Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
If you had to go back to one of your exes, which one are you going back to? Probably just because of the way things ended with the last one, I would probably go back. Okay, he just said the name. Name dropping! Are you kidding me? Oh, was I supposed to say someone else? Maverick Baker Trivia. Ready? What? You gotta go to guess, okay? I'll guess. Okay, that's fun. Okay, ready? Yeah, that'll be fun. Okay, Maverick Baker Trivia. Let's go. Okay. What if we do... What is Maverick Baker's favorite food? Booing!
Chili's. That's a restaurant, not a food. Oh, burgers. No, you didn't do burgers. Yes. Yes! Big L. All right, next one. Cash has one point. First one to five points. Three, three. Three points? Yeah. Okay, okay. Come on, think of one. What does Maverick Baker like to do for fun? Dance. Dance. No. She got it first. I got it first. All right, go, go. Okay, um...
Come on. What is Maverick Baker's shirt size? Medium. Small. It's medium. Shut the freak up. No, it is not. Smalls are too tight. I wear them sometimes. All right. What is Maverick Baker's pant size? 28. Good job. Let's go. 2-2-0. Okay. Cash is one more point away. Kate's at zero. She's at two. Imagine my comeback. All right. Go. Kate comes back. Okay. Wait. Let me think of a favorite color. Okay. What's my favorite color? Blue. Blue.
No. Red. I was thinking pink. I won. Sorry. No, you didn't. He's just saying that. He's just saying that. Okay. I'm excited. Okay. Wait, wait. Now, let's actually do it with Harper because we don't all know Harper. Okay. Harper's Zilmer trivia. All right. All right. So, just ask us random fire questions. Wait. Wait. So, is this Harper's Zilmer trivia? Yeah. Harper's trivia. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Hold on. Let me think of a question. Oh. What's my favorite food? Chicken fingers. No.
Sandwiches. Nope. Say talk- jeez. Sandwiches. Nope. Ice cream? Yes. Let's go. Oh, come on! Really? One point for me. I swear I was thinking that. Had to think about it. The Ben and Jerry's, you know. Oh, oh, oh! What's my favorite number? Seven. Nope. Seventeen. No. Thirteen. No. Twelve. No. Two. No. Three. No. Four. No. Eight. Four. Yes! Okay, okay. Two, two, or one, one, zero. You haven't got one point this entire time. He's got two. Oh, what's my Starbucks food order?
The muffin. Nope. Croissant. Nope. A bacon gouda. Nope. Strawberry refresher. No. That's a drink. That's a drink. Did you have it that one time at the other podcast? That was a muffin. Okay, I don't know. Do another one. Lemon bread. It was a cheese danish. What's my favorite animal? Monkeys. Yes. Yes. I win. I knew it was monkey. No, you're at two. Oh, I'm at two. And one. Okay, okay. Last one. Zero. Maybe. Maybe last one. Kate's losing again.
What's my... Oh, no. That's too hard. What... What's... What are you doing? What is my phone? Pink. No. What is my phone? iPhone 11. iPhone 13. Cash one. That was iPhone 11? Let's go. No. He didn't go... Let's go. This is so rigged. This is so astronomically rigged. What do you mean? You just got zero points both times. You're just salty. Yeah. You probably couldn't even win Kate Trivia. You look like a little grandma over there with your blanket. At this point. In that chair. Yeah.
Doesn't she kind of? You do grandma vibes? I never thought about that. All grandmas always got a blanket on their laps. True. Yeah, she's got her big cup and she's just... I'm like barely staying awake over here. Me neither. Don't forget to put your dentures on. Hold on. I read some more questions from fans when we were on the break. So let's see here.
First, I guess this is just a general question to anyone. Have you guys ever had your wisdom teeth removed? Yes. Nope. All of mine. You're the only one? You guys never? It was literally such a freaking bad experience. Guys, so you know how they have to put you under anesthesia? So I had never been under it before, and I was...
freaking out and i like literally the whole week before i was like i'm gonna freaking die from overdose of anesthesia and i like literally was like sobbing in the chair and then they had to come in and they're like oh you're fine and then they poked me and i have any funny videos from that actually i do can we play one i was like sobbing you actually have a video i have yes oh i remember how bad she looked bro i do remember you look it was bad i remember her cheeks were like a like a squirrel my face swelled up like i had
I think I remember some sort of video. Yeah, and I also called. I FaceTimed everybody for no reason. You FaceTimed everyone? Yeah, I FaceTimed my softball coach, and I'd never even really texted her before. And then I FaceTimed. There's a question of a... Wait, I want to see this video. Oh, yeah, let me see this. Oh, I have so many. I went crazy. You took lots of videos? Yeah. Let's see. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh wow, yeah that is bad. Oh my god. That's funny. Okay, so. I don't want to get my wisdom teeth removed, but I want to be on the gas so bad. So bad. Have you ever? I've never been drunk or anything. Oh yes, I have. I want to know what it feels like to not be in your right mindset. Yeah, it was weird. You have been unconscious. Huh? You have been unconscious. Oh, of course. Yeah, I have been unconscious most of the time. A lot. You want to go unconscious right now? No. No. That'll get banned. Would it? Yeah. Yeah, if you choke me out.
Dude, it feels so good, bro. He chokes me out. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. No, no, he chokes me out. Okay, there's no way I can say that, actually. He literally chokes him out. Yeah. But what does that mean? He like put, he's so cash. He like grabs me like this and chokes me out and then I go unconscious. Oh,
We'll do it after the podcast. Yeah, we can do it after. But then you wake up and you feel so great. Yeah. Like, it's crazy. You feel like you just slept for, like, 12 hours. Somebody do it to me. No. No. Is it healthy? No. Probably not. Probably not. Well, we just won't do it to anybody under 18 because that's, like...
Like, we wouldn't do it to your cousin. Yeah, your mom would kill us if we choked you out. Oh, my gosh. Imagine she didn't know we choked her out, though, and then, like, the podcast came out. Yeah, you would never be coming over again. That'd be a viral TikTok clip, though, if you let me choke you out. Choking Harper Zillmer out? That would be so bad. Harper Zillmer passes out on podcasts. One of the questions is...
Wait, hold on, wait. Should we do that real quick? Like just have Harper fake pass out and then post a clip on TikTok about how she passed out on the... That would get... Yes, yes. Well, don't act like you're choking her out. No, no, no. Like she just fake passes out right now. No, no, no, no, no.
Let's make a fake clip for TikTok of her fake passing out. That's what I just said. Are you actually trying to steal my thunder? With me actually choking her out. No, that will get banned. We're not doing that. That will get banned. What should we talk about? Do we have someone under 18 here that could choke her out? No. Everybody's going to feel so click baited when they come back to this video. Are we clipping this part?
Or is this all going to be? No, this is all going to be. The podcast. Sorry, guys. The TikTok is just going to be this. So if you're watching this because of the TikTok. I'm so sorry. You got click baited. Hardcore. You have been click baited. Okay, this is going to be a good clip. Act like you're not feeling good. Okay, okay. And then pass out. And we all got to stand up and like freak out for a second. Okay, okay. And like check on it. But be like, really, you got to really sell it. You're not feeling good. Start saying something. Yeah, we got to talk about something random. What should we be talking about? Okay.
Are you okay? No, his feet are just... Look how big they are. No, okay. Here's one thing about... You can't even find shoes anymore. Hey, can we clip this? Because I need to go do the restroom because I'm not really feeling. You don't feel good? My head is like hurting. Wait, restart. Restart. This is not okay. This is not...
No, no, no. Just talk a tiny bit louder. Guys, guys, guys. I'm going to go for a second. Start to get up and take one step. Okay, good idea. I don't know what it is. There's something about you. You look like an over-inflated five-year-old. Someone took a bicycle pump to you and just kept pumping. Guys, I feel like gas is coming to my head. What? You okay? I just have to stand up for a minute. Okay, we can pause. Harper!
So dramatic. I don't think they're going to believe that. No, no. One more time. One more time. All right. You got to really sell it. I got to sell it. You don't got to talk so much. Just be like, almost like what? And then Kate, you'd be like, Harper, you good? No, yeah. Just be kind of like, don't even tell us. Just kind of stand up and try to walk away. Sorry, guys. And then when Kate asks how you're doing, just be like,
I just don't feel too good. I'll be like, just be like, one second, I'll be right back. I'm going to go use the bathroom. Something like that. So you don't think it's weird that your wife calls me daddy? I just think it's weird. Sorry, I was just trying to create conversation. I was just trying to create conversation. You can't say that. I mean, I guess it was funny. It was funny.
I'm sorry. It's a joke. All right. Take three. Tell me that's not a good opener, though. That's going to be a good clip for the beginning of the podcast. All right. Ready? Okay. So here's the thing about my feet that I've never... Actually, everyone always knows. Why are you still talking about your feet? Because listen, you've got a foot obsession with yourself? Yeah, he does. Low key. That's like weird. Kate, do you remember you're supposed to ask her how she's doing? Oh.
- I'm supposed to ask. - Oh my God. - We're spending all the time. - Oh my gosh. - Let's move on, move on. - Okay, ready? - All right, so here's the one thing about my feet that my mom always told me. - Why are we talking about your feet again? - Are you good? - Because every time you wanna talk about your feet. - I just don't feel well. - You don't feel good? - Can I step out for a minute? - Yeah, we can pause. - I'm sorry, my head is like- - Yeah, go get a drink or something. - Okay, are you sure? - Yeah, we'll just take like five, we can pause for a second. - Okay, okay. - Yo! - Harper! - Are you okay? - Yo. - Are you okay? - Harper?
Yeah, I think that was really fake. It's fine. It's fine. People think it's good. Anyways. Sorry. Sorry, guys. Yeah, that was really important. Was that good? No. No, it wasn't. Moving on. Yeah, we can't. Hot take. Lululemon is not worth the money. No, I love Lululemon. I mean, I think it takes $2 to make it in China, but like, it's so sad. Are you okay with that? I stopped. Really? You're okay with like child labor just making your Lululemon? Child labor? No, that's Sheen.
I still like Sheen. It's a machine? No, Sheen. Sheen. Wait, Sheen? Sheen. Not Sheen? No. I always say Sheen. Only fruity guys say that. Why? If I ever quit, it's because of her. Oh my gosh. But I'm
You're like Kate in middle school. Y'all, I mean, that's how it was. Guys, a bunch of my things on here. What's this red thing on my arm? It looks like a birthmark, but it's not. It is, I fell off my scooter. Again? No, that was the first accident she talked about. The first accident I talked about. Can you at least do any scooter tricks?
Yeah, I can do a wheelie. I can do a wheelie. I can jump off of a stairs, like off stairs. You fall off. Like only like three stairs, but like other than that, I'm pretty good. That's impressive. I used to skate. That's not impressive. I used to skate a lot. Like I'm very. Like skateboard? I could do a kickflip. Wow. No, you can't do a kickflip. No, you can't. No, you can't. Y'all are so mean to just shut her down like that. And I could do all the. I have a skateboard here. I will test her after this. Yeah, we have a skateboard. Do you want a kickflip?
Yeah, you can't. No, I can't. I did at one point. I swear. Do you have a map? Oh, I have a skateboard. Where is it? It's in the garage. I just picked up at one point. Can you grab it, Alex? See if y'all can find it. Y'all are not making her do it on the podcast. Guys, I swear.
She's going to be like, okay, I could, but I just ate. Alex may be able to find it. We'll see. I believe you can do it. Joe, our producer, said I can do a double backflip, but I just ate. And then he did other cool tricks that made me believe in him. Our producer was just flying through the air earlier. It was crazy. Bro was literally flying, and then I slipped in the grass from doing a cartwheel. Yeah, then Harper said, watch me, and she ate it. Do we have that video? Yes.
Oh, we have Joe's video? I have both. Oh, let's throw both the clips up. The one of Joe flying and then the one of Harper not flying. And then she gets up and she goes, yes, I did it. I did it.
she gets up after she ate she goes i did it i literally like i probably that's how she did with her kickflip too yeah it's gonna go nowhere yeah i did it i actually did my kickflip when i was like in 2020 when i was so bored i did a kickflip and on a ripstick i did a good wheelie like harper during quarantine in 2020 what was like your activities you did for fun growing out my hair i
I thought you were going to say growing up. Growing out your hair. What was your activity? I would grow out my nails on my hair and I would be obsessed with that whole thing. I would try to grow my hair out to my waist. And what I tell you, every time I went to the restroom, my hair would get stuck in my butt crack. We are not talking about butts. TMI. TMI.
No, but I swear. I feel like this whole podcast is just Harper sharing way too much information. Yeah, I get a little too comfortable about this podcast. Speaking of growing, what do you do? Like, how is that going? So growing, so basically I am on growth hormones. Wow. But the growth hormones aren't steroids. Don't be like, oh my gosh, Harper's parents are so stupid. No, they were prescribed to me. By the doctor. By the doctor, by a professional growth hormone specialist.
Cause your mom's tall. Yeah. Your sister's tall. My sister is so tall. My dad is like seven foot. Um, and then my, my sister's like seven foot two. And then my, um, and then my, do you want six foot? Same thing. How about your uncle? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but, um,
No, my uncle Blake, he is short. Wow. So you said you did say that you were growing, though. So I grew two inches in four months, which is crazy. Yeah. That's actually two inches in four months. Because of the growth hormones. They shoot you up. Can I get some of those? Yeah, for real. No, for real. But like, what are you whispering about over there? Yeah. Oh, they were talking about your uncle.
Is that what you want to talk about? Because Michael wasn't here when she was... I thought I'd be over a minute. Wait, could y'all not find the skateboard?
I've never seen a skateboard in this house. I'm not going to lie. I have a Bam McGarrett skateboard here. Don't bring a scooter up here. Harper will fall. I would wreck it. No, but yeah, scooters are not my best friend. Wait, so I have a question. Compared to all your friends, are you like very behind? Oh, yes. Really? Very, very behind. Like, you know what I mean? Oh, anyways. Wait, no, I don't know what you mean. I don't know what you mean. They poop a lot more.
They poop a lot more than I do. I poop every year. What? Harper's so confused. Do y'all know what I mean? No one knows what you mean, Harper. Well, unfortunately. Anyways, no, but I'm very behind. Stop saying stuff. Why do you say it like it means something else? That's like when you learn the planets and no one's named Uranus. Bro, nobody understands me.
Nobody thought that was funny? The Uranus planet? No. No? That's not funny? Not really. When I learned that, I thought it was so funny. Anyways. Did y'all watch Captain Underpants? No. Okay. She's like, moving on. Neither did I. He had a crush on Captain Underpants. He had a crush? He watched SpongeBob. Because he looked like my Uncle Jerry. No. Oh.
I watched Spongebob a lot growing up, but I didn't know a lot of people weren't allowed to watch Spongebob. I know, because I don't know why, but I think he was just super annoying or something. I know. I feel like I know so many parents that were like, I didn't let my kids watch it because he was annoying. Is your sock okay? I think it was because he called his friends names or something. I don't know. And it was like they yelled a lot. And I'm not going to lie, I've been on Spongebob TikTok, and that's all I've been watching right now. Oh my gosh. It's just Spongebob on TikTok. And I'm trying to figure out...
You don't watch Spongebob TikTok? Never got Spongebob. Is anyone else on Spongebob? No one's on Spongebob TikTok but you. What's like your guilty pleasure show to watch? Ooh, guilty pleasure show? What was that laugh? Sounds like you got one. I'm kidding. Keep going. What's your guilty pleasure? Yo, I'm totally out of it. Yeah, I can tell. He filmed...
Am I allowed to say that? That we've filmed a lot? That we filmed a lot of podcasts today. Yeah, you can say that. We just act like it's different. It's been like six hours. But no, my guilty pleasure show is Friends. Friends. I will watch like nine episodes of Friends in a night. What about you, Harper? What's your guilty pleasure show? The Kardashians. Oh, that's valid. And Dance Moms. Actually, I'm not going to lie.
I've been over at Brooklyn's house and they, her and Bella have kind of low key gotten me into some of those dating shows. Dude, dating shows are the worst. Like Too Hot to Handle or Love Island. And I'm like, I'm like, Brittany, that's not cool. No, do not leave Brad. Don't do that. No, if you watch. Their names are like Brittany and Brad and like Chad. No, if you watch a dating show, I'm sorry. Your IQ is so low. My mom watches it. Brooklyn is definitely smarter than you. No.
What the frick? The flip? I probably am. No, no. If you watch... We took an IQ test, actually. Do you remember that IQ test? You got like... I think you got a fourth grade level. They've never stopped talking about this. We took an IQ test once. I did in kindergarten. And I clicked A for every single one. And they're like, oh, you scored so low. Obviously, I clicked A for every single one. I scored pretty high. That's what I did on state testing. I was very happy. The only reality TV show that's good is Survivor. Oh my gosh. I'm upset.
I'm obsessed with Survivor. That one's bang. Survivor is good. Me and my parents and my sister watched it every single day. Would you guys, if you got the opportunity, it's like 40 days or whatever, would you go? No. Yes. No. You would? Yep. When I was younger, I was like, I'm going to be on Survivor when I'm older. You would?
I wouldn't win, though. For a million dollars, you wouldn't go? No. I would not win. What do you mean you know you're not winning? Someone has to win. Yeah, but your odds are 1 in 40. 1 in 40 for a million bucks? I know that there's somebody there that cares more about that million dollars than I do. Like Mr. Lisa Shawn just won a thousand people.
But at the end of the day, I'm going to win every challenge. That's what I'm saying. Unless it's a puzzle. And they're going to vote me off because I'm like going to win everything. No, I know. You're also going to – like people will turn and – They'll be like, no, Maverick's going to destroy us when we get to the – It's just the heat exhaustion. This is the most single challenge. Yeah. Did y'all not hear this freaking cocky dude right now? What? No, I'm just really good at things like that. I'm like so good at everything. I'm like so good at like any athletic challenge.
I'm wondering if you're good at pulling girls. Pulling girls? Okay, enough of this, Harper. Listen, listen. I actually am good at pulling girls. I have very good game. Harper, that's why he's still single. I talk to girls often. I practice. Okay, listen. What? Never mind. What? I feel like... Listen, Maverick has just always been in a relationship.
Not right now. Not right now. And now he like actually has friends that are girls that he's not dating. He was in a two-year relationship, broke up. Three-year relationship. Broke up. One and a half year relationship. No, no, no. You got that wrong. At least he hopes them. It was one year. I rounded up obviously one year. But anyway, since he was 16, he's been in relationships ever since. And now he's 22. Yeah.
um but you know what what was it like like what was it like what were your breakups like yeah you've actually never like explained yeah you've never talked about well no no no let me say something every time this man breaks up same thing like clockwork bro he puts his hoodie up he puts beats on oh my gosh he just plays music and he walks around with his hood up like this i don't want to ask me nothing that's all he does not like that y'all don't talk to me about it i don't know so how were they um
Except for the last one. The first one. Okay. Which one hurt you the most? The last one. Oh, my gosh. What breakup hurt you the most? Why are we doing this? The first, the second, or the third? Which one hurt me the most? Oh, I could answer that. It was the last one. Yeah, definitely the last one. Definitely the last one. Yeah. Yeah, the last one was a little rough. If you had to go back to one of your exes...
Which one are you going back to? First, second, or third? Sabrina. Well, I don't really know my first one that well anymore. Yeah, you were like 16. Yeah, I was like 16. I haven't seen her in like four years. But she's getting married, so we'll just take her off the table. Oh, yeah. I feel like this is mean to either of them if they watch this. No, it's not. Just like which one, like if you just were choosing one to marry. Probably just because of the way things ended with the last one, I would probably go back to Kaylee.
Okay, he just said the name. Name dropping. Are you kidding me? Oh, was I supposed to say someone else? Oh, oops. I thought you were going to say the second one. No, it's fine. Everyone knows who the second one is. Oh, I mean, yeah. But we're on good terms with her too, though. Yeah, Kaylee's cool. Yeah, yeah. The last one, it just didn't end. What was that face? End on bad terms. What was what face? I don't know. You were like...
you can i just make faces at you yeah i will say i think that the the second relationship it just seemed more like y'all just like y'all's personalities just were not clicking and stuff so i think you guys ended that like uh the second relationship yeah it just was never gonna work we tried to make it work tried to change each other and stuff yeah uh yeah it just never worked yeah guys remember like 12 minutes ago i tried to pass out
Wait, that's so weird. She was like fake passing out. I think she took the wisdom teeth gas. Oh, yeah. No, I'm a little out of it, if y'all can tell. After my little fall, I'm getting... You're okay. Just take a nap. Yeah, you can... No, yeah, the second one was... Okay, I feel like that's enough. Okay, which relationship did you enjoy the most? Yeah, like during... Last one. Last one? Yeah. Last one, like...
The one thing I will say that was awesome about the last relationship that I hadn't had before I felt like was the girl, every time I would see her, her energy, her emotions were very high and very low. And so when I'd see her, she was like, like, you know, when you come home and your dog is like just going nuts because it's so excited to see you. Like that was her. So it was like, I walk in the door and she's like, oh my God. Like every time, like on point, like she just,
Run hug me like it felt like I was loved where's that energy. We're married. We like are literally I still literally like I do that like last night. I did the door she goes I told you to take the trash out But no that was like the best part relationship, but go ahead sorry what are things y'all generally don't understand I
You. You, Harper. I don't understand myself either. Wait, have you ever been in a relationship? Me? Like, in sixth grade, this...
really, really mean guy named Slade. Oh, name dropping again? Yeah. I don't care. He is rude. And if you see this Slade, I don't care because you're mean. Okay. All right. Okay. We're going to stop Harper there. Next conversation. People call me and him Shark and Water, or Shark and Lava Girl. Shark Boy and Water Girl. Lava Girl? Yes. Because your hair is red? Yes. And he looks like a freaking shark. So, anyways. Okay. Harper. Harper.
Anyways, next conversation. Would y'all say how were my breakups? Oh, I've never been in one. Oh, come on. Mine succeeded. Cash will turn a situationship into a murder scene. What? Yeah, that's what you do. Wait, what did you say? You turn situationships into murder scenes. What is that supposed to mean?
you, he would like a girl would be like cash. Like I really like we've been hanging out a lot and I, and I like hanging out with you. Um, but like, I think I want to be like more than friends. You cash would send them like eight ball pool back as a response. Yeah.
Cold. Because it's so cold. Because it's exactly what you said it was, a situation-ship, not a relationship. Yeah, and you would make it so dark for no reason. Because they're trying to put me in a situation-ship when I don't want to be in one. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. Cash and I?
We have like our throughout our whole. OK, before we dated, you know, that was like rough. We were always like, oh, we're going to stop talking because we're not going to date and stuff. So we would try to stop talking. But the second the second we started dating, there has never been a time where like we even considered breaking up or anything. Yeah. I can't imagine like the thought of like I say I say this to her about you. No offense. I'm like, can you imagine like what it's like to think like, oh,
this is the one because obviously everyone thinks that if they're dating someone. Not true. Yeah. No, but you felt that like especially the last one. I think it's more of like I think this could be the one. Let's see what happens. But I can't imagine like
thinking that and then like it doesn't work like i can't imagine like separating from kate like that we've been together for three years now i cannot imagine like the last three years it'd be like getting a new mom it's like no she's your mom it's like it'd be like it'd be like wait you can't just get a new mom no i'm serious like i can't i can't like we've been together for three years now i cannot imagine if just after three years we just broke up i mean i guess people get stepmoms
This is true. So I guess you can't get a new mom. Some people have two moms. Can you stop playing with my mic? You could get two moms. You could get four moms if they just keep remarrying. I just don't let the moms meet. You can get seven moms. Yeah. I don't know, though. Which I think that's why I felt like... Neither one of us really went through breakups, like, ever. I know. Like, I had a 13-year-old boyfriend that, like... What? Girl. What are you on right now? I don't know. What was she doing? She's losing her mind a little. No. I feel that. Like, I'm feeling like...
That's how I feel right now. My head just wants to go. Neither one of us have been through breakups like ever. I just can't comprehend how you did that three times. It's hard. When you have to tell a girl, hey, I don't like you. It's been like a year. I think the girls tell you that.
harper no didn't any of them break up with you uh the last one was i mean felt like i feel like that one was like mutual no i don't think that was mutual i think it just like um i mean there was it was like she i mean you were the one that officially pulled the plug oh yeah she didn't want me kind of through some things and then she was like hey i want to work things out and i was like okay cool um and then like the same day i was like
No. You went back and forth on it for a while. Like, after... Like, for a minute, he was like, I don't know, should we try to just, like, work through these differences we've had or should I just, like, move on? She was kind of... She apologized and was kind of like, I want to... She said... Well, she called me over to her house because she wanted to work things out. Yeah. And then...
Yeah. When I got there, I was kind of like, yeah. I will say. I don't want to work things out now. Yeah. So it was kind of like, I'd say initially she started it. Yeah. And then she was kind of like, I want to work things out. Yo, what is she doing? Do y'all not see this? Yo, if you guys can run back the podcast like 10 seconds ago, click the 10 second thing right now and look at the face she was making. What do you mean? She's going. You're losing it. She's spastic? Spastic? I was so...
Okay. I'm going to have a few more questions here that they were asking on Instagram. So the fans asked, this doesn't really seem like a question. I mean, is cheating on your barber a real thing?
On your part? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a real thing? Do you know a barber? They know, dude. Do you get your hair cut somewhere else? Yeah. You never heard of that? No. No. It's because they know because if you go back to the barber, they're like, who cut your hair last? No, I'm so attached to Gabriel. Who did you let dye your hair? This hair looks stupid. You know how many times they told me that? Oh, yeah. They're like, whoever touched your hair, don't let them do it again. Yeah, they're like, whoever did this last time...
Don't let them do it again. Come back to me. Because actually, I freaking, that happened to me. So I went to this, I went to go get my hair like done and they literally burned and bleached my head off. And I was like, Oh no. Okay. To be fair, when they bleached her hair off, that was when she went to a school where they're testing. You went to like a beauty school to get your hair done? Well, because I didn't have money at the time and it was cheap. Oh.
You were a brokey? Yeah. And then they bleached my hair off. And I felt so bad. The poor girl was really new to it. And she bleached it off. And she's freaking out. And she's like, I'm so sorry.
so sorry what's the address to that place i it was right next to her i was literally like oh no like it's okay like don't even worry about it like it looks amazing and then i got to my car and i cried for like literally three days oh you lied to her she i felt so bad for the poor girl and then her okay what made me mad was the teacher came over looks at my hair and she's like whispering and they're trying to figure out a way like maybe fix it and stuff and then i feel like the teacher should have been like oh like you know um
you can like we can like do this for you or whatever but the teacher like literally sent me home with purple shampoo still in my hair oh wow and then the girl the girl like as soon as the teacher walked away she's like i'm so sorry like they don't teach us anything here like they suck here like and i'm not i'm not gonna lie i've heard like horror stories from that specific salon all right the next one they had was they asked if we've ever been to summer camp nope um you know i went to church camp you never went to a summer camp
Really? I only go to church camps. What about like VBS? When I was like under eight years old, I did VBS. Dude, church camp was like my favorite thing in the world. I know. I always wish I could experience it. Church camp is where like I was like, all right, it's time to just test out Riz. Like let's get Riz. Oh, yeah. That same. Yeah. But it didn't really work.
It was like, I'm going to talk to these girls and I'm never going to see them again. Yeah. Remember that one girl? Yeah, there were some bad ones. Are you talking about the black belt? Yeah, so there was this girl. Tell them what our dad and the counselors made you do. Yeah, so this girl was brutal. I mean, brutal. She liked me, I guess. And she was just mean. She acted like she didn't like me, but she clearly did.
I'm sitting there. She comes up to me. She's got a stick about the size of this water bottle. It's real thick. Oh, my God. Comes up to me for no reason. Bam. Smacks me on the leg. Some girls do that to Florida. Ow! Like, what? What did she do that, man? That's actually crazy. And then she goes, I was like, why'd you do that? She goes, your dad said I could.
I go, what? Dad? What? Our dad was a counselor. Yeah. So I'm like, all right, go find my dad. And I'm going to have a word. I'm mad. Like I was about to cry. Like I was hit with the stick so hard. Oh my God. I told you he cries a lot. I was like seven. Okay. I was like 12. But anyways, so I go over and I'm furious and I'm like,
There was no need for that. Call me scared for a minute. I screamed at him. I was like, dad. I yell at him from across the campground. And I'm walking towards him. All of a sudden, boom, something's on my back. I'm like, what was that? I'm in a chokehold out of nowhere. They're like, no, the girl's literally chokeholding him. The girl's WWE flying chokeholds me to the back. And I'm like, hit the ground. I'm like, I'm getting attacked by a small child, a woman. And I'm like, what is it? Oh, my gosh. So...
I go immediately because of the way she hit me. I knew it was her, so I jumped backwards and land on her.
Good. And she didn't let go, though. She's holding on. So I just pull her arms off, and I'm mad. I keep walking home. My dad's laughing so hard. Oh, my dad's just laughing at this point. He's just like, he thinks it's hilarious. That's crazy. I'm like, Dad, why did you say she could hit me with a stick? He goes, I didn't say she could hit you with a stick. She goes, yes, you did. He said, I said, what are you doing? She said, I'm looking for a stick to hit a boy. And I said, okay, cool.
What a good counselor. Yeah, my dad's the worst counselor ever. And then before that, like our small group little thing, my dad and his friend was running theirs. She says to my dad, she's like, yeah, I'm a black belt. My dad's a karate teacher or something. And my dad's like, oh, yeah? Well, my son's like about to be a black belt. Why don't you, he's been in taekwondo for like six years at this point. He's like, why don't you do like a one-step sparring move with him?
So he's like, come over here, son. And I come over there and I'm like, what's going on? He's like, y'all are going to like one step spar. I'm like, okay. And so all the kids, I like stand there and I like throw like a little punch. I'm just like waiting for her to do like her little self-defense move. Not expecting her to actually do contact with me. Right. I was expecting one step sparring. Girl hits my face. Boom.
Kicks me right in the head. Nails him. So hard. I dropped to the ground. I'm like, am I dead? And then all the other kids at the camp circle and they're all like, fight, fight, fight, fight. And my dad's standing there like, oh, you're going to let that happen? My dad's like, one, two, three, he's out. I'm like, oh my gosh. I was so mad too because I was like, all right, my turn. Let's go. And my dad's like, no, no, fight's over, fight's over. I'm like, what's going on, dad? He really started. He started to do that.
He started an underground fight club at church camp. Yeah. That's crazy. Church camp sounds so fun. I never have to go. There was this crazy story. Okay, so we played hide and seek at church camp with the counselors. Oh, my gosh. So we had to find the counselors. They all went out, and we had to find them. This is a wild story. And so our buddy, he's a counselor. My dad's best friend. His name is Tim.
He's like, you know what? I'm going to stand right at the cafeteria door and act like I'm on the phone. And I bet all the kids will just run right past me. Everyone knows Tim. He's the loudest guy on the campus. And he's acting like he's on the phone. It's working. All the kids running past him. He's right outside the door. This one kid loves Tim.
But he's like a little like mentally disabled and he's like blind. Like his glasses are this thick. He literally can't see like two feet in front of him. Yeah. And he's walking out and somebody's like walking with him and Tim's acting like he's on the phone and he hears Tim's voice and he goes,
Found you. All of the other kids ran by because he's acting like he's on the phone. Except the kid who's blind. Except the blind kid. The last kid out, the blind kid goes, found you. No way. The blind kid found the first person in hide and seek. The blind kid found the first person in hide and seek. Crazy. Like that's so wild. Tim was like, there's no way. Yeah, that's like actually insane. It was crazy. It was a little sick. That's crazy. Oh, wait.
Never want to be blind. Well, that's good. That's a good goal. I don't want to be blind ever. If you know what I mean. Do you want to be deaf? How about mute? Okay, sorry. That wasn't even funny. Not at all. Are you going to cry? Are you crying? No, I'm kidding. So basically...
I'm um if I was like if I had to like be disabled careful with what you say here yeah this is what we're talking about you getting canceled please if your mom's watching this just so you know we're trying I'm tired okay no if I if what's one like thing you wish you could do in the world but you just can't one thing I want to do is I want to go to the airport
and just take the next flight out to an international country and not know where we're going what if you get north korea then i get north korea i just want to i want to do it and then i want to try to get back without taking a flight either like hitchhiking getting on some random person's sailboat like i want to try to get back without like without like buying a ticket anywhere and that's how to get murdered and kidnapped what's the guy
Matt meets some Somalian pirates. He's like, let's go. I do think, though, that the only way I could do it is if I bring a hot girl with me. What about a hot guy? Probably not a hot guy. I just don't think I'm going to get rides and get invited on the sailboat if I don't have a hot girl with me. You're still not going to because you're a guy with a girl. Then the girl's like a target.
Those other countries, they just look for beautiful girls. What if we get a nice country like Finland or something? Like King Jong-un or whatever his name is. King Jong-un Kim. You better put some respect on his name. He thinks he's him.
He thinks he's him? He thinks he's that guy? Yeah, he thinks he's him and I'm like, bro, just go away. Do you guys think anybody from North Korea is going to listen to this podcast? No, that's like highly illegal there. I know, but people there... They only have like 30 channels. I know, but like... And the LOL podcast is not one of them. Come on, North Korea, let us in. Wait, what if they did hear me?
Well, Kim Jong-un could hear you. He's got internet. Yeah, he's got access to everything. What if he's like, I'm going to a Texas... Listen, she's 14. Cut her a break. Yeah, give me a break. I don't think he cuts anyone's breaks. Yeah. Unfortunately. He does cut their breaks. Well, that is true. Oh, God.
Wow. Nobody's laughing. I'm sorry. The funniest thing was when Donald Trump caught him Rocket Man. Yeah. That's hilarious. The Rocket Man. Wait, what? Little Rocket Man. Oh, weren't they friends? I mean, I guess so. Acquaintances. Of course they were. Something like that. I mean, I don't know if they're, like, golfing on Tuesdays. I don't think they really like each other. I mean...
I mean, yeah. But he held hands with him. I think it's kind of like you and Sharkboy. Y'all held hands. No, we didn't. Oh, no? We couldn't even look at each other from across the room. We were so awkward. So you're going to hang out with friends tonight. What do y'all got planned? Yes.
I don't really know what I plan. I'm going over to Sophie's house and I'm probably just going to like, so we're hanging out with Artie and Harrison. Yeah. And, um, cause me and Harrison turned over a new leaf. And right now, no. So he said, he was like, Hey Harper, I don't want to fight like this anymore. Cause I hated it. I was like, I was like, don't talk to me anymore. I hate you. Blah, blah, blah. He was like, let's just turn over a new leaf. I was like, yeah.
Did he say the words turn over a new leaf? No, he said, let's start our new chapter. And then five seconds later, he said, hi, I'm Ariston. What's your name? Aw.
kind of cute. I was like, bro, what is this in the main character? Like, I was like, what in the world? Did you cry? Oh, no. Did he cry? I probably laughed. No, he probably did. He was in Dustin. Have you ever seen him cry? You said he probably cried? Yeah, I've seen him cry. He's a crybaby. Oh, my God. I slammed his fingers into his desk. I don't think you're starting on a new leaf. Wait, wait, wait. You slammed his finger and you're calling him a crybaby? No, no, because he started crying.
There's this guy named TK in my grade, and I slammed his finger in third grade, and he started crying. In third grade is kind of reasonable. No, but in also sixth grade, he started crying. So how many times have you seen him cry before? How many times did you slam his finger? Third grade, sixth grade? Wait, what's his name? The one from Harrison?
Harrison? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Wait, didn't you poop your pants in third grade? Oh my gosh. No more poop stories. One time I was running around. No, I know we always talk about poop, but you actually pooped your pants, didn't you? One time I diarrhea'd my pants. Okay.
No one even asked you anything, Harper. I'm not going to lie. No one even asked you. I did diarrhea on my pants like two years ago. Guys, I sneezed. And it was bad. One normal podcast, please. I sneezed and beans. Just one clean podcast. You know when it's running down your leg? Matt, why are we the only ones that like... I sneezed and beans. Get up.
I'm done. I'm actually, I'm walking off right now. This podcast is over. We're at 41 minutes. Wait, wait, wait. Let Kate tell the poop story. Did beans come out of your butt? Harper, stop. Stop. That's not real. That is not real. I mean, like, like, yeah. Oh my gosh. Don't be shy, Kate. No, there's like nothing to it. There's nothing to poop in your pants. There's no story behind that. I'll tell a story
a story about how a noodle came out of my butt. Why is everyone laughing at this? Once a huge noodle came out of my butt. Stop. Anyways. Anyways, guys. We actually need to ban Harper's bathroom talk. No more mic privileges for you. I just saved a $500 mic. Thank me, everybody. Thank you, Harper. Is it a $500 mic?
How much? A hundred bucks. Still, that's money. You can pay that off real quick with your poop scooping business. Oh, yeah. Or I could sell my actual noodle poop. She still pees her pants to this day about once a week because I make her laugh. I don't understand it. Girls pee their pants and I don't. We'll be in the middle of telling a story and Kate will just run away. Actually, I do pee my pants. There will be a time when we're doing a podcast and we're all laughing and Kate's going to run away and go, I'm about to pee my pants.
- Okay, yeah. - I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. - Me too. - No, when did I actually fall and like pee, peed my pants like in front of everyone? When was that? - One time I made a stream out of it. - I'm just gonna come out and say it and confess, I pee the bed. - Nobody. - Why did everyone look at me? - Nobody wants to know that. - Why did everyone look at me? - Nobody asked. - First off, that's not a cool thing to say. Why did I say it? - No, because I needed to get it off my chest.
Under you under you I'm like sweat stains on your chest You said you gotta get it off your chest So bad bro, it was like once every six months bro, so you need a bed I gotta poke Kate and I'm like Kate like it's like 3:00 a.m. I'm like you gotta get up
We got a problem. Somebody wet the bed. When I was single and I lived by myself, I peed on the bed. I just moved the other side of the bed for the night. Oh my gosh, no. You didn't just get up and change the sheets? Well, I do that in the morning. But now that we're married, I can't go to the other side of the bed. So now I'm like, okay, we got to... That's so disgusting. You just went to the other side of the bed. Okay, is this bad? Now when I pee the bed...
Either A we change the sheets or B I don't wake her up and I put a towel over it Is that bad? That's so bad But I also do that with sweat because when I wake up and I'm sweating a lot I just put a towel over it I never know if I wake up in the morning Because he will sweat like crazy I never know if it's because he peed or sweated
Yeah. Yeah. No, it's kind of gross. During naps, I sweat a lot, but during the nighttime, I don't. Yeah. Like, it's weird. Yeah. I sweat so bad I wake up, and sometimes I don't know if I peed the bed. I have to, like, feel it and stuff. Oh, my gosh. And you can smell it. That's insane. Before Harper can say anything else...
need to wrap we're gonna end the podcast right here guys so thank you so much for watching another episode of our podcast if you guys want to watch another episode click somewhere on the screen yeah i don't know where it's gonna go everyone keeps yelling at me click somewhere on the screen hope you enjoy the next episode that way it's on this that way right here click click click in this area yeah peace out