Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
I think I accidentally went on a date. Do comments online about your body make you insecure? Let's go. I try to keep people entertained so then they don't doze off like when Kate talks, you know. I will leave the podcast whenever y'all tell me to. I support it. I support them in the kitchen. Guys, welcome back to the podcast. I know we've already been rolling, but welcome back. Cash, get off your phone. Okay, sorry. Anything new with y'all?
We just filmed an episode. Yeah, so we're honestly chilling. I'm vlogging on the podcast. Oh. Say what's up, guys. Say what's up to the vlog. No. Peace out, bro. Shock off. No, you gotta say something that's like introducing, not leaving. What's good? We're at the podcast. These people are lame.
Oh. Wait, what were you gonna say? I was gonna ask Maverick why you're dressed like a waiter. Yeah, why are you dressed like that? What is going on with the fit? Were you trying to look all snazzy? Yeah, I am. I'm going out tonight. Where are you going out? I have a dance competition. Cash is raging. There's no way, bro. I do. You know what day it is? Yeah. Not Wednesday or Sunday.
That's what day it is now. Wait, so you got dressed before the podcast so the second we finish you can dip? Yep. Gotta go. You're not even gonna help clean up? Yeah. Nope. Look at this mess. Not today. Yeah, we'll be fine. That's crazy. Yeah, I gotta go. Who are you dancing with tonight? It's a random partner, random song. You're not even gonna pick that up when you leave here? Yeah, no, I'm not going to at all actually because you just threw that down. Guys, I just realized my hair is not brushed properly.
That's cool. Oh, no. Your hair is never brushed. It's okay. We forgive you for that. Can I get a hairbrush? I don't have one. No, Mav. We've been needing to have this intervention for a while. Oh, we're having an intervention now. Mav has an addiction. Okay. A strong addiction. Not easy. I don't know if I got an addiction. Not an addiction like you may think. Not an addiction to eating crayons. Not an addiction. Smelling Sharpies. Oh.
Is that just me? I'm getting... Not an addiction to... Anybody know any addictions here? Like holding your toes? No. Okay, but it's not like most addictions. You get the point. He has an addiction to dancing. He's addicted, addicted, addicted. Yeah. I'm not gonna lie, guys.
It kind of has turned into a problem, hasn't it? Look how he's dressed. Guys, bro's fancied up to go to the dance club tonight. No, y'all don't understand. He goes every single night, and he told me. He said, I'm going to go, Cash. I'm going to slow down. I'm going to go on Wednesdays and Sundays only. I lied. Harper, do you know what day it is? I lied. I lied. Tuesday. It's Tuesday. It's Tuesday. It's not Wednesday or Sunday. It's a competition. I got to go. I have to go. Matt, but you're going to be out late, and then you're going to sleep tomorrow, and then you're not going to go to the gym. You didn't go to the gym today. I will be home by midnight. I'll be home by midnight.
That's pretty late. That's pretty late. That is pretty late. You didn't go to the gym today either. You didn't go to the gym today either. Listen. Yeah, he also bought a gym membership. He likes to donate money to the gym. Oh my gosh, I go to the gym. I go to the gym. I've been going to the gym. I just didn't go today because... He goes like two or three days in a row and he's like, I'm a gym bro. No, I've been going. I just didn't go today because I had a thing where I had to be... I had to leave the house at 7.30, which means I would have to go to the gym at 6.00 and I just didn't want to do that. Either way, what happened to your word?
My word? You told me, you promised me. He sat across the table and promised me I'll only go dancing on Wednesdays and Sundays. Do you even make money from dancing? No, he doesn't. When I win? When he wins. Wait, Harvard, pull your mic down like this. I have one. So it doesn't block. Like this. No. No, it's just too tall for her. No, I can move it. Oh, Harvard, it's because you're short.
There you go. There. Okay. Yeah. That was like the first time Maverick Harper didn't beat me. No, I have won money. If I went first, I win a good amount. You've never won first. I know, but I won third. If I went first, I win money. He's never won it. I won third in the last competition. That doesn't pay you. And how much money did he make? Zero. No, I did make money. How much money did you make? That gave the same energy as your...
I didn't win a lot of money. We were talking about Ix. Maverick's biggest ick, no offense, is his smile. What? No, no, no. He smiles great. Oh, that's mean. No, no, no, no, no. Oh. Nobody let me finish, man. Oh. No. Oh. No. His smile is good, but it's the way he looks in his eyes. What? And just like, he's like, it's not just like a smile. Are you jealous of my smile? No, no, he's like this. He's like.
Oh! What? It's like that. No. He's got like a glistening smile. That's not how I smile. Dude, the look you just did. What look? You're like... Like so dramatic. Like you're out of a movie. Yeah, it's like dramatic. It's like you're posing. You're like... I don't know what you want from me. Listen.
i do i have a problem with dancing yes oh maybe i do maybe at least the first step is admitting it smile okay but the thing is it is a lot of fun okay so much fun so much fun that you get you're taking the light behind you yeah you're gonna knock something over yeah it's so much fun but the problem is is it does keep me out pretty late sometimes you know the problem is he's like this we're filming a podcast and he's like guys we gotta go
We got to get this done. I know. I got to leave. Oh, yeah. I got to get out of here. We have plenty of time. I got to cut it off at 12 minutes. I got to be somewhere. One of my words at the end of this podcast, he's going to be like, what's, are we up? We have 55 minutes? We have 55 minutes? All right, guys. Peace out, bro. Shock. I'm going dancing. Oh, my gosh. What is with that saying? Who did that? Like, who started that? Who started it? I got to leave it out. No, like, ooh. Yeah, no, it's, listen, I don't, I don't want to be that guy that's like,
You know, we got to go. We got to go. We got to go. Yeah. But like dancing is so fun, guys. And if y'all would just try it, y'all would have so much fun. We've tried it. I will say. I do sound weird. I'm going to stop talking. We danced at a wedding and it was fun, but like not fun enough for me to want to go compete tonight and stay out late and sleep in tomorrow. Dance? I do cheer. It's like the same thing. It's like saying football. I play eight on eight. What's that mean?
It's like... Okay. Well, changing the subject. Cheers is very different. Yeah, cheers is very different. But guys, I have a... What's it called? Do you see that? Your heel? Oh my gosh, she wants so much attention. We talked about this last episode, Harper. Do you see that? Yeah, you have a little bump there. No, no, that is my wart. I have warts too. That's what's on his hands. That's what's on my hands. Are you joking? Are you joking?
All the brown spots. He got them to cut off. This is not actually a wart. I don't know what it is. Yeah, mine neither. But it hurts. Mine either. Mine either. What? Mine either. Oh. That's stinky. Yeah. That's the ick. That's the ick. But yeah, I don't know what's going on. But every time I press on it, I get a tingle in my body. You can do a backflip, right? Do a backflip.
What? Wait, please do a backflip. Why would I do a backflip right now? We have a lot of space. Yeah, that is a good reason. I mean, math could make it right now. No, I was going to ask you to do the backflip off the yoga ball. Nope. No, that's not happening. No, no, no, like this thing. Why is it so... Why is it lots of... You deflated it. Oh, yeah. These deflates. Bro, what's going on? You're too big. Wait, Ashley Cash, try the backflip on the yoga ball. No, but you know what I'm saying? Where you go...
Yeah, I can't do that. I'll give you my $5 in my phone case if you do it. There's not even enough space here. There's not enough space. The ball is so deflated. I would run into a camera. You do it. I believe in you. You got it. Please. The mic can't hear you. Let's go, Cash. Let's go.
Let's go, Cash. Let's go. Please, please. Let's go. Please, please. Running astray. Running astray. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I'm scared. This is crazy. He's not doing this. Oh, gosh. Alex shall protect the equipment. Alex watching the camera. All right. This is a really bad idea. It won't stay in its place. It's going astray. Go for it.
Full send, buddy. I'm nervous. I'm actually so nervous. Oh my god. Why would your body flop like that? You know I don't like going backwards. The way his lips flew. No, I'm telling you.
lights going backwards i can do it you could do it i have a fear when i get here when i get here i freak out my body's not supposed to go that way and i see you like you were limp until then and you're like his body was like yeah it was like floppy yeah what yeah i don't know why you were flopping that's the one thing i want to get good at man he's going backwards backward oh that's the one thing in your life you wish you could do is go backwards yes that's the one thing he can do when i can't and
Yeah, it is pretty embarrassing that I can do backflips and you can't. Oh. Well, do you want to prove that to us? That I can do a backflip? Yeah. Everyone knows I can do backflips. Just look at me. You can just look at me. You can just look at me and you know. No, no, no. Yeah? No, just prove it. Just prove it. We're in the house.
Yeah, we're in the house. What's wrong with that? Mav, you got it. I feel like I'm going to hit something. Or someone. Alex is getting up to protect the equipment again. Oh, let's go, Mav. I'm scared. Let's go. Huh? Wherever you want. Wherever you want. Wherever you're... What? Let's go.
Let's go. That was scary. That was good. That was good. That was so scary. That was actually good. That was actually scary. Do backflip. Do backflip. You scared me. My socks slipped. Guys, fun fact. When I was in fifth grade, I tried to do a backflip and I broke my arm. So my mom told me I'm never allowed to do backflip again. So I can't because my mom told me so. Oh. Oh, shoot.
Bro, I hit the ground. My feet just slipped. Wait. Straight out from under me. I thought your feet were going to hit the fan. I was worried about it. Yeah, you were actually very high. You went very high. Yeah, I was looking at it. He's got a good vertical. Yeah. Yeah, the kids at the court say I'm like, they call me the flying squirrel. The courts?
Yeah, at the basketball court. Nobody calls you that. No, they call me the flying squirrel. Nope. Yep, they do. I fly. Yeah, and they call me the higher flying squirrel. No, they don't. I can actually dunk. Can I get some confirmation from some kids at the court? I can dunk better than the flying squirrel. Yeah, but you're like three inches taller than me, so it's not as impressive. That's not even true. That's not even true, really. Yeah, it is. Like, stand up. Cash, I'm 5'10". Stand right there. I'm like 5'10". No, but stand right there. 5'11". No, but stand right there. Well, I'm 4'9", so. Why am I 4'9"? Oh. Thanks, Harvard. Oh, yeah, you're welcome. We're at the same height.
You're just further back. No, we're literally at the same height. Everyone just saw it. No, you're just standing further away. We're not the same height. Everyone just saw it. Bro, do you even know math? That doesn't even make that big of a difference. Okay. Did y'all know that my DNA is on this couch? Why? I just scratch it. So if something were to happen, they have proof that you were here? Yeah. On that couch? Yeah. Cash, how's your love life? Oh. I'm working on it. Oh. Yeah. Yay!
Is it going well? No. Over here. You guys ever argue?
No. No. What was that? What? No. No. I was just asking her a question. Wait, did you get your Neal inspo from me? From you? Yeah. No. Oh. And that was... Well... I told you she's not going to want to talk about that on the podcast. I just asked a question. That's all I asked. You asked him about that beforehand? He was like, do you think Kate would be mad if I brought up the argument...
The argument? Now you're making it sound like it was a big thing. And I was like, no, she would not like that. And I was right. I didn't bring it up. I just asked if you... I don't remember what I asked. It was like an indirect, direct question. But you knew exactly what he was talking about. Yeah. Nope. So we can't talk about it? Next question. We can't talk about...
Next question. About what? What now? Harper's the voice of the people. Yes, yes. Okay, well, actually, guys, I have a game to play. So we all go around. This scares me. I know we did this. I forgot we have a game to play. All right. I know we all did this kind of the last time, like the last time we filmed. I feel like this is not going to be a good game. But we should do impressions of people. No, we're not doing impressions again. Oh.
Okay, I'll go first. I'll be Harper. I'll be Hopper. Hopper? Hopper. Hopper. Oh. Get it. You're trying to do. I can't do it, but I was trying to get it because I'm short. Wait, Harper, stand up next to him. Holy cow. Wow. Wait, no. It's because you're in front. It's because you're in front. No. No. Y'all are close. They're pretty close. Ever...
Ever since I got on my growth hormones, I grew. You're on growth hormone? You need to hook me up. We always talk about this. I haven't gone to the gym, but I ain't seen results yet. How tall have you gotten since taking them? I've taken them for like four months, and I've grown two inches. That's good. I need that. Yeah, yeah. No, but what was I going to say, actually? Um...
What? Say something. Say something, please. Oh, okay. So... Say something. I was thinking we should play a game or something. We just tried that, Harper.
Yeah. Do comments online about your body make you insecure? Me? Me? Yeah. Are there comments online about my body? I don't know. Are there? Not that I know of. That's good. Oh. They don't get to you? Like, hey, comments don't get to you? Comments about your body image. Oh.
What is the inside joke here? It's not really an inside joke. I just think it's funny. We were just curious. Does that upset you? What? What are people saying about my body? What part of my body?
I don't know. They keep looking at each other like they have something to say. There's something going on there that I'm not picking up. Any sort of comment? Are y'all gaslighting me into making myself think I'm like 500 pounds or something? No. No, that'd be unbelievable. Maybe 450. Oh! Hey, if she ain't 380, she ain't a lady. Oh, shoot. No, um...
Well, I have something to say. Why did you come up with that? Well, I have something to say. You're going to get canceled. So. Yeah, yeah. Guys, let's put a time stamp. How long until we like make people mad and get canceled? I don't know. I feel like there have been some. I can get some people mad pretty quick. I feel like there have been some questionable things said on this podcast. I'm kind of surprised that we haven't had like more people mad at us lately. Yeah. Because of her? Yeah. Yeah. Wait, I literally.
Yeah, that's the only thing she has. I'm literally only 14, guys. I can say really whatever I want. No, you know who also can say whatever they want? Who? When you go to like a service, like a beauty service, and a lot of times, like for example, I went to go get a facial, and typically there are people- Everyone's dozing out again. No. Oh.
Okay. Sorry. No, keep going. Keep going. Typically, they're people from like different countries and stuff, right? This, like a lot of times, they don't speak like super good English. Different country? You're really trying hard. They're Chinese. Yeah. No, they're not. They're Vietnamese. What? They're like Vietnamese. There's like a lot, actually. Yeah. They're usually Vietnamese. Okay, they're Asia. Yeah. I don't know. But anyways. Yeah, sure. They're just Asia? Yeah, they're from Asia. Yeah. Okay, okay. They're just...
Just continue. What? Yeah, so keep talking. I'm in.
The Asian. Oh, the Asian. Yeah. Asians have really good skin. Like, that's probably why they make such bad comments on ours. Like, you know how, like, I'm not even joking. No, that's where her story's going. Oh, actually? Yes, I was getting a facial, and the lady, she was old. She was, like, an elderly lady, though. I couldn't even be mad, because she meant it in the nicest way. Because I was having a really bad breakout this week. She was, like, no more chocolate for you. Oh!
Oh my gosh. I'm telling you, bro. The Asian ladies can just get away with whatever they want to say. I was there and she's like, oh, your eyebrows. No good. No good. This look bad. I was like, hey, she's not lying. Yeah, but she was cute. I wasn't even mad. She was like, no more chocolate for you. I was like, I don't even eat chocolate. Like who can say that? If I said that to a girl, I would not get by with that. Yeah. No, that'd not be good. If I looked at a girl and said, no more chocolate for you. No way.
Everyone would be like, whoa, why would you say that? No more chocolate for you today. But an angel lady in salon, fine. Yeah, it was fine though. Maybe I should take that advice.
Except I don't eat chocolate, though. I love eating chocolate. I don't know what she meant by that. My skin was just having a bad week. I understand. Do you ever get really bad breakouts? I really never have. Because I really haven't started getting greasy on my face. You know how people get greasy on their face? Like me? No. No, no. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, no. Like, I mean, like, my...
Like, I don't... So what's going on there? Do you know some muskies?
You know, I see the way all y'all look at me all the time. And I know y'all are so mad y'all have to sit on the same chair. Nope. Not at all. I've never thought that. Actually, I kind of do get mad. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah, after the end of every episode, Harper goes and sits on my chair. Yeah, she was rocking really hard on the rocking horse. Oh, okay. So... So you don't get greasy skin. Yeah. Wait, but you have all those expensive skincare products. Yeah, but...
I sometimes break out my chin. Do you think it's because of the products you use? No. Well, maybe. Yeah, yeah, probably. Like, I think, like, some of them, I'm not going to say the names, but, like, one that starts with a D, one that starts with a B, one that starts with an A. Like, those are the skincare products that break me out. Yeah.
I'm so confused. Only if they start with those letters? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. Next. Next. Come up with a topic, Harper. It's so funny watching Harper trying to switch topics. I know. Every time she realizes. She cannot segue. Every time her sentence is coming to an end, she's like, uh, uh, uh, topic. Oh, yeah, I gotta talk about her. She's like, we're going to, um.
Wait, what was the game? We never played the game. It was the impression. So the game was to impression. But that ended off really sad for me. But, um, uh, uh, oh, yeah. Um, okay. Sometimes I want to walk off the podcast. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. Okay, so, well, I try to keep people entertained so then they don't doze off like when Kate talks, you know? Like, like, like, well, I, I,
Yeah, we did look at the retention and people Yeah, we can see the highest watch time when people click off. Every time the camera switched to Kate, it just goes. I told you guys. That's not true. Bro, what? No, it spikes when it goes to me. I literally told you guys. When it goes to me, it goes. No, when it goes to me, it goes. No, no, when it goes to you, it just kind of stays even. No, no, no, no. I told you guys, I will leave the podcast whenever y'all tell me to. No. Should we have a meeting? Mm.
I don't want to be the only girl on here. Harper, you just were talking about how everyone clicks off when I talk, though. That was cash. No, but you said it too. No. But I will, if you guys just say the words. I'm not. Guys, y'all comment. Do we kick Kate off the pod? No. Let us know. No. Harper, would you rather have Kate or Olivia Rodrigo? Kate. Oh. Wait, wait, wait. Well, that's kind of a hard answer or question.
What about both? No. No. It's one or the other type of thing. I would pick Olivia Rodrigo to replace me too, honestly. Oh, okay.
Are you? No hard feelings. Do you want to go to a therapy appointment? I need therapy after every single episode of this podcast. The podcast is therapy. And that is our sponsor, BetterHelp. BetterHelp. They don't sponsor us. Nobody sponsors us, actually. We're doing really good and still nobody sponsors us. So we're broke is what we're saying. So if you want to send money, our P.O. box is...
My Venmo is... We are doing a... I don't know. I mean, not a grooming. What's it called? GoFundMe. GoFundMe. GoFundMe for the LOL podcast. Yes, because we really need it. No one will sponsor us. Listen, these... Go bankrupt, guys. These LED lights got to stay on somehow. Yeah, yeah. You're going to have people actually concerned about us. No. We make it by. Oh. We get by. We get by.
Listen. Well, listen, I don't view this podcast as therapy because typically when people go to therapy, their therapists don't just insult them the whole time. Oh. I feel like some people need that. I feel like you just probably need that. You know what I'm saying? Just because you disagree with your therapist doesn't mean the therapist isn't right. I think I should start a therapy thing because like my therapy would be such a different approach than other people's therapy. I think your therapy would be horrible. People would be like, you want to know why I feel sad? Why? Why?
Why? I don't know. Tell me a reason. Like if you were in therapy, why do you feel sad? Oh, I got hit by a ukulele. Okay, maybe you go. Okay. I just have a podcast and I have to sit next to this little tiny girl and she just talks a long time. I have to recover for days after. She's ripping her nails off right now. Yeah, you're making me feel unconscious. I feel like a normal therapist would be like, have you thought to talk about that with her? I would say, replace her.
Okay, my turn. Replace her? Replace her. With who? Olivia Rodrigo? I don't know. Any other redhead girl if her color was red? Not another redhead. They don't have soaps. Wait, guys. Who is going to be the person who comes on next? We're not telling you. Wait, question. Wait, can I tell you my therapy problem and you can be my therapist? Yeah, go for it.
I'm on a podcast, and I think they all secretly want me to leave, but no one has the heart to tell me. Then you got to find better friends and leave. No. Okay, so I'm going to find better friends and leave now. Is that like my cue to... Then there's a redhead girl who wants you to stay on. No, there's not. She just insulted me and said everyone dozes off when I speak. No. I was joking. Play the clip back. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say nobody likes your pearl necklace.
What? Yeah. Have you ever got a compliment on that? Lots. I've also got opposite, though. It's like a love or hate thing. It's a hate thing. I love my pearl necklace. And you know what? There's a story behind this pearl necklace. How does your love life go with that necklace? It's kind of like a grandma in a necklace. My love life? Yeah, when you're wearing that necklace, do you think your love life is going to go well? I mean, a lot of girls like it, but I don't know. I actually... Yeah, well...
He's about to make you feel real bad. Yeah. I'm debating which way I want to go with this. Do I go towards my love life or do I go towards the pearl necklace? The pearl necklace. Tell me the sentimental value of it. So, this pearl necklace. I took a trip down to Colombia. And I meet this little kid. I'm dozing off. He was like 10 years old. He had nothing to his name except this pearl necklace. Kid hadn't showered in probably three months. I said, I love your necklace you made. That's a while.
He said, "You can have it." He gave me his last belonging. This necklace. And then you just took it. You took it. You took it? I had to. That is so messed up of you. No, I had to. You wouldn't have this. Oh, no. Is that all you got? Yeah. Thanks. What?
No, he wanted to give it to me made him feel good to get like you know, it feels good to give something no Get something then that's what it feels good I get so excited like Drunk elephant
I love Drunk Elephant. If you want to give me some more. Oh my God. Harper. That would be really nice. Okay, what about your love life? Oh yeah. My love life? Yeah. It's been going good. Well, I take that back. I don't know if it's going good or not. The last week. How do I say this without the person knowing? Just say it. Good one, Harper. That's always Harper's trap. If you're the person watching this, listen, listen.
We love you. And it can be yogi. We do. Yogi. It's my fault. I'm bad at communication. All right? So I think I accidentally went on a date. You accidentally went on a date? Yeah, I didn't mean to. But this girl kind of opened up to me one night. And then I was like, okay. Yeah, you should come to church with me on Sunday. And we can talk some more after. And she was like, okay.
So she was like, let's get lunch. I was like, okay, cool. We'll get lunch. And then it was just me and her at lunch. And it kind of felt like a date. Y'all tell the stories the slowest way possible. Okay. It kind of felt like a date. Is that what you want me to talk? Yeah, talk about Harbor. Straight to the point, man. It felt like a date. I wasn't sure if it was a date or not. And then...
It comes time to split the check. And this is the point where you're going to know if it's a date or not. Wait, who was this? Don't worry about it. It was Yogi. We get to this point where it comes time to split the check. And like, I don't mind paying for my friend's food. I do it all the time. I love taking my friends out to eat. So I genuinely wouldn't have cared to pay for her food. But I didn't want her to think it was a date. So the lady comes up and the girl says, can I get a box? And the lady says, yes, please.
How many? And then the other, and then she said, can I get the check also? And she said, yes. How many? Me? I said, I spoke up. I was like, this is my shot to make sure it's not a date.
I said, two. Oh. Oh, gosh. Two. Oh. The lady goes, two boxes. Got it. And walks off. I was like, oh, no. Frick. Okay. Well. Oh. So what happened? So then I paid for the food. How much? You paid for the food? I did. Bro, be a man. Put your foot down. It was like. Guys.
Cash had to do that to me one time. I didn't know what to do. All I know is if I'm paying for the food, she ain't taking home the box. Yeah.
I'm definitely taking the box home. Have I paid for it? Listen, you ate what you ate, but the rest is not. You know what I'm saying? Also, what type of girl wants to walk out of a date with just a bunch of chicken wings? I'm going to eat these later. I'm going to eat these later. Here's the thing. I actually enjoy hanging out with her, but we're just good friends. There's nothing romantically there. I had to put Kate on a budget once.
He did. He cut me off. We were dating or engaged or I don't know. I think we were dating. I don't know, but we knew we were going to get married. So we knew our money was going to be shared, so we didn't really care. And we were just using the money, whatever, right? And then she started using money. Oh, she started using money? She started using money. Oh, no. Swiping it a little too often, you know what I mean? Yeah. She started swiping like Swiper. Oh, I know what you mean. Swiper, no swipey. And I was like, this guy chill. This guy...
Chili, chill, chill. You know what I'm saying? Nope. You know what I'm saying? I don't. Oh. A quick backstory. Mav one time commented on his girlfriend's post. Baby. Oh my gosh. Let me just say it. He said, baby, chili, chill, chill. Inside joke. That's what his comment. It was not an inside joke. It was making fun of you. It was not. Dude, he comes up with a new strategy every time to deflect from this. That's what he said in that statement. That's not true. Anyways. Anyways.
I'm swiping the card too much. Oh, yeah. She was swiping the card and I was like, oh. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. I was like, oh my gosh. I thought it was my Shopify going off, but it wasn't. Oh. And I check it and I was like, oh, dear Lord. I started praying right then and there. Welcome to married life. I was like, maybe the card will decline, maybe? And it didn't. It kept accepting. Oh, no. And, bro, she used so much money. Can we get a number? Mm-hmm.
Do you have a number? I don't. It was a lot. It was a lot of money. And I was like, okay. Plot twist, it was like 80 bucks. I was like, all right, okay. We're going to have to...
budget here. And I was like, actually, instead of budget, I got a great idea. How about you use your own money? Because we still had our separate accounts. I had like my high school checking still open. Yeah, and we knew we were going to get married. We knew our money was going to be shared, whatever. Oh, y'all were still dating. Yes, but I was like, Kate, you got to learn, because she was like 15 years old. I was like, Kate, you got to learn how to spend money. And she was like,
Yeah, I probably should learn that because I don't really value money or whatever. She's like, I know how to spend it really well. I'm really good at it. Listen. Then I cut a point in our dating relationship. I didn't pay for anything ever again. Whoa. She paid for everything. Yeah. Not only for mine. That's a hot take. We'd split everything because I wanted her to learn the value of money. It was her bank account with her money that she earned to get it. And then when we got married, it was no problem. So you taught her a lesson? I taught her a lesson. Wow. Wow.
I was really humbled one time. We went into Hollister. I thought we were just shopping with that credit card. I was unaware that my credit card was going to be used that day. Apparently I asked her, do you want to go shopping at the mall? Yes. And she took that as me offering, do you want me to buy you things at the mall? That sounds like, that literally like, oh, you want to go shopping? Yeah, obviously. So I go into Hollister and I pick out a top and I'm at the checkout and I'm waiting for him to pull his card out and I realize that he's not and I was like,
Oh.
He's not pulling his credit card out to buy this for me. That's so funny. That sounds so bad, but listen. And then you know what she said? She told me this like two weeks ago. We were talking about this story. She said, if I would have known that you weren't buying it, I wouldn't have got the top because I didn't like it that much. No, I did like it. I did like it, but I'm not even joking, guys. She only liked it if you were buying it. No, I did like it, but not a whole lot. But I still liked it, but I bought it. And as we were walking out of the mall, I went back in the store and I returned it. Oh, okay.
So you just returned it because I didn't buy it for you? Yep. Oh.
But I loved when you bought me stuff. It was so special. I was like, oh, and Cash bought this for me. Yeah. I love when people buy me things. No one's buying me nothing. Oh, sorry, sorry. Keep going. No, I just, I don't know. If it was a shirt I bought, there's no sentimental value to it. But like, Cash buying me a shirt? Kate, where are the good girls at? Oh. Not the dance bar. Arizona. Arizona? No. Indiana. No. Indiana? No. I was thinking. No.
Mav, you're spending all your evenings at the dance bar. You're not finding a wife at the dance bar. Yeah, you're finding a cat girl. Like a cat lady at the dance bar. No. You did find a cat lady, didn't you? A cat lady? Yeah.
- Oh, you grounded again. We can't talk about that one. That one's too specific. But no, I do need to meet more girls, I think. - That are wife material. - Yeah, I know what I want. - You just spend so much time around people that aren't wife material. - I don't think I can say what I want. - I think you and Paige would be good together. - No. - That's what I'm thinking. - Yeah, seriously. I'm not joking. - She has a boyfriend. - Oh yeah, she has a boyfriend. - Oh, well maybe they could break up.
Maybe. You know what? That's a good idea. I'll ask him after they sit down. Yeah. Yeah. I'll call him. Let me ask him if they're cool with that real quick. Yes. Please. Please. Listen. Paige is a great girl. Yeah.
And I'm just a little out of her league. No, I'm kidding. Oh, wow. No, I'm kidding. I know where you're at, man. You got to play your game. It's not all... People are like, there's plenty more fish in the sea. Well, I'm like, well, how big is your sea? Because everyone's in a little bit different of a sea. Bro, I don't want every fish. I'm fishing for a certain type. Listen, people in a mud...
Fishes in a mud puddle might think they're in the sea, but they're not in the sea. Yeah, there's a big fish in a little pond or a little fish in a big pond. You got to know your options. You want the big fish like the pig or the small fish? I mean, some people. I think you're lost. Oh, well, guys, I think I'm really good at spending money.
Are you? Yeah. I think she just wants to be included because we just talked about this. Well, we were all talking about financial things. How often do you spend money? How are your finances going? Yeah, how's your finances? Well, let's just say they're going great. I love... Your bills are all paid? Yeah. Oh, there you go. I actually have to pay, what's it called? What is it called? A bill? Tax. Tax. Say tax.
Already. I'm only 14. She has to pay taxes. I have to pay that one bill. That's not even a bill, Harper. That's just taxes. I'm 14. I don't have to pay it. My mom can. Like, right? Your mom will pay your taxes for you. Like, the money that I make, I keep that. Nope. No, so the money you make, you'll keep like...
70 something percent of it. No, I choose to keep all of it. No. You'll go to prison. Well, the IRS says otherwise. Yeah. Yeah, the IRS sucks. Then you'll keep my kids. Yeah, IRS, if you hear this, thumbs down for you. Yeah, like say you make, that was so fake. No, it was, I swear. I believe it was real. I've had something like that. No, what?
I know what you mean. It comes out your throat. Oh. Oh. You need some water? No. No, like, if you make $100... Thank you, though. Like, when you pay your taxes, you'll keep, like, I don't know, $73 of it. Wait, so even if I just, like, made $100 from a lemonade stand, I would have to... No, that's not... Pay taxes? You're supposed to, but...
no you only i mean i do i do i pay all my taxes yeah i pay we pay all our taxes i pay extra taxes okay yeah whatever it is we tip money i actually tip the irs wait well what's the irs like what exactly that's the significance they have yeah wait the irs could actually come after me i take back everything i said irs i'm sending in a check this week to you guys so i'm
I'm scared to pay bills. Do you have any bills that you have to pay, like your phone bill? No. No? No. That's good. My parents are very nice about that, but... Are you going to have to buy your own car when you turn 16? No. Well, so my sister's car, they bought it for her, and they give her $100 a month to spend gas on it. Yeah. And she spends it on food.
Don't rat her out like that. I will. And then she comes to my parents and she's like, oh, please give me more money, please. And at one point she was like, please, Harper, can you please... I don't know what I'm saying. But the main point is she begs for money. Yeah.
Not everyone's a TikTok star. You gotta take everything Harper says with a grain of salt. Or just 0% truth. That's how I look at it. I don't even know if she has a sister. A lot of times her mom will be like, that's not true, Harper. Why are you saying that? Well, well, well. It's like 50-50. What were you saying earlier? And her mom yelled from downstairs. She's like, that's not true, Harper. We're not going to repeat that. I don't even know what she said. She said she was...
No, we just want to repeat it. Oh. Yeah. We're not repeating it. You already know. Was I there? Yeah. You were part of the conversation. Was it like the... Moving on. What were we talking about before? Oh, women. We love women. We do love women. Women are great. We weren't talking about that. I'm a big supporter of women. I don't like women. I'm the biggest supporter of women. I don't like women. Me personally? I even think they should be able to drive. I don't understand. I...
Wait, I don't understand. Oh my gosh. Harper, wait. The delivery was great. This is when you're supposed to be offended. Oh. How rude. I'm going to cry now. Women can't drive. I'm 14. I know I can't drive. You know what she's going to say?
That was so unfunny. Hey, I'm just saying. I just take a defensive driving class, so I'm not a good driver. Wait, what was the joke? There was three guys in there. There was nine women. Every single one of the women were in there because they totaled their car in an accident. All the guys, aggressive speeding. Every single one. Every single one was going like 40, 50 over the speed limit.
Oh, I'm not saying women can't drive. I understand. You know, my personal experience though is both of our cars that we have me and cash, both of our cars that have been damaged because of like a fender bender. We're both done by those two.
Okay, but statistically, I drive. Statistically, I'm not enough. Sometimes I think men support women more than women support other women. I know. You know what I'm saying? What's the definition of support? Like, what's it called? I know it, I know it. To take care of. No. What? Wait, no, it's... I don't know. It's segregation. No. Not the definition of support. It was close. You were close. What's it called again? It's like, oh, suffrage, suffrage.
Suffrage? No, you're still not there. It's okay. You're closer. We're going to move on. No, I'm kidding. Do you know what segregation is? And suffrage? No. Well, I do. You should know what segregation is. I don't know what suffrage is. I know it starts with an S.
It starts with an S. Separation? No. Support? No. That's what we're talking about. We were talking about men supporting women. I thought it was women supporting women. Well, I said I think men support women more than women support women. No, suffrage is the movement. Women's rights. Women's rights. Told ya. That's not quite what we were getting at, though. Wait, do y'all want to see me be a mime? Yeah. What? No. I do. I do, Harper. So watch my feet. Just watch my feet.
Nothing else. Just watch my feet. I don't want to do that. I'm not doing that. Please just watch my feet. I gotta watch. What do you mean? You gotta watch. Please just watch my feet. Okay, I'm watching your feet. Oh, ow. Wait, that was the mime. Okay, I'm gonna ask the question again. Harper, you're not allowed to answer for a second. What is the definition of support? I don't know. To like take care of, to lift up.
Right? Something like that. It's been a second. Suffrage. Nope, that's still not the definition of support. It is, literally. Suffrage is not the definition of support. All I know is I support women. I support women. I support them in the kitchen. I support them in the laundry room. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It's a joke. Oh, you get that one, huh? No. Ha ha!
Listen, you guys are going to offend people. It's called the LOL podcast. But nobody laughs at those jokes anymore, guys. I just did. I laughed pretty hard. Listen, you know what? Women get mad at...
You can make those jokes about me. This is about to be a hot take. I feel like he's gonna make people mad. Hey, not me, Matt. I don't care. I listen to it every day. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Raise your hand before you speak. Shut up. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Oh my gosh. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No, you're not. I was like, why am I single? What? He offends every woman he talks to. Dude, I'm so sick and tired of everyone being offended, bro. You offend everyone. Everyone's offended. That is true. Look at it. LOL. You know what that means? Comedy. Jokes. Laugh.
A whole lot. That's actually not what it means. I came up with the name. Are you joking? Laugh a whole lot. Laugh out loud. LOL. Laugh a whole lot. That's actually not what it means when I came up with the pod name. For sure. It means Lord of my life. Or Lord over life. We came up with the podcast name. Lord over life. It was literally a we thing. I was really confused this whole time because I was under the impression it was laugh out loud. Same.
I think that's right, actually. But I like laugh a whole lot better. Anyways, I don't think I've ever been offended by a joke one time in my entire life ever. Oh. It's true. Men can really take a joke. Yeah, there's nothing you can say that would offend me. Until the other night, I tried to smack a smoothie out of his hand. He was getting pretty aggressive. That's not a joke. He just goes, I'm going to smack your smoothie out of your hand. And he started chasing me down. That's not a joke. I just wanted my smoothie. That's so funny. I can't. Harper thinks it's a good joke. I can't.
You should have seen him running. Running? Do you know how hard it is to defend yourself with one hand when your smoothie's holding the other one? No, no. And it's like dribbling all over the place. Exactly. Back to women's rights. Women's rights? Suffrage. I voted for that, man.
yeah you did you that was like 1890s women's listen that was three years ago if a woman wants to get out of house and work bro y'all keep tricking me with time yeah that's what i'm saying play video games y'all keep tricking me with uh if you want to take care of me i'm down what oh y'all keep tricking me with the times wait do you wait do you actually know when women's rights was 1870
What? Yeah, sure. I'm not going to pretend like I know. I don't know. It was definitely like the 1950s. No. When did women get voting rights? Wait, Joe, when did women get voting rights? I would say that's whenever. Listen, we're not historians. No one knows. Wait, what is segregation? Joe, it's your time to shine. What? Wait, what?
Is segregation. Okay. It's like, it's history. It's like, it's like racism. It's like when segregation was when they separated white people from black people. It's when you separate something from something. So segregation was when there was like only white bathrooms and only black bathrooms. Oh, okay. And like only like white waterfronts and only black bathrooms. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. But so Joe said he's good at that. Those jokes are like the history. Oh. Because he's black. Do you get it? Yeah. Yeah.
I do. Glad you caught on now. Okay. Anyways, so suffrage and segregation are two different things. Yes, yes. They are. Making moves out here. Wait, what's suffrage? Isn't that just like suffer? No. No, her mom just said it was women's rights. It is women's rights, yes. Suffrage isn't just a word for suffering? I want to move on from this word. I'm tired of hearing it. Wait, can we all be quiet for a minute? I'm going to do my pops.
Like my pops, how I pop my body. Okay, go for it. Okay. Oh. Aesthetic. Okay. I'll go first. Oh. Oh, you ready? Oh, okay. That did not work. Wait, hold on. Yeah, you have no pops. Nothing's popping. Nothing's popping. Wait. Oh. Here, I'll go. I'll go. Ready, ready? Wait. I don't think they can hear it. All right, I'll go. Ready, ready? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. I can't pop either. I didn't hear a thing. Oh. Oh. Oh. I got it. How do you do that? It's like ASMR. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you think if I gave you permission, you could find me a better wife than I could find myself? I could find Paige. Paige, yeah. I think I could track her down for you. Yeah, listen. We need to drop the Paige thing. No, I'm not dropping that till the day I die. No. Listen, me and Paige, we've known each other like five or six years. We're good friends. We're going to leave it at that. No, y'all are going to marry each other.
No, I could never date Paige for the pure fact that she has kissed my brother. Whoa. What? Yeah, that's not true. Oh, yeah, I remember that. Yes, I can't. I can't. It would never happen. Yeah, I really do wish you would do that because I would have ammo on you for the rest of my life. Anytime he'd get mad at me, I'd be like, yeah, well, I've kissed your girlfriend.
So you can't have that. That's unacceptable. Can't have that. No, but wouldn't that be just so perfect? No. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you and Paige are best friends, and you and Maverick are enemies. So girly. No, like literally, it would just be so fun. No, but I am worried about for whoever Matt picks, because whoever Matt picks, I got to be like this width, because if not, that's awkward. Listen, me and their sister are like this, and the other girl's got to come in, and she's got to fit like this.
And I'm scared he's gonna fit someone that fits like that. Yeah. Like that doesn't go in. And he definitely will. What if I pick someone and then her and my sister get really tight and then you're the odd one out? That just wouldn't happen. That would be crazy. Me, lady. I would not want to be around for that. Nope, that's not happening. Guys, I need a wife. We gotta put out applications or something. Yeah. We got you. Someone make a Facebook post. I make a lot of those on Facebook Market.
I bet you can find some keepers. Should I take that up? They have a Facebook dating thing on Facebook. They literally have a Facebook market for single people? That's, nope, nope. There is absolutely a good... You just scroll, man. Is this still available? No, there has to be somebody. Best offer. I got 60.
Listen, there has to be at least one woman between the ages of 18 and like 24 that watches this podcast that is a fit for Maverick. And if so, don't reach out to Maverick. Reach out to me because I have to verify you before you go to Maverick. You gotta go through the approval process. Yeah, if you're not approved by me and Cash, you're not making the cut. Just DM Kate your applications. Yes, all applications go to at KateMaurice underscore on Instagram. If she doesn't answer, just email her. Nope, don't send it. I'm logged into the email. Don't email Maverick.
I was thinking about who's your wife gonna be and I'm thinking is that what you were doing yeah you haven't got it yet Paige I just got it it just came to her it just came to you just like that no I swear I saw a ghost what like he's paler than me what yeah you're paler than me and I'm a ginger
Okay, okay Harper. What's like can you give Mavericks like dream girl? Can you give a description of her? Oh no Your last girlfriend was blonde blue eyes
Why do you even know that? Yeah, I'm kind of confused by that too. I know my things. Okay, so blonde, blue eyes, Paige. Just Paige. Does Paige even have blue eyes? Yeah. Does she? How do you not know your future wife's eyes? Like what? Stop. Seriously, stop. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, I'm actually thinking. So brunette, brunette, brunette, brunette.
Oh my gosh, that's so much better guys. Yeah, you should update your profile picture to that. Keep this on me, I like it. You look like you're from Minecraft. No, so basically... So, brunette, blue eyes...
That's all I got. I'm down for a brunette with blue eyes. Okay. Wait, do brunettes get blue eyes? Yes. What? And do... I'm saying, have you ever seen that? Do genders get red eyes? Oh, wait. I don't know where I was going with this. I know. I mean, so for real, do brunettes get blue eyes? Yes. Yes. I'm naturally a brunette. Do you have blue eyes? Oh. Idiot. I just realized that. I'm a brunette. I'm a brunette. You are? Wait.
You're a brunette with blue eyes. I am! I feel so dumb. I'm not. I couldn't tell if you were genuinely asking the question or not. No, I was actually genuinely asking. Bro was like thinking hard. So stupid. Listen. Whoa. You guys are perfect for each other. Who? You two. Why? Y'all just are. Why? Can you take that off? No, it's so much better. Y'all have a crush on each other? There you go. Y'all have a crush on each other? Oh, no, wait. That's crazy. Do you have a crush on me? Um...
I did. Oh. Until. Until what? You met Maverick. Oh. Listen, just because we hugged. Wait, wait, wait. Why did the crush you have on me end? Yeah. I had a crush on you until one day. You know what I saw? Oh. What?
Never mind. I was going to make a joke, but everyone's going to be mad at me. No, just say it. Say it. You're the only one that won't be mad at me, unfortunately. So I could say it to you, but... Say it. Would I get mad? Everyone would be mad. Whisper it. Whisper it to me. I can't. Please? I can't. Just say it. I'm holding back. Nobody will get mad at you, guys. I think it's actually... If he's holding... I think it's probably pretty bad. Yeah. It's okay. Yeah. No, just say it. But whisper it to me. I'm not whispering you the joke, Kate. Okay? I have self-control. Can you whisper it to Harper? Yeah. Yeah.
That's so shady. When you look at me like that. With a box on her head. Wait. You play Roblox? No. Have you played Roblox? Oh, she definitely plays Roblox. I got a shoe. She was like. No, no. Her face lit up for a second. She went. No. No, I don't play Roblox. No, I really don't. Not like Fashion Famous and like Adonis.
Adopt me. What the heck is that? Oh, well, I spent like ten thousand hundred thousand billion dollars on it. Oh my gosh Wait, I got a question answered honestly. Oh, no, either one of you ever spent money on a mobile app. Yes. Yes. Oh my gosh number one garden scapes Not episode oh no, you're gonna be really mad when I tell you this next part what it was after we got married and
Oh my. Yo. I thought you were going to be like 14. Nope. I didn't have access to a credit card when I was 14. Wait, my credit card is getting swiped on episode 14.
Bro. That's not okay. Yeah, that's not okay. Even she knows that's not okay. That's not okay. What do you do when you're going out on a date with the man you've been crushing on for years and they say, you can wear a trash bag or you can spend money and look super hot tonight? Obviously, you're not wearing a trash bag. You actually spent our money on episode? It's not real life, Kate.
It could be. Y'all don't understand how frustrating that game is when you don't get to spend it. It's not even a game. They just sit there and ask you for money and they say to continue to pay us money. Yeah, every question. All right, with that, unfortunately, I'm highly embarrassed, so we're going to end the episode here. Make sure you guys enter the contest. Was that a full episode? Yeah. Time. What's the time? It's a full episode.
53? And you're trying to end it? Wow, he's always trying to end it. Always trying to end it. Like he's got places to be or something. Yeah, we all know who you have a place to be at. I'm fine right now. I'm good on time. As long as I leave in the next five minutes. Can we wrap this up? Guys, he's literally springing out of his chair and he's going to leave so fast. That's not true. I'm going to leave right now. Wait, actually. Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, sit back down real quick. Sit back down. I actually have a question. Ugh.
I actually have a question. Yo, could you chill? I actually have a question I've been meaning to ask. Let me see. Questions. What's the question?
Joe's shutting the cameras off. You better hurry. Yeah, Joe's turning all the cameras off. I don't know if anybody's still listening to me. The question is, I want you guys to comment on who we should have on the podcast because I ran out of people in my head to think of. So I need you guys to comment down below what guests we should have on the podcast. We'll see you guys next time. Peace out. Bye.
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