Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Today we are switching lives. Okay, I'm putting it away. Come here. Why is everybody running? We're switching lives for the day. And we're going to say, I can see under your dress. Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon.
Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. Be more ladylike. Sorry. You know what you look like? Huh? That, uh, that, the ugly duck. You know what I'm talking about? Ugly? Yeah. I mean, that sounds accurate. From Chicken Little. That duck. Okay.
What duck from Chicken Little? I wanna see it now. Continue and I'll show you. I'll put it on- I'll show you on the TV here in a second. Hey, let me see your phone. Looking it up. I didn't say anything. This is attitude. Cause he's been annoying the last 10 minutes. No, I need it. I haven't been annoying. No, he was. He said, control yourself, woman. He's freaking out. Control yourself, woman. I just need to start that. What else did he say? He said, control yourself, child. He said, control yourself, child.
Because when people freak out, they need to control themselves. Anyways, you guys are probably wondering, why are you in a dress? And I'm kind of wondering the same thing. It's because we're going to go through each other's drafts to see what we're like. No, not why. Because we were supposed to do this episode, and this episode was supposed to be about what we would all do if we were the opposite gender, like what we would do for the day. And we were all supposed to come dressed up as the opposite gender, but as you can see...
It's been a hoax. I look like the opposite finger. Listen. I look like a unicorn. I walked in here and they all laugh at me for following the agenda. No, it wasn't on the agenda. He just wanted to dress like that. No, it was on the agenda. Hey, do this. No, it wasn't. I'm not doing that. Show me the agenda. Show me the agenda. Well, I can't let him have my phone. Well, let's start. Let's start. Harper, what's the first thing you would do if you were a boy? First, I would wake up, obviously. Yeah. Yeah.
Do my daily routine. Also, I would show... What? Boys don't have a daily routine. Yeah, they're gross. Well, I would shower, right? Maybe. Depends on what day of the month it is. First, I would shower. Depends on what time you woke up. And I would see what my hair looks like after because usually my hair doesn't look like this. Not straight. It's...
it's like well you would have boy hair yeah probably just grab a hat i would no no i would i would put it like this i would do all that or ice cream cut and i would um ice cream cut what the heck is an ice cream it's like you know the ice cream and it like goes out oh the hair goes like yeah hold on let me see if i can seize without my what would you do i have to go i'm sorry i can't do it no um
So then I went, what would you do if I did that on the podcast? Like, what would you do? You start crying? If I started crying and walked off. I wouldn't know what to do. We'd tell Kate to go do something. Yeah, I don't like when people cry. No, you're a man, Harper. What are you doing if you're a man? You're not crying. Yeah, so basically after that, I would... After I take a shower and do my hair like that, I wouldn't have to do any makeup. So I'd go back to sleep again. And then...
Start the day. Oh, also, I would see if I could get abs. That's pretty much all. Why do you want abs? Because. I mean, girls can have abs. No, it's very hard for girls to get abs.
Yeah. Do you have abs? Yeah, I do. I have abs. You both do? Yeah, I got abs. You have abs, and why do you want abs as a boy? Because I want an eight-pack, not just a six-pack. Technically, everyone has abs. Some people are just hidden. Some abs are just one big ab. It's called a one-pack. That's absolutely not true. Cash, here. This is what you look like. This is what I look like? Oh, my gosh, that is what I look like. Let me see.
It is. Oh, you're the ugly duck. That is the ugly duck. Listen, you ready, Joe? Okay. I hear you. Oh, I hit him in the face. You hit him in the face. Oh, no. Oh, no. It looks like he's about to cry and walk off the set. I hit him in the face. That really did scare me for some reason. Nothing scares me more than looking at Cash. Cash...
I don't even want to ask this question. What would you do if you were a woman for a day? I'd put on a dress. He is a woman. Yeah? No, I get it. If I was a woman for a day, first of all, I'm going commando. Just like I always do. Second of all, I would...
I feel like I'm happy with my life. I think we all know. Really? I feel like I don't want to be a girl. You were terrifying. Can you at least take the hair out? Yeah, it's really bothering me. It's super. I'm going to take it out. No, don't take my hair. Don't touch my hair. It literally is terrifying. Don't touch my hair. It's terrifying.
It's terrifying. I can't stand it. I worked all morning on this hair. It looks more like antennas than hair. You get satellite with those? Sometimes. You know when little girls that haven't grown their hair yet? When little babies haven't grown their hair yet, but they have just a little and their mom's trying to put pigtails in? Yeah, it doesn't look good. That's what you look like. No, it's cute when it's a baby. It's not cute when it's a grown man. He is an over-inflated baby. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Joe, why are you just drinking Pepto-Bismol? What are you drinking?
What is that for you don't know what pep mo business I ain't touching that it's a medicine medicine that tastes like bubblegum. It's that nasty medicine No, no, no. No, I don't want they gotta see what you're talking about. At least that's disgusting pep mo business by now. No kid. No You never seen that stuff. I have terrified it. I've had bad dreams about this. I remember this It it fixes my stomach
What happened to your stomach? I saw you. And you just dropped. Give me some more of that. All right, let's start. Kate, what would you do if you were a man for a day? 24 hours. You're a male. On Earth. You have one answer. Please. You have one answer. You're a male.
You get one day. What you doing? There's something that you want to do. What are you doing with that? I'm doing absolutely nothing. Oh, I have peace standing up. You would be complex. That's a good one. I would be cool. Here's the thing. If I was, since no one's asked me, if I was a woman for a day. Hey, Matt, what would you do if you were a woman for a day? If I was a woman for a day. First off. Harper, stop picking at your skin. Pick at the bare skin, at least.
you don't have no skin it's fur just what an idiot joe come on you can't see that come on man he's clearly got fur yeah all right well we start right mav what would you do for a day if you were a female they already asked me this question and they cut it out because it was such a good answer yeah you know this podcast is supposed to be uncut but we actually had to cut what mav said so mav go ahead is that bad honestly i don't know what else i
What else I would do if I was a woman for a day? All right. No. Say an actual answer. If I was a woman for a day. He already said it. First thing I'd do. He's a freak. Go get paid less for sports. Yeah. I would go try to get paid less for sports for sure. No. Here's what I would do. I would A,
A, go dominate whatever sport I'm going to do. B, you're a female. What do you mean? But I'm like a male. I'm me. No, you're a full female. But I'm me. No, but you got that dog in you. I got that dog in me. You're a full on female. Okay, fine. You're in a female body. I'm going to go try to find some dumb guy and convince him to fight an alligator for me just for my own entertainment.
Because that would be fun. I feel like that would actually work. Oh, I could find a dumb enough guy. You could just try to go get some free dinner, too. Yeah, I'd be like, I'd be like, oh, no, my purse is in the alligator swamp. You gotta go get it. This bears a girl. It fell in. Spares a girl. Wait, this is very crucial to the question. Am I a good looking lady like me? Nope.
Sorry. Right now, from a guy's perspective, I'll be honest. Uh-huh. No, you're not looking like that. You look like trash. I feel like I pulled off the lady look pretty good. I hate this episode. Why? Like, so much. Like, I've never been a lot of times I'm like, oh, I want to leave. Okay, why do I stop? I genuinely want to leave right now. Why? I hate this. It's uncomfortable. Oh, my God. What's uncomfortable? I can make you more uncomfortable. Stop. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Stop! Wow!
Are y'all like cutting your asses and have Sit down sit down call it a lollipop. I almost taste myself math. What is bear here? He's not gonna taste you Kate Why do you hate this episode?
Wait, why do you hate the outfit? I'm so confused right now. She hates it because she realized how much better her life would be if she was a man. I think she hates it because she realizes I'm pulling off this dress better than she ever did. Mic drop. She's smiling. She knows it's true. She's like, yeah, she looks good. Are you jealous of this? Yeah, you're jealous of this?
She's going to be like after the podcast, I would never want to go out with him, but he looks so good. What? I worked all morning on this hair.
You literally look deflated now. Hold up right there. I got to let you know something. The LOL Bros podcast is officially out. That's right. LOL Bros. Link in the description. Go subscribe right now. Now your hair reminds me of Dwight. It feels like it's in...
My hair feels like it's in a funny position. It doesn't feel natural. Can you just answer why you hate the show so much? I won't hate it as much when you just put this on. What are you giving me, a cover-up? Yeah. Kate wants me to cover up now. You need to put your pump cover on, girl. Can't be walking around like that. Okay, while I put this on, tell me why you hate the episode. Okay. I just didn't like the fact that we were preparing for this.
I don't think she liked the episode because she felt attracted to you. I feel like a hula girl. Cue the Hawaiian music. Last time- Anybody got some coconut ice? Kate, let's leave. Yeah, actually. This is giving off a terrible vibe. I don't know the rest of the song, but isn't that Lilo and Stitch? Is that the Lilo and Stitch song? I think I almost broke the dress. How do you take it off? You have to unzip it. Don't undress him right now. Kate, we're all here. Ah!
Bro. Can you imagine like some 14 year old describing what she watched today at dinner time? Well, I watched this guy named Cash take off his dress on the podcast. You watched what? And then this 14 year old girl named Harper. Oh, wait, no, that got cut out.
Just know what got cut was hilarious. Okay. Wait, Kate, you still never said why you hate the episode. I hate this episode. You just went off and you were like, I hate today. I hate everything. I don't know why she hates it. It just gave off a bad vibe. And then you just didn't answer. It gave off a terrible vibe. Because she has to be a man for this episode. She hates men. Do you hate men? Do you hate men, Kate? No, I don't want to do it. I heard you listen to those Taylor Swift songs. Tell us your claim. I feel like this episode, everyone's hostile and I don't like it.
No, it's giving off a bad vibe because of this rainbow chair. This rainbow chair does smell like cigarette smoke and bed bugs. So I don't really know what I'm sitting on. No, but Kate, why don't you like this episode? I just didn't like how I came upstairs ready to film the podcast, and then my husband followed shortly after wearing one of my dresses. And it wasn't that dress. It was a lot tighter of a dress, and I didn't like it. And I said, that's not funny. You shouldn't wear that. The other dress did not...
compliment his features. We'll say that. They don't like how risque I dress as a female. You need to dress a little more modest. That's all I'm saying. It's just like, I don't know. You act like I'm an actual female wearing the dress. You looked like a naked mole rat in the other dress. It was bad. Literally, I was like, oh, that just looks wrong. Yeah, that's the joke. Dude shouldn't be wearing dresses. That's the joke. That's why it's funny when I wore it. It's just like, I don't know.
And then when Mav started singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow in that shaky voice, I started getting freaked out a little because it sounded like, you know when those TikToks are like features of the ocean you haven't seen and it's like, yo. All I know is Kate's going to hate wait if I ever go to Scotland. No, and then, and then, and then the other ones, it's like, it's like. Oh, I know that one. Yeah, that's what you sounded like. By the way,
That one's so annoying. Exploring, abandoned, like, all silence. I hate that song. And it scared me so bad. And then that's when I was like, Kate, should we leave? Because when you said, song.
I mean, it sounded better than that. It was freaking me out. Are you going to like if we ever go to Scotland and I wear the skirts? I mean. A kilt? A kilt? I mean, if we go to Scotland, we got to wear a kilt. I got to rock a red one. Or is it Ireland? Wait. No, it's Scotland, Ireland. Are you going to be mad when I go over to that country that they wear the kilt at and I wear a kilt? No, because that's normal there. Like you coming on our podcast. And I see these two wives. We don't. This is like.
I feel like we have a young audience. So as long as it's normal where we are, we're fine. No, because I wouldn't want him to wear that either in Scotland. That dress? Yeah, I wouldn't want him to wear that either. What if they wore that in Scotland? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
I'll buy you a kilt. Interesting choice, but okay. I just don't understand because you're saying I look too bad in the dress, but you can wear the dress. Why can't I wear the dress? I can't. I'm so over this episode. What does that even mean? It means like you're nervous, you know? I'm shy. Listen, guys. There's something I need to tell you. Please tell us.
This episode sucks. Yeah. I don't know why. No, it doesn't suck. If you're still watching, I want you to know, you're watching quality content. No, this is quality content. Mal's got Ted as a friend. I don't know what's better than that. Listen. See, that's how bad the episode is. I say, listen. Everyone shuts up. They're like, please say something good. Please. Please. They're like, please save us. Normally, I say, listen. They're like, please save us.
Listen, they just talk over me. I say, listen, Cap's like, please, please. Listen. He didn't say it. No, but guys, guys. I see what you're saying now. Listen. Everyone got quiet. All right. Harper, here's the question of the day.
There was something. We should just go through each other's drafts. We probably should. That's probably a good idea today. Listen, no, there was something before this episode that I only caught like half of it, but y'all were talking and Kate asked you, she said, what was your favorite part of the day or something? And you said something. And then you were like, that's not today though. What were you talking about? Oh, going to Orlando. When are you going to Orlando? Friday. What?
For what? Not tomorrow. Not Friday. The next Friday, whatever. Same thing. No, it's two different Fridays. What are you calling for? Cheer. Cheer? Obviously. Everyone goes to Orlando for cheer. Should we go to Orlando with her? It's like the cheer city. Should we go to Orlando with her?
I'm eager to see cashes drafts. We can go to Orlando and film a podcast anywhere there. I hear it's culturally acceptable in Orlando. Sunflower dresses? Who wants to do a handstand contest? Me personally.
I love this episode. I love today, and I'm happy. Why do you two have this hostility? Me? Hostility? No, she's mad for some reason. I'm not mad. You're upset. She's losing her mind. She's trying to do handstands. I'll be honest. I probably think the episode's bad. My phone is dead, so I don't have any notes to do any sort of topics. You just talk. It's having fun. See, she's losing her mind. Matt thinks the episode's bad because he can't look at his phone and play. He thinks.
- Casey, Casey can't play Clash of Clans, it's not a fun episode. - Not Clash of Clans, I'm saying normally I have notes so I can do-- - What notes do you need, bro? It's LOL Podcast, you just talk about funny stuff. - Are you okay?
No, what if I did that when, um, no, when I Harper, you're dating a guy in this, in this situation, you're dating a guy. You're no, you're yeah. You're dating. Okay. You really like this guy. You might marry him. You really like him. Okay. Yeah. Now not, no, not that guy. Different guy. Different guy. All right. You're dating this guy. Okay. You land an acting role in the next episode.
I'm talking directly into my mic. No, it's not that. It's that when we edit it. I'm comfortable. No, when we edit it, you can't see your face. It's like this. Fine. Literally, I'm looking at a mic covering your face. Yeah. Matt, you're talking like this. Look. These control freaks here just left me talking like this. Is this better? Oh, my alarm's going off. Dad, is this better? Yes, son. Thank you. Wait.
You can't be my dad. I didn't think so either. Okay, so we got to get a podcast going. Listen, listen. Harper, you're dating a guy. You're in love with him. You might marry him. You're not 100% sure. Okay? You land a role in Outer Banks. Here's Harper again with the mic. Okay?
When did you unplug it? You unplugged your mic? No, just now. Dude, I swear I'm going to start a podcast on my own that says the new and improved LL podcast without everyone else. Without everyone's handcuff that can't touch their mic. We're going to have to handcuff her for an episode. We're going to handcuff you two so you can't touch your mics. Both of us is crazy. Wait, give me a second. I don't know why I touched it. I didn't touch it.
I gotta move it because I'm in a movable chair. Okay, so back to my question. You lay in a roll in Outer Banks. You are... Sorry. Katie just is looking at her Summer Fridays like she was so pissed off. She was like... What? You were just ang... You were taking all your anger out on your Summer Fridays. I literally saw it too. You were just like... I literally turned the camera another way because I was like, I'm going to be nice to her and not show her right now. What?
You got beef with Summer Friday? You're just angry and you're taking it out on Summer Friday. Wait, are you talking about when I was like this? I'll play it back. Okay. You land a roll in Outer Banks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're in love with your boyfriend. Yeah. But in the show... You have to have another boyfriend. Yeah, you have a boyfriend in the show and you gotta kiss him. Just like a peck? No, no, no. It's like a three-second kiss. Okay, that's pretty much a peck. Okay. Okay.
Yeah, I would still do it. You would? Yeah. Would you do it? What if your boyfriend said, I'm breaking up with you if you do that? Well, I would be supporting the whole family.
No, she's putting the family on her back. I like it. She's taking home the rent. I don't think you can carry anything on your back. Also, what's it called? Also, like, what's it called? Alex is in trouble. Yeah, what's he doing? No, your boyfriend is on the show too, but he's just not your boyfriend on the show. Does that make sense? Yeah. So he's another character.
You're doing it right now. No, I'm looking at my phone. What the? Oh my God. I was just looking to see if anything new was posted about us on Reddit. Would you kiss the guy? She said yes, bro. You would? Yeah, she said yes, bro. She already answered it. Wait, this is reminding me. Would you? No. Yes. You wouldn't kiss the dude? No, but wait. I wouldn't kiss the dude either. Listen, listen, listen. This is reminding me.
Unless I was in a sunflower dress. Yeah, unless we were switching roles, like we said. Sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt you, Harper. It's fine, whatever. No, but this reminds me of the new movie. Have y'all watched, what's it called again? Um...
It has the song. It's like staring. The window. The window. I don't exactly know what you're talking about, but I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know the song. No, it's... Let me see it. I know the movie. Trust me. Everybody's talking about it. Everybody. Everyone. It's a new movie? Oh, yeah. Um...
Anyone but you anyone but you yeah, I watched it so good bro. I like it except for like some parts, but um, but basically I I watched on it. Mm-hmm. It's rated R. How did you get in? Wait, wait, how did you get in I snuck in how I
I walked through and snuck. You didn't pay for like another ticket and go to the other one? Have you ever been kicked out of a movie for sneaking into one? No. Really? Wait, you didn't even buy a ticket? No.
Harper, that's illegal. Did you guys ever- Hey! I just wanted to see what time it was. Yeah, what are you- You hide in somewhere? Why are you hiding in here? Why are you hiding in here? Wait, Harper, that's not okay. You can't do that. What do you mean? If you're gonna sneak into a movie, you have to at least buy a movie ticket for another movie so that you pay for the movie that you're sneaking into. No, you don't. You can't sneak into movies. Why are you acting like, no, Harper, you can't do that. That's so wrong. At least pay for a ticket and then sneak in. I mean, don't sneak into movies, but I'm saying- Period. Kate's an ethical criminal.
Tom Cruise is that the guy who's in it Tom Cruise Lin Powell no no no no it was somebody and and anyone but you and anyone but you the guy cruises like 50 hey hey hey man on Top Gun what was his name in real life oh I don't know I'm not sure hey man don't remember right well that was him and what's
What's the girl's name? Sydney Sweeney? Yo, that was the loudest fart in my mouth. That was not your mouth. Yeah, it was. No, it's not. He's trying to play me on his mouth, but Joe just rips the craziest fart of all time. It's not your mouth. There's no way.
My phone. Now it's his phone. It was his mouth. It was his phone. It was your rear end. No, but basically... We all know what it was. I've heard that. I hear that sound every day. So many times a day. No, but basically, Simi Sweetie had to do a bunch of different scenes with, what's it called? Glenn Powell. Glenn Powell. Yeah, Glenn Powell. And she has a husband in real life. Oh, yeah. And like...
She's like kissing him, all this. And it's like. That's what actors do. Yeah, but. Yeah. I need to take an acting. Can you believe that? No. Well, that's why I don't really want to be an actor. Really? My mom's forcing me. Harper, you're touching the mic. Your mom is not forcing you to be an actor. Don't say that. My mom's forcing me to kiss a bunch of boys on camera. No, your mother does not. No, she doesn't. No, I know, but I don't want to be. Your mom actually says all the time, we are only going to do what Harper wants to do. We will never make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Yeah, but behind the scenes. Act Harper, act.
No she is not. I'm kidding. What's that girl's name? Sam Puckett. With the butter sock? Yeah. The one that her mom actually forced her to act. Oh Jeanette McCurdy. And she made a book I'm Glad My Mom Died. That's a crazy book title. She's like smiling. She's holding ashes. I'm glad my mom died. I listened to it. Great thumbnail. It was really good. I think it's good too.
And she like audio booked it. It was literally like listening to that was like listening to you just like having a conversation with her. It didn't sound like a podcast. Kate was ebooking it or whatever. And I thought she was listening to a podcast because Jeanette was reading it herself. Yeah, it was really good. If you were if you like grew up on Nickelodeon or Disney and you know who Jeanette McCurdy is, I highly recommend it. Actually, would you be OK with Cash kissing another girl on a on a movie for just three seconds? You got to remember how much he's getting paid. What about a million dollars? What the? It's a three second kiss.
Nope. I'm not looking at anything. That tells you how much money Kate makes. That she was fine with not... She was passing up a million dollars. No, that tells you how much I value. I always wondered how rich you guys were. Now I know. That was you...
Well, you're just gonna say yeah. No, would you? No. What? Would you let Kate kiss another guy? Oh, absolutely not. For a milli? I genuinely don't even care if it was a billy. A billy? You're that rich? Oh my gosh. That's crazy. You really wouldn't? No, a billion dollars, nothing. For a three second kiss? No. No. Y'all are crazy. Dead serious. Billion dollars.
He's ugly. This guy is like trash. Does he look like you? No, he's not trash. If she's kissing someone, he's going to be like freaking Jacob from Twilight. If he looks similar to Mav, then sure. What? Oh, that was really mean and you should apologize to your brother right now. Please forgive me.
I can't believe you remember that. I've seen all the movies. Really? Yeah. Have you guys ever seen Planet of the Apes? Apparently this is how apes forgive each other. Can we start doing that in arguments? When one of us gets upset at each other, can we be like... And then they always run off and play. They're like... Yeah, like really happy. Hey, yo. You're on a pod. Trying to be more like Logan Paul.
What does that mean? Logan Paul on his computer. Huh? Logan Paul on his computer. Guys, I literally have cookie dough in my wedding ring. Wait, what do you mean? You're trying to be more like Logan Paul. Staring on a blank space before you open up the dirty window. Oh, she lost it. She's like the other monkey. What's his name? She's gone crazy. I think she was unplugging her mic earlier for safety. She's like, I don't know what I'm going to say. I feel all right.
No one else can do this for you. Y'all butchered it. Butchered it? Yeah. Would you like to sing it? No, I don't want any more singing. Y'all, not for you guys. I'm confused. Y'all are married? Wait, do y'all trust each other?
What do you mean? Do you trust each other? I don't trust myself. If you trust each other, why aren't you fining them, you know, for a million dollars for three cent kids? We don't need a million dollars. Wait, wait, say that again. Wait, wait, wait. Again with how rich they are. Oh my gosh. She said, we don't need a million dollars. We could be dead broke. Okay. Who's your favorite actor? Girl actor. Girl actress. Genetic. Yeah.
She's not an actor. Okay, but she was in that one movie where she was like, Go, Troy, go! It's Jennifer Lawrence. No way. Was she really in High School Musical? No, not Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence. Okay. She and Cash have to do a three-second kiss.
But he's going to be, you guys are going to make like $3 million. But also, he's going to be in a movie that is going to be like cemented in history. It's like Harry Potter. It's like one of the biggest movies of all time. Like, this is his big break. Like, y'all are going, like he's going to be an A-list actor after this. Oh, I would totally do that. Probably win like Grammys or something. Whatever they win for movies. And remember, he is an actor. That's his career. No.
Three milli? Grammy? Or Emmy? Whatever it's called. What are you doing? Stop unplugging your mic. Joe, would you? Huh? Would you? Um, the world's watching. It's hard to answer that right now. I'll tell you what! Me? In my house, we will serve the Lord. Listen, no, I would, I think I'd be okay with, uh, like a three second. I've never watched the movie myself. Okay. Just like a
I would be okay with a three-second kiss. Millie Dollars? Like, listen, if she was having to, like, lay in bed with another guy and they're, like, making out, no, definitely not. I'm glad you got your lines, Matt. Yeah, but if it's, like, it's, like, the movie and he, like, drops her off at the house and, like, she just pecks him before she goes in the door. No, absolutely not. You want to be fine with me doing that? No. What? He's just going to be, I say no and he's going to be like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, what do you mean? I think y'all are liars. If I said yeah, you'd be like, no, I think they're being for real. I don't think so. I think Cash would have said, if the deal came across, Cash would go, oh, no, no, I'm being for real for me. She ain't kissing no one. Oh. No, I would. For $10 million. But me, I mean, $10 million?
Don't even don't even don't even say that listen is there you kissing a girl is just as bad as me kissing another guy Is it though? Whoa? Wait pause? Why did you assume I was I wasn't even saying you said me personally No, she could not kiss another girl. But and you were about to say if it were you know, I'm gonna say that well As the man of the house
I gotta provide. Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to do like kiss Jennifer Lawrence. This is me providing, okay? I'm about to kiss Jennifer Lawrence and we're just gonna have to suffer through it.
No, but guys, do you hear how stupid? I'm kidding, guys. That's a joke. It's a joke. No, they're not stupid, but like... He wouldn't suffer. It's a three-second kiss. Like, it's a three-second kiss. What's it gonna do? Honestly, though, three seconds is a long time for a kiss. What about one second? Yeah, three seconds. He would be dead. He would be dead. Even if I said I would kiss the microphone, this is how they kiss it. That's not three seconds. That was not three. Kiss it again. No, let you know. I'll kiss it. Yeah, let him count. No.
One Mississippi two Mississippi three Mississippi. I'm not okay. No, I'm not okay with a three second kiss. No, you have to do it like this. You have to go like a peck. Like if she was on the way to work and she kissed her husband as he's washing dishes in the morning. Yeah, you'd be okay with that. That's what I'm talking about. Come on, baby. I'm trying to get a kiss here. I feel like that. No, no, like this right here. Like look, this one.
No, no. Lips, lips. Like, think about it. He's kissed Michael. Wait, do it. He's kissed lots of guys. I don't know why he's naming dudes, okay? Do the whole interaction. You're washing dishes. Why is she washing dishes, Joe? Because. No, you're washing dishes. Oh, I'm washing dishes. Because she just cooked a breakfast. And the woman's leaving for work. Look at me. I know how to wash dishes. I've totally done this before. I do this all the time.
Oh, hi, big strong lady going to work, going to her office. Here, kiss me. He's always been into big strong sturdy women like you. That can provide. Come on, look at me. Come on. Kiss me. I'm just doing your dishes. Come on. Listen, it's 90-10 when you're the man, all right? You got 90.
90 you got to do 90 I got to do the last 10 wait no but I'm not what what wait is it supposed to be like because this thing was a freaking episode y'all this is not supposed to be that hard okay it's a scene in the movie okay we're acting in the movie ready single mom who works two jobs for a milli no what no both of y'all know I'd be I'd be
I'd be fine with that. In one heartbeat, I would be fine. I'm absolutely not fine with her kissing another dude. No, but I'm kind of surprised you're not fine with it.
- Wait, we're her kissing another dude? - No, that's not happening. - I know, I'm just saying, if you were just to ask me that question, I would-- - She's like, "Yeah, I am fine with me kissing another dude." - I thought you would say, "Yeah." Not saying that that's right or wrong, I'm just saying that's what I thought. - Just like this, not even like, just like that. You were, $1 million, 10 million, five million-- - You can do it and they can just get a stunt double for the kiss. - $700 million.
I'll take your place. I'll kiss you for long. Wait, how about this? How about this? I volunteer. I volunteer to strip you. How about it? How about it? How about it? How about it? No, no, no. What are you saying? By the way, I'm putting that. For the record, I'm fully backing Kate. I'm not saying she should be fine with me kissing another girl. I was just saying that I should be okay with it.
how about that how about that how about that no oh yeah would you be fine with it if it was the cashman outside girl how about that question question oh question second question cash it's a million dollars this one's more for you i don't think she'll have any objections she might how about that you got to do that same peck but it's to a guy oh me kissing a dude just it's not really a kiss i feel like y'all have to stop saying kiss okay okay well even if it wasn't kiss i'm full
I'm fully fine with that. Because it's like a peck on the lips. If you tell me I have to kiss a dude for 60 seconds, it's a million dollars. I'm going to be like, listen, we're both going to have to suffer through this. It's like a million dollars. I don't think you could. Listen, he has accidentally kissed his guy friends way too many times. Actually, I would say that. I say that, but I don't think I could basically let myself. For one video, we were like making them accidentally kiss me.
I grabbed their heads and was like pushing their heads together. Yeah, it was supposed to be me and Michael, Amaya. And him and Michael could not, I mean, we shot this video probably a hundred times. And every time, they'd get within a half inch of each other and they'd both pull their heads back. It's natural. It's in your DNA, man. Like we'd be getting so close and then I'd see that little beard where he has it, he has it like beard and mustache where he hasn't shaved recently and I was like, ah!
They'd literally be like, okay, we're doing it this time. We are doing it this time. You're looking at a sunrise. Give me that thing. I have a grip on my phone. We're going to take it away from you again.
I wouldn't do that though. I wouldn't take her phone either. No, I'm talking about kissing another guy. I couldn't. I couldn't. I could peck, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it for more than that. How about that? There's a lot of reasons I wouldn't do that. How about that? Yeah, that goes more into moral stuff. No, every day this girl talks to me. She says, how about that? But kissing another woman besides my wife, that's fine. Yeah, but yeah.
Y'all are ridiculous. No, I feel like it's such a little peck that they wouldn't even like add it into like, this is what you have to do for this part. How about that? You know what I'm talking about? How about that? How about that? Well, it also is just like, if you were a huge successful actor and you being in this movie was going to absolutely make this movie so much money and they needed you and they couldn't accept anybody else.
You kind of have the power to say I'm not doing that. Okay, well, no, that's not what he was saying. But what if the lady was, like, 50 and it's supposed to be, like, my mom? And it's, like, some, like, weird scene. I don't know what that would be, but, like... Or just, like, it's an old, like, grandma, like, and I'm, like, you know, like, those... Oh, hey. No, I'm saying, like, no, you know. No. Stop. No. I don't think this works in any... No, you guys know, like, in those other countries where they kiss each other, they're, like...
I haven't watched a movie where they do that. What are you, Tom Brady? Like, kissing children? No. Those other countries, bro. You guys, I thought you don't know. Are y'all cultured? Where they literally meet each other and they're like... Well, I definitely am. I haven't seen that. They don't kiss on the lips. They don't kiss on the lips. That's what I do to my mom every night. They double kiss. We do night night love scenes. They kiss on the side. Kiss on the side? Yeah, they do. It's like the side of your face. You're like...
No, that's what I do with my mom every night. Like, I'm not joking. Chris Hansen, come on out. Come on out. No, no, no. I'm not joking. I do this. I do. I do. Night, mom. Let me see your morning. So this is her face. I go, mwah, mwah, mwah. Night, night. Let me see your morning. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. But you're her mom and daughter. That's sweet. I mean, yeah. Me and Cash do that. And we've been doing it since fourth grade. No. We've been doing it since fourth grade in New Hampshire. What if they did that? Me and Cash are like, no.
No, I'm sore and dory. No, y'all just get done playing the game. Every night now comes to my and Kate's bedroom and I'm like, good night, Maverick. And then he's like, I can't go to bed yet. Bro, I would never, ever find a wife if that was the case. Like, first night in, she's divorcing me. She's like, nope.
He's weird. I didn't truly know him. I really am convinced Kate wants to sleep divorce me. You guys know what that is? She gonna sleep divorce you? You don't know what that is? Honestly, I don't blame you. I would sleep divorce him too. Sleep divorce is when you sleep in separate bedrooms because you can't stand how the other one sleeps. Oh, I've never thought I can. Multiple reasons. One, he's a heater. Sorry, I worded that wrong.
I want to sleep divorce you. The amount of times she smacks me in my bed. You guys, that's like not divorce. That's just a word for it. It's called sleep divorce. I would sleep divorce you. This man is a heater. He makes the bed into a water bed. He'd be sweating the whole time. She's a heater. She's literally physically a heater in bed. I unplugged her last night.
I legit unplugged her. I grabbed her to snuggle, but unplugged. What did you say? No, she got unplugged from the wall. She literally had a heating pack on and she's unplugged. That's a heater. You ever unplug someone before? You ever have the other problem with you?
You'd be drooling all over yourself. I do drool a lot. He's just like, his pillow is soaked. You're acting like you wouldn't want to go sleep in another bed if I smacked you in the middle of the night. Imagine in the middle of the night you just pop. Would you possibly think about sleeping in another bed if I was like, pop. If you were physically hurting me, I think I would have to. That's what I'm saying. She physically hurts me. She rolls over and she goes, you pee in the bed.
I had to put a towel over it, so... Like, y'all both bad. No, no. She pulls the covers off me. First, she rolls this way. Yanks the covers. Then she comes back and she goes... With her hand. She gets me naked and afraid. And then I'm afraid because I get hit. It's just...
Listen, I don't think you should want to not sleep with me because I accidentally smack you every once in a while. However, the headbutting is out of control. Yeah, she headbutts me too. She goes, hi-yah. I do feel bad about that. But just know that it hurts me just as much as it hurts you. It sounds like...
When you get a whoopin'. My mom used to give me whoopins. It literally does not hurt you as much as it hurts me. I feel like you still get beat. No? When parents say that, this is going to hurt me as much as it's going to hurt you. How about the not in the spanking part? Let me hear that part and then we can flip roles here. Yeah. You know, I
I feel like, you know, Jesus, he took the punishment for me. Maybe you could set an example, dad. Show me what Christ is like.
She comes to whoop you. Mom, my sins are forgiven. Yeah, Jesus forgave me and you can too. I would not whoop my kid if they said, how could you? My sins are forgiven. I'm sorry. No, you can't beat me. You can't beat me. Jesus forgave me of all my sins. You want ice cream? You can't do that. Ah!
I'm bathed in the blood of Christ. You can't beat me, Dad. You sound like a southern woman. Imagine your five-year-old just says that. I did this over the railing at school today. Jesus forgave my sins. Dang, I guess you're right, man. Literally, you can't do anything. No, I did this over the railing at school today. Wait, hold on. I did this. Wait, hold on.
I don't know why, but I used to phone flip over rails. I would take my phone. No, you know that trend? And it used to be like... It used to, like... You had to, like, hold onto your phone like this. And then you, like... You had to, like, sometimes, like, catch it like that. And stuff like... Over, like, the grates? Yeah, over all that and stuff. Oh, terrifying. Also...
By the way, I was not saying I would like to divorce Kate, okay? You like to sleep divorced. A lot of things you say do get twisted. No, I just... Yes, I got... Especially in the shorts. The shorts, he's probably going to cut it up. But our shorts editor literally calls me the other day. And in the episode...
You don't want to take that, do you? In the episode where they all purposely made me mad, and then I said, guys, that's like if I said you're bad at dancing, and I called you short. He took the part out where they made me mad, and where I said, that's like, he just cuts it straight to where...
He just cuts into where I go, "You're bad at dancing, you're short." And I forgot what I said about you. And everybody in the comments is like, "Cash is unhinged and has lost it." I was like, "No, you gotta watch the full video." Okay? Yeah. Shout out to our shorts editor for just making him look like the worst person ever. Who's our shorts editor, Michael? It's my best friend, so I think that's why he- The one he tried to kiss, that's probably why he's doing it. Yeah, it is the one I tried to kiss. And I'm sure he won't include that story. You have kissed him, actually. No, I never kissed him. You've never kissed that Michael? No.
That Michael stop saying like that Michael. There are two Michaels. No, but I never kissed either Michael. Well, you've kissed Robert. Robert kissed me. There's a difference. When a body photo grabs you. You kissed Carson. There's nothing you can do. You kissed Carson. That was for money. And who else did you kiss? That was for we played chicken. You guys know the game of chicken where it's like I'm not backing out of that. There's one more.
I feel like guys kissing each other is just like quite not weird, but like girls kissing each other is not bad. No, it's still weird. Yeah, it's still weird. Guys just convinced you it's not weird because some guys like it. Like when girls kiss each other? Uh, no. Okay, moving on to the next topic. Can you sit up, bro? Can someone in the comment section please get his bare name? Ted! No, uh... No, not Ted. Let's name him like...
Let's name him something classy. Oh, Tay. Harper, if you had to do another sport besides cheer, what would you do? Uh, volleyball. No, I've actually tried that. You're way too short for volleyball. They're going to put you on the bench. I hate to tell you. No, but, um... I'm trying to fight. I'm like...
I'm pretty sure you can run under the net without ducking. No, yeah, I have actually. No, but what's it called? If I was going to do another sport, I would do... Softball. Oh, heck no. I'm sorry, but like I would look lesbian. I feel like you could maybe do like gymnastics. Gymnastics. I would do gymnastics. But... I know what you could do. What? Pool vault? No, you couldn't do that. Lacrosse? No.
Little people wrestling. That's not a thing. I'm sorry. No, it is. No, it is. You can do tall people wrestling. No, it is. No, there's little people wrestling. Yeah. Don't tell me that because I'm going to do it. No. Imagine you go to little people wrestling, bro, and Harper's there. She just comes out. She's like, ah! I'm the tallest in there. No. She has a cape on, and it has, like, sponsored by Prime. No.
I wish I had my phone. I want to look up the name of the tiny wrestlers around here. Oh, the wrestlers around here? What's their names? Their names are... Michael and Maya. Look it up real quick. Maniac? No, it's...
Oh, what are their names? It was so funny. But you could join them. You think? Because I would actually totally carry them. I think they'd allow you. Actually. But it looks kind of hard. I was watching Logan Paul in the wrestling thing. That man looks like it was hurting. Yeah, I'm not going to lie. Obviously, wrestling is fake. It's all planned. But the things they actually do are kind of crazy. Like flying. Like jumping from the top rope. Jumping from the top rope, not onto the ring, but onto the ground. That's like 10 feet.
Did y'all see where he like basically saved Randy Orton's life? No. Yeah, he like did. You know when you jump on a thing and do a backflip off, he was too far away. So he had to catch him or he was going to break his neck. I think I did see something like that. Really? Black, white, green or blue.
Show off your natural hues, flamingo. Uh-oh. If you're multicolored, that's cool too. You can sing and dance. Did you find the little people names? No, I did not. Oh, man. They were really good. They may not even be hiring, so. No, they're always hiring. I see them on TikTok. No, I see them on TikTok. Please don't hit me. Oh, you don't even have it on. Okay, that was pretty good. No.
I see them on TikTok, they do like a... They're like, roll call! And there's like 28, bro. They just keep going down. And it's insane how many there are. There's a beetle there. Can you shoot the camera? No, it's gonna shatter with this metal ball in between. I think it's funny that you think your aim that's good. There's no way you're gonna hit the camera. Bet that. Bet that.
You didn't even hit me. Yeah, you didn't even hit Joe. It was close. It was close. Harper, if you could go back and not do that. If I could go back in time. If you could go back and not get famous right now, would you wait till after high school?
No. High school's actually... But I feel like it's hard being famous in high school. Why you making out with the bear? No one's paying you for that. I didn't get a million for this? No. Bro. Bro, that bear got a... You got something going on back there. Or he got a full diaper.
It does. I feel like I would have rather waited till after high school. Waited for after? No, honestly... It's just embarrassing in high school, but, like, everybody notices me... Well, it was embarrassing in high school. ...doing TikToks. And, like, and then... You're saying doing the renegade in the hallway is not cool? No. She's like, it's embarrassing. I know Cash Baker and everyone knows him. No, no, it's not that. It's, like...
like upperclassmen they're like they're like yo is that harper zomer harper zomer harper zomer and i'm like yes that's my name hi no um i'm like hi my name's harper and my life it's kind of crazy i feel like you need your own disney show you do that so well every time i'm harper in my life
It's kind of crazy. No, but like I would like I don't even know it's just so annoying in the hallways when people are like, oh, and I'm like, hey, like, what do I say to that? I'm like, hi. Yeah, because, you know, they're not like being nice. Sometimes they're not being mean. Like sometimes people just like they're just like, yeah, but most of them are trying to be mean. Yeah, it's just like almost like it's Harper's over. Yeah, like, oh, it's Harper's over. Yo, what's good?
And they only called me by my Harper's Delmar, not Harper, just not Harper, only Harper's Delmar. Oh my gosh, it's that little redhead girl on TikTok. Oh my gosh, it's that weird girl on TikTok. Oh my gosh, it's Harper's Delmar. Like, shut up. Yeah, it's like. Period, sis. Yeah. If you guys want to come on our podcast, let us know. What would you do if we just got everyone that's ever bullied you on our podcast?
And they're all like, Harper's over! Harper's over! Harper's over! No, I would be so excited. Tell them to come to your live show. Yeah. No, but they're so rude. People at school are so rude. But I don't care. It looks like it's bothering you. I have some friends...
Harper has a lot of friends, bro. She actually doesn't have any friends. She has so many friends. Every time I see her, she has a new friend. Keyword is new friends because the old ones were mean to her. No, I just, I make, like, I make, I make friends good. Like, I make friends in, like, Costa Rica.
they moved oh that's good Costa Rica no in Costa Rica I met this Australian girl and she was my best friend her name was Izzy and we had so much fun together I had her email address but I lost you got her email address but I lost it and her little brother was so cute I just remember I was nine years old she was seven and we were best friends this one Costa Rica trip no and everyone
Every morning, every morning, we would go catch tadpoles in the little pond, get a little smoothie, hang out in a hammock, and it was so much fun. So I think her name was Izzy or something like that. You think her name? That reminds me. What? So if you see this, please email me. Somebody cut up all the times Harper has brought up her Costa Rica trip. That reminds me. I had two friends I met on a cruise ship. Nobody asked. Facts. Facts.
Moving on. So yeah, I coaster. What time is it? Can we? Now listen, I had two friends I met on a cruise ship. Right, bye. But Maverick, never believe. Matt, look at Matt. I don't want to hear the story about your fake friends.
Don't call him that. That's literally what I was going to bring up in this story. I had two friends on a cruise ship that I met, and Matt never has believed in me that they were real. They weren't. And they weren't. Their names were Sam Fisher and Ricky. That was their two names. Yeah. You ever heard anything sound more made up in your life? If there was a Sam Fisher that went out... I don't remember Ricky's last name, so that's pretty broad. But if there was a Sam Fisher that went on a Carnival cruise in 2015...
Hit me up. Maybe we can link up. Maybe we can be friends. You're trying to slide with your wife right there? No one's paying you. Maybe we can be friends again. Anyways, I told Matt the next day after we got off the boat. Not off the boat. We were on the boat. So for three days, you're telling me about these people. And every time we go to find them, they don't exist. They never were where they were supposed to be.
Magically. It's because it's hard to find Sam Fisher and Ricky because I didn't have a phone on the boat. I had no connection. So we just had to tell each other when we wanted to meet up or just randomly see each other on the boat. We'd have to just pass by. But how do you explain... First of all, Ricky was rich. Like...
Rich like Harper. Richie! That was his name, not Richie. It was Richie. No, it was Richie, and I said Richie was rich, and you're like, Richie was rich, really. No, you said Richie. I'm pretty sure it was Richie. No, it was Richie. Number one, I'm not rich. I make my own money. No, anyways. No one said you were rich. So is Elon Musk rich? I said he's rich. Is Elon rich? Yeah, but just because you make your own money doesn't mean you're not rich. Even if you did, like, even if you're...
Are you saying you're not daddy's money? Yeah, I'm not. I'm definitely not. No, she's definitely daddy's money. I do not take my dad's money. My sister does, but I don't. Are you going to buy your first car? Who bought this shirt?
Me. She actually does do her own shopping. Wait, wait, are you going to buy your first car or is your dad? My dad, obviously. No, but I buy everything else. I bought these sweatpants. I bought this shirt. I bought my shoes. I buy everything myself. You bought all these French chips in here. French tips? French chips. French chips. I bought all these French chips. Yeah. Yeah, she pays us to be here. No, and I even bought
even bought all the decorations in my room some are for my birthday and stuff so yeah and every morning i buy my own starbucks well now if my friend ricky wasn't rich i don't want to hear about anyone no he doesn't exist no listen then how do you explain the overpriced candy i got from the candy store because ricky ricky bought again ricky bought it for me again he talked about this overpriced candy but no one ever saw i ate it okay i obviously ate the candy he's like i
- I got all this candy in here, you wouldn't believe it. I thought you were jealous. I got to try all of this candy. - Ricky was so rich, he was like, "This is my 10th cruise in like the last couple years." And then we go to the candy shop and you guys know candy shops are insanely priced. - Take me to the candy shop, all right? - Yeah, I was seeing that too. Ricky was leading me, I was like, "Take me to the candy shop, Ricky, come on. "Get how much I want you guys. "Come on, get that, it's pretty hot."
I don't know what he knows. Get him. And. He's like, treat me right, Ricky. Come on. Honestly, this sounds like a really good Netflix show. He takes me to the candy shop. Richie Rich. And he's like, guys, he's talking to me and Sam Fisher. And he's like, do whatever you want. Like, do whatever you guys want. Like, I have a credit card. And we're like, okay. And we just keep getting it. But obviously, I was raised right. So I just got like a little bit. And.
Did Sam Fisher go crazy though? Sam Fisher went a little crazier than I did. And I just got like a reasonable amount. And the total is like 80 bucks at the candy store. He just moves on with his life. I was like, that's pretty crazy. But yeah, those are my two friends I met. Never saw them again. Not real. No, they are real. Yeah. Well, guys, thank you so much for watching this episode. Peace out, bro. Shaka.