Order Matters Too
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This episode...

From deja vu to flat packs, yes! It's time for Order Matters 2. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Distractible. No qualifiers today, just Distractible. I can't remember the last time I didn't say it was your uncle's nephew's favorite podcast. Hi, welcome to Distractible. My name's Bob. I'm the host because I won. And I'm joined today by my...

to co-hosts slash competitors, Mark and Wade. Hi, boys. Hello. Hello. They are here to compete to be the next host. If you don't know how the show works, there's points. I write them down. The winner of this episode hosts the next one, and so on.

And so forth, in perpetuity, does it go? And I forget, we made some very specific rules about that when we were sitting in a hot tub or something. I don't remember, so if it ends, it ends, and we'll find out in post. I have a topic for today, we might even get to it, because Mark, you haven't been on fire again since the last time, right? Okay, so we might get to the topic today, but we do usually smart...

Excuse me? We do usually start with small talk. How's it going? You guys got any fun stories?

Molly just celebrated her birthday and we went down to Soto in Cincinnati. Soto is so good. So good. It's so much better even than I remembered. Didn't I remember you saying that already? Yeah, but we weren't recording then. No, but I mean like last week. I could have sworn. We talked about that because Mandy and I have reservations, I think, at Soto. I was there yesterday, so if we talked about it last week, that's wild. Oh no. Oh no. I'm having like the craziest deja vu ever.

That last week we talked about you going to Soto and you were like, oh, it was so good. It was specifically that it was so good that reminded me of it. I was like, wait, whoa, I've heard that before. Mark, are you suffering from my acute time dilation syndrome or something? Just you were here already, but we weren't yet. Good Lord. Maybe.

I've read 13 books in the last week. How many has Molly read? Less than that. Take that. Is it the Animorphs? It is. Who's a book person now? And I know this because you said this. I've heard this before. Oh, I've heard this before.

I just finished number 13 last night, so I don't know how. The Animorphs we did talk about last week. I remember that too. Yes, yes. Okay, okay. All right. I thought I was going crazy. I think Wade got points for that last time. Oh, God. Wait, yes. Animorphs for kids. Oh, Mark did it. Okay, yeah. Anyway, sorry. Man, I just don't know what time I'm at. Let me tell you, Path of Exile, still great, but there's this new game, Storage Hunter Simulator. You guys should check out. He sucked. He sucked.

That one was just for Mark. Hey, Wade's being gaslit by car dealers and Mark is being gaslit by Wade. So really, we should blame the car dealers for doing this to you, Mark. This is Lexus's fault, if anyone. Lexus, if you want to give me a car, though, call me. Just don't call me and be like, and hang up. I'm tired of that happening. I don't want the breathing anymore. I didn't.

The guy, the sales guy just calls you. He's like, hey, is your car running? What? I don't have a car. Yeah, I know. Click. Got him. Worst prank calls ever. The middle of the night just leaves me crying. All right, well, I guess my life is the same as it was last week. I go to Soto's every day now. It's not a bad place. That's not exactly the diner from Groundhog Day. I mean, that's a pretty high end place to have to go to repeatedly. Yeah, I don't know if I can afford to go there every day, but it's so good. Well, you get your...

My money back's... Presumably it's a loop, so you start back with the same... It's basically free, kind of. This would not be the worst week in the world to live on a loop. Felt a little sick last week. I wouldn't like to live the sickness over, but it was mild-ish, so I would take it. See if today changes that. Well, Mark, what did you have done last week? So, I want to give a shout-out to the D2Steelfoamer on the subreddit, FollowTheScript, who...

not only loves D2 Steel specifically, it's their favorite steel, and they have an emotional support list.

Little stick of D2 steel. Which I can really appreciate. I can appreciate that. Oh, I get that. That is something. There's only been a few times when I've held something in my hand and been like, wow, I can feel something about this, you know? The shape. Yeah. No, I know what you mean. Talking about a metal, you know, not anything in my hand going like, wow, I can feel something. Mark stands in the mirror holding his dick in his hand. Wow. Ha ha ha ha.

I could feel something about this. No, I mean, I had a bar of silver in my hand one time, like a large bar. That's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about... They call your ball silver and gold? Silver and gold and platinum. I've never held a gold bar, but I held a big silver bar, and I was like, ooh, you know, that's interesting. Cue up all the Wall Street silver people coming out like, Silver, it's our time! It's our...

it's going up mark's out here rug pulling silver on losers people think crypto is the cool thing but we're back to precious metals baby this entire strand of hair went right in my mouth and there's still hair in my mouth shave it what shave it uh habit whenever i think of hair well uh yeah so shout out to them how much is a silver bar worth

It depends on the size of the bar and the price of silver. Well, that's not a standard bar. I don't think that's a thing, but okay. Well, isn't gold bars and like the whole thing, like there's a standard. It's a standard by weight. I don't know that there is a single like this is a bar of gold amount of gold. They're weights.

Aren't they? A 10 ounce bar is about $330. That's probably not the actual price of silver. That's like the price of this bar, but who knows? I might be wrong. Oh, silver is $30.97 an ounce right now. And after this episode. Yeah, absolutely. Like the SpaceX starship. Yeah.

Did I miss something again? They had to ditch us. They did a starship launch and they had to ditch it and the thing exploded. Just the top starship part. But there's a video or a picture maybe of someone who was flying in a plane who out their window caught the debris explosion field as it was falling back through the atmosphere. Looked sick and expensive. It was like unmanned, right? There was no one in it. Yeah, it's just test flight. There was no human flying.

loss of life. And other things about my life. Listen, Ford, it's been real, but you got to step up. You got to put out or put up. You got to step in or step out. What's the expression? You got to put your right foot in. You put your right foot out. You got to shit in the hole or leave. Yeah, exactly. That's what you got to do. Because I hear, well, I hear because they're talking to me.

Chevy's talking to me and I hear them. It's big of you to listen. If you want to catch me right at the cusp of me becoming a truck guy, I know I bought the truck that you sell, but you know what I mean? Give him two more. It's a bidding war. How many trucks? How many trucks? Not quality, just quantity.

They gotta be EV trucks. They gotta be electric. They gotta be electric. I'm not gonna be rolling coal. I'm gonna be rolling lithium. None of that Maverick unibody hybrid stuff either. Pure EVs. I hear you wanna go with the Honda Ridgeline or the Toyota truck truck. I don't know what that's called. God damn. But...

Yeah, if if I mean, Bob, you kind of hooked me up on the contact. So, you know, I there are features about the Chevy that I didn't even know existed and that I was already really hype on the Chevy.

Tacoma. They have a Tacoma. Yeah, the Taco. I don't think they have an electric one, though. No, Toyota. I don't even think Toyota has hybrid trucks. They might have a hybrid Tundra. The Tundra apparently has a hybrid. I don't know what the Tundra is, but... Toyota's weird because they're very against making fully electric vehicles, which is strange given that they started it with the Prius. I know that's a hybrid, but...

I was looking into cars, family cars, and I say Toyota's marketing strategy is interesting to me. When I was looking into cars, I was like, we want at very least, I think we want a hybrid. We might want an EV or like maybe a plug in hybrid. I don't know. We were looking at options of like we want to get something that's efficient because it's a big family car. It's not like Toyota doesn't even advertise that almost all of their core lineup is

are just hybrids now? Because I was looking at like the minivan and I was like, well, what do you not have a model of the minivan, the Sienna? That's like a hybrid. And I couldn't find it in the marketing and on the website. All of the new ones are all hybrids. So they don't mention it. And I'm like, why would you not? Why would you? That was confusing.

Because Toyota is exactly the brand I would think would be like, yeah, they're the Prius people. They would have, you know, good hybrid technology. Maybe I'm stupid and I just don't understand their approach, but I felt like it was very confusing that you couldn't even tell out front like, oh, yeah, all of these are hybrids. Look, you don't even have to pick. They're just all hybrids. Look at the mileage. No.

Nothing. No idea. I thought it was super weird. Go up to the sales guy. You're like, I asked you if you have one that was a hybrid. You said no. Yeah, we don't have one that's a hybrid. They're all hybrids. Yes. Not one. All. That's a strong sales tactic. Semantics. It's like the Salarian from Mass Effect. Very literal. I guess he's not as literal. You're thinking Drax. Comic Drax, not movie Drax. Yeah, stupid movie Drax. What's that? Guardians of the Galaxy? Drax? Drax? Oh.

He's supposed to be literal. In the first one, that was the whole thing, but... I'm the only one who doesn't like those movies somehow. Then he just becomes stupid, and I think that was a weird pivot. But the Guardians of the Galaxy video game is well written. Oh, they're all well written. It's so good. Anyway, that's my life. I had stuff happen. We were going to record many, some days ago, and on the day of recording, I woke up and I had no internet, and I was like, ah, shit.

It's like maybe the Internet's down in our area. One, my Internet provider was having technical problems as in their website wasn't working, but also their internal customer service wasn't working because I called. I was like, hey, our Internet's down and I can't seem to find any information. And the lady on the phone was like, yeah, we don't have our computer system or anything. So I have no information about your account or who you are or what we do.

And I'm like, what the hell do you mean? You're a, you're an internet company. You just hear like electricity, buckets of water and a fire extinguishers in the background. Their shit was absolutely fucked. And like a technician came to our house later that same day, which one best service I've ever gotten was when the cable company was in such a disarray that they were just panic. Like you go to this address, you go to this address.

this address. They were like calling each other on every, it was, it was awesome. Best service I've ever had. But he literally got here and was like, Hey, uh, I was giving her a dress and I know how to fix cable and internet stuff. Yeah.

So what do we got going on here? Man, guys, I'm just absolutely. That was not why our Internet was out. I don't know what happened, but Altafiber was just on fire for a while last week. But what happened in our house was the opposite of fire. There's water in the basement. And rather luckily, it only affected the Internet somehow. But our utility closet is like.

One big wall where it's like our huge, our power circuit breaker panel and our internet and a bunch of other stuff. It's like the hub of the house utility.

utility stuff and water got in a window that's right above that and like trickled like marble run to its way down through and around the electric stuff without touching anything else and just flooded the modem that provided our internet and literally just like short circuit and fried the board in our modem nothing else even got damp no fucking idea how that happened

Bizarre. And also the solution was it stopped happening.

Did you close the window? No. Well, so it stopped happening because I'm stupid, but I was going to see if I could get away with leaving out, but that's a lie. You know how it gets cold outside and water freezes? Yeah. And hoses have water in them? We had a hose on that side of our house. I found this advice online, but it's terrible advice now that I think about it and also that this happened.

that was like, if you, we don't have a way to shut off our hose bibs. Lots of places will have a thing where it's like you could turn it off and then the hose bibs won't have water in them. So in case they freeze, there won't be water to freeze in them. And so I was like, well, what can I do if we can't turn the water off to those? And the internet was like, oh, if you have one, just the one closest to your water shut off valve or whatever on that side of your house, just crack it open. So it's just like dripping.

And I was like, oh, and we have an extension on that one to run it over to the backyard. I'll just leave the hose on it and I'll just like let it drip. Right. And the hose will contain that. I'm not even wasting water. But then there's like a pressure outlet for the pipes in the house. It'll be fine. Like the exact opposite of what happens. Yeah.

And I'm not very smart. Anyway, the hose burst and it was pissing water like like a sniper. It was pissing water at the joint between where the wood part of the house and the foundation part of the house go. And it was like it was trying to get inside. Literally nothing else even got wet. It was just like and that was making its way into and then dripping down the wall. It could have been way worse. But also, I'm fucking stupid and I lose three points for that. Oh,

Okay. So anyway, my stuff's all fixed now. Your accuracy and self-sabotage is impressive. All right. Any number of things could have gone wrong that we might not have noticed for longer or that might have been much worse. The guy came and plugged a new modem in and had it fixed in half an hour or less, even though he had no idea what my name was or why he was at my house. Was he surprised your internet got hosed? He really was. He took the modem off the wall and he was like,

I've never seen this happen ever. How'd you do that? Listen, can you just plug it in and leave and stop asking questions about how stupid I am? He's like, you know what's wrong with this? Here, come here. I'll show you. You hear this? He holds up a modem. You hear this sound? No, exactly. You hear this sound? Sploosh, sploosh, sploosh.

That's your problem. Listen, we were due for an upgrade anyway. So he was like, nah, this is fine. We would have done and come and upgraded this if you just called anyway, because this was an old one. So now we have symmetrical gigabit internet. And he said we could get two gig service on our new modem.

Which is consumer-grade 2 gig service, which is amazing. That's crazy. We've not been in our collective new houses that long. Why do we have old, outdated equipment? I mean, I still had gigabit internet. It just wasn't symmetrical. Mine is too, but I don't have 2 gig. Well, the rate of technological improvement is only accelerating. So it's like... And the size of the United States doesn't change. So the rollout of anything...

takes, you know, 10, 20 years, like especially with like 5G internet and then 6G eventually. They're barely even getting to the point where 5G is actually widely available right now. Yeah, 5G is still pretty sparse. So it's slow. Sorry, because you guys were like waiting for me for a long time and I was like, oh, it's back because I plugged it back in and the internet was like, whoa. And then when I unplugged it again, water dripped out of the power hole and I was like, oh, I bet it doesn't work anymore. And it was a whole thing, but...

I'm not Wade. I'm stupid in my own special way. We all are. But listen, Mr. Lee R. Fox, I know you're watching. What? I also want good internet. I'll drip. I'll drip right now. Who? Apparently the CEO of AltaFiber. I looked it up. Oh, okay. I thought that was something that I had said that you were referencing and I was concerned that I was turning into Mark. Yeah, you told me last week.

Hey, hey, B, B. I'm sorry, B comes after hey? Yeah, hey, B, say D, E. Back to you in the studio, Bob. Thanks, Colin. You guys ever just watch clips of Colin Mockery doing the intro to the news bit where he always has a funny news headline and it's never business. It's always amazing. I'm Lars Lars, pants on Farrs. Today's top story, a man charged with B

beating a cow to death in a rice paddy with two small porcelain figurines. Court reporters said this is the first ever reported instance of a knick-knack paddywhack. I cannot believe you remembered that. That was a perfect delivery. That's one of my fucking favorite ones ever. Oh my God. So good. So good. Everyone looks at him every time like, where is he going with this?

That one and like the two times he gets Ryan Stiles to just absolutely die of laughter in the bloopers are burned into my memory forever. No, Colin! Backstreet Boys? No! That's wrong! Ah.

I haven't rewatched in ages and you guys are going to make me rewatch. I am watching twin peaks right now though. I've been watching you on the news, the newer season or the original. No, no, don't spoil anything at all. I've never seen it. We're going back to the beginning. I think there's at least two peaks mark. I've not finished them. The,

But there's... Molly and I didn't watch the movie. Apparently, it was a movie. But we watched the original series, and we just started the newer one or whatever. But I'm curious. Whenever you finish it, I'm curious what you'll think. I like it so far. I mean, we started it because David Lynch passed away. Yeah. And we watched Mulholland Drive. Mulholland Drive, which by many accounts is listed as one of the top 10 best movies of all times. That's a trip of a movie. Very, very...

weird, but intentionally so, apparently. It's worth a watch, because it just kind of sticks with you afterwards. You go like, oh, wait. Huh. Huh. How far into Twin Peaks are you? Only like three episodes in. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, very early into it. Cool, I've not watched that word, Drive. Yep.

My topic, it's very original. It's been almost two entire pages in my score sheet since we did this topic. So you might not even remember what we talked about, but that was still since I won last. It's been a while. Do better. I'm not done talking about this and I don't want to talk about sandwiches this time because that was a whole rabbit hole, but we're doing order matters part two.

I want to get back into this. Is this the sandwich thing and the cereal thing? Because yes, yes, yes, yes. This is dangerous waters here that you're treading into. I will say the reason I was going to let this simmer. This was on my list, but I saw. Have you guys seen how to make a sandwich and a half? Have you seen this? A person makes a they're like, I want I want more than one grilled cheese sandwich, but I don't want two grilled cheese sandwiches. So they take three pieces of bread.

and they like glue them together in like a smooshed bread triangle. And then they grill each side separately. And I think, I think it's online. It's referred to as a grilled threes or something like that. Oh,

Oh no. I saw this and I can't get it out of my head. And I was like, we talked about sandwiches and that thing. And then, so now we're doing this. I get a person who tweets at me once a day, every night and says bald. I've had this for years. Now I've got a person who comes to my stream every stream and is like, have

Have you tried the grilled PB&J yet? The building blocks of like just annoyance I'm getting over time are growing. I'm not ready for this to happen again. It's fine. It's fine. I don't think anything we're going to talk about today is going to cause that kind of issue.

And some of you half listeners out there who are like, wait, I can't believe you make PB&Js with two knives. I was like, that's not me. I'm not the two knife guy. I'm a spoon and a knife. I can't be more clear about this. It's spoon and knife, but we're not talking about that. We're not getting back into that. I want to start with one that at least two of us, I think, will have opinions on. And wait, you might too. God damn it.

Mark, this might be hard for you. Wait, what? You have a new office. You have a new empty desk. You have a new place and you have to set it up to be your new workspace. How do you set up a new desk?

And imagine you own everything that you might want for this. Maybe you're moving your previous setup to a new place, or maybe like you plan this out and you have, but you have your computer or computers, you have your monitors, you have whatever accessories, your mic, your whatever, right? We're setting it up presumably to like make YouTube videos, do this podcast, do all the other sorts of stuff that we do at our desks. Yeah, wait, I'm not sure you're going to have a strong opinion about this one, but I would.

Why wouldn't I? I said, I do this. I've done this. Your approach is to leave all the tech in boxes and just pile the boxes on your desk and hope it turns into a working pile of technology. There's still strategy to that. Well, anyway, I have opinions about this and I'm curious what you guys think. How do you set up the blank canvas that is a brand new desk? I have done this so many times, an unbelievable number of times, because when I was editing the movie in Texas, I would have to pick up my entire setup to

take it to the post-production house, reset it all back up, take it down because it wouldn't let me keep it there. Oh, like every day? Take it back home. And then I wanted to work, you know, on the weekends, I would set it all back up again. That's why I had a separate bathtub setup at that time. Because I wasn't going to, because I just, oh, man. So the order though, a lot of people might say you disconnect all the cables first.

Rookie mistake. Oh. Because if you disconnect all the cables, you're going to have a pile of cables, and then you'll have to fish out the cables every time you're coming together. You leave the cable connected to the device that it needs to be connected to, both connection cables and its power cable. You wrap the device in its cable. That's how you do the cable management for easy transportation. But...

The order of operations for doing it is first, I have a laptop. It depends if you're doing laptop or desktop. If you have laptop, desktop, unplug from the laptop, leave everything connected to where it is, and then put your laptop away. If it's a desktop, you can unplug things from the back, start with the power,

Turn it off, flip the power switch off, take out the power supply, then disconnect everything else. Heave your giant desktop over somewhere else, out of the way, and then monitors. Monitors are next because they're the most fragile. You don't want to be tired and angry at the end of your organization than dealing with your monitors. You want to deal with them first when you're fresh and you're careful and not when you're careless at the end of it all because you're like, God, why did I have to do this over and over again?

That's terrible. And then obviously when you put it, if you got it in a car, you want the monitors first because those monitors are going to go protected in the backseat, seat belted in if you can do it so that the screen isn't pressing against anything, nothing can hit them. Once you have that, largely doesn't matter. I mean, computer desktop, even desktop, you put it in there also and protect it. But I usually do laptop to move around. So backpack, that's easy. Then,

all your hard drive, your mice, your peripherals, that gets wrapped with its own cord and placed in a way, if you have a bag or whatever, that it won't suddenly go together and the cords will magically attach. They will anyway, like half the time, but I appreciate the sentiment.

And then assembly is reverse order of what you just did. I don't fully disagree, though. I will say I've got a lot worse luck than you do with leaving cables plugged in. Notoriously, one cable gets bumped in a way that like ruins the connection. I don't know why, but like I'll have like a ruined port or something. So I don't do that anymore. But I do keep like the cables that are plugged into my devices together versus the cables that are.

Like spare or going to like because I've got two computers in my office We got the editing computer that Dana uses and I've got my computer Two other steps that I would add in there when you when I'm setting up my desk I'm a bitch, baby, and I play scary games. I don't like having door behind me I need to see door. I my escape route. I need that shit cuz otherwise the entire time I'm recording or playing scary game. I'm like Making sure there's nothing behind me so door door

door in this particular office i also made sure that i had like the setup i wanted to easily get into my room i don't know how big all the rooms are you're working with but like this office is is a good size but i've also got a really big desk and i've got another desk in here and i want to make sure i had room to move in and out without having to squeeze past my last office i kind of had to squeeze by my desk to get in so i want space so i made sure to like lay it out where i had back

Background wall that I wanted for whatever background in this case and last case foam and posters And then I made sure to foam up the one important wall that I never had to do anything at all with the other parts of this room It's excellent. Otherwise setup wise. I mean the order you said mark was fine like monitors first like yeah, that's fair monitors desktop and then all your accessories and whatnot you kind of squeeze around that but you may have to make sure your desk you get your big shit on the way in there first and

It's a square room, so lighting was pretty simple. This one was pretty simple. This was a pretty simple setup because I kind of got to design the layout because I had to build this office. It didn't exist prior, so nothing too crazy. I mean, power, I guess. I had to make sure that the power supply, that there were... There is multiple whatever-the-doodle-mahickies on your box box. What? Your box box.

refuses to do to my hickeys in your box box are you talking about breakers yeah yeah i've got two different breakers i think to my office oh uh i see box box so i also i i did have to care about where i plugged things in to make sure i was spreading them out decent amount

All right. Nothing earth shattering there. It's not a, I don't do it particularly well, but every time, cause I've also moved my office around a fair amount and I have a ton of shit. It was on my desk to bed, had to do this stuff that we do. And every time I'm like, I'm going to do it better this time.

And by 60% of the way through, I'm like, I can't fucking tuck another cable through this stupid fucking channel. And it always just ends up with my desk just being a whole lot of cables. And if I ever need to add anything, I just lay the new cable on top of the raft of old cables. There's definitely some cables in there that are not connected at either end where I like I unplugged it and I was like,

Well, that's not coming out. And I just left it. And it's part of my cable management is I have a hammock of pre-existing cables that all new technology can rest in. You use those cables and wrap them around the good cables and they'll hold them in place. I call it cumulative looming. You just keep wrapping things around and it's like a big organic root loom of cable. Root of the loom. That's what I call it. That is a better name. Does it have a corn cope? Corned?

Nevermind. Yeah, on the tag, there's a cornucopia. Cornucopia? Cornucopia? Yeah, you literally said half the word and gave up. Yeah, but I got stuck on corn on the cob in my brain, and I was like, that's not what I'm trying to picture. Let's have a corn on the cob, yeah? Mark wins, I guess. Hey! No, that's a tie. That's a tie. That's a tie. You both get a point. You both get a point. Okay, goddammit. Why did I even get my hopes up? Why did I even try to be happy? I mean, you did do most of the groundwork, but like... Alright, Mark gets a groundwork point. Thanks, Wade.

do i get accessory point no you don't get an accessory nope this is one where i feel like mark's potentially going to get into hot water oh no because this is related to one that you did just as wrong as you possibly could but it's also simple so maybe it won't be a big deal whatever all right how do you make coffee or tea what order do you do that there's not complicated do you drink black coffee mark so your order is like put coffee in cup no i don't i don't drink black coffee yeah

It depends. It depends on what type of coffee we're talking about. Are we talking about drip coffee? If you're making yourself a coffee at home on a random Thursday morning because you're tired and you're like, ah, get some caffeine. I'll go first this time since it's my turn. Wait, I'm assuming you make tea for Kamali sometimes or coffee or something. I know you're not a big... I mean, it's pretty... Tea is pretty easy. I guess the last time I made coffee was probably like back when...

It was probably a kid and it was the old style. Like, I don't know if people still use it, but like the actual like Folgers 10 where you take a scoop, put it in the coffee filter, slide it in, press the button and it would brew into the pot. Then you had to throw away the old nasty filter with the wet filter.

of shit. Yes, drip coffee filters do still exist. I was also the person who didn't even like the smell of coffee. So yeah. Oh, you didn't like the smell? It smells so good. When I think so. Okay. Side tangent. It's

To me, the cool thing about coffee was that the Folgers tins, if you took a knife and you stabbed the lid, you had a perfect little cage to catch a frog for a couple hours. So when I think of like Folgers tins, I think the weird smell of like a frog with coffee beans around it, that hybrid smell of animal beans. So that's what my brain goes to. Do you think that frog in there was just...

I'm high as fuck right now! They absorb hydration through their skin, right? So their skin is like permeable. Probably tripping balls in that coffee can. But tea, I mean, we have a tea kettle, so you just fill up the tea kettle, you heat it up, put it in a cup, and then you put the tea bag in, let it stew, or steeple? Steeple? Is that the word? Steep? Yeah, you put it in the steeple. This is the coffee, this is the steeple. Open the door and you see all the tea pool. Ha ha ha ha!

That wasn't that funny. Sorry. Take out the teabag. Stir it up. I always stir it up anyway. But you take out the teabag and I add like a little bit of honey. Stir it up and that's it. It's pretty. All right. Mark, do something unhinged. Ha ha ha.

Grounds in the cup first. Give me something. Come on. He buys the whole beans and he grinds them in his teeth. They call it the Belgian press. I got a thing that's just going to make every barista cringe who's ever pulled a shot of espresso before. So we've had an espresso machine and we've had it forever.

Forever. We've had it for seven years, not forever. That's actually very far from forever. It's been a workhorse. I forget what the brand name, but it's like, I think Breville? That's a big brand name for coffee stuff, yeah. So it's a single shot, or it's a double shot espresso maker. You do one at a time. It's only got one. It's got a pressure meter at the front. At first, I hated it because when I first used it, I didn't seal it properly, and coffee went like a line on the wall. Whoosh!

It was scary. And then I was like, never again. And then I went back to it. I'm like, this makes really good coffee. All right, I'll try it some more. But to clean the beans out. All right. I know you're not supposed to put them in the sink. You're not? Coffee grounds are not supposed to go in the sink? You're not supposed to. But sometimes when I smack it in the trash can, it doesn't all come out. So I take the rest of it, which is like half a shot's worth of herb. It's like...

And then I just run into this thing and I take my finger and I go, and then I shake my finger off and I get some more coffee grounds. And I know that's probably not procedure. If I was in Starbucks, everyone would have my finger in their coffee, but it's my coffee maker. I'm not making it for everyone else. I hope someone clips that little section of you going, I put my finger in and go, I want that. I was about to say, I don't do that for everyone else, but I remember that I do sometimes make coffee for guests and I do the same thing.

*mimics the sound of a man's hand* Cream or sugar? Both please! Shove your hand in and swirl it. You know, and then I pop the filter out, 'cause it's like a little basket filter. I flip it over, 'cause sometimes there's gunk there. I rub my thumb over that one, under the water, and no soap or nothing. I don't want soap in my coffee. You gotta keep it seasoned! Shake, slap, go right in! Don't even dry it. I don't need to dry it. *laughs*

It's gonna be wet again anyway. Why would I dry it? That's what I say about me when I get out of the shower. I'll be wet again one day anyway. I just toss on the clothes while I'm sopping. Anyway, I look for a cup, realize I don't have a cup, look around for a cup, walk away, forget that I was gonna make coffee, come back, oh yeah, I need a cup, look in the drawer of cups where there's no cups, go, fuck, no cups, go wash a cup. Actually, no, I go to my office, I pick up the various...

various used coffee mugs. Are you still holding Amy's cup hostage? No. Yeah, I don't have hers. Months later, Amy's cup still on the desk. I take my cups back all in a big bundle to the sink and I'm like, well, I don't want to wash them. I'll just let them soak. Put some soap in there. Pour the water in.

I try not to breathe in the mold spores that go into the air. Your coffee cups are ground zero for Last of Us. The clean air is over here. The clean air, you just like... I cannot explain how this is not an exaggeration of anything I

I do. I let it soak. I go back to the coffee machine and go, I'm about to take it out because I'm like, ah, man, I don't have a clean, I'm going to make some coffee. I look at it and I'm like, oh yeah, wait, I was going to make coffee. Seal it back in there. Take one of my shitty cups, clean it out, put it under there, pull a shot of espresso, then cream and extra hot water.

It's got a nice hot water dispenser there on the side. And then I don't clean it after I'm done. I let that bad boy sit in there until the next day. Question for you. So when you put the cups in the sink, you're worried about spores of horrible shit, right? Sure. Yeah. Wouldn't,

you be worried about the spores of horrible shit right in front of you on your desk as it is? They're not disturbed in his office. Yeah, as soon as I put water in, they go in the air. Oh, gotcha. Okay. So that's the order that I make. You know what, Mark? For your honesty, you're going to get the point on that one. I know that that's true because

because I've seen other parts of your life that function in that exact same pattern. And I just know that that is 100% accurate to how coffee functions for you in your world. I know that that's true. Also, I'm a little concerned you're going to die of a fungal infection at some point. No, I descaled it once. Once every seven years is probably factory, right? Yeah.

Yep. And the filter gets replaced once every time I remember. I just said a reminder in my phone, man. That's how often I replace my French water filters. You could just put a reminder in your calendar on your phone. It'll

Yeah. And then it goes off and I'm in the middle of something else and I'm like later. And then I click it and it marks it as completed and then it goes away forever. And I'm like, well, I'll remember that at some point in three months, probably. You know what? Can't argue with that. You know, you know, the other strategy I tried for this is so, so the things that are hard, you're supposed to change the filter on your HVAC system, like every three months or something. You're supposed to change the water filter. If you have a water in your fridge or an ice maker or whatever, phone reminders didn't work for me.

And I was like, you know what? Part of the problem is every time it comes up, I'm like, oh, it's time to change the filter. Oh, fuck, we don't have one. So I have to go get one or order one or something. And I was like, I know what I'll do on Amazon. I'll just schedule it so that every correct amount of time, Amazon delivers one and it shows up and I'll just go put that in its place. And that'll remind me the first time it happened, like the filter for the furnace showed up and I was like, okay.

I'm not doing that right now. And I stuck it in a closet and I forgot it existed. And then another one a couple months later I was like, oh, I never changed the filter and I went and got one and then what?

When I got home, I was like, oh, wait, fuck. And I found the other one in the closet. So now we have a spare. And I'll definitely remember to change it. You changed it, though, this time, right? You weren't like, I'll do that later and shove it next to the other one. I put them both in the closet because I was like, oh, this is embarrassing. Left those for another few months. Went and got another. I said they were like a TikTok or something. It was like.

go to the store buy a bottle of hoisin sauce get home from the store I already had a bottle of hoisin sauce go to the store like I applaud your honesty Mark good job thank you all right this is one that I feel like it's another one I got this one twit is not unfairly weighted against you Wade I believe you I

I do. But this is what I feel like I might be the only one who has strong feelings about. So I'm just curious. You just pulled the tab on your brand new cellular device. Your previous phone is old and dying or got dropped out of a moving car or whatever. And you bought a new one because it was time anyway.

In what order do you set up your new phone device? Both of them are basically the same. You have to like log into your account and it starts doing things for you. But there still is like an order of stuff you have to do, right? How do you attack that? I can go, Mark, but it's your turn if you want to go first. I'm not going to lie. I was in a different universe for a second there. I didn't hear a word you said, Bob, and I was looking right at you.

The spore creature inside of his brain was speaking to him. My brain was like, halfway through that, I was in a different world. I was like, oh man, thank goodness it's Wade's turn because I wasn't catching any of this. I'll play this off really smoothly. And don't worry, I'll just pick it up when I figure out what he's talking about and then say something associated. And I'm like, yeah, perfect strategy, Mark. No one will ever know that you weren't paying attention. I can go first if you'd like, bud. I wouldn't want you to admit you weren't listening.

It's not that I wasn't listening. Like that'll happen sometimes. It's just like, I think ADHD thing. It's just like, I'll be, I'll be there present. Just not here. Oh,

All up in here. Just non-existent to the world. What did you say at all? This is a tangent. I'll tell you in a second. You know where that really gets me? School and stuff was hit and miss when teachers are lecturing and whatever. But when you're on the phone with like customer service and you're like running through the mundane stuff and they're like, uh-huh. And what's your name? Uh-huh. And what's the address for that? When you're having that interaction, there's something about that that like...

It's physically impossible for my brain to stick with and follow. And every time I'm in that customer service sequence of giving them info and they're using that voice, there'll be a moment where they're like, okay, and what's your date of birth? And I'll just be like,

What? Sorry, what was that? My date of birth? I'll be like, Berhoo. But, like, it's just going, it's like too awkward for a touch too long, and they think I'm completely insane. But, uh, but anyway, you got a new cell phone. I did hear this. Right. You were there. I was here. What, how do you attack setting that bad boy up? Assuming you got, you signed into Apple or you signed into Google Play or whatever, and the phone is, like, alive. What?

what do you do? You do, you have a strategy. Do you not give a shit? You just start doing whatever you needed to do with your phone, texting people. It's nowadays. I mean, I haven't updated my phone in two years, but, um, I used to do it every release. Uh,

And it was always backed up because it just was back up and then it would restore and I wouldn't... But you have to like log into stuff and like set things up, don't you? No, not usually. If you have like two-factor, I feel like you have to re-log in anyway, even if it is... Oh, right. For like the authentication codes and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. You have to re-log into those. But for the most part, yeah, I keep...

I keep it all, carry it over. I don't know. I get the excitement of like, new thing, new thing, new thing. And then I fire it up. I'm like, ah, it looks the same. That's fair. That's fair. I can't. And then I put it down. I'm like, oh, it's my phone now. And I go, I'm going to protect it this time. Or I'm going to wear it without a, I'm going to use no protection. Oh my. All right. Now I have no case.

Anyway, maybe I didn't pay attention because I was a side man. I don't really have an opinion about this. Yeah, you're allowed to not have an opinion. Like I said, this is the thing. I'm neurotic about this.

this sort of stuff. I think I've told the story out here before. It's not a great story, but the first smartphone I ever opened was a T-Mobile G1, which was like the first production Android phone. I had a full on panic attack because I got it. My parents surprised me with it as like a gift and I didn't think I was going to get it. And I literally in the car on the way to my birthday lunch with my parents, I was just sitting there staring at it. Just like I felt like I was going to pass out for like half an hour. You're allowed to not have strong feelings. Wait,

I'm the person who I open up the phone, right? You pull it out and I immediately before I even mess with setting up the phone, I've got the screen protector and the case going on. I do all the steps of cleaning the screen, everything else. And I get the screen protector because I had a phone a few years ago where I didn't do it right away. And somehow, despite following all the directions to a T of making sure I put the screen protector on one single tiny little dust.

hair or whatever was like a dead center under the screen protector and that bump drove me crazy the whole time i owned the phone you know you can try those again i mean you have to get another one but like you could i've already bought the one already attached it it's there got it then i turn the phone on i do all the setup get to the point where i'm at like the screen where it's like hello and then like you know you have all your apps got my phone

If an app, if I need to log into an app, I'll deal with that when I come to it. I'm not clicking on all those fucking things to figure out what I got to sign into and what I don't. That's future Wade's problem. Phones on. That is actually very similar to what I do. Like it's a, those are on. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm a weirdo and that's not unexpected.

But I have a whole routine. I love I love a vanilla phone. I tell Apple not to install shit so that I can have a phone that's just like factory, nothing installed, wistfully thumb through all the settings and see if there's any different the minute OS changes that come with the new what it's like an experience for me. But I think I might.

be special. I think Wade wins that point for having very slightly more of a opinion on it than Mark. That's fair. That's fair. You're both like normal people. So that's fair.

This will be the last one. We're all we're all guys here, right? So there's no shame in admitting if you do or do not do part of this one. Ikea furniture. We're all familiar with or whatever. Flat pack furniture. You have an unopened box of thing, bookshelf, whatever. It's a piece of furniture. What is your strategy of attack for getting that bad boy set up?

Okay, so it's me first this time, right? And you have no assistance, because that's cheating. It's just you in a room, and you just really need a flume to finish your setup or whatever. Like your clocking. I did this somewhat recently with just like a shoe rack, like a wooden shoe rack. But you know, I've done bookcases and furniture and stuff in the past. Unlike what I do with most things I order. After the box has been sitting there a while, and Molly says, Hey, really need you to set that thing up today.

I finally open the box, which is something I usually don't do, but I open the box and then I actually carefully pull out the wooden pieces because typically with Ikea furniture, I don't know if you can put together a piece that's not like this, but all the wood is

is usually like that. It looks nice on the outside, but on the inside, it's a bunch of like garbled up hamster bedding bullshit. Yeah. It's like fiber board or whatever compressed wood chip stuff. Sure. Yeah. So you do not want to scratch that shit up because once you do, it's exposed. So I carefully remove the boards. I make sure they're all in decent shape ish. Uh,

and I lay them either on carpet or a lot of times I'll have like that plastic wrapping whatever in there and I'll spread that out and lay it on there so that way it's not like on a hard surface. I do not go through and make sure all the pieces are there. That's a future Wade problem.

get the crucial first steps out there. I'm like, alright, I've got board marked A, I've got this thing marked B, they go together with these three screws marked whatever. So you're saying you do, like, find the instructions though, and you go straight to...

instructions i skip them make sure you have all this stuff page and i go straight to step one and then i'm like what the fuck is board a how is it different than board b and then i begrudgingly go back to the page that shows you all the pieces to see what the difference is like oh i shake my fist go back to step one without looking at the other pieces so i'll be mad enough to go back to it later and then assemble pretty sane and rational arc

I have a compulsion. Whenever I have any kind of furniture or things that requires parts or what have you, it doesn't matter what I'm assembling because I did the same thing with my computer that I... the multiple computers I just built. And also my servers. Oh, man. I will rip open all the bags with all the tiny little parts in them first. Pfft.

And you'd think that I would place them in an order, but no, I plop them on the ground in a pile because I don't know why I have to get all the parts out of the bags. I feel like I'm rescuing it from suffocating. I'm the exact opposite. I get out the bare minimum of what I need and everything else stays mixed up in the jumbled mess. Why the single pile though? I don't know. I just have to have it all out because I'm like, I gotta have it ready to access. Uh,

Other than that, it's less insane, I think, except I usually will try to treat it like a test and the instructions is an answer sheet. That's what I was expecting. Yeah. What do you mean? That's what I was expecting. Not from you, just in general from us. Okay. Yeah. So I will look at it all, be like, I went to engineering school. I can figure this out and I'll put something together and then I will just...

like, I'll do that, and if it went together, I'll be like, okay, check instructions. Yep. Or I'll check instructions and it's a fun surprise when I go like, nope. Why did it fit together? And I'll be like, oh, well, that's probably fine. I

I did that with my motherboard where I put a thing in the... It's like a cooler you have to put in the back and then attach it at the front. And it fit together perfectly. And then I looked at the instructions and I was like, this is specifically for AMD CPUs to do in this configuration. And I looked at it around my Intel CPU and I go like, well, it works. So I guess it's fine. What?

Yeah, and then for... I haven't assembled anything IKEA for a while, but it's usually like that because I look at it and it is. It's like A to 1 and I'm like, okay. And they usually have the same kind of parts and they're all very uniform except the screws are all very different. But dowel rods and those twisty doohickeys, they all are basically the same. So I'm like, I know what this looked like in the store.

I just got to put it together like it was, as I remember in my mind. See, I don't think that way. I see the pieces and I'm like, I don't even know what I'm building. Is this a bookshelf or a couch? I don't know. I don't remember what I bought. I don't know. It's just like, if I guess at this, it's going to take more time because I will undoubtedly be wrong. Direction, save me time, back to couch, video game, somewhere, food.

Somewhere else, somewhere not here. Speedrun it. I don't care about the adventure. I'm with the destination. I try to be fast. It just doesn't work. The real bookshelf was the bookshelf you had at the end of following the instructions very efficiently. The worst are whenever they give you the ones where it's like the thing technically fits and you can turn it like a quarter inch and you keep having to do that because there's no space to get your hand in or whatever. And it's like, why is this the step at this point? God.

couldn't they have done this better that's the thing I get pulled into I'm very much on team mark and I've never thought about it as a test but that's exactly it I don't I don't not use the instructions but it's like offensive to my sensibilities if I have to use them too much but the other thing I do is I can't stand when it's like you have to turn something with a hex and it turns you're like

Oh, yeah. I get sidetracked and obsessed. I'm like, I think I have like an extension, like a drill with like an extension and then like a thing. And then I can put a hex bit into that. And I think if I get that at the right angle, then I can just eat and put. But I spent 45 minutes looking for tools and shit and digging through the garage when it would have taken me 90 extra seconds to just tighten the little screw one half turn at a time or whatever.

when I'm, when I was building my server stuff, well, number one, you shouldn't do that by yourself. As I've been told many times, especially loading it in there. Um, but they have servers have rails that you put into a server rack. Um, and I was pretty confident that I knew how those go together. Uh, almost killed myself. Uh,

And almost lost an 8 GPU server just because I guessed wrong at how they go out. See, I fully extended the arms out and then tried to slot it in. When in reality, you don't need to do that. They can just be like a little bit out so that they're off of the thing and then you can slide it in. When it was fully out and it's meant to hold the weight, but only after it's been in there. So I push it out and it's like 150 pounds and I'm like extending my arms out.

and the rails go and they bend and then the thing is falling because I trusted it and then I catch it and I'm like and I have to like pinch it with my fingers as hard as I can while pulling my back backwards to leverage it forward and then land it on my feet. I think I've told you about that. I didn't tell you exactly the circumstances that it occurred and then I feel my back go and I feel my feet go and then I scream

But I saved it. It still works. Yeah, I think that's how you're supposed to lift heavy things. Wrench your back in a jerky twisting motion. I really did. I used my hips as a fulcrum and my back as a cantilever and I, physics was on my side.

Sorry, but I think Wade has to get the point on that one for actually building things the way they're supposed to be built. I completely forgot already what we'd done. Yes, building the furniture. I mean, yours is the more boring answer, and I don't identify with it. But in a world where you have a box and what you want is a piece of furniture, I think your way might be the correct way.

Because I... There's even the smallest IKEA shit. I was building these things the other day for Mandy. She has one of those cube storage things. And I was just building inserts for those. They're just like drawers that you put in. There were like 12 screws total. Like it was a tiny little thing. But I had to put drawers together. And by that I got... When I started, I was very carefully like, tap the thing in. By the time I get to the last one, even on something as simple as that, it's like, God, just fucking... Why isn't this...

and you just start screwing shit in and just check the instructions. I did all of them in the wrong order. It was part of the problem because I was like, I see how this works. And it turns out you were supposed to not. I was trying to slide them all in as one unit and they're not designed to work that way, which they thought about and wrote down. Nice instructions make things so simple. When I get shit instructions, you guys have the improbability there with the building. If my instructions are unclear, dude,

I'm like, I don't know, a flame creature who just crash landed in the ocean. I'm just like flailing about like, Don't ever buy shit from like Team U or whatever, because the instructions will be pile of parts, picture of a screwdriver.

entire bookshelf. Yes, that's happened. And I am totally... I go on the internet to scour for help. I'm like, I can't possibly build a square box with four boards. Help me! This piece is bottom. This piece is top. Where the fuck do these pieces go? Which side goes to top? Anyway, point for Wade. And that was the last one. I feel like it was less controversial today, but...

I think people will have maybe opinions, but maybe not judgments. But we'll see. I'm curious. Last time, it was quite the fire starter in the subreddit. How many people have to wear gas masks to clean their coffee cups? I am curious. I only have to wear a 95, so... Here's what you do. You buy a hazmat suit. You grab the coffee cup. You realize you don't have the hazmat suit. You set it down and you wait. And then you get the hazmat suit and you put it in a closet because you're going to do that later. Yeah.

next to your filter next to your furnace filters this is a closet full of shit you haven't done uh in no particular order mark you earned points for uh-huh uh trapped in time dilation

D2 Steel. Wow, I feel something and a drawing of a penis. Silver rug pull. Twin Peaks. Desk. Oh, desk setup. Groundwork and concerning coffee routine. Wade, you earned points for 13 books. Real books. Groundhog Day. Shave it. You're B when I was all A and you were all B. Backstab.

Back to you in the studio, Bob. You at the tie point for the desk. Distractible point up

a paying attention point, a slightly more safe point, and a building things the right way point. I lost three points. I don't even remember why, but I deserved it. But you punish yourself for something. Yeah. Your water thing. I think you because of your hose. Oh, yeah, because I'm stupid and I flooded my own basement in that one tiny little whatever. That means today's winner with 10 points is Wade.

- Oh. Where are you disappointed? I'm the one who should be disappointed. - Well, I just, I was on a good streak and I was like, well, Bob went all of last year without giving a loser speech. Maybe I can go all this year without giving a winner's speech, but it's over so quickly, so. - Oh, you know what? I'll help you out, buddy. Wade, you win. Mark, you give his winner's speech. - Now? - Oh, you want a second? Here, I know you weren't paying attention. Mark, you lose. Wade, give his loser's speech.

I wasn't listening, but I'm incredibly disappointed. I feel like this was completely unfair and I should have won. But you did win. I heart lenses. I'm going to have some I heart lenses shirts.

Render farm yay. Don't do what I do. Markiplier out. Oh my God. Wait, I said Wade was supposed to give Mark's speech. What was that? That was me giving Mark's speech. It sounded just like him. Because it was so good. I get it now. Mark, are you prepared for winter speech for Wade? I, George Wade Barnes.

To hereby accept this gracious, prestigious award. But I can't accept it. It's beneath me to let awards and ego get in the way of my victory. Therefore, I, George Wade Barnes, forfeit.

forfeit this competition in the advent of fairness and understanding and I will step aside for my competitor Mark Edward Fischbach also known as Markiplier as the winner. Wow. That's big of you, Wade. What can he say? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Did it work? All right. I'm writing down right now, so it must be true. Somehow Mark wins anyway.

My streak continues of both things this year. Excellent job, Wade. And congratulations to our winner by gracious forfeit, Mark. What a brilliant maneuver. I couldn't believe you didn't have any shenanigans, Wade. I teed it up for you guys. I was so excited to say mark a plier out. I cleverly didn't pay attention, which got me the second spot. Because if I had tried that in the first spot, it wouldn't have worked. But.

But my genius subconscious pulled my consciousness away for that moment to get me the win. All the ruse. Mark just pretends like he never pays attention and then sometimes just takes advantage of the situation. I can't even be mad. It was well played. Mark's genius knows no bounds. Well, congrats to our legitimate and fair winner, Mark.

that means you get to host the next one make sure you follow us all on socials and make sure you follow the podcast by clicking the little plus sign or check mark or whatever the hell it is because then you'll know when the episodes come out they come out on Monday and Friday but then you'll know for sure and yeah next time Mark hosts and Wade maybe forfeits and I win who knows bye everybody podcast out