I Built A Secret Room!
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Black twirlers in high school. Dude, you would be great at that. Yep. Oh, my. That would have been so good if you got it. Ow. Oh, no. I think she's hurt. Oh, I want to be done.

Um, welcome back to the podcast guys today is one of my favorite episodes probably ever So if you guys are here you're in for a treat. This is your favorite episode ever. It hasn't even started math Oh, because we got some stuff we about to talk about today who can do the highest jump like, you know, how wait wait I haven't done this in a while Oh

You mean recoil? It's actually disgusting, Cash. The recoil went crazy. You see the recoil on that thing? Does nobody else get upset about it? Kate, do you get upset about it or you're just like, oh, it's life now? She doesn't even care anymore at this point. I genuinely have this twinge inside me and it just makes me angry. I mean, you can hit him if you need to. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slap him. You know what's funny? Well, apparently Cash results to violence whenever he's angry. And you want just like...

Kill him? Oh, wait. Kate, I came to this thought the other day, and I said it to Mav, and Mav was like, oh, that is so true. So now I'm going to share it with you, so next time Cash gets on to you, you can say this. Yes. So whenever she yells at Maverick, Cash is like, you should not resort to yelling at people whenever you're angry. You need to be calm, and you need to talk to people, and just be normal, right? Well, Cash, when he gets angry, he's...

Hurts people, apparently. We're still talking about that. It is a good point. You've never laid a hand on... Well...

Not like that, though. I've never touched you. Oh, my gosh. You think he's ever hit me? Hold on. To give context, me and my friend got in an argument, and me and him were in a bad argument, and I slapped him. That's crazy. It was different, though. It was like years of tension. It was like, you guys ever seen the get my wife's name out your mouth? It was like that kind of. It was like that, and then Cash just walked off and just...

But we're still friends. We've been friends for years. We're still friends. And that's the only reason I slapped him is because we're such good friends. Believe it or not, he did not apologize. Me? He said that the kid deserved it. No, listen. Has the kid been on our show? I did apologize too. That's true. He did apologize later.

Really? Yeah. The kid paid him $300 to apologize. It was a kid? No, not a kid. I say kid. He's not a kid. But no, I only slagged him because we're very close and he is practically like a brother to me. Silence is never the answer. Cash was in the wrong here. That's what's important. And he made a mistake. Okay? A mistake that

He can probably come back from. Definitely not. There's a chance. Either way. If, you know, from here on out, you just straighten up. Otherwise, you'll end up in prison. Also. Because he could still potentially file charges on you. I'm going to try to say as little words as possible this podcast. Yeah, Kate did not want to film. She's not happy.

No, I'm a waking like happy happy dog. We should have done that. Why aren't you happy? I'm not. It's not that I'm not happy. Oh my gosh. Have y'all seen that one thing where that guy like eats a chip in front of this girl's face and she's like Christ on a bike, dude. What? Like cheese and crackers. She said Christ on a bike. And then this one mom was like, I just did it.

I'll just be quiet. Kate, why aren't you happy? I'm not unhappy. I just like, I feel really bad right now. Just like, ugh. Why? Did you get your Chipotle? No, I'm just waiting until after. Oh, that's why. Once Kate eat hers Chipotle, she'll be all happy again. She'll be like Elf from the movie Elf. No. I'm just like, I don't know. My body's like not working right. Do you just need a snack?

Wait, give us your most energy you can right now. I need like three meals. I want max level energy. Give me everything you got. I need a meal for a family of five in front of me and I'll be okay. Whoa, that's a big meal for a big old girl. Nothing was better than the Christmas episode though when Santa Claus got you.

A pig ornament? Yeah, Santa Claus on our Christmas episode last year got us all ornaments and got Kate a pig ornament. And then all our stockings were like this big. Everybody's stocking was about them.

Everything in it was about them. Yeah, we got... Santa thought it'd be a cute idea to bring us all an ornament that represented us. So Maverick got a ballerina because he was dancing all the time. Harper got an elf because she was... Short. Small. Cash got Bigfoot because you know he's big and smelly. Which I still don't get why I got Bigfoot. And then I got a pig. Oink, oink. Oink, oink.

But you know what? Say it. Christmas is coming. Christmas is coming. Mariah Carey is defrosting as we speak. And Santa will be back. And I will get him back. Okay? Can you just... You still didn't explain why you aren't happy. Unless... Unless... Are you at COVID or something? We can't give up. Hey! Nobody wants to hear that.

Oh my gosh. It's the anger that wells up in me every single time. I thought it would be funny if I did it once because I'm a girl and stuff, but he does it every time. All the time. Every day. I'd like to put on record. I see people in the comments that fart is so edited. No, it's not. It's not. I wish it was. We all wish it was, but it's not. But Kate...

So y'all stay edited. Y'all come to the live shows. I promise you the live show, it's going to happen. When we're on tour, anytime I get a fart, I will fart in the microphone. Oh, I would like to say something. Two seconds ago, remember I was talking about the revenge I'm getting on Santa this year? On the topic of Christmas, we are going on tour in 2025. So if you guys want a good Christmas present, top of your list is...

To meet the funniest podcast. Yeah, put us at the top of your Christmas list and maybe you'll get to come see us on tour. Maybe we'll be coming to a city near you. I think we might even show up under your Christmas tree. Well, we can't promise that because we probably would get like arrested for trespassing. I'll show up under your Christmas tree. Okay. Yep, just email. Just email.

Email Santa Claus. No, bleep that. Really? Bleep that. Now we gotta bleep that. Why? Yes, no, we have to bleep that. Why? I don't resort to bleeping ever, but that means bleeped. Why? Because. Please do it, Alex. It'll make our lives more hard.

No, no, no. Don't even say anything. Anyways, have you heard about that P. Diddy stuff? Oh, I heard about that P. Diddy stuff. What did you hear? And keep it appropriate for this. I mean, I heard about like baby oil and stuff like that. Like P. Diddy ordered like a thousand dollar baby oil like that. Yeah, okay. That's enough P. Diddy because no more. P. Diddy was trying to open up a Costco at his house, I think. For baby oil and stuff. I was like, what?

He's doing a little side hustle. No more. Plus, our audience doesn't even know who P. Diddy is. I don't know who Diddy is, bro. I don't even know what he did. Yes. I never knew who Diddy was until... And I still don't know what he did or what he is or anything about him besides that he had baby. That's all I know. Yeah. Really? He's an oily man. Wait, that's him? What? Bum, bum. Bum, bum.

Okay, he may not sing that song. Awesome. Has he seen that song? It sounds like a song a Diddy guy would sing, but I don't know. Wait, I think that's Usher. That's Usher. Usher. Yeah, but there's two people on it.

It's also, oh, it's that other guy. It's like, okay. That guy is, dude, I would imagine him in the mic that day in the studio. Let's see. They're just like, yeah, yeah. He's like, okay. Lil Jon and Ludacris. And Usher. Ludacris. Ludacris. It's the worldwide. Nope. Take a new on top. That's Pitbull. Okay. Yeah. But Kate, you still never answered why you aren't happy. Because you're a

have not even given me two seconds to talk. Okay, we'll give you two. It's not that I'm unhappy. Should I ask for more? You're over. Time's up. You asked for such little time. We'll give you more. Oh, sorry. Let's give her some time. No, I'm not unhappy. I think everyone's going to assume I'm in a bad mood. I'm not in a bad mood. My body just feels so bad right now. I don't know. I feel like

I don't know. Like last night. I feel even worse to be honest. Yeah. Matt, stop trying to steal her thunder. Last night. I feel very bad. Y'all should have seen how much food I ate yesterday at dinner. And I literally left the restaurant and I told Cash, why am I still hungry right now? She ordered two meals. I did. She's a two meal type of girl. I did. Two meal type of girl today. I did.

I ordered a plate. She's usually in one pack. I ordered 10 chicken wings, bone-in with lemon pepper. Chicken wings, chicken wings. Lemon pepper rump. Chicken macaroni, chilling with my homies. Wait, I got a solo. I got a solo. Ready? Ready? Chicken wings.

Oh my God. He's going to poop his pants on the podcast one day. He is going to. All right. Also, that'll be the last one. But y'all can't blame me either. I'm sitting on a freaking pumpkin. What do you mean? We can't blame you. Obviously, I'm going to fart. The pumpkin has nothing to do with it. What? Pumpkin.

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Some might would say. Have you heard of bunkins? Bunkins? Those are like country singers. Bunkins. Bunkins? Is that what you call Maddox? A bunkin? Yeah, you call Maddox a bunkin. I guess we just established that Kate is unhappy because she doesn't feel like it. So if anybody's wondering why she's not happy today. No, I just know. I can't even explain what my body is feeling right now. I'm sure it must be hard. I mean.

Yeah, I mean, it must be really hard. Can we do a remix of Chicken Wing? Can we do like a remix of Chicken Wing? Harper, I don't think Kate's in the mood. I think we can. Stop making this about me. I'm just here. It starts with like, Chicken Wing, Chicken Wing, hot dog and bologna, chicken and macaroni, chill with my homies. Chicken Wing, chicken wing, chicken wing, chicken wing, chicken wing, chicken wing, chicken wing.

Oh my. That was a hard remix if you ask me. Harper, did you hear Cash's voice? Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, I think I did a pretty good remix. Alex, I don't think you did because Alex took the headset off. Well, I don't know why Alex took the headset off because that song was horrible. So it starts off just like normal. Yeah, let's see it again and then people can make an edit of the podcast with this song behind it. Ready? Okay, ready? But watch. You gotta start normal. We add in after. I say the whole verse and then it goes after the...

Chicken wing, chicken wing. No, no, you don't start. Matt, you kind of have to though. Oh, okay, fine, fine, fine. Chicken wing, chicken wing, hot dog and bologna. Chicken and macaroni, chilling with my homies. Chicken wing, chicken wing, hot dog and bologna. Chicken and macaroni, chilling with my homies. Chicken wing, chicken wing, hot dog and bologna. Chicken and macaroni, chilling with my homies.

I don't like that Cash was singing it like that was hard. He was like, Whoa. Chicken thing. Like you're like doing the hand motions. You're like, I was actually kind of amazed. Okay, there we go. Like you're cooking in the studio. TK, be more like me.

more like nav's wife she hypes us up yeah a little more support has a name kate's kate's sitting over there this is phenomenal i don't like how cash thought he was cool yeah did you see him that because he was cool he thought it was cool i'm sorry honey you looked like super like you look like a rapper doing i also can see sarcasm

Dude, I can't. I'm ordering Chipotle right now. What the? I have to. It has to be done. I thought you already ordered it. I told y'all. She acted like her body just doesn't feel good and she's in a mood. No, it's just because she hasn't had Chipotle. No, I actually had Chipotle. Do you think I want to eat Chipotle for the 22nd day in a row? Order Chipotle. Is that supposed to be a joke?

No, I'm not even joking. Actually, let's think about it. Can you tell a joke? I'd rather you do that. Wait, we're having steak tonight. Okay, you can have that. I can't wait for it to be cooked. I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I can't. But I'm also, I have to take Harper home after this. So should I just pick it up after I pick her? I could be one of those flag twirlers in high school. Dude, you would be great at that. Yeah. Oh, but you caught it. See, it's in my DNA. It is. Wow.

That's part of the marching band. - Dude, you look hard right now. You look so good. - Wait, my grandma was a baton twirler and she taught me a trick. - Really? - Mm-hmm. Teach Cash. - Whoa. - Cash, oh my goodness. Look at what he makes that dinosaur do. He is so good. - I feel like he's more of like the guy outside the car wash with a sign. - No, don't let her talk trash when you like that. You're like the guys with the little rifle, the ROTC guys. Yeah. - Oh my, that would've been so good if you caught it.

Oh no, her all's good slaughters is coming! You okay? Kenji! You gotta stand on the platform! Why is she looking at us, not the cameras? They think it talks to me in real life. That's- that's- oh, looks amazing. Was this supposed to be a joke? What are you- no, no, no! No! Is she crying? She's crying.

Wait, are we supposed to laugh right now? Why would you try to stab Gerald's neck? I think she's hurt Wait, wait, stop everybody cue the sad music. Cue the sad music. Oh, no. Oh, no. Are you okay? It's okay. It's not you. It's not you. It's too funny. It's too funny. She said it's not you. That's not you.

Are you all right? Do you feel better? Yes, I feel much better. Oh my gosh. Are you going to spit? It's pretty fun. Yeah, I'll spit. Right there. Maverick. You got range on that one. So they're obviously having an emotional moment. While we, we're having a little bit of a spitting contest range. But you guys continue with your emotional moment. Your turn. Chill. Oh, I want to be done right now.

Oh Sorry guys, he's consoling his wife. Okay, everybody just watch I'm good. I'm fine watching me a good husband for once wait, you can do it Am I am I looking good in the edit right now?

Wait, why are you crying though? I can help you. I've done this before. I had a good edit of me. Kiss her on the forehead. Since you're crying, I'm going to need you to look at the camera. Look at the camera so they know you're crying. Now you kiss her. Everything's going to be okay. What's wrong? No, it's fine. I don't know everything. I'm fine. I promise. I don't even know why I'm crying. You need to massage your knees now. Trust me.

No, just don't answer it. I'll call him back later. You need to rub the kneecap. My kneecap? Wait, Kate, why are you actually crying? It's fun, ain't it? No, I'm fine. But Gerald is kind of fun. Kenzie, you should really go through that wall. Oh my gosh. Try to hit the wall. Can I actually? You can hit the wall. I mean, there's already a hole in it. That was a solid hit. Do it again. Okay, that was kind of crazy.

Oh! Oh! Are you okay? Wait! It got cut! You're bleeding? No, it's not bleeding. My ring is just so... Oh my gosh. Lower, lower, lower! You gotta make a new hole. Just hit it with your foot and be like... Oh, this is bad. Oh, no. Oh, sorry! Can I do it again? Wait! Oh! Oh!

No, wait, the electrical- Oh, man! She broke the plug! The socket broke the plug! Get out of here, kids! Oh my gosh, look! Yo, Gerald grew a horn on his nose! Oh no, Gerald! Gerald looks like he got curb-stalked! Oh no!

Oh, no. I mean, it's going to be okay, buddy. Get in the bucket. What are you doing? With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only.

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Wait, what? What? I should do that more often. What's going on? Where's his head at? Oh wait, there's like smoke everywhere. Did you get that? Oh my gosh. We have a hidden room! There's a hidden room in there? There's no way. We officially have a secret room in our house. How big is it? We'll go in there. Wait, I wanna look. Hold on, I'm going. Oh my gosh, he can actually go in? Here, I'm gonna have to feed Mickey first. Hold me. Harper, come here. Hold me on this side. Good. Alright, hold me. Ready?

Yep, we got you. Oh, what have I done? Ready? We got you. Wait, my other foot's gotta go, guys. Get your other foot up there. Come on. I'm strong enough. Yes, I am. I'm just gonna do math. Okay. You got me, buddy? I got you, buddy. All right.

Crawl through. There we go. His hips can't get through. Oh, Shakira, Shakira. Shakira, Shakira. Your hips don't lie, man. My hips don't lie, man. Oh, it hurts. It hurts. Wait, Cash. Cash. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Cash, you're fatter than a pumpkin. Is the pumpkin okay? We have to make the hole bigger. This is not working. Wait, just slam the fluid again. Cannonball! How's that panty not fell? I don't know. Listen, leave it to the professional. Cricket pumpkin! Cash! He's stuck! Cash!

Cash, you need stuff to clear out your eyes. No! Ow! Here, I'll get him. No, no! For the mic! I'm sorry. Get the pumpkin. Dude, I say you leave the pumpkin there at this point. I don't know if we're getting it out. My lips are a little raw. Oh my god. Snatch us.

of the wall that thing dude that looks real that's a cool decoration man yo should we just have a drywall guy come and just drywall it into the house if you call a drywall guy over he's gonna be like what the frick happened what did you do he's like hey man so uh can you fix this oh my god i need to get back here whoa you can fit through that whoa i didn't take my snap you can fit through that now my snap

Give me that hammer. No, you can fit. A little bit bigger, man. I got a big booty. Dude. Yo. No, you fit through there all day. Yeah, can we just... Yeah. Okay, you guys just want to shut me in? Yeah, I think head first this time. Okay. Head first, head first. Okay. We do have the security camera in there. If you want to turn the security camera on. What room? The security camera that looks into that room. We just discovered this room. Go through it. Cash, obviously... Obviously, we...

Okay. We did. Yeah. Okay bud. We just discovered this room. Alright, here we go. Wait, go butt first and like fold like a suitcase. That's a good strap. Oh my. Okay, here you go. Put your buddy on sideways. Harper, hold him. Lift him up. Harper, you're gonna have to help here. Here, stand on the ground. Here, wait. Step over the cord. There you go. Alright. Are you okay, Kate? Alright, here you go. Butt first. I think butt first is a little crazy. Yeah.

Where'd our cameraman go, man? Feet first. Here we go. Feet first. I'm fine. Ready? Yeah. All right. Feet first, Cash. Feet. No, butt first. Butt first doesn't work. Butt first works. That doesn't work. Feet. It works. Insane. Let's try. Okay. Ready? Oh, gosh. His butt was too big. Come on, Cash. Come on.

How does it feel to have a butt bigger than a pumpkin couch? Okay, Mal, it's not gonna work. No, leave me be. Leave me be. Mal, leave me be! Leave me be! No, I'm not at all. Push! Just let Mal get it. Push hard. One, two. We gotta restart, Mal. No, you're good. No, you gotta push it. No, let it go. Okay. Oh my gosh. Alright, feet first. Okay, feet first. Here we go. Ready? He's got wool all over his butt.

Alright, here we go guys! Go through the wall! You're good. My hips! Oh my god! He gets your ear up! Oh lord! Come on, let go! Oh wait, I'm in! You're pulling hard with it! Oh god! He's in! He's in! Oh my gosh! What the? What the sh*t, mom? There's plastic everywhere.

Wait, what just happened? She said you have- What just happened? ...brought self-tan on and Cash just wiped it off. Oh, hey Cash! AHH! NO! GO! NO! NO! GO GUYS! And he's gonna call Harper. Oh, this is a cool secret room!

It looks pretty cool in there. Y'all got spit all over my microphone. There's so much stuff in here. Y'all wouldn't believe it. Dude, just build a secret room. This is like a target in here. Ask me for anything. My mic broke. Is this mic broken? It just came right off the stand. Guys, we just built a secret room on the podcast. Okay, hey, hey. Oh, yeah, thanks for the mic, though.

I would like to take full credit for this because I discovered a secret room. Yeah, Kinsey has made a discovery. Wait. Hold on. I almost got my mic. Kinsey has made a new discovery. Wait, what happened to Harper? Oh, she got taken by the wall. She's down aisle four. Listen, it's literally like a target in here. What do you guys want? Name anything. Chipotle. Oh. Okay, anything. A target. I said a target. You got milk in there? Harper, we need milk.

We're getting milk, okay, don't you worry about that? Also in the meantime, I'm gonna see if this walls are parable. How are you gonna? That looks pretty good Dude, I thought we were gonna have to hire a guy but look at you. Does it look like new? Looks pretty good man. Okay good. Can you make it stick? Uh, let me see. Oh, you're hitting your mic

Wait, a repair guy is going to have to take the whole wall down. No, he can patch it. He cannot patch that. I think he can. I literally, that's kind of crazy. That looks great. Oh, well. You're getting drywall in my lungs. This is why you don't build secret rooms mid-podcast. Here we go. What?

Where did that come from? I told you, this room has everything. Okay. Name something else. What do you want? Can you bring us a tampon? What the? There's no way that room has a tampon. Do you need a tampon? No, I'm just trying to think of something that room doesn't have. Okay, yes, we will get that. Do you have dogs? Coming right up. Are there dogs in the Target? Dogs? Yes, there is also a dog. I will get the dog.

Better not shove Stella through a hole. That's not a dog feminine product. That's all you need. What kind of feminine product was it? No, I think we understand. Can you please tell us what kind it was? I take back the dog. I take it back. No, no, no. I'll get you a dog. We don't want a dog. This is a dog-free podcast today. We didn't...

Hey, look at that. He patched it all up. Guys. It's like magic. Our podcast set has literally been destroyed. But we have a new TV. Oh, they're back. Did I hear you needed a tampon? I have it. Oh, let's go. Thanks, Target Harper. Oh. Is it the small one or what?

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Don't need to get a different flavor. I mean size Yeah, you got regular we needed we needed super plus plus okay, I'll just go look for that in the back sweetie. Just just hit it Listen hey you guys may be thinking oh, they're destroying their set because they're getting a new one. Oh my goodness. He got the dog Don't do that to Stella. Oh my goodness. She's so scared. Hello dog. Yes. Yes. Don't worry. Hey dog.

Don't push her through! Dude got a dog from Target. What is this, Petco in there? Oh, the dog just got birthed from the wall. There's a dog coming out of the wall! Come here, Stella! I told you, everything is in here, man! Poor Stella! Sit, sit, sit. Can you sit? Poor girl! Alright, lay down, lay down. And you've got drywall all over you! Sit, sit, lay down. Down. Listen, Stella, I know you're happy to be here. I got the tank!

Oh, no. It's a silver plus plus. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. Oh, okay. What else should we ask them for? You haven't asked for anything. I did. I got my milk. Oh, my gosh. So we got a milk, tampon, and dog. Alex, would you like anything? Some water. How basic of you, Alex. No, no water. We need something more with water. I want something that's hard for you guys to get. Get through the wall? Yeah. Something big? I would like...

Hmm. Can you bring I'd like a chair? Yeah Any type of chairman just a chair Small I'd like a wheelchair a big Before you leave how much you could paint there Oh

- 20 Robux an hour. - 20 Robux an hour? - Hey, that's not bad. - I mean, that's better payment than I'm getting for this right now, so. - Okay. - I got you! - What do we got? You got a chair? - Oh gosh. - Oh. - Oh gosh. - I'm not sure that one's gonna fit. - This is not real. - You said any bright? - Yeah, any type. - Okay, we'll just, oh God, we'll get you another one. - Okay. - This is not happening. - Oh, that's my type, that's my type!

Stella is so confused. She said, "What just came out of the wall?" Okay. Okay. Alright, we're gonna come out now. Okay, come on back out. We're gonna need some help. Okay, okay. Stella, go. Go, Stella. Help. Stella's having- Stella! Come here. Go home. Go home. She's like, "No, don't send me home. You just put me- You just put me through a hole in the wall and you're trying to send me home now?" She's good. She's good. You're fine. Yeah, we're still good. Alright. Got her?

Welcome back! You got drywall in your hair. This one's a little bigger. Okay, this one might not come through as easy. It's gonna hurt something, man. I got it. Guys, Cash came through in the funkiest way possible. No, no, no, no. This feels weird. It does feel weird. What's wrong, man? Let me help you. He's like doing the splits. One leg is out. Ah!

Why is he telling me he's giving birth? - The bro's in the splits. - He's got one leg in, one leg out. - Okay. - My phone. - I can't do the splits any further. Okay, so.

So what? I don't know. Okay, no, no. I think I can come out like this. Ready? One? No, not one. No one said anything about one. One leg in the wall. I'm worried about your Shakira rear end here. One leg out. Shakira, Shakira. All right, I got it. I got it. Just leg on my leg. Leg on my leg. There we go. Okay. All right.

Alright we're back. You should put the pumpkin in there to just seal it off. Yeah just to seal it. Here is our official secret room and you can't tell it's there because there's a pumpkin. Wait I got something better than the pumpkin. What? This milk is gonna go bad. Yeah see it's a secret. Looks real spooky. Ain't nobody know what's back there. Yeah the pumpkin is cracked in half.

There we go. All right, be honest. Can you guys tell where our secret room is? Be honest at home. I don't see anything. Me neither. I'm really glad we found this secret room though so I can like hide from all the bad guys. That's not gonna work. No, it's hidden pretty well. You can kind of stand there too. Yeah, I think we hid it pretty well. I don't see it. I don't see it actually. Hey, good thing we got a chair.

Yeah, because you just used your chair. To patch the hole in the wall. See, I was thinking ahead, man, when I asked for that chair. Yeah, you knew what was up. Oh, I knew, man. Oh, wait, yeah, put that up there, too. Make the hole bigger so we can put a gallon of milk in there, too. Cash, that's going to go everywhere. I got it, Kizzy, I got it.

Okay. Oh my gosh. Hey, that looks pretty good. This is not real. Oh my gosh. Okay, we can like switch back or... No, we're good. We can just, yeah, you can move whatever you want. Are we gonna like tear down this wall or what are we... Yeah, so what's the plan moving forward? Meanwhile... Yeah, I don't know. I really like our new secret room. Me too. I really like it. Gerald's stick is in his nose. Yeah, poor Gerald, man. Gerald kind of looks like my dog Lucy. Oh.

Yo, can we pop, wait, we gotta do a side-by-side. Pug. Pop up a picture of Lucy. And then this. Yeah, you guys see the resemblance? I think he's crazy. It is Lucy. Lucy's face is built like that poor girl. Wow, I've been wanting... A secret room. A secret room. For so long. For forever. So long I've wanted a secret room. And we like ruined our outlet doing it. Look, it even has a door handle.

See? Yeah. You just open the door whenever you want in and you gotta make sure you have at least two people by your side to help you get through the door. What happens when the milk spoils and our door starts smelling? Don't worry about it. I think a pumpkin goes bad too. Oh my gosh. I cannot believe. Wait, this is such a good seasonal decoration. Like it's a pumpkin for fall. It is. We can put like

What's a big round thing for Christmas? A reef? Ornament? Yeah, we could put a giant ornament there. What if we just put a reef? And then for spring and summer, we can have like a watermelon. Easter egg! A giant Easter egg and then a watermelon. Yeah.

There's no other podcast in the world that this happens on. Zero. When did they build a secret room on a podcast? Speaking of that, let's check our ratings. Everyone just does YouTube videos where they find secret rooms. Yeah, that's a good idea, Harper. Let's see what we're rated right now. Let me look it up, actually. While Harper looks it up, guys, we're trying to become the number one podcast. Okay, it's okay. We're coming back up. We're number 10. Okay, we're number 10. But on...

on, on, on comedy. What do y'all think we are? Number two. Number five. We were number five, but now,

Four. Oh, that's good. Guys, we are on a mission to become the number one biggest podcast in the world slash Spotify. So, if you guys want to help us become the number one podcast on Spotify, go over to Spotify, follow us, and give us a five-star rating. That'd be greatly, greatly appreciated. Seriously, go give us a follow on Spotify. I'll literally shout one of y'all out. Yeah, something like that. Go give us a follow on Spotify. It'd be hugely appreciated. If one of y'all

If your child's name is Emma, I'm shouting you out. Yeah, all the Emmas, just subscribe. Actually, if your name is Emma, Kate, Kenzie, Harper, Megan, Teresa, Trisha, Kenzie, Sydney, there's a lot of Sydney, Sydney, Rachel, if we say your name, you must go. Bailey, John, Mike, Adam, Sarah, Theodore, Brooke, Hannah, Trinity, Elizabeth, Kaylee, Brittany, J.C.,

Cashmere, Clayney, Michael, Zach, Kate, Anna, Yoga Slaughter, Reese, Harper, Bronwyn, James, Scott, Cindy, Eldon, Jose, Michael, Elmo, Anna, Zach, Alex, Brooke, Paige,

Anybody out there with those names, make sure you go boost us. Yeah, go follow us on Spotify. Please. Oh, a saffron. Oh.

That was a good one some of the weird cash Ashley Shout out to Kinsey because you know Ashlyn Kinsey discovered our secret room. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yes behind you the whole time Did you know that rhymes she's like a rapper we play that game again wait Matt, what were you gonna say?

I just was going to say something for the intro, maybe, you know, like a cash. If your business is growing, it can be hard to keep up with delivery. That's why Uber Direct makes it simple. You take the orders through your app or site, but they help deliver them. It's a much simpler way to handle local delivery than, say, the Sub Sandwich Submarine. Sub Sandwich for Samantha. Submarine. Let's go.

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There's a secret room right behind you. No way! I hope that gets put in the intro. Oh, man. I wish you guys had to put it in the secret room. Everybody say one clip for the intro. A clip for the intro? I already got my clip. I had my little crying session. Two second break now. There is definitely not a secret room on the other side of that pumpkin. Ready? You're going to break down the whole house. What are you doing? Kinsey, don't walk! I have to do it!

The screen went black and she said it. Oh, wait, no, I got a good intro. That's it! Ellen is going to jump! Okay. Jump? Into what? I don't think any of our things may be intro. Probably not. Wait, wait, wait.

Well, guys, want to talk about pharmaceutical drugs? No. Dude, I'm down. How about normal drugs? Okay. Not pharmaceutical. Man, I feel like we took helium gas or something before this. We're all laughing so much. No, it's that 2% milk. No, it's the fact that we're all kind of out of it. Oh, I'm out of it. Dude, I've been at school all day, and I'm just ready to go party. Yeah, you're trying to go find out. What did you say? I'm going to go to Target. That's where we're going to go to Target.

This entire episode feels like a fever dream. If you guys understood what we said, comment it below. If you guys don't want to lose any more brain cells, you should probably click off now. All right. No, what? She thought that was the end of the episode. No, we have so much more to talk about. Oh, come on. No, no.

- No, you will stay here until we're done. You are tearing this family apart. - Have you ever looked into child labor laws, Harper? - No. - Yeah, don't please don't do that. - I'm just checking. - Kate's taking my phone to check the time 'cause she wants to leave the episode. - I've got, stop spitting! - Yeah, seriously, stop spitting, man. This is gonna water park. - Even though there's an apartment in the air. - This is not a water park.

crazy i'm gonna gag what it's kind of crazy that you're like not even spitting water though like it's sprite like i got sticky stuff all over my microphone and what does it look like in the air

Like you're spitting water. What does it look like though? Some say you can see a rainbow if you look hard enough. What does it look like though? It looks like Maverick Baker spitting Sprite across the room. No, like all the little particles when you're in the air. What does that look like? Snow? No. It looks like you spit Sprite. Dust? No, not dust. There's another word. Drywall? No, when all the little water particles are just floating through the air. Water particles? No, not bubbles. Not water particles. Water particles in the air. Mist? Mist! Speaking of which, I think I missed it last time. Oh my gosh. Ugh.

I see it now. You're getting it on the camera lens. That wasn't funny. No, I think I missed it. Mav, no, it's not funny anymore, Mav. Oh, Kenzie, you're in the spinning range. Kenzie's in the spinning range. All right, bye.

No. Remember, we have a whole other story we got to tell. I'm so sorry. I did not know. Do you guys not know about the other story we're telling? No. Oh, we have a story. We have a story. Uh-oh. We're telling ghost stories. It's Kenzie story time. And in this episode, Kenzie's going to tell us either A, how her house got robbed, or B, how her house caught on fire. So pick one. Wait. Did those actually happen? No.

No, I don't feel like that's this episode type of thing. Okay, fine. Watch the next episode to see why our house caught on fire. No, it's still not over. Harper, stop trying to end the episode. Oh my goodness. Kate, what are you doing? Kate, I wouldn't hit that spot. That's the other side of the stud. What? What? Yeah, you're on the other side of the stud there. The stud. What happens if I broke the pumpkin? Break it. You should, Kate, get on the other side of the hammer. You stick the hammer in it. Just stick the hammer in it. No, no, no, no, no.

There you go. Wait, why not? I thought you were talking about the stud and the drywall. Okay. Maybe we should all just get all our anger on the wall. Yeah, I got a lot of anger bells on me. I feel like this is like... We know Cash has a lot of anger. For some reason, I feel like it's like 3 a.m. right now and we're shooting a podcast episode and we're all losing our minds. I feel like it's a fever dream. It does not seem real. You know what would be fun though? What would be fun, dog? Don't do it. Podcast on 3 a.m. Okay.

A podcast at 3 a.m. would be kind of fun. Yeah, a podcast. And do all that creepy stuff. A podcast from midnight to 3 a.m. Ooh. And we just do whatever the heck we want. Like, stay awake for 24 hours. Like, we can even do this. Shut up. That was crazy. Disgusting. Dude, both of those

No, I farted, he burped. And I screamed. Did you see the position? He looked like he was giving birth through a fart. That's crazy. That is the birthing position though, for real. For real, for real. What do you mean I don't know why? That's just the way the baby comes out. Do you guys know some women give birth standing up? What? Yes, let me demonstrate. No. Oh no. Somebody gotta yell push to make it realistic.

Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Cash thinks... That is so ugly. Baby comes out with the old 3D glasses. Baby came out with some dread. And some hair. I feel like Cash... I don't feel like I know. Cash thinks pooping and birthing are the same. Barbara, would you like to give her a standing up?

Okay, go for it. No. I argue. This is her beautiful baby. I don't know what's wrong with y'all. Barbara's baby came out with makeup on it already. I like how both of us simultaneously...

She's like, okay. Okay, I'll just sit down. To piggyback off Kate's statement, they hate your kid. That's crazy. Yeah, they hate my kid. That's why. Kate said, I think pooping and birthing are the same thing. I don't. I know the difference. I'm not stupid. But I do think that pooping, arguably, is worse. Because here's my statement. A baby is meant to come out of your belly button. Poop is not meant...

The ones I have are not meant to come out of that. Are you sure? Let me tell you, man. That tiny little butthole. That tiny little butthole is not meant to... You need to chew your food better. Yeah, well... When you do this, your lips look like a butthole. He's got like full burgers coming out. I poop Krabby Patties. If you do this, your lips look like a butthole. That's pretty Krabby. I know. My lips always look like a butthole. Look.

No, no, no. You're not doing it right. You're a look watcher. Yes, doing it right. Like, pretend like you're like... I'm sorry, how does anybody here know what a butthole looks like? You've never seen a butthole? Wait, y'all cannot see your own butthole. Yeah, wait. Yes, you can. No, for real. Why do we all act like we know what a butthole looks like? Y'all can't see your own butt. I mean, yeah, I look behind me.

I remember Good Burger. He's like, wash your butt. I kind of want to know how many kids we influence when we say things like that. Everyone just tried to look at their butt. I'll tell you that. Another kid's still poking in the wall. Another kid's looking at his butt. And another kid's still spitting Sprite. Let's have like 30 seconds of good influence. Don't do drugs except pharmaceutical. Don't do drugs except pharmaceutical.

What else? Oh, if somebody... Not everything is possible. Some things are impossible. Your dreams are not always achievable. If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. That kind of destroys the statement I just said. That was very influential, Kate. Good job. You can't spell Kate without eight. All right, Kinsey, it's your turn. Let's hear something. Something sweet. You can't spell Kinsey without Z.

You can't spell cash without the money. Yes, you can I actually could spell cash if you were completely broke as well, but what you can't spell Harper without no more No, I think it would be you can't spell Harper's no more without Zilmer. Yeah, maybe You can't spell matter without the egg

That was actually really funny. And you can't spell cash without a rash. Wait, what? Yeah. You can spell it without rash. No. Maybe without ash. No, that's just trash. I'm sorry. That one was the best one.

You can't spell Maverick without the N. That needs to be on a t-shirt. That's what it is. I think we should have told you. That's all merch. Yeah, that's what I was just thinking of. Wait, why do we not have merch that says Maverick's the type of guy? Why is that not merch yet? No, you know what I'm thinking? No, just that type of guy. You know what would be really embarrassing for us is if we did do Maverick's the type of guy and it was our best seller. Oh, okay.

Dude, type of guy merch, it just says type of guy. Type of guy. No, you know what's funny? What if we like, what if we like got all the memes from our podcast and like put them on shirts like, I'm not a baby, I'm not a baby. You're looking like a purple. That would be a good one. And then you look like a Cybertruck.

what did you say like what do we put all of our memes on shirts dude i just know the comments in this episode is gonna be so brutal i know what the stigma i want to make a shirt of you like mashed with the windys girl oh you know what you know what you know how sometimes you're like oh those two are the same thing like there's like two completely different things but they give the same vibe yeah yeah so like how this episode is right now

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Go even further and get your whole meal catered. Just order online by November 26th. Get Thanksgiving ready at Whole Foods Market. Terms apply. This episode is the same as my greasy hair because like I didn't wash my hair yesterday. So my hair is really greasy right now. I washed my hair yesterday. No, but like it's the same, you know? I didn't understand it. I don't understand. I think this episode is like really the same as like burnt toast. That's what you said. Yeah. What? My number six is the same as Taco Bell.

No, like math and four. And four, yes. Math and blue. Yeah, math and blue. Or like number seven and Sunday. My math journals were always red. What's going on? Thursday and, I don't know. Sunday's always yellow. Monday's like blue-ish. I don't know. Butterflies and water. No. What? I try again. I try again. Krabby and Patties. No. I don't think you understand either. The letter E goes with the number three.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's just because they look the same. What? Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you can't tell if it's an E or a three. No, I'm right. It's like- How about- Especially if it's cursive. Shovel and a dove. Oh, I get it. Because dead people- And doves. Oh, and then they always really dove to the funeral. Like vanilla? Something, yeah. Like the scent vanilla- What? And the color beige. Yes. Same thing. Oh, oh, like bodybuilder and cash. No, that was like complete opposites. You're not getting this. Oh, like Texas and rice. Oh.

Oh, like Texas and trail mix. That's a good one. That's a good one. No, like Texas and sweet tea. Yeah, that one's good. That one's good. Yeah. Okay. Let's see. What's other analogies? Can we sing like Shakira? Shakira, Shakira. Oh, baby, when you talk like that.

Whoa, guys. I just had a flashback to reality. Oh, my gosh. There goes gravity. I just had... What are those things called when like... Deja vu. No. You see yourself out of your body. What? Out of body experience. Oh, that's pretty self-explanatory. Yeah. Okay. I just had an out of body experience. What'd you see? I went through that camera lens and I saw all of us on TikTok and I was like...

And now I'm here again. LL Park has brain rot. I just thought I should share that. Can we all sing like Shakira? Shakira, Shakira. Oh, baby, when you talk like that.

We should talk about something serious, y'all. We should talk about something serious. I'm telling you guys. No, we should talk about something serious. The reason this episode is like this... No, no, hold on. No, Mav. Stop touching your mic, Mav. Nobody likes mic noises. I believe it.

- I'm going through the secret room. - The reason this episode is like this right now is because we all collectively are sharing like one brain cell. So we're kind of like, I personally have two at least. No, we're like, no, like there's one split among five people. So 20% of a brain cell, 20% of a brain cell. - 25, I'll take 25. - 20% of a brain cell, 20% of a brain cell, 20% of a brain cell. - Oh, it is a good question. - I have a good question. - Especially for this episode. Okay, you can go first. - Okay.

What do you guys think is the most painful way to die? Wait, wait, restart. What do y'all think is the most painful way to die? Killing yourself. Probably honestly getting thrown through a wall. That was pretty painful. You can kill yourself multiple ways. What's the most painful way? Drowning.

No. Okay, anyways, fine. My question then. That's, yeah, next. What? If there was an alien. That was a good question. If there was an alien that landed somewhere and we are like the only people on Earth. Would you try to be friends with it? No. Who do we nominate to talk to the alien? Yeah, who are we nominating to talk to the alien? Easy. Three. Everybody get, wait, everybody think of their answer. Three, two, one. My gosh. Half.

We each said Cash. You did? Yeah. And then I said myself, that's three. We already went. What did y'all say? We? I said Mav. What'd you say? I said Kate. Kate. Wait, why'd you never say Kate? Why'd you say me? I didn't feel like, I thought you'd say yourself. Oh, no, I was definitely going to say you. Why? Just because, like, what did I say? I feel like that's got a walkie to do that could fool the alien into thinking he's an alien. What the? Whoa. Wait, wait, wait, Mav. Why did you say me? Okay, so personally, if we're going to send someone,

You're not going to send one of the women. Why not? Why? Just because like, you know. Y'all could easily send me. I would make friends with the alien. No, it'd have to be one of us because what if something happened to us? Harper would walk up to the alien and point at us and be like, kill them all, terminate them. And if one of us is, you know, going to go up to the alien. Uh-huh. And I've heard things about people abducted by aliens. Well, aliens aren't real. I've heard things.

that aliens do to people. What? And I think you would handle that kind of thing. Do you think aliens are watching us right now? Let me tell you why you're all wrong. Wait, you want me to go because I have, in case I die? Well, no, not in case you die. Worse. We called it before this episode started. You would say something absurd. Okay, let me tell you why you're wrong. We can't see it.

How do we get a cut? Shut up, Matt. You already got the episode cut once. You're not allowed to speak anymore. Apparently we're back because I got cut. Yeah. Now let me tell you. Maverick said something crazy about aliens that I do not know. Okay, let me tell you all why Kate is the best option. To talk to the aliens? Yes, to talk to the aliens. Because if the one or the two of you go, they're going to immediately be like, oh, human life is not intelligent. Just destroy them all and we'll start over. So Maverick and Cash for sure cannot talk to them. Okay? Okay.

And Kate will walk up with empathy and intelligence and be able to get on their level and speak to them kindly and befriend them. And therefore, the human race will not be destroyed just every one or two or three or every other human that deserves to be destroyed by the alien. Such as Cash and Maverick. Were you going to try to be a lawyer? No. Oh, actually? I've been a good lawyer. Thank you. I appreciate that. What did he say the other day in the hot tub when we were like, wow. Oh, one of our friends was like,

We were like, would we get in trouble for this? Or no, we were like, who's fault? Kenzie has a story that she won't tell. And somebody, one of our friends, is at fault. And Kenzie won't say who it is. Okay, and that's fine. So we went around the hot tub and he was like, is the principal offender in this case Cash?

No, you didn't explain the story well at all. That's it. Well, there wasn't much of a story. They don't even know we had a lawyer friend in the hot tub. Well, that was just pretty much it. You just horribly explained that story. Well, it wasn't really a funny story, but I just had to touch on it. No, we had a lawyer friend in the hot tub, and when it came time for him to ask the question, he said, was the principal defender in your store that you claim in this hot tub? And we were like, oh. Yeah, you just like, I mean, we shouldn't have told. That was so much better. That was a lame story. I'm glad we just came up with it. I don't know why you said the story. Freaking dude, I'm sorry. Honestly, guys, I...

Wait, what? Can you give him a hug right now? He's trying to tell stories, man. Here, I'll rub it. I don't know what to do. What happened? Oh, yeah, rub his feet. Rub it. There we go. Wait, what happened? He just told a bad story. That's it. And if you were not on your phone, you'd know what happened. He took it so.

They're at your house right now, yeah, I don't believe it

And they're like ruining all my makeup. You have to redo your makeup? Yes. What are you doing tonight? I don't know. I think we're going to Target and then like hang out. All right, fine. Harper, you can leave. Go ahead and walk home. Yeah, if you want to leave so bad, just go. Get off. If you start walking, once we're done with the episode, I'll drive and come find you on the way. Kate's my ride. And Kate actually doesn't have the choice to leave. All right, you just go, Harper.

I'll just stay. I'll just stay. I can stay. Are the choices walk home or finish the episode? Well, unfortunately, it might be... Dude, unfortunately, everyone's unsubscribing from us after this. It might be the end of the episode right here. This was the dark side of all of us, man. All right, guys. Wait, but guys, please... No, it's over. Wait, wait, no. Let me just say something. Before you unsubscribe, please just like... Drop a like? Drop a like, maybe? Like, follow...

Follow us on Spotify. Also, go check out Kai and Ty if you guys don't know what that is. Kai and Ty is underrated, honestly. Yeah, go subscribe to Kai and Ty's channel. Those guys are disgusting. You should not subscribe to their channel. Kai and Ty pay us, so go subscribe to Kai and Ty. Okay, and I'll close this out.

They pay us. They pay us like 20 bucks a month. Can you close this out? Because I got to pee. Okay, fine. I'll close this out. What? I can't say that? No. Okay. I have to release water out of my bladder. I got to release something too. In the episode on this. Nothing's coming out. That's so crazy. That's the first time nothing's came out. That's so embarrassing. That's the first time nothing's came out and you look so... That's embarrassing. What was that? You didn't...

You look like a kid trying to poop his pants. You know like when little kids go stand in the corner and they're like... And you're like, what are you doing? Are you pooping? No. No, I'm not pooping. That's what you look like. Okay. Well, please go follow us on Spotify. We gotta fix a hole in the wall. Goodbye. I'm gonna hate the day he poops on his mic. Fine. We'll see you guys later. See ya.