Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hey Kate, do you forgive me? No. Can you forgive me already? No, that was me. She's looking at me angry. You okay, bud? No, I'm not okay. What? Am I allowed to walk off yet? If you, if you, nevermind. Oh my gosh, you're not making jokes? Yeah.
What's up guys, welcome back to another episode of the best podcast in the world. You know what I think is crazy? What? You're touching your mic right now and you always yell at everyone else. Yeah, I know. I know I do yell at everyone for touching their mic. And now you're not using a mic stand. But here I am. Holding my microphone. What makes you so special? You're really gripping that thing. I decided I should do this so if I want to do a mic drop I can just drop the mic. Yeah, but that's like a $600 mic.
Joe, how does that make you feel? Yeah, I'm going to drop Joe's mic. These are y'all's mics, bro. Yeah, we bought these. These are ours. Never mind, I'm not dropping this mic. Harper? Yeah? I heard that your bed is back on.
What bet? With your mom. Oh my bet. You have a bet with your mom? You're betting your mom? My mom always yelled at me not to bet. It's like a wager. No, no. So basically, if I get a good grade on this test, then I'll get a phone. You said that last time and you got a bad grade, so I think you're just going to get a phone when you get a good grade. Yeah, that's what I meant. So she's probably not going to get a phone. Harper was being dramatic because she was like, Dude, come on now. What the? Your chair broke again.
Dude, this is the second time I've had a chair break on this podcast. Bro, maybe you should... I'm so... Hey. They have this... I know a thing called Weight Watchers. If you want to... Oh. That's good. It's the second time your chair's broken. That's good. Yeah. I've broken two chairs and I knew this one was not going to be good. In your defense, one of them was a children's chair and it stood up for about three or four episodes. This is a man chair and it did not stand up. Listen.
Hobby Lobby told me this thing would last at least 10 years. I should have bought the warranty. That's what you get for hiring mental wage chairs. Mental wage chairs. Mental wage chairs. Yeah, this is a minimum wage chair for sure. You know what that makes me think of? I just got done. You're not getting a pay raise, that's for sure. Yeah, you broke. You broke. She didn't even mean that. Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Oh, she hit that so good. Do it again. No. What's going on with your wrist, dog? Wait, I have an idea. No, you don't. You don't have an idea. Stop saying you have ideas when you don't have ideas. She says that at least four times in an episode. We should play Chameleon. Wow. She said that. Wow. Where did you come up with that idea, Harper? Yeah. So... Where did that came from? This is not sponsored, so it's actually... Yo, yo, yo. What are you doing? No, but if anyone wants to hit up Big Potato Games...
What? No, stop. Oh. This is our game. Hold on. I got to scoot my chair backwards. Can this like a little bit more, please? That's crazy. All right. There we go. There we go. That's better. Stop. I'm speaking now. Okay. We're going to play a game. It's called the chameleon. No, it's just called chameleon. No, it's called. Also, does my mind not make. Does my mind not. Yo, I'm trying to talk real quick. Oh, I just want to. Yeah, but you sound like. He's going to say. That's crazy.
It says the chameleon. Okay, okay. Not chameleon. All right, it's called the chameleon. Yeah, the chameleon. Does my mind not make like a bunch of noise and I'm like holding it? There's nothing? No. The reason why I make a noise is the cables are cheap if you're holding it like that. But you got good cables. Good job. I got good cables? Yeah. All right, let's play the game. Do I need to explain it or are we just playing? Yeah. I'll explain it because Kate sucks at explaining games here. So, are you good, bro? Your butt is vibrating. Ha ha ha.
Hey, yo. Fart transplant. Yeah. I literally feel like I'm getting a fart transplant in real time right now. Wait, is that a real thing, fart transplant? Yeah, if I fart right now, that is a fart transplant straight to him. I'm going to do a fart transplant at some point in this episode. You won't have a chair. Yeah. All right. Kate really wants to play this game. We're going to play Chameleon, guys. How the game is played...
is there is a topic card, and it pretty much just says a bunch of random words. This one's food, so it just names a bunch of food. And then there's these cards. Everyone's going to have one of these cards with the numbers on it, and then we're going to roll dice, and the numbers tell you what the word down there is pretty much. And then the chameleon's going to have this card.
And you don't know who the chameleon is. So pretty much everyone, someone doesn't know the word and they have to lie to fit in. Yeah, everyone's going to know the word except for one person. And then we're going to go around the room and say a word that has something to do with this word. And then everyone's going to know it but one person. And then we got to vote and see who does not know it and find the liar. So yeah, let's just let's start. Which one should we use? Should we do zoo animals? Yeah, zoo animals. Zoo animals is good. All right, we'll do zoo animals. There we go.
And then shuffle the cards, Kate. Where's the dice? Okay. Let me see the dice. So now we're going to pick cards, and all three of us are going to know what that is, and then there's going to be a chameleon. Somehow I'm always the chameleon. I don't know. But here we go. Okay. You're not special. Take one, pass it down. All right, Kate, I'm going to roll. Oh, wait. We got to roll the dice. So it's four, one. Wait, four across, one down? So now we all got to find four, one on our card. Hello, chameleon. I'm just showing them.
Here we go. All right. Wait, I can't read that. I'm just showing them the thing. Yo, homie, I would like to see it. I want to see too. I'm, wait, let me see mine. So pretty much, if you guys are confused, we're all looking at this and then we're trying to, everyone's going to know the word except for one person. So everybody's going to know what animal it is except one person. And then we're going to go around the room and everybody's going to say something to do with that animal.
My turn. It's Kate. Okay. No, it's not. I got it. Just off reactions, I think it's Kate. They like to do this thing where they... All right, sweetheart. They 100% believe they know who the chameleon is before anything is said. Even the chair said it's Kate. Who's the chameleon? Yeah. That's a bold statement. How does the chair talk? All right, well, you start. Long.
Mmm. Yeah. Wow, that's not obvious. Cash. Yeah, it's cash. What? Yeah, it's you. Why is it not? No, no, no, no. We all switched up real quick. Yeah, we did, and I'm sorry, but it's him. No, no, no, no, no. I actually swear to you. No, it's actually you. Can I go first? Yes. Is she already awake? Yeah, go second. I can go? Yeah, you go for it, buddy. Okay, I'm gonna say Kate.
No. We're still sticking with you. No, my word is Kate. And if you actually... Because Kate looks like one. Oh my gosh! You know, he would say that about any animal on the car show. Yeah, any animal. A hippo, a monkey, a lion, an elephant.
You just called Kate an elephant? You always called an elephant an elephant. Me personally, I would not take that. Are you really going to take that? Me personally, I think you were insulting me. Harper, what's your word? My word is tall. Dude, it's math.
Oh, it's me. It's Maverick. Y'all switched up. Mine's going to say, I'm going to do kick. And unfortunately, I gave it away when I said mine. Okay, it's math. No, it's cash. It's cash. Because he said me because he would relate me to any animal on that card. We literally talked about this last episode. Unfortunately, it's you. We talked about this last episode. No, we did not. Harper, Harper, I know it's not you. Yeah. It's cash, right? It's cash. No, no, no. We didn't talk about this last episode.
- First of all, even the chair says it's cat. - Let's take a vote. - No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, you said tall. I said you. This literally describes you. We make fun of you for this because of your neck all the time. - Everybody comment who you think it is right now. - I know what he thinks it is, but you're wrong.
It's not me. Okay, I'm voting you I promise you guys it's not me Okay, we're gonna play another round but every single round people before we started this game I said they always vote me and I'm the chameleon cash because you're the chameleon fun fun the chameleon. Yeah It wasn't draft no ostrich Oh
Yeah, I knew you thought it was giraffe. Hey, confidence is key in this game. All right, let's do one more. We're going to do toys. All right, shuffle the cards. Don't cheat. Kate loves cheating in games, bro. Kate does not love cheating. Kate just doesn't like being the chameleon because it stresses Kate out. Okay? I get nervous. Really? All right, give us the cards. Take one down, pass it down. Did you take one? I'm taking the top one. 99 bottles of milk on the wall. 99 bottles of milk. All right, who starts? You, because you're the chameleon. Oh, that is right.
five three no you start five across three hello oh okay i'll start oh i got this in the bag what are we doing toys i can go first if you want but the person who's the chameleon last no i was the chameleon and it's the person after the oh wait no does the chameleon go first five three it's the chameleon yes that's why we always say it sucks if you're the chameleon last because okay okay what is it so i go first five three it's five over three down is the thing
Whoa. Whoa. Now, that was pretty cool. Okay, I can't get this out. Okay. Wait, do I start since I was the chameleon? No. Yes. Okay. All right. My word is... Definitely is the chameleon. Circle. Mm-hmm. Harper, it's your turn. Lights. Mm-hmm. Come on, man. What's your word? No strings attached. That's not a word. That's not a word. That's a phrase. Oops. Yeah, it's illegal. Okay. All right.
Come on, just say something, bro. We know you're the chameleon. Oh, not. Finger. Okay. Repetitive. Oh, this is hard. I think it's hard. Maverick got it from one of those two.
No, she did not get it from Cash. Wait, what was her word? Lights. No, they light up sometimes. No, those are lights. Oh my gosh, guys. Okay, the fact that you're trying to blame it on that, it's you. They light up. No, I know it's not you. And I know it's not you, it's her. I think it's Mav. Oh! It's not Cash. It's one of those two. That is so...
That is so guilty. If I've ever seen it, that is guilt. I said circle. Harper said lights. Mav said what? Finger. I said finger. Okay. Which is so like, it's a good answer, but what did you say? Repetitive. Okay. Yes. It's not YouTube. Yes. It's lights. But Mav, the thing is everyone had a good answer. Harper answers is good. Yeah. Well, I don't know. And what toy on there has lights? I will say a lot of those do have lights.
Actually, I haven't even read the full card, so I might be making that up. Yeah, I mean, not many of these have lights. All right, well, y'all think I'm the chameleon? Oh, I know you're the chameleon. It's Maverick. It's Blue Couch. Someone on the Blue Couch. It is someone on the Blue Couch. Who should we vote? Now she thinks it's Kate. No, she is just trying to flip it around. I'm not. It's her.
which is smiling. No, it's Mav. Okay, no, I'm going to go Harper. It's you. It's not me. It's one of them. I know it's Kate. What? I just know it's Kate. I just have a feeling. Look at them deflecting. There ain't no way there is. We're about to vote one of them.
one of them out? We're about to vote one of them out. I know it's repetitive. What did you say? Circle. There's no way you're trying to vote me right now. Wait. There's no way. What did you say? Repetitive. Yeah, I think it's circle. Circle. No. There's no chance. They're actually just trying to. Okay, okay. It's Harper, right? It's Harper. I don't know which one it is. What are y'all? Do you not see the way she's acting? She's getting caught. Everyone,
Look at the camera. No, I understand. Look at the camera in the eyes. I look guilty right now. No, no, no. Especially because I really was dead set it was Harper, but I believe it's not Harper anymore. Okay, look at the camera in the eyes. Look at the camera in the eyes and say it's not you, Mel. It's one of y'all. Look at the camera in the eyes and say it's not you. It's not me or Harper. It's one of you. No, it is not. They're literally teaming up against us. It's Cash.
It's not cash. I told y'all they want to vote me every round. It's not Kate. Oh, it's Kate. It's Kate. You want to lose? There's no chance. Guys, guys. There's no chance it's Kate. It's not Kate. Guys, guys. I bet $100. It's Kate. Wait, can I see if that's real? Alex, if you had to pick one of them, which one would you pick? I just want to know. If you had to pick one, which one would you pick? Definitely Harper. No. It's Harper. No, Alex. It's not Harper. If it's cash, if you had to pick between cash and Kate, which one would you pick? Kate. Kate.
I'm leaning towards Kate too. But look at him deflecting so hard. We got to vote. Everyone point your fingers and that's what it is. And if there's a tiebreaker, Alex will break the tie. Three, two, one, go. I guess Kate. It's Alex. Who's the tiebreaker? Kate or Harper? Flip your card. Flip your card. It's you. You suck. No, it's you. You suck. Yaks me. I knew it was one of y'all. Yaks me.
I'm the best in the game. Are you? Look at everyone's jaws dropped. Everyone at home is like, there's no way it's cash. There was no way. How did you figure it out? We're playing again. How did you figure it out? I took a wild guess and said circle. I figured you did. I just took a wild guess and said circle. Actually,
That does fit quite a few on here. No, no. I am the best in the game in the world. Yo-yo, slinky, hoo-hoo. Everyone at home right now is like, no way it was Cash. But it was. No, I literally said. Because I'm the best. I literally am at home and I literally said it's you or her. No, no. No one. Yeah, I did. I was never voted. I was never voted. I was voting you. No. I was 50-50. I didn't know which one, but it was one of y'all. Let's move on. This game, obviously, I was chameleon both times. I kind of want to play again, though. Yeah, me too. No.
I was chameleon both times. Moving on. Because I wasn't chameleon at all. Yeah. Well, you guys caught me once and then you didn't catch me once. So. I feel pretty accomplished. That game stresses me the heck out. Every board game stresses you out. I know. Every board game we play stresses Kate out. That's why we're not allowed to play Monopoly either. I love Monopoly. It's my favorite game. But I tell you what we can do. Everyone knows how Monopoly is. We can build puzzles.
Those don't stress me out. Oh, those sound fun. No, we will not be building puzzles. Those do stress me out because then I'm like, where's the freaking piece? Out of every board game possible, puzzles is like the most stressful one out of all of them. Life is like a puzzle. You never know what's coming next. What? That's not the quote. That's so inspirational. Put that on a t-shirt, please. Dads are like Monopoly. They're always angry. Matt, if you say one. A board game pun. Go. Oh, a board game pun? Yeah. Yeah.
chameleons like cash but he's an actual chameleon what what okay i don't think the microphone can even hear you ma'am ma'am name a board game pun um knock knock who's there guess who
That was pretty solid. Thanks. That one was solid. Oh, I got one. I got one. Okay, let me think how to phrase this. He's got it in his head, but he doesn't know how to say it. No, no. I know how to say it. Ready? I'm thinking so hard and I can't think. My life's like, sorry, because I'm always having to apologize to Kate.
This is true. As you should. You know everyone low-key doesn't like Cash. Everyone's like, he's a terrible husband. Divorce. Leave him. That does get said a lot. No, I would like to say no comments have ever said that. What? Everyone says I'm a great man. Oh, yeah. Thanks, man. I'd pay that guy to say that, by the way. No. People have definitely said that, though. Cash has a fair... Okay, say a board game pun, Kate. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm so stressed out.
She's stressed out again. I have no clue what's going to happen next. There's a board game called Clueless. Life is like Clue. You don't know what's going to happen next. Okay, you can't just use the board game name and then say you don't know what's going to happen. Life is like a box of chocolates. I mean, I know what Kate's life is like. You know that game with the piggy where you stuff all the burgers in it until it pops? Hungry, hungry hippos. Oh my gosh. Ha ha!
Oh my gosh. That was not a funny joke. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Maybe in the moment. Bro, this man literally told me like two days ago. He goes, hey. He literally pulls me aside. He goes, hey, talk to Kate. She doesn't like when we make like any sort of like a weight jokes or anything. So like we can't be making those anymore. And I'm like, what?
You be making fun of me for my disability. We be making fun of him because he's an idiot. Because he can't read. We make fun of each other. The issue is Kate doesn't have anything to make fun of her so we just gotta come up with one. She's not overweight so it's funny. What's mine?
But wait, no my point is is you said I can't make jokes like that anymore and now you just compared her to a pig Pig I think that's what it's called being stuffed with cheeseburgers. Hot belly pig. I think that's what the Nate games called You guys know game I'm talking about am I allowed to make those jokes or just you probably just me Do you forgive me Kate? Okay, I'm sorry for his joke. Yeah, I'm It was a little heavy
That's actually crazy. Oh, gosh. She's going to walk off the pod. I'm totally going to hear it tonight, man. I'm totally going to hear it tonight. I'm so sorry, man. Remember my first pun? I had to say sorry to that. I'm sorry. Can I leave now? No, it's only 19 minutes. I've got 20, 30 more. The pod's not halfway over, Kate.
Are you delirious? No, I'm not. I just like to sing. Do you? Sing us something. No. Okay. Kate, you never said a pun. That already happened. I can't think of any. Harper, lift your mic back. I love you. No, like the little twisty thing and like scoot it back. I can touch the mic. Harper's having mic issues. Me? I can never have mic issues. There we are. Because I hold my mic. And now I'm going to drop the mic. Well, we paid a lot of money for that.
Wait, y'all paid for it? I thought Joe did. Most of his equipment's ours. Joe's our parent. Yep. I don't think that's possible. Joe's our dad. I don't think so. Definitely not y'all's dad. Harper? Yeah? Wait, wait. I got something great. I got something great. Yeah.
I just did a fart transplant. That's crazy. Man does not get paid enough. I just did a fart transplant. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, dude. It's okay. There's 80k now. That's your salary buck. Harper, how much would, like, would you dye your hair? Or would someone have to, like, pay you to dye your hair? I would dye my hair. What color would you dye it? Brown. Brown? Your hair's probably already brownish. Brown or blonde?
I can't imagine you as a blonde. The money pieces will be kind of blended blonde. Wait, what did you say? The money pieces? The money pieces. What the heck does that even mean? The pieces that frame your face. Yes. Money. They would be kind of blondish. You make money with those? No! Wait, why did you call your hair the money pieces? That's what it's called. What is this part called? The nickel? The dime?
This is my money pieces? You don't have money pieces. Wait, we don't have money pieces? No, it's these pieces that frame your face. The front pieces of your hair.
I've never heard that phrase in my life. Wait, can y'all split your hair down the middle and brush it out and make it a middle part? Maverick's done that before. Oh, yeah. Matt tried to rock a middle part for a while. It was horrible. It was not that bad. If we can find a picture, we might throw it up. But it was not a middle part. I had a specific picture in mind when you were in Hawaii with your ex-girlfriend. That one was bad. Yeah, that was bad. But it got better. Matt does do better. You can't tell him nothing. You can't tell him nothing. We're like, Matt, the middle part's not it. He's like, that's not true. It looks great. What?
And everybody's like, okay. Matt, it worked for you. I thought it was nice. Thanks, Kate. Hey, Kate. Do you forgive me? No. I actually am sorry. Yeah, I know. Genuinely, are you sorry? Yeah, I genuinely am. He just shook his head. Yeah. I genuinely am sorry. And next time you're hungry, I will not call you a hungry hippo. Oh.
And the crowd goes mild. Mild? What does mild mean? Like... Like... It's like... Wait, is that a fake laugh? No, you don't know. There you go. Right there. That one was real. Wait, you don't know what mild means? Like mild sauce. Yep, okay. Why is it called mild sauce?
You know, yo, yo, come back to reality, bro. Come here. Why is it called? It's because it's, um, I'm trying to be smart again. Um, once the clock turns 23, 23, I'm going to be very happy. Why? It just really, it'll make you happy that we're 23, 33 into the episode.
Oh, I'm so sorry. That was a bad part of the transplant. Oh my God. I'd be worried, dude. Oh no. Oh no. Everything's going wrong. Your light broke. Oh no, it all went wrong. It's my fault.
I won't do any more fart transplant. Can you forgive me already? No, that was mean. She's looking at me angry. I can tell. And I don't like it. I can tell. She's buying her nails thinking of what to do next. Dude, this freaking reeks down here, dude. What'd you do? Fart or something? Kate, are you upset? I'm not happy. I wouldn't be either. What's it about my joke? If y'all kept being like,
I won't be a hungry, hungry hippo. I think you're beautiful. Yeah, thanks, Mav. Are you going to marry Mav now? What? Out of pocket. Out of pocket. I can't say it. I was going to say we're all beautiful on the inside. I'm kidding. It's a joke. Oh my gosh. I just can't make it. It's called the LOL podcast. Can we not make jokes? Everyone else is laughing. It's fine. Okay.
Harper, that was a fake one right there. I knew it. That was real. Kate. What? Just say something, please. I literally am saying something right now. Yeah, but it's not coming off very nice. Kate, don't you think like Cash looks like a noodle sometimes? Why are you laughing at that? That's what I thought. Why are you laughing at her being a pig? Because she's not. No, did that come off the wrong way? Yeah, I think so. Did that come off the wrong way?
I did not mean it like that. I meant like, why are you laughing at calling her a pig and stuff? Yeah, maybe you should have worded it like that the first time. Well, why are you looking like a noodle all the time? This is about to get real bad. Yeah, I want to leave. You want to leave? Yeah, think about your wife-y. Your wife-y. What? Am I allowed to walk off yet?
Yeah, you can walk. There's a guest, a special guest who would like to come on. Yeah, we have special guests if you would like. No, no, don't leave. No, no, okay. I already know all the comments. You'll be like, gosh, he's such a bad husband. And there's nothing I can do now. Can somebody hand me my phone? What? No. Okay. There is one thing I can do. Please don't comment on this episode. Do you guys want to see my cheer skills? Yeah, I think that's a great change of topic. Actually, yeah.
That was really good. That was mild. That was good. I wish I could do that. Thanks. I really like it. You practice that a lot? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I really like to do it. Why'd you call him a noodle? Because he called Kate a pig. Okay. And I don't stand for that. Thanks, Harper. Do you sit for it? We skip 23-23. Well, there's still 26-26. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Three, two, one, zero. Wow. Wow.
Sorry. Wow. Okay. Maybe they'll add some butter to your noodle. Oh, wait. Make it make sense. Oh, my gosh. Cash, listen. I don't know where to go. Okay. Well, let's move on from that. Okay. You okay, bud? No, I'm not okay. Why? He's just sad that he called Kate a day. Because Kate is still moping around. I'm not moping. The joke was like 10 minutes ago. I'm literally.
I'm literally sitting here. The longer you mope, the longer you don't say nothing. How about we all say mean things to Cash? No, because I'm 27. I don't say mean things about people. The longer you sit there and you're like, the longer you sit there like that, the more comments that are commenting. Cash is so mean. Oh, well, I'm so sorry. People are going to say mean things about you that hurt your feelings. I'm painting a bad picture.
I'm in a bad picture right now. And I was framed. It's a bad light. It's a bad light. And I'm being framed. He actually did break the light, though. And I'm not this mean. I promise. As you're sitting on someone, you say that. I'm not mean, right? You're pretty mean. That was my guy. Him, that was undeducted from his salary. Yeah. He'll be getting a pay reduction, so...
I think he makes 10,000. No, I'm kidding. Alex, how much do you make? Not enough. All right, well. That was enough. That was enough. Yo! The chair is talking. What? Oh, my gosh. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Is this in my mind? Oh, it is talking. Yeah. It's also farting. Or no, it's... No, that's me. Oh. That's definitely me. Oh.
Wait, I'm not trying to do anything to say a brand name on here, but could you hand me my drink? No, we're not sponsored. Are you talking about Celsius? No, we're not sponsored by that either. You covered your hand, but you literally did not block the cameras from seeing you. She covered us from seeing it. Guys, it's kind of an addictive drink if I tell you. Is it really? Joe, wouldn't you say it is?
It's delicious. It's so good. It's not. It's just not. Harper. 10% coconut water. Do you actually enjoy this podcast? Yes. There's no chance, bro. As soon as we're done shooting, she's gonna leave. Harper goes on her computer and watches YouTube. Yeah, literally in between sets, she just goes over there and gets on her computer and she's watching YouTube videos. She's like not hanging out. This is the first day I got a computer. In between, in between, she was playing with Joe's stuff. Yeah, she comes and hangs out with me. Yeah, she was playing with Joe's stuff. Yeah. Well, yeah.
After the episode, this episode, we're all going to go get dinner. And Harper's still not going to come. She's invited. You've never been to a team dinner. No, because I have to do, what's it called? Schoolwork? Yes. She actually has to get a degree. Yeah, I guess Harper needs a diploma. Wait, do you have your schoolwork with you? No. Yo, you should bring your homework on and see if Cash can do it. That would actually be a good thing. I mean, I can definitely do her homework. I mean, no questions asked. It's not like he's illiterate or anything. Definitely not.
He's got scoliosis. Listen, the other day, guys, this is kind of a sore topic, but we're going to bring it up. So we started running to the gym. It's two miles. It's a two-mile run. I'm like, all right, I can do that. So the first day I run with Cash. He's already been running, and I was like, I'll run with you to the gym. So I run with him. 16 minutes is our time. It's two miles. That's eight-minute miles. That was really slow. I didn't tell him that, but I thought that was really slow.
Later in the day, he comes up to me and goes, dude, that was my record. That time was, that was a hard run today. That was hard. I've run a six minute mile. Like a six minute, exactly? Like 631. Okay, that's what I run. I run like a 637. Okay, hold on. First of all, I was running two miles, so I was pacing myself. If I wanted to run one mile as fast as I could, it'd be like five minutes. No, no it wouldn't.
Like 540. Nope. It wouldn't even be under seven minutes. You think Harper can run a faster mile than me? Yes. There you go. After this, can y'all both go run a mile? It'll literally take five minutes according to you. Yeah. I'm dead serious I'd run a mile. Anyways, point of this story is I run. I get a six minute 30 time the next day. My mom ran a marathon. So you think you just are genetically... Is that true? Did you run a marathon?
Oh, she ran a half marathon? That's still crazy impressive. Yeah, that's actually really good. You won? You won the marathon? Oh. So you think because your mom can run a half marathon, you can be cash? Yeah. Oh.
Yeah. No. See, that's not how that works. I ran three miles in 11 minutes and 50 seconds. No, you did not. Dude. I'm not going to lie. That would be like a world record. Do you understand that? I mean, two miles. That's what I meant. Two miles. I'm not going to lie. When I'm running, that's like a near-death experience. I'm gas. Like, I'm gas. I'm like...
I started getting busy. I know. I started getting sick. I was on the cross country team. Every time I'm running, I'm like, oh, this death could happen. That's definitely possible. It does feel like that. I have a lot of near death experiences. No, I was on the cross country team. Like, I still feel like I'm on a near death experience with you because you're still not talking. I love it.
I literally don't bring it up again. Don't bring it up again. Switching subjects. Yeah. Yeah. So I gave cash. I told him I'd give him a minute and a half head start in a two mile run. A minute and a half head start. He's like, okay, that's fine. Well, he goes and does a practice run and he's like, he shows up the next day and he goes, yeah, I'm withdrawing from the race.
Man ran a mile and had to walk the second mile. Listen, running is not my thing. Okay? Obviously, everyone looks at me, they're like, okay, that man's obviously strong. Yes or no? We don't know. He's so humble as well. Listen, I'm humble where I know I'm not the greatest at. If you said running, I'll be like, I'm not the best. But if you said strong, I'd be like, I'll beat all of you.
Is that so? Your chair is saying no. What the? Do you even want paid at this point? Yeah, let's do handstand push-ups. Good idea. You cannot do one handstand push-up. Do it. Wait. Do a handstand push-up. I'm just tired right now. Oh, okay. Actually, I will. Let me just tuck in my shirt. I am too. I'm ready for a nap.
See? She was just tired the whole time. Yeah, she's just tired. She's not mad, guys. She enjoys our jokes. No. No, yeah, you have not been talking at all. Ever since the potbelly pig thing, you've not been talking. Sorry. Wow! That was not a hand. She looks at me and she goes...
Like, yo, you did nothing. You went down. You didn't come back up. You think I can do one? Yeah, no. No, absolutely not. Watch this. Give your chair a break. Can you hold my legs? No, that doesn't count. Yeah, if somebody could hold my legs, I would be able to do it. No, okay. Matt, hold her legs. That doesn't count. It's not a handstand push-up. Okay, well, can you hold her legs for the sake of the experiment? Yes, sir. Ready? All right, let's see. Oh. Okay, sure.
She killed that. All right, my turn. That's what I thought. Yes, sir. I don't think this is going to go as well as you think it's going to go. Oh, this is going to go great. I don't think so. I feel like you're too bottom heavy. I'm rich. Yeah, right. You're going to hold my legs. Yeah, that's the plan. But you haven't put your legs up yet. All right, ready? No, his feet aren't all the way up.
Yo, he tortured me. No, your feet were above your head. I was literally having to hold the weight of your legs. Am I in frame like this? Probably not. Probably not. No, no, that wasn't the one because you weren't all the way. Yeah, your legs were like that. Your body was like this. Mine was a straight up, which is harder. Yeah, whatever. All right. What if for one episode...
They switch. You dye your hair blonde. You dye your hair red. Well, that would just ruin my hair. That would ruin my hair. You act like Harper. Harper acts like you. I don't think I'm capable of that. Can we try it for a second? Can y'all switch? You want them to switch hair? No, just switch positions. I want her to be Kate. Okay. Oh, well, that's easy. You're not going to say nothing. This is going to be the hard one. All right, so just say about one. So what should we talk about? Well, how is you and...
Time. Time. The acting right now. Y'all actually acted like each other pretty well. It was really good. I did not expect you guys to act like each other this good. She's still gone. Hey, Harper. I'm sorry. No, it's fine. I'm fine. It's fine. I have an idea. Kate, are you mad? Yes, I am.
I do have an idea. Okay, what's your idea? I don't know. Bro, she's so annoying, I swear. Kate, are you still mad? I was never mad. I don't know. I was never mad. I don't understand. Your wife's hot. You get no girls. Guys, I kind of want to sing. I'm crying real tears.
Kate, are you mad at me? Kate's over there. Kate, are you mad at me? No, I'm not. It's fine. Kate, please. Everyone's going to think I'm bad. I just want to... I was never mad. I keep talking, okay? No. Gosh. Y'all want to see me dance? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Bro! That one was on accident. That one wasn't even on purpose, guys. You guys want to see me dance? No. Nobody wants to, actually. Uh-oh.
I can dance pretty well. Do y'all know how much our payroll is? Okay, nobody gets that. 37 videos going in a week. Nobody gets this. Cash adds up our payroll at least like five times a day. Why does he do that? Do we even make money? Because we're always hiring new people, so he's like, I'm going to vouch and say, Cash, you don't do that. Oh, Cash does it every day. No, Cash, you don't do that. Hun, how many times a day does Cash add up payroll? Do I add up payroll? I'm not a pig. Gosh.
No one. Oh, my gosh. Kate, you look so beautiful over there. Even though you're sleeping, like, that's just, it's so you. Thank you. Guys, this is. We should have a talent show. No. I'll go first. Okay, so that's enough of that. Yep. Yep. All right. Well. Sorry. Let's see. Who believes in ghosts? Anyone? No. Guys, I still failed my last test, so my mom has not gotten me a new phone yet.
Okay. He does do that. I'm sorry. All right. I'm done with this. Huh? I don't want to do this anymore. When was the last time you talked to a girl? Me? No. This seems like a weird setup right now. Last time I talked to a girl. He's horrible at talking to girls. No, no, no, no, no. No, Riz. No, no, no, no. Ash peed the bed. I did not do that. Hey, hey.
It was sweat, okay? It was sweat. Stop! It was definitely sweat. Everything all right there, Harper? I talked to a lot of women. He's touching the mic. He's touching the mic. I'm sorry. Cash yelled at him. He's touching the mic. Look, a girl texted me right now. No, she didn't. Was it an ugly girl? Yeah, she did. Look at that. Oh, my God. A girl did text me. Oh, my gosh. It's an email. That's your mom. Your mom doesn't count. A girl texted me. Your mom doesn't count. I dance with a lot of women. Do you? Yeah, and I have great kids. A mom with 40-year-old women? I don't think you do.
I'm so done with this. Wait, I'm kind of enjoying being Harper. No, that was not fun. It's pretty easy to be Kate. You don't have to do nothing. You sit around like you are. Yeah, you sit with a blanket. Literally sit around like you are all day with a blanket like that hurt. I think Kate does a really good job. Me personally, I think Kate does a really good job. The loudest thing that comes from Kate is her yawns. Literally. That's the loudest thing I've ever heard. Well, she's probably just, it's just because she's up all night babysitting you.
You think that's why Kate's like that? Yeah. I mean, she does have to get up in the middle of the night and change the sheets sometimes. That's not true. Oh, pee's the bed. Yeah, we get it. I pee the bed. Big deal. Big deal. I thought Kate's blanket was taken away. Someone? Yeah. Doesn't look good. I got it back. Bringing the grandma vibes. I got it back. Okay, can you guys switch back?
Alright, he's a blanket. I'm doing it for your dad's sake. Hey, Harper. Hey, yo. How's you and Harrison? How's you and Harrison? So, me and Harrison are not on talking terms, except I probably am going to text him after this.
Just because he still owes me $5 because I bought him food the other day again. But he's still talking to three other girls. But I know I'm at the top of the list, so it doesn't even matter. Oh, yeah. Are you guys best friends on Snapchat? No, I actually blocked him. But I was going to unblock him after this episode to text him. Because I think I was going to hang out with him tonight. That seems a little immature, maybe. No, it's not. Did you just block him? Well, I'm only 14.
Wait, wait. Hey, Kate. Yeah? Can I have a motorcycle? No. What the? That was your time. Can y'all switch back? The answer's still gonna be no if they switch. Yeah, the answer's not changing, but the answer's still gonna be no. Was that a trick question? So what should we talk about? No, can you switch back, please? I have an idea. Oh my gosh. What?
We should all. This is a miserable episode. This is miserable. This is way too long. Can you please switch back? Please. I like being Harper. I like being Kate myself. I'm going to end the episode if y'all don't switch back. Both things we care. Yo. Can you get off your phone? We're filming a podcast. Excuse me. Who are you texting? I'm going through notes. None of your girls? That's really disrespectful. Yeah, that is. Sorry, I can't hear you.
Mom, my butt is sweating. My butt is sweating so much and I'm so sorry for you, by the way. I'm sorry, buddy. Does this make you feel bad about yourself? Why are you wearing this stupid hat? Hey, yo, because I'm the captain. Captain of what? The No Girls Club?
Did anyone on camera just see his forehead when he flipped his hair back? Do it again. No, I'm not I've never seen it. No, okay He's just mad that he has no girls and no game
Alright, can you just switch now? You're just mad because you can't hold a relationship. I'm only 14. Okay, we get it. Careful or you'll end up like Kate if you keep eating hamburgers. That is not funny. That was funny. That was pretty funny. Because you're Harper. That was not funny. I think Kate is beautiful. Okay. It's time to switch, bro! Yeah, like, can we move back? Let's go!
See I'd switch into different universes like harper to kate kate to harper harper to kate like doctor strange over here Yeah, it's okay had I went out here in one water from kate for the rest of the episode. That's for sure Um, thank you so much for watching guys. We will see you guys next time kate Do you want to the outro if you want to go really quick?
All right. Peace out, bro. Whoever has the most viewed video using a clip from this podcast on TikTok or YouTube shorts, we're going to be personally FaceTiming. Post as many times as you want, but make sure to tag the podcast and use hashtag the LOL podcast in the title slash description. Good luck and we hope you win.