Faster or Slower?
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Good evening, gentle listener or watcher, and welcome to Distractable.

This episode...

From actively ascending to orifice exploration, yes! It's time for Faster or Slower. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello and welcome to another agreeable episode of the Distractible Podcast, where we all nod in agreement, no matter what is being said. I am your host. My name is Bob. I am hosting because I won the last one. I won the last one by competing in it, which is what Mark and Wade, the other two guys here, will be doing. And then one of them will win and they'll host and then we'll all just keep nodding. The nodding is an important part of the show.

We do this in every episode. 90% of everything we've ever put on the internet involves a lot of nodding. The listeners never actually knew that this was occurring all the time. This is our first time acknowledging it. We actually hold up signs that say, viewers, don't tell the stupid listeners about the nodding. I feel like a pigeon pecking at seeds. Is anyone else going slowly blind? It's doing something to my vision, yeah. It is...

Oddly uncomfortable, yeah. Is making my eyes water? Is that good? Yeah, I don't know why that would be happening, but it sure is happening. Can you get concussed from nodding? Probably. Yeah, you can! Okay, good. I'll bet disagreeing feels better.

You know, they say if you smile, you know, you'll start to feel happy. I thought I would feel agreeable. Oh, God. What? If the audience, if the listener had to guess which one of the two of them are doing something horrifying.

yep it was wade smiling man what do you mean oh i was glad it wasn't me because i was just confused and doing what i normally do someone please post that screenshot to the subreddit with no context just no everyone actually everyone's spammed that picture so suddenly there's like a hundred of that oh the mods are gonna love that ah it's okay i'm a mod i approve all

Also, did I miss the green memo? St. Patrick's Day. It's after St. Patrick's Day. By a reasonable margin. Not only is it already not St. Patrick's Day, but this is definitely not St. Patrick's Day. Look, my shirt

Application on a daily basis is in complete pitch darkness, so I never know what shirt I'm grabbing I open my drawer I fumble around till I grab something that and I'll pick up no I don't like this one. I'll put it back, and then I'll get one that's agreeable. You don't hang your shirts Some of them, but I don't hang your t-shirts. Yeah, why what are they fancy?

No, it's more convenient to grab. He is right. Less folding. I mean, you don't have to fold as much as put a hanger on it. Vertical storage is superior for clothing. But you have to hang it. That's faster than folding to me. Look, this is maybe not a problem that you normal sized humans have, but my shirt's

Literally, if I don't have the right kind of hangers, my t-shirts don't hang. They fall off. If I have like a slippery hanger, like just a smooth plastic hanger, my neck holes are so big that they barely even stay on. I'm enormous. Oh, mine sit on a hanger. I'm like an elephant. I need special storage for my things. I apologize for all the things you've smelled when we've hung out. Elephants have a good sense of smell, right? We've talked about that. Didn't you teach us they had the best? Uh, I

That sounds like a thing I would say, yeah. I'm not nodding anymore. I'm not nodding anymore. That really does mess with me. Also, I do feel bad. I brought up Lexi in the episode that came out recently.

recently when we were recording that and then it's later now Lexi is okay did have cancer she does have cancer the surgery was successful she seems to be healing up okay we might need to do chemo or something else as a follow-up but like she's got a lot of energy she's eating she's happy aside from her leg I think being kind of sore but she's okay and I'm sorry I left everyone in the unawares it's okay and thank you I saw people talking about that on the subreddit I appreciate it

In getting older news, I have a question for you guys. No, my balls don't touch the water in the toilet yet. We didn't worry about that. That's going to happen. It's coming. Why in Europe they have like less water in the toilet because they're all older than us. That's why they call men over the age of 65 soggy sex. Never heard that term. It's common. It's common. Different getting older question. In your in your in your late stage of life.

Go on. As we enter the final trimester of our existence, do any of you get this overwhelming urge for industry? Industry? Like,

Like personal industry or like... No, in a factory, an assembly line, Factorio style. I did play Satisfactory. Right? Does that count? Right? So that's what I think. Because I was looking at CNC, the computer numeric control. No, we all know what you mean. And I was like, oh, not for me. That's too complicated.

And then I went, ah, 3D printing, there's a thing I know. And ever since I've been looking at 3D printing and since, you know, Prusa so kindly sent me an unbelievable amount of printers. An unbelievable amount of printers. Yeah, yeah. Didn't you say you had some extras for your old buddy Bob? No. They're all mine. My industry. No, I've had this overwhelming desire just to see like an entire factory floor churned out.

out product after product after product and me overseeing it on a big catwalk up above you know clang boom clang sipping my really fancy decaf coffee because i don't drink caffeine right now and then looking upon my my works my industry the end of you get that overwhelming urge dude you're like five years away from just becoming an oil baron i don't know that's what i mean if i was in another era i might well probably not but i might be industrious we're

We're going to see you in a suit with like a fancy cane and a monocle before this podcast is done. Do you ever have an urge to see the lower class working very hard to produce materials for me? Yes, yes, exactly. Exactly. No, I don't know. Maybe it's like, you know, since I ordered pants for the first time in a few years, like I've been wearing pants every day with a belt. Never mind. I don't have a belt on today. Oh, let me suck that back in.

No, I don't know. I just, I'm really interested in it. I've been watching a lot of videos just about 3D printers. More specifically, I've been watching videos about resin printing.

which is a whole different beast. Now I know I'm basically beholden to Prusa and I love them dearly and, and everything about it. Don't they have resin printers? They have one. It's, it's a little older than, uh, what, what new ones are. And, um, I'm not saying it's bad by any stretch of the imagination, but I've never done any resin printing ever. And I've heard a lot of things about resin printing that are, it's basically toxic. Uh, the fumes are hard to mitigate. The,

It just gets messy because it's liquid. So you have to deal with the liquid that's in the vat.

After the print you do not want to ingest resin, but however the snack resinettes are fine. I love resonance I'll print you some resinettes. I'll send it to your house Show me a video of you eating. I want the little wrinkly ones I'll get them real wrinkly for you, but the thing about resin printing is a high barrier to entry, but the quality of print is Incredibly higher than what FDM printing which is just the plastic melted Extrusion it can do

pretty much invisible layer lines. It can print like actual miniatures for like D&D figures with incredible quality. It would look like you bought it from the store, you know, and you can make them all yourself. And who knows? That's probably how they make them nowadays. But you could do that at home if you can tackle that. So not only do I want to make an industrial military complex, I want to have fumes pumping out the ceiling. I want like a SimCity-ass...

like big smoke stack pumping out resin fumes into the sky. Like every few minutes, a skull and crossbones forms in the fumes that are coming out of the stack on the mark factory. I want to make a product that you put over like a campfire and it just pumps out a skull and crossbones. Now I will say with fireworks, they could probably do that. Maybe we could do it with smoke.

I've even been to the W.E.B.N. fireworks. Cincinnati has a radio station called W.E.B.N. and they do it. Well, you two know, but I'm talking for everyone else. They do the big fireworks show every September, but like they spell out W.E.B.N. So I'm sure there's a way to do that with smoke. I know that's a real thing, but something about the way you said W.E.B.N. made me think you were having some kind of stroke or something. W.E.B.N. W.E.B.N.

It's just like a human normal. You know what? Anywho, if anyone knows resin printing out there, again, I've never done it before. If you have some printer that can point me in the right direction, I would appreciate it. One of the few times I'll take suggestions because this is... Canon Inkjet? No. Canon PIXMA 925. Oh, God, no. Inkjet printer copier scanner. Canon Ligma 69. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I know that Formlabs is like the top tier, but that's so ungodly expensive.

that I don't want to. So if there's another one, I've heard good things about Haygears. Uh, so if anyone knows, let me know. All right. Well, Mark's interest stayed the exact same again. This is crazy. I, on the other hand, have something new to bring to the table. It finally happened. What happened? Three of the people that watch this, that care about sports, the,

The Bengals opened their wallets and spent money finally for the first time in their history. And we got our two receivers re-signed. Yeah, didn't Chase's contract like the biggest for a non-QB in the history of sports? By .25 of a million. Otherwise known as $250,000 a year. How much? Because I actually was talking to Tyler about...

one of the biggest non-q quarterback four years 161 million dollars for chase and t was four years 115 or something 113 115 something like that his comes to like 28 28 million a year chase is just over 40 million a year and like chases is like guaranteed for a lot of it and t higgins is guaranteed for two years i think but i think there's other provisions in t's contract where he can earn a little bit more than 28 if he hits certain incentives whereas i think chase is just

He's getting 40.25. This is crazy because I actually did talk to Tyler about this, and that does go past the really recently former highest paid non-quarterback, which was Cleveland, Miles Garrett, with his $160 million extension. So yeah, it's like $0.5 million above that one. That's crazy. Ohio's spending...

Miles Garrett did not do himself many favors reputation wise, but he will be living great financially. He spent the first half of the year like, "I am not playing in Cleveland. They could offer me every dime on the planet. I want out. I want to play for a contender. What about 40 million?

I love Cleveland. I've always said, I love Cleveland. I can't wait for the next football season to start. And we can watch both of these great Ohio football clubs just win and win.

All of these hundreds of millions of dollars they're expending onto these four people. If you include the quarterback in Cleveland, which I have no idea what's going to happen with the Deshaun Watson situation, but he gets his money either way, pretty much. So all of these literally half a billion dollars almost spent

Totally going to bring us some Super Bowls, like five or six Super Bowls in the next decade. Well, we know Miles Garrett's going to want to sack Joe Burrow. The way to keep him away is Joe keeps a couple extra dollars on his pocket and he just throws a dollar on the field and Miles will tackle that instead.

Because it's about winning championships, not the doll. Ooh, money? Hey, do you think if we spent nearly $300 million on two receivers, we're going to have enough money to buy anyone who plays defense? Or is that just going to be kind of empty field for the other team? They're apparently talking to Trey Hendrickson, who's our best defensive player. They're apparently talking about resigning him. And then we do have all the draft picks. Man, I wish I had the kind of money to pay people to play sports. Jesus Christ.

We need a couple people in the secondary, maybe another D end and we need a guard. Those are kind of our needs right now, I think so. Why don't we just take Ohio, cannoli that shit.

and have both teams meet in Columbus, who has no football team right now, and just sandwich them in. - The Cleveland Addy Brown Tigers? - I do not want to merge with Cleveland. They can stay. Can we go with literally anyone else? - No, no, no, just the football team. Just the football team. We're not merging the city. - Here's how I feel about Cleveland. I would rather us merge with Pittsburgh than Cleveland. - How about for 140 million a year?

I love Cleveland. I'm sure that it was all a ruse to get the big contract or maybe there was truth to it that changed. Maybe he realized how annoying it would be to hold out and stuff. I don't know, but just the dedication in his voice to wanting to be on a contender to like immediately being like richest non quarterback ever. You say, well, I'll play here. I've never, not that I've ever had aspirations to win a Superbowl that I've meaningfully pursued.

But I find it hard to imagine a thing that you could want in life enough to where if someone was like, hey, if you work for us and don't win very many football games for the next four years, but you get paid enough money that you can't

that you don't ever need to worry about money no matter what you do almost ever again. Maybe you want to. I feel like I can't imagine a person who would be like, no, I need a Super Bowl. I couldn't possibly take $140 million.

Like, what the... I mean, maybe it's different. I'm not an athlete. I don't understand. I've never had... Like, it was never realistic that I was going to win the Super Bowl or go to the Olympics or whatever. But who could possibly fucking do that? I can't imagine. Look, yeah, there's many things that, you know, money can't buy.

But at the same time, if what you had to do was play the game that you've trained all your life for, for more money than you've ever seen in your life, you don't even have to compromise your morals or nothing. Maybe your loyalty morals, but, you know, it's not even that big a deal because the team trades people all the time. So, I don't know.

Clearly, he took the money too, so I'm not saying he's crazy, but I don't... People who are like, he said he wanted to be a contender. Yeah, like you, if someone offered you $100 million, you wouldn't just give up on whatever your goal was at that moment in time. Be like, okay. Well, okay. If one team offers you $80 million and the other offers you $100, but one you have a chance of winning, I don't know about how you guys feel, but the way I feel sitting here, I'm like...

million dollars is a lot of money yeah but i'm assuming he didn't have that if he's been talking for half a season about wanting to get out of cleveland and it hadn't materialized yet i'm assuming that nobody else was like oh we'll give you all the money we have well people people reached out cleveland was like we're not trading you they were gonna be they were gonna play hardball about it so he might have had to sit out for a year they owned his soul or something huh yeah he was still under contract

But eventually this has to like pop, right? Like you can't, every year players get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger salary. Like it keeps going up in a crazy way. Like what other job other than sports does someone make more money every single year? Like our money,

Our salaries don't go up like that. Have you ever been the CEO of something? Because I've heard good things about that. Yeah, but they're not even the CEOs. I'm not saying players shouldn't get paid. Owners make an obscene amount of money, but eventually there's going to be not any more money in the world other than what athletes are getting paid because it's just insane. I got a funny story about how money works. It turns out it's just made up. If you can imagine a bigger number...

there's some money there's that much money now but people aren't gonna generate enough revenue for this that's not the point shareholders shareholders i don't know i've been thinking about the economy a lot lately we don't get into economy stuff but i'm like man this does not feel stable it feels like we're approaching an unstable place in economy no it's like a bunch of dominoes right so one person

doesn't have money, so they lean on the next person for their money. And then that person leans on the next person for their money. There's actually unlimited money because if you just keep leaning on the next one, it'll circle back around and lean onto the leaning person, then they lean a little more. You see? You see? You get- Does it get through your thick skull now? Hmm?

I forgot how dominoes fell very slowly and lean-y. And then when they get hit, they fall more. Yeah, obviously. And then the best part about a domino is you put it at the top of this like pyramid shape, right? And then this domino leans on two more dominoes. And then... It's like a scheme. Yeah. It's a great scheme. Yeah, I love this scheme. It's my favorite scheme.

I'm not investing in your domino scheme. That's my favorite metaphor. It's a house of cards. Cards stack forever. The only requirement is you need enough suckers at the bottom to build it on. As long as you keep piling up suckers, the cards will go up and up, and you're definitely not trapped at whatever level you happen to be at. You'll be a top card. Mm-hmm.

The more weight you put on the bottom, the less they can get away. Yeah, they're really stuck down there. Like, even if they wanted to give up, those bottom cards are holding the system up, whether they like it or not. Yeah, they're essential. They're essential, but expendable. So shut up and be essential. And that's my small talk. Uplifting, Wynn. Thank you. It started there. Bengals, yay! Money, boo!

It's amazing how much pro man, I should have been a pro athlete. They don't tell you that when you're in high school and you're like, Oh, let me a scientist or where? No, we should all aspire to be quarterbacks in the NFL. That's where the money is. You know, those guys retire at like the age of like 37, 40 years old. If you ignore the traumatic brain injuries, it's amazing. I'd have like two years left in my career that I'd have the rest of my life to sacrifice

sit on my money. Try and remember the third grade.

Anyway, I have a topic for this episode. Let's go do that. The last episode, Mark did a sequel to one of his all-time greats. So I'm going to do the exact same thing. Love it. To one of my all-time greats. The original episode that this is a sequel for was called Bigger or Smaller. And it was a real good... I think we might have done two of those. I don't even remember. It was a good one. I think we have. Yeah.

I've got a new one guys Are you ready? Faster or slower? Right? Faster baby Yeah It's already good I can tell How do I take away collapse? Suck those back in

Uh, faster or slower last time we did, I'm just going to say a thing and we're just going to debate whether it'd be better if it was extremely fast or extremely slow as compared to the way it actually works in the real world. And we can talk about the nitty gritty. Some of these, some of these don't make sense and we're going to have to sort of establish a framework for what it even means for something to be faster or slower, but we'll, we'll,

We'll get there. We'll get there. I'll start with one that we've kind of covered before, and I feel like the answer is obvious to just to dip our toes in going to the bathroom. Would it be better if that was a

hyperbolically fast or glacially slow going to the bathroom all all both of those kinds of things to everyone has to write the hard kind or the liquid kind both how much faster we talking here like a rocket ship the amount of splash damage like a like a reinforced titanium toilet faster ceramics are not going to cut it and the slower is like

I'm going to need all day for this. Yeah, well, so it's on both parts, right? So I'm imagining that the faster is like you have to go. Your meter builds up a lot faster. So you have to go a lot, but then you only need to go for like two seconds or something, right? So it happens in short, but it's... But so the slow one is like you only need to go to the bathroom like once a week, but then you're in the bathroom for like...

I don't know, like 10 straight hours or something like it's an hour. I know. So it's, there's a, I don't know what the scale is. Right. But it's something like that where it's, it's faster in the doing it, but it's also faster or slower in terms of like how frequently that you have to come back around to it. Yeah.

Either way is going to be terrible on an airplane. All I got to say is... Yeah. You got people that lined up and they're like, oh, no! And then you just got... Punching holes through the fuselage. Yeah.

You can plan your flight day on your poop day, though. You would know. You're like, ah, it's not Wednesday. I can fly any day but Wednesday. No, that's slow. That's slow, though, right? If it's fast, you can't take long flights. Slow is like you shit your pants and it's the guy from Austin Powers getting steamrolled. No! No!

You could still keep doing stuff while you were shitting your pants as long as you were going to wrap it up and get home soon enough. Assuming you don't move in slow motion, you'd have plenty of time to get to a bathroom. You're like, it's starting.

Everything while you're going to the bathroom, you also either move in super fast or super slow motion. That might change it a little bit. That's like a superpower. If your pee-pee poo-poo lasts more than four hours, consult a doctor. This is a tough one. This is really tough. No. I told you I picked an easy one to start with. The answer should be obvious. Faster. No. Slower. Okay.

He's had a disappointed parrot. Like, no, no. I don't. Listen, man, having to go much more frequently like that, I would rather dedicate a day to pooping. At least I could plan for it, plan around it. Imagine like you go to the bathroom, you're like...

done and then you wash your hands you go back out like 10 minutes later you're like time to go again or how how frequent if you're pooping for 10 hours i mean it's it's it's up for debate right we have to establish i'm allowing you to imagine however it would pan out and make your argument so it's not like every five seconds you have to go to the bathroom or something it has to be able to live a life is it just me or everyone

It's just, it's just you. Well, society could change how bathrooms are designed, but if it's just... No, no, no, no, no. This is an aberration. It's just you. You have to live with it. Dude, you're on like a two-hour car ride. There's several shit and runs that you're doing with your ass out the window if you gotta go every few seconds.

I mean, maybe you just need to build a toilet in your car, if that's your life. Really big diaper. Really thick diaper. Diapers! I'm more worried about the much more frequent urination part of it.

Oh, if it's coming out harder to give a fucking power washer. Yeah, that's a thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a thing. Diapers will not contain it. You special, special Kevlar diapers, special ripstop diapers. That's very expensive. Well, you just need like a, an outer diaper, right? You put on your normal depends and then you put your Kevlar outer layer on so that you can kind of, you're

You're still going to eat through the depends, though, if your urine's like... Yeah, but it still has the absorptive quality. It'll be a mess. I'm not saying it won't be a mess, but it'll be inside the Kevlar, you know? So you won't just be blasting everyone around you with...

pee I hate it also if you do use a toilet if you're like two seconds shit the amount of time you're gonna spend cleaning up you would have to completely redesign because you are there is something horrible left behind if you get like you get like food poisoning or something you get like really bad like diarrhea by the time you're done wiping and cleaning up you have to go again like no no

This is more like you walk into the room and it looks like someone drew a body in chalk outline But that's just the part of the wall where your body shielded it from the shit that just exploded out. All right Well, is everyone sticking with their answer? I think fast because I would develop a system to handle it and also it's a good defensive mechanism. Hmm

Look at Mark. Whenever the predator approaches, he bends over and shits it away. You keep focusing on the shit. I'm focused on the urination part of it. I'm focused on, like, water cutting just pressures. Think about a line at, like, a theme park. Like, everyone just, like, well, I guess just you, right? Just you? Uh-huh, just you. You could never, you'd have to get fast pass or something every single time because you're like, I can't wait in a line. Mm-hmm.

You think you'd be allowed into the theme park. Eventually, the public would understand what's going on with you and you would not be you would not be permitted in art museums.

anywhere there's large crowds of people, it would become a situation. Breaking news, the potent pisser is struck again. Hey, if this is my villain arc and I have to go between this and slow, I choose fast. Live life in the fast name. It's a really good villain power. Didn't we have a superhero that was pissed based? We had a battle between piss man and shit man. Yeah, piss man and shit man. It was like a superhero fight. Yeah.

The two wolves inside of me. One's shit, man. One's piss, man. Give me slow, man. I'll take my time. I'll have my like dedicated day to use in the restroom and I'll have the rest of the week free. I can plan around it very easily and I can do other things while using the restroom. You just make that that chair your toilet. Yeah, easy. I like both of your answers. A point for fast piss and slow poop. Thank you. Thank you.

This is exactly how I hoped this would go. All right, I have another one. This is more of a... I will push the boundaries of this one with... We're going to have to decide what exactly this means, but I... Experiencing spicy food. I struggle... Like, I like a buffalo wing, right? But there's like a... I have a low threshold for what's too spicy for me. And this is a thing where it's like, if you ate just like...

It was apocalyptically, if you ate a spoonful of pure capsaicin or whatever, and would you experience it as a slow, a super slow thing or a super fast thing? And how, what does that look like? So I have something to say about the previous answer. Wade, imagine you had diarrhea.

and you had 10 hours of excruciating pain on the toilet from your slow, slow poops. - That's why I keep my morphine bag by the toilet. - Yeah, no, you would need like IV fluids and stuff. That would be a whole situation. - Would you also vomit slow? - It's all bodily fluids.

Oh, if it's all bodily fluids, that changes some things. We didn't really address that. That's not fair. Hold on. Yeah. If you bleed slower, that means like your arm gets cut off. You're like, I've only got 10 hours to find a doctor. If I get cut, it's like a hydraulic hose. Anywhere anything could leak out of you is dangerous. My blood pressure is in the millions. Dude, you blow your nose and you might take out your hand. It's just like a hydraulic hose.

It's your superpower is you keep blood sugar lancets, like diabetic lancet, and you just like... It's like a laser beam. Everyone clear the room. I feel a sneeze coming on. Run! Run!

Watching a sad movie, you're like, Amy, you gotta go. I'm gonna cry. Anyway, back to this one. Yeah, what were we talking about? Oh, spicy food. So this one is, yeah, come up with a conclusion and explain it to me. Clarifying question here. Slow buildup, does that mean it's also like...

slower to go away so like if you drink milk or something afterward it wouldn't have an effect for longer yeah it's a long I'm imagining I guess it's like a long arc right so it's sort of slow and it it builds to the same peak of like spiciness but I guess this is for me a thing where the thing that gets me with spicy food usually for me is the panic where I'll eat something and I'm like ooh it's spicy ooh I

Oh, wait, it's too spicy. It's like, what do I think is going to happen? It's not like I'm going to pass away because this is spicy. It just is spicy. But I have that feeling in me of like, oh, oh, it's, oh, God. If it was slower.

You could have a lot more time to be like, yeah, it's spicy, but you're settled, right? You're adjusting. You maintain an equilibrium as you're experiencing the spiciness. Is it kind of stretching the entire experience out along? So maybe it doesn't peak as high because it's taking all of the burn that you would feel stretching it out? Or is it still just as much? Because I would think the fast would be all the pain that you would experience, boom,

just right here. So it's like the peak is way higher, but it's for like a second. But it's also like getting a nuke in your mouth. Yeah, so it's like a total volume thing, let's say. So like the volume under the curve, for the fast one, it's a very narrow, very tall curve, but it has the same amount of like space. So for the slow one, it's like you're saying, it like flattens out and stretches out. It's the same general amount of volume.

volume of whatever. - I'm feeling fast. There's something almost exciting to me about the thought of like a half second, like, whoa! Whoa! That was crazy, let's do it again! I don't know, but if it goes away fully, very quickly, like the annoying thing about the heat is that you're just like,

Like the fact that you're like just gasping for milk or something like it's burning for a while. A quick burn feels like it'd be less terrible to me. Here's where I say slow. And I understand. Trust me. I understand where Wade's coming from. I understand. I get it, Wade. Oh, I get it. Thank you. I'll take the point. But one of the side effects of spicy foods and capsaicin and stuff like that is the endorphin release.

So I'm thinking if it's a much longer up than the down where you start to feel the endorphins go is also going to be like basically a high. So you get to not go as sustained heat, which I can I can handle some hot stuff. I've eaten a lot of hot things. Probably my tolerance is less. But even if it goes really still very high and is there longer that long.

And like what Bob was saying, like you can do get used to it. And then that arc, it's like the endorphins are just going to be cruising for ages. Yeah. Well, cause that's even with the way spicy food is normally, that's kind of the thing, right? Like I haven't done it really, but I've seen you do hot sauce and there's like a cycle where you do it and you start it and you're like, Oh,

But you reach a point where it's still basically that level of spicy, but you're just like, ah, it's going to be okay. And you start to get the endorphins or something, and it changes, right? Does that mean Wade's going to get a spike of endorphins just as bad? It's going to be so hard. You're going to get so hooked on it. Every 30 seconds, you're going to be like, I need some more. Not only that, yeah. If it's like every second, I'm like...

Next bite I can have as many endorphins as I want Very quick I don't know The slow build up would suck I think I'm okay with that You're a masochist though like we know that You wanted the high intensity because it'd be so fun You said that It goes away quick though I can be quickly over with When I got pepper sprayed When me and Ethan got pepper sprayed It was about the same as eating a pepper going up And then the arc of it 15 minutes you know that's about what

eating something really spicy will last. This was very painful and I wouldn't recommend doing it again. But the downturn, that lasted all day. And it was annoying, but it wasn't that bad. Like, it was just one of those things where, hmm, my face feels warm and every once in a while it's like, huh, huh, that's odd. But if I think about that in terms of like, if that was also the go up,

on the other side and I didn't have the intensity of like getting pepper sprayed, that wouldn't be as bad. Yeah, but if you have to deal with the pain for like hours instead of, or I don't know how long it lasted, but like the increasing intensity for that long. There is something about spicy food that is not just painful. It is kind of pleasant for those who like to eat a lot of spicy things. Like told you Bob Masik is.

No, but see, that's the thing is I don't do spicy food a lot, but I feel that too. When I'm in the right mood and there are certain like sauces I know, like wing sauces or like flavored things where it's like, this is a spice level I know I can handle. It's like right under my tolerance.

the experience you have that when I eat those things, when I'm in the mood, the experience of like building that up and getting the prolonged nature of it. Like Michael, your whole face is like watering or whatever. And you're like in it. It is. It's fun. That's part of the fun of it is you're like, I'm, it's, it's, I'm surviving this. It's fun. It's doing something. It's, I feel alive. I got stuff to do. I don't have all day to be building up heat. Like, Oh, you got two days a week to poop. Yeah.

Okay, hold on. That keeps increasing. You got half your life to spend shitting. Well, this keeps going up. I don't like this. The spice, man. I don't know. The slow buildup would be... The anticipation of how bad it could get would stress me out, whereas at least it's the quick I'm like...

Over and done. But it is also way higher. I get where Wade is coming from, but I think I'm going to go with Mark on this one. I like the slow. I will say this debate in other contexts is not going away. So this sort of experiential faster, slower thing, there's other opportunities to litigate this again. Good. You better agree with me on the next one because I've been right twice in a row. You're never wrong, Wade, even when I disagree with you vehemently. Appreciate that. This one I think is interesting.

charging and discharging batteries. So my thinking on this one is like your cell phone, right? Right now, when I plug my iPhone into a fast charger, which I have, most of my charges I use are pretty high wattage chargers. I can go from like 20% to 80% in like, I think it's like 20 minutes or 30 minutes or something. It's fairly quick, right? And that buys me a full

maybe day, day and a half of use depending on what I'm doing. This is like the speed at which you use up the battery goes up but also you only have to plug it in for 15 seconds. So literally like, you know, your phone battery only lasts six hours but you can just be like

full charge or something like that. And the opposite is true. Similar, similar to what we were talking about with the bathroom stuff, right? Your phone battery is like seven days, but then it needs 18 hours on a charger. And so you can charge it incrementally, but it just gains and loses charge percentage at that kind of speed. So if you charge your phone for a couple hours, you only gain, you know, 10% battery or something. And

And it can be other electronics. The phone was the example that I was thinking of for this one. But batteries in general could be EVs, could be all other electronics you use, whatever. Batteries, faster or slower. Okay, so I actually experienced something like this with my truck. My beautiful electric truck. My incredible electric truck. Chevy. They've already called me. Call me back.

It charges overnight, right? If you charge it at home, it takes about 12 hours to get that battery full. It's huge, but you know, it's a relatively powerful charger at home. Not quite like fast charging out in the wild, but it takes 12 hours to charge. And that thing lasts like a week or more depending on how much I'm driving. So it kind of experiences that slow charge, slow discharge kind of thing. But also if that thing could charge up in a minute, it's,

Even if it only lasts like one day or half a day. No, that's the thing, right? That's what EVs is an interesting example of this because people who are not in favor of EVs or think that they're not because they've never actually lived with one are like, yeah, well, you got to you can't just go to the gas station for five minutes, right? You got to stop at a chart.

I, I drive an EV. I've never fucking stopped at a supercharger in my entire life. Literally, I think three or four times ever. Two of those times were because I was like, huh, I've never used a supercharger before. I wonder how fast it charges. And then I did it. And I was like, 10 minutes later, I was like, okay. And we left. You charge it at home. If you could have a charger at home, if it could get you through a whole day and you could just plug it in, in your garage at home and it would be charged in half an hour or something, that would be crazy. Yeah.

It would also make road trips really cool. If even if it was only like 100 to 150 miles of actual range or something, right? Like half or less, half or less than what the longest range EVs currently get. So maybe even say like 100 or less miles of range. But you only need to stop for like five minutes, 10 minutes to charge it up every however often. Like there's some balance there. Changes, changes the way I feel like people would see that.

and the usability of it great thinking great thinking but slow is the correct answer really yes okay okay you guys are thinking about like normal best case scenarios like oh i gotta charge less i still get a day's worth only takes 30 minutes but what if you don't have your charger what if an end of the world apocalyptic event lasts or you're just out somewhere you're lost in the desert you need that phone to last as long as possible longer lasting

is much more important than charging chargers come a dime a dozen you can have a portable charger charging is getting easier more portable more convenient but longer lasting something that lasts just days or weeks imagine not having to charge your phone and you don't have access to a charger just like that's okay it's got three weeks on the battery that is nuts i will take that because

Because charging, easy. I have to sleep. Charge while I sleep. Portable charger. Plug it in while I'm walking around. We got these little thingies now that just sit on our desk. They just set your phone on it. You still even use it.

Easy peasy. I was going to make fun of you, but my phone is actually literally sitting on a stand on that exact charger that came with my phone, I think. I feel like this prompt needs some clarification because it's not an either or in this situation because it's kind of like, this is what it is if you have a bigger battery than

then yeah it takes longer to charge but it's like it must be like the the device doesn't function once it's out of batteries until it's charged to full right because that way in the fast it doesn't work till it's full and then the slow it doesn't work till it's full and only when it hits full is when it starts well that would change if that's the way things work but they don't at the moment this is a hypothetical scenario i think it's a hypothetical that you think benefits you it's a

How dare you? Yeah, because if my fast charging, if I just keep it plugged in all the time, it would never run out either. And if you keep your slow charging plugged in all the time, it would never run out either. So they're both functionally the same. I can't.

I came into this with a preconceived notion and I hate Wade's argument so much. Okay. It almost changed my mind away from what was originally my answer, which was to agree with Wade on this one, which was slow. It didn't. I'm going to go with slow batteries. Why is BuzzBug so bad? I just, I thought about this one. This was part of the reason I wanted to do this episode. I thought about this for a long time myself. And the thing I came to would be Mark is right.

the world would fundamentally be different in a world where either of these different qualities of batteries existed and

And I want a world where batteries are slow in the way that we're talking about, but everything is designed with an understanding that that's the case and batteries are designed to be swappable. Batteries in electric vehicles, you don't have to plug your car in to charge it. You just literally go to a station and pull out

the dead battery and put in a fully charged battery. And it doesn't matter if it takes forever to charge those batteries as long as, and same with your phone, right? My phone's battery is part of the reason it's shitty is that modern phones, you can't change the batteries. This wasn't always the case. I remember the last smartphone I had where you could take the back panel off and pop the battery.

I had another battery. It was fucking awesome. That was in the era where batteries on smartphones only lasted like eight hours. So you kind of had to do that if you were like, I got, you know, out in the world and couldn't plug it in all the time. But in that world where batteries are slow, but you get a lot of life out of them, you just swap the batteries.

And that solves the conundrum of, oh, well, my phone needs to be plugged in to charge. So I can't, you know, I'm tethered to the wall or my car needs to be plugged into charge. So I can't drive it once the battery is dead, like all that shit that it'd be a whole other world. But I think that would be awesome.

This is a forgotten thing about phones, but now that you say that it's so universal in literally any other technology... Why is all electronics integrated batteries you can't fucking remove? It's so stupid! I don't know, because cameras, cameras are all

interchangeable batteries because if you had to plug your camera in every time you wanted to do something and wait for it to charge, nothing would happen. It ruins its usability. Yeah. Why don't we have battery stations where you could drive your EV in there? Ka-chunk. Here you go. Ka-chunk and you drive up. You rent propane tanks the same way. I will say, I believe there is, I don't know if it's a specific brand of cars or like a specific...

car line or something in China, I think, or somewhere in Asia. That's a thing. There are, it's, it's in testing possibly. It's not like it's everywhere, but there's, they're working on a thing where it's like, there are essentially battery gas stations and you pull your car in and it's like, they yoke out the battery pack, give you a fresh one, you drive away and they go and do that. That's a thing that like someone in the world has thought of and is trying to do or is doing, but it's,

And same with phones. I'm sure there are someone out there who's like, oh, you just need to get the right phone. Like, yeah, but I also don't want to be a green bubble. Like, I understand I get what I get. And being an Apple user comes with all of the ups and downs that come with that. But wouldn't an iPhone be better if you could just pop the battery out real quick? Like, would it really destroy the fundamental design ethos of an iPhone user?

If the back panel could pop off or had some thumbscrew, some kind of cool design to where you could pop a new battery in that sumbitch and it would be not a problem. Would it really destroy? No, it wouldn't. But then Apple wouldn't sell as many new iPhones because when your iPhone that's two years old only holds a charge for 10 hours, it's

fucking annoying and so you go buy a new phone because that's the world that we live in I think I made a great argument and it was put down way too quickly and easily I think your argument was so awful it almost lost you a point that you basically had guaranteed going in your argument for slow batteries is what if the apocalypse happened okay you go camping you go boating you're out somewhere where you don't have easy access to a charger well you should probably plan for that and bring something that gives you electricity

It's fine. I'm on your side. I don't know. I'm being mad at you, but just I don't know about you, but I feel like products 50 years ago lasted longer than products now. And everyone's like, man, I wish I didn't have to buy a new vacuum every year. You weren't alive 50 years ago. No,

No, but we had a fucking vacuum from back then growing up and it still works. We had a stove from back then and it worked for a hell of a long time. Shit breaks so fast. Look, I'm not at all going to argue against the notion that plant obsolescence is definitely a part of the world we live in now. And lots of stuff is designed to become shitty. So you have to buy a new one. That's definitely a thing. But also in every generation of technology, like,

Some of them are built better than others. And there are definitely things in our lifetimes from the 90s, 2000s, 2010s, where if you had bought the correct one, it would be a thing you could own for the rest of your life. It is harder to do that. It is less common for a product to be made that way. But it's...

I would argue without specifically picking an example, you could still do that, but it's expensive. When you buy a vacuum and there's one vacuum that's $100 and there's one vacuum that's $500 or $700, it's hard to justify spending $700, $500, $600, whatever on a vacuum when you could get it for a fifth of the price, unless the $500 one is going to last you for 40 years.

But it's hard to know that. It's like, I'm not arguing against your point at all, but I do think it's still possible. I own things that I think I'm going to own for the rest of my life. Electronic things? Yes.

No. Because that's kind of what we're going with here. The problem is with increasing technological complexity, there comes a lot more points of failure. This is not so much a planned obsolescence as a statistical problem.

guarantee that if you increase the number of points of failure, there are going to be more failures and therefore things do fail more often and its lifetime does decrease. Not that they can't make a system that has a lot of complex systems and will last forever, but it's also an extremely expensive thing. And generally speaking, products trend down in price and I don't know how things balance for inflation.

Do you think they intentionally make things now to try to last as long as possible? Well, I think they try to make things as cheap as possible. What I'm saying is like the lasting is not part of their decision for most of the industries. It's just cheap and therefore it does. Cheap and complex. That's where the two axes come down and it gets to where it doesn't last as long. I'm cynical enough to believe that it's intentionally made cheap and complex so that they can sell more to make more. Yes. Yeah, that is absolutely it.

Because I think there is a system where you could have a modern vacuum that has suck power that also lasts more than like two years. It's called the Dyson and it costs like $1,000. I will say we owned a Dyson. Least reliable vacuum we ever owned. Never mind then. That piece of shit broke. That's what I thought.

right? When we, we, Mark, I hated your argument so much. I agree with me. No, but I was with you, but I, that's the thing, right? Is it's hard. It's hard to tell now that we're in the future from 50 years ago, it's easy for us to, to look at stuff and be like, look at this thing.

This thing was built in the 50s or 60s or whenever. Look, it stood the test of time. Yeah, well, we fucking know that now, don't we? There were products that were built back then that didn't stand the test of time that we have never heard of. And so you have to like you have to have some knowledge or faith in a company and what they're trying to do. And if their goal is to build something that lasts you the rest of your life, you have to kind of

get lucky and or have enough knowledge and do enough research that you find a thing where it's like, yeah, this is a, this I think is a product that will last me forever without having any test samples because this is a product that didn't exist before three years ago or whatever. But yeah, we had, we spent the money. We were like, let's get a nice vacuum. We've only ever owned like, you know, like,

whatever vacuums, because we were college kids. Let's get a Dyson. It's on sale. It's still expensive. Let's do it. We'll own this thing. It broke after five years. It just stopped working. It had some sort of issue with an electronic, and it stopped charging, and we got a different battery, and it just fucking broke. You know, in my head, when you said five years, I was like, oh, that's a long time. And then I realized what we're talking about. Exactly. Exactly.

I will say, yeah, that is the decision that consumers need to make of like, what is worth their money? Because the only time that I can remember where the cost went up because of consumer decisions is with cars, like in that era where they were extremely unsafe and they basically were death traps. If you got in an accident at 30 miles an hour, your chance of survival, very slim. But because consumers were like, we want safer cars, it's not worth it.

and safer cars were more expensive to make, car manufacturers started to make safer cars that were harder to manufacture with crumple zones and safety features and all these kind of things, because that's what consumers, they wouldn't buy the deathtrap ones, you know? Now, I don't know why I'm doing quotes. They were. Deathtraps, that's how you say it. Deathtraps, you know? But that's one of the few times where they go towards that. There's plenty of things that are available for purchase today that are usually reliable but more expensive, and people do

tend to go for the cheaper stuff. But that's up to everybody's decision. No, I still generally agree with Wade's point. I think planned obsolescence is definitely a thing and it sucks. It's not realistic to buy a thing that costs...

multiple times more than what it should cost to buy the one that is just on the shelf at the regular store just because you think it might last your whole life. Because then if it doesn't, you spent a thousand fucking dollars on a Dyson vacuum that you threw into the dump when you moved. I'm not mad about it. I'm not mad about it at all. We have a Dyson vacuum and it's fine. I just don't expect it or any of them to last a long time. Nothing lasts. You know who makes products built to last? Prusa.

If you want a 3D printer that's going to last you. That's right. You've had yours for at least two weeks now. Yeah, that plastic is going to be on Earth after humanity's long extinct. Plastics got going anywhere, man. The Earth is going to be coated in a shell of plastic eventually. So if we just print plastic covers for all the electronics, electronics can't go bad. Then they'll never break. Yeah.

All right. Well, we're going to move on from that to something that I'm sure won't be contentious. Faster or slower taxes.

And this is one where if you live outside America, it might be hard to connect. The tax systems are very different in other places. But in America, the way it works is once a year on April 15th, you have to pay your taxes and you have to guess exactly what that number might be. And if you're wrong, the government gets real upset about it.

They don't tell you how much they owe you owe to the government, even though the government knows because all the documents you get from your employer or from other sources of income, if you sell stuff online or like we do, we get stuff from like YouTube and from, you know, from doing the podcast stuff, all those documents that you get that tell you about your income, those are all filed with the government. Those documents exist because the company that made them to give them to you made them, sent them to the government.

And then also sent them to you. And it's your job to figure out what fucking magical math you need to do to figure out exactly what amount you might owe or not owe the government in taxes. So once a year, that's the bullshit. And we're in it right now. I don't know if you guys are stressed about it, but I have been for the last couple of weeks bothering myself with taxes. So obviously this was on my mind because it's

It's tax season. Yay. I hate tax season, but I deal with taxes year round because I'm my accountant. I have an accountant. And that's the thing, too. If you have like where where we have businesses because of the nature of what we do with YouTube and that's how it works. I also pay taxes year round.

but tax day is still a once a year thing. So I'm kind of looking at this through a simplified perspective on it, but would it be better if your taxes were faster or slower than that system? Faster means from the sky descends a giant vacuum tube that goes to your house or chases you down and starts sucking your money out. Reverse Santa. Yeah.

You put your money in the chimney every night. The other thing, the grid shoved down the chimney that sucked up all the presents in the cat too. It's that, but it's sucking your money out. And you're like, you gotta hold on. The one way ATM. So does that mean you pay taxes like every day, every hour?

I hadn't specifically thought about this one very much, but yeah, something like, I mean, kind of like what Mark's saying or like something where it's like every single transaction you do, which is mostly true depending on what state you live in anyway, but every single transaction you do, the tax is wrapped up into it. Instead of paying an income tax,

What if it was just like sales tax on everything? And don't want to discuss the philosophy and ethics of tax systems. Don't come at me about, oh, well, that unduly burned. Yeah, I know. I know. But we're just talking about like, is it better or worse? Okay. Slower would be what you pay once a decade. Yeah. Slower would be like you pay taxes for each quarter.

of your life. Your life is assumed to be a certain length. Say you live, they're like, okay, we're all going to live to be 80 years old. Cause dad, Bob doesn't do math. And that's a nice, easy one. So every 20 years it's tax time and you pay taxes on a quarter of your life. And it's awful. It's like a year of taxes or more it's forever. But then you don't have to think about that shit for a couple of decades. Is that better or worse, faster or slower? Uh,

Faster. I feel like there'd be a system to develop that'd make it very easy. Plus, if you already knew, like, okay, I went and bought this today, or I went and I earned this today. Someone gave me 20 bucks to cut their lawn. I just immediately am like, all right, well, I made 50 bucks today. I owe this. There you go. It'd be annoying, but it's a minor inconvenience

That doesn't add a lot. And the numbers stay small. It's already annoying as fuck. Like, so talking to my, having an accountant, even if you didn't have an accountant and you're looking through and you're like, what the hell was this expense on my account in February of last year? I don't remember that. If you had to do that for like fucking 25 years, you're like,

Ah, yes, what did I buy six relationships ago on a Tuesday at 6 p.m. from a company called DVR9675216. Is that taxable or... That would suck so much. If I just had to do it today, get it over with, I know what I did today. Even with a memory as bad as mine, okay, fine, I owe 20 bucks, I owe 5 bucks, whatever, just get it over with. That would be so much simpler than having to go back. Even though I only do it four times in my life, like, dude...

I would just wish for death that whole year. I think I agree with Wade. As much as my body physically rejects the idea, I think he's right. Because this is how it happens anyway. You go to a cash register, it says tax right on there, you pay that amount. Shouldn't that be it? I taxed right there, then in there, it happened. I don't have that anymore, so... Alright, we're done, right? If I get my paycheck and I look at it, is it taxes withheld?

All right, we're good, right? You took it. Yeah, that's a lovely thing about American system. Why do they withhold taxes but not do it correctly? Like, I understand it's more complicated than that and they're math, but...

But that just makes it more complicated. It's painful in our line of work as doing YouTube and stuff. No one withholds our shit. No one withholds taxes generally, right? We get money for the advertisements just for YouTube, for example. They send that to us, and then we have to pay the taxes on it. That sucks because early on in our careers, I don't know if it ever hit you guys, but there were definitely a couple of years where it got around to tax season, and I sat down and was like, all right.

all right, that's, I didn't realize that I had that much YouTube ad rev or whatever. And oh my God, I owe how much money. Yeah. And what the fuck? Hey, hang on. The first two years that I started like doing it and like, you know, like had an accountant and they were like, oh yeah, it looks like you owe this. And I was like, that's how much I know.

Yeah, well. And then they're like, no, you actually made this. But if you know ahead of time, like now that I know how that works, it's not that bad that I have to do it myself. It's really not. I just know out of every income that I get, I'm like, ah, about 30, 40% of that, whatever. I need to save that for tax season.

And like the withholdings and the getting a return, the government just has some of your money for some of the year because your employer's too stupid to calculate your debt. Why is it anyway? Well, I play, I already pay. I'm sure we all do quarterly estimates and then you have to pay the actual one and state whatever. All right. Differentiate so I can pick who gets points.

How fast? Wade said daily. Are you sticking with... Do you want to stick with daily tax settling? If we could do it every purchase just automatically done, or I could just like... Do we still have to file? Yes. Is that what we're saying? So there would be some level of efficiency with it. So if it was weekly, say...

Yeah, you have to file, but maybe it's like a thing you do on an app, right? Like maybe weekly, every week on Friday or something, you pull up your phone and for like a minute, you're like, beep, boop, yep, approve, done, filed. It's not like you have to like do what we do now where it's like you fill out paperwork, you have to mail it, you have to mail hard copies, all this shit. It's simplified to reflect the faster part.

I guess to be realistic, it would have to be when you get paid. So if you get paid once a month or once every two weeks, like that's whenever you'd be filing. It wouldn't be for your things you're buying because that tax is already taken out. It would have to be income based. So I guess the most frequent you could do it is however frequently you get paid. I mean, that could be modified because the way payments currently work is not set in stone or anything. You could do that however we want. But yeah, it would make sense for it to reflect around that. I'll stick with just daily payments.

tap tap these were my expenses tap tap like i feel like that's easier to keep track of rather than having to think back at all it's like what did i do today i had to buy a new monitor boop boop done what did i do today i needed a new cord for that monitor it's not gonna last you the rest of your life i got bad news literally just got a text from my accountant which is kind of weird stop stop talking what are you doing don't give me more work mark do you have a different opinion honestly yeah i also have an accountant it's

So I'm going to... Well, honestly, it's kind of necessary in what we do because shit gets really complicated really quickly when you have to... It's like it's a scam to prop up a whole industry. We want to keep the score even so that you have to do a one-man show, Bob. That's our goal. Well, it's already not even, but I guess you both get a point for that. Oh, one of us needs to unfair it then. Oh, I said it anyway. Wade said unfair. So either we both get two points or we both get none? Ah, you heard the man.

You know what? I got my coin. God damn it. Heads. Uh-oh. Tails. Well, mine doesn't even matter. All right. I've got a couple more. The growth speed of your fingernails and toenails. Fast or slow? Fast.

Slow. How would you want to clip more often? It's already slow. Let's experience some speed. Okay, but remember the consequence. Fast nails, clipping your nails takes five seconds. They grow fast, you clip fast. Slow nails, clipping your toenails, your fingernails takes an hour and a half. Even better because slow means I've got more natural weapons if they're harder to clip and break.

Yeah, I'm going to give that one to Mark. I don't even need a pocket knife. I'm just like, I don't like that. That doesn't sound good. That sounds I already accidentally scratch myself and have a child who if I'm not careful, I've been my nails are too long. I can scratch. Yeah, like I don't need weapons permanently attached to my fingers. Everything is plenty dangerous enough. All right.

Uh, working out fast or slow fast. And I'll explain, I'll explain it. No, you couldn't, you could stick with that. It's the, it takes less time to work out, but also you get even more like you, the exhaustion is the same and the result is fast, but

But the decay is also fast. All of the parts of it are fast, right? So it's not like you can just work out fast and then do it less. You get fit fast and you get unfit fast. And so you have to keep working out just in quicker, shorter segments. And same with slow. So before a photo shoot, you really do just like...

I'll take fast. Mark still takes fast. Wade, fast or slow? Oh, give me slow. If I could still be in shape for my high school days and working out every day. Oh my God. It's like workout for a couple of years of your life and then ride that forever. Like everyone we're doing a year of basketball content. Why? So I can be lazy the rest of my life. Yeah, I gotta go. I was slow. I like that one. We've covered this on different episodes in the past before, and it's going to feel like a personal attack, but I promise it's not. Wade.

Hair, fast or slow? Slow. I like being bald and the less I gotta shave, the better. He's right.

You're both right, and this is a weird one, but I like getting haircuts. And the idea of a nice, long, relaxing haircut sounds kind of nice. It'd be like a spa day, I'm imagining, almost. Kind of on board with that. I just don't like getting haircuts. Well, it's my own fault, because I don't go to the same person. So every time, it's a real gamble. No, I do that, too. And it is a real gamble. But I like the reward of when you go and you get a good person, and you're like, oh, man, this is the best.

Because a bad haircut, it's fine, but it's not that bad. But a surprisingly good haircut? How long would a haircut take in slow? I guess it wouldn't matter if you only do it once every...

However long. Yeah. I mean, I'm imagining it'd be like a whole day or something. You have to be kind of, cause hair, I don't know. What's a hair. How long do you think a haircut is? Okay. To be bald, man, I got a, I got a shave a little bit more frequently than most people. So it's like, it takes, we'll say an hour every week or two, unless you're keeping up with a daily. Cause daily you can kind of get one of those things. Just go over it a little bit. Hmm.

Maintaining bald is harder than maintaining hair as far as like the shaving. You gotta do a lot more frequently. Anyway, we all agreed. I only have one more, so let's just do it and get over with. Fast or slow, Mark, you're up first. Doctors. My vision for this one is kind of like the spicy food. You go to the doctor and if it's fast, you go in and the doctor's like, all right, we're going to have to do a procedure. And they take a huge machine and just, and for like a second, you're just like, oh,

But then you're healed. Surgery over. Done. Fast doctor. There's no question that fast is better because we already live in the slow world. Yeah.

the slowest what we have and i don't want that i've never gone to the hospital and it not taken six hours just to see someone and and i'm usually dying when that's happening not as dying as much as many people they're dying but if i don't get help eventually my gut would explode in the past times i've been there and that's pretty deathly uh so fast yes please i like fast just to give it a fighting chance

the slow is a lot like the spicy too, right? The maximum threshold for like the amount of pain you have to deal with the amount of discomfort, the amount of being like naked and like, or awkwardly doing like it's lower, right? It's not as bad. It takes longer, but there's no,

you're going to feel a pinch and then it feels like they're stabbing you with a hot poker for 10 minutes while they're trying to do some shit to you or get a biopsy or something. I've been stabbed with a hot poker for 10 minutes for a biopsy and let me tell you, they also have medicine at this hospital and if it acts fast too, even if it doesn't last as long, I'll take it. I have to agree with fast, even though I will say the thought of a very fast like prostate exam or something is kind of terrifying. It

It's like one of those Tesla plugs that was supposed to plug itself in. It's just like poised and they're like, stand up, squat down, a little lower, bend over. No cancer. Got your prostate. Yeah.

And a lot of women are avoiding the gynecologist with fast. Like anything like that sounds terrible, but I cannot fathom. So that like blood draws for some reason make me like a bit queasy, but it wouldn't hurt. It'd be like a little suction cup on your arm. It'd be so gentle. They don't hurt me. I just get nauseous. Like watching blood leave my body and having to sit there for like an hour. If that's what it took on slower, I couldn't do it. So like, it's like, get me in, get me out.

But my God, if you have to go into an orifice or like, you know, sometimes with like earwax to like clean out ears and stuff like that, like the thought of anyone going into an orifice quick in and out is kind of fucking scary. Yeah, that'd have to be pretty precise. I'm assuming it would be. It's not just like, oh, I missed again. All right, stitch him up.

god ears are so hard to get into you know sorry popped the prostate my touched it too quick all right i have to say i went into that leaning towards slow but you both kind of convinced me but either way you agreed so i guess you both get a point all right thank you i don't like some of the fast but i was still taking over the other slow i think no the fast is terrifying but

All of it is kind of terrifying to me. So I get, I get that. I wouldn't, I don't, there are some things where the doctor is just like, all right, we're going to do this. And the whole time I'm just like,

Some things are kind of fast. I remember the first time I had like a freckle or mole or whatever and the doctor was like, we need to test this. And I was like, okay, sure. And then like two seconds later, someone walks in with like a fucking zappy and then the scrape thing. They're like, all right, we're just going to cut you open. I was like, you don't have to schedule me for this. Knock me out for this. You're just going to cut me right now. Like, oh yeah. And

and just go in, remove, band-aid, done. And it was like, it's that easy just to chunk people? They don't care. They don't care. That's the end. Yay! I'm going to add an input to the wheel, and then we're going to move on to the bonus portion. I was going to add something about faster and slower, but I hadn't actually settled on it.

fastest response. I'll say what you got points for, and then we'll do the totals once there's actually points. Wade, you got points for W-E-B-N, Ligma69, Economist Wade, Slow Shits, Slow Batteries, Fast Taxes, Slow Workouts, Slow Hair, and Slow Doctor. Wade's a slow man. Fast Doctor. Let me correct that. Mark, you earned points for Industry,

With a belt. Fast piss. Slow spicy. Fast tax. Fast nails. Slow hair. And fast doctor. And we are going to do two bonus rolls. Spin number one.

Okay, why does it always... Wait, okay, all right, hold on. It always lands here. Maybe this wheel is not very unbiased. Maybe this website is crappy. If you click it multiple times in the middle, will it, like, super spin it? Like, da-da-da-da. I clicked it above. Oh, come on! No!

Alright, that's a point for the listeners and then a point for the viewers. Damn it. This stupid wheel. I have bad news about that, boys. Before the bonus spins, Mark, you had eight points. Okay. And Wade, you had eight points.

Mark and Wade tied for first listeners tied for tied for third. Technically listeners viewers tied for third with one point each. That means I have to roll the stupid other fucking wheel. It's at 10%. Wade is at 45%. Mark is at 45%. One man show is at 10%. I've only ever thought about punishing Mark for this. So I have no idea what we would do for you, Bob, but I'm excited to find out.

I'm sure it'll be fine. No, there's no 10% is nothing. And that's all me, baby. Okay. Mark wins. And more importantly, Bob doesn't lose.

If I had saved the coin for this portion, would it be a re-spin? It'd be a re-spin, but double the percentage that a one-man show comes up or something. I don't know. I know we talked in a recent episode about we need to clarify or change that rule or something. I love that it's just fucking bullshit on the spot. That we're like, whatever is doubly fair, doubly unfair...

Who knows? Whatever happens, happens. We've had a lot of ties recently, I will say. We've had a lot of ties. Yeah, well, now that we have bonus points at the end, it's really hard while the episode's going on to be like, I'm going to make sure they don't tie at the end so that I don't have to spin the fucking wheel I don't want to spin.

Not that I would ever have done that, but congratulations, Mark. Winner speech. Thank you. This was a great one for me. Fast winner, fast speech, fast victory, fast done. Very fast. Fast indeed. Wade, sad, slow, pitiful loser speech? Hey, I gave it my all. My all just wasn't quite good enough today.

The fate's had it in store for me to come up last, and so I did. Hey, you didn't come last. You beat the viewers and the listeners. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

And that one was just for the viewers. All right. Congratulations, Mark. Thank you for your speeches, both of you. Slow Wade didn't have it in him. Today, the hare won. Lesson not learned. Parable destroyed by reality. The hare beat the tortoise and the tortoise is a stinky, stinky loser.

Make sure you follow Mark and Wade on their socials and stuff. MarkPlyer, LordMinion777, or Minion777. Follow me. Make sure you follow the show because then you'll get notifications when the episodes post and it'll pop up on your devices and you can watch, listen. Mark will be hosting the next one because he is a winner. And that's all I have to say about that. Thanks so much for watching. See you in the next episode. Bye. Podcast out.