September 10th
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Good evening, Rough Riding listeners or watchers, and welcome to Destructible!

This episode: Maneuverable Mark gets reamed by Reddit, acts the alchemist, then gets the boys to fuck with reality. Bookworm Bob loves the library, threatens explosions, pilfers Pokémon, and emancipates Kemet. Well-received Wade goes 'nost a dumbass, receives the lash, and apes J.T. Kirk. From various equites to the Second Amendment,

Yes! It's time for September 10th. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello, gentle listeners.

That sounds like the other show. Hardcore. Hardcore watchers, gentle listeners, welcome to Distractible. Today is another great day for another great episode hosted by me, Markiplier, who miraculously won because I knew to check under the eyelids. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you gotta listen to last week's episode or watch it if you're hardcore.

If you want easy mode, just listen to it. But I won that round, and so that means I get to host this episode, and I get to subject my friends, Bob and Wade, to my whims and my whimsies. Say hi, guys. Subject is an ominous word, but hi. Hello. Hello. Congratulations.

You earned this. We all thought of the eyes. You just thought of them at the end. You earned it and we deserve it. That's fair. That's fair. How are you guys doing this fine, fine Tuesday? We're in the middle of the Ohio weather that just makes you feel awful all the time. Because it was like, there were like two days last week where it was like 65 and sunny. And we went outside for the first time in a couple months and it was like, oh.

I wish I wore shorts. Oh, and then it was in the teens again over the weekend and raining and it's like warm ish today, but it's raining. So it's like, it just, it's gross. Like there are moments where it's like, Oh God, it's coming. But then it goes back to being in the teens and you're like,

Well, fuck you. All right. Fuck all of this. And you go back inside and it's dead. We're almost there, though. It's almost springtime here in L.A. It's some this is actually some of the most beautiful weather because after the rain start, you know, it pushes a lot of the any kind of pollutants out of the air, makes the air really clear and nice. So you get a great view of the horizon distance and the weather is really nice because it's just, you know, usually hovers between like 50 and 80, you know,

It goes right around there. So that's why people love California for the winters, because the winters really are mild. Except for that period where fires can explode. That's a fun winter surprise. That's a little excitement mixed into the idyllic winter tepidness.

But I was in Cincinnati last week, and I noticed something when I got off the plane and we were driving out from the airport. It looked like someone turned the saturation down on the world. Everything was gray. And I forgot just how gray it was in the winter in Cincinnati. It's just...

It was gray. Everything was no color. The grass was all grayed out. The trees, no leaves. The clouds were gray. The road was gray. Everything was gray. Yeah, it does that. Because I know Cincinnati is beautiful in the spring and summer and the fall and the colors. And then I forgot that's why people hate winter in the Northeast is because it gets real drab.

All you gotta do is paint your yard for the winter. You got lots of color. Yeah, sometimes people will come and paint it for you in bright orange. They'll put little X's everywhere and the next thing you know they come and dig or they avoid those spots. And if they don't, party!

It's funny. I was driving on 75 and I remember when I first started driving oh so many years ago that there was construction on 75 and I was so it felt like coming home when I drove up 75 and the same lanes that have been closed. It's the same construction. It's the same goddamn construction. Someone is getting paid badly.

They're making so much money and no one is checking on them. No one. I mean, I think you missed the worst of it because they reopened 471, right? They had that fire under the bridge and they had to like shut down the bridge for a while. Is that open? I only I know it was closed last time I was down there. So I

I think it's open now, but that caused all the traffic to surge to 75 and 71 on top of what they already had. And both roads were under construction. And if you wanted to get across the river on that side of downtown, you had to like go across. It's happening. What? It's happening. We're trying to talk about our roads like Californians. We get traffic for one period of like three months and we turn into the roads guy. Oh!

Oh, 471. Well, here's what you want to do. You want to take 75 South down to 275. Then you get back on 75 when it merges with 71. Take it down to Florence, y'all, and go shopping. Well, see, the thing about Cincinnati that I forgot, because if you look up Cincinnati population on any website, it says like, you know, 300 to 400,000.

And that's what I've always thought. And it's like, oh, Cincinnati, it's not that big a city. That's just like the metro though, right? Yeah. I forgot that the Cincinnati area is like two to two and a half million people. And it's like, oh, wow, that's so many more than I think. And it's been growing. So yeah, traffic is beginning to getting much worse over there because...

There's no metro at all. But honest to God, it's been the exact same construction. I lived on 75. I lived at where you live there, too. The Forum, right? It's right over 75 there. It's the exact same construction somehow since I came to Cincinnati in 2007. Like, I don't know what they did. They rebuilt the whole highway two street lengths over.

And then they tore it all down and rebuilt it over this way. And I remember they were cutting into a hill to do something there. And then I just see supports along that hill. No road. And then it's moving again. And cut down these lanes, open those lanes. It's very...

Someone should check in on that. We need some doge over there. Ohio just celebrated its 222nd birthday, and I'm not sure back then they really planned out how they were going to build cities very well, so I think we're doing some... Because, you know, highways existed as soon as we were founded. Uh-huh, pretty much. The moment you establish that you're a state, highways just pop up along you. Trains, canals, interstates, all existed. Well, not train, not trains. We don't like trains. Trains, bad. In fact, never maintain those rails.

Ever. Right, guys? Right? Old strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for him. Well, you know, I don't see too many railroads being built. You'd think that with all those highways they would build, they would build, you know, I don't know, high-speed rail? No, Mark, listen. If you look around the world, outside the U.S., anywhere else in the world, and you look at the direction transportation is going, trains are out.

They are awful. Nobody else uses trains. Nobody else. No other countries have all their major cities connected by trains. Major train corridors connecting cities from different countries to each other in a big network. That's the past. Okay. I'm thinking horse pulled rowboat is the way to go. That way you're covered for ground. That way you're covered for water. And if the horses go real fast, you're in the air.

In what way are you covered for ground on that? Will you take the horse and leave the boat? Horses just pull you. The horses can walk. I know they're mostly aquatic, but, you know, they're actually very strong on land. Don't know if you knew that. I think you're talking specifically about land horses. When I hear horses, I think of the kind that live in the ocean. Yeah, most do. Most do. But, you know, they're actually, it's just different life cycles of the horse. Originally, you know.

They start out in the water and then they move to the land. Seahorse, land horse, Pegasus, we all know it. Yeah, basically. I'm not going to get into the episode yet because I want to talk about something funny that was on the subreddit. I've pissed off many people with my random hobbies and talking about shit that I don't know before. Never has there been as much protest against me pursuing a new hobby than the CNC people. Oh, are you getting a lot of pushback? Wait, what?

Really? Yeah. I thought for sure it was the 22 people. I mostly saw people talking about BDSM and being very concerned and confused about it. And then I saw some people who were like, oh, good for Mark. That's fun. Either way, I'm not mad about it because it's funny to me. But

Okay, side tangent. Did any of you know that other definition of CNC? Any of me or Wade? Yeah. No. I still don't know because I haven't looked. The casualness that their subreddit started just talking about that, me like, that's the first thing I thought of. I was like, oh, different circles, huh? But the crazy thing to me is every comment agreed. I didn't find a single comment that said, I didn't think of that. Is everyone just a freak out there?

And why? Why is everyone a freak? Why is our fanbase 100% freak? It's a specific subset of the fanbase, and it's the kind of person that goes on Reddit. So maybe that says more than anything else. I don't know. I know we're pretty extreme fellas, and we live a very adventurous... It's a fucking thing?

Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, Wade doesn't actually look at the subreddit ever, so he doesn't know. Well, I haven't since that one came out. It's a fucking thing. No, yeah, that's what it is. You're hobby like, guys, I'm getting really into scenes. Yeah, that's why they found it funny. But honestly, for two episodes, for two entire episodes, none of us knew what you guys were thinking. No, no idea.

So, yeah. No, Colin, that's wrong. It's weird about 3D printing and machines and all that. They were just like, oh, man, look at the kind of weird sex toys they're using. No, bad.

Wrong. Not you, the audience. No. Bad. Wrong. Anyway, so I'm no longer into CNC anymore. It's not because I got scared off from it, but it's because I realized what you could do with SLA resin printing molds and pouring metal into those molds to get extreme detail. There's burn-away resins that you can print. SLA printing is the liquid resin, not the solid filament. And you can get certain...

resins that when it cures it turns into like it has a lot of wax in it or a waxy like substance as far as I know and then when you put it into a mold and you you cast the mold in a kiln it literally burns away the the resin creates probably not great fumes and you need to ventilate that properly but then the it's a perfect mold of that shape and you can pour liquid metal into that and then you have a metal part

A forged metal part. A forged metal part. Or not forged, cast, I guess, but whatever. Cast metal part. Whatever the difference between that is. So, hey, I'm going to get a large induction metal melting machine that's going to definitely not explode me in a fireball of death. And I'm going to start pouring random metals into random holes.

Can't wait. Good thing you live in a place where fire's not bad. Eh, dust sounds substantially more dangerous than CNC. No, you don't need a permit if you have induction heating. Obviously. No, I wasn't even implying that you need a permit. I don't need a permit. I'm glad you're getting out of conk. No more conk for you. So slay, girl. Thank you.

When your liquid cooling loop on your server rack explodes and coolant goes everywhere, the worst thing that could happen is frying a couple CPU or things or whatever. Slay. When your crucible filled with molten aluminum explodes. It's probably less funny. SLA. Maybe it's just as funny. I don't know. That's probably fine. You know, I think that if I just add some glabra salt to it, it'll be 100% perfect.

Now we get to hear Mark go on and on about metallurgy. There's been a glabbersalt update, but I'm going to hold it off until another episode. SLA. Slay. Is that the joke you've been going for this whole time? Yes.

I don't care if it's bad or doesn't get me points. I'm proud of it. Persistence pays off. I'm not going to give you a point for that, but that's pretty good. This is a thing I've been super ignorant about that is not new, but I think it's really interesting. And so I want to talk about it since we're talking about Mark making stuff and killing himself eventually with molten metal. Guys.

Have you checked out your local libraries recently? Because that is not what I thought a library was. My local library is cool as shit. So there's a little branch I've been going to that's just books and tiny little thing, and it's very nice and convenient because it's close. But I went to like a big branch, which was only 15 minutes away, only a little bit further. They have a makerspace where you can have access to...

to CNC laser cutting, 3D printing services, large format printers. Literally, like you can make appointments and be like, I want to make this thing and I have a 3D plan or I want to make this thing and they'll help you make like a 3D plan of it or whatever in SketchUp or something.

It's cool as shit. I just want to throw this out there. If you haven't checked out your local libraries, you should do it because they're doing some crazy shit over there. It's not just books. DVDs. They have DVDs. They have video games. They have podcast kits you can borrow, which is literally like a Zoom recorder and a couple of mics and a couple of headphones. And you just like in a briefcase and you take it and go and record something. Our library is great. I was like, I just need to send a fax. So you guys have a fax machine. And then I just wandered around for half an hour because I was like, oh,

Holy fuck. Let's get into the theater business and into the library business. No, libraries are great. Everyone should have a library card. And I'm a hypocrite because I haven't gone to any of the Los Angeles libraries. But it's something that should be supported. And there's a reason why companies want to lock down everything. Because libraries are like a hub of information and knowledge sharing. And that's supposed to be

That's supposed to be a cornerstone of society. Libraries are such a wonderful resource and anything to try to defund it is stupid and bad and dumb and wrong. And it should be because the economic impact of libraries on the communities, I didn't even know about the 3D printing stuff, that's awesome, but the economic impact of libraries on people being able to go there and get all the information they need, any book they need,

renting DVDs, games, even filing taxes, applying for jobs. There's all kinds of stuff at the library. It's incredible. Support your local library. Vote yes on your levy. I know for a fact on the next thing we get to vote on here on our local stuff, there's a levy coming up. And I was going to vote yes anyway, because generally I'm like public schools, libraries. I like these things. But now I'm even more motivated. I want to get more people to vote yes, because the library is doing amazing.

Some crazy awesome stuff. I'm not sure how much the vote matters in Ohio, considering I saw that there was a vote that passed that legalized weed and then state legislators were like, no. They didn't have to undo anything. That's just the nature of, what's it called, ballot initiatives in Ohio is technically what those were, which is just the voters telling elected officials like, yeah, we want this.

They don't have to do shit. Our state government is designed in a highly questionable way. I was shocked when that came out and I looked into it and I was like, oh, well, aside from it being completely insane, they actually totally can do that. They can just ignore the fact that we passed a ballot initiative saying that we wanted to try and reproduce the lights in the Constitution or legalize marijuana or what? They can just look at me like, nah, you guys are stupid, even though.

We voted for them? I don't know. Well, it's good that it's contained to one state. Yeah, thank God no other states are designed like ours. I miss Ohio. But something's about it I feel like... But if you're listening to this and you're a resident of Ohio, hey, you can always vote them out. Whoever they are that are making shit up and making it worse, you can always vote them out. So that's probably what they're counting on. Unless you vote them out and they say...

Little known fact, they actually don't have to listen to that either. See the final count on the vote and they're like, I don't know. I don't want to do that, guys. Shouldn't that mean that you could just walk into the statehouse and be like, I'm a legislator at Jumanda desk. And what are they going to do? Not listen to you because you're just doing what you want. They respect the confidence. Honestly, they'll respect the confidence.

Anywho, we're going to move on to the episode. This is having a profound impact on the world. This podcast is just shaking the foundation of the earth. In fact, we're so influential, we cannot be contained to this. Uh-oh. I want you two to open up your minds.

to magical possibilities, the likes of which you have never seen before. And then, once you're done imagining that, uh, sorry Bob, I shouldn't have phrased it that way. I want you to sing the song of infinity inside your mind. Out loud? He said inside your mind. Oh, okay. I did say that, yeah. Now, stop that because it has nothing to do with what we're about to do. Step inside my time machine.

Inside our mind or no, this is real. I have a imagine. No, don't imagine. It's just off screen. It's just off screen. Trust me. It's there. Yeah, there he goes. Yep. Step in. Wait, get in. Wait, get in. Get in the time machine.

Alright, cool. Thank you. I guess you can take the chair, sure. Oh, I should have brought a chair! Yeah, it's much more comfy! No, no, you don't get a chair. Alright, we're all going in the time machine. No, wait! Hold on! Oh, okay. I gotta go. I don't fit all the way. Hang on. It's a tight squeeze in here. And hit the button! Alright.

It's a little chaotic, but I made the inside of the time machine look exactly like all of our... It's like a TARDIS or something. Yeah, yeah. And there's plenty of room in here for all kinds of activities. So, while we're traveling through time, I'm going to explain what we're going to do. We're going to fuck shit up, but maybe in a good way. You two, I'm going to task you...

with going out there and wherever we end up, we'll find out once it lands us wherever we go. And I'm tasking you, two, to go out there and make the most profound change of the timeline. It could be whatever you want. It could be whatever you think would be best. And then I'll make a judgment of who made the most profound change and award a point. Both are still gonna happen. You're still gonna do those things. And then one of you, I will decide which one made the most profound change.

and then we'll get back in. And hey, I'll let you even take one item from that timeline to bring into the time machine and you can use that in the future if you want.

Ooh. Okay. All right. Everyone understand? Yes. How does where we end up to get decided? It's kind of random. I'm just going to look at the screen and read off of the numbers and the places. I didn't decide beforehand. It's just where we end up. I don't know. Well, I hope we find some interesting events and not just random boring points in history. Oh, we're coming up on our first location. 2001, New York City, September 1st.

Okay. Ooh. All right, door's open. Who wants to go first? We get to, like, leave immediately after we've done whatever we're going to do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're in New York. City. I'm gonna need...

I'm already questioning this direction, but I'm going to try it. I'm going to need access to a lot of burner cell phones. All right. Okay. I think cell phones exist now. So, yeah. It could be pay phones. Maybe I'm driving around town and looking for every pay phone in existence. Who knows? I have a plan. As of tomorrow morning, September 11th, 2021,

The World Trade Center Plaza will be completely empty of humanity. And it's going to be... It's going to sound questionable, what I have in mind. And we're going to really need to book it the hell out of here once I start doing this. What are you going to do? I am going to call in just as many bomb threats...

And other things of that nature as possible, all targeted, all on that exact area of the city. It's just going to be absolute chaos. It's going to get to the point where they're going to have to set up a perimeter, a safety perimeter. No one's going to be allowed in those two buildings. Or probably in surrounding buildings. It's going to be two empty structures with barricades and police keeping any human from getting anywhere close to them.

Until sometime in the evening on September 11th when they figure out these are all fake threats that someone phoned in as a prank. I think that would cause quite a ripple. But seriously, we need to get the fuck out of town once this starts happening. Well, you wait there. You wait. Okay. Wade's turn is now. Wade.

Wade, what are you doing? I'm not gonna lie, my first thought was either to get a bulldozer and just drive into the base of the building and like mess up the elevators.

There's people in there. Or to also call in a bomb threat. I actually had that thought too. Yeah, well, too late. But then I was like, all right, bigger picture. I'm going to call into one of the news programs, and I'm going to tell them about exactly what's going to happen the next day. I'm going to tell them, I'll pretend to be Ben Layden. That'll be my name. And I'm going to call in and tell them exactly what's about to happen. Ha ha ha!

That doesn't seem like a necessary detail at all. Which locations? Which everything? I'm just going to predict the future for them and hope that maybe they're like, that sounds like a threat. That sounds like a threat that could happen, Jim. Yep, Jim, maybe we should shut down the airports and figure out some security measures, Jim. I don't know who Jim is, but Jim...

Man, you really picked a good date for this. I really enjoy this exercise. Just at random. It's just the machine. I didn't pick it. This is what happened. I think maybe we should spend some more time under the hood of this machine. All right, well, I'll try to tweak it, but I think you guys should get back in. What item did you grab on the way back in? Oh, man. A blockbuster card. Okay, blockbuster card. Yep, sure. Bob, what did you get? I grabbed...

entire box of unopened Pokemon cards. Ooh, those are valuable back then. Yeah, so that's a vintage box of unopened original whatever series. I don't know anything about Pokemon cards, but one of the expensive ones. Alright, perfect. Just one? You said one item. I mean, I'll grab as many as I can, but I was thinking it had to be one thing. One pallet of

No, no, no, you can't carry that in. It's not that big on the inside. One box of Blockbuster cards. Wade slips in the door with his one Blockbuster card. It's like, hey, a souvenir. Bob waddles in with a pallet, like as many giant boxes of Pokemon cards, mint condition, original press, Pokemon cards. And then, Wade, you look at him with a lot of jealousy in your eyes.

But you don't know. He might get some money in the future, but I've got history on my side. You have no idea what I'm going to do with these Pokemon cards. Just because they're valuable doesn't mean I think I'm keeping them. All right, so we slam the door. I'm going to tell you who made the most effect at the end when we get back to the normal timeline. Oh, okay. All right, so I'm going to... We're going again. Oh, whoa. Editors, make this... Oh, man.

Just me? Just me, you guys? Oh! Can't believe it. Is my side broken? It doesn't seem to be... It kind of feels like we're just in a helicopter. Like, I gotta be honest, it's less impressive than I would have guessed. I can't hear you over the whirring.

That didn't sound like we're in a helicopter. Oh, all right. Okay, I got it. Oh, ah, ah, interesting. Okay, we're way in the past now. This is what I was hoping for. Oh, thank God. We're 79 CE, which is Common Era. We're in Pompeii.

Well, I only know two eras. Which one is that? Common era. C-E. Is that B-C or A-D? No, it's C-E. Oh, boy. Okay. You'll have to figure it out for yourself. Look, this machine, I don't know. I don't get it. But anyway, Pompeii, September 10th.

What? Wait. Well, if I remember right, that's the day before September 11th in Pompeii. It sure is. Isn't that a couple weeks post Mount Vesuvius eruption? I don't think there was ever actually a date. I am, after a quick Google, I am seeing references to...

uh mid-august maybe around august 24th or 25th ah but that was before they shifted the calendar oh okay so that hasn't happened yet yeah yeah uh it looks not ashy it looks nice we i open the door and i'm like oh there's a whole bunch of people milling about kind of looking at us funny but not that funny well a little funny all right so bob you went first uh so wade you'll you'll run out there first um

To alter the time screen. And you have a Blockbuster card. And we look like ourselves, right? Yeah, you can take clothes from this era if you really wanted to, I guess. But you'd have to wait until next time. Alright, so I'm going to the Pompeii Library. I'm going to get some Pompeii books and documents. I'm going to show them my Blockbuster card and tell them I'm from the future.

And it's my job to preserve some historical artifacts. They ask you why? Why? Hey, why? Why do you need to preserve it? Oh, time's not kind to books. You know, paper. It goes bad. Yeah, age comes for us all. Yeah, yeah. So I'm just coming to get some OGs. I'm going to take them to the future. I'm going to make some copies. And I'll bring them back. You're one of those crazies, aren't you?

Can you make this? You see this laminate? You have this technology? I don't think so. Yeah, we write things. We got books. Covered in plastic. You see this film of plastic? Yeah, we got glass. I pull out my cell phone. You forgot to bring it. No cell phones allowed. The time stream blew up all cell phones. I specifically meant you couldn't bring anything from the first place that we went.

I'm retroactively making that true. Wow, man. I really thought I had something to prove that I was for the future. Look at my shoe. The great crazy shoe, right? I grab a bunch of documents and I run. Hey, wait a minute. Hey. Oh, shit. So you go to the library?

Oh yeah. Talk to one dude. I get one box of Pompeii cards or Pompeii documents. Pompeii trading cards. Maybe like a palette of Pompeii artifacts and cards and documents.

Alright, so you've gathered up as much as your arms can fit of the Pompeii Library. Random documents. Yeah. So selfish, this one. As I run back to the time machine, I'm just screaming through the sheets. The sheets and the streets. I took some extra time to have fun in Pompeii. Hey, if all chaos can erupt, you better run!

And then I get on the time machine. Alright, so you grabbed an armful of Pompeii Library documents. You screamed that... What'd you scream? Hey, the volcano's gonna erupt! You better run! The volcano's gonna erupt, and you had some fun. Yeah, apparently. The eruption in the streets and in the... Okay. Was that too soon? I'm sorry, Pompeii. Okay.

All right. Okay. All right. He's quite eventful. Sprint in, sprint out. Bob? All right. I'm thinking ahead on this one. I don't think there's a lot I can do for them. I don't speak the language unlike Wade. You haven't learned pompish? And I don't think they're going to listen to me either way. And there aren't phones everywhere for me to call in more bomb threats because it's apparently my go-to. Yeah, yeah. So what I do is I just go around and start carving a message.

into every place I can, 'cause the city is made of stones and maybe some concrete, I forget, but it's all, it's all carveable, you know? I just spend every second I've got carving the phrase, "Don't trust Nazis."

into the walls of Pompeii. And I know what you're thinking. Different era. Confusing messaging. This is for the future. This is a warning. And when our... Closer to our time we came from, when they start excavating and they start finding... They keep finding this message. It seems to be, for some reason, written in modern English...

and not at all congruous with what was happening in Pompeii at the time. And it just keeps saying the same thing. They're going to just have to assume that either a god or a time traveler or something, someone knows and had to leave that message for a purpose.

It's going to have an impact. I need to look up when archaeologists started digging. Oh, they'll definitely find it before the Nazi party exists in any meaningful way by a lot like hundred years, maybe hundreds of years, I would guess. Yeah, yeah. But like that'll that they'll talk about that, right? All of the books about Pompeii will be like, and there was this crazy message. And then when it starts, when stuff starts happening, people will be like, wait a minute.

What's that shit about Pompeii? Yeah, but what if they just like wear googly glasses and mustaches and change their name to like Shotzi's or something? That's not us. I mean, you gotta...

You got a point. I'm just writing off Pompeii as a total loss. I don't think there's anything I can do for those guys. That's fair. And I don't go to the library, but I do pickpocket a wealthy-looking individual on the street as I'm heading back towards the time machine, and I get his little coin purse full of, I assume, doubloons?

Is that correct? Damn, the pompous currency. Bloons? What are they using, Pompeii? It's actually Pokemon cards. They were the first ones. But we didn't know because they all burned. Okay, alright, great, okay. So you got a corn purse of...

Do balloons? You have not opened it. I don't know what's in there. I'm just assuming. All right, cool. Great. Wow. Grand effects across the board. This is really going to fuck with the timeline. Nice. All right. Everybody in? Throw in the lever. Ker-chunk. Oh! Oh!

Why is this one hurt? I think we're going even farther back. We're going so far back. Maybe even too far Maybe so far back. We'll never come back. Oh, wow, goo goo. Oh shit. What the fuck is happening to wait? Sorry, I think the effects were backwards for a second. Oh Okay, we've landed 65 million years ago this can't be real this can't be real wait a minute. Oh

Oh no, we're on the Yucatan Peninsula on September 10th. Now I know historians believe that that happened in April.

Oh, man. All right. So, wow. This is crazy. It's so prehistoric out there. Well, good thing you guys... Well, I guess you don't have anything to defend yourself with. But get out there. Change the time stream. Bob, you're up. Go get him. Yeah. I just happen to know that something like 65 million years ago, almost roughly exactly, today maybe even... Maybe. ...is when the...

chick-shoo-loop impact happened that sounds devastating it was an asteroid estimated to be somewhere between 10 and 15 kilometers wide that struck the earth yeah you actually look up and you can see a second sun in the sky oh that seems bad

I don't know how things are 65 million years ago, but I'm going to guess that's still bad. Mm-hmm. It is. So what do we got? We're around the Yucatan Peninsula. Mm-hmm. What do we got? Like dinosaurs out here and stuff? Yeah, yeah. They're all looking at you funny, but they're also looking up at the sky kind of like, oh, my God.

Are any of them looking like they're not interested in eating me? Like they're chill? A lot of them are kind of weirded out by this strange thing that just appeared, and we made a lot of noise, and then just a gush of fluid came out of it, like real sticky goo. But all of them are kind of at a distance, looking at you funny. It's mostly herbivores. It's like a herd of the dinosaur of this era.

Okay. I don't know their name. I'm going to say I see an Ankylosaurus. That's the dinosaur, if I'm remembering correctly. And also, I might Google this real quick. Ankylosaurus is like the tanky boy. He's like low-key. He's an herbivore. He's very defensive. He's like chill. He's kind of like...

the large dog of dinosaurs. Not derisive. They are not derisive dinosaurs. No. Supportive. Not at all. We got space in the time machine, right? Yeah, yeah. There's some space in there. It's kind of bigger on the inside situation. It's not unlimited or anything, but yeah, there's space. Yeah, so it's pretty big, but I think it'll fit. So I grabbed, I ripped like some limbs off of some surrounding trees and vegetation and stuff.

And I wave it in front of the Ankylosaurus's face. And I'm like, hey, come on. Hey, whoa. And I get his attention. And he sort of like slowly is like, yeah, I need some leaves and comes over. And I lure the Ankylosaurus into the time machine. And then he lays down in the corner to take a nap.

Oh, wow. That's adorable. Oh, so it's both your item and this is how you're going to affect the time stream? Yeah, that's what I'm going with. All right, so you kidnapped an Angliosaurus. Okay, gotcha. All right, cool. Wow, that was well done. Wade, go ahead. Get out there. I give you a slap on the ass on the way out. Slap. I say. Try not to fuck anything this time. No promises. No promises.

I find the first dinosaur I see, I show it my blockbuster scar and say, are you impressed? One of you. And then I wake up and I'm like, that was a weird dream. And I go outside the time machine. And here's what I do. Childhood, since childhood, I've been taught how to handle this moment. Every Easter, you know what happens. Easter egg hunt.

Oh, but I'm on a dino egg hunt. Oh, I'm going around looking for different dino eggs to gather them up and try to bring as many varieties and different types. A couple of each one, you know, hoping like, okay, occasionally I'll get a male, female, whatever. I'm gonna try to get some dino eggs and bring them back. Bob's got an ankylosaurus. Maybe, I don't know, maybe it's chilling. We'll like sit on the eggs. Maybe not. So I'll just kind of like try to keep them warm. And on the way back to the time machine, I yell, you guys should run. There's Bob.

expecting nothing to happen but nothing happens they just look at you oh and seeds i look for like little pine cones or something to like scoop up and hold my eggs like you know i guess it's only one item i'll make it whatever you can carry in your arms and pockets i apparently don't have a phone i still have pockets though right so i put a yeah yeah you

Pineconey things in my pocket. Sure, yeah, all right. Okay, all right. What is the likelihood that Wade's going to grab something that's actually like poisonous or it's going to like sting him or something? Very high, extremely high. So many of these plants, the human body has never adapted to even touch them. The protein interfaces mostly don't interact.

but some of them incredibly, incredibly itchy. So I'm not going to say he's dying or anything, but Wade, you are now itchy, unbelievably. You are prehistorically itchy. Sure, and when I get back, I'm going to pass him out and let you guys look at him. I'll be like, hey, look at this. I'm busy with my ankylosaurus. I'm not looking at your stuff. You don't want to look at my pine cones? Not really. Wait, didn't you...

Hold on, didn't you also grab plants? I grabbed a couple of very safe looking branches off of one plant and then they were fine. This seems retroactively safe looking. You grabbed as many different types of foliage as you could find. I grabbed one thing. I hate to say this, guys, but that meteor is about to hit, so we should probably go. Yeah, we were never going to be able to help these dinosaurs. We could just stay. What if we send them to the future and we stay and just... Ooh. Oblivion, you know?

Alright, let's go. No, yeah, we're gonna go. Ka-chunk! That one made me shit my pants. Well, this is interesting. 2560 BCE, that's before Common Era, Egypt, Giza, weirdly September 10th again.

Oh, you guys, are you looking up what happened on that day? Oh, you don't know what happened in this time? No. Yes. I told you I know about the BC era. We have a computer in our time machine. I'm going to ban that from now on. After this one, you're not allowed to look up what happened on this day, all right? You just have to guess. Uh, sure. I still don't know what happened because I stopped-

before I got there, so... This explanation I found is unhelpful. Here, I'll swing open the door. I swing open the door. There's a beautiful, pristine, glistening white, gigantic pyramid. And at the top is a golden, like, mini pyramid at the top. It's glorious. There's a whole crowd of people around it. They're all cheering and celebrating. You kind of understand a little bit of ancient Egyptian, so you know that they're going, We did it! We did it!

yeah are we free now and then you know they're asking a lot of that interesting wade you're up please don't fuck anything or anyone that's incredibly short-sighted of you no you yeah you can do whatever you want thank you also we're gonna be like freaks of nature tall i just want to throw that here people in this time period very short i don't know if you've seen mummies i have not

They make you feel like a big man, tell you what. So we're in Egypt, in the past. The beautiful new looking pyramid is in front of me. But I know for a fact that these fuckers didn't build it, the aliens did. So I'm going to ask them all about the aliens. I want them to point me in the direction of the alien overlords that helped put these pyramids down here. Because together, when we find the aliens, we're going to fuck them. And I'm going to bring back...

Oh man. What do you bring? A pair of alien panties? I don't know, what the fuck do you bring back? Hold on, you gotta wait for their response. I show my blockbuster card to the sky and I say, "BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!"

And then beam me, Scotty! And then, alright, so you stand there, you shout in a language that they don't understand, because you understand a little of them, they don't understand anything you're talking about. And they look at you funny, and they're like, they're all looking up at you, because they're very short, apparently. And they start to call for, like, the guy in the corner with a whip. Hey, batty daddy to Dami Mami in Egypt, that's fine, but where's the aliens? Oh!

If that's the initiation that he's going to go through, fine, but where's the aliens? All right, okay. I'll come back to you in a minute. All right, so Bob Wade's out there. He's about to get flogged, and he's screaming Raven, holding his guard up to the sky. You don't have to interact with him at all.

I don't. Good. Yeah, good. What I do is before I head out, I go and I start digging into my many, many boxes of Pokemon cards. And I know it's potentially throwing away a lot of money, but I need to find a Meowth card.

I need to find a Meowth. And so I keep looking until I find a Meowth. It's a pretty common card. So I probably find that pretty quick. A few packs. I don't know. What I'm going to do is I'm going to use that card as proof that I have been sent by their alien gods, the cats, to assume control of the empire. I go straight to the throne room.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. And I seek a council with the great pharaoh? Uh-huh, uh-huh. It's a, you know, leader person. It's not called a throne there. It's called a fair chair. It's the pharaoh's chair.

All right. I kneel before the fair chair. He is extremely old. Looks like he's about at the end of his life. And he's, he was gazing wistfully at the giant pyramid, like, Oh, but Egyptian, you know, grown in Egyptian. I,

And I present the Meowth card. And in my broken Egyptian that I get to know because Mark said it, I explain to everyone in the room and especially the guy in the fair chair that that's actually me, that I have assumed a human form because I'm here on Earth. But I am actually this cartoon cat and their supreme power.

cat god alien and so then I'm in charge now and I assume control of the whole situation.

Okay, cool. Do I have to wait? Are they on board with this? Yeah, I think they are because they did notice a giant machine that appeared out of nowhere. All of them did notice that, or some of them nearby, and the giant gush of goo that comes out whenever we land from space-time. In sand, that's going to be really unpleasant. Yeah, and they really noticed when Wade ran out there and started screaming at the top of his lungs.

So they really drew a lot of eyeballs. And so by the time you walk down, they see two almost equal height giants. And they've never even seen anyone of your height ever. They allow you in the throne room. You do talk to the guy. Your broken Egyptian is a little faulty. It doesn't get the full message through, but you are welcomed with open arms in the kingdom. And they don't quite make you ruler yet, but you're now right next to the pharaoh. You're 100% on board, can probably influence them whichever way you want. Mm-hmm.

Okay, I turn into, what's that guy's name who hangs out with the King of Rohan in the Lord of the Rings movies? Tim Allen. I turn into Tim Allen and I grab the forearm of a pharaoh as it rests on the fair chair. And I lean in and I say, you know, we really shouldn't have all these slaves. God says, let them go.

God is me. I say let them go. Eventually he gets it because, again, broken Egyptian language. But I get the message across. He believes me.

He does. Over time, you wear him down. Meanwhile, Wade is getting flogged the entire time. We're here for a while, I guess, so there's no immediate explosion. Well, Wade's enjoying it. I'm not going to cut that off. And so slavery is abolished. Before anything can happen, that pharaoh croaks because he was very old. So he actually died almost two days after the pyramid was completed. Oh, no. Now the unfair D is going to take over. But your message was heard, and he enacted some policy.

Wade said the word. Oh shit. I did. Wade said the word. I did accidentally say the word. What does that mean? I don't know. Wait, said the word, which means Wade triggered it. I have no idea what the last points you gave were. Mark was writing something down there. Oh, I was trying to remember what the steps that Bob even took while I was saying all that, but I was saying that he died. Was his death unfair to you?

That he enacted policies. He enacted policies to start against slavery. You think that's unfair? I just wanted a pun on the word pharaoh, so I said unfair-D. Wade is pro-slavery.

Yeah, that guy should live longer. You know what? He shouldn't die. No, you don't get to bail on that. He had just abolished slavery. That had just happened. So Wade is challenging that I did not succeed in eliminating slavery and freeing all the people. I really changed my opinion on the whole thing after my month of flogging. It was two days, but that's fine. So three heads...

And that's a success. And that is unfair. And it gets changed three tails and that's a failure. And that is very fair. And it, what it's doubly made doubly fair, whatever Mark determines that to be. This is a confusing rule that we invented. Yeah, I think, yeah, we'll figure it out if it lands on that. All right. My coin is the lady is heads. The lion is,

is tails because he is a tail. Head, head, bird, tails. Yeah, yours don't need explanation. Are we doing this? Yes. Ready? Here we go. Head, head,

Tales. Ah, nothing happens. All right, okay, all right. Almost said that. I don't know what would have happened if anything went wrong there. All right, so it carries on as was. Tim Allen whispering in, he dies, but he enacts some policies. You won't know what the effect is, but it got the conversation started because honestly, they hadn't even considered it. Hop back in, boys. What'd you get? A whip, a pair of sandals, and that guy's version of a home phone number, which is just...

number of houses down that road. Take a left at the big pyramid. Okay, you got a whip, sandals, and a drawing, a crude tablet drawing of his house location in the streets of Gaza. I was just getting flogged the whole time, man. My options were limited. You kind of, uh, you know.

You made it clear where I was. Did I meet the aliens? Yeah. No, there were no aliens. In fact, we were the aliens. Most likely, neither of you actually did as much as just the time machine appearing. But I'm only going to count with what you guys got. Bob, what'd you get? When the Pharaoh died and they started doing what I was saying on my way out, I just sort of grabbed his outfit. He had the big...

staff thing and some jewelry and stuff and I just sort of stripped him naked and took his outfit because he didn't need that anyway yeah he was dead he probably had like death clothes for the pyramid or something so he's probably fine okay alright that sounds good I think

Okay, alright, hop in boys, I think we only have time. For one more time. Alright, no looking this one up, we got this. Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here? I brought him from the future! I unshipped my pants on that one, and went back in. Cause of time travel. Mm-hmm, strange things occurring here in this one, and- Oh, oh! 1776.

Philadelphia, July 3rd. The only not September 10th that we landed on. I think I finally worked out the bug on that one. We open the doors and you see the early building that looks real fancy. Not quite like Capitol Hill, but kind of a little bit. It looks, you know, like nice. Looks like a government building. You know, there's a lot of parks, horse-drawn carriages, people in twill suits.

And other people in rags. Maybe a little war devastation because there wasn't fighting going on around this time. Nope.

No fighting. Oh, Bob. I go first. Yep. All right. I take my coin purse full of doubloons. Okay. And I take that gold and I find a huntsman because this is definitely a point in history where there would be a huntsman somewhere. And I offer him several pieces of gold. And I say, I need you to kill me a bear.

and bring it back here. And the huntsman is like, more gold. And I'm like, yeah, whatever. And I give him a little bit more gold. And he goes and kills me a bear and brings it back? Mm-hmm. Okay. So the bear is back. What I do is, I'm using the...

that was apparently on the Pharaoh's hip from the previous stop. Okay, that's fair. I start skinning the bear and I peel it off. And what I really do is I turn the bear's front two legs into like a wearable cosplay suit where like if I put my arms in and there's like some strapping across the back and it's like I have... I have...

bare arms. And I go back to where the time machine was, to that nice building, and I just strip off the rest of my clothes, and I just start running around scaring people. I don't do anything other than scare them. I don't hurt anyone. I start running around, I force my way into the building, start talking to all these guys in powdered wigs and stuff, and the whole time I'm just screaming, I read the document! I have

a right to bear arms! I have a right to bear arms! And I'm just like, ah! Screaming at everyone because I read that I have a right to bear arms and I'm just running around screaming at anyone who will listen and it's terrifying and confusing and I hear some of the guys as I'm running away mumble to each other like, you know, we don't really talk that one out very much but that is confusing, isn't it?

That's some loose language we put in that Second Amendment, huh? And then I think they say something about going back to the drawing board and maybe rephrasing some of the stuff they'd been working on. No idea what they're doing. I just keep sprinting around with my bloody bare arms strapped onto my...

smaller human arms. And once I'm out of energy and I've scared as many people as humanly possible, I just grab like a kite with a key tied to the string and get the hell back in the time machine. I'm pretty sure that you're going to have the effect you want, but weren't the amendments passed a little while after the... They were already thinking about it. They were already thinking about it. You thought they were whispering that we didn't think through the second amendment, what they really were thinking of like, man, this is a fucking weirdo. We got to get back to signing this declaration. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Am I crazy? Isn't the Revolutionary War going on right now? No, no. It was planting seeds, okay? Listen. Yeah, this is the beginnings. 1776 is the year we're in, right? Yeah, yeah. July 3rd. It's fine. Don't think about it too much. Okay, all right. Here's what I do. I go and I'm looking for Mr. Hancock. I'm looking for Mr. Franklin. I'm going to find one of the founding fathers.

and i'm gonna like you know recite different parts of the constitution or the declaration of independence i'm gonna give them like some stuff i'll be like hey listen i know what you guys are cooking up listen we gotta talk about some some caps some financial caps because here i'm from the future and i'm gonna tell you mr franklin oh boy you do not want three people controlling 99 of the world's wealth it's bad we should probably maybe i don't know

Make sure that it's a little bit more spread out. So whenever we go into that whole, like, let's just...

Gloss over some of the stuff that'll get fixed I guess but you know there's some there's some adjustments we need to make here's my blockbuster card you guys come up with a filibuster Let me tell you this one. It's even bigger. Okay, so they're listening to you and they're going uh-huh Uh-huh, but Benjamin Franklin does approach you and he takes that card and he looks at it really closely and he scrubs it between his fingers and he's like how do

How did you make this? Future. Go on. I can't divulge things from the future or else it will change the past more than what I'm already doing by telling you to change the past. Oh, good thing it wasn't your objective to have the most profound change on the timeline. Don't eat it. I wasn't going to. There's this whole micro thing, real small. You don't want those in your body. Can I have this? No. I'm going to have this. He tucks it in his pocket. Man, Ben Franklin's kind of a klepto. Ben's like you. He liked to take things and he liked to...

sleep with a lot of people. I remember they called him Old Thieving Skeeven Ben. Anyway, he takes your blockbuster card. I really need that back. It was my one thing from the 90s. Nope. Well, can I have something of value from your time? We'll trade. My kite was stolen this morning. I don't want to talk to you. Well, I take your glasses and I run.

Okay, you quickly snatch them off his face and you run as fast as you can. All right, well, I can kind of see why Ben Fronk is such a dick, I guess. Everyone's just taking all his stuff all the time. Well, he stole from me first. I was just reflecting on my actions. Am I the reason the Second Amendment exists? Is that what you're going to land on, Mark? You might have made it, though. You might have reinforced it, at least, or caused them to think it again. If the actions that we decided to take actually did happen, how many extra points do we get? Is that bonus points? Uh,

Uh, no. Well, that's unfair. Too late, man. Too late. You only got one. We got so much to get through. Is that a rule? Get in! Get in! It's almost out of power! We gotta get back to our time! No! Dive! Dive! Actually, there was plenty of power. There was no reason to panic at all. Oh. Ker-chunk. I need a new blockbuster car. Can we make a pit stop in the 90s? No. And then we're back. All right.

So you step out to a brand new world. And let me tell you, it's not that different. Shockingly, very little has changed. All the bomb threats did prevent people from being in the buildings during the attack, but the Pentagon was still hit. I reported all of that to the news. That should have gone out. They knew it was coming. Yeah, so the odd thing is conspiracy theories are dramatically on the rise.

because all the bomb threats before did clear it out. And there was a crazy man on the news, very small side story, but there was a crazy man that was unearthed after like some old archives got picked up of news stories that they saw security camera footage of some tall bald guy going in there screaming about how there was gonna be an attack the next day. And then there was, so that was evidence compounding. So conspiracy theory about September 10th, which they call it now, is really, really way higher than it is even today.

And so people were more suspicious of, you know, the actions. But George Bush still, you know, Warren, Middle East, that's 9, 10 conspirators. Yeah, slight differences. But, you know, you, Wade, you're famous now because people see you now and know you from your tape because it wasn't that long ago. Dude, I'm going viral. I'm going to start a political podcast. Yeah. You also notice that there's a suspiciously higher, more proportion of people that are bald and slightly taller.

hygiene pool it's not that much but there is you the average height has gone up by like half an inch across the board and that's driven by uh more people that are six foot four and bald you're welcome world also uh

The slave rebellion in Egypt, it happened anyway, but it was slightly less bloodshed, I think. I'm not 100% sure how those events turned out, but that was pretty decent. Because the meteor was going to hit anyway, it wiped out any evidence or any bacteria or any effect that we would have had that far in the past. It kind of sanitized everything, so really we didn't have that. There wasn't even a chance for wind from a butterfly's wings to even spread far enough to cause another ripple effect.

That meteor kind of just is a canon event. There's one less dinosaur and a few less eggs that are going to be turned into dust. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting because you still have a dinosaur and you still have eggs, and that's going to change some things in the future. So that is interesting. Bob, you want to open Jurassic Park? Build it and they will come. That's what I always say. We'll spare no expense. I'm famous now for my conspiracy days. I'm fine. Exactly.

Sound fine. There is something interesting. Microplastics are so much higher in everyone's bodies because by Ben Franklin stealing your card, he was so curious about it that he started the Industrial Revolution slightly before it would have happened because they found oil and he started turning it into plastics way sooner. There's so much more plastic waste in the ocean. There's so much more plastic waste in the world around us. And everyone has not just a credit cards about a plastic in their brain. They have about 10 blockbuster cards.

In the government, is there a blockbuster that's bigger than a filibuster now? Uh, no. I hate Ben Franklin. But the Second Amendment is curiously changed from bare arms to have weapons. And that has thrown some weird legal loopholes into how people treat the Second Amendment. But people are still very, very much protective of their right to have weapons. The definition of which is debated throughout the rest of time.

That's crazy. Yeah, that's pretty nuts. Side effect, Hugh Glass, famous frontiersman, trapper, trader, hunter, and explorer, was not as famous as he was back then because he was not mauled by a grizzly bear. Ooh. Yeah, so he's not well known for his mauling of a grizzly bear. Did they find a shoe in Pompeii that looks modern? No, it was actually melted by the lava.

But some people who left Pompeii that day just so happened to be your partners in that spread your genes. Was Nazi Germany still called Nazi Germany? Bob did carve the don't trust Nazis into the walls, right? I did do that.

That's true. That's true. Let me see something. I want to see what the effect of the lava had on wall carvings. Okay. No? Yeah, there were still plenty. Okay, so that definitely did survive. There still was a Third Reich. It just was not called Nazis. Let's call them... Oh, Schottsees. They're called Schottsees. That wasn't quite...

what i was hoping for i guess but yeah it turns out that uh hitler and his you know being in world war world war one still happened because nazism wasn't even a thing and largely the events of world war ii were more driven by the events of world war one and putting germany into a you know an economically vulnerable and politically unstable time period i'm pretty sure pompeii was the reason world war one happened

He's probably right. I mean, it does. Yeah, I would say it kind of bleeped from one to another. So, hey, but that was pretty good. I have to say the biggest change that I noticed is Wade introducing his genes into the gene pool far sooner than it ever should have. So he had a profound effect on the average height in the world and more baldness. Hmm.

in history. So that was cool. And you guys bringing dinosaurs to the future, that's going to be really weird. I can't see a way that that's going to go wrong. Except they die instantly because their immune systems aren't ready for the bacteria and viruses of this era. 65 millions of lost evolution in their immune systems developing means they pretty much keel over within a few days frothing at the mouth.

But their carcasses are still very valuable for science. So that's cool. But that angiosaurus dies in your arms, Bob.

Well, it weighs like four or five tons or something, so hopefully next to me. You're cradling its head, you know, kind of like, unless its head is also huge. Well, its head is like the size of a small vehicle. I don't know. I'll take it. You know what? We loved each other. You're rubbing it while it's dying on the ground. It's very beautiful, but very sad. Wade, your eggs turn to mush inside the shells. What happens to like the seeds and the plants and stuff? They also turn to mush. I don't know.

I think I'm gonna go get checked out at the doctor, Bob. I don't think this time machine was very good for us. You think we should go get looked at? It's fine. Alright, I gave points.

Bob for having all the bomb threats. That was definitely the most significant of that time period. Wade, you had the most significant of Pompeii for the tiny last minute addition of had fun in the sheets. Everything else, no effect. Wait, people lived from Pompeii? They survived? Yeah, it was the day before. Oh. Yeah, so there was still people traveling in and out. I'm assuming at least one of them made it out. But right back to Pompeii.

Bob with the Pharaoh business, that was definitely a more profound change. What, they're getting flogged for a month? What do you mean? And then the dinosaurs, I was going to call that a wash just because generally didn't do too much. But I think maybe if we're going by impact, Bob bringing back a dinosaur was probably better than some eggs and some pine cones. So maybe I'll give him that one. Ha!

And then Wade, you, by giving Ben Franklin the Blockbuster card. I did not. The fucking Klepto stole it. Well, okay, all right then. So congratulations, guys. You didn't actually mess up that much at all. I don't think too much was changed for the good, but not that much was changed for the bad. And you guys did really good. That's surprising. More me in the gene pools, obviously, what people want. Yeah, that's good. I feel like that explains why there are historical pictures with you in them. It's true.

What if all of this is absolutely true? What if we're just priming the masses to understand the nature of our true existence? All right, so wait, you got a point for traffic. You got a point for it's a fucking thing. You got a point for had some fun in the sheets in Pompeii. You know, some points for founding father. Oh, Ben Franklin stealing your blockbuster card and.

And that's it. Bob, you got a point for seahorse to land horse to pegasus. You got a point for all the bomb threats possible. You got a point for pharaoh outfit. Oh, no, sorry, the pharaoh, the slavery affecting, and then...

Was that it? Oh, no, wait. No, the dinosaur one. That's right. I forgot. And a point for a dinosaur one. Which, if you read the scoreboard, is four to four. Hey! One man show. Nope. One man show. We have another wheel. We have the bonus wheel to spin. Thank God. Unless it lands on two. Two. Two. Two. Two. All right. And I'm rolling...

It's really rolling. Oh, I have to hit stop. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I was like, the anticipation was building so much. All right. Stop.

Two? Two. Alright! Uh-oh! It's fine, it's fine. Oh, what do you want to add to the wheel, Mark? You get to add a thing. Oh, what should we do? There's so many things that happened. Doesn't have to be related to the episode. Yeah, but it could be. Oh, I got... Whoever said fuck the most.

Who did that? It was you. Oh, yeah, you, yeah. You started with it's a fucking thing. It's a fucking thing? Did I say it much after that? Egypt, you were, oh yeah, absolutely, Egypt, you were all over the place. Yeah, actually, I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure that would be you, Wade. I'll take it. I'll take the credit for the fucking. That's a good one for like long term though, because that definitely comes up. Here's the wheel. Are you prepared? Yes, I think so. Yes. Spin number one.

I don't know. I don't know. I was laughing pretty much the whole time. I don't know why I just feel like this is Wade, but I'm trying to remember the moment that I'm thinking of. Yeah, I was laughing at Wade a lot just because of his ridiculousness. I think the it's a fucking thing made me laugh really hard. Yeah. That might be the bigger one. I feel like it goes to Wade. I won't argue. Okay. Come on. Give Bob a point.

Hey, wait a minute. Oh, wait. Wait. What? Oh, God. Why is it so loud this time? Ow. Wait, it was loud that time? It was so loud that time. I didn't change anything. What the fuck? Can we land on the same one twice? We never discussed that. Yeah, we didn't discuss this ahead of time. No, but I feel like it should be two different things. Well, we'll remove... Yeah, no doubles. That's not terribly likely that that happened, but...

God, the wheel's so loud. I'm sorry. I don't know how to mute that. Oh, no. Wait. Oh, no. Does that mean that Mark gets it or is it between me and Wade? I think it's between you and Wade. But either way, the result, I think, is the same. Does that mean we both get a point or we don't get any points? No, Wade got one point for biggest laugh.

And then if we go by shortest being me, it would be me. Or if we go by shortest being the two of you, I think Wade is half an inch. It would be me. Yeah, you got like a half inch on me. Really? Oh, I was assuming Wade and I are basically the same height. We are pretty much, but I think you're a little bit taller. I don't know. I think you're a little taller than me. We both describe ourselves as like 6'4", right? Yeah. I think I remember on the tour, you guys were back-to-back and measured, and it was like by the...

Then again, my perspective was so low, I don't know who's... I couldn't reach all the way up there. We can re-roll again if you want. Like, I don't mind. No, I think that's definitive. Well, that just means it ends in a tie, right? No, it doesn't end in a tie. If I... Oh, no, wait. Wait, shortest. The shortest gets... Fuck! Yeah, yeah. See? Yeah. Unfair. Oh! Too late.

What do you mean too late? No, he's allowed, I think. You get one each, right? Isn't it one per episode? I guess I was assuming it was one each, but I don't think we were that specific about it. Well, the danger of it is because if you call out someone for saying unfair, does that use up yours? Man, that rule's really obscure. It does say once per episode you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud. But I think we meant it as each of the competitors.

I mean, Mark is the host. Mark gets to be the interpreter of this. I think we could say one per episode. Yeah, let's just do one per episode. I think that's okay. One per episode. That's fine. All right.

Alright, we went on quite an adventure. Wade, you had the most profound effect on Gene Pool, and all of your other actions had nothing to do with anything. AND THE MOST SEX! That's what I meant by the- the- Gene- yeah. Uh, yeah. Oh, okay. Anyway, winner speech? Uh, yeah, you know what? History...

It's written by the victors and I think the three of us and our adventures showed that we were the victors of history. We got to see a lot of September 10th's over the years and I think we know about the weather patterns on the 10th and I think that between that and our Nostradamus like abilities and my already fame and Bob's Pokemon card and dinosaur fortune

And Mark apparently didn't do a fucking thing in the past, so like... He was our captain. Yeah, Captain can leave the ship, alright? So maybe next time Captain does something, you know? But it's cool. Bob and I will just carry the win on our shoulders, so I think Bob and I are the real winners, and thanks Mark for pushing a button, I guess. It was a lever. Yeah, it was clearly a lever. It was heavy, too. It was a heavy lever. Not if you're 6'4".

I don't know what that has to do with anything. Leverage. I get more leverage because my arms aren't as long as yours, so I have more advantageous attachments to my bones. So, ha ha ha ha. Sure. Anyway, terrible winner speech. Probably the worst one we've ever had. Bob, loser speech. Uh, yeah. Uh, you know...

I gotta be honest, I kind of gave up on this one. I think I could have done better. I think if I knew more history, I could have done a little bit better. And I was even looking stuff up, and I still... You know what? It's my own fault for being such a stupid piece of shit, really. It turned out all you had to do was fuck. I should have just followed my most base carnal instincts, and I would have had much more of an impact on the world than I ended up having. And that's just what you get. You think you're clever?

You're not. I don't mean you. I mean me. I'm talking to me. This loser speech is targeted at myself. Anyway, I deserve this. I deserve this. I earned it. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. Yeah, as do we all. Thank you everybody so much for living with this for the rest of your life. Can't wait to see what the future is going to bring with all the changes that have occurred. They were very real and they're very true. So carry that with you forever and ever and ever and ever like a scar.

And we are not getting together for Christmas, even if we're technically thousands of year old separated family. Oh, I thought you were saying that to us. You were just threatening everyone in general. Yeah, just everyone in general. I see. With that threat, remember to follow the podcast or else Wade will not invite you to Christmas and also will change your past forever. Be sure to follow all these guys at LordMinion777 or Minion777 and MySkirm, M-U-Y-S-K-E-R-M. And merch will be coming back very soon. Wow. Anyway...

That's all. Podcast out.