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This podcast is powered by Huel. H-U-E-L. New customers can use code BADFRIENDS for 15% off plus a free gift. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Two million subscribers. Yay, two million. Yeah. Two million, baby. Thank you so much. You know what I mean?

Oh my God. Did you shoot yourself? Yes. That's so funny. You deserve that. Fucking idiot. You know. Today we don't have Carlos because you were so mad at him. Well, you know, I just came up with a new nickname with Andrew and I. I'm Little China and he's Big Trouble. Big Trouble, Little China? No, you're in Big Trouble with me. No, no, no. You're Big Trouble and I'm the Little China. I asked you for one favor. I asked you for one favor. What was yours?

I said, I'm at a business dinner. I can't make it there. I'm at a dinner. And I was on a date. Time out. You were on a date. I called the date. What's better? Or business? We'll say it together. One, two, three. Business!

It's business. You can't play this game. Look at him. He looks like an accountant. He's an accountant part three, the new one after this next one. And this guy, he's a fin sell. No, he's an outsell. He's been doing really well lately. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He told me in the car ride over here he's doing great. Anyway. No, I'm mad at you. I call Bobby. I'm mad at you more. Nice try, dude. Good one. Nice try. Look at your face, dude. Nice try. It's a sad face. You get all red. And you know you're...

In your eyes? Did you know you're wrong? I just read it. Did you put all that flair on your hat?

Did you place those pins on your hat? No, it came that way. Loser. That's right. You look like a truck stop. You can call me. You loser. You look like a Buc-ee's. You look like you got that at a Buc-ee's. Did you go down to Austin and get all that gear, you loser? No, I got it shipped here from Austin. You know what's really annoying? I wanted to make fun of your shirt, and we're wearing the same color of diarrhea shirts today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This shirt I thought was a different color when I ordered it, and it's like poo. It's baby poo. It's like runny baby poo. Well, I mean, no. Are you on a safari? No.

What did I do? I met with a Korean friend. I'm not going to say who I met with someone who loves you, who loves us. You couldn't come meet him with me. He was a big fan. He was upset that we couldn't. You weren't there. That's fine. And that's fine. Then I called Bobby, you guys, for your reference. I said, Bob, all I need is a couple of fun Korean phrases to say to him for the show.

He goes, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I go, just text me. Just text me three things. And then he goes, okay, okay, I will when we're driving, when we stop. Okay, fine. Hours, hours, hours, nothing, nothing. And he says, I'm on a date. He's on a date with a girl that I made laugh, by the way. I gave him a layup. He's on a date with a girl. He puts me on speakerphone, and I said, no.

I'll tell you what you said. You fuck. You fucker, dude. I know what you said. What did I say? So he calls me. I pick up. I'm on speakerphone in my car, right? And as soon as I pick up, I go to Andrew. I go, watch what you say. You know, I'm on a date, right? And he goes, how did the surgery go on your nutsack? Did you get that thing burnt off? Burnt off. And she wasn't laughing like... Cracking up. No. She was dying laughing. This is how she was laughing. She was like...

looking at me like this. Like, as if it was true, dude. What did you say? Yeah, I got them burnt off. It's fine. Yeah, I was playing along with it and then when we hung up, I had to tell her, oh, that was a joke. She goes, really? She knows. She knows it was a joke. You're trying to sabotage me there, guy. Do you think she's dating a rocket scientist? She knows who she's dating. It's a comic. Yeah, I told her I was a rocket scientist. A scientist? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Dude, look at the part.

Anyway, so I was upset. So I'm doing a show in the belly room. Okay. Tickets were bad. It sold out. It sold out. I looked online. It sold out. No, you're a liar. Do you want me to call the store right now? I know it sold out. You know why it sold out?

Why did it sell out? Because I put your name on the flyer. No, no, you didn't. First of all, my name wasn't on the flyer because I looked at the website A and B. It already sold out. You're a liar. Dude, you're lying. I'm not a liar. Don't lie to our fans. I'm not lying to anybody. We got 2 million subscribers and you're lying. Congratulations to us. To us. Thank you for 2 million subscribers. Jesus, dude. How many more of those do you have? Don't do another one. It scared the shit out of me. I had non-flashbacks. Charlie, don't.

Stop that. Helpful. Helpful. All right, so I'm struggling to sell out the belly room. This is so not true. It was sold out. McCone and I looked online. It was sold out. After I put his name on a flyer. That's not true. Yes, it is. Here's how I know you're lying. We were... Andreus. He doesn't know. Bob is right. I didn't know.

Are you out of your mind right now? Thank you. Are you literally out of your mind right now? He's having trouble selling the belly room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's having trouble. Oh, my God. So I was like, you know, who do I need a favor? You're going to piss me off so hard. Can I have my point of view? In court, I get my time on the stand. But you have to swear on the Bible. This is a lie. I'll swear on... Swear on the kitty. The kitty, okay?

I swear. I swear to God. So I get this belly room show. It's a new joke night. And I'm like, we put it on the market. And it's slow. Because of the economy and whatnot. And it's also, you know, my name doesn't have the kind of value it does. This is so annoying. I don't care. I get my time in court.

Your honor, objection. I get my time in court. Do I not? You're in contempt. I'm like, I might have to use some of my friends. So I call Whitney Cummings. And guess what? Twice Whitney showed up for me. Tim Dillon showed up for me last week. Okay. And I was sure that my best friend, right?

When you think about friend, right? You think about a man, right? Your best friend, a man that's a ride or die, right? That no matter what's going on, he's going to be there for me. Totally. And that's what the definition of friendship. It's a love. It's a brotherhood, right? If we were in the army, another Vietnam reference, okay? Right? I would need his back.

In a warlike situation. You would hide behind me. You know what? And you're right. When I wasn't selling tickets, I hid behind you because I needed you. No, no, no. Yeah. So then once I put Andrew's name on the flyer, right? Oh, that's the tickets going up. Do you guys smell this? Do you smell that?

Do you seriously smell that? No. It seriously smells like gas. You gaslighting piece of shit. That's a good joke. You're such a piece of shit. No. You're done. I'm not done. You're done. Right. So then as soon as I put his name on the flyer. No. Right. Right. And so now I'm at the show. Right. I'm calling Andrew. Driving me. Osha Kasher. Nick Thune showed up for me. You know, I don't even know Nick that well. Showed up for me.

And then all of a sudden I go, just get here from 8.30 to 9. I did text you that. And what did I say? Nothing. I'm at a business dinner. I can't make, I'll show it. I'll show it too, right here. I'll show it. Let me show it first. I'll show it. All right. So Andrew Santino. Bobby Lee. All right. All right. So Andrew. What time is it? I have a dinner, 8.30 to 9. And then what did I say?

I'm not able to head over after dinner. I was out of trying to secure some stuff for us. Stop, because you know what? It's so funny what you're doing, right? Read it. I am going to read it. It does say that, but can I say this? You go, what time is it? I'm at dinner. That's at 6.50. The dinner was a 7.30 dinner. Okay, stop. Then I say at 6.50 immediately, just get here from 8.30 to 9. Then you text me at 10.30.

After the show's over. Sorry I couldn't come. After the show's over. So the whole time I'm like going out to the lot. It's like I don't see Andrew's car. Hey, guys, is Andrew here? No, no show, right? I'm running around like a fucking animal, dude, right? And I'm going, he's not here. And then at 1030 when the show's over, then you text me and that's the truth right here. You can read it right here. Truth. So your honor, I rest my case. I have a surprise for you. And then the next day you call me and go, hey, can you –

Do something racist for my Korean buddy I'm doing an interview for? Racist? I just wanted some Korean language. I wanted some words in Korean. No, your honor. I don't want to do something racist against another Korean person. No, I wanted words to help me understand. Is somebody in there that's shaked? Is somebody in there that's shaked? Is someone in the cake? Yeah, somebody's peeing in there or something's in there. You know what it is? You know what it is? Huh? It's fucking Carla. What?

right Carlos isn't here right and he's in here and I'm gonna say this right now dude if Carlos pops out of there I will literally get up and leave the podcast alright I don't want anyone to get out of there until we're done with this podcast

Right? So an hour later, that better not open into the end. Who's in there? I don't care who's in there. What if it's someone that you love? But it's not. What if it's someone you love? It's Carlos because he's not there. You think I'm dumb? And let me say something about last week, about the fucking Trump letter, okay? All right? What?

And I was on therapy today, and I swear to God on my mother's life, if something pops out of there until we say thank you for being a fat, fat friend, I will fucking leave. I don't give a fuck. Right. Okay? Okay. So whoever's in there, I hope you took a piss and I took a shit because you're going to stay there for the next hour. What?

All right. And so that's the fact. Okay. Whoever's listening. I know if you're a girl, beautiful girl, whatever, a stripper, whatever. What if it is a beautiful girl? I'll forgive it. But if it's Carlos Herrera, right, I will fucking leave. Come on out, beautiful girl. Go get him. Go get him, Mr. Cake.

Go! That's good. Go get him. Go, go, go. Go out there with him. I'll see you later. And I did it to be funny. We're friends. Just go for today. No, that's crazy, bro. Why? Why? It's...

It's crazy. Andrew, can you back me up for once? Look, first of all, I back you up on a constant basis. I've never not had your back. Hash this out with him. Tell him why you're really upset. I'll tell you why I'm really upset. Clearly he's really upset. Because I went to therapy today. It's not about the cake, is it? No, it's deeper than that. I'll tell you what it is. When I was in eighth grade, I bought parachute pants. MC Hammer pants. Because I was breakdancing. And there was a group...

Major Tomo or something. I don't know what they were called. You know what I mean? But they were like the big dancing group of my middle school. That was the crew. Crew. And they were like, and they heard that I wanted to be a part of it. Right. So they go, show up to this warehouse because there was an industrial zone in Poway. Right. You know what I mean? So my mom dropped me off there and I went there and they weren't there. And I walked home crying.

Okay. And then a couple of months later, the same crew goes, yo, we're so sorry about that. Go to Tommy Huddleston's Tom. I forgot his last name, but party tonight is a Friday. And I showed up. There was no party. And it wasn't even his address. It's not funny at all, dude. I don't know.

Fucking horrible. Right? And then I cried again. Yeah, I mean... Carlos, stop it. Honestly. Stop. Stop. Sit down. Stop. Stop laughing. Honestly, dude. What are you doing? Dude. Let's talk. All right. Honestly, dude. Can I say one thing as a friend?

And so what I'm saying is- I understand the pain. But you guys constantly do it. Who's you guys? I'm not, why am I- You were a part of the water gig. Was I a part of the cake at all? I wasn't a part of the cake. He was a part of the water gig. He was a part of the fucking Trump letter. Was I a part of the water gig? That was fancy to death. And at the end of the day, I look like a fool. Is that good? I'm a fool. Stop. I'm a fool.

But can we be honest? Oh, I'm the blind leading myself in the blind. I think this is all a you issue. And I'm glad you went to therapy because I think you have very real issues about people not respecting you when you think me and McCone don't respect you when in fact we do. And we're just trying to be funny and make you laugh. It doesn't make me laugh. It's going to make two million people laugh. Okay.

Dude, I swear to fucking God. Dude, I swear to fucking God, dude. What are you doing? You want to go to blows? You want to go to blows with me? Okay, that's it. Bad friends boxing. That's it. No, he'll beat me because he's younger and more athletic. Thank you. You know what I mean? Well, don't give him that. Okay. So now. About the thing about them tricking you. I don't like that. That makes me. Fuck you. I don't like that. You're behind. No.

You're the wizard behind the curtain. What are you talking about? No, it's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you, guy. Andreas, fuck you, dude. Listen, you're the wizard behind the fucking thing, right? I'm a co-host. You don't get pranked ever. Prank me. I don't want to because that's not my style. That's right. Exactly. That's your style. I had nothing to do with this. And by the way, him out of the cake wasn't a prank. I didn't have anything. By the way, who told me? Okay, let's come clean. When did I learn about the cake?

Okay. Yeah. It had nothing to do with it. I know, but... How am I getting roped into this? Because you texted him to pop out of the fucking... Because I knew he was in it. That's how I know. You think I'm blind? Time out. You think that I'm like... When he was in there, you texted him, pop out. Yeah. When I directly said, don't put...

Don't do it right. He can't breathe in there. Who's the wizard, dude? You're the wizard, dude. What do you want? You're full of lies. You want him to sit in the cake for the whole show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a good show. Fuck you, dude. That's not a good show. I know. It is. No, it's bad. It's so funny to think that he's going to be stuck there for a whole hour. He doesn't care. Miserable. He was sitting there just fine. I said, come out. You need to come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So don't tell me that you had nothing to do with it. He built it, and I learned about it today. How'd you know he was in there?

Because I'm not a fucking idiot. There was three people in the booth. There were times that he's not here. When? Have there not been times that you haven't been here? When I know he's back in Texas and you do too. Right. So in my mind, I was like, I don't know his schedule. Yes, you fucking do. I saw the thing wiggle and I go, he's in there, right? And in my mind, he's the last guy I want to see right now. How would you not know what his schedule is? We talk every day. So anyway, what I was thinking is that, you know what, I'm going to make a pun.

punish him. It wasn't gonna, trust me. This is more punishment. And then you texted him like the wizard that you are, dude. Come out. Right? And you're like, come out. Which means to tell me there's something about it. And anyone listening, the fans, right? You know that I speak the truth. This goes back to the fucking him not showing up to my show. It's all linked together, you know? Now I have to say something right now that I'm gonna come clean. Yeah. Okay? I lied about those stories. Oh my god.

about the break dancing. I know. Yeah, and Tommy Huddle. I don't know. I don't know.

I knew those were lies. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Because you can't dance. Oh, I'm a dancer, dude. You cannot dance. Watch me. Get up and do it. I'll dance out of here. Fucking do it. Yeah, because if I dance out of here, right, you're going to call me and come back. Well, we need to finish the two million. Don't ask me to dance out of here because I will. You know what, dude? Don't threaten me. Don't fucking threaten me. You know what I mean? Uh-oh.

2 million subs. 2 million subs. No. In there. No, no, no. Yeah. What? 2 million subs. We're not at singing. We're not. We have to respond. 2 million subs. 2 million subs. 2 million subs. We appreciate every single one of you. Watch it constantly. 2 million subs. Watch it constantly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn it off now. All right. Turn it off now. We did it. All right.

So, um... By the way, that's jazz? That was jazz? I love jazz. So where are we at now? Now, okay, so, um, you know, um... Sorry I couldn't make it to the show. I was trying to secure something for us. Okay, that's good. And I'm sorry that I didn't call you back with those names because I, um... You were on a date. I was on a date. But it bothered me because it made me realize... It bothered me too. It made me realize...

I maybe realized that girl was more important than me, even though I've known you for almost 20 years. Yeah. And having dinner with your friend, Charlie day. That wasn't that's first of all, you're making stuff up. I wasn't. And Scott, Jason Bateman and all your friends. This is you. This is you trying to grab onto something. I don't know what this was. I was trying to secure something for us. Is it plausible?

Okay? And I would like a little backup. Is it plausible? You can't say I'd like backup. You got it. Is it plausible that he would be having dinner with either Charlie Day or Jason Bateman? No. Thank you. Andreas, dude, we're going to do that show together. It's plausible unless he said he wasn't. That's right, and I said I'm at a business dinner. That's not a business dinner. You're an extension of his dick. Okay.

You always have been and that's why I betray you. The hairy part. Yeah, yeah. You're so glued to him and you're such crawled so deep in his ass. This is him. You can't even see. Holding onto my cock. I know that's him. Yeah. All right. You're a fool.

A business dinner where I'm trying to secure a deal for us, which I wrote in the text. I'm trying to close something for us. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yet another thing I'm doing for this show. Oh, here we go. Let's hear it. Oh, you want to hear we go? Let's hear we go. Let's hear we go. The game show, the animated show. Let's fucking here we go, pal. Yeah. What about my resilience? What is that even? You know, it's so funny. Yes. Resilience doesn't count anymore. Have you noticed that in our society?

Dynamic personalities. Laziness. Being authentic. Being lazy. Being authentic. Being lazy. Charismatic. Charismatic, right? You come from a time of do less, get more. It's over now, pal. Do nothing and get more. You do nothing. That's actually right. You're right. That's where I come from. And I've risen.

Because that's the truth. You're welcome. Yeah. And you know what? You're welcome. No, you're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. No, you're fucking welcome. You're very lucky to have me. You're very lucky to have me. And I've said that out loud so many times. You can clip it.

I've said it on all these other podcasts that I'm so lucky that Andrew asked me to do this podcast. I adore him. I've said the same thing. But I haven't seen one thing that you said that about me. He knows that's not true. Anyway. Bring up the interview with Dan Levitar. Bring McCone into it. Yeah, you seen it? All right. No, I said bring up. You see it when you're so caught up with his fucking ass. Bring that. I can show you so many. The episode with Theo. Let's not do that. That's right. All right, let's move on. Because I'll prove you wrong. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway. The fans know that. The two million subscribers, thank you so much. And the fans know. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you. And this is just a little road in the bump of the road. But let me say. It's a little road in the bump. So let's resolve it. Okay. So. I had nothing to do with it. Okay. You want to get mad at someone. You haven't even yelled at fucking him once. I'm getting all this bullshit. Oh, I'm never going to talk to him again. That's not true. Yeah, yeah. It'll take a while. It's insane, though. Then block his number and delete it right now. Okay. It's going to fuck up the show a little bit. It will fuck up the show. You want me to? No. Okay. Well, then I won't.

Well, then don't say you're not going to talk to him again because yes, you are. Yeah, in like sporadic, like when I called you today. Oh, what time are we starting tonight? And then what'd you say? Seven. And that just hung right up, huh? Yeah, I knew it was a power move. Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting. A power move. A power move. So you're doing power moves. When is the last time I did a power move? You just almost walked out on the show. Gold belly. Look, I have gold belly on my phone. Do you know why? During COVID, it was the only way I lived. It's how you lived, yeah. I got pies from South Carolina. I got pizzas from Chicago. I got cakes from New York. I got the best...

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But another time. Showing off in front of the girl that you're dating and not just texting me three Korean words that I asked for. Power move. I'll give you another one. I have so many too. Lying to our fans about putting me on the fucking flyer when it was already sold out. Power move. I'll give you more. Dude, I have so many lines. Let me address that. Can I address that? In the middle of the recording of the animated movie that we're doing, you literally said, I'm done, no more. No more.

That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Power move. Yeah, that was a power move. I got a couple. All right, so I... Throwing your keys at the valet at the...

in the store throwing your car keys at the kid. When? What's his name? Ramsey? You threw your keys at him. I watched you do it. He's my opener. You can't throw your keys at me. You can do whatever. I spit on his back. You can do whatever you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You spit on his back when you're loving him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You weren't loving him. So let me say something about the show. I did lie a little bit. Yeah. The show was sold out. Of course it was. I added your name late. You don't need anybody's help.

You're a shooting star. I was still excited that you were going to be there. I'm sorry I had to finish dinner. And I'm sorry that I was in the midst of a romantic date and I forgot about your fucking call. But that's what scares me. You're going to fall in love and forget about me.

Oh, here we go. That's what I talk to my therapist. You fell in love years ago, guy. What? I lost you years ago. That is beyond untrue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's ridiculous. You want to get into it? Let's get into it, dude. Let's get into it. Yeah, yeah. She took you away from me. She did. And I'm so glad it's out. That's so stupid. And when I look at her, there's a deep resentment. I do love her. But you know the truth is, I think you really do like this girl that you're seeing.

And you're a little scared and nervous and you're vulnerable and you seem a little on edge. I'm already friendzoned. So you take it out on us? You... But that's what you're doing. No, what you fucking did, dude. The water, right? The donut, right? The fucking Trump letter. I've had enough. Angry grandma. Right? Angry grandma. I mean, you could even rattle up more. There's so many different things. Borderlands reviews? Borderlands reviews. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. Borderlands reviews, all right?

How many can I take from you? Right? You don't ever prank him. Wait, but time out. Do you hear what you're saying? What? It's all Carlos.

I know. So why are you taking it out on us? I don't get it. Because when you came in here, you're like, I have a gripe with you. I do. About the fucking golf thing. That hurt my feelings. Yeah, it hurt my feelings that you didn't show up. And that's why. That's not true. The reason why I didn't give you the thing is because you didn't show up. You didn't give me the thing because you didn't care. Because you were with that girl and you didn't give a shit. You didn't care about my show. That's not true. Can we just end it there? No. Why can't we just be even? You always had that leg up. Because it's true. That's how Wham broke up.

George Michael said to the other guy, I don't know the other guy's name, he was like, yeah, man. You know what I mean? George Michael said, I'm George Michael, I gotta go. Yeah, that's what you're gonna do. And that's what you just tried to pull. You tried to George Michael me. You're George Michael. No, you just tried to George Michael me. You're Paul Simon. I'm Art Funko Funko. Buddy, let me tell you something. Okay. Let me tell you who I really am. Oh, here we go. Watch this. You know who I am? Who are you? I'm Shifty Shellshock. Yeah, you are. I'm crazy town. Yeah, yeah. You're my butterfly sugar baby. Mm-hmm.

And if you don't fucking stop messing around, you're going to lose me. I'm not messing around. You know, this is how relationships... You're my butterfly. Don't call me that, man. Don't call me that. Come, my lady. Come, come, my lady. Yeah. Don't call me that, man. He died? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. I didn't mean... I had no idea he died. And he's a friend of mine. I thought it was rude what you just said. Still? Did he really die? That's not fake? Yeah. I didn't know he died. You've never heard of this guy. Yeah. No, he would have in a legend.

This guy's an NA legend? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did he die? Probably narcotics. Relapse. Well, that's not cool. That's not funny. Like somebody we know in here. I really didn't know. Who? Carlos? Carlos, yeah.

What's been going on, Lois? See, his, you know how he's very sensitive and he just like out of there, he just was like so defensive, right? Right. It's drug behavior. That's drug behavior. Yeah. Oh, this is such a manipulation right now. See, even what he just said there, dude. Yeah. That's part of it. That is? Wow. Well, he knows the sign, so go on, tell me more. What else is it? That's it. That's it. Carlos, are you on drugs?

- Marijuana only. And Xanax and Lexapro. - You get psychosis with that. - Wait, Xanax and Lexapro? - Yeah. - And weed? - And weed, yeah. - So no. - Do you not? Why Xanny?

Lexapro is depressive Xanax calms your heart rate down it relaxes you common warning signs of relapse include glamorizing past drug and alcohol use false sense of control don't you glamorize the past I don't I'm shameful of it not engaging in sober fun

Yeah, I'm always, I'm Mr. AA convention guy. I'm on the dance floor. Sudden changes in behavior. No, I'm straightforward. I think what happened today was a little sudden. I wasn't. It's, it's, it tracks well with who I am though. It does track. That's not sudden. Hanging around old people in places associated with past use. Yeah, him, Carlos. No. Well, that's bad for both of you guys. That's bad for both of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can we do to get you off weed?

He's not going to ever get off. Do you need it? Get me on other drugs? No. Carlos. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You don't need weed. But I think I do. You do. Every day. Every day, yeah. I need something. You're back all day now.

Just when I wake up and then at 3 and then at 6 and then at 9 and then at midnight. So when you wake up, after you eat, high again. High at lunch, high at dinner, high for here. Are you high now? No, because on shoot days, I stop around 3. Yeah, but just those five times. Oh, thank you. Oh my God. Oh my God. Because I don't want to smell for Andrew. Or you. Yeah. I don't care if you smell like weed. I'd rather you try to not get high for a while.

I mean, I just think that some of these warning signs are of Bobby and that could be like a new thing for therapy next week. See what he's doing? It's smart. It's working like a charm. You see what he's doing though? Talks about the past constantly. Has a false sense of control over his life.

Hanks out at the comedy store even though it's been 40 years. Changes behavior constantly. Isolates all the time. Never goes to meetings. Doesn't do sober fun. I went to a meeting Monday. I went to a meeting Monday. Yeah, but that's not a lot. Just one a week. And doubting the recovery. How many times are you going a week?

I'm like one a year. Okay, dude. Yeah. One a year. See what he's doing? I see exactly what he's doing. Yeah, yeah. He's combative. Well, what he's doing is trying to pit you against him. If I'm the owner at Home Depot. Here we go. I don't know. That doesn't seem likely. Give me somewhere else. Okay, I'm the owner of Ichiban Japanese Restaurant. I see it now. Right, right. And we have a new waiter.

Who is it? Carlos. Oh. I'm the owner. I own a chain of them. You do. Right. And he starts pulling pranks on me. Oh, he's pranking the owner. Yeah, yeah. Pranking the owner. Like what? He's, you know, he's. The owner's going to have enough. He's putting his balls on the walk. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. He's goofing. Yeah. In the stir-fied noodles, he puts his butt hairs. Oh, no. Which is something that he would do. You know what I mean? It's good for morale. Yeah. The owner's wife would think. No one wants cum on their tofu. Yeah.

I don't know. Tofu's pretty bland. That is true. It does help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you keep that. I like to cum on the tofu. No more hair in the fucking stir fry. They complain all the time. Right? But it's like, would you prank him? The owner of a chain. We've been having this conversation for years, Bob. Look at that. Would you prank Jeff Bezos? What's my chain?

You're an Ichiban Sushi. What's mine? An Irish pub. Yeah, he's not pranking me at the Irish pub. No, no, no. He's not even, I wouldn't get a job there. I exactly did. I get it. You hire who you love and they betray you. Yeah. I just don't think that in a situation of any boss, you know what I mean? Employee situation. Got it. That the employee would talk to the boss or do things like that.

But he thinks in this environment, I guess if we weren't doing this, we'd be friends. But this is like more of a business. I get it. Yeah. Right. There's an example, though. Give me an example. One day you walked off the set and said, I couldn't be here, but I'm right here.

That's true. Today. That is true. That happened today, right? That happened literally today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. I get it. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't feel like I'm the boss. All right, let me change gears. Okay, go ahead. Because this is going to make you mad. This made me mad. We're going to be... And that has to do with me? No. Oh, then go ahead. It's going to hurt your feelings like it hurt mine. It's actually going to piss you off because it pissed me off. But has that anything to do with Bad Friends or our comedy? No. Okay, let's go.

So I'm sitting down there. I had to fly to Vegas yesterday. I'm just having lunch. This guy's rapping and chatting with me. Nice guy. Very nice. Somehow, some way he gets into the, we're chatting. What do you do? And I'm kind of throwing everything away because I just want to eat lunch. And then he goes, is this thing that you're shooting? Is this like a comedy thing? I said, not really. It's kind of an interview show. You know, he goes, oh yeah. You like comedy? So far it's good. Let me, can I judge your story from now on? Sure. From here? Sure. Right.

Bueno story. Bueno. Yeah, it's positive. You like comedy? Because he now knows who you are. No, no, no. He doesn't. I know, but that's what it sounds like right now. No, I'm saying he doesn't know me because he goes, do you like comedy stuff? And I was like, yeah. Okay. Now you get it. I know now. And so I'm kind of being passive. Yeah, no, no, yeah. And then the bartender chimes in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Have you seen Kill Tony? Says to the guy. Oh, dude, you know about that? You ever seen that show? Yep.

I have. Are you trying to ruin my 200 fucking... Get ready. This one's going to hurt way harder. It's not even done? The guy goes, I love comedy. You ever run into... Because I said I live in Los Angeles. You ever run into Joe Rogan out there? I said, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he lives in Austin, I think now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to, we're closing the door. I've done it four times. I just want to eat my chicken wrap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then finally he goes, yeah, we go to a lot of shows. And the girl goes, I do too. I just saw Adam Ray. He doesn't have two million subscribers. Yo, the bartender and the guy are both like, I love Adam Ray. And Adam, our buddy.

He's killing it. I'll tell you another story. I wasn't going to bring this up, but this happened last night. This is real, dude. What? I do a show. We love you, Adam. I don't. I love you, Adam. Right now, we don't. No, I love you. No, no, no. You know you don't. I love him so much. It's a war. It's a war with us, Adam. All right. So I'm going to tell you another thing. Last night, I'm the guy on the list. Sometimes you're the guy. You're always the guy. Right? Do well. Right? And then I get a text. Hey, man. You there at the store? Yeah.

I go, yeah. Ron White? No. Who was that? You know what I mean? Fuck yeah, I'm on my way. Theo. Oh, Theo. Right? Your buddy. He shows up. Yeah. Not even on the lineup. A group of girls in the hallway. They had already seen me perform. Loved it. They didn't say anything. Yeah, they loved it. Right? They see Theo and they go, can we get a photo with you? I'm standing right next to Theo.

So they all grew up upright. And then one of the girls saw that I was sad. Say the line. Can we get a photo with you, Theo? Oh, Theo, can we get a photo with you? Sir, would you take our picture with Theo? That's what it was about to happen. No. But one of the girls goes, you can be in it too. No. No, no, no, don't, don't.

I've had enough. Nobody likes us anymore. We're old news, babe. I know, dude. We're old news. Yeah. It's over. We should do Falling Down Part 2. Can we make you happy? At this point, I don't think today. I bet we can. You're going to the White House.

Carlos. Hold on. Stop. Stop. No, Bob. I bet we can make you happy. I bet you not. And if what you're about to do doesn't make me happy, I'm going to be even more mad. Let's play the video from our boy. Here we go. Already, I'm not happy. The sweetest prince on earth. Yeah.

That's you. Wow. That's you in the corner. Wow. Day two and I don't feel sick at all.

He's having a blast. Oh, that's great. He went there alone. I wanted to think of some kind of gift to get for Bobby and Andrew just as a way of saying thank you. So I've just been on the lookout for that. I saw like a place that was selling bars of gold yesterday. You get a really little one for like $35. So I was thinking maybe something like that, but I don't know if they would rather have that or just the money. Oh. The coolest museum. Wow. Wow. He loves trains.

- I say that. - Loves. - Wow. - Airbnb is across the street from a tattoo parlor, and it gave me the idea that maybe a good way of saying thank you and expressing my gratitude would be to get a tattoo that says thank you or says bad friends or something, but I just don't have any tattoos and don't want any, so I don't know if I'll do that. Carlos asked me to buy some women's underwear from a vending machine, so I'm gonna try to find a vending machine like that before I leave.

Are those used? Yeah. They are. So they're used women's underwear and they sell them in vending machines. They don't wash them. No, his adventure getting them is right here. Okay, let's see. Oh, you smell them? What do you do when you get them? Smell, put in your mouth. Ooh.

Rocket Money. Oh, my God. I love Rocket Money. Do you know why? Yeah. I love saving money. You do. You know how many subscriptions I used to have? It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. Three video games, a meditative one, and some of these I don't even use anymore. One time you were paying for like 13 game apps or something. That's what I'm saying. And it bleeds money, right? So what does Rocket Money do for you? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your business.

Saving. I save hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars every year because of Rocket Money. Yeah, because you were blowing it, man. You were just signing up for stuff. And let them negotiate the bills for you, by the way. They scan your bills to find opportunities to save. You can ask them, negotiate for me. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. It's easy. Rocket Money has Dashboard that gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. That's exactly right. It's so easy.

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is Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Skims uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash bad friends, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash bad friends to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash bad friends. Carlos asked me to buy some women's underwear from a vending machine. So I'm going to try to find a vending machine like that before I leave.

I found the vending machine Carlos is looking for, but it's really hard to do it. Used. It does say used. It says used. Dude, look at what he did for you, Carlos. Wow. It's so awesome. How much are they? Like four Japanese quarters. Four Japanese quarters. Oh, and they come in like a toy ball. Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. Is this just a grocery store? I got it, and I put it in there. He wants it far away from him. Yeah.

So great. It's got air holes on it. How long was he out there for? He's still out there. No, we didn't buy him a return. How is he going to get back? That's not on us to figure out. We put up the Airbnb, no? We gave him a one-way ticket. No Airbnb. He paid for that. We gave him a one-way ticket to Japan. How is he going to get back? I don't know, bud. I'm sure he'll- We should get him back. Do we?

Do we want to get him back, you guys? I don't think so, but... Leave him there for a while. Okay, we'll leave him there. We'll just leave him. He'll be fine. Yeah, he'll be fine out there. He texts me every morning. He seems happy. I think he's loving every second of it. I got these chocolate chip cookies, by the way, if you want some. By the way, can this be a segment of the show where we literally just send him around the world for the next couple of years? Yeah. Literally, let's fly him from Japan. Next one, Yemen. Yemen? Yeah, yeah. Look up tickets to Yemen. Yemen or Oman. Yeah, yeah. But let's fly him from Japan to another location. Let's see how long he just stays out of the country. Yeah.

Can we do this? Carlos, text him and ask him if he wants to go somewhere else. Okay. That'd be great. It's not expensive. Just fly this kid around the world. Seoul, Korea. Would love. But no, we want him to go the other way. Oh. I want him to keep going west. Can he go to Moscow? No, he shouldn't go there. Why? Why? Moscow's nice. It's a country at war. So are we. Yeah, we're always in war. We're always at war, man. Yeah. All right, we'll send him to another place. Ukraine, then. Yeah, send him to Ukraine. Yeah, Kiev. See if there's tickets to Gaza. See if we can send him.

See if we can send them. Wow. Can I take a second to say something tragic? Yeah, some tragic things. Heartbreak. There was a school shooter on FSU's campus today. I know. And obviously this episode will- Two people passed. How many people? Two.

Did you guys see the video on the internet? No. McCone showed me. It got banned. A girl was filming. A girl? Guy. Girl? McCone? Is that a girl? I don't know. We don't know. Or the girl's dad. We don't know who was filming. But you saw a girl. There was a girl on her phone. The video went viral for a second. She's just filming a body on the ground and she's drinking a Starbucks walking by. Like it's not a big deal. Honestly, like this is the kind of stuff where you're like, I don't know what's happening now. I don't know what's happening now.

Everybody's in a pure panic. Juan Carlos Gomez Lopez. Is that a new basketball player? Who is that? Juan Carlos Gomez Lopez. Is that Luis Gomez's brother? All right, so this is what happened. This kid, American citizen, born in Atlanta, Georgia, went to Florida, got pulled over, and then he was in ICE custody.

But if he's an American citizen, I don't know. And then the mom showed up with his fucking birth certificate. Do you know what the... And the judge said, ICE has him. Well, there's also... He's got too many names. Go back up. It's like...

If you meet a white guy named Kevin, Steve, you know what I mean? Bob Allen. Smith. Yeah. Juan Carlos Lopez Gomez. Yeah. That's the problem. You're giving them too much ammunition. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. If it was just Juan Carlos, fine. Or Vladimir. Vladimir. Vladimir Gomez. Fine. That's fine. That's totally fine. Yeah. That's why I only use one last name. Yeah. Rosende. Because it's probably like Rosende Capalo Fosano. Do you have a lot of those too? Yeah. Yeah. Why? Why?

Well, you have a middle name and we have two last names. You know what theirs is for? Land and lineage and all this bullshit. We keep the women the mama. They're not special, dude. The record for the longest personal name belongs to Herbert Blaine Wolfenschlagen-Gauschenhofen-Burgendorf Sr. Wow. German-American typesetter. Yeah, this one won't go to ice.

So Juan Carlos Gomez is gone as he's being deported. He got released. Oh, he's back. Yeah, but he was still in custody for hours and hours. Crazy. That's crazy. But he came back. And then for Kilmar Abrego Garcia. Again, too many names. I know. But, you know, the senator went down to El Salvador to visit him and he sat down with him. Really? Oh, that's him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's crazy. Give him something to drink. Just water. Yeah. Just bring him a coffee. Bring him a soda. Yeah, but he's in a maximum, you know what I mean, gulag. That looks pretty minimum to me. That looks like a cracker barrel. I think he took them to a Denny's. Yeah, yeah. Took them to a Denny's. You know what I mean? But I don't think he's out. I think he has to go back in. By the way, I had, while I was gone, I had Waffle House. Haven't had Waffle House. Love it. I haven't had it in 20 years. Yeah.

Phenomenal. It's the best. We don't have one in LA. We don't have any Waffle Houses in Los Angeles? In California. What? Yeah. Well, it's funny because we're always on the road, so I see them all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see them all the time. And I always point, I go, I want to go there. Or Hardee's. Hardee's is good too. Oh my God. Hardee's is what? What's the same chain? Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr. Okay. This, dude, I ate late at night Waffle Houses. What'd you get?

I mean, we got the, what is it called? It's this combo. It was eggs, two kinds of meat, potatoes. We got multiple waffles to share because I was hungry. I don't know what kind of bread this is, but it's called Texas bread. Oh, yeah. It's so thick and delicious. Well, because it's like, what do you call it? It's like garlic bread, butter bread, garlic bread. Yeah. Texas toast. Texas toast. That's what it's called. Texas toast. Texas toast.

And then, so I'll get a breakfast sandwich with that. You know what I mean? But, you know, they're a little rude. At Waffle House? Yeah. Can I explain why?

Why? Do you want to work a 24-hour restaurant for $6 an hour? Yeah, that's right. And deal with drunk fuckheads at 3 in the morning? You're right, right. I tip my hat to these people. Oh, yeah. By the way, here's the thing about Waffle House. I'll give them a shout-out. They love fights. Oh, my God, look at that. They posted this. This is Waffle House posting it from their account. Wow. This is incredible. You know why they're doing this? This girl, she didn't finish her waffle, and that's the staff taking it. You've got to finish your meal at Waffle House. Oh, my God. That girl had too much Waffle House. What?

That's Waffle Mansion right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Entire Waffle subdivision happening. Yeah, look at that. Oh my God. So this is an entire Twitter page dedicated to fights at Waffle House. A lot of times it's the staff fighting. And also, just push pause for a second. It only happens to be black people. I didn't even notice that. All right.

I didn't even notice that. You didn't? I did not. Neither did I. I don't know. Here's the wild shit. You always see a manager jump in. Yeah. Like this lady, this old white lady jumping in. Yeah. Hey, Sheila. Yeah. Take a hike. Yeah. You're going to get killed. You're going to get killed. Yeah. Look at her. Guys, cut it out. Not by the burner. If you're in the wall of halls, you and I, we would already be in our car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gone. Yeah. I've had Team Z put a camera to my face. I hate it. What do you think of this? I don't say anything. I get so nervous.

Have they had you at the airport before? Oh, yeah. And I always pull them aside and go, dude, you know, all right. You know what's so funny? The last couple of guys that have come up to me are so polite and nice. Like, we're not famous enough for it to be a thing. Yeah. But the guy came up to me at the airport. He was like, oh, Mr. Santino. I was like, hey, man, I just got off. I don't want to do this. I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, oh, cool. Yeah, that's what they do. It was very nice. Yeah, they're very nice. No, but they don't do that to everyone, dude. The way that real famous people get harassed. Like, look at all the shit that's going on with Justin Bieber. Yeah.

They can't leave this fucking kid alone, man. And they're like, oh, he's being mean to the paparazzi. He's like, yeah, no shit, man. No shit. Leave the kid alone. This is posted an hour ago. Yeah, they're. Yeah, it's insane. Leave the kid alone. I mean, I'm alone. Obviously, obviously, it's like he's twisted up right now. He's dressed like a Smurf. Let him be. Let him be a little Papa Smurf. Yeah.

Would you be able to live like that? No. Yeah, me either. No, the good news is I'm not that talented, so I'll never have to worry about it. Yeah, me either, me either. Yeah, the Kanye stuff too. You can almost say part of his crack came from the paparazzi. Like this, like filming him in the morning. Filming him in the morning. That's just crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. I think part of the reason these people go nuts is because of this constant... It's constant. It's not healthy.

neither is the fame though beyond the paparazzi the fame itself isn't healthy that fame being that famous isn't healthy what who's that no it's right there to the left young bobby lee look no go back oh that's that thing right there the shorts the first one yeah that that's you oh my god wow wow wow look at how young you are i know oh my god my comedy was so bad back then well at least some things never change i don't need one more cookie i have

I don't know. I wouldn't say anything. I don't know what was worse, McCone saying that or the weasel laughing. I can't describe you. I can't figure it out. What am I more angry about? You know what I mean? Carlos, you want to pop up and defend yourself, buddy? I was laughing because I knew how mad Bobby would get at that. Yeah, yeah. You know what? When I do my special, you guys aren't coming.

Oh, like when I'm 45 years old? I'm doing it in January. Of what year? January was two months ago. Whenever I do it, you're not going to go. Are you serious? Yeah. But I do want to go. You're not going. There's no way. I want positive people there. I was just kidding, Bobby. No, no, you're not going. You're not going. And you know, a lot of people on the streets are just like, we can't wait. We'll be there. We're going to support it. All my community, the community, Tim Dillon, everybody, everyone's like into it.

They said they're into your special? Yeah, they can't wait. You're a crusher and finally, you know what I mean? Yeah. And a lot of fans can't wait. And the people that are close to me that are part of my team supposedly are against me. What does that mean? What would you do in a situation like this?

Well, I didn't invite any of those guys to my special. I know, that's right. Right. Right. Well, I wouldn't want them there. Did Carlos go to yours? No. Yeah. He wasn't invited. Yeah, yeah. So, um... But that was deliberate. You won't be getting an invite. You know what's going to break his heart? That's like, that means the most to him. Who? For Carlos. Yeah, it's like sad. We've known each other since like fucking Obama was president. Okay. Like you've met my parents and like you get mad because like you thought... And your dad's very disappointed. I'll tell you that right now.

surgeon no no no let's go back to it what's insane is that you're mad at me because you thought you were important enough to be invited to the leader of the free world's house I can't slam you

Oh, now it's... Yes. Now you're turning it around on me. I slam him over his dad, right? When he slams me, what, I keep it quiet? Kept it quiet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets immediately defensive, like, oh, but you... You know what I mean? No slams, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No slams allowed? I can't do that? No, I did that. I'm learning. I'm learning right now. Yeah, let us think. Is this a no slam allowed? Yeah, it's a one-way street. How about this? Is Fancy invited to your special? I think so, yeah. You do? Yeah. He's been kissing your ass all day. I know. I think so. Playing it right.

I think when I leave in May, taking my parents on vacation, not to be sound, it's probably our last family vacation together. Well, my parents are getting older. They're not going to travel a lot. So like, it's weird. It's fucking weird to be this age and to be like, I don't know. I don't think my parents will ever get on a plane again with me and go somewhere far. Wow. Where are you going to go? I'm taking them to Italy. Oh, great. But I think like when I go away,

because I'm gone with them for like a week and a half. Why don't you take a Bobby vacation and get away and disappear from all this shit and don't do anything business. Just disappear for a while and see where you fall into. See who you meet. See what you get into. Go like what Dax is doing in Japan. Why don't you do that? Why don't you disappear for a week? Seriously, shut off your phone. Yeah.

And disappear. Why? Why are you not? Why are you shaking your head? Addicts shouldn't do that. Wait, why? I'm not asking him to use. I'm saying go be one with yourself. Okay. You don't trust him? I mean, alone in a hotel room without a snowy world? He's alone in a hotel room all the time. Yeah, all the time. He just did it. I just did it. He was just in Columbus. Yeah. Okay. I trust you enough to know that you're comfortable in your sobriety? Yeah. Don't you think so? Yeah. I could go to a foreign land though, I think. Where? Where?

You can come to Spain. Barbados or something. Barbados. Yeah. What? I'm going to be 100% honest with you. Yeah, not good. I don't know where that is. I don't either. I heard it in Flyer or something. I actually don't know where that is. I don't know where that is. I'm not even kidding. Yeah, Barbados. Is it in the French Polynesian? No, I mean, is it in the Virgin Islands? Virgin Islands. Let's go. That's how small it is?

Yeah, French. What is that? That's the Virgin Islands. Am I wrong? Look at the pictures. Go to Barbados, Bob. Yeah, I want to go to Barbados. Can we get him to Barbados, guys? No, I can do it. Look at it. Wow. Wow. Don't you think? Bobby on a beach. Barbados. Bobby in Barbados. Bobby in Barbados. Barbados, Barbados, Barbados, Barbados, Barbie in Barbados. Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

And see those, the coral reef over there? Yeah. That's where you're going to see my dead body. Stop. Three days bloating. They haven't found me in three days. I washed up under that coral reef. You're not going swimming. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you're beaching it. Yeah. You're sitting on that beach. Half my torso's in a shark's mouth. Look it, I see you in that cabana right there. Yeah, dead. Smoking a cigarette. Heroin overdose. Stop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop it. That's where I'll die. Go somewhere foreign. After May, I just want to say this now.

It was really good to know you. Everyone here. No, no, no, no, no. Thanks for all the laughs. You have to wait until January. He's trying to get out of the special. Oh, is that another slam? Trying to get out of the special. Yeah, man. What you're going to do in 2032? That's what you get.

Hey, so we genuinely want to say thank you so much to our fans. It means the world to us that you guys have been around five years. Oh my God. And we're up to 2 million subscribers. That's incredible. We're going to keep making you laugh with beautiful content. Please come see us because we don't know when we're going to tour again. If you're in London or Dublin. You got to come. You got to come see us because we might not be able to tour for a long time. Bobby's got a special coming out. Then he's going to take some time down because he's been working very hard.

So please come see us in London and Dublin. And we really appreciate the fans. You guys mean the world to us. Thank you so much. I love it. From the bottom of my heart. Honestly, before Bad Friends, I feel like I was just not doing anything important or making a wave in my creativity. And the family that we've gotten from Bad Friends has been such a surprise. And it's really keeping me alive, I think. So I just really appreciate the love and the support.

I'm going to get a new staff eventually. You know what I mean? So there might be some changes, but Andrew and I will always be here. We'll always be here for you. And if you at home want some changes, if you can submit to take over for one of the staff members, please email carlosinthebooth at gmail.com. That will go to Carlos, but we'll have to have someone else flag it because he will just delete all these emails. In fact, go to Andreas maybe.

Yeah, Andres, you will give him the login. Go to carlosintheboothatgmail.com and Andres will read those. And by the way, send in a video of you auditioning for that job. You can replace one of these guys. I have no problem with that. I have no problem with it. I actively delete resumes that come in. Well, we're going to make sure that we're going to change it now. We're going to change it so that Carlos... If you ever wanted a job on here, I've deleted it.

Another thing we can't trust. That's what I'm saying. It's like we cannot trust this guy. We're fucked. He's smoking weed, deleting emails. All right. Thank you for being a bad friend.