Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
- We have a new host on the podcast! - Yay! - Not just a guest, but a host.
This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
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He's better than ever. The Elmo slime. I noticed he's in one piece. That's unfortunate for us to see. Yep, he got surgery. He's in one piece. He's looking good. Looking better than ever. I don't think he got surgery. He's getting all those ladies. I think we threw the other Gerald away. I think we just got a new one. He's got that doggy and that animal. Hi, Gerald. Please stop. Why did that kind of hit me?
- Oh no. - She said, "Why'd I kind of hit that?" - Remember the Elmo slo-ri, Elmo slo-ri. - Is anyone gonna, are we just gonna ignore the elephant in the room? - You say that for every guest on the podcast. - Yeah, Kate's slowly been dying her hair back to its natural color. - I know, I actually, I've decided that I just don't like-- - Well, blow that elephant out of the room. - Also, also in the news, Harper has moon shoes. - Moon shoes. - Show us how they bounce. - Wow, wonder where you got those.
Those are my moon shoes. No, they're not dude. Yes, they are you look like when those dogs You look like when a dog gets shoes on its feet and it can't walk Would anyone like to tell me what the frick that is oh that's a gnome
Know you ever see you know about a real one No things nobody knows nobody knows nobody know Yes, I was gonna just ask the gnome some questions. Okay. I mean you can try yeah, I mean No, do you talk? Oh? Nobody no no just Kate smell
Are you sure about that? Are you sure about that? Gnome, can you smell? Gnome doesn't have a nose, in case nobody can see that. Gnome? He only has eyes. It's a he, by the way. How do you know it's a he? Were you cheap?
No, no, you're not a cheap gnome. An expensive gnome. How about the best gnome out there? Wrong. I have the best gnomes. Guys, can we stop pretending this is a gnome? I think we all know it's a person. Okay. Wow. Okay, so I'm going to go throw myself down the stairs. Me too. Oh, God. You scared your pet gnome. Your pet gnome flinched onto me.
Don't do that to the gnome. That's just wrong. That was crazy. He already farted. He already farted. The gnome will never know what I just did to it. Well, the gnome can't smell. Are you shooting me with your knife? What are you doing? Okay. Guys, I'm going to tell the truth. We've been lying. It's not a gnome. I knowed it. It smells. I know. It smells so bad. Poor gnome. I know. I'm really. I was trying to play it off, but I was literally in the splash zone for that one. Come on, buddy. I got you. The cactus.
I love that cactus. Oh my gosh. That's my dancing buddy. Okay. So under the gnome, comment down below who you think is the new host. Also, yeah, it's not. You said that. So comment below who you guys think the new host is. Yeah. I don't even really want to be there to be honest. Matt's not very excited about the new host, obviously, but we have a new host. A new host on the podcast. Not just a guest. That's kind of what I was looking more for. Not just a guest, but we have a new host. The L-host.
Sorry. It's okay, man. Go ahead. You were talking about the new host. Oh. Yeah, we have a new host on the podcast. Yay! Yay!
Welcome home, Noam. I would like to just say one time without getting interrupted. We have a new host on the podcast! Yay! Not just a guest, but a host. The best host you may have ever seen. The hostess when you go into Texas Roadhouse. The best hostess. We only hire the best. The best you've ever seen. Should we reveal the host? No tax on tips.
Need to do something more big than this and just reveal it. Yeah, this is a lame like host reveal Yeah, if we hit 10 million subscribers, we're almost at I think we're yeah No, no for real though. If this video gets 30,000 likes we'll reveal who the no. Oh my gosh I just realized this better not be one of those
Ty and Kai, guys. Oh. I would hate for Kai or Ty to sneak his way onto set again. Oh. It might be. That would be horrible. Wow. That's actually my biggest nightmare is that Kai or Ty shows up unannounced again. But for real, we'll take the Gnome's costume off if you guys get 30,000 likes. So like it right now. Right now. Right now, like the video. This is so bad. Okay, did you guys like the video? Okay, we're going to reveal it. We're going to reveal
Okay, thank you for liking. Okay. Okay. Let's see you in the novice. Wait, no, no. I feel like we can't reveal our new guest this, or our new host. No, wait, no. This isn't just a guest, man. This is a host. Okay, you're right. A permanent host, bro. You see Kate's chair? It's gone. You know what? I don't want to talk about the chair. I've been having issues with... He took my chair. Hey, I sit in a different chair every two episodes, okay? This is just my chair for the next two episodes. After that...
Unfortunately, I will be back to very uncomfortable chairs. Yeah, his next chair, he's going to be riding a shark if this gets 50,000 likes. I don't like sharks. Those are my biggest fear. I'm afraid that this will get 50,000 likes. Sharks and alligators are my biggest fear. I will definitely make sure we get a shark if this gets 50,000 likes. No, but you know what we will get? Me and Malik will get a miniature pony because we were already thinking about buying one. Why did we get a miniature pony? Because you didn't see what we saw. We saw the cutest pony you've ever seen. It was so cute. It was so skinny. That's got to be against our HOA.
No, I don't think so. It's just like a dog. Yeah, we'll say it identifies as a dog. No, you just saw this pony meme. I've looked at it, and it's just a little horsey. He's standing there, he's just like... Horsey? Are you sure it wasn't like a German shepherd? Sorry, it was a little horse. There's a little horse there, and it was like... That's kind of like equivalent to Matt saying he wants chicken nuggies. What? He just said horsey. He said, hello, horsey.
You want to go ride your horsey? A horse is what you call a little horse. If it's a big horse, you're like, that's a horse. You guys could go ride your horsey and go get chicken nuggets together. I will call it a horsey. If it's this tall, it's a horsey. The thing is, Maverick said it so mainly. Maverick said it so mainly. He was like, yeah, we can go get some chicken tendies if you want. Let's go get some chicken tendies on my horsey. And then he got so excited, he said, yeah! He's like, yeah!
And he's so excited. But don't watch after that. That's not what happened. I do think we should get me a mini horse or a pony to sit on the episode. Oh, she's telling me to keep making fun of Maverick. What? No, she's not. Are you dumb? Stupid? A dumb? Huh? Are you dumb? Stupid? A dumb? Plush shirt and a pick-me boy. Plush shirt and a pick-me boy.
A weird girl with no friends. Sparkle hat and some big lips. Sparkle hat and some big lips. Pink nails, big old feet. Pink nails, big old feet. New host, who's it gonna be? New host, who's it gonna be? That was really loud. I'm sorry for your ears. I saw Kate getting really excited. And then the host, who's it gonna be?
Kate doesn't even know who it is. She's like, who's it going to be? I know. I've got to share a couch with this. Who's it going to be? Yeah, guys. Kate's biggest. We're like, you know what? I think it's time to add a new host in on the podcast because we decided the more people, the better. The more, the merrier. And now when we have a guest, there'll be six people on here. The bigger, the better. And with six people, I just feel like it makes more entertainment conversations. But there was one downside to adding a new host. Oh, no.
Kate does have to part ways with her chair. Yeah. Because after this episode, or after this episode and the next episode, after I'm done sitting in this chair, her chair, it's going in the dumpster. Oh, heck no. What? That chair is not going in this dumpster fire. You guys know that? No, it's kind of sad because the pink chair is the only chair that's been here.
since the beginning. Like even the blue couch, y'all sat on a white couch the first like two or three episodes. That is true. Cash has a new chair every single episode. The pink chair I'm pretty sure has been in every single episode ever. Every single episode. And after the next episode, this episode and the next, it's not gonna have been in every single episode. But I've also been in every single episode. Wow. It's just the significance is way more. What the frick was that?
It's like the opposite of like winking at someone. No, bro. He's like, that's how I imagine pirates. Like, that's scary. No, a pirate trying to hit on you. Like, hello, lady. I got my eye out for you. Guys, put this in edit if you edit me or whatever. So ready? Watch.
No, it's like a lobster. Yeah, a lobster. Hey, you guys know what you should do? I don't stare. To celebrate that we have a new host, you guys should go follow us on Spotify because we're trying to become the number one podcast on Spotify. We're like number 11 right now. Come on. Link in the description. I don't know what we will be at when this episode comes out, but we're trying to become number one. Go subscribe to our podcast. We will be number one if everybody for one night just leaves our podcast playing on loop or just let it autoplay to the next one. If we get to number one,
we'll do a live show. We said it. We'll do a live show in Dallas, Texas if we get to number one. Live show, where's it gonna be? Live show, where's it gonna be?
That was short-lived. You know what's crazy? Performing Queen B at a live show. Do you want to perform Queen B at a live show? Yes, I would love that. That would be so... I can just imagine the clips of you on stage. Piper, Raquel, more like Piper, get her out. Unfortunately, I would not... We have a little Piper, Raquel, like, girl, come out, let's dress up as her. Oh, my gosh. I'm kidding. We love you, Piper. And then there's blood coming out of her mouth. All right. But anyways, I will not be performing that with you. No. Why not? It's my song. I don't know. I feel like this is weird. It's kind of my song.
Yeah. I thought you had nothing to do with it and you didn't write it. Remember that? You were like, I didn't write that song. I don't know where it came from. I like how Cash was like, I won't be on stage, but you were never invited to cheat. I literally sing the chorus. Bro, what? Oh my gosh, you know what's so funny, Harper? What? Is the other day, I heard Queen B out in the wild being played.
Oh, yeah. She did. She told me in the car. Swear. Actually, I didn't hear it, but my friend sent me a video of it being played out in the wild. At the neighborhood school. You said, I heard it, your friend, and it wasn't either one of those. It was your sister. Well, my friend, no, it was my sister's friend.
Okay. And my sister. My sister, I, my friend. No way that was being played in the wild. It was. Unironically. They were at the neighborhood pool and it was just my sister. There's no way. My sister and her friend were just chilling at the pool and then they said that there were some like girls that were probably in like middle school and like the kiddie side of the pool like just playing Queen Bee and they were like trying to figure out what it was. They were like recognizing Why were they in the kiddie side of the pool? The middle schoolers were. That's just what you do when you're 13. You go swim in the kiddie pool because it's like quirky. No.
We're swimming in the kiddie pool. But yeah, so they were swimming in the kiddie pool. Is that what you did, Kate? Over there in the kiddie pool with your Dr. Pepper? Actually, Dr. Pepper's bad for you. Ooh. Okay, hot topic. My bad. Actually, Coke is bad for you, too. You know what else is bad for you? This. That was horrible. That was crazy. You did not do that. That can't be good for no one.
- Get away! - Oh my gosh, that's bad. - I don't like it. Should we get out of here? - It's tough. - Me and the gnome are getting out of here. - Everybody sit down. Sit down. - Where are you going? You don't even have a nose. - Are you trying to fight me with this? - Okay guys, that gnome has literally been sitting there just being ignored for like 15 minutes. I think we should probably introduce who it is. - Okay. - But anyway, short story short.
Or however that saying goes. Um, Queen Bee was played in the wild. Yeah, it was being played. It was being bumped. Wow. Your music's famous, Harper. What the frick is that? Please stop making that up. Stop it. What is going on? I don't know if that was a bird or a fart. Oh my goodness, she drank Dr. Pepper. See, that's how I imagine people that drink Dr. Pepper. You were literally drinking a can of Dr. Pepper two minutes ago. That's like my first shot of Dr. Pepper. He was slurping it. He said,
That was my first doctor. He had two kids, double fisted them. Just boom, boom. No, but listen to this. I had the hat. It was going straight down. Right, right. Oh, that's like Jell-O. That's Jell-O. Quit that noise. When you eat Jell-O at a Chinese restaurant, just Jell-O. No, you eat Jell-O. You don't suck it down. Also, most Chinese restaurants have Jell-O. For some reason, I know that's not probably normal, but when I grew, like my whole life growing up,
We lived in a small town. The Chinese restaurant for dessert, they had... It's like a buffet. And at the buffet for dessert, they have cereal. I kid you not. Captain Crunch. Cinnamon toast. Like, Captain Crunch and cinnamon toast was just their dessert. No milk. No milk. It was just dry cereal that they wanted you to eat. And Jell-O. How did you... How did it stay open? It was literally cereal and then Jell-O. Like, the budget was not there if they couldn't afford, like...
They're literally like 12-year-old children. I kid you not. I cooked all the food in the back. I'm kidding. It was like child labor. You could literally get a pack of brownie mix for like 50 cents at Walmart. Yes. All the workers were like 12. They were like kids. And it was cereal as dessert and Jell-O. And every time I got Jell-O and I was just like...
And I would like put it on my plate and I wouldn't get a fork. I would just bend down and I'd go. Remember? I'd go. Like a vacuum cleaner? And it would just go down my throat and Mav hated me for it. Do y'all remember the, what's it called? The jelly straws? What? No way. I missed out on this? The jelly straws in 2020. Everybody would let me.
And then they came up their throat. Wait, the straws? Or are you talking about those packet things? Packet things. Oh, the poppers? No, no, no, no, no. Those were jellyfruits. Oh, she knows her jelly. Oh, jellyfruits. I never tried one of those. I don't want to try one so bad. In fifth grade, people would sell them and I would buy them. And they were like these... You got scammed? There was like these sticks of jelly...
And you would like tear them open and then you would and like suck it all the way down your throat and then you'd throw it back up. Wow. You know, I used to sell things in fifth grade. Actually, it was second grade. I used, I went to the store and I bought a bunch of duct tape and I was going to make duct tape wallets. But then, and I was going to sell them all for $5.
But then I got home and I realized I don't know how to make a duct tape wallet. But my sister did. Funny story. Yeah, so my sister made duct tape wallets. And then I would go sell them at the school. And then I'd pay her for them. And nobody's interested in my story. And this is why I don't tell stories in the pod. That's a boring one. Where's the funny part of that story? Fine. Do you guys want to hear about the part where...
We gotta believe that you can't say that word. Yeah, you can't say that word.
Okay, stop. We gotta stop. We gotta stop. There's no way that's legal. Okay. It's sugar. It's sugar. It literally is. It's like a pack of sugar. Yeah, who even... Okay, so there's a guest here. Our host. I mean, we have a host. The poor host. Just been sitting there while we talk about these things. Wait, do we have to bleep that for real? Probably. Raise your hand if you think we should bleep that. I don't really care. Well, that's three here and Alex also counts. So Alex didn't raise his hand. It's a tie. She raised her hand.
To bleep it? Kate raised her hand. All right, well, I don't know. If those were bleeped, I'm sorry. Just know it was hilarious. Well, it was a joke about drugs. It was about substances. Let's just say that. The joke was about substances. And we specifically have a sign in our bathroom that says, do not do this substance in our bathroom. No, that's coke. We have a sign that says, don't do coke in our bathroom. Yeah. Like, drink Coca-Cola. And then there's also a photo of Matt naked in the restroom.
the restaurant. Hey, you have a microphone. Actually, you know what? You don't have a microphone. Don't say that. It's not a photo of Maverick naked. That is a lie. It was taken down months ago. It's a photo of him. I wasn't naked in the photo. He's partially naked. I was in my underwear and everything's blurred out. For some odd reason. It's a black box over everything. Oh my gosh. It's not a good photo. I regret taking it. I was stupid. You were pretty young in that photo. I was like 18 and it was stupid. And you put it in our house forever. Because it was funny to me and the guys, but
I realized it wasn't a house full of guys. It just got weird. Yeah. Yeah. Then it got weird. Yeah. Okay. So we are like 30 minutes into this episode and we still have not introduced. Oh, we have a new host. Oh my gosh. Where'd you get here? You never taught me. Yeah. I'm sick of the disrespect. Okay. Stop pointing the nubs at me. I don't like it. I choose you. He keeps pointing the nub. All right. Sam,
Open yourself. Oh We need a hype we need a hyper known friend up ready Oh
Oh my goodness. She just destroyed this microphone with her wrapping paper. That was crazy! She didn't put the helmet on! She had no clue where she was rolling! I didn't know you could parkour like that! That was crazy! Parkour! Wow, I had no clue it was you! I'm not gonna lie, we like forgot about you for half a second. You were so quiet. Wow.
I can't believe she did a front flip blindfolded. That was crazy. I know. I was so scared. I was like, oh my gosh. Wow, that was very impressive. Yeah, what if you were like facing that way and you did a front flip? Straight into the camera. That was crazy. She just walked
Where was I facing? Just a crowd dog. You were towards Maverick. You nailed it. Perfectly. No, you nailed it. You nailed the direction. Front rolled right into Maverick. It was kind of romantic. Yeah, but then you were kind of stumbling around like you just got KO'd in WWE. I was trying to get it off. It wasn't coming off. Hey, Bootham. Okay. I'm glad that's over with. Me after I sprayed like that stuff on my hand. What? Okay. Remember...
We sprayed that stuff on her hand and it wouldn't come off. She will... Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, never mind. Was it a substance? Okay. We have a new host! Yay! Guys, can you believe that we literally have a new Aloha Podcast host today? Over one year in. Oh, no. Almost exactly like our year anniversary. I can already see.
and sniff the comments from three and a half miles away. What comments? Y'all are replacing Harper. I can't believe you guys are replacing Harper. No, we're just preparing for when Harper leaves. Harper, don't leave us. Harper's going to leave me. No, no, no. Have you ever genuinely thought about leaving us? I mean, like in the future, yeah. What the? Wait, for what? If I ever left the podcast, it would be...
for something huge she's gonna go hollywood on us she's gonna move to worse you say you only leave us if something better comes along no i i'm good if i leave the podcast it will be for something like uh like something i don't know uh something huge and like no i don't know that like like a guy i just think it's funny kate was like i didn't hear the comments y'all are replacing harper sweetheart she's closer to your chair
What? She's closer to your chair than Harper's. I don't get it. Oh. If somebody's getting replaced, I don't think it'd be Harper. You're not getting replaced, Kate. Wow. But the comments were pretty crazy that they wanted Kenzie on more than. That was not true. Well, there was a poll. I just thought it was funny. Like, Kate just assumed, like, oh, people
people think we're going to replace Harper. Maybe. Cause us three, us two were assuming that they were probably, we were like, we were all talking before. We're like, I hope people in the comments don't bully Kate. Like, Oh, y'all are replacing Kate. Yay. Um, and I hope that doesn't happen.
Yeah, if everybody's out, no, you're fine. Because kind of we decided like there's only really room for like four, maybe five, we'll see, about four people. And so we were kind of doing it by like views, who gets the most views. Okay, I'm out. Stop, stop. You still get some good views sometimes. And well, she's being so dramatic. She's doing her crying face. She's such a pick me girl. I'll pick you, Kate, come back. Well, Kinzia, here's your new spot on the pod. No, I don't.
You have replaced her. Well, see, you see, I'm actually very happy to have you. Hey, if I was to be replaced, who would y'all replace me with? Anybody. Kevin Hart? Literally anybody that would come on the podcast, I think we'd replace you in an instant. No, I would actually only replace him with Donald Trump. Donald Trump? That's a good one. You know, I relate to that. World leader, bitch. I mean, since you relate to it, I would be replacing him with Biden. Lost to Joe Biden? Come on. Really? Really?
I, uh... What the heck did she sing? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Guys, I feel like we're not acknowledging that Kenzie's a freaking guest. Oh, don't make a big deal about it. Oh, sorry. Don't make a big deal about it. We only wrapped her up for 30 minutes and suffocated her.
I'm honestly glad you're okay because that was a long time. When I quit my job the other day, they threw me a surprise party. Oh, so sweet. Yay, she quit. Yeah, I think they wanted you out of there a long time ago. No, get out of here. She's like, they threw me a surprise party. That was just a party for the office. That's so sweet. Did you tell them, yeah, I'm quitting my very stable job?
big girl work job to become a podcaster to go be part of the low podcast i did they gave me a gift card because they felt bad for me i said you're not making any more money you're not gonna make much money there also we'll give you an extra paycheck that's kind of crazy they threw you a surprise quitting party it was like half surprise see you never party half bridal shower
Little cupcakes with rings on them. There's so much. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. What is wrong with you? It sounds so fake. That was bad. That cannot be like healthy. I hate it. Imagine how I feel. This is every day all the time. Imagine how I feel when I lay in bed and I just want to be all nice and sweet with my husband. Okay, I cannot do that. And he quite literally...
Evil little boy. He does that to me when I'm laying down for bed. He blows me like a mile away. Like I fly out of the bed. Alright, anyways. Maverick, if you ever, you'll have a different bedroom. It's like so bad. Alex is choking. It's hot.
It literally made the room hotter. The degrees went up. I've never disliked someone so much. The thermostat literally went from 73 to 74 just now. You'll ask why I'm so tired all the time. It's because I wake up like five times a night to that. Yeah, even our facial lady said that. She was like, why do you have so many knots? Are you stressed? She was like, why are you so stressed out?
Because she has pimples on her cheeks and that means stress. And then she like felt my knots in my back and she was like, you're like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. I was like, is that really the line she hit you with? Yeah. And then I said, I can confirm. Yeah. Yeah. It was bad. Yeah. You do that to me.
That's terrible and it's right in my face. Yeah, I'm sorry. Like, when I put my mic right here, like, you're right there. Cash, I bet you get pink eye from your mic being so close. I've never had pink eye. Never will. Wait, how do you get pink eye? Just from farting? Yeah, you'd think I'd have it by now. No, no. Actually, like, how do you get pink eye? Because I've had it once. By standing behind Cash. That's how you get pink eye. No, I've had pink eye once and it was terrible. Also, if you ever need your hair blood dried, just stand behind me.
What? It's like bodily fluids in your eye, right? Wait, yeah, what is pink eye? It's an infection. Well, you can get pink eye from sharing mascara and eyeliner. Yeah, that's what happened to me. Maybe that's why I've never had pink eye. I never share eye utensils. He used to share Maverick's concealer with him. He did do that. No, we weren't the same shade. Yeah, he was like paper white. I have a question. If we did a live show, would y'all put makeup on?
No. Yes, I did. Potentially. Literally did. Just in the same way that you should probably put makeup on. Oh, we meant to tell you this. No one's ever told you this. We meant to tell you this. Me? No, her. I've been meaning to tell Kate this. The way you do your makeup, sweetheart, it always comes off a little shiny, which is fine. But when you do it for the podcast with the lights, it needs to be more powdery. You're treading on thin ice, Matt. No, no, no, no, no.
No, this is for real. Yeah, it needs to be more powdery for the light. I'm not listening. No, no, this is for real. No, I'm supposed to be dewy. For real, listen. For when you're shooting anything that has cameras and lights, you're supposed to put powder. I don't know what it is, but you're supposed to put powdery stuff on your face because it makes you not shiny. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Well, that's why you look like a light bulb all the time.
- You know what, it was just advice. It was just advice, take it or leave it. - Are you saying I light up the room, Maverick? - No, that's not what I'm saying. - Girls strive to do that. They put like extra dew on their face. - But not when you're shooting a podcast. - Yeah, but when you're shooting, like when we've gone on shoots before, like an actual commercial shoot thing,
They come over to us and they powder our face so we don't shine. The last time y'all did a professional shoot like that was like 2019 when you had the hype. Y'all haven't been hired since then. I've been doing professional shoots since I was like 12. I've never given you advice again. You can't take advice again. I've been in commercials since I was like 12, okay? So, I know things. Okay, L.A., L.A.,
- H-O-M-A, Oklahoma. - Oklahoma commercials. - Yeah, we were in the Oklahoma tourism commercials. - I was in alarm commercials. - He was? - Alarm commercials. - I did lots of commercials. - He was, when he was like 12 years old, there was this like security alarm for your house. - I was an actor before I was famous. - It's true. - The entertainment industry just always appealed to Maverick.
Yeah, seemed like easy work. Same. Did your parents just walk you through the mall and you saw those little people where you can sign up and you just went and signed up? No, my sister did to be a model for an actor and then they needed a very, very handsome young man. And so I was like, sure, I'll do it. Why not? There's not many of those in Oklahoma. Wait, what agency did y'all go through?
I don't know no free plugs No, what's it called like literally that's how I was like when I was like 12 No, they never offered you that they never know I was I was an actor before everything really would you act in? No, I was I was in theater, but then I was also a model for Campbell agencies and then I was before modeling jobs Did you do I got one?
But I was for a year. All right. And then I rebooked you. No. All year. Wait, what do you mean for a year? No, I was like in the agency for a year. And then and then then in that year, I became like, quote unquote, TikTok famous and stuff. So then. Is your sister model? No. She's tall enough. She probably could. Yeah. She is.
Kate's. I got told I was too overweight to be a model. Oh. Really, Matt? I didn't say it. No, the other day, me and Kate were taking photos for thumbnail photos, and Shannon take down her stomach. She went like this. Yeah, we were like in public. I was like, Harper, I need to take this thumbnail because Cash is like, can you send this picture for a thumbnail? I was like, I guess. But I'm like posted up in like a lobby. Yeah. Like an office building lobby with my tummy out.
The thumbnail is for an LOL Club video. I'm gonna plug it. If you guys haven't, go subscribe to our LOL Club YouTube channel. Do y'all have plugs? Link in the description. No, no plugs. I don't got no plugs. You got plugs? But speaking of being fat, there's something we have yet to tell you, Kinsey. No. Oh, shoot. Don't tell her. Don't tell her. Okay. You are not fat. Someone needs to tell her. I've been going through this for a year just because you're the new person. I will not let them pick on you. So, you're in the fat chair. You are. You're right in the fat chair. You're in the fat chair.
No, I mean, I mean so for real. So when you're on the edge of the screen, the camera lenses always are warped a little bit. So it stretches. So see how that main camera. Yeah. You're the closest to it. And Harper, they look like little beans. Yeah. Little tiny. Me and you, we skinny queens. Me? I still look fine because I'm me. Kate always looked a little wide. So you're probably going to look a little wide. It's like this. Oh,
It's uncalled for. How is that possible? Why is it so loud? No, go sit in it. Go back and sit in it. No. You deserve that. I'm not going in there. It smells. Sit down. It's like actually, it's like so gross. It can't even be funny anymore. Like, do you need to go to the bathroom, bro? Like, you're allowed to leave. But no, seriously, that is the fat chest. It's not a joke. Matt, you're not talking into your mic. I think they can hear me. No.
I will say. But yeah, the chair, because the way that camera over there is angled, theoretically, it's the fat chair. Not theoretically. You can visually see it. You're going to be extra wide. And you know what's crazy? You ever seen a double wide trailer? Dude, I'm so glad we're all being, because I would be so insecure. No, do you know what's crazy? I'd be like, take me, go. I was looking, every time I see shorts of myself come up from the podcast on TikTok, I literally have to scroll. Because I'm not even joking. I always was like, why do I look so bad?
big and then they finally told me today they're like well you were always sitting on the edge so it stretched you out and made you look bigger and i was like i've told you for like i've told them so many times i feel like i look so big and they were all like oh it sucks but then today they spent like what do you want my chair and then yeah what's funny is today we spent like 30 minutes trying to make you not fat and they could not have put any sort of effort and we did we got you a little little thinner yeah you should look skinny now yeah not like kate
I don't. Yeah, because I've had to look like 10 pounds heavier on camera the last year. But then when Kinsey's coming in, they're like, oh, but Kinsey, it's Kinsey. We got to make her look like a skinny queen. She already is a skinny queen. Oh, I have a great thing. What's your great thing?
Is this. No. No. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No. No. No. Wow. Everybody. Even Alex the cameraman started to take his headphones off. I got a question. Cash. Also. No. I know you guys are going to think this. The farts. Sound effects.
are not fake. Everyone is like, in the comments when I do fart, people are like, is that real? Yes. It is. There's sometimes, like in the club videos, it's added in, obviously, you know, because the microphones are on our chest, but when he farts right into the microphone, you can actually hear it. You know what's bad is it's like, those last farts he's done, like the
All of them have just been like building up and now there's just a fart smell lingering right now that we can't get rid of. Yeah, it smells like crap. It smells like actual, like it genuinely smells like a bathroom. Does your microphone smell? Put your face in your microphone and smell it. Why are you saying this? Dude, we're in the middle of a podcast.
That's it. Harper. Cash needs to sit there. That's it. That's it. We have somebody cutting. Scissors over there? Is he scissors? Oh, no. He's going to kill me. Here you go. You better get up here quicker. Oh, you don't get to fart and stink up the whole studio and expect your friend to be in one piece when you get back. Oh, hurry. Hurry. No way. No. Oh, oh. No.
No scope - straight just right out of the jar. Oh, I told you I love Nutella Did you get bit by a
Like what happened there? No, it was at cheer practice today. I had to wipe all the blood on my shirt. What? Yeah, it was bad. Did you shower after cheer practice? No. We weren't sweating. Yeah, but what about, I don't know. I feel like you can get like, I don't know.
Some sort of... I shower every night. You're being obnoxious this episode. What is the thing called? Staff. Staff. Yeah, staff. I'm going to get a staff infection, guys. Oh, no. Did you guys hear a kid? The only reason I didn't do that shower is because I shower at night. I was kidding. Oh. Yeah. I don't care when you shower. I have a nighttime shower routine. No, no, no, no. Okay. Anyways, why are you... Dude, stop. He got all offended because I told him he's being obnoxious this episode, which you are.
You know, I hope they clip you again. I'm gonna say look Oh, you should actually throw it. Why do you always think i'm being obnoxious? Because farting in the microphone three times, I think the whole room is slightly obnoxious. Like this, like this. Follow me. Don't throw it at me. If you throw that at me, don't throw scissors. Everybody knows. He wants you to throw. No, I don't really want you to.
That's it. My next part is going to go into your mic. You know what? I will be ready. Okay. I don't care. I will be ready to get up and go away. Do you like doing cheer still? Yeah, I love it. What do you love about it? Everything. Sorry, my alarm's going off. But yeah, today we were doing an inversion. What the heck is that? It's like a handstand. Sounds like a baptism. Really? I was thinking it sounds like they're casting spirits out. It sounds like some ritual.
go up to um a uh what's it called um a uh airbus oh congratulations did you land it i did but um all the other times i didn't wait a second so you're in a handstand in the air in the air and then you can do a handstand in the air yeah and then they flip me like she like float like you levitate in the air upside down yes yes i do you're doing a handstand in the air with people holding me up
No, I want video proof or didn't have okay. Oh, she's kind she came with her receipts mouth. She knew you would know They're like holding up her waist or something. No, she knows that my favorite haters. She came prepared I just see her do a handstand. So I think it's not okay. Just wait Is there a day that you guys like don't argue though? There I am. Let me see Calm down. There's enough makeup. Oh, what did I tell you?
I mean, it's kind of, but like, you are being, like someone's literally holding your ankles up. No. Text it to the chat. What do you mean? Yes, they are holding your ankles up. Matt, why are you hating so hard? Yeah. She was obviously proud of it. You drank a big old gulp of haterade. That's what you did. Actually, for a second, you are holding it. I'll give you that. Did you hear what Kate just said? Huh? Go ahead, Kate, say it. I said I like your shirt. She said you drank a big old gulp of haterade. Haterade. Big old gulp of haterade. You're funny.
you sound like a facebook mom little john myra went to summer camp this week and i was so happy to see the way that the lord touched their hearts okay they went swimming in the creek they went canoeing in the creek wait what are you doing what is this what's happening right now are you telling me a bedtime story no it was a facebook mom post i don't know where that came from though like remember yeah like
- Huh? Why are you being so hateful? You are this close to getting kicked off my podcast. - That was my podcast. - Does it, can he take her place? - I'm not being hateful. I was defending my friend Harper. - She didn't need defense. - No, she did 'cause you were bullying her. - It's not bullying. - And she's literally just a teenage girl and I don't stand for grown 27 year old men bullying teenage girls. - No, I don't mind getting bullied. I really don't care. - I'm right, I don't care.
- You like that? - No, I don't like that. - Oh, no, oh gosh, hey! - Everybody chill out. - Hey, you want some Nutella and makeup? - No, no, no, no. - Just not at home, just not at home. - I knew, I knew, I knew I should've donated to that anti-bullying campaign. - If I would've donated that 50 bucks, she would not be bullied right now. - Yeah. - The thing that's funny is how are you gonna stop anti-bullying? Like, you could like with the money. - Yeah, 'cause there's no way you can change somebody's mind. - They're like donate $100 to this anti-bullying campaign. - I don't understand.
I got a great topic earlier. I think I was gonna say and then I either farted or got Nutella. I don't remember. But I'm gonna bring up the topic now because this is the most hilarious thing that has happened to me probably in my entire life. And I reclipped it. So, one second. Not the reclips. The reclips do me dirty. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, reclip. I have that on my phone, bro. Oh, wow, that's great. Okay, so here we go. I was in the car the other day. Me and Kate, we were going down the road.
Yeah, I feel like you should reclip stuff. I do some literally mint store here. Sorry literally like me you really take it forever. You're like me Kate work. Oh
I'm not playing the piano, I was putting my Nutella away. - Yeah, but you're struggling. - Me and your face. - He can't think and talk, or I mean. - Talk and think. - I think he was just debating. - Can y'all stop bullying me? - He really wanted more, 'cause he's, you know, he's like, I need more. - This is why I fart, because y'all do stuff like this. - Okay, continue, sorry. - I'll fart if you do it again. Go ahead, do it. - Matt, please stop. - Ohio. - Test me, test me. - No, test me. - Down in Ohio. - I don't want to test you. - Ohio. - No, test me. - Skibbity Riz, Ohio. - Skibbity Riz, Ohio. - Bully me, Matt. Bully me.
Oh hi all! You have big lips! Okay. Okay. Run, Harper. I'll protect you. I'm scared. Hey, you guys should be singing the song. We are...
You guys remind me of what's what is that from is it from free Willy when all the whales are together and they're like we Great who's the great way? Oh wait? No, what's it called a great white whale that quick? It's a great white whale Sorry, oh, yeah my re clip
I was in the car, me and Kate. Oh, yeah. And we're having a conversation. My ReClip is playing in the background. ReClip is an app where if you guys leave it open, it records all the time. And you can catch conversations without people knowing. Like, after the conversation's over, you can be like, I'm going to go back and record that conversation we had 30 seconds ago or two minutes ago. Yeah, so me and Kate. And blackmailed him. Oh, I need this. Me and Kate were in the car. Make sure to download it secretively because my friends found out that I had it, and it was not good.
She caught them calling her mean names. Yeah. So me and Kate were in the car. My reclip was going. Kate said something that I must cherish for the rest of my life. So here it is. It's about Maverick. What did you say about me? That's right. It is about you. Were you talking about how much you love me? How much you appreciate me living here? Listen to this. And Mav, I hope you know, like, this genuinely came from the bottom of her heart because she did not know I was recording.
Is this real? This is raw, uncut footage. Oh, let's hear it. I'm so excited. Can we do this like every Christmas? I was like middle of like- Just we all like say like, this is what the other family member said about you. I was middle of like my news interview. This is raw, uncut footage that you only see here.
On the LOL podcast. On CBS, local news. No. It's the LOL. On the LOL podcast. Local. LOL podcast. Local. It's always local. Yes, because we're local. I don't know. It's always a local channel. If you're local to Dallas, we're local. No. Or the United States. Or the world. Technically, if you're in the world, we're pretty local compared to the rest of the universe. A local channel. Yeah. Like, if you're on local Earth. If you're on local Earth. If you're on local. If you're on Mars, we're not so local. Yeah.
All right, here we are. If you can drive there or fly there, you're fine. If you have to take a rocket ship, you're not local. Is that flying? The joke is done. No, rocket ship is not flying. Okay, let's get to the point. Okay, sorry, sorry. So, play the reclip. All right, here it is. Why is your face in it? Oh, I took a selfie. You like it? Yeah, that's cute. Okay, here we go. Wow, that's...
Oh my mom. That's what? Oh my god.
Because he just stresses me out all the time. I don't want you to be like that to Kenzie. You only like Maverick 25% of the time. When he's not talking, I like him. Cliff and I, hold on. When he's not talking, I like him. You must hate him on the podcast. That is crazy. You're going to get an edit. Matt, how do you feel about that? How do you feel about that? Yeah, that's right.
I like you right now. Just how Kate likes you. She's got you right when she wants you. No talking. No, I don't even remember how that came about. Maverick probably did something like shattered a light bulb in my house and didn't tell me to stress me out. That, no, that just happened. So that definitely was not it. But to be fair, she was telling me about how I shouldn't stress out Kinsey. I was telling him, don't be like your brother because I don't want you to stress Kinsey out. No, no, no, no. I do not stress Kate out.
That's not true. Remember when Harper said that he stresses you out? Wait, wait, Matt. Remember when Harper said they went to get their facials done and the facial lady told Kate that she stressed out and that's why she's got so many pimples. I'm never the one that stresses you out. What are you talking about? He stresses you out. Me? Yeah, you. No, am I the drama? Yeah. I'm always like, oh, you think Kate? And then he just goes for it. He's like, ah, Kate's fine. She doesn't care. Yeah. Yo, this wrapping paper, bro. Cash, stop. Oh my goodness. What?
Sorry, that one just squeezed out. Sorry guys. You bit over like Ross from Friends. Yeah. I'm sorry, you're just right in the firing zone. Yeah, I would understand if you leave. Leave? Leave the podcast. I'm not leaving. Why does it smell sour?
75%? That's a lot. He's tearing up. 75% of the time is literally she likes you. I'm just disappointed I couldn't get 100. I'm so confused. Maverick has never cried on the podcast. Either have I. Yes, you have. The baby thing. Oh, well, that was... We know it was all... Y'all think Maverick's gonna cry when I walk down the aisle?
Oh my god. She says that with a smile on her face. Dude, you have to. I had to fake it for mine. It's worth it, though. No, don't fake it. Matt, if you fake it, it really touches their hearts. It would be such an embarrassing thing to do. I would laugh at it. I'm kidding, babe. I didn't fake it. She was looking at me weird. I don't like that. Okay, I'm kidding. I didn't fake it. Dude, I would laugh if you cried while we were walking down the aisle. Look at me. I'm crying right now. I'm just looking at you. Oh.
I'm crying looking at you, baby, because you're so pretty. Ooh. Ooh. Can I door dash from Chick-fil-A right now? Okay, so let's go back and attack the little thing that you said. So how do I stress you out? You just do things like... Like when he throws scissors like this, and you don't know who's it going to hit? Yeah, because obviously you can see I'm the one throwing the scissors. See what I mean when I say he's the one stressing her out? Oh, sorry. Imagine I poke somebody's eye out right now. Yeah, I'm a chef.
Elmo's slide. Turn it off. Elmo's slide. Drop it on Spotify. Please drop it on Spotify. Does that thing repeat you? What? No, it doesn't have batteries. If you buy a little Elmo stuffed animal, that's the song you see. Elmo's slide. His teeth were jutting forward. Elmo's slide. Why are you singing it? Elmo's high pitched. Elmo's slide.
Nobody wears his dark black hat like that, but no one cares nobody Ohio's he's like this all the time. Oh, hi He looks like he's about to do one of those shootout that the Westerns do
Guys I watched your space cowboy performance. Yeah, you like that? No, me and my friends were dying laughing at it. Performance? Like the music video or when we were on stage? In the music video. Oh yeah, you like that? Me and my friends were laughing at it. Yeah, we often, for a good laugh, we turn on your music video. Gets me every time. Do you realize that y'all are the people that like set up the whole thing? And like got it. No, you said specifically it was your song.
I couldn't believe you actually did what we told you to do. Remember when you didn't want to invite me on stage? What? Remember you didn't want to invite me on stage because I had nothing to do with it? Yeah. There was never a stage? Girl, yeah, no.
There's never what do I do that stresses you out? For example he floods his bathroom for a music video, which is great, but I didn't want to flood it But you think I sitting here and I was like, I can't wait to flood my bathroom I think I find enjoyment in doing things like what? Yes, I think you think it's fun to be like, oh my bathrooms flooded. Huh? Oh
No, I didn't want to do that. It's not normal. I flooded my bathroom on purpose. I feel like you find a little bit of enjoyment in that. That was just for film. We had to do it. It's our job. And then I get stressed out that I can't trust you enough to clean it up completely. I did. Didn't I? No, because there's a funky smell now because it's moldy. I think it's just the rugs. Oh my gosh, I'll tell you what stresses her out that you do. Thank you. For instance, you know how you were hanging up? I brought you new rugs. Oh, you did? You know how you were hanging up blinds? Yeah. That she ordered? Yeah. She really appreciates that.
Yeah. Yeah. But you left the cushions. You like, you took a break. Oh, I know. And I called her and told her that I had to leave and I've been working on it the whole time. But for some, it just stresses. I'm just letting you know. I'm just informing you. You're right. I'm a horrible person. You guys hear that? 75% of the time I stress her out. She buys like $1,000 blinds that are all complicated. Yeah. And she's like. You called her in the car yesterday. You said these blinds suck balls. Yeah. I said something like that. Okay. I may not have said that word for word.
Okay. That's pretty crazy. No, he has to say that. Listen, I don't think that was my choice of words. It could have been. Maybe. I don't know. That was a very bad example. Listen. Because that's not. No, no, no. That is a good example. I am going out of my way to hang up her blinds. Okay. And I start on them one day. Battery dies on the drill gun. Can't find the charger. So I put everything away. Wait a couple days for the charger to come in. I start again on the blinds. I have to go to church. I have like an hour to do it. So I'm working as fast and as hard as I can. Let me see that.
I wait until the last second I have to leave and I'm like, all right, I'm going to have to stop on these. I didn't get it finished. And you know what? I'll just have to pick it up tomorrow.
And you know what? I left the couch cushions out. And you didn't work fast enough. That's why I stressed her out. And so that stressed her out. Instead of going, you know what? Maverick worked hard on these blinds. I can pick this up real quick. I think Cash is literally making me out to be some psycho. Yep, you were putting him to work. He was like, days never finish. Master's got me working. Maybe one day Master set me free.
No, I come in and... I remember singing that song when he was hanging the blinds. He's dead, never being dead. Matthew's getting me where he can't.
No. Sorry. Okay, what stresses Kate out that Mavs does? No, I want you to stop talking because you're just making me look crazy. Not using a coaster? No, that is not true. On our marble cabinet? Like, what? Sorry. I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's just funny because it doesn't... She bought a coaster for a marble cabinet. I didn't know that wasn't a normal thing. I thought you bought coasters to put drinks on. Yeah, but on, like, wood things. Yeah. Things that it would stain. Well...
That just seems weird. Like when you have a glass of water and like the glass starts getting wet on the outside, it dribbles all over the counter and then you just got a puddle of water on the counter. But if you put it on the coaster, it stays on the coaster. Yeah, putting a coaster on a marble counter is like vacuuming the grass. Anyways. It's like useless. I'm going to defend myself on the blinds. It's like digging a hole in the wall. I need to because I look crazy. You're going to defend yourself on the blinds? Because I look crazy. I came in.
And I think everybody knows that I, okay, I have a little bit of some issues and I know that. I know that if everything's not perfect, I shouldn't freak out the way I do, but I do. Okay, so let's rephrase what you said. I stress myself out 75% of the time. No, that was just Cash saying, like, that was literally just Cash being an instigator and trying to get us to argue right now. What? Because I came in. No, he wasn't. I heard the reclip. It was raw. I'm just an innocent man that secretly recorded something.
Wait, no, does this stress you out? Just be honest. All right. Um, all right. Okay, so hun Don't keep me contained Stop stop see you space cowboy. Oh
I'm gonna RKO you, don't stop. - That's just me, I don't like it. - Does it look like I'm a new queen bee? - That's your part. - Does it look like I have long legs? - And now it's time for my rap sesh. - Stop, what is going on? You guys ever seen the eight clown? That's that. - That's what you're trying to do. That's not how you do the eight clown dance, it's like this. - He just got it down.
You're gonna kick something. He's glitching. You're gonna literally kick one of us. You're not funny. Okay, so Kate. So what makes you more mad? What? Well, go ahead and defend yourself on the blinds, I guess. I was not upset that you left the couch cushions out because I am smart enough to acknowledge that you were taking the time out of your day to put blinds up for me. And I'm greatly appreciative of that.
So thank you. Just like therapy or something? For spending so much time working on those blinds. And thank you because I know you're going to keep working on them today. And if you don't get them today, you're going to work on them tomorrow. I thank you for that. Work never finish. Magic only works. It will work until it's finished. No, that's not. Holding like a sack on your back.
That was not you stressing me out that was me stressing myself out like you said and that's okay, okay? So what else do I do that stresses you out? Happens you know like literally all of y'all all three of y'all boys in this house stress me out Throwing the ball on the stairwell and breaking a light. No no no. Oh she doesn't like when we throw things like this. And this might be our room one day. Oh no I'm stressing this. Natalie! You actually put a date in there.
No, it's fine. What about like this? The pinky didn't fall down. Are you okay, Kate? It's okay. Don't cry. Did she have to cry? No, it's just like so annoying. Like, why do we throw this at the wall? We're literally moving out of this house in like six, seven months. It's fine. It's fine.
There's holes in the wall. Do it, please. Guys, KK's not happy. Please do it. Just turn around and punch a hole in the wall. Please. What if I hit a stud? You won't. You won't. Just do it. What if I hit a stud? No, don't. There's holes in the wall. Please, please punch a hole in the wall. What if he doesn't break it? What if he doesn't break it and he can't break it? He just like goes on and he's like, ow. Yeah, he physically can't.
No, just do it. Can I punch a hole in something? Yeah, the wall. I'm going to punch a hole in something. Why should I punch a hole in? The wrapping paper. I need to punch a hole in something. TV? Did she punch the TV? We've been needing the new ones. Just knock it out. Come on. Look at her. She's stressing out.
You don't want me to punch the TV? I don't want you to punch anything. We're grown adults. Just act like it. He's about to punch it. I'll punch a hole in something. And then the TV's going to hit the wall. I'll punch a hole in something. I'll hold the TV for you.
Really? Bad. You know what? Okay, so what do I actually do that stresses you out? That! You just threw something at the wall and literally dented the wall, Maverick. That's stressful. For content. It's all in the name of content and it'll get fixed one day. No, it's not. It's not gonna get fixed. I know it's not.
Hey. Relax, dog. I can't. That's why you get clipped up. You got clipped up right there. Do y'all just hear Maverick? He said, relax, dog. Relax, dog. Shut up. Hang on. Because I seem to be the only person in this household who cares about the well-being of the house. Because I don't know if you guys noticed, but a house is a lot of money. You want to know how easy it is to fix that? It's not going to be fixed, though. That's the thing. When we move out, it will be. You know, it might be fixed while we still live here. I know what the issue is, Kim. Wait, y'all are moving?
No, we're not. Yeah, it's Montana. They keep saying that to make it seem better. But we haven't even like... Wait, but if y'all move, y'all move in a Texas town. Yeah, it'd be like five minutes down the road if we move somewhere. That literally is like a thought that was thrown into the air like earlier this week. We're not actually moving right now. But we are moving in like six, seven months. I know what would stress you out less about the house. So you know how you don't like when we just like throw things and like how it put a dent in the wall right here? It makes it a lot easier if you realize...
The house is not a loan. It's the bank's house. It's not even ours. Who is gonna tell them? Who's the bank? Or the bake? How long has this podcast been going? You should tell them. The house has paid off? Oh my gosh, we're rich!
We were, so we bought the house. Yeah, now we gotta fix the house. No, I'm kidding. But guys, thank you so much for watching this episode. Also, if you want to listen to our song that Harper's been singing this whole time, Space Cowboy, I think it's on the screen right now. Don't keep me contained. I thought it's on the Cash and Map channel. It's better when we sing it. Just click the thing if you want to watch it. Yeah. Alright, peace.