The Council of Distractible (Part 2)
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This episode.

From disturbing dentistry to rewritten regulations. Yes! It's time for The Council of Distractible, Part 2. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. I just realized I'm not sure who does the intro for this. I think last time we all said it at the same time.

Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier. Another distractible episode. Your favorite, your best host, Wade. Your dog's favorite place to poop. My name's Bob. I'm Wade. Are we doing the whole thing? No. That's the episode. Thanks for coming, everybody. Podcast. Podcast.

If it wasn't clear from the title, which a lot of you might have no idea what that title means, this is Council of Distractible Part 2. We've done this before.

We did film the boat episode as required back in June of 2024. So almost exactly a year ago, we did the previous council. It's time to think back. It's time to sort out some business. Like when the dentist gives you a pop quiz, two of your favorite things at once. Does that happen? Yeah.

Pop quiz whether you flossed or not. And he knows the answer. He's like, do you need this tooth? I think so. No, you don't. And yanks it out. I think I told that story on this podcast, but that happened to me once. Didn't tell pop quiz? No, the no, you don't. And then the yoink the tooth out.

That sounds familiar. I had a serious problem with the roots of one of my back, one of my molars, and it got like, just got worse. And I kept putting it off. And when I finally went in, they did like an x-ray and the dentist was kind of like, I'm not sure how that thing's still in there. And they literally like Noah, no anesthetic or anything. Literally. We're just like, watch. And it kind of, I was like, Oh, that makes sense. I guess. Did it hurt? Yeah. Well, it was hurting the whole time. So when they did that, it stopped hurting. And I was like, ah,

Last time I went to the dentist, which was like a year ago. So I really got to get back there. I didn't have a cavity, but it was like I had some gum issue, right? And they wanted to do a gum graft and to like make sure that you're flossing every day until your appointment. And I did. I flossed every day until my appointment. Then I forgot when my appointment was. And I get a call saying like, hey, you missed this. You got to pay a late fee. I'm like, oh, what? Oh.

that's why i was flossing every day i did it for a month straight i had the best gums it was amazing i it was so much cleaner and then i stopped doing it after that was like well i don't need to do it anymore i'm not gonna reschedule that or anything they asked me to pay money i'm insulted and then i stopped doing it like an idiot i'm gonna schedule my appointment right now

I'm diabetic, and so I'm pretty good about managing my doctors and stuff. The dentist is like the polar opposite. I don't know why it's so hard for me to give a shit about the dentist. And I do not have great teeth. I probably have more serious issues because it's been too long since I've been to one. But like, I mean, even it comes up, I'll have the thought. I'm like, oh, I should. Yeah, I should make sure I have an appointment with my doctor. Of course I do. I should maybe find a dentist to go to. I don't want to do that. Yeah, I like that.

I'm weird. I've always preferred the dentist to the normal doctor. Incorrect opinion. I know. No one feels that way. Why? Why, though? Why? They scrape and they kick and the noise in your head. It's unpleasant. No, I get it. It's like, you know, generally speaking, there's something nice about just sitting back in a big chair, closing your eyes and...

I get it, Wade. You and me, we're the same. We're the same. They get those jagged tools in there and they're like, how's your dog? Okay.

I think it's simple. The reason is I was such a big fan of dinosaurs as a kid that whenever I'd go to the dentist, like they always had these like little toys you could take home if you were good at the dentist. And they had like a whole bowl of dinosaur toys and I wanted to collect them all. So I was always excited to go to the dentist so I could get the next dinosaur toy. And I think that just permanently like...

Dentist equals dino. I like dino. I like dentist. Whereas the doctor just, you know, gave you shots or touched your balls and that was it. Then you go home. It's like nothing. You and me, Wade, same, same brain, same brain.

Unless you go home and your teeth are all, like, clean and stuff. Well, and so do you ever have any, I mean, cavities? Do you ever have any serious teeth thing? Because, like, I had braces for six or seven years or something. I had a lot of stuff with my teeth and my mouth that was, like, very unpleasant. Because the orthodontist is not the dentist, but it's all, mentally, it's all connected. And I hated that shit. So did you, is your teeth, were your teeth always just, like, they cleaned them and it was fine and you were good and it was easy? I mean, I had cavities here and there. I had braces.

There was like an eight year period where I didn't go to the dentist, like college. And right after college, I just had no money or insurance. And I was like, the last thing I'm going to do is spend my money to go pay someone to tell me my teeth are dirty. Like, I know that I brush them, but like, I can see that there's like the buildup. I know that I need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford the dentist. So for like eight years, I didn't go. Then I went back and they were like, I hate to tell you the bad news. You got three cavities. I was like, wait, eight years. I've only got three cavities. I could go another eight.

But I go twice a year to the dentist now. Twice a year? Is that the recommended amount? Yeah, you get cleanings every six months. Jesus Christ. I think I've had one cavity my entire life. Well, okay, no, I've had another, but it was when I had...

Still had baby teeth. So it was while I was very young. And my dad was really pissed about this because I had a cavity in my baby teeth and the orthodontist that I went to was like, ah, I'm going to fill that up and charge money for this. So we did it and charge money. And my tooth like fell out because it was a baby tooth a month later. Yeah, that seems like bullshit. Yeah. So it was. And my dad was really pissed about that.

I can't remember. I rarely get cavities, but I have no cavities, but serious, serious issues where I have root issues and all kinds of fun shit. But I had a cavity in a baby tooth, and I remember the tooth fell out, and I was looking at it. I was like, wow.

That's like mostly cavity at this point. Goddamn. It's just a hole. It was interesting. Good thing I didn't keep that one. I never had braces or anything, but I had a couple cavities filled throughout life. I had my wisdom teeth pulled when I was a teenager. I don't know if you guys remember this, but this was like four or five years ago. A good portion of my tooth just broke off.

I think it was an airhead, if I remember the story correctly. I had it in my basement, which was really cold. So it like hardened, which I didn't think about. And I went and I just bit into it. And I was like, there's a crunchier airhead than I'm used to. Oh, no. And then I like reached in and just was like, what is that? And I remember looking in the mirror and just like half of what felt like half of my front tooth was missing. And I was like, my career is over. I could never look at a camera again.

And then I found out they could just fix that shit now. They fixed that super easy. I actually, in my senior year of high school, I was holding my tuba and it got hit into my face. I chipped one of my front two teeth right in the middle. I think I've had to have one go back once and have them re-put the whatever cap on or whatever it is.

Yeah, they've basically permanently fixed it at this point. It's awesome. Because I was worried. I was like, oh, they're going to have to yank it and give me like a cadaver tooth or something crazy. I have to give you one of them George Washington lead teeth.

I heard that. I have no idea if it's true or not, but I believe the myth is George Washington's false teeth were made out of wood or whatever. Apparently, at least some of his teeth or one of his versions of his dentures that he had was just straight up made out of lead. Don't Google lead teeth. Oh, pass. Why would you Google that? I was like, oh, I wonder if lead teeth, it's not lead teeth made of lead. It's teeth damaged by lead exposure. Oh, no.

Because, and I'm about to let it up again, because it replaces your calcium, and it'll replace it in your teeth! So you'll have teeth made of lead.

So wait, if you have lead teeth, do you drink bullets to build strong bones? Eventually, yeah. There's a crossover point where you get so much lead in, you actually become lead-based, and then you're a new form of life. But you can't be applied to the walls of new construction. But you do want your bones and teeth to be malleable, right? I do, anyway.

Did I explain what the council, not really once a year, approximately whatever we so choose, we get together. We do have a constitution. Well, how many people, how many listeners and watchers do you think are aware of the constitution? The ones that aren't like me that blocked it out. So 10 of them. Don't worry. Cause I fed the constitution into AI. So now it's going to be perfect. Oh, I thought we were going to Baltimore read it. No, I, the AI is not going to read it. It just, the AI just gave me a summary of it. So I know what's happening.

So there are already several rules that we did not follow, but that's fine because it doesn't matter because no one cares. Thank God. So apparently there's supposed to be a trophy for the winner of the boat episode. Did we even have a winner of the boat episode? Yeah, we did.

Apparently the winner of the boat episode has a constitutional right to sink the boat if they so choose. I don't know what the hell kind of unhinged psychopaths wrote this constitution. But apparently, here I will go to the text. Isn't the boat supposed to get bigger every year? This gets more and more expensive. Yeah, well, yeah, okay. Apparently there are no losers of a tribunal episode, which is this one. Of a tribunal, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A boat champion is to be declared at the end of the boat episode. They shall receive a boat trophy and the right to sink the boat if they so choose. I can see that happening, yeah.

Well, if we were going to ever sink a boat from the boat episode, we should have really done it with the RC boat. Because I think going forward, it's only going to get more expensive and worse. Or we could do it on a submarine. Then sinking the boat would just be more fun. Unless we're still on it. No, it's fun. Submarines are allowed to go under there. How do we get the footage to the surface? They come back up. Not if we sink it. Same. You and me, Wade, same. I like it, therefore. Hey, noose.

Sorry, I thought we were finishing each other's sentences. Also, I know that this is probably going to be inaccurate, but I did go through the episodes this season so far. So we're supposed to declare a season champion, right? Yeah, we did last season, but the season ends in... Yeah, it doesn't end for a little bit still. Does this officially mark the end? No. I mean, it's whatever we say it is. Who won last season? You did. Yeah, you did. By a lot.

Oh, so I was the reigning champion. I knew that. Yeah, you're the reigning champion. The current wins for this season stand at Mark with 28, Wade with 30, and me with 32. Jesus Christ. But that's also, there may have been, because sometimes when we host, we do sneaky things like steal wins from each other or give ourselves pity wins. I didn't double check all that. Didn't one of us lose like six wins or something this year? That was in a previous season. That was...

the score at the end of the last season, Mark had like 12 less wins than a, both of us. It was like, Wade wins with 31. Bob has 30. Mark has 10 wins. And that was, yeah, I'm sure that was very fair. It does say the winner, the championship of the season is supposed to get a trophy. I'll buy my own trophy. I remember, but one of you can buy mine while you're at it. I'm too lazy. Yeah. You're assuming you're going to win.

I won last season. Yeah, well, it is tight. Every episode from here on out. Mark can win five in a row, right? Oh, yeah. You have three episodes to win four times. It's probably doable. I got this. Should we all just put all of our wins in a pot and bet them against each other? Ooh. You can go to your local shop and buy a distractible pot right now.

Should we just go through line by line, decide what's a good rule, what's a bad rule, what needs to be changed? It's kind of what I was imagining. I'm sure there's some stuff we're going to want to get out of here. What if we just say they're all bad rules and we move on? Honestly, I'm open to that. No, I'm not open to that. There has been some good changes. You and me, Mark? Same. What's your opinion on this? Same. Same. But wait, Mark said he agreed with me earlier.

Earlier. So therefore... Same. Same. Same. Same. All right, but we have to vote. But I think that's in the Constitution that we have to vote. I don't know. Who pays attention to those things anymore? The most interesting thing, I think, is actually...

The first item. What text do you have in front of you? Because I have a Google Doc here that I stole from the subreddit. I have some from the subreddit, but it's like a weathered image of paper, black text on that. It's not a Google Doc. It's probably close enough. We don't need to unify these. This is fine. I have the AWOL Nation Hollow Moon music video in front of me. It's good that we're all paying equal attention. Mark, what's interesting? All right, so there's text that says...

winner can't be decided by coin flip or a wheel spin as the primary determination. It says there needs to be a second step verification in the form of a wheel. So this is contradictory because it's like, it can't be decided only by a wheel. It must be decided by not a wheel and a wheel. I think that was just poor phrasing by whoever in our community wrote that down. The point was...

It can't be decided firstly by chance by a wheel or coin flip, but the backup when there's a tie is then you go to the wheel. I see. Okay. All right. Yeah. We can't just be like, um, I don't want to keep track of points. So the winner gets a wheel, zero points. No one got any points. We'll spin. But there's nothing in this constitution that I'm seeing that says you need to raise the percentage each time.

I think we made that up. I honest to God think that we did the wheel spin once and we were like, well, let's make this interesting guys. I think specifically Mark wanted to raise the percentage and you and I were like, I don't

i don't want to do this but what's fascinating to me is we just did a 12 right yeah it started at six and it's gone up two each time we've spun it many times it should be way more than 12 i've had one or two ties one obviously one at least i think we are missing a couple but i think it's it should be like 16 or 18 it's not like

a ton more but if you know i'm just saying i've got my red flag here and i'm about to throw it that i don't have to do this one-man show because statistically it should have been someone else before me wait because you should have had a higher chance of doing but it would have been higher for all of your tries of doing it too i'm not saying that it would be i'm saying fate would have changed butterfly effect flaps its wings

This is the council episode. Therefore, all old red flags are now gone because we're starting fresh. I don't know if that's in the constitution. I vote we put that in the constitution. I agree. That's a majority vote. Red flags reset at the end of the season.

Oh, no way. No, it doesn't. God. Okay. We got it. We're getting ahead of ourselves. Yeah, I know. This is a poorly thought out document. We have a lot of work to do to figure out what the hell is going on with all of this stuff. All right. Okay.

Whoever came up with this is three idiots. There is no the thing is we're a lot like the U.S. government right now. There's no checks and balances here. It's just one guy breaking into, say, the treasury with his cronies and just, you know, yanking cables, deleting data, stealing data.

Imagine if that was how things were and that's how we are right now. We need oversight. We need someone else to guarantee us. And it's got to be the community. They have to have some method. I was thinking we've had a hard fought season under the iron fist of the constitution.

I was thinking we would relax some stuff. Maybe we cash it out. Apparently we did. We didn't follow any of the rules. Well, that is one of the key tenants of our entire constitution is if we don't remember what the rules are, we don't follow them for any reason. There's no recourse because who cares? Something like that.

Oh, thank God. So I've never once cared about the constitution. So I'm glad. Article three. Yeah. That's the only thing in article three of our constitution. Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined herein. And if a rule was broken, but no members catch the infraction.

There is no penalty. Can you share me that one? I think a document might be better than this one. Did we sell pocket handbook constitutions? Did we ever do that? No. Did we actually do that? No. Did that idea get floated? Yes. Yes, it did. I was like, man, shouldn't we have our pocket constitution somewhere? Yeah, well, we would have had to really settle on some official text if we were going to do something like that. And let me tell you, if there ever was a living document, this one is the livingest.

Wait, this is an I turned around. What is this? Wait, what? What did you link? Oh, nothing. What is that? Oh, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. That's nothing. That's just, that's what you call not knowing how to copy and paste. What are you looking at, bud? Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. That's not related to anything that you may or may not be doing next time we record. Interesting. All right. Okay. I don't like where that's going.

I like that. Well, I'll forget it. I'll forget it. This new keyboard has an extra button where my finger wants control to be, and it just really gets in the way of stuff like that.

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Oh, this thing's over a page long? I don't have this kind of attention span anymore. Yeah, well that's why I fed it into a chat GPT so it could give me a one-sentence summary of it. I can't stop yawning! Oh, bro, how are you gonna do that? I think caffeine, I need to just stop forever. Because every time I drink a caffeine, I get real yawny, and then I remember, hey, ADHD, caffeine sometimes doesn't work that way for me, and it just makes me more tired. But there's

But there's a very few rare opportunities where it actually does wake me up. And it's usually when I'm actually tired. When it does work. Oh, my God. But if I drink it when I'm not tired, I get tired. So why the fuck do I drink it? Because I'm habited and I'm addicted. Yeah, it's literally addiction. I am in the same boat. When it hits, though, I'm like Fry in the Futurama episode where he drinks 300 cups of coffee.

The caffeine hits and the entire world slows down around me like I'm Barry Kramer and it's miracles. I have not had an effect off caffeine in a long time. If I get hit with caffeine, I don't ever notice it anymore. You drink a lot of caffeine or not a lot of caffeine? Not much anymore, no. I'll have maybe four or five drinks a week, which is a lot, but it's not as much as I used to where it was a couple a day. Energy drinks or sodas? No, like a Coke or something. Oh, okay.

I don't even consider those that have caffeine in them. If it's not measuring the caffeine in hundreds of milligrams, it's not caffeinated. Oh, okay. I don't do energy drinks or like five hour energies or anything. I don't drink those. I gotta stop. I drank an energy drink one time before a basketball game and I was like all fucking jittery throughout the basketball game. And I was like, I am never drinking one of these again. Remember, remember Mark, you remember the big pile of blue amps in our dorm room?

The pyramid from floor to near ceiling. And that was just Tuesday night. Yes, it was actually. It literally was. Are you guys alive? I don't know, man. Dude, we bunked our own beds with plastic coat hangers. Like there's a lot. Mark used to just jump off buildings and hope he knew how to parkour.

I did that exactly once and I learned I don't know how to do this. Once would have been enough for me to not have survived college. So the fact that you lived is pretty good. I was boring. I've got an issue with the Constitution I just noticed. Maybe it's not with the Constitution, but maybe it's with an interpretation. You had an issue with the Constitution last time when we were making the entire Constitution. Yeah. Well, this whole season, I remember Bob and I would talk and Mark's like, you better not make any handshake deals. Those are against the Constitution.

All of these sections talk about how handshake deals can overturn parts of the Constitution. I never said it was against the Constitution. I just said you better not because it's always screwing me over. I'm pretty sure he did. Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? You said that we don't have red flags. No, we do from new things. Yeah, well, that was actually a thing that I thought was funny. In the text of the document, the red flag thing isn't in there.

Technically, it says that you have the right to appeal. I don't know how we arrived at throwing a red flag. No, there was red flags. That was a thing. It absolutely was a thing. It is. It's in the other document. We could go back and watch the original episode, but I won't do that. Oh, I'm not. I don't want to watch that. Yuck.

We already know this video, this particular episode. No one's going to watch it. Should we just throw this out and do more broken news again? I mean, no, but yes. I already made the white guy's joke. I'm already on it. I had a couple foundational questions I felt like we should address, and otherwise I'm not too interested in parsing a bunch of legal documents.

legal language and stuff. Do we want to keep the constitution as a general thing as a part of the pocket? Do we want to keep... I believe that it is good to have framework. I will agree the wording needs to be officialized. We should hire a lawyer to join in on an episode and actually make

Make sure that the writing is both concise or a stenographer. One or the other, not both. I vote Bob. I'm not a lawyer. I vote Bob still. Bob, you either have to learn stenography or take the bar exam. One or the other. I don't want to do it.

I don't want to do either of those. God damn. Fuck. You can't lie about it. He cannot lie about it. No, I wouldn't. I don't know about stenographers. Do stenographers have strict ethics? Because I definitely don't want to lie about anything having to do with lawyers and bar exams and shit. But stenographers might play it fast and loose. Who knows? Oh, they're tighter than lawyers. Okay. But if we're going to have a real one, it's got to actually be written properly. It doesn't have to have legal engine, but it just has to be written by us or someone we trust.

And have terms that we can understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Veto! Do I have veto power in my life? No, this is a tribunal. There's no such thing. Some of this sounds like work, and I'm not here to work. I think I said that last constitution. Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined in this constitution. And if a rule is broken but no members catch the infraction, there shall be no penalty. I think that's the best rule.

Yeah, well, we need that rule or else this whole facade crumbles. What if we make the, instead of making it more concise, we make it more complicated? I think convolution is our checks and balances. I like that. So we could just start chucking ideas out and just tag in sections that maybe one person will remember one time to exploit as a, I like that. Okay. I keep zoning out. I'm already so bored of the Constitution. Why do you hate the

You hated it last year and it's only made the podcast better. Because I'm consistent. My hatred has made it better. You're damn right. No, the Constitution has made this podcast better by not being utter chaos. There's a time for chaos. Is that a pickle or a knife? That's a knife. What's in your other hand? The sheath. Oh, I thought it was a pickle.

No. Why do you think so many things are pickles? I like being threatened by pickles, I guess. I don't know. Don't kick shame. Anyway, well, you know what? Let's just start throwing out new stuff, huh? How about that? All right, well, if we're throwing it out, why does it have to be new? We'll just say it's thrown out. No, no. Give me new ideas. Throw just anything you want. The viewers can win an episode somehow. I like Skyline Chili. Is that a rule? Could be. I don't know. You said throw stuff out. Okay, if...

If that's in the Constitution, you can never not like it. So if you ever go against the Constitution, you're breaking the law. What's the punishment for breaking the law? You gotta fix it? The law? I guess, yeah. Like our government, there's no punishment for breaking the law. But there should be! Can we issue pardons? Someone would have to be president. What's the opposite of a pardon? Can we issue blamies? Blamies?

You know, it's funny because on the coffee machine, I have a tag that says, am I going to have to blame Amy for this? Because one time she didn't clean out the coffee machine when she always does. And I never clean out the coffee machine. I don't know. Why is she with me? I'm such an asshole. Hey, buddy, don't be too hard on yourself. We ask ourselves the same thing. Yeah, that's true.

Viewers can win. What happens if they win? They host. That doesn't have to be in here. Who is they? The viewers. They just all get together in a call and record an episode? No, the listeners and the viewers are separate entities and they must be treated as such.

So only the viewers can win? Either can win, but they don't win collectively, I think is what I'm getting at. I don't know why I'm waving the knife today. It just feels very... This tribunal feels hostile. I'm always hostile. Youth hostile. Is a hostel a hotel or a brothel? Definitely not a brothel. Could it be? Hopefully not.

In your mind? Maybe? In the world? No, I don't think that that would be legal anywhere that that's a thing. Like a candy on your pillow? It's just like a naked person on your pillow? I don't want a random naked person on my pillow. I really don't want that. That might be an experience you could have in a hostel, but also it's not part of the fact that it's a hostel. Oh, I got Krispy Jerry on my pillow. I don't want Krispy Jerry on my pillow. Give me some more Constitution bits. What do we got? I think boat...

Can be any number of things on or near water. I want to expand boat. Well, I think we already were doing that. I know, but that was just out of our own volition. But I'm just going to write boat can be anything. Can we do an episode from the inside of a whale? There's nothing stopping us. But if we write in the Constitution, I think it'll be argued that we must do that.

And I don't want to do that. Boat can be anything we all agree is a boat. That's all I want to put in there. How about boat is any vehicle on or near water within a certain amount of distance from water within like a hundred yards, a football field distance away from a, so instead of being in like a pool or a tub or a lake, we're just in a car near it. Yeah.

I'm going to put exactly what you said out loud, Mark. 100 yards. One football field. Within like a football field distance from a body of water. Yeah. I think we should be a football field away from land if it comes to being in water. Okay, that can also be in there. Within a football field away or within a body of water. That also means a shoreline. We should define it by the shoreline. What's the shoreline of a tub? The edge, the ring of scum around the tub is that shoreline. No.

This governing thing is easy. Is this what the founding fathers? A hundred percent. They were all sitting around drinking Sam Adams, just making stuff up. Was Samuel Adams one of the founding fathers? Yeah. Yeah. That's why his beer is so popular. You're right.

what do we need what does this show need the show needs more sponsors this show all right put that in there oh put in the constitution every every company in existence has an obligation to buy at least one ad on this podcast how do we enforce that red flags what companies we don't want we're gonna take their money okay good this scene now we're cooking all steel must be d2 uh by

All companies, is there a minimum size? Or it could be like if grandma's crocheting and sells a blanket, we're like, we got to make a cut of that. That's not a company. It has to be a company. LLC or incorporated. That is a specific thing that is defined by other people. Does that mean we have to sponsor our own podcast? Called doing a merch plug. So we have to get merch up. By those laws, we have to get merch. Well, I'm just going to type that in there.

Is this like a to-do list? Yeah, this is starting to do a to-do list. Oh, I have one. I wanted to actually throw this out. This is going to feel like it's targeting someone and it's not. I promise it's not. But because you know, it's also applies to me. And once I say that loud, just get all the way through it with me. If you show up to host an episode and you don't have anything prepared. Okay. All right. This, okay. Increase.

the one man show percentage on the wheel by 2%. That's fair. So it's not about spinning. I've done that the most probably out of all of us. So it's not about spinning it. It's about, it just ups the percentage only when someone comes without an idea. That's fair.

Well, here's the thing. Do we like the wheel at all? I like the wheel, but I wish it either happened a lot more or never. I want to gamify it more so it's more nail-biting, but also addicting, and you want to spin it so that, like the coin flip, haha, went 13 times in a row without Bob winning. We don't have that. We need that excitement back in there. And to tempt fate, we need to tempt fate more. I want more tempting of fate. We need to tempt...

fate more what a good law i never know what statement i shout out is going to be inscribed in the constitution i just i'm just capturing the good ones and getting making sure they get written down somewhere okay cool all right all right so how do we tempt fate more with the wheel maybe every episode ends in a wheel spin but there's a different it's either it's the the one man show wheel is like punishment but there's another wheel or something no bonus stars like in marty

party. We should have every episode should have bonus stars. We barely keep track of points. We keep track of that. Well, maybe the wheel has like it decides what bonus star it is like, okay, who made the most poop jokes? Okay, who made the most and it'll spin that and we're like, ah, that was Wade or that was Bob.

or who said this word the most. What if we don't remember? Well, it's just a discussion. We have to collectively decide. It doesn't matter what reality is. It matters what we say reality is, and we all have to agree. So we need a bonus point wheel. So at the end of every episode, what I technically wrote is bonus stars like in Mario Party on a wheel that gets spun at the end of every episode.

Which is definitely clear enough to make sure we understand this concept. I think the host should have the opportunity to change one item on the wheel. So not all of it, but you could rotate one out if there's one you don't like or if you have a funny idea. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, it should be flexible that it can be changed. That way, you know, if we hate it, we don't have to wait a year. And I think the audience can also suggest. Who has to keep track of the wheel and spin the wheel each episode and why is it Bob? Yeah.

I think we can do this. We can collectively... I mean, it'll just be a website that I have to open, and I don't mind that. I don't mind that.

How many bonus stars are we gonna have? I think the number of times the wheel is spun at the end could fluctuate. Like, it's default one for a bonus, but then maybe if a certain criteria is met, it's spun again. What if we have a wheel that determines how many times we spin the other wheel? Oh, more wheels. I like this. I love chains of wheels, yeah. Or a dice.

A dice and a wheel. Is there a dice website that has let you write on the dice? Well, you could just have like literally a D6 and however many times, whatever it lands on is how many times you have to spin the bonus wheel. But I want the visual of it. Like, you know, rolling in and be like, ah,

like oh magic eight ball we're just talking about a magic eight ball i bet there's a website with like a magic eight ball i'm asleep please consult later or whatever they say yeah oh you can uh you can buy a custom magic eight ball that would be interesting but we'd have to change that but if we order three custom magic eight balls and each of us just has a magic eight ball at our desk for episode

That would take some work, but it'd be cool. But I doubt our ability. Can we get... Wait, can we get custom dice in real life? Is that a more achievable thing? Because there's lots of people who make custom dice and stuff, right? We could 3D print anything, really, but it's like, that's work. Yeah, okay. Now, what if we do a wheel? What if it's just a wheel? All right, wheel. Wheel.

We could have a wheel and a wheel. So we should write a section in the Constitution that's like, this is what it has, and we'll just change it in the Constitution, depending on what we feel. There should always be on the wheel who's the baldest. I think that's fair to you. Ooh. But we could shave. One of us could shave. If we feel like the wind is that desperate. But it may not guarantee the wind. I'm okay.

Okay with that. What if there is a small chance that we don't increase or lower on the points one that always has one man show is like a 2% chance. We never adjust the percentage of that one. We should see if the one man show is actually an ample punishment. Trust me, it will be. All right. All right. Fair enough.

He might enjoy it. Don't speak for him. That's true. I was. What if there's a punishment where I make Mark get my YouTube channel to 10 million so I can get that diamond play button that I've always wanted? Is that a fair punishment?

No. Why do I have to do that? Why do I have to get it to 10 million? Why can't you get it? Because it's not a punishment if I have to do it. All right, what other bonus points do we want to have? Most bald, shortest? That's what I suggested, but Wade shot it down. Who ate the most? Oh, maybe it should be who ate the most on the episode or who ate the least. No, it should be who ate the most to encourage us to maybe sometimes eat a lot during an episode.

Wait, why are you making that face? It benefits you. You're usually the one that's eating. Listen, the problem isn't the wins. The problem is I don't need encouragement to eat. You don't need to change your behavior. It's the same behavior. You don't need to do anything different. I need to change my behavior. All these have benefited you so far. Molly has finally convinced me that my shirts aren't just shrinking because she hates me. It's the way that Katie is.

I believed it was witchcraft for years. Or that she was intentionally shrinking your shirt. She hates my clothes. She's shrinking them. I know that it's a common thing to be like, oh, my clothing shrunk in the washer dryer. I've never, ever experienced this phenomenon of my clothes suddenly shrinking. That's because they don't make clothes your size, so they're always oversized. When they do shrink, they just finally fit. You got my real cry to come out, me.

You got my real laugh. All right, fine. Whoever got the loudest in the episode. Caused the biggest laugh. Who had the best joke. That's a good one to have. Who caused the best laugh. Who looks...

the best that day. I think that fluctuates. Sometimes my hair is just a ramshackle mess. I'm wearing the same shirt. Whoever is the most put together that day. Should we have a bonus one for the listeners and or viewers so they have a chance of getting a point? What if it's a zero point episode and only the winners or only the listeners or viewers get a point then they could finally win. If we start interacting more with the subreddit also that we could give points out for things the subreddit does that are good and not annoying or terrible.

Subreddit. Okay, whoa, hey, easy up. They don't need that. I said that I would fix it and add the other moderators, and I don't think I ever did that because the fires distracted me, so I gotta get back on fixing them. Oh, some excuse. I was in the middle of fixing the subreddits. I totally forgot about that. Oh, shit. It's just been on...

I guess being on fire is a bad comparison right now. It's been... It's been fine. It's been fine. Hey, they were very complimentary of our episode with the broken news. That's seven then. Bonus point for viewers, listeners. Well, those are separate, right? So that'd be one for each. So would that make it eight? Oh, yeah. I guess it should be one for viewers, listeners. Oh, they're separate people. That's right. Most on point, like whoever was most on point with whatever the topic was. And there should be a flip side of that, whoever's the most attractive.

Do we want to add both of those? Yeah, add both of them. How about this for a rule? So that wheel is spun at least once an episode, right? Every single episode, a host has to add a category so that by the end of the year, there's 60 fucking items on there. Oh, God.

It could be anything. It doesn't have to be anything serious, but it's just like you just add some shit. I'll change out at the end of every episode the host may change one item to the host must add one item to the wheel. Yeah, it's like throwing a suggestion into the hat game and

Whose line? Just throw a random bullshit in there. Dude, if this wheel ever fucking gets deleted and then at the end of the season, there's like a hundred and some things on the wheel. I'm just going to do a random number picker or something like that. Fucking that wheel would be nuts. That's cool. That'd be fun. Then there's plenty of options.

Okay, so we're starting with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 we have right now. But we'll just keep adding. There's nothing that says you can't add repeats or bad things. So you could add more points for viewers or listeners if you're happy with them or something, or if you're trying to change the odds, or you could add punishments or...

all kinds of stuff. Well, it has to be points. We'll say it has to be limited to points, but like you could take points away for things or because it's like it's both interesting, but also not high stakes because it's only spun once. Are we eliminating the wheel? Are we going to do the number of spins wheel and then the bonus points wheel and then just maybe have it be like

one man show or something so that that's like a weird payoff i think maybe we still keep the other wheel what if the bonus wheel makes it into the tie then we would still need the other wheel for yeah that's true that's true yeah i think we should still keep that other wheel all right so we still have the tie but we're in a three-wheeled system right now

What's the third wheel? The first wheel is the wheel that will decide how many spins of the bonus wheel, right? Aren't we doing that? Oh, I didn't know that was a separate wheel. That's interesting. I thought we were at the end of every episode before the points. There's a bonus points now. And I thought we were going to, it has to be spun at least once, but there's a thing, a wheel or a magic eight ball or something with the sides. How many times we spin the bonus point wheel.

and then you spin the bonus point wheel and divvy that up, and then you do the points for the game. Well, that sounds like a job for a dice. What should the number be for that? Like one to four, one to six? We don't want to spin the wheel like a dozen times. There's got to be like... We have to make a D3. Ha ha ha!

We have to physically make a D3. We have to make it happen. I mean, that does exist, right? Oh, yeah. There's D3 dice. It's just like physically. Oh, it's like a cylinder triangle thing, right? And you just like roll it. Three sounds fair to start with. One to three. Yeah, that feels right.

That's how Mario Party does it anyway. Do you see the horrible three-sided die that's like three fins? Why is it horrible? I don't know. I don't like it, the way it makes me feel. Sounds like a you problem, gonna be honest. Sounds like it must be a finned...

Three-sided die. There's a cool, like, infinity-looking one where, like, it lands and has a one, a two, or a three, like, cut into the... I like that one. It must be the most uncomfortable three-sided die according to Wade's discomfort in that moment. Well, fine. I hope it's covered in fucking holes just for you, then. No, Wade's discomfort. I don't like holes now. It must be the host's phobia in a die. Ha ha ha ha ha!

It's a dice made of a spider covered in holes. Good. That's also a clown. Making me itchy and scared. I don't like it. I think we've lost the plot. What are we doing in this episode? I've got a bunch of stuff I need to somehow weasel into this constitution now. Are we going to start ripping out laws? Yeah. Do we want anything else added? And do we want to delete some stuff? I don't think there's anything else in there. I think the best thing we've done.

In the Constitution, I think you guys would agree, the physical tracking of points and naming them. That was a good one. I like that very much. I think that helped a lot and also is very fun to keep track of. It is fun to hear the points right out at the end and what they were for. That is fun.

Whether or not we kept a full record of it, I think my hot sauce ones are lost to the winds. I was going through them earlier. I didn't even use the title them. I just had your guys' names and a case I had to write down what it was for. They got a lot more intricate over time. Yeah, I got to get a notebook because I want to keep track of it. I actually want to keep

track of these I'm about almost halfway through this notebook I'm very excited to see when this actually gets filled up then I'll have a whole have a documentation and it'll absolutely make sense I can turn to any page and see that Wade earned points for natural sleeper 30 minutes of shit and shit shower I

And do you fear death? See, I don't even remember what it's about, but it makes me laugh. It's just, it's a documentation of our history. July 9th, we did an episode where Tyler had six points. Wow. Oh, wait, you date yours? That's a good idea. I put the title of mine. Here's the thing, though. I date what episode we record them, not necessarily what day they come out. So the dates still aren't perfect. I...

apparently my scorekeeping for the, at least 20 questions episode really went downhill. Cause we got into the whole chapstick situation. Oh,

Mark lost 7 points but Wade lost 11 points during that episode I occasionally just pull out a chapstick Bob just to see if you'll react to it Look how many fucking points I gave out in this episode Jesus Mine are always like 5 to 15 I'm pretty consistently in that 5 to 15 range I like Mark's I've been trying to edge towards Mark's style of like

low single digit points. Keep it tense. Yeah. I've only ever done one point plus or not only, but I predominantly gravitated towards points up or down one. I only ever give one point at a time. I just give a lot of points when you, sometimes you guys are just talking and I'll just chuckle and I'll be like, huh?

Somebody said that we apparently had claimed and have never done golf rules, which we did do golf rules, but it was before the constitution. Yeah, we did one. It was Bob's fridge. Wade hosted that and Mark got the most points. But at the end, Wade gave me the win by saying it was golf rules. And I actually won the episode. It was before we had the constitution. So I intentionally gave Mark as many points as possible so that it would feel like unfair at the end. I was like, oh, it's going to look like Mark's going to win. I was like, but I'm going to inverse it.

It's going to be so funny. I think you have to declare it, but I guess that's not in the constitution. So that was before the constitution. You're right. That's true. This was back before distractible had invented fire. I'm just going to write down. It's in the constitution. That'll resolve a lot of disputes. So you like the writing down the rules. Is there anything we want to rip out? Uh,

Do we want to rip out the subreddit appeal thing? Because I feel like that's been a mess. Yeah, we didn't use it. It doesn't make sense. I don't even know if we should have an unfairness clause. Shall I just write down remove all unfairness clauses? We could do something where, you know, if someone declares something is unfair, something's done on the spot, but I don't know what that would be. An immediate wheel.

Another wheel spin. One more wheel. The wheel of fairness. If one of us declares something is unfair, we spin a wheel where either we win the appeal or we're forced to host a one man show. It's a risky claim. No, no. It's got to be something with like trial by combat. You know, is this unfair? Let God decide. What if it's just a coin flip?

Heads for fair, tails for unfair. What if it's a really heavily stacked against it being unfair coin flip? Like you can declare it's unfair, but it's a nine to one chance it's going to be fair. Do you have to win three coin flips in a row for it to be fair? I like that. Then we just have a wheel of fairness. Nah, the coin flip is cool. Okay, coin flips. If you win three coin flips in a row, it was unfair and you are justified. That is fate saying- That's the universe taking your side.

Yeah, and you can only do that once. What, a one in eight chance? Three coin flips? One in eight? That's fair. That's actually... That's pretty good. That's better than what Mark wanted. What if you lose all three coin flips in a row? Does anything bad happen? I mean, once you lose one, I feel like you just stop. You don't lose again. Once you lose one, it is fair. Well, I mean, I'm saying if you forced it to flip three times... I get what he's doing. Because you have to flip three times.

And that's another one in eight chance that something terrible happens for daring invoke the unfair. It's double point loss. You know, if you don't get three in a row, 75% chance, you're good. 12 and a half percent. You win 12 and a half percent. You really lose. That's good. I like that. So we're not just throwing out unfairness willy nilly. There has to be a risk. Okay. So if you lose three coin flips in a row, what was it? You lose double the points or you get double the unfair.

Yeah, whatever you said was unfair will be dealt double. So like if Mark gives you a point, I'm like, that should be my point. And I say it's unfair. You would get two points. Or, you know, if Mark says I lose a point, I'm like, no, I don't lose a point. That's unfair. We do the three coin flips, then I can either lose two or... We should make it that as soon as the word unfair falls out of someone's mouth, it happens. Even if they don't realize they're doing it. So we got to be very careful about what we're saying. Because as soon as the word unfair comes out,

coin flip immediately stop everything what we're doing we're gonna do an episode just called fair unfair where every like three seconds we're uh well guys we're flipping again all right that's in there once per episode you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud and initiate three coin flips win three in a row and unfairness is proven lose three flips in a row and it is made doubly unfair well it's made doubly fair because if it was unfair then the unfairness would

be valid that's fair enough fair enough if we say fair you have to flip or just unfair both is that what we're saying the trigger word is unfair so if like thank you mark that's incredibly fair nothing happens but for like mark that's unfair we immediately coin flip i think it also should be valid if you trick another host into or another contestant into saying unfair i like that i think if anyone ever says the word unfair for any reason and any of the other two people hear it and catch it

It is triggered. Even if it's a trick. What about synonyms to unfair? What about when we say that's unreasonable? It has to be the word unfair. What if you say funfair? You can't spell funfair without unfair. He said it! No parts of other words, no hyphenations. Must be unfair. I gave us three episodes before we forget that.

oh yeah no the convolution is very good though because it will forget about it for like months and then out of nowhere during a highly heated episode someone will just be like hey set it and then it will happen and it'll i think the audience can participate if they catch us not saying it they can remind us and then we have to doubly unfair it later no that's stupid fuck me we know see that's the thing we don't need to enumerate that

I think we have a good rule here. And if the subreddit points out that we're not doing it, we can just on the fly do whatever fucking bullshit we want and jazz it up later or do makeups or something or...

ignore them because they suck or whatever we want that removes all current unfairness clauses and that's our that's our current appeals and unfair process no more red flags and blah blah blah blah yeah none of that great good constitution boys we could trick the audience into getting our watch time up because they have to pay attention if they want to yeah they're gonna have to really scrutinize yeah they're gonna have to go back through and listen again make sure they didn't miss anything the fools

I don't have any other ideas I really, really want to cut out or anything. I don't know. What is this section three of article one? The competitors of an episode shall be composed of any members not elected to be host by the host of the previous episode unless overturned by handshake dealer or official separate vote. What does that even mean? I think it literally just means that whoever won the last episode hosts and they're not a competitor. So...

If we had two winners, which I don't know if we can still have that happen, but... Yeah, we can. If it ends in a tie, we don't have to say it's a tie. We can just say you both win. Well, yeah, it doesn't have to be a tie. It could just be a win. It's not a tie to win. It's just two winners. It's a meaningless pedantic distinction, but I feel like we're allowed to make that distinction if we want. If something comes up, you could just say you're both winners. There's a 100% chance for the next person to do the one-man show. We're like, no, no, you just both win. You both win. I don't want to be crazy here. You both win.

But that's the rub is you have to write down the points and it can't be a tie, but also they can both win. Well, even if we do it in a tie, now we've got the bonus points to stop it from being a force tie. That's true. Now, now we can't just make sure there's not a tie on our watch. You might just end up with ties. Thanks to the wheel of bonus points. Bullshit. I'm like, oh man, Mark, it looks like you win by 10 today, but how? I don't know, man. That's all the math worked out. Oh no. Can't have that. Can't have that.

All right. Is that good? We did it good. I think we did it somehow. I think we just blanket sweep vote that all these changes are valid and good. And we agree to them. Well, I will try and I will try and make this into one document that is like for us. Not that hard, but I'll try a little bit and then we'll have a constitution.

And, uh, I guess I will be the keeper of the constitution. Bob, I hope you win this season. You put the most work in. Well, I won last seat. This, I guess it's not over. So is that what we decided about the season champion? Is it, it's not done yet. So there's no winner yet. Yeah. There's nothing hasn't been decided yet. Technically. I'm in the lead by a couple. I'm going to get that cash prize. I didn't get a cash prize last season. Uh, it didn't take effect until year two of the constitution. What the hell? Uh,

I don't know how to end this because we don't have a host. All I know is that I'm looking forward to Mark's one man show episode. Yeah, I'm so glad that Mark had to be busy today for a little bit because it gave Bob and I some time to cook.

Well, Mark, as a reward for your forthcoming punishment, you want to leave us out here? Sure. Thank you, everybody, for joining for another year. We've only got another year left until Distractible is forcibly deleted from existence. Even your private recordings of it will be expunged. You will see how. Foreignest distractus. That's what we called it. That's this. That's all it is. The clock is always ticking. Remember, uh...

Only I will be deleted. So all of your recordings will mysteriously not have me in it. That'll be a hell of a thing. We'll just get the AI that says, have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus? Oh, we didn't put any ship of Theseus things in the constitution. If this constitution keeps changing, is it really the same constitution? The constitution of Theseus? Like the con of Theseus. May your D2 steel knives always be sharpened. If they're not, for the love of God, sharpen them.

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