Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
When did you go to the hospital? Okay, well, do y'all want me to start that off? Like, I'll tell y'all. Yeah. Yeah, I'd really like to know why you were in the hospital. Okay, so basically, it all happened when... Okay, so basically, that photo is because they were a little concerned about my growth and how I'm in the body of a six-year-old when I was 12 years old.
Really? Yeah. When you were 12? Yeah, I'm being so serious. How tall were you? Me? I was like, when I was 12 years old, I was like 4'2", something like that. Wow. I'm 4'10 now. I've grown a lot. Yeah. But at the beginning, when I was 12 years old, I was like 4'2", 4'. It was crazy. Was that when they were first concerned about your growth? Yeah. My mom was also a really short person when she was younger. Yeah.
Your mom's so tall. Yeah, she's really tall now. But, like, she... I would say she's, like, average. She's average. She's the average, like, American woman. Yeah. Maybe even a little taller. Yeah, maybe a little taller. But, like, she was, like, my height when she was this old. But we didn't know that I had something wrong with my pituitary gland, which is, like, in the frontal lobe of your brain. And so, basically, I... So, they were all... They weren't really worried about it. But I wasn't, like, eating as much as other kids were. And I wasn't, like... I wasn't, like...
doing what other kids were doing. Like, I was always, like, super-duper hyper for some reason. I have ADHD, so, like, that's also why. But, like, for some reason, like, I feel like, you know how...
toddlers are really hyper. Yeah. Like that's how I was. Cause I was in the body of a six year old when I was 12. And so I lost a bunch of my friends because everybody was like, hi, Braylon. Like she's so annoying, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I cannot help it. Like I cannot help it. So basically, um, what happened was, uh, when I was 14 or actually when I was 13, no, four 13. So when you were how old you were 12, I was in the body of a six year old.
Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. It was crazy. It's yeah. It was, and people didn't like, yeah, I didn't have friends be also because, um, I literally, what's it called? I was super hyper and I, and I couldn't help it either. And so basically, um, when I was 13 years old, the next year came by, I was four foot six, four foot five, four foot six. And, um, and, um,
my mom was like, okay, this is not good. So they took my blood and, um, or I went to the doctors, they took my blood and they're like, Harper, like, or they're like, we'll give you the test results in like a week. Cause they've got concerned why I wasn't growing as much as I was supposed to. Cause at that point I was in the body of eight year old at 13 years old. And so it like went up two times every year, one time, three times. It really depended. But, um,
But yeah, so basically when I was 13, um, we checked my blood work and two weeks later we got it in and I had like, I had like an issue with my pituitary gland, which means I don't produce hormones as much as other people do. And at that point, um, most girls or yeah, most people grow on a scale of one to 10 and they're always at 10. I was at negative two.
So, yeah, so I was not growing at all. No hormones were producing at all. And I literally, so that's when it got, like, serious and I had to go to the hospital because I was not in, like, a good condition to where I, like, I could even, like, really, like,
even like talk or eat or move because I was so like drained from what's it called from like not being being able to be active enough to actually like be like up and ready because I was like not producing enough hormones to do that so we went to the hospital and
I got put on like a bunch of IVs and it was so scary. And, and then, um, how old were you? Me? I was 13. And then, so this was right. Was it like right before we met you? Yeah. Yes. And, um, what's it called? Um, I, um,
So, yeah, when I was in the hospital, there was, like, a bunch of different people. But one doctor told me, and this is real. One doctor told me that, like, I was... So, number one, she thought that I had an eating disorder for some reason. Yeah. And so she was, like, what's wrong with your daughter? And she would, like, joke around with my mom about it. She's like...
What's wrong with your daughter? And that, like, made me actually so mad. And then at the time, all my friends hated me, and I had no friends except for my sister and my mom and my dad and my dog. And also, at the same time, I had really bad mental health issues with my parents because I have really bad OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, which also plays a role in my pituitary gland. And that's why...
Anytime I would get stressed out over my OCD, I would... What's it called? It would, like, affect my pituitary gland. And I didn't know that I had OCD until that all happened. So, that's also part of the reason I was losing so many friends, getting in so many fights with other people. And I just didn't understand it. So...
Basically, after that happened, we got the blood work in and I got put on all these IVs and stuff. I got put on drugs, not real drugs, but like, you know, prescription drugs. And I like fell asleep for like four hours. They did a bunch of like procedures on me and that's where I got the photo. So yeah. Yeah.
So in that photo, you're passed out? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I don't think I've seen this photo. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, did you already show it to her? I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think I've seen it. No, but yeah, like I, oh my gosh. Oh.
Poor baby. Oh, it's okay. Don't even sweat it. Don't sweat it. I was just like on my deathbed. Don't even worry about it. I was just on my deathbed, you know. Sorry. No, um, sorry. Give me just a second. Let me see. What are you looking at?
That's funny. He's stupid. Anyways. Yeah. No, but yeah, I'm in the body of a 14 year old now, so I'm good. Or actually, no, I'm in the body of a 13 year old now. Oh. But like I'm 14, but it's like fine. Yeah. I don't really care. Also, I like being short. Now I'm on growth hormones, which I have to give myself a shot every night. And like, and yeah. Wait, so how long do you have to be? Wait, so did you have to have surgery? No. How long do you have to be on growth hormones? For the next three years. Oh.
Yeah. And I'm only going to grow to five foot three. Well, Cash kind of relates to you because he's always in the outfit of a five-year-old. Yeah, I know that. Okay. Wait, so what were y'all going to tell us? Like, y'all had a thing. So was that a sad enough story? Oh, my gosh. That was very sad. Well, anyways. No, guys, like, I am not...
Anyways. Last episode, y'all said you had something you were going to tell us. If you guys watched the episode before this where we talked about Mavericks exes, also a sad episode. Don't recommend. If you want to cry, honestly, I don't recommend watching that episode. I actually want to know more. You think this episode was sad? That episode was sad. Yo, bro, what's going on? I was just going to...
What are you doing? Get your foot off of my mic. Please tell me what was going to happen next. I want to know. I need to talk to her before I say anything. You did. Yeah, and she said I could say it, but I don't think she understands. Me? No, his ex. Yeah, she said it was cool for me to talk about it. I feel like if I actually talk about it, I don't think she'd like it. Wait, Harper, that's what that guy on TikTok I keep saying you should hit up does. Who? Who?
Oh, Maddox. Maddox. Yes. What does he do? Like the, the like bill thing. He like goes across his bill and then flicks it. Oh, actually. Yeah. Yeah. That he's so literally, I think if anybody, if y'all don't know who Maddox is, Maddox Paxton. Yeah. Maddox Paxton. He's like a 14 year old, 14, 15 year old, like country singer. And he is so cute. And I literally, now that I'm not talking to anybody anymore, hit me up. Yeah. No, I, but he's a girlfriend.
Does he? Bella. How do you know? Bella. He posted a TikTok about her. Oh. You've been looking, huh? Yeah. No, I... No, but someone... He posted a video and he literally had like Harper energy. And the top comment was, you act just like Harper. And so I was like, what? And then, yeah. And then Harper commented on one of his videos and was like, why he kind of... And then... Dot, dot, dot.
And then he liked it. And so, yeah, yeah. No, but also... Maddox, if you ever want to come meet her... Well, he has a girlfriend. Oh. And you had a boyfriend. Okay, well... So, okay, so the story that I was going to tell, the story I was going to tell on the last episode...
Y'all are not ready for this. I'm... Oh. That was horrible, Joe. So, last episode, we talked about how I said I don't love Kate. If you guys don't understand... You don't love her? If you guys don't understand, go watch the last episode if you want to understand what that means. But anyways, and I was like, yeah, actually, you know what? Guess what Kate did?
And y'all ready to hear what Kay did? Oh, I'm ready. So I'm talking. We're just laying in bed and I'm just rambling about stuff, topics. And I was like, you know one thing I don't understand? One thing I will never understand why any human could do. Did you clip it? I did not clip it. Do you understand? I don't understand why any human can do this. Pee in the shower. I do it. Exactly. No, you do not. Yeah, I do. And literally, Cash, I talk about it with all my friends. Wait, do you do it? No, you don't.
Oh, I definitely do. No, you don't. I pee in your shower. No. I don't go out of my way to go pee in your shower. That's not even showering. He's in the bathroom. Yeah, I just use yours as a giant urinal. That's what I do. Wait, Joe?
It's like, how can you not pee when hot water hits your body? Yeah. Know what? Everyone does this. Yeah. Joe uses your shower too. I've seen it. No, Cash. And the next day. Sometimes we're together. Me and him, we're just using the shower. The next day. He had me so self-conscious about it. The next day, our body goes. Yeah, Kate goes, what do you mean? I peed in the shower. I was furious, at least to say. Furious, because you know what I do in the shower? I know what you do in the shower, and I do it too. I don't pee in the bath.
No, no, no. You know what I do in the shower? What do I do in the shower, Mav? Because I do the same thing, dog. What do I do? Me and you are built the same. We have the same genetics. Yeah. We get in the shower, we feel that hot water. And you poop. Exactly like that. And you lay down. I lay on the floor exactly like that in the shower. I know you do. I'm you, bro. Yeah. And then come to my... I've been putting my cheek on a urinal.
Yeah, I never would put my face on the floor. I knew better. Y'all lay on the ground? Yes, my cheek is on the ground. I'm completely on the ground. And apparently I have been laying on Katie. No, not true. Because unless, no one pees before they actually wash their body. You pee first, then you wash your body so the soap cleanses it off. No, because the soap's floating on top of the water. All right, Joe. I'm going to go to your house and I'm going to go pee on a plate.
One of your kitchen plates. And then I'm going to wash it. And then I'm going to say, no, you're not going to scrub it. You're just going to run soapy water over it. And then I'm going to say, now eat off of it. Lick it. You're crazy for putting your face on a shower. No.
In the first place. Whether people pee in there or not, like it's a shower floor. Yeah. Or a VR and stuff. Even more crazy. And also, yeah, you take a shower to clean the dirtiness off of your body. Don't put your face on the shower floor. Like that's just a dirty floor. But,
But besides the point, what's even more crazy is the fact that Cash will lay down in a hotel bathtub like that. I did used to do that. I used to lay down cheek on the shower floor in hotels. I never understood why you don't do that. Oh my God. Because I thought it was like .0001% of people that peed in a shower. You're in there to clean yourself. Why are you peeing on yourself? That is it.
animal thing to do. You ever heard? Even if it was .000, what is that one .000 person peed on the shower in the hotel? Well, I just thought I was risking it a little bit, but now I don't even want to put my foot in a hotel shower. That's why, and wait, even when you went to summer camp, would you do it? I'd do it.
You're disgusting. Summer camp, everybody would have to wear crocs in the shower. She's on the floor. There's just something about especially a bathtub. Oh, my God. If it's a shower with like a bathtub, bro, the bathtub will like cradle you like you're in the womb and there's water. It's true. It's true. It cradles you like no other. It's like a warm hug. It's like a warm hug.
It's so nice. Until you run out of hot water, then it's a cold hug, and then you gotta go. Yeah, and then I'm like, gotta get going. He had me all self-conscious, and then I brought it up to my friends the next day, and they were like, no, like, everyone pees in the shower. Yeah. That's so normal. There's something gross in that. More gross. Yeah, he's been tripping about it for like two weeks now. If you're in a shower and you're in a bath, and you fart in the tub, that's more gross than peeing in the shower. Farting in the... Oh, I fart in the shower.
Because poop particles are definitely in the water. You fart in the shower? No, baths are just gross in general. You're bathing in your own filth. I agree. What is? That's why you have to take a bath. I take baths every day. And then you take a shower to clean yourself after. No, you take a shower, then a bath, then a shower. Dude, I fart in baths all the time just to purely watch the bubbles come up. You're gross. No, but it smells bad. That is vile. Me and Kate have been taking a bath together and I farted. That's vile.
And I never thought it was going to be like particles. And now I'm really grossed out. That's disgusting. But have you always imagined that like the fart would come up through a bubble bath and like float in a bubble? And then pop it. That would be so gross. People definitely are farting in hot tubs. And peeing.
No? No, I don't pee in a hot tub. Cash does. I've peed in more pools than showers. Definitely. Same. That's worse. Sorry, I take that back. I've peed in way more pools and hot tubs than showers. That's so much worse. There was one night, I specifically remember. This is crazy. This is bad. No, this is bad, man. There's a hot tub.
Cash and Michael are there. I actually wasn't in the hot tub. I got out. I was in there for you, Pape, Michael, and me. We got in at like 9 o'clock at night. By like midnight, I'm done. We've been in there three hours. No, midnight. We were in there until like 3 a.m. I said I'm done. We're getting like we sit up on the hot tub edge, get back in because you got to cool off and stuff, right?
But me and Pape, we had food and drinks out there. Me and Pape, we went to the bathroom multiple times. We'd go in and have to go to the bathroom. These guys never got up. Ever, for like six hours. It's like midnight, and I'm like, hey, man, guys, I'm going to head to bed. They're like, all right, see you. They continue to stay out there. I hear them outside my window. They're out there until like 5 a.m. in this hot tub. Pape, about halfway through, he's looking there, and he goes...
Water is just... No, no, no. He goes, man, you guys never... You guys really can't hold it. Y'all haven't even got up to go to the bathroom one time. In six hours. That's crazy. We've been drinking so much water. And he looks down at the water and you can't see your feet anymore. You can't see nothing. It's a pretty small hot tub. And it was so foggy. It was insane. The hot tub was foggy. The water is clear when they got in. We didn't have the jets on. The bubbles were off, so it was just still water. Just still water. It's like a small bathtub.
And it was clear when we got in. It was crystal clear, man. And now it's dirtier than a lake. It was disgusting. It was murky. Y'all were just peeing in there? Kevin and Michael both like four times in one night peed in there. Yeah, so there was probably like eight or nine pees in there. Y'all are so... And you were fine with
Like you were fine. I thought I was the only one peeing. So I was fine with my pee. When I found out Michael was peeing, I was mad. I would literally fight you. I was like, why are you peeing? I was supposed to be the only one peeing. I was furious. The next morning, my parents were in town that week. And I'm like, your son pees in the hot tub. Because they use the hot tub too. And they're like...
No, he does not, Mav. You're being ridiculous. Stop trying to convince us. Every time my mom would look at me, she's like, Mav's like, ask him, ask him. She'd come over to me, she'd be like, Cash, do you pee in the hot tub? And I was like, no, I would not pee in a hot tub. And then she'd turn around and she'd be like, Mav, see? And I'd be like... This goes on for almost a year until he finally admits to my mom, yes, I've peed in every hot tub we've been in and I'm very sorry. Wait, wait, the real question is, your parents are watching this. Do you pee in their hot tub? I did, I did. I have one time. No! No!
- Once. - That's recent. - Yeah, only once though. - They just got that hot tub. - Oh my gosh. - That's how I was in there with you. - To be fair, they have a big hot tub. It ain't that big. - It don't matter how big, oh. - No, it's a big, what are you doing?
You calling my dad? Okay, tell him he's on the pod. Jason? Yeah, I will. I will. Oh my gosh. Jason. Why would you do that? And my dad's name is James. Why, bro? This is a very... Just get out. This is a very insane thing. Hello, Mr. James Baker. We are on the podcast and I have some information that I think you'd like to know. Okay. Your son, Cash Baker, pees in your hot tub. What? What?
He pees in your hot tub that you bought at your house. They don't even believe him. They don't even believe him. No way. He's going to take DNA samples. He's going to swab the water. It's getting like CSI to come out. Wait, wait, James. James, what'd you say? I said he's not in my hot tub.
No, he said he's peed in your hot tub. No, I haven't at all. He peed in my hot tub. Yes. That's what we said. He has not. Yes, that's what we said. He said he pees in your hot tub. If he pees in my hot tub, I will kill him. He said he already has. He said he already has.
We can clean it when he comes for Christmas. Yeah, make him clean it. Oh, oh, you will. You make sure you get all the supplies. Give him a toothbrush. He says he has. No, Mom, why are you so gullible? Yes, he has peed in your hot tub. Your son is a hot tub peer. No, I'm just, I'm just, I was trolling them. I have not peed in your hot tub. Yes, he has. I was trolling them. Don't, Mom, don't trust him.
We know where you peed in the hot tub. No, they wanted to prank you. I have not done that. You guys will see this podcast episode and you guys will see him admitting to it. Y'all should make him clean it so we can have a clip for this podcast when it comes out. Yeah. I didn't mean to make y'all think he was there, but yeah, no, he's peeing.
Yeah, all right. Well, we'll handle the situation when we come up for Christmas. Wow. All right. Kate, look what you did. You made them think that their son actually came to visit them. I feel bad. That's why he said, I'm going to go check. Kate said, he's in your hot tub. No, I said he's in your hot tub. I'm sorry. You made him think that his son came to visit him, which he apparently never does. What?
I miss my mom and dad all the time. You don't miss my mom and dad all the time. Not as much as me. Are you going to be with them for Christmas? I didn't think so. I will be. Are you going to be with them for Christmas? Love you, mom. Christmas has already passed. Okay, well, this Christmas, I went there, and he did not. Yeah, and next Christmas, I will be there. So will I. And to be fair, I've been there more Christmases than you so far. That's not true. Because your exes, you didn't go. I did go. I've never missed a Christmas with my mom and dad. I've never missed a Christmas. Never. Never missed a Christmas. I remember.
No, he has. No, I haven't. Oh my God. With your ex-girlfriend. You were in California. I flew on Christmas Day to see mom and dad on Christmas. He flew in on Christmas Day. He got there like Christmas night. That does not count. I got there at like three o'clock on Christmas Day. That does not count, bro. That does not count. You were not there Christmas morning. I don't miss a Christmas with my mama. Nope.
Harper, we're going to have to grind you from your phone. What about when you get married? When I get married, we'll have to probably sort that out. But for now, I'm sticking with I haven't missed a Christmas. I just want everyone to appreciate that when everybody's like, Harper doesn't talk much on the pod. She's a little keyboard warrior. No, you guys don't even understand my anger that is building. I know. I've seen some of the texts. I'm not going to lie. Wait, who are you texting?
She can't say. You know. A boy. Wait, can I see the messages? No, she can't say anything. I won't say anything, but can I just read them? He's psycho. Kate, you're so nosy. He's psycho, bro. I have screenshots because he keeps deleting the chat, so I'll show you them after. You keep screenshotting them? That's what you gotta do when you're dealing with a psycho. Harper, do you keep track of boys' snap score?
uh sometimes but not him anymore he was the only one that i didn't i liked him for nine months and he doesn't give a crap about me anymore so oh god he's isn't it crazy that we how did we knew we predicted never mind no i i don't want to even give anything away um moving on man you know what's crazy it's the amount of times harper's music video is out at this point correct is it yeah piper
Pepper get rocked Have you read Your comments recently It's never gonna stop Okay so if the music Video is out I can say this First off Music video is fire Alright Music video is fire Pepper get rocked Have you read Your comments recently It's never gonna stop Why are you scared To fight me
♪ I'm only 14 ♪ ♪ Yeah, like guess what ♪ ♪ There's a new queen bee ♪ ♪ There's a new queen bee ♪ ♪ There's a new queen bee ♪ ♪ Everyone ♪ - But for this music video, you know what I tried to get you? I worked hard on it. - What? What did you try to get me? - I tried to get the opening scene, you to be riding in on an elephant.
How dope would that be? We tried to get an elephant. We did. We tried to get an elephant. And I contacted the elephant people. The elephant people of America. There's elephant people. There's elephant people. That's crazy. If I wrote it on the elephant. And I'm on the phone with them. And they're like, oh, we're getting you an elephant. I'm like, oh, let's go. Like a baby elephant? No, a real elephant. Big one. Multiple.
So we could all have an elephant. Wait, did you forget the Dallas Zoo? No, it wasn't the Dallas Zoo. No, but you should. They're not going to let me rent their elephant. Well, if the money is there, I think the Dallas Zoo would allow you to do anything. I'm like, okay, sick. And then talking to them and they're like, okay, so it's going to be about $30,000 to $40,000 for the elephant to rent it. $30,000 to $40,000 to rent it for half a day. $30,000 to $40,000.
It's dex! A cash! Wait, like 34000 or 3400? 30,000. 30,000. So like 3-0-0-0. So 1,000, 2,000, 2,000, 4,000. Like a whole house. Yeah. Wait, say it again. Say the number again. 3-0-0-0-0. Why are you saying it like that? That's even... 30,000 to $40,000. So 30...
My heart was broke yeah, that's I was like all right. I'm why not just raise an elephant myself What else can we do okay? I looked into camels. I was like it's not that dope yeah, I could write it on the ostrich That's scary. Oh scary. Yeah wrote in on a wildebeest couldn't find one so well All right
We'll have her walk in with tigers on a gold leash. Two of them. Two of them. I would freak out. I'd be like. Their names are running. Tiger. Oh. Yeah. So contact the tiger people.
And they wouldn't do it because you're, you know, a child. Yeah. So they were like, no, we can't. We can't let a 14 year old walk them on a leash. But what I found out is in Texas, there was a lot of tiger people. Let me tell you, there is so many people that just have tigers like in their apartments. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. There is more tigers in Texas than all of the states combined. Yeah. No, no.
It was all over the world. Then everywhere combined. Like the wild, everything. What about gorillas? Oh, yeah, no, that's what it was. That's what it was. Sorry. What if I walked in on a gorilla? There's more tigers in Texas than the entire wild. It was insane. And so all these tiger people, no one would let you. Yeah. You know what they said? I wanted you to ride the tiger. They said, yeah. That's what I was hoping. They said you couldn't do it because the tiger might would think that you are a small chihuahua and they might try to eat you. Yeah. Yeah.
That's terrifying. No, I made that up. Oh. No, what about a white saber-toothed tiger? That would be crazy. Not a white one. What? Not a saber-toothed. Aren't those extinct? But isn't it crazy? You can just buy a tiger? Yeah. For how much? Like a couple thousand dollars, we can go buy a tiger. Oh my gosh. I don't have a couple thousand. Yeah, a couple thousand dollars, bro. Probably like 20. No, less than that, you could buy a tiger. It said that Texas, right below guns- Dude, there's dogs that cost a couple thousand. Right below guns and drugs-
Exotic animals are the third most illegal thing traded in Texas. Yeah, but like, dude, a couple thousand, that's like a... Joe did sell them for a couple thousand. He said it in the show. Really? Yeah, there's a couple thousand
thousand dollars like he sold a few of them for like three thousand dollars yeah baby cups definitely less than 10 grand you can get a tiger because no they cost less the older they are because no one wants them that big right no one wants a big tiger so he was selling them for three thousand dollars a pop yeah because a full grown tiger we can get for like 500 might we buy a baby tiger because i feel like i could raise it with me and then it would like me but i ain't buying a big tiger but why can people just buy tigers oh my gosh remember one of joe exotics workers uh
Got bit by a tiger. His arm got bitten off. One person's leg, right? Carol Baskin. Did you know? I just found out. She moved to Arkansas. She moved her whole life. Carol Baskin? Yeah, she's in Arkansas. Wait, wait, wait. Did Carol Baskin, like, did she go to prison or what happened with her? No, her husband was found after all of this. She didn't kill her husband.
Her husband was found? Yeah, her husband was found, I believe. I've heard of that. Like the 2017. Her husband, I believe, is alive. She didn't whack her husband. Carol Baxman. False news. Fake news. And well, there's a whole trick. So who was the crazy one? Carol or Joe? Joe. Have y'all seen Joe? He's online right now. Joe's crazy. No. He's commenting on Twitter on people making comments on him. Oh.
From jail? Yeah, look it up. From jail? Yeah. Does he have someone else doing it for him? No, it's him. Wait, how many years is he in jail for? Okay, can somebody switch me chairs? I will. I want to sit on that. Okay. I like the little green. Imagine though, you're trying to like, you're a thief in Texas and you break into someone's house. That thing is mad uncomfortable. And there's just a tiger. Bro, if I broke into a house and there's a tiger, I'm losing my mind.
yeah i would think i'm crazy i think i'm on drugs guys i'm trying to find joe exotic's crazy twitter responses it may it may be instagram or tiktok too it wouldn't be twitter now it'd be x oh my gosh joe exotic that's like such old news now i know that was 2020 2020 was a crazy if you want to sell me a tiger i might be in the market
I might buy a tiger. I'm not gonna lie, for a couple thousand, I would totally buy it and then after it wasn't like a cub no more, I would totally have to figure some way to get rid of it. Has anybody ever ate a tiger? Ate a tiger? Yeah, like ate a tiger. Yeah, yeah, over in China or India, somewhere over there, they do as like a delicacy. When I was in Costa Rica. It's illegal though, I think. Shut up about Costa Rica, bro. When I was in Costa Rica. Harper always,
always is just casually how can i turn this conversation into costa rica no no no when i was in costa rica um they they fed us dog but we didn't eat it so oh my gosh doug we have a wonderful meal for you and it was dog if there was to be if there was to be one animal one extinct animal to come back alive which one would you guys want oh my gosh this is such a good question bro
It would have to be. A mammoth. No, there's only one. A mammoth? That's just a hairy elephant. That's the big one. A dinosaur. Even bigger. Way bigger than an elephant. A dinosaur. Yeah, I don't even think y'all can even comprehend what types of animals used to be alive. You need to look it up. Are you talking about the big whale? Like, you just have no idea. There were some crazy animals that existed that you have no idea about. I'm choosing T-Rex all day long. T-Rex? Like, they're using you to be another apex hunter. Over the tiger.
Really? Yeah, look it up. What was the name? I'm choosing T-Rex. It's got to be T-Rex. What are you choosing? I'm choosing the Ratzilla. The Ratzilla's not real. No, I'm taking Ratzilla with you. They really think Ratzilla was real. It's not real. Don't watch our club video. It's not real, bro. Ratzilla is not real. Bro, pterodactyls?
Dude, any sort of bird that can fly that is the size of me is terrifying. I'm going to look at, like, wait, aren't pterodactyls, like, literally, like, 40, 50 feet, though? 40? No, not 40. No, like, 10-foot wingspan. Oh, the dodo bird? The dodo? Oh, my gosh, I did a, in, like, middle school. Isn't it supposed to be cute? I did, like, a research project on that, a dodo bird. A dodo. Oh, no, they're ugly. Wait, is that the rainbow bird? Oh. No.
I think I like cats better like this. Toucan. No. This is kind of a better vibe. In Costa Rica, I saw a toucan and a parrot. It was so cool. They went on my shoulder. I was in Costa Rica. Anyways. Passenger pigeon. Western black rhino. I've seen a rhino before. Yeah, there's just so many animals that I don't... Okay, here's a better one. If there was to be one mythical animal...
Creature. Oh that could be real Yeah, or unicorn a mermaid half human a
Half human. You want a half human, half animal? Yes. I want like a dragon or something I can ride in the sky. Oh, a dragon would be crazy. That'd be hard, bro. I was thinking it. Well, what if you turn into a mermaid and they give you the necklace, like a seashell necklace that you could be like, I'm really a summer. Mermaids would be crazy. I'm really a summer. You know how a mermaid's life would actually be horrible? Think about it. Yeah. Girls think mermaids are all like fun and dandy. They are living with sharks.
And they think all the time. Yeah. See how waterproof your makeup is. Yeah. You would just be swimming around with sharks your entire life hoping you don't get eaten. True. I think mermaids are real. How about, do y'all think that? Because like, I went to a museum. I went to, sorry.
Sorry, yeah. I went to a museum. I went to a museum and I saw a mermaid. Skeleton? Yeah, a skeleton. No, you didn't. She definitely was one of those kids' museums where there's like a live mermaid. I do think in the deep dark sea that there's animals that like resemble mermaids. Guys, you know that we have... But like their hands and stuff are like not... Yeah, hands. No, there's no... No, you know that we've only explored 5% of the ocean. Mermaids could be in that 95%. Nope. How do you know? You haven't...
Even I just know Harper. I mean you don't know no, I know we've only explored like something like 5% You don't know what's in the next 95 trust me. There's no more. What about that guy? He was like a horse and a man. Oh, yeah Centaur okay, those things are stupid. I don't know why those things are ever thing a centaur I would love to bet on those races. That would be fun. I
It was from Percy Jackson. Is that what invented him? That sounds about right. No, the mythology behind it, though. They've been around the idea forever. Unicorn would be a crazy one. I guess this is the horse with a stick on its head, though. But it flies. A pegasus. It's just a horse with an antler. But it flies. A unicorn does not fly.
Yeah, it does. That's the whole point behind it, bro. Y'all see this unicorn? This unicorn does not fly. Guys, I just thought about this. I don't think we can have the guy on the podcast anymore. Yeah, probably not. Harper's got too many boy problems. We can't have the other one. Maddox? I still can't believe it. One day, Harper and Maverick will both be happily married ever after.
And then there will be no, there will be none of these conversations anymore. Yeah. What the heck did you just say? Oh my God. You guys will each be married once at one point. Oh, no. You want to know what my biggest fear is? Harper's only a freshman right now, but as soon as she graduates high school, I'm scared she's going to be like, all right, peace out, Rochaka, and leave us.
I would never do that. Yes, you would. I would never, ever do that. Because you know what? You know, I would never, ever do that. Like, I, you know. Dude, she's lying. She's lying. No, you are because. She's already planning her exit strategy. No, I know the second time.
I bet you guys Harper quits this podcast in the for sure the next four years. What? I'm saying nine months. What? You know what's going to happen? Ariana's going to hit you up and be like, hey, you want to do a podcast with me? You're like, out. I'm out. No, Harper. I'd be out too. I'd be out too, Harper. When Harper gets her license, I'm scared Harper's going to leave. Because Harper...
or then you're just going to be like, my friends want to hang out. I don't want to go film the podcast. I don't want to film club. And then you're going to be like, okay, I don't have to be doing it. Like I can quit. But I'm making a lot of money. It's all about the bag. That's right. We're scared you're going to
Y'all heard it here first. Harper only cares about the bag, not the paw. If you're 14 looking for a girl that's chasing the bag too. Yeah. No, the thing is like, I wouldn't leave y'all first of all. Now I have a lot of reasons, but number one, because number one's the bag. Yes. Number one is I have nothing better to do. Because you want to give all the money back to the poor, right? No, I have nothing. I'm kidding. I will. I'm at one point in my life. Um, number one,
Because I, um... Yeah, what's the number one reason you won't leave us? Because I have nothing better to do. You do, though. You always, like... That's exactly our point. No, no, no. Stop right there. That's exactly our point, is you have nothing better to do. Once you have something better to do, you're going to leave us. Here's what's going to happen. She's going to get a boyfriend who's rich.
Now she doesn't need the money and there's something better to do. That's a good point. No. Listen. Yeah? Listen. What do y'all think I'm going to do? Because whatever y'all think I'm going to do, I'm not going to do. Well, we think eventually you're just going to choose to leave. This is a good clip in six months. Yeah. All right, guys. So Harper left the pod. That's crazy. I feel like y'all are going to take me off the podcast. What? You think we take you off? Yeah. You think we...
No, I'm getting kicked off first. And then... All I know is I'm definitely the last one standing. Because Mav will get kicked off. Harper will voluntarily go. Kate will go. Kate will go because we'll have a baby or something. And she'll be like, I gotta take care of the baby. And then there's just gonna be me. And it's gonna be me and y'all. And it's gonna be me and Joe. And everyone does not like cash. So the viewers will disappear. What did you say? No one likes you on the podcast. They always think you're mean.
You're the villain, bro. You are. And when the villain is the last one standing, all the viewers leave. Why am I the villain? Hey, but sometimes the villain movies get the best in the box office. I don't know. Why am I a villain? Can we get like a montage of all the clips? Listen, oh my gosh. One time I made a fat joke and Kate's made five more about me and no one said a thing when Kate calls me fat. I don't.
Bro, did you see the clip I sent you? You call me fat all the time. Did you see the clip I sent you? Kay sent me a picture of me eating Gushers in the shower, and she's like, you're so fat. I did not say you were fat. I specifically said this is unacceptable and should never be done. Bro, I texted you a clip. Did you see it? Look at this. It's a clip that came up on my TikTok of you and Kate from the podcast. Was he landing his face on the shower when he was eating them? No, this is what she said. She said, well, today you're looking a little, I mean...
Definitely looked better. Is that when we were like, okay, we're going to... No, it's not, Kate. That's when you just bully me. Maverick texted me. I need to see this. But my point stands. I'm going to be the last one left and Joe's going to be the last one left. And I'm going to be the only one up here. Joe's going to be right there and the conversation is just going to be right here. No, the thing is...
Another reason I wouldn't leave is because generally this has been my dream since I was like five years old. Because I would get home from school, watch everything on YouTube possibly there could be. And sit there for at least four hours watching like little girls always doing their things. Especially Ryan toys or whatever. And what's it called? Evan's World. You watched Ryan's Toys and Evan's World? Yeah. That's crazy. When she was little, she said.
Yeah. That's crazy. When I was little. And then it started turning into James Charles, Emma Chamberlain. Also, Jordan Matters said I was going to be the next Emma Chamberlain. No.
I was like, I was like, Oh really? And, um, and what's it called? Um, the Dober twins, I would watch them. And then I watched, did you watch the Dolan twins? Oh yeah. Dolan twins. Um, I was obsessed with the little group and the Chamberlain twins and James Charles. Like, Hey, that's us. The twins, Emma Chamberlain, James Charles. KSI. Yeah.
the reason why I wouldn't leave. And I'm seeing more Jake Paul. I would remember. Oh, also, Dangy Bros and what's it called? The one, the one, Dude Perfect. Harper? Yes? I have the real question though. Yeah?
Do you consider us friends or coworkers? No, I already know this answer. She's going to say she considers us friends, but she don't. I think she considers me and Kate a friend. Well, to be completely fair to her, she wouldn't know the difference before now because she's never had a job other than poop scooping. I've never had a job. You wouldn't see them, right? You would just pick up their dogs and go take them out. Okay. Wait, I got it. Okay, yeah, answer first. Answer the question. Do you consider us your friends? I don't know because I don't think y'all consider me as one of y'all's friends. I don't.
Talked wow that's that's crazy. That's crazy statement coming from you. She's not not y'all don't let it happen She's trying to turn around herself you manipulating us little girl listen no listen because the amount of times we have invited this girl out to eat with us after the pod right we're all leaving we're all like let's go let's go to Chili's or Roadhouse let's go get some food Harper you want to come no I need to go home what
I'm actually hanging out with my friends tonight. I'm actually hanging out with my actual friends tonight. I remember a couple episodes ago she listed her friends. She didn't list you. Yeah, literally. Like two or three episodes ago. We were like, name your friends. She starts naming all her friends. Then it named me, Maverick, or Kate. You know what she said the last time when y'all asked her to go eat? She asked if they paid. What? She asked if she was going to get paid to go out and eat with y'all. She did. When did I say that? We asked if you want to come eat with us and you're like, will I get paid? That's what you asked.
Y'all are putting words in my mouth that I did not say. I did not say. Did she say that? No, she didn't say that. Oh, my God. But I get paid to go to dinner with y'all. No. No, but, oh, my gosh, this chair is uncomfortable. Okay, Harper, what happens when you start your own channel and you get a million subscribers and you're doing Collapse? Well, this will have probably at least $2 million by the time I hit one mil. No, I think you'll get a mil. I think she can get a mil faster than LOL.
I mean, you're already at 500-something thousand. You haven't posted any videos. But me, I'm not at that. Someone else is stealing my content. No, no, no. At this point, I can promise you, we're probably at two mil or close. The pod? Probably close. It'll probably be like 1.5. And she's going to be at over a mil because her diss track dropped. No, we'll be at like 1.4. You're right. The diss track. That diss track, so many subscribers. Okay, okay. Well, I don't know.
Okay, cuz like I really don't think like I I think that this track is good I listen to it every day. I go to school. Um, but like I um, what's it called? I don't know like what happens if people don't want to listen to it or why people are gonna lose people are gonna listen to it That's so funny because we're talking like y'all gonna be watching this in the future. I
of it has like the future right now like yeah the future like y'all are watching this because the diss track is gonna drop when y'all it's already has over a million views i'm probably gonna be like oh definitely i'm probably gonna have a boyfriend and and when are we dropping this in three months this podcast will probably go out it will not be this podcast will go on like eight weeks eight weeks yeah like two months two months it's got over a million views right joe million oh yeah yeah yeah like like if it doesn't have over a million we did something very
Wait, but how long do you say? You think? I mean, the podcast or the diss track will be out in about six to seven. While the people are watching this, the diss track will already be dropped like a month and a half ago. I had to guess diss track out of milli views in a week. That's my guess. Guys, I have no concept of views apparently. It could be a milli views in a day. I'm not going to lie. It could be literally in a day. Here's the thing. I do think that
- People will stream it multiple times. - Oh, definitely. - Music videos people rewatch and it's just like, it could hit YouTube trending, it could do so much. Like, oh, guys, it's gonna hit a million views first four days.
What three days three days week for sure I think possibly the first day I think first three days for sure my gosh wait So I think that it's gonna hit least like one 100k views cuz my last few videos Like so my last this is not your last few videos. Yeah, cuz my last few videos have been doing terribly This is this track. This is a music. Okay. Wait, so go back to the question So do you consider us as your friends? Well, I I don't think she considers us family
Just family. Yeah. No, no, no. I want... No, because I actually think y'all are like my family because I see y'all every day. I don't see my friends every day except for at school. But in the summer, I wouldn't see my friends every day. You know? What did you say? You're closer with us or to your friends? Y'all. Because...
Because we're not mean to you. No, no. Except for my close friends. Like, my very, very, very close friends. Like, there's only, like, two of them. Like the ones that are mean to you? Yeah. No, no. Not the mean ones. I will say... Okay, I think that's... I definitely view Harper definitely way more as a little sister than a friend. Yeah. Because, like, at the end of the day, we all love Harper. And, like... Yeah. Like, we spend every day with her. Yeah. But...
At the end of the day, you don't invite your little sister to go hang out with you. Yeah, exactly. We do invite her. We're like, Harper, we're going to dinner if you want to come. Yeah, but like, like what? But I know. But you also we also do have to be like mindful of the fact that she's still in school and stuff. Yeah.
And she has to go home and go to bed. She has a bedtime. Yeah. I would stay up till like 4 a.m. every day partying. Not partying. I was up late last night. Last night was the latest I've been up. I'm not even kidding. How late were you up? Three to four months. It was bad. I was up till like 4 a.m. I haven't probably been up this late in about four months. I went to bed at 1.30. I
I had another podcast I was supposed to shoot this morning. I go to bed at 1.30 every night and then wake up at 5 a.m. I had a podcast I was supposed to shoot this morning and I texted him at like 5 a.m. I was like, guys, I can't sleep. My stomach is killing me. I haven't been able to sleep. I'm going to, I can't show up tomorrow. You canceled your podcast this morning? And they texted me at 7 a.m. They go, remember we changed it to Thursday? I go, oh, oh. So I was so happy, bro. Dang. Wait, for what? His other podcast. My other podcast. That he's cheating on us with. I shoot tomorrow morning. It's crazy.
Well, I'm glad that Harper considers us family, not friends. That's always reassuring to hear. Wait, what's my middle name? Alwyn. She's not with us right now. Harper, I'm always here. Yo, Harper!
My Mike Harper isn't going back and forth with some of these messages. Don't take a night to me anymore, buddy. God dang it. I don't know if y'all saw that. His face ID just worked on me. Our face IDs literally work on each other. Give me your phone. Right? But our face IDs work on each other every time. Ready? Here we go. Opened. No way. Are you for real? Yeah. Watch. Open mine. Do it where they can see. No way. Opened.
Wait, block the camera. I mean, block the camera and make sure to make the password pop up.
Face ID? See? Oh my gosh. That's crazy. No! No, y'all got me both set up on each phone. No, we don't. Wait, can you set up more than one person? No, you can't. You could with thumbprints, but you can't. Yeah, you can't do faces. Oh, you can't? No, you can't do two faces. I can't. Unless you're bipolar. Oh. You know who called me bipolar once? The guy that I'm... Okay. All right. All right. He's already gone.
Yeah, we're not talking about him. Moving on. Yeah. No, I don't think you can have more than one Face ID. I don't think so. All right, buddy. If you can have more than one Face ID, I'd be taking everybody's phone all the time, adding their Face ID. Let's do the chat. Adding me in there. I'd be like, can I see your phone? I'd call my mom. I kind of feel like you can't. There's no way, bro.
If you can add people's face IDs, I'm gonna start trolling. Everyone. Everyone. What's that supposed to mean? Huh? What's that supposed to mean? I don't see a place to do it. Our little caterpillar's broken. Y'all remember that annoying thing people used to do in high school where they would take your phone and just fill up your camera roll with photos? Oh, bro. Are you kidding me? Wait, no, no. They definitely do that with Harper, right? People still do that. People take each other's phones and just spam photos? Yes. Dude, that was my least favorite thing about being a teenager, bro, is...
My friends always take my phone and just... It was a way for girls to flirt. I know. What? No, you definitely do that to boys. Oh, yeah, definitely. No, no, it actually is because I would want my face in their camera roll. So then every time they would look back, they're like, oh. Or delete it. Yeah, they would probably delete it. Yeah, it's the girls always doing it to boys' phones.
Yeah, but I know guys that do it too. That's weird. What? That's weird. You're telling me you've never taken a guy's phone, taken a picture of your nipple and put it back? Oh, yeah, I'll do a guy's phone. I thought you meant taking a girl's phone and being like, oh, no. I ain't doing that. A zest fest. A zest fest. And be like... Wait, can we see how you would... Can we all show each other how we would take selfies? I would be like...
No, no, no, no, Harper. You're about to post on your story or something. Show us how you're taking a selfie. Okay, your mic is blocking your whole face. I look like trash right now, number one. Here's what I think Maverick would look like. You've seen me take selfies. Yeah, and I'm going to show you what you look like. Oh, I know exactly what Maverick's pose is. You think that's what Maverick's selfie pose is? It could be. That is crazy. No, this is Maverick's selfie pose. Maverick's taking a selfie is exactly what he's doing.
No. That's what Mav's doing. A couple months ago. A couple months ago. Not post, but you would definitely like send it to yourself. A couple months ago, Maverick, he had like his old iPad and he never used it. I was like, oh, Mav, like, can I, can I have it? And he was like, oh yeah, sure. Oh my gosh. So I accidentally, when I was, it was hooked up to his iCloud and I was. We haven't talked about this. No, we haven't. Yeah, we have, but let's talk about it again. We,
our iCloud, like our iCloud got mixed together. So I got a, like literally all his camera all showed up into my photos and stuff. And so on my phone, I will, I like, I think I deleted most of them, but every once in a while I'll come across like an ad picture. This is what Maverick selfies look like. What? That's exactly what we were just talking about. I did not do that. You took her phone and took a selfie? Is that your phone? You took her phone and
That's crazy! We both just sat here and said I would never take a girl's phone and take a selfie. No, that is crazy. You got caught right handed. She had no idea. That's crazy. The tongue, I told you. Oh, the tongue! It's the tongue!
We talked about that in the last episode. There's so many. Nope. Oh, no. Just send them all to Jeff. I was just hoping that Harper would post it and I could get clout. That's all. All right. Let me get a lot. Oh, Joe took some too. Stop sending them in the group chat. No, you're on the phone. No, I didn't. He said stop sending them in the group chat. Joe took some too? That's great. Show me, show me. No, I didn't. Someone took some of me. I want a minute.
She's air dropping, but I think there actually might be one I can't see it though. That's so funny No way No way Both of y'all just said here and said I would never do that both y'all just said I would never do that Nope are you surprised of yourself?
Okay, I know what happens we just get more immature when we're I would never do that
And then it sends them all to the L. Okay, never mind. Anyways. Have y'all ever fart cupped? What the heck is a fart cup? I put a flame in front of it. No, like where you fart in your hand and you try to throw it in someone's face? All the time. No, Cash does a jump move. He's got a jump move. He's got a crazy vertical weapon. I always do the jump move. If you're going to fart, let me tell you guys a little tutorial here. If you ever have a fart come in.
Maybe you're like, oh. It only works if you got hops. It sounds like an ad for the fart. You ever got a fart coming? Take laxatives. No. You ever have a fart coming? And you're like, should I hold it? Should I push it out? Should I try to hold it until I'm alone? No. This is what you do. Matt, can you please stand up? No, I'm usually sitting when this happens. No, you stand up a lot. Okay, yeah, the camera. Okay, I do this right here. Are you going to edit a fart in? I go...
Right in their face. But Santa, Santa, let me show you. So you'll be standing all innocent like... We'll be standing and then I'm just talking. We're talking like this. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go
Lauren hates it when I do it because I'm getting really good at it. It's a skill, man. Fart jumping, it's a skill. And for something about like when there's fart in your stomach...
And you're jumping, you feel lighter because the air is pulling you up. You weigh less. So when you have a big fart, it's easier to jump. I feel like he's weighing you down. Yeah, because there's a big air bubble. You like debate what to do with your fart. No, it's true. You know like when you hold your breath, you float. And if you blow all your breath out, you don't float. If you have a big fart, you float. Oh, they wouldn't know. Girls don't fart, apparently. That's true. Or poop.
They do pee in the shower. No, I'm going to be honest. I poop. We know you do. Yeah. Kate, do you poop? I don't think I've ever pooped a day in my life. What the heck? What's wrong with you? Okay. Wait, no, but like, seriously, like, why do girls say that? I don't know. I don't poop at all. I don't flaunt. Like, what? Like. All right, well, we're going to end this episode. We'll see you all next time. Bye.