They've Gone Too Far!
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I'm pretty happy with my room here, but there are still some things I would change. I would love to have pegboard on the wall so I could hang some more stuff. I could really use a coat of paint. I could use a couple more lights to sort of fill out. I need some stuff from the Home Depot.

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Manichean Mark loves wood, nukes the seven seas, then lords the Luddite in the lads. Balaniferous Bob requires decor diagnosis, creeps on Kaiju and is fickle over fridges. Weakly Wade offers fellatio, displays dementia, shirks small talk, rips a bong, and refuses to stoop.

From Ethan Schrobing to Picardum Original, yes, it's time for They've Gone Too Far. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to Distractible. Thank you for joining us today. It's going to be a very fun one and we're going to reward you for your time with lots of laughs. Lots and lots of laughs. Baltimore, make them laugh.

Whoa! Not so many backflips, my guy! What, is Ethan here? Well, Baltimore it is, Ethan. Didn't you know? I've never seen them in the same shroom? What? Never seen them in the same room. Or shroom. Or shroom. Never seen them on shrooms. That's a lie, but I won't say which one. Damn.

I'm your host because I won by clearly arbitrary circumstances, but those are the kind of circumstances that we put into this game because they're not us making them arbitrary. It's the universe calling down arbitrariness to us.

I think the universe is pretty uncouth. I almost said a word that triggers things that I had to catch myself at the beginning of it. Apparently there's been another episode recently where I said it and none of us noticed and we just kept going and everyone on the subreddit was like, oh, oh.

All of these rules are under the qualification that if none of us catch it, or if one chooses not to catch it and the others actually don't catch it, then it doesn't get caught. It's a real thing. That is another form of fair. We have baked in parts of the rules to make sure that we can never be held accountable for failing to uphold them. It is built in to account for the other's stupidity. I was going to say something to that effect and now I've completely forgotten it. So I'm going to move on to small talk from these guys, Bob and Wade.

Alright, I need your help everybody. Viewers can also help. Listeners, you're not interesting right now. But Mark and Wade, I'm most interested in your opinion. You see this? You see this right here in my background? This is like a cheap I think it was from literally

literally from like walmart or something it's like the cheapest cube organizer everybody has one of these things it's fine and i'm gonna keep using that i'm just gonna move it somewhere else i want a piece of furniture to go there and i want it to be like cool oh we're jumping right into the episode okay got it i'm not cool what goes what goes here because it's not that wide of a thing and there's this shelf up above it so it can't be like a full like

bookshelf situation do you want cube storage or you want something else entirely i want it to be it i want it to be like look still like a cabinets or shelves or something where it's like it's in my background right so i want it to like look cool but i'm just tired of the cube look i'm tired of having the boxes i want something different what would look cool help me

No, no, this is great because I've been thinking about this recently. Do you guys remember at like your either way back in childhood or your grandparents house where you had that like desk, but it had a wooden roll up desk?

rolltop a rolltop desk yes i think back to how much storage they actually had because not only was there space for like a computer and a screen there was space for like cds in the side dvds wherever you want to put them yeah well it had like built-in cubbies and things and it had everything and it's beautiful because it's wood right and i'm willing to bet you can get those at a relatively affordable price well especially if i go on like marketplace or somewhere i could get like a

one that needs a little TLC maybe and get like a deal on an older roll top desk. Interesting. Yeah, right? Would I keep it mostly closed or mostly open? Every episode you could open is another surprise. It's like the dinosaur intro for Power Hour. Every episode starts with me revealing what's in the roll top desk. Oh, that's fun. We could all get them. Everybody needs a roll top desk. Yes. Come

Come on, Wade. You're going to have to bolt it down, though, because it'll float away on the river of shit that is your basement. Thank you. They're beautiful, and they come in different varieties and different sizes. You can get all the way an antique one, or you could get... There's so many drawers!

Holy shit, look at all the drawers. Where are we looking? Where are we looking for this stuff? I just searched roll top desk, but this one has... I shit you not. Dude, don't. Don't shit me. 28 drawers and or cabinets. Nine cubbies. Holy shit. This thing is the best. Oh, yeah. All right, I just went on Marketplace and put in roll top desk. There are some...

Very good examples already showing up. This one is 15 minutes from my house. I could go pick this up right now. This one says for free. This one says, please take it. Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it. All right, we'll see you in a few, Bob. Yeah, I gotta go. I'll be back. Yeah, if he comes back with that before the end of the episode, he wins. Whoa, this one's cool. Oh, this one's... All right, so they all have cubbies and stuff. This one, the...

fuck I'll just fucking show it because I don't even think I can describe this you can probably make one of these right you do wood stuff yeah I could definitely make one of these look at this cubby look on the top right look how fucking cool those drawer things are it's like a curved recessed it's a roll top roll out desk yeah man I love that this one does not have as much storage as some of them do but I love the look of the like

those little built-in you know what's cool about it some of them have like an upper shelf too that's a built-in standing desk you stand up go to the top shelf it's perfect god i miss those things i was just gonna say get a sex doll playing a saxophone but this is a much better idea a what doll a sex doll playing a saxophone yeah you know the one that has like the no which which one's that

The one that goes, listeners, my mouth is open as if it were ready to receive. Yeah, how's it going to play a saxophone with that embouchure? That's not going to work. Yeah, that's too loose. Good episode, Bob. I like this idea. Wait, are you a host? What's happening? No, this is my small talk. I was literally, I've been trying to find, I've been looking at like cool furniture brands and I've been like, oh, what's cool? And I swear to God, 90% of stuff I've been finding because I'm looking for like...

bookshelves and display shelves. It's all just different forms of cube storage. Whereas like, well, this one's from Pottery Barn and it's got some rectangles in it. It's got some big cubes and some small cubes. And I'm like, I don't fucking want cubes anymore. I'm over cube storage. Like this is really good storage. I'm going to go put it in the storage room full of storage. But I want something that's interesting. The roll top desk. Very interesting. I like this one that has, it might be the one Mark was looking at. It's got like three or four different holes and...

what looks to be 30 drawers. It's really cool. But wait, I would like you to go get a scan or something. Your memory is getting really concerning. I've had three of them in my life, but I guess I could get a fourth. All right. I think maybe I'm just easily impressed, but I want to share this again just because this is another one. Look at the shapes of the built-in thing. They're all curvy and the drawer is felt-lined. Man.

Man, I like it. You could play pool in there. You could play pool in there. You play the tiniest game of pool ever. Like, not even ironically. These are beautiful. No, this is fucking great. This is so much better to look at than... And I have nothing against cube storage. I'm just fucking sick of it. I've had this thing in my life for like a decade and a half. There's a fundamental function in this that I didn't even remember. You can lock the roll top.

Oh yeah, they lock. It's building security! For all my private documents!

Damn, they had it right, whoever invented these. I assume Benjamin Franklin. These things cost like two pennies back in the day. Oh, I'm still sharing my screen. I almost switched back to my porn. I'll give you two points right now if you tab right over to it. Come on. Come on. I don't have porn open. Unless everyone share their desktop right now. No, this is very, very interesting.

And you don't need a new one. Like, there are new ones here for way too much. No, well, these are... And these are, like... This one's, like, a hundred bucks. These are listed for, like... Like, if you want a new hardwood furniture, on top of being difficult to find things that are, like, cool and authentic and not just some rebadged white label whatever, they're fucking expensive. A hardwood bookshelf is, like, anywhere from...

like 600 to 1200 bucks and i'm like it's it's flat planks of wood in the shape of a bookshelf it's very nice i'm sure but god damn i'm not that kind of guy but i could do a hundred dollar roll top desk that i just need to like maybe sand and patch a finish on or maybe i could paint it or something because it's not that not super valuable it's just a little preserved wood lasts a

long time like well maintained well preserved wood is tough yeah it's tough think about how long petrified wood has lasted damn it's true he's right you scare the wood right i want you to know and i'm saying it out loud so it doesn't seem crazy later is you got the segue point

I got the segue point for that. You got the segue point. Oh, man. I'm just saying that out loud. All right. Wade, but it's your small talk turn. Oh, I don't even know if I want to try. Yeah, I don't know if I want to try at this point. You know what? You don't have to try. All right. All right. Moving on.

You see, you chose. It's fine, go on. I'm going to start off with some more small talk to fill the space since Wade, you know, abstained. But I'll give you a point for being bold. I'll give you half a point for being bold. I'll give you half a point if you make that O and A. And I'm bold!

All right. I'll call you bow-owled. So in recent news, the planet is saved. Oh, God. I thought that was going the other way. That's a relief. Or will be saved as soon as this researcher's plan comes to fruition. Now, I imagine this researcher, he's got a jagged scar over his eye, a monocle on the other one, completely bald, of course, pale as a ghost, high-collared, like...

suit that's custom and futuristic and, you know, he's petting some kind of animal. Any facial hair. It's either none or really extravagant. Okay.

Okay. Interesting. Like Hunger Games levels of facial hair? Oh, yeah. Oh, 100%. Because this researcher by the name of Adam Haverly reveals his plan to save the planet by detonating a nuclear bomb on the ocean floor. Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were living in Pacific Rim. Do we need to keep the kaiju out? What the fuck is happening?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What'd those fish ever do to Adam? Also, if you haven't seen that movie, it's a pretty good movie. Look, nothing in this really explains how...

This is going to save. So I'm going to read this article. Okay. Written by Laura Martin San Juan. In the 1960s, Project Plowshare studied the effects of a nuclear explosion on geological material on the ocean floor. Now researcher Andy Haverly envisions taking it a step further as he looks for a way to save the planet.

planet. The positive effect of a nuclear explosion by pulverizing the basalt that makes up the seabed. Such an explosion could accelerate carbon sequestration, which captures and stores carbon dioxide from the atmosphere to reduce climate change through a process known to scientists as enhanced rock weathering.

I was really hoping the process was going to be known to scientists as a big fucking explosion. But whatever. I mean, that's fine. That's fine. Science. Science words. So Project Plowshare was a program in 1957 to explore the use of nuclear explosive for peaceful construction projects.

The idea was to use it for large scale earth moving, such as ports, canals and highways. So yeah, anytime, you know, in construction when you need a big fucking hole in the ground. I can't. They think they need to dig tunnels in the ground. Just fuck the ground.

If there's no ground, you don't need to dig shit. Just put a nuke in there. I thought you meant literally just like have sex with the ground. No, that wouldn't fix it. Okay, Wade, you have sex with the ground. We're going to try the nuke. We'll see which one gets the planet saved. Oh, I know which one's bigger and it ain't the nuke. You should see a doctor. I think this is a guy from Scary Movie.

I'm glad you guys got that. What a callback. Wade loves that movie. That was Wade's humor right there. Oh, man. 1998 or whatever it was. Just like yesterday.

All right. Now, according to Haverly's calculations, he wants to bury a nuclear device, a classic hydrogen bomb under the Kerguelen Plateau in the Southern Ocean at a depth of two to three miles in the basalt rich seabed and four to five miles below the water's surface. Explosion would be contained within the water.

It's been a minute, but which ocean is the Southern Ocean? I don't remember that one. The Southern Ocean. Do you remember your cardinal directions, Wade? Yeah, name all the oceans. Points to the person that can name all the ocean. Well, Bob, you go first and I'll clean up. All the oceans. Pacific, Atlantic...

Northern, Southern, Arctic, and also Indian Ocean. You got it! You got it! That's all the oceans! I think. That was six of them. How many seas do we sail? Do we sail the seven seas? Is it actually called Southern? I thought it was called Arctic and Antarctic Ocean. Is it called the Southern Ocean? It is the Arctic Ocean.

But there's also the North Sea, which is not the Arctic Ocean, and there is no Antarctic Ocean. It's called the Southern... I don't... I'm a fucking expert. I don't know. Yeah, it's the Southern Ocean, also known as the Antarctic Ocean. Oh, okay. And there's only six of them. Mediterranean. We don't talk about that last one. The last one is forbidden. That's the one where the kaijus were. The forbidden ocean. So what? So we need to call Bruce Willis and...

Ben Affleck and tell Liv Tyler she's got to wait on the surface while they ocean gate their way down and put the nuke into the base alt ridge. That's what's going on here. Alright, yeah. And here, the positives are that the

Radiation would be trapped locally in the basalt. Okay, no, wait, sorry. The positive is there are few to no loss of life due to the immediate effects of radiation. However, there's a caveat. Okay, okay. In the long term, he acknowledges that the explosion will impact people and cause losses.

Well, as long as it's not me, people, what the fuck do I care? What about the creatures that live in the ocean? Are they going to have any issues? This is the entire article. There is nothing else here that explains how this is going to fix anything.

Well, so I will say there was one key phrase in the thing that you read. What was it? Carbon? Carbon de... Carbon... What was that thing? Carbon desequestration or sequestration. Carbon sequestration. That's... So all these companies that are selling carbon capture...

carbon capture environmental things where it's basically like, we'll filter the exhaust from your, whatever you're burning. And we'll, that's carbon sequestration, which is a thing that happens naturally. So I'm assuming there's something about basalt there, where if it's dissolved into the ocean in the way that it would be with the nuclear, that that would cause the ocean to dramatically increase the level of carbon. It captures from the atmosphere. Thus,

doing something for greenhouse effects in a good way because of big fucking explosion. Yeah, it also probably that far down wouldn't trigger a tectonic plate movement of some kind. Probably wouldn't. Like, I know we like to think we have big nukes, but I don't know if we're causing tectonic shifts with our piddly little hydrogen bombs. You never know. You never know. It could. It could. In the right spot, you know, a crack could propagate. It's possible.

It's possible. But it's also possible it saves the Earth. Because of Equestrian. Wade, get that scan. Get that scan. Ten points if you get a scan. Any scan. Carbonated Equestrians, Wade. You can do this. I think my phone has a way to scan QR codes. Does that count? Uh...

It'd be better than not having a scan, I suppose. It has to be a scan on you. Hold it up to your eye. Maybe your eye has a QR code that will tell your phone. No, I think it's the other camera, bud. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. I don't carry cash. It's inconvenient. I don't want to have it on me. But there are just times where it's like, if I could just hand you cash, man, wouldn't that really solve this? Well, that's kind of where Cash App comes in.

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This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. You know what I got into recently? Pens. You just find them on Amazon. They're just out there. And pens is not a weird thing to be interested in, so don't say that. Me? I've been Prime Video. Then in the last, like, two weeks, I was like, you know what I need to do? I need to watch every war movie ever made. I love war movies.

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What we were talking about last week, or last episode, got me thinking about this. Bob, you hit the nail on the head with the segue because I think technology is overly complicated. I feel like dumber versions of technology is better.

Wait, let me hear. You okay, man? What are you ripping bong hits off the side of the frame? What's going on here? I was coughing and I got a Kleenex. I woke up today with like the chills in my throat sore and I'm worried I might be getting like strep or something. So my throat's getting a little scratchy. So I just didn't want to cough into the mic, but I've also got my bong over here. How much ivermectin have you had today? Because it's probably not enough if you're feeling sick. Seven grams. Gotta up your game.

Seven mega grams. God, I wish that was the measurement. Milligrams, grams, mega grams, ultra grams, mammograms. Gigagrams? I mean, technically... Gigagrams is actually probably a real one, I think. I don't know. Megagrams would also be in that case. Oh, yeah, because the mega millions. Yeah, milligrams, grams, kilograms, megagrams.

There are megagrams. Pedograms? One megagram is a thousand kilograms. Teragrams. That would be the next one. Teragrams and then pedograms? Then pedograms, because penta. And then quadrupeds. I have no idea. I could Google, but I'm just going to sit here and make words up. All right.

All right. So here's how we're going to do this. I'm going to present you with a piece of technology that I feel has gone too far. And we're going to take terms stepping back in time until we reach the right nexus of old. It worked and it does a job. And also it still is good, you know?

It still has to serve the function, the fundamental thing that it's trying to do. So we're going to start with a smart fridge, right? Smart fridge. I'm talking Wi-Fi hotspot enabled four to five and even 60 capability screen in the window like camera installed inside. I feel like that's too much. It doesn't. It overcomplicates the need of you can push a button to order food and it gets delivered. Anyway, I want to step back in time.

I honestly do feel, I generally like technology. Who's getting a benefit from, well, we're gonna talk about it, but how do you even get a benefit from a smart fridge? That's one of the ones where I'm like. - You don't want cameras 'cause that's how they see the body parts and you don't want people to know that those are in there. - That's true, that's a good point.

So what, so are you going to give us the time periods to which we are jumping back? Or are we just sort of talking it through? No, no, you're just going to step back. It's going to be more of a discussion than any real solid rules. It's like, I'm going to give you something. We're going to take turns stepping back. I will also award points for good reasons why the technology is more beneficial than what it is. All right. Heads, Bob goes first. Tails, Wade goes first. Go!

Tails! Wade goes first. All right, you got your super smart fridge. How do we, where do we step back? What do we, what do we, step back? I already said it, we get rid of the cameras. Who the hell needs a camera? If you, like, I've got a bad memory, but I know what's in my fridge. You buy that shit, you gotta go pay $10,000 for a slice of ham, you put it in there, you know what's in there. What do I need to look at it for? Like, what's for dinner? I better go look at my ham I just bought two days ago.

Yep, there it is. Guess I'm doing ham. All right, admittedly, I am the guy that when I go to the kitchen because I'm hungry, I will open the fridge, not take in any visual information of me looking inside that fridge, close the fridge again. Fuck, what did I see? Open it again. Scan. See nothing. Close. I have no food. And then I walk away from the fridge. So the camera, do you ever like pull up a camera of the inside of your fridge? You're like, wonder what I have to eat.

See, I don't have a camera. I don't have a camera in my fridge. I honestly have no... I've never experienced this. Bob, you have fridges, right? Do you have... I've had a lot of fridges. I've never had one that was... I think the smartest we have is the one we most recently bought. And it's...

And it does have Wi-Fi for some fucking reason. I haven't set it up. Because it doesn't have cameras or any of that bullshit. I think it has Wi-Fi so that you can get the app and it will tell you what temperature it thinks it is inside of itself. Which is important when you have fridges that don't work very well. We actually bought remote temperature things that you put in your fridge and your freezer because we were having the issues where the whole...

thing where freeze wasn't getting cold and we were tracking that but uh no i i've never honestly i wouldn't i wouldn't i've bought so many fridges and i've looked and literally we looked at the ones where it was like the camera and the see-through panel and the whatever and we were like why the fuck would you want that i don't want that bye-bye camera do we have to go back incrementally because i have a i have a take on this actually i don't jump i don't care okay

Assuming that we update the cooling technology to modern compressors, modern cooling, the design of fridges was correct in like the 50s, 60s era. Have you guys seen the refrigerators from that time period? I have. I have, and it blows my mind. They're interesting. They're like art pieces. Some of them have drawers...

where the whole thing swings out so you can see what's all the way in the back. Some of them have half-circle Lazy Susans where it's been... Yeah, I was about to say the pulling out thing. Yeah, they all have all these interesting mechanical shelf designs. Modern fridges don't have fucking anything on these old school, aside from probably staying cold and getting cold more effectively and efficiently. The design of those and the aesthetic of them too, the outside, it looks great.

So cool. So beautiful. I found there's a guy on, I think, TikTok that I follow where his business is he buys thing those old like fridges of that with interesting and he does it for all appliances because it's and he like resto mods them. So he visually restores them. So they look like they're pristine example of whatever 1956 fridge.

but he puts modern cooling components and stuff into them. So you get the convenience and reliability of modern fridge, modern compressor technology, but you get the aesthetic and the usefulness of fridge from the 1950s when people who designed them gave a shit and were trying things.

It does, in fact, blow my mind. Some of the old school designs, because usually I'm not a big like retro design kind of guy. Some of the old appliance designs are fundamentally beautiful. Like.

Okay, we can stop there. Okay.

arms outstretched like this and just lift it into the air and basically all he said was the word calm down I know but I I picture it like with a coating it's got a coating on front yeah it's inside it's hidden feel you picking it up in here anyway no yeah it's that's it that's the whole game for me I would I think if I was to add things back from those designs I

It would be nice to have water dispensing system. But honestly, I think the water in the door thing is a little bit of a scam. There was one fridge when we were shopping for bridges. This was one where it was a smart fridge and had all the other bullshit I didn't want. But what it had was a pitcher that like...

slotted into a specific slot in the fridge on the shelf and the pitcher was always full of ice cold water because it was when you put it in it filled it up to the fill line and you had a full pitcher and it was in the fridge so you could like take that and set it on the table if you're having dinner and you want to have water on the table or what like or all kinds it's convenient

I would rather have that. But is that too much, Wade? Could we go back even further? The fundamental thing is just keeping your food cold. Do we really need...

I don't know when this became a thing. This might be around the, I don't know. I don't know what the inside of the old fridges looked like. Am I crazy for feeling like the newer fridges hold less? Like you can't fit a 12 pack in comfortably sometimes in a lot of newer fridges. The underneath freezer is probably smarter because of heat rising. So it's easier to keep the bottom cold. I've always hated the bottom freezer. I miss the old, just like top.

freezer but I feel like at least our fridge I don't know if it's just because the way it's designed is shallower I feel like you can barely get like a 12 pack of soda in there without like the door not wanting to close because it sticks out too long whereas a lot of older fridges that we had I felt like it had infinite space you could fit everything in there and it was like man we have nothing in this fridge and there was so much shit now it's like we have a bag of broccoli one pint of ice cream oh where we're gonna fit the ice tray like

That might just be your shopping, I guess. It does kind of sound like you have a counter-depth refrigerator, which is a...

shallower depth of refrigerator. This is a modern trend. I don't know how modern it is, but you have to be careful when you're shopping for fridges. I know because I've done it a fuckload. If you want the big capacity, you need to not get the counter-depth ones because they're made to be... They look cooler, basically, right? They don't stick out as far, so they're like... Yeah, I guess old fridges did jut out a bit, didn't they? Yeah. They blend in more with your cabinets or whatever.

And they are actually way smaller. And you might have one of those because our fridge holds so much shit. It feels like a giant empty cavern. And the biggest problem is I feel like we could use another layer of shelves sometimes because there's a lot of vertical space we don't use because things don't

Like shit in the fridge isn't very tall sometimes, but it sounds like you might just have a crappy fridge. I've only ever bought one fridge. Every fridge has been the default one in the houses that we've bought, except for one time a month before we moved, our fridge died. So we had to replace it for the next people to have a new fridge. That's the only fridge shopping I've ever done. You know what they used to do before fridges and why they call it an icebox? What?

Have a box with ice? Literally. So this is why freezers were on top. And you're on the right track, but it's kind of a different thought. You have a giant block of ice in the top. And because heat rises but cold falls, the cold from the ice will fall downward and it'll exchange heat. The heat will rise and go into the ice block. And that's how it kept things cool. So when freezers, the refrigeration comes out the top

and falls downward from there, the coldest part will be up top, and then obviously it'll go less cold towards the bottom. And so that's why it is. Which maybe we should go back to just a big block of ice, you know? I miss opening the freezer up high at eye level. I don't like bending down for a freezer. I don't know, that's weird, but I don't like it. Do you go into the freezer a lot more than you go into the fridge? Because I guess my thing is, I use the fridge like...

everyday multiple times a day. I'd rather have that at eye level. You'd think I would too, but I just, I liked opening the freezer and seeing ice cream, not bending down to look. I don't know. It makes no sense. It's just a weird me quirk. They still sell them. They also do sell those. Yeah, Mark is right. I don't buy fridges, man. I don't have the fridge. My fridge is... You could.

You got the budget for a fridge, I think. I have learned in life, if something works, don't touch it, for the love of fucking God. Don't mess with it at all. That's why all your plumbing works so well. Because the moment you go to get something better, everything goes to hell. Never upgrade. If something works, keep it. Cherish it. But what about downgrading? This is what we're doing. We're downgrading. Wait, Wade didn't actually suggest anything. Is it my turn or is it still Wade's turn? What do you got?

I have a solution. We need to start another Ice Age.

I'm thinking dig a nuke into the part of the ocean that doesn't have basalt, but whatever the opposite of that is that reduces carbon sequestration releases all the carbon from the ocean all at once. Hyper global warming, hyper climate change, push right through the part where it gets so hot, everything dies back down to the part where we're in an ice age. Just like everyone will just be like,

And then it'll be a good, it'll cool off and you'll be fine. You'll just get a little sunburn or something. And then you won't need to worry about refrigerators because you

just chuck it chuck it out back the hardest part will be keeping everything from freezing you'll need like a cooler to insulate your stuff that you don't want to freeze that'll just be kind of cold but that's no tech at all that's just a box you could just do that you've gotten to the heart of the issue you've solved it that's in less weight you could solve it more i don't we well we don't need ice boxes if there's no us what if we just nuke the whole planet

I mean, fuck Earth, am I right? I think. I feel like, however, I love it. Wait, I love it and I'm giving you a point for it, but I feel like I'm going to give it to Bob for the solution of keeping food cold, which I think is the problem we're trying to solve. What if the food doesn't have to be cold? Food's hot all the time because of the nukes. What if, instead of nuking the carbon out of the ocean, we nuke way more salt into

Into the ocean find the part of the ocean where we dig the nuke in and it releases more salt Then you don't need anything to be cold because we'll have salt coming out of every orifice and we'll just cure everything because shit That's cured doesn't need to be refrigerated, but it won't spoil

Cured meats, cured sodas, cured ice cream. It'll all be, it'll last forever. - We don't even need to do that. We just escalate humanity to the point where we don't need to live on planets anymore. It's real cold out in space. If we just float around in space, everything floating around us will be cold and frozen. - It's actually counterintuitive. In some spots in space, it's very hot because you're exposed to the direct lead of the sun.

But I get what you're saying. We live in the dark side of space and we have our big old spaces that block out the sun. We need to put the sun in a refrigerator because it's hot and we need to not have hot.

hot. Not only do we not need a refrigerator, but now we've got the new version of a microwave where we have the sun in the bottom box heating up the top. All I know is hot makes cold. When my compressor for my fridge turns on, it gets hot. What's hotter than the sun? Put a box around the sun, capture that hot, do whatever magic happens in refrigerators, boom, infinite cold. You're right. You're right, I think. All right. So we've worked backwards in time by...

going forward in time enough to build a Dyson sphere so that we can make our fridges back to the good old days.

Ice cream is going to go on the top star. Top of space. Perfect. All right, we've solved fridges. Thank you for that. Bob, I am disappointed neither one of us came up with Glauber salts. Beds. I have one of those fancy schmancy beds that cools you down or heats you up in the middle of the night. And you know, that's pretty cool. Or hot. I've realized...

The problem wasn't necessarily that I needed a fancy water cooling solution for my bed, which it has burst before. It really has. That was something unpleasant to wake up to. I swear the bed burst. It wasn't me. But the thing is, I then we were at some point.

uh, Airbnb or something like that, and we were sleeping on a bed that was raised off the ground. It wasn't a thick mattress or anything. It didn't have multiple cooling layers. Let me tell you, I was the same temperature as the room because the bed wasn't sitting on the floor, soaking all the heat and not letting any of the air of the room under the bed. And I realized, oh,

This is a big insulator. This literally is capturing all of my heat. If it's so much foam, it's just going to absorb all the heat. And if it doesn't have a way to get the heat out through any other surface contact with anything else, it's going to get warmer through the night. And by simply the modern trend is to have a bed that's like kind of low to the ground and on the floor, something raised much like the roll-up desk bed.

raise things not there okay anyway wait i got ahead of myself i'm playing my own game here mark two points good answer all right what's the next one i'm sorry i'm subtracting two points here i like you blabbing man i'm blabbing all over the place all right minus two blab

Go, Betts! Go! I'll start simple. I think Mark is right, and I'm not stealing your idea, but I think generally you're right. We're adding too much stuff to Betts. All you need is the minimally effective number of springs oriented upwards so that when you lay on them,

it's springy and cushiony. I think foam is a core problem with a lot of the beds these days. I get that foam is convenient. You can vacuum seal it down to real small and you can mail it. And I like a foam bed. They are comfy. The right foam is very, but it is, it's too hot. It's too complicated. And foam is the modern technology that I feel like led to this.

You never I never heard about people desperately being like, oh, I need a way to cool my bed or whatever when it was just like old school spring mattresses because they weren't dense insulating foam. They were springs with air in the mattress and they were up on, you know, bed platforms that were like a little higher off the ground. And that's all you need.

Just just spring give me some okay. No phone. No foam just springs Okay, do you have them wrapped in anything or is it just a yeah like like like maybe maybe a little pillow top But not a foam pillow top like some like plush, you know, I mean that sounds nice, too But what if we just went back to the point where you're out in like a really cold area, right? It's like snowing snow on the ground ice ice and

and like you're kind of like shivering freezing and you know you need to lay down and sleep just cut open a fucking tauntaun we need to forget mattresses and all of that stuff just have a nice big animal that you raise and then cut it open get a few good nights sleep get a meal do you do you cut open a new one every night

I mean, if you want that warmth, sure. But if you're going to eat, I mean, you're going to have a pretty big family for all that meat at once. And then it's like, how many beds are you going to need? So it may be trying to get like four or five nights out of it. I would love a sub like spinoff show of Wade's survival hour of him being like, you know, when you're on the cold snow and you start to get really sleepy, you should go to bed as soon as possible. Like when you're shivering and you're just like, I'm so tired. Go to sleep immediately. I just think that you both.

Bump your noggin. You're not seeing clearly. What you should do is sleep immediately. Sleep it off. You'll feel better or you won't. Sleep in an animal. I'm pretty sure our ancestors did that and it probably was the best sleep of their life. There aren't that many animals large enough to...

crawl inside giraffe horse rhino elephant a bear depends on the bear i guess you'd have to overfed german shepherd kids maybe i wouldn't sleep in a kid but i guess you could

Don't look so sad, Mark. So, okay, go back to the actual topic of beds. Molly and I got one of the, I think it's like Stern and Foster's, the brand. You had your chance with the tauntaun. It's not your turn. Yeah, wait, how many ideas do we get to throw out here? I just thought we were talking. All right, fine. Fucking good. All right. I yield my time until I unyield it. Wade, where were you going with your Sterns and Foster?

I'm just thinking it through. I really thought foam beds were like the best and I still really, really like our bed. Don't get me wrong, but we moved. We got a guest bed. We got like a new guest bed and I didn't want to go crazy with the mattress. So we went to just and got like a spring bed. Like you were saying, the spring bed with like a, it's like a box spring with a mattress on top. Right.

and it's equally comfortable. It actually, it was surprising to me. Like that mattress was so comfortable. I'm just, I just wanted to riff on your point of like, I really thought I needed foam. And then I laid on like a, just a new mattress on a spring, a box spring. And I was like, this is so comfortable. Why is everyone getting foam? Why is that the thing? Cause it is comfy, but is it more comfy? I don't know. Uh,

I don't know. Maybe we just had old mattresses and we're like, oh, man, our old mattress isn't comfy. It must be because they're terribly designed, not because my mattress is 30 years old. That's true. You're only supposed to keep them for, like, up to a decade tops, I feel like. And you're supposed to, like, flip them or rotate them or something every so often? Yeah, some of them, but some of them say don't flip or rotate. Some of them are non-symmetrical, right? Yeah.

If you get a non-symmetrical mattress, you don't want to flip it over because then you're sleeping on the bottom of it. I don't know. I don't know the technical workings. I just know this can happen. It's the ones with the fancy cooling technology and foam where the top is designed to, yeah. I don't know about the rotate, but the flipping, I get the design of that. I don't know why rotating would make a difference. Like if you ever lay upside down on your bed, do you just die? Probably. Probably.

Better install this correctly or else all you belly sleepers out there just courting death They pre give the foot smell at the head of the bed if you have the mattress wrong They pre give the foot smell what yeah, that's where your feet go. So they just have it smell like feet already It's that way, you know, that's where your feet go I don't know I'm the type of person where I'll flip down Sleep on the other side of the bed with your head in the middle of the room. That's good. I

That's weird. Whoa, okay. Whoa, that's weird. Not only is that weird, that's wrong. I'm gonna write something. Yeah, write down your hurt feelings and wrongness. You know what's a good thermal regulator? You know why people before refrigerators kept food imperishables in root cellars? Because the Earth is a good regulator.

thermal regulator. If it's hot outside, the earth will be cooler. If it's cold outside, the earth will be warmer. All we need is the earth. We should sleep on it. It's a great earth. It does many things. And there are almost definitely no nukes under where we're going to be sleeping. Those go in the ocean. I guess you could sleep in the ocean, but that's kind of a

I have a stupid choice. But like, I feel like it's underutilized, right? Because you probably imagine like, oh, you just lay down on the ground and it's what you can. Earth is movable. You can shape it however you want. Imagine a perfectly dug outline of your body. And it's like a little action figure, like,

plastic mounting thing. You lay down into your perfect body shape, mold it into the earth. You don't even need a pillow. You just mold the shape of the neck and the angle you want your head to be at. You lay down and like...

Perfect temperature regulation, perfect comfort, perfect harmony between you and Mother Earth as our ancestors would have wanted. I love it. So you want to cut open the Earth like a tauntaun, and then the great thing is you've got unlimited tauntauns to cut open. Yeah, we don't currently have enough tauntauns to do Wade's plan, but the Earth is a resource we can exploit endlessly.

I love your idea. I'm giving you a full point for it. I'm giving Wade half a point for credit because I think you're stealing it a little bit.

little bit but it's fine that's fine yeah credit i'll give you i'll probably give you a half point back here in a second bob with my question for you guys how many people are alive on earth right now more than 10 because i know of 10 people and i know there are other people alive that i don't know have that many people that's got to be more than that many people have died throughout history right yeah oh lots yeah yes actually wait google how many deads are on earth right now

Uh, oh, uh, approximately, well, this is AI, but 110 billion, maybe, maybe-ish, maybe throughout all of human history. So that means Bob's idea is great, but we probably already got a lot of holes dug that are people size where we can also have a cuddle buddy. We just go live in cemeteries.

I love it! I hate it! Then you can have a cuddle buddy, a nice hole already dug. I know it's half, I get the, it's Bob's idea, I'm now jumping on, but... Yeah, alright, I'll give you a point, I'll give half an idea to Bob, or half a point. But man, he was describing the people-sized holes, and I was like, we've already got those! I can go see my dad! Like, oh, look at our hole, family resemblance! Right there! Look at my hole!

There are many like it, but this one is mine. There is a total tangent, but I was watching the corridor crew was reacting to someone reacting to their debunking of like alien videos. And one of the one of the analogies, the guy was like, he was like, yeah, it's not it's similar. It's not the same. It's similar. Just like, you know, you can't say that my butthole is the same as yours just because they're similar.

They're different, unique buttholes. Like that was the example that he used as to what was similar and different. Like we don't have the same butthole. They're unique. Not fingerprints, not eyes, anything like that. Just...

buttholes i my understanding is that's actually true that if you got a butthole print if every person would have a unique butthole print did bark disconnect or i thought he was just that disgusted with you maybe he did disconnect hello i really thought he was just that like not having it with what you said

Oh, here's the text. I was going to save it for when Mark was here. I guess we're still rolling. You've seen the thing where like people can have chocolate or candy made from people's butt imprints. Haven't you? No. I've never done it, but I saw an advertisement at some point where you could have a cast made of your butthole and then they would use that cast to make like a unique chocolate. You could give your significant other of your butthole.

I don't want to Google this. Butthole chocolate does not sound like the thing I want to... Without casting any judgment out there to anyone else, I would... My response to that is, I don't want that. I don't want either direction. I don't want to be the one giving that to Mandy, or I don't want that from my significant other. Edible anus. One unassuming black box containing six identical gourmet milk chocolate sphincters. Hmm.

Oh, I made the mistake of looking at the chocolates. I feel like I could guess what that looks like. They're like little cut-off Pac-Man heads where the mouth is the butthole imprint. It almost looks like the mouth of the worms from Tremors or something. Oh, boy. I'm going to go back to looking at roll-top desks. I'm just going to cleanse the palette a little bit. I think I'm going to have this ready just to image share for Mark. Oh, I can't fully share. Okay, there's a...

I didn't even realize this, there's an image of the cast being made. I probably shouldn't share that. Hey look, share what you're gonna share, okay? I don't, uh, I don't judge. Here you go. What were you talking about that made me think of anus chocolate? Something about... I was gonna bring up that we have... Oh, okay. Hey man. Hey, how's it going? What in the fuck did I walk into?!

Have your anus and eat it too. Bob was saying something as you disconnected. I forget what was happening as you disconnected, but I was talking about how, but your butt hole print is unique that every, so it's like fingerprints. And then Wade was like, oh, so you must be familiar with this thing where you can make a cast of your anus and have that made into chocolates to give to people that you give to your loved one. So,

So that... Wade did this. Just to be clear, Wade did this. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah, sure. But Bob inspired it. Bob, did you inspire this? I don't know if I can take credit for that. I...

technically what i said came before this i think it's a stretch to say i inspired it i also am pretty sure you encouraged me to share this with mark oh now he's just telling lies i don't even all right well i will also say mark i almost shared just the image result and there wasn't one image on the image result of a cast being made of a butthole so i caught that thankfully before that was part of the episode yeah that's just someone's anus and you could eat it

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Alright, so we're moving on from sleep. Let's do another one real quick before we obviously keep going over in time and only doing three of a single topic ever. Cleaning, right? I'm kind of umbrellaing this. There's several different ways to clean. The most egregious versions are like your washing machine is for some reason Wi-Fi connected and has a bajillion settings, not just on and temperature or whatever.

But what really gets me is the Roombas, right? Because Roombas, and especially the newest ones, kind of represent a funneling down of a lot of things. It'll clean for you. It'll map out your house. It'll upload the schematics of your home to the NSA database, yada yada. I feel like the Roombas

The Roomba is a bridge too far, but I'll take anything cleaning because we're running out of time. So I'm going to go with what Bob said about fridges. I think like the 1950s, 60s vacuum cleaners were amazing. My grandparents had this like, I won't call it shag, but they had like a fluffier, thicker,

carpet than like normal most carpets are now and their vacuum cleaner not only did it look like it was old as hell but it worked and it cleaned that carpet now you can have a vacuum that's like three or four years old that costs like a thousand dollars and it feels like the shitty little carpet that's this long it's like oh man that one fuzz from that dog toy it's never gonna get in there whereas i don't know there could have been a whole body in my grandparents carpet i would have never known but that got that vacuum sucked it right up

We do not need the new Roombas. We need those 50s, 60s vacuums when appliances were made to last. Okay, all right. Okay, all right. Good. Good start. Bob? Too many characters in cleaning. I don't need a scrub daddy. I don't need a scour mama. I don't need a brush baby. I don't need a child labor person.

Listen, there's too many characters. There's too much emotional attachment. Doesn't make any fucking sense. I don't need a sponge that smiles at me. I just need a sponge. It can be blue, can be yellow with the green scrubby on it, whatever. It should be a rectangle or maybe if I'm feeling spicy, it should have a wavy edge. You know, those sponges where they're all...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, alright. That's all you need. I don't need characters in my cleaning. I would like a sponge, please. We don't even need all of that. Like, washing machine, vacuum? I like the idea of the 1950s appliances, but I'm thinking about it. You know whenever settlements used to pop up, a lot of times you'd try to settle around a source of water, like a river. You know what rivers are good for?

cleaning you just put your clothes in the river you put your you in the river then there's no shower to clean there's no sinks to clean you just have your wash basin you go rinse out in the river your clothes rinse out in the river your house hell those things were built on rolly logs you could probably take the logs and rinse them in the river and put them right back together like a big old lincoln log set river we got the cleaning thing river river that's all you need to clean i i agree it's also your toilet yeah that's true

Yeah, shit just a little further downstream than you clean. But see, Wade's idea is built on top of the idea that you have to be settled next to a river or a lake or something. You have to find that. People live everywhere now. We have a lot of people. They need the ability to live in the middle of nowhere and still be able to clean. You know what cleans even more powerfully than water does? Fire. Fire.

All you need to get the stain out, to get the smell to go away, all you need to get to clean whatever it is, is a book of matches and the will to do what's necessary. If you really need something to be clean, fire will clean it. Cleanse it even.

You're right. I've heard that before. And fire can be anywhere. You can carry it with you. I have opinions about them, but they do sell lighters that make fire out of nothing. Out of thin air, practically. And lighter fluid. But you could literally just rub sticks together. Boom. Cleansing fire. Right there.

All you need. All right, Wade. It doesn't get much more clean than that, but does it? I think it sure does because I think a little prayer goes a long way. And before that bitch ate that apple, God might have cleaned us himself. We didn't have to have clothes. We didn't have to have anything. We just lived in paradise. Everything was going so great. Then one little snake comes down and all everything goes to shit. But you know what we never hear about the Garden of Eden? Dirt.

Never once do I hear dirty or unclean mentioned. It is just perfectly good. So maybe if people would behave themselves a little fucking bit, the man upstairs might cleanse us himself. Then we don't got to worry about rivers or water or any of that shit. We'll just go Bruce almighty style and be clean. That's fair. That's a great point. Uh,

I'm not sure how to find it, but we'll get there. Wait, wait. Official downgrade suggested is to go back in time and stop the original sin. The technology of the original sin has gone too far. I didn't give up.

a rib to do laundry. He's on to something because wasn't it the tree of knowledge or the tree of knowledge that that fruit came from and knowledge is what technology is from. Therefore, get rid of all tech and

Get rid of the knowledge! We could be airheaded in the Garden of Eden forever. I can do you one better. I've already established that fire is the cleansiest cleanse you can have. What could offer more...

in the form of heat and fire than the Big Bang itself. If we simply re-compacted the universe into the singularity from whence it came and just stayed right there, no banging, just singling, singularitizing, if we just stay right in there, nothing can get dirty. Everything is clean. Everything...

It's also sort of technically dirty, but also there is no dirt because all the energy and heat in the universe is all just, it's the purest form of clean we could be. You're absolutely right. 100%. They solved it. Okay. All right. We'll call it there.

There is no, much like most of these solutions, there is no problem if there's no nothing. All right, good. That's smart thinking. No problem if there is no. So the fridge problem, the keeping food cold was Dyson Sphere, the sun with no Wi-Fi in the Dyson Sphere. Yep, no Wi-Fi. It would be completely cold. The sleeping one cut open the earth. The cleaning one was just never have a universe to begin with. It'll never get dirty again.

All right, so we're going to start with Bob on calculating the points here. This is a complex episode. I docked a point right off the bat, Bob, I guess say. You were shitting on the listeners, and I think we've been a little too tough on them. This point is conditional. If a viewer, if the wheel says viewer point, I'm going to give this back because the universe is saying that the listeners...

don't deserve that kind of treatment. And it will because we know this will happen. So if a viewer gets a point, this gets reversed. You got the segue point with the cabinet. Keep the Kaiju out. Ocean Master. 1950s fridge. Ice Age Solution. Nuke.

Boo foam for beds. Cut open the earth. Half a point for credit from Wade. No brush babies. Fire cleanses all and then no banging. Just singling. All right, Wade, you were uncouth. Sex doll saxophone. You got half a point for Boald. Equestrian. Carbon sequestration. Oh,

I was like, I don't remember why horses in this. Okay. Big capacity. Fuck Earth. Sleep in an animal. Half a point for credit from Bob. Live in cemeteries. 1950s vacuums were

Better river cleans everything. Go back to the Garden of Eden. That's complex. Let's just go ahead and spin the wheels to get to where we are. I'll get you one to put on there. Yes, yes, yes. Firstly, how many bonus points shall there be? Two. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. All right. And what are you adding to the wheel, sir? I want to add...

most misheard. Misheard the most. So usually this would be a wait point. It's almost exclusively a wait point. I am going to shuffle this again for fairness. It is shuffled. I did one shuffle and then we get two spins. Two spins. Ready. Yep. Come on universe.

Most self-sabotage. Did any of us lose points for anything today? I did lose a point at the beginning for talking a lot of shit about listeners. That would be sabotage. That's as close as we got. It's the only lost point. It makes sense. I can't argue that. Spin number two. Spin number two.

Oh, it was one away from point for viewers. Did either of you eat at all? No. It's probably... Were you drinking anything, Wade? Because I drank approximately... I did. I've been sipping my Sprite. I drank approximately eight ounces of liquid. I've not... Yeah. We've probably both just been drinking. There's been no eating. I have not eaten anything. Pick their nose, eat the booger. Not on camera. It's the same thing. All right. Respin, respin, respin.

Spin again. Come on, Viewer Points.

Alright, it's Scottish accent time. Oh, fuck. My guys, it's Scottish accent time. Who's got it? Who's got it? Well, laddy, I think it's time for us to spin the wheel. One of us is coming out ahead. That's gonna be tough. Bob? I didn't think either of us had a Scottish accent. Oh, I really need this point. Oh, that's Russian.

I don't do Scottish. Come on, man. I really need this point. Please give me the point. Incredible. I'm going to eke it over to Wade there. I'm going to give Wade just the Scottish point. I'm from Moscow. Me bangers and mash.

You know, mine's no better, but it's not better in a different direction. So I think that, uh, I think we can give this to Wade here. All right. And that concludes one of the tightest games I've ever judged in my life. Scottish was a little unfair, wasn't it? What's it about? I don't know. I just said it. I said, oh man, the Scottish felt a little unfair. Scottish is unfair. All right. So that's what it is. Oh God, Wade. I'm sorry. I just said it. I wasn't thinking.

So if it's all heads, I get the Scottish accent point. If it's all tails, Wade gets another Scottish accent point. That's the deal? Sure. Yep. Absolutely. Fuck. Wait, no. He gets what he wanted. If he said it was unfair, if it comes all heads, we have to reverse it to oppose the unfairness. If it goes all the other ways, then it becomes... No, no. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Everybody ready? I mean, it's probably not going to happen, so it's probably... Boom! Boom!

Tails. Okay, you're lucky. You're lucky, Wade. You're lucky. I don't know if that would have helped me or screwed me in the end. I really don't. You know why you're lucky? Because you were in the lead. By the time you almost undid your own lead.

You're so lucky. That's two of three. You're so lucky. All right, anyway. With ten and a half points before the wheels, Bob, you had ten and a half, plus one puts you at eleven and a half. Wade, you had eleven points before the wheel with your Scottish accent that you almost snatched from your own jaws of victory of defeat. Wade, congratulations! You have broken your losing streak with twelve points!

It's been 84 years. Not really, but it feels like it's been a while since I've won or hosted one. Maybe just because we haven't seen each other in a minute, or maybe it's because I've really sucked this year. But man, going from being the grand champion of Distractible for the first 10 years, I've had a really rough 11th year so far. But I'm glad it's turning around. Is that your speech? I guess that was your speech. All right, so good speech. I just want to clarify that I think technically Distractible has been a thing for four years? Four years?

I think? Four? Just over four? Or is it five? No, it's four. Four, in its distractible incarnation. So, uh, I don't know what time frame Wade was talking about, but that's about as coherent as the rest of everything he said today. I understand that sometimes you have to throw a dog a bone...

Keep them in line. But I feel like I shone pretty brightly in today's episode. And I really felt like I deserved to eke it out. And coins almost had my back on the stupid Scottish accent.

stupid point, but it was literally one away from point for listeners or viewers. It was on one of those pins. That would have been one less for me and one more for you, which might've been the difference, but it wasn't unfortunately or fortunately, depending on who you're rooting for at home. Uh, sorry. Oh,

no, not sorry listeners. I got your back this time. So that stuck, uh, uh, very momentous and we've changed people's lives forever. Getting that ground Dyson sphere, the sun and blow everything on, blow everything back to the big bang. Thank you for listening to distractible. There are rumblings of merch.

rumblings like the nuke in the base salt on the floor of the ocean ooh ah ah ah I don't know why I did that they do if you want more of what Wade has to offer uh he's over at minion777 or lord minion777 Bob's over at my screen I'm Markiplier this has been distractible tune in we got more fun stuff coming at you real soon or more fun stuff in the past that you can go listen to there are some pretty good episodes around

Going backwards is for idiots. That's what I learned. You don't listen to a loser like him or a winner like Wade. What's your opinion, Wade? Gotta stop the original sin. We gotta go back. Podcast out.