Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
I'm not sitting on a freaking cake. You're gonna sit on the cake. Sit down. Yeah, well, sit one more time, please. Say it one more time. Sit down. Yeah, she can't.
Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim anymore.
if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. Cash. Cash. How about we see everybody's Snapchat scores? I'm going to guess Kate's Snapchat is 400. Thousand? I've had this Snapchat since I was 11 years old. Let me tell you this. I've had my snap longer than you probably. Well, you probably just didn't have a lot of friends to snap. Maybe I just wasn't a hoe in high school. That's a mean word. I don't know why you would say that. She just said I had no friends. I don't know why you'd say that.
I'm not sitting on a freaking cake. You're gonna sit on the cake. Sit down. Sit your booty on the cake. That's your chair today. What? Well, you just needed a little bit extra, if you know what we're saying. What? I said sit down. Okay, I'm coming, alright? What did you say, Kate? I said you just needed a little bit extra, so we're helping you out today. Extra what? Cake! Y'all think I need extra cake?
Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Extra to miss. So that just proved our point. We thought that hard chair might hurt your butt. So we got you some more. Okay. Y'all trying to make me back heavy? Sit down. Who's calling me? Yeller. There's no way you got a phone call. There's no way you're taking that right now. Who is it? Who is it? It is Sophia. Oh. Sophia who?
They can't hear it. We can't hear it. Yeah, we can't hear it. Bye, don't call me again. What the? I don't know who it is. It's always fans. That's one way to treat your fans. Well, that's not a fan. That's a stalker. They're calling her. Okay. All right, I'm going to sit down. Sit down. Shut up. That's terrible. Okay, we're waiting. Okay. Okay. I'm going to sit down. Sit down. Okay. Hey, turn around and sit so we can see it better.
You weirdo. What a weirdo. I'm just giving the people what they want. Sit down. Harper? Yep. I can't. It's in your mind. It is. She got me there. She hasn't said anything. It really is. Okay. Sit down. Shut up or I'm going to set you down face first on the cake. My mom's calling me now. No, no, no. Don't pick up. Don't pick up. Mom, I'm Phil.
Okay, here we go. I didn't say anything. It's in your mind. Say it one more time, please. Say it one more time. She hasn't said anything. I'm not saying anything. I'm scared. I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. Go ahead, Matt. Tell them what you did. I said a joke that Cash didn't think was funny. Not Cash. Everyone. Yeah, it wasn't that funny. Everyone laughed.
I didn't. You did laugh. You laughed. Nobody laughed. He was definitely laughing, and you were laughing. Maverick said a highly inappropriate joke. What? Highly inappropriate. You guys can't hear. Yeah. So, I said a man's name. That's all I did. No. I said one man's name. No. Who is this? Y'all are just arguing to argue, so sit on the cake, please. We'll move on. Yo, why is she on the phone? Bro, I'm sorry. How did you get my number? Don't call me. Harper, stop answering. Okay, bye.
Stop answering them! They keep calling you because you keep answering them! I know, I know. And then they find out it's Harper's Elmore's phone number so they give it to all their friends and then all their friends call you. Stop answering them! It's in your mind. Mom, two! Two! Okay, sit down! Dad, sit down! Sit down, Dad! Damn! Everyone is so annoying today. In case y'all missed the episode before this, they destroyed my books.
And I burned it on fire, and I apologize. In case y'all are wondering, it might look like we're all friends right now, but nobody likes each other. I don't understand. Is there tension? No. We're getting along great. Yeah, because they're the ones that we had to cut the episode over. Yeah. We said funny jokes. Multiple times. Exactly. And he said, beep, and...
Yeah, I bleeped it for you. Yeah. So, let's just keep going. I think everyone can guess what I said. You know what? I'm not sitting on the cake. Sit on the cake. I quite honestly don't care what you do. Uh-oh. No. That took everything in me not to say my joke again. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, don't you touch the cake. Kate, help her. I do. I don't. You know what? You showed no mercy when you put my book on fire last episode. It's too late to say sorry, Harper. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cash, you can't.
Cash, you can't. Now I'm having a lot of fun. Oh, I feel so bad. I should have stopped it. What do you mean? You said that and watched it the whole time. I know. You enjoyed it. I shouldn't have. I was mad at Harper for something she did last episode, but that's just me. You were mad at Harper, so you just let it happen? And now I feel bad. Harper, I'm sorry. You can eat it, though.
Alexis was supposed to go edit and he can't even leave. Okay. If it helps Harper, I'll sit on the cake now. Sit down. Okay, I'll sit down. What? Are you eating? Why can you stop eating the cake like that to weird me out? She acted like she didn't want to get the cake on her face. Now she's like... She acted like...
- She acted like she didn't want the cake on her face and now she's like, "No." - Is it good? - Oh my gosh. - He didn't sit on it yet. - Okay, I'll sit on it. - Sit down. - Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I'm getting the angle that no one else is getting. - Slide the shorts up, slide the shorts up. - It's already on your shorts just so you know. You just got icing on your shorts. - What are you doing? Oh. Did I just drop the cake? - Why did it drop in slow motion?
Why did it drop in slow motion? Everywhere! Oh no! It's literally everywhere. Harper! Harper! No! Harper! Harper! Harper! Listen, it's already on my butt. It's on my chair. It's on my floor where my feet are. It's about to get so messy, Kate. I'm not cleaning it. I'm going to get food after this. I'm leaving. Okay, listen. I'll sit down. I'm not cleaning it.
Get away from the cake. Don't give up. Get away from the cake, little girl. I'm sitting on the cake. Okay. I'm sitting on it. It don't feel great. This is so weird. Did you see the way the cake fell off the stool? Yeah. It was so pathetic looking. It's embarrassing.
Now we can start the episode. Give me some napkins. I can't. Welcome to the episode. Harvey, can you like clean up your face? That's why I was going to help her clean up her face. Give me the napkins. Maybe I should go to the bathroom. Yeah, you can go clean up if you want. Harvey, go to the bathroom and clean it up. Okay. Just wipe it off. No, just go to the bathroom and clean it off. Wait, everybody, please be quiet. Please be quiet. I'm about to fart on a cake. I'm about to fart on a cake. Everyone be quiet. There you go. Wait, Matt. Matt, Matt. It's coming, Matt. Shh, shh. I farted on a cake.
My lashes! I farted off the cake. Harper, there's makeup wipes in the bathroom. No, no, she's good now. No, she's fine. Go to the bathroom and take it off. You can go take it off. Under the sink, there's makeup wipes. Alright, well, Harper's going to take off her face. I farted on the cake. Anything y'all want to talk about now? Welcome to the episode, guys. I dare you.
You get up and now eat from the middle of the cake. I just farted on it, bro. I can't eat the cake. No, no. You are so gross. I cannot eat the cake. I just farted on it. That is a no-go. Yes, you can't sit on your cake and eat it too. What the? Anyways. Are you coming up here to edit? Because you got like... No, I'm sorry. I saw you were too entertaining. I couldn't leave. Well. Y'all have no clue how low-key sitting on a cake is comfortable. It's got a nice cushion to it.
Well, I don't care to find out. Also, are you wanting to throw those shorts away after this? No. What? I have to wash them? Give me a 360 view. Yeah, can you do a little rotation? If I stand up, I don't know if I'll be able to get back down. It might stick to my butt. That's great. Please. That's me. What? I said that's me. Why do you talk like a mouse? I don't think anybody can hear you. Don't worry about it. I had an alarm go off. Come on. Show us. Show us. Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around. Ha ha ha!
Kate, take a piece off his butt and eat it, please. Hey, don't expose my buns like that. What's that noise? What's like that, Cash? Can you have your paper towel? Oh, can you have your paper towel, Harper? Your phone is ringing.
How is your phone ringing again? Okay, guys, let's get started on this freaking episode. Wait, this episode's been started. Yeah, it's been about this freaking cake. Guys, there's literally cake on my nostrils. I don't know how that happened. That's kind of suspicious and weird.
There's cake in my nostrils. Why would you put cake in your nostrils? Yeah, why would you do that, you little weird cake? Putting cake in your nostrils? That doesn't taste good or smell good. I couldn't breathe. You guys ever accidentally snort things? Things that you shouldn't snort? Oh yeah, all the time. Cake's just falling down. Every once in a while, a piece just crumbles down. It's a good thing we kind of put plastic down, but we missed everything.
Well, you... I hope you know by... In the majority of this episode, you're getting cake in the nostrils, in the face, and your eyeballs, like, everywhere. What the? That sounds like a crime. That was like a Five Nights at Freddy's bill of cake. And I will...
like you won't know what's happening but it will happen yeah oh i agree okay um anyways you guys ever snort things you shouldn't yeah on occasion what you know what i accidentally snorted you snorted you know i accidentally snorted the other day um chicken alfredo what and it's possible in case you're wondering how did you do that i was just eating
No, you were doing more. What were you doing to snort the chicken Alfredo? Like, were you eating it? Was your face in the bowl? What the? Were you like, let me see if I can get some noodles twisted around my tongue so you put your face in the bowl? Is that what you did? You guys never snort food on accident? What the? No. Not this way. Like, it comes through this way. Oh, yeah, that's not snorting. Like, you know how when you like, uh, you eat and drink? Yes, you do. You can get water, like, come through your nose. Water has never came through my nose. What? What?
Waters came through your nose. You can probably do it right now if you tried. Yeah. How? Should we all try? You know what's crazy, actually? When I was about 14, 15... Oh, you're going to try it? I don't recommend doing it with my bowl. How do you do it? How do you do it? How do you do it?
How do you make water go through your nose? Does anybody know? I thought about it, but it didn't work. I accidentally do it all the time, but I don't know how to purposely do it. I do. How? I'm not telling you my secrets. You think God designed us that way to drink through our nose and we just...
My mom's friend in college, he used to be at lunch. My mom's friend in college used to snort spaghetti through his nose and come out of his mouth, and he would take it and do this. No, I'd be so amazed if somebody ever showed me that. I feel like it's something you would do. There's no way. What if he broke it? I would throw up if somebody did that. There's no way. If somebody out there...
Do you think I'm lying? Can put a noodle through their nose and out their mouth and do this. I will have you on the podcast. I don't think I want that. Please. I won't be here for that episode. No, I'm gone. If somebody comment if you can actually do that, comment it. And if there's a video of you on your channel doing that, I will have you on the podcast. I actually have something I wanted to bring up. I will fly you out here to personally see it. I have something I wanted to bring up. First of all. My handsome looks. This tree is in my hair. No.
My big giant muscles? A couple episodes ago, we talked about how I was a former middle school bully. And we were like, oh, if Kate's ever bullied you, send us a note saying Kate's bullied you and you'll get an apology. We've gotten a lot of notes. Y'all are all liars, first of all. Steve, look at the couch. I'm pulling up the emails. He was pulling up the emails. Y'all are all liars. If y'all were just trying to get a little email from us...
Loser you didn't get one because I know you're all liars because I know the kids I went to school with and it wasn't you people I emailed a couple of them back You emailed them back? Well yeah they said they had good stories so I was like okay Obviously it was fake Was it though? Tell me the names and I will confirm Hi Maverick I've been a victim of bullying Wait Matt pull your mic down Bullying or my bullying? Matt pull your mic down
Wait, what? I'm sorry. I'm trying to read these horrible stories down. Wait, can you give me names so I can confirm? Kate bullied me in seventh grade saying I have dead ends and bad acne. Sounds like Kate. I didn't know what dead ends was. I'm not going to out their names. No, out their names. Kate used to bully me. I feel like I really need an apology. Would you like to apologize? No, because I probably didn't bully you. What? I'm not. Kate low-key bullied me so much when we were in high school. She would make fun of me. High school is a lot.
Listen, you can say this isn't true, but there's a common theme throughout all these emails. What's the thing? That she would make fun of me for my acne and she would put posters of me everywhere. One day it got physical in the school bathroom and we fought. I don't know if she remembers me, but ask her if Ava in 10th grade history rings a bell. Okay, Kate. If you didn't bully all these people,
Who and why did you bully them? There was... No, I don't want... I really don't want to talk about this. How did y'all fight in the bathroom? I gotta know. Oh, me and Ava in 10th grade? No, no, no. Like, for real. You and Cash fight. Show me how y'all fight. Yeah. Show me how you guys fight. I'll be the ref. We'll do the voiceovers. I can't, dude. There's cake on my butt. Just stand up. It's fine. I'm trying to think about people I actually bullied. And there was once... There's so many. There...
You're all liars. Dear Maverick, I saw your podcast because one of my friend's kids was watching it, and I glanced over and saw my enemy. Enemy. How old do you think I am? We were friendly in sixth grade, but then she started making fun of my acting. There's just such a common theme here. I'm just saying. There's no way they all said that. Yes. She was a whole new person. She would make fun of me and start rumors about me and so on. It's crazy. Often...
It's crazy that you guys can lie like that so easily. She often would... You're going to keep talking? Wait, Kate, it's getting good. She often would try to say things and even get physical in the school bathrooms. Yo, why are you getting physical, people? Let me show you. I need to see your hands. Yeah, why are you throwing hands in the bathroom? These are the hands that are getting physical in the school bathroom. I want to see this. Just do it.
Yeah, yeah, throw hands, Kate. No, stand. Both of y'all stand up. I want her to hit you. Get up. What the? Me. You guys, you guys, you guys fight it out. Yeah, hold your hands up. I want to see how you beat these girls up. Oh, she just called Mav out. Yeah, maybe. No, both get up. No, no, no. I want to see, like, you walk up, grab his shirt, and bully him like you'd bully these little girls. Yeah, show them how you bully me. Right here, right here. Take one. Kate's bullying. Tash, you need to walk by, and Kate, I just want to see you stop him. No, I'm really not going to walk because of the cake on my butt.
You have to! Maybe she wants to make fun of your cake. Look, look, look. I'm sitting down, I'm a little kid, I have bad acne. Kate, please don't bully me. Just doing my homework. That's what you did in sixth grade? You bad daddy. First of all, ow! I'm sorry. Did I actually hurt you? A dollar says that apology never happened in real life. Ow! Did that actually hurt? Look what she just did! Y'all see this? I didn't actually do it.
Yeah
Maverick said something inappropriate. I don't think that was bad. There's cake on your cake. We had to cut the episode. There's so many opportunities for jokes. I'm sorry I hurt you. It's okay. You hurt me badly. There's just so many. I dare you to stand up. Oh my goodness, there's so much here. I know.
I was a victim of Kate's bullying. It was recent. I was just walking down the street when I saw her and I was like, oh my goodness, it's Kate. And I said, hi. Then she looked me up and down, said, that's your outfit. It's ugly. Burn. It's like the burn book. So I'm glad you guys are making up lies about me. I already did that. Now, do it again.
Hey, that makes me so sad that so many people genuinely felt the need to make up stories about me bullying them so they could get Speaking of our high school days, and you know Harper's still in high school. How about we uh, see everybody's snapchat scores? Okay Harper's is climbing as we speak Harper's score just went up like 10 just now Harper, Cash looked at my phone the other day. He was like you have a 70 day streak with Harper
Yeah. Well, I didn't say it like that. What? I just said you have a 70-day streak with Harper. That's all I said. I've restored it. 70-day streak. I see the bully attitude now. Did you see how she just did that? She goes, you have a 70-day streak with Harper. You're not even in the bathroom yet. Imagine when the parents aren't there and she just wails on you. Yeah. She just gets you in a place where no one can find you. No one can hear you scream. The urinal. You guys don't have urinals, do you? No.
You guys got to cop some urinals in your bathroom. I'm sorry, Harper. I would be frustrated. Yeah, I'm sorry there was cake in your face. All right, let's reveal each other's Snapchat scores. Okay. Let me guess, mine is 159,299. If it's 159,299, I'm going to be very impressed. No! What is it? 159,299. Oh, you checked before. Wait, wait, wait. Everybody else don't say them. I want to guess. You already know mine.
Yeah, I know yours. So I'm going to guess yours. Okay. Keep in mind, I post like 200 snaps a day to all of our profiles. No, it doesn't count towards mine.
Mine goes on my own. It doesn't go on yours. It doesn't? No, because it's on my story. But her own counts, I guess. And she snaps me a lot. Okay, I'm going to guess Kate's Snapchat is 400. 1,000? I'm going to guess 600. Oh, my. No. Matt, she's went all through high school. I've had this Snapchat since I was 11 years old. Yeah, listen. So, Harper. Everybody's had their Snapchat since they were little. Matt, listen. Yes, Harper, when did you get your Snapchat?
Um, in eighth grade. Okay, what grade are you in now? Ninth. Okay, so in one year, Harper has 150,000. And Kate's had her Snapchat for eight years. I'm guessing you're just like 659. 400's low. No, are you kidding?
What do you think of Snapchat? Hey, y'all let me know in the comments if 400,000 is low. That is not low. 400,000 is not like high. 400,000 is average. It's not low. If it's 400,000 is not low. 400 to like 600,000. You might be. 400 to 600,000 is average. I'm not going to finish my sentence. Listen, should I check other people's Snapchats that I'm like friends with? Well, it's true.
What? Okay, your cousin Haley, her snap score is 344,000. Look at her saying specific people's names, like trying to make them out to be bad. No, I'm just saying that this is average. This is the average. Lily's snap score... You're not listening to very good people right now. Lily's snap score is 685,000. Kate, let me tell you this. I've had my snap...
Longer than you probably well, you probably just didn't have a lot of friends to snap Maybe I just wasn't a hoe in high school. Maybe That's not that that's a mean word. I don't know why you would say that. Yeah, she just said I had no friends I don't know why you'd say that. No, I just I'm being so serious. You were home. He said in the last He said Over 300,000 you're a hoe. That's what he said. I did. I never said that
That's bold coming from someone who doesn't post his own Snapchats at night. I said that until I learned better and now that I know it. Until you learned your wife has 400,000. And now that I know better. No, we actually have to guess. What the frick do you think we're doing right now? I hope you know that that was not an insult. Genuinely, in public school, Snapchat. I didn't know
It makes me so mad. Because y'all are making me out to be some dirty girl. Dirty girl? Everyone in the comments gets to decide if you're a dirty girl. I'm a dirty girl with cake in my hair. They'll decide for themselves. I literally hate this podcast more and more. There's really cake in my hair.
There's literally cake in my hair. Never mind. This is getting hectic. Why do you hate the podcast? Because I literally sit down and watch my belongings get destroyed and I get bullied every episode. She was starting the bullying! That was not what I told you! You also beat him! I'm sitting on cake! I'm sitting on cake! My hair! And you beat him up! You told me to! Y'all said, show me how you bullied! Okay. Your friend jumps off a bridge with you? That's the way you would use that sentence, right? I dare you to stand up.
I'm sitting on cake right now. Okay, Kate, the podcast, you act like this podcast is like, yeah, Harper didn't get to see the butt imprint. I didn't know snap scores were going to be so controversial. Stand up! Please! Stand up! She wants to see the butt imprint. No!
You want to see my butt imprint? You little weirdo. You guys are some weirdos. Y'all know that? Weirdos out here. Would you eat it if he stood up? Yes. I farted on it. I would eat it for $100. No, you would not. I feel like she'd eat it for free. How are you going to do that for $100 but then turn down? Eat it. Eat it. Wait, wait, wait. I farted on it. You'll eat it. From the middle. I will. No, you won't. I will. Get up. Let's hit. Don't do that, Arpreet. Show some dignity. Oh. Okay, okay, okay.
Show some self-respect or no self-respect. He farted on that. No wait with your hands. I said sit on it No straight hands eat it. Let me just eat it, huh? She's trying to throw it on me. She's trying to throw it on I'm not trying to throw it on you. I'm not trying to throw it on you. Yes you are. Get it off your hands. Get it out. I'm not trying to throw it. Harper, I'm gonna take you back to daycare.
I'm going to tell them how bad you've been. No, drop it. Kate's going to be mad at you. Kate's going to be mad at you because you're going to make a mess. Hey, do what you want, but Kate's going to be mad at you because you're going to make a mess. You don't want to make Kate mad, Harper. No, Harper, do what you want. I'm not cleaning it. Me? Well, see, if I start getting involved, then it's going to get on me. I don't know why I listened to Harper instead of not my hands are messy. I did my best to get you to stand up for you. I tried so hard. I've been trying to get you to stand up the whole episode. All right.
Anybody want to know my snap score? No. Can you check? My hands are messy. Yeah, sure. Wait, wait, wait. What do you think it is? I'm going to say yours is like 100,000. 100,000?
- Six digits? That's crazy. I'm gonna say mine is like 40, I think, if I remember right. Mine, well first let's check yours. What was yours? - 28,000. - His is 28? - Yeah. - Mine's 28? - Woo! - Mine is right at 50. I think I just hit 50. - I take it back, Kate. 600's a lot if mine's 28. - I'm guessing 671. - I feel like I have Snapchatted a fair amount in my life. - Or 670 at least. - 51,000 is mine. - Harper just checked my Snap score. - Wait, yours is double mine?
No, not quite. It's 51. His is 28. Okay, so almost double. Somebody's been busy on Snapchat. Well, I've had it longer than you. What? What did you say? Not that. I don't know. What's her name? Mackenzie. Girl, girl.
Girl the AI girl. She's real. Why do you think she's fake? Girl friends real? You know that snapchat you know the AI on snapchat that you can text. That's not my girl She's a real person. You know what I'm talking about harper. Yes. I'm about to make you look like an AI I'm about to make you look like an AI. Please make me look like an AI. I don't even know what the insult that is, but please don't make me look like an AI. You're about to look like a generated image. No, I'm about to like
About the what? What? You don't want to know. You don't want to know the rage that is going through my brain. At least my head doesn't look like a basketball. Why would you say that? Okay.
So you're saying I have black streaks in my hair? That's so mean. What? And she's sitting here and she can insult me all she wants. Okay, to be fair, I was zoned out until your comment, so I don't know what was said before. Harper insults me all day long. I say one little thing back. What did she say before? She said she's going to make me look like an AI? Yeah, is there something wrong with that? Yeah, you know, she said Kenzie looks like an AI-created person. She said her skin's too perfect, she's not real.
So she goes complimenting you. She said that girl's too pretty. She's not real. And you retaliated by calling her a basketball. Hey, basketball could be a good thing. Basketball could be a good thing. You look like a baseball big and round. Baseball's small. Small and big and round. You should have used like a better analogy. Yeah, you got a football head. Like for instance, you should be like this. Kate, your head's like a balloon. Just a bunch of air inside. Yeah, you look like a bag of chips. You know what? Don't say that to my friends.
Hey, no your friends gonna be mad cuz you're gonna be a friend. I've heard no no she already stood up, but you can't tell you so sure No, no, no regrets you're gonna make your Kate's gonna have to be clean this mess up, and she's not gonna like it It's not cleaning it. I promise me. Yeah, but cash is gonna clean it. I'm not I can't clean it. I don't know how to clean He cleans a lot
Wait wait wait they can't- HEY! Okay you got me, you happy? No I didn't get all- Cash let go of her don't hold her like that! You're hurting her! Oh. Is he hurting you? What the- Cash stop hurting her let go! Yo go sit down!
Can you sit down? Because you're freaking me out while you're standing up. Next time he grabs you, just say, ow, you're hurting me. And then you can get away with anything. Now you guys give me an insult back. I don't do that. Yes, you do. I don't do insults like you. Kate does insults off camera. I do. Do I? Yeah. Do you? I don't. Y'all want to know what she told me the other day? She'd definitely be insulting me behind my back. I know that. That is not true. She looked at me the other day and she said, wow, you look bloated.
When did I say that? After I... Are you talking about when you cleared both of our plates?
You still said I look bloated, which is not nice. You look like a boat. He said that, Matt. A boat? Matt, he cleared both of our plates at dinner, and he's like walking, he's waddling out of the restaurant, and he's like... You see, this is bullying. That is what happened. You're saying I ate so much food. That doesn't mean it's not bullying. You're saying I ate so much food, I was having to waddle out of a restaurant, and you think this is nice to me?
You said he was waddling out of the restaurant. You're talking about a moment where he was weak and you're just making fun of it. Let's pick one of your weak moments. Okay, hold on. I'm sorry if the waddling comment offended you. She's still going. She's getting off herself. I got ribs and I probably ate like two or three. Whoa, you got ribs? I did. I ate like two or three. That's very ladylike of you.
It is she ate them like a lady man. I never seen a lady eat your lips ribs so well Like I literally thought that which is funny Wait we gotta cut the episode now Okay was eating these ribs, and I have never ate I've only ate ribs in my life one way grabbing it and
Clearing the bone. Grabbing the next one. Clearing the bone. Everyone eats ribs like that. Kate somehow ate ribs with a fork and did not get one piece of barbecue sauce on her fingers, which I've never seen someone do. How the heck do you eat a rib with a fork? There's a bone straight through it. But somehow she did. It amazed me. Anyways, continue your story, Kate. He's on a spree.
Well, I have to. Hold on. Who are you texting, Matt? Since you say you never get on your phone, who are you texting? I'll turn my phone off. Who are you texting? I'll turn my phone off. Who are you texting? Turning my phone off. Kenzie. Really? I'm turning my phone off. Can I go wash my hands? And I won't ever. Yeah. Okay. Why are you asking for me? This isn't school. Don't do anything while I'm gone. Your phone's ringing. Your phone's rung like seven times. Yeah, I think she'll be. What the? It's her mom.
Okay. That's so stupid. She asked for permission to go use the bathroom. Like, she's in school. Like, what? Um, alright, go ahead. No, no, as I was saying, is I got ribs, and I had, like, it was a full rack. You couldn't order a half rack. So I ordered a full rack, and I was like, it's fine, because cash is, we know, cash is... He's the garbage disposal. No, he's just a hungry man. He's a bloated, waddling man. Yeah, we got it.
No, so I ate my ribs. And she made fun of my acne. That did not happen. Why would I make fun of your acne when my acne is worse than yours? You said I look like a pizza face. That is not true. I would never say that, especially not now, because my acne is worse than yours. And I literally talk about every day how bad my acne is. Don't try to make this about you. Okay. Well, he's trying to gaslight you guys. Anyways. This is sad. Cash ate... I thought you guys loved each other. Three-fourths of the rack of ribs.
and his burger and all of the sides on the table. - Question, you ordered a full rack of ribs and ate a quarter of it. - Well, I could have. - Yeah, she acted like I didn't have to eat it. - I can do that. - She's force feeding me because she ordered a full rack of ribs and gonna throw it in the trash can. Now I have to finish it. - No, I would have brought it home. I eat leftovers, I would have brought them home. - And then I would have had to look at it in the car, look at it in the fridge and not eat it. Yeah, right. - So guys, I hope y'all know
if it's in the fridge and i eat it you're gonna be like why did you eat my ribs no i so i have to eat it right then no that is not true no that is true no well just know guys that when i go out to dinner i know that i can order as much food as i want because it will get eaten you know what she actually did after we ate we're in the parking lot she said lift up your shirt let me see how bloated you are because he always shows me your
where you typically show me. No, that typically does not happen. He typically, when he eats too much, he pulls up his shirt and he's like, look, you can see it all on my stomach. So I wanted to see it all on his stomach. Guys, wait, wait. So when you guys go to like restaurants and you eat a lot of food, you walk out to the parking lot and you guys just like lift up each other's shirts. You're like, what are you looking at? Oh, wow, wow. Let me see yours. I know.
No, it's just me. Oh, she's like, let me see. Show him what you do. I can't. I'm sitting on cake. Well, he usually stands up and he pushes out his belly and he pulls his shirt out. No, I don't push it out. Oh. It's just naturally flowing. It's just flowing? Well, it naturally goes out from how much food I eat. Progressive style. You'd be surprised. If I took a picture of me in the morning, you would think I'm malnourished. If I took a picture of me after dinner, you'd be like, holy cow, that man needs to lose some weight.
It's bad. I'm like a transformer. Now that everyone thinks that I'm a terrible wife for calling him so fat and bloated, just know... What, I asked for it? No. He so proudly lifts up his shirt to show me his stomach after he eats it. Does that sound like me? Would I do that? Matt's still texting. It's over now. It's done. I thought you turned off your phone. I did. I was pretending to text.
With the noises and everything. He was trying to be discreet, but I could literally hear... What are you doing? I'm just making the noises myself.
What? Oh, interesting. I'm not actually tech. It's always interesting. Guys, Harper's been gone like half the episode. Why is nobody in here talking their mind? We shoved cake in her face, cake on her hands. At this point, she's probably taking a full shower. I would really like y'all to appreciate my mic skills. My mic is always by my mouth. I'm so proud of you, Cash. I'm so proud. Dude, should we like...
Get you a trophy? I would like one. You get a gold star. I would like that too. Oh yeah, you want a gold star, buddy? Honestly, how about this? How about this? Next time we do something, we'll get you a big old gold star. What are you doing? Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!
Where did you get that? You're so bad at revenge. She came and attacked me with a giant, giant spoonful of peanut butter. Maverick told me to. I didn't. Is that what you were texting? No. I said, go clean up. Oh, yeah. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. It's a good thing I don't got to clean this up after this. This is disgusting.
I really hope it gets all over your face. Well, you know, you are a rude little girl. You ever seen Gremlins? No. Oh, yeah, I have. That cute little Gremlin. You never seen them when they get wet? I don't get it. Did you just poop out?
Your mic, once again. I'm so tired of people not talking into that. I'm just kidding. Guys, when we have bad audio, just know I tried. Your audio's good. Your audio's good. Hey, I say this. I think tonight... Yes, I'm down. Tonight...
We ride. Tonight. I don't know what comes next. When you say tonight. I just think we'd get a good story if we all go fishing. Toilet paper Harper's house. Down at that old Alton Bridge. Bro, everybody toilet papers my house. It's the worst thing in the world. Sorry. Yeah, I wonder who keeps doing that. Yeah, my bad. Guys, last time there was a Nazi sign on my driveway. In chocolate syrup. What does that mean? Chocolate syrup. A Nazi sign is like Hitler's stuff. No, no, no. We don't want a Nazi sign.
Oh, now he has. No, no, it was the chocolate syrup. And like toilet papers everywhere. Toilet paper? Maybe they thought you were... I mean, in COVID, that was a rare quality. Maybe they'd be nice giving it to you. I agree. That's how back in California, they showed wealth in 2020. You just threw toilet paper on your lawn. What a weird time to be alive. Look at how much I have. It looks like a dog curse. You want a crazy story that's actually true? In 2020, when COVID hit...
A man texted me. This is so true. It's so bad. Do you know what I'm going to say? His name is Harry. Shout out, Harry. Harry's the OG. Harry. OG. If you're out there, Harry, you are an OG. Harry, text me. And he's like, I got toilet paper. I'm like, okay. Cool. That's awesome, man. This is like pre, like, it's like things are about to go down. Yeah. I was like, I mean, cool. And then, like, he's like, you want some? I'm like, no.
I guess. He drives. Harry drives from Orange County all the way to my house two hours away. Oh, my gosh. To bring us toilet paper. Why would he do that? Because he's a nice guy. Out of the kindness of his heart, being so genuine, he drove two hours just to bring us. Somehow this man contacted like every influencer in L.A.
And is bringing them all toilet paper. Like every influencer is opening their door like, Harry, it's for the toilet paper. Wait, actually? Yes. He was giving like every influencer toilet paper. I don't know how he even got your number. I don't know. I met the man, but I know he was bringing me toilet paper. Have you met, you hadn't met him before this? Maybe I did. I don't know. He's like, like the kind of person you like meet at Walmart. And then you just, now you forever know Harry.
Harry, you're the OG though. Thanks for the toilet paper. I put it to good use. Wait, what are you going to tell us? I am Harry. No, you're not. No, Harry's complete. Just not you. I am Harry. I came back as him. You've been reincarnated? She's on something today, guys. Just so y'all know. Guys, there's literally stuff. Like what happened at school today that made you act like this? I know what happened at school. So much. What happened at school? She walked into school.
Kate was bullying her because she wasn't cool. Hey, did y'all ever post a TikTok of y'all picking me up from school? Yeah, it flopped. Okay. It really did. It got like 200k views. It's almost like I told you that. I said this video was way too long to get to the point. Okay, Matt didn't like my video. I thought it was good. Literally though, he did. It was way too long to get to the point. Yeah, he did. I showed you the video. You said you liked it before I posted it. I don't like sometimes. You didn't have any critiques about my video then. You got critiques now. I lied to you about
Everything. Your music. My what? Nothing. I was just kidding. Wait, what song you were trying to work on before the thing and you were like, does this sound good, guys? Yeah, she said 8 out of 10. I said, that's a lie. You don't actually like my song. That's crazy. What? That she lied. Is it? Is it though? Like Harper and Ollie's. I just, I never. Hey, let's vote. Most likely to succeed. Me. Me.
Just watch me be an actor. Wait, Kate was actually low-key humble there. I thought you just said you don't want to be an actor. Watch me be a singer when I grow up like Olivia Rodrigo. Kate was the only one that didn't raise her hand, not gonna lie. You don't think you'll be successful? Either A, you're humble, or B, you don't believe in yourself. Which one is it? I quite honestly use catch. I've already made it.
I got a husband. Hey. You know what? I've already made it. And all I need is for him to be successful. No, no, no. Why stop at one? Get two. Get three. Make triple the money. Guys, I'm going to say like a really bratty line. I already made it. I'm famous and rich. Harper? No, you're not. Stop. I'm kidding. I'm just joking. You think you're famous? No. I'm not. Okay.
Guys, my face is covered in sugar. Don't change the subject. Do you think you're famous? Do you think you're famous, Harper? No. Because you're not! No, I'm kidding. I'm a...
I'm a zealous celebrity. Hey, you want to know a song that Mav loved that he wanted to drop? No. Okay, yes. Wait, listen to this. Mav's singer CEO. Can you just sing her the lyrics just so we can all hear them? I just thought of that. Maverick begged to drop this song. I don't remember the verses, but I know the chorus part was like, Baby, what's the deal? Yeah, it was like something about... I'll sing it. This is how the song went. What was the line about... She got Brandy on her t-shirt. Love her when she's here. Hate her when she's leaving.
I said, baby, what's the deal? I'm feeling like the CEO falling in love. Yeah. I said, I always want to see you. Got me feeling like the CEO falling in love. What does that mean? CEO? Yeah. Well, it was a big thing back then. For some reason, back then. At that time, CEO was a big thing. Oh, okay.
I'm the CEO of getting coffee every day. Yeah, like in 2020, 2021, everybody was saying CEO. So we wrote a song about being the CEO of Falling In Love, but then we never released it. You don't think it would have been good? It was a horrible song. I wish we could play it for you. Why was it so bad? I can play it. No, the lyrics aren't bad, but the way we sounded, trash. What? Well...
I personally like the one song that you guys made your first music video with you and Lainey's friend and with the bus. Oh, no, no. Oh, we never released that song. Yo, but I still love it. Hey, here's the EO song. Ready? Oh, yeah. Wait, should I play it here or should he add it in? No, just play it on the mic. Throw the auto-change.
I
You don't like it? It's great. What? Yeah, that's... I was like, this song is just not it. The lyrics are fine, whatever. But the way we sounded on that was garbage. What? Larve. I'm glad I brought that up because Maverick still thinks it's a good song. Bro, everybody... I don't feel much hate for the auto-tune on my diss track. I mean, I tried to tell you. Did you even...
What? If you're going to hate on Harper for the auto-tune, just know Cash and Maverick were the ones behind it. Whoa. Whoa. It's hard to make someone sound good. We didn't mix the song. Huh? We didn't mix the song. Wait, who makes the auto-tune in the song? We just wrote the song. Guys, I'm a good singer. Ready? Hi-ya. Sing your song without auto-tune to prove that you can sing. Yeah, sing Queen B without auto-tune. There's a new queen.
No, I really try. Hey, how did the verses go? Now it's time for my rap. Yeah, but the verse before that. Anybody know how this goes? But you're scared to death. Oh, yeah.
I literally was saying that since the beginning. Well, that's not even singing. Yeah, it was like talking. Queen Bee. Wait, did she actually sing There's a New Queen Bee?
No, that was good. It was all kind of just chanty, though. It wasn't really singing. It was just like, there's a new queen bee. There's a new queen bee. Everyone knows that. Yeah, it wasn't really like a song. Do you want to do more music? Yeah. What kind of song would you put out? Harper keeps telling me she wants to do more music. I'm like, you want to make more music? I want a song that somebody will actually put on their playlist.
Really? Oh, Harper, honey. What kind of song? No one's going to put you on their playlist. Oh, wow. Like, I know maybe some little kids... That's a joke. Why can't... Wait, no. Why don't we take... Why did y'all, like... I'm just not saying jokes no more. I know, like, some little kids that put my queen bee on their playlist, but, like... Some? Like, 12 million. Yes, but, like, I want... I want, like...
Like actual like an actual song where people actually like like like me like I don't listen to Queen B on the daily Yeah, right. What about the weekly? No monthly, but um, is this what your song would sound like what? Wait, what was that?
Wait, wait, wait. What is that, Mav? It's a basketball bouncing. Yeah. I don't understand. Why was that? Oh, because I called her a basketball. That's funny. Why aren't you laughing? You're not laughing? Because I'm not a bully as much as everyone wants to make me laugh. She's reformed. She's trying to recover from the bully. See? Made new. Here's the thing. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
I can do no Madagascar. Yeah. Madagascar. And I bet I can make the basketball noise. I bet I'd be pretty good at that one. That's a threat. You shouldn't say that. I could be used to get you in a court of law.
Like one day I'm like guys I'm quitting And then we get in a whole fight I'm like he threatened me to bounce my head He threatened to bounce my head Like a basketball
That would be scary. Your sentence. Your sentence. We're here with the cash amount. It was horrible. They always called me a basketball. Five years for threatening to bounce and like basketball. Dude, if they said that in court, bro. If we like went to court and they were like, did you tell her that you were going to bounce her at like a basketball? No, you said, I'm about you. I'm sorry. It's funny, right? I feel like that's taken out of context. What if the court judges start laughing? She has red hands.
Guys, you literally love my chin. Josh is like, oh, I get it. I get it. My chin starts rubbing off. Wait, what type of ball would I be? A baseball. No, you're definitely a golf ball. A golf ball? He's a golf ball. What type of ball, Matt, huh? He's a golf ball. No, I'm thinking like a football. You're a goofball. Kate's a soccer ball. His head kind of goes like this. What? Like a football.
Because of my head shape? You're a goofball. That was funny. Kate's definitely a soccer ball. Are you sure I'm a basketball? No, sorry. Kate's one of those balls that you play dodgeball with. They're four square outside. Kate's a kickball.
Really? No, no, no, no. I got it. You know those balls that are either this big or they're like this big and they're in the Walmart like big thingy. They're like rubber. That's Kate. She's like the pink tie-dye one. You're the big pink tie-dye ball. The ones that you always want to like jump in on their thingy. Wait, what kind of ball am I? You? You're not a ball. You're a rectangle. Are you calling me a square? No, you're a golf stick.
No, I was thinking he was the little tee that a golf ball is on. That was definitely... You're a golf tee. Why are you laughing? You're a golf tee. I'm not a golf tee. You're definitely a golf tee. And you took form of like a sport object. It's totally a golf tee. What? If you're going to be a golf tee, I'd maybe give you like a football tee. If I was... If I was red hair... There's so many problems with what you said. Like, what would I be if I didn't have red hair?
You didn't have red hair? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What ball would you be? Yeah. A bowling ball. You ever seen a popped basketball? No. What's the little thing in Quidditch that they chase? The snitch. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I got a game. I got a game. I got a game. I got a game. I got a game. We're going to go around. Everybody's got to say a ball, but you have three seconds. The first one that can't do it loses. Basketball. Softball. Baseball. Soccer ball. Football. Volleyball. Bowling ball. Cricket. Golf ball.
Pink ball ball. No, you're out. You're out. Go, Matt. Tennis ball. I was not out. Orange pickleball. Foam ball. Bouncy ball. Yoga ball. Goof ball. Goof ball. What the? Yeah, you're out. You're out. Okay. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. It's okay, Harper. They kicked me out even before I took three seconds. Okay, Matt. Go. Sorry. Sorry. I'll go. You're out. Oh, the ball in the pong game. What?
you know pong no no you know pong that's not a ball it's like a digital little dot that goes across yeah it's a ball go ball pit ball oh uh oh you're done okay you're out yeah i have one i don't know how i got i don't know how y'all let me get away with orange racquetball you said racquetball the game like no
Hesitation. You were so quick to kick me out. There's no way you said that. He did say that. I remember that. Wait, wait, wait. What's another thing we can do? Hesitation. What's that? It's like where you pick a category and like. Wait, are you saying the game we just played? No, no. Yeah, but like. No, no, I know. I'm saying let's play that game again, but with something else. Colors. No. Let's do fruit. Fruit. Fruit? Cereals. Captain Crunch. Frosted Flakes. Trix. Lucky Charms. Cinnamon Toast. Cheerios. Cookie Crisp.
Reese's puffs pretty pebbles lucky charm you already said pretty pebble no I didn't know you did no I didn't honey nut Cheerios No, that's regular. Oh, okay Apple bees Oh, yeah Cocoa puffs magic spoon us the case special K the cookie
Yeah, you're done. Okay. Lucky charms. I already said lucky charms, stupid. Okay, fine. S'mores. Strawberry grain. That's what it's called. The strawberry grainy one. It's like strawberry. I don't think anyone knows that's a thing. Oh, that was my favorite cereal. Oh, no, no. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rice krispies. Nutri-grain. No. Oh, I have no clue. I'm out. Oh, you're off? I just don't want to play anymore. Okay, math.
Um
Pop-Tart. That's not a cereal. It was a limited edition one. It was. It was. It was. You remember that? Yes. Okay. Cocoa Puffs. I already said Cocoa Puffs. Okay, Reese Puffs. I already said that. Well, you're out if you can't come up with one. You said Reese Puffs before Cocoa Puffs, and I'm pretty sure you said Reese Puffs. I didn't say Reese's, but I said Cocoa. Okay, I said Reese's. Man, no way you win again. One more time. No, it's over. No, give an object. Give an object. Let's do flowers.
Okay, I don't really know flowers like that. How about Marvel movies? No, no, no, no, no, no. Should we quit? I feel like we should just quit this game. I don't like this game. I'm too good at it. Yeah, I guess at Mav 1. We'll see you guys next time.