject, eject, eject. Why did you, like, flop? I say we all do. Matt, you eject. Eject? Yeah, eject, Matt. Are you going to eject with me? I'll eject. I can't do it with you, but I'll do it after you. There's not enough room. No, I'll eject randomly. It's got to be random. Everyone's going to eject randomly on this episode at some random point. Did y'all see?

getting ready and I was like I actually did it but for real if you guys want to see that text message it was pretty crazy it'll be in the patreon I can't believe she just flew like that yeah join our patreon like he was saying we got a bitch about to eject no I'm not just yeah hey hey you get caught ejecting it doesn't count you just gotta randomly go

I mean no one caught her. That wasn't even a check. That was like a scuffle. That was a fall. Yo, please run that back. She barely made it out of your chair. It was like this. She's going to pee again. Okay, I had to go pee.

Oh my gosh. It wasn't even that funny. We can't inject yet. Every time Kate thinks something's funny, she has to go run to the bathroom and pee. And nothing was even that funny. And also you just peed before we started the episode. Yeah. I think I peed the most today though. That's okay though to post that in the Patreon, right? I don't know, but we probably are going to do it. No, no, no. We're posting it in the Patreon. If you guys don't know what the Patreon is, we started at...

A pretty cool club, if you ask me. It's called The LOL Club. We have a group chat in there where all of us talk and all of you guys talk with us. We post behind-the-scenes content. It's $100 a person. We post it. What? Yeah. We post exclusive merch. It's $200 a person. No, I'm kidding. It's not that bad. It's pretty cheap, I promise. But go check it out, guys. Go subscribe if you want to. We have a bunch of really cool stuff we do in there, and we do a lot more content. If you guys want to see it, go check it out. Oh, Kate's back.

She's back. All right, so just so you know, that eject did not count. It was literally straight. That was horrible. It was like this. Look, I'm going to mimic what you did. You're supposed to go boom. Like, Harper did this, what you did. I literally felt like I flew through the sky. No, I felt like I was like up in the fan. You rolled out of your chair. Wait, that didn't count? No. So I have to eject twice on this episode? No, you have to eject once because that was a fail. Yeah. Fine.

But y'all don't. Y'all can't look at me. She's ready. So put your leg down. Flex your foot. Flex your foot. Now bring it up and straighten out your leg. And you can't straighten it. See who can do it the farthest because it hurts. No, you have to flex it really hard. Ow! How do you get it? I'm pulling muscle on my other leg. Why does my other leg hurt? Straighten your leg really hard.

straight really hard cash is trying to eject he is about to eject he was like trying to mask it like how do you how do you do it again okay listen i have a car to eject out of i mean for me to eject i literally have to go and you make a lot of noise so i'm like even the microphone could probably hear me we caught you we literally caught you

But like 10 seconds before I checked. No one said anything. Yo, no one said anything. Yeah, we did. Watch. Run it back, bro. No one said anything. I promise you guys. Yes, we did. Yes, we did. Y'all are delusional. Literally. What? You're delusional. Oh. I love being the right one all the time. Y'all caught me when I was doing this.

- Wait, did you say? - But not the second time. - You know what I think is crazy? - What? - You're touching your mic right now and you always yell at everyone else. - Yeah, I know. I know I do yell at everyone for touching their mics. - And now you're not using a mic stand. - But here I am, holding my microphone. - What makes you so special? - You're really gripping that thing. - I decided I should do this so if I wanna do a mic drop, I can just drop the mic. - Yeah, but that's like a $600 mic.

Joe, how does that make you feel? Yeah, I'm gonna drop Joe's mic. These are y'all's mics, bro. Yeah, we bought these. These are ours. Never mind, I'm not dropping this mic. The other day, we're at the doctor. Cash gets an x-ray of his back. This is crazy. This proved my condition. We were at the chiropractor, not a gastrologist. We're at a chiropractor, and we're looking at the x-ray. Do you know what a chiropractor is? Yeah, a guy who pops your back.

I had gotten an x-ray the day before and we're comparing them and Cash has got this big like circle looking thing right on his ribs. - I was worried for a second.

it wasn't on mine. And we were like, what is that? And right before we were about to ask it, doctor goes, now I know y'all are probably wondering what this circle is. That's just, uh, pretty much everybody has like a gas bubble. He goes, that's just like the gas bubble that everybody has, but yours is just significantly larger than the average person. Yeah. He actually said that. And I was like, so you think I got a condition too? Didn't you get in another scooter accident again? Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. So I posted on my TikTok a story time about how I got ran over by a car. Yeah.

A car? Yes, I got ran over by a car. It was a white Lexus. It was crazy. So it was hailing out. It's such a fun story, though. So I was with my best friend, Sophie, who used to run my account with me. And...

What happened to Sophie? She got hate. My girl, come on now. Look at me. No, but I'm only human after all. No, but anyways. What? Okay, let me just tell the story. So basically. Wait, what just happened? So I kind of glitched. But anyways. I feel bad. Yeah, yeah. So me and my friend Sophie, we were crossing an intersection jaywalking. And basically we were going over to Walmart and

And because it was hailing, we were like, where else should we go? All the stores were closed. So we went over to Walmart because it's open for 24 hours or like open until 12.

So it was like 10 o'clock when we got to Walmart. No, like 9 o'clock. And we were trying to meet up with some friends. But like, yeah. So we were trying to, but we couldn't because it was hailing. And the hail, mind you, it was this big. I'm not joking. It was that big. Like extra large. Very, very large. It's like, hey, do you want a medium or a large? No, I want an extra large. So that's like the hail. So basically...

After that, we went outside. We were like, okay, it's not hailing that much anymore. So the roads were slippery. We were on our electric scooters, and we were riding. And we were like, should we go on the crosswalk or the intersection? Which one's faster? We're like, the intersection. Sophie was like, no, let's just do the crosswalk. It's just so much safer that way. So Sophie's your voice of reason. Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? I'm going to die. I know why you're laughing. I just want to hear you get by the car. So basically...

Um, she was like, yeah, let's just go on the crosswalk. I was like, no, let's go on the intersection. So the sky was like all yellow from the storm, you know? And I was like, okay, we're going to go. We're going to go. I go across and I see this car. I'm like, oh, that car is going to go straight, but it's taking a U-turn. And so I'm like, okay, I'll just pass across it.

All I remember was seeing lights and I heard a thud and I blacked out on top of the car. I was rolling around. What? It was that bad? It was that bad. So my scooter went under the car. I went on top of the car. Honestly, like you going on top of the car might have been safer. It saved my life. Yeah. So if I didn't have my scooter in my scooter, mind you, it didn't get any scratches. I remember.

I didn't get any scratches. What? I got one scratch, but it's gone. It's like right there. It's gone. You had a big bruise, didn't you? I had a big bruise, but... Wait, did you actually black out? Yeah, I blacked out on top of the car because it hit me at like 10 miles per hour. Wow. Which wasn't even that big, but like... No, but like you're small. For a highway, yeah, I'm small compared to like a thousand pound car, you know? And so I was like...

Oh my gosh. And so I just remember, it was so unreal. It was like a dream. So I just saw lights and I hit the car. And Sophie was like, Harper. And I was like, ooh. And then, and then, um. It was in slow motion. Yes, yes. Harper. And then, and then I was like, oh. And then, uh, so I, I, I rolled on top of the car. I rolled on top of the car and I like made a whole body indent on the car. What? What?

was like a movie and the hail had already cracked her windshield from before but the girl was more frightened than i was so once i she's like i just killed a child so once i once i fell off of the car i rolled down and i hit my head first and so i i had like a pretty bad concussion yeah so um basically what happened was the girl she came out of her car she went oh my oh my and i was like i'm okay i'm fine i'm fine and then sophie was like oh my gosh i'm gonna call the police

So she called 911. 911 was like, hey, what's your emergency? Whatever. And then the lady that hit me, let's call her Jasmine. I don't know. What's her name? Yasmin? I don't even.

know her name but um basically she was like oh my gosh are you okay just call the police she's like no call her mom call her mom so she calls my mom or sophie calls my mom and i'm like i'm fine like i just it's fine like i didn't want to cry to make her feel bad yeah you were like i only i literally just got hit by a car like it's not even no what would you guys do if you got canceled like what would y'all do for work like oh crap it got canceled and actually worked yeah it was actually canceled yep oh like you actually like like no more social media

Oh, easy. Poop scooping. Yeah, Harper's already got her business going on. Harper's going back to her roots. No. 100%. I'm being a chiropractor. Oh my gosh. I'm so good at popping people's backs. I love chiropractors, bro. Yeah. I love it. Oh, I would definitely. So since I would want to... Did one of you just burp? No way. No, that wasn't me. Wait. So since I...

He's so dramatic. You're so dramatic about everything. The thing is, guys, is he's not doing it for the camera. No, he doesn't. And that's what's sad. Guys, he has jumped out of bed before at night when I burped. And he's like walked out of the room for a few minutes. My mom doesn't burp.

Like, my mom doesn't, do you have OCD or something? Like, contamination issues? Because that's me too. Yeah, when people have contamination issues. I do too. Ever since I was little, when people, like, would burp or something in the front of the car, I thought the wind was moving back towards me. So I had to hold my breath for, like, two minutes. I have bad OCD, very bad OCD, which, like, I would have to, like, hold my breath a certain amount of time. Like, it's, like, it's crazy. Yeah. But, yeah. Anyways. What would you do if you were canceled, Mev?

Matt would go be like a builder. A what? You would build stuff. Yeah, actually, you're not allowed to answer. I'm going to answer for you. He's 100% being a contractor dude just working on a house. Yeah, just building. No, welding. I mean, right now, like if it all went away, I'm traveling the world like super cheap. No, that's not a job. No, you're going to run out of money. That's not a job. No, not that you think everyone would take that job. I don't think I would run out of money. I think I... No, what would you do for a job? Matt, you don't have social media to post videos on. Job. Yeah.

Bro said I would just travel the world. Yeah, but I would do it like super cheap. Okay. No, but you still have to have some form of income. You would cancel the day. You have zero dollars in your bank account. What are you doing? I would work for Kim Kardashian or somebody like really rich. You're just going to go ask for a job? Yeah, but hey. Like show up to Kim Kardashian's front door? I'm like, hey, yo. Bro is so full. I never met one person in their entire life that said I don't remember my first kiss.

Genuinely don't. If anyone would have forgot their first kiss. Joe, do you remember your first kiss? Oh, Joe doesn't even remember his. No way. It's crazy, right? You guys actually don't remember it? I don't remember it. That's crazy. I think mine was just like such an awkward thing. That's how I remember it. Especially because like if it was like a random person I kissed. Yeah, I'd probably remember it. But I dated that girl. So I kissed her a lot. You know what's crazy though? Is that...

So Cash and I, we actually didn't share our first kiss story together. Cash talked about how I was his first kiss, but our first, me, yeah, I was his first kiss, but he wasn't mine, but we already talked about that. Remember? Yeah, and you were even younger, you're younger than me, so your first kiss was literally like 11. I was 18. And Cash had like, was maybe 14, just turned 15, I don't know. But,

Our first kiss, we had planned it out. Because if y'all didn't see the first podcast, I... We did plan it out. I had like a 13-year-old boyfriend. And I was dating him. So I was like, obviously, I can't kiss Cash. But, you know, we had that four-hour hug. And so then when my boyfriend and I had broken up, I texted Cash and I was like, hey, when are you going to be back? You know? And then we started planning it. And then our first kiss... Let's just kiss and get back. He had...

We had planned it and I had to talk to my best friend that was his cousin and I was like, listen girl, like Cash is coming into town and we're gonna kiss and she was like, okay. Cash is coming, we're gonna kiss? Yeah. It's gonna happen. Just go down. And she was like, she was like, okay. I was like, can I like borrow your bedroom to like kiss him in? And she was like,

I'm not even joking. Me and my other friend have a video. This was so bad. We put her on the ground and we pinned her down and we would not let her get up until she said I could use her bedroom. And like we sat on top of her and we were like, yes, that's a pretty big thing to do. Me and Lily like pinned her down and I felt so bad and I'm so sorry. You did not deserve that. And so then she was like, okay, fine, fine. You can have my room for like 10 minutes. And I was like,

No, because like Cash and I, like we couldn't, like we never had time to be alone. We lived in different states. We saw each other like twice a year. Yeah, so we wanted to like be alone. And so she was like, and then we just put her down again. And we were like, we need, I told her that she had to let us be in there. This is so romantic. It was, yeah. Oh my God. They asked if we've ever been to summer camp. Nope. I went to church camp. You never went to a summer camp?

Really? I only go to church camps. What about VBS? When I was like under eight years old, I did VBS. Dude, church camp was like my favorite thing in the world. I know. I always wish I could experience it. Church camp is where I was like, all right, it's time to just test out Riz. Let's get Riz. Oh, yeah. That same. But it didn't really work.

It was like, I'm going to talk to these girls and I'm never going to see them again. Yeah. Remember that one girl? Yeah, there were some bad ones. Are you talking about the black belt? Yeah, so there was this girl. Tell them what our dad and the counselors made you do. Yeah, so this girl was brutal. I mean, brutal. She liked me, I guess. And she was just mean. She acted like she didn't like me, but she clearly did.

I'm sitting there. She comes up to me. She's got a stick about the size of this water bottle. It's real thick. Oh, my God. Comes up to me for no reason. Bam. Smacks me on the leg. Some girls do that to Florida. Ow! Like, what? Why would you do that, man? That's actually crazy. And then she goes, I was like, why'd you do that? She goes, your dad said I could.

I go, what? Dad? What? Our dad was a counselor. Yeah. So I'm like, all right, go find my dad. And I'm going to have a word. I'm mad. Like I was about to cry. Like I was hit with the stick so hard. Oh my God. I told you he cries a lot. I was like seven. Okay. I was like 12. But anyways, so I go over and I'm furious and I'm like,

There was no need for that. I screamed at him. I was like, dad. I yell at him from across the campground. And I'm walking towards him. All of a sudden, boom, something's on my back. I'm like, what was that? I'm in a chokehold out of nowhere. The girl's literally choking him. The girl's WWE flying chokeholds me to the back. And I'm like, hit the ground. I'm getting attacked by a small child, a woman. And I'm like, oh my gosh. So,

I go immediately because of the way she hit me. I knew it was her, so I jump backwards and land on her.

And she didn't let go, though. She's holding on. So I just pull her arms off, and I'm mad. I keep walking over to my dad laughing. Oh, my dad's just laughing at this point. He thinks it's hilarious. That's crazy. I'm like, Dad, why did you say she could hit me with a stick? He goes, I didn't say she could hit you with a stick. She goes, yes, you did. I said, what are you doing? She said, I'm looking for a stick to hit a boy. And I said, okay, cool.

What a good counselor. Yeah, my dad's the worst counselor ever. And then before that, like our small group little thing, my dad and his friend was running theirs. She says to my dad, she's like, yeah, I'm a black belt. My dad's a karate teacher or something. And my dad's like, oh, yeah? Well, my son's like about to be a black belt. Why don't you, he's been in taekwondo for like six years at this point. He's like, why don't you do like a one-step sparring move with him?

So he's like, come over here, son. And I come over there and I'm like, what's going on? He's like, y'all are going to like one step spar. I'm like, okay. And so all the kids, I like stand there and I like throw like a little punch. I'm just like waiting for her to do like her little self-defense move. Not expecting her to actually do contact with me. Right. I was expecting one step sparring girl.

Hits my face out of the way. Boom! Kicks me right in the head. Nails him. So hard. I dropped to the ground. I'm like, am I dead? And then all the other kids at the camp circle, and they're all like, fight, fight, fight, fight. And my dad's standing there like, oh, you're going to let that happen? My dad's like, one, two, three, he's out. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Wow.

I was so mad too because I was like, all right, my turn. Let's go. And my dad's like, no, no, fight's over, fight's over. I'm like, what's going on, dad? He really started. He started. I got my Tinder profile. Yeah, I got it pulled up. What just happened? Oh my gosh. It's literally the first photo. Wait, I want to see it too. That's the first photo? Yeah. Rosalie. What? I can't do it. I can't do it. I just can't look at it. I can't.

We gotta throw these up on the screen. Let me see it. Let me see it. There you go. Oh my gosh. It's worse than I remember. Look, it's not the best, but you gotta remember those are old photos. It's from like almost two years ago. This is worse than I remember. Did you think you looked good? Cause you don't. Whoa!

- Ew! - That's not true. That's gross. Y'all wanna see how to act like an NPC? I'll show you. - I would kill myself on the spot. - Ready? Give me, wait, I need like some sort of topic, like what am I acting like an NPC about? What am I doing? Like am I buying groceries? What am I doing? Come on. - Okay, good. - Riding a horse. Riding a horse. Looking for a rattlesnake that bit your dog, okay? - Yeah. - Go. - All right, ready? What you looking for? Wait, oh, you started? I'm asking you what you're looking for there. Okay, ready? Go. What you looking for there, Hollis?

Hiya, friend. Have you seen a rattlesnake nearby? A rattlesnake? Gee. Hiya, friend. Have you seen a rattlesnake nearby? That's how you do it. Wait. Okay, give Mavicus an answer. That made no sense. You're going shopping at Sephora. At Sephora? Because you're a girly girl. Yeah, you're looking for the rare beauty blush in the shade Happy.

- In the shade happy? - Yeah. - That's a shade? - Yeah, it is. - Happy. - Or joy. - Yep. - I go. - Whichever you feel. - Bag. - You don't have a bag. - You walk in the door. I'll be the Sephora employee. - Okay. - Hi, can we help you find anything today? - Hey, I'm looking for the shade happy for my girlfriend. Do you know where I can find that? - What do you mean the shade happy?

Do you have a brand? I'm looking for the shade happy for my girlfriend. Do you know where I can find that? Hiya friend, how you doing? How to know if someone likes you for your personality or your body? Are we talking personality? You can just tell. Are we talking personality? I would go for looks. That's what I do.

I'm not joking. I go for looks. I'm sorry. If a guy is really funny, I think he's funny. Hey, you're my friend. But if he's funny... Hey, Harper, I respect that because unfortunately for me, I had to go with personality. Oh my God. You're not funny. No, it was a joke. No.

That was a joke. That was a joke. Did you just poop yourself? I heard a little pop. Harper, hey, your mother... No, your mom said that you were not allowed to talk about bathroom talk on the episode. Yeah, there's no bathroom talk allowed. Ironically, I am on a toilet. I'm sorry, but I heard a pop in the toilet. So he definitely popped out of poop. Anyways. Oh!

I don't know if y'all heard that. The doorbell just went off. The doorbell rang and Harper's nervous because Harper doesn't know the... I think we're just going to start not telling Harper any guests on the podcast. Like, just for fun. I already know the second one. She's bad at secrets too. She'll be exposing it on social media. Look at her. She's stressing so hard. We can't tell her. I don't know. Do I start like this? Like, hey. What?

Wait, does she know we're rolling? Breathe. Harper, in your nose, out your mouth. What if she doesn't like you, though? She's walking up the stairs. I don't know who it is. Oh, my gosh. Harper's freaking out. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. You're Kalani, right? Oh, my gosh.

Oh my gosh, here comes Sam. Oh my gosh. It's so nice to meet you. Oh my gosh. Sorry, sorry. My word. Oh, yep. It's the best. I know. It's so much better than my family. Oh my gosh. There's no way. It's actually not. Oh, oh, oh. Well, I guess that ruins what we were saying. I know, anyways. This is crazy. Nice to meet you. Oh my gosh, nice to meet you too.

Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Harper's been freaking out for two days not knowing who the guest is. I did not know. Oh, you didn't know it was me? No, no. We don't tell her the guests. Just a bugger. She'll expose it on social media. She'll just leak it. Yeah, and then nobody, yeah. So you're not allowed to know. No, she can't. Harper doesn't really know anything. She just comes and sits. Yeah. She just shows up when we tell her to. Yeah, yeah. Perfect. Yeah, yeah. So tell us about Dance Moms. I want to know.

I wanna know everything! Are you a freshman? Yes, I am. So you're the same age as my brother. My brother's the same age. Really? What's his name? His name is Shaxx. Really? Does he make it up to three? Yeah, he's gonna get added another third. Does he live here? We live in Arizona. Oh, yeah, I forgot. You can convince him. Do you know Kate can't do one push-up? Can you do a push-up? Yeah. Push-up contest!

Well, it's not a contest. Just one push-up. That looks pretty easy. Kate, can you do a push-up? Try, please. You can do one. Y'all think I can't

You can't do one push-up? Guys, listen. What happens if you fall down? I will put everything into this push-up. Everything in my body I'm putting into this push-up. I just don't believe that because you're already starting off with I'm going to fail and I know I am. No, I'm telling you. Where's the motivation? Who's going to move the boat? So never say that again ever, please. What? Huh? Yeah, that's it. I guess our audience is like 15. They're probably not going to get it. Wait, do it this way. They can see it closer to the camera. Yeah, there you go.

Just do it. You can do it. Alright, one push up. Here we go. One push up, Kate. Down. No, down. Now back up. Back up. Yes, you can. You're faking. Her arms are shaking. You got it. Alright, you got this. I don't even know if the camera can see you. This is pathetic. Sit back down. Oh my gosh. I just asked chat GPT who is Cash Baker.

Guess what it said. Oh, who am I? It says... Attractive, strong... As of my last update, in January 2022, Cash Baker was a popular social media influencer, best known for his presence on TikTok. He, alongside his brother, Maverick Baker, gained a significant attention on the platform for their lip-sync videos, comedy skits, and music content. The Baker brothers are also known for their singing and have released several songs together. Cash Baker's fame on TikTok led him to garner a substantial following on other social media platforms as well. It's worth noting that the landscape of social media influencers is always evolving, so more recent developments related to Cash Baker not

might not be captured in my current knowledge. Thank you, chat GPT, for calling me a has-been. Where are you mad at? I'll tell you what I'm mad. Yesterday, I wake up bright and early, 7 a.m., maybe 7.30. And I go to the bathroom, and I wake up in the morning, and the first thing I do is... I forgot about this. First thing I have to do is pee. So I walk in, look into my shower. Mind you, my bladder is full.

- I haven't peed since the night before, okay? - It's a possum looking at me in my shower! - Did Cash put it in there? - I get so scared and I peed all over the floor. - She did. - He put a possum in her shower the night before and then Kate saw it and got scared and peed and ran away. And there's a pee trail throughout our house of Kate running.

Oh, she screamed so... You would have thought there was a murderer in the house. I was in the kitchen filling up a cup of water and she screamed so loud I literally sprinted in there. Oh, maybe I want to cry thinking about it. I was laying in bed. I didn't even hear that scream, but she came in my room screaming because she knew I did. She came in the house and I was like, she's throwing stuff at me. I'm like, oh,

It was a big possum too. It was like this big. Did you carry it in? Yeah. So I was at church and somebody brought it to somebody else at church as a gift. Oh, really? Yeah, as a joke because he had caught one. So then he was like taking it out to go let it go and I was like, wait a second. Can I have it? So then yeah, I kept it all day in my car.

and drove around with it everywhere. And it peed in my shower. And I bleached my shower twice. Good. And every time I go in there, I literally am like, it's literally war flashbacks. Oh, it all just happens. I'm more grossed out that she peed all over our floor. Yeah, that was much more gross than the possum. Walked into a possum in the shower. Like, what would you do if you were like naked about to do a shower and then you saw a possum see you naked? That's what, that's what happened to her. Yeah. Like,

I'm so upset that the possum saw me naked. Like pee just straight on the ground. Ewww! It was great, yeah. No, that's no good. It was really bad. And then they were like, "Well, you know, now you have to mop the floor." And I was like, "What do you mean?" Yeah, I was like, "Kate, can you mop the floor?" She's like, "Why?" I was like, "What do you mean why?" I shouldn't have mopped the floor after that. Try not to cringe. But we all have to have watered-out pool. This is something we should have prepared for. I don't think this will work right now. No, I'm ready. Uh, no, no, no, no.

So no one else is gonna go, but that was funny. Yeah, that was great, Kate. No, that's the turn out to cringe. No one else is gonna go. None of y'all can laugh. I promise you I won't. And I'm gonna say... Are you ready? Like, I'm... Zero chance. No chance in the world I'm laughing. Each one of us have to do this. No, just you, X. That's not gonna happen. It's gonna be just you. Okay. I hope I don't laugh. I really hope.

That's so funny. That was a close one for me. Wow. Wait, who all has hitchhiker's thumbs? Is that a hitchhiker thumb? It's like where your thumb bends really backwards. Oh, this one's a hitchhiker thumb. Oh, yeah. We talked about that before. Remember? I don't. Everyone on set's like...

That is a lot of crazy. That one's pretty far. Put it away. Wait, Alex, come on and show your thumb. He's got a crazy. No, no, no. Do it. Do it. He's got a crazy thumb trick. That was pretty crazy. Look, sit right there. Get a load of this party trick. Show them your thumb thingy. Show that camera. Show the thing where you pop out. Ready? I don't enjoy that. Watch this. No. Oh. Oh. I hate that. I hate that. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, it's backwards. Why can't he? Why can't he? Why was it backwards? What's with all the thumb tricks? Oh.

I can only bend my thumb this way. Yeah, he put his behind his wrist. Hit your wife. And I went and said, hey, Cash hits his wife. That's not me talking bad about you. No, that's like you speaking truth. Right, you're saying like I did something bad. First of all, why that? No, like anything else. Sorry. Oh my gosh. Just first thing that came to mind, man. Like when he smashed all my plates on the dining room floor. No, like when Kate hit me. I didn't hit you. I get hit.

I did not hit you. Hey, hey. She's hit me. Tell me about that. Is this turning down a fourth grade drama? What happened? What is going on here? Why'd she hit you, bud? Why'd she hit me? Yeah. Bro, because I fart and it's a condition. No. I'm being so for real right now. I went to a doctor. Oh my God. No. I'm about to have to go to a doctor, but I don't want to because in reality, I'm like, spend money to stop farting less.

Do you remember that one time we were in a hotel room and we were all, it was me, Cash and Maverick. We're all staying in a hotel room. Oh yeah, that was unfortunate. We were laying in bed, all talking. We'd been traveling all day. It was a fine travel day. We get to our hotel. Cash is feeling fine. And we finally, like we're laughing and stuff. We're like delusional. We lay in bed to fall asleep. And right as we're about to fall asleep, Cash sits up and vomits all over the place.

the entire hotel room. He's like, bleh, like everywhere. No, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. This never happened. You were there. You were there. Matt, you were there. Yes, you were. What are you talking about? You were flipping your crap. You were like, can't clean it up. Can't clean it up.

You ran to the bathroom and you were like, I can't look at it. I can't look at it. That did not happen. Yes, it did. Yes, it did. What are you talking about? It did not happen. It wasn't me. It was someone else. No. It was when we went to LA and I went to Disneyland for the first time. It was that trip. We were in LA for work. And you ran to the bathroom and you were like, Kate, I can't look at it. Clean it up. Clean it up, Kate. What were we doing there? I don't know. Going to Disneyland? There's no way this happened. No. Yes. It was when y'all were doing...

Y'all went to the studio to film something and I wasn't allowed to go because I wasn't a part of it? Yeah, the thing I filmed, it was, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, it was that trip. And you stayed, there was one time. And then we recorded with Pape? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, that time. But you had stayed at the hotel because that night you had stayed at the hotel because your girlfriend was like an hour away or something. And so you were there that night.

But now I'm confused. Okay, anyways. I remember the hotel, but this did not happen. No, it was not. It happened, Matt. I mean, that sounds like how it would do. I would just freak out and be like, okay, clean it up. I can't do it. No, it was around the same time. It was around the same time me, you, and Michael and all of us did that thing we should not have done.

Yeah. Oh. It was right before that. Do you remember? Yeah. No? Yeah. Okay, now I'm questioning my memory. No, you weren't there. So you actually weren't there in this one. Are we legally allowed to talk about this? Yeah, I'll talk. I mean, I don't know, but I'll talk about it. So the cops told me not to talk about this. But this... But I'm going to talk about it. And nobody do this at home. Do not do this.

Do not do this. I saw this on TV and I was like, I'm going to do it at home. No, this was actually extremely dangerous. So I watched How to Catch a Predator. John Hanson. I think that's his name. No, he binge watches it. I don't think it's John Hanson. I think it's Chris Hanson. Whatever it is. Right? I watched How to Catch a Predator on TV. I don't know if those are fake or not, but anyways, I watched it.

Me and Michael, her brother, got on Omegle. I'm 16 years old. And we found a guy. And me and Michael were like, yeah, we're going to catch him. This is going to be great. Oh, I've done that before. What? This was so reckless. I...

Like when I was younger and like fifth grade, I went on Omegle and there was like perverts. And I was like, you're a predator, aren't you? And then I was like, get off this app right now. And then you shame them. I shame them so bad. No, no. But the bad part is we met up with them in real life.

Yeah. So I, me and Michael are texting this guy and we're like, yeah, meet up with us. We told him we're like freaking, we told him we were like a 13 year old. Yeah. We told him we're like 13 and me, but it's really me and Michael texting this guy. And we're like, yeah, we're going to get him. And we got like Michael and me. And then we can call like four of Michael's friends. So we have like seven guys and we're like, yeah, we're going to meet this guy. Guys that have like shot people with them. Yeah. One of the guys went to prison. I didn't know that. Yeah. No, no. One of the guys on my team. Yeah. And anyway, Michael, bring your baddest friends just in case.

I'll get to that. But anyways, so we're texting this guy. We're telling him to meet us at this park. And then, oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed to tell this story. You used your girlfriend as bait. That's just wrong. We were like, Kate can be the bait. So we set Kate in the middle of the park and all of us six guys were like,

20 feet away like surrounding her kind of but like acting like we didn't know her like hiding anyways right before the guy pulls up it starts pouring down rain so we all run into a parking garage and we're like dang it now we don't know where the guy's gonna go anyways why we run into the parking garage a cop follows us in there he's like what are y'all doing

And I was like, we're trying to catch a predator. And he's like, he's like, what? Yeah. He was like, like we said it so casually. I was like, Oh, we're trying to catch a predator right now. He was like, Whoa, what do you mean by that? And I, and then I told him what happened. He was like, Oh, and I was like, and then I showed the cop. I was like, he says he's out there right now. And he goes, okay, I'll go, I'll go see if I can catch the guy. And the cop goes out there, talks to the guy, but he said he couldn't really do anything. So he confiscated his phone. So the guy doesn't have a phone no more, but where's the guy drove? Like he drove like an hour and a half. So I don't know how my man got back off.

And it was like, man had to like go to a gas station and get a map to get home. That's crazy. Well, because the cops were like, because we'd used like, we'd like used myself. And we said that I was 13 years old and I was only like 16, I think. And the cop was like, well, how old are you actually? And I was like, oh, I'm 16. And he was like, if you were 18, you would go to jail right now. Yeah. But anyway, so the cops talk to us. You can't catfish people like that. Yeah. Apparently catfishing is illegal. But we talked to the cop and the cop looks up, looks at our buddy and he goes, hey, I know you.

And he goes, oh yeah, you were at my shooting. And he was like, what? He was like, yeah, you were the guy that arrested me when I shot that guy. And he was like, oh, you're out already? They started bonding over it. And I was like, wait a minute.

You shot someone? And he was like, yeah, you didn't know that? Anyways, he said he shot a guy because he was trying to sell something and self-defense. I think he was trying to sell the gun to the guy. Yeah, he was trying to sell the gun and he thought the guy was like reaching for it and then he shot the guy in the leg. Did he die? No, he didn't die. But yeah, then he went to prison for like three years.

Yeah. Now I play basketball with that guy. He's pretty cool. Yeah, the guy's great now. Like, he's got kids. Doesn't shoot anyone anymore? No, he doesn't shoot anyone. He's got kids. Why? He's really changed. He's good. He's cool. Okay, so basically, my first fact is that I... Okay, hold on. Okay, okay. No, no, you can't say my first fact. I need to put on my poker face. Okay. Well...

Okay, but don't say the first truth. Just say it. Don't be like, the truth is. The truth is, no. So basically, my first fact or statement, whatever. Okay, this is the truth? Yes, yes, of course.

Well, y'all don't know. Okay, this is awkward. Okay, okay. So the first statement is that I jumped out of my 15-foot window in the upstairs. I did the same thing. No, so I jumped out of my window with my bed sheets. I did the same thing. She did the same thing. Okay, we're like family, basically. Your window's pretty high. Y'all watching Rapunzel or something? Yes, yes. What?

I literally, I watched Rapunzel. And then I was like, hey. That's your truth. I'm going. I don't even have to get the second part. You're like, Rapunzel, Rapunzel. That's definitely the truth. So wait, so wait. But, so the next, the next truth is that, is that I, in my house, there's a big chandelier and I hung from it.

Did you play Sia's Chandelier? No, no, I should have done. Did you listen to Miley Cyrus? Probably. I get my heart. No, but I. What? Like the wrecking ball thing. Oh.

I want to swing. That's what she said. Oh, okay. Okay, anyways. I was on my stairs and I was like standing on top of them and I grabbed the chandelier and I sat on top of it and then I fell straight down and I broke the chandelier. So those are my two things. Okay, I'm going with the first one is the truth. The second one is the lie. Yeah, the first one is the truth. First one.

Rapunzel. Okay, yeah it is. I found a chandelier one because I've seen boats. Poaching it? Is that what it's called? Somebody killed an orca whale on a boat. And now there's been like, I want to say like eight or nine other orca whales that are sinking boats. Yep. They're sinking them. The mom started doing it. And then she taught the other ones how to do it and now they're all doing it. Yeah, like ten orca whales will all work together and they'll sink a boat. Like in what ocean?

The only ocean? Oh, that's also a myth. There's only one ocean. No, but there's like five of them. There's the seven seas. Yeah, but there's only one. They're all connected to one. It's one ocean. Yeah, I know it's one ocean, but like...

There's different. Well, they just made up. They just drew invisible lines. I know. There's like a little slither of water that like connects it. Like a river almost. Yeah. No, not little slivers. The whole thing is connected by miles. No, you need to know though because even though it is one big ocean, you need to know like, okay, the Pacific Ocean is on the Pacific side and the Atlantic Ocean. Do you think one little river connects them? No,

I know it's like a stretch of water. Not a stretch of water, like a mass ginormous, like the size of America. No, I know I get that. But like the ocean is on this side of the world and the ocean is on the other side of the world. So you can't just say. No, it's not. It's stop. Listen, that's just what the map, that's just the map like you're looking at. And,

In reality. Yeah, look at that map. See all the black that's touching? In reality, that's all one just big, giant body of water. Yeah, Cash, I know that's one big body of water, but there's a reason we call them different oceans because it's like... That's the Indian Ocean. You need to know, like, okay, if some boat went down on that side of the ocean, you say, okay, it happened in the Pacific Ocean. No, if I said I went down in the Pacific Ocean, I don't think that's good enough. I don't think you're finding me. Hey, come find me. I'm in the Pacific Ocean. Okay, I got you. But now you don't have to search the whole world.

Oh, true. Oh, my gosh. Why wouldn't you just say I sunk off the coast of Africa? Because there's so many parts of Africa. The East Coast. You think... Oh, my gosh. Wait, hold on. I have a question. I have a question. Okay, now my turn for math. So, let me... Okay. This is... Okay, so let's say you were just a little fruity, all right? Whoa. You're a little fruity. We don't gotta pretend. Wait, hold on. I was missing my mic. What happened? So...

If Matt was a little fruity. Yeah, if. Yeah, if. Come on, dog. Let's just speak real life here. I actually don't like fruit. I don't eat fruit. So, number one, Timmy from South Park. Okay, okay, next, next. Do you even know what South Park is? I love South Park. Who doesn't?

Adam Samler Adam Adam Samler Because you would marry the girl well Next and then last but not least Joe

Joe? Joe the producer? Yes. He is the world's best producer. So, Timmy. Adam Sandler or Joe? Can you say Timmy one more time? Timmy. I'm definitely kissing Joe. He took his wedding ring off. Apologize to Lauren right now. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.

I'm definitely marrying Adam Sandler and we got to kill Timmy. Unfortunately. So messed up. Sorry. Sorry, Timmy. You got to...

He could push you around in his wheelchair, you know? He could push me around in his wheelchair? He's in a wheelchair because that's how it works. You can sit in his lap and he can turn it on. That is true. Cartman was not a wheelchair once. Cartman did get a wheelchair. Guys, I had to ban South Park from Cash. Yeah, I'm not allowed to watch it. Good reason. It's not appropriate. It's so racist. I don't know how they're not canceled. Right, we were talking about that.

South Park is uncancellable. Come on now. I like it. I like that it's uncancellable. There needs to be something that's uncancellable. South Park is like the only show that can get away with what it gets away with. Like Cartman pretending to be disabled to compete in the Special Olympics. I know. That's terrible. I saw a TikTok on that. It's so funny. Hey mom, I'm gonna go... It's like, hey mom, I'm gonna...

Yeah, I only see South Park on TikTok. Cash is a good Cartman voice. Oh my gosh, Cash is always like... No, I can't do it. I can only do it not in the moment. No, I'm like... No, I can do it to Kate randomly. She's like, Cash, can we do it? I'm like, no, let's tell him that too. No, it's like, hey Cash, take a shower real quick before we need to leave. And he's like... No, he always does this because I'm logged into our Amazon, so whenever he needs to order something on Amazon, he will send me the link. I'll go, man...

Can you just say Amazon for me? That's so good. He could be a voice actor. That's pretty good. Bro, that's good. Cash has tried to quit things before. I'm really good at quitting things. No, not... There's been so many times this man's been like, I'm never speaking to you again. Yeah.

I quit Cash and Maverick. We're done. Oh, you've quit Cash and Maverick a lot of times too. The brand is over. There was one time he even went and made a whole song by himself and put it out. That was because you quit Cash and Maverick. No, you quit Cash and Maverick. And you made a whole YouTube channel by yourself. I did. Yeah. There's been so many times in our life Cash or Maverick quits Cash and Maverick. And...

And one time he was like, I'm quitting Cash and Maverick. I'm like, you can't quit Cash and Maverick. You're Maverick. You can't do that. You actually can't quit that. Now that's for real. You can't quit. We've tried. We've tried. Now you're just Cash and Maverick. You're not Cash or Maverick. And yeah, we've gone so far that I've made a song by myself. He made a separate YouTube channel. Oh, shoot. It failed. Oh, surprise. It fails without Cash. Oh, surprise. Your song didn't do very well either. No, it didn't.

My song did great. No, it actually didn't work, but it's okay. It ain't flawed. Lululemon is not worth the money. No, I love Lululemon. I mean, I think it takes $2 to make it in China, but like, it's so soft. Are you okay with that? I stopped. Really? You're okay with like child labor just making your Lululemon? Child labor? No, not sheen. But I still like sheen. It's a machine? I still like sheen.

Sheen. Sheen. Wait, Sheen? Sheen. Not Sheen? No. I say Sheen. I always say Sheen. Only pretty guys say that. Why? Every... If I ever quit, it's because of her. Oh my gosh. No, but I'm only speaking French.

You're like Kate in middle school. Y'all, I mean, that's how it was. That's literally what it is, Matt. I don't think... Matt, they literally pointed at me and be like, ha ha, it's a TikToker. I mean, I don't think it's meant to be like mean.

I think it is. I think it's like, I think it's a joke because a lot of people see social media, like influencers and stuff as a joke. And it's like, I mean, I guess that's how they see it and stuff. But it's like when you're in person and it's like, haha, a TikToker. Like, it's not like we walk up to like, yeah, if I saw Justin Bieber on the street, I wouldn't be like, haha, it's Justin Bieber. Like I would be like, oh,

But like some people do that. No, but you have to think about it. Like what if we worked a normal job? Like what if we were working at Brandy Melville and people walked in and were like, it's a Brandy Melville worker. Like pretty messed up actually. That'd be pretty, that'd be really messed up. Did you hear the circus? Did you hear the circus was in town? It was intense.

- That was so funny. - That really got me, Cash. - Yo. - Yo. - Was that one funny, Mav? - So funny. - I win. - Put a mic to your face. - Oh, I've been waiting to do that. - Can we just play one round? - Um. - I'm not gonna play another round. - It was usually me going after Mav, but what should we like talk about? - Well.

We were just talking about something. We were literally in the middle of a conversation. It started to get boring and I started to scratch my arm. You want someone to talk about Harvard? How about the fact that you don't follow Maverick back? Yeah, how come you don't follow me back? Actually... Is that what you talk about in your free time? Sometimes. I was online the other day and I was like, it showed friend, friend, friend. Where did my phone go? Oh, crap.

Sorry. And then you didn't follow me. And I was like, wow. Really? Wow. Yeah, you never followed him back. Did she follow you on podcast or anything? I don't think so. Yeah, you don't follow me. I don't think I follow her on Instagram. Y'all don't follow each other? I follow her on TikTok and she doesn't follow me. And sit right next to each other every single week and y'all don't follow each other? I'm not the biggest fan of her. Oh my gosh. Speaking of fumes, I... First of all,

No, no, no. That's a great way to describe it. Yeah. No, no, no. Oh, can you? Sorry. Yeah. Can you set that down? No. So speaking of fumes yesterday, I was in the car and I took off my shoes. Oh, girl. So let's just say, uh, uh,

Let's just say what, Harper? Sorry. So my friend had to get out of the car. I think she has bad Wi-Fi. She's lagging out. Are you disconnecting right now? My body's not supposed to go that way. You were limp until then, and you were like... His body was like floppy. Yeah, what? Yeah, I don't know why you were floppy. That's the...

That's the one thing I want to get good at man is going backwards. Oh, that's the one thing in your life You wish you could do is go backwards. Yeah, go to the first thing he can do when I can't Yeah, it is pretty embarrassing that I can do backflips and you can't oh Well, do you want to prove that to us that I can do a backflip? Yeah, everyone knows I can do backflips Just look at me. You can just look at me. No, no, no. Yeah. No, just prove it What we're in the house

Yeah, we're in the house. What's wrong with that? Mav, you got it. I feel like I'm going to hit something. Or someone. Alex is getting up to protect the equipment again. Oh, let's go, Mav. I'm scared, I'm scared. Huh? Wherever you want. Wherever you want, wherever you're... What? Mav, let's go. Okay.

- Let's go. - That was scary. - That was good. That was good. - That was so scary. - That was actually good. - Oh!

I got so scared. I was thinking about who's your wife going to be, and I'm thinking... Is that what you were doing? Yeah. You haven't got it yet? Paige. No. I just got it. I just got it. It just came to her. It just came to you just like that. It took that long. No, I swear. I saw a ghost. What? Like, he's... What? He's paler than me. What? Yeah, you're paler than me, and I'm a ginger. He did that when he was charging girls to dance with him. Oh, my God.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That sounds really bad. Charging girls to dance with me. That is not what it sounds like. That's not what it sounds like. That's exactly what it is. You took advantage. I was like eight. I'd say I got taken advantage of. No, he was like 10 or 11. Eight? Okay. 10, 11, 12? I don't know. Maybe 10 or 11. Let me tell the story. He was like...

and fifth, fourth grade. So like nine or 10. Okay. So I guess he might be right. So like he was like nine years old, right? He goes to the dance, whatever the dance is. And I already knew how to dance a little bit, but not very much, but a little bit. Yeah. He goes to the school. More than anyone else. He goes to the school dance at nine. Him and my sister, I was jealous. I couldn't go. I was only in like, I don't know, kindergarten, first grade. I don't know. Right. My dad and my mom give him like $10, $5, whatever. Right. And he goes to the dance and,

And he comes back. My parents pick him up and he comes back with more money than they gave him. And they were like, what? Did you not use your money? And how did you get more? Like, I know you didn't invest it. And he goes, he didn't say anything. My sister, my sister acted all mad and she was mad because I didn't dance with her very much. And our sister was like, he's charging girls to dance with him. And

And my dad just starts laughing. And my mom is not happy about Mav charging girls to dance with him. Because I pretty much took money from other nine-year-olds. He, like, charged a dollar for them. Like, girls would, like, want to dance with him, and he'd charge them. They came up to me. They say, hey...

will you dance with my friend? I said, I said, no. They said, I'll give you $5. I said, bet. You were literally playing episode in real life. Yeah, you were. You were literally like, those girls were watching episode. That's why they paid you. You were the guy that all the girls wanted to dance with, but they couldn't unless they prayed. So me and my best friend, when we were like 13, 14, we wanted to go shopping, but we didn't have jobs. And so we realized that like, hey, if you take some clothes, there's a solution. This was so bad. And I'm literally,

I'm literally like, I get a job when you could steal. No, I literally, I didn't have anybody, me and my friend together. We were two idiots. Like, and we realized, Oh, Hey, if you just like take something into the dressing room and put it on under your clothes and walk out of the store, it belongs to you. It's free. It's free. Yeah. And then it got bad. All my other friends knew that I was like doing it and they would want something. So they'd have me like take something for them so that they didn't have to do it. Yeah. So yeah, I did. Um,

And you're right, Matt. That was the old me. That was like... Did you ever get caught? So yeah, this one time, my best friend and I, we were the only people that did it. Nobody else would do it with us. We were in a Dillard's and we were... You act like it was like going bowling. Like we couldn't get them to come. No, no, literally. No, Matt, I'm talking. We did this every weekend. Every weekend. Ask your cousin. Every single weekend. Wait, wait, wait. You stole every weekend? Every single week. No, that was like our outing. It was like we were going to the mall to shoplift.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, it's really bad. So anyways, this one time I'm in Dillard's, right? And we're like grabbing everything we can get our sticky fingers on. And we're going to go to the dressing room, put on about 10 pounds of clothes and walk out of the store. We've been like doing this very regularly. So then we are obviously... That's insane. All right, guys, meet up at the same spot as usual. Yeah. No, we're like in the higher end like clothes and we're taking stuff. Like we were like taking like Calvin Klein too and all that. We're like...

13 14 obviously we don't have money for calvin klein and stuff like that oh my gosh yeah we had like literally arms full of just clothes and one of the workers like like knew what we were doing and so she called security and um we like saw security walk in and they thought they were following us around the store so we literally just dropped everything and left that's why at walmart that's the only makeup aisle that's locked up yeah no because the people like you no i'm honestly i

Teenage girls. I do not condone shoplifting. Don't do it. It's not good. But...

But I was broke, so it was okay. Unless you don't have a job. I don't care. Don't shoplift. It's not good. I was very fortunate to not get caught. I mean, maybe. No, actually, I should have gotten caught. It was wrong. I should have gotten caught. Yeah. I needed to get caught so that I could get like a slap across the face and like someone be like, hey, like you're not supposed to steal. Random fire questions. Wait, so is this Harper Zillmer trivia? Yeah, Harper's trivia. Okay.

Okay. Oh my gosh. Hold on. Let me think of a question. Uh, oh, um, what's my favorite food? Chicken fingers. Nope. Sandwiches. Nope. Say top. Geez. Sandwiches. Nope. Ice cream. Yes. Let's go. Oh, come on. Really? I swear I was thinking that. Had to think about it. The Ben and Jerry's, you know. Oh, what's my favorite number? Seven. Nope.

17. No. 13. No. 12. No. 2. No. 3. No. 7. No. 8. He has 4. Yes. Okay, okay. 2, 2, or 1, 1, 0. You haven't got one point this entire time. He's got 2? Yeah. What's my Starbucks food order? The muffin. Nope. Croissant? Nope. A bacon gouda? Nope. Uh...

uh strawberry refresher no that's a that's a drink oh did you have it that one time at the other podcast that was okay i don't do another one lemon bread um it was a cheese danish um what's my favorite animal monkeys yes yes i knew it was monkey oh my two and one okay okay last one zero maybe maybe last one losing again what's my or no that's too hard um what what's

What are you doing? What is my phone? Pink. No, what is my phone? iPhone 11. iPhone 13. Cash one. That was iPhone 11? Let's go. No, he didn't go. Let's go. This is so rigged. This is so astronomically rigged. What do you mean? You just got zero points both times. You're just salty. Didn't you poop your pants in third grade? Oh, my gosh. No more poop stories. One time I was running around. No, I know we always talk about poop, but you actually pooped your pants, didn't you? Yeah. One time I diarrheaed my pants. Okay. Oh.

No one even asked you anything, Harper. I'm not going to lie. No one even asked you. I did diarrhea on my pants like two years ago. Guys, I sneezed. And it was bad. One normal podcast, please. I sneezed and beans. Just one clean podcast. You know when it's running down your leg? Matt, why are we the only ones that like... I sneezed and beans cannot.

I'm done. I'm actually, I'm walking off right now. This podcast is over. We're at 41 minutes. No, wait, wait. Let Kate tell the poop story. Oh my gosh. Did beans come out of your butt? Harper, stop. Stop. That's not real. That is not real. I'm kidding. I mean, like, like, yeah. Oh my gosh. Don't be shy, Kate. No, there's like nothing to it. There's nothing to poop in your pants. There's no story behind that. Spoop my pants. I'll tell a story.

I can't I can't be box. Okay, then let Matt give you a beat. I ready ready. Oh

Wait, no, I'm giving you a beat. I'm giving you a beat. Ready? Groovy. Boots and cats and boots and cats.

Can we get a little slower? Just vibe, bro. Just rap. No beats. Sin counts. You literally just had me in here. I'm rapping on the pod. We about to go off. 22 minutes on the clock. You know we can't stop. Everybody thinking that we gonna show off. Yeah, we keep going. Yeah, we rising to the top. Top of the charts. Yeah, we going too far. Living in the stars. Yeah, my bars are too hard. Yeah, we gonna party. Living up on Mars. Everyone thinking that we living in the stars. But we blasting off like a rocket ship.

Everybody thinking I'm in the pocket with this, but I don't know where I'm going. I'm just a rapper freestyle. Everyone thinking I do it is for a while. I just do this for the girls. Yeah, I like to make them smile. I'm not smiling. Acknowledge that I won. Okay, sure, Kit, you won. All right, ready? Next one. What was Forrest Gump? Y'all.

Let's- Okay, okay, I'm done. Let's play, please! And that's two points for Kate. Yes, Kate, you got two points. Okay, here we go. Alright! Alright. They made it true, so here we go. What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? I don't know what she's saying. One, Forrest, one. No? Okay. I like the way we played the game better. Did-

Oh, was I supposed to have the water still in my mouth? Did you not have water in your mouth? I took a drink. No, put water in your mouth. Hey. How does a taco say a prayer? Let us pray. She's about to go. Gate, don't laugh. Let us pray, really?

What do you mean? You haven't even put your blanket on, so we know you're not ready. You guys told me that. Somebody commented on it in the last one. They said, this is the first episode I've seen Kate without a blanket. I want my blanket, but freaking... You look like a grandma. Okay, well, y'all literally told me to stop wearing a blanket. And your dad called and said, tell Kate to stop wearing that blanket. So... He called me and he said, hey. And I was like, hey. He goes...

Tell Kate to ditch the blanket on the podcast. I was like, okay. He was like, okay, bye. I was like, Kate, you can't wear it no more. She was like, I don't know. You just can't. No, like for instance, like one time me and Mal got on a plane and we sat down. This was scary. I thought we were about to have a fight on a plane. You know how there's like three seats? So there's this guy sitting on the window seat.

And me and Mav are sitting on the middle in the aisle. And we sit down and the guy starts talking to himself. And he's flipping out. And he's like, I'm out of here. He's flipping out. Some of it wasn't English. And I'm sitting right next to him. I'm like, uh. Yeah, he's just talking to himself. And I'm like, that's what I'm saying, bro. Yeah. And we didn't know what to do. And then finally, a flight attendant came.

Oh, man. Guys, ignore that. Ignore that. We're having trouble. It is vocab class. Yeah, we couldn't do it. Anyways. Joe, you're looking good down there. Let's not flirt. Sorry. Let the man just do his job. I just said he looked good. Anyways, all right. So I'm sitting next to this guy. Just practicing my Riz game that I don't have. Yeah. Yeah, you should probably practice more.

I'm sitting next to this guy. He's talking to himself and he's getting madder and madder at himself. Like no one's talking to him. Then a flight attendant walks by and he's like yelling at her. And she's like, he's like, he yells at her. He's not even talking to us. He's completely ignoring that we're there, but he goes to the flight attendant. He goes, this is my row. And we're like, the whole row. We were like, Oh no. Oh no. And we're sitting in his row. Yeah. We're sitting in the row. And he's like, this is my row. I want this row. This is my whole row. And the flight attendant was like, let me see your ticket. And he's like,

And she's like, no, that's your seat, but you don't get the whole row. And he's getting so mad. He's like, no, this is my row. It's my row. And me and Malverson, they're like, uh-oh, this is bad. And then he gets so mad. He goes, that's it. I'm not going. And he walks off the plane. Was it in the air? No. Wait, what? Was it in the air? No, the plane was not in the air when the guy walked off the plane. I know you have. He's kissed multiple guys.

- Multiple guys. - Whoa, whoa. - I know. - Wait, don't make that face. Don't make that face. No, no, no. I actually was gonna write that down. I kissed a guy as my truth, but then I was like, oh wait, they already know that.

Yeah. But it wasn't voluntarily. Okay? This guy, he's a bodybuilder. No, multiple. You've kissed multiple guys. So you wanted to kiss him? No. Okay, one of them was playing chicken. No, you don't kiss multiple guys and say it was all non-voluntarily. No. I've never accidentally kissed a man. You want to? No. Wait, what? Oh my gosh. Tell your truth in a lie. Okay, okay.

Wait, can I defend myself on the kiss story? Yeah. Real quick. You have 30 seconds. We were playing chicken. I'll just leave it there. We were playing chicken and I won. Well, I guess we both won. Actually, we both lost actually in real life. It was a win-lose situation. I used to poop scoop.

I used to make up dog poop. This is your old job before you were famous? Harper's Como. Guys, I made $60 a week. This is how you made it out of the hood? Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, yeah. No, but I made $60 a week. Yeah. That's a lot for poop scooping, picking up dog poop. So I did three houses. They paid me $20 each, and it used to be $4, but they were like, no, she's so cute. So they amped it up. How old were you when you started poop scooping? Oh.

I've been doing it since I was seven. I still do it. You still do it? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I can't be quitting all my customers. You still do it? Poop scoop today? So I made this tiny little job when I was seven years old, and I still do it today. Wow. Have you at least like up your prices? No. They up it for me. I really like that. I can hear myself.

Wait, I don't want to hear. Can I hear myself? Whoa. Yeah. Okay, well. We're having audio. Oh, there we go. Just kidding. Yeah, but anyways, we're back. So I really like...

um just don't quit on my customers yo you should film a tiktok about your small business true because you make like like i'm not gonna say how much you make but you make you make more than 60 where you can quit poops you will be comfortable more than 20 dollars a poopscooping is fun oh wait what like i can't be quitting on my customers they have cute dogs

I just can't quit. No, I mean, like it's valid. Are they like in your neighborhood? No, it's really not valid. No, listen, listen. She, at least she didn't just, the second she started making money, at least she didn't just quit. I would actually say I'm more of a man's man than cash. 100%. What does a man's man mean? A manly man. Just like, yeah, like I just do more manly things. How so? Like what?

Like dance? Okay, excluding dancing. Like waltz? Bro, waltz is around the living room by himself. He's like... Sometimes I don't have a partner, guys. Yeah, it's like opera. He's like... Yesterday, if y'all were on the live, he literally played motivational music. And it helped. We got there, didn't we? No, I hunt. I fix things. I build things. If you need some sort of...

Like dad thing done? I'm probably way more manly than you are. Do you want to arm wrestle, dog? I am strong.

Okay, okay. Matt needs to assert his dominance over the 14-year-old girl. Yeah, she's coming at me. I have a whole deer lease. Okay, yeah, that's it. A deer lease? Yeah. Listen, I think that, okay, here's the thing, is that you, like, you do hunt and you do fix things and stuff. And, like, I mean, Cash can do those things. I can. But he doesn't choose to. He just doesn't find enjoyment in doing those things. You see our two best friends over here laughing at that comment? No, listen. Listen.

Can I hunt? 1000%. Can I fix things? Sometimes. 99%. But, listen, that doesn't identify a man. I want to be on the gas so bad. So bad. I've never been drunk or anything. I want to know what it feels like to not be in your right mindset. You have been unconscious. Yeah, I have been unconscious. A lot. You want to go unconscious right now?

No, that'll get banned. Would it? Yeah. Yeah, if you choke me out. Dude, it feels so good, bro. He chokes me out. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. No, no, he chokes me out. Okay, there's no way I can say that, actually. He literally chokes him out. Yeah. What does that mean? He like grabs me like this and chokes me out and then I go unconscious.

We'll do it after the podcast. Yeah, we can do it after. But then you wake up and you feel so great. Yeah. Like, it's crazy. You feel like you just slept for, like, 12 hours. Somebody do it to me. No. No. Is it healthy? No. Probably not. Probably not. Well, we just won't do it to anybody under 18 because that's, like...

Like we wouldn't do it to your cousin. Yeah, your mom would kill us if we choked you out. Oh my gosh, imagine she didn't know we choked her out though and then like the podcast came out. Yeah, you would never be coming over again. That'd be a viral TikTok clip though if you let me choke you out. Choking Harper Zilmer out?

That would be so bad. Harper's Inward passes out on podcasts. You also see this man's Tinder profile. Whoa! Oh my gosh. No, no, no. Cap. No. I'm not on Tinder. Not anymore, but he was. And yo. I was on Tinder like a year and a half ago. Two years ago. I was on it for like two weeks. Maybe a week. Before he found a girlfriend. It was just for fun. I pull up his Tinder profile.

It's a picture of him leaning against his doorway in his bedroom like this. He's leaning against it. Like a graduation picture in his room. And he has this nice shirt on and he's like, what? I was literally wearing a cut-off shirt. No. Cap. That was a bad, bad picture. That's how you make a clip, Matt. You make a clip. Make a clip? Make a clip. Say something funny that we can cut up. Say something funny that we can cut up? Yeah. Okay. So...

This is one thing I don't like about living in this house. Oh, ever since I moved ever since. Okay. We thought we'd buy this house together and we could all live here happily. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. But there's been a problem. Oh, what's the house has become? No fun. No fun. The other night I'm driving home and I'm in home and there's a possum crossing the street. Possum in the street. I'm good at, I'm good at catching possums. He's really good at catching possums. And crossing the street. And crossing the street. So, so I'm like, I could catch this possum and then let it go and cash his room.

That would be funny. Wait, what? And then I was like, because I have a frunk in my car, it would work perfect. I could just let it go and capture the room. Then I'm like, but Kate's in there. And Kate's going to get mad and move out of the house if I let a possum go. Okay, I'll say a possum would be hilarious. It'd be so funny! If I'm sleeping at 3 a.m. and a possum wakes me up in my room. But the president of the no fun club is going to move out of the house if I let a possum go in there. On that note, thank you so much for watching this episode. We'll see you guys next time. Wait.

I do the thing. Do what thing? Peace. Peace what? Peace out, bro. Peace. Ouch. Shaka. Peace out, bro. Shaka. Peace out, bro. Shaka. Wait, wait, wait. Did you make that up? Yeah, I did. You made out peace out, bro. Shaka. We're going to get a t-shirt that says peace out, bro. Shaka. Yeah, I want to shaka like a little circle shaka and then like in the wiggly words peace out, bro. Shaka. On the back. All right. Peace out, bro. Shaka. See you later. Bye. Bye.