E915 – Going Deeper with Ally Lewber
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You're crazy.

Allie, welcome to The Vile Files. Thank you. Hi, guys. We're so excited. It's been such a long time coming. I know. We're so happy to finally have you. I miss you. Thank you. It was a long time coming. We've talked a lot about you coming on the show. Yeah. We just obviously thought it would be in different context than we are here today. I thought there'd maybe be someone else next to me. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't seem to let that down at the time. No, no, no. Yeah, he definitely. He's not a podcast person. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't think it would have happened, to be honest. Yeah.

Well, thank God for us. So here we are. So here we are. I always kind of took, I mean, listen, I get podcasting in general can be a little nerve wracking. It is a long form, you know, and things like that. But I always sometimes my spidey senses sometimes go up a little bit when people really seem to be afraid of having like a conversation about like themselves or their lives and things like that. And I always kind of got that sense from James. Yeah.

that there was a reason why he didn't really want to come on

And do a podcast. It wasn't like a desire to like not have attention or anything like that or notoriety. It just seemed like maybe, you know, he didn't want to go deep. I know he would always say like, well, I don't really want like if we're not filming, why would I? I don't really want to go and like talk about everyone or like have to keep all the drama going. So like that was always what he would say. But yeah, I just think that.

I don't know, maybe podcasting. It just, yeah, he wouldn't be very comfortable doing it. Well, we are excited to have you. Thank you. And excited to talk about everything that is you and get to know you, obviously, because, you know, like, I think a lot of times people know you as James' girlfriend. People know me as Nick by all life, you know? And obviously there's a lot more to you, you know, there's a lot more to you than obviously that, but I think we've always been very interested in getting to know you.

Especially even on the show. On the show, you kind of presented as this kind of very demure, very sweet person. Thank you. Gorgeous. Funny. Philly. But as we got to know you, you really did... You seem to be someone who...

Maybe it was the best version of James, you know, and like, I think at times, whatever growth I saw in James, because for me, I didn't really get into Vanderpump until Scandival, like many other people. I've gone back and watched a lot of the episodes and things like that. Yeah, yeah. Even I watched one this morning. Oh, fun. Yeah.

No, I don't want to know. I'll ask you about it later. But yeah, so it did seem like James had started to make some progress. And the last time we saw you was that night. And I remember having a conversation with James, really just about like, man, it was like almost like, you know, I didn't know you then. I've certainly heard things about your reputation, but you really seemed like you had made some progress. And I kind of always...

attributed that progress a lot to you. Well, thank you. Yeah, I know it's difficult. I feel like a lot of people say that and it's sweet. I do think that we both brought out the best in each other, obviously at times. He really helped me feel like

confident and he really believed in me and helped me like you know honestly pursue astrology and like kind of just he's such a dreamer you know that was like one of the things that really drew me to him in the beginning but yeah it was crazy right like I mean he was really at the top of his game like he was really the DJ residency like everything was going so well Vanderpump was over but

But somehow he was ending on a high note. Yeah. Yeah. Which was hard to do. Right. Yeah. It was such a good, we were, yeah. And then everything. Yeah. Yeah. So how do you, what's your comfort level? Obviously we want to talk about that night and get a little glimpse into that relationship. But like, do you want to warm up into it? Do you want to get right into it? And then. Just get right into it. And then push it away and then forget about it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that. She wanted to do that. That one. Okay. All right. I mean, that night. So wait, when you guys were talking to him. So because I was working at that event, Kathy Hilton's party. You were. I was there with DirecTV. Yeah. I was there to do Kathy Hilton's birth chart. So for like the first two hours before, I mean, I hadn't even seen James, right? Like I was working. And then I wrap, I come out, I'm finished. I'm like excited to see him. And I'm like,

Now we know like during that time he had been like sneaking and going up to the bar and like ordering drinks James is the person where he can have one drink and you can like immediately tell like it's pretty obvious and I kind of knew Something I was like you're being a lot like you're being kind of like you're giving drunk tapes right now Like are you know, we kind of got through the party and everything was fine. Had he been sober?

He had been to your knowledge. To my knowledge. But no, he wasn't. So then later I found out like after everything that he was drinking behind my back. For a while. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. At least a few months like that I know of. So that was like a whole other like side of everything, too, where I'm like, OK, there's no trust then, you know. Right. So that was a whole thing also. And then that's when when we got in the Uber on the way back home, that's when I was like, you're

you're drunk. And then he's like, no, I'm not. You're drunk. And I'm like, no, you're drunk. And it was just, yeah, then everything escalated. All we really know as like the public is that, uh, neighbors heard a disturbance called the police. The police showed up. We have the police report that said that there was, uh,

It didn't name you. Yeah. So for I think a long time we were like allegedly Allie because we didn't know. But it said that a female had been picked up and thrown to the ground. And that's kind of all we know of that night. Yeah. So.

What happened outside of your house? Honestly, it was just such a it was just such an upsetting night. Like we were my friend was also there and it was all of us just really fighting and yelling at each other. I wasn't hurt. I do know that I don't know who called the cops, but I know they obviously showed up and then they like assess the situation themselves. I did not press charges. I was not hurt.

And moving like forward from that night, I definitely now look back and I see things from a different perspective, you know, where like, obviously that night I was just so upset about the lying and the drinking and like, you know, I, in my head, I was like, well, we're already done because you've,

betrayed my trust you know and he also knew that i already had told him before like hey if you drink again that's a non-negotiable for me for this relationship when you say you weren't hurt just to clarify was there any moment in that night where you or i guess anyone else who might have been present like felt like he was getting physically aggressive with you like where did

whether it's a disconnect or perception of the situation that escalated into his arrest? Honestly, like not physically, but verbal, manic, like just really, really loud and like intense and just like sporadic behavior where it's like, you don't really know what this person is capable of or going to do. It's not necessarily like

a safe feeling. But that's again, like that's just why with that relationship, like looking back now, like just the eggshell, like walking on eggshells in that relationship because you never know what's going to trigger him. That was like the hardest part.

Which now that I'm like out of that relationship, I'm like, oh, this is what it's like to have like a normal. Yeah. My nervous system is like regulated. I'm like, oh. Was there part of you that maybe it was that night, maybe it was throughout the relationship that ever felt a feeling of being scared? Yeah, I think that I don't know if I like felt scared to the point where I felt like he was like I was unsafe.

But to the point where I'm like, this isn't, I don't know. I feel like sometimes, like in the moment at least, I thought that I could like regulate him or control him or like help calm him down. So I felt like I kind of took on that role of like, it's okay. Like calm down. Like everything will be all right. And that's not true.

I don't think. You shouldn't have to like regulate someone. No. Right? No. Yeah. You know, it's so tough in relationships. I think all of us, you know, if you have a past with relationships, you've had your heart broken, if you've been in long-term relationships, whether it's, you know, maybe something as toxic as, you know, maybe the...

behavior James has displayed or whatever, you know, like we, we've all been in relationships where, you know, we accept people for who they are. You know, we, we realize no one's perfect. We know we're not perfect. So we get into a relationship and there's always this, like, I'm not asking you to be perfect because you're not perfect and I can help you and we want to help each other. And then, and then we kind of maybe learn a little bit more about our partners. And then there's that tough mental gymnastics of being like, wait, is this,

Is this behavior okay or do I just need to be there for my partner? Yes. And then, you know, in James's case, you know, like for me, I became more aware of James Kennedy, the character, his reputation as it became more a fan of the show. You go back and watch old episodes and then people from the past, you know, Kristen Doughty has been very outspoken. Even Raquel has been outspoken. Yeah.

And, you know, like people like Kristen or Raquel have their own baggage. They have their own history of behaviors that, you know, at times people have used against them in terms of, I don't know if we should believe this person because they've done X, Y or Z. And or they're, you know, Raquel, like there's there's a history of being dishonest there with her and stuff like that. With all of the speculation regarding James's past behavior with women, is that something that you take?

struggled with in the relationship with James, just trying to figure out like who's telling the truth versus like, hey, I need to be there for my man type of thing. And is that kind of like the hindsight to 2020 that you're speaking about? Yeah, that was really difficult.

difficult in the beginning. I mean, heck, even now where, you know, this was just back in December and obviously I got out of that relationship, but it's not like I just left and it was easy. It wasn't. And I felt really guilty, like, oh, well, now he's going to AA and like he does have alcoholism. So like, do I need to be there for him and support him? Like, no.

But, like, at that moment, I didn't know that. I felt really bad and guilty. I'm really grateful for, like, my mom and just my support system in L.A. Because I don't know if I would have been strong enough to leave and to stay away. Honestly, like, I...

I don't know if I would have been or not. So like, I feel like that's another point too, is just like, and if you're ever in like a relationship like that or something like in a weird way, I'm kind of grateful almost that it was so public because it allowed, it was like out there. And then my friends and family were able to really like, you know. It's like you had strangers kind of holding you accountable to like not go back. Yeah, which sounds crazy. Had there been episodes or events in the past with James that,

That almost felt similar to this event that weren't public, that he was able to talk you out of maybe making different choices? Yeah. Yeah, there were. Yeah, like there were a few. I mean, and I think I get like even, you know, sometimes my friends would witness him just acting kind of, you know, a little manic, I would say. I don't know if that's like the right word to use. I'm not like.

putting a disorder on him or anything, but just that behavior where it's just unpredictable. You're like, okay, where is this coming from? And like, how do we stop it immediately? Yeah. So there were moments like that. And yeah,

Yeah, like looking back, and that's kind of why too, like he knew how I felt about him drinking because like that's usually what would kind of spark that behavior. So he knew like I wouldn't put up with him drinking again. You think that's why he hid it for...

Yeah. As long as he did. Totally. Yep. And then even I mean, he's a DJ, right? So like he's traveling on the weekends. I'm not always there. And then he's at these events and DJing and drinking. And then we he would like always go back to the hotel and we would like FaceTime and chat. And he would be like, I could just tell sometimes I'd be like.

You drink. And then he'd be like, no, I didn't. You always think that I'm I'm drunk when it was you're drinking kind of like gaslighting in a way. Was there ever a part of you that when he was away and you weren't with him and he was DJing and y'all would FaceTime and you would realize that he was drunk? Was there ever a part of you that was a little grateful you weren't with him? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But I also never actually thought he was drinking. I would like, he was really good at like, yeah, like I'd be like, oh, of course you're not drunk. I'm so sorry. Like, that's so fucked up of me to think that. So then like looking back and after all of this, I'd be like, okay, Halloween, when we went to Sir, were you drinking? He's like, yeah. It's like, okay. It's like I was going back to these dates and kind of asking. And I'm not even mad at him for that. It sucks. Like, you know what I mean? It's he...

wishes that we were still together. He wishes, I'm sure, that he didn't do all of that. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't blame him. I'm not mad at him. It's just the way that it has to be now. Yeah. Obviously, you mentioned that night you weren't hurt. He didn't pick you up and throw you. Right. But like I said before, you know, and then when that all came out, I remember almost feeling kind of foolish, like not knowing what the truth is. You know, we saw the police reports. I had a little bit of guilt because I felt like I had

you know, pumped up James. And I had talked about on this show about like, man, he's really turned a corner, you know, like watching old episodes. Yeah. Like sure. He's done some things and he said some things, but I'm, I see the growth, you know, you want to, you want to recognize that a little bit. And then you, we saw the police report. Yeah. And then, you know, Kristen spoken up more at that point. I had heard some comments from Raquel and question,

quite honestly looked the other way, I suppose, because of her reputation and what seemed to be her propensity for not telling the truth. Yeah. But looking back now in your relationship, and I'm sure you've asked James about some of these people's comments, but like, do you believe knowing what you know about James and now that you're out of this relationship and you can see it

with a clearer lens. Do you believe Kristen Doty or Rachel when it comes to their accusations towards James and him being physical towards them? I want to say, like, it's so hard because James has been in my ear, not now, but, you know, for our relationship, obviously. And I've heard a lot from the rest of the cast.

And mutually, that was just a very toxic relationship on both parties. So I don't really want to say anything, but I will say that and I have to say this, but also like it's true. But like, I always will believe women and I do feel kind of guilty or bad. And I shouldn't. I'm not going to take that on myself. But, you know, sometimes it is like, oh, like they were right.

Or like, oh, these people saying all these things about James's behavior. Like, but sometimes I think you have to just really figure it out for yourself. It's like you kind of just have to, you know, I don't have any regrets. And James, at the end of the day, he is a great person. Like he has great, great qualities and he's wounded. Tried to fix that. Yeah.

Speaking of like going back and watching old episodes, I was literally watching an episode this morning because we were recapping it. And it was another example of of Jane. He was talking about Kristen. He was in a relationship with Rachel. It's just like to hear him say some of the things he says about women towards women is a bit jarring.

Yeah. And I think, I don't know, you know, maybe it was because it was back in 2016 or different times. I don't know. You watch it back and it's just like, it's, it's alarming. Yeah. It's alarming for sure. Yeah. How did you, when you got into this relationship, how did you have conversations with him about that? Did he,

Like what was his excuse or reasons? And do you feel like he has a warped sense, uh, you know, or, or an opinion about women or towards women that you feel like it needs some growth?

I honestly don't think it's women. I think because we've seen him act that way to men, too. And to like to like Max Vanderpump, Lisa's son. I think that he, again, is just wounded and like hurt people, hurt people. And I think that he does not know how to process his emotions in a healthy way. And so it just he's a verbal attacker. Like he cuts deep.

So it's less about having a lesser opinion of women. He just, you know, he needs to learn how to, um, yeah, processes emotions. And he's aware of that. That's like, you know, he is aware of it. Like, like we've talked a lot about it, you know, in our relationship, obviously. And just, um, he knows that he, he's got a mouth. He's mouthy. And he would always kind of joke like, Oh, with British humor, but he,

He just, yeah, I mean, it's never okay. Like the things, even the word, like he would always use the word fat and like the way that I was raised, it was just like, you just don't like don't use that word. And so he knew that I had a lot of, I'm like, James, you can't say that. So again, I feel like I would just take on this role as like almost being like, that's not correct behavior, but like this is fat.

Crazy. Like looking back now. Yeah, it's kind of it's crazy. I don't know. You see a side of him. At least I did, especially in the beginning. Super charming, sweet, creative, hilarious. You're laughing. He's such a like attentive partner. All of those qualities are just so powerful. So it's like I know who I fell in love with. I know who I was in love with. I don't have regrets. Like I was fully like invested in that relationship.

But it's hard to pay attention to like, well, when the 10% is like bad, but 90% is good. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah, it's really hard. Yeah. Did he ever say anything to you along the lines of like, you'll never be anything without me? Because I know Kristen kind of said that that was what he threw at her a lot. Here's the thing.

I'm sure when he was drunk, he would say mean things. I was really good. And I'm just saying this from like, I don't know why, but like nothing he would ever say would get to me because I knew that I'm like, you're just like being a dick and you're drunk and like, you know what I mean? I'm like, you're just wounded. But yeah, again, it's like, I don't know. That's a hard, that's a hard mentality to have. I applaud you for that. No, I don't. I don't know. I think I would just be like, why? You know, it's kind of like, maybe that's why.

I stayed so long too because it's like one of those things where I'm like, I'll just throw it right back at you. You know what I mean? Like we kind of were, even my friends would be like, well, you're really good at putting him back in his place.

Which like, that's not great. Like that's okay. Yeah. That was great for the time being, but you don't really want a partner that you can like match that energy with. Not that I was matching his energy, but like, I, I would be like, that's, it shouldn't ever have to get to that. Exactly. It's a very difficult position that you were in to, yeah. To not want to see the best in your partner, you know? And I don't know what people are thinking who are listening, but you know, it's,

People can be very critical of people in your position, whether it's for staying or maybe sounding like you're defending his actions and things like that. But it's much more difficult when you're in that situation to see it the way, you know, with an unbiased, you know, like how I might see it if I was like watching a conversation or a fight between the two of you. What have you learned about yourself specifically around selecting your next partner? Yeah.

And maybe just certain behaviors, like you talked about non-negotiables. Have your non-negotiables changed in terms of accepting certain behaviors and finding that balance between, yeah, I want to help you, but I can't look the other way with X, Y, or Z. I think too of the feeling of like,

love like when you're in it and like not saying that he was love bombing me because his actions always followed and like you know we were in love but it happened so quickly like we moved in together right away we were like going to Tulum like the second week of knowing each other that's crazy like I'm a Capricorn like I wouldn't do that usually I I thought I was crazy but there's this

You know, when you're in love, you're like, okay, I'm just going to ride the wave. Like this feels right. This feels so fun. But I think now being on the other side of it, like having just a healthier lifestyle

kind of view of like the way that love should escalate and how it should play out. It doesn't need to feel like so cosmic. I think a lot of people in your shoes, especially people who have or are in relationships with addicts or people who abuse substances, the challenge obviously for them is hope in the sense, because if, if you can, and I, not from an alcoholic standpoint, but like for different, you know,

For me, it was like if in relationships, if like if I can identify a problem and I can fix the problem. Right. So whether the problem's me, whether the problem's a partner or the problem's us, it was like I just have to find a problem and I can fix the problem. And I feel like with people who suffer from substance abuse for for their partners, there's there's always hope because.

Because there's always a chance that this big problem that seems to be the center of all the problems could get fixed. Yep. Now that James is seemingly back in recovery, seemingly sober and seemingly doing the work. Yeah. Are, do you feel like you're at risk of one day him knocking on your door and

and claiming he's a new changed man who's been sober for a period of time but this time it really has stuck and it would be you know it would

it would be hard for anyone who loved that person to see, and especially like the last thing we want, like to find that person you loved and you accepted them at their worst has now, is now better and you don't get to enjoy the better, you know, it's like that mental fuck up, you know, like, so how do you deal with that or that potential? And have you thought about

It's so funny you say that because I remember also when we started dating, like talking to Raquel and being like, thank you, because like, I'm sorry that you didn't get this version. But like, thank you for helping him. Like, it's kind of weird how just I don't know the pattern. You know, I honestly do have so much love for James that I want him to genuinely heal and get better. And I want him to find love.

love like I really do and I don't think that that will be with me I feel like there's just been too much that's gone down I think I would always just be on edge or like wondering what if you know and it's hard because I would love to support him and do that but I just can't yeah yeah but that's I haven't really thought about that to be honest

It's scary, right? Just because we hope is hope can be a great thing. But sometimes when it comes to relationships, we, we invest way too much in hope and we don't see, I always ask people like, when was like, what do they do that makes you happy? And then people be like, Oh,

You know, it's just like, but they're so funny. And I, I really like it when they do this, but like, they don't really think about how that person day in and day out makes them feel like what's your normal resting emotion in this relationship, anxiousness, like on edge, you know, and things like that. That's what's so hard. My therapist has been incredible because I was telling her like, after all of this happened, I was like, I'm just so confused because I'm,

I didn't realize at the time. I was like, I literally thought that our life was like a fairy tale. Like I loved it. I loved our house. I loved hippie. I like everything was great. Our both of our careers, like it was just perfect. And I was like, it was so great. And she was like, Ali, no, it wasn't. He was lying to you. So like it wasn't real. And I was like, shit.

Whoa. So it did take me a while to almost have to like really remove myself and like to see clearly again. Yeah, it's tough too because then you're like, well, I have to wait. I have to say goodbye to a life too. You know, like I don't have, I don't like fine. I don't want them. But what about my life? No, literally. I'm like, but hippie.

Yeah. And is Hippie with you now? No, Hippie is with James, but it's okay. We have your cats. I have my cats. I have Mr. Banks and Bodhi. I've been sleeping with the stuffed golden doodle. It was Hippie's little golden doodle. And they literally like, so I took that with me. But no, he's with James and Hippie is great.

I like James and that dog are literally soulmates. Like I honestly, like if anything great from that relationship, I mean, a lot of great things have come from it, but like him getting hippie back and like that whole story, like he is a great dog dad and I will trust me. I would not let hippie be in a position where he was ever unsafe. Like he's good. I heard something about that. James is back.

DJing now or on tour? Yeah. Yeah. Peace. I believe that he, I don't know if he got his residency back or if he's just, but I know he played at live again and I'm, I'm, I'm happy. I want him to, I don't know. I mean, from our work. Yeah. I get what you're saying, but like, and I guess it's really maybe none of our business, but you certainly have the right to have an opinion about that relationship from an outsider point of view.

It seems a bit quick. I understand it's his career. I understand people have to make a living. But, like, that is a lifestyle that makes it very difficult for... Oh, in that regard? Yeah. Yeah. No, that's... It's a triggering environment. It's a win. It's definitely a win. And I guess for me, you know, it's just like, again, you know, his history with Raquel, his history with Kristen, you know, obviously with you. It's like, this is a man who... And my biggest criticism of him has been...

he seems to blame it all on the alcohol. You know, all of his problems are wrapped up in his sobriety or lack thereof. And it's like, you know, and I've kind of been very critical of that. But it's like, all right, fine. Yeah. You know, but if that's the case, gee whiz, it sure seems a little quick that you're back out there dropping beats, you know, and we're supposed to think that you're ready to

to do this when in the past you have claimed to be sober, you've lied about being sober, you've relapsed multiple times. It's like an old, he's like a broken record. Do you think that's a fair, I mean, criticism that I have or other people have like questioning once again, just how genuine is this person about changing his ways?

I mean, that's exactly why I can't be with him, right? Because I don't know. Because I won't know. We won't know until he proves it. I hope that he is. From what I've seen, he has been going to AA. He has a support system around him that are also sober. So I just hope that he stays on that path. I know that he loves DJing more than anything in the world. He will move to Ibiza if he has to and just like...

play music on the beach. You know what I mean? Like that is what he, I believe is meant to do. So he'll figure it out. But I, yeah, I hope it's not triggering for him, but not my problem. Are you guys in no contact at all? Not no contact, but we don't really, we don't talk. But like yesterday I was like, Hey, uh, I just canceled hippies. I was, I,

I it was like a whole brand deal thing and I was on the count and I was like canceled that so like you need to reorder his food and he was like okay thanks are you at all nervous about what he's going to think about you doing this interview because yeah I'm very critical of him a little nervous about that yeah yeah nervous in what way though I just know that he's not gonna be happy but

Yeah. Not your problem. Not your problem. Right. Is that tough to believe? I just feel a little like, I don't know. I think he has strong feelings about things. But yeah, it's not...

Does he want you to just not talk about the relationship, the flaws, the imperfection? Probably. He just doesn't want any of that kind of aired out? But even when we were together, he never really wanted us to do podcasts and things. Yeah. So I don't know. I think that he...

When he listens to, I mean, I'm not saying, I'm saying the truth and like everything that he already knows too. So. I mean, I think honestly, you're being very gracious. Thank you. You're being honest, but there's a clear sense that you care about this man. And there's a clear sense that you're not trying to kick him while he's down or just.

shit on them to benefit yourself. I mean, you know, we obviously wanted to have you on and we wanted to talk about this, but it's not like you were knocking on our door and trying to be like, Oh, I got a story to tell now. You like you're, you've been incredibly gracious and honestly, incredibly protective of him. I hope he actually sees that and appreciates that because to Nellie's point, like you were in this relationship and you have a story to tell and you,

kind of have been living in a shadow, you know? - Yeah, yeah, that's crazy. He was with me, so the night before, like that night that everything happened to, like that week was such a high and obviously such a low. I had three of my biggest job opportunities, like ever.

obviously doing Kathy Hilton's birth chart for the party. And then for Starstruck for my podcast, we filmed the very first episode the night before Kathy's party with James, obviously, like he was going to be my first guest. So like that was so exciting. And then the Kathy thing and then to just and then I had something else the next day and then to just have also like the astrology of December. I was telling James like leading up to it. I was like,

hey the astrology for both of us is really bad for December so like if we're meant to be together we will make it through December and if not we won't I gave him so many warnings guys literally I was like you really told him that yeah yeah it's crazy yeah and my friends knew too my makeup artist Anais was with me for those nights because I had so many events going on she was like Ali like the next day she was like well actually she didn't know about it until the world did

because I didn't say anything. But she was like texting me like, that's crazy. You literally called that because I didn't know what was going to happen. But I just knew that like the astrology was crazy. It was all happening in my seventh house, which is the house of relationships and in his 10th house, which is like reputation. So I was telling him to like, hey, be on your best behavior.

It's crazy. Did he ever, in his manic states, verbally threaten you at all? No, it was more of just like insults. That tracks. Yeah. Like if we've seen it on TV, you've experienced that. Yeah. Did it almost make it less bad in your head because you had seen it on TV in a weird way? Does that make sense? That does make sense. And yeah.

Yeah, because there's this, he's done it before. I've seen him do it before. Where, like, if you don't see that, like, even for, like, Raquel, I mean, she saw it with Kristen. But, like, from Kristen's perspective, yeah, that had to have been harder. Because it's, like, she doesn't know that, like, to her, like, it's her problem. Like, he's lashing out at her. But it's, like, okay, this has been such a pattern of this man, this boy. So, like...

okay, this is his problem. Like, you know, I don't take it personally. I was in a very abusive relationship, different from yours. It was very physical and would get verbal at times, but it occurred mostly when he was on some sort of...

drug or alcohol or whatever it may be, but not all the time. And there was a lot of the like morning after of the apologies and the love bombing and the promises and all of those things, which ultimately did leave me to stay every single time. And the only reason that I was able to

finally get out of this relationship was that it had gotten so bad police were called um

And I think when police are called, it's kind of a wake up call. Yeah. You know, it makes things seem very real. Yeah. Because a lot of the time it was like, what I'm doing is making him do this to me. Like, it's my problem. Right. You know, if I fix this, then this won't happen anymore. And then when police show up, it's like, oh, wait, no. Like what he's doing is.

It's illegal. Totally. He can be arrested. Yeah. And so I am so grateful that police showed up that day to save me from that relationship. Is there a part of you that is like grateful that the police showed up that day?

Yep. Yeah, I do. I agree with you. I think that it would have just the cycle would have continued. I already know that it did. I had an event the next day, woke up. All my friends were like, oh, where's James? I'm like, oh, he has food poisoning. No, he was in an AA meeting. Like, and I felt so guilty. But like the things that we do to like protect them because we feel bad is crazy. I think there's also a sense of like,

of embarrassment almost of like, I wasn't raised to let a man treat me this way. Yep. Single mother. I know you're very close with your mom too. Single mom. Like, yeah. So that's just... Yeah. And so it was like, I had all these people telling me like, I don't get weird vibes from him. I don't like the way he says certain things to you. Like maybe he's not your person. And it would like lead me into him harder. Yeah. Because I think I was embarrassed to like...

finally admit that I was allowing this to happen to me. Yeah. Relatable. It's crazy. And being on the other side, I feel like, I mean, I'm still, it's only been what, three months, but there's still like so much that I need to process and still so much where I'm like, oh, that was abusive behavior. Like that's not okay. So it's,

Being on the other side, it does feel freeing for sure. And I am grateful that that happened because it is, yeah, I think I probably would have stayed. And then the cycle continues. Yeah, it does. Do you think James has acknowledged or accepted that in addition to getting sober and working on his sobriety, that he has some other work to do with regards to his treatment towards women or how he handles himself in relationship that,

Like you said, I mean, there's all different forms of abuse, you know, and obviously the physical is maybe often the most damaging and most dangerous. But do you think he acknowledges that or sees that? I don't know. I really don't know. I hope so. I mean, I always said to like the alcohol, like the substances would bring out.

this monster, but like there's that's still within you. So like you need to do deeper work. And I always was trying to get him into therapy. He would go for a couple of weeks and then get too busy. And then, you know, life was great again for a month. And it was just always, yeah, I was always like, there's something deeper. I would always try to get him like to get a brain scan or to like go get tested. And I think that I do think

I know he did a program. I forget what it's called, but it's basically where like boys become men, where he like went camping, which I'm sorry, it's just so funny. I'm like, James camping is, he has to sleep with like a Four Seasons pillow. It's just really funny. But so he's putting in work, but like, I don't know if he, I don't know.

So your mom came to get you that night or the morning after? It was like a few days after. A few days after. Yeah. Okay. What was that kind of conversation like with your mom? Basically like, well, it was around Christmas. So they were actually going to be, my family was going to be coming and staying with us at our house. They were going to be coming like,

five days after all this happened anyway so my mom I think she did fly out though earlier but she was like you're getting an Airbnb I don't care like you don't have to think about what you guys are gonna do right now just like please just get out and like let's do Christmas there and at first I was like against it because I was still living in the house with James and he was like

What? No. Like, I'm so glad, like, that I did the Airbnb. And my mom ended up staying with me in that Airbnb in Larchmont for a month. And it was just so good. Like, I mean, it was not good. It was sad. It was, like, totally just a month of, like, healing and, like, processing everything. And, like, but it was necessary for sure. Another person I've been very critical of as it relates to this story is Lisa Vanderpump. Oh. Mm-hmm.

Who'd you think I was going to say? I'm glad I didn't say what you were going to say. Yeah. Are you familiar with the statement she eventually made regarding the situation? Yes. Did you have any feelings about it? Because it kind of felt like at the end that she...

Well, I think her statement basically was kind of suggesting that like you blew it out of proportion, which to me felt a little icky and dirty because she has a long history, especially with James. Yeah. Clearly there's like a family connection there and things like that. I just thought that was kind of gross on her part, but maybe I'm not, you know, understanding the full context of why she made the statement that she made. I'll say she called me and said,

She did make sure like, are you okay? I mean, this was like two months later, but she called and made sure. She called you two months later? Maybe a month. I don't know. Certainly not the next day. Certainly not the next day. But she, yeah, she called and checked in on me. And then just, yeah, she's very protective over James. And I get it because-

I was too for a long time. Like, it's very motherly. You were in love with him. Yeah. Who is in love with him? Right. That's, yeah. I think that they, like, she feels protected, like a mother almost to him. And I thought that was really weird at first when I first got on the show. Then I kind of started to understand it a little more. But, yeah, she was basically like, Ally, like, he needs you. Like, you...

would you're really good together. I don't think that like, yeah. So she was trying to convince you to stay with him even after learning that he. Yeah. Yeah. She was like, you should go travel with him to his shows this weekend. I'm like, first of all, what shows? He's canceled right now. And also, no, I just moved into an apartment. I were not together, but it was really weird because on the call, I was kind of like,

I was like weak in the moment, you know? And I'm like, ugh, did I make the wrong, you know what I mean? Like questioning everything. Do you think James asked her to make that call? I don't know. I really don't know. Yeah. Yuck. I don't know. It was, yeah, I called some friends after and I'm glad I did because I didn't even tell my mom this because she would have just been so upset. But like I called a bunch of friends after and like told them everything she said and they were like, no, like that's,

She's a producer. That's her trying to literally quite literally produce and like get you guys back together. So like that's I don't know. I don't know why. Yeah. And then it was a lot of like, well, you were drinking, too. And she said that to you. Do you feel like you need to protect Lisa Vanderpump in this moment?

Yeah. Or is it more, are you afraid of Lisa Vanderpump? I'm not afraid. You're not afraid? No, I'm not afraid. I think there's a piece of that world that like...

I'm not afraid. I just, I don't really want to, I don't know, what am I feeling? What are you feeling? What am I feeling, you guys? I don't know either. It's like, I'm not scared of her because like, what would she do? But also like, there is a part of me that still feels like I still respect her in some way, which maybe I shouldn't. Yeah, I don't know.

Probably not. Probably shouldn't. Probably should just be like, whatever. Listen, you have a more intimate relationship with her. I don't even have a relationship with her. My only experience meeting her was awesome and lovely. Yeah. And she was kind. She's great. And great. Yeah. You know, and there's a lot of reasons why it's easy to be a fan of hers and just like everything. Right. So even for me, just even being critical or on the show feels kind of like. Yeah, it feels wrong. I don't know.

Maybe I'm speaking on things I don't realize. I don't know. So I couldn't even imagine what it's like to be in your shoes.

But it does feel real. That phone call sounds like it was a real wrong, like a bad, that shouldn't have happened, it feels like. And it feels like you shouldn't have been put in that place at a time in which you were maybe the most vulnerable. Yeah, no, I agree. I agree, looking back. Because I thought it was sweet. Oh, she's calling to check in. And then it took talking to friends to realize that that wasn't, she doesn't care. So was she like trying to

ultimately like blame the night on like it wasn't just James it was you too kind of thing it felt like you guys are young this is what happens when people drink Ken was also a playboy and naughty when we were younger and I had to whip him into shape like it was giving a little misogyny you know it was a little like that era it's like okay kind of a little misogynistic but she was like you're gonna she was like she was like

honestly this is kind of iconic but she was like you're gonna kiss a lot of frogs and you're gonna marry a frog too that's just the way that it is i was like that's so depressing lisa that doesn't have to be no it doesn't i don't want to marry a frog well i mean listen like i don't know like hey we all have our flaws like you know in a lot of ways i'm a frog but it's just like if we're talking metaphorically but like some frogs

Aren't abusive. I love Princess and the Frog. I don't know. I feel like also that call, it just goes so deep. And that whole cast goes so deep. And like, that's why also it's like, I can see clearly a little bit more than everyone else. I don't know where it's like that.

But even though I know I actually couldn't because I needed friends to really be like, Ali, that was wrong. That conversation was. Did you feel supported by the rest of Vanderpump cast when the news broke and there were paparazzi photos of you moving out of his house? Did you feel supported by them or did you kind of feel like no one really wanted to speak about?

on the situation? I felt supported. Okay. Yeah. I mean, by the woman like that. Yeah. Like Sheena, obviously. Yes. Lala was the first one to text me and her text was really sweet because it helped. Literally, she texted me like two seconds after I saw like an article. So like my I was just like, fuck. And it was basically like, hey, I've been here. Like, turn your phone off and just take care of yourself today. Call

call me whenever you're ready. Like it was helpful. I was like, okay. It felt like she was being a real friend. Exactly. Yeah. And yeah. And Arianna and Katie too reached out. I didn't really talk. I mean, I don't even know if I replied. I didn't really like, I really tried to stay off my phone, but they, I felt the support. Yeah. James running into Andrew Tate felt like at the time,

like the most appropriate bad karma. Yep. You know, in a way, like, like what was the, how did you hear about that? And then what it just, what is your general opinion about that situation? He's obviously come out and acted like he didn't know anything about them and what they stood for. That's very difficult to believe, even if he didn't know, uh,

Like, why did he want to take pictures with the, you know, it's just like, you know. My thought though, he like, and again, I'm not defending him, but just like knowing how his brain works, like he wouldn't have posted that if he thought the, like it was going to get, do you know what I mean? Like he was already in the hot seat. Like he's already basically canceled. Like I genuinely think that he is a little slow and was not, I don't think that he really knew the extent of them. I think he probably knew like, oh, yeah,

Bitcoin or like whatever they, I don't know, but I don't think he would have posted that honestly. That kind of does make sense. Like why would he if he knew, like he's just a little. That's honestly the best defense for him. He didn't get it, which is also a problem, which yeah. Yes. Okay. That does make sense.

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You have a new show out. Yay! Came out last week. Second episode's out today. Yes. It's all, no surprise about horoscopes. Our audience loves horoscopes. Love. So I'm not going to ask you why I just started this podcast. But give our audience a little bit of a glimpse of what they can expect. And then I believe we're going to give them a little preview. Love. You're going to do with us what you do on your show. Yes. So basically...

love astrology and doing people's birth charts I love being able to connect how did you get into it in the first place I was like always kind of just that girl like I was always into it even as a child like

I guess spiritual, but like, I just loved all that kind of stuff. Let's call myself a skeptic. Yes. Okay. I'm just kind of generally a skeptic, but like, how did you, because for you, it goes a lot deeper than reading a daily horoscope, right? Or just like knowing what your sign is and things like that. It is something that you really, it's a compass for you. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So can you explain to me and just the audience, like what value you get out of it?

Yeah. And then why to you or why it should be to anyone more than just like a punchline or like some kind of voodoo, a party trick or whatever. Yeah. And that, you know, it's yeah. Why? Why is it more than that? You know, I love astrology because I don't even have the answer to that. It's like this whole mysterious thing that blows my mind every time I do a birth chart reading. And I do use it as a compass. I use it as a tool. I use it as a guide. I've gotten a lot better. I do not like

Live my life based off of it. I do believe in free will but I also believe in like fixed fate and I think we all have a destiny that we play out and the birth chart

shows us that it's like these are your strengths these are your weaknesses and that's okay like we can't all be perfect and you know we all have our little things but it tells you so much about yourself so like you not only get to learn more about you but also like your partner and your friends people um we're all so interconnected and astrology just proves that and like that's why I'm obsessed with it

Okay. Does that make sense? I'm excited. You, you did mine, you did Nick's and you also did rivers. Yes. And I love rivers. You guys, she's a Libra rising, which I'm looking at dad because like, she's going to have, I know that you're a Libra, but she's a, you guys do have, they do have a lot of similar traits, but don't worry. No, no, no, no. I'm going to say that. My chin, my large chin and my big toe. Oh,

I say like River has my looks, but now he's beauty. But it's true because she looks a lot like me, but like, I remember when you had her and you were saying like the family was like, oh my gosh, she looks like Nick. And you were like, stop. No, I just carried her for nine months and pushed her. She's so beautiful in a way that I just, it doesn't come from me. Oh,

Well, she's a Libra rising. So she's literally going to be beautiful forever. And she's going to, what do you mean by that? Okay. So the rising sign, that is your energy. Like that is absolutely how you move through life. Like our sun sign. So like you're a Libra sun. That's who we're becoming. That's who we want to be. That's where we feel our best and where we feel confident. So like,

Think of it like that. But the rising sign, that's really how we move. That's how other people view you. It's your motivation for living. So when we have a Libra rising...

She is ruled by Venus. So that is the planet of beauty and love and art and history. And like, she's charming. She's going to be so diplomatic. Basically, everyone is going to be obsessed with her and she's going to have a lot of lovers and boyfriends. So that's why I looked at dad. I was like, sorry, dad. Whoa. She's going to be really popular. But will she, will people respect or not?

I'm going to ask you a question. Would you rather be liked or respected? So I'm a Libra moon Capricorn sun. So that is a great question because I want both. Because I definitely want my kids to be more respected. Of course. Yeah. Even feared. Respected. Of course. Respected. Yeah. Yeah. And it's the Libra placement. That's it's kind of funny you say that because their whole like lesson, every sign has their thing. And with Libras, it is like,

Eventually they learn, okay, everybody does like you and want to be around you, but you have to learn that like you don't have space and room for everyone at the table. Like you have to set boundaries and like you get to be picky of who you allow. And like that goes for you too as a Libra sun, but like you've probably learned that over time. Okay. So before we get into our charts, I need astrology for dummies. Okay. I don't even know all the signs. So there's that. You're kidding me. No.

And I have no idea what a rising or a falling or a moon or a sun is. Okay. And why they're important. Okay. And there's like, someone's in seventh house and someone's in their 10th house. Who's in an apartment? Can you give us the basics of all this and why, why, why astrology is what it is and where does it even come from? So I studied Hellenistic astrology and it dates back. I mean, before Christianity, I mean,

And astrologers, they were the mathematicians of the day. They were the astronomers, right? Like that's literally where it all began is like looking up at the sky and patterns. It's all patterns. It's just like interesting because the way that astrology, like the history of it, it's had peaks.

obviously like the 60s right like peace and like there's like moments in history where it like comes back and then it always goes away again and um it always but anyway like where are we now in the history of us i think it's gonna stay but then again neptune just went into aries which i'm a little worried about okay i'm a little worried but anyway anyway the first astrologer woman was burned at the stake

Isn't that crazy? Because it was like a men thing and the Kings, like all the Kings had like the right hand men. It was like the astrologers anyway. So that's like where it was formed. But basically there's a bunch of different types of astrology as well. But natal astrology is the moment you were born. So that's why that birth time and location matters. So it basically calculates the points. It's mathematical. I can't do that by the way. We have like

software that does that, obviously not a mathematician, but they, and being born at like noon versus 1205, how, how different could that change by up to four minutes?

Usually doesn't. But like say, okay, say like we put 4 p.m. for you, but like say your mom comes back and is like, oh, 7 a.m. Like it'll change. Okay. We'll be looking at a different. But if it was like, oh, it turns out now it's 3.56, not 4 p.m. Yeah, we might be fine. The degrees will change a little. So like you do want to get as specific as you can. But basically like, and this is what it looks like. It's, it's.

basically a snapshot of the sky at the exact moment in time you were born. So I think of it as a cosmic blueprint for life. Like there's a lot in here that you have already experienced. It seems cooler than a birth certificate. Yeah. Because it's like totally. That's true. Everyone should just get one of these when they're born. That's so funny. That actually makes everything easier. Like to get a passport they should be like don't bring your birth certificate bring your birth chart. I'm like why isn't the government using astrology to solve crime? They probably are.

Nancy Reagan had an astrologer in office. Really? Yeah. After Ronald Reagan got shot the first time, she was so nervous and she loved him so much that she had an astrologer come in. Wow.

Wow. Yeah. All right. So what's your... Okay. Give me the basics. Like what's a... What is it? So your rising sign is... And what is a rising sign? It's also known as your ascendant. And basically it is the first... It's the first house, house number one. That's where Nick was born. So Nick was born right here and he entered the world. And the first energy that you ever met or like came into contact with was actually Aquarius, which is...

Why you're so James is an Aquarius and sorry drawing drawing comparisons, but I'm saying in the way that like you You both like you know how James marches to the beat of his own drums and he says what he wants and he Doesn't care about being liked which Libra's usually do but because you're an Aquarius rising you have an edge to you where you're like I'm doing my own thing in this lifetime like it's fine and

I can break the rules a little bit. So you're an Aquarius rising. So that's how you move through life. Very innovative, very like creative, outspoken. But you're here. Aquarius is like very humanitarian and they're like here to shake up systems and to evolve basically. So that's your rising sign. Also, if you're ever reading your horoscope, read for Aquarius, not Libra. What does that mean?

Nick, when you're reading Cosmopolitan Magazine in the mornings and you're going to the horoscope section, read for Aquarius. Okay, read for Aquarius. Is that a common mistake people must make all the time? Yeah, because horoscope is Greek for hour marker. So it's all about the rising sign, not...

not the sun. You can still read for the sun and your moon sign because those are still like really big placements in our chart. But for timing, which is like why people usually look at horoscopes, like what can I expect this month? Read for your rising sign. All right. Yep. That's a good note. I didn't even know Aquarius was a sign. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, that's your daughter. Literally.

Oh, I did. Wait, I'm done. So perfect. And she's a Libra rising. You always hear about Gemini's, you know, and I knew I was a Libra, you know. And River is a Libra rising Aquarius sun. So you guys are switched.

What does that mean? That just means you guys are going to get each other on like a really deeper level. Have a really strong connection, like always. Sorry, Natalie. I know. Wait, let's see. OK, wait, but also. Wait, let's see if there's anything that connects Natalie to her daughter. Hold on. Let me see if River is yours. Like, actually, I think Nick birthed her. I'm going to be honest here. That's what I'm coming to my conclusion.

No, I'm kidding. I am looking though. Take your time. Actually, take all the time you need. But wait, before we do leave, Nick, I did want to tell you though.

This is cool. Mercury is the planet of communication and storytelling, speaking. You have it at 28 degrees in the ninth house. The ninth house is where we see publishing, sharing your wisdom with the world. Like the ninth house is the student and the teacher. And that's where we see authors. That's where we see like motivational speakers or people who just have a strong voice in society. So like you have Mercury conjunct your sun and Saturn. Basically, you just have a lot of energy in your ninth house.

So it makes sense with like your career path and being like opinionated and having a powerful voice, writing a book. - God, you would have never have made it as an accountant. - No. - No. - No. - I sat down and like, I hate this fucking job. That was my major. - I was gonna say, but you would be good at it 'cause Aquarius is the smartest sign. - I mean, I was smart, but I just, my brain did not, it's like, this isn't for you. - Libra in the ninth too is just like, it's very well,

It wants to travel and like learn about like deeper life stuff. The ninth house is always just like a big question mark. Like what is the meaning of life? And it's Libra. So it has that relationship theme because Libra is the sign of relationships. All I knew about Libras is that it's a sign of balance or something like that. Yeah. It is the sign of the scales balancing. It's the idea that we're meant to balance ourself, like our soul with another.

So it's a balance between the two with Libra. I think two is better than one. It really loves partnership. And is that partner like a Virgo? And the partner is a Virgo. He has Jupiter in Virgo, which means that when you guys met, it probably did feel like almost like you guys have met before.

In another lifetime. Okay. It was just a like very magnetic attraction and it's in the eighth house. So like the sexual chemistry, it was like, yeah, you guys were just like, oh my God. It was popping. I'm obsessed with you. Can concur. Can concur. Okay.

Okay, great. This is fun. You also have Venus conjunct the North Node, which the nodes are not a planet, obviously, but they're a point that represent our purpose. And you have that conjunct Venus, which means in this lifetime, it's quite literally like, I'm not telling you what your purpose is, but that's your path. Like your soul is here to literally understand like people and relationships. Yeah.

Do you believe in astrology now? - Yeah, literally. - It's, listen, I-- - We're getting there. - The more, what I love about these conversations is because like, I think, you know, astrology, like you mentioned, it's easy to mock or make fun of, but like, there is a science behind it. And I say this as someone who's grown up very religious, very Catholic,

And I mean, no disrespect to my Christian audience members, but like there is a level of faith. You know, if you're if you're Catholic, you learn about faith. Yeah. And you learn the power of believing in something greater than yourself. Yeah. You know, we believe in God and there's a certain faith. And it's just kind of like, well, what's the difference between that?

Yeah. And astrology, there's a level of faith in believing in something outside of yourself. Obviously. Also, sorry to add to that because I get asked this a lot and I just want to say that you can have both too. Like, I wouldn't even say astrology is like my faith. I believe in a higher power. I'm very spiritual. But this is, again, it's like I use it as a map. I use it as a tool. Like you can still have faith. It's like they shouldn't...

but heads or, you know, in a sense, because like, if God exists, he gave us the stars. He also gave us whatever ability to understand them, you know, type of thing. And yeah,

For me, I have a vast appreciation as someone who no longer actively goes to church and I'm not that religious anymore. But I had a really great experience personally. I know other people didn't. Growing up Catholic, as I've gotten out into the world and met other people, whether they're Jewish or Muslim or whatever,

atheist like i've just learned about other people other belief systems and i just have a immense respect for them and what they believe in and the idea that i could sit there and say my god is better than yours or it just felt so ignorant and so like i just have a huge respect for faith in general because if god exists yeah like and we don't know we you know what i'm saying like it's

Also, for listeners that do know astrology, I just have to let you know that Nick has a stellium in the ninth house. So literally everything you're saying is so on par with your chart. The ninth house is the house of religion, belief systems, faith, questioning it all. Because you're like, you're very aware that there's more out there. But you're like, you're just on a journey to understand it. Like, not that you need to know everything, but you're just curious. Like, that's the ninth house. And you have four planets there. So that just means there's a lot of energy there.

in that area of life for you. All right. Tell me about my wife. Okay.

She's like, doomsday. Absolutely not. No, I am obsessed with Natalie's tart. So you're a Virgo. I am. Which, love. I love Virgos. I love Virgo women. Our second baby that we lost was supposed to be a Virgo. And I was like so excited because I was like planning. I'm like, our next baby has to be a Virgo because I'm a Virgo. And like we need another Virgo. Another Mercury. Anytime I meet a fellow Virgo, I'm like, I'm obsessed with you. Actually, no.

Can we talk about that for a minute? Are you comfortable talking about that? So the fifth house, this house here real quick, this is the house of children. And you have your moon there. And I just want to let you know, because like the moon, it's the most important planet. It's how we mother. It's how we nurture. It's how we feel safe. It's how we regulate our emotions. So like wherever the moon lives in our birth chart, like that is an area that we have to nurture. It's like the most important area. And you have it in your fifth house of children, which

Which means, quite literally also, like, not everybody who has this placement needs to be a mother. But that was probably always, like, a really strong desire for you. And the moon is a wave. So, like, there's always highs and lows, right? It controls the ocean tides. Aw. No, I didn't mean to. Well, okay. Anyone who says nice things about my wife, I just cry. Aw, that's so sweet. You guys, see Lisa? She didn't marry a frog. Okay.

See, I do. I have always said I feel like I was put on this earth to be a mom. Yeah. So that does make sense. And also just the moon experiences all range of emotions. Wherever we all have the moon somewhere and we... You can look at a chart and be like, okay, that's an area that is going to be emotional because that's the moon. So because you have the moon in the fifth house, it's going to feel the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. So I just want like even like the experience that you just had, just trusting like you have river. There's still like so...

so much nurturing that you're meant to do in this lifetime. Like you are a mother. Like that's just, I don't know. So I just wanted you to know that because there's absolutely, if you are like, if you guys are going to try again to the moon in the fifth house is like, that's a special spot for you. Yay. Children. Okay. Yay. Also, you're just going to be a great mom in general, like even with river and your friends, you know? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

But then you're a Virgo son and you have your son in the second house. The second house is the house of work hard, play hard. Like we like nice things in the second house. This is where we like eat the fine food, drink the fine wine, travel, luxury, good taste,

Yes, this is where purses live, literally. And it's in Virgo. So like also earth sign, love the green. Like earth energy, especially Virgo. It's just very timeless, classic. Head on your shoulders, like loyal and just like hardworking, but play. Like that's the thing with the second house is it really... And so the sun is where we shine. So I'm glad that you like... Also, just by the way, you have Leo Mercury. Leo Mercury is like...

I'm performing. I'm on Broadway. Okay? Like, you are a star, Natalie. Literally, you are a star. You have Venus also in Leo, and you have Mars in Leo, and it's all in your first house of being seen in this lifetime. So, like, I don't know. What does that mean? I think you're meant to be, like, a movie star. Oh! Listen, I've been saying since I met her, she's the real star in this family. Yeah, like, yeah.

And my chart is here to prove it. I think you were always definitely, even like being in LA, I always call like Leo, like the New York city sign, like it's pulling you out into the world. But Leo's, they just want to make people happy. They enjoy performing. They enjoy art. There was a, an article covering the most recent miscarriage. And the headline was Nick Biles. Wife talks about the miscarriage. And I said to her, Natalie, I,

And like, unless six to 12 months will be the last time anyone ever refers to her. Love that. Mark.

Mark my words. Mark it down, people. Now it's going to be like a real big deal. No, like literally when I pulled up your chart, because I honestly was expecting you to have some Leo somewhere. Like it's you. I was like, okay. Yeah. Like you are, you are really here to shine in this lifetime. Like that's your rising sign. So she's a Leo rising. So like everywhere you go, it's as if you think of you as like you're the sun.

Because Leo's ruled by the sun. No, we're all roaming. No, we're all roaming. Literally. And you just make people feel happy and warm. And like they want to be in the sun. See, haters, I'm not a raging bitch. She's great. I am ray of sunshine. I am ray of sunshine. I mean, when Allie walks in her room, she's magnetic. She is magnetic. No, like the first time even meeting you. Like it makes sense. Because I just remember being like, oh my God, like you're so beautiful. And like just easy to talk to. And also like being in the sun and just like being in warmth.

is important to you too. Yes, I do love the jam. What else is fun? Oh, okay. You have Jupiter and Pisces in your eighth house. That's very intuitive. Jupiter is the planet of expansion and opportunities, but like wherever Jupiter is in our birth chart, that's where we have like natural gifts and talents. And the eighth house is, I call it the haunted house. Cause like, that's where we go into that. Like most people don't want to go into the haunted house, but like if you

If you have a placement in the eighth, it's like you want to go in or you're going in regardless. So you might as well enjoy it. It's where we do see like some clairvoyancy, psychic abilities, very spiritual. Also therapy and like healing. So being able to just even do stuff like this, right? And like talk deeper and have like deeper connections. You're going deep in this lifetime. But always trust your intuition. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. What else can you tell us about our daughter future? He's like, that's enough about Natalie. Wrap that up. And wrap it up. I'm just kidding.

Oh, I was going to say too, but Jupiter in the eighth, the eighth house, I call it the haunted house because there is like, it can feel unfair. That's where we can see things like abusive relationships, trauma, death. Like I have a lot of planets in the eighth house too. And like I lost my dad when I was younger. The eighth house is where we kind of have to experience like the shit end of the stick sometimes.

But we grow from it. Is that why I have so much trauma? Yeah. Natalie's got some trauma. Yeah. It's a gift, though. Like, eventually. So let me ask you this. And this might get into the kind of voodoo-y type of thing. But, like, Natalie has a lot of trauma from her childhood. Very old.

sorts of fucked upness. Yeah. And you're reading her chart based off of like information when she was born. If you were reading this, how do I ask this question? I want to be very careful. I asked this question. What part of it is like, what'd you say? The, the plan destiny or something versus like, you know,

You know what I'm saying? I don't want to suggest it's like, oh, it's something's in this house and some bad shit's going to, it's like, you know, how do you grapple with that? You know what I'm saying? And by the way, no, that's such a good, because like for people watching, if they're like, oh, I have Jupiter in the eighth house or like, is my parent going to die? It's like, no, I've seen plenty of people with eighth house placements that have not experienced that. Or is it like, did that bad shit happen because of my chart?

Almost in a way. Yeah, that's kind of the fun debate of astrology where it's like we can sit there. And that's why also you I you every astrologer has a different take.

And I believe in positive thinking, right? And like putting good energy out into the world. So like I always try to view everything as like the first thing I said, oh my God, you have Jupiter in the eighth. Like you're really intuitive. Like the good things are first. But then it's like, okay, I remember what we were just talking about. And I'm like, let's be real though. The eighth house comes with a bit of cobwebs. That's why it's the haunted house. It's like, it's a little dark.

But Jupiter naturally is such a positive planet that it's, like, whatever you go through is going to benefit your life in some way later on. Whether that's, like, you're able to help other people or whatever. And also, like, even from your own childhood, like, whenever we see you have the sun in the second house conjunct the north node, our purpose point. It's, like, you were always very independent and almost had to parent yourself. And, like, you're…

Be your own strength. Yeah. And again, with the moon in the fifth house, right? Because like now you're in your motherhood journey. But like when you were a child, you still had your moon in the fifth house, which can look like mothering yourself and having to like heal your inner child. That's spooky as fuck. Isn't it crazy? I know. Sometimes I'm doing it. I'm like, I'm scared. That is really, it's fun. I know you want to, we like a positive spin, but what can you tell us from our charts, if anything, about,

Blind spots, bad habits, weaknesses, things that we might be prone to do. You know what I'm saying? Does that make sense? Yeah. I look at the aspects. So communication is honestly really key for both of you guys. You have, where's next? Mercury. Yeah. I wish I did your guys' synastry chart or composite chart. We can do that.

We can do that though another time. When we come on your show. You can be hard on yourself with the work that you do, but perfectionist, you have Saturn in the 10th house, which means delays also within the working world. But Saturn is the planet of mastery. So trust that good things within your career, it takes time. Even literally like what you just said with like, that's not what they're going to be calling you. And months from now is very funny because Saturn in the 10th, you're hard on yourself, but that's because you care and you want things to be

Good. You have the opposite. You have Mars in your 10th house. So yours is like you're speeding through. It's like I've got a lot to say. I'm just going to go. And it's a little more. There's more energy there where yours is more like anyway, that's for career, though. It's like Nick.

Does leave cabinet doors open. Nick's not going to be able to pick up his clothes and put them in the laundry hamper. Where is Nick's six? Well, yeah. Does it explain why I'm aloof or forgetful? Curious rising and the Libra.

you're very air. So Libra and Aquarius are both air signs. So that the definition is literally a little. An airhead. And yeah, it's like, we're kind of like up in the clouds. Okay. And we're thinking about. It's like that's beautiful. We're thinking about a million different things. Guys, I'm up in the clouds. It's like, you're like eating dinner. Someone's asking you about your day and you're like, do you think that like aliens are real? And like, what is really. Yeah. It's more like someone could be talking to me and they think I'm there. And I'm like, I'm in outer space right now. Like. Yes.

Yes. He's in the clouds. Yep. I'm out at lunch for sure. That's, yeah. So that's air energy and you have a lot of that. And then you have Virgo, right? So like in general, Virgos are the organized like perfection ones. So that is probably that, that difference there. Are Libra and Virgos compatible? So with compatibility, okay, this is going to be a take. I don't really believe in that. Oh.

I think... Okay, well, that's not true. I believe, though, that we're all compatible. Not in the sense that, like...

obviously you're attracted to who you're attracted to. But like that speaks for itself. That kind of goes back to with like, we don't need to use astrology for everything. But it sounds like almost there's so much information we can get from these charts that there's probably with every couple points of compatibility and points of incompatibility and how any couple chooses to approach that. We can learn from it. So like you guys found each other. Now we look at the chart and we can see, okay, what can we work on? And like,

what's great. You guys are both building really an empire together. You both have really lovely 10th house placements and like star power. So like your career is really important. But I've seen charts of people who got divorced that had beautiful compatibility. And then I've seen charts of people that are still together with like not by textbook, like the best compatibility. So like it really just depends on like how willing you are to work on yourself.

In the relationship. In the relationship. What can we expect from River's future? Like, what are challenges we might... Yeah. How are we compatible with our daughter? And, like, how... In what A.A. ways will... Like, we might, like, butt heads. Honestly...

She's kind of like going to parent you guys eventually. She has Saturn in the sixth house. It is in Pisces. She's very hardworking. Not yet, obviously. But like one day she will be. I feel like she's going to carry on your guys' legacy, to be honest. I have said since she was born that if I would manifest it, like I want her to be whatever she wants. As long as she's passionate about it. But like, because I'm a big sports fan.

And obviously I do this. I talk for a living. I could see her being like a premier, like sports woman. Like she's going to like, yeah, she's going to be like,

A woman in sports. Well, luckily for you, she has her son in the fifth house, which again, the sun is where we shine. And the fifth house is the house of entertainment, movies, music, sports. It's like the entertainment house. So I was going to say, but like, that's just where my head goes first, right? It's like movies, but like she could very well be an athlete. Yeah. Or have a bit of a, she's performing in some aspect. She's going to, she's going to do something that she enjoys. She's not going to do probably like

accounting like she's gonna be more in like the arts and like entertainment um also she's a libra rising so they're usually just drawn to like literally poetry beautiful things she's gonna have such good taste that she gets that's your second house placement there we go something excellent taste yeah no yeah she does yeah yeah you have the second house is it your moon no sun so yeah and

Yeah. Your son is in the second house. So like that's where you shine. You're proud of. I mean, your guys' home is so beautiful. I remember like when I first met you and you would like post and I'd be like, what? How did you do that? Remember, I lime washed because of you. Oh, yeah. You lime washed, didn't you? Yeah. Our guest bedrooms. Yeah. We just did our pop-up studio as well. I love lime wash. Me too.

I was obsessed. So that was from you. That sun in the second house. It's like she shines there. So people get inspo from you. And your daughter has her moon in the second house. Do you hear that, Brandy? Brandy's out there. She's just saying that I actually... Circling back to you. All this talk about astrology and then our previous conversation, I'm wondering how has astrology helped you through this experience? And what have you learned or discovered about maybe some bad habits you have

with just how you show up to relationships or stay in relationships and things like that. Totally. So that...

I think I told you guys, yeah, I was like already, I was honestly dreading last December, like the previous January. Like I knew the December for James and I was going to be super telling and wild and really test our relationship. So then when everything fell apart as sad as I, like I was heartbroken, but the other part of me, and this is why I love astrology is it does remind me like, okay, this is

one, this is just weather. Like it'll pass. Like we always go through eclipse season and like there's always crazy astrology happening and then there's always beautiful astrology happening. Like it's just weather. It'll pass. It was meant to be. I believe that our bird chart is all about like getting in alignment with your higher good and like where you're meant to be and it's all lessons. So that like mindset helps me a lot. And then with me personally, like I know I have Saturn in the first house. So I do have to work on setting boundaries for myself and not...

And this is something for future Allie to consider is slow down and pay attention to red flags and set boundaries for yourself. So to be a little bit more trusting my own schedule and timing of things. Do you feel like your propensity to...

keep things positive or put a positive spin on things has clouded your judgment in the past? Probably. Yeah. But I honestly like that maybe this is wrong, but I it's fine.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm fine with it because at the end of the day, I don't really have any regrets and I want to have my best life possible. I want James to have his best life possible. And like the clarity it's here now. So I'm grateful for that. But I think, you know, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to want to see the best in people, but I think it's good to be aware that you're that type of person, which I am.

So, yeah, I mean, it's only a problem with people like, oh, you're a fixer type of thing. Like, you know, at its core, it's a good thing, you know, because it comes with the intention of, you know, wanting to show up for your partner and do your part. The problem with fixers and I've been that person, a lot of us have, is that sometimes we show up too much. Like we do our half, then we do their half or part of their half.

And then we're always like, we're covering our ass. We're coming for their ass and things like that. And we can't really draw the line between what is healthy behavior and what necessarily is well-intentioned behavior, but actually a little maybe toxic. Totally. Yeah. That's yeah. I saw something on TikTok this morning that was like,

women stop being the understanding girlfriend. And I was like, whoa. I mean, I think it's good to be understanding. But I feel like there was a deeper point where it's like, okay, but eventually if you continue just being like always understanding, like they aren't learning. Oh, yeah. I mentioned this at one of our Ask Nick episodes. I had a caller come in. She was talking about her boyfriend and she was just talking about...

well, you know, he's just, you know, he's younger. So he's like, I think, I don't know. I don't forget the details, but basically it was, I kind of said like, listen, like you're just playing into the stereotypes that like men mature slower than women. And so like anytime he does this, you're just making an excuse for ultimately what maybe just, he doesn't care. Like maybe this is just who he is. And maybe like we don't need to make excuses for him. And even though we can come up with a reason that's,

that makes what they're doing sound a little better. You know, like ever since I learned about attachment styles, I thought I was very fascinated, very interested. And then fast forward six months, everyone was like, well, my boyfriend's like, you know, he's a avoidant. And it's just like, so then all of a sudden, every time he was a dick. Yeah. We excuse it. It was just like, well, it's because he's, he's because he's an avoidant. Yeah.

you know, and that also goes with Gemini men, like women with Gemini men. They're like, well, he's just a Gemini. You're like, yeah, it's just like, I guess, but like, does that make it okay? You know? And then like, so like sometimes understanding things I've had to learn that is, is you can go a step too far. Like you can over-therapize yourself. You can get too much therapy, you know? I agree. You know, you can, sometimes you just have to accept. Yeah.

And move forward. And move forward. And it's so much easier said than done. Like, I will say for people, like, especially if it's an abusive relationship or a toxic relationship, like, it's hard. But, like, yeah. From where I'm at now, it's like, oh, yeah. Like, why would you give him so many chances? Or, like, you know what I mean? It's easier said than done. Just for anyone out there. But, like...

Leave him. Is there a message for ladies who might be listening to you and hearing some similarities in your story and relating it? You know, I know it's easy to say just leave, but maybe what are some questions that you would recommend people listening to ask themselves to maybe have a more honest conversation with themselves about the choices they're making, right? Because like you said, like some, you've really acknowledged it.

If it weren't for your friends, if it weren't for your mom, you wouldn't be sitting where you are today having moved forward, having moved on. And so how can people listening who are relating to your story...

have more honest conversations with themselves because it is so easy to try to make excuses, mask certain behaviors, things like that, and then ultimately opt to stay in a situation for all the reasons you just talked about, the guilt, the fears, the, you know,

Where am I going to be, et cetera, et cetera. Gosh, I feel like I'm being so honest. Like, I feel like I still have so much to learn about those types of relationships because in every situation is different, obviously. And I really wish that I like you might have something to say. I wish that I knew because I'm just like grateful. Now I'm grateful was not.

before, but like I'm grateful for the way it played out because I do think that it made it easier. So I mean, I guess maybe being honest and like opening up with friends or people that are like in your circle just to get the feedback of like,

That's like not okay. Even though you probably know that deep down anyway. So like, I don't know. But sometimes it takes a person on the outside to kind of like wake you up and make you realize things like that. Yeah. And then I've also had friends who've just been like one day it just hit me and it was like, okay, fine.

I woke up and just finally decided like enough is enough. So it's like different for everyone. But I think just having grace with yourself and like just trusting like your friends that are around you and your support system. And if you don't have that therapy, you know, there's so many great resources out there now, like so many. So just opening up to someone and like feeling loved, I would say. What's something about yourself that you're currently focused on working on? You

being in kind of this season of like healing and self-improvement? I feel like I moved into my new apartment. I've been, I love decorating too. So I've been like throwing myself into that and obviously like my podcast and I'm doing readings. So I've been really busy. So I know that I still need to make sure I'm taking time to like, you know, heal, but I do yoga. I love yoga. I do meditate.

So I try to always make sure that I love reading and I've been reading like a lot of like relationship books and like therapy type books. So as long as I just take a time out from like, I don't want to overwork myself Capricorn. So like I just try to have balance, which is hard. But have you been doing any dating? No dating. No, no, no, no.

That's scary. So that's like a, right now you're just, that door, that door's closed for you in the most moment or? Yeah. I think that I, I'm totally, yeah, focused on myself and my podcast and my apartment and just like,

Just like fully enjoy. Like I feel so free that I don't want anyone to like get in the way of that. Like I'm, I'm finally feeling like myself and happy. So I'm just going to ride that out until, till I'm ready.

Love that. Thanks. So I'm not dating right now. And I think I just have a lot, obviously a lot of healing to do. But then also my therapist, she's amazing. She helped me realize something because after this James like breakup, I kind of had this wild moment where I was like, wait, I have a not a type. I do have a type. I love musicians. But I have a type of like, I keep dating people.

alcoholics. So my college boyfriend had a drinking problem, which is ultimately why I broke up with him because I was like, you're drinking a lot. And where are we going? What are we doing? So I broke up with him. And then now with the James stuff, like not those addiction issues. And I was like talking to my therapist and I'm like, why do I keep dating alcoholics? Like that? What does that say about me? I was like kind of beating myself up over it. And she was like, which by the way, like you guys don't know this, but my dad died when I was 11 from like alcohol related issues. And she was like,

you're trying to save your dad. And I was like, whoa, that was crazy. So therapy has been so helpful and I really feel like I just need some more like healing, I guess. Yeah. I think you learn a lot about yourself and about the choices that you make because of what you've been through or what you've experienced in this life. And going to therapy really opens up those doors and makes you understand yourself a little bit better. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Crazy.

This felt like therapy too. Cause I really don't, I'm a very like push it under the rug unless it's therapy. So like, I feel actually good that I was able to like share this and like, thank you guys for making me feel safe. And well, thank you for sharing. And I know it's not an easy conversation to have, and I'm glad that you felt comfortable having it. And like, you know, just from my opinion, I still, I think you did it in

in the most gracious and kindest way for the other person, regardless of how they think and feel about it. But yeah, you have a story to share and you are a public figure. You like you, you know, and people are very curious about your story and your life and you have your fans who are worried about you and concerned about you. And so that's another thing. Like, thank you to every, like the, honestly, like what helped me also get through was,

and not go back, my mom too, but the fans, like the amount of messages and DMs and just like support and people being like proud of you. Like it just was so helpful. Like I can't even really explain it, but it really was helpful. And I read,

a lot of them. So thank you. Thank you for opening up and sharing. And I really believe this will have a very positive effect on a lot of people's lives and hopefully yours as well. And congratulations on your podcast. Thank you. Starstruck. Starstruck. It's out now. There's two episodes out now. If you guys are interested in listening, there's a link.

to Allie's show in the show bio. If you want to click and find it there, check it out. It's a lot of fun. It's a very interesting topic. Thank you for doing it. I mean, it really is. It's really kind of, it's really quite fascinating. And the more you learn about it, like there's clearly something to be gained from it or just a little bit of insight, right? It's like one of those things where it doesn't have to be some religion or dogma. It doesn't have to be your entire compass, but like it can be a guide. Yeah. I love that.

Thank you, guys. Thank you. Love you. Love you. Bye. Yay.