Wade Screws Up At 47 Minutes
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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractibles.

This episode... Boisterous Bob trials the trio to a pine on opera. Wish Wade a happy birthday while he watches porn, freestars Calamitous Carmen and F-bombs. Massive Mark has a huge bump, rogues to stop a truck and noses sing songs. From apple cock rings to absconding noses. Yes! It's time for...

Wade screws up at 47 minutes. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to another episode of America's Favorite Podcast. Are we doing the bit? Are we doing it? Are we doing the bit, guys? I didn't know I could do this on the MacBook. If you're not watching, you have no idea the kind of motion sickness you're missing out on right now. Whoa.

My name is Bob. I'm going to be the host for this episode because the way the show works is one of us wins and they host the next episode. That means I won the last one. The competitors for today are Mark and Wade. Hello. I'm in a slightly different environment. Shock though you may be, I have an episode all planned out. I did research and writing and I'm pretty excited about it.

This is a Mandy idea, and then I took the idea and I made it slightly worse, but so it's still really good. I have to put my own spin on it and ruin it a little bit, but we'll get to that later. Before we get to that, we always do small talk. How's it going? I just had my birthday. I'm older. Happy birthday.

Thank you. I ate one of my favorite meals and then we went and got some ice cream because Molly wanted my mom and my sister to get the ride in her new car. And she's like, what if we go get ice cream? Then we came back and we did like the cake and it was just so much sugar. And I don't know, I can't do sugar like I used to or even eat as much as I used to. I pounded a lot of food.

So I only had like one meal yesterday, but man, oh man, it was a good one. But then I could not eat the rest of the day. I was so full. Getting used to new technology, I got an Apple Watch from my family. So I had my phone in my pocket, my Apple Watch on, and we were driving in the car. And this is not a thing that's surprising to anyone who's had a car since probably 2012, but...

Molly's car was not a 2012, it was a little bit older than that. So someone called me, wished me happy birthday, and my phone started vibrating, my watch started screaming, and the car switched from music to calling, and I was like, I don't know which one to answer! I was kind of like panicking, so I didn't answer at all, completely ignored. You just let it buzz until it was done, and you were like, gah!

I hate that. Yeah, did not know that her car would switch from like the primary phone to secondary if a call came through and then yeah, everything was vibrating. It was very bizarre. I feel like a grandpa talking about technology right now. You with an Apple wrist, Apple watch strapped on your wrist is a weird thing for me. I didn't put it on. I should have put it on. You are the epitome of not the kind of guy who wears an Apple watch.

thank you no honestly that's not even an insult it's just you're not a techie guy what are you gonna use it for gonna use it to tell you how good you are at basketball or something or I don't know what to do I have no idea I wasn't expecting one didn't ask for one just got one and I'm like guess I'm an Apple watch guy now I like it I just don't know how to use it I've never looked into him I had to stop you

You had to stop. I couldn't do it. I had to stop. I had to stop. I couldn't do it. I have a very bony protrusion of my whatever this is, you know? Okay, it looks really small right now in the camera, but I'm telling you, it's huge. It's massive. Oh, no, I got it right there. Yeah, it's bony. The point. There. There it is. Look, look. There it is. That's where the protrusion is.

I don't, I haven't smooth. I got a smooth wrist apparently. No. Yeah. So I have this, this Matt it's from, I broke my, uh, my arm here on this bone. So they had a rod going in through this end here. And I think it's made it, um, a bit more prominent. You can't really see, but there's a tiny scar right there where a rod was stuck all the way through. So it's like, I feel like something's not quite right up in here. So every time I wear the wristwatch, it either has to be forward of this bump or behind this bump.

And if it's forward, it cuts off circulation in my hand. If it's behind, it doesn't read anything right for heart rate and stuff. So I think it's just not in the cards for me. You could switch to your other arm. I've tried that, but because I'm right-handed, if I'm typing or using a mouse, I can't deal with sliding a watch band all over the desk whenever I'm... Because I do everything on the computer with a mouse. So with the left hand and the keyboard, it's fine because I usually have a wrist rest.

But for that, I can't deal with the balance shift. I've tried it, though. It's just not for me.

I want the Apple choker, you know? When do they get the Apple shock collar? There's definitely... Because you could put other bands on it. There's definitely Apple Watch bands that you could wear as a choker. I suppose you could, yeah. You're right. Even if you have to sort of daisy chain some together, you could make it happen. Do they have a garter belt size Apple Watch band that I could wear up on my upper thigh? All right, so Mark's going to get...

An apple choker. And then everyone around you will know what time it is. Hey, Mark, what time is it?

I thought I whipped my neck really hard. I think they're going to eventually come out with ones where you have a sensor in like the AirPods because you can get a good heartbeat from your ears and temperature from your ears. So I imagine, and if they conduct a current between your ears to get your heartbeat for your sinus rhythm, that'll be really good.

When you do an EKG or ECG or whatever on the watch, you have to touch the watch. If they just do it through your head, you don't even need to do anything. Constant ECG. EKG? Electrocardiogram? ECG? The heartbeat comes from the brain anyway. It's all up here. Go to the source. That's probably fine. There's probably no long-term effects from that. What about cockering?

The silence. I mean, sure. You have to pick the size carefully, though, or you really have to be good at putting it on and off at the correct times in your life. Elastic band. They'll send you a sample set so you know your size. I can't believe how expensive those sizing rings are, though. I bought a used set off eBay.

I washed them. It'd be like when you go to get fitted for a suit, but it's like, that'd be really awkward. It's like nothing but cold water and ice to get you at your smallest and they just make you watch all the porn to get max measurements. That doesn't feel necessary. I think you should go to a different suit shop if they do that at your suit shop. That doesn't feel like the way that you get fitted for a suit.

You see my dilemma, Bob, where I was just adding, subtracting, adding, subtracting points, subtract, add. Yeah, this is good. There's a lot of writing involved with where Wade is these days. I don't know, man. I'm just here throwing out my ideas. My Gatlin gun approach to comedy. Mark, you go ahead. How's your... What's up with you, man? Okay, so have you guys ever had to guide a truck backing in to something?

Yeah. You're going like this. And then when you have a certain amount of space, you hold your hands out of the amount of space they have left and you do this. And then you eventually go like this, right? Sure. Sure. Does that mean they crossed the threshold? They went too far. Like this is speed stuff as they are backing through the warehouse door. It's just like, Oh,

You're close. That must be what this guy thought because the Prusa shipment arrived and this guy was backing up. So I was like, this, you have this. And then I go, all right, this. And he kept going. And he goes, until he hears a clunk, push forward, beep.

And I'm desperately just like, I can't run to the front of the truck to try to tell him what I'm doing. I'm just looking in the mirror like, hey, hey, stay down! I think universally, this is a stop. They actually do that on purpose, I think, though. To bonk into it? Well, because then you know there's no gap, right? Because you've got to roll like a pallet jack or something across. Delivery trucks have...

I think they do that on purpose. I think he knew. This one didn't need to because it's not a real loading dock and it's not a real like semi, right? Sure. So he does this, runs into it three times, pulls forward, and I think he's coming out to talk to me. Probably yell at me if my instructions are bad or something. But no, he goes like, I forgot. And then he lowers the actual lift gate because it's a box truck with a lift gate, right? Ivan Drago, your delivery guy.

Yeah, he he drops it down. He was not talking to me at all. He had airpods in And he was talking to someone else the entire time So he drops the lift gate and then lifts it back up and then backs up again because he completely forgot that he needed to have that open and up so he could back in and so because it's not like it's not a real like an actual Loading dock would be like full-size truck and this this is just like it's just a knee-high gap. Um

So he's just, and I'm just looking at like a little buff out, but I got the printers. So all 567 kilograms of the printers came in. It was not me that needed to pay the storage fees for the shipment after it arrived.

I don't know why FedEx just ate that cost, but they haven't talked to me about it, so I'm assuming I'm in the clear. Seems like bad business on their part. Yeah, only moderately. But as we were talking about a delivery truck, a delivery truck pulled up to our house, so I was...

distracted what are you getting delivered wayne 500 kilograms of 3d printers no this was the world's smallest looking box uh it's maybe big enough to hold one of these maybe i got another coin i didn't know about or maybe molly ordered something i don't know very small box and the fedex guy backed all the way up hit the garage and i was you

You were in the basement going, what time does your mail come? And soon the mail carrier is going to come up in the little white truck. Not usually till late. Our mail gets delivered late. I feel like we're like the last stop on this dude's route. I don't know anything about it, but our mail gets delivered by a red, normal looking Jeep.

And it's the same. It's an official employee of the USPS because they're wearing the uniform. But it's just a car. We don't get a mail truck for some reason. I don't know if that's a thing that happens anywhere else in the country or if our mail person crashed one too many mail trucks so they don't get none no more or what. But literally, our mail carrier just drives a Jeep Cherokee around and delivers everyone's mail in our neighborhood. It's weird.

I'm sure it works fine, and it's definitely not something to do with random budget cuts happening. Oh, it's been like that since we moved here, so that's not new. But yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's they couldn't afford another one, or... I have no idea. I don't know, I've never seen that. Maybe we have different mail carriers. How much area do they cover? We live half an hour away from each other. You think we have the same mail delivery person, or is it... Ours has a white truck.

Oh, well, maybe the truck doesn't have enough gas to get all the way over here, so they have to switch into the... Anyway. They have the truck stashed to get to you, so they've got to, like, pull over, switch cars, because your mail's the illegal mail. Did you see that the Switch 2 pre-orders got delayed because of the tariff? Did you see that the Switch 2 pre-orders got largely turned off because of the Nintendo decisions? $80 for a digital game...

90 bucks for a physical copy of a new video game for the Switch 2. And the console itself is fairly expensive, which I don't know why that's surprising, but people were like, the Switch was cheap!

why isn't this cheap i did see though that the physical 90 there was actually not any tangible evidence of that directly saying that that was what it was going to be so oh was that sort of an extrapolation i think so yeah but it could be i just saw that it wasn't actually confirmed yeah obviously i only saw this because putting like on reddit people are yelling about it but

I feel like game price had been pretty consistent for a while. They were due to go up at some point. That's what I say, but I get it. I've made this argument before about inflation. Do people like it when you say that? No. Mark put words in my mouth. I would have never said that, guys. Get him! I like that move. I want to keep that one. I'm just ready to go. Do people like it when you say that? Just

Just in general, just throw that out. Before I get any backlash, it was Mark. Mark made me do it. I don't know. Are you guys getting a Switch 2? We've always been a Nintendo house. Manny's a big Nintendo fan, but I'm pretty lukewarm on it right now. I don't know. I might get it to play like the new Pokemon games, then I'll be disappointed by those two. I don't know. I've been disappointed by everything I've played Nintendo for like the last 10 years. What?

The last thing I enjoyed that I played that was Nintendo was Pokemon Black and White 2. Does that include Breath of the Wild? It definitely includes Tears of the Kingdom, which was not a disappointment.

I played Breath of the Wild for like three hours and I put it down and never picked it up again. Look, I don't like Zelda games either, but those are objectively good games. Like, I'm not saying they're bad. You said you were disappointed. Me. It means you thought they were bad. Individually. Objectively, I understand how good they are.

But I, myself, didn't get into it. Wade the Persona thinks that it's bad. Wade the human that's trying to escape this shell. Wade the relatable, lovable, host of Distractible loves Nintendo, loves Breath of the Wild. Wade the gamer, shit game, shit console.

I have less hours on that than I have my new car that I don't have yet. So yay. Oh, I'm glad you brought that up. Still no car, huh? It's in production. I got an email saying it's officially being made now. No car? It's official. They finally got around to it. It was being produced this month. I just bought it last week. I ordered it. It's a new month. What do you mean this month? It was a pre-order of this car. Where is this car from? Germany. You're fucked. Fucked.

I know. You're fucked. Man, you really should have bought a car a long time ago before there were 800% tariffs on everything from not here.

I know you're so not getting a car man you're so not getting a car I feel like we called this exactly I feel like we have known the whole time this was never going to work out oh no it's coming it's coming do you know that's actually where it's being built though or is it like assembled in America somewhere or something according according to um the dealer and according to the website it looks like it's being produced over there because they've got wow fancy

I've got like 13 steps to when I'll get it. I'm on step three, but a couple of them are like shipping and whatever. That would have been so fun too, because when you get, I got to do this because even though ours was used, it was at a big dealer and they have a special room where they give you your car and they put a big bow on it and they're all, here's your BMW. It's very fun. You would have loved that. Yeah.

It'll be here. It'll be in Germany. It will definitely be in Germany. It'll exist in Germany, guaranteed. I guess Guten Tag moving forward. I'm moving to Germany. That's probably worth it. But then we've got... How do I get Molly's car there?

You can probably find another one of those. How hard is it? Mark, I need you to buy Big Boat. Why do I gotta buy it? Why am I being the Big Boat? Because I don't want to do it. I'm cheap. Wade doesn't have Big Boat money. You just bought 900 pounds of... Or no, you got it for free. Mark, I need you to get Big Boat for free.

All right, listen up, big bug companies. You know who I am. Markiplier, send me a boat right now or I'll destroy your reputation forever. We need the Titanic without the stags. I need space for car. Without the stags? Stags. The big smokestacks. Oh. I think a car. Wasn't there a car that they had sex in with the stacks on the Titanic? Yeah, that was below. There's a converter planning this on top deck.

Gotta see the stars. I'm gonna enjoy the boat ride over in my car. We'll replace some of the lifeboats with more cars so it's got more car space. Those are good slots for car storage. That's true. Then your car can get all the sun it needs to grow and be a healthy car.

It's okay. I know you guys are going to be excited about the topic that I have ready for today. It's a thing we've talked about before. It's a thing we all know a lot about. We're getting older. No. We're going to talk about operas. Oh, boy. Oh. Everybody loves the opera. Oh.

Yeah, Brian Regan joke, indeed. You're not the Brian Regan one. Do you know that bit? No. Apparently every joke I make, Brian Regan did it first. He's the Simpsons of my existence. That's the exact song where he's like, someone sings it and then he's like, Oh, he kinda likes her. Yeah, you're right. But I'll be

but she's not really that into him. I swear to you, I have no knowledge. But yeah, we're going to talk about operas, guys. I know how much you love operas. So we're going to play a game. We have a couple games lined up, but this first one, we're going to play a game where I'm going to set up the plot of some of the most iconic, well-known operas ever.

in existence and then you're going to have an opportunity to fill in the next plot point to earn points so i'll tell you i'll like set up a scene and be like and then whatever the character does this the character and then and then you just tell me what happens next operatic plots are notoriously simple right because it's all about the drama the story is is whatever but uh

A lot of them are very straightforward stories. It's about the singing and the drama. So I'm sure you guys know these stories. I didn't know they had plots other than the Phantom of the Opera. He kind of likes her, summarizes about 90% of all operas that exist. Anyway, Mark is heads, Wade is tails. We're going to take turns, so when he gets to go first, and if you happen to not know, maybe your opponent will have a chance to submit a steal.

I'm sure that we're just gonna breeze right through this. I have a lot prepared because I think we're just gonna go, go, go. Everyone's gonna know. Anyway, that is Tales. Oh, good. Wade gets to go first. We are gonna start with everyone's favorite, Carmen. You know Carmen. I know the Hey Arnold version of it. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's that one? I can't remember. I can never remember the name of the song, but that's a very famous song. That's from Carmen. Everyone knows that. So I'm just going to set up, Wade, and then you tell me what happens next, okay? Yeah. Carmen, a free-spirited and flirtatious woman, seduces Don Jose, a soldier. And then it's me? Yeah, what happens next? Don Jose, the godfather, talks to his underboss and is like, Hey, I kind of like this Carmen lady.

And so they go on a date, but the rival families get involved because they also want Carmen in their family. What if I told you that was exactly correct? I'd believe you. Yeah, it wasn't. Okay. Mark, what about you? You must know Carmen. You must know the famous first act of Carmen. Yeah, of course. So Carmen...

Don Jose. I was going to say Don Julio. I'll give you that one. I'll give you that one. Don Jose. He's a soldier. I gave you that too. Don Jose, who is obviously already married because that's drama.

And he's also at war, which is very dramatic, especially back in those days. They have mad, incredible, unbelievable, raucous sex.

Immediately. Immediately. Immediately. That actually is probably true, but that's not in the opera, unfortunately. Oh. You'll laugh. You'll laugh. You'll remember. Obviously, Don Jose was a soldier captivated by Carmen, who is a fiery factory worker who

And after a fight breaks out in the factory where Carmen works, Carmen gets arrested. Don Jose, a infatuated young man, helps her escape from jail.

leading to him being arrested and going away to prison for several months. And then are we doing this again? The next part? Yeah, that's act one. Also, if anyone out there is actually like an opera fan and knows these things, these are probably horrific summaries.

It's a comedy show. Okay. So just leave your angry remarks in the subreddit and I won't go look at them. The desperation in your voice. Can I call the subreddit real quick? I meant to do this before. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sorry to pause it. But there was something, you know, we did animal noises too, right? There was a post on the subreddit of

of someone being like they should do animal noises again here's a video of animal noises that they haven't done and i i swear to god people are so blind to what they want and the actions they're doing to prevent what they want because if one of you two was on the subreddit and just decided to watch this video you would have heard all these animal noises that you haven't heard

I do go on the subreddit and occasionally I do watch the videos and things they post Some of the animals in that video were the ones I had queued up that little elixir and pull them up But they were the ones if if I hadn't just done that episode if I hadn't just done it They would have fucking ruined it They would have ruined it and it's what they wanted

How can people not think that far ahead into their actions? You assume that they think at all. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Anyway, Act 1. Don Jose loves Carmen. Helps Carmen escape? Don Jose in jail. Act 2 opens. It's a couple months later. Are we allowed to know how many acts these plays have? Traditionally, they have three to five. This one has four. You do that. Thank you.

I don't know if act two is the last act or, okay, got it. Act two of four. This is just the next thing that happens. I'm just picking out plot points. This is, I'm just going to get me in so much trouble with Mandy's parents because they're singers and they, they know operas and these are just going to be, I'm a little worried about it, but it's going to be funny. Hopefully it'll be worth it. Two months later, Carmen and her friends are at a tavern where Don Jose has been released from prison and they're all celebrating and

And then renowned bullfighter Escamillo arrives to the tavern. And Mark? Well, it's pronounced Escamillo and he's a renowned Bulefitter. Translations, it's not...

Yeah, I understand your ignorance. Boy, insulting those is probably not a great way to start this turn, huh? Anyway, advice, Wade, don't do that. What? It's always worked out for me. I've forgotten everything you said about the actual... At a tavern two months later, Don Jose released their celebrating and renowned bullfighter,

Escamillo, Escamillo, what'd you say? Escamillo arrives at the tavern. Escamillo, yeah. Obviously, Escamillo, Carmen had a previous thing, and this Don Jose comes in, or it...

a thing in the interim or a thing in between or before, probably all of the above, you know what I'm saying? So then he's like, I'm going to use my bullfighting technique. And he holds up a red cape to Don Jose and he just, like, starts going in a rage and he's like, you, you, why I oughta, and he charges at him, hands outstretched like this, oh, I'm gonna get ya. And then, obviously, you know,

Goes out of the way. Goes right out the window. Right off the cliff where the tavern is next to. Plummets 1,086 feet into the beach, not the ocean. Slams...

Dead. The scene where he's actually falling 1,386 feet, but he's singing his final song while he falls to the air. Crazy scene. What a moment. Just for fun, Wade, do you want to throw something out there in case Mark's wrong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Carmen, Don Petuccio. Don Jose. Escobar. Don Jose and Skimio, yeah. Skimio.

I don't think that was... No, no, it's a skimmy. Mark was probably right about that part. Not Esmeralda. What was it? Carmen and Don... This is the last sentence you said out loud. ...are celebrating in the tavern. A cold breeze hits them as the door opens and...

Eskimio walks in. That's all the part I gave you, yep. Yes, and says, Carmen, I know I broke your heart, but I was a fool, and I've always loved you. Come back to me. And he was the one that got away, and now she's divided between Don Lucci and Escobar, and...

The scene ends with her running out and being kidnapped while these two men are getting ready to get into a bar fight brawl over her love. I love the dramatic flair of just an unrelated kidnapping happening. It's act two of four, so this is like the big climax. That's...

how that usually happens. I'm going to ignore the fact that you couldn't remember the names despite repeatedly being reminded. I'll give you that. That's okay. No idea who they are. If you offered me a million dollars right now, I could not tell you what Don's last name is. I'm going to leave you on your own for the rest of this then. I'm going to tell you, you both earned points in that one, but neither of those was quite accurate.

at all correct. What actually happens is they're in the tavern celebrating. Don Jose has been released. Fuck! And when Escamillo comes in, Carmen is immediately drawn to him. Carmen can't take her eyes off of him. He is enthralling. He is to Carmen as Carmen is to Don Jose. And this fills Don Jose with an unbelievable

jealousy and rage. He's consumed by it and he's now a deserter of the army because he got arrested and then followed Carmen once he was released. He's deserted his army so he's a criminal. Oh.

Oh, I was so right. I was so on there. You're so close. Her being infatuated with Bullman and the bar fight about to happen. You both had her and Escamillo being a thing, but they just hadn't been yet. He was just so magnetic. Anyway, that was it. You know, Wade is how...

stories start to digress and Bullman becomes the minotaur who walked into this bar. My children's children will be like, the bullfrog loved Caramanda. Bullfrog tried to buy a car, but it was in Germany being made. Oh, man. My car, man. It's awful. That's when Donald Duck got involved. I'm gonna make my car.

Now I just want to hear Donald Duck singing in an opera. I'm not trying that. Obviously, now that Don Jose is a deserter and Carmen, I don't know, is a woman associated with criminal, I guess, in this universe. They both, they can't have real jobs. They have to leave society. They join a band of smugglers. They're out in the mountains. They're out on their own. They're in a band of smugglers and their relationship is

strained and Carmen finally has had enough and tells Don Jose that it's over she's done with him she is out of there she wants a skimmy oh that was his old guess thanks wait all right sorry I was just continuing it's over it's done she wants to be with this skimmy oh she runs off to find a skimmy oh meanwhile Don Jose goes

goes after her, but before he gets to her, he's caught by his old military buddies and he's arrested and dragged off to military tribunal, which is like the game show where you're on the island and they put out your torch. Yeah, it's like Survivor, exactly. Yeah, Survivor, they're about to put out his torch.

And Carmen's with the skimeo. And he starts to show his true colors. And she's like, I never really loved him. He just had a pretty face. And she runs back to find...

Don Jose, but it's too late. I like that. Very operatic. Definitely earned some points. Wildly incorrect in a lot of ways, but I love the direction that you went with that. That was very interesting. Mark, what do you have? What happens after Carmen tells Don Jose that they're done? She's leaving. It's a real bummer. And I don't know this opera, but I have a funny feeling I'm going to be very correct on this one. Don Jose...

flying in a fit of rage lunges at carmen hands outstretched like this and kills her what's that for carmen's dead she lost her head jose's angry now he's in the bed i'm just trying to think of what's the most dramatic thing possible in these situations no you're right you're right you're right you're

Carmen survives this scene, but you're right and you're on exactly the right track. But obviously what happens is Carmen just leaves and Don Jose is real sad. And then a new character, Michaela, Michaela, I don't know how to pronounce that. Sorry, everybody. Michaela arrives sent by Don Jose's mother to tell him in the middle of all of this turmoil that his mother is dying.

And so Don Jose decides he needs to return to her bedside, which he does. And then he's there and his mother dies and it's very sad. Did he lunge at his mother? Hands outstretched like this. Your timing was terrible, mom. I'm in love. Probably. I'm just going to assume that was in there and give you a rage point. And then we're to the final conclusion.

of the entire opera, which has thus far been accurately summarized by at least one of us. Don Jose's mother is now dead. There is a big bullfight happening in place, and Pablo Escobar is in fact fighting bulls at this bullfight. And Carmen is there because she's with him now, because you were right. She ran away. She went to be with Escobar. Thank you. I think Wade said that, but you can all have credit. You got all the victims right. I got the love right.

Anyway, they're at the bullfight. Don Jose goes to this bullfight because he figures they'll be there. And he was right. And Don Jose confronts Carmen and is like, you're going to get back together with me or else. And then... And then, using his bullfighting magic, Esquimio sees what's going on in the stands because he's obviously fighting right now.

And he, using a mixture of that big red cape and kung fu, diverts the bull to aim directly towards Don Jose, sending that bull flying 38 feet in the air in a parabolic arc to slam right into Don Jose and kill him instantly. The bull has its hands outstretched like this.

Someone's gotta die in this. Someone. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I love that. I love that. And thankfully, Toriyama was a big fan of this opera, which is why I got the Kamehameha. All the rage. Listen, let's not be ridiculous. I'm okay with a bull sprouting hands with full fingers, but you put a Kamehameha in there, that's silly. This is an AI-generated bull, so it has hands. Just bad ones. All right, Wade, what happens next?

Tell me. I'm trying to remember where it actually stopped and where Mark's stuff began. There's a bullfight. Don Jose goes to the bullfight, confronts Carmen. Carmen and Escamillo are together and Don Jose goes there and confronts Carmen and says, you're getting back with me. So Carmen being with a bullfighter is down like on the main level. Great seats to watch the fight. And Don Jose can't get there easily because he's got the bad seats.

So he has to hop into the arena with the bulls to run and profess his love. And Eskimio, seeing this, is not confident in himself or his relationship. He's a bit of a jealous type. So he does, in fact, go out there and try to show that he's more man than Don Jose and does the whole bullfighting thing. Carmen freaks out and runs out there panicked.

And at the last second, the bull is charging Carmen and Esquimio decides he'd rather sacrifice himself than lose Carmen, even if it means that he knows those two will be together. So he jumps in front of Carmen and takes the horns to the chest, holding out his hand and saying he loves her one last time and wishes her and Don Jose a happy future. And then he dies and Carmen hops into Don Jose's arms immediately forgetting Esquimio and they run off into the sunset.

With some bulls chasing them. I love how fickle your version is. I appreciate that. Very operatic. Very dramatic.

I just want to say in your attempts to complete this part of the story, both of you had the right vibe, but were wildly wrong. Okay. But one of you has already completed the story correctly and you nailed it. You brought it home. You were just a little early because obviously when Don Jose confronts Carmen and tells her

You're getting back with me. She scoffs his advance and tells him, no, we are over and I am with Escamillo now. And in a jealous, unbridled rage, Don Jose with his hands outstretched, but one of them clenching a knife lunges at Carmen and stabs her to death. Oh.

And that's, yeah, you guys thought the guys would have like honor or be noble about it or, no, these are petty, petty, fickle, dramatic characters. I had a feeling. I had a feeling. The South of France, she had no chance. Now there's blood trickling down her pants.

Because she's dead stabbed in the head was that the song is that what the translation yeah? I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna like guys seems like a bummer uh no well It's okay a lot of operas are actually super happy, and they're definitely not all huge drags and bummers, but I do have

some more of these that I wanted to get through, but I had another game that I was honestly more excited about. Let's we're going to move on to the next game. This one is called That's a Real Opera, right?

I have summaries of operas here, and some of them are summaries of real operas, and they really exist and were written down by human people. And some of them are not real. Some of them are complete fabrications. I feel like I wanted to warm you guys up running through at least one story. Now you know the level of drama, the level of action that operas have. Horny and angry. Pretty much.

So now I'm just gonna read you a quick summary and then you both have to pick real or not real and you can agree that's fine and we can discuss but then I'll reveal to you if it is in fact real or not real. Starting with a true classic, this opera is called The Nose. A bureaucrat wakes up to discover his nose is missing. The nose develops a life of its own

gets a better government job and refuses to return to the man's face. Is that a real opera or

Or is that some bullshit I made up? And yes, it's a fully, if it's a real opera, it's a fully staged opera, multiple acts, big dramatic singing, an actor portrayed with no nose for most of the entire thing on stage. There is a picture of giant human person sized noses dancing in one production that was put on that was actually had pictures and some video taken of it. Uh,

This is a whole thing. It's a real thing. Don't look into the fact I'm trying to convince you so aggressively. It's a real thing. Totally a thing. Not just made up. Is it real or am I lying to you? Well, I mean, all the extra convincing, I'm leaning towards real, but now I'm like, man, that would be a clever ploy. Yeah, I'm a good liar. Let's remember that. Somehow convince the entire audience that you're the nice one. That's not a lie. I just am the nice one. You would just tell that. This is obviously made up. Oh.

I'm going real. No one wants to make a giant nose costume. That's terrible. The audio coming out of that.

Not good. Not good. And of course, that is a real opera written by Shostakovich. Thought he'd have a nosier name. Like if your whole life has been about, I'm going to, my dream, my dream is to make this nose opera. It's like, that's got to have a deep seated root in childhood. A funny fact about that. That's the first opera that guy ever wrote, but not this.

The last. Not the last, no. Obviously not. The nasal saga continues. Where is my nostril? His next opera was actually called The Balls, and then he just kind of jumped around. He had a lot of opinions about anatomy. Where are my testes?

Balls dancing on stage. He also only has one song for all his operas. All operas are actually the exact same piece of music. I got my nose back. No, he didn't get his nose back. Is it like the book where the bear lost its hat and then finally, you know, he's like, where's my hat? And then there's that really scary part in the middle of the opera where he's like, I've seen my nose. And then he goes and kills a fish. Ha ha ha!

I remember that. That book's terrifying. Oh, yeah, there it is. Wait, is this it? It's just a bear on the left that looks like he just got out of a POW camp. And then on the other opposing page, it's just a black-white page that just says, I have seen my hat. It is, yeah, it is.

Terrifying. That bear has been through so much shit. Oh my god. I think that's real. That did actually happen. You're right. You're right. That's... No, you earned a point. Shit. God damn it.

This one is called Die Soldaten, which is the soldier in German. A young woman's descent into social ruin is portrayed through fragmented time, military violence, and an extremely dense and unpleasant modernist score. Unpleasant is my own annotation. It includes a scene with 16 simultaneous onstage events that all happen during and over top of each other.

This is just a really shitty modern adaptation of Carmen. This is fake. It's a... Wait, what? You're thinking that this is a real thing that happened and it exists, so it's fake? Yeah. Got it. Okay. I think it's a really shitty modern adaptation of Mulan, and it's fake. Ha!

God, I hope it's based on Mulan. And of course, this is another real one because everybody knows what makes good opera. Soldiers. It's hard to even imagine that literally the scene with 16 things happening on stage. It's like 30 plus actors.

all on stage, all just having their own separate... It's so unpleasant. I'm trying to figure out how, like, 16 things happen. Like, someone's itching their nose, someone's pushing a cart, or, like, 16 major... No, it's like they're having, like, interactions. It's not all, like, major interactions, but they're all having... They're talking or they're doing something. It's, like, busy. It's a lot. That sounds horrible. Modernist is exactly correct.

I don't care very much for modernist stuff. We're all talking at the same time. That's not modern. That's old. Can't you tell? Doesn't that sound old to you? Br'er, we're all singing. You start with br'er, right? Br'er makes it modern? Br'er. Oh. Br'er. This song is on fleek.

I can feel my subscribers oozing out of my channel right now. Parts of me just cringed I didn't even know could. Bro, where are we dropping? At this point, he's actively harming this podcast. He's actively harming it. So what do we do? Kill me? The audience lunge at him and turns out stressed.

Send your bowls. Send your best bowls my way. All right. All right. Real or fake? I'm going to get one of these right. This opera is called Glass Chapel. In a remote mountain monastery made entirely of glass, a mute monk discovers a hidden score said to summon angels. He learns to sing...

through silent devotion and the more he sings of the song the more the chapel begins to fracture and destroy itself the climax is that knowing it will destroy the chapel and sacrificing his life he finishes performance of this angelic music to summon the angels and destroys the glass chapel and kills himself

Fake. An opera with only one character? I don't think so. I don't think so. I have no idea. I mean, there are other characters, but... No, there are no other characters. I'm likely losing, so I'm going to say real, because I just need the points. I love this for you. That one's fake. God damn it! Another. The Clockmaker of Dresden.

A classic. Albrecht, a reclusive clockmaker whose inventions are said to steal time from those who hear their chimes, has a fiancée. She dies mysteriously and he descends into madness and he builds his...

ultimate invention which is just a giant clock that he's trying to have reverse time so he can get his fiance back but on the final 13th forbidden chime it freezes time forever oh also the clock is an automaton shaped like his fiance and as time freezes he's hugging it you know if this is not real I want it to be real because that sounds awesome man I don't know way do you go I'll say real again

Wait, it says real. All right. I'm covering the spread fake, but I wish it was real. And of course, the classic opera, The Clockmaker of Dresden, is just some bullshit I made up. It sounds really good, though, right? Yeah.

wait did you not get one you didn't get one did you thanks man for pointing that out i appreciate that do you want one more way do you want one more oh no but it could be a perfect failure the odds of missing this many coin flips in a row has got to be minuscule all right i won't i won't offer any hints i will keep this simple

Also, this title is in French, I think, so I can't pronounce it. Fake, locking it in. I love the confidence. Real, locked in. This opera is entitled L'Enfant et les Sortiliges.

Clearly you made that up. Google Translate certainly doesn't exist. Obviously it's real. Come on. This is as fake as it gets. Do you want to hear the story? Because the story will make you believe. This is my favorite story of the whole list. Actually, I like the Clockmaker one, but this one's pretty good. A misbehaving child is scolded by his furniture, wallpaper, and a rather saucy teapot

After throwing a tantrum, after descending a little bit into madness, even though he's a child, the child learns kindness and humility, and then everything forgives him, and it's all chill. Are we sticking with our locked-in answers? Yeah, we're locked in. I'm doubling down. I'm locked in. Wade, you couldn't have done a better job.

Because you are 0-4-5. That is a real opera. 0-4-5 is unfair.

I don't have my coin with me. You better find a coin, Mark. You got any lens caps? All right, I got a phone, I guess, but I don't want to flip it. Don't drop it. All right. Hold on, what side of the phone is heads? I'm assuming the face is the heads. Mine is the lady in the dress is heads, and the creature on the backside is tails, so...

So wait, what are the stakes of this unfair? No idea. No, we don't. That's not what we're doing right now. We don't have to commit to anything until we know what the outcome is. Wade called unfair on him being 0 for 5 in that game. We'll see what the coins say. Oh, fuck. I got tails. Tails. I totally flubbed it. I have to flip again. Oh, don't get tails. Don't get tails.

Oh god. It's on the floor right now. Dramatic reveal. It's Tails. It's Tails! Oh no! Oh no!

Does that make me 0 for 10? Wade loses his unfair challenge when what you challenged was that you went 0 for 5 in that game. That was unfair. So to be made, the coins have deemed that it is in fact fair. And for that to be made doubly fair...

I guess means that you went. Oh, for 10 and Mark went 10 for 10 in the previous game. Now, according to metaphysics, I,

Look, I only got one wrong, so I'll take eight instead of ten. Oh, that's true. Okay, okay. So Mark went four for five, so Mark went eight for ten. I hope I was really funny today. I don't think all the wheel spins in the world are going to bring you back from that one. Can we roll a D30? D30.

The coins have spoken and that is now even more fair than it already was. Yeah. I will say, Wade, I respect it because I think you were in a tough spot there.

Even with bonus points and stuff. I had to try. That was our first three tales, wasn't it? Have we ever had three heads actually succeed? I don't think yet, no. Great, I'm glad the first one was a failure for me. On such a streak. On such a streak. I love that for you. You just really... I knew you'd be good at the opera stuff, Wade. Thank you.

Anyway, there we go. And clearly we have demonstrated that we know many things about operas. In no particular order, here's what you earned points for. Wade, you earned points for...

Phone panic. Different tailor, probably. Still no car. Mark by big boat. Unrelated kidnapping. Goes to be with Escamillo. Singing a lot. You know what? I'm going to give you another point for all the singing that you did. Thank you. Don't push it.

Red bear, bruh, we're singing, bro where we dropping? You earned a lot of points in that segment. Oh hell yeah. Despite how poorly you performed. 0 for 10, unbelievable.

Mark, you earned points for Apple Watch Choker, Drago Delivery, Don Julio, Eskimio, killed Carmen a little too soon, but still points. Rage Point, getting The Nose, Diesel Dotton, Glass Chapel, Clockmaker of Dresden, and The Infant.

All correct. Wait, did you miss one of those? I gave you all five of those. I did miss... He and I both said fake on one. The second one. Yeah, the second one, whatever that was. I'm going to scratch that away. I'm going to scratch it away. So there we go. So that was... Poor points keep you mighty, but I put a correction in there. So you lost that point. And now... Oh, you guys excited for this? I did some off-camera work.

I've upgraded our wheels. New wheel! New wheel! Did you add anything to it? I didn't add anything to it, no. But I've upgraded the wheels to a new system. Oh, this is the D3. Yeah, so this is the D3. This is the bonus point wheel. Oh!

And then this is the winner's wheel. They've all been upgraded. Hey, good work, Bob. And they're all saved on my computer. So if the website happens to break or something, they don't just go away for eternity. That's smart. I am going to add, I had something else written down, but this feels only fair. I'm going to add most singing. So you're saying there's a chance. Yeah, well, I'm just trying to, you know, I'm just trying to help you out. Trying to help you out. But first we have

We have to do the old how many bonus points wheel. Three, three, three, three, three, three, three. Uh, uh, uh, uh, yeah! Three bonus points. Oh, this also shows the history, which is really interesting. Ah, that is handy. So we're going to do three bonus points and we do three spins of this bad boy.

Most callbacks. I did a lot of the hands outstretched. Did a lot of singing. A lot of the same song callback. Wade did sing before the hands outstretched bit and continued to do that the entire time. That is true, I guess. Yeah, you're right. But we did have a lot more callbacks than usual today. Wade gets most callbacks. I like that. I like that. Right, Mark? Disable this option for the next spin. And spin number two. Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball.

Drooled the most. I don't think I drooled at all. Maybe we call that a re-spin. I don't think there was a lot of call to drool in this episode. Yeah, I guess there wasn't any. And it usually is obvious when one of us does, because usually it's Wade going, Yeah. All right, re-spin. Spin number two again.

Most locked in. Probably not me since I forgot every name every time. That is true. That is true. Literally, we had several interactions where I was like, his name is Don Jose. And you would be like, all right, so Don...

I gotta give that one to not me. Alright. You could say it. You could say my name. He doesn't remember your name. And spin number three. Bald? I hope Bald comes up six times for you, Wade. Oh! Shortest!

Yeah. Unless something crazy happened, I'm pretty sure that one goes to Mark. That no I just let out was the most I've ever related to the T-Rex in Jurassic Park at the end when it screams. Mm.

We got this bad boy. Oh, do we need that? Are we tied? No. I'll keep it up on screen and we'll just see if we're tied. Mark did earn four bonus points. So, Wade, I read all your points. You earned eight points, Wade. That's gotta be enough. Great job. Great job. Great job. Mark, you started with minus one. Ah! Minus one, but then you earned...

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. So I think 17 minus 1 is 16 points. Double or nothing right now for my score. Double or nothing. If you hadn't already used the unfairness, the score wouldn't be as funny as it is, but you could try, I don't know. Anyway, Mark, you earned literally twice as many points as Wade did. Thank you. And you won today's episode. Thank you.

With a score of 16 to 8. It's not quite as crushing a victory in terms of proportion as you had of Wade in the last episode, but that's only because he had two, and you had five, I think. So actually, it's only two and a half times more than he had. What a terrible birthday week. Good job, Mark. Wade, loser speech?

You know guys, I've really been putting my comedic cojones on the line and I'm learning that apparently they're not as big and wonderful as I thought. I have been crushed, humiliated, and defeated multiple times in a row. But from the ashes, much like from the...

grave for Carmen we shall rise and become bigger than life probably you know what's funny Wade is even if Mark hadn't gotten four extra points for your coin flip and two bonus points he'd still be you thanks man for letting me know that

Anyway, Mark, winner speech? Well, much like the Grinch, my balls grew three sizes this day for my victory. I'm so grateful for literally just coasting my way to the finish line. My opponent was...

trying so hard every step of the way, but he was just driving his feet deeper into the potholes every time, tripping himself up, shitting down his own pants, pissing on his own legs. Shouldn't have got the apple cock ring. The apple choker's the way to go. Thanks for this amazing victory. Great words. Great words. Great speech. Great man. You'll be a great host next week.

Uh, thanks so much for watching and listening, but more for watching, I guess, is kind of the tone of this episode. Listeners, do you know what you did? Make sure you follow Mark and Wade, uh, and myself over on our other platforms, but most importantly, make sure you follow this show. Hit the little check mark or whatever, you'll get notifications when the episodes come out. It's Mondays and Fridays, always Mondays and Fridays, but somehow you still miss it. So probably follow the show so you get the damn notifications.

Thank you everyone so much for being here. We'll see you again in the next episode where Mark will be hosting. And until then, podcast out.