Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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You two are bad! Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. What's Yagsi Yabor? Yagsi Yabor is my friend. He's from Israel and he's dead. Oh man. I'm just improvising. Yeah, no. That's not a bad thing. That has nothing to do with the conflict. No. Yagsi Yabor, you are like your funny hat.

I love the sand in your eyes.

Yaxi Yabor. Yaxi Yabor. Yaxi Yabor. I like the scent in your face. Your green card got denied. Yaxi Yabor. Yaxi Yabor. Yaxi Yabor. Where are your arms now? Yaxi Yabor. Yaxi Yabor. Yaxi Yabor. The yard bone is gone. What?

He's eating yard bones, dude. I don't know, dude. No, I like it. You know what I mean? I'm in the cosmic creative space. You're up here. Yeah, yeah. It's beyond. First word that comes to your mind. Go. Mindset. Yeah. Are you? Chicken. Yay. That's good. Chicken. Yeah, yeah. Let's go science, though. You. Bollocules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Math. Go. Da Vinci's code. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, we're on it, dude. Shock me, dude. Shock you with something? Shock me with something. What do you mean? Give me another one. Yeah, bloody discharge. No. No? No, I don't want to hear about Carlos' exam. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, yucks. I went to the doctor. He said I have to stay away from people like Carlos. That's literally what the doctor said. Yeah? He said a big fan of the show. Watch the podcast. Stay away from Carlos because he hasn't had a tetanus shot in years. You're up. Yeah, I haven't been tested in a while, too.

Let's get in there, bud. I went to a... Let's get in there, bud. I went to the Sherman Oaks Spearmint Rhino last night at like one in the morning.

I was so lonely. I was sitting, I was watching, you know how I keep watching Great British Break Off? So good. So I was season eight again, right? And I'm like, I know who gets, you know, every episode I know who gets, you know what I mean? The star baker, I know who gets, you know what I mean? The handshake. Let go, I know who gets the handshake. Yeah. And I was sitting there and my penis was out. At Great British Break Off? No, no, no. I was watching it. I was just naked. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sitting there slumped over watching it and going,

Yeah, I'm going. You got to go. So I went in there and there was only four people working. Yep. It's almost as if it was not even open. Was it at 4 p.m. when you went? No, it was 1 in the morning, I said. God, you don't listen, do you, guys? I've been at 4 p.m. before. I can't tell you why. Why? Why?

What do you want? What are you doing at 4 p.m. at a strip club? About 20 years ago, there was a group of comics, male comics, that would go on lunch runs. Oh, yeah, lunch runs to the strip club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we would go on lunch runs. They got good wings. Yeah.

Good wings, yeah. I love the prime rib. You know what I mean? When they're naked up there and you're eating prime rib, dude, oh my God. There is nothing better than seeing a nice pair of boobs and having potatoes au gratin with a little bit of filet, a little filet on the side. Yeah. But last night I went and I literally was like, I just left. How much money do you spend when you go? I think I got like $200 worth of bills and I was just kind of, not even looking at the women, I was just kind of throwing it on stage, looking around my environment.

And going, oh, this is not good. Not good. Yeah, so I got back in the car and went. You were on 20s or singles? Why?

You think I'm cheap? No, big bills. No, I do. But I do a lot of singles. Oh, you do singles. I'll do like $40 of singles in one dancer. Just give them 20s at some point then. Yeah, but I want them to know that there's more coming. If you throw out a 20 and then that's what they do, you're like, oh, you can't go past that. So if you go 12, right? And then you look at them and go... Then they go, what? With their eyes, right? And I go...

- I'll get you one more. - Right. - A little more. - And they go, I do want more, right? - Yeah. - Then show me. - Right, and then they do it, and I go, there's two more. - One more. - Right? - Something, something. - Then they put their head behind their head like that. - Ooh, the head behind the head. - Right, right, right. And then they, you know what I mean? - What is that? Press the elevator button? - Guess what this is. - That's the elevator. - I call it the elevator. - Yeah. - Ding dong. - It's like a clit, it's a clit pressing eight on an elevator.

Take it up to eight? Yeah, yeah. I go, take it up to eight. And they go, eight. Right? Eight. And then I pretend I'm going up. I always do. I always pretend I'm going up, right? And then the door opens. I go, oh, wrong floor. Press it again. Oh. And they press 12, right? Right. I go back up. You know what I mean? So it's like that kind of thing. Do you get there ever to your floor? No, I never do. You never get to your floor? Well, it's a large building. It's a big building? Tall building, dude.

It's 3,000 stories up. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. And I've never got to like 1,000. No, you can't. You can. Oh, you can. One will. Okay. One will. I bring change when I go to the strip club. Really? You throw pennies up there? No, quarters. Oh, yeah. That's very generous of you. Quarters? Yeah, yeah. Well, think about it. You're throwing a dollar. It's only four quarters. That's true. I throw 50 quarters up there. I look like a king. That's true, but they have to pick it up. Yeah. Yeah, you got to work somehow. Hard to pick up on a stage. Yeah.

They get the sweeper out. You ever seen a little sweeper? Yeah. A little Mexican sweeper guy? What's the last time you went? We went to Bandon Dunes with a bunch of buddies to go on the golf trip, and I went to this. Watch how wild this is. Go to Bachelors Inn. No, no, no. Type in Bachelors Inn, Coos Bay. C-O-O-S, Coos Bay. Look at this fucking joint.

Look at the parking. Look at the photos outside. Just get the outside of it. Just look at the outside of it. Wow. Wow. It's either there's a strip club or they're making like lamp fixtures in a factory. Look at that photo. You never know. Look at that. You think somebody's ever been murdered there? Do you remember the dark night? Do you remember the dark night? This was my dark night. That was your dark night. Yeah, that was one of my darkest nights. You know, sometimes there was like different. Remember the Joker? Bane was there, by the way. Oh, he was? Oh, Bane was there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Take me back to a private room. I'd like to see your coochie. Yeah, yeah. I could bring my green hat as the Riddler. You got it. You got to bring it. When they bring me coffee, I make a little question mark. Oh. Yeah, to let them know. I do. Put foam in there, I'll make a question mark. Oh, the Riddler. Yeah, the Riddler. Riddle me this, Batman. Yeah. But it's a...

It's a dead industry. What do you think? Dude, I think it's alive and well. I hate going to them. It's always with a group of guys and someone goes, let's go to the strip club. And then I go and I fucking hate it. The whole time I stay by the bar. I'm not interested. I don't like that thing. It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable. I don't like it. I like it. Speaking of which, I watched the Nora.

Oh, yeah. So you called me. So I get a call from Andrew late at night. Yeah. I was like, I called you around midnight. Yeah. And usually when that happens, it's an emergency. Yeah. Right. Like I can't make something. Yeah. I got sick or I got dizzy and I hit my head on the toilet. Yeah. Something like that. And he goes, hey, guy, have you seen Anora? And I go, no, I haven't quite gotten to it. He goes, I'm halfway through it.

Don't like it. I'm pissed. I was pissed. Yeah, he didn't like it. It's a two-hour, 20-minute movie. It's too... That's not that long. Dude, it's not a... This isn't like a murder mystery. It's not like a fucking drama. It's a long-winded story about a girl who gets taken advantage of. It's... Fuck, I couldn't do it. I heard it's like Pretty Woman. Pretty Woman was such a good fucking... That's a great movie, but is it the same premise of Pretty Woman? Yeah.

In a new age sense, I guess. Yeah, we love that old story. Yeah, but there's no gear. This kid isn't gear. This kid isn't gear. Oh my God, look at that twink. Who was the woman in Pretty Woman?

Juliana Roberts. Right? Rudy Juliana Roberts? No, no, no. Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts. Yeah, yeah. And Richard Gere. You got what I said. I said it weird and you got what I said. I know. You could have moved on. That's how we do it. Okay. Julia Roberts, Richard Gere. Come on, man. These are like... I call him Richard Gari. Richard Gari.

That was a good movie. Jason Alexander was it, remember? I couldn't, oh yeah. Classic. I couldn't do this. It just was too long. It was sad. Okay. She shows, she gets, they're having sex in this movie no less than 20 times.

But you can't jerk off because it's sad. It's sad sex? It's sad. Well, no, the whole movie's sad. But is it sad sex? No, some of it's fun. Well, then good. You can't jerk off. I guess. She gets naked in it a dozen times. Really? I mean, at least a dozen. Wow. I can't watch it. They got the Oscar. They did? They got an Oscar. She got an Oscar for it. You didn't like it, did you? I liked it, but I am on the minority. I hate you, dude. Bad taste in film. Jaime Garcia.

You know the guy that's on my other one? Yeah. He goes, hey, bro, it's a good movie. He literally thought it was a good movie. Look, a lot of people liked it. Is it simple? Because you and I are sophisticated. You and I are Cisco in the future. Thank you, baby. Yeah, we do triple thumbs. Triple thumbs up. Yeah, and toes. Up or down. I don't know what I did. What did you like about it then?

I think the world was so vivid that he was able to picture it. Oh, the world is vivid. Oh, my God. See what I mean? Put a Korean screen in the back. You can make anything vivid. It's vivid. Yeah, I could put fucking spaceships in the background. It was very real. It's a world that I don't know anything about. Some movies are real. Have you ever seen fucking American Beauty, dude? Beautiful. Beautiful movie and real. You ever seen American Gangster? Real. Anything American. Everything American. American Pie. American Graffiti. Real. American Graffiti. American Honora. American...

- It's not what it's called. - That's not what it's called, buddy. Here was my thing with it. I understand what you're saying. Yeah, it was real 'cause they took real people, but that's shown in a lot of the acting. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's uncomfortable. It's like, I don't wanna watch people off the street act that can't act. You have actor-actors, then you have regular people, and then they're like, "Isn't this great?" And it's like, "I don't know. "Just hire someone that's, I don't know."

There's a lot of movies that people have seen that tell me to watch it. Yeah. And I've never seen it. I just don't feel right. I don't feel right. Like, I've never seen. I swear to God, I bought it. Bro, Back Bonk Mountain. What? That's such a lie.

I've never seen Brokeback Mun. I swear to God. Ang Lee, it's so good. I know. I know it's good. I just haven't. Have you seen it? I haven't gotten around to it. I actually have not seen it. Better than that witch. Shut up, dude.

That's not a sentence in any language. Get the fuck out of here, dude. Get the fuck out of my country, man. Here's another one. La La Land, I've never seen. I didn't see that either. See, that's what I'm saying. You and I... Well, you knew I wasn't going to see that. But why can't we? It's good, I heard. I don't like musicals. Dude, you don't even want to get... We've talked about this before. You don't want to get me started. I don't like musicals. Yeah. I just can't do it. Can I say something about Greece? As a minority...

This is minority talk. Give it to me. It freaks me out when white people do gibberish. Give you an example. Please. I'm a kid in the theaters. Saw it in the 70s or whatever. Right? Sitting with all my kids, friends, right? Look at them.

Right at the last song. We go together. I ran out of theater. It's fucking speaking of tons. It's devil worship. What are you doing? I don't like it. So the way you talk normally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you're doing. You do jibber jabber. You do jibber jabber fucking white shit, dude. I don't like it. Yeah, yeah. I agree, because it does come from some weird place. And no one's that happy! No one's that happy. You're happy?! No. Everyone! No one's that happy. No black people?!

Well, that's why they're so happy. All right. That's good. But my point is, okay, so I've talked about this before, but... This is Jersey, baby. Yeah. Where is this supposed to take place again? Where is Greece supposed to take place? Yeah, where is it? That's actually... Oh, what do I mean? Don't they race in the Los Angeles Aqueduct? Aren't they in the LA Aqueduct at some point in that movie?

Set in Rydell High School in Los Angeles. Right. Because they go into the L.A. River. What part? The car race. Is this Malibu? Like there's no black minorities? Not a single Mexican? Yeah, not one Mexican in the movie. L.A. L.A., dude. That's supposed to be. That's right. That's insane.

You got raised from my girl, Sandy D. Yeah, yeah. What? But there's a scene in it. I've talked about this before, but maybe not on Bad Friends, but it's something that I need to, you probably won't catch it. Give it to me. I'm sitting there again before the, before all the gibberish. I'm watching it, right? Yeah. And there's the famous sleepover scene with the pink ladies. Pink ladies. You remember? Yeah, yeah. All right.

And one of the girls goes, this is my boyfriend. You know what I mean? Doing this. This is my boyfriend doing this. And then she goes, this is my boyfriend in Korea. And they go, ooh, you're dating a Korean? And she goes, no, silly. He's in the Marines. Yeah. I'm watching that as a kid. I'm like, fuck this. Fuck this shit. What is this shit, dude? That's the most racist thing.

Show me that scene. Maybe I exaggerated in my mind because I think I did look it up. It's not that bad. But it's something like that. But it sounds like that. To me, it sounded like that. And I remember the kids looking at me like, yeah, we're disgusting. No one wants to date us. I'm on the same page because the men in redheaded film, always bad. The women, Lucille Ball, phenomenal. A queen. You know what I mean? But sexy.

Huh? Sexy. Yeah, but I'm just saying like, Isla Fisher, all these redheaded women in television and film, they're praised. The men are always nerd, dork, squimp. What about Gleeson's son? The guy that was in Star Wars? What's his name? Oh, yeah. What's his name? Who? Gleeson's last name? You mean Brendan Gleeson? No. No, his son.

Yeah, but we don't even know. Yeah, he's famous. Yeah, he's very talented. Okay. And he did a love movie, too, where he was a romance. What was that called? But he's not famous enough for it to be a thing. I'm thinking about time traveling. Dude, he's so famous. What are you talking about? No, he's not. You didn't even know his fucking name. Last name, Gleason. Yeah, because of his dad. Okay, okay. My point is, we've never had male redhead heroic representation. Ever. It's always a bit. There's the redhead. There's pizza face. Mm-hmm.

Redhead movie star. Look, they're all fucking women. Jessica Chastain, Isla Fisher, Bryce Dallas Howard. Oh, what I would do with her. Look at that, though. Not one guy. Carol Burnett. All these are heroes. Did you put sexy, just in general, redheaded actors? It says movie stars. Redhead movie stars. Oh, my God. Let's go down the line. There's got to be one guy. Proof is in the pudding, dude. Dude, you're right. Allison Hannigan, Rita Hayworth. You guys are ugly. Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. Ellie Kemper, Molly Ringwald. Look at these people. By the way, these are all beloved, beloved characters. Not one of these is a fucking guy. But in Greece, if they would have said that, Redhead. This is the greatest proof I've ever had in my entire life. It's a good point. Jesus Christ. Yeah. In Greece, what? In the movie Greece, right? Still, they used the Korean thing. They would never use Redhead. No, no. In Greece, they would have gone, you're with a redhead. They go, eh. Oh, and they go, don't tell anyone. Please. Oh.

I just want to fuck him for a week and then dump him by the LA river when we do Grease Lightning. Fucking no. No. Okay, I get it. Yeah. You know what, dude? That's why I think you and I bond. We feel we were oppressed. We were very oppressed. Yeah, yeah. The oppression was real. But I want to say this, and I've seen this many times, and you can't disagree. Many shows we've done together on the road, I sometimes go out in the audience and watch him.

You always go out in the audience because you want to see if I'm going to do bad. That's not what it is. That's insane, dude. Carlos knows. Carlos just winked at that. No, he doesn't know that. That's not true. And take that back. Take that back right now. You do this thing. 5%. You do what he's doing. You do. Yeah, what's going on? You do this thing that Trump does. Oh, here we go. No, no, no. It's good. You do it really well, though. What? Tell me like...

Tell me like... I think I know what you're talking about. Say you like, you hate cheesecake. Be like, oh, I hate cheesecake. I don't like cheesecake. No, just say it like you. Say it like you.

I don't like cheesecake. That's because you've never had the best cheesecake. You don't know about cheesecake. People like you. You do that. Where like immediately the opposite side, you just- Give me one example when I did that. You just did it. Tell me. Give me. Go back. You go out there to see if I do bad. I've never ever done that. I would never. Yeah, I wouldn't. You go out there and you go like this. You go, do bad. Every time I go out there though, there's always a hot woman.

that will either get up from the chair and walk up to me and they'll always say, yeah, your boy's hot. Is it woman by birth?

What do you mean? Is it woman by birth? No, they're really traditional women. Traditional? From the Christian sense. They cook and they clean? Yeah. In the Christian sense that they are beautiful women. Yeah. And they, I've probably 30 or 40 times in my life, they've said your boy is hot. Yeah. And you've never gotten that from me. So fuck off. That's not true. Name me one example when a girl goes, I think your boy's hot. Oh, girl. Well, no. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. We have a lot of guys that like you though.

The amount of men that have a crush on you is staggering. I can tell by my Facebook. I'm on a Facebook, you know what I mean, dating thing. You know how Facebook is a dating thing? No, I have no idea. Yeah. For old people? Yeah, I think it's for old people. But it's like there's also dating and social friends. So when I click on who wants to be my friend, it's 2,000 just buff, tattooed fucking dudes going, I want to be your friend. What's it called? Facebook date, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. Dating Facebook. Yeah. It's a real thing. But you're celibate now. Yeah, 100%. No more. No more. No more dating, nothing. Nothing, I'm celibate. I would love to see a financial breakdown of you when you're dating and when you're not dating, how much money you spend on a dating month versus a non-dating month. Well, I spent like $500 at Spearmint Runner last night. You said $200.

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You gotta get a dance. Do you like the dances? What do you say when they're dancing? I'm so funny. I make everyone laugh so hard. You're cracking jokes? Oh, yeah, yeah. You're doing material? Yeah.

I go like one girl was, uh-oh, hot dog. No, no, no, I don't do that. This girl was like looking up at the ceiling. Yeah. Is there a ghost? Is that your grandfather? Right? And she goes, what are you talking about? Keep looking up there. You know what I mean? You're communicating with your fucking family? While she's riding? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, no, silly. You know what I mean? I make people laugh. Well, then it's more endearing. And I always go, up front, I always go, you know what? I'm going to give you a tip. She goes, I haven't done anything. I know, but I want to let you know that I am. Give her a tip. So you can go extra. I know.

Just in terms of gyrating and stuff. Yeah, more gyration. I like gyrations. But anyway, yeah, I'm going through a phase right now. I think that, so a couple of things. So I went and saw Bong. Let's talk about that photo you sent me.

What photo? You never looked that happy with me. You with Bong Joon-ho. Are you... That's the happiest I think I've ever seen. Are you an Academy Award winning director? What? Now you sound like him. I know. That's how that feels. You know what it is? Bong makes you nervous, huh? He made me nervous. Yeah, he's incredible. But so there was... You have the photo?

Bring up that photo of him in Bonjou. Can I tell you the embarrassing thing that happened? And I left early. I know you called me. Did I tell you what happened? You called me on the phone and I was like, you should just go back. No, so I'm sitting there. So I'm with Scoot and Sosie.

Oh, you're a sushi bacon. Yeah, yeah. And Scoot, you know, he was in... I forgot Scoot's last name. He was in A Complete Unknown. Woody Guthrie. He played Woody Guthrie. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Scoot's so talented, right? So Scoot and I... So I'm standing there with Bong. I'm going to get to a story. And then I take a photo with Bong. I meet his son. Everyone's super nice to me. And one of his producers was like, maybe we'll use him in something, something like this. He's like, never going to happen. But anyway...

So then now Scoot gets in. And so me and fucking Soci back up. So we're just talking amongst. Are you listening? No. You already told me the story. Yeah. So I'm telling you the story. So we're sitting there talking. And then this director comes up. I'm going to tell you who it is. Say it. She told me he was a director. I didn't even know who he was. So he walks up and he goes. And I forgot what it was. But he goes, I love you in dilithium or something like that to me.

I go, oh, thank you. You were good in Dialectica. And he goes, so then he goes, my daughter especially likes your performance in that. You know, you're really good. I go, oh yeah, good. And so I lean up and grab a taco from like somebody with a tray. And then Sosie goes, what are you getting so nervous about? I'm like, nothing. The director's still there. And she goes, was it live action or animation? I go, live action. And then the guy goes, no, it was animation. He goes, you weren't in that, were you? And I go, oh.

No. And he goes, why'd you lie? I go, I don't know what else to do. He leaves. So see, he's red as a... You didn't do anything wrong. Yes, I did. I wasn't in Dilithium or whatever. Yes, you were in Dilithium. I wasn't in it. I could have just said, you're mistaken. I was right, but why did I say yes? Because you were in Dilithium. No, I wasn't. He doesn't remember. Yeah, anyway. And then it was so awkward, me and Sozi. And I got mad at her. I was like...

If you hadn't asked if it was live action or animation, right? Let it go. I grabbed to get a taco from the thing. That was your out. She said, I didn't read it. I go, yeah, you should have. You should have. You fucked me. But also who asks if it was live action or animation? Who gives a shit? She buried you. Because she was nervous too? No, because she knew that you weren't in Dilithium. That's why. She knew your credits. She goes, Bobby wasn't in Dilithium. I wonder what it was called. Maybe I'll text her. But anyway, so I'm...

This is more remarkable. This is more remarkable. Okay. Can I tell? Yeah. So, you know, these... God, dude. It's all zipping. I know, I know. It's all zipping. It's not vomit. I know. It's just pure vomit air. I know, but it's PTSD. It's vomit air. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm skipping it. All right. So what I'm saying is that... Give me the chills. So these... Sometimes I get invited to...

fancy asian events yeah you know what i mean like you do mafia shit like this yeah like this is mafia shit so i'm walking to this event this korean guy nice super nice such a sweet he comes in and he goes dude i'm your your legend that's what he says to me ah shucks come on shucks that's what we say yeah shucks you know because actually i went to high school with your boy andrew

And I go, oh, yeah? But not in the same class. He goes, no, same class. No, same class. Yeah, I go, oh, cool. And he goes, I don't know if he knows me. What the fuck? Of course I know him. I know, but that's what he said. He goes, I don't know if he remembers me. Remembers me, yeah. Maybe that... But I go, well, how close were you? He goes, um...

We were on the same basketball team. We played basketball together. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. Doug. Doug. Doug, right? Doug, suck. Yeah. And I go, well, has Andrew reached out to you since you've been in LA? He goes, nah. No. And then did you say, have you reached out to him? And what did he say? You're in the position of power. You should reach out. First of all, he's a very powerful producer in Hollywood. You told me yourself. He just turned powerful. Okay. Okay. Okay.

You're not getting what I'm saying, dude. See, this is not Trump. This is not Trump. What you don't understand. What you don't understand. You could reach out to Doug Suck. You should be reaching out. Why aren't you reaching to Doug? Is it because he's Asian? Can I ask you guys this, though, right? Are there positions of power? Like, for instance, at the event, bong?

walked up to me I didn't walk up to bong oh hot shot fancy bob no no I'm just bong walks up to me that's not how I said it I wait people walk up to me I don't walk up to people dude it's so good I swear to

fucking it's working it's working you you are anyway you do trumpian shit so he got you're just deflecting they work up they walk up to me because of how poorly you treated this man no yeah that's a lie he literally called me bobby goes how i asked him have you talked to andrew he goes no and he goes i haven't really reached out he probably doesn't even know i'm out here yes literally what you said but don't get mad about this next part please don't get mad about go ahead

And I don't want this to be cut out, Andreas, because, you know, sometimes the truth must be told. Yeah, tell the truth. Okay. Yeah. She goes, oh, what is he doing there? I go, he's, I think he produced Minori, the Steven Yeun movie. And this guy goes, interesting. Oh, my. As if to go, maybe I didn't, I should have, he's not really here. Is that what I said?

I'm not done. This is really good of you lying. I'm really not done. I go, he produced Minori? And then you go, I don't know, man. I had to fucking look it up. I don't fucking know. So then I looked it up going, he did? That's wild. Yeah, but when he did, he went, hmm. The tone was this. Maybe I fucked this up. No. No. First of all, the tone. I want to be in Minori. Bad lie. Bad lie. I want to be in Minori. Maybe he reached out now. Yeah. Maybe he reached out now. No.

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, dude. Shut the fuck up. No, you know what I thought? Let's move on. I thought, that's interesting that he produced Minori. I wanted to lift it up. Do you hear it, though? No, my point is- You are wrong. My point is, I didn't know he was a producer. He'd come to the town, been here for years. No connection, right? Well, we weren't friends. How are you not friends with somebody you're on a basketball team with? My high school had 3,000 people. What the fuck are you talking about? There's 3,000 people on a basketball team? Yeah.

What kind of basketball is this? We played on the team. We played on the school. Are you friends with anybody you wrestled with? There's 400 center forwards. Are you friends with anybody you wrestled with? There's 400 center forwards, fucking 1,000 guards. You're the worst gaslighter of all time. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you friends with anybody you wrestled with? We also have...

I'm going to have 150 coaches. Are you friends with anybody you wrestled with? Are you friends with anybody? All of them. Tony Matusi. Call him. What? Call him right now. Yeah, yeah. Call Tony. Art Kimble. Call him. I know the name. I dare you to call one of them. And if Art Kimble lived in LA, I'd know it. Call one of them. And if Art Kimble fucking produced Yellowstone, I'd be in that shit. Call him. All right? You fucker. Call him. No. I would be the yellow in the snow. You're a gaslighting fucking liar. You're a fucking liar, dude. You're not friends with anybody. And you're a deceiver. You're not even friends with anybody. And you're not even friends.

You're not even fucking real. You're not even a good friend now. Anyway, let's move on. Mark Kimball was a wrestler from Poway High School, competed in that 191 weight pound class, fifth round. Exactly. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, no. Tony Matusi. Look up Tony Matusi. What's his phone number? What? Bring in his phone number. I want to see the last time you texted with him. I don't need to text him. He lives in my house. In a spare room. Anyway. You're like your friends with everyone you went to school with? That's insane. That's insane. But I know. I know.

I know who he was too. I said I knew him. And if... I'm...

No, no, no. Fuck you. You don't get to do that. You don't get to do that to me. Let's calm ourselves for a second. I want to be the voice of reason. Okay? And I want to calm this level down. Yeah, do it. No, see, I need your attitude to be different. Fuck you. See, it's not that. I'll do what I want, bitch. Just do the Chicago thing. You know what I mean? The streets thing. See, what I want to say is this. Stop. Calm down. I'm from the suburbs. How come you didn't connect with this guy from high school from 25 years ago? We don't fucking know each other. We didn't fucking... I don't know anybody who went to high school. I know three people from high school. Because you weren't friends.

with certain kinds of people in high school. That's true. That's true. Let me, can I ask you another question? That's true. Without anger. I kept it right for, I kept it, sorry, white, right. How many Koreans were at your school in high school? I don't even fucking know. That's right. A pretty, a good amount. You didn't know. There were more black, there were more black and Indians. He didn't know because he didn't like them. Well, I definitely. There are 62,000 Koreans in Chicago. That's nothing. He would have never known. 62 grand is nothing. Yeah.

That's right. It's like an anomaly. So if there was a unicorn on my fucking wrestling team, I would know the unicorn. Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, dude. If there was a unicorn, I would know it. If there's three unicorns, you know what I mean? I know unicorns. I know the one unicorn. That's what I'm saying. I used to be friends with unicorns. They're the greatest of corns. So if you have one Korean on your fucking basketball, how many Koreans play basketball? Almost none. It's like having Doc play fucking badminton. Yeah.

I wouldn't know if Doc played badminton. If you also played with him, yeah. Yeah, maybe. That's my point. If the one Korean of all of Illinois played basketball, you would put that ingrained in your mind. He's not even Korean. That's the worst part about him. He is Korean. No, he's not. What is he? He's half. That's right. Well, the other half. What's the other half? God knows.

And that's why you don't know him. I get it. Doug, if you're listening. He's not. Yeah, yes. He's producing Minori 2. Okay. Anyway, Doug, good to meet you. And maybe we can do some work together. Yeah, Doug, how come you didn't reach out to me, buddy? You come to my fucking city, you don't reach out to me? I don't know. It's power dynamics. But let's move on. What's power dynamics? Oh, gosh.

You keep saying that. I'll tell you what. That's something you take pride in. You really like power dynamics. I love it. I love what you're doing, dude. Oh, this is this kind of episode. We haven't done one of these in a while. Okay, here we go. This is what you do, though. I'll tell you. You love power dynamics. If I have to teach you things, I must teach you things. Yeah, go ahead. About power dynamics. I was in Dallas a week ago, remember? I do. Right.

I went to a 12-step meeting. It's a local, you know. Afterwards, you know, people smoke outside, right? And I go, hey, you guys want a fellowship? That's what we do. So we all went to a Denny's, me and these local AA people. Was there nothing else open? Yeah, there wasn't. It was late, right? And then I got the bill. And they were all like, hey, dude, there's eight of us. I go, I know power dynamics. They go, we don't know that. I go, yeah, it's like, I had to give them this example.

It's like when you take eight other addicts to a Denny's after eating at AA and you're the richest one. Can you just listen to my point? That's what it is. So if I go out to eat with David Spade, I have never paid. Yeah, right. It's just the power dynamics of the situation. See, that's foolish. It's not foolish. I pay with Spade.

Every time I offer, he says no. I just hand her my card before he can. Okay, well, you're ruining the power dynamics. So you don't understand the concept of power dynamics. I believe in equal pay. I believe in equal pay. You believe in equal pay? Equal pay. I'm going to do it too. Do it. Okay, well, McCone.

After this, let's go to Mastro's and you pay for the bill. He can now. He can afford it. No, he can't. Yeah, he can. Would you be able to afford $500 to pay for all three of us? I could. It would be a damp. A damp. But there would be a thing in your mind. Why am I paying? Exactly. But you have to learn. No, it's not about learning. No, that's how life is. You have to learn. You have to pay. It would force me to work harder and become a better person.

And that's why he's- And that's the America I love. Work harder. Work harder. Okay? So listen, all right? You're his boy for life, and I get it. Okay? I get it. Mm-hmm.

Let's move on now because I'll tell you. We went from Grease to Dog. To Power Dynamics. We went from Grease to Dog and it was too much. So let's go back to musicals. That's fine. Okay, we don't like it. And there's some movies that I have not seen that were classics. That are musicals. No, in general, like Eyes Watched Shut. I've never seen it. What? Well, that's a little strange.

Is it good? How come you've not seen that? I've never seen it. That's a good movie. I just don't like masks at parties. No, no, no, no. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. COVID mask? Yeah, I don't want to get sick. And your eyes are wide shut. Okay. Okay. No, that joke really hit me at home. It hit. Because it was good. It worked. It did work. The kid's got some zingers. He got some zingers, but it was real brutal. It was. Well, hit him back. I won't because that's not who I am.

That's not who I am. What? Power dynamics. Power dynamics. So you don't punch down. Yeah, I don't punch down. You only punch up. But that was very funny. Thank you. Eyes wide shut. Okay. Fancy's looking good, by the way. He looks... Not the hair. The hair does look good. The hair looks good. I think it does look good. And also... Yes, wait. Yes, wait. Just wait what? Just wait for me to be the hottest man on the show. But you know, we know the genetics. Yes.

So you can do whatever you want. You know what I mean? Put Botox, fill your head. So you don't think he's a handsome guy at all, no matter what he does? He's sort of like a UN kind of a look. You do look political right now. You know what I mean? Like, you know, somebody that, not even the head guy around the circle of- No, he's at the embassy. Some embassy, but he's like the fifth row of a guy taking notes. Like, you're not a leader. Right. You know what I mean? But you're involved. Right.

You probably make about $90,000 a year internationally. Consular. Yeah, that's it. Consular. Consular. Today, they have to submit this parking ticket for it. Yeah, he does a lot of paper pushing. Hey, they found this mummy with gold. Look up. We could talk about Giza too. What about the Giza? About Gaza, yeah. No, Giza. Huh?

The Giza pyramid. Oh, the Giza pyramid. You know what happened, right? No, what happened? Wait, wait. You don't know what happened? What happened in Giza? Do you guys know what happened? No. Are you fucking out of your minds, dude? Let's Google it. What happened in Giza? The pyramids. Did they fall? No, dude. Oh, the under... Yeah, the under...

The under. Okay, I don't know if it's fucking true. It is true. What is this? A vast underground city was found below Egypt's Giza pyramid. Look at the pillars. Surprise, surprise. Look at the pillars, though. Do they look like 9-11? No, look at the pillars. Twin Towers. All right. So what they discovered, zoom into that photo. There's two mile long, these fucking tubes that go down with these spiral staircases that go down into other compartments two miles down.

Two miles? Two miles down, dude. Google that. Two miles. Go to the article so I can read it. It's in kilometers. I don't know the... Oh, two kilometers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many miles down is it? Okay. Speculating an entire city buried under the Great Pyramids of Giza. Speculating. Right. Okay. A team of Italian and Scottish scientists? I'm out. No, no. Okay, zoom back up to that. There has to be a city underneath the Giza. I mean, come on. No, that's very funny. The Italians? You're very good at accents.

So this is what they discovered. Okay. What is that? And it's, it's, they have technology where they have, you know, um,

infrared technology where they can scan things. And this is what they're scanning. The technology is legit. Go to the article, please. Okay. Just so we can see this. This is incredible. If this is real, this is wild. It's incredible. And Italian and Scottish scientists have unveiled the shocking results of the research about the pyramids of Giza in Egypt. 4,500-year-old one of the world team claims that there's an entire city buried underneath the pyramids. An entire city. Wow. Yeah. Experimental research, the Karafe Project...

And let's see here, 3D images go down a little bit. You can see, wow, how they built stairs around the pillars, huh? Yeah. 3D models created-- But these tubes are the most interesting part. 420 miles above the, wait, the team relied on two satellites 420 miles in outer space to come down. Go down, I wanna see how far down they go underground. Look at that thing. 6,500 feet across. They go down approximately 2,100 feet. How much is that? 2,100 feet is just under like a half a mile.

Okay, I was wrong. Half a mile is long. Dude, half a mile is so long. Yeah, it's so long. That's so fucking deep. 2,000 feet underground is insane. Right. And then below that, though, are these other buildings. Dr. Zahi Hawass, a prominent archaeologist. He's my favorite doctor, by the way. Well, you're not going to like him after this. Former minister of antiquities called out the research, said it was completely wrong and was fake news. I don't like him. And it's methodology. Yeah, yeah. He said it's not correct. One guy.

I mean, Rogan talks about it, and he's usually right. Is he? That's why I didn't believe you. Professor Lawrence Connors, a professional geophysical archaeologist and ground-penetrating radar expert, dismissed the theory of vast city under the pyramids as just a huge exaggeration. So a lot of these guys are saying no, no. Okay. But, however, I believe you. So if you tell me it's there, I believe it's there. Well, I've been doing a lot of researching on my own time. You are? Yeah. Okay.

Via through the internet. Right, via the internet. Right, via the internet. And I've come to a conclusion. I believe that it's half correct at least. Would you ever live in an underground city? I have dreams about it. You do? Oh my God, I do. I think about it all the time. Yeah.

I have dreams about it. Like, then the way that Goonies found that waterfall and the, I wanted that so bad. Me too. What would you have down there? Oh my God. Oh, me too. So collection of so many fun things. Well, so I would. Just a wall of dildos to use whenever you need them, huh? No, that's not it. What I would do is if I had a city, I would have one area where I would look like outside. Oh,

Oh. So basically. It would look like above ground, you mean? Above ground. So I would have like panels, right? Like, you know, IMAX. Tricking people into thinking they're out there. To think that it's outside. Because I'm going to have dogs down there. Right? So I'll have my dogs down there. Can they survive? Yeah, because it's going to be vast. Okay. And grass. You're going to have grass underground. Yeah. How do you grow it? There's soil down there. What about light, sunlight? UV. UV. Aluminum lesson. That's exactly what I meant. Aluminum lesson. Yeah, yeah.

It's a great band. Thank you. With the Illuminescence. Yeah. It's very dark gothic. Very gothic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then what else? Yeah, I would also have like a steam room situation. What? Yeah, yeah. Can I ask you, why are we doing this underground? It could be above ground. All this stuff could be above ground. Because of my fantasies, I did something wrong. Hmm.

Okay. Yeah, I did something wrong on Earth. You're a man on the run. Right, I'm a man on the run, but I have billions of dollars in my fantasy, so I built this underground city, much like Lex Luthor in the original Superman movie. How do you get people down there? How do you convince people to go down there? No one goes down there. I'm all right down there. I have dogs down there. You're alone. Yeah, I have a llama, a dog, you know what I mean? Other things. What are you going to do about love and sex and relationships? Well, it's the same as now. Nothing. With the dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the dogs. And the llama. Do you talk to the dogs?

- Yeah? - You have full conversations with them? - Yeah. - Yeah, I've done that. - Yeah, I have. - I talk to my dog in the morning. - No, just, I go, how are you? - See, I ask her philosophical questions. - Like what? I'm your dog, hoo, hoo. That's not a dog. - No, no, that's my dog. Oh, hey, cubs.

Hey, what do you think? Do you think that the polar ice caps are actually melting at like a surprise? Right, yeah. Oh, you want food? Yeah. Factor! Oh my lord. Yum, yum, yum, yum. With Factor, you're getting more.

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Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Allbirds and Rothy's uses. Yeah. And also us, by the way. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com slash bad friends, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash bad friends to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash bad friends. Yeah, I mean. What's your dog's trigger word? They don't understand any of my words. Really? Yeah.

Stop, they don't know. No, they don't know. They don't know any of it. It's funny. Yeah. My dog's insane that if I say, if I say your boyfriend's coming this weekend, she knows it's my cousin. It's my cousin Luke that comes and watches sometimes. I'll go, I think your boyfriend's gonna be here this weekend. She'll be dead asleep. And I'll go, man, I think your boyfriend might come by.

In fear. No. I don't trust Luke. So excited. No, he's the best. Oh, yeah. He's good. She sprints downstairs and stares out the window thinking that he might be there already. Don't do that. Tease her. You know what I mean? That's fucked up. You got to keep her on her toes. Is somebody here? No. No, I'm just taking a drink of coffee. Okay. I heard a woman's voice. Hello? Yeah, that's what I heard. Hello? Hello?

This thing might be haunted, this studio. I think it is. Because I've been in here sometimes working after hours and I just feel an eerie feeling in my stomach. I understand. Somebody was killed here. I understand. But whom? I don't know, man. But it feels that way. Yeah. It's not old enough to be haunted, I don't think. This building? Yeah. 88, built in 88. Yeah, not old enough. You don't think people die in the 80s?

I think hauntings take forever. Some ghost from 1989 just doing coke. Yeah, maybe. Just like, ooh. Yeah, yeah, maybe. What else do you hear late at night? Here or at home? Oh, at home? I hear it at home. My house is haunted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. This is what I do. I'll be sleeping. And I'll take my phone, put the light on,

You know what I mean? The light and zoom my room. Oh, that's, that's creepier to me. Cause then the, then the shadows from the nooks and the crannies of that. I know. But if I saw a woman like this, I don't know. You're like, lady, I'm celibate. You got to get out of here. What is that? Orbs? Ghost orbs. Dude, I've seen orbs. I've seen orbs. Oh, you know what? Orbs, dude. I'll tell you, I'll tell you about orbs. You want to know everything about orbs? I don't know much about it, but, um, so there was a comic named Charles Fleischer.

Do I know him? He was before your time, but when I did the, in the early 2000s, he was around a lot. And he was the voice of Roger Rabbit. Oh, I remember this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've actually met this guy. Yeah, so Fleischer. So Fleischer would be in the green room, in the main room, and he'd have his cameras out, several cameras, to fucking take photos of alien orbs or different ghostly orbs. Whoa. And he would show me like, hey, Lee, look. He always called me Lee. Look, Lee. Lee, look, there's orbs in here.

And we always thought it was a little unsavory because we're about to go up. You're about to go on stage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the Fleischman would do that. But he was really into that. Is he still around? Yeah. So he was a part of that. Oh, I feel so bad about this. Oh, he passed away. No, he's alive. He's alive, no. Why the fuck did you say no? Yeah. He was a part of that group when Adam Egan took over and he did that fucking brutal like-

you know what I mean, clean house. Yeah, they'll spring clean him. No, but he, anyone over age is certain. There's some that was like, you know what I mean, like Argus and people that obviously. There were people that were. We couldn't, you know what I mean. Grandfathered in. Grandfathered in, but there was a host of them

Where he called and said, you guys don't call in. You're not going to get spots. That's crazy. And it broke so many people's hearts. But I think as a booker, you have to do that. Well, that's why people always hate bookers and producers because they have to do all the grunt work. Yeah. You know, like these guys. They do all the grunt work and we hate them. You have to be our filter of no's. I know. We had a conversation about it. Yeah, yeah.

So can we talk about adolescence real quick? I know you haven't seen it. I know you can, but I don't want... Incredible. You loved it. One shot? I've seen in years. Each episode is one shot. I've heard this. I heard about the rehearsal process. It's impressive. It's insane. The kid in it, my God. Incredible. Incredible. How old is this young man? 13. 13, 14? 13. Yeah. Never done anything before. What the fuck were we doing at 13? I don't know. Oh, Stephen Graham's in that. I love it. He's incredible. He wrote it, right? Didn't he? Yeah, he's incredible. Incredible.

Brad Pitt produces it. Who's that? That's the kid. That's Brad Pitt. No, that's the kid. Actor Jamie, wait, wait, Owen Cooper. Yep. This kid is incredible. He's never done anything about this? Good for him. It's nice to get a break out the gate. So. Just like us. That's what we had. Yeah. Big breaks. Each episode is literally one shot. And I don't think there's any cheats. I think it's one shot. They do two takes, I heard. No. No.

No, no, it's one shot. They do two takes. Two takes a day for a week. So 10 shots. 10 takes. 10 takes. Yeah, so two shots a day. They do two shots. Right. They do two episodes. Two takes. Two episodes a day and they pick the best one? No, no, two takes a day. Of the same episode. Of the same episode. Yeah. And they pick it. They pick it. Yeah. Okay. Couldn't do a one-off. That'd be insane. That'd be impossible. We could do it. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, so there's always that one guy 30 minutes into it who has two lines. If I was that guy, like hiding behind a wall, knowing I had to come around. You see no Koreans in the show. It's true, huh? I would be repeating my lines. You know what I mean? Welcome back to the hotel. Yeah, welcome to the hotel. Welcome back to the hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You making fun of me because of the wrong Missy? No. Yeah, you're doing the wrong Missy thing? No, I'm not. What do you know what? I'm just throwing out a line. Fuck you, dude. No, dude, I was throwing out a fucking line. I don't know. What Missy thing? What are you saying?

What are you talking about? Fucking Marcelo did that too. Hernandez two weeks ago. I love that kid. He's like, you've been in movies ago. Oh, great job on wrong. Missy. Is that what you said? Welcome to the hotel. So fuck you. What's his problem? Your problem. Anyway. So. Welcome to the hotel. This is my.

Okay. But here's what I want people to know. I'm not going to tell you what the premise of the thing. People basically know. No, we know what the premise is. I mean, it's on the internet. But, you know, when I first saw it, because I knew nothing about it, I thought it was a whodunit.

Like a murder mystery? Yes. Right. And with that lens, it doesn't work with that lens, right? But then when you look at it for what it is, it's brilliant. See, it's interesting because now there's a lot of... Murder mysteries are back now. Like the Shonda Rhimes show is very popular. It's like Clue meets...

Knives out. Right. Yeah. Or whatever. But dude, those things are hits. That's what we need to make. We need to make a bad friends whodunit. Yeah. That'll be fun. That's what we need to do because honestly, how much fun would it be if, you know, McCone was dead? Carlos.

I was going to go to him first, but it's too easy. Because I want to, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. He's suspect. And also you need him. He needs to be a shady character throughout that you can keep tagging and going, this guy could have done it. Because look at the lifestyle he's living. Right. Look what he's up to. So he's got to be a guy that people suspect. Suspect, 100%. He's a big through line. Who does it at the end though?

That's interesting. Who does it at the end? Jules. Jules is too predictable. Too predictable. Too predictable. McCone, no, you don't have the balls.

And that's what we'll say. You're the one that's dead. Yeah. How can you kill yourself? Oh, that's the whodunit? Hey. At the end of the hour, he just killed himself, guys. By the way, what a huge letdown. The biggest letdown ever. That would be like the worst M. Night Shyamalan spin of all time. He's got a rope around his head and you're like, who's doing it? He's just sitting there jerking off like, oh, oh, oh. Chokes himself out. All right. So this is what you need, though, in this, right? It can't just be us.

We have to have like maybe 20 people flowing in and out of it. A cast of people, yeah. Yeah, yeah. To come and go. Yeah. And then, I don't know who does it. I would think that maybe Jessie. You think Jetski would do it? She's a tough sell for me. Like she don't know if she has that evil flip. So Dax have to be in the show. Yeah. He's somebody that people are like, maybe, you know. But I think ultimately the biggest surprise would be you. I'm the murderer? Yeah. Now that lines up. You and I can't be the murderer. It seems too obvious. That one of us is the murderer.

Bring in your brother, Steve. Andreas.

Andres also doesn't have the balls. He doesn't have the balls. He's a big talker, small walker. I have the resentment, though. Well, that's why you're a good suspect. That's how these things work. Yeah, you're a good suspect. You know, like George. George would be one of a prime suspect for being a murderer. Yeah. Well, I couldn't have murdered him. You know what I mean? I know. Like any police investigator would be like, well, this guy fucking did it. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, it would have to be someone like...

Oh my God. I know who did it. Turn around. Oh my God. My mom. Bobby's mom. That would be the biggest shock. I think you're right. That would be the biggest shock. It's just you see me in a room with a knife. Yeah. And then I remove my own skin to reveal I'm Bobby mom underneath. That's funny. And that's her line. She pulls off. She goes, I'm Bobby mom. And she's, I'm Bobby mom. Done. Done. Right? Done, done, done, done. But there's no motive. None. None.

Like, why would she kill? She doesn't even know McConaughey doesn't matter. She just gets right back on her iPad. Oh, wow. Yeah. And that's that kind of movie. I like maybe up to the audience to figure out why. Yeah. The purpose. Yeah. What's the depth of this? And I discover it, you know, I discover it at the end. Yeah. And I have a, you know, really fucking scene. And,

You know. Oh, you're emotional. I like that, dude. That was good. I didn't do it yet. Do it again. I'm not doing it. Sorry. I'm not doing it. Please do it. I'm not in the mood. Please do it. And the line is, welcome to the hotel. Okay.

Okay, dude. Okay. You dug me earlier. You dug me. Well, you dug me earlier. Yeah, yeah. I dug you earlier. Stop dugging me. Yeah, all right. That's good. I deserved it. Thank you. Okay. So that's a good whodunit. I think we should do a whodunit murder mystery. Yeah. I really would love to. They are so fucking popular. Or a Nora 2. Okay, and let me clear the air. Yeah. I actually didn't hate the movie. I just need more...

I need more spins. You need to spin me out more. Emotionally thrust me. If you're going to give me a heartbreaking story. I love being spinned around. Spin me around, baby. Yeah. Spin me. I wanted to see more. Also, the Armenians in the movie. Oh. They're not even mean. Oh. Have you ever met a fucking Armenian? Yeah. They were like, you've never met him? I'd take you to sushi right up the street. Yeah? Yeah.

It just was different. What do you got back that you're fuddling around with? Oh, we got some stuff for Bobby because he keeps talking about it. Oh, this is the old fairy donut and the gold. How old are these? They just got them today. Yeah, today. Today. Yeah, of course. And you're saying they're not good. No, no, no. Incorrect. Rewind the fucking tape. I said that I prefer an old school run of the mill donut shop. So do you have an old school donut too? Yes. Bring it out. Yeah, thank you.

Thank you. This is fun. This is really good. And this is an old fairy donut and a holy grail donut. Yeah. And he's got, which one did you get? A Winchell's? Winchell's. Winchell's, fantastic. It's exactly what I like. An old school Winchell's. Yeah, but you're going to know the difference once you put it in your mouth. Of course I will. No, but the shittiest one, just to prove your point, you go, oh, the shittiest one. No, no, I promise I won't.

Alright, so give me a plate. You have a plate? No, we don't need plates. You just fucking just give me one that you think this is... When have you used a plate? That's also very true. Oh, so you're just gonna take a bite of it. There's no closing your eyes or anything? Well, the guys could have set it up differently, but they already shit the bed on that. Just give me and let me see. Okay. Did you get the good one here? Do we have a little knife? No, you don't have the one with the fucking passaggio. Do we have a knife? Yeah. Just give me a little knife. Oh my god, you got the worst ones. Let me see. Are they really that bad? McCone...

You know what? I didn't want to get crazy flavors so they wouldn't go bad. I wanted to get basic stuff. But this is not proving my point. You got the worst ones there. No, but the quality... No, no, no. It's not. Oh, I understand what he's saying. It's a control like it's a scientific experiment. Yeah, like they're all the same. So what is this called? No, but that's the point. The point is that I honestly believe that this isn't even fucking fairy dough. If I look it up,

No, no. I think you've tried. No, dude. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, dude. Yeah, hold on, dude. Hold on, dude. No, no, hold on. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to do it right now, dude. No holding. Yeah. Fairy. So this is the Holy Grail. This is the one with what? Cinnamon, I believe. Cinnamon and- Old fairy donut. Hold on. Hold on.

Okay. It's just cinnamon and coconut. Yeah. Okay, so I look at the Old Ferry Donut list. Give me that one. These donuts are not on the list! You're a fucking liar! No, I'm not. Yeah, you're a liar! No, I'm not, dude. I promise. Beat him up.

Kick his ass, dude. I'm not. They don't have those donuts on the fucking menu. Dude, it's just glaze. Everyone has glaze. No, they don't. I've been there. They don't have that. No, it was a thing for Postmates. It was a special month thing. If I go to Postmates right now. Go to Postmates. I've been there.

Dude, it was an Uber. I'm sorry. Give me that. Let me try. It's not real. This is fucking Winfield. No, I want to try. It's Winfield's too. Fuck you, dude. I'm going to go to Uber Eats. No, no, no. I'm going to look it up right now. I'm sorry. Fuck you. Let me try it. No, no. You don't try it. Try it. I'm so passionate about food. No, I don't like being lied to. Here, well, look at this. Let me try this. Old fairy donut. I told you we knew the blindfold.

Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. So here we go. Okay. I want to go to Old Ferry. Let's see the donut. Let's see. That'd be a nice day. Dude. Yeah. They don't have that in delivery. Yeah. On Uber Eats, they do. It's an exclusive. No, it's not. No. Okay. How about this? No, I'm not eating that. Hold on. No, stop. Let me ask you something. Honestly, look at me right now, Dan. Okay. Yeah. On my mother's life. Oh, this is an easy one.

On my life. Harder? Yeah, on my life is this from Old Fairy Donuts. On my life there are Old Fairy... On your life there are Old Fairy Donuts on the table. In this box. You don't have to get that specific, Bob. In this box. In a box, yeah. In this Old Fairy Donut box. In this box, the room, there are Old Fairy... I'm not fucking around. Bro, why is like this out of all things making you the most mad?

Because it's supposed to be a fucking contest. It's a blind test. Right? Yeah. And if this is not the actual thing, then I'm going to lose. My point is... If you like it so much, you would know. And it's like, there's the PB&J one. There's the fucking Raspberry Glade, Lemon Poppy. They don't have shit like that. Do you remember how much you like the Air One water? Andrew, how do you like your old ferry? I got to tell you. The Winchell's bag.

Winchell's is great. These are all Old Ferry donuts, aren't they? None of them are. These are Old Ferry, right? Are they right there? There they are. Those are the real deals. These are Holy Grail. I don't know why you got so mad. I don't know either, man. It's pretty fucking crazy, dog. I'll tell you why, dude. I'll tell you why. I'm at a Michelin star. I work for the Michelin star.

Yeah, you're the Michelin man. No, no.

Let me rework it. Bro, someone at home, a fan, please draw him as the Michelin Man and submit it right fucking now. Thank you. All right. What I'm saying is, let's say I own a restaurant. I know the Michelin star guys are coming. And then my chef goes, you know what? I'm just going to go to Arby's and put those on the plate. And then they get no stars and they get nothing. That's my point. This contest is supposed to be real.

Okay? To prove a point. But you're trying to trick my mind. Yeah, I mean... And make me look like a fool. And I don't like it. Give me those. Here you go. All right, so this is your beloved... What is this? A fairy fairy.

Okay, these are the original glazed. And what's this one? That's the pistachio. It's matcha. I refuse. It's insane. You know what? Fucking eat a matcha fucking donut? That's insane. Get fucked, you nerd. Matcha. It's fucking gross. I'm going to eat the fucking regular. Let me see. Yeah. Come get these, please. It's because before I get so fucking fat that I'm going to pass out. By the way, it is hard to not continue to eat all these donuts. I do want to keep this one. What he just said. Bobby, I can tell when you start to slow down. Thank you.

So you put in a donut break in it? We're slowing down. We're going to put the donut thing in there. That's what you're saying? No. I don't know where it's from. I don't trust it. That's the Holy Grail. Yeah, whatever, dude. No. I don't trust it. Anyway, next time we do some sort of water contest or anything like that, no deception. Because I want to be able to fight for my right.

To be the right one. Yeah. Yeah, this isn't a comedy podcast, buddy. This is a food podcast. I know, but I don't like being deceived. Never again. Shall it happen? Tony. Yeah. Get this out of here. Thank you. Thank you. We'll get back to something good in a second. We have to get back. Okay. Never again. You know what? Andres is the leader of all this. Yeah. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. You're the leader of all this bullshit. Yeah.

Hold on. This is incredible. Joe Piscopo in a Miller Lite commercial. We got tagged on this. This was a Miller Lite commercial from 1987. For people that don't know, Joe Piscopo was a comedian. He was on Saturday Night Live. Was Bruce Lee still alive? No. In 87? Yeah. Yeah. Didn't he die in like the 90s? Yeah. I am a master of ancient art of karate, kung fu, and the Chinese of chuckle. What the hell? What about the centralizing? What the hell?

I always reach for a cold amilla light. Light tastes great. Light is a filling, too.

Anybody want a pepperoni? Ancient Proverbs. Only one light beer. Miller Lite. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Why can't we do these campaigns today? It's racist. Is it? A little bit. I can see some people get offended. I would like it. Well, here's the problem I have with it. He does an accent for almost every line except for Miller Lite. He doesn't even do the funniest one. The product is Miller Lite. Executives did that. Hey, Joe. Hey, Joe.

Can you just... Yeah, yeah. You liking what I did on set? Yeah, but Joe, can you literally say Miller Lite? You're saying we're all right. Yeah, well, you guys drink me all right. I'm white. I'm just in a second. No, no, I'm saying... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why'd you say you're white? Yeah, you guys. You look not white.

I'm tan. Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. Are you tired? You look tired. No, there was an eclipse. Oh, there was? Yeah, yeah. Did you look up into it? Yeah, I looked right into that sun. Don't do that. Okay, I know. My bad. Yeah, in the next take, I'll say it. Yeah, yeah. So next time, can you say, and action. Reach for a cold mirror, right? No, you did it again. Did I do it again? Yes. Wow, it doesn't sound like I'm doing it. Look at me right now, all right? Yeah.

Miller. Mirror. No, not mirror. Oh. This is not Snow White. Oh. Okay. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Do that. Yeah. And action.

Wow. I think if Disney's going to remake all those movies, they might as well do it with an Asian accent. Speaking of that, thank you for bringing it up. Don't bring that up. Yeah, thank you for bringing that up. What? Speaking of that, thank you. Do you remember that a couple weeks ago we talked about Snow White? Yeah. And he said he was going to make a certain amount of money? I don't remember it. Yeah, he did. Who said it? Andreas. Oh, he did? I'll bet you $100.

He was wrong. I was right. How much money has it made so far? Well, we looked... This is the problem. It's only opening weekend, right? Yeah. It did worse than Dumbo. It's not looking good. I know. It's the worst opening weekend of any live action. Now, Bobby was scared after seeing the trailer and made me cut that portion of the other episode. So that...

The bed is off. Just because you cut the fucking portion out doesn't mean that the bed is off. Yeah, yeah. You don't know. Wait a minute. I was there. We made a bet, dude. Wait a minute. You made a bet. Yes. Then you called him and told him to remove something from the show? Because I saw a trailer in the movie theater and I go, oh my God, it might be good. It might be good. Yeah, yeah.

So you were gonna look like a fool. I didn't recant it, right? I didn't recant it. You didn't make it out of the episode. You know how Disney makes their trailers all majestic and magical? Did you make him take it out of the episode? Yes. Yes. Bets are off. You didn't stand by it publicly. So then the bet's off. That's crazy. You can't do that. And by the way, it was $100? Yeah. Okay, you owe him 50 then. That's crazy.

That's right. That's right. You owe me something. Well, you owe me 50. You owe me half. Yeah, you owe me something. Okay. So it's only made, it made 42 million, what did it have? 88 worldwide. And it's a $400 million movie, which means what? Another- It's at 270. No, it's a $400 million film. With advertising. With advertising. All the money that's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They said it's actually north of 400 million. So they have to make probably 700 million to make some money. Oh, they'd have to make close to a billion for this to be like what they want. Lugrative, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was, and it was, I mean, they're difficult to do live actions.

Based on an IP that's already existed? Yeah, but... You don't think it's hard? I think it's easy. That's why they keep doing it. Well, it's easier to do because the scripts are already... I mean, the ideas are there. But what you can't do is change it, is what they try to do. And what do they try to change it into? The main reason is the...

The two girls didn't like each other. The two actresses. Isn't Gal Gadot in that? Yeah. She's Maleficent. Yeah, and she's pro-Israeli because she was on the Special Forces. Wait, wait, wait. Time out. Time out. What the fuck does that have to do with Snow White? Is Snow White in Gaza Strip? Rachel Zegler is pro-Palestine. Oh, that's a real thing? I've never heard this. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, obviously, Gal Gadot is...

Right. Of course. Right. But I don't think that I think what it was was a number of things. Is Rachel Ziegler. Is she. What is she. She's Mexican. She's Mexican. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to tell you something. OK. There's a couple of other elements to it. And I think we can keep this in. Yeah. OK. Because I'm very clear about it. I didn't know about the Israel-Palestine part of it. So what they hated working with each other obviously. So the two things they fucked up. They didn't even want to do a premiere with the two of them.

It will always be free Palestine, she writes. That's May 2021? Mm-hmm.

Wow, that's a long time ago. They shot this a long time ago. They shot this four years ago? No, it had to have been two years ago. Look at this from August 12th. I love you all so much. Thank you for the love and 120 million views on our trailer in just 24 hours. What a whirlwind. I'm in the thick of rehearsals for Romeo and Juliet, so I'm going to get out of here. Bye for now. And always remember, free Palestine, she says. Rachel Ziegler. That was August 12th. Okay, but I don't think that that was the main thing. There's two other elements. Peter Dinklage. Peter Dinklage.

He plays all the dwarves? No. That's a good guess. On a talk show, he said, I don't know which one, it was like, they're doing that Snow White again for these dwarves. It's old thinking when it comes to the way people look at little people. I think it's bullshit, yada, yada, yada. Disney took him seriously, so they made the dwarves just six dwarves

We talked about this. Yeah, we already talked about it, right? Those are not the... They made it all CGI. No, it's all CGI now. After that. So those leaks weren't real? Yeah, those leaks are part... There are a group of bandits in the movie. Oh, they are. And one real dwarf in them. Okay. We just saw an image of it two things ago. There they are right there. They're all CGI. Yeah. They're CGI. They look... I heard the CGI is not good. Not great. Right. And then also Rachel Ziegler's comments about...

You know, it's not the 50s, you know what I mean? So we don't need a Prince Charming because women can, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? What? What can they do? They can't be president, I'll tell you that. I know, but they can, they don't need a Prince Charming to help them in their quest to save them. And so what's the premise of this film? I haven't seen it. No, I'm serious. It's basically the same movie. It's just she fights. There's some controversies in it that I think bogged it down.

But here's my curiosity. Mostly it's horror, the comments outside the movie. But it can't be the fucking Palestine, Israel shit because people in fucking China that would see this don't give a fuck. They don't care. That's what I'm saying. The billions that would be earned in other parts of the world don't concern themselves with that. You know what I mean? So it's got to be something else. It's got to be the buzz. Well, the dwarves, the scared kids.

That does look a little creepy. Yeah, some of the kids were scared from it. And they're supposed to be like, likable. You know what I mean? Lovable. Oh, that dwarf on the left, I know him. Who is it? That is not good. No, no, no, seriously, I know him. That dwarf on the left? Yeah, he's got some charges pending against him. Oh, I see. That's probably what did this. And then the third or fourth controversy is people's argument, well, how can Rachel Ziegler be the prettiest one

In that world, if Gal Gadot is hotter. Is that what people say? Yeah. People are saying that Gal Gadot is prettier, so it doesn't make any sense, but I don't know. That's another Trump thing. People are saying. If you say people are saying. People are saying Ziggler didn't do it for them. Did Gadot does it? So the movie, what do we think? This thing is going to cost them. And she's doing Romeo and Juliet now.

Yeah, maybe. Best Romeo and Juliet they ever made? DiCaprio. Leo. It was the best. The best. The soundtrack was, by the way, I had this fucking CD. That soundtrack was so good. It was so good. Look up the music for Romeo and Juliet. So good. Romeo plus. Romeo what? Plus. Yeah, Romeo plus Juliet. Right, whatever the fuck they wanted to. That was so good. Look at the soundtrack and look at this song. Here, zoom in a little bit.

Oh, damn. Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. Fucking garbage. Number one crush was so good. Desiree, Butthole Surfers, the Cardigans. Radiohead. Radiohead, dude.

This whole thing, this, I remember this movie being like, man, whoever organized the music. In fact, when I first started working my PA job, when I first moved out here, I met the guy at the studio who made soundtracks for the movies. Wow. And they did Bottle Rocket. Oh, I love Bottle Rocket. And I was like, man, dude, what, that's the coolest fucking job on earth. How did you get that? And he was like, oh, I was in A&R at another, at a, at a,

radio, I mean a record label and blah, blah. And then I was like, what if I want to do that? And he was like, oh man, you're not gonna. You could though, because you have a vast knowledge of music. I know, but you know what he said? You have to be sucked into the music world. And then they like, you know what it is? It's a job. And this is something that you know, that our audience, it's hard to describe. You know what it is? It's loopers. Do you know loopers? Yeah. People that don't know what a looper is. When you watch a TV show,

And you just see someone in a bar. There's chatter in the background at the bar. That's not real from when they filmed. They have groups of people called loopers that go in every day to the studios and they do background noise, just chatter and talking to fill the spaces of television and film. And they make incredible money. I'm not even fucking kidding. My old neighbor was a looper and he made fucking a couple hundred grand a year, 10 years, 12 years ago. And he would just go in every day. Wow. And loop.

Looper. He was a looper. I love loopers, dude. Look at this. Good movie. 180,000. Good movie, too. 180 grand to fucking go in every day, just talk in the background. So I did something gross yesterday. I wasn't going to bring it up. I don't know why this just brought it up. Tell me if this is wrong.

So I'm doing the last day of this movie. Right? So I'm in makeup. Last day of the what? This movie I'm in. The last day? Yesterday was my last day. What's it called? New Year's Rev. That is a good title. Fuck yeah, dude. New Year's Rev? Yeah. R-E-V? Yeah. Who's Rev? It's short for revolution. Just say the whole thing then. Okay. It sounds cooler with New Year's Rev. And this is the Green Day movie? Yeah. Yeah.

And it's produced by Green Day? Yeah. It was written by Lee and- Lee Harvey Oswald? No. No, dude. But yeah, those are the kids. So it's them as- It's their story. The story is three kids that were told that they were going to open for Green Day, but when they show up to the fucking Palladium, they were lied to. So they try to sneak in and try to get the opening gig still. And I play a security guard. That's not the point.

Security guard? Shut the fuck up. I like security guard. Palladium security.

Welcome to the Palladium. So I was sitting in makeup, right? I'm sitting in makeup and they were playing like just standard like rock, like killers, all that stuff in the thing. And I go, why are you playing this rock? They go, well, I mean, we think Billy's coming in, right? I go, you don't do that. And they go, what do you mean? I go, you gotta be cool. Gotta be cool. Yeah. So I go, put some Brian Eno on. Right? Yeah.

He comes out and sits down, right? I already talked to him before. But I start going, yeah, so Brian, you know, he was the keyboardist for the –

Roxy Music did the first two albums became a very prolific I think I was purposely talking about Brian Eno to make Billy think that I knew about music what did he say no he was like yeah that's right that's right he did that he kind of added on and then after I was done with my thing I just kind of went toward put my hands in my pocket yeah so what came first you guys are Jawbreaker which is another like three piece you know I mean power did he hate it I

So he knew what I was doing, right? Yeah, I go, yeah, but you guys really, you know, you guys really did it, huh? He's like, why'd you bring up Jawbreaker? I was like, I don't know. He didn't say that.

I bet you he was thinking. In his mind, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did you bring it up? You were trying to show off. I was trying to show him that I have some knowledge about music, that we can get some sort of rapport going. Although I've known him for many years, you know what I mean? But it's like, you know, I did little social things, right, that were gross in my mind at the time, but I don't know if anyone knew I was- It's not that big of a deal. It's not that big of a deal. Can I get your line as a security guard? What's a line? I have a lot of lines in it. What are they? Um-

I mean, I could pull out my sides. You don't remember them? No, because, I mean, it's okay. So let me, okay. Yesterday's line was, you know, I'm not offended that you snuck in. It's the line I care about. Like, you don't know Green Day. And then Billy Joel walks by and go, oh, here's your chance. Hey, Billy Joel, you know this kid, right? And this kid, the kid go, and then Billy actually turns around and goes, oh, I heard your demo.

fucking amazing and in the midst of their conversation I'm jealous right because this kid does know right so I just got blurred out I play the keys I'm in an experimental jazz band you know I went to church with Keith Jarrett which is a random thing you know what I mean my name was Otis Wong some people call me the Wong you know what I mean and he just kind of drifts away and then the kid just goes pats me in the chest and he walks away that was yesterday one of the scenes yesterday

It's gonna be good. This is gonna be good. I hate that you did this. What did I do? Did you read it just like that? No, I was just trying to re-memorize. I think it's gonna be good. I hate what you're doing right now. I didn't do anything. I think it's gonna be good. Bobby Lee? Am I even in there? Oh my God, McKenna Grace, Jenna Fisher, Mason Thomas, Fred Armisen. Damn, there's a lot of people in there. Angela Kinsley. Okay. Trey Cool? Yeah, Trey Cool. Well, the whole band is, obviously. Go all the way down to the last credit.

That's where I'd be. No, you wouldn't be. Bar patron. Yeah. You'd be Matt Westphalen? I got a little bit of advice to Maurice Quintel Simmons. Yeah. Just do Maurice. Do you remember any of your lines from Dave? Oh, God, yeah. Tell me one. Dave, come on. We have to get back to making the album. The whole fucking show. Very good. The whole fucking show. Come on, Dave. Stop goofing around.

So it wasn't that embarrassing what I did. No, not even a little. It's something that people would do. No. Yeah. It's not as embarrassing as the Bong Joon-ho, the director thing. I don't think that was that embarrassing. That wasn't? That's not on you. That's on that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like that guy owes me a job. You know what he did? Yeah. He did a simple thing where, you know, when someone says like, oh, I've seen that thing that you did that. And they're probably thinking of something that you did.

That's not what I'm thinking. You think he thought you were in that other... I think Jimmy O. Yang was on it and he didn't boggle the name. No fucking way. You don't look anything like Jimmy O. If he liked that show or movie that much, you really think he wouldn't know who the fuck you are? I think he thought of something else and mistook the title for a thing that you did. I loved you on Wrong Missy with that hotel line. Give me the line. Welcome to the hotel. So good. You kill it. I can't believe White Lotus didn't call.

You're a movie star, man. You've always been a movie star. You're a movie star. Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend. It's all ruined. You didn't get the pistachio one. We're going to cut this whole segment out. I'm going to get the donuts next time. Okay. We're cutting this out. Okay. Okay. None of these are Winchell's. Some of them are. Those. I know. I can tell. Okay. And I got to tell you, try one of those. Try one of those in that box.

I'm dead serious. Let me see what they have. Let me see which one. Yeah, try that one. Fucking terrible. The breading. Eat the pink one with the breading. I love eating the pink one. And if you lie about this, I'll know. Oh, wow. You know it, right?