Where Am I?!
57:11 Share

Carla only has the best tech. Can't connect to network. But she didn't have the best internet. So she got Cox Multigig Speeds to power all her... Now, all her tech is... Connected. Exactly. Step it up with Multigig Speeds. Available everywhere, only from Cox. Two gig download speeds, individual speeds vary. See cox.com for details.

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable.

This episode, Westering Wade rubs off over Mark and gets out his atlas to analyze his accidental ding-dong. Bereft Bob finds the perfect sheath for his butthole and questions Coloradan's cognitive clarity. Mascarad Mark rejects manly munitions, utterly ignores continental boundaries, and quotes Was Not Was. From bold bashing to the last chance saloon. It's time for...

Where am I? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hi. This is the show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, and whoever has the most points at the end gets to host the next episode. And that will not change today, but typically, and today, we usually start off with some small talk. So how's things going? Is my hair getting progressively more disheveled? A little bit. With every recording we've been doing. I don't know why, because all I've been doing is getting up, going to the bathroom, getting some food, but I come back and my hair is just a complete ramshackle mess. Wade, you know what that feels like, huh? Yeah, you get that, Wade? Yeah.

Yeah, sometimes I'll get my head shaved and I'll miss a single hair. I also have like a random eyebrow hair here that likes to go a little wild sometimes and I have to trim it. Dude, I have never felt more attacked than when I'm sitting there getting a haircut and with no prompting whatsoever, the barber is just like, hey, do you want me to trim those eyebrows up a little bit for you? And I'm like, what? What?

Are they bad? They've been like this. Like, yeah, I'll just fix them. Don't worry. I'll just fix them. I didn't know they were broken. When we were filming space, if you remember when I did like detective Mark and they filled in my eyebrows more, like they made them thicker. Everyone was looking at me like, you look

good today what's going on with you and then they filled in mix eyebrows more and they're like oh hey wait something changed about you so the secret to beauty is not cutting out eyebrows it's thicker fuller eyebrows they're screwing me over it's bore clips well you were too handsome they didn't want you to be excessively handsome dumbing me down for the rest of you losers

The worst was one time I had one of those wild old man hairs on like the outside of my ear and without even saying anything, it's like, ooh, let me get that old man hair too while I'm at it. Damn. When they're like, ooh, and they're looking at you and then they just trim something real quick. It's like. So thick eyebrows, thick eyebrows save lives.

I think that's the saying. Yeah, who needs to rhyme? Thick eyes save lives. There he is. I'm back, baby. I did it. That's our guy. How did we get here? Small talk? Eyebrows? Mark's hair is getting crazy. I don't know. That's what it was. Mark's hair is getting crazy lettuce here. I was like, how the hell did we start off with hair and eyebrows? What, you got Jumanji over there or something, Mark? Why does it look like you just got back from an ordeal? I don't know. But speaking of Jumanji...

What a segue! You remember the hunter from Jumanji? That guy? From the original movie, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the original. I don't count the sequels. He was also the dad, right? Yeah, actually, it was the same person that played the dad. You know, something about, like, the guy's subconscious... The kid's subconscious, like, yadda yadda. Anyway, I am not a gun nut, but there's one...

Go on. Weapon that has always fascinated me is a lever action rifle, right? And I don't think he had that in the movie, but I've always been interested in just a lever action rifle. Like Winchester lever action? Yeah, like clack clack. Or, you know, in Terminator 2 when he had the lever action like shotgun and he went, swop, swop. Just that action of like, swop, swop. And then he went, poof.

poof. What was that joke from three episodes ago? Pooh, pooh, pooh. Yeah, you know. I don't know why, but it just, it's always been a fascination of mine. Still, just like if I do ever get another one, it would be a 22 because I don't need big calibers.

I'm not hunting anything. I'm not trying to actually kill anything. It's just for target practice and plinking away and stuff. But doesn't it just fascinate you? The mechanisms of that? Mark, have you ever seen Wild West style competitive shooting? Which one? The one where they leaned all the way over like this and they go, no, yeah, no, not quick draw. The one where they're, I'm thinking of ones where it's like, it's a person with two stick shooters and they're like, yeah.

And they empty those and then they pick up a Winchester and they're all like, bang, bang, bang, bang. And it's just like a target shooting on a range, but it's all like, you know, Wild West-y looking. And they're usually in costume type garb. I probably have seen that. Winchester, the bar from Shaun of the Dead. You know why it was called that? Because it had a Winchester on the wall. It sure did. It sure did. And it works. No, it would never work. I'll place a bet on it.

All right. The only thing that's bad about that is, you know, lever actions, the way they the cool way that they work is you put the bullet in the side and it goes click, click. It's kind of like loading shotgun shells. Well, in 22s, they don't do that. What they do is you have to unthread the barrel below the top front barrel.

pull out this rod, slide in your bullets one at a time like you're loading BBs, but I don't think they make it in the cool way. Maybe you'll have to get a man's gun if you want to be cool with your guns. Oh, come on, man. It's either a .22 or a .500 Cal. Fuck off. I want a battleship artillery cannon. It's my Second Amendment right to have...

It's a lever action cannon. The boat like transforms to like Megatron to reload, goes back. You know, in Warhammer 40K, it basically is that because in all the future and all the technology, there's these ships going through space. They have big cannons. And the only way that they're loaded is a bunch of people with like rail tracks and chains lifting up a fucking bus size tank.

shell loaded, pushing it in like, eee!

You have to do that in Space Marines 2, right? At the start, you have to like load a missile. You have to load something where you're like, Oh, I haven't, I haven't played it yet. Don't spoil it. No, no, no. Sorry, man. I didn't know this game that came out like a year ago. That's like the prologue mission. I haven't been busy, man. Don't worry. It's the very first thing. It won't be spoiled. It's fine. I understand. And then you kill the space emperor later. Which one? The main one. Gary.

Not Gary. I thought it was Tim, it was Gary. Anyway, that's all I have to say about whatever the hell I was talking about. I have small talk that everyone's gonna be excited for. You know how everyone always shits their pants with glee whenever Mark talks about one of his hyperfixations? Like lenses or render farms? Well, I'm circling back to everybody's favorite Bob obsession, iDubbbz.

I found the last phone case I'm ever going to need, guys. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. This is a phone case that's been out for a while, but they didn't make it for my specific phone, but they do now. And honestly, a little bit, I don't want to promote it because this company puts really annoying and shitty ads all over every social media platform that I'm on in the entire universe, and I don't like them. But they actually made a thing that's like...

possibly the best fucking phone case I've ever had. This is the MagBack Elite phone case. This is a little finger, finger loopity doopity. It has a kickstand, which is nice and discreet. And it like magnets closed. It has a dust cover for your little butt plug. These colorful bits are all changeable. Wait, pause. Do you

Do your what? What was the other part? It has a dust cover for its little butthole. Oh, okay. I thought you said plug. Plug is definitely butthole. I thought you had a accessory that goes with the case that's like tied into a butt plug or something like that. I wish. That's not made by a mag. Anyway, it's just a really great case. All the colorful bits are changeable. So this was all black when I got it. And the real kicker is it's magnetic. Okay.

Well, this is apparently not magnetic metal, but it'll stick to anything. It's got these magnets on it that like pop out a little bit, you know, very satisfyingly. If you had two phones in that case and you try to put them together, would they repel each other or attract?

Probably doesn't matter. Okay. Magpacks commercials and advertising is obnoxious and I hate it, but I actually sincerely think this might be closest to perfection phone case I've ever owned up to this point. You want to know what I did with my phone case? I've changed it. What'd you do? What did you, you changed Mark? What happened? Oh,

I just took it off because it was annoying me. Were you still using quad lock? Yeah, but I wasn't quad locking anything. So I took it off. I'm like, oh, it's so nice. Except I forgot how annoying it is to lay it down because the camera bump is so huge. So every time I lay it down, I'm like, oh, it's at an angle. Clang, crash, and the glass is getting scratched up and all kinds of bad stuff.

Yeah, that'll happen. I have learned that this in the middle of the night is the loudest thing you can do is put your phone on here and then the suction like when you're very carefully, you're like, just line it up. Just slam and then it's charging. Yeah, no, that happens. Like, oh, I forgot to plug my phone in, but Molly and the animals are already asleep. I don't want to wake them up. I'm just going to quietly.

It just says a transformer changes. Yeah, no, dude, I actually got one of those that has a silicon edge to it and it's dead silent and it's the best wireless charging mag safe thing. So awesome. It's obscenely expensive and not ultimately worth it, but.

I would love that. Cause man, is it almost every time that I forget to put my phone on the charger right away, especially those Apple ones. Cause they have kind of a rubbery middle, but the outer edge is metal. And if you have any kind of hard phone case, it, it clangs the shit out of it. I do dislike that. I,

Honestly, don't even use wireless charging most of the time anymore. I just plug it in. It's hard to beat like a 65 watt charger where I'm like, oh, my phone's at 10% and then I plug it in for 20 minutes and it's like, oh, my phone's at 80%. Guess I'll not plug it again. Plug it in for another couple of days. It's hard to top that. The wireless charging is convenient, but the fast charging is...

more convenient. Anyway, I know everyone gets so hype. They vomit out their souls every time I talk about phone cases. I know it. Well, I'm never going to talk about it again because this is the only one you need. Also, if we could please stop putting commercials everywhere I go online, MagMac, I'd really

I'd really love that. I feel like somehow more are going to appear because of this. 100%. Well, because I went to their website, right? I ordered this off their website for their holiday deal thing that they had. And I'm definitely going to get that in my ad algorithm, whatever bullshit. Is their website the one place you're safe from their own ads? No, their website is just their ad with a button under it that says buy our shit.

They pay to advertise on their own site? They don't have to. That's the thing. They don't have to pay. They can run the ad endlessly. It's free. You know, in all honesty, we could just do our own ads by going to a website, getting a referral link, and going here, unless Honey steals it all. But we can do that. Mark, you were right. I was right. I was right.

Are you getting every video from every person ever just with Mark's face saying, Mark called Honey before Honey called Honey? Man, so many people are just making bank off of me saying I was right. I'm very impressed. I have never seen your videos advertised to me as much as other people's videos with you and Honey in the title getting advertised to me. I know, I know. I better be in the sequel of that guy's video. He better say, he better say my name. Say my name.

I don't think anything else new is going on in my life. No, the honey thing. I'm surprised we haven't talked about that, though, because like, man, oh, man, I've not seen any videos recommended me except for yours, Mark, but they're not your videos. They're just you. Thanks, buddy. That's how I know I've made it. I've crossed over. I will say that was a very good clip.

for the call out and then what transpired not to downplay at all your prediction and not to spoil it for everyone else that's true of everything guys it could not be more true of all this shit that you think is free online it's not true that's the thing it's not free we may not ever learn the disappointing details of exactly who is stealing your data and how they are doing it and who is what corporations are stealing money from whom that's how it all works guys

I'm really sorry to break it to you. Mark is right about all of the internet. I will say, though, he said in the clip that it would come out in 2022. It's not Mark's fault journalism is so fucking slow. OK, look, it's not my fault. Also, there was a pandemic. Was that clip pre-pandemic? Actually, I'm not sure. Was that pre-pandemic? When did that?

I don't know when that was, but I assumed it was probably either like 2019 or 2020 because you probably did like in a couple of years it'll come out. Right. So 2022 kind of apparently it took place in 2020, according to one of the things I saw. I just don't know when in 2020 took place. It would have to be before what April or to be before like the pandemic shut everything down. That's a pandemic mark.

That's, that's redacted Mark right there. Redacted Mark out here making calls. It's one of his personas. Pandemic Mark, pre-pandemic Mark. Pandemic Dark, pre-pandemic Dark. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Then there's the OnlyFans pre-pandemic Stark mark. Oh, wow. The lore is ever expanding. I look forward to being right about something else and then people plastering my face all over the internet for me. Yeah, just keep making bold claims and then in a couple years, you'll just get that free publicity for everyone who's not you. Is Mark the new Simpsons? I could be. Are you predicting I'll be president in 2028? No.

No one's predicting that. I was right about you not being president. I'm here saying Wade will not be president. I hope that age is poorly. Wade will be behind bars by 2028.

All right, let's see what happens. For what crime? All of them. He tried the completionist crime. Tried to speed run all of crime. He almost made it. Lost to the ultimate boss. The law. Well, good small talk. I got to say, Mark, you do have an edge in points right now because of your honey prediction. I did give you bonus points for that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Being as you can't make any ad revenue on your prediction, you at least got points here. Yeah, at least you got points. That's pretty good. That's an equal value or equal or greater. I like points. Points are pretty cool. I never know when something I get is like a text I get is like a scam or something, or if it's actually something I need to follow up about. This sounds fake, right? ABF Freight.

That sounds fake. It does sound very fake. I got one from the USPS. Fake, fake. I think it was. So they wanted me to click a link and I was like, I'm not opening a link. Oh yeah. All these scams are so prevalent nowadays. I thought that we were getting to the point where like spam calls and spam texts are getting not as prevalent, but I guess if they're straight up just stealing from you, they don't really care what the law actually is.

Yeah, I don't think they give two shits. They just infinitely spoof new numbers and whatever and just never give up. I will say of all the people I know who where it's like, oh, is this a scam? Is this not a scam? You actually do order like weird shit.

Like from China, you order server parts. Of anyone I know, for you, that could be like, oh, wait, actually, no, that's these processors I bought secondhand from this thing. That's legit, even though it does sound like a scam. It's my new supply of...

Oobly fruit. I wish. No one hooked me up. Unless someone said on the subreddit that they didn't notice. No one hooked me up, which means we don't have any listeners in a country that grows Oobly fruit. I didn't see it. I didn't scour the subreddit, but I didn't see anyone talking about that. No offers. No, which is a damn shame. One of our viewers and our listeners is just sitting on a pile of it, and they're like...

That's right, Mark will never get any of you, my sweet babies. *Makes a sound of a baby's crying* As they eat the sugar. Wait, how much sugar would that be equivalent to? A handful of that? Well see, I don't know how much is in the actual fruit, because what is probably just in the fruit is a miniscule amount of this Brasein, but what I have is just a concentrated amount of it. All of the fruit is dead for your bag.

I hope so. I hope so! I hope so! You heard me! You heard me! Yeah, right! Write that down! Who are you, the Sneed guy? We got a Lorax you here? I hope so. Is there a Oobly Lorax? The Ooblorax?

He's just very animated, like Kramer almost, with all the sugar he's taking. I'm praying for the Oobly! I don't know what you think the Oobly fruit does to people, but I don't think it does that. It's both full of brosine and heroin. And heroin. It's an interesting plant.

I do have an idea today, and I don't know that we really segued into it. Kind of, maybe not really. Today, I want to go over some places, and I want you all to tell me if they are real or fake, and if they're real where they are, and maybe even how the name came to be. I got this in the bag.

Mark, I hate to tell you, but your losing streak is going to continue. Hey, that's all part of the plan, baby. I predict my losing streak will carry on for as long as I want it to. This might be a really long episode. Might be a really short episode. Depends on how this goes. I've got some number of names here. Some number. It's pretty good. All right. So let's start with...

Eek! Um, did you see a spider or something? You okay? Is eek a real place? A fake place? How is it spelled? E-E-K. Eek! Do we vote? Do we go jump in or ding? Um, sure, you ding. You can go first. Yes. Yes, it's real or fake? Great answer. Yes, it's real. That's what I'm saying. He said it was real or fake, and I say yes, and that's it. Ha ha ha!

Shut up. All right, Bob, do you think it's real or fake? Okay, well, that sort of steals my thunder a little bit. I'm pretty sure this is a real place. This is a place in Transylvania near the home of Dracula. Eek is right next to blah.

Because it's scary. Yeah. Okay. So you both say it's real. Yeah, it's a real place. It is real. It is not in Transylvania near Dracula's castle, however, or if it is, I'm going to even tell you all I've stuck to the United States. Ah, so this is somewhere in the U S. So Bob, do you want another guess for in the U S? Okay. Yeah. Eek is real. It's located in Vermont next to the, uh, delightful borough of, Ooh, a mouse.

Okay, Mark, do you agree with that? Look at that begrudging smile, that was funny, come on! Eek is obviously in Greece, but it's an ancient city that was destroyed. In the USA, in the USA. Didn't hear that part, and I don't care. Thinking about something else, man, I was thinking about trying to get my answer together, reading your parameters, I don't know, what do you think, I'm a nerd? Knowing all the rules to your game? I play my own rules.

to my own game and it's in Greece in the past which is why it's past tense eek to be fair I respect that alright so Vermont and Greece USA are the two guesses

Ancient Greece, USA. When Greece originally was in the Americas. Before the tectonic plates. Yeah. It actually got sucked through the Atlantic Ocean under it and spit it out. It also was Atlantis for a brief stitch. It was, yes. It was, yeah. But it got pulled real fast. Which U.S. state did it get pulled into? Oh, it doesn't exist anymore. Oh, Eek's no longer real. Oh, Eek's a city. Dumbass. Ha ha ha ha!

Did it get pulled into a U.S. state or is it just a floating city somewhere, dumbass? That state doesn't exist anymore, obviously. This is... Have you guys seen Always Sunny in Philadelphia? A little, not much of it, but a little. Have you seen this sketch where Charlie doesn't understand what a city is?

Wait, so guys, so I'm in Philadelphia. When do I leave Philadelphia and go into Pennsylvania? No, we're in Pennsylvania right now. No, we're in Philadelphia right now. And what the hell is Pittsburgh? So on and so forth. I have not. This does feel like that. It's a good bit. It's very funny. Well, Mark agrees that Eek is a city in the U.S., formerly ancient Greece. Yeah.

Not part of any current states. It's just Eek. It's like the Vatican City State. It's a bold answer. Bob, I got to say you're the closest by giving me any U.S. state. Mark, if you'd said any U.S. state west of Vermont, you would have maybe won because the answer is Alaska. Oh. Well, that's not the right place. Alaska is way far away from Greece. It wouldn't make any sense for it to go over there.

It would be impossible for it to have been pulled through the entire continental United States. Yeah. Wade, why don't you think about your answers before you give them? You're great, but I'll try to do better moving forward. You know, Google's free, Wade. He probably looked at the Google AI thing, though. Yeah, just using AI summaries. That's what we get. I just spelled eek incorrectly on the points, but I had to fix it. The next one is Ding Dong. Why?

Well, I know this one. This is a real place. It's actually kind of part of the Jersey shore area. Um, you know, that, that meme of that guy who's like, bing, bong, fuck your life. That guy from the Jersey ding dong is actually the next town over in. Uh, so this is in New Jersey on the shore. Oh,

Ah, bing bong, fuck your life. Ding dong, fix your life. Yeah, no, ding dong is where they go to get their act together. It's a really boring play. Everyone has jobs. Very responsible. A lot of white button downs. Everyone drives a Toyota Corolla base model.

He's never been more wrong. He's been wrong a lot in his life, he's never been more wrong about this, because it's not THAT reference that he's making, there's another reference that I don't remember what it's about or what it's for, but there was some Russian-sounding lady or some Slavic country that goes "ding dong" and that's obviously a city in Russia. Or some Slavic country.

I'll take my points. So which U.S. state is that now? It's obviously a city in Russia. Very clearly. These are all in the U.S. Uh-uh. No, I don't think so. You might be wrong about that when you go check your facts. Would that be Alaska then? Like, Russia and Alaska are basically the same place. Probably a piece that broke off from Russia and migrated over. Oh, God. Mm-hmm. Yes. Points, please. These are all in the U.S. and you guessed ancient Greece and Russia. Oh.

you're doing great i know i am are you doing great you seem to be troubled you know what i'm just gonna go ahead and say this uh i was gonna give you the exact mileage just to make this look even more ridiculous but bob you are once again closest all right even giving mark alaska doesn't get him close enough to ding dong texas which is the real place texas you're the new russia

I'm sure they'll love that. That's a tourism bureau slogan right there. Mark called honey. He's calling this. Mark was right. Yeah. Ding dong's in Texas. And I guess that's all I have to say about that. I think I knew that. Of course you knew that, buddy. I think I knew that. That's all I have to say.

I have no other commentary here. Sorry, I let my inner thoughts out for a second. Let's move on to the next one. Three toes. Three toes. Real or fake, and where is it if it's real? Mark, I guess you can answer where it is if it's fake, too. Yeah, so, ding. New Mexico, and obviously, it's the sister city of Dos Ritos, where they made Doritos. Three toes. Ha ha ha!

Hey, you know what? That's in the U.S. He's on the board. I am going to say this is fake, which is a thing I forgot we could guess in the last round. I'm not going to lie. And Wade was literally looking around and was like, I need some fake ones, some fake ones. And we look down at his foot and there's a hole in his sock. And he could see three of his toes through the hole in his sock.

three toes um bob you're partially correct it is fake however i did not come up with it by looking at my foot there was a similarly named place elsewhere in the world that made me think of that is it dos ritos it was not toast free toast are you sure it wasn't though i could go over some dos ritos now nacho cheese is it lays free dose oh lays free toast no uh where is that at uh

In a bag of chips. Correct. The next one is sweet and salty. I think he's just naming chips. Yeah, I think Wade just got hungry. I thought this was very fitting after this discussion to go with sweet and salty. These are all typed out on a thing. I know this one. I know this one. Sweet and salty is real. It's actually located in Kentucky and it is just downstream down the Ohio River from

uh from a little town called deez nuts i'm gonna accept that as a real answer despite the fact that i feel like you just deez nutted me and all the audience what that is a real and look it up deez nuts kentucky a delightful little town located on the ohio river okay deez nuts is in kentucky but it's a peanut brand not an actual like city i've completely forgotten what they're

original name of the town was if i go based on my knowledge of the number of real cities that i know off the top of my head versus real cities that i don't know the don't know is very larger than the no so i'm going to assume this is one that is real i just don't know it because statistically that's the more likely outcome okay where is it in our hearts

Miss you, big city, whatever your name was. Sweet and salty. Yep, that was it. You got it. Congratulations. So Bob guesses Kentucky. You guess in our hearts. Hey, our hearts are in the United States, so... Sweet and salty is also fake. I did already have it on my list, though. It just happened to fit after the chips discussion. Technically, I guess Mark's the closest by guessing in our hearts. Ha ha ha!

But the thing I guessed includes a real company in the correct state. Not in this correct state of sweet and salty. The correct state for the company. The company, yes. Believe me, you got points for Dee's nuts with an S because her name is apparently Dee. Yeah, it's Miss Dee ranged and it's her nuts. So if I guess a company and I know what state it's in, do I get points? No.

Okay. I feel like I just did... Isn't that a Wade thing? Okay. I'm rubbing off on you. That's all right. Let's go with Bald Head. I think that's a real place. Isn't that a real place in California? I'm not going to answer that right away. Bald Head is definitely a real place. And since we all know Bald Head mostly lives in Wade's basement, I'm going to say Cincinnati, Ohio. Home is where Wade's head is. It is real. It's not...

Cincinnati, Ohio. As far as I know, it's not in California. There are two bald heads that I know that are real. There's Bald Head Island, which I think is in North Carolina. And there's Bald Head, Maine. Maybe that's where I know Bald Head from. Because when I went to wait, North Carolina or South Carolina, did you say? Bald Head Island, I believe, is in North Carolina. Never mind. It doesn't. I have no association with that. Bald Head.

Bald Head is in Maine. I think it's named after a cliff in Maine. But I guess Bob was closest with Ohio's closer than California to both of those. Now he knows his geography. I told you, Mark. I told you. I got this locked in. Bob's strategy? Pick a Midwestern state. Mark's strategy? Maybe go in the USA.

Hey, listen, Mark's is really going to pay off eventually. You just got to commit. Oh, I'm going to sink this one into the basket. I'm not going to sink it like a boat sinking. What about No Name? I actually feel like I might know where this is. I feel like No Name is a place in Nevada. It's a real place in Nevada. I swear to God, I drove past it because I drove from...

From California to Ohio, we move cross country. I swear to God, I remember seeing that and being like, oh, that's funny. I think he's right. It's somewhere around there. I'm going to say Arizona just because for differences. But I swear also, I have also driven through someplace and seen a sign for no name. If it's in California, I'm going to be real pissed. It is real. It is not in Nevada. It is not in Arizona. That's not good. It is in Colorado. Colorado.

Oh, that was my second thought that was in Colorado, but that makes sense. I don't actually know if it's closer to Nevada or Arizona. I think it should be Nevada. It's pretty close to both. You have to go through Utah to get to Nevada, whereas you just have to go through most of Colorado to get to the point where it touches Arizona. Oh, yeah. No, actually, it would be closer. I forgot. I forgot Utah existed.

I forgot Utah was in between those. I think it's technically closer to Arizona, but it's closer than you'd think. All right, this is interesting because no name is not a city, though.

No Name is what's known as a census-designated place, which is purely a concentration of population. It is not incorporated as a city itself, but the population is 117. It runs a lot of its stuff out of Glenwood Springs, like its municipality and government.

Any kind of government kind of defaults to Glenwood Springs. I don't even know if it counts as a city, though. Do you want the point or not, bitch? I'll take it! Not! I don't want it! I do. Man, New Year, Marcus Wade, for some reason. I want you to decide, Mr. Judge. But it also, this is the truth. I believe in fact,

And it is not a city, it's a census designated place. Is it like an unincorporated village or anything, technically? There's a step above it known as a coterminous municipality, which is below cities, towns, and villages. So it's actually below even like a associated city from another one. It is purely, the census was like, some people live here, I ain't got a name for this shit. No name.

probably is how that went down but i don't know there's a fourth level below it which is ward you could divide a city into wards i think yeah isn't that like a big thing in uh like new orleans isn't there a bunch of different wards and stuff yes i think so yeah how the city's divided up yeah next one is boring it's real that's new mexico it's probably one of the dakotas i'm gonna go

with one of the Dakotas. You can have both. I'll give you both Dakotas. Boring is realist in the Dakotas. I feel like this is another one where I feel like, oh wait, do I know this from a Ben Fold song? Illinois, Illinois,

according to ben folds boring is in illinois all right so we have illinois or just the dakotas congrats mark you get the point because boring is in oregon which is closer to the dakotas than it is illinois oh so i wasn't even remotely close more like borigan you were more remotely close than bob i fine thank you for asking ben folds lied to me i just want to throw that out there

I found that Golconda is in Illinois. If that helps you, Bob. Golconda, this guy. How many points is that worth to me? I'll give you...

Half a one. All right, I'll take it. Our next city is Splat. I know this one. This is a real place, but not a real city because Splat is the name of the area that is in Nickelodeon's defunct theme park in Orlando where there was a lot of like the green goopy stuff.

The Splat Zone or whatever the hell it was called? It's what they referred to. It's not an actual city, so it's no, it's not real. But it is the place in the defunct Nickelodeon Studios theme park. It's like a place within a theme park. So Splat...

a city in Russia, which means that it's not real. It comes from Spliat. Therefore, it is fake. Not a real city. You're both right. Splat is fake, but I guess Bob's closest because he's somehow still in the USA. No, no. Man, Mark is really trying to go on a journey and Wade is just not coming with over here. He can go on the journey. He's just not going to get points for being in Russia. Woo!

Oh no, you triggered dog mode. What's that? Timmy's trapped in the well. I remember the Wizard of Oz sequel with the depressedly lion. Put it down, put it down. Put me down, put me down.

The next one! Dinosaur! Oh, Mark goes first. Sorry. You have the stage. I have the floor. Everybody get on the floor! Everybody open the door! Get on the floor! Everybody do the dinosaur!

fake i'm not gonna say where it is that it's fake because that hurts my chances if i said in our dreams and it's actually fake i'm gonna be screwed hey you actually got points for in our hearts the one time well this one is not in our dreams it's just fake just like the dinosaurs themselves all fake damn i thought you were gonna start collecting bones at one point dinosaur is clearly real it is located uh somewhere i

I believe in Idaho. And it's actually just a municipality with a population of one. There's this guy, Shrodrick Benter.

who believes very firmly that the current interpretation of what dinosaurs look like and how they sounded is scientifically inaccurate. So he's made his own sort of facsimile of Jurassic Park, but they're all like models and animatronics and stuff. But he has called his municipality Dinosaur Park.

Dinosaur is real. It's a statutory town in Colorado, not too far from no name. Colorado needs to figure their shit out. What's going on in Colorado? What the hell is this? I feel like I'm not doing well. I am a geographical savant, Mark. You never stood a chance. Who's going first this time? Is it Bob going first this time? Yes. I'm going to say it before you say anything. Real. Ha ha!

Okay. Real Washington state. Give it to me. He's looking at your monitor in the reflection of your head.

Ban him! You need to buff your head so it's not so shiny. He said real. He said Washington State. Mark, to you, last chance. Is that the name of the town? Yes. Last chance. That sounds like a town in Washington. But I'm going to call that real and it's in Kansas because it's the last chance to turn back before you get to the hellhole that is the West.

Damn. Just a liberal wasteland over here, you kid. Where everybody owns pussy guns and buys healthy bullets. So, last chance, there might be one apparently as well in California, but the last chance I have here is last chance Iowa, which is very close to Kansas. Oh!

You know, why didn't we know where Iowa was? No, I know generally where Iowa is. I just have no concept of how wide Montana is. Montana and the Dakotas are like nine states wide. They're like, there's, I have no idea how far away Washington is from Iowa, but I know they're up there. Is there a last chance in Colorado as well? God damn it, Colorado. You should have just done

all of them in Colorado. That would have really showed us. - Apparently. There's also apparently a Last Chance California, but I believe it's further from Washington than the Last Chance Iowa is from Kansas. So I'm gonna give that one to Mark. - Yay, I think I got one. - He's taunting me. - No. Yes, maybe. Taunting will get you everywhere.

Fuck. He always gets me with that one. God damn it. Mark, you go first. Do you want to answer before I give this out or do you want to actually hear it? I want all of the information. It's definitely going to help my guess. Accident. This is when two other cities had a broken condom when they were making a baby city. Ha ha ha.

I was just like, I don't want you, I don't want you, you were an accident. And then it was like, I'm accident. And then it became a city. If that was true, where would it be? Which is, where's the unwanted city or state? Probably Florida, if we're going to be perfectly honest, yeah. It's going to be Florida or New Jersey. Florida. Yes, Florida. Accident Florida, okay.

Bob, I'm going to say no. This is a fake place. Wade tried to type Aspen, Colorado, and it got auto corrected to accident because he wasn't even close. So this is not a place. This is just a typo.

That's fair, but wrong. Accident is in Maryland, which isn't very close to Florida, but it's closer than fake. It's not very far away from your keyboard where my accident happened. That's how James was beat. It was not an accident. I was. My mom likes to remind everyone at every opportunity. Ha ha!

Yeah, I just assume every kid's an accident because I think I was too. I always just thought babies were a surprise. Like, oh God, my water broke. It's like, you're pregnant? They don't have to be like that. Do you have a deep voice when you were born? Hey, mama, I'm hungry. No, he was like a Pokemon. He came out the womb, baby.

Baby. Baby. We gotta name him quicker. That's gonna stick. I went, wah, and they're like, wah-ade. What a great name. That's what I call ya. Uh, Bob, to you. Okay. This is real. It's a town in Oklahoma because then their town is okay, okay. And they thought that would be real funny.

It's not, but they thought it would be funny. So that's what they went with. Okay. Okay. Mark, how is it spelled? O-K-A-Y. So it's Russian. It's Canadian because it ends in A. Okay. It's a real city in the heartland of Ohio because when everyone thinks of Ohio, they go, okay. Okay. Ah.

I-O. I thought you were going to say whatever one thinks of Ohio, they think. That's okay, I guess. And then when things of Ohio, they go, okay, Ohio. Oh, you want to go on a vacation to Ohio? Okay. Okay. Bob, I got to tell you, you get two points for being exactly right. Okay, Oklahoma. Yes. That would have been my guess as well, but he took it, and I can't steal his, but whatever.

You could have just guessed the same thing. No one... There's no rule again. No, I can't. No, it wouldn't be a guess. Next time Marcus correct, that was going to be my guess too. So...

I get the no. How is he seeing into the future like that? How is it possible? I am premonition. I'm premonoting? Pronotion? I'm about to premonition. I'm preming? I'm preming? Have I done this one yet? Truth or consequences? No. Ding. It is real. It is absolutely 100% real, and it is in New Mexico. I've said that before. It is real. Either that or Texas. Okay.

I can't remember. It's in New Mexico. It's in New Mexico. Okay. Bob. This is fake. Calling it right now. If it's not fake, I guess what Mark guesses. It's real and it's in New Mexico. Yes. Mark two points. Because we've driven through it or next to it. There's a sign that says truth or consequences. And we always look at it and go like, that can't be real. And it's real.

I will say though, Bob said the next time you were right, he would steal your answer. So therefore Bob's also right and gets two points. I don't think we have to lend truth to that. You didn't say no to it when he offered it up though. And as the host, I find it hilarious.

I retroactively go back in time and steal all of his points. No, we already did that episode. That's a different episode. All right. I got a couple more here. Then we'll wrap up. Let's go with Sugar Land. Well, I know Sugar Land is a cupcake shop in North Carolina because I used to live by it. So I'm assuming that must be based on the very real Sugar Land city in

It's like Niagara Falls. There's like Sugar Land, U.S. and Sugar Land, Canada. But the one you're talking about is on the U.S. side of the Minnesota border with Canada. Sugar Land, Minnesota. Okay. Sugar Land is not real because Sugar Land is probably some city in an amusement park.

that someone wants like Disney wants to be real, but no matter how much they try, it's not actually incorporated as a city. Sugarland's real and it's in Texas. God damn it. Sugarland is a city just southwest of Houston, Texas. We've all been to Houston. We did a show there. That's true. Wasn't that the first city we went to? And I said, oh, thank you, Dallas.

Was that that or was it vice versa? I can't remember. We walked out. You said, thank you, Dallas. And Ethan went, oh, hello, Houston. It's so good to be here in the tin. And then everyone clapped. Yep. Everybody loved him for it. So, Bob, I guess you get the point. Minnesota is basically Texas is what we're learning. It's the Texas of the north, really. I think that's how Minnesotans would refer to themselves. Last one. Mark, I think you go first on the last one, right? Uh, yes. Yes.

Aglo. Aglo? Aglo. I'm going to go fake, but only for the reason that we haven't had a fake in a while. Out of curiosity, if it's fake and you had to give it a location, where would you give it?

All right, Bob. All right. I know this one. This is a real place and you're mispronouncing it. It's pronounced a glow. It's actually a small city outside of Boston where Paul Revere put two lamps in the church because it was by sea and the lamps were a glow in the tower of the church.

My god, he might be right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bob, I hate to tell you, but it's fake. Mark, I hate to tell you, but it's real. Wait...

Aglow is both real and fake. This was a fun little story I came across while researching all of this. Aglow is totally made up. It became real and then strangely undid itself and became fantasy again. What happened was there was no town in New York between Rockland and the

the nearby beaver kill. So somebody took a map and made a fake place on the map called Aglo. Ultimately, long story short, even on Google Maps at one point, this showed up. It became real for a minute. But why? I don't remember.

Otto G. Lindberg, director of the General Drafting Company, made a roadmap of New York State out of the way, dirt road, they created a totally fictitious place called Aglo. Name was blah, blah, blah, blah. Years later, Rand McNally, a famous map company, issued its own New York State map. Guess what? Right there in the same place was the name Aglo. And this was all a ploy, I guess, to sue the map maker for taking their map and copying it. So they made a fake place, assuming that a map maker would steal their map and make it.

In the spot called Aglo, there was a building allegedly called the Aglo General Store. And it had to be real, otherwise where would the owners get the name? So someone had bought the map and saw where Aglo was supposed to be and named their store after that place. But then that didn't last. The store closed and Aglo disappeared and was taken off the map.

Someone bought one of these fake maps or got their hands on a fake map, saw there was supposed to be a place called Aglo, opened a store there thinking people would see Aglo on a map and stop by, thereby making Aglo temporarily real. And then it became fake again when the store closed because there is no Aglo. Well, New York is basically Boston, so I feel like I was pretty close on location. But at one point, Google had Aglo on their Google Maps, which was an 80 year old fake place.

until it was pointed out and they finally removed it. So anyway, it is real and fake, but Bob guessed closer with Boston than Russia. One of these days, Russia's gonna get me there. One of these days. Is there, hold on, you know, what if I'm getting punked? What if there's like a Russia-USA and it's just close to somehow everything? Definitely, definitely check that out. Oh my God, there is a Russia-Ohio. There's a Russia-New York. Mark, I'll give you a bonus point for Russia-Ohio.

I meant everything that you're thinking every single time. All right, let me calculate the points. It's more than three to two this time. Bob, I'll go over your points first. I feel good about that. That's probably fine. You got half a point for Goland or whatever the fuck the name of that thing was. Last phone case, butt plug. Eek, a mouse. Lorax. Eek, spelled incorrectly. Ding dong.

Brito's fake. Deez nuts. Bald head. Splat. Stole two points. Or copied, really.

Sugar Land, OK Oklahoma, Dinosaur Idaho, Nope Colorado for a total of 17 and a half points. That feels like almost all of them. I'm not gonna have to be honest. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. That's that was that was a lot. That feels like a lot of points. I had a feeling I wasn't doing so good and maybe my feelings are true. Mark, you got points for Thick Eyebrows, Jumanji,

You got points plural for Mark Called Honey, Extinct Oobly Fruit, Three Toes New Mexico, No Nap, No Name. That's probably No Name. Sweet and Salty, Put Me Down, Accident, Last Chance, Truh, and Con? Truth and Consequences. Oh, okay. My pen was dying, so like half of this is faded out as well as shitily or hidden. And then I think points for Fusion? Yeah.

Oh, Russia. Russia. That's close. The R did not finish there. Well, that was a lot. He said a lot. So I think you should be worried, Bob. I think you should be worried. That was more than I was hoping you would get. I don't know numbers, but I got a bad feeling about these numbers. Bob, you finished with 17 and a half points. Mark, you finished with 16 points. How did he get a half a point? If you didn't let him steal my points. Oh, yeah. If he hadn't gotten to steal those two. Yeah.

I also gave you points for Russia, even though the whole fucking time I told you it was in the USA, so... Well, look, man, it might have been. You might have been trying to trick us. Immediately, you were like, I was like, let me tell you guys, they're all in the USA. And your first guess was ancient Greece after that. See, I didn't catch that part. Thinking about something else. You really are me today. No! No!

Bob, you're our winner. Would you like to give a winner speech? I didn't really expect this. I gotta be honest. I think Mark played a tough game today. And if I hadn't been allowed to blatantly cheat, honestly, I think Mark outplayed me. But it's not cheating if you don't get caught. So in reality, I outplayed Mark. And that's as real as Three Toes, Texas or wherever the fuck that was. So congratulations to me. I'm the greatest. And...

Getting away with cheating always feels good. You learned your lesson, kids. Cheating feels great, as long as you do it right. - Mark, loser speech. - This is why it's so important to read the instructions before you start anything. I can only think of the time when there was someone that made a post about how their teacher, or a teacher or something, wrote a big, long instructional paragraph on the first full page of a test,

And it said, it gave all these instructions at the very bottom or in the middle somewhere. It said like, if you read this line, you'll know that you only need to like skip all the questions and only answer the last question or something like that. And no one read through the instructions. It was a test. So I should have listened to the instructions when they occurred.

But all of this was part of my plan to never win an episode this entire year. That way I don't have to come up with ideas to host and we don't have to let me be in charge ever again. That was my plan, Special Edgy. You know, that was a great loser speech. If only you had been told after Ancient Greece multiple times they were in the US and still didn't follow those instructions. But instructions do help. Stubbornness is a trait of this podcast.

We dig our heels in. Period. You know what, Mark? I'll give you a point for that, but you still lose. I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't change. Well, that was it. If you guys played along with us, what was your score? How many of these did you get correct? Can you prove that a place that I thought I made up is in fact real? Is there more than one of the locations? And maybe did I get things wrong? It's possible. But for my research that I did within 10 minutes, because I didn't expect to host again today, was not...

Perfect. Then, oh, well, I'm the host and I declare it's okay. Thereby writing me of any wrongdoing I may have had. Congrats to Bob. Well fought, Mark. Good episode. And Mark, honestly, you calling honey might be the biggest win of all. Hopefully some people out there listen to you. Yes. Follow us. Bob at MySkirm. Mark at Markiplier. Me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. Birch, maybe one day. Until then, podcast out.