We Broke Up!
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all right guys welcome back to the lol podcast unfortunately things are not being lol right now um this is serious cash and kate uh i mean i don't know how else to really tell you guys this besides uh they broke up and uh i'll let you guys take it from there oh thanks mav thanks for the intro i mean like what why

Why? Because there was other girls. And I don't want to make this awkward between y'all, obviously. Like, I mean... Whose side are you on? First of all, there... Okay, first of all... There's no sides, Kate. Come on now. There was not other... Okay, there was... A friend to all is a friend to none. There was other guys too, huh? Oh, that's new information I did not know about. I did not know there was other guys. This is the first time I'm hearing of this. Y'all are still friends, right?

What do you mean? Oh, we're married now. Yeah, well, now we're married. Oh, obviously. But when it did happen. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So pretty much when me and Kate were like 14, 15, probably like 14, we were talking on this app called House Party, which is like. Oh, yeah. You know what House Party is? Yeah. Yeah. We were talking on this app called House Party, which is dangerous. Don't know what it is. No, you know what's dangerous? How's it dangerous? It's a group FaceTime app.

For Samsungs and iPhones to combine because I had a Samsung and she had an iPhone so it was a group FaceTime app and you can also see who your friends are on FaceTime with while they're on FaceTime with them and it'll say open party or locked party. They could lock the door to the party and an open party means you can just join randomly. Locking it means that you have to be invited and

Which wasn't fun. It was no fun when you see all your friends in a locked party. Let me in. Let me in. But they're not unlocking it because they lowkey didn't want you there. And me and Kate would be in a house party. And it would show you random facts. Yeah, we would be in a FaceTime. We'd just meet her and then she'd be like, alright, I gotta get off. I gotta go blah blah blah. Or was it the other way around? I gotta go walk my fish. No. Was it that way? No, it was after school. I would talk to you when you were in school.

Oh, so it was the other way? So you talked to him first? Yeah. Okay, so she'd be talking... I'd be like, let's talk or whatever, right? Then before I'd get on to invite her, she's in a house party with another guy and it says locked. And I was like, hmm. And I always... I asked her about it multiple times. You can't be in a locked party with another dude. Right? Come on. That's like rules of being 14. He did not ask me to be his girlfriend yet. I was still playing the field. And...

I was like, hey, well, you play in the field. You go girl. I was like, who's that? And you're like, oh. Don't go girl her. What? No go girl. I was single. No go girl. Listen, man. Okay, yeah, you were single? What about a liar, too? You were that. Because I asked you, and I was like, who's that? And you're like, oh, that's just one of my, like, that's just my friend. That's like my best friend. He was just my friend. Yeah, yeah. I mean, when guys are like, oh, he's just like my girl best friend. And then one day, I get on the house party app.

And the party is with him, her, and the guy. And it's unlocked. They forgot to lock the party. So I joined the party. I joined the party. And you know, Kate's just playing the field, not lying. Definitely everything she's doing is completely okay. And what?

What? My bracelet is just ruined. Okay. You know, apparently Kate's not doing anything wrong here, but when I joined the party of her and the guy, she freaks out and leaves. They're nice. She just leaves the party, and then it's just me and the dude in there. Well, that's nice. Now it's just two dudes in a locked party. Oh, God. So you can't get out. An unlocked party. It was unlocked. That's how I joined. And I joined. Kate just freaks out and leaves, and now it's just me and the dude in there, and we're like...

You don't even know the backstory. He's like, what's up? And I'm like, what's up? And then we just kind of, one of us leaves. And then, yeah, pretty much Kate was cheating on me. I wasn't cheating. We weren't together. You clearly were hiding something because you ran away. Because listen, I was still weighing my options. That's all I was doing. What was this guy's name?

Harper, you're 14. We're not going to say the name? At 14 years old... Harper, at 14 years old, what would you consider that? We weren't dating. If it was unlocked, then I would be fine. We weren't dating. Listen, if any guy that I was talking to...

was in a house party with another guy that... With another girl. With another girl, I mean. Then, like, I would kind of be mad. We weren't even really talking, though. We were talking. Not really. Not really? Listen, I was weighing my options because I liked Cash and I also liked this other guy. And I said, hmm, Cash lives in Oklahoma. I have math class with this guy and I see him every single day. So I was talking to him after school and then before bed, I would get on and talk with Cash and I wasn't dating either of them.

Do you hear that? She would get on and talk with you. Yeah, y'all were talking. I'd have a conversation with him. And then I ghosted you.

No. Yes, ma'am. I ghosted you because I started dating you. No, she wasn't. You never ghosted me. I did. No. No, you did not. No, you did not. Because I literally started... You go, girl. I literally started dating... Stop doing that. I literally... I don't like that. You go, girl. I started dating the guy and obviously I wasn't going to talk to another guy when I had a boyfriend. Really? You kissed me when you were dating him. You were so... When did I kiss you? No.

The truth comes out. Remember that? We did not kiss. Oh, sorry. We got close to kissing and then you said, I wish you would have kissed me. Yeah, I still do. Oh, yeah. That's not any better, Kate. Yeah. Hey, I was 13. You're a little cheater. I was just a little teenage girl. I would never do that. She's just trying to love. Yeah. While Kate was dating this guy.

Me and Kate were in that four-hour hug. We talked about that one time. She wanted me to kiss her, and I didn't. I was like, does she like me? Does she like me not? She's dating a guy, but she's hugging me for four hours. I'm kind of confused. Then afterwards, she told me she wished I would have dated her. Wow, you look really dumb. I don't know what to call that. You see a little elf. You do look like an elf. She's in her element. I'm uncomfortable. I get a smile all the time. That's the story about...

How we broke up? And Kate was treating me horribly. No, and then y'all didn't even get to the best part. Wait, what's the better part? It gets worse before it gets better. News to me. I've never heard of this. You have to go through the darkness to get to the light. Listen, this is actually so heartbreaking. You gotta walk through the valley to get to the top of the mountain.

Okay, so... You have to go through the shadows to find the... Whatever happens in the dark always comes to light. Listen, because I... Obviously, Cash and I, you know, we had the little thing and then I got a boyfriend, so we stopped talking. And then he came back to town and we had our four-hour hug and we did not kiss. But, I mean, I still... I don't know. I was just a teenage girl. Four-hour hug is crazy. That's crazy. And then, like...

Two months later, or like two weeks later, the boyfriend dumps me. And I was like, yeah, maybe because you were a cheater. I don't know. I don't know if he ever figured it out. Maybe he found out about your four hour hug. I don't know. Maybe he, maybe he did. I don't know if he did, but,

He's like, I know you've been hugging guys for four hours. We became friends again like a couple years later. Like a couple years later in high school, we were friends again. And like, he never said anything. We were just like, I don't know, in the same class. So what's the best part? Best part. After I get heartbroken, but not really because I was like, cash.

So Cash and I talked for a couple of weeks and it's right before my 14th birthday. I'm about to get my braces off. Okay. Cash has never seen me without my braces. I'm so excited. I'd had braces like the last three years and I was like, oh, I'm getting my braces off. Like I'm going to send him a picture and it's going to be so exciting.

A week before my 14th birthday and before I get my braces off, he stops answering me. I had to treat that girl a lesson. I've been plotting that. You go, boy. Ever since she goes to me, I've been plotting it. I was like, she's going to come back. And when she comes back, I'm going to ghost her. Go ahead, give it to me, Mav. Are you serious? You go, boy. Yeah. No, I said, you go, boy. You go, boy. I was actually so sad. Call me good boy, Mav. No. Say, you go, good boy. No. No.

you don't want it you don't really want that i don't really i'm asking for it and so we um cash i find out it's just weird you left me no you didn't even we were like because before cash had snapchat we would instagram dm yeah i had samsung and i didn't have snapchat and so god are you you call alex yeah yeah at least i changed my ways early yeah and so we would instagram dm

And one day he just didn't open it and then he didn't open it for a whole day and then it was three days and then it was a week. And then two weeks later he opens it and he did not answer me and he was at his first VidCon and I was like, oh. And then I was in. He was already going home. I was in house parties with other girls. And then,

Real parties. I remember this. I remember it so... I remember every little detail because this is literally, like, such a big part of my life. And June is when he stopped talking to me. Wow. And then I started high school and, like, we literally did not talk for months. Like, once he ignored me, I was like, okay, I got the hint. And, like, we did not talk. And then...

We rekindled our love. He saw you without your braces. Yeah. In November, we started talking again. In December, you came back. That was when we really were on and off for years and years. By on and off, we were never dating. We never dated. It was like we would talk.

and he was like... It was like the talking stage in and out. Yeah, except he kept trying to end the talking stage. Well, because I would talk to Kate and then I'd leave Texas and then I'd see another girl and I'd be like, oh, I'm talking to this girl. And then, yeah. Wait, Joe, why do you have a sleeping mask on? And I was always... You guys, you want to talk about me being alive? Wait, why do you have a sleeping mask on? I didn't know. I forgot I did. He's tired. He just got here. And I...

Listen, you want to talk about me being a liar? He always told me, oh, I meant to bring this up to y'all actually. He always told me I can't have a girlfriend. Like I cannot have a girlfriend. Maverick had a girlfriend. I didn't understand. And I would bring that up. I was like, Cash, why can't you have a girlfriend? Every girl brought that up. But your brother had a girlfriend. I tell these girls I can't date them and they're like, your brother's married.

Your brother's married. And I'm like, but I can't have a girlfriend. Why can't you? Yeah, but why can't you? No, you want to know. I'm just kidding. You know what stupid line Cash told me? What? This is ridiculous. And I can't believe that even at the age of 14, I fully believed this. He said, we signed a contract.

We signed a contract saying that we would not get girlfriends. What? I was like, dang, like you guys signed a contract? Like that's legal. Like that's so real. First of all. You said that? No, no, no. First of all. First of all. No. No. First of all. He said, I vividly remember you going, yeah, because he broke the contract and it's ridiculous. The contract. It's ridiculous. What did you do? Ride it with Crayola? What are you going to take him to court? It's called...

A lie. Gaslighting. No, it was a lie. It's called gaslighting. Gaslighting. I'm a master of it. That's not something to flex. Okay, you do not remember that. You don't remember that. No, it was so, I fully believed it. I was like, I don't want to be left together. Actually, that's crazy. No, on a real note, it's not called gaslighting. I mean, that would be gaslighting, but I never said that. Yes, you did. No, I certainly didn't.

Yes, you certainly did. No, I actually did never say that. It sounds like something you'd say. Yo, hand on my can, I did not say that. I promise you. Pretty sure you said that. No, I didn't. Look me in the eye and tell me. How would you know? How in the world would you know I said that? I just think you did. It just sounds like something you'd say. Because I'm pretty sure you said that to me, and I was like, we don't have a contract. And I was like, you're not exciting me. You built a contract. You can't have a girlfriend. I'm like, what contract? No, I never, ever said that.

Truthfully, look me in the eyes right now. I'm cross-eyed. You know I can't look you in the eyes. Can you honestly say that? Lying is a sin. So honestly tell me that you did not say that. I did not say that. I really fully believe I did not say that. I really don't think I said that. Really? Judgment day will come, my friend. Guys, why is there a huge paint splatter on your wall? A huge paint splatter? What the? She just threw something at me. Why did she say that?

She threw her elfier at me. It's really funny. Yeah. And so after Cash... Yeah, but anyways, that was my plot to ghost her back, and I got her. Oh, you got her so good. And then I was posting videos and pictures of me with other girls at VidCon. Wait, were you doing that on purpose? Were you? That's so mean. No, I'm kidding. Obviously. No, I wasn't doing that on purpose. Oh. I actually wasn't. I actually wasn't. But I remember thinking, I remember like, oh, Kate's going to see these, and she's going to be like, ugh. I mean, I still had to post, but like...

You know, you had to be dumb. They're fake waving, Kate. I know. Harper already got me once on this episode. What? Hey, come sit. Oh, look, it's all of Kate's lies. What? Make it make sense. Yeah. Give him a mic at least. No. He doesn't get a mic? No, I... We'll be done in a minute. Don't worry. Yeah. While they're talking to nobody...

Yeah, and then after that... Bye. Are you talking to my dad? Yo. Joe? Are you okay? No, I have a dad.

Yeah, see ya. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and after that, before me and Kate were dating again, then, actually, wait. I forgot the story I was going to tell. So what were you going to say, man? There's something else that's heartbreaking. It actually broke Kate's heart, and I watched this girl cry. The ghost? No, she cried over something y'all probably won't even believe. Omegle is gone. Oh my god, I'm so sad. Omegle is gone. Forever. And ever. It's gone forever. I did not.

And if you guys don't know what Omegle is, I mean, good for you. I mean, you lasted. There's a monkey app now. It's called monkey.com or something like that. Yeah, that app's been out for a long time, but that one's not as good. But why is Omegle gone? Because me and my friends used to go on it at sleepovers. I looked it up, and apparently it was just in so many cases against pedophiles. My name's Chris Hansen.

And I'm on Omegle. What? I was so sad. I would always hope for a TikTok creator to come on there and be like, I know where you live. That's how you guys caught the pedophile, right? That is how we caught the pedophile. Yeah. I mean, Omegle was full of pedophiles. Can y'all believe that? Y'all look at an actual pedophile catcher. Actually, I caught one. I had my net. SpongeBob caught you. And I got his phone taken away.

You did. I did. Like, that was crazy. I did that at 16. I was... Wait, no. My favorite part of this whole story is, like, the guy drove, like, hours to get there, and he had to figure out how to get home without Google Maps. And, dude, nowadays, I don't know how you do that. No idea. Wait, where did you find your phone? And it was raining. Huh? Where did you put the phone? Well, I got the pedophile off Omegle. I told him I was this little 16-year-old girl, or, like, 14 or something. And he brought...

for the bait. Yeah, and then I brought Kate for the bait. And then when he got there, I was like, a cop just happened to pull up, literally just happened to pull up, and I told the cop what we were doing. And the cops went over there, and then they confiscated his phone. Yeah, and then they were like, how old are you? Because we were using pictures of me, and I was like, oh, I'm 17 or 16 or something, and he was like,

So don't ever do this again because you could go to jail next time. And I was like, oh. Yeah. What? The cops shut down my pedophilia business. Pedophilia catching business. I was 100%. What's that called? Success rate. You were on your way to Jeffrey Epstein. I was 100% successful. I was literally. Yeah. I was going to catch Jeffrey. I was on him. Then they shut me down. Jeffrey Dahmer?

No, no. That one too. I had a business on that too, but I had some leads. I can't believe what Jeffrey Dahmer did. Really? Didn't he cook his mom in a stove? His mom? No. No, he didn't. He didn't do that. There's no way he cooked his mom. His mom just turned the stove on to try to commit suicide. Oh, like me with the dirt bikes. Yeah. That's where I learned it. Hey, Matt, do you like this shirt on me? Because I couldn't tell. Be cool. Be cool. I'm...

Be honest like be dead on me to be honest why your sleeves are halfway rolled up It's called style Harper. No you said you were born like in 2015. I'm not I know I'm gonna be honest guess what guess what um? What year were you born? Yes, and 11 no she 2009 if you were born anything over 10, that's no she's 14 She was 2011. Oh my gosh. She was born over 10. I'm 2009 oh good good. Oh, oh

You almost had to leave. Your shirt. You want me to be honest about the shirt? Very honest, man. Be super honest. You're not going to get mad no matter what I say? No. No matter what you say. No matter what I say? No matter what you say. Come on. I sold your dog to the Chinese restaurant. Dude, I knew he was missing. I knew one of my dogs was missing. I just have so many. It's fine. I really don't care. We have so many.

wait are you joking no one of my dogs has been missing for like two years and i never knew where it went how much did you get for him you said you wouldn't get mad no matter what i said i'm not mad okay no i hated that dog okay no what you actually sold his dog for at the chinese restaurant yeah they give you like 50 bucks a dog that's not worth it well i was broke well how much would be worth it wait wait wait wait hold up how much would be worth it like 100

That would be crazy if you could have gotten 100 for it. Maybe if you go to a five-star Chinese restaurant. Yeah. They're so wine, aren't they? No. You ever had orange chicken? Mm-hmm. It's Chihuahua Husky Mix. No, it's chicken. It says chicken in the thing. Yeah, obviously. That's obviously what they're going to tell you, Harper. They want to trick you. What? Okay. Why do you think it's so cheap?

Why do you think every other chicken is expensive? Why do you think Chick-fil-A is just more expensive? No, because Chick-fil-A is real chicken. Oh, yeah. That's why I eat Chick-fil-A. Yeah. Panda Express? Dog. I don't eat Panda Express. Next time you go there, go up to them and say, what up, dog? That's like the secret language. They'll get you the one from the back. And then if you say, what up, dog? They'll get you the actual chicken. That's not how it works. You go up, you say, what up, dog? And they say, how do you want it cooked? Rare or medium? You're laughing. I'm laughing.

Yeah, I'm joking. Obviously, they're for real. Joe's joking. Rare or medium. Or they're like, what's up, dog? But I am sorry about your dog. Yeah, it's fine. I'm sorry I never told you. It wasn't that heartbreaking when the dog went missing. Anyways, guys, guess what I found. Wait, where's my phone? That's a joke, by the way, guys. Panda Express does not serve dog.

I mean, as far as we know, we don't know. I mean, we don't know. Can we get sued for defamation of character? That is kind of crazy. Your phone is sticking everywhere today. Yeah. Disclaimer. It was a joke. Disclaimer. It's not a joke. Disclaimer. It's all a joke. We think women can drive great. Okay. Nah, fam. Nah. You don't think they can?

Dog fam. Dog fam. Wait, Harper, I have a question. If Cash and I actually did break up, whose side are you taking? Kate. What the? Really? Because he would take yours. I would take Kate's. Aww. How about... No, no, no. The correct answer is you got to say, well, why did you break up? Well, the reason would be you called her fat. What the? Literally last episode, she called me fat. She knows her stuff. All of y'all called me fat. I did not. Oh.

All y'all call me fat. Did the words cash your fat come out of my mouth? If y'all go watch the other episode where I was sitting on the trash can, they literally all said, you're a big boy. You're not even going to fit in that trash can. You're like the white Lizzo. I did not say that. These are all words that came out of their mouth. I did not say that. You said that. Lizzo's not that big. I just said, you are a six foot male. That's a fact. Anyways, guess what I have on my phone? My cellular device. What do you have on your cellular device? Instagram.

Yeah, but no no I have reclip the Gwam and guess what you guys don't know reclip is It's a good. It's an app where you just constantly you constantly have it going It's always running in the back of your phone and pretty much I caught mav lacking no You know you know what I caught him saying. What did you catch me saying?

Yeah, he doesn't know what I'm trying to say. If you guys watched the other episode where Mav exposed me using reclip, I was like, I'm going to get him back. So now I have a reclip of Maverick. Careful with what you play right now. And like I said, I don't know if I explained it very well. It's always running in the back of your phone. And at any time, you can click clip. And it steals the last two minutes of audio that you just said. But you don't have to click record. It's always going. So Maverick said something crazy in Atlantis. This may get cut out of the episode. Get off your phones.

I'm sorry. What are you doing? I'm telling a story. I was downloading ReClip. Never mind, you can get back on your phone. So, let me just, enough said. Let me just explain, or let me just show you the ReClip. Would you get back with your girlfriend? Your ex-girlfriend. Would you make her your girlfriend again? That's a hard question. Honestly, probably. Wow, that's crazy. I know.

That is out of context. That is out of context. Would you like to explain yourself? That is not the whole conversation. There's much more to that conversation. No, Matt, that's it. That's the whole conversation. No, there's much more to that conversation. That was the whole conversation. No, there's much more. Anything he says after this was a lie. No, he said, he said, Maverick.

if it was, if, if, if, yeah, what did I say? I'm trying to remember. It was like weeks ago. You said, if she, you said something like, if she was the last person on earth or something. No, you did. You were like, you were like, if, if, if she was the last person on earth or like you made up one of your hypotheticals. And I was like,

I guess if last person and I had to procreate, then sure. Procreate? That's still you getting back with your ex. I just can't believe that you got caught in a hypothetical and you answered and he clipped it. Yeah, he clipped the hypothetical. But no, it was not like getting back with her right now. No, okay. Either way, whatever was said before, who really cares? He said he would get back with his ex.

That's not what I said. Out of context. You are desperate. What? I'm not desperate. If one of his exes are watching this, hit him up. No. Don't do that. Why did you do that? Hit him up.

He's single because of you and ready to mingle. A message to all my exes. A message to all my exes. I love you all dearly. He misses you. I love you all. He misses you. He misses your kisses. He misses your hugs. Great people. He misses everything about you. He misses the touch of your hands. He misses your cuddles. Shut up. But I personally, I'm just not interested in romantically pursuing people at the moment. Why'd you say people? Bro.

People don't assume that okay. Sorry. Yeah, that's better language. Um, yeah Maverick came into the room the other day. He was like you guys think I'm ready to get married He said I think I might first Kate was like yes, please And then we realize he's he's an idiot so we're like now but no really think about it He was I'm not calling him an idiot. Like he said it himself. He's like do you guys think I'm just like I

Too immature and like an idiot. I was like, I think I'm too dumb. I did not clip it, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you download Reclip? No, I was going to, but then it wouldn't. Download it. I really want to hear what your friends say. I know. Harper's Reclips would be insane. Oh, my gosh. Her Reclips from school would be crazy. No, that would actually be so funny. Yeah, and when someone comes up and bullies you, clip it. No, next week when we shoot, I want at least one Reclip on your phone. I got to hear what your friends say. It's going to be the most outlandish thing ever. Bro. You could have Reclips with the janitor.

Oh my gosh. That would have been so good. Yeah. Okay, this is good. I'm actually excited because all of my friends, or not all of my friends, but like,

Let me just download it. You just stop talking. I'll leave your friends. What? I do that too hard. She can't type and talk. Yeah. Yeah. Every time any of y'all get on your phone on the podcast, it's like, yeah, guys. Mindless brain scrolling on TikTok. It says you. No, there's nothing I cannot stand more than people brainlessly scrolling on their phones, which is kind of odd because you might be watching this on a short form piece of content right now and you just scrolled. And if you are,

Wake up. If you're going to scroll, at least scroll on our stuff. Drop a like. I'm going to find some friends. Honestly, don't scroll. It's killing your brain. Go touch some grass. I see people just sitting there like this.

No, the worst is at the gym. And they're just scrolling. Oh my gosh. The gym is actually insane. Everybody just has their phone up and they're scrolling. That's a gym scroller. What? You are a gym scroller. You just sit on a piece of machine and you're like, that is not true at all. He's like this. They're like in between sets scrolling. That is not true. That is true. That is so unfactual. You know what? I saw him watching WikiHow, How to Get Your Ex Back at the gym. This is so... The stuff this man makes up. There's actually a

He's not. The stuff this man makes up. You just make it up. I didn't make it up. You make stuff up. No, I don't. I speak nothing but the truth and honor. JFK. I cannot tell a lie. You can't even, like, you don't even speak correct English. I cannot tell a lie. I'm JFK Kennedy.

I cannot tell a lie. Who says that? It wasn't Kay Kennedy. No, it wasn't him. Yes, it was. No. Then who was it? Kanye? JFK Kennedy? Yeah. You're not even saying his name right. John F. Kennedy? It's not John F. Kennedy Kennedy? It's JFK Kennedy. Yeah. Cash thinker. This man. JFK and his last name is Kennedy. What are y'all talking about? You kill me, dog. John F.

Kennedy. If you say JFK Kennedy, that's Kennedy Kennedy. You know what's going to be crazy? When people have the Neuralink from Elon Musk and they're mindlessly scrolling like this and you can't even see a phone in their hand. That is going to be crazy. If we get it to a point where your screen is through your eyes and you're just like... That's actually terrifying. You're just in an airport and everybody's just...

I won't do it. That's so scary. You get seven cards. What does that mean? I don't know what you're talking about. Each card will reveal a truth about you and your friends. I have no clue. Guys, what's for dinner? What's for dinner? I don't know. You're the female. What are you cooking?

You're not cooking. I'm about to fart my bubble. Also, wait, wait, wait. You guys don't know what I saw on TikTok. It said when he refers to women as females, and it was supposed to say that's rude. Females? What the heck? How is that rude? How would you like me to refer to you? Woman? Male? No, girl. If I said, Matt, you're the male here. Go do something. But for some reason, if I say, you're the female, go. How is that offensive? I don't understand. Kate, would you like to elaborate on that? Sorry. Hey, female. Would you? Okay.

Would you like to elaborate on that? Elaborate on what? Do you feel like it's derogatory when we call you female? Or fat? Do you feel like either one of those two? Or woman? No, but do you feel like that's derogatory when you say female? Me personally, I just think everybody on the internet is looking for something new to get mad at. That's what I've been saying this whole time. What about when I call you, when I refer to you as his wife? I just, I can't get mad at that. That's a fact. When I'm like your wife. I mean. Well, normally it's what comes after that. Oh, yeah. Normally Matt says, your wife is.

And then it's the thing after that. You know what's funny? I think that like, oh, sorry. No, you're good. I just, I think that people that would get mad at that are the ones that are like, my identity is not my husband. And it's like, they get that. And you're like, my identity is my husband. No, that's not true. I just don't feel a need to argue with every single person. And they're like, I try to be cashback. I dye my hair blonde. I,

I married him. I became a TikToker just like him. She wants to be me. That's okay. And I wear his clothes a lot. That took 10% of his followers. Yeah, for real. What were you going to say? What's funny? So Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift, everybody's saying funny moments of Taylor Swift's boyfriend or Taylor Swift's boyfriend, all this. And Travis Kelsey's known before.

Really? Oh, like you knew Travis before? No. I didn't. I had no clue. But a lot of people did. So she did put him on the map because you didn't know him. In my world. But did you all know Taylor Swift before Travis? Oh, wait. Yes. Nope. Oh, no. I didn't. I did not. I heard of Taylor Swift. No, really? Not me. Just the most mainstream. You like Selena Gomez or Taylor Swift better? Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez is one of the best things.

Take it to you. That's just not the song. I'll be waiting for the jungle. Yes, it is. What are you talking about? Yeah, I feel like you just butchered the lyrics. We've been running through the wolves and we've been running through the dark side to get to you. Why are you still patting his hands? I don't know. I don't know. I'm in the office.

I'm the leader. I saw that TikTok, bro. I saw that TikTok. And this guy was doing it. He's like, I'm the alpha. I'm the leader. He said, POV, you lost fantasy football. No, I've actually seen so many guys on TikTok that are like day three of my fantasy football. No, we saw one. It was bad. We saw this one. This guy...

He went and stood like not far away, probably like 30 feet. The other guy had a golf ball in a golf club. And this guy, obviously you can tell he obviously golfs and he waxes hard as he can and hits the golf ball at the guy on his butt.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's brutal. I don't think you understand. It's not like, that ain't a, that ain't like a softball. A golf ball is literally just solid. A rock. Yeah. It's literally a rock. So he just threw a rock. However fast, look up how fast he hit a golf ball pretty far. And I guarantee you that guy can hit it even further than me. Yeah. Wait guys, I bet $10. Anybody? Um,

Um, we'll do the i'm the alpha i'm the leader. I'm the one just what oh wait, go ahead Oh on like on their knees and um, i'll be at ten dollars and be like all like eww I mean i'll take ten dollars. All right, mav go eww eww No, no, no, no, no, no, but on the ground like No, i'm not gonna get no i'm not Yeah, but speaking of no mav golfing y'all wanna know what happened me and this man went to cancun

We're on the golf range. We're two dudes in Cancun. Because we're at this resort, not much else to do. You're any better, bro. No, no, I'm...

Take that back right now. We don't like any of this food. You weren't any better. Dude, compared to you, I was Tiger Woods. He was the driver for everything. He didn't even have a tee. He just used one club. He used the driver for everything. He putted the ball in. He used the driver. I did. He stuck in the sand. He used the driver. Everything I used the big driver. And you know what? I won. I think you won. I did win. Don't even say that. This was like two years ago. I don't know. No, it's not two years ago. It was like last year. Listen to this. We get to the point in this...

There's golf course where there's like golf land, little greenery and greenery right here. And then there's like a 60 foot, probably not. There's like a hundred foot section. That's just like swamp. It's a river. It's like swampy. And you got to hit it over the swamp, over the river. I go up there over the river, right over the river, right near practically a hole in one, right near the hole. No, not right near the hole. Barely. Maverick goes up there.

Oh. Keep in mind, we only have a limited amount of... We only ate golf balls. Do the whistle. I got you for the river sound. Okay, listen. We only have a limited amount of golf balls. So he goes up there again, puts one of our other golf balls up there, which we paid like $50 for these pack of golf balls. They were so expensive for no reason. It was like $8 a golf ball. So we go up there. Matt goes...

Oh, that was actually pretty good. That was actually really good. And he hits it in the river. And I was like, okay, I'm out one more ball. You get one more ball. And if it doesn't go, if it doesn't go, you're just going to start on that side. We'll just like throw your ball somewhere random. He goes up.

in the river. And I'm not even kidding. He hit every single one of our golf balls into the swamp. So I went on this little bridge in the swamp with my big driver trying to grab golf balls. We were both in the trees trying to find them. We're in Cancun. This swamp is scary. It's scary, bro. It's like the drama. There could be alligators, monkeys, baboons. Giant lizards coming at us. Yeah, there was giant lizards like this that would just go. And you're like, ah! And you're such

dramatic they were scary it's like the lizard off jesse yeah they would just run out of nowhere and i would be like trying to grab a ball and then it would get close to him like mav i don't want to reach down and grab it though because like we don't know what's under the bridge that i could grab me i found like eight more golf balls i was like this is like 50 dollars worth bring it back maverick set his golf ball down

Your main's about to get this to not happen. And he hits all of them. And we have one left again. Out of the second batch, we have one left. I said no. He's making his story up.

Am I really? You are exaggerating it. Is it made up? You're exaggerating it. How so? What exaggerating? It did not happen this many times. How many golf balls did you hit in the river? Probably four. Four? Yeah. Really not 12? No, not 12. Anyways, he hits all of them in the river. We have one left. I'm holding it. I said, Mav, you're not hitting this golf ball. He's like, give it to me. I said, nope, you do not get this golf ball. If I give you this golf ball, we know statistically it's going in the river. And he's like, nope, I give him the golf ball.

In the river. Yeah. And let me tell you, I was furious. It's sweaty and hot. It was so hot. We had no water because they gave you one little baby bottle. And this other guy, keep in mind, we paid $700 to golf here. $700. $700.

We didn't know we paid that much, but we did. And you know what they give you? One little baby bottle of water. And it goes full. Yeah. That you had to pay for. And there's like nobody, nobody on this golf range but us. That's crazy. Probably because it's $700 to golf there. And this little golf man comes right on his cart selling snacks. And he's like,

And I was like, oh, can I have another bottle of water? Assuming it's free since we just paid $700. He's like, that'll be $12. I'm like, what? $12? For like a little, it's a baby bottle. And pretty much what happened after that, I go take my big old club, put it in.

And we had to go home because we had no more golf balls. And we were out of water. And we were out of water. Mostly the water. No, mostly the golf balls because you lost all our golf balls. We can find more golf balls. No. Who can do the best water splash? Obviously, Joe. No, but not Joe. Nope. Kate. What the? Go back. What was that? Wait. Do a water splash, Kate? I think mine was best. Wait. Don't listen to this. What type of? No. Do it.

Why are you cooking like that? You're just cooking. You go... How do you do it, Joe? Okay, that's actually... I don't know how he's doing that. That's like an echo on it. It has a little like back noise to it. Like a bounce off. Like an echo. We should go back to Mexico.

I don't want to go to Mexico. You're right. Where is that from? Every time somebody says Mexico, I'm like, a vila de Mexico. But what's the word I'm saying first? Viva la Mexico. Viva la Mexico. I think it's from South Park or something. He lands in Mexico and he's like, vila de Mexico. Well, you have to understand South Park is quite racist. That's not true. I just learned what racism is. Really? It's sad stuff, man. Shut up. Sad stuff. You know what I just learned? What?

What's that word? Hold on. How to not call your wife fat. Hold on. No, he's working on that. No, can we shut? I caught her. I made a fat joke one time. Bro, you got to be careful. You are talking about racism. And you're like, you remember that word? What are you about to say? No, no, no. Do you remember that word? It's like. Be cool. No, no. Be cool about this.

What was I saying? Oh, the fat thing. I made one fat joke one time about my... It wasn't one. In case y'all didn't hear it, this was my fat joke. Quite a few. This was my fat joke. We were naming like board game puns. I said, Kate's life must be like the pop the belly, pig belly game because how much she eats.

That was my big joke. No, I think it was more than that. No, you did so much more. No, I didn't. I think you told her she was like a bus. And you said she was a hungry, hungry hippo. Harper, you gotta sit up. Yeah. Nobody can see you. And that was the one joke I made. And everybody's hung up on that. And you know, nobody cares about the last episode where I got called a white Lizzo. Well, that's because it's not out there. None of y'all care. Lizzo's a great person. We're talking about personality. Oh. Yeah. Not size.

Are you trying to say something? Guys, where should we go next? Maverick's clearly ditching us to go to Georgia and then Orlando. Well, I was thinking y'all could come with me. Well, why? Nope, I'm not going to Atlanta. Why? I don't like Georgia. Yeah, I don't like Atlanta either. Georgia is humid. It's so humid. Harper, you are so more than welcome to go anywhere we go. You just don't want to. I want to go on a vacation with y'all. No, you don't. You don't even like us. Literally, at the end of every episode, you leave immediately. She's like, okay, bye. No. Bye.

I think we should roll one of the cameras after we cut today and just watch. You guys can just watch where she is behind us. Harper levitates out of the chair into her mom's car. Imagine we're doing the outro. Thanks, guys. We'll see you next time. This is Harper. That is not me. I stay here for a minute. All right, wait. Do we have a camera? Can that camera watch me over there? This is what Harper does. All right, bye. We'll see you guys next time. No, it's not. Trust. Maybe I do that. Maybe I do that. She does that. Every time. And then she sits there for a couple of minutes and then she's like, all right,

Just scrolls on TikTok. No. Yeah, you do just scroll for a minute and then you leave. What am I supposed to do? Oh, no. Socialize with your friends. Are we your friends? Yes. Could you imagine her just coming up to me? So how's Asher? Who's Asher?

Oh, the baby. His baby. His child. His son. That he just had. Yo, that's how you guys know she don't really talk to us off-sheet. I do. You don't even know his child. There's actually my Snapchat story. There's so many people that are like, are you and Harper friends off the podcast? Are you and Harper like really close? Are you and Harper? Do you guys have sleepovers? I'd say we are pretty close. Really, Harper? What's her middle name? Marie. What's my middle name? Gosh, I know this. Uh...

Joseph. What? She just pulled one out of the air, man. Joseph? She just made one up. I know y'all pretty well, so ask me any questions besides middle names. What's my birthday? Well, besides birthdays and middle names. How old is he? 22. No. 23. You just turned 23. There you go. Yeah. And 20... How old am I? 21.

22. What's your final answer? 22. So far you're 0 out of 2. How old is Kate? 19. I'm just a teenage girl. Obviously everybody knows that because Kate always says that. And then now ask me more questions. What town am I from? Oklahoma. That's a state. The town? I complain about it, Harper.

Oh my gosh, y'all were talking about this the other day. Yeah. We were. You drive through it actually quite often, your mom says. Tulsa? No. Okay, I feel like people actually think I hate your town. For the record, I don't hate your town. Bakersville. You think we live in Bakersville? Yeah. What, because our names are Baker? Because do you think they own the town? That was profiling at its finest. Well, do y'all know me? What's my middle name?

That's what I thought. I do know your middle name. Tell it. Say it. Anne. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You better know. Yeah. And then what color are my eyes? Green. Blue. They're brown. What are you talking about? They're brown. See? Why did I think they were green? It's the same color as their hair, actually. They're like red. You have red eyes. You got evil eyes. You know when you look in your closet and you see red eyes staring at you? It's just Harper. Well, I don't have red eyes, do I?

Do I redness? They look brown until I look at your hair. They're kind of brown. They're the exact same color as your hair. Yeah. So yeah, you do kind of have that. My hair is hazel. My hair is hazel. Your hair is hazel? Yeah. Harper, we would take a trip with you. Yes. To the daycare, drop her off, and then have fun. What?

You know, most of the hotels do have nurseries. Wait, you guys really won't come to Atlanta with me? Everybody and their mother knows I will go wherever Cash goes. I'm just along for the ride. Really? You're just along for the ride? You don't get to control the car? What would you rather do? Well, I mean, I don't necessarily care to go to Atlanta. Why not? Because it's Atlanta. No offense to anybody who lives in Atlanta, but nobody wants to go to Atlanta. I love Atlanta.

My least favorite cities. My top three least favorite cities. Atlanta, New Orleans, and Uganda. Those are my three least favorite. Have you ever been there? Not a city. No, but I haven't heard good things. New Orleans I have. That's my top probably. That place smells. Sorry if you're in New Orleans. I feel bad for you. Would you rather hang out with Chase?

Or hang out with me. That's the thing. Like our friend chase? Mm-hmm. The Shopman music video. So like the guy that's our age or a 14-year-old girl? The guy that I've been friends with for like five years? Yeah. Or you? Yeah. Yeah, probably the dude our age. Yeah. So why do you think I'm sprinting out here so quickly to go hang out with my friends? But you don't have any friends. But I do sometimes. I make them.

And then something's wrong with them and then she has no friends again and then she makes more friends. No, but I... No, but the thing is, see, you'd rather hang out with Chase than me. Right. You're saying if it was one or the other. When we're here, there's nobody else for you to hang out with. Would you rather throw me in a volcano or Chase in a volcano? Probably Chase. You've got longer to live.

Yeah, Chase has already lived a while. How old is he? He's got a lot of problems, too. He's almost 30. His head always hurts in back pain. Yeah, he played hockey. He said his head always hurts. He's already going downhill. Life's like this. He's definitely at like... He's peaked already. He's at that part. Is mine like this? No, yours, your life started up here and now it's just here. But then... So I'm going to die? No, actually, to be fair, everybody's life starts here.

And every day, every second, every hour, every minute, you're getting closer to your death date. And you're getting closer to the day and the second you die. So in an hour, I'm going to be really close to my death. So every second you listen to the podcast, you're closer to meeting Jesus. Yeah, you're closer to dying. My back. Well, thank you guys so much for watching this episode. We'll see you next time. Bye.