The Best, The Worst
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Good evening, gentle listeners and watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode...

Yes! It's time for The Best, The Worst. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I am today's hostest with the mostest. Wade. Turns out he's my co-hostest with the mostest, but slightly lessest. Most, mostussies is what it's, the plural. Hostussies with the mostussies. Okay. I think, yeah, I think he's right. Mark and Bob. Hi. Bobussie. Markussie. Uh-huh. How are your ussies today? Huh. Why are you asking about our ussies? Because I'm perverted.

That's messed up. Yeah, that's true. I actually have, I have a prop that applies directly to that for some reason. Uh, look what I found in my basement. Wow. Generic lube. It's literally, I, I think I know what it's from, but when I found it, I was like, what in the shit?

Yeah, it's just a white tube that just says lube on it. It's from Quaker Steak. Oh, is it like hot sauce in there? You put it on your food? I wish. It does say, the back does have language on it that says, caution, may cause skin irritation.

If it touches you, wash it. I don't think it's that kind of lube. That seems like the wrong kind of lube. I think it's like lubricant for machinery. We have a new workout machine that we got in the basement. It's an elliptical, and I think this is like lube to put on the slidey parts.

because it's slidey slides, but it's really fucking weird that it's just a nondescript white tube that says lube on it. They would have put more labeling on the front, but they couldn't afford those letters. Lubrication is a complicated word. Don't want to print that on stuff if you don't have to, I guess. Or machine lube, dick lube, cousin lube. What was that last one? What was that last one? What was the last one? Huh?

Oh, a hinge, like for your door? Third one. Third one. What was the third one? Door hinge. You didn't say cousin lube? What? That's messed up. All right, okay. I was just saying. You are perverted, but I wasn't sure. That one's not lube for cousin. That's cousin named lube. Or that famous place in Europe, the lube. Or that place where we're all fam, the clube. Come on, Mark. Get in on this. This is a good one. I don't have one. No, I don't have one. This is a good bit, Mark. Flube, um, uh.

A place where you let me in there. The boob. Isn't that the place where babies come from or something? What was that bit? Where babies come from. The boob. They come from the boob. Yeah, that's true. You're right. Let me in there. I'm a baby. That's where I go. Yeah, everyone's going to know that reference. Let's not explain it. Continue, Wynn. No, I think it's time for small talk. I think we're already basically there. So what's new? How's life? Hi.

Love. Prusa. I, 1000%, just randomly, for no other reason, am Team Prusa. All the way, baby. Got that email coming through, huh? What? No. What? Yeah, Prusa. It's a company. For some reason, I thought Prusa was like a weird prune juice, but I think it's the company that does the...

It's just, I pictured like a can of like Prusa. It's a prune juice company started by a very enthusiastic Southern preacher. Prusa. Prusa. Prune juice for your soul. So I am a hundred percent team Prusa all the way for no other reason. I love them. I love them. I love them.

What'd they send you? FTC, just so we're clear, I think Mark might have got a couple 3D printers or something. What? How's it going with the printers? They work good? You like? It was really good. I had an email exchange with them. For those who don't know, appreciate the 3D printing company. Super getting into it. YouTuber privilege is coming in hot and hard. I...

I emailed them and they were like, "Oh, we're a big fan. We'll send you a printer." I was like, "Oh, that's great. Cool." So they sent me a printer and that's not unusual. They sent me a printer and it works really well. If anything, I think it's actually legitimately better than the Bamboo Lab.

You don't have any of the privacy issues. I also 3D printed an upgrade to it right after I got it. That's the best move. It was a 3D printed dry box for the filament spool holder, which is embedded in the side. Really cool. And so I was like, hey, maybe there's a bigger long-term relationship. And then I was like...

Maybe we could work something out. They're like, we're going to send you six printers, two extra large printers, two of our professional line printers, and then when it comes out, another printer, and then all the filament you could possibly want. And this is for distractible, right? Yeah.

Did you, it'll be, you know, do you tell them it'll be on the show? Oh, yeah. Oh, it goes on shelves. Yeah, it goes on shelves. He's only going to get six of a Bob. How is he supposed to share? I'll just buy one like a normie. It's fine. Prusa was very nice, actually. And, and I like, this is not me, you know,

Even by Markiplier standards, which people, when they find out like, oh, you're Markiplier. Oh, they'll often get really hyped up and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Use our thing. That's what they sounds like. They really got the hots for you. He's got a box of firstborn children that people have thrown at him. Just sitting in storage. You know, their printers are really good. They're known for their reliability. And I got to say that thing, the new one that they got, the car one is really good. And it's about the same price as the bamboo lab that it's competing against. So I'm like thumbs up all the way.

That being said, I haven't tested out any of the other ones. They might be giant pieces of shit for all I know, but I doubt it because it's Russo. What if they are? What a funny gag that would be. They make one really good one, and that's the one where they're like, oh, send this to all the YouTubers and stuff. Like, get people to talk about this one. And the rest of them are just like Chinese-ium rebadges of knockoff crap.

Gotcha. The one of them that I'm excited about is the XL, like the super large, because it has interchangeable tool heads. So instead of like with the bamboo lab, you have four filament spools in your thing, but they all go through one tube. So as to cut them off and then pull it all the way back or, and then expel the filament that was in there before, and then feed in a whole new line with the XL, it just goes up, docks the tool head that had the filament that it was in it and retracts goes to grab the other one, then prints with that.

So there's very, it's really cool way faster allows you to do more like, you

impressive stuff with it um so i'm very excited about that one also it's very big so really really big you know what's the print volume on that thing you know what is the print volume i haven't gotten it so um where are you going to store these things are you getting rid of the servers are you oh you know just uh convert another bathroom i realize if i just hold it i don't actually need to use the bathroom so i can convert all the bathrooms into additional 3d printing space

You can just print a toilet when you need one. Prusa XL build volume is about 14 inches cubed. Oh, cool. Yeah. Bamboo Lab is like 256 millimeters cubed, which is, I think this is like...

Parameters are about a third bigger, but the volume increases cubically by 36 centimeters cubed. So what is that? 360 millimeters cubed. Is that how that works? I don't know Europe numbers. So to us normal people out there, Mark got printers. I got printers. And hey, if you're going to get printers out there, why not consider a Prusa? One of us is sponsored for this. Kind of.

That's fun. This is the legal gray area because they didn't ask for a contract. You know, they give me a lot of shit for free. Where's the legality in that? Because I don't often get sponsors ever. I did a Shopify ad just recently, and it's some of the best response I've ever seen. Yeah, I tuned into that video because that was like on Headliner or something, right? And I was like, man, what do people thought of Mark's gameplay? I looked at the comments. It was all like Shopify. What an ad, Mark.

mark and i was like yeah what about the game the game i was a part of what people think of it they like the game oh mark you shopify like the entire comments it's like is this a paid like audience it was a very funny ad elixian did a great job editing it he really did i think every single member of your community is a bot and all those comments were fake that's a lot of bots

You were like, I need this, I need to be able to do my own ads again the way I want. Lixian, buy me bots. You know in Mass Effect when you got the geth and they're like a collective machine consciousness, that's Lixian. He's the collective geth of... I mean, he's everywhere. He's over here too, he's everywhere. Yeah, I still feel bad for thinking that upside down Lixian was like a... I don't remember what I thought he was on your... Something. Something weird. Mountain or something? Nah, a dick. I think it was a dick.

Bob, what's new with you? Uh, guys, my woodworking journey has begun. Yeah, that's right. I immediately started making mistakes, but it's okay because I got wood glue and clamps. You're going to need more clamps. I already bought more clamps twice. If you got clamps and lube, you're already two-thirds the way to fun times. However many clamps you have, it's not enough.

No, I only own six clamps and I need about 20 to do what I want to do. And then you need another size of clamps that's even bigger. And then you need 30 more of a different size. Well, and you need, you need some calls so you can do flat glue ups and keep them nice and nice and trued up. And you need some, uh, you said good parallel clamp. I'm going to need corner clamps. I found a local woodworking company that makes like hardwood custom hardwood furniture and

And they just have like a room full of off cuts of pretty nice, like random sized hardwood just, and they're like, yeah, just like whatever, like five bucks, take that hunk of whatever we got, you know, like maple and the heads and mahogany, which is pretty cool. And like, they just have a bunch of stuff. So yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna like make a cutting board or something.

But also I'm going to build the thing I'm really hype on right now is I'm going to build James a train table. Did you guys ever have one of those when you're a kid? No. No. It's just a table, but it's like you put, you know, the wooden train tracks and you drive the train. It's like that kind of thing. But this one's going to print the tracks. No, I already have the tracks because we got them from a secondhand shop for like super cheap.

But this one's going to have multiple levels and one level is going to have like Lego board affixed to it. But then you take that off and there's going to be a lower level. That'll be like train land. It's going to be fun. I'm hype about it. I got a really simple plan that uses mostly dimensional lumber and it's not very professional woodworking, but I'm not a very professional woodworker. So I'm pretty hype about it.

I might even throw in some half lap joints if I'm feeling crazy. Lap jack joints sound cool. I talked to you guys about this, but since I set this up in the last episode, Lexi's okay. Lexi had her surgery, survived the surgery. She's having some reaction, which is causing an insane amount of swelling and bruising, and the doctor is not super happy about. But she's feeling better. The last day or two, she's starting to feel better. So sorry, I was all depressed and worried about Lexi, and I think it was the last episode, but...

It's okay. She's okay. That's okay. It's perfectly understandable. We're all pet owners here. We all get it. But if you could wrap up the sadness, that would be great for our ratings. Our viewers don't really like that. Yeah, we've hit the two-episode threshold. We can't talk about any topic for more than two episodes. Like lenses or 3D printing or server... No, very different. I was talking about Bamboo Lab before. This is Prusa. Oh.

Okay. So you can talk about Smeksy, but no more Lexi. Wish I'd picked a different rhyme.

Sorry, I was just taken so aback by your weird, inappropriate nickname for our dog that I don't think you should see Lexi in person anymore. No, come on. When you come over, she goes upstairs and we keep you guys separate. Nothing new in the world of news if you're looking for that. I was. I was really hoping that you had literally anything. God, I don't.

Don't want to hear anything about the news right now. I listen to it every day, but I don't know if I can handle anymore. I can tell you something that will be outdated by the time this airs, but is relevant right now. NFL free agency is happening. And boy, oh boy, is it still awful being a Bengals fan at the moment? Hopefully that changes. Do we lose everybody yet? Or how's that working out? No, but man, we certainly haven't gained anything. I feel like the past two years throughout free agency have been like, man, really?

feels like the team's getting worse and everyone in the fan base is like, no, this is great. Great move. This would be great. We're going to be so good. And my feeling is just like, man, some key pieces leaving some question marks coming in. I don't know. I don't feel like that's an upgrade. So, uh,

My support and love of my team is at an all-time medium. Listen, who needs offensive or defensive linemen when you have a quarterback and two receivers? If I know anything about football, that is all you need. I'm pretty sure that's the entire team, basically. Everyone else is just show, just fluff. That's what's been relevant in my life the last 24 plus hours is...

Just doom scrolling, like anything cool. Anyone, you guys were so close to winning. We just need a few pieces. Could you sign anyone? And they're like, no, I think it'd be quite the move. If a team who was like, not particularly good, but maybe could make a bunch of cap space, just bought bro and chase and Higgins or one of those two and just brought them in and was like, we're good now. See,

Like that would be terrible for the Bengals, but it would be fun because then everyone would get to see who else on the Bengals does things. I don't know, man. Cleveland's a mess. I guess I can't rule them out, but like the Bengals were so close to winning a Superbowl and they've just destroyed their team since the only team I could think of that seems to actively be like just avoiding winning more is maybe the NBA team, the Dallas Mavericks. Okay. How, again, I'm amateur in my knowledge of football, but again,

If you have a team that almost won the Super Bowl, why would you change anything? Because it's just it's just sounds like you just need to take the same that you had and do it again. Somehow it seems like we have a broke billionaire owner. The thing is money. I am also not an expert, but I will say the thing is money, right? It's expensive to keep good players. And also, bro, Chase and T Higgins have all proven that they're like,

S class top tier players, which means that even if they are under contract with Cincy, there's a big potential that someone else would be like, here's an even more hilariously large pile of money. If you come play with us.

And they'll get bought out of their contract or just break their contract or whatever. Like, I don't know the specifics, but basically it costs a lot. And for some reason, our owner is too cheap to want to win a Superbowl or there's also like a salary cap. I have no specific knowledge of how that works or where it stands, but yeah.

However, there was more space than that than they expected this year. It went up a lot more. We had like a top five offense last year and like a bottom five defense. One of our like maybe three solid to great defensive players was like, hey, I'm also due for a payday. And we were like, well, we do need help on the defense. So what if we trade you? Because winning is for idiots. Hey, I know this isn't a sports podcast, but I have funny sports news.

I couldn't tell if this was real for a long time, but it's really fucking funny. The MLB is in spring training right now, so they're starting to play baseball. Major League Baseball to the viewers out there. And they released new apparel all the time, right? And they released a new series of hats.

where it's like generally it's like the team logo really big and then like the letter of the city or the state that they're from in the middle just as like a general design which sure but it made some hilarious hats because like the um

The Texas logo, the Texas Rangers logo is just the word Texas is what they went with. But then they put a big T in the middle of it.

And so it's just a hat that says T-Toss because they literally just put a T over a word that had a different letter in that spot. So there was a T-Toss Rangers hat. And also the athletics moved, right? Previously, it was the Oakland Athletics. I don't know anything about it, but they moved. The end of the last season was their last season in Oakland. Apparently, they've moved to a new city.

With an S in it? I'm unclear. Anyway, they released a hat that literally just says ass because their team logo is the A's, right? So it's like A apostrophe S. And the hat is A S in the background, A S in the foreground shifted to the left. And it just says ass. It's just a green hat that says ass on it in the athletics font. And it's real. I thought it was a joke.

It's legitimately an ass hat. It just says ass. Another one I really like is the Los Angeles Angels. Their hat just said angels on it, but it didn't have like LA because that's the Dodgers. The Angels small logo is just the letter A. So the hat just says angels.

or anials or something but like it's what a well thought out campaign whoever designed these hats is fucking hilarious because I think they knew what they were doing their bosses might not have known what they were doing or whoever hired you know contracted them but they knew what they were doing and it's fucking awesome and they're all sold out because I would have bought an ass hat

immediately no questions asked. You can't buy any of these. They're already sold out. Some of them are already taken off the internet completely. Can't buy them anywhere. I wish I had seen this sooner because I would have bought possibly two or three of these ads. I have been in the meetings of things that go like this. I like hours and hours of conversation about an unimportant detail that sits in the very corner of whatever it is that they're trying to make and

And no one cares about what's in the middle. It's like, we need this one little disclaimer or all this trademark symbol needs. Oh, it's gotta be perfect. And like, they got to have all this text over here. Just a little bit over here. Whole logo. No one's paying attention to it. The whole meeting. No one cares. Yeah. I mean, I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I generally root for the reds, but I'm, I'm thinking hard about rooting for the T-tests.

The titties and the ass anals, man. It's hard not to root for them. The T-Toss Rangers. My favorite team. Also, T-Toss in Spanish means tits. Unless you said that already. I didn't, but I did know that. That's why it's funny. T is pronounced A as in T-Toss. In America, it's pronounced T-Toss. That's true. We don't speak other languages here, so. Well, we did rename it Americo instead of Mexico, so.

Is that why the Gulf name changed? Actually, the Gulf of Americo, because we renamed the country. It's weird that America has unilateral authority to just do stuff like that. Well, I mean... No, Mark, it's weird that we did that because we did that, and it's a thing now. I'm just saying. Everyone else in the whole world ignoring that we did that doesn't mean it's not true, Mark. No, that's not what I'm getting at. I'm about to get pedantic. I'm about to get pedantic.

Someone made the map a long time ago. I just made shit up. Yeah, someone drew a dragon in the middle of the ocean one day

Doesn't mean it's true. Dragon D's nuts. Maps can't lie. I assume they sailed up and they sailed past the words Gulf of Mexico floating on the ocean and the cartographer was like, oh, Gulf of Mexico. Man, that's handy. No, I like Gulf of Mexico better. Gulf of Mexico. Don't make fun of my Ohio accent. Yeah, I've lost it. I'm all California now. Okay, hang out with us a little bit. You'll get it back. Okay, all right. At least once a week.

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I do have an episode for today. We've had a bit of small talk. I feel like our first episodes are always a bit more small talk heavy. Cause we're like, let's catch up. We don't talk. First episode of what? First episode of the month of the week. First episode of the year. I don't know. Whatever it is. Uh,

We're going to do a fun little thing. This is pretty easy. It's just, I'm going to propose things. You guys are going to answer. It's simple. Best and worst of things, but I've got a variety of different topics. So if everyone's like, we've done this before, maybe, but this is different because I said so. And I'm the host, so I get to say so. It's the rules. Let's just start with, what is the best number? One. One, baby. Number one. Nah. One. Nah, no way. Number one.

one baby one stinks you ask anybody which would they rather be number two or number one number zero no blue

Hercules went from zero to hero, and hero might as well be one. Hero is the other way from one. One is a downgrade from zero. He went from zero up to negative one or hero. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No, hero is one. That's what I'm saying. Zero is bad. He went from zero to hero. He went left on the number line, Mark. Left is good. Right is bad. Am I flipped or something? But if he went left on the number line from zero, wouldn't he...

Look, the best number is clearly 24. For reasons I can't fully explain, it's just the best number all around.

That's a good number. It has multiple divisors, which is very pleasant. It's aesthetically balanced and pleasing. It looks fantastic on like a sports jersey or on like a race car application. Yeah. It's not so high that you can't count to it. If you had to, if you had to count 24 of something, you'd be like, nah, okay. Wasn't that Jeff Gordon's number? Yes. A rainbow, rainbow DuPont car. Number 24, Jeff Gordon. Also 24242424.

Four is Wade's phone number. Okay, I wasn't going to share that, but yeah, you're right. I'm partial to the number three myself, even though everyone's going to be like, seven? It's actually number three for me. Three? What are you, an Earnhardt fan? What's number three for him? I'm not a big NASCAR guy, but I just like the number three. I don't dislike the number three. That's just a... I would never have picked that as the best number for my own sensibilities.

Well, if I could rebrand, I'd be Wade3 or Wade, Wade, Wade. You should be Wad3, where the three is an E, but no one gets that, so they think your name is Wad or Wad, Wad, Wad. Three does have, like, balance. It's the... I feel like there is...

balance to it you know triangle strongest shape you know olympic podium gold silver bronze bronze best medal three wait a minute it's number one number one baby number one just gets gold you know what's better than that platinum does three get platinum or did i miss something or actually i don't think platinum platinum's now cheaper than gold i think gold's more expensive isn't gold relatively like easy to obtain compared to other things though don't matter you

It's gold. Okay. Gold. What is the worst number? You just had to ask that, didn't you? You motherfucker. Also, I should take everyone's points away for not saying 69. No one said 69 is the best number. Listen, we're having a serious discussion here. If you're looking for that kind of humor, then... I think we've established today that I'm a pervert and that 69 would in fact be a great number for me. Oh, you are a pervert. That's true. Thank you. I forgot. I have a candidate for the worst number. It's a lot of numbers. Any number...

13,000 is the worst number. And any, any number you name, whatever next number you say, that's also over 13,000. That's just the next worst number, whichever it's, they're all the worst. They're all terrible. Even like a million. No, I know. I know. I know. I got it. Nine, nine, nine. Because,

Because I hate, and I've said this before, gas stations, when they do the, it's $3.99999999. Nonsense. Cut it out. Round up or round down. Stop being a coward and go to eight or zero. I don't think it should be legal for prices to include denominations you cannot offer as payment. Like, I get that credit cards and digital transactions, you can do whatever you want, but there's nothing smaller than a penny.

If I can't pay it in cash, don't fuck, don't do it. Because if I'm paying you cash, you're clearly rounding that shit off anyway. You're not giving me one hundredth of a penny back when I get my change. It's bullshit. And we're long overdue to eliminate the penny in general because like it costs more than to produce than it's actually worth. So why even have it? No one does cash anymore, really. I do cash. I have cash in my pocket right now.

right now yeah i have cash in my wallet right now but i this is more of personal preference i feel like the u.s is a little behind the rest of the world in terms of how our currency is is broken down i really like in like in europe and in uh canada i believe how there's like dollar when they're not dollars but they have loonies and toonies in canada or one or two euro coins and

in the EU. It's nice. You don't need paper that small. You don't need... Singles are for vending machines, of

I guess America's big on strippers, so you need singles. I don't know. I don't know why it's got to be paper. I like the coins. I feel like the coins is a good direction. With inflation, I doubt that, you know, strippers even want singles anymore. No, they get a better deal on couples. Who gets a better deal? The stripper? Oh, yeah. Less work, more money? More lap. They're not just confined to a tiny space. More lap.

strippers will have a wide lap you got you got wide thighs oh yeah all all over you yeah it's like having a bigger bedroom it's like do you really need it no but everyone wants a bigger bedroom bigger lap more space you can do more dance i maintain my answer i like mark's answer has a lot of strong points my answer is just broadly correct it's there no number over 13 000 has any use to a normal person

They all stink and they're too big. Can't understand it. Doesn't mean anything. Stinky, big, stinky numbers. All right. Are you going to like decide who's right? Or are we just going to do this? And then you're just gonna be like next. I'm marking points down. Don't worry, but you're not going to tell us right now. We're just going to, no one has to be right. These are just opinions, man. You don't,

You're not wrong for feeling that way. I think it's pretty clear that one of us is more right than the other so far on everything we've talked about, but okay, that's fine. Yeah, but I've got to let Mark participate, man. Can I get runner up on worst number? Infinity. Because that shit's dumb. Anyone smart that's going, oh, infinity. I'm like, you're actually stupid. You're secretly stupid, but you don't want anyone to know. My least favorite number is I. Oh, yeah, because it's imaginary. Well, I know. Well, don't talk about I around Bob. He can't imagine it.

What do you mean imaginary numbers? Come on. Yeah. He's being crazy. There's something in the picture in your mind. Listen, if I can't count it with my fingers, if I have eye apples, how many apples is that? Give me some apples. All right. Hold up your finger. Now, editors, invert my finger back into my hand and then square it. Oh! Ha ha.

Easy. Easy fix. I've always hated imaginary number. I hate that. That drives me nuts. That wasn't even what Mark said. He said infinity. I know. I said I. He said infinity. Infinity is stinky, though. I feel like that's impliedly included in my suggestion, but it is like a different thing. And I agree. What is the best awful smell? Okay.

Okay, alright. Well, I've said this many times before, because it's very bad for you and many people don't like it, but the smell of cigarettes, I just like. That's a bad smell. I like tobacco. I like the smell. And what's weird is I don't like going into like a humidor where it's like cigar room. Oh, that's a whole other thing. Those are a lot. Yeah, I don't like that, but just like, you know, just standard cigarettes. Cigarettes are smelly. Like, I agree. Cigarettes have like a smell and I just like it myself.

But a cigar smoker coming in, like whenever I worked retail, having someone who smokes cigars come in and smell like cigar was so much worse than cigarette smoke smell or weed smoke smell. Cigar people fucking stink. I didn't say it. I did. Cigar smokers out there, you reek and it's bad. A bold take.

I was trying to think of something that's not kind of a copy of Mark's answer, but I have a similar thing, I guess. My favorite awful smell is two-stroke engine exhaust. Like the smell of like a go-kart or like a lawnmower. It smells like I'm inhaling things that will kill me, but also there's something very nostalgic about that that's very like, love go-karts and lawnmowers and things of my childhood. It's associated with a lot of positive stuff.

All right. What is the worst bad smell? All right. So...

You're cave diving, right? Of course. And you crawl into a crevasse like you do. You're trying to squeeze into the devil's anus. You're really crawling in there. Your hose line's getting torn up. Your tank's getting cut to shreds. But you're squeezing through because, hell yeah, it's a hole. You've got to be in there. And you accidentally dislodge a rock that causes water to shoot out of

into an exposed rusted sewer line, your gas mask gets pulled off. There's enough air in there for you to have a minute or two of consciousness and just the fetid ocean water, all the other dead bodies of divers who you had to move their bones out of the way to get into the devil's anus are amongst you. There remains sewage

uh and then rust and also there's a fracking was taking place nearby so you got that who could get horny in a place like oh fracking sorry uh not i'm not here to yuck people's yum do it if you want but you have to be some special kind of absolute psychopath to go caving on purpose oh my god i've watched like some of the documentaries about like the guy who got stuck

upside down wedged in the and they just he just died in there because they couldn't get him out and they were just like well see seal that one steal that one up let's just leave him seal that one and that's his cave now but like holy crap all the and there's like videos of a guy being like okay i need to breathe out a little bit more and then i think i can shoot me through oh

I'm fitting. I'm fitting. It's like just watching those videos. I'm like, ah, fuck. Why would you do that on purpose? God damn. So many videos that are like, oh, this guy got trapped and died a horrible death. And I'm like, oh, I've watched this one. And I click it. It's a different guy in a different cave. Every single time I find another video that I'm like, it must be the same story, right? No, different guy. And it's, look, it's exploration and it's fine. That's people, people get...

excited about that and do what you want but like man of all the types of exploring shit you could do that has got to be just the most terrifyingly claustrophobic one like i wouldn't really want to go in a submarine way down in the ocean or climb to you know mount everest or whatever else those sound kind of hard actually really hard and kind of scary but the caving thing it's

Sounds like fucking... It sounds like a thing you do to a torturer person. Like, you get captured in the enemy prison camp. They're like, alright, your only job is to climb down into this cave and then climb back out every day. And you do that until you tell us everything you know and we'll...

let you leave or something. It would work. I wouldn't even climb in once. I'd give up. I'd betray my whole, everyone I ever knew just to not have to do that. It's just a long, prolonged death. Because you're, you know, people starve to death. You know, people, you know,

You know, pain or injuries, whatever. But it's also you have to deal with that and you're trapped and can't move and you're upside down and the walls are closing in around you and also everyone, you hear voices behind you being like, we can't help them. What do we tell them? I don't know. Let's give them some false hope, I guess. Because it echoes so hard from the cave entrance.

Yeah. No, I mean, people get their adrenaline rush in whatever way they get it, I guess, and can't be helped. But man, I've clicked on those videos that you watch, too, where it's like the story. And I always imagine it's like, oh, well, he must have realized there was something like a gold deposit or something. It's like, nah, he just thought maybe this cave might connect over...

to this other cave that was also on this, you know, like a mile away. There's a different cave. And he was like, well, if they connect, so then, then they'd be connected and we would know about that. Yeah. Gotta know about that. Well, now that I'm all itchy and anxious, everyone. Great talk. Hey, you asked. You asked for smell. You asked about the worst smell, man. Smell!

My worst smell is James's poopy diapy. And not because the smell particularly is that bad, but because it comes with the realization that now I got to go change that. And it's always like, and he has had some real rippers. That man makes some stinky poop sometimes. But even when it's not so stinky, you have that moment where you're like, oh, let me look. Oh, poopy. Oh, poopy. Okay, let's go upstairs.

I will say, I remember as a kid when my younger brother was still in diapers, I walked in the restroom while my parents were changing his diaper and I have never forgotten how horrible that smell was. Like, it was one of my biggest regrets as an older brother was being in the vicinity of a diaper change. It can be pretty stupid.

Pretty spicy. That singular moment might be why I'm not a parent right now is the memory of that diaper. There's a lot of other parts to it. I'm not going to lie, but that is a part of it. The Velcro, the butt. Yeah, I got you.

the what oh the diaper no there's a lot to being a parent there's a lot of other parts too but poopy diapers is part of it i can't lie yeah i was also kind of like an exorcist baby who like projectile vomited everywhere that's tough i have known other uh had friends who have had babies who had that and i'm really glad james didn't do that because that's there's not much you can do about it

Just happens. Yeah, I think my head spun around a full 360 and I just spewed like a sprinkler. I actually have not seen The Exorcist. You should see it. Oh, yeah, as a movie guy and a horror guy. It feels like one I'd probably enjoy. Yeah, I mean, you'd think, but just who has time? I guess not you. What is the best activity you've tried?

Activity? Activity, sport, it's kind of generic. Just something you've tried that like maybe you... Isn't like a typical everyone's done it. Just something you've done that you've been like, oh, that's the best thing I've done. Sex is pretty cool. That's not my answer. That's not my answer. That's not my answer. That's not my answer.

You want to try a new activity? Bout out about this cool activity. Just like a weird hobby, a sport, anything that you've just tried that maybe like, I don't know, that was the best thing. You were like, oh man, I'm really glad I did that. I have one that's really not that weird, but it's weird to me because I don't come from, I'm not, this is not a thing I'm as familiar with. And I've talked about it, I think, on this show before. I went trap shooting. A friend's birthday party happened and we went out and went trap shooting and

and I didn't grow up around guns and I don't have any guns and I don't have a super negative opinion, but I kind of fear them from a distance just in the thing of like, I don't want that in my house. Cause that could be dangerous and you have to be very careful and safe, but getting to go with Admiral Akbar has got to be really cool. It's trap shooting. I was trying to decide if that was funny. I don't like it. It's a trap. Yeah, I know. I got it. I got it.

It was fun. It was surprisingly fun. And I think both because it wasn't as hard on my shoulders. I thought it was going to be definitely get sore, but it's not like I didn't have like a huge ridiculous bruise or anything too bad. And it was, you could like, I didn't hit every shot, but I hit some shots. And when like the thing gets launched and it's going and you're like, yeah, but

and you get it, it's very satisfying. It's very rewarding. And it's like, it's not so hard that you, you can't hit a single one. The first time you go out, you could hit some. And like, there were a couple of stations where, where there were two or three that they would fire from different locations. And I hit like all three of them in sequence. And it was like, Oh, that's nice.

That was sick. Cool. It was surprisingly fun. And I'd never done it before. It was very fun. I didn't think I was going to enjoy it that much. I think that's one of the few like shooting activities that can be like reliably fun. Cause with target practice, it's just like, you're basically doing work. You know, there's some fun to it, but I mean, those who go like once a week, well, several times a week, not only do they have lead poisoning, but

But they they also just they're just practicing for the the coming apocalypse that might well maybe who knows what the next few years are gonna look like but They're practicing for something there. But with that it's more like a game. It's actual game and it's like I'm not really a hunter So anytime I don't I don't like the idea of going shooting a coyote just like it doesn't feel right. They're just I

There's hungry dogs out there. Deer? Kill them all. I think that they destroy them. What did deer do to you? You haven't heard about the prions, the prions in deer? That problem? Destroy them. Wipe them out. Annihilate them. Aren't those the enemy in Starfield? Stardust? Star... Are you thinking of Protoss from Starcraft? That's the one. They're not the enemies. I'm just kidding.

I mean, it depends on your perspective, but whatever. I don't think it's an uncommon perspective to be like, yeah, deer, we need to control that problem. That's real bad. I think that from gun owners to I actually there was a podcast I was listening to where there's like, you know, there's some people that have guns and there's one person that's like very anti like really progressive. But it was very much like give every American a gun and tell them to kill one deer. They got to be gone. We got to not extinct, but just, you know, really, really got to control that down a bit.

I'm echoing that sentiment. But also, I don't think I could go hunting. I'm fine with the idea of if it was a survival situation and I had to eat, but... Makes me sad. So what's the best activity for you, then? Hmm? Killing deer. Killing deer.

sex i can't go hunting but killing deer that's different it's different there's not hunting that's cullen like edward cullen yeah i was team jacob i was about to make that joke and you beat me to it by half now i know what it feels like to be you guys typically just laughing and laughing laughing right way just laughing better to laugh than to cry

Best activity, good cry. I'll put that down. Stealing that. You know what? I agree with that. You know what? I don't handle well. I learned this morning. I had to take Lexi in for a follow-up appointment. She's doing fine, but they just had to change a bandage and look at some stuff. She's getting treatment at a pet hospital, which has an emergency thing. And it's very unfortunate. And I don't at all blame these people. But this morning, I was the only one who was there for like...

normal scheduled doctor visit and it was busy and there were some like frantically upset people and I am a sympathetic crier and I did not do very well trying to stand in a waiting there was like one woman who was there by herself because she brought her dog in because it had seemingly had a seizure or something neurological it was very bad she was like filling out paperwork weeping which I

I get, cause I would be too. Then there was a family whose dog was like getting treatment who was not doing well. It seemed like the dog maybe was terminal or it was not going well. And they like brought them back to see the dog and then came back out and they were all just like weeping like super. And there were some other dogs or whatever animals who were there. And the owners were all like, it was for all for emergencies. And everyone was super upset. And I was like, I'm just here. Okay.

My dog's fine. We're fine. She's just getting looked at. But I couldn't... I can't handle that shit in public. That's a specific type of setting that I'm not in very much. I didn't like it. It was hard. And not because it was sad, but just because it made me cry for no apparent reason, which made me deeply uncomfortable. Yeah.

Because I'm staying there with my relatively healthy pet. And she's like licking me and being like, what are we doing, dad? And everyone else is like, please, please save my baby. Please help us. It just felt weird.

I didn't care for it. Not in any judgmental way. I'm sorry for those people. But in good activities, you ever go to a good stand-up show? Even not so good stand-up is pretty fun. You're definitely right on that one. I like the improv shows we went to back when we were watching improv. Those were fun. Those were fun. Those were good. I've never forgotten. I don't know if you guys remember the specific skit where there was like the guy on a plane who just kept screaming in agony and looking at his knees. Not specifically. They were like sitting down and the guy was just like, Oh!

Oh!

too relatable for Wade. But he just like, that was part of his thing. It was like, he would just like look at his knees and just like let out an ear piercing scream was part of his like thing. It was the one where they would like, they would run and like turn the page to like the next chapter. Yeah, it was a herald, right? That was mainly what we saw was we saw a few heralds. But they circled back to that character two or three times, but every time, like he was like walking around that he would just like stop like almost Jim Carrey like and scream in like agony. I don't remember.

Remember that at all? Dude lives rent-free in my head. Wow, I don't know that at all. That sounds hilarious, but... It was just so unexpected, because everyone's doing their characters, and this guy's just playing an old dude who's just in excruciating pain with every movement he makes. Anyway, worst activity. All right, so bad activity. I don't like the idea of going skydiving. Never going to do it if I can help it. There is apparently...

a known skydiving place where people die. And I, I think it's in California somewhere, but it has a reputation because someone just recently died on that same airline. And a lot of people in the Reddit cops were just like, I already know which, which, uh, not airline, but which, uh, skydiving company they're talking about. And sure enough, it was that same one. Just, I don't know what's going on with that one. I don't know the name of it. Uh,

I'm not trying to protect them or anything like I'm not gonna say who they are and like I would probably prefer to warn people about it but um it's one of those that you sign up and you think you know the package you're getting but actually you have to individually say like I want a parachute or I want this like they nickel and dime you for individual pieces it's the Ryanair of skydiving companies it's like we guaranteed you a seat we didn't say that your seat would have an armrest we didn't say it would have a back to it reserve chute you made a money

So, okay, what's the worst one you've tried, though? Worst thing you've done that you were like, eh? Because you've done some weird stuff. You've tried, like, intermittent sleeping. You've tried, like, weird diets and things. Just anything. Tried some weird stuff. He looks, like, so accusative. He's like, what are you saying about me? You've tried some weird stuff. You have, man. You went to a parkouring group in college and just jumped off a building. Well, I don't want to do that. I don't know.

I don't know if I have anything I've actually done that I would consider the worst. I don't do those things. If I think something would probably be the worst, I probably didn't do it. Well, what is the worst one you've done? Like, what is one of you? It doesn't have to be like necessarily a bad thing to do, just something you didn't enjoy. Parades. Man, have I never been to a parade of any kind where at any point I was like, I'm glad we came.

This is fun. I love that every parade I go to inevitably leads to me getting like way overstimulated or literally sitting there on the parade route just being like, holy fuck, that's the loudest ambulance I've ever seen. I have earplugs with me at all times. That's not a bad idea. Something's loud. They're like, there's tons of brands on Amazon that sell these little kits that

They clip right onto your key ring. They're like 20 bucks and they're, they work. So they cut it down just enough that you can still hear, but it just, it reduces everything down a bit. It's great. Yeah. I mean, if I ever do, I'm sure I'll go to a parade again at some point. Cause we have a kid and you know, he might like it. I doubt it. Cause he's our son. And I don't think Mandy and I are very big parade people, but at earplugs will be in order. Cause, Oh my God. I, I would say probably something similar is like, I,

I've, I've, I, I've been to concert and they're fine. You know, I, I'm not typically like a big music guy, but I have gone to, you know, I do like music and I've been to concerts. I went to a concert, uh, where they had a pit and it,

It was just, it wasn't like, you know, the kind of mosh pit where people are trying to hurt each other by throwing elbows like that. But it was enough that I was just like, I have in no way would I ever, ever enjoy this experience where it's like crammed in there. You're being jostled around. I don't know this band. I don't know the music. I don't know what's going on. I hate everything. I can't even get out. I'm trapped. There was a point in my life where I liked music.

like new metal and I liked metal growing up and I there was a point where I went to concerts with friends and I was like yeah cool and I never actually went in a mosh pit because that sounded really stupid to me but as as a now looking back on that I find it so confusing why people like mosh pits I guess it's just exciting but I feel like the best case scenario is you're like yeah I went into the mosh pit this guy jumped and flipped in the air and kneed me in the face and broke my orbital bone

It was awesome. It's like, but you, but you, you didn't even like hit him back. It's not like you got in a fight. He just did that. And you were like, yeah,

And then you hit somebody else probably with your, what it's confusing. So wait, is the pit your answer mark? Is that the worst thing you've tried? Yeah. Yeah. Cause I mean a lot of the activities I've done, you know, even if they were hard, even if it was uncomfortable, I'm like, okay, that's fine. That was just unpleasant. And that is actually an activity that people do regularly. So I don't get that one. Yeah. Like every concert, there's usually like a Ed Sheeran concert, crazy pits at Ed Sheeran concerts.

When he starts rapping, they go fucking nuts in the pit, man. Classical orchestra pits. You gotta love it. Henry's barking and Amy's not home right now. There might be someone at the door.

um can i go step away yes you may some other guy just walks in the door i mean i could he could i guess i could still give him points whoever it is hey mr holman trigger you want to join us don't play a game would that mean that mark would win the episode or would the random other person win i'll give them their own score sheet so they okay that's that's a that's risky well i mean if we got to replace him might as well do it with the dude who's got the same background you know easier for the editors

It was nothing. It was nothing. He was lying to me. I've never heard a dog bark at nothing before. That's crazy. You know what? One point to Henry for comedy. Nice to meet you. I'm Ace from Chegg. College got you feeling overwhelmed? I get it. But you don't need to lose your grip. We've got all the study tools you need and solutions you can count on. Study, practice, and learn your way with Chegg's all-in-one support.

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Hey, Cupcake. It's us, Hostess, the ones who bring joy in the form of creamy, dreamy deliciousness. And we're talking to you, you ding-dongs. But don't add stress one bit or bite. You were just too busy craving a sweet snack that raises all the gas bars. And we Twinkies swear we have Melta more than one for you.

with flavor that really snowballs. All you have to do is get through our singers. You wanty snacky? We speaky snacky. Hostage, we speaky snacky. Well, we can wind down. We got through a couple, not as many as I... No, more, more, more, more, more, more, speed round, more, more. How long do you want this episode to be? All right, we'll do one more. What is the best conspiracy theory?

We've talked about conspiracy theories a few times, and I can't think of a single one right now. Oh! The coincidences of, uh, if you take the map of missing people and caves. Is that a true thing? Yeah, if you overlay the map, like, national map of, like, I'm not sure how true it is. Of course, it's conspiracy theory, so the maps might have been fabricated, but from what I saw...

You see a map of like, this is the density of missing people and then you pull up a map of like caves and it's like... And it makes sense on its surface like yeah people go caving you hear about like you know like devil's ass crack. Jumping face first into that but also it could be

Big foot lizard people. I don't know if this is a conspiracy, but I guess this popped into my head. You guys can tell me if this is. The idea of sovereign citizenship, is that a conspiracy or is that more like an ideology? Do you guys know what sovereign citizens are?

I think so. They're like, they're people who claim that they are sovereign unto themselves. They do not recognize that. Like if they live inside the U S they don't recognize the sovereignty of the United States and they, and they'll do shit like put a license plate on their car. Their car will be unregistered, but they'll have a license plate that just says sovereign citizen. Like I registered this with myself and it's just a fake license plate. They bought online type of shit.

They are basically conspiracy theorists that like the conspiracy is their own life. And this is kind of cruel, but they bring it on themselves. So I feel like it's okay to laugh. Videos of sovereign citizens representing themselves in court.

especially for minor things like traffic tickets or like civil disputes or whatever are always so fucking funny because they're like a person representing themselves in court in general can be, it's funny, but like, it's kind of sad because like they're, you know, they're probably not protecting their personal rights as much as they could if they had a real representation, but maybe they know what they're doing. That's not likely, but maybe, but software citizens will just be the most smug, like,

arrogant, full of it. They'll be in court and be like, uh, your honor, since I don't recognize the jurisdiction of the state of Maine or of the country of the United States, uh, I move that this be dismissed and the judge will just look at them and be like,

This is fucking traffic court. There's no, you don't make motions. There's no evidence. This is not a trial. You drove your car 58 miles an hour in a 35 mile an hour zone. Do you have evidence that that is not true? And they were like, no, no, I did that. But in the laws of me, that's legal.

And it's just the judges just don't give a fuck because it doesn't happen that often, I would imagine, for any individual judge. But when it comes up, it's always it's just always so funny and not because often the person will ultimately still be punished or fined or whatever. That sucks. And hopefully they deserve whatever happens. And it's not like unjust or. Oh, I almost said the word, but I didn't.

unjust or unfair oh man uh but it's just watching judges just tell them to shut the hell up and that they are idiots is always funny to me i feel like sovereign citizens are the definition of that guy they're like the person that you're they're the relative you avoid at your get-togethers they're the person that like everyone's like fucking hate that that person exists it is crazy because if you wanted to live alone and off-grid and you know out in the middle of nowhere you

Technically you kind of can to some extent because public land and whatnot. I mean, yeah, there are definitely in America as much as in a lot of the world or more. And then in a lot of the world, you could totally disappear. You could live off grid at a place where no one could really do anything to you. Oh,

Man, the United States is so huge and so not dense. Yeah, there's all the Dakotas. But for some reason, sovereign citizens like to live in the suburbs and drive their car to get Wendy's. On public roads. It's almost like they want all the privileges of being a citizen without any of the consequences. Yeah, it's funny how that works.

You said all the Dakotas. How many Dakotas are there? Two that we are aware of, but there's two more that are sovereign. West and East, or is this some other cardinal? Well, West and Southwest. North, North, North, North, North, North, and South Dakota. Can we just make Canada North or Dakota? I feel like that idea was floated, and I heard they're not into it. What?

Yeah, like, right. It's hard to imagine why you wouldn't want to give up your national sovereignty to another nation for no apparent reason and become a state. But I heard they're not into it. That's my impression. No, they're going to be called the USA. Just because this came up previously and I don't want to have another misunderstanding for everyone on the subreddit and in general online who did not like when we made a joke about Canada booing the national anthem in hockey games and stuff. We fucking know why that happened.

And I think I can speak for all three of us when we say we generally agree with you just to be super clear about it. You guys see that there were people online who were like, how could they not know? How ignorant could they be? We need some sarcasm signs. And if you were sincerely like sad, because I understand a lot of Canadians are upset, angry, generally unsettled about what's happening between our country and yours right now. We didn't mean to make you upset, but also angry.

It was a fucking joke. We know. We heard about that. God damn. We also hate us. Nobody hates us more than we. I don't hate us. I love us. My heart goes out to us.

All right, what's the worst conspiracy theory? Flat Earth. It's just stupid. Oh, those are so funny, though. Yeah, but it's so... Did you see the big thing? They went to Antarctica and did a bunch of experiments, and every experiment confirmed that the Earth was round, and the guy was like...

Well, I'm going to find some more experiments, I guess, because I know it's flat. It's just like the alternative requires so many more leaps of logic and different fundamental physics than anything other out there. You have to completely change the entire parameters of reality and how things work for it to be flat and

It's just so dumb. It has to be a bit that's gone on for too long. It has to be. It does feel like that. It's hard to imagine someone sincerely and earnestly believing all that stuff at this point. Do you think there's a flat Earth club where they get together and they're like, dude, they still think we think the Earth's flat. We still got them. I fucking hope so. I hope they're pulling a huge one over on all of us. Because if not, and they actually believe all that stuff...

Actually, that would explain a lot of what goes on in the world today. Stupidity is a real big currency right now that people are making transactions with. You mean people who haven't been brainwashed? What's my worst conspiracy theory? Yeah, worst conspiracy theory. That was a really good one. I don't even know if I have one that competes with that. That's the one. That would be my pick, too, honestly. I think that I was about to arrive at that before Mark said it out loud. Yeah.

It's just dumb. It's just dumb. It is still funny.

but in a much more depressing way it's like sovereign citizens it's funny from a distance it's sad when it's up close and you're seeing it for real ah but sovereign citizens isn't that sad up close like you might feel empathetically bad for the person but they're doing it to themselves no no i don't feel bad for them i feel bad people have to deal with them ah their existence is like getting a thorn in your foot it's like there's nothing pleasant about it it's like thorns they exist

But goddamn, do I fucking hate them. Cyber citizens are fine. They're allowed to exist. You're watching. You're great. Philosophically, I guess, but it's still, it's not. I get it where everyone's like, I didn't choose to be born in a society. And you go, yeah, I get that. But you wouldn't ever have been born if the society wasn't here. And also, phones are pretty cool. And the internet's nice. I like 3D printing.

That alone is a basis for society. That's the episode. We gotta do wheels. I have to add something, don't I? Yeah, that's part of it.

Most sympathetic for the day or episode. Like we were sympathetic to others or we... Deserve sympathy. I think Bob dealing with the stuff with Lexi and the vet probably would get it today. So I guess it's biased toward him. Why? What about me? Well, I got to deal with you two guys all day. You got a whole bunch of free stuff from Prussia or whatever. Prusa. Prusa. Sorry. Prusa.

Sorry, Prusa, my bad. You have to do the D3 thing, and then we'll know how many spins...

How many spins we got? Three. Oh boy. It's party time out here. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What is that? One of them. Bob, eat something. Yeah, no. Here, here, here, here. We're going to cheat. Might as well go all in. I'm eating a Jolly Rancher while I spin the first spin. Uh-huh.

Blue and purple are pretty close, right? Probably closer than black and white or red and black. That's a really funny choice, by the way. I don't remember that one. I think I came up with that because you were wearing the one tan shirt that you own and I was like, you blend in. Spin number two. Yeah.

No, no. Boy, four listeners. All right. That's going to go straight to their heads because they can only imagine it. And spin number three. Please end in a tie for Wade. Please end in a tie. It's possible. Keep going, keep going, keep going. Maldus. Mad.

Ah, damn it. I mean, is it between Mark and I who's the baldest, or is it... It's supposed to be. I have... I'm receding. You can see I have a little... I have a little... It's receding. Do we just re-spin this one? Look at this. It's like if you pull it apart, it's really bald. If I go like this, it looks like I'm just all the way bald. I have the Vegeta hairline, remember?

Dude, if you could come in here with your hair up like Vegeta's. My hairline goes as far back as my ears are over here. It's climbing. Wait, if I lean back like this. You have so much hair you can't even do it. I have a large crown, see? If we're doing this, I think Bob has more forehead exposed. What's your thing, Mark? Mark, you're all, what is it, mid-face. Bob's all forehead. I'm sorry. Wait, just try and negotiate the point so that he doesn't.

So honestly, right now, the funny thing is right now you guys are tied. So if either one of you get this point. Yeah. So you're just trying to make it so you don't get the point for baldest. No, I can take the point. I just said, I don't know if it's between you two and we should respin, but if it lands on like listeners or viewers, do we take the point for baldest? I'll take the point. No, no, you're the host. Don't let me talk you into it.

I'm the baldest. You know what? Fuck you. I'm the baldest. We will do the tie spin. That's unfair. I'm the baldest.

If I win, I'm bald. No. So wait. So if Mark wins, he's bald. If Mark loses, all heads, Mark is bald. All tails, Bob is bald? No. Well, it would be doubly unfair, which would mean Wade would get two points. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess it's between me and him. Wade has to do two one-man shows. I don't think that's how we're doing this. Heads for Mark. Anything else doesn't really matter. All right.

fell on the floor do I do that again yeah I would reflip I would say that's a reflip for Mark you've better flip carefully though because mine was tails it landed tails on the floor I'm not lying about that that's what it did I mean it's pretty immaterial I don't think it changes it either way does it that would give me two points is that enough to affect the outcome Wade no

Tales. All right. Well, you know what? At least I beat the listeners. That's true. Listeners got a point just so they could come in fourth place out of three. I'm giving Henry two bonus points that Henry also beat. That makes it all worth it. That means we still have to do the one man show wheel though, doesn't it? And so I have to turn it up to 8%.

Yes. I gotta be better about declaring the parameters of the unfair. I should have asked for a point or something, not just being bald. If I'd have won that, would I have had to shave my head? Unclear, because you didn't win. But retroactively, I'd like to say yes. Okay, all right. Fair enough.

If you want to be the baldest, you got to beat the baldest. We have a thing. It's at 8% for the one-man show. That's looking really big. I don't like how big it's looking. It looks pretty girthy. You're looking pretty girthy today. Before you spin it, should I go over the reason you guys have points? Just to get that out of the way so we don't retroactively do it? Sure, sure. Mark, you got points for Flat Earth and Caves and Missing People. Proust.

Pru-uh-see? Oh, come on. Prusa? Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, devil's anus, cigs, sewage, corpse, water, sex, kill the deer. Good cry. Concert pit skydivers. Bob, you got points for wood. Lexi looks like it says blood. I don't think it says blood. I don't know what it says. Go cart, smoke parades, cave diving, psychopaths, poo diapers. Probably doesn't say tramp stamp, tramp minority, tramp sensitivity, trap traps.

Something. Sovereign citizens, bad cry, wheat? My pen's dying so like it keeps fading out of these words. We need to get you a typewriter or something. I'm gonna need one. Henry got three points. Listeners got a point. I got two points. Wow. You guys are tied at 12. Listeners came in fifth out of three. That's getting close to the worst number. Let's see the winner.

The winner will be all of us if Wade- Oh no. Oh no. Oh Wade. Oh no! Oh no! Come on! Come on! I mean yay, but- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh boy! Oh man, that would have been so funny. I'm happy, but also it was right there. All right, Mark, congrats. Thanks. Winner's speech.

Uh, I'd like to say- thank Prusa Printers, who probably gave me the confidence to inspire this win. Go to Prusa- Nah, I'm not- I'm not sponsored by them. Don't believe anything I say. I haven't tried them out yet except the one, so, um... No thank you to them, except maybe thank you to them. No thank you to my opponent. Not because I'm being mean! Not because I'm being mean. It's not because I'm being mean.

I'm not a mean guy. I'm a nice guy. And I won. And those things are very good for me and everybody. I like winning. And people like winners. I like me. But my opponent, very mean. Very mean guy. Very mean. Very mean guy. Not like me. A nice guy.

Smart, too. I zoned out. What are we talking about? You're doing a loser speech. I don't really feel like a loser because we made it all the way to the accidental tie wheel. When I lost 26 coin flips in a row, I never thought I'd be in favor of wheel spins and coin flips and all this shit. I like it now. I've totaled 180. I'm glad this is the way that our show is now. I hope it never changes.

But I'm sure it will because we'll probably just forget at some point and stop doing it. But that's okay because that's who we are as people.

What was I talking about? Well, you both completely dominated me who only had two points. It was 13 to 12 to three to two to one. Watchers didn't make the scoreboard this time, but that's okay. At least you didn't join the scoreboard and lose as badly as the listeners did. Stay tuned for the next one where Mark will host because he won. I will not be doing a one man show by the skin of my teeth, which is a terrible saying, but one that I've heard and use. Merch. One day, maybe. Merch.

Answer your emails. You gotta answer your emails. Never see merch since. We'll never see it. Sorry everyone, that's my bad, but I won't be changing. You can find Mark and Markiplier, Bob and MyScrub, me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. Until the next one, podcast out.