Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Just so you guys know what I'm about to say some people in the room are gonna laugh and it's not it's not funny And it's not a laughing subject so you already got me laughing. No saying don't laugh, please. No, it's serious He's clearly serious. I can be this is why I don't see who I can't know no like this is actually so Yes, I almost died. Oh well. I knew I did I
I almost died. Okay, guys. None of them are going to take me seriously. None of them are going to take me seriously. I can't hear anything. I almost died. I mean, actually, I was almost dead. Nearly dead. And they just laugh about it. I'm not laughing. She's laughing right now. Look at her. I am laughing. Why are you laughing at me almost dying? I don't understand. Why are you laughing? He nearly died. No, stop saying it sarcastically. He nearly died.
No. See, now you got her thinking it's a joke. No. I legitimately... Seconds away. Stop making it sound sarcastic. This is not sarcastic. Was it yesterday or the day before? It was yesterday, I think. Yesterday. I wouldn't have been here today and y'all wouldn't have been laughing. You know what? Maybe I should have just kept going and we would see who's laughing now. Yeah. He had no clue he was about to die. He almost accidentally killed himself. Just because I didn't have a clue I was about to die doesn't mean I still wasn't almost dead.
know and i would have been so sad so what happened so i'm glad you asked harper he was waiting for that did a fish hit you no also the goldfish is almost dead um we shot a video and we accidentally left the goldfish in the bag and we but it's alive now and we're taking it to petco so it's gonna be all right so two things almost died yesterday but more importantly me than the fish is it at petco
I know we're bringing to pick up after this. What is it here? Uh, yeah, it's in Joe's backpack. I think Joe get it out It's not my backpack. Oh Where is it in the camera pack? Okay Wow Okay, so me most importantly. Yeah, okay. I was like in the garage and
This is the story about how I almost died. I was in the garage. Okay. And I have a motorcycle. Can't keep going. This is how he would die, though. I have a motorcycle, right? Maverick has a motorcycle. Did it fall on you? It's winter. And I was like, I need to start them up. Because you don't want them to just sit for months and months and not ever start them or else they'll break, right? Or they won't be good to go. So I start them both up just to let them run for five minutes. And I start both the engines. And then...
That's it. I'm just sitting there and I'm revving them up watching all the exhaust go. The fog is just going out of it. Then I go over to mine and I rev it up for a little bit and the exhaust is just... I'm feeling the garage up with exhaust. It's smoky in there and it smells and everything. But I didn't want to open the garage door because it was cold. That's why you didn't open the door? Listen, I was in shorts and a shirt.
And I don't like cold. This is Texas. It's not supposed to be cold. Wait, I just heard a motorcycle like... Yeah, that's kind of what it is. No, I heard it in my ear. Oh, no you didn't. I did. No you didn't. Yeah. Okay. She's trying to take away from my death story, but that's okay. And then Mav comes out and Mav opens the garage door and he was like, dude, you're going to kill yourself. And in case you guys don't know,
I found this out later that exhaust, like if you start your car in your garage and the garage door is shut and everything, it can kill you within like five or ten minutes. You can be dead. He had already been out there about five minutes. From the exhaust fumes. You can die within like five to ten minutes. Did it smell good kind of? No. Our whole house smelled bad. And I knew exhaust fumes could kill you over a long enough time. So I had my shirt like this while I was out there doing it. But I was like, that probably takes hours if not like a day to kill you. No. No.
Couple minutes. And I was out there minutes and I almost died. And he would have died had I not came out there and rescued him. That's the important part here. Yeah, and I was just really annoyed that I was reading my book on the couch and our house started to smell funny. She's annoyed. She's annoyed because I almost died. No. I'm sorry I annoyed you.
I would have been very sad. Meanwhile, I got up from fixing her sink. And it was like, you know, Cash, I should go check on him because this is starting to smell. And I go over there and I'm like, what's going on in here? You're going to kill yourself. And you were like, what?
What? What's wrong? I was like, you're going to die. Yeah, and my exact words was, I know, and you're ruining it. He almost accidentally killed himself. And believe it or not, that's not the only time I almost died. Remember the other time I almost died? In the lake? In the lake. I almost drowned. I almost drowned in a lake. He drowned. We all have different life experiences, and I did too.
Okay. This isn't an ad for whatever you're selling, okay? Nobody wants your life alert, okay? Life alert? No, health medicare, part A and B.
Part A and B. It's not a test. Those spam callers call you and they're like, hi, do you have Medicare? And they're like, how old are you? And you have to be over 65 to get Medicare. Medicare? Yeah, Medicare. And so you're like, yeah, I part A and B. I want part A and B. And it's like a test where you have to circle A or B. And if you don't circle any of them, then they hang up on you. Oh. What?
What? Okay. Did you just make all that up? What do you mean circling? All you have is options one through nine and a zero and a pound key and the star key. Press pound for A and zero or just zero. She's making this up. Okay. Anyways, the second time I almost died. Oh, yeah. I was attached to this thing called an air chair.
Right? Which is not full of air. No, it's actually the opposite. It's full steel and metal. And I strap myself into it like this. You got to strap yourself right here. And then you strap your feet in. So you go, strap your feet in. That's not.
Not good. And you're sitting like this. You're sitting exactly like this. And you're sitting down. And then you strap yourself in right here. And that's it. But then you have a life jacket on. And this thing is full metal under you. Pretty much like this. It's like this type of thing. But heavy. But heavy, yeah. It's like 50 pounds. So it doesn't float on its own? No. But I had a life jacket on, so I float. Like an anchor. And we're on a sea-dew. Matt's pulling me around on it. On my air chair.
Which is not air. What's a Sea-Doo? Exactly. It's a brand of Jet Ski, but they always say Sea-Doo because they always had Sea-Doos. And then people are like, what's a Sea-Doo? It's a Jet Ski. They just like are used to calling it a Sea-Doo. Matt was pulling me around on the Jet Ski. I have the big giant 50 pound metal weight strapped to me. And Matt was like, I want to turn the 50 pound giant metal weight. And I was like, okay. So I'm in the water floating with my life jacket and he's on the Jet Ski. I take my life jacket off and I'm like this.
And then I take it off to give it to him, and I go, because I'm now attached to a metal weight with no life vest on, which seems like an extremely crazy thing to have in the water that if you take your life jacket on, you go to the bottom of the lake. You just sink. Like, I feel like they should have a better thing than that. Did you have time to unbuckle your foot? No.
No, I didn't. So he wasn't even thinking about it. He's trying to swim. He's like, ah! So right as I give it to him, I stick my hand up, and he sticks his hand down in the water, and he somehow grabs my hand. I'm just making him sound cool right now. I don't know why I'm doing this, but he somehow grabs my hand, and we link hands, and it was a magical moment. Did you guys hear the Mavericks laugh? I did. Yeah, it was like, guys, run it back like 10 or 20 seconds. He went, talk to him.
What are you talking about? It's just so gay. What? You can't say that. It was a little zesty. What? It's a little... Sometimes. On top of the Barbie hat and your own merch. This is crazy. Yeah, why are you wearing... I just wanted a black hoodie. Why are you wearing our old merch? So you can order a black hoodie, actually. I just grabbed a hoodie. All right. I feel like it's a little weird to wear your... She's wearing cowboy's...
Freaking gear after the freaking... Gear? This was just a cute top at Brandy Melville. No. Unfortunately, you can't wear that. It's so cute. After what happened. Well, I don't watch football because I'm a girl. What the... I'm just a teenage girl. Actually, I think girls do watch football. Are you a teenage girl?
- Barely, she's 19, she turns 20 in like a couple months. - I actually have been having a midlife crisis over that because I literally say that all the time. I said, I'm just a teenage girl and I'm about to not be a teenage girl. I don't know what I'm gonna say after that. - You know what happened yesterday? So I bet my friend $300 that-- - What? - Yeah. - Is your microphone-- - Why are you betting $300? - What? - I don't know, it might be making noise. - Is he eyes are muffling? Oh, shoot.
So I bet my friend $300 that... So at the chair competition yesterday, we were all sitting for like an hour or something just waiting for awards to happen. And I have a story after this to tell y'all, which is so cool. So we were sitting in a circle, and we all spit into a pile. Oh, no. No, no. Spit? Yeah. Like, yeah. And there was a coin on the floor. No. And...
I put my finger on top of it, and I just, like, started swishing it together, all the spit together. And then I said, hey, I bet you $300 that you can't put that coin in your mouth that we found randomly on the floor and swished all of our spits into it for $300. I bet you wouldn't do that for 10 seconds. No. So...
So she's like, well, I couldn't take $300 from you. So I was like, okay, $100. What the? She negotiated down? Yeah. What type of negotiations is that? She's not a very good businesswoman. This is why women shouldn't do business. Oh, yeah. So she took the coin. It was a dime. And she put it in her mouth, swished it around for 10 seconds. Do you think how many diseases were going through her throat? All of them, for sure. Yeah, all of them.
COVID. All of them. Bacteria. I thought cheerleaders were supposed to be clean, nice, young women. Have you seen their makeup? Nothing clean about that. Yo! I had to do my makeup.
do my makeup four times in one day restart restart all this no but um that's why i'm not barely wearing any makeup today because i'm so done with it but um but yeah she put it in her mouth and now i have to bring her a hundred dollars tomorrow in cash actually yeah well i will take 300 for some what you want me to do i'll do something would you do 300 the proper spits on a coin and put it in your mouth for 10 seconds on the floor found randomly in a convention center
It may have some substances. At the end of the day, you're fine. Take a drink of water afterwards. Would you do it? I wouldn't. I almost ate a fish. Actually, we probably shouldn't talk about that. I almost swallowed a goldfish alive, but then we decided that was inhumane.
Yeah. So we didn't do that. What? Don't worry about which specific goldfish. Not the goldfish in Joe's backpack. Not that goldfish. I did not offer cash $500 to swallow that big hole. Can we see the fish? I did not swallow it whole. It was more of a joke, okay? We did not eat the fish. Guys, people are literally going to think that we're abusive to animals, and we're not. We just forgot. Have y'all ever been... Okay, if someone dares comment that, I'm going to be like...
No, if somebody dares comment that, I'm going to be like, have you ever went to Long John Silver's? Huh? Red Lobster? No, but at least- Is there anything? I'd rather be swallowed than be a lobster and be dropped in a boiling pot alive. Would you rather be boiled or swallowed? I guess that is considered like cruel too. At least I didn't torture the thing. Yeah. Like that's just torture. Yeah. Which I still never get why like lobsters, I don't, I don't, like listen, I'm all for, you know, like eating animals and meat.
McDonald's like I'm for it. Well, I don't know if that's me. I'm all for that but Red lobster like or just lobsters in general. Why why do we boil them alive? Scream like what's the point of that? Why don't why don't we just like break their necrosome and then do it like yeah lobsters don't make a noise Yeah
There's no way. I know. It's a very inhumane thing. It's kind of crazy. There's no way. At the cheer competition, there was at least 1,000 people. No, not 1,000. Are you guys each looking it up? No. A lobster screen? No, 500 people wrapped around the convention center in line for guess who? Me.
What? First of all, why did you say that? That's a lie. No, there was not 500 people there. Yes! Let me call my friend. No. Let me call my friend. Is your other friend a 14-year-old girl? What?
What? Is your other friend a 14-year-old girl? No. I don't think you know what 500 people looks like. How old is she? Trust me. 14. Trust me. No, no, no. So there's at least 1,000 people in the convention center plus a gaming site that was going on. Okay, and half the convention center was in line to meet you? Yes. And you're telling me a bunch of people...
automatically a bunch of young cheer girls just formed an old-fashioned line. I'll show you. They form mobs. They don't form lines. Mobs. It was a mob. Is there a video? Hey, Brooke. Yeah? How many people would you say were in line to see me or in a mob to see me the other day? On the biggest one, probably like 300 or 400. Told you! All right, thank you. Bye.
Wow. I really believe that 14 year old girl over this 14 year old girl. So listen, I will say a cheer competition where it's literally all just young teenage girls that are Harper's age who are on Tik TOK and know who Harper is and maybe watch the podcast. I believe that it's literally all. When, when girls say, guess how many people they don't know. We were at Taylor Swift and I said, Kate, how many people he thinks in here? I obviously have a very rough estimate. Guess how many she said. I'm,
How many did you say? We were at... He's literally making this up. I knew we were in a stadium seated. I knew we were like seating 80,000. Okay. Then do you remember what number you said? Probably 80,000 because I knew beforehand. No. Whatever you say is about to be a lie. She's completely switching it up. She's completely switching it up. He's literally about to lie. She said 200,000.
I did not say that. Yes, you did. In what world? Yes, you did. Because you were like, well, counting the people outside and stuff, it's probably 200,000. Do you not remember that? He's literally making me scream. No, I'm actually not. You said that. That's a dumb thing to say. I did not say that. Why would you say that? Anyways. Y'all see what I'm trying to make me look stupid? Guys, also, what happened at the cheer convention center, the janitor assaulted me.
You you cannot just say things like that Harper. I'm calling my mom and telling no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
In my pants. Okay, that's enough for... Yeah, no, I'm not joking. Okay, yeah, well, we're moving on. Yeah. So, one time... Yeah, that's what happened. Wait, what happened? Yes, Chris? Wait, I want to know what happened. No, it's all made up anyways, bro. No, it's... I will call my mom or Brooke. If that actually happened, that's crazy. If that happened, that is crazy. She's just trying to be helpful.
No. That was not helpful. And then I went into the restroom and I was like, like an hour later and I was like, hey, why did you do that to me? And all these girls were like, what? Why? Because they were like playing my song in the restroom for some reason too. And I was like...
Harper just has some janitor lady helping her put on her pants. And they're just in the background like, they're the new queen bee. They're the new queen bee. No, but no, it was so scary. And then I was like, why did you do that? Why did you try to stick your hands down there? And then she was like, I didn't. And I was like, she was like, I didn't. And I was like, you were right behind me. I was washing my hands. I didn't do that. But I was like, I was washing my hands.
And you literally came up behind me and, like, tried to button my skirt. And it was so bad. It was so bad. Yeah.
Well, I have a question. I swear it's real. I mean, that's... We'll never know. The world may never know. My mom will tell you. Listen. You know how many times you say that sentence and then we ask your mom and she says that did not happen? Guys, I have a huge bubble in my stomach. Yeah, exactly. Move on. What were you saying, Kate? Yesterday something happened and y'all came back and you said, Kate, you will not believe what happened. And then you said... Oh, I remember saying that. I remember saying that.
What was it? What was that? You said you had it written down to talk about. We were like, Kate, you're not going to believe this. And they said I had to wait until the podcast. Oh, I know what I remember. I remember. What is it? Here's what it was. Alex's mom called. Me, Mav, and Alex were all just chilling. Hanging out. Being boys. And dudes being dudes. Yeah. And his mom calls him.
And his mom is in, like, Oklahoma or somewhere like that, right? It's just such a mom thing to do. Like, yeah, I can see, like, this is just moms, man. And his mom calls her, or calls him, and says, hey, Bluetooth's not working on the car. Can you disconnect your Bluetooth? And Alex is like... She's an hour away. Alex is like, mom, I'm not anywhere near you. It's not gonna... And then she says something back, and Alex just goes, okay, I'll disconnect my Bluetooth. Okay.
And Alex gets on the phone and he disconnects his Bluetooth. Bro. You actually disconnected? Yeah, he did. He doesn't lie. Just in case. I was like, he's like, mom, that's not how it works. He just gave up mid-call. It's okay. In the middle of the phone call, he was just like, no, you don't understand. Okay, I'll just disconnect it. Sure, yeah. I mean, that's probably easier than trying to explain it, but that's just... To be fair, who the heck knows how Bluetooth works? I mean, yeah. I mean...
Come on now. Also, Wi-Fi signals. I mean, yeah, I don't understand any of it. I don't understand. Waves through the air. You can't see them. Remember when we found that TV? Guys, there is a free TV on the curb. Yeah. So I snatched that thing, and it's now in our guest bedroom. It's a big TV. It's bigger than this one. It's a good TV. It's like a Samsung TV. It's actually probably newer than this one, too. Does it work? We should replace it. Yeah. And we brought it in. Me and Matt plug it in, and there's a little metal thing attached to it dangling. It's an antenna. And...
We grab it, and we hold it up like this. And believe it or not, Charlie Brown comes on. We were like, Charlie, what you doing? Right there in the air. And you move it around, Charlie Brown. You move it this way. I, Carly. Charlie Brown. No way. I, Carly. Free shows. I don't know how that works, but apparently if you have an antenna, you get free networks. Something in the air, you're like catching it and grabbing it. You just grab it. Pulling it in. You're like, I want...
That one. No, you know what I don't get is we got that TV, but since obviously it was a curb TV, it didn't come with a remote. Wait, wait, wait. It was a what? It was a curb TV. A curb? Because I got it off the curb? That's what I'm saying, yeah. Oh, okay. You know, if you bought the TV new, it would come with a remote, but since you got it off the curb, obviously there was no TV remote. Yeah, obviously we had to get some stuff. We had to get the legs for it to stand upright. But it's all working now. We had to get a cord for it. No, but I understand. We got that puppy working. Guys, I ordered...
I ordered like an $8 universal remote and it said, this is how you pair it to your TV. I didn't have to do anything with the TV. I just pressed a button on the remote and it connected to my TV right there. No shot. Swear. Wait, hold up. I didn't know there was universal remote. I didn't have to do anything. What? You didn't know there was such a thing as a universal remote? I did not know. I thought you always had to buy a remote to the specific thing. That's crazy actually. I wonder if the fish can hear me. No. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get a universal remote.
For my, you know when you go on flights and there's a TV in front of you? Yeah. Connected to that. It doesn't work with that. Why would it not? You just said it's universal. That doesn't even have an RFI signal. That's a TV. That's a TV. It's not going to work. Why would it not? Because it just doesn't even have. Okay, answer me this. Would it connect to this? Yes. Well, it depends. But it won't connect to a mini TV. It's not a TV.
What do you mean it's not a TV? It's a chair. It's like an iPad thing. It's not a TV. It doesn't have an RFI signal or whatever. Oh, you're right. He just made that up. It's literally like a tablet.
No, it has to have the thing to pick up the signal. It doesn't have to. Bruh. I have a competition idea. Okay. So whoever... She says this at least once an episode. Whoever can get the most pops out of their body right now. No, we've done that. So you know how many times you've suggested that? What? It's a horrible idea, Harper. I've never suggested that. Did you win your cheer competition? No, I got third. Oh, well, that's a shame. Out of like... Okay, stop moving my mic. Out of how many? Seven. Seven? But it was NCAA Nationals, so it's like Nationals.
You went to nationals, really? Yes. Wow, that's almost unbelievable. Did you hit zero? Yes, we did. You went to nationals and you hit zero? But some girls busted and we got deductions for a girl stepping off the mat twice. That was gross. It's okay, though. Everybody makes it. So this is how many pops get on me.
Nothing happened. No, guys, don't believe me. All the girls hate that girl now? Yes. Was that girl you? No. Have you ever stepped off the mat? No. Have you ever made a mistake? No. Yeah. No. What was your mistake? I bust. No, I didn't bust. I didn't throw a tumble pass. What the? Sounds like football. That sounds bad. But look at this. You didn't throw a tumble pass? What's that? Let's throw a tumble pass. Let me see.
I have a bubble in my stomach. What? You keep saying that. What does that mean? You know, you never had a bubble in your stomach? No. Yes, you do. Remember on like episode... Remember when we started the podcast on like episode one or two, I talked about the bubble that I got diagnosed with? You didn't get diagnosed... I don't think they said you had a bubble in your stomach. No, they did say I had... Well, it's a fart bubble is what he said. Pretty much everybody has it. He said you had gas.
He said you were gassy. Yes, but that's an air bubble. No, he said that there's a bubble that everyone has and it's like where your gas comes from. But he just said Cash's was larger than average. Mine was very large. It's way bigger than average. And let me tell you, on the thing, when the x-ray, it was a big circle and I was like, what is happening?
And he was like, that's a... Yeah, because mine was up right next to it. Yeah, Kate's was like this big. Mine, I'm not even kidding. Kate's was like this big. Mine was like this big. It took up my whole thing. And I was like... And he goes, oh, that's just a gas bubble. Don't worry. Most people have that. I was like, oh, okay. I think he thought I was embarrassed of it, but low-key, I was kind of proud of it. And that just confirmed that I... I was like, okay. I knew I farted a lot, and you just scientifically proved it. So thank you.
Well, something's going on in my stomach and I don't- Maddy just did it again. Run it back 10 seconds. He just did it. She just did it now. Oh, yeah. Now Kate just did it. Run it back 10 seconds. It's called laughing, Cash. No, it's just I think it's Mavs comes to such an abrupt stop. He's like, get it! No, I've watched the podcast back sometimes and Maverick's laughs, he turns them off like this. It's like you literally clicked stop. He's like this. So this is the stop button. Wow, that's almost like what Kate just said.
I like this little life. I think I like this little life. I Wait, whoever made that song was praying on her downfall Wait, but look at this guys. I got this
That's not gonna work. What the? Boy, it does work. How does that work? Did you think that was gonna work? I didn't know. Can you say that, Cash? Say what? How is that? Wait, what? I think I... Can you talk louder? I can't hear that. I think...
But you have to go out of nowhere. Think I like this little light. Because it's like the way she says it is it's like so loud for some reason. She's like, think I like this little light. You sound pretty quiet. Yeah, I'm confused. You're like, can you say this? No, no, no. She starts off with like, yeah. Who's her? Just the song. That's just how the song goes. What song is it? Think I like this little light. I think it's...
I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm freaked out. I feel like I'm in a dream and it just keeps repeating. Guys, what if we're in a dream or a coma right now and we're just dying? You know what Maverick one time thought? What? For like a solid week, he thought we were in a simulation. What?
Don't say what? Don't say what like that. I said there's a possibility. Oh my gosh. Okay, that's the same thing. That is the same thing. There's always a possibility. He goes, we had like a whole hour and a half conversation. It's always possible. About how we could be living in a simulation. Like AI. He's like, there could be a God that made our world.
Also known as God, I guess. But he's like, but this guy is just a normal dude like us. And he like did our world and we're like living in VR.
How stupid is that? No, not VR. Much more complex than that. Have y'all seen the Blue People movie, Avatar? Yeah. That's where you're like, your brain is connected to the game. And then when we go to sleep, it's actually us waking up, doing our real life. And then when we come back, we're in the game. Then why don't we ever notice that life?
Because we don't have that memory. That's their memory. That's our players memory. Who wants to pull my toes? So I have a player. You have an avatar.
Dang, he must be hot. Do y'all realize how stupid this sounds? It's possible. And he lives in the year like 3035. Oh, and he lives in the future. That's crazy. If I said some crap like that, you'd be like, you're such an idiot. It's possible. I'm calling him an idiot. I literally said he's such an idiot. I'm saying he would call me stupid. Listen, you can't prove that it's not true. Yeah, I can. How?
How can you prove it's not a simulation? Because, bro, I'm not saying it is, but I'm saying to prove that it's not is like equally as hard. No. Okay. Prove that it is. I can't. Oh, my gosh. So you're just going to say something and say, I can't prove it, and I can't prove how it's not either.
Can you prove there's a God? I can't prove gravity's working. Can you prove there's a God? I can't prove gravity's working. You guys are getting into a Cash and Maverick argument that nobody else cares to listen to, so let's stop talking. No, no, no. You can't even prove gravity's real. That's exactly what I just said. That's exactly what I just said. I said you can't even prove that gravity's working. No, you can't prove that gravity's working. Because, first of all, gravity... We don't know what gravity is.
No, we really don't. No. We don't understand gravity. We don't know why it happens. Kate Harper, you guys good? Not really. Wait. Guys, yo. Scientists don't. Gravity is working.
No, they don't. They don't really understand gravity. Guys, this is literally a dinner conversation that y'all can talk about after. That is weird, though. We're supposed to be entertaining people right now, so let's be entertaining. Look how fast my phone falls. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shots fired. Kate just said, we're not entertaining. No, it's just nobody. That's crazy. For somebody that last episode had a blanket on yawning like a granny. Know your audience. You're talking to young teenagers. Yeah.
No one cares. I got it, guys. So puberty. It's a thing we all go through. It's hard sometimes. Stop. That is true. Okay, so it's like it's... It might be a little awkward. And you may start to like females. Or if you're a female, you may start... That's a normal reaction. You may start to like males. Wait, stop. Or switched around. And if... That's not what I meant, guys. Your body's going to be going through some changes. Look how fast it goes. I'm going through changes.
Don't watch that show. Is that the show? Yeah. What show is that called? Don't say the name because then our audience is going to watch it. Oh, Big Mouth. That's what it's called. You know the Big Mouth. I've seen it on TikTok. It is Big Mouth. He does get the big character. He is Big Mouth. What the? All I know from Big Mouth is there is a big hairy monster called the Hormone Monster. That's all I know. Munster. I've only seen clips on TikTok. Wait, did you know the main character?
Uh, no, I just said I don't know the name of the character. But it is crazy how phones can fall like that. Everything falls like that. Not my leg. See, it's up. It's not falling, and I can do it slowly. That's exactly my point. How the heck do I look like that? If anything, Matt looks like that. What? It's cash. It's cash. What the? How is that me? It's the lips for me. Okay, you know that's my insecurity. Well, there's this guy, too.
Then Matt has to be that one. No, both are. What the? Why'd you say Matt has to be that one? Because he's shorter.
Yeah, but the other one looks worse. But the lips are really getting me there. Do you enjoy your cheer competitions or are you like, I can't wait for this to be over? Oh, I do enjoy them. But when, I'm not saying the like fans get annoying, but. Wait, what was the quotations for? Like, I don't know if I have fans or they're just trying to make fun of me. Oh.
I feel that. It's hard to tell. I know. I'm always trying to be funny. I don't know about them. No, but, like, literally, I just, like, don't know. But a girl whispered to me. She was like, Harper, can I get a photo? But also, like, you've helped me through so much. So I was like, aw. But, like, at the same time, it's really fun, but people need to know their boundaries. At one point, I was in a circle, and everybody was pulling me from every different direction. It was crazy. I was like, ugh.
and I was like getting tugged around everywhere. Like a rag doll? Yeah, and they're like, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo. And they're like, can we get to TikTok? Can we make it TikTok? And I'm like, I don't know. They're like, stay ahead of my friend. Can you follow me back on TikTok? I'm like,
god like i don't know what to say to all that so i can't just say no because i'm not mean or like sometimes i am but like i don't know but like also at the same time oh and then my friend she was in line to take a photo with me but she actually wait pause your friend was in line to take a photo with you yeah no but that was what y'all y'all piece together tactic so she was gonna act like a fan and she was gonna take a photo with me but really she's gonna run away with me so i could get out of the mob
Sounds like you really love your fans, Harper. I do. It just gets to a point where I have to actually practice for the competition and warm up. So, yeah. And when people are just staring at me, like...
And, like, being like, it's her, it's her. Or they're laughing at every move I make. It's, like... It's awkward. Yeah, it's very awkward. Like, have you ever been in a huge, like, convention center or mall and everybody just staring at you? Or all these little teenage girls, they're all staring at you. And they may be older and cooler, and they're just looking at you, and they're like...
That happens to me all the time. Every time I go to the mall. No, it's so scary. And I'm like, I don't know what to do in that moment. So I just hide behind my friend's back. You know, because she's taller than me. That happens every time my mom drops me off at daycare. They're all staring at me like, this kid's a little big. Yeah. Dude, we were at church and one of the kids in the youth group comes up to Cash. He's like, hey, I just want to know how old you are. And Cash is like, oh, I'm 20. He's like, oh, I was going to ask if you wanted to be a part of our youth group with us.
He did. I told you you look like you're 14. And he goes, he was like, how old are you? I said 20. He goes, oh. Oh, God. And he just stands there. And I was like, what? Yeah, why are you asking? He was like, I was just going to see if you wanted to join my youth group. And I was like, hold on, let me ask my wife. Can I please join the youth group? He asked my wife. He's a little bit aged out. No, he was a fan, though. He was actually really nice. Because before that, I saw him taking a picture of me like this.
And then he came up and he asked me to join the youth group. So I was like, never mind. Never mind. No, y'all, I really want y'all to come to a cheer competition and see what I go through. I want to go. I want to see you cheer. I would so go and watch you cheer. Please. When's your next one? Oh, in Orlando, Florida. Nope. No, I'm not going to make it. Then next year. Actually, it's next to Disneyland. I will make that one. Next year. Why is he acting like he would go to Disneyland? Why are you acting like you want to go to Disneyland? I don't want to go to Disneyland.
But you know what is next to Disneyland? The beach. Voodoo Donuts. Oh, that is next to Disneyland. It's always outside. Yeah, it is.
He likes them donuts. Those donuts are mad expensive. Yeah, why are they so expensive? Wait, is it actually in Orlando? Yeah. Dang. What time? I would have gone to this one last weekend if I knew it was going to be the best one. Don't you want to know what day first, Matt? That's what I mean, what day? Yeah, what day? Matt, why are you looking at your calendar like you're seeing if you're in Orlando that day? Because I might be. No, you're not. You've got to be. No, I'm going to Orlando. No, you're not. Okay. Oh!
Hey Matt, would this be a good time to tell me you're going to Atlanta? Would this be a good time?
Oh. Would that be a good time to tell me now? I might be going to Atlanta. Did you know that, Kate? I didn't know you were going to Atlanta. He planned a trip to Atlanta. He hasn't even told us yet. I found out because our friend Ricky, who lives in Atlanta, said you should come down when Mav comes down. I was like, Mav's not coming down. What are you on, bro? Yeah. No way, man. It's crazy. I know. He planned a trip and didn't even tell any of us. It's not 100% planned. And I totally forgot about it until this moment. I haven't bought tickets yet. Wait, when are you talking about going? Yeah.
It's like in May. Wait, and you're going to go to Atlanta and Georgia? What? I mean, wait, no, you're going to go, no, sorry. Wait, you're going to go to Atlanta and Orlando? Yeah, when are you going to Orlando? And more places. When are you going to Orlando? And more places? When are you going to Orlando for? Georgia? No, wait, what are you going to Orlando for? All of them are swing dancing. Can you stop looking at your phone? Sorry, I was trying to pull up the time for the dates. No, also, when do you go to Orlando, Harper? Yo, Harper. February.
I don't think the camera February No they still can't see you Yeah there you go I can't my air bubble February Let's see here Listen I There's a thing Don't worry Joe I heard you I was like if I'm gonna go If I'm gonna go to competitions I should at least go Thursday February 29th Nope won't be there I'll be in Washington
No, he won't. He's trolling. No, I'm not. What are you going on, bro? A freaking tour? Huh? Are you going on a presidential campaign? My goal was to try to do one weekend a month. Of what?
A competition. You're gonna leave once a month to go out of state every month? This better be a troll. For like two days. This better be a troll. If possible. Because right now we can't even get homie to wake up at a reasonable time. Guess what time, Carver, this is gonna blow your mind. Guess what time he wakes up? When you're leaving school. No. He wakes up at 3 o'clock. That's not true. That is not true. 3 p.m. No! That's bad! No.
On his good days, 12. That is cat. Generally, 12 to 2 p.m. These are lies. Y'all are liars. What time was your average time this week? Probably like 11. Oh. You did not wake up before noon one time this week. Shut your mouth. I did not. I cannot stand the fact that this man is a liar. I can't stand it. He's like actually a liar. What time did I get up today? Maverick, you waking up and laying in bed and being in and out of sleep is not waking up. That's still sleeping. Yeah. I got up.
No, I got up and I was in the bean bag at like 10 something. I can't. I can't. Talking to Cash. Dude, I cannot. Waiting for him to go to the gym and then we ended up going to eat. Mav. I cannot. You know, okay, this is what, I had to wake him up because our garage door broke at like 10 a.m. or something. And I woke him up and I was like, Mav, help me to fix this, right? We fix it? Well, you shouldn't have break the garage door at 10 a.m. 10 a.m.?
Everyone should get up at 10 a.m. I've been suffering from a cough. He goes, I'm going to come to the gym with you. Don't feed into his delusions. At night, I literally can't breathe at night. Shut up, shut up. He comes to the gym with me at 10 a.m., comes back, and then sleeps for like four more hours and wakes up back at two. Because I've got no sleep.
I was like, Matt, you got to start waking up earlier and going to the gym. No, no. And guess what he says? He goes, I literally got up at 10 this morning and went to the gym. I was like, and then you came back and slept for four hours. Fair enough. There was a couple of days this did happen, but it's only because I had to stay up till like 8 a.m. I wish I could do that.
I had to stay up until like 8 a.m. Just coughing, coughing. I could not sleep. Mav, don't you understand that you have work to do and you have other stuff to do? Like, Harper, do you ever get to sleep until 3 p.m. on a weekday? No, never. Even if you're really sick and tired? You know what I mean? Nope. I have to wake up at 5 a.m. every single morning. Mav's in a whole different time zone than you. He literally lives in a whole different time zone. He woke up before you got here. There was one night he was like...
Cash went into his room at like what time was like 8:30 9:00 and you were like he had the lights off ready for sleep No, it was 7:30 or 8:30. Yeah, p.m. He's going to bed and I said map. What are you doing? You're gonna wake up at like 11:00 You're gonna wake up in like two or three hours and you're gonna be like, oh, I can't sleep now and he goes no, bro I'm gonna be out for the night man. I'll be out for the night. I'm gonna wake up early around 11:00 p.m I hear him leave the house to go get medicine cuz I was dying shut up. I couldn't breathe. I
Okay, so just answer me this one question. What has been your average time the last week that you wake up? Can you check on your phone? Probably 11 to 1. Don't say 11. Don't say 11. You better say noon. You better say 12.
A lot of times it was 11. I mean, I came out of my room till 12. And then homie also says this. I literally woke up at 11 and I was awake. And you go in his room and he's like in and out of consciousness like this. In and out of consciousness? You come in, you come in, he's like, huh? Yeah, I'm awake. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I'm right here. Or it's like he hears the door being touched so he like flinches and suddenly he's been awake for four hours. I'm awake. Dude, I've been doing stuff all morning. This is false. All morning, bro. I answer an email and I...
Dude, I've been working from bed. That's what gets me. Is you're like, I've been doing emails. Every day. Anytime Matt sleeps in, that's his go-to. Bro, you got to get up and start doing work. A.K.A. I answered like four emails. Yeah, dude, I did emails all morning. I took his phone. I looked at his screen time. Guess how long his screen time was on emails? Four minutes. No. All morning, he spent four. He spent four.
minutes on emails. What about Netflix? Oh yeah. And then Netflix at like three hours. And he was like, bro, that's just not true. Screen time's whacked up. Screen time don't work. See, look at him. I'll be honest though. Screen time isn't accurate. Dude, I want to throw this trash can at you. I only know it's not accurate because I watched a whole movie on Netflix once, went to look at my screen time and it said I only was on Netflix for like 10 minutes. Wait, can I hide under that trash can and then somebody sits on top of it? You know what's crazy? We fit Matt in the trash can. Do it.
Okay, give me a moment. No, not right now. It's very uncomfortable with my neck. What do you think? He looked extremely... When y'all see the way he has to get in here, you're gonna be like, oh my gosh. Wait, act like it's effortlessly just carrying it around like about to take out the trash. And then dump him. Yeah. It's like the...
Don't dump me. Okay, okay get in the bath. I don't like getting dumped. Get in it. Get in the trash. Y'all are gonna be amazed by the technique we found out how he can fit in. Today, my- Take your hat off at least. Conserve space. So first, we start like this. He got scared. And then he has to lean backwards. Oh. Fall backwards. There we go. Next step is we have to lift him up like this. So we go.
There we go! And now we just gotta shove his feet in. Are you good? Are you good? He's saying he's not good. He's saying it hurts really bad. Oh look! And then look at that! He's in the trash can with room to spare. Now lift it up! Oh I'm so sorry! I actually forgot you're on your neck. Sorry, here we go. Let me try. Are you okay? Yeah I know, impressive, right? Are you okay, Maverick?
Sorry, I forgot you were like laying on your neck. Let me try. Just a minor concussion. All right, Harper, you can just get in normally. Just sit down. Don't flip her upside down. She's a liability. What? If we hurt her, we could be sued. You gotta put your toes in. Wait, no, no, no. Don't lift her upside down. Scoot this way. What are y'all doing? Why wouldn't you just have her sit there and put the trash? Scoot backwards. Go on, you got this.
Matt Harper's Scoop. There we go. Okay. No, a little bit more. No, that's not working. This is a catastrophe. Okay, come backwards. There we go. Okay, now put your feet in. Put your feet in. Okay, there we go. This is going to be the most peaceful episode we've ever recorded. Wow. Wow. There's nothing she can do to get... Should we give her a microphone? Oh my gosh, have y'all seen all the comments about how Harper's so trashy?
What? And Kate fell for it for a second. Kate was like, that is not true. Yeah? What the? Do that again? What the? That feels weird. Should I give her the microphone? Ow. All right, well...
What were we talking about before this? I would be panicking in there. It was tight, not gonna lie. My neck hurt. She's like half your size. She's got plenty of room in there. She's got room to spare. She might be stretching in there for all we know. Kate, you think you can fit? No, I'm not doing it.
She sounds so quiet in there. I might be. All right, we'll let her out. Kate's turn. No, I'm not doing it. You can't. Please don't. Cash, you know how I did. It's so funny the way y'all come out. Y'all like unfold. I see the light again. All right, Kate, you try. I'm not. I can't. Why are you panicking already? I would actually go in and flip up like Mav.
I mean, okay. No, that's going to hurt her neck. No, don't worry. No, don't worry. I don't want to hurt her. Why do you say it like that? I don't want to hurt her. She's trying to get an insurance claim. No, don't worry. Don't worry. I'll be fine if you break my neck. No. Take mail. Pay up. Come on. No. Try. Okay, just like sit down and we'll try to put it on you. Come on. But don't sit on me. I won't sit on you. No, you're going to. I'm not going to sit on you. Okay, I don't think you're going to fit. Guys, cash sometimes.
we're laying in bed, his arm will start to cover my face if we're cuddling and I start to panic because I start losing oxygen. And he's like...
You have to stop panicking. You can't panic like this, and I can't help it. I do. I'm trying to teach her not to panic. So when we lay in bed, I just get her in an uncomfortable... Actually, sorry. It's a very comfortable position, but I just don't let her move. She starts freaking out, like panicking. She's like, let me out! Let me out! Let me out! And she starts panicking. Why are you doing that to her? Please go in the trash. I'm trying to get her over the fear. You know what I'm saying? What? No, going in the trash can will make you feel... I watch. This is what we do. I'm scared. I'm scared.
So I get her like this, like we're just laying down, right? We're laying down like this. And I'll just do this. You'll hug her? Yeah. Not try to get out. She normally freaks out. Try to get out. She freaks out. And then I just hold her like this. And then she tries to move. Yeah, and it's usually when I start trying to get out that I start to move. And then as soon as she tries to move but she realizes she can't move, she freaks out. And I'm like, okay, we practice to stay calm. You stay calm. And she's like, okay, yes! I'm not going to get out of here!
Not once has she stayed calm yet. I can't. I can't help it. I'm a spaz. You claustrophobic? No. Yeah, she is. Should we do a claustrophobic video on the club? No, let's not. Yes! I know. Okay, let's test if you're claustrophobic. Get on the ground and I'll lay on you. No, no, no. I know I'm not claustrophobic, but one time when I was little, which I think is where I discovered my freak out. Your claustrophobism? No. My sister was like, oh, let's put each other in the suitcase.
And so we put each other in the suitcase and I flipped and I was little. Yeah. When I was little and everybody tried to put me in like a suitcase or a trunk of a car or something. I don't know why deep down inside I was like, Maverick's never going to let me out. He's never going to let me out and I might die. Dude, I was excited to get in stuff. I was always excited to get in, but the second it was closed, I was like, I was always a little terrified of like, what are they going to do? They're going to throw me in the lake. I'm terrified. It's a very scary thing, but Kate getting it real quick. I,
- Please, for me. - Okay, we're not gonna do anything crazy. - Don't sit on it. - I won't sit on it. - If you get in, then I'll let him put me in the trash can upside up and throw me. - Nope, I'm not gonna. - Sounds like a deal. - I won't let that happen. - I will do it. - Down the stairs.
On the chandelier. My hands are sweaty thinking about it. What the? I'm nervous. Okay, just sit down real quick. I'm really nervous. You just gotta sit down. I'm just gonna see if it can go over you. That's it. That's all I'm gonna do. But don't sit on me. Yeah, we went over that. No one's sitting on you. No one will be sitting on you. Please. No, I will not. I won't sit on you. Promise? Nobody is sitting on you. Just sit down. Everyone look me in the eye and promise. We're not sitting on you. I promise I'm not sitting on you. Promise. We're not sitting on you. Okay. Alright, go now. I'm gonna stand on her.
Alright, ready? Here we go. She's not gonna fit, bro. Yo, chill with that. Hands up, hands up above your head. What the? Hands up above your head, Kate. No, hands above your head. No, she gotta put her hands above her head. You have, we haven't started yet, sweetheart. No, wait, wait, wait, we didn't start yet. You, you got this. Put your hands up. You got it, ready? Put your hand above your head. Kate, it's just a weight of this, this trash can weighs like two pounds, you'll be fine. Clear as...
I'm not gonna sit on you! I will let him do anything, I swear. Put your hands above your head. Hands above your head. Here we go. Oh, I kinda dropped it. Oh, you almost got it! Now put your feet in! What the?! I didn't- I just asked you! She panicked! She panicked! That's the exact panic I'm talking about! She panicked! She-
Hit me the fella. She flips out. And I mean, she'll flip out in bed and she'll start trying to... Why are you making me sound like I'm an elderly? You are an elderly, Kate. He just set the trash can on you and you went... And I said... No, actually, the trash can was already on you and I just said, Okay, sweetheart, now put your feet in. I can't. I can't.
You guys want to know if I'm back? Mavs Tesla, since there's no engine, there's like a front to it, like a trunk in the front. So it's called a frunk. It's tiny. I can fit in there. It's impressive. So obviously it's not that tiny. What do you mean? You're literally over six foot. It's not that small. It's six freaking something man can fit in it. No, it's fine. You can make fat jokes about me. It's fine. I literally, that was not a fat joke. Okay. That was me acknowledging the fat. Are you over six feet tall?
Yeah, we get it, Kate. I'm big. He's a big boy. Yeah, we get that. Big old boy. Yep. And nobody, there's going to be no comments about her. But Kate loves every curve on you, okay? It's just more to love. I saw a comment that said, Cash is low-key the white Lizzo. Yo. I don't even know what to say to that. Wait, because I have something I need to bring up.
Wait, wait, hold up. Joe said I look like white Lizzo. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Okay. Well, Joe, Joe just said that now. And then you said, wait, that reminds me of something. How does that remind you of something? It's not, that's not really relevant to that, but I scroll through like on my tech talk. I love scrolling through my tag feed and seeing what people tag me in. I am getting tagged in more than I would like.
thirst traps of maverick oh yeah there are a lot of there are so many they're like i'm tired of pretending he's not fine stop tagging me in those first of all that's great thank you guys for making those i appreciate it
I didn't know those existed! - Stop tagging him. - Yeah, no one else appreciates him. - Yeah, no one else. - Nobody does. - So stop. Stop. I don't wanna see-- - Let's go! - Wait, so once again, how did white Lizzo remind you of that? Like, gosh, you look like white Lizzo. That reminds me. That's what thirst traps would do on the internet. - No. - I wanna see these. - Bro, that would be a good thumbnail. Lizzo's body with your head on top. - Where do I find them?
Just like mentions a tag on TikTok. You know what's crazy? When that episode where we were making fun of Kate, I said, Kate, can we do that? And she was like, you're not putting my head on Lizzo. Then go to activities. No. And she was completely in it. It was up to me that thumbnail would have been Lizzo with Kate's head.
But you know how Cash is all forcing us to get into his trash can? How about you get in the trash can? I can't. Hey! Yeah! Yeah. I would. I'd love to, but I'm too big. You can fit. You're small enough. You're small enough. Come on, white Lizzo. No. I see it. Nobody cares about I get bullied. Get into the trash now. Look at you. I was so nice to you, and now you're just shoving me to get in the trash can. You look like an elderly trying to get out.
Me? No, no, no. Alright. Gosh. Did somebody else do that? I don't know, you're fine. You're fine. She's not gonna sit on you. Don't sit on me. Look at this, look at this. Hands above your head, hands gotta go above your head. No. No. Come on, be small Lizzo. Come on buddy, put on. You can do it. People are gonna get mad at the Lizzo goods, aren't they? I don't know, I think it's funny.
What the frick? Come on. I think you got it. No, you didn't. You got it. Do you see this? Okay, I'm going to put it on you now. Okay, push a little. A little more. Put your feet in more. Come on. Put a little bit of pressure on that thing. Come on. I'm not going to be able to take it off. I'm not going to be able to take it off. Come on. We take it off. We take it off.
Go further! Go further! The trash can has been shapen! With a white logo. Take it off! He's fine, he's fine! I'm taking you out, catch, don't worry! Can't get me out! I'm trying! Nobody's helping me! Ow, I think you're stuck!
I knew we shouldn't put white Lizzo in the trash! Okay, just hold on honey, I'm getting you out! It's not what it seems! The trash can's bent out of shape! Stop! I'm crying, stop! You're too big, I'm sorry! I can't! The struggle! The struggle! I'm gonna lay you down!
My knees hurt! I'm trying, Harper! Grab his feet! No, no, no, he's fine. I didn't do it! He grabbed the work in his underwear. My knee! I'm trying! My knee! I'm trying! Oh, no! He got worms! He got worms in his butt! He got worms in his butt!
Are you okay? Just for clarification, I am not the janitor Harper was talking about. Are you okay? Hey, you got worms in your butt. My kneecaps! I was really trying to get you out. It's gonna be a great Patreon video. I got a disformed, that is. From you. You disformed the trash can. Oh, I got butt worms on you. Ew. I bet you $100 you won't be able to find. What the heck happened to this thing?
You have to do it. Bro's sweating. Look at him. He's glistening. Yo, I have sour, you know, you know, like the sour seasoning? All in my pants. I'm so sorry you went through that. All right. That's it. That's enough for the episode. See you guys next time.