I Farted During This Episode
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This episode... Brassy Gassy Bob lives the learning curve and takes a meander down memory lane. McKeeley and Mark bites hard, propounds communal computing, slaps AT&T and displays dominance. Or does he? Wick-like Wade has worms, rejects a hard sale, unibicles and is frontstipated with Backman. From Vlad's favourite to Wade's tight hole...

Yes! It's time for I Farted During This Episode. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

hello everybody welcome back to yesteryear's favorite podcast the podcast of your your grandparents podcast they listened to while they were slugging down their morning coffee that's right podcast from a century ago world famous distractible i i'm running this it's a hard bit to do guys i'm not gonna lie nailed it i'm

I'm running out of people's favorites. Who could like us? I've already said everyone likes us. Who could it possibly be next? Vladimir Putin's favorite podcast. Distractible. Oh,

Vlad as we call him. Yeah, you want to do this mysterious fourth member was well V dog Oh Get in here now. Welcome back to distractible If you've never seen the show before I'm hosting because I won the last one the other two guys who were here are gonna compete to win this one To host the next one it never ends, please save us But my competitors for today as always are going to be mark and Wade say hi fellas. Hello. Hello

ah fellas ah one of you can listen no damn it wade get your ear infection out of your ear and listen oh that's okay it's spread to my ass at this point i'm one long infection like a tapeworm of infection how's your ear spread to your ass you go ear to ass man you go straight from ear to ass you don't you never heard of the ear to ass canal

Nope. Never heard of that one. That's a famous shipping route at the early 20... The turn of the 18th... 19th century. When were canals? The 16800s. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's how I know I'm close to death. If you combine hearing and arse, you get hearse. That's pretty good. I feel like technically you get harse, but I'll give it to you. There is a...

a passage from your ear to your throat or mouth or wherever it connects. It helps equalize pressure, right? Keep going. Keep going. And if, yeah, if you keep going down, technically so, it's one long continuous thing to your butthole. So I guess he's correct. You ever vomit out your ears? Nope. What Mark is saying is it's physically possible to fart out your ears. Nope. I'm pretty sure I'm reading this correctly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you like close your mouth, plug your nose and blow and just...

wouldn't that explode your eardrums that would be so fucking funny that'd be so funny the blood just farts out the ears come on come on how many points to explode live on the podcast hey your ear infection will probably feel better if you just blew up your whole head yeah yeah if you don't have an eardrum can't have an ear infection without a head it's tempting

I have an episode for today as per the constitution and regulations of this podcast. But before we get into that, how are you guys doing? You got any of them small talks? Anything going on? What's the news? Well...

Why is he frozen? He's just pretending. He just has an ear infection. He just doesn't want to go. Yeah. What? You should have picked a wilder facial expression. Okay, so like most of my things, it's all technology-based, right? Unbelievable. I...

Well, okay, so I've had this gripe before about like Intel and how the new chip that they had got shat on and it's actually pretty good. So it's just like, again, everyone who thinks that the new Intel chips are bad, they're not actually. They're really not. And I talked about this on a PowerWash episode, but I was like, is there some global conspiracy to try to shut down Intel because it's basically America's only leading...

chip manufacturer and if they don't have it if it goes out of business or something gets sold wouldn't that be anyway this is not about that at all i realized that uh

It was always within my grasp to have high speeds, but I was so focused on these pathetic, pitiful consumer-level things that I didn't realize that there were complete solutions to get extremely high-speed data access to your computers right from your PCIe slots. What? I'm about to have 50 gigabytes per second transfer speeds. 50 gigabytes. What? From what to what? From...

From whence does that happen? So this is, uh, there's a, it's actually a relatively new product, but I could have done this at any time with networking because I'm dumb and storage servers and whatnot. I was building this render farm and I never actually did anything, but there's this card that you can put in to your, your computer, like a graphic card goes right in the PCI slot. Right. And in the back is a like full PCI bandwidth connector that takes that to an external enclosure. Right.

And so I bought that and I have SSDs lying around because I've done a ton of storage. I have movies and I have files. And so I, if I never throw anything away or never throw it or sell anything. So if I reformat them, put there, I get,

A full 8 SSDs, NVMe SSDs of speed through a full pipeline right into my computer. And I've been dealing with piddly little Thunderbolt with its 40 gigabit per second connection when I could have had 50 gigabytes per second of pure data transfer.

Wow. That is a lot. Potentially more actually, potentially more. I don't think I have enough data that I've ever stored on any hard drive that that makes a difference to me. I would just be able to jump my shit back and forth across that all collectively as one hunk. That's a lot of things. It is so much, but when, let me tell you, I still, even after all my networking improvements that I've done to my editing process, I had to transfer the movie to a new drive. Uh,

because I wanted to work on it with a computer with like a 4090 in it, which I have. But transferring it just to even an array that I have on fast drives through Thunderbolt, it took a day. It still took a day to transfer this stuff. Jesus.

A day! And that's an improvement from the three days it took, like, maybe a year and a half ago, two years ago. It took a day! I don't have a day to waste for this to transfer. And then it failed the first time, so I had to do it a couple times, like it always does. When I, if I have this, I could transfer the whole thing in...

It probably would still take like three hours, but three hours is better than a day. You know? I mean, yeah, that's a dramatic improvement, but damn, it's still a long runtime. Oh, you know, you could do is just play the movie on the screen and aim a camcorder at it. And then just, then you'd have it on the camcorder. You just send that to whoever I get you. You're thinking, then it's only the runtime of the movie itself, which, you know, that's pretty good.

Compared to a whole day. Yeah, man. But the world of technology out there is so vast and there's so many obvious things that I don't have. The problem is I'd have to get it onto that drive in the first place and all of my other slower things. It would still take a day to get it onto that big fast array. But then I could start transferring it to everything else faster. Anyway, I don't know anything about technology. As much as I yap about it, I really don't. No, I've been trapped in that pit

Yeah, we've talked about this before, I think. But you know that graph of like, you're starting to learn something and you feel like you're learning. And then you keep learning and you fall into the pit of realizing how much shit there is that you're never going to understand. And then you're supposed to keep pushing through and climb back out on the other side. And now you're an expert. I've been trapped in the middle part of that with technology my entire life. Like, I know enough to be like...

ah, there's so much cool shit. I don't know enough to use any of it in a useful way or to know what I should do. I'm, I know every time I have a tech problem, I'm like, there's definitely a solution out there for this. But I, all I can think is Google how transfer data fast and then see what kind of like, I'm, there's a, there's a gap in between what I know exists and what I can actually, uh,

put to use. I mean, yeah, legitimately, that's what it is. I feel like you gotta be close to coming out the other side, because I'm sure there's a ton of shit that you're aware of that you're like, you don't understand, or you don't... But you know so many things. You've done so much cool stuff. Apparently, I don't even know the

beginnings of it because my my my render farm is very powerful but it still isn't woefully under like you know at the nvidia ceo what he's talking about the more you buy the more you save with his ten thousand dollar graphics cards while he's he's hawking a server rack that's as big as bigger than the shelf behind me that probably cumulatively in the whole rack costs like 10 million dollars

And that's just to go really fast. You need a render cooperative or a render collective farm. What? What is that? A group of farms. Those are types of farms. You know, like a ground plowing kind of farm and a co-op kind of deal. What a name that would be, though. The render collective.

This is my render cooperative. I have 16 garages each stacked with... Every bathroom in every building I have access to, stuffed full of servers. I am a man with 10 garages of render farms. There was a town that once had only one internet provider, right? It was probably Spectrum, let's be honest.

probably always spectrum. They had one internet provider, but everyone is so fed up because they were providing bad service and stuff. So the whole town just said collectively, we're going to start our own internet provider. Cause fuck you. And they just bought one server for like their town. And they hooked into the grid that is, is public grid. The, the, the, the actual infrastructure going interstate and inner inner city is like public because it has to be. And then like,

I mean, occasionally they'll lay their own cables and stuff like that, but usually it's like infrastructure level. So they tapped into that and were like, we're going to manage our own internet. And then they tapped in and they started providing internet for the entire community at way faster speeds than the other company was doing. And then they took it over. Right.

Right. Are you looking that up, Bob? I'm Googling it. This appears to have happened multiple times. I'm seeing a person named Jared Mosh started Washtenaw fiber properties, LLC to provide internet to his rural community in Michigan. But there is a similar type story that happened in Dillon beach, California. Apparently this is, this has been happened more than once, but yeah, people just get sick of the ISP being useless garbage and you can,

Turns out if you have enough resources or a small enough community or both, you could just do that. I can't believe we're all still not mad at like AT&T and those other fiber companies where in the 90s or early 2000s, the government basically allotted billions of dollars to put fiber across the whole United States. And they did it. They did.

Did it. And then they just didn't use it. Or in cases they didn't do it and they took the money and ran. But there are fiber lines everywhere and people have forgotten about it. I actually didn't know that that happened. Oh, absolutely. They didn't know there was a fiber line literally connected to my house.

I had to have someone from the company come out here and look because I was like, I think I've talked about before. I was like, I'm going to pay for someone to dig a line because I'm like, I just need fiber. I've bad here. It's only spectrum. That's what it was. And then I was like, I'm just going to pay for it. And by the time they came out here, it was a new console. We'll see how long it is. We just got to find where the closest junction is. And then they went around back in my house. They were like,

pluck the string you see them unwrapping it yeah we'll have to install one and it was crazy because the installation cost was a big fat zero dollars because even they were like well we don't need to do anything turns out all we needed to do was

Aw, look at that! Look at that! You got fiber! Look at that! Yeah, that's just stupid. And then, of course, the power company ripped that fiber right out of the wall when they were replacing one of the power poles nearby. That's the best. They had to make sure they sprayed the ground to mark where the cables are so they knew where to remove them. Yeah, we'll fix that for you if you pay us. Dude, construction guys are wild about that stuff. I don't know if this is universal, but my parents, when I was in high school, had...

We had some issues in our backyard. We had a deck, but it was like flooding kind of the basement. It was a whole thing. And so they had like guys dig out and put more of a foundation in. And so they were digging pretty deep into the backyard. And this dude was on an excavator. I think he had a fixed exterior fixators on one of his legs because he had been in a pretty horrific motorcycle accident. But he was on the excavator running the job site. He was the contractor. And he was like, just dug up a wire line.

like literally was all and the wire was like stuck in the bucket of the excavator and and he like my dad and i were kind of around and we saw that we walked over and we're like oh shit whoa what do we do with that and he climbed out of the excavator climbed up across the boom arm onto the bucket and was like holding it with his bare hands no shirt just like get off and we were like what if there's a power

You fucking psychopath! And he was like, that's probably not. That doesn't seem thick enough that it would really hurt me. They hardly ever bury these. You think? And it turned out it was a power line. It really fucked up the power to our house pretty good and they had to fix that. But he just literally was just like, get off of the thing! God damn it! We were like, wow, we're about to see a man get fried. Oh shit. Dial 9-1 and wait. 9-1, wait.

Anyway, I love when construction got... I'm going to give myself a point for that. Bob, that might be biggest laugh if that comes up. Yeah, give yourself a point for that one, Bob. He's going to be in the lead, man. 9-1-8 is the best thing I've heard. Well, modernly, on cell phones, I could just type in 9-1-1, but don't hit call. So it's even more efficient, you know? Anyway, that's all I got for my updates.

I didn't know that thing about the government paid them to put fiber and then they just straight up didn't use it, though. That's dope. Yeah, they built a nationwide fiber optic network by commissioning a bunch of companies and it cost about $200 billion to replace the existing copper network with fiber to serve the nation's homes. Bringing fiber optics to every home would have cost anywhere from $150 to $500 billion. Yeah, it wasn't fully deployed. They pocketed a lot of money and it's called the broadband scandal or something like that. Neat.

Yeah, so, you know, people should not be happy. I'm still not happy with AT&T for their stupid bullshit 5G-E whenever... I had a 4G phone. You remember that? And then 5G was starting to roll out. And then same phone, but AT&T was like, what if we rename what it currently is, which is 4G, to 5G-E? It's like the 5G experience. That was their excuse. I was so mad. I was at the gall. Like, the sheer balls to just do something like that. To...

Just what? Mark, they just needed you to buy some more stuff. Okay. Do you know how hard it is to get people to give you their money and give them the minimum amount possible? You know how complicated that is? As a general business practice, it's tough, man. I think you should have a little more sympathy for the big companies. You're right. You're right. What am I thinking? I think you're not giving them enough credit. Why small talk is related. It has to do with solicitors.

Whoa. I didn't like that very much. Yeah, I didn't either. Because, you know, we have a no soliciting sign we put on our driveway because I got really fucking tired. We're like, Girl Scout cookies only. I don't get them. I don't understand. If someone sees that sign and they're like, I'm a solicit. And you know what? I'm a solicit so good that even though I ignored their sign, they're going to want what I got.

Like, all right, fucker. What do you want? Why are you at my door? Listen, I was looking at your house from this angle where I can't see anything on the roof, but you know what you need? New gutter guards. I'm like, I don't fucking, I, no, I don't. Unless you do. Let me tell you more about our, no, I don't. Please go away. But what about our,

about our gutter guards i don't know if that's the brand that's a brand name i don't mean to insult gutter guards specifically but some kind of fucking gutter protection i wasn't even listening gutter guard salesman is weeping right now it's the leo dicaprio meme he's like

There was a guy at our door. He rang the doorbell. We weren't at the house at the time. Rang our doorbell and then just stood outside for like five minutes just waiting. Like...

Oh yeah, man, I heard the doorbell 10 minutes ago. Sorry, I thought I'd answer it now. Three hours later, comes back, does the exact same thing. And apparently he did the same thing to one of our neighbors and our neighbor was like, no, we don't want you. They have a no soliciting sign. Maybe you shouldn't go there either. The guy's like, I don't have to listen to those. It's like, what do you expect to happen? Do you think I'm going to be so enticed by your shit ass product? I'll be like, oh,

Oh man, I should have extra solicitor sign. Please solicit me more. What you got to do is you got to walk up to the door with like a notepad and just be like, oh, are you registered as a solicitor in our county? Did you register? What's your name? And do you have the number on the registration? Just so I can look at, I'll scare him away. A registered solicit offender? Is that funny?

I was about to laugh. I said it, I was like, I immediately feel bad. That's not good. Well, you feel bad for who? The Solis offenders? You're going to defend the Solis offenders here on our podcast? On Vladimir Putin's favorite podcast, you're going to defend Solis offenders? I'm sorry, Mother Russia.

i don't know they just annoy the shit out of me i don't know what they expect i mean it must work i i'm i'm with you but it must work right they spend a lot of money on people where that's their job where they go around and sell solar panels or gutter guards or whatever it has to work enough for that to be worth it because i wouldn't i never would and i never even entertained buying a thing from those people but they must get someone who's doing that whoever's doing that you stop it

if it's like a kid for a school thing like you know they're doing a fundraiser or girl scout cookies or something like that it's like okay that's fine like those are exceptions but like someone over the age of 18 who's coming to sell me some bullshit it's like i'm not gonna change my nothing you can say unless it's just like would you like the suitcase full of money like then maybe like you know what sure yeah bigger no solicitor sign they didn't see it that's the problem

Yeah, that's probably it, yeah. Like the size of a graduation celebration sign. Like 15 feet. It's always like house repair, tree removal, or bug. Getting rid of bugs. They're like, hi, I'm not Terminix. I'm that other company. Bug, go bye-bye. Would you like some bug, go bye-bye sprayed on your floors? What do you mean, spray it on my... There it is. See? No bugs on your face. Ha ha ha.

That'll be $50. My dad actually had that happen. Not in the face, right? But it was some, I don't know, like a cleaning spray salesman. And he not only threw dirt on my dad's shoes, he like splashed and then sprayed it and it just made like this muddy, horrible mess. He's like, oh no, God.

I was so mad. I remember I was just a little kid at the time. Your dad's fresh moccasins and he's like, this will come right out. Look at this paint. It's

permanent marker yeah sorry i'm just i fucking hate solicitors i hate them i hate when they come to my door and they don't leave and then you tell them no and they're like no do you mean like actually yes wait hold on just give me paper discount yeah you're not obligated to be polite with them you can literally just be like nope close the door

I know, that's hard for me to do. I'm like, no thank you. Like, you don't have to, like, threaten them or be rude, but you can literally just be like, no. No, thank you, you want two times the product? No, no, just fucking get out of my fucking yard. Sounds fun. Sounds like a party.

But have they come since the sign? That's the question. Yeah, did they walk past the sign or? In and out, they walked right by it. In fact, the dude had like one of those little one-wheeled Segway things, whatever the fuck they're called, the little wheelie thing. Oh, oh, a one-wheel. Oh, those little one-wheel things, what are they called? I don't know, they're called one-wheel, unibikels, I don't fucking know. Unibikels, yep, you're getting closer, I have a feeling. Unibikels.

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Shall we do the topic? What is it? What is it? What is it, man? What is the topic? Well, you're going to love it, Wade. It's a quiz. Oh, no. I'm the quiz. No, no, no. It's okay. I know that you know the answers to these. It's a quiz about stuff that we've done, guys. 20 easy quizzes. No. It's not. It's not. I haven't honestly... I couldn't think of a name that works in that naming convention. But look, I have a list.

And the answer is only real or fake. That's it. There's no, it's another binary choice. It's a list of titles of episodes of Distractible. Oh, fuck.

Some of them are real and some of them are made up. We are not involved in the naming process. I have never once looked at the titles of our episodes. I just wanted to go through it. Just see if we remember what we talked about. There's only... We've done like 500. How are we supposed to know? Oh, it's like 400 or less. It's not that many. Okay.

400 or less. Okay, sure. Anyway, some of these I feel like we should know. Some of them I didn't realize were real titles, so we'll get to those as we get to them. I just want to talk about it. I was interested. We've done so many of these now. I don't remember them all. I'm not claiming that I do, but I'm just curious how good your guys' memory of all the fun times that we've had is.

I have a flip a coin to see who goes first, I suppose. Oh, and I do want to address this. Someone on the subreddit had a gripe about how we flip coins that they ascribe to the flip theory of flip, catch, put it, flip it onto your hand. That's harder to show on camera. That's the way I do it normally, but... Yeah, well, and several people, like their original comment was like, these fucking idiots.

idiots don't even know how to flip coins is this an american thing or what it's a it's a coin flip flipping it onto the back of your hand doesn't do anything it's just a flip yeah that's just one more flip unless you look when you catch it and then you decide in that moment and you're just manipulating your coin flips throughout your entire life i feel like that gives more chance to do the cheating whereas this is like whatever lands you have to

What I would really prefer to do is how they do football coin flips where you flip it and just let it fall on the ground and then no one's touching it or anything. It's just like it lands how it lands. Anyway, to that person and the comments on the subreddit, shut up. Yeah, heads are an asshole, tails you suck. Oh, looks like I got him. Anyway, lady is weighty and lion is Mark. I love the rhyming pattern. Lady is up first.

Shit. Wait, that's good. Bad? Is it? I don't know. Waity the lady is up first. It means you have a very slight advantage in winning the episode, which is what you want. Oh, good. So it'll be even more embarrassing when I lose. Yeah, you should win now. Yeah, you're on a pretty low streak, so I'm rooting for you, buddy. Thanks, man. I'm running out of episode ideas. You keep making me crank them out. I can't keep them up. All right, guys. So,

Somehow I still feel insulted by this. Man, how many ideas do you think I have? Come on. I only had to win the first three seasons. Give me a break. All right, Wade. Real or fake? The episode we did that was called Cheesecake Protocol. Fake? When have we ever talked about cheesecake on this show ever? Good job. Good nose. Good sniffing. Okay. All right.

All right. 50-50 on that. I felt like that was a 50% chance I could have gotten that one wrong. It kind of is just a 50% chance. That is how it works. Yeah, no. Unless you know anything, unless you have information, it is kind of a fit. Yeah. Can't pull anything by this guy. He's sharp as a... This is why I have such a good winning streak. Sharp as a rivet, this one. Mark...

real or fake we did an episode called aliens among us well i mean that sounds like something we'd do but i can't remember did we

Would you like me to answer or? No, I'm asking God. Did we? Did we? You have to ask dramatically if you want him to answer. You know, I'm actually going to say no because it sounds like somebody do, but I can't remember what we would have talked about. Saying fake? Yeah, I think it's fake. That's real. Ah.

You were, your instinct was accurate. We did do that. Wade, true or false? Or real or fake? More accurately, we did an episode called Moist Appreciation. If we didn't, I like it. We should. I don't like it at all. This is just, this is just episode ideas. All the fake ones we're going to make. I literally opened up my, my, my podcast ideas sheet for this. Whoa, no. Hey, whoa, hey, hey, hey.

To write new ideas. Well, these are already written on my ideas list, so I guess we'll see who wins first. Well, let's see who gets them first. You have to actually win an episode to host something. How am I allowed to cheat, Bob? How am I allowed to cheat? How much cheating can I do? I will allow you to browse our Spotify listings. That seems like a bigger cheating than... I'm just... Here, I'll read you my ideas right now. I don't want to spoil it. No, stop stalling. Real or fake?

There's only two things I- *fake noise*

You're right. He keeps getting it. There's only two things. RALS. Well, you're correct. That is fake. But also, you had a decent chance of guessing that one. Moist. Hold on. I don't remember the idea. Moist appreciation. Moist is an idea for an episode. Mark, real or fake, we did an episode called The Egg Gambit. The Egg Gambit. Yeah. When would we have talked about egg?

i don't know we've probably talked about eggs at some point but nah that sounds fake i don't think that was real that isn't in fact fake it's real it's fake great job we keep changing the terms of this wait what do you mean what was it real or fake wasn't that it true false real fake fake i i i corrected myself from true false calm down now all right the egg gambit fake

Great episode idea. Probably. Wade, real or fake? We did an episode called Toilets and Triumph. I've had a lot of toilet talk over the years. Yeah, you have. You really have. But have I ever been triumphant? It's like one of your favorite topics, really. It's got alliteration. It's got toilets in it. It's gotta be true. Oh, I'm sorry. Toilets and Triumph is fake. You know what? It's on the list. Oh.

Oh, I just gave you a point for being wrong. Hang on. I take those. We'll correct that later. Hang on. Okay. I take those. Mark, real or fake? Real or fake? We did an episode called All Nighters. I'm sure that's real. We had to have. Right? Are you asking God again? No, you. Maybe. Are you God? Yes. No.

No. Yeah, we dead. If your answer is real, your answer is correct. Yeah, I think I remember we talked about all-nighters because we shared times we did all-nighters. Well, fuck, I'll erase that from my list. I just write it in. When, real or fake, we did an episode called Mind Control for Beginners. I think we skipped straight to intermediates if I remember right. Mind Control for Beginners. Yeah, well, yeah. What would we have talked about?

Imagine it. Because you were there, if it was real. False. I don't think so, did we? Nah, you're right. That's false. Sounds like a good one. Man, these all sound like great ideas. Yeah, write that down. Write that down. These are bangers. These are bangers right here. Alright, I swear this is just a randomly assorted list of the stuff I came up with, but I feel like you might get this one, Mark. Real or fake, Mark, we did an episode called 20 More Questions, at least.

I love that this episode is coming up in the exact context of the episode itself, where it's like, you probably should remember it. But also, is this a trick question? Okay, so you did 20 easy questions and then you did it again later. I know that.

And then there was a most recent edition of it. So if it was real, it would be that middle one. What did you say the title was? The title is 20 More Questions, at least. At least is in parentheses at the end. We do love a good parenthetical. I'm going to say true, real, real true. That's real. That was the second 20 questions episode. Yeah! Damn, you even guessed which one it was. Mark's encyclopedic knowledge of our...

I think I've gotten two rights encyclopedic. Wait, real or fork? Fork. Real or fork? I love this game. Real or fork? Fork.

Wait, real or fork? The fork I used to eat my salad at Olive Garden last night. Go! Oh, shit. It was a spork. I used a knife because I'm insane. Wait, real or fake? We did an episode called The Giraffe Incident. Sounds like a good episode. That sounds good. Did we ever even talk about giraffes in this show? False. False.

you're correct and i love i love that that's yeah that's your reasoning is we've just never talked about giraffes i mean that actually was my line of thinking i was like did we ever share about giraffes i'm a giraffe i'm a giraffe the only time i could think about a giraffe coming up was whenever we did this the drawer smell i think i've had a small talk about james feeding a giraffe because he's done that multiple times at the zoo i feel like i've talked about that but it was

Small talk, maybe, but never an episode about giraffes. I don't know if you've seen our show, but a lot of... Some of the episodes are basically just small talk. I don't know if you've ever seen that, but... Alright, no, that's probably wrong. What? Why are you laughing? Sorry, I just... This title made me laugh. I think... Spoon or false? Sorry. Alright. Real or fake, we did an episode called...

Not My Grandma's Funeral. That's a really good, that's a great title. I know, isn't that funny? Because is it Not My Grandma's Funeral or Not My Grandma's Funeral? Not My Grandma's Funeral? That is such, it's such a genius episode title. I'm going to say it's fake just because we couldn't be that smart. You are correct, sir. Not My Grandma's Funeral. It was My Grandma's Bar Mitzvah. Got her.

Or something. However that gets her, it's got her. That definitely got her. Oh no, it got her! No, not my grandma's funeral! Grandma! Wait, real or fake? I almost said fork again. Real or fake, we did an episode called Thousand Hour Energy. Okay, I'm having a vague flashback to us talking about

Energy drinks. Yeah, well, I only drink three energy drinks per recording session when we do this show, so I'm sure it's come up. I'm going to say this one's real. You are correct. That must be the one where I drank in college, like,

six amp energy blues and then three five hour energies I think and then I almost died yeah I think I think the title came from we had a bit where we were talking about if you just stacked five hour energies you could drink enough to where you'd have a thousand hour energy yeah something it was something like that yeah

I just remember that blue amp pyramid of cans in our dorm room that went floor to ceiling. We're going to be reflecting on this. It's going to be an episode that came out two weeks ago. Is amp even sold anymore? I don't actually know. It's got a website still. Yeah. The future. Oh, no, that's actual power company.

amp energy it's a solar panel so a door-to-door soliciting service it seems like amp might be gone it was a subsidiary of mountain dew oh now it's called mountain dew amp they have kickstart but do they have amp still it's like mountain dew amp now okay

I think if I remember, they no longer have sugar-free ones is why it doesn't exist to me. As of this year, it's discontinued. Six months ago, there was a post on the Mountain Dew subreddit. Partner went to 7-Eleven to get his amp. Store owner said they're pretty sure Pepsi had discontinued it because unable to order anymore. Damn, that had a following. Mark, real or fake? We have an episode called Cursed Sandwich.

Cursed sandwich? We did do several food episodes. We had the bread. It was called bread, but we had that episode and that sort of sequence where we talked a lot about bread and things. We also had the one where we talked about how to make sandwiches. That's true. Did we? Was it where we used spoon or knife for peanut butter or whatever? Oh, yeah. Is that this episode? I don't fucking know. You helping me? Is he helping me or hurting me, Bob? Yeah.

Yes. I would assume he's trying to hurt you, but I'm going to say, cause I have this vague memory of it. I think it's real.

I'm sorry. That's a fake one. I almost just gave you a point for being wrong. I'm just so proud of you. We've all been talking. We've talked about every one of these so far. That's another banger, though. Like, seriously, I'm keeping this list after the fact. This is these are ideas right here. Wade, real or fake? We did an episode called Spaghetti Laws. Fake? I've got no trigger memory whatsoever from Spaghetti Laws. Yeah.

Yeah, that's fake. See, you guys know stuff. I'm a little surprised Wade is the one who's knowing more of them. Mark is just too trusting right now. Hey, come on, man. I'm very convincing. Mark, real or fake? We did an episode called All the Same Person.

Was that like a three-headed? No, we would have called it three-headed expert if we... I think we have an episode called three-headed something. Looks like we did do that kind of one. Yeah. All the same person, though. Sounds fake. I'm going to say fake. Oh, I'm sorry. That one's a real one. What was that one about? What is that?

episode i gotta be honest that's one of the ones i don't know i have no memory of what that is or how what what if that's uh anyway uh it's fine it's fine all right all right oh actually wait a second is that made up

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that... I'm glad I checked. I'm glad I checked. I think all the same person... I think that might be a lie. I think I might have just... Yeah, well, look. This is what you get when you do shoddy research. Did you guys see the person... Have I talked about this? The person who cosplayed us? Oh, the three-headed? Yeah. Yeah, that was great. So horrifying, but so good. No, you know what, Mike? Mike? You know what, Mike? You get the point for that one, bud. That's a point for Mike. Unfortunately, that point does not go to Mark. No!

Sometimes Mike just comes out of nowhere and steals your points. Oh, man. I hope Mike doesn't get a fork. Fork or spork. Shit. God. Well, all right. No, you get the point for that one. I don't know if I had a stroke or what, but that one was labeled incorrectly. That's fake, obviously. None of us remember doing that. Yeah. We remember these other ones. Like this one, maybe. Right, Wade? Real or fake? We have an episode titled Bread is a Conspiracy. Fake. It's just...

Right? You sure about that? Yeah. Fork! Fork! Fork! It's fake! Nah, you're right. We didn't do that. That's a terrible episode name. If we did bread, I doubt we would have done that as a follow-up. Unless it was an episode called bread followed immediately by an episode called bread as a conspiracy. So no bread breaks cutting.

That's an old one. He's busting out the old jokes. You're making him feel nostalgic here. This is the only way to trigger his memory is to give him like memes that he remembers and then he'll actually know where he is in time.

Wade at 89 years old in the nursing home and the grandkids come in and they're like, remember Grandpa? Break skateboard? And Wade's just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

So, yes, Dad? Fixed headstone. Anyway, Mark's turn. Mark? You sure? I don't even know who I am anymore. Mike's turn. Real or fake? We have an episode called Acronyms, but Better. That's real. That's real.

I remember that one. Yeah, that is real. That was fairly recent, actually. I mean, relative to some of these. Wait, I think that might have been... No, was that your idea or was that my idea? I don't know whose idea, but we did it. I think that was my idea. I think the acronym one was my idea, but then we also... That preceded Wade's old-timey sayings one, and you also did one that was kind of in a similar vein, I think. I don't know if mine followed yours. There was kind of a series of ideas where we were all kind of...

We had a brainwave, you know? Oh yeah, yeah. Me. Real or fake? We have an episode titled Dumpster Dads. If we don't, we will. Real. I'm sorry, that one is fake. Fuck, well not for long. Either way, Wade wins. I don't know what it'll be about, but I'll find something there. Yeah, that's a banger. I can already tell. Mark, real or fake? We have an episode called Actually Nothing. That sounds like something we'd do.

We've had a lot of nothing episodes. One of them had to be called that, right? Hey, there's Wade helping you again. Better listen to your friend, Wade. He's definitely trying to help. I got you, bud. I'm right here on the good angel side. No, he's trying to trick me after the fact. I think that is real. I think that is real. It is real. You're correct. Actually, nothing. So yeah, I had your back the whole time. But who's got your back?

Me? Backman. Backman? Backman. You don't have to laugh. It's okay.

I didn't. Wade, real or fake? We have an episode called Quantum Boredom. It's probably real. Also, the reason I didn't laugh at your back jokes, because I was trying to think of a way to make back shots a joke in that, but I couldn't think of anything. That's why I didn't laugh. What was real? Quantum Boredom. I think we had a quantum something or another, but was it Quantum Boredom? Fake. That is fake. You are correct.

I'm having a real hard time writing today. I think I'm losing function guys. I think I'm going downhill right now. Hey, me too. I'm dying of ear age. I need my ear in age. Maybe you just need to go ear in age. I've been trying to leak out of this ear for days. Well, stop trying to piss out of your ear. What's a front- When you're front-stipated? What's it called when you can't- Front-stipated? You got the name. That's it. I got that for my ear.

Mark, yeah, Mark. Mark, real or fake? We have an episode titled Mouth Noises and Mayhem. Mouth Noises and Mayhem?

that's a great it's a good title you know this is kind of the same way that i name my video title sometimes you know the accessory title outside of the game title i just make up something has nothing to do with the actual contents i sometimes forget what's in there and i'll just like say somewhere and the description will be nonsensical i farted during this recording it's a good one can we name that this episode i farted i'm not opposed to that i've i probably i definitely did fart during this recording so it's it's even accurate i'm a

I'm a little gassy today. Mouth sounds and mayhem. Is that what it was? Mouth noises and mayhem. Mouth noises. Okay, specifically.

I'm making mouse noises, therefore it must be real. What a strong course of logic. Unfortunately, that one's fake. Fake. Wade, real or fake? We have an episode titled Not Financial Advice. Were you looking when I did that because there was a visual component? I saw the quotation. Fake.

That one's real. I thought it was called illegal advice. No, the not financial advice one was, I forget what it was, but we were talking about stock trading or we were talking... Different than illegal advice? Illegal advice was shooting God with a shotgun and five gallon buckets of wheelchairs or some such, some kind of thing. I don't remember. Still makes me laugh. It's always funny. Mark, real or fake? Real.

We have an episode titled The Great Hug Off. Hug of war would have been better. Do we have that? You remember when we all hugged each other a bunch? You don't remember that? That sounds like a thing we do. I'm going with fake because I don't think... Please don't tell me that's real. Please don't be real. Please.

No, that's fake. Yeah, Hug of War would have been better than The Great Hug Off. Well, why don't you suggest these names when we're making them? Because we didn't have that episode, man, or I would have. Mr. Name Master who hears a name and declares it's the best name he's ever come up with. I still to this day don't know what the fuck Candy Uncle is, and people talk about Candy Uncle all the time. You don't remember Candy Uncle? Oh, I love that one.

Apparently everyone did. I don't remember anything about it. It was a method of disciplining your children. Candy Uncle is a character actor that you hire to be their uncle. And if the kid eats too many pieces of candy, the uncle starts to get sick. And if the kid doesn't listen to you and stop eating so much sugar, Candy Uncle dies because he ate too much candy. And it teaches your kid a valuable lesson about moderating their income, their intake of sugary snacks and stuff.

God, I can't wait to forget this in two days and people will be right back at Square One. How are you going to not remember one of my greatest inventions of all time? Was that my invention? I always think it was mine, but I don't feel like it was mine. I came up with that.

up with that. Oh yeah, for sure. I'm welcome. Mark, you just did Hug Off, right? So Wade, real or fake, we have an episode called Shirts Off, Gloves On. I like that one, so that's gotta be real. That's fake. You know what, going back to the drawing board, still winning no matter what. We have had an episode that's kind of like that. I feel like there's an episode called Our Shirts Are Off or something like that. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of, yeah. Our Shirts Are Out is an episode...

that we did in March of this year. It's almost like it was crafted to deceive. Bitch. All right, Mark. This next one is really tricky. Okay. True, uh, true, true, true fork, Mark. We have an episode called Aliens Among Us Part 2. Okay, this counts on me remembering the answer for the previous one. 20 easy titles or more. Oh.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I know. That is an interesting thing. I sort of assumed you'd remember when we talked about the first time this came up, but I forgot that you might not. But it wouldn't matter if I remember that because we might not have done a part two. Hey, well, that's the second half of Centrifuge? Subterfuge. It was such a long episode. We broke it in two pieces. Okay, I think we did the first one. It's unlikely we did a part two of that one.

I'm saying that part two is false. I'm sorry, that one's real. How can I get both of them wrong? I got the first one. God. Aliens Among Us part three coming in ten questions. All right, who kicked this off? Wade kicked this off. Let's do one more go around and we'll see who knows what. Wade, real or fake? We have an episode titled Emotional Support Vacuum.

Fake. Final answer? Yes. You're correct. That is fake. Emotional support vacuum does sound pretty fake. Yeah, but it sounded too fake. I was like, that's so bad it could be real. That's what I was going for. You read my vibe too aggressively. All right, Mark. Mark, we have a real or fake. We have an episode titled Wade's Hole. I've had a few. Wade's Hole. Wade's Hole?

Ooh, is it put together whole or like an orifice? Whole. I'm willing to bet it's orifice. Why would you bet that? It's whole as in like hole in the ground. I've had bad luck so far. I'm going to flip a coin. Heads is real, tails is false.

I disagree with the coin, so it must be true. Wait, what? It's real, true, false, or fake. I just wanted to see, it's one of those things where you flip a coin, you know what you really want in the air, that's what I wanted to get, and I got it, so that's, what did I say it was? You said true, I think? Yeah, it's real, it's real, Wade's hole.

And I'm sorry, that's a fake one. Why? Wow, I thought that was real too. Wouldn't that be one we would do? That does sound like one we would have done. I'm bad at this, guys. I'm really bad at this. I'm excited to see some of these made-up episodes come to life, though. I'm not gonna lie. I gotta figure out what the fuck I'm gonna do for Dumpster Dads. Well, anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and recap the points. In no particular order, I...

Got one point for dial nine, one and wait. Mark earned points for Putin's favorites. Crispy bites, egg gambit, all nighters, 20 questions. At least grandma's funeral. All the same person acronyms, but better actually nothing. And great hug off. Wait, you earn points for you far here. Plus our sequels hearse.

Registered solicit offenders. Cheesecake, moist, mind control, giraffe episode, thousand hour energy, spaghetti laws, bread is a conspiracy, quantum boredom, and emotional support vacuum. Score is tight, gentlemen. Score is tight, tight. That's very tight. But now we proceed to the wheel spins.

I gotta come or no I don't have to you gotta come up with one Chad you can come up with if you want to you have one or let's start here let's see let's see what does the wheel say how many that's what we want to know alright it's three again isn't that exciting yeah that's three chances to get the tie it's the maximum amount of exciting we could have to be honest I do not have planned out what I'm gonna add I want to just type real or fake but I don't know what that would mean it's not

It's not a thing. Oh, I know. Hosted previous episode. It's a bonus for people who were already winners in recent memory. But you do have to remember if you hosted the previous episode or not. I feel like if we can't recall who hosted, which does happen because sometimes there's gaps in recording, then that's like a re-spin. That's fair. I like giving winners advantages, you know? And we get three wheel spins. So number one is...

Best looking. I just showered. Do you just shower before every recording just to be sure? Hey, if it keeps my hygiene up, you know? Dude, my ear is leaking medicine. I feel shitty and gross. Yeah, Wade's been moving his headphone like a creep. Mark's definitely the best looking. Congratulations, Mike. Spin number two.

I don't remember what this one means. It just says witness protection. What does that mean? I don't know. Okay, alright, let's try to think back. This

Oh, I remember. This is for whoever looks like they're in a completely undisclosed location. Like, I think it was one time I was like huddled over in a closet or something. Oh, yeah. And when you were in that attic where it was like an unfinished space. Well, we're all we're all just in our normal offices. So I want to call that a respin. It just says a witness protection.

Good job, past us. Don't use too many words or anything. Most distracted. I mean, my instinct always leans toward Wade on this one. He was distracted by his ear pain. I will give him that. There's a lot of movement. All right. Wade gets most distracted. I won't argue. You won't argue? I won't fight this one, guys. I won't fight this one. Don't worry, guys. Take one for the team here. That's very brave of you.

Hey, the classic point for listeners. It hasn't come up much at all. That is kind of cool. Yeah, I like how we complained about that because we got it out a bunch and then it just like stopped happening. Yeah, then we got a tie a bunch. I love that you have the history. Point for listeners, point for viewers, point for viewers, point for listeners, point for listeners. That was twice in the same day too, right back to back.

Well, you're back. Listeners, there's your point. Well done, listeners. That settles the final score. And of course, that means that Mark earned a final score of 11 points. I earned a score of 1. Tied for third place with the listeners, also with a score of 1. And Wade earned...

13 points. That means you win, Wade. Good, because I wasn't listening. Did he miss a single one of these? He did really well, but then he did drop a couple later on in his answerings. It was pretty close. It was really good. If you had gotten the wheel spin that Wade got, we would have had a tie. That would have been nice. And then I would have been angry at the listeners for making that happen. But, uh...

So it goes. Congratulations, Wade. Winner speech? This was a fun one. I enjoy looking back on our history and seeing what we remember and what we don't. And mostly don't. Because I really don't know what the hell we've done. But I was prepared. If Bob's icebox or fridge came up, I knew which one of those two was real probably. I won't say which in case it comes up next time. No spoilers. Oh yeah, there's six parts of this coming. We have 400 episodes, so there's a lot to get through. Don't worry, we'll be back to this. Fair enough.

Uh, Mark, uh, loser speech?

It just goes to show, I only pay attention during the episodes, not after. I have not looked through the back catalog. I have not listened through. I have on occasion. I will say this in my own defense. Occasionally, under strange circumstances, I will listen to an episode that we've done in the past, and it's always a good time. So I think that there's some good stuff back there, but even then I don't pay attention to the name, because we don't say it in the episode, and it largely doesn't matter. So...

that's all the excuse I have just like this one that's for some reason gonna be called I farted during this episode I'm sticking with that that's the title for listeners and watchers you've known that the whole time but joy to us thank you competitors for competiting

Wade, you'll be forking the next one because of your win. Make sure you follow Mark and Mark Plyer, Wade at LordMinion777 or Minion777, me at MyScrub. Our names are on the screen. If you're a watcher, that'll help you spell them. And yeah, make sure you follow the podcast. That little plus thing, then you'll know. It'll tell you when the thing comes out and you'll know to watch it. Merch, definitely. Six O's. Maybe even now. It might already have happened.

Well, we got to run some tests first. Thanks for listening. Thank you for watching. Slightly less. Take that, watchers. And that's the end. Podcast out.