Hide The Penny
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This episode is brought to you by Mentos Gum. Keep things fresh. It's important, right? And I'm not just talking about fresh breath. It's important to switch up your routine whenever you can. I just, I'm the person who can't help but chew. You put a mint in your mouth, you're supposed to suck on it. I'm like, swallow. So I kind of need gum. You turn into a cartoon dog. I'm sorry.

Next time we hang out, I'm giving you a mint just to see what happens. And of course, another way to refresh every day is with Mentos gum, available in a range of fresh flavors like spearmint, fresh mint, and strawberry. Mentos gum. Yes to fresh. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible. Financial geniuses. Monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save hundreds.

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, befouled Bob Scrooge's printer, enchanted by the power of the internet.

Then challenges the boys to hide and seek. Maneuverable Mark wants to shill bamboo. Tools up for a tantrum. Manhandles a cashier. And frees a naked freshman. Waist-weakening Wade rips on toddler truckers. Reports Mark to the 5-0. And searches condoms. From doggy drinks to Abraham Lincoln. Yes! It's time for Hide the Penny.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. So anyway, I got these guns, right? Guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns! Get a bigger one, you pussy! I'm putting on deodorant for this one, boys. While Mark's doing that, hello and welcome to another episode of Distractible, your favorite. You go through the sleeves? I did that time.

Yeah, well, if you have a shirt on and you're in a situation, look, hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Distractible, a special, extra special hello and welcome to the listeners. That's right, you thought I was going to make one of you, but listeners, hey, what's up? How's it going? And we're not doing anything visually interesting at all, except for Mark's armpit stuff, but that's not that interesting. It's not that cool. Don't worry about it.

You didn't miss anything. It was a tactical reload of my deodorant, okay? You know, we can't smell you over the internet, so it's really... I mean, that was for you, I guess. Maybe you smell so bad you can't stand yourself. Everything I do is for me. Well, there are certainly days where you leave your computer and it's like...

Oh, God, what happened? It's like, that's me. We just channeled James for a minute there. It's really got to me. Everything I do is for me. Is that what he says? Oh, that's... I mean, he's a toddler. It's not his fault. But yeah, no, that's... That really lands for me right now. If you've ever seen the show before...

I'm Drew Carriot. The points are all made up. They don't matter. And we have a constitution, just like on Whose Line Is It Anyway? And it's different now. Everyone got their coins, he says, as he doesn't know where his coin is. I got my coin. I got it right here. And let the record reflect, I ate one chocolate-covered peanut. Coin! Yeah, we do coin stuff now, and wheels. Do I have the wheels? I think I have the wheels. You're the wheel man.

That'll be fine. Hey, why doesn't this say E Pluribus Unum? There it is, tiny. On the back. World's largest half dollar says E Pluribus Unum real tiny on it. Oh, mine says it big on the back. Just right. Look at the difference in image quality. Wade's looks like it's... Yeah, it's pretty extreme. Like, is yours made of metal, Wade? Or is it made of sad plastic? It's metal, but it's sad metal. Oh.

It's like a real quarter in terms of its metal. I mean, it's been around since 1972. It's got the patina of being in someone's pocket. And other places on that person. Mark, you get the segue point. We're not going to talk about that. What the fuck is happening? I thought I set my coin down, but it hit the lid of my chocolate-covered nutties. Jesus Christ.

This is what happens when we record late, late at night. 730 o'clock p.m. Not American time. That's not how that works. But anyway, I have a topic. Mark already got the segue point. I should probably write that down. I'm never going to remember it, but you don't have to write that one down. I know I do. We have a constitution. I have to do it or I'm going to go to a distracted jail.

I recently started watching some videos about forging carbon fiber, right? Sure. Which is not really what it is. It's not like you're in a furnace or anything. It's just epoxy pouring a bunch of carbon fiber all fucked into a mold, right? Yeah, exactly. Some of those were real words. And so, no, that's exactly what it was. He was 100% correct. All of them are real words. I know what forged carbon is. I'm familiar. But.

What's cool about it is if you get the right heat resistant epoxy and you get a heat resistant mold, you can get all your molds from 3D printing. So you can 3D print the negative of any part you could possibly want and then forge carbon fiber with it. But also, not only do you put the chopped carbon fiber in, but you can put long strands of reinforcing fiber along the length of your part.

And that will make it twice, about twice as strong as aluminum in some cases. And this is with chopped fiber, like pieces, not straight. Obviously carbon fiber by itself would be way stronger, but the idea of quickly in a 24 hour period, turning around a custom part that is twice as strong as aluminum without having to CNC mill it, that appeals to me.

I'd never thought of that. That's interesting. Cause that's the thing that there's, it's still a very technical thing, but like forging air quotes, forging carbon fiber is not the same as laying up carbon fiber. It's if you were pouring it into a mold and you have a, like a good mold and, and it, you know how to set it up and stuff. You could make some really strong parts super fast, relatively speaking. Yeah. And there's, there's some really interesting videos talking about that. Bam.

Boo Lab. I know everyone's kind of mad at you right now, but I'm willing to sell out for more 3D printers.

printers is that convincing man whenever you say it like that how could they refuse you can't lose hitching yourself to that or more 3d printers i know you are looking for a silver lining i'm your silver lining i can bring goodness to any badness that you may be feeling from any terms of service changing catastrophically i literally have a 3d printer in my background and i've been trying to print on that and i've

I think I ruined the print bed. I'm not going to lie. I can't get anything to adhese to the print bed to save my fucking life. But that's also just about the cheapest 3D printer you can buy anywhere.

And so it's not that surprising that I screwed it up because the print bed is not very high quality, but I'll bam boo lab printer. Bam boo lab. Bam boo lab. Bam boo lab. Bruh, have you tried cam boo labs? I love cam boo lab. Are those little Play-Doh toys that allow you to make spaghetti? Are those 3d printers? Basically. Uh,

Yes, actually, technically, yeah. Yeah, that's fancy stuff. So I owned one at one point in life, too. Yeah, so, but hey, in all honesty, Bamboo Labs, I will shill out for free 3D printers. Yes, I could afford them. I want 20. We're a team, so that's 60. 20 apiece, or else. Wade, you're going to need a bigger garage to keep that many things in boxes, Wade. You wouldn't want to end up with a Bamboo Boo. Oh.

I have to give you a point for that, but I'm very disappointed in myself. I thought it was very funny. I really enjoyed that one. If I'm going to give Mark a point for Bamboo Labs, Bamboo Boo definitely gets a point. Yeah, but I really, except for every time it's clogged and I've hated it, which is multiple times. Which is near constant. The Bamboo Lab.

I will say it's the greatest thing ever because actually, in all honesty, compared to the failure rates you have on other 3D printers, I imagine that it actually is pretty comparable and it's okay. And I want to shill for it. Shill me, shill me, shill me, shill me, shill you, shill me, shill you, shill me, daddy. It's a video of a guy in a bamboo lab's costume standing over Mark in a dark room, just smacking him, going, too close.

Everybody will love that. Level my bed for me. I'm going to extrude. I don't know if that's your small talk, Mark, but. No, it wasn't. But I mean, it's OK if that is. I'm always down for some more 3D printing talk. Wade, it's your turn. Oh, well, all right. I have other ones. We'll get back to you. Calm down. OK. Wade, what what glorious adventures have you been on of late? Oh, man. Since the last time we spoke, a lot has happened. I had a tummy ache.

Didn't get much sleep, and here we are. Well, I know it wasn't that long, but it was multiple days ago at this point. More than that could have happened. If I'm going to walk you through my typical Tuesday, we do our podcast recording. I usually go straight from this to like,

If I don't eat, eat something and then it's like, okay, now I gotta stream. I stream for like three or four hours and then I usually take another hour break from that to get dinner and then I record till like three in the morning. So Tuesday night, I was at my computer till 4 a.m. Yesterday being Wednesday, was a zombie the first half of the day and then I have D&D on Wednesdays. I play D&D over at Lost Initiative. Went to bed, had a weird dream about zero gravity, woke up in immense stomach pain and I barely existed today.

Just want to say you did exist enough on Wednesday to show up to Ryan's stream and just do like a scare donation to him for no apparent reason. Oh, I usually like to fuck with Ryan. Yeah. Yeah. I saw that. I came to your stream too, but you didn't read my resub. I read it like 15 minutes after you did it, which is pretty quick for me. So. Oh, okay. That's fair. I feel pretty good about that. In the past three days, I have installed a completely new drawer system in my truck. Oh,

I have a new truck on the way. I've bought three guns. You decked, bro? I've shot two grenade launchers, 17 RPGs, a tank.

Cleaned all my bullets. I'm starting to think the only thing of this was that was true was the drawer. I got the drawers in. No, I know some of that's true. Yeah, yeah. Which ones? I'll never tell. But yeah, I got the drawer system in there. Is it decked? Are you decked? You got decked? Yes, I'm decked.

I'm decked. From Ohio, apparently. I didn't know that. We have trucks. They all are terrible here. Well, okay. I'm mad at them, actually. Okay. The trucks, not terrible. Truck drivers are like the new minivan drivers in Ohio. Something happens. It's been years, man. You're going to have to get over this at some point. Every time, man. Every time I'm behind the wheel, there's a pickup truck that's just like, I own this road. It's like, it's three lanes. There's no one else. Why are you swerving at me? Ugh.

drugs probably like all right fuck off man okay this is slander to truck owners and which i am one ohio truck drivers apparently there's a club where it's like you've got to be a dick and you probably got to be high and or drunk to get a truck

Pre-fucking-requisite. Look, it's not their fault when you lift a Ford F-150 as high as they do in Ohio, you can't see anything that's less than 30 feet away from your vehicle. The sight angles are just not great, and it's really not their fault. It used to just be minivans, man, but trucks are moving into first place in my hate list. I have a bone to pick with deck, though.

So I have this deck system, but I have a problem with it. Number one, your manual is the most cringy thing I've ever read in my entire life. It's full of, all right, slow down there, champ. Hey, we'll kick up your feet, buddy. Wow, do a spin kick in the air after you do it. It's just the dumbest. It's like, number one, it's instructions for babies, which I get. It's toddler-level language. So we admit that truck drivers are toddlers. Thank you. That's not true.

That's what they're trying to say! That's what they're trying- like it's just I read the manual and I'm just like "Bleh" and the fucking- I hate reading it. It's true! Yeah, probably. Yeah, actually. Then what you're gonna wanna do is- You are such a big strong man. You have such a nice truck. Do you need a drawer for your big man tools-oo-oo? Get the big screws and then not the small ones!

Take the 72-inch extruded aluminum rails. Also, the instructions were incomplete because it didn't actually mention any of the weatherproofing besides the weatherstrip seals on the front of it. They're not incomplete. It's just early access. The rest of the instructions are being worked on. It's going to be patched. I've got an even bigger...

bone to pick with them. So they have this puzzle fit foam case, right? That they sell separately for supposedly the decked system, right? Maybe not, but I see it in drawers of people. Now, when I open mine, I pull it open and the fucking thing is this fucking

under the lip so I can't fucking open the goddamn minute man case when I pull the drawer I have to lift it up and out and then open it and I get it I probably have a truck with a slightly below average bed length and it would be bigger if it was a different drawer system but

I see on the product page someone pulling the drawer all the way out and it opening perfectly and I'm like "Wow, they got it! I'll have it too!" I don't. And I'm mad because it's a $300 case that I would not have gotten if I thought even for a fucking moment it wouldn't have opened in the goddamn drawer! Mark, it's a point for a big baby tantrum?

We are the most relatable podcast on the market. I'm pretty sure our problems are the ones everyone has. I think this is an incredibly valid thing. It's in general a valid point. I really despise when that happens, when there's a product and they show you demo pictures of it doing something, but the version that you bought for your thing is different and that's not demonstrated in the... No, I've had that happen before. Hey.

If you ever get it out of the box, you can't be disappointed. Wait, hold on a second. There's reviews here. Works great, but you fail to tell me it doesn't work in the older models of decked.

Hey Al, sorry for the confusion. We'll work on improving our communication about new decode cases not being compatible with legacy drawer systems. Did you send me a fucking old version of your decked system? Decked? Did you send me a fucking old version of it? You pieces of shit. What? I'll bet they're watching right now. Have you turned it off and then on again?

Because I don't know. Maybe it's not that, but it doesn't open. Well, you do have a quad. I mean, the F-150 Lightning is quad cab, right? It's not necessarily a full length bed or whatever. Yeah, it's not an elongated cab for sure. No. But if I find out that they've sent me an old version, I am going to...

going to be back here again and I'm going to chew them apart because I like what it is. It was easy to set up and it works great except that doesn't fit. Now kick up your feet, partner. It's going to work eventually. Are we about to have beef with a company that makes truck bed accessories? We might be. We actually might be. I

I might be fucking pissed. But maybe it's just because my bed is five and a half feet and it's not a six foot bed. It's the Ford Lightning. Maybe it's not there, but I wish it would have said somewhere when all this was in the same cart at the same time. I wish it would have said...

That didn't fit. Well, five and a half feet can't even hold a normal-sized human body. What do you expect it to hold drawers? Okay, well, I'm bigger than that, okay? Right? Why do you assume that that's a slight at you? It felt like it, you know? I was just saying. I'm huge. I'm giant. I'm massive. I'm enormous. I'm gargantuan. Me insults his truck. Him. Me good tall pig, man! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Anyway, I really, really hope that I somehow didn't get an older version because I would. Maybe they saw I was going to California and they were like, this fucking guy. Not an Ohioan like us. Little did they know. Little did they fucking know. London is my city. Oh, no. What does he say? England is my city. Whatever. Like, I want to accurately quote a Paul brother. Oh, is that what you were quoting? Why would you do that here? I don't know what that is.

Isn't there a line in there where he's like, I'm in L.A., but I'm an Ohio boy or some shit? And then Nick Crompton is like, England is my city. Does that make sense? I don't know. If it's a Paul Brother thing, I usually avoid watching shit. Actually, that's true. I don't know if I've ever seen the whole thing, but how could you?

How could you? Very easily. I don't watch them fight. I don't watch them talk. I don't look at pictures of them. I'm not a drama guy. And if there's like a smog cloud of drama, I think that they, man, they wouldn't pass those old EPA checks. EPA checks? I was hoping none of you would question that. Okay. Well, it's funny because that isn't a thing where you live, Wade, but that is a thing in other places such as California. It was when we were young here. What?

I'm pretty sure in Ohio you used to have to go get your car checked for um I remember my grandma to take her car and to get it checked to make sure it was up to like whatever the code was I don't ever recall having to do emissions checks in Ohio but I only had a car here no no it was this was like 90s I think this was like before it was way before we had cars but I'm pretty sure that used to be a thing here because I do remember my grandma doing that and

And she lived in Ohio unless she was a secret agent and lied to me all my whole life, which is possible. I hope that's true. I kind of knew. I know it's true. Anyway, that's what I'm mad about. And I can't wait to find out that the horrors that I imagined are even worse than I ever could have. Was that your small talk, Mark? Did we circle it? Yeah, that was it. I'll say that's my small talk. Trucks, drawers, bamboo boo, and my head tummy ache. Good small talk. Lots of fun stuff, you know.

Shall we move on to the topic? Circling back to Mark Segway, he accidentally did right at the actual beginning of the episode. Uh, dropping? Coins and having them. Oh, crypto! Crypto! Crypto! Crypto! Crypto! No. I got a text today about crypto. Someone texted me like, you need to buy, maybe it was yesterday, like, you need to buy crypto right now. It's gonna go up. Like a scam text or like a person you know? No, like a family member who I don't talk to all that often, but just like,

"Hey, I don't know what you're doing, but if you can buy Bitcoin today, it's gonna go over a... something, 100k or something." And they're like, "Just buy now! Guaranteed, you'll make a thousand dollars!" And I was like, "Oh, thank you!" She can go over.

Anyway, sorry, coins. Coins and having them. Today's episode is, I mean, it's always a competition, I guess, but it's a competition about having a penny and hiding the penny and then finding other pennies. You're going to have to come with me on this one a little bit, but we're going to play a game. It's an imaginary game. You have to use the theater of your mind. I'm going to give you a location.

It's going to be a fairly vague location. It's going to have a lot of things in it or people or whatever. Each of you has an imaginary penny and I have an imaginary penny and we will hide our three pennies somewhere within the imaginary location I have given you.

And the goal is for one of you or both of you to find either my penny or your opponent's penny. And that's how you earn points. What if we find our own? That earns you no points. But it would stop the opponent. If you find your own and then your opponent sees where you looked, they get the points. Okay. It's all, this is a game in the mind. Theater of the mind.

This reminds me of the books where you'd have to find... It would be like a little rhyme. It's like, three soldiers sitting on a dock, a yellow bird, and a really old clock. Were those I Spy books? What were those books called? What's happening? I don't recall this. I have no memory of these things. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. I know what I Spy books are, and I don't remember them having...

rhymes of that sort and then they just have a list of things and then a big ass picture of stuff and you find the things on the list and the picture of stuff yes but i'm pretty sure that they would give you a list but it was always like in a rhyme or some of the books at least were if i remember i don't know i honestly haven't seen an i spy book in person in such a long time that that might be true i haven't either but when the penny talk for some reason made me think of i spy book i got distractibled

That's the whole game. I can't tell if this is just a completely unhinged, insane thing to do or if this is going to be a funny game, but be creative. You can place objects in to the setting that we're in. You can place people, specific people if you care. You can do all kinds of stuff and you're going to have to get creative to find the other two pennies that you're looking for.

Okay, so we have pennies. You give us an imaginary space. We hide the pennies and then we look for the other pennies? Yes, you're hiding your own penny wherever you can imagine. And then you're looking for the other two pennies hidden by myself and the other competitor. But how will we know that we're imagining the same setting that you're imagining? It's a constantly evolving thing that we're all three synthesizing at the same time.

We're going to agree or disagree. If something, if we're like in a specific, if we're in a movie theater and you're like, oh, I hid it under the elephant. Probably that's not going to fly. It has to be, but it can be crazy things. But there has to be a thing where it's like, there might be a reason that would be in there. Aside from Jumanji happened and there's elephants in the movie theater. All right. So we're in a movie theater. No. Okay.

Okay. Well, actually, that might come up, but that's not where we're starting. Our first location is a busy coffee shop. It's a

It's a relatively finite space. You have to hide your penny somewhere within the coffee shop. It includes any area of the shop that you think you could get into. And you can imagine however, wherever you might want to hide a penny. And I'll give you so you could think about it if you want. You visualize a little bit. I think this is an interesting game, too, because as having a Fantasia, I have nothing. Mark is like walking around a coffee shop in his mind right now. And I'm like, what's in a coffee shop? Cups.

Anyway, I already know where I'm hiding mine here, so I'm ready. When you guys are ready, just give me a thumbs up or something. I'm ready. Just to lock it in, will you guys separately message me where you've hidden yours? You can make it kind of a general description, but we have little chats where it's... I almost just sent it to everyone. Yeah, no, don't send it to everyone. Send it in the one-on-one chats that we have, just so that there's no tomfoolery. And I promise...

I will probably not change where I have mine hidden. Probably. You'll never find it anyway because I'm wicked smart. Are you typing or constipated, Wade? What are we doing here? I'm both, but I am typing. All right. We have two locations. I don't think it super matters who goes first, but out of fairness, because I have a history of mistreating you, I'm going to say Wade gets to have first crack at looking. Oh.

All right. How does this work, Bob? Ask me anything. I know where the pennies are. Ask me. You can ask like one question at a time, right? So you can basically have one look per turn. There's no like, oh, I rifle through the entire place. But, you know, it's we're fudging here. So get creative. Ask me.

Ask away. So I would ask a question like, are there any pennies? Then just name a place. Is that how I ask this? You can ask about facts about the location if you'd like more information. You can ask if there's anything that you notice and I'll get creative. Mark, you can ask Mark questions and he can answer and we'll find the penny. I don't know. Where's the penny? We're looking for pennies. Are the pennies in the cash register? There are pennies in the cash register, but neither mine or Mark's penny is in the cash register.

My turn? Yeah, go ahead. All right. I go up to the handle for the espresso. I crack it open and I peer inside the cup, the part where the coffee grounds go that didn't lock in. Clean as a whistle.

It is funny, though, because that was my first thought. I was like, what if I put it in the coffee filter? Yeah, well, that's the game, isn't it? We're trying to get in each other's heads right now. Okay. When? I'm going to walk up to the counter and ask the person working the front, have you seen anyone acting strangely in here? No stranger than you. I might have seen a guy climb up on a table, but that happens sometimes. Okay.

Okay. Now I'm going straight line for it. I know how Wade thinks. I kind of hope you find it on this guess. I look at the orange juice carton because people wouldn't think about that. Unscrew that cap. Look in the cap. It says, aren't you glad I didn't say bananas? Okay. Okay.

perfectly penny sized yeah it might be it was perfectly penny sized so i want you to try and put a penny in there i am thinking of the most incredible places to hide a penny the absolute best spots if i was hiding oh man all right mark you get to hide 13 pennies

- Got him. - All I gotta do is find one of them for a point, right? - Uh-oh. - Yep. Wade gets a chance to earn 13 points. - Unless they're all in the same spot. - It was just a stack of 13 pennies in the middle of the floor. He'll never think to look there in his imagination. - I am in the coffee shop. I pat myself down and make sure there are no pennies hidden on my own person. - All you find is the statue of Shakira you keep in your left front pocket.

and the vape that you don't tell anyone about in your other pocket. My hips don't lie, neither do my lungs. I stand on a table, and I shout to everyone in the coffee shop, I will give a hundred dollars to the first person that points to where you saw someone hide a penny. I raise my hand.

All right. Wade raises his hand. Uh-huh. Yeah, good sir. Good sir. I saw a bunch of them in the cash register. Here's your $100. Thanks, man. Oh, you thought it was going to be a real $100? Yeah. He thought it was going to be a real penny? That was fruitless, Mark, but I appreciate the effort. Nobody saw nothing. Unless someone did see something.

Convince me. Did he take his turn by getting, raising his hand? I feel like he took his turn. Sure. I check in the cash register. This seems incredibly good. In the cash register for any pennies that look unplaced. Because if it was, if they're pennies from the bank, they would be almost likely of the same year. I'm looking for a weird penny with snot on it and bald. Weird bullshits.

bald Lincoln penny. How did you know I sand down all my pennies to look like me? What a calling card. Bald Lincoln pennies. Wait, do I have snot on me? Wait, where's the snot going? Hold on. Hey, how right am I? How right am I? You are exactly 0% correct. Just normal pennies in there. No Wade bald pennies. Okay, all right. I do my best charisma roll to...

and or befriend the manager so that I can get a look at the security cameras to see if I can see where anyone placed their penny. You stand in front of the manager and roll a D20 and then when you roll a 19 and you have a plus three in that situation,

You look up at them expectantly when the manager peers down at you and says, well, you seem really sad. I'll do you whatever favor you want, buddy. I'll take pity. What can I do for you? And you ask him and he shows you the security footage.

I'm reviewing the footage. I'm looking for where people might be hiding pennies. Oh, okay. You want to analyze that? Okay. Seems like a lot for one turn. Seems like you'd need time for that. You don't see anything. Mark walks into the coffee shop, disappears into a dead spot. You see a chair tip over on the edge of the screen. Mark reappears and sits down to drink his coffee at an unrelated location in the restaurant. I know.

I don't know if that's true Bob is in here too

I find his trail and I follow it. No, Wade is correct. I'm in here too. Luckily for you, the only places Wade and I have gone is from the front door to the cash register, to the bathroom, back to pick up our coffee, and then over to a table. We went to different tables because I'm not sitting with him, but why not?

this is not, man. Did we at least play battle shits in the bathroom together? I've got it down to two spots. I know where this penny is. All right, make your guess. What? I'm not ready. It's his turn. Okay, it's Wade's turn. Chair tipped over. Mark is very short. So he tried to go somewhere I wouldn't think he could get to. Someplace high up. So, the man that climbed on the table earlier, even before Mark's last climb on the table, must have been Mark. So,

So I climb up on a chair and or table, which if Mark can reach something from that point of view, then I can see it like an eagle. And I look around for low hanging lights or rafters or anything that a penny might be stored on or in that's tall for Mark and, you know, average for you and I. Um, so you just stand up on a random chair in the middle of the coffee shop? As I was told earlier, that just happens sometimes. So yes. Yes.

It does just happen sometimes. Okay. When you do that, the mind-numbing soft jazz that's playing over the speakers gets a bit louder because you get a bit closer. The dusty, outdated Valentine's Day decorations that are still hanging up there touch your bald head and make you feel like you might want to sneeze. It's my fly ring. Okay.

They touch your fly rink, and the weirdly out-of-season Christmas choo-choo chugs around you at eye level. Any of those things have pennies. You don't see any pennies. Game over. Sorry, Wade. You were one step too late. I go up to the checkout person clerk. You wouldn't. Sure. And I go...

behind their ear and I grab out the penny and I go is this your penny and she looks at you dead in your eyes and goes yes please don't touch me takes her penny back and tucks it back behind her ear did anybody give you that penny my dead grandmother gave it to me 13 years ago today can I see a picture of your grandma

Mark's on to me. That's right. I went back in time in this coffee shop, Mark. I handed this to this lady's grandmother knowing that one day she'd pass it on. Nobody asked about the hot tub time machine in the bathroom. I take apart the speaker. I take apart the train. I rip down the outdated decorations. That penny's up here somewhere. I feel for hollow panels in the ceiling. I know he hit the bed and died.

So what, you're just like rifling through? Are you looking at stuff? Like, what are we doing here? I'm looking for pennies. I'm knocking. I'm feeling for hollow spots in the ceiling. Anywhere that Mark might have hidden a penny. Up high. There are no hollow spots in the ceiling. The speakers stop making sound when you take them apart for some reason. And the train makes a weird rattling sound when you pick up one of the cars off the track. Like the rattling of them. Yeah.

I don't know. Pennies rattle weird. My turn. My game over. Game over, Wade. I, sprinting towards the bathroom, pass by the stereo, crank volume up to max as I'm sprinting by. First open the door, dive arm first into the toilet, reach up, unhook.

the U-Bend, grab whatever I grab, pull hard. The man sitting there looks at you. Mark emerges from the toilet, victoriously clutching an enormous shit in his hand. The man whose crotch you just dove through looks surprisingly unfazed and a little bit turned on.

I fall on my back from the loud boom of Mark turning on the speaker. But now being at Mark's eye level, I realize what he might have done. I scurry over toward one of the walls where they have the little... What the fuck is that little shit called? The little decorative wood on the base of your walls. Baseboard? Shelf? No, not a shelf. Just like the little decorative stuff on the edge of your floor. Trim? Trim? Trim!

Trim. Trim is the word. Yes. And I start removing the trim knowing that Mark had to have hidden it behind the trim. You just remove all of the trim around the entire. No, it's more like if it's loose, like I'm pulling at it. You don't find any loose trim. It's very buttoned up. It's cocked. It's very well built.

Damn it. Okay, I'll have to tear the whole thing down. I turn on every faucet. I flush every toilet and listen and look. Sounds like a lot of water is running and flushing. Very normally to you. I see the negative space in the water. I use water as a catalyst for my negative space enhanced vision that I got from a surgery I was when I was in the government. I'm afraid you don't see anything. You're still short. Sorry. Oh.

I open the bathroom door, see the mess Mark is making in there. Go to the manager, tell him he might want to call the police. A madman is ruining his restroom. I say, hey, do you see any pennies? But we're tied. I've already befriended him. He pennies me. He hasn't seen any pennies, though. I go to the man whose shit I borrowed. I grab him by the scruff and I throw him on the ground, tell him, kneel! And I stand on his back to get higher and look around then.

Out of the corner of your eye, on the wall next to the mirror where the sinks are, you see something almost copper-colored glint in the shining lights of the bathroom. Do I have to wait until next turn? I don't know. Do you want to give it to him, Wade? Yeah, sure. I'm having him removed soon by the police anyway. I dive. I dive for it. Mark lunges and grabs the penny that's just sitting out in the open on top of the paper towel holder.

Wait, that couldn't have been that high up. Wait a minute. Uh, do you see the tops of a lot of paper towel holders, Mark? I'm trying to remember what they look like. I must have seen it at some point. They're like pink or something. Anyway, Mark gets a point. Congratulations. Uh, I'm going to give Wade one more chance to find a penny. Can I give him a clue, Mark? Yeah, sure. No, I don't need it. You

You do need it. You really do need it. I'm so close. You were close. In fact, I think you probably held it in your hand at one point. Am I still holding the train? No, you threw it on the floor. All right. In my head, I greedily thought that maybe I had one in the train car, but I wanted to find the second one. Oh,

Oh, so you held on to the train car that you heard the funny rattle from, but you just didn't mention that? Well, I guess I didn't, yeah. But in my head, my headcanon, I was holding on to this, like, it's not even the train car, it's the whole train, and I hear a rattle and I didn't know specifically which car it was. But the speaker, I really wanted to play into Mark's speaker bit, and I kind of got distracted by that. Hey, is there a penny in the train car? Yeah, that's where Mark put his penny. So we didn't find Bob's penny? Fuck.

You guys were really close to mine, too. Do you want to know? Orange juice was in the orange juice. It was in the other orange juice.

No, I said it on top of the take a penny, leave a penny tray at the cash register. That was the only penny in there, ironically enough. Oddly enough, I had a take a penny, leave a penny thought, but I was like, no, that'd be a convenience store. It wouldn't be a coffee shop. Look, this isn't a Starbucks, okay? This is like a Dunkin'. The model train actually was at a Starbucks. I remember there was a really fancy Starbucks like in Seattle or somewhere like that that had a little model train. There's a restaurant I grew up going to in Holland, Michigan called Russ's.

that had a model train that went around the whole place. That was the coolest shit. I always thought it was awesome. Anyway, that was fun for me. I want a new place. I don't know if it's fun for listeners or watchers, but I don't honestly care. I had a great time. We're traveling back into the past for this one. We are in a messy college dorm room. Oh, nice. Mark and I lived in a messy college dorm room together. Is it the same one? It is not our messy college dorm room. We just wandered into some...

student housing on campus and there were lots of unlocked rooms because that's what happens so this is just some generic messy college dorm room i'm typing to you bob oh yeah i forgot about that part pick your hiding spots out of fairness i think wade gets to guess first again let's do this that seems incredibly fair it does makes me want to go to the fun fair

wait the judges are saying that counts no all right wade where are the pennies i have hidden one mark has hidden one i want to get a layout of the room what are we looking at are we looking at like two bunk beds two separate beds a desk this isn't our room but it's very much like our room that we lived in freshman year in college i was never in it so that's incredibly unhelpful it's a bunked bed but the

but the bed on top is clearly bunked by people who have no idea how to do it, and it looks like it might collapse at any moment, and the person who sleeps on the top bed has to sleep six and a half inches away from the ceiling of the room because for some reason they didn't think to lower the height of the bed that they put on top of the other bed. There's a couple dressers underneath the beds there, and the other half of the room is just empty. There's a beanbag and a mini fridge and a small TV. It's like a college dormitory.

dorm room situation. That's a couple desks with some stuff on them. Very generic. Couldn't be any random freshman, sophomore dorm room, any

Anywhere on campus. I checked the pillowcases. Ew. Maybe you guys lost a tooth. Maybe the tooth fairy came in and left a penny. Again, not our room. Not our room. Just some random room. No, the pillowcases have not been washed in three months, but there are no pennies. I look in the pile of beer bottle caps that are...

in the mug of beer the beer mug that they have to make it seem like they drink all the time i look in there uh nothing in there but a bunch of cheap beer bottle caps and some used up condom wrappers for some reason why were they in there just the wrappers i don't know it's like basically a trash can whatever yeah it makes you want to happen to the condoms they got used clearly

I check the posts where the bed is connected to make sure that a penny wasn't tucked between. There are some pennies wedged in three of the four legs of the bunked bed, but they're not coming out. I think those pennies are holding the structure together. One of these people is definitely going to die. I go to... Is there anyone in the room besides us? Just us three and like maybe a small creature, but it's hard to tell exactly what it is. It's under some stuff in the corner. It's fine. It's fine.

I nudge Wade in the ribs and I go, you see something in the corner there? Do you see something? Do you see something, Wayne? I look over a bit like nonchalantly and then I gain a look of concern as I noticed that something might be living in the corner. And I wonder if it's an animal or just a trash monster. And I say, what the hell is that?

Wade talks different in this world. I like it. I slowly approach the creature in the corner. Doesn't seem to notice. It's just sort of generally making a concerning shuffling noise under the pile of whatever. What do you think? It's going to spit a penny into your hands? What are you looking for? I hold out my hand. That's not a hint. I look on top of the fridge and top of the desk without searching too specifically. Just look to see if I see anything shiny, just easily standing out that I might have overlooked.

I mean, there's stuff everywhere. A lot of empty energy drink cans. A very large pile of condom wrappers. Like, conspicuously large. You keep specifying that. Food court. Stolen food court dishes and silverware. Just lots of crap. But no pennies hidden in plain sight? No money whatsoever. This is a college dorm. They took the pennies already. Whoever lives in this dorm took our pennies already and spent them. Probably. We need to leave and go check Penny Man. Ha!

The penny store, you know the college penny man the guy who comes and collects your pennies. Where's your penny mark? Where's your penny in the room says mine? Anyway, I go over to the creature in the corner. I lift whatever's on it off of it and I go Oh Too cute What's in your mouth what's in your open your mouth, I hope it's one of the college students Oh

Looking up at you from underneath the pile of trash and I don't know, beanbags and whatever is a naked, skinny college freshman boy.

He appears to be very, very much out of it. It appears to be so hung over that he can barely function. And now that you've exposed the way for him to escape from the pile of trash, he sack taps. You yells, bro. And then runs out of the room. That's probably not what kids these days would yell, but cap, uh,

He didn't have any clothes or pennies. A bit concerned by what just transpired, I go and I kick over some of the bottles and condom wrappers to see if there's either a penny or another college student hidden in the bottom of that. You, for some reason, kick a bunch of stuff off of the top of the tables and stuff that it's on instead of using your hands like a human person. I am not touching those condom wrappers with my hands. I will use my hands.

Interesting. I even wore slippers. You hear what you think might have been a penny sound hitting the floor, but you're definitely going to have to get in there with your hands if you want to find out. You think. You'd think that.

Mark, now that you've moved the pile of crap that the naked freshman was trapped underneath, you notice that the error is now circulating in the room a little bit better. And there's a really funky smell that is now dominating the part of the room that you're located in. Good funk? Crusty funk.

I also hearing the sound of the what might have been a penny dive into the filth and I try to form the exact shape that I strip my clothes and I try to get into the position that that person was just in to try to see from that level where a penny might be. It's my only hope. You don't need to get any smaller, man. If anything, you should have gotten taller.

I shrink. I shrink. You shrink down magically. You're becoming smaller and smaller. You're also naked. You're curled up on the floor in front of the air vent from which the weird, disgusting, crusty funk seems to be coming from. You shrink and you shrink and you see no pennies anywhere in the area, but you are almost blown away by the crusty, funky air of the tiny air vents. Giving in to Bob's...

horrible requirements. I use my hands, my feet, my mouth, anything I can to look through these piles for that penny. I'm using every appendage I have, dick included, to find it. Okay. So you come up for air every once in a while and somehow every time you come up you have an additional cold sore or... I don't know.

boils or God knows what on different parts of your body that you're touching stuff. Also, it's sticky. Somehow it's slippery, but it's sticky. And just all of you slowly become sticky, slippy. And when you finally stand up feeling defeated, you notice that there's a penny stuck to the underside of your right arm. Yes! Okay.

And somehow by sheer coincidence, you seem to have dug the penny that Mark hid inside one of the gratuitous number of condom wrappers in this dorm room. I knew kicking those off would work. Why? Why? Why were there condom wrappers? Because they were guys. They weren't actually used. They just bought a big pack and they wanted everyone who came into the room to think that they really they really fucked. So do I grow now? Do I go back to my normal size or? I don't know. Cast your spells, wizard man. I...

I press on into the wind. I will find the source of the stink. No matter what, I go into the wind.

I don't remember what Penny smelled like, but it must be a clue. It must. I don't think Penny smelled like muck. Mark continues to shrink, eventually getting so small that he could sneak just barely through the grate of the air vent from which the crusty funkiness is coming.

As you wedge your way through and you're afraid for a second, you get stuck and you're afraid for another second. Your dick just got sliced off by the old rusty air vent, but it didn't. You come upon quite the sight since you're so small now, they're taller than you are. It's not a height joke. You're just a very, very shrunken down man at this point. It's a stack of Playboy magazines and laying next to it, a crusty, funky sock.

balled up in kind of a weird, awkward position laying there in the air vent. - I press on, I enter the sock. - Mark continues to shrink. - Why do I keep shrinking?

I don't know. You're pressing on. You keep getting smaller and smaller. It's a race against time now. Mark is desperately crawling into the sock. Your body started to get scraped up because of how crusty and dry and terrifying it is in there. You're bleeding.

You're barely able to breathe because the material doesn't even allow air to flow through it at this point in its life. And as you reach the horrifying toe of the gigantic tube sock, which everybody knows is just for show, you find a penny.

So big that if it fell over upon you, it would crush you to death in an instant. Whose was it? That's Wade Speddy. Oh, God. But I pressed on. Why did you go condoms and I went Krusty's fuck sock? The condoms at least weren't used. I specified that in my clue. Yeah, the condoms were safe, man. I was hoping you'd see the sock and turn around. I didn't expect you to go into it.

Bob's too good at hiding his penny. I don't think we're ever going to find his penny. I swear to God, if there's a take a penny, leave a penny on the desk, I'm going to be so upset. laughter

You're sort of interrogating each other as this goes on, but no one's really thinking about me. I'm sort of getting away. But I did. Do you want to know where mine is or do you want to guess? You said three of the four pillars had pennies. What did the fourth pillar have? Paper towels for some reason. Confusing choice. Damn it. The fridge. Is it in the fridge? No, no pennies in the fridge. Sadness. Under the welcome mat. Weirdly, there is a welcome mat.

But the only thing under there is pieces of paper that appear to have girls' names and phone numbers on them, but were clearly written by the boys who live in the dorm room. Just in case anyone looks. The drawers of the desks clearly contain a penny. Nothing in there but vapes. I pull, I rip one of the vapes. And I say to Wade, I've quit. It's been a year since I quit. I just need a little. I won't become addicted. I say...

I say, Mark, no, you're too small. The power of that vape will blow you away. Somehow, Mark summons the strength to lift the vape to an angle where he can get his head in front of it. As he takes a drag, the heat from the coil nearly incinerates his entire being, and the water vapor he does manage to get into his lungs contains so much nicotine that he dies almost immediately of a heart attack. There's no pennies in there. Interesting.

I check every left shoe. There's a surprising number of left shoes. No pennies. All right, that's it. Here, we're going to find mine. I'm too smart. I frantically, before I let you guys come into the room, looked around for a place to hide it, and I didn't want to touch anything. And I really grossed out because I was imagining what was happening with all the condoms and stuff. And so I just held the penny casually in my right hand while we stood there and watched you guys look for other pennies.

I thought to check myself in the coffee shop. I never thought to check you. I'm dead and tiny. Mark died at three inches tall of a nicotine ingestion. I ripped off part of my tongue on the floor. Yeah, it was your own choice, man. Yeah, that was weird.

All right, Mark. I know you struggle with two-sentence horror stories. I want to do one more. What? This has nothing to do with two-sentence horror stories, except that it's kind of a spooky setting. So feel free to throw some in there if you're feeling creative. We are in A Grandmother's Attic.

It's surprisingly big for how like average size the house is, but it is just an attic. It's like one of those attics where there's, you know, there's trunks full of dress up clothes and mannequins for some reason. And you know,

The kind of attic that appears in a horror game that no actual human person ever has as an attic in their house. Like there's a rocking chair for some reason that's still rocking. Yeah, there's a rocking chair that's constantly rocking for no apparent reason. And there's one light that has a pull string that's like way the fuck on the far end of the entire thing from where the stairs are for no reason. I've hidden my penny. I've hidden mine as well.

Hold on. It doesn't have to be a two sentence horror story. Good thing I brought my spooky change.

Too bad I used the haunted coin purse. Shut up. My turn? My turn? Sure, man. You can have it. I turn to Wade. Rip his pants down. Rip his shirt up. Look all over. Turn to you, Bob. Rip your pants down. Rip your shirt up. Look all around. Open your hands! Open your hands! Both of you. Open your hands! Spread your cheeks! I open my hands. Spread them! Up. Up.

Somehow your ass makes that noise. Good thing I brought my scary ass. You don't find anything, but for some reason I have nipple pasties on and now Wade and I are both naked for the rest of this episode because you destroyed our clothes when removing them. Mark, did you search yourself? He did not.

I rip off my pants. I rip off my shirt. I spread all my cheeks. Did you just genie Mark? Did you just get him to search his own cell for your purposes? Apparently I did. I'm glad he did for me. Thank you. So while he's doing that for me. All right, we're all naked. Great. Thanks.

Now that we're naked, I can see clearly what's going on around me, which is... What's in this attic? Is it very full of stuff? Is it kind of empty? Sparse? It's kind of a mix. There's definite walkways. There's kind of... Imagine it's like a level in a horror game. There's some definite pathing options, but it's pretty like...

crowded in with stuff but the pathways are respected you're not going to get caught on any straight textures running around this attic if i'm following mark's pattern it went train condom wrappers i like this i'm thinking this time it's in a box of

Yes!

which is a strange thing for a box of useless schoolwork from 12 years ago. Yes. You can even tell exactly the point in the stack of crap to where the person dug into the box. Yes. So you rifle through the papers and you pull it and you see where they stopped digging and you go right to that point. Yes.

There's nothing. There was just an old yearbook in there that they were trying to find. Oh. That was a fun guess, though. Thanks. Yeah, you're welcome. I huff and I puff, and I blow the dust off of every piece of furniture. Okay.

Okay. I'm hoping that will turn something up. You summon the magical Superman ability to blow like a tornado for some reason. And now it doesn't matter that we're naked because we're all caked in four decades of dust. It's awesome. And when you were looking in one of the directions and blowing super humanly hard, uh,

Uh, nothing interesting happened. But when you looked in the other direction and you blew superhumanly hard, all the dust blew off the furniture and there were no pennies on any of it. But you did hear kind of a deep rattle coming from that half of the attic. How deep? Oh, like large wooden rattle. Give me the, give me the note in the scale, like a C2 or... Like in, like a D2. Like the knife? Yeah, okay. All right.

It's a knife. It's a knife. Probably. I check the ladder and or stairs that lead up to the that. They're still there. With a penny on them? No, it's just some stairs. So close. That half where I might have heard a low D2-ish rattling, I grab a giant magnet, throw it away because copper is not magnetic, and then I... What's that?

Hey, he's got one of those copper magnets. I turn it off to see what happens anyway.

A bunch of really horrifying shit just comes flying at you. You're waving around the room and there's like old knitting needles and all kinds of real dangerous final destination type shit. You're fine. It's fine. You're fine. You got plot armor, so you don't think that happens. But when you aim it at one particular area, you hear kind of that same rattle again. There's something trying to move, but can't move. It's just contained. I...

I am going now to find a penny and the way I'm going to do it

I'm going to look to see if there's a take a penny, leave a penny anywhere in this attic. Funny enough, there is, but it's empty. It's just sitting next to an old cash register. You are such a tease, man. Pile of signage from what seems to be a closed down family restaurant of some sort. I'm really honing in on this weird, low rattling thingamabob. And I want to.

Kind of push aside anything as I'm pushing. I'm listening for the rattling and I'm getting closer and closer to it. I keep pushing, shaking, shoving, pushing. Shove, push, shake, shake, push, shove, shove, touch, shake, push, shake. Oh, what are you touching?

Everything. He's wading through the stuff. I can see it. I can see it. Oh, that's quite the turn. Yeah, well, I'm trying to find that rattling. Nothing that you touch or push by is the thing that is rattling, but you still hear it coming from the same direction.

Mark used a big magnet and sucked up all the magnetic metals to his magnet, right? So I'm going to pull out my handy dandy metal detector that I carry with me. And now that all of the non-magnetic, now that the magnetic metal is gone, I'm going to use the metal detector around to see if it can detect the non-magnetic metals such as copper. I'm just doing a quick Google on how magnetics

Magnetic. Yeah, hang on. I'm just Googling something. A metal detector can detect copper because it's a highly conductive metal? Hang on. I'm just doing a quick search. Uh-huh. I might have searched as well to find this out when we started. Even though metal detectors do use an electromagnetic field, non-ferrous metals can still interfere with that field in a way that would trigger the metal detector. Hmm.

which is why i'm thankful that mark sucked a lot of them up i see i see so what did you do i got so hung up on the whole metal detector got you moment what did you do with it you started waving it around or something using it was the plan in any more specific area than that or just well i mean he just searched through half the room in one turn i thought maybe i'd get a little leeway but uh i didn't search through half the room i was wading through stuff in a line in a

Straight line, pushing, shoving, touching, pushing. Point me in a direction. Where are we sticking your metal detector? Give me some vague guidance. You can even say you walk away from Mark in a straight line towards the opposite wall. Well, I'm going to go to the opposite side from where Mark has the magnet, and I'm going to search specifically around the waist and lower level.

Okay, so waist height and below. On the left half of the attic, if Mark's on the right. You can search that entire, yeah, you can search your entire half of the attic that way. That's acceptable. You don't find any copper on the...

whatever waist height and below search that you do on that half of the basement. Okay. Have I hit the wall yet? You are standing with your arm outstretched and your fingers an inch away from the wall. Like you're about to make contact. You're right at the end of everything. All right. I press my ear to the wall. See if, do I hear anything? Then we press here to the wall, take a deep breath. And from behind you, you hear.

Uh...

Granny's not doing so well. She had Taco Bell for dinner. It's unrelated. Wait, Granny's in the attic? No, she's in the bathroom. The bathroom's just underneath where Mark is in the house. Look, I had a whole diagram in front of me. I'm not just making this up on the spot. Once the diarrhea sounds stop from the downstairs bathroom, you press your ear up and you hear, coming from inside the wall, you hear that same rattling noise. It's louder now than it was because you seem to be closer to it almost.

I use the last of my turn to turn to Wade and smile like this. Does he see me? Do you see him? I rolled a five. Shit. Out of what? Twenty. Oh, he doesn't notice anything.

Wade doesn't even notice that he actually stepped in a loaded sprung bear trap a second ago. He's just bumbling around with his metal detector, scraping it on anything he can get his hands on. I forgot I got a real D20 I could have grabbed. No idea. All right, Wade, you got your metal detector. What are we doing now?

Doing the same thing on the side Mark's on. Aside from getting a lot of pinging from Mark's electromagnet and the huge clump of ferrous metal stuck to it that he's dragging around, you don't find any copper or get any pings of anything else in that area of the basement. What have you two done? All right. All right.

I step back from the wall after pressing my ear, I go, it's in the walls. It's in the goddamn walls! And I start ripping the boards as hard as I can just rip and give them, digging my fingers and ripping fingernails off, blood spewing everywhere. What an inefficient way to get into a wall. It's an attic. So for some reason, the walls are finished, but they're finished real shittily. And I'll allow you to

call your way into them like a madman. Assuming you dig starting at the place where you were standing in front of where you were hearing the rattling. And as you start to expose, there seems to be kind of a cavity behind the wall. And in your crazed frenzy, you don't really notice what's in front of you that you're uncovering. But by the time you're done and the wall is fully destroyed Wolverine style, you're standing in front of

a whole other room of the attic. Like another third of the attic. It's a huge space that was separated off by this wall and it's just piled up to about waist height with bodies. No floor space. Oh.

No living things, nothing else, no furniture or anything in the room. It's just someone kept continuously killing people, bringing bodies up here, and hucking them into that part of the attic. I don't know, it's a solid 30 to 40 dead bodies. I forgot this was a haunted house. I go to Wade, I was like, this was a haunted house? I thought this was your grandma's house! I shouldn't have searched the report card first. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Now that Mark has pointed out that it's a haunted house and my metal detector hasn't done shit, I pull out my spook-o-meter to detect some spooky shit where I think the penny might actually be. It's pronounced spook-o-meter, but go on. I use my spook-o-meter to really point me in the direction of the spoops. You're spinning around wildly, just trying to get any scary echoes you can on your device. And when you wave the thing around, there's something over there on the far end.

There's something that's scary on the far end of the basement. And it's maybe up as opposed to down. You're so far away, it's hard to tell. But you're getting something. Great. So either it's the penny or death. Well, all the dead bodies are over on Mark's side, so... Yeah, but whatever it is, it's scary. Scary, it's my...

spookometer, my spoop, my spoop-oom, spoopy-meter. It's a little scary. It's a tiny scary thing. Maybe it's not scary. Maybe he's right. I wade through the bodies. I just start stomping. Just... I...

I push, touch, I shove, I push, I touch, I touch, shove, push, check in all the pockets. We're all naked still, by the way. Are they naked or are the bodies naked? I check the pockets, I check their other pockets. Everyone living and dead, all naked. Checking, checking, checking, pushing, checking. What pockets are you checking? Checking all the pockets, checking, checking all of them. Making my way to the center of this weird room. After the 27th body that you flip over...

and go through all of its crevices and dig your arm up into its butt nice and deep and give it the whole once over. The last thing you've been doing for some reason is flipping open the eyelids of these bodies. All of them have had eyes, but the 27th one, you get to the end and you flip the eyelids up and in the eye sockets of this dead body are two pennies, one in each socket. One with a big W on it and one with a big

on it wait you also hit yours i am not gonna lie that is exactly what i came up with what the fuck in my notes for this show wrote down i technically what i wrote was i had it's on the eye like how you put coins on for the ferryman kind of thing but

But I had my penny hidden in the eye area of a dead body. So when you said that, I felt like I had to audible on the fly to our two pennies are in the eye sockets of the same dead body. What the fuck? Oh, I was destined to fail. I would have never searched my own hiding spot for your penny.

It's patently imbalanced, I'm going to say. So I guessed your spot before we even started, thereby guaranteeing my own defeat by not searching my spot because we were of the same mind?

That's incredibly awful for me. This is devastating to my case. You guessed my exact hiding spot one phase too early in the game. I want to find what's in the scary corner. All right. So you're walk, where, where are you right now? Beelining. He's searching 300 bodies. I'm going to where the scary thing in the corner is. That's higher up. Yeah. You walk over to the far end of the basement and you're boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

It takes you an annoyingly long time to figure out that it's up in that corner to your left, up above you, is the way. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Yeah, but eventually, after I stand there and glare at you for a while, you get there and you wander over into this corner and you look up into the corner of the attic and all you see is a bunch of cobwebs and what appears to be maybe a dead spider or something hanging in them. I rip open the dead spider, flinging the cobwebs. You grab the dead spider, expecting to rip it in half, and you realize it's actually the face of Abraham Lincoln with a smiley face scribbled on it in Sharpie and

and little pipe cleaner bits taped onto the edges so that it looks like it has eight spidery legs. I rip it in half anyway. You summon superhuman strength for no reason and of no benefit to anyone to rip a penny in half with your bare hands. I found two pennies! I hear you.

He found Mark's penny. It was disguised as a spider in the cobwebs. He sharpied a little face on there and some red eyes and stuff. Why did we both think Grandma was a serial killer? I didn't think Grandma was a serial killer. A spooky addict? I don't know, man. Yeah, the exact thing I sent to Bob, Mark, was a hollow wall hides a body, one of Grandma's many victims, and it's...

And its eye socket is my penny. If it's any consolation, it does nothing for you in the actual competition of the episode. But that was great. Morally, you won big time. Hey, moral victories are often the ones that count the most. In no particular order, Mark scored points for Segway, Bamboo Labs, Decked Drama, Big Baby Tantrum, I'm Massive,

Paper towel penny. I hold out my hand. Air vent sock penny. And eye socket pennies. Uh, Wade, you earned points for Play-Doh 3D printer, Bamboo Boo, Trucks, Drivers are Drug Addicts, question mark, Early Access Instructions, Secret Grandma, Train Penny, Condom Wrapper Penny, Roll to five for your perception, and Spider Penny. That sounds pretty good. Mark, you earned a total of...

10 points. Yeah! And Wade, you earned a total of 9 points.

Okay. It all comes down to the bonus point. So wait, if we roll one and I get it and it ends in a tie again, does that mean we go to the wheel with the one man show on it again? Yep. Oh man. Okay. Uh, I'm going to add an option for you win a bonus point. If you had the scariest moment of the episode, I got one of two. It's either me grabbing that turd, checking it or I'm,

I'm full of that. You did go into the cum sock. I went through hell in this episode. I think Mark might have the scariest moment of this episode. Bob and I apparently high-fived while we hid coins in Grandma's victims. That's true. We had a heck of a time creating that whole setup. We actually killed all those people. So we get two wheel spins. Oh, that means it can't be a tie. So guaranteed not to be a tie. Two spins of this bad boy. Okay.

No! Yes! I ate a nut! I didn't eat chips. That's true. Wade ate one chocolate-covered peanut. I announced it at the beginning! I just always gotta get food in these episodes. I can't believe that worked. We're tied, babies!

The winner comes down to this spin. Paulist. Paulist. Oh, no, no, no. That's got to be me. That's got to be me. Look how I'm so put together right now. Wait, bite your lower lip. I am going to concede this to Mark for one reason. He put deodorant on at the start of this stream, which enhances his smell, which adds to his aura. That's a very vain decision, Mark. Yeah.

Good for you. That is the only reason I will concede. It has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't shaved my head. Fate tried to steal Mark's victory, but fate could not make it so. With 11 points and the extra point for best looking, Mark takes the episode. Wade did get a bonus point for eating the most during the episode, but it wasn't enough. Plus, I feel like I looked really good in this episode. I looked in a lot of places.

You spent the most time naked, probably. So that's something. You were naked in two of three scenarios for almost the entire thing. Weirdly enough, yeah. You were always the smallest. Did you get naked in the coffee shop, too? No. No. No, he was just standing on a naked man who was trying to take a shit. Anyway, congratulations, Mark. Wait, loser speech. For the first time in the history of this show, a moment happened tonight where I guessed the impossible. Amazing.

made up scenario that wasn't even a part of a normal scenario that just happened to be the exact thing the host was thinking and

And it didn't pay off for me. If there's anything equivalent to Bob losing 37 coin flips in a row, whatever it was, it's gotta be this moment. So I think that I deserve all of the pity and feel good all Gilgitum next time wades in the world, but I don't deserve the win because it still was fair. That was big of you. Tall of you even. Thank you. Mark, short speech. Sorry, winter speech. I plumbed the depths.

of my own perseverance to eke out the victory in this episode i dug deeper and dug further than i i pressed on and i think that's a lesson perseverance will always always pay out in the end doesn't matter how many bodies you uncover doesn't how much shit you go through hey if you keep trying you're gonna get there and sometimes you gotta look up keep looking up

Gamers don't look up. It's true. I can't wait to be declared the victor in this upcoming season. It's happening. Probably. This is my year. Thank you so much, everybody, for listening and watching. Make sure you follow Mark and Wade and me. And more importantly, follow the podcast. I'm not going to say that word we're not supposed to say. Birch? Kill him. Editors, blow up Wade.

Thanks so much, everybody, for being here. We'll be back again with another episode real soon. That's not how we end this episode. Just fucking God damn it. Just podcast out.