Stories That Made Us Go "OOF" | Reading Reddit Stories
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ABC Wednesdays, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears. Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like. So, a couple of days. When his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird. I was 18. The double bird was how I ended up.

- Welcome back to Reddit Stories. I'm Shane and today's stories are all about embarrassment and cringe. And I am joined by two of the cringiest people I know. - I knew it. - You knew it was coming. - I knew it. - Yeah. - You knew it was coming. I do it every time. - Well, that was cringey of you to say. - Yeah. Ian and Arasha are here.

- To the most embarrassing and cringy people. - Actually not being cringy, Ian had one of his most adorable moments a second ago where he just was like, "I'm so glad we're doing this." - I said, "I'm so glad you're here." I think I said that. - It was such a positive, sweet moment. - We have the footage. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We do have the footage. We can just cut to that right now. - Hey, show it really quick. - Show it. - I'm glad we're able to do this together.

- No, but these are not wholesome stories. - No. - These are embarrassing, they are cringe-worthy, so they're the best kind. - And I was forged in the fires of embarrassment and cringe, so. - I think it's worse to be cringey than be embarrassing.

- Well, they're kind of, I get how they're different. - Yeah. - But they are of the same tree, right? - Sure, sure. - Right, I feel like cringe is subjective, where embarrassing is everyone can pretty much agree when something is embarrassing. - Mm-hmm, but it's like when you're cringing at someone, it's like, ooh, that gives me the edge. - You know what I sometimes think is cringey? Cringe to me is when the other person isn't embarrassed.

- Oh yeah. - I don't think things are cringy if the person doing it is embarrassed and they're like, oh shoot. Then it's not, it never is as cringy to me. - You're right. - It's when someone's confidently doing something and it's like, oh, they're not embarrassed about this. They're going all in. That's where it's usually cringy. - Yeah. Which is actually awesome. - 'Cause if someone's embarrassed, I feel a little more pity. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, you're good. - Right. - Right. - We'll see what these elicit.

- Yeah, we'll see if they're cringy. - Our first story comes from Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by making my one night stand breakfast. - Aw. - Doesn't seem embarrassing, that seems sweet. - Seems wholesome.

I got out of a bad relationship a few months ago and only recently felt good enough to get out of the house again. This was my first ever boyfriend and he turned out to be a piece of crap, so I was obviously a bit hesitant. But some old friends from high school were visiting my town and asked if I wanted to go on a bar crawl with them and I figured, fuck it. It's not like anything will happen, other than getting drunk with some pals, so why not?

Well,

Well, one of the guys in the other group, let's call him Adam, is also being weirdly quiet. So my friends and his friends, who are already tipsy, decide to make things as awkward as possible by making us play truth or dare, except we have to drink when we don't want to answer something.

There are a lot of personal/sexual questions neither of us want to answer, so we end up drinking quite a bit. And by the time we're done at the first bar, Adam and I are on a whole different plane of existence from everyone else. And it turned out we had a lot in common. And he was pretty cute, and we were goofing around and laughing the whole time. I started to get butterflies in my stomach, and not just from the alcohol.

Adam has my exact sense of humor and is really sweet and kind. We wander off and start having deep drunk conversations about feeling left out of things and how annoying it is when people say shit like, "Can they speak?" I tell him I'm walking home and he offers to walk with me. I know where this is going, but I'm drunk enough that I don't feel nervous. Plus, I feel like I have a genuine connection with this guy. Our friends are wolf whistling as we leave and instead of being embarrassed, I feel weirdly proud.

So we get to my place, talk and smoke for a bit, and do the deed. I wake up earlier than him and decide I'm going to make a nice breakfast. I want to impress him and show him I like him, and everyone likes a good breakfast when they have a hangover, right? So I sneak out of bed and make scrambled eggs, French toast, and sausage. I prefer almond milk, so I use that for the eggs and French toast. He wakes up and tells me I look just as cute sober. At this point, I'm convinced he's the love of my life. He sees the breakfast. That's all it takes. The bar

- The bar is so low. - I'm like, and you're telling me your ex was a piece of crap. - Yeah, he's like sausage. - He sees the breakfast and gets excited and I'm like, yes, my plan worked. I'm going to get to his heart through his stomach.

- Oh. - No. - No. - No.

- Call an ambulance right now! I'm freaking the fuck out, he's wheezing and stuff, and looks absolutely panicked. I ask if he has an EpiPen, and he shakes his head no. So I call an ambulance and tell them he's having an allergic reaction, and paramedics come and haul him off. This happened last weekend. I have not heard back from him since. I found his buddy and confirmed he's not dead.

I guess accidentally triggering a severe allergic reaction does not lead to romance. - No dude, that's a meet cute. That's a story they're gonna tell their kids. - Yeah, I think

He's probably feeling embarrassed, maybe. So that's tough, though. Don't get me wrong. It's embarrassing as hell. It was an accident. She didn't know. Right. No, no, of course not. But, oh my gosh. Yeah, it feels like the beginning of a romantic comedy. I know.

- Oh, and it's so sweet that they're so similar in personalities and they relate as well in a lot of their insecurities, which by the way, so messed up for people to ever use the sentence, can they speak, in front of another person.

Like just pretending that they're not there, that like totally threw me off. But it seems like they're very similar and maybe somebody who would have gotten freaked out by somebody making them breakfast would have reacted differently. But it just feels like a little misfortune. Nobody necessarily misstepped. Totally, totally. Man though, that was brutal. I just would never, like it shocks me because I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't think to check with

my one night stand if like, hey, by the way, babe, wake up. Nuts? Are you allergic to that? They're going to think something else if you reach over to your one night stand and say nuts. I mean, I do say that is my pickup line generally. Hey, nuts? Hey, nuts? Yeah, last night was nuts. And I can see how he didn't question it because French toast, eggs, and sausage aren't typically, if you have a nut allergy, going to be...

but almond milk in it also makes a little bit, that makes sense. It does. How someone would substitute it. Yeah. So it's just pure accident. Do you put milk or milk alternatives into your scrambies? No. No, I don't. But French toast, I could see someone using almond milk. Right. Because I use regular milk, but if someone did almond milk, I'd be like, okay, cool.

- Yeah, I just would never think to check with a person. - It's also tough though. - Allergies, but yeah. - I wouldn't, I wouldn't think. I would, maybe this is bad, I would assume if someone has a severe allergy, they would be like, hey, they would check first. If they're a stranger, obviously if I know someone and I know their allergies, I'm gonna make sure. - Yeah.

- If you have a severe allergy, and I'm not trying to blame him or anything, but if you have a severe allergy like anaphylaxis, something like that, most of those people do carry EpiPens. They are very expensive. - Yeah. - But yeah, I mean, I know a friend that carries his every-- - Right. I mean, obviously in this situation, neither of them are wrong. - At fault, yeah. - This is pure, wild, like I said, romantic comedy.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - So funny the way she wrote it too. - I know. - Like, that was last weekend, he's dead. - I know, we don't have, I have to be forthright, we don't have an update, so. - Well, they're too busy getting married. - They're too busy fucking now. - I really hope so. That doesn't seem too cringy to me. - So, it's not, I don't think this is too bad. - Yeah. - This is more like,

in the scheme of things, now that he's okay, this is more like silly story you do tell people down the line. - Yeah, silly. - Comments, comments, real talk, anaphylaxis is fucking terrifying, but also real talk, that guy is way more embarrassed about the whole thing than you, and that's probably why he hasn't reached out. I agree, I think she should reach out to him.

Someone else said, my husband accidentally broke my nose on our second weekend together. I make fun of him, but for me, it's just a funny story. He didn't do it on purpose. We were roughhousing, and he pushed me toward the couch. My face hit the arm. Roughhousing on the second date. Damn, they were really roughhousing. Talk about nuts.

- Okay. Someone else said this, "I don't think he's avoiding her out of anything else "but embarrassment, OP should reach out." Someone replied to that saying, "Absolutely, reach out to him, "tell him you owe him a non-toxic meal. "Also just a nice thing to do." I agree, this story's not cringey because they're both embarrassed.

- And when you consider the personalities that she set up in her original post as well, they're both already, in her words, weirdly quiet, so I'm sure that they-- - They're similar, so her feeling is probably his feeling. - Exactly. - Yeah, I think this could have a happy ending if she reaches out. - Whoa, happy ending. - Am I wrong? - A nut-free happy ending. - That's not a happy ending. - I think where this is going,

- It's gonna be some nuts. - Nuts need to be involved. - It's gonna be nuts, dude. - Thanks for having me here, guys. - Yeah. - All right, ladies and gentlemen. - Glad I could contribute. - Okay, our next story. This is another Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by not knowing Rachael Ray had a dog food line.

- Okay. - Classic mistake. - Classic mistake. - I just learned this as well. - Long story short, I was at my local Dollar General and saw a crate full of discounted canned goods, like 30 cents a can. The flavors sounded awesome. I was like, hell yeah. Rachel surely knows how to dish up some good food. - Yes, she does. - Oh no. - I always take my food to work to save money. Fast forward, it's the middle of the day and I'm eating the Rachel Ray chicken and veggies.

Oh my God. Oh.

- Oh my god. - Apparently I have to just keep typing for the mods, but that is the end of the story. I threw away all the other cans, especially the beef and cheese, which unfortunately I was looking forward to. - Beef and cheese? - So what's interesting is that they were eating it and liking it, 'cause dog food smells awful. - Oh my gosh. - I mean, I guess Rachel Ray cooks up some good dog food. - Maybe Rachel Ray makes some good ass dog food. - Yeah. - Well apparently not. If it's winding up at a Dollar General discounted. - Oh, that looks delicious. - It's a nutritious dish.

- Uh-uh. - I could see, I could see. - You know, I could get down on a bowl of that. - Yeah. - Sure. - Maybe you can-- - It's giving like lean cuisine. - Maybe it's good for you. - Look, I think it's kind of a life hack to get food for what, 30 cents? - 30 cents. - Here's the thing. I got that dog in me, so like why don't I feed it? - We all got that dog in us. - Why don't I feed it?

- It is barking for Rachael Ray dog food. - That is rough. - There it is. - Hell yeah. - That's awesome. - We're there. - That's awesome. - Move on. - Kiana found something out. They've actually made dog food for men.

- Yes. - And I believe this 'cause that is such a dude product. - 100%. - It's called dog food, D-A-W-G food. Human food made for the dog in you. - Yes. - Crafted specifically for individuals with demanding schedules who crave a healthy whole meal instead of a powdered substitute. Simplify your protein intake, feed the dog. - And the first flavor is nuts. - Hold on, let me, I got the link here, dude. - Yeah. - I got the link.

- Oh God, I'm just gonna quickly bulk order. - I mean it must come in a can, right? Look at that, dude. - That looks like a coffee bag. - 45 grams of protein. - I mean, I've definitely seen products similar to this, but this isn't quite the same. Is opening up a can--

and eating it out of that. - You have to scoop it out into a bowl and go . - It's that you ate it at work in front of everyone. And then they started throwing up when someone pointed it out. - Yeah. - Which makes it extra funny. - I feel like the throwing up was uncalled for. Just admit it, you like dog food. - You need to own it, own it. You need to be like, "Hell yeah, I am." - So then it becomes cringey then, right? By our logic.

- Well, no, I think you would establish dominance in a way in that sense. - I see. - You'd become the alpha dog. - It'd be like, oh, my coworker's fully insane. - So then fully commit to it, bring the dog food every day. - I have to respect everything they do now. - Honestly, yeah. - This is what's funny about working here, is if any of us did that,

we would be like, all right, where are the cameras? What bit is this? - Nobody would blink an eye. - We would not think anything of it. - No. - I wouldn't care. - So are you guys saying that we should do it and see if anybody says anything? - I'm saying we can. I'm saying we have the ability to and not to worry about repercussions. Only in this workspace. - I say we do it. - Did you guys ever eat dog food or cat food as a kid? 'Cause I've definitely had some bites.

- No, Shane. - Come on, man. Dry dog food, I definitely-- - Maybe you thought we were gonna come in and be like, "Yeah, me too!" - We all did that, right? - Yeah! - No. - See, Shane, definitely some dry food. I tried one or two of those little-- - This is cringe. - As a kid, come on, man. - No. - Don't attribute it to age. - I never tried bacon bites. - Oh, bacon strips? - Bacon strips? - Did you have bacon strips? - Yes, yes. - Did you try that?

I mean, the commercials made it look so good. I don't think I ever took a bite of one. They looked really good as a kid. And I think I smelled them, but I think I, you smell it close enough and you're like, actually, I know this is not gonna taste good. Yeah. But the little tiny, like one single pellet of dry food, I definitely tried it as a kid and I was like, oh, this is awful. No, I never did that. Wow. But they did make bacon strips look really good. Yeah, they looked awesome. The dogs in the commercials were always so excited for them. Yeah. Here's bacon!

- Well, and you see your pets, you see how excited your pets are to eat the food, and you're like, it must be good. - Right. - But then it's like, oh, it's awful. - Then you remember dogs are dumb. - No, I think our cat food I don't think looks good. Cat food looks awful all the time. - No, yeah. - But our cats fucking love it. But then I remember, I'm like, oh, cats aren't supposed to have any salt. Salt is bad for them. So I'm like, oh, of course it's bad, 'cause you guys don't know flavor. - Yeah.

- Right. - You don't know the concept of flavor. - Call them out. - I'm like, you guys hate salt and citrus? Get out of my face. - There's no umami in this dish. - Bunch of comments here. For what it's worth, dog food isn't inherently bad for you. The main worry is food safety standards for pet food are way more relaxed than for human food, but for higher end dog foods, they are likely going to be human safe.

Someone said, they have these cute dog biscuits that kind of look like Oreos, but one side is black and one side is off-white. We were dog-sitting for my wife's nephew, and they were out on a pantry in the corner of the room. Well, my homie Big Joe comes over, and before I can stop him, I pop my head out of the kitchen, and he goes, these knockoff Oreos are pretty good, and gets another one. I just fell out laughing and had to have my wife explain. Now if he comes over, I ask if he's a good boy and wants another cookie. Classic Big Joe.

- I did taste one and to be honest, it was kind of good. - Okay. - Someone else said, "But how did it taste? "People are curious. "Also, were you just eating it out of the can "or did you heat it?" Opie said, "Straight out of the can like beefaroni." - Girl! - Honestly, not bad. Opie also said, "I would've kept going. "Not too bad, LOL." - Can we get some of those knockoff Oreos for the Smosh kitchen? - Yeah. - Let's try those.

That's a really mean prank is to just put dog food out in the kitchen. We fed Angela cat food, so. I forgot that. You're so right. We did, Angela did eat cat food. Yeah, we can't. On camera. That was probably one of the best moments of,

of yeet it or yeet it. - I don't think she's ever gonna live that down. - No, that's her legacy. - It already was bad, but then hearing that it was cat food, I think just made it 100 times worse. - Her reaction is maybe the funniest reaction I've ever seen, ever. Just a pure scream.

- Oh, God. - Yeah, I would never. - I don't think I ever ate dog food or cat food on Eat It or Yeet It. I don't think I've ever eaten any of that on the channel. - Yeah, and thank God. - Unless I'm wrong and someone finds a clip and I'm like, oh yeah, actually I did. Which maybe I did. - I don't think I did. I think I was safe. - Okay, our next story. Today I fucked up by sending a picture of my penis to my boss to show his wife.

Let's fucking go, dude. No, I'm just kidding. Send a picture of my penis to my boss to show his wife. I'm going to preemptively guess that maybe they're all working at a hospital or the wife is a medical something. The wife must be a doctor. Yes. Oh, well, that's the best case scenario. The doctor was a woman.

- Obligatory did not happen today but last week. I just now have the courage to relive the tale. I'm fairly close with my boss and his wife is my go-to hairdresser because that's her business and I like to support them. So that figures out the window. - Okay. - This story just got worse. - Now this is really weird. - Fine, women can be hairdressers.

So after work one day, I drove my boss to his wife's business to get a haircut, and we all drank several beers during the process. Somewhere in our conversation, his wife asked me what products I use in my hair, and since I didn't know the names, I said I would text her an image of them all. I did not have her number, so I decided to text my boss instead.

- Like in the bathroom mirror.

- What I like to imagine is that like, 'cause like I'm assuming it's like a reflection, but it would be funny if it was just showing a whole hog and like the whole bottom half of the frame of the photo. - Like next to it? - It's just like laying on, there's just like all the products are on his sink countertop and then his hog is just laying on the counter. - Oh my God!

I don't know how massive this hog is. It's like curled around. Wow. Just coiled. Just wrapped it down the drain and pulled it back up. The boss looks at it and he's like, head and shoulders, okay. Head and shoulders, hog and toes, all in one photo. Especially because of the industry that we're in where I'm like, if a photo accidentally of anything gets out there for a second, someone screenshotted it, I don't,

I don't even pull my camera out if I am getting out of the shower or anything. I'm very careful about it. I also have a weird fear whenever I'm on the toilet and I'm scrolling TikTok of accidentally like-- - Going live? - Going live. And I know it'll just be my face, but I just don't wanna be just like-- - Just being like, oh. And you're like fully naked on the toilet. You're like, sorry everybody. - I guess you all know my secret now.

I have to be fully naked. Thanks for the roses. Guys, keep sending. Keep sending the roses. Socks off too. Okay. Okay, so he sends a photo. Yep. He's in the bathroom. He's got all the stuff. Sends a photo. Sends it to his boss. Says, show this to your wife.

That's when my horror sank in. My camera was zoomed out in .6 zoom instead of times one, and in the corner of the photo, I see it. My first train of thought was, if I'm holding my phone in this hand and the products in the other hand, why the fuck is my thumb in the photo? It was not my thumb. It was the tip of my penis fully exposed. I prayed he wouldn't notice it as it was off to the edge of the picture, but his first reply was,

Yo, what the fuck? Your whole ass dick is on the picture. Honestly, that's the best possible response. The fact I followed it up with, show this to your wife, floored me. I don't know if I laughed because it was so funny or out of pure shame. He wouldn't look or talk to me for the entire week. And no, he did not show it to his wife, thank God. I'll never be able to live that down. Well, what did you follow?

- What would you follow up with, dude? - Oh my gosh. - I would've immediately just been like, oh my god, so sorry, I didn't realize. - Say, just crop it out, still send it to her. - Yeah, dude. - Crop out the products. - Crop out the products, send the goods. - Send the thumbs. - Send tip, my god. - Send tip. - Yeah, also, I barely text or call people when I'm drunk. I am very careful about it. - Oh really? - Yeah, 'cause I'm just like,

I'm very mindful. - Oh no, I reach out to my network. - Sending it all out. - Yay! - So I don't really like, I don't get on my camera when I'm naked and I don't text when I'm drunk. So you double those up, drunk and naked? - Yeah. - Put your phone away. - Dangerous combo for sure, yeah. - Wait till tomorrow, send it then. Comments, never photograph anything naked.

Someone commented, reflections, shadows, lots of things to betray you, and the internet never forgets. Someone replied, r/mirrorforsale, which is a great subreddit where people on Facebook Marketplace are selling mirrors and the reflection always shows who's ever taken the photo. There's definitely naked people, there's people in their pajamas or robes or all sorts of silly things. - Rough.

- Lastly, someone said, "Let's take a moment to acknowledge "the wicked burn your boss leveled on you. "You said it was just the tip, "but he called it your whole ass dick." - Yeah. - Oh. - Yeah. - Maybe he should have sent it to his wife. - He's like, "I swear it's just the tip." And he's like, "No." - No, man. - He's like, "Dude, that's your belly button." - That's the whole thing. - Okay, that's pretty rough. That's probably the worst one so far.

- I mean the boss could have done a lot. The boss could have been upset or like, you know, it sounds like they handled it kind of like friendly, being like, dude, what the hell? - The fact that they're on any terms. - He said he's not speaking with them. - Yeah, it just took a week of not speaking to him and then. - But that was a funny reply. That is how I think I would reply to. - That's the best type of reply you could get. It's acknowledging it, but it's

I think what would have been worse is if, 'cause he was like, I hope he doesn't notice. I'm like, no, tell him, oh wait, sorry, let me take a better one, don't send that one. 'Cause if he doesn't notice and he sends it to his wife, that's worse. Clear it up. - I mean, do we have the photos so that we could maybe just put our input in?

- Yeah, Shayne, can we see the tip? - Can we maybe just see it? - I'm looking at it, it's good. - No, show it. - You can't just save the tip for yourself, bro. - Share the tip. - #ShareTheTip. - Our next story, another Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by finishing before clothes even came off. - Classic mistake. - Antonio Banderas. - Oh.

Hey, that's okay. Hey, man. That's the story. Hey, man. Yeah. That's cool. That's awesome. It happens. Some people don't even make it that far. Hey, yeah. She gets a call, and it's just like, hey, I'm on my way. I got to turn around. I'm going home. He's like, thanks. I hit a crazy speed bump on the way here. Got to go home. Okay. I.

I, a 28-year-old man, am a kissless virgin. No hand-holding, no hugs that lasted longer than a couple seconds, nothing. I've spent my entire adult life either too shy or too awkward to pursue anything resembling romance. Though, I've been dating this absolutely stunning woman, a 26-year-old woman, for the past two months. She's sweet, funny, and way too good for me. Like, she's dating down into the earth's crust levels of too good for me, and I love her.

I don't know why she would want me in the first place, but I definitely fumbled it now. Last night, we were at her place, having what I thought was a casual movie night, but then the vibe shifted. She cuddled up to me, was laughing a little harder at my terrible jokes, and then it happened. She asked me if I wanted a kiss, and I nodded. She leaned in then and did it. My first ever kiss.

It was.

It was embarrassing. It wasn't subtle either. No, maybe she didn't notice. She probably felt it since she was straddling my lap. There was absolutely no hiding it. She froze mid-kiss and I felt her kind of smile. She was probably about to laugh at me. I panicked. I stammered something incomprehensible, grabbed my jacket and bolted.

- No. - I spent the rest of the night lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why I was born. She actually texted me, probably making fun of me or saying that she doesn't want to see me again. I haven't opened it, I can't, I'm so fucking humiliated. What am I supposed to say? Sorry, I finished in my pants because I got overwhelmed by a kiss. - Oh my gosh. - I can't even think about it without wanting to disappear into a black hole. I've probably ruined everything and she's probably laughing about this with her friends now.

- Okay. - Okay. - Well, this person's catastrophizing. - Yeah, I feel bad for this person. - Literally, this stuff just happens to people and it's normal. - Oh, dude. - And I think like,

- Yeah, like she might laugh about it, but she'll laugh with you about it. - Yeah, dude. - You know, like it's not a big deal. - I think what's unfortunately happening here is this guy hates himself so much, it's hard for him to imagine a world where everyone doesn't share the same view of him. - Yeah. - It's like, you hate yourself more than anyone could even get close to thinking of you. Like, she likes you. Like, you even said in this that you felt her kind of smile, like,

And he's just, he cannot fathom a world where she's accepting. Just incredibly low self-esteem. Like him talking about like, oh, I'm way beneath her. I'm nothing. It's like, okay, man. Right. Stop. And I'm sure like him being a, in his words, 28-year-old kissless virgin has probably contributed to that. Like his confidence over time has probably sunk down. Yeah. And that's why something so, again, like,

It makes sense to get overwhelmed. It's not like, oh my gosh, this is so crazy and rare. It's like, oh, that's unfortunate. It's something that really frustrates me about, and I know this is the case for more than just men, but something as a man, I've seen it with so many other men, is how much dudes make their entire identity around their sex life or how much they've had sex or lack thereof. And it's like, the first thing that you introduce yourself as is a kissless virgin. And I'm like...

- Dude, I don't care. And I promise you a lot of people don't care. That is one aspect of your life. One small aspect, frankly. You are so much more than that. By making that your entire identity, you're gonna make dating impossible. 'Cause you're boiling yourself down to just that. - It's kind of like a self-fulfilling identity where it's like, if you're like,

nobody likes me and nobody wants to date me 'cause I'm a piece of shit. And it's like, yeah, if you keep telling women that, you're not going to get a relationship because it's not attractive to constantly be putting yourself down like that. - Totally, totally. You're almost starting to form that as your personality. - It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you tell your subconscious something over and over and over again,

At the very least, you believe it. It'll kind of make you kind of make that come true all the time. If I had to guess, like maybe this person was like in a very like specific friend group growing up or like inside of their little community, they must have been like the last one to get their first kiss or something. And so maybe it started to feel like they were very behind when in reality, I don't

I think there are a lot of people who haven't had their first kiss until their late 20s. They just don't like admit it or say it out loud. And it's more common now than it's ever been. Yeah. Um, younger generations are not, like, it's very common to be a virgin into your 20s nowadays. Um, uh,

You were bringing up like, oh, he was in a friend group. I think what's been really bad over the past 10, 15 years, it's always been this way, but it's gotten worse, is there's a lot of grifters that target men and they make you feel like this is all that matters is your attractiveness to how much women are attracted to you and how much sex you're having is your worth, right? And they're basically telling you you're a loser if you're not doing this and they're selling a fake thing, right?

There's tons of men online who are portraying themselves as these machismo types of dudes. It's like, it's probably all fake. You're not really like this.

I don't know, it's just sad how much he despises himself. That's not gonna go away once he has sex too. This guy has to deal with why he thinks of himself this way. - It's almost like a different marker is gonna sprout. - He'll find a new thing. And I know that because I went through that. I remember being young, this is I think a common feeling for dudes, which is like, I'm a virgin, I'm a loser. And then you lose it and then you're just kinda like,

It's like, oh, okay, and then time moves on and then you find another reason for thinking you're a loser. - Yeah. - You will find the feeling is there. It's not gonna go away with an action. - Maybe it could even be attributed to this zoomed out image of validation, right? 'Cause what he's seeking is from someone else

- Rather than an internal confidence boost. - So many dudes are thinking that if they're desired by women that their self-hatred will go away. It's like, no man, it won't. As you can see, this woman does desire you, but it's not clearing up your own hatred for yourself. - Right, it's like maybe before he was like, I have never had a girlfriend. Now he has a girlfriend, but he's like, okay, but she hates me because I'm ugly. Like for sure, she doesn't want to be with me. - No, I mean, from my own personal experience,

My insecurities, despite even now being married and someone who I know loves me and will tell me, she's like, oh, I love you so much.

that your insecurities will still exist inside of you. And that is your own journey to deal with. Nobody is going to make that go away. - Yeah, yeah. - There's nothing in the exterior world that you will achieve that will change that interior thing. That only goes away with interior work. - Yeah, and when we're talking about it,

in a sexual context, it feels really sensitive, but I think that that can parallel lots of different things, right? Like, it's kind of like, like if you're pursuing a job, right? You really want to get a job, but you're like, but I suck and I really, I'm not qualified. And then you think getting that job is going to validate you, but then you get the job and you're like, I don't know why they gave it to me. I really don't deserve it. And you just keep pulling yourself down. Absolutely. There's tons of parallels. Yeah. I mean, like, I see a lot of examples of that, like with people with,

low self esteem, just self sabotaging. People that truly have real raw talent and they will just get in their way every single time because they just don't believe

- Right. - And themselves. - I mean, it's extra silly when you see it in other people. We all do these things that when you see someone else do it, you're like, oh, it's silly. You're like, this lady's really into you. And you could almost, if I was his friend, you could flip it and just being like,

she might feel really good about the situation 'cause it probably, what made you feel not sexy probably made her feel like, okay, I'm hot as shit. - I got the magic touch. - Exactly. - You're so right, yeah, it's like it's rewriting the narrative, just giving it a different perspective, but you can see how many times he chose to bring himself down, even the idea of, oh, she was laughing harder at my terrible jokes. Like, King, you were being funny. - Stop, dude.

Bunch of comments here. Someone said, That's real. Someone else said,

That message either contains one of two things. One, she is making fun of you or breaks things off, or she is understanding it and wants to try again another time. You already decided in your head that it's option one and are acting like it is. So opening that text wouldn't be any different than ignoring it, but for the chance that it is option two, you should definitely look. Definitely. Update. Quick little update. Not huge. Quick little update.

- Sorry. - A fast update. - Yeah. - Yeah, I was panicking for nothing. I opened the text and she was asking if I was okay, then said that she thought it was kinda hot. I did apologize for storming off and we're good now. She also told me that I'll build more stamina with practice. - Yeah. - Boom! - Damn! - See? - Damn! - She said nuts! - She said, I thought it was kinda hot. - Yeah. - Yeah, dude. - I love that. - Now he's like, God, do I have to do this every time?

I don't think he needs to worry about that. Yeah, and none of us were surprised. Pork found in kitchen. Yeah, happy for the guy. Yeah. Dude, for real. To new beginnings for him. Yeah, man, seriously. Well, that wasn't embarrassing. Honestly, the only thing embarrassing was how he talked about himself. Yeah, that was... That, to me, is embarrassing. Like, if someone was... If someone...

'Cause I feel for him and I'm like, I know that's a real feeling. If I was around that for that long, that would get me to a point of being like, dude, shut up. Stop talking about yourself like that. I would be just as mad as hearing someone talk about someone else that way. You're being such an asshole to yourself. - Yeah, yeah. - It's unbelievable. - Hopefully, reaching out and only seeing these positive comments introduces him to a different community. - Hopefully, hopefully. I wonder if he wrote this

hoping for some affirmation and I hope he got it. And I hope he doesn't, in the future, doesn't need that affirmation. He needs to get that affirmation from himself. - Yeah. - Too true. - Anyways, moving on. - Yeah. - Today I fucked up by creating the most terrifying and embarrassing moment in my life.

- We'll see about that. - Teaser. - It is currently 1:00 a.m. This happened about 20 minutes ago. I am currently bawling my eyes out from humiliation and shock. I will write out this event as if you were me. It all started when I-- - Oh, first person POV? - All right, screenwriter.

- It all started when I, 23 year old woman, got home late from work. We had a meeting after the park was closed and didn't get home until 10:00 p.m. I take a shower and smoke my dab pen while drying my hair. I then proceeded to forget the next hour. So my hair was dry and I was playing Red Dead Online. Nice. I had just gotten sick. - And they have a dab pen? So that's like hardcore weed. - So far it sounds like you're sick as fuck, dude. - Yeah, I'm down. - I'm sorry, bro. - All right. - Like, okay.

Queen. I had just gotten comfy when I heard my cat Winnie making a strange meow. My cat only meows like this when she sees something outside. It's like a low yowl and not a cute meow. I pause the game and take my headphones off. She is meowing in the living room. She runs into the doorway to my bedroom and meows again. I follow her out into my living room, which is only lit by a nightlight. I see that my motion-activated light is on outside.

Winnie is looking through the blinds and meows again and again. The light goes off and then comes back on. I called my roommate, a 26-year-old man. He is at work and gets off in an hour. I am fried at this point and I'm thinking that I am overreacting. Winnie meows louder and longer, over and over. I'm freaking out and a shadow from my patio moves. A few seconds later, there is a knock on the door. I feel my heart in my ears.

Okay.

- Oh. - Silence.

Yep. Yep. TLDR. I knew it.

TLDR, I forgot I ordered delivery and called the cops on my delivery driver for delivering my food. Typical high activities. Edit, since I keep getting asked, yes, I still feel awful. Yes, I tipped the driver online. And no, the cops and the driver did not see each other. The driver dropped my food at the door. Okay, but where did she order from? I knew it was going to be that. Taco Bell, it's got to be.

- Wow. - That's awesome. - That dab pen. - I thought it was gonna be her own shadow that she kept seeing. And I was like, that's just a really bad high. - Yeah. - She ordered it. - Yeah. - Oh. - Poor thing. - Dude. - Hey, we've all been there. - We've all been there. - We've all been there. - We've all ordered Postmates and then called the cops on 'em. - Dude, yeah, when you got the dispatcher on the phone. - That's crazy. - Keep the change, you filthy animal.

Man. Yeah. I mean, it's understandable. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

- It dappens. - It dappens. - Yeah, she probably put the pen down for a couple weeks. - Yeah, this is probably maybe a little bit of a wake up call. - Yeah. - It's like, all right. - I mean, it was after work, she was just like relaxing. - The cops were like, are you playing Red Dead Online? - She's like, yeah, you play? - They're like, yeah, dude. - She should switch to Chew when she plays Red Dead. Get a spittoon.

Just really just immerse yourself. Yeah, really get into it. Wow. Comments. If it makes you feel any better, I'm a 911 operator and I can tell you this happens all the time. Oh, yeah. I don't think a single night goes by without someone calling thinking someone is breaking in only to find out it was a neighbor or friend or my favorite, a glass jar of chocolate milk exploding. Okay.

- What? - Well that's not supposed to happen. - Well that would scare the shit out of me. - Yeah. - I'm calling the cops. - They're like every night, every night. - I'd be like someone killed my chocolate milk. Someone murdered my chocolate milk. - Wow. - Someone else said so did you get your delivery? OP said yes I did, I'm not very hungry at the moment. Someone else said two things, what exactly were you smoking and what did you order? Okay, I was smoking a Glow Pen and I ordered a tuna sandwich and Dr. Pepper.

Girl, that's what you're gonna eat on your munchies? What kind of high are you? Like, oh, what can we really go for? A tuna sandwich delivered. Oh, it's soggy. God, you are, that is, that is not a good high. No, it's a good thing the cops were there. You need more creativity, dude. And you know she paid like $4 for that Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Ugh. And it was like,

- And it was a can. - Now this is embarrassing. - Yeah, now I hate her. - It was not embarrassing, now this is a-- - I agree. - Yeah. - That was so embarrassing. - Now fuck her. - Dude, you know that bread was-- - Fuck you! - That bread was so soggy by the time it got there. - Oh yeah.

- The cat would have liked that though. - I think that's why the cat was meowing. - Maybe it was for Winnie, yeah. - The cat was like, give this to me. Give me the sandwich. - Give me this. - And she probably heard the cat talking. - The cat turns from the window and just goes, give me the sandwich. - Give me this, I have no salt. - She calls the cops on her cat. My cat's talking. Okay, there's a great video from back in the day

There is an incredible video that this reminds me of. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. There was the, it was a cop who had taken some brownies from the station that they had confiscated and he eats them with his wife and he gets so high that he calls the police and he's like, you need to send an ambulance. I'm dying. And there's the, the video call is on YouTube and it is so funny. He's like, you need to send an ambulance. I think I'm dying.

We ate some brownies, and I think I'm dying. He says, I'm dead. He says, I'm dead? Yeah, he's like, I think I'm dying. Yeah, I'm dead. It's so funny, dude. I guess that's what a bad high can spiral you into. Yeah. Some paranoia. Yeah, man. Yeah. Be safe. Yeah. Do you know anything about that? No. You ever had a bad high? I actually haven't. Okay. That's crazy. Have you guys? Pretty much only.

Exclusively. I'm going to go home and have a bad night of night. I also have truly bad luck. I haven't smoked weed in forever, but when I do, weird shit happens. Really? When I wake up and I'm sober, I'm like, that was some wacky shit that happened. I swear, I would be like, during the pandemic, I'd be like home alone,

And I'd be like, I would wait till it's like late enough that I'm like, okay, some fuck shit can't happen now. Right. So it's late enough. I'm safe. Light it up. And I swear to God, I would take a hit. And the second I did, knock at my door. And I'm just like, ah! I'm like, they've come for me! Right. That's funny. So that's almost the reason why I don't use. I'm like, no. Our next story.

- This is an am I the asshole? - Yay. - Whoa, we have a decision to make on this embarrassing one. Am I the asshole for embarrassing my cousin and getting us kicked out of a restaurant? I, a 25 year old woman, don't have kids yet. I never really wanted them growing up, but I figure I'll eventually have kids in the future once I get my life together. My cousin Sarah, who's 29, has two bad behaved kids from a previous relationship and a newborn baby with her boyfriend MJ, who's 40.

"Last night, my mother, sister, Sarah, and I went to a sushi restaurant, and this was my first time having sushi. After we ordered, I had a hard time using the chopsticks. My cousin started obnoxiously laughing. The waiter came over and asked me if I wanted training wheels, which is a little plastic item that attaches to the chopsticks and helps you hold them in place. My cousin laughed and said, 'Sorry about her, she constantly embarrasses herself and us.'"

I just gave her the side eye and put the training wheels on. When it was time to order desserts, her boyfriend MJ finally joined us, claiming that he was busy. She went on to tell him how stupid and slow I was for not knowing how to use chopsticks and how the waiters and everyone around now know that I'm an embarrassment. My mom asked her what her problem was and she went on a rant about how I'm so embarrassing and it's no wonder I'm jealous of her being a mother and no one wants to have kids with me.

- I finally had enough. I said, "I don't have kids because I don't want them "to come out like your rude pieces of shit." And you're calling me an embarrassment? Didn't MJ just have a baby with you and his wife? Your baby literally has a sibling a week apart from her. You probably learned how to use chopsticks by eating his wife's leftovers. - Damn! - Holy shit!

I guess when she was attacking me, it was fine because everyone turned on me. It got so loud that management had to get involved. Sarah was screaming and crying, MJ was yelling at me, and my mom and sister were berating me for being mean. Management brought the bill and told us to please pay it and leave. My mom paid the entire bill, but my sister said I'm an asshole for embarrassing Sarah and getting us kicked out, and now she's probably going through postpartum depression.

Now, I don't know if I went too far seeing as she's probably going through some post-baby stress. Am I the asshole? Bro, never do sake bombs at the family. Yeah. I was gonna say she deserved it and then I remembered the postpartum depression. Okay, the question is, was...

Sarah's behavior always like this or is this a completely new thing? I'm also then mad at the mom and stuff for not defending her more earlier and being like, hey, don't call her an embarrassment. You're saying horrible things to this person. - Because she can't use chopsticks. - You're calling her slow, you're calling her an embarrassment. I'm like, I don't know, I understand people go through things but you shouldn't be excusing that, that shouldn't be happening.

If I'm her, if I'm somewhere and someone is genuinely calling me an embarrassment and doubling down on it, I'm getting up and leaving. I'd get up and be like, you're being insanely mean right now. You're making me feel awful. I don't want to be around this if you're going to be this way. And I would leave. And usually that is, I think, the best way to diffuse a situation that cannot ever have fingers pointing back to you when you just call it out, right? Like, hey, I'm going to stop you right there. You're being incredibly insulting.

Her boiling over, I wish she would include the information of like, is this behavior your cousin has always elicited towards you? Or is this brand new behavior?

It's also like there must be, yeah, there must be some other history there. Because for her to just say, like, you're jealous of me because I have these kids and you don't because you don't have your life together, blah, blah, blah. Like, there's got to be some history between them that goes back before this episode. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe some, like, familial expectations as well. Because she started by saying, I'm 25 and I don't have kids, which.

which doesn't seem too crazy to not have kids. - That's literally, of this current era, that is completely normal. - Right. - I would not think anything of it. This is clearly very personal. - Yeah. - They have got, it feels to me like history is going on here. And that's why the mention of postpartum, I'm like,

- All right, so is this only this past years or years or whatever? Or does this go back to childhood? 'Cause this almost feels like they've had this going on since they were kids. - Some sort of rivalry or competition. - Now look, she went for the throat right off the bat. We cannot deny that she threw back some heat

But she was being called slow and an embarrassment over and over again. I would get, yeah, you start to boil up and if you don't want to be disrespectful in the way of leaving the table, then I guess naturally if somebody's temper reaches that point, you might spit something out like that. Eating the leftovers is a crazy comment. That is...

Look, she ate. She ate with that. We cannot deny she ate. Yeah. With her training wheel chops, period. I'm sure there will be comments saying that she was also an asshole. Like, there's also the, you know, I'm not saying this is what qualifies. There are stories where someone's an asshole, but maybe it's okay. Like, they became an asshole because the other person was being an asshole. And it equals out. Yeah.

evens out a little bit. - Asshole equilibrium. - Asshole equilibrium. - Correct. - You know, but there's levels to this. There's all sorts of nuances to being an asshole. - You can be a big asshole. - Yeah, you can become a bigger asshole than the other asshole. You could match their asshole. - Asshole, right. - Which is maybe what someone could argue happened here, but I don't know. - Their assholes were different, I think. - Someone gonna match my asshole?

There's also the argument of like, she didn't start it. The other person was saying mean things at her first. - Yeah, but then there's also that saying, like the person who throws the second punch starts the fight. - Whoa. So someone comes up to me in an alleyway and punches me and I'm like, you didn't start this. - You're like, hey, why'd you do that? Why'd you do that? - Hey man.

Don't make me start this fight. And then he throws me a second punch. I'm like, no, you started the fight. See, but then he starts the fight. No, you started the fight. That's what I'm saying. I don't know if I completely...

- I don't know if I completely back that, but it's definitely something to consider here, 'cause you could've stopped it. - What if I start with a face scratch, and then they pinch me? - Does a tiger fist count? - Yeah, tiger fist, is that-- - Guys, I'm just relaying the expression. I didn't come up with this. - And we're just trying to clarify. - The person who first throws the roundhouse kick starts to-- - Yeah. - You guys seen that video? - The verdict was not the asshole.

Fair. I think that's, I'm like, I see how that happened. I think it's gonna be all over the place though. So, some comments. Someone did say, "Everyone sucks here. "Mildly, you for taking it as far as you did "and not just skipping dinner with Sarah "or leaving when she started. "I'm guessing that this isn't the first time "she was an asshole. "I don't blame you for being upset, "but I think it would have been better to leave. "Ultimately, Sarah was the big asshole in this one. "Your mother and sister are assholes "for not having your back and making excuses for Sarah."

All fair. - Right. - Someone else said, "Sarah was screaming and crying "because you finally had enough "and you stopped letting her bully you. "Bullies can't handle the tables being turned on them. "If your family turns on you over her, "then they are her flying monkeys, not the asshole. "Sarah certainly is though, "and so is your family who sided with the bully.

Lastly, someone said, not the asshole. At first I was thinking everyone sucks here, but really, she pushed you to breaking point. Postpartum stress doesn't entitle you to treat everyone around you like crap. Right. Yeah, true. Yeah. Yeah, it's always fascinating to me how often families side with the bully in families. It's because I think there's so much of,

like people who are trying to keep the peace. - Exactly. - And they know that someone is such an asshole that they can't tell them what to do. - Right, they're like just trying to protect the entire family, so they're just like, just don't listen to them. And it's like, well no, you're actually making it worse. - Right. - Right. - Yeah, I think it's like, I can't be mad at this person first, 'cause she did stand up for herself. It's like, is there a right, like how you stood up for yourself is correct.

It's a matter of like, that doesn't permit you to say anything to another person. Granted, her kids weren't there. If her kids were there, I'd be like, don't say that shit. But it's just to her, I don't know. I'm certainly not here being like,

hey, you're the bad guy here. If I was there, I'd be like, okay. I'm curious why they were so quick to be like, to OP, to be upset with her about what she said. Was it because hers had more weight? I think they're trying to appease, because...

I think Sarah will more soon get mad at them and blame them for not standing up for her. - Sure. - They're almost like, oh, she's gonna make our life more of a nightmare if we don't side with her. - Which is kind of selfish behavior, though. - Oh, absolutely. They're trying to keep the peace, but they're really just prolonging someone's asshole behavior in the family. - Right, right. - I would've loved to just be at the sushi bar for that whole argument, just be like,

Oh, shit. She really just said that? Across the bar. Yeah. Oh, if I was there, I'd be like, can I get another order of something? Like, I'm going to be here a little bit longer. To whoever your date is. I'd be ordering another round of sake bombs. I'd be like, hell yeah. Let's go. Have you ever witnessed a bad argument in a public space next to you? No.

- I probably have, nothing horrible. And there's levels to it, 'cause there's where it's scary, where I'm like, let's get out of here. But where it's dramatic and it's like, ooh, shit. Not really. - Yeah, I don't know either. - As much shit as I talk, I don't think I've seen it that often. - I think I witnessed the end of a relationship on the train recently. - What happened?

I think she might have had a couple drinks and he was not saying very much and then she got angry that he wasn't saying very much and then she was like, you don't love me. You don't love me. And he was just like,

what? And she's like, you don't love me. I can't believe you don't love me. And it was weird. I was also, I didn't like them because they were two people and they sat in the four seater part of the train that was reserved for groups of three or more. Etiquette. And so I did not like these people anyway. And I was sitting right behind them and I was like, listen to this whole thing. I was like,

That's wild. This is crazy. Okay, I have not seen necessarily fights between people too often, but what I have seen on several occasions is at the airport, someone yelling at the gate. Oh, the gate agent? You see that? And I've seen full-on meltdowns. Which, that's the last person you want to yell at. Oh.

it's always entertaining to me because I'm just like, I know that this can go nowhere. Right. I know that you're only gonna be escorted out of here. Yeah, they hold the power. And I'm just like, this is, I'm like, this is entertaining. When the whole like internet thing happened, when like, I forget, it was like Windows or something that was down, I was at the airport and there were so many people yelling at the, like,

They were just like, we don't know anything. Everything's down. And people were like, well, I need to get to Massachusetts. And it was like, well, you can't. Nobody has any update for you. The airport is where entitlement meets the wall. Yeah. And it's very funny. Update. Wow.

- Thank you all for the overwhelming responses. I've been wanting to put Sarah in her place for a while now and I'm glad I did. However, Sarah's mom got involved and is mad at me. Apparently MJ told Sarah that he and his wife were separating. Sarah found out that he lied because he was secretly stalking his wife's Facebook page and got the shock of her life when wifey posted a newborn baby and MJ was there for the birth.

- Awesome.

- That's not the problem. - Savage. - She kept the wife's baby a secret and only told her mom, who told my mom, who told my sister and I. So they said that they were pissed because I wasn't supposed to repeat it. But I didn't know it was classified information.

After like a week, that's all everyone talked about. Sarah's mom, my aunt, reached out to me this morning and she said that Sarah's problem with me is that I always said I don't like kids and only a horrible person won't like kids and that I was mean to her about her kids two months ago.

Two months ago, she wanted to go to a party with MJ and asked me to watch her kids, all three of them, for free. I told her no because they're untrained, I don't feel comfortable watching a newborn, and she'll have to pay me to put up with the other two. They're not dogs. Yeah. They're untrained. 30 cents for their meals, though. Yeah, there you go. Ha ha ha ha!

So I guess that's why she's still holding grudges. Regardless, Sarah's mom said she was having a really hard time after finding out about the outside baby, who technically is the inside baby, as Sarah's baby is the outside baby, but whatever. And she wants me to apologize for putting her business out there for everyone.

Oh. Go to bed. I think this is a prime example of why are you talking to these people? Like...

I don't know, I know Reddit's response is often like cut people out, but I'm like, you hate this person. And it sounds like she hates you. - But they're family, right? - Cousins. - Cousins. - I'm like, stop talking to each other. You hate each other is almost my initial takeaway. - That is some crazy family drama though. - That is some beef. - That is some tea that if my mom served it to me, I would be definitely spewing it out at a restaurant. - This is not gonna blow over. You guys are not gonna mend this.

you're only gonna hate each other more and more as time goes on. - Right. Rough. - The beef melts. - Okay, that was a wild one. - Yeah. - Our next story, and our final story. This comes from Two Hot Takes. Shout out to Morgan over at Two Hot Takes. "I accidentally farted on a first date "and she walked out in the middle of dinner.

- Oh. - She's not the one. - She's not the one, she's not cool. - She's not the one, if you can't fart. - Dude. - I mean, unless it was like the fart that cleared out the room at, under the mistletoe. - We were just talking about that yesterday. - Yeah, that one, that's probably the only fart that I can see ending the date. - I can still smell it. - That's rough, that is rough. - That was a bad one. - Okay. - So bad. - We all had Chipotle.

- Is that what it was? We all had Chipotle? - Remember, like right before the show? - So it's Chipotle's fault. - It's Chipotle's fault. - Yeah. - I met this girl a couple of weeks ago and I've never hit it off with anyone like this. Extremely attractive, funny, we loved all the same things, everything was perfect. However, she kept mentioning all of her pet peeves, some of which are unforgivable and instant deal breakers.

- "Our first date was this past Saturday night. "I made a reservation at a hard to get into hole in the wall "that's literally a tourist attraction "in my town in Louisiana. "Perfect spot for a quiet dinner. "The quietness would become a detriment to my dating life. "I had been gassy all day for no reason at all. "It was one of those days. "However, they weren't noisy or smelly, "so I didn't think much about it.

"We were talking and having a great time "when I tried to ease one out "and for some reason it was audible, a clear fart noise. "In a desperate attempt to lie my way out of the mishap, "I quickly said, 'That's not what I sounded like. "'I promise you it was my chair.'

- Oh. - Yeah. The night's conversational focus has now shifted towards the unidentified noise. Her whole demeanor changed and there were no more laughs, jokes, smiles, nothing. One of her aforementioned pet peeves had surfaced. The night was effectively over. In a last ditch effort to recover,

"We decided on trying to recreate the fart noise "with the chair. "If I could somehow achieve this, I had a chance. "Although slim to--" - What is this, Survivor? - Yeah, what is this, Saw? "Although slim to none, a chance nonetheless. "Long story short, I could not recreate the fart noise "by scooting the chair around, "and our now-delivered food was getting cold. "She accused me of being a farting liar and left.

It's now Monday morning and I still haven't heard from her as I lie here and shitpost my gastric misfortunes. Believe it or not, this was the short version. Is there a chance for us or is she out? Should I have taken ownership of the fart? Thoughts?

- Bro, you're gonna fart again. - Right. - Okay. - You're gonna fart so many more times. - Okay, I'm curious 'cause he's not listening. He's talking about it as if he made it clear. He's like, she had a bunch of pet peeves. And then he's like, oh, one of these aforementioned pet peeves. I'm like, was her pet peeve farting or lying? - Definitely. - Oh. - Yeah. - 'Cause I'm like, hey man. - I think it was the fact that you lied. - You're not being clear to us. Is she mad that you lied about it and you're being so intense about this lie as opposed to, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I think you're right. I think her pet peeve is lying, which is a good reason to leave a date. Because farting being a pet peeve that is a deal breaker means you are never going to have a relationship in your entire life. Yeah, that's insane. Right. One of my pet peeves is just normal human functions. Right. But he thought it was going to be like a...

And it was a pfft. - It wasn't. - See, 'cause this could have been a really cute, fun little date thing. Like trying to recreate the fart noise of chairs is kind of a fun activity. - See-- - That is fun. - He also wasn't being smart about this. So here's what he does.

- This is the thing. - Okay, let's hear it. - He farts, he blames it on the chair. And he's like, they're trying to recreate it. I'm like, you need to fart right as you're moving the chair. - Yes. - Right. - So that you do it again. - Right. - Yeah. - And then she goes, oh, it was the chair. - I mean, we've all been there, like, you know, when you were younger and you farted and you were like, no, it was my shoe. And then you're like rubbing your shoe against the floor. Like, I know why he did it. I'm not mad. - No, I'm not mad either.

He needed to cough at just the right second. Yeah. Like... Just in between every cough, you're like, damn it, I can't time it. Yeah.

It's such a great, there's a Family Guy clip of Peter coughing and farting at the same time. That's awesome. It's one of my favorites. Farts are funny, and if you don't think that, I think that's hilarious. Yeah, dude, it's hilarious. Oh, I mean, like, there's even, like, the super ancient, like, Japanese art that shows, like, fart humor. Yeah, he's chosen. I love a good fart. Yeah, so farts have always been funny. Update.

- What? - Here we go, this is from one month later. The date found OP's post and then made her own. - I love when this happens. - Oh, let's see if the stories line up. - Walked out in the middle of a first date because he farted and lied about it.

This is the other side of the story because my date posted his version here about a month ago and I just found out. This guy and I hit it off and after a few weeks of talking, I agreed to go on a date with him. He was very funny, intelligent, and cute. To name just a few qualities. As we were getting to know one another, we discussed things that we love, hate, and annoyances from a relationship standpoint. None of them were crazy. Some of mine were, I won't tolerate dishonesty, I don't like feet, and I don't like bathroom talk.

- Feed. - Fast forward to our date. Everything is going well, we get our drinks and appetizers. He gets some kind of bean soup as an app. He was slurping it out of the bowl, didn't really bother me, it was just noticeable. Dinner comes out and he lets out the loudest rank fart that I've ever had the displeasure of witnessing. I work in healthcare.

Honestly, he looked so embarrassed, I was going to ignore it and continue with dinner. That is until he practically yelled out, "I didn't fart, it was the chair! "The chair farted, not me, I promise I didn't fart!"

So I said, "It's okay, just please stop saying that "and lower your voice." Y'all, I kid you not, this man starts scooting around on the chair and telling me he'll prove to me he didn't fart and just listened for the chair. This went on for a solid five minutes with people staring at us. I was so embarrassed and he would not let it go. I finally just got up and left. He left me several voicemails afterwards telling me how dramatic I was for leaving over a squeaky chair and how ridiculous my pet peeves were.

I never responded to him, and then I found out about his Reddit post. Can y'all blame a gal for walking out? No.

No. That's hilarious. This is such a clear case of how we can be read a story and think it is just tailored one way, but when you hear it from a different perspective and not the person who's a part of the story, it is a completely different tale. There's always one person's side of the story, the other person's side, and then the truth. Of course. Yeah, absolutely. It's always the aspect with these Reddit stories, and it's why...

to a certain degree, every Reddit story always sounds a little fictional is because things are being left out or exaggerated in every single story. Even when I believe the person is 100% justified and if we heard the other side, you still are getting one side of a story almost every time. This one is hilarious, though. This guy just got revealed to be George Costanza, and that's great. See, but it's like,

- It's so interesting 'cause he was like, "Oh, I immediately tried to play it off." And she is saying that he did not play it off at all. And I'm sure that it's not necessarily that embarrassing, but it also probably wasn't as smooth as he described it. It was probably somewhere in the middle. - And he made it sound like they were both like, "Oh yeah, let's try to recreate the noise." But it was just him just scrambling and being like, "No, no, no, I can make the chair, I can make the chair, make the..." - Right. - I understand.

It sounds more like she left, not just because he lied, but also he was being a straight up embarrassment in a restaurant. - Yeah. - Bringing attention to the whole thing when that never happened. - Yeah, not letting her go. - Which is definitely the cringey part of it. - Yeah. - So he was feeling gassy all day, but he ordered bean soup. - He asked for it. - No, it wasn't good planning. It's just like when I ate chili at Chili's and then went to a party and farted.

- Whoa, dude. - Yeah, that was a bad idea. - And did you clear the room? - Well, I did it in a bathroom, but the fart was so bad that I dragged it out of the bathroom and into the living room, where then somebody went, "Who the fuck shit their pants?" Said something like that. And it was the most, yeah, it was really embarrassing. - Thank you both for being here. - Thank you. - And thank you for watching. I hope you don't feel any embarrassment.

anytime soon. Let us know what other themes and subreddits you'd like to see on this show, and we will see you next Saturday. Goodbye! Bye! Bye!