Bobby's Hopecore Era
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This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition. Try Huel with 15% off today using code BADFRIENDS at my.huel.com slash BADFRIENDS. You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

You look like a Real Madrid's towel boy. Like, what's the shirt you're wearing? It wasn't a good joke. That's why. So good. No, it wasn't good. No, it was really good. You just did that laugh. If I'm not being funny. Do that. Today? Yeah. Everyone do that laugh. All right. And I will do the same. All right. Thank you. You do one. Do your fake laugh. Yeah.

Yes, yes. That hurts the most. The velocity and the energy behind that is so hurtful. Pete's wife cooked us some cookies. Oh, that was me. You said your wife. No, no, that was me. I baked them. Oh, I don't want this. Oh, no, no, they're good. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. Well, in the middle, what is it? Go ahead. The Hershey's Kiss. Ooh.

- No, thank you. - Can you put this, I don't like the smell. - Do you want this? - Yeah. - You want one? - Yeah, yeah. Good catch. - What are those called? What are these called? - Peanut butter blossoms. - You want one, sweetheart? - I have nicotine in my mouth. - God bless, dude. - God bless you. - God bless, dude. I'm gonna have a little taste of Pete's. - I haven't eaten in 24 hours. - Why? - 'Cause I took the last bit of my Ozempic. - Wow, Pete. This is bad.

I can tell. They look bad. Yeah, they look bad and they smell bad. And I'm going to finish it because I need to poop today. I haven't pooped and I know this will make it happen. If you're going to finish it, it's really good. Yeah? Very good. Yeah. I'll take a bite. No, eat a whole one. I cracked a tooth. Okay, thank you. You got to cut us eating. It's the holidays. Oh, nice. Mmm, peanut butter. Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

Really good stuff, Pete. It's really good. Are you a baker? Is that your side hobby? I cook. I bake. Yeah. Do you watch the Great British Bake Off? Oh, I sure do. Every season. Really? Who won this season? I didn't watch this season. By the way, the most shocking win.

We can talk about it. I didn't have her on my top to win. I had... Bring up the cast. The young, good-looking kid who was beautiful. But did you see what happened to him at the end of the episode? Yeah. What? What do you mean? They showed like... He fucked up. No. After that, they show like what they're up to now. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's working at a Michelin restaurant. It's beautiful. He's fine. You know Paul Hollywood called somebody. 100%. Yeah, yeah. He got four handshakes. Yeah, he was amazing. So... Okay, out of our show, out of you and I... Okay. Okay.

You're Paul Hollywood and I'm Prue. No, dude, that's not true. I'm Paul Hollywood? No, I'm that black lady that does the jokes. The Great British Biker Show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're her? No, really, you think I'm Paul Hollywood? I guess you're right. I am Paul Hollywood. You're Paul Hollywood for sure. You're Paul Hollywood. Boom, baby. I give the shakes. Yeah, no, you are Prue because you look like her. Bring up Prue. This is actually what Bobby looks like. This is genuine. That's Bobby. That's you. Look up. Yeah, the third photo is on. Ha!

That's not you? That's not me. That little eccentric woman is not you. I guess maybe. If you were an old white woman, that would be you. Yeah, if I was an old white woman, I would be that, yeah. That's what the fuck we're doing. Yeah. That's what the fuck this is. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Okay. So anyway, so, but here's the thing about the, he didn't have a good day. Who didn't? Oh yeah, he didn't. No, he didn't do it. He didn't have a good day. Bring his name up again. I forget his name. The cast-

He's my favorite, though. He's so good. Really handsome guy. Yeah, Dylan's a man. This guy is a great baker. And you know who likes him a lot? Who? Rudy. She's nodding already, pervert. Zoom in on that guy. He's gorgeous, this guy. Not a great photo. No, no. Just give me some other photos. Again, not that photo.

He honestly, he's such a good baker. He's so good. And he's so humble. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's very good looking. He's cute. He's cute. And he's strong. He's in great shape. But he's also weird. That's why I like him. He's a little eccentric. I like him like that. Yeah. You don't want him to be... Look at that photo. Put the kid in a movie. Yeah, when Paul Hollywood does handshakes to him, he waits too long to shake it back. Yeah, I think he's nervous. So Paul Hollywood would be like...

Yeah. And then this guy goes, I know, but my point is, you shake it right away. You shake it right away. When Andrew shakes your hand, you shake it right away. Shake it right away. You know better. Good forearms for baking. Kid's got great ham. Yeah. Look at that. And he's got good flavor. Great flavor. What's his thing? His thing is flavor. Unique flavors. Unique flavors. All right. We're bored. We're bored. Okay, anyway. I don't think we are. I don't think we are.

I don't think we are. Well, it's for you and me. It doesn't matter. I think the people at home want to know what we've watched. Look at that. His mom is Indian and his father is Japanese Belgian. Wow. And they showed a video of the family, the most wholesome fucking family on earth. These people are wonderful. Let me see the family. I never saw it. Do the family. They showed a video of him with his family. I'll show you. I know wholesome. But that girl is the one that won, by the way. But she had a good day and that's all. Yeah, but she wasn't my home run. He was my home run all season. Okay. Do you know what a hope core is?

Is it a thing online? No, Hope Corps. I don't like it. I'll tell you what, Jules, when you do, you act as if I'm not from this planet. I don't have the same kind of social media you have. It's just I see you and I see an old...

- An old what? - An old man. - Yeah. - And Hope Corps is my generation. - Oh, really? - Well then why don't you explain it to us? - Explain to us Hope Corps. - Side note, do you see an old man when you see me? - No. - Fuck yeah. - Different. - What do you see when you see me? - Like early 30s. - I'll take it. - See what she's doing? She couldn't even look in you in your eye. - She looked me right in the eye. - I had to look up and down to say. - And I'm gonna say this and I'm gonna speak on her behalf.

This is what she wanted to say. It's weird. You're like much younger than Bobby, but you guys look the same age. Right. That's what her eyes said. That's what her eyes said? No. You guys look like very different. Thank you. So I look way older than him. I mean, you just look like an old Asian. Asian, yeah. Asians age in a different way.

Whites get uglier. You just get old Asian. Okay. Yeah. Look, look, look, look, look. Now that's a good looking old Asian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could never. Yeah. Is your hair going to get white like that? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. And he's like thinking of lotus flowers and grasshoppers. When you get old, an Asian man will only, what do they think about?

Taking long walks. Long walks. Putting their hands behind their back. It has to be attached. Has to. Because watch, when a Korean man unattaches it, he stops walking. They'll fall over. They'll fall over. It's all about weight. So...

Right? They think about what? Long walks, grasshoppers. Grasshoppers, right. Lotus flowers. Lotus flowers. A bamboo arrangement. They love bamboo arrangements. Arrangements. Bonsai trees. Bonsai trees. Clipping. Clipping. Dude, have an old Asian man walk by Bonsai. They'll be clipping. They'll be clipping. That's why they have clippers in their fucking pockets. All old Asian men.

Just in case, right? If I want to buy a bonsai tree, dude, dude, you'll see me clipping all day long. He'll be clipping. He'll be clipping. I'll be clipping, dude. This is more of your stock right there. This is me. This is me walking down. You're right. This is me walking down. You can't resist. I can't resist it, dude. If I see, dude, a lotus flower, dude, or if I see a grasshopper, I do this. They jump right on my finger. They have to, right? Yeah, yeah. Isn't that like to... And then we philosophize. Yeah, right. Yeah.

We always philosophize. Another thing that all Korean men think of is- Mountains. They love sitting up in the mountains. How do you know about mountains? I'm Korean. How do you know about us and mountains, dude? I'm Korean, dude. Oh, my God. And tea. They love- Love tea, dude. It's got to be some herb you've never even heard of. And you know what else they love? Oh, fuck. Here we go. Here we go. They love a good babbling brook, running water. They love just a little like-

Little bubbles of water, right? A babbling brook to an Asian guy is... And the last thing they think about, I'll tell you, is... And this is a deep cut, but this is so true. $2 fucky fuckies. $2 fucky fucky, dude. Because, you know, for old Korean men, inflation isn't a thing. It's not. We're going to pay what we pay in the 1950s.

But it's inflation. I don't care. $2. Don't care. That's all he has. You know why? That's why the American government created the $2 bill. What? For $2 fucky fucky. And people don't realize that. Yeah. They created it, right, during the Vietnam War. They did. Yeah. And they're so hard to cash in because they're rare. They're very rare. It's a trick almost. So the prosecutor goes, I can't cash in. Right? And they frame them. They always frame them. They keep them. I actually have a lot of them if you want some. Well, how did you get so many? Kirk Fox. Oh.

Oh, that makes sense. King of $2 fuck you. King of $2 fuck you. I'm in the lot. I'll give them to you. You can use them. I'm just sitting them in my room. All right, well, give them to me. You know, there's What's-His-Name does that. He prints his own $2 bills. What's the guy that's- Who does this? One of the Microsoft guys. What's one of the Microsoft guys $2, huh? Bomber? Steve Bomber? Is that, just type in Microsoft $2 bill

No, no. What's the eccentric guy? Woj. What are you talking about, guys? No, maybe it's the Apple guy. What's the guy? Steve Wozniak. Woj. Did he print his own? Look at this. Steve Wozniak prints his own $2 bills. Go back to Google search. There he is. Go down. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Steve Wozniak's probated. Well, that's good. Let's move on. Anyway. Anyway.

Wow. Write that down, guys. Steve Wozniak does his $2 bill. Let's go. Wow. We do something else. Hope Corps. Let's go back to Hope Corps. Explain to people what Hope Corps is. We'll just cut that out, Andrew. Sometimes even the king misses. Anyway. Tell us about Hope Corps.

God, dude. Jesus Christ. All I do on this show. All I do is set us up for material and joke. Go ahead. Unreal. Unreal today. I wish we had a buzzer. But anyway, explain to us what Hope Corps is. On TikTok, it's always with a soft, peaceful audio. And then the video is mountains or beautiful scenery. And there's always quotes about... That's not it.

What is it then? And the quotes are always like hopeful. And that's Hope Corps. Yeah, that's not it. But anyway. What is it then? It's a montage of videos that make you feel hopeful. But they include some of that. But they mostly include soldiers coming home. Or a dog. Or friends reuniting and stuff like that. But here's the thing.

When I watch Hope Corps video, are you doing this board thing now? Are you mad about the Steve Wozniak $2 bill thing? I'm listening. No, there's something going on here. I can see you processing Steve Wozniak. How about this? Let's pause Hope Corps. Let's go back to the $2 bill. So tell us about Steve Wozniak. I'm listening.

Go ahead, tell us about it. I'm so curious now. I don't want to hurt your feelings. What happened? So Steve Wozniak. Did you get some pussy last night? No, no, no. Are you in a good mood because you got a little pussy? No, no, no. So Steve Wozniak. It's because he's off Ozempic. Yeah, so Steve Wozniak. Go back on it. So Steve Wozniak, he prints his own $2 bills, eh? Does he really? I don't know. You're the one that told us. I had no idea. Okay. How did you know about this? Because you told us this five minutes ago. I did? Yeah. I've never heard

this before in my life. This thing that you're doing is very interesting. I've never seen you do this style of comedy. Wait, no, what? Of complete denial. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, it's a reversal. Go back to Steve Wozniak, please. Why are you obsessed with Steve Wozniak? Oh, okay, okay. So let's go back to Hope Corps? Yeah, that's so strange. We're talking about Hope Corps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very odd to bring that up. What are you doing right now, dude? This is an interesting thing. No, no, no. What's YouTube right now is very weird and it's kind of pissing me off. Is it really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on? Well, I'll tell you why because...

You put a halt to some of the things I say sometimes. Do I? Yeah, and when I do it to you, right, you have a nervous breakdown in your mind. Do I? Yeah, you did one. Your face got all pale, and when we're talking, you were like this. Like, yeah. Yeah. Okay. You were talking to yourself. What was I saying? Like, oh, Gordon.

a good idea. You know, by the way, Bobby, dude, that was long gone for it. I just, you know, this is fucking weird. Is this your internal monologue or mine? I was reading your letter. It sounds like it's yours. See, this thing you're doing, I love it. Yeah? Yeah. Let's get the resentment out because I don't want to continue the show without... See, this thing, I've never seen one

I'm in good... Have you ever seen him do this? Good spirit. Have you ever seen him do a fucking fentanyl nod? It's the new chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like this fentanyl nervous ticket. I get a new chair and I'm feeling good. Okay, good. So anyway, the $2 bill... Are you trying to rock? You can't rock in your chair! I'm trying. Steve Wozniak.

You know what I mean? He built a machine and it's $2 fucking bills, you know? So anyway. Dude, watching you not be able to rock in that chair is so funny. Don't get jealous because daddy be rocking. Yeah? Oh, you think you can thrust better than me? Dude, I can thrust too, dude. Oh.

You're okay. Anyway. All right, that's enough. So I've been watching whole core videos. Honestly, you and I have sent them to each other before. I do actually love them. Yeah, but the thing is, is that- Make me cry. At the end of the day, after every video, I think to myself, I would not react like that. Like for instance, friends that I've been seeing 25 years or 30 years, they cry, they hug. Dude, if you and I were separated for 15 years and then all of a sudden we reunited- Oh, I would cry.

I would absolutely cry. 100%. 15 years? That's so long. I would cry too. No, you fucking wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. I think I would cry too. It's fine if you wouldn't. I just definitely wouldn't. It would depend on why I was gone for 15 years. Like if I was in an internment camp, I think that there's a lot of emotions that would come up like, oh my God, I'm seeing people for the first time. I haven't eaten either. Well, why did you go in the first place? What did you do? I lied I was Japanese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happens. Just wanted free rent for a while. Yeah, yeah. But anyway...

I don't think, I think I would be like, I would be like, if I see somebody, a friend of mine for 30 years, I'd be like, oh, that's it. Okay. I think that's it. At the end of the show, when this show is done, when we stop shooting this show, let's not see each other for 15 years and then we'll see what it's like. Let's see if the payoff is worth it. I'm down. Okay. But here's another thing I want to say. 30 even maybe. 30 years.

Okay, let's try. Can you get there? No, no. He's going to die. No, first of all, he's not. Bobby's going to live. I already told you. I spoke to my- I've never regretted something more in my life. Than what?

I've been calling you out on the $2 with Steve. The Steve Wozniak thing. I've never regretted something more. It was very funny. No, no, no. I can see your eyes. I've never, oh my God, I fucked up, dude. Well. I can't believe that you're so upset about it. It's insane. Oh my God. So anyway. But here's another. I love you so much. Here's another hope for us. And I don't ever want to not see you. So there's, you know, the soldiers coming home.

Soldier comes home. Yeah. Surprises his eight-year-old kid at school. He's blindfolded, right? Yeah. Sometimes he's blindfolded. Love those. Kid freaks out, cries. Daddy! Jumps on top, right? Yeah. But my dad? Then I always think to my...

I'm home. Right? I'd be like, ah! I would have like run. You know what I mean? Yeah, you don't want to be near that. Yeah, so it's like whenever I see Hope Corps videos and I relate it to my own life, they wouldn't happen. Bring up a Hope Corps so we can watch one and maybe it'll inspire us in a different way. The ones with the words I think are great. Yeah. Right? Oh, this is...

Or let's play that back with us

Wow. Let's play that back with us. That's fucking beautiful. Yeah, yeah. I got stem cell replacement from Mike Driscoll. Buddy, buddy, buddy. Buddy, you're an old Korean man in the restaurant.

Why did you go to that? Because I'm just mimicking that guy. Do your own version. You're an old Korean man. Yeah, but I'm not playing Mike Driscoll. I'm saying I got... I'm Mike Driscoll! I'm the guy, so I said I got stem cells from Mike Driscoll. Sure. So why can't I say that as the Asian man?

That's what I'm asking you to do. Didn't I just do that? You didn't do Asian. You did a Southern guy. That was not Asian. It wasn't Asian. You were like, I got my stem cells. Is that new Asian? If it's new Asian, that's fine. It's new Asian. All right, fine. Be new Asian. I can't be new. What did you say? I say I say I'm. I got stem cell. I say I say I'm.

Well, listen up, a cowboy. Shoot him up. Bang him up. Anyway, man, I got... Why am I celebrating? Oh, you're Cam Patterson now. Yeah, why am I celebrating? Oh, years ago, man, some guy gave me stem cell research. His name was Mike Griscoll. What did he give you? Stem cells in my spine. What was his name? Mike Griscoll. It's funny because I have the same name.

Oh, anyway. This is Bobby. Anyway, can I get the breadsticks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even if I was like, I would be like, oh, you're the guy? You're the guy? I'm the guy. That's it. What if he saw him and he was like, I don't like the way you look.

Imagine he's like, you know, somebody saved my life. Okay, I'm the guy. Yeah. Yeah, you say, I'm Tony Oksko. All right, you got it. I was going to say how funny this guy was racist. He's the black guy. He's like, it's for me. He's like, I don't want these stem cells anymore. Yeah.

And he takes a knife and starts stabbing his spine to get it out. God damn it, how do you get the shit out of my spine? Right? And he oozes it into a fucking cup. Right? And then he gets it back to him. Here you go, black guy. Here you go. Here's what it needs. He stabs himself. Yeah. And it make me jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew I had sickle cell.

So anyway, um, that's interesting, but see how happy, would you be excited? Oh yeah, dude. If somebody saved my fuck. All right, here we go. Let's play it. You don't have to do it. You're the guy. Now you're the one that's telling everyone that you had some, sell some, sell some, sell some, sell some. I had stelsem. And the only right, I just said it wrong. Okay. Yeah.

I had squim squels. I had stem cells put in me by a guy from Baltimore, 26 year old. That's the only reason I'm here today, 'cause of Mike Driscoll. Hey man, I'm Mike Driscoll. You are? Yeah, man. From Baltimore, you're Mike Driscoll from? Yeah, man. Really? Yeah, my stem cells. It's from you? Yeah, man. Wow. Yeah. How did you know I was here? You followed me?

This feels a little invasive. Well, I follow all my stem cells. You're not the only one, man, that has stem cells. My stem cells. I have stem cells in every city in America. You spread around your stem cells? Yeah, so I follow all of them around, man. I want to know where my cells are at, dog. Well, it's great to meet you. Thank you, man. How are they working out for you? Good, I think. Good. Yeah. Yeah, well, how about a thank you? How about it? Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you.

You're welcome, sir. Just confuse him. I'll see you next month. I'll see you soon. Thanks for coming, dude. And he goes all over the country. I do like this. I like these videos. Yeah, Hope Corps. Don't you like them? I like that. Give me another Hope Corps that's going to make me feel. We love Hope Corps. We're into Hope Corps. You're watching this at night when you get sad. I know you are. I cry. No, I don't like the cancer ones. No, the cancer ones. I don't like the cancer ones. No, no, don't do this. They break my heart too much. Kids cancer is going to make me fucking lose my- Yeah, it makes me cry. Get it off. Kids cancer is going to kill me. It breaks my heart when the dad shaves his head. Yeah.

Why are you laughing? What are you laughing at? You're insane, Carlos. You are insane, dude. Yeah. You're insane. What? They're already going. You don't have to do it. You're bald anyway. Yeah. So it's like, yeah. Dude, how funny would a whole core video be of a cancer patient and Carlos is shaving the sides of his head? That's insane. That's insane. Just the side. And they're both just crying. Yeah.

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Plus, enjoy zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders, service fees, and terms apply. There are ones I don't like, though. What are the ones I don't like? There's some... I'll tell you what I don't like. What? I'll tell you what pisses me off on the internet. Yeah. Hey, excuse me, could you help me with a dollar?

And someone else, why'd you decide to help me today? Oh, you just needed a dollar. And I said, well, I want to bless you because you blessed me. There's a thousand dollars cash. This guy, I don't like this game. I don't like it. I don't fucking like it. It's not a good game. We don't like it, do we? No. What bothers us about it though? I can't explain. I was trying to say that the other day. I was like, why does this bother me? Because I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why it bothers me. Tell me.

Because now I'm giving every homeless guy a dollar just in case I run into that guy. Right. I'm giving everyone a dollar. Yeah, now I'm like, is it the guy? Where's the guy? Yeah, and I never see the guy. I've just been hanging out at Target all week waiting for this guy. I think that's why. Why does it bother you, Jules? I think because you're then just faking. Yeah. Faking it. Yeah. Who's faking it? Like myself, because you think like, oh, I have to do this in case someone's recording. Well, and they're videotaping. That's what I don't like about it.

The video of it all. Look how good I am. But let me say something. I see a lot of dudes don't tip and give money. So maybe it's going to force people to give money. I guess. I mean, what's the nicest thing you've done and nobody knows? Because it wasn't recorded. Nobody knows. You never really talk about it. Well, if I talk about it now, then people are going to know. Well, what's a good moment for you? So one time, and this really happened, I was at a 7-Eleven. The one right down the street, this one right here. Okay. Right? Right?

And there was a homeless man and he had a bunch of garbage in his... It wasn't clothes, not garbage. You know what I mean? But on top of his like... What do you call it? Like a cart? Like a cart. Grocery cart? Like a cart, yeah. He had an album. Not a record album. An album of photos. Oh. Right? And...

It was funny that you just didn't leave with photo album. It is weird to be like, yeah, it's an album. I'm like, oh shit, it was a music. It's like, no, no, no. But when I opened it, I did open it because there was nothing in it. There was no pictures in it. No photo? Yeah, yeah. I didn't open it to put my head shot and like, I hear you, guys. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, but no. So I left a hundred bucks in there. I opened it, I put it in there and it closed and I left and I never said anything. I love that. I've done little things like that before. I love that. What about you?

One time I got cash from a gig I was working and it was a pretty substantial amount of cash. And I gave the envelope to a person that I used to see a lot in my old neighborhood. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, he didn't... It wasn't like a big thank you. I was like, that was a lot of money, man. I actually was like, did you... Because he was like, oh, thanks, man. Good to see you. I was like, good to see you, man. And I kept being like...

Yeah, I know. It's a fucking, it was a lot of cats. A lot, right. Yeah, it was a bunch of cats. And I thought it was the holiday season. I thought this is a, it was when I used to live in West Hollywood. I saw this guy all the time and I thought this is going to make his fucking, this is going to make his fucking holiday. He probably has family he can't see or he can buy gifts now. And he kind of, he was just like, oh, thank you so much. And he kept holding it and he didn't really like look at how much. Yeah. So I waited a little bit to be like, what's in there? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like a parent on Christmas, like open it up. All right. So when I did Guttermucker, that movie. Yeah. So I did a movie in Montana, Butte, Montana with Eleanor Kerrigan. Love. And Leslie Jones. Love. And the weekends, there was nothing going on and we're there for a month, right? Yeah. So we go, I said to Leslie, I go, let's do shows. So there's a theater in town.

And we called the theater and like, we're in town. They're like, yeah, we sold all of them out. Of course. Okay. There's no comedy club there. And at the end, we gave the money to the crew. That's so cool. And when you're doing that many shows, I mean, you're talking about almost eight, $10,000, you know, a lot of money, a lot of money, right?

Only two crew members thanked me. Fuck off. That's it? Yeah. And I would even walk by the sound guy and go, hey, what's up? As he's micing you. And they're like, what are you doing here? Good show last couple nights, right? Yeah, it was good. Did you like it like it? Like it like it? Yeah, I go, did you get the food truck? Because, you know, the food truck? Yeah, we've got acai books. We get food trucks too. Yeah.

No, thank you. Nothing. Well, you'll never work with that fucking crew again. But it made me mad. So it's the same thing as yours. It's just you want it. I don't want anything big, but I did want him to be like, brother, thank you. This is like a big deal. Like something. Well, because I used to give him money all the time. So maybe he just thought it was just whatever. But I would give him money a lot. When I'd walk home from the store, I would give him money. It's the same guy. He's probably still fucking there. He watches the show. What have you guys done nice? Well, when I first moved to LA, I lived by this...

I'll give her more time to think. Give her time to think. Yeah, he said, do something nice. And she was like, fuck, fuck, fuck. What is it going to be? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One time I didn't kill something. Yeah, yeah. And the spider. I could kill it, but I didn't. Spider said thank you. All right. One time you what, babe? Well, I got discouraged helping when I moved out here because I lived by this Taco Bell and I had no money, but I had just a little bit and I gave my food to this guy who was sitting outside and I was like trying to give it to him and he just goes, I don't want that shit. And then he lit up a crack pipe. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I guess this is LA.

Yeah, that's LA. Welcome to LA. Yeah. By the way, that's the same guy that I gave the cash to. But let me ask you something. What would you rather have? Taco Bell? Or crack? Or crack? Well, I don't know where to get the crack in LA. I'm not even going to lie to you right now. I don't move there. That seems pretty close. You think so? Taco Bell is crack to me. You clearly have never had crack. You've never had crack.

It's way better than Taco Bell. Well, by the way, when I do smoke crack, I will end up at a Taco Bell at some point. And when I smoke crack, I do the Diablo sauce on it. Oh, yeah. Jules? Can I have a Dos Ridos Los Crackos? The packets like slap your bitch. Smack a hoed is Christmas with Taco Bell. Jules, do you have...

Not like you guys. I haven't done really like a big. It doesn't need to be a big gesture. The point that we're making in this Hope Corps episode is that it doesn't have to be a big gesture. It can be small. Okay, let's do a small thing so she can think about that because what we did was grand. Giving a lot of money. What small thing? Give me a tiny one. I know you do them all the time. I see you do them. I'll give you one. Well, I do one that drives comics crazy.

If I tell you what this is. Tipping in the lot? No, it's going to drive you crazy. Do you think you'll get crazy after I tell you what I'm about to tell you? Well, it sounds like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what I do is if I see somebody that has potential of doing comedy, I try to talk them into it. I fucking hate that so fucking much. That pisses me off. Don't do that. It's Friday night. Stop giving hope. Don't point at me. I've been doing this 12 years. Yeah, not her. Who did you do that to? A friend of mine that's a YouTuber. Stop it. Yeah. Let people make up their own decisions. You know what it's like? You're in the program.

Starting comedy is like AA. They have to want to do it. They have to want to go. Let them go. Don't fucking force them into AA. Don't force them into comedy. Yeah, they have to ruin their life first. Kevin Christie. Exactly. Kevin Christie. Yeah. He's in comedy. He's in stand-up. I did talk to him into it. Oh. What do you mean? Oh, you mean when he was thinking about it, you told him to? A long time ago, I talked to him. There's a lot of guys like that. They're still doing it today because I talked to them into it. I said, don't tell me about what you're telling me about.

Now, Jules, go ahead. Oh, well, my guy, I swear to God, dude, you know what? Let's stop. Let's push. All right, hold on. All right.

Dude, dude, dude. I'll tell you how this happened. Wait, hold on. Time out real fast. Let me tell you something that you do that I noticed that is something small. Tell me, tell me. That's very nice. Okay. Bobby will see a fan see him in public somewhere and can tell that they want to say something. This is I'm being genuine. I'm being honest. Okay. And if they look too nervous or whatever, he'll make eye contact with them on purpose and go over to them

to like make them feel comfortable to say hi you'll deliberately you will do that a lot and that's very nice because a lot of times people will want to say hi but they don't have the courage or the balls or the or the fucking you know or just don't know what to say and then you'll walk up to them and just give them a hug or you'll smack them you like to hit people you'll go what's going on man what are you doing fucking what are you doing yeah i do that yeah you'll crack them a little bit to shake them up and people like that i think that's a nice thing to do i think that's a sweet thing that people like

But I have to know for sure that that is happening. Oh, yeah. That's embarrassing. Because one time I did it and they weren't looking at me. And I just came up to a table. And they're like, what do you want? No, it's me. Yeah. And they were like, no. And I go, oh, no. And I just went back. It was so embarrassing. But anyway, you have to know for sure. I just don't. Yeah. You don't. You know what? I've seen you at the airport. You're very good about it. No, I love saying hi to fans. I'll tell you what I don't like. I don't like the way I look. Like photos make me nervous because I don't like people.

pictures because I'm like I'm gonna look like fucking a dummy in this guy's photo there's something about it gives me anxiety but you do do born identity what do you mean born identity what do I do that's what you do sometimes you'll wear a cap I'm Jason Bourne and we're at the airport and you'll put your hat down like this and you walk and this is when this is you going I don't want yeah sometimes I just want to be sometimes I just want to be alone I there's all these little clues about him I know it's the Leo I do the Leo yeah I do the Leo

So there's little clues that he does. I go, okay, he doesn't want to be talked to or he's in a thing or this and that. Yeah, sometimes I'm just in, if I'm in an emotional mood, if I'm depressed, I just don't want to say it. Because then I'm in your photo like this. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm low in your photo. I'm sorry. And I don't want to fuck up your photo. So it's like, you know, yeah, let's say hi. But I do love saying hi to the fans. I just, some days when we're tired and we're traveling, it's hard when someone's like, come here, I got a photo. And you're like, okay. Yeah. And you look like shit and you feel like shit and you haven't eaten or slept.

What's your nice thing? Well, in the Philippines. Oh, fuck. Oh, here we go. Jesus Christ. No way to prove it. Yeah. Right. There's no tracking record. Also, can you do it in a first world country? On the planet Hoth, when I lived on Hoth, the tauntauns, you know what I mean? I used to give them free hoofs. Hoof passages. I'll tell you, those tauntauns, they love that. I know, they love it. Yeah. Okay. When I met Zinu...

The third sun god of the rotating orb. Yeah, yeah. What did you do in the Philippines? In the Philippines, my friend who's gay, he came out of the closet to his...

but then his parents were very Catholic and very religious. So they kicked him out. Yeah. And then he had nowhere to go. So I asked my mom if he could stay in our place. And then he stayed in. That's nice. That is nice. That's nice. By the way, when you said out of the closet, immediately it's like, my gay friend come out of the jungle. And...

I know. There's no closets? There's no closets. What are you talking about? There's no closets. Yeah, there is no closets. There is no closets in the Philippines. So what do they come out of? We have just like a table. Yeah, it comes out. They make the gay guys get on a table. Announce everybody. Okay, I'm gay. Raise your hand if you're mad. Yeah. Yeah.

So you house this man who needed somewhere and that's very nice because of a closed minded family. Now is his family still disown him? Yeah, they still hate him. Yeah, but that's gross. I don't think it's real.

Oh, I like that. Why? I'm going to tell you why. You think it's a lie? I think it's a lie. Why? Because I've been out there how many times? A bunch of times now. And the gay culture, it's out. It's out, but... Let me talk. Okay. Let me talk. It's almost like it's so socially acceptable there. Right. It's very hard to believe that anybody would be offended by it. Mom and dad. Even that, it's like...

So when we do my talent show, right? The gays come out. Oh yeah. Do they not? Yeah. Right. And they, they compete. Yeah. Right. I've seen their families come out. I've never seen a dad or a mom while their son was performing who was gay. Went, no. What?

We don't know. They're clapping, right? Yeah. It's just this is an open society. And it's okay, Jules. All right. Look at me right now. I'm not. I'm not lying. Jules, look at that. I'm not lying. Yeah, that's everybody there. Is that your friend? Yeah, that's everybody there. That's just the Philippines. Just be honest with me. I'm not lying. Stop, stop, stop. Stop.

Because you're being very defensive right now. I swear. I swear. You don't believe in God. And also, gay marriage is still illegal in the Philippines. So it's not that. Thank God. I shouldn't clap for that. No, no clap. So sorry. Wait, gay marriage is still illegal? Yeah. But culturally, it's not. Culturally, yeah. A lot of people accept them. But it's just this parents. Look at them.

Is that your family photo? Yeah. Wait a minute. Go to, honestly, go to, what is, do you think there's a higher percentage of gay men in the Philippines than in other countries? No, I just think that it's, what I love about the Philippines is that it's such an open culture in that way where it's like. Nobody cares. No one cares. But it's like here. That's like here. No one gives a shit that you're gay here. Yeah. Unless you do drugs and then they'll kill you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, right. According to the 2013, really updated, Philippines young adult fertility and sexuality survey, 2% of Filipino men identify as gay in the Philippines.

Survey found 96% of young people in the Philippines identified as heterosexual. So it is still embedded in the scariness of the society. Maybe you're right then. Okay, I believe you. What's the percentage of gay men in America? It's got to be four? Yeah, four and a half. 4.7. Now- 8.5 adult women identify as gay. Let me say something. Okay.

What is going on here? I think, do you think it's this? Cultural? Because it should be, I think we're all human beings. It should be across the board. Well, it does say, look, I read it wrong. It does say 44.7% of adult men identify as LGBTQ+. So it could be. Oh, it could be anything. That encompasses everything. That could say like, I'm asexual. I'm. Try to just do gay, not LGBT. That's what I'm saying. Gay men on earth.

3% of men identify as gay or homosexual worldwide. Oh, that's good. That's a pretty good number. Why is it good? Is it good or bad? It's just a number. What's good about it? I think it's a healthy amount. Like we're drafting gays? It's a healthy amount of gays. We got to get our gays up. It's a perfect amount. Listen here. If it was 12%, you'd be like, what's going on here? We got to get our gays up.

72% of Gen Z adults identified as straight. 15% as bi, 5% as gay or lesbian, and 8% as something else. 72% straights now. We're losing it, straights. We're going down. The straights are getting thinned out. Nearly 30% of Gen Z adults identify as LGBTQ. So 30% of the Gen Z population says that they are LGBTQ+. Wow. That's a lot of kids. And I'm supportive, so let's move on.

Yeah, I don't have any kids. I don't have any kids either. Hey, dude. Childless. No wonder we're still doing this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know why we're doing this podcast? Why? I'd like to tell you why. I'm a rockin', dude. Don't come a-knockin'. If you want one of these, I'll buy you one. Yeah? We're doing this podcast because it's the most fun. It's the most fun and got a little announcement for the fans. We're working on it.

But your boys are going to be coming to Bings on Toast. We're coming to the UK. We're going to do London. Hello, hello. We're probably going to do Dublin. We're probably going to do maybe Amsterdam. We're going to let you know coming up soon in the fall. We're going to be touring around because we want to go see our friends over the water. Some people may go. Some people might not. I think everyone would want to go. London, show up for us. No, in terms of our team. Oh. Oh, my God. Yeah. No, no, no, buddy. This is just for us. Oh, you're saying Jet Ski? Jet Ski?

Well, last week you said I was going. Did I? Now you're looking at me like I'm not going. What's a 50-50? I mean, we have to make this decision. We have to make a decision together, yeah. How come you don't go? Yeah, why don't you go? Because my visa. Oh, your visa. Yeah, your visa. I can't just go to any country. What about the 59 states we went to last year? Yeah. I had school. Bullshit. Bullshit. You're done with school soon. When is school over? Next week.

Forever. You're graduating. No, no, no. I graduate next semester. Oh, wow. That's still fast. But you have like three months off? Yeah. What are you going to do? Go back to the fields? No. Just nothing. Just sleep. Were you scared when Trump won? Yeah. Even my boyfriend was like, oh, maybe we should just like. I can only hope Trump goes through with all this stuff.

You know, we're going to kick them all out. It's like, when? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's go. Speed it up. I mean, I don't know if he's going to. Too many Asians for me. Too many. But you're Asian too. No, no. I said too many. He's from San Diego. Yeah, yeah. He's in. He's done. He's locked. I'm a Twinkie. He's on the list, dude. You know that, right? When I say Twinkie, what does it mean? I don't know. White on the inside. Yeah, what are Twinkies? I thought Twinkies are gay.

You're right there. I'm a banana. No, that's not a banana. You're a banana cream puff. You're a cream puff. Also sounds gay. Yeah. Yeah, it does. All this stuff does sound gay. Yeah, yeah. Well, you are part of the 3%. Yeah. Anyway, I'm pretty white. Am I? No. No, you're a beautiful Korean man. You're proud of your Korean heritage. I don't think I am because I hang out with a lot of Asians.

Yeah, that's good. That's a good thing. You got a lot of Asia. You like what you like. What is this? You're showing us a map of- The sanctuary cities in America. Los Angeles is not one of them? Not yet. What?

What the fuck's going on here? Sanctuary cities for immigrants? Yes. Wow. Look at that. I think LA is in discussions to become one officially. So what does a sanctuary city mean? Refugees can come there- And not get deported? Correct. Wow. Yeah, but they have to meet government. You have to file as a seeking asylum. You have to come to the port of entry.

You come to the port of entry, you come through a border and then you seek asylum and you have to register that you're an asylum seeking refugee from whatever country and then you get registered with the government. You can't just like fucking catch a flight, come in and then hide out somewhere and be like, I'm a refugee. It's like that doesn't count then. Wow. And then you're not going to get any government services if you do it without them knowing. So if you need money while you're fucking here, if you're coming from somewhere that's, you know, that's how you have to do it. All I'm saying is if he deports the amount of people he wants to deport, dude, the country is going to be fucked.

Yeah. Well, a lot of companies. I don't know, man. No, I mean, I'm pretty excited about it, dude. Like farming communities. It was a disaster. Get them out. All right. You'll see. Get them all gone, dude. There's two things you'll see about me getting buff and fucking. We'll see what happens with this. And by the way, two things that are fucking rock and roll. Get rid of immigrants and get you jacked. I mean, dude, you don't think I'm going to get Trump sounds like Captain America. You don't think I'm going to get jacked.

I don't. No, you're not. You're not going to get jacked. You're going to get skinnier because you keep losing weight. You're down 14 pounds now, yeah? Something. Do you notice a difference? You look so small right now. Yeah, you do look smaller. Stand up. Lift up your shirt. He is standing up.

I love you, Jess. That joke, dude. It's old but good. Look at this. No belly. There's like no fucking belly. Right here. Wow. See? That's nothing, dude. That's nothing. You were so much bigger months ago. Carlos doesn't believe it. Ask the window. No, I do now. You do? From the other shoot we did last week. Yeah. Yeah. It was the first time. You're going to have to call your fucking podcast Tiger Abs.

But when I joined the gym... Tiger Abs with Bobby Lee getting jacked. You and Kumail just working out every day. Imagine if you become a fucking Marvel character because of this. That'll be so sick. If you get jacked as fuck and they give you a Marvel role... The only Marvel role I could be is Sunfire. Perfect. That's you. That's you with Kumail. Look up Sunfire. X-Men. Pontiac made a car called a Sunfire for a while.

That's you? That's cool. I mean, that's the only Asian one. Oh, of course, he's going to play it. Who is that? Shang-Chi. Oh, that's a Shang-Chi guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can somebody else be Sunfire, please? God, they're going to give the same... He's hot. Yeah, that's true. He's a good-looking guy. Pretty good-looking, yeah. We stay in our lane. Yeah, yeah.

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Nicked nicotine pouches. Yeah, baby. Nick nicotine. We love them. They're really good. Actually, the strawberry flavor was very, very good. But they got old school stuff, too. They got the citrus ice, which Bobby likes. And they got that the berry lemon. Berry lemon. It's, you know, when you want to cut down on other things. I think Nicked is good. The Nicked flavors are incredible. Like Andrew said, with 10 to choose from, like crisp mint, exotic tropical fruits. I've been loving the other stuff.

Yeah, you do. Well, you like that citrus ice. And the berry lemon ice. Yeah, that is some of your favorites. Yeah. And they come in three, six, or 12 milligrams. You can choose if you want a little kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, or something more substantial. Or if you want a little tucker, you want a little upper decker, you throw in a little three-bee there and just move around. But make the switch. So the other night I was at the comedy store, and I was like – I ran out of other things. Yeah. And a buddy of mine had some Nicked, and I took it, and it –

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Nick pouches are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Are there redheaded superheroes? They're redheaded. No one is famous that's redheaded. And if they are, they're mocked. No, but did Marvel or DC ever create a superhero that happened to have red hair? Poison Ivy. Phoenix. Oh, yeah, Poison Ivy or Phoenix. Never a guy, though. Yeah, yeah. Male redheaded superhero. Right. Male. M-A-L-E. Male redheaded superhero. Right.

Let's see. Ed headed. Yeah, male Ed head. Who is that? Shaft? Shaft was black. Wait, Shaft had red hair? I don't know. Go back. Yeah, go back. Roy Harper. Can you zoom in a little bit?

Like the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. Roy Harper. Oh, yeah, there we go. I guess. You do it with a bow and arrow. Who's Wally West? Wally West? Dude, you're the Reddit superhero.

They ran out of names. Wally West. What do we call this one? You know what I mean? Wally West. Yeah. King Disaster? No. Wally West. Wally West. Geoforce is good. Geoforce. I don't know any of these guys. The Shield. The Shield. That's pretty good. Light Ray. That's getting weaker. Owen Mercer. That's just a guy that lives in my building. Yeah, yeah. Hank Hall. These are just guys I know. I know. They're just...

Hank Haywood? Yeah, they're all... By the way, what the fuck is this? Daredevil? No, this list is fucking dumb. You're not right. Whatever this is is not the right list. I don't even know what that's... That list is wrong. Get off of this website! But don't get angry about it. Well, he's not... What are you angry about? Because you don't like the white name Wally? That's a good superhero name. No, he's talking about his Googling lately. Ant-Man. Oh, but they gave that to Paul fucking Rudd. Right. Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot, Paul. Thanks a lot, Paul. Rudd. You could be like $2 Bill, man. I could be like the Woj.

Handing out $2 bills at random. He's doing good or he's inconveniencing people. Paul Rudd closed the circle for me once. What do you mean? Circle meets a square? A conversation circle. What happened? Can I tell you a tale about that? No, I just know what you're talking about. Yeah, I was on Pineapple Express. My bad. Okay. No problem. I was there and my agents were like,

See, you gotta learn how to like meet people. You know what I mean? Like start conversations. You know what I mean? When you're on set, that's how you create, you know what I mean? Relationships. Relationships in the business. So I was smoking a cigarette and it was Pineapple Express. It was Seth Rogen, Apatow,

Paul Rudd, a bunch of people. And they were talking in a circle. And I was out on the curb, like kind of near them, smoking a cigarette. And then my agent's fucking thing went, you know what I mean? Do it. This is it. I put the cigarette down and I wander into the circle. I don't know if it was Paul or somebody closed the circle. Paul does stuff like that. Yeah, so then I was on the outside of the circle and then I went back to the curb and smoked. I hate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He Rudded you.

You got rutted. What I find out now is that I can tell when people want to talk to me on set. Those guys want to talk. I'm just kidding. Those guys probably love you. It's probably in my head. I probably did it wrong. They didn't know you were there. Yeah, I didn't know. I did it wrong. You didn't make enough noise. What would you do? Hey, guys. You guys play golf? What?

You guys know about the $2 thing with Alan, whatever he makes him. Whatever his name is. Yeah. Steve. Steve Wawaki. You guys know about the $2 thing with Steve Wawaki, right? It's interesting. In fact, I'm going to mention it on my podcast. One day when I have a podcast, I'm going to mention it. But it's like, you guys throw in your two cents. Do you think you did that? Did you do something like that?

Interesting. Well, I don't get cut out of circles like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, I get invited in. I know you do. Not only do I get invited in, I get a big hug. Yeah, yeah. You travel with them. It happened last night, actually. Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. It happened to me Friday. Literally happened last night. I got picked up like a little American Girl doll. Blake Griffin picked you up to show you off. Can I tell everyone what happened? Yeah. So I was at the comedy store and I was on a date. Six foot nine. I was on a date.

And Andrea's there. Not my date. Andrea Jin. Andrea Jin's there and she's a comic. And I'm on a date, first date with somebody. You met her, right? Yeah. She's a very nice girl. And Andrea goes, oh, Blake's coming. So I go, okay, you know, Blake Griffin, huh? Yeah. We see him come in and then Andrea leaves to go say hi to him. And then, you know, I turned, and this is the mistake I made. I turned to the girl and the date, I go, let's go say hi to Blake.

Right? So we go over there. You thinking this will be a show-off moment for you a little bit? Just a little bit of like, I know a famous guy. Love you, Mom. You're right. You called me out. Well, it's a little moment for you. You know, when I kissed that, don't make that face. I didn't do anything. Okay. Hang her back up. It was over there. No, put her up behind you, though. She belongs behind you. You knocked her off the wall because you slammed your chair backwards. So anyway...

So, so, so Blake's there and I, and I, um, I go in, I shake, I go in to shake his hand. Big hands. Right. And he looks at me and he grabs me. Yeah. And he pulls me up into the sky. Yeah. Like Lion King. Like the Lion King. Ah, Sivanya. Yeah. Yeah.

And, oh, she been your, yeah. And so what happens is I go, he's going to put me down. Right. Were you there? I didn't see this part. Yeah. Yeah. You were there though. Yeah. I was there. Yeah. Yeah. And he, it, he goes, he has a monologue. Yeah. Hey guy.

He goes, hey, guy, I don't shake your hand. I hug you. That's right. Right. And I like lifting you and you're my little guy, this and that. Right. And I'm up there for about a minute. Right. And I'm blushing and I'm trying to get down. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. He finally puts me down. I'm blushing. Right. And I'm thinking to myself, oh, my date didn't notice that. Right. So then I texted her yesterday. This is what I text. I go, this is so embarrassing. Yeah.

She goes, I go, do you remember when Blake Griffin picked me up as if I was an American Girl doll? And then this is what she says. Your legs were dangling. So cute. So cute. Now, did you guys hook up? Did you guys hook up? Him and Blake? Yeah. Me and Blake did, yeah. He's a freckly dick. Yeah, he does. Yeah, people don't know this. It's like mine, but darker. Just a little darker. Very freckly. No, this girl, are you interested in this woman now? Is this a real thing? No, I'm just, come on. I don't know. Okay, dude.

We don't know who it is. She doesn't know who it is. No one knows. No one knows who it is. It doesn't matter. No, you're, you know what? You just go on. I go on a lot of first dates. I'll just say that. And not a lot of seconds. That's crazy. Cause you love seconds. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

But it was a good joke. It was in theory it's structured. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Australia you had some zingers on. Zingers. The kid was on fire. Yeah, so he picked me up like a little. Because you've never been picked up.

No, I won't allow that kind of stuff. But there's no one that can pick you up. Blake could pick me up easy. Blake's huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he could. He just wouldn't do it. It's just a mutual respecting. Why do people pick me up? You're a teeny tiny Tim. You're a little teeny tiny Tim. It's extra funny because Brad Williams was there too. Did he pick up Brad? No. He stepped on him on accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. You're very pick-up-able. Yeah. Yeah, you know how you pick your dog up? When you see your dog, you pick him up, you bend down? Yeah. Same thing.

You're small and cute and lovable. Oh my God. And here's the deal. I want to kiss you. So I want your little face near mine. And also I have- So I want to hug you. I want to feel your little tushy and I want to give you a little kiss. This is the same topic, but this whole fucking Korean deer thing got out of hand. What are you talking about? A Korean deer?

people online were like there's a korean deer oh i got tagged oh i got this looks like bobby yeah yeah it does look like you it looks exactly fucking like you then i posted on my story and every i got more comments i've ever had everyone going 100 yes you 100 look like this it's that is fucking bobby lee it's crazy how much why does that look like me dude the eyes are perfect

It's like the same depth of feel in the eyes that your face. The cheeks are perfect. The nose. The nose. The ears even. It just looks like you because his eyes look like the kind of love you have in your eyes and your soul look exactly like his. Look at how happy he is. But do you want to fuck that? Yeah.

I'm going to plead the fifth, man, because I, you know. That's what I'm saying. When you say that I look like that, it doesn't seem sexy. Well. You know what I mean? Well, look, look, I've never fucked a deer. Like that deer has never been laid by another deer. That's not true. That's not true. That's an incel deer, dude. No, it's not. Yeah, look, he's alone. He's outside. Okay. He's taking a walk. He's like, mmm. He does look like he has a cleft lip or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He is cute, though. So cute. Yeah, yeah. That's you, bro. Okay. That's you. But then a bunch of comments said, and I had to do research.

Bunch of comments were like, dude, it's a fucking donkey, dude. You're a donkey. Is that a donkey? It's not a donkey. It's a deer. It's a deer. It's 100% a deer. It's a deer. It's a female deer. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. I don't know who the fuck. Okay. I don't know who the fuck did that. Did you do that, Carlos? No. Somebody did that. That's so good. That's so fucking funny. That's you, dude. That's literally you. That's insane. They put my beanie and my glasses on there. That's wild.

what's wilder that's cool as shit more of that guys send that stuff in we love that yeah anyway absolutely love that if I was gonna be an animal what animal would I be well you don't look like an animal I don't do I look like an animal chest nose there's not an animal there's not an animal out there that you look at and go oh that looks like Andrew Santino there's some animals that look like you maybe maybe a beaver I look like a beaver my teeth are big in the front my two no there's not an animal out there maybe a lion or give me a red beaver

Yeah, your vibe is like a lion. No, dude, there is a guy. I just saw it today. I love you. There's a new viral... Listen, there's a new viral tiger. Google it. And I think this is more... It's a viral tiger that came out. Yeah, do it in all caps. Google it in all caps. Go images.

That's him. That's you, dude. Oh, I can see that. That kind of does look like... That's when it came to me. That's you, bro. That's you, dude. That's me, dude. Look at me, right.

Right? Yeah, we're doing it. That's literally how I sit outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not the same tiger. Go to that. That guy, though? That's Andrew, dude. Yeah, dude. That's you, dude. That's me. What's going on? What's his name? Ava. Mudang. After Mudang. Yeah. Ava Golden Tiger. He's going ape shit online. Really? What's going on? Why? People just love him because he's unique? Well, he's... Thailand's new sweetheart. He's a tabby cat. He's a tabby cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's just, he's got the right proportions there. Look at him. He's so cute. He's Thai, huh? Yeah. Jules, now that you're going to be done with school, what does the future hold? Nothing. And we're giving these people views. What's your ultimate goal? Ultimate goal? I don't know yet. I still don't know what I want to do. I still don't know. Animals? Yeah. Something to do with animals. Why don't you do a podcast about animals?

Well, I don't know if that's going to be interesting. I'll be honest with you. A future in podcasting isn't something that you would want to do.

Not podcasting. Yeah, podcasting sucks. I know, but what I'm saying is that why don't you do the easier, softer way, which is podcasting? Because you'll make more money. Yeah. You work less hours. She doesn't care about that. And you have freedom. But you don't care about that. Not really. That drives me crazy that you don't care about that. Okay, I like playing games. What about streaming? Yeah, stream.

Yeah, but still, that's not like, you know. No, what do you mean? That's just as viable. That's just like podcasting. Yeah, she'd be great. Unless you're like the number one streamer. She could be the number one female streamer. Maybe. You're not going to beat the guy. What's his name? Kai Sinat? That guy's fucking so big. By the way, that's what she's aspiring to be. That's pretty viable. But the one thing I will say about that streaming thing that I don't.

It gets a little... Girls streaming always goes down this weird little rabbit hole of like... Sexualizing. Yeah, they get sexualized online. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So as long as you wear like a full coat, like a winter jacket when you're doing it, I'm okay with it. Yeah. As your uncle, uncle, as Tito Andrew. I just think the streaming thing for women, the thing I see sometimes on there is I'm like, oh, they're all being sexualized on this thing. It's not just about the thing. If you turn to this TikToker that does that with the music...

I'm not gonna do that. That's... Oh my... You know that guy? Yeah, I know. What is that? The guy that does that? The girls do it. I've never seen a guy do it. What? I don't think you know what I just did. Yeah, I don't know what's... I don't think you know what... I was looking at the screen. What? I was looking at what he pulled up. Yeah, yeah. Pulling up the names of the streamers. Show it. Have you seen this?

What the fuck is that? What the fuck are you doing? Oh, when they do like a time-lapse thing? No. What is it? They're doing like an anime kind of like... Oh, I don't like it. Whatever it is. Dude, look it up, man. How do you type that in? Bobby having a seizure? Usually, usually cringe... Cringe anime streamer? No, like cringe, any cringe Instagram or TikTok streamer.

usually has one or two videos. Dude, you're on your Gen Z fucking... Yeah, I don't know what to get anything to talk about. What are you doing, dude? TikTok, dude. Yeah, I'm trying to find it through YouTube. Ooh, a little attitude on a low pushback. He's doing a lot lately. Drunk guy gets an ax. What is it? Gets an ax? Forget it, dude. Forget it. Let's move on. No, let's watch him. No, forget it. Let's move on. Let's watch him. Let's watch him. Let's watch this guy get tased. This is just my algorithm. You're going to get shot.

Tase him. Tase him. There it is. Good, John. Now pick up the axe again and get tased, dude.

Hit him. That's a bail enforcement agent, by the way. That's not even a cop. You know that, right? That's crazy. Mm-hmm.

No? He jumped bail. So he has like a, you know, he gets to act as like a peace officer or some bullshit. He's not actually a cop. Okay. That's

Whose side are you on? Huh? Whose side are you on? I think it's pretty clear. The guy who's trying to, the axe, the guy who's trying to grab the axe. You're on his side? Yeah. Why? Because, what are you doing on my fucking property? Get off of my fucking property. Okay. You don't belong on my property. I was thinking you would react the same way. Huh? If the guy came out of my property? Yeah. Get the fuck off of my property. You're not allowed on my private property. It's a private property. Fuck you. I don't know what Taze looks like, so I think it's a gun.

It's a taser gun. A taser looks like a gun. Okay, because I wouldn't know. Yeah, it looks like a gun. Oh, he has a gun. No, it's yellow. It's very obviously a taser. Okay. I've never been tased. Does it hurt? It hurts like fucking... It's the most painful. It sucks. You fucking... You freeze up and then you fall down. It's the worst. I hate it. You've done it. You've been tased before. Yes. An idiot in college had a fucking taser and I fucking hated it. It was so dumb and we were drunk. Oh, wow. Can we buy one? No. Yeah, let's buy one. All right, buy one. Oh, yeah.

Can you die? Because I don't want to beat Taze and die. No, no. Well, look up their reactions with Ozempic. Is there a Taser-Ozempic thing? Yeah, possible side effects of Ozempic. If you are hit with a Taser, it may stop working. Huh? That's fucked. You know, I read that... Find the fucking thing. I was like, the face thing, man. The face thing, okay. Man, God. It's either that or... What the fuck is going on around here, dude? Either that or we go back to the $2 bill stuff, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah, go back. I don't want to go back to $2. Maybe the one with the blue hair. Blue, yeah.

Yeah, this shit. Yeah. Yeah. Look, Andrew. All right, start it over. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's now that we see it. Start it over. Let's see. Yeah, it's this kind of thing where they're like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's all anime stuff. Yeah, and if you did that, my heart. Do try. Try it. Maybe you have it. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you try. You try it. Do it. I don't know how. Yeah. You know, the Internet's got that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see it. Go. We did it.

Just do it. We'll cut it out if you don't like it. Yeah, go. I don't know how. It's so weird. Jess, go. Yeah. You could do it.

Oh, wow. So good. Don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah, you don't have it. Now my heart is free. I know you can't do it. Can't do it. Yeah, yeah. How many views is it? Like, is this popular? This is Misty Raines. A lot of people, like... They go to Misty Raines thing. So they just watch her do that? Three fucking million people? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy... Let's go to this one. Yeah, here we go. Dude, I'm working too hard. Yeah, what are we doing? Yeah.

Oh, man. I hope they bomb us. I hope this country's over soon. Yeah, that's insane. This is what we're doing? This is it. And can I tell you something? How old is this kid, by the way? Is this a child? How old is this person? Probably old. Some of them have OnlyFans. I wouldn't know. Okay. But anyway...

I mean, how old is this girl? Like, who are we watching? It looks like we're watching a kid, a child. She is 19. Ugh. What do we do? I know. I'm not watching some kid do fucking gross. Get out of here. That's weird. And there's a dad down there. Sally, do the dishes! And she's...

I'm coming. Yeah, we're fucked. Future's fucked. Oh, and then she goes to anime conventions. Right. I've seen this anime convention thing. It's like they don't do it once a year. They do it all year round. There's these things. They're all over the place. You don't want to do that, though. No. You know how Comic-Con was like once a year? Now it's like all year. No, because every city has one now. Well, every city has everything, though. There's many different kinds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jess wanted to promote her show.

Is that why you're here? Oh, I did want to promote my show. But this is not coming out until... No, maybe after the episode. Smoothest transitions of all time. Oh, yeah. It's unbelievable, you. You're flawless. Fuck you, man. Talk to me like that. Dude, it's unreal. I am going to New Jersey, Sunnyvale, California, Fort Worth, Dallas, Portland, Seattle, and Lexington next year. So I'm just going to take this moment. If you're out there, if anybody's out there, come see me. I mean, if there's a way to do it, that's it, dude.

That was perfect. That was so organic and shit. People loved it. Yeah. Not only, it just helps the rhythm of her selling the show. What are you doing, man? Just criticizing you. And let me, and I'll say- I could criticize you as well. And I'll say why. You shot at me about the Woj thing, so I've been shooting at you. It's funny, it's like- Don't bring a knife to a gunfight, bud. Yeah, I'm bringing a bazooka. You couldn't hoist one up, you fucking little- So this is what happened. Fill in the blank. You know, you and I come here-

Try to set the tone of the show. I brought a popcorn. Pretty good rant. It was a good rant. That was good. Popcorn, yeah. A couple other things. And you had the $2 thing. Right. And it died. Yeah. And I think that's why you're mad. And you know what?

there's a healthy way of getting that resentment out. The way you're doing it, you're going back and forth like that in your new chair. - I'm rocking in my chair. - Doing this, like the thinker, whatever you're doing with your hand. I've never seen you do this before. - Oh, it's 'cause my back hurts. - The thinker, you know what I mean? So I think we all know in the room, right, that that was a fail. - I got an MRI done. - Oh, I'm sorry. - On my back. - What's going on? - And they were like, "All of this pressure and disc slipping is from you carrying Bobby's career lately."

And I said, that can't be showing up on the MRI. They go, trust me, it is. And we all see it. Yeah. And I said, who sees it? He goes, the community at large. And I said, the doctor community? He goes, buddy, social, social. It's everywhere. Everyone can tell. So I got to get you off my back. I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G, dude. Interesting. That's fucking awesome.

I told you you could spell your good, buddy. Anyway. No, he did say my back issues are from... Interesting. Maybe you should take a trip to WeSpa. No. We had fun. We had fun. We went and I can't believe you've never been. I said Andrew must come here all the time. No, I used to like Vodispa.

Yeah, but you never even tried We Spa, I heard. Yeah, I don't like it. But how do you know you don't like it? Because he's stubborn. Too many. Too many Koreans. Oh, so I thought... Too many. I thought... Let's talk about your experience at We Spa. Yeah, I was kind of nervous going in, the whole naked thing, you know? Everyone's naked. And Bobby was like, I won't see you naked. I don't want to see you naked. That's so gross. We're not going to see you naked. I want to...

Forget it. I was going to say a joke. Yeah, like, why be mean now? No, I don't want, because it's not fair. Right. So anyway. You said you're saggy tits. I don't want to see that. No, I didn't say that. Yeah, you did, didn't you? I was going to say something way worse, but go ahead. Go ahead. I love you. Well, now you have to say it. No, I was kidding. I didn't have one. Say it. No. Say it.

A beautiful lady naked. Now go ahead. So anyway, as we're walking in, I say, am I going to be the only white lady there? And he goes, no, no, no. Tons of whites go. And it was true. It was a good diversity mix. You wouldn't be the only white there. And...

I kind of get why you said no one goes to the Wii Spa with you because I was telling my friends and they're all like, I don't want to be naked with Bobby. I think people think when you say, do you want to go to Wii Spa, they're thinking you're asking, can I see you naked? Kind of. No, that's absolutely incorrect. But I think that's what they hear. It's like, it sounds like you just want to see all these male comics naked.

Well, I have done it before. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Ian Edwards. You know what I mean? I try to get Chappelle. Lacey, yeah. But what do they have in common? They're black. Exactly. Yeah.

I don't get your point but I like to see it he wants to go with black I like to see it but when you go male female you're you know just you're in different rooms but then the co-ed you're in a uniform you've been there with me fun yeah yeah yeah it's really fun but it's relaxing it's so relaxing that's why I don't want to go with him yeah go at a different time but you should go please go with me no how unrelaxing would that be for me you guys would get he got recognized a lot upstairs it would be so not relaxing okay I have my little getaways

I go to my gym. I go on the cold plunge. I go in the sauna. I go in the steam room. You know who talks to me there? Fucking nobody. Fucking no one. I get in the cold plunge with my little tiny red penis and it's freezing cold and my little penis goes like this. It does the cringe face. Dude.

Dude, have you been in a cold plunge, by the way? I love cold plunges. Yeah, they have one at Wee's. Do you do them? I go in there for 10 minutes. That's literally impossible. No, you don't. Maybe it's not as cold as the one you're going through. Because the cold plunges, you couldn't go in for 10 minutes. It might be dead. Let me say something. Most of the people, they go in for like a minute. I try to go up for 10 minutes because I go to the point where I'm about to die. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Well, that's good. Yeah, yeah. That's very good. And I'm going to tell you why.

If I may. Okay. You may. Well, I'm gonna. Thank you. Okay. I go to Hyundai Day Spa. I've been going there for years. And there's like a 95-year-old man that's there. Okay. Okay. And he does a routine and I observe him. Okay. Yeah. Over the years, last 20 years. Asian man. Old Asian man. Yeah. And he does halfway in the cold plunge. Yeah. Yeah.

Then there's two different spots. There's a jacuzzi, but there's also a spring water one where it's super hot. Love that. So he'll go five minutes there and he goes back and forth. And I think what he's doing is circulating his blood. Just trying to stay alive. Yeah, yeah. And so I've been following the same thing as he does. Good. You know what I mean? And I think there's something to do with your health. I don't know what it does. But they say three to five minutes is kind of the optimal time to get the benefits that you need. After that, you're kind of not...

You know, because it's down to 45 degrees. I mean, they tell you in between 40 and 60 is the high end for cold plunge, but five to 10 minutes. You don't want to go any more than that. There's no need for it. Post-workout is two to three minutes. But what are the benefits of it? Well, there's a metabolic boost you get. That's 11 minutes in total time over two to four sessions per week has metabolic recovery benefits, right? It's good for your muscle tissues. It's great for me for my nerves because of my sciatic nerve

it's really good. It calms the nerve down. Ice is the best. Ice is the fucking best. Can we go to Wii Spot so I can show you how long I go into the cold plunge? I don't think you would believe me, so I want to do it. I believe you wholeheartedly. You doubt me. Knowing you, you could stay in there for 20 minutes, I bet. Okay, well then we'll do it. Because you're a strong boy. Just come with me, please. You're a strong boy. Plus, your body's compact. You're not stretched out.

So everything is close. Okay, anyway. No, I'm saying like your engine. Thank you for being a bad friend. Your engine is warming here. Thank you for being a bad friend. It doesn't have to go that far. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's true. My limbs are long. Yeah. Anyway, Jess, will you go back again with me one day? Yeah, I'd go back. I was in the steam room and I walked in. I was in there for a minute and then this lady walked in and then there was probably five to six ladies in there and then out of nowhere, it's quiet and out of nowhere, this lady goes,

do you want to find your uterus? Oh, yeah, right, right. And right before she said it, I was about to get up and leave. But then I was like, if I get up now, it's going to feel like a response to her saying that. This is real because she told me about the afterwards. Well, did you lose it? Well, I don't know if it was to me or to... It felt like it was to the room. Where is your... What did she mean by that? And then another lady goes, yeah.

And then she just starts talking about feeling on your abdomen where the uterus is. And then I had to just kind of wait there for a while before I could leave respectfully. Can you imagine if a guy said that to you in a spa at all? Yeah. He's like, do you want to find your G-spot? Yeah, it was so awkward. Well, let's play that out. Yeah, I'm in the tub with you. Do you... What's up? Sorry, I just... Yeah, I usually don't... Well, for a living, I just kind of... I'm like a life coach. Okay, what's up?

Have you ever found your G-spot as a man? I'm done. Thanks, man. Oh, you already found it? Excuse me? Can I help you find it? Can I help you find your G-spot? I'll do it for free. Usually I charge. I'll do it for free. When you see G-spot, what do you mean? In the penis cavity or my anal cavity? It's in your butt. It's in your butt. I have two. I help men find it in their butt. Yeah.

I found it. You already got it? I just found it just now. Can I try to find another one for you? Oh, so you're saying there's two? Yeah. Well, if you say so, go ahead. Give me a mirror. Yeah, yeah. I put this, so this wand, you see this wand that I have? It looks exactly like my penis. Yeah. You know, I've watched Harry Potter. I've never seen it shaped like this.

Well, if you turn around and I say this magic phrase and I put my wand in there, it'll detect where you're spotted. Oh, well, you know what? I'll give it a go. Yeah. Why not? Is it in? Expellius. Is it in? Jizzius. Yeah. Okay. Is it in? Did you find it? How rude. I found it. Yeah, yeah. Did you? I can't feel it. Okay. Yeah. Well. Yeah. Have a good day. Have a safe drive. Yeah. Did you know about the $2? Yeah.

Tell me. Tell me about it. Watch or watch? Dude, I actually, I walked into the steam room the other day. I did have a guy. I walked in naked. Traditionally, you put on a towel in the steam room because you sit down. But I walked in naked because no one was there. It was after hours. Yeah. And I walked in because I was a little bit in pain. And so I walked in with my cock out and I was like, ugh. Ugh.

I was like grunting through the pain because my pain was strong. I hear a guy go, you okay, man? And I can't see him in all the steam and the fog. I go, fuck, dude. I didn't know someone was in here. I'm so sorry, dude. And he's like, it's okay. I just, you want me to get out of here? I was like, no. Yeah. You don't have to go. No, you do make noises in the steam room that you can't. It feels good. Yeah. This is a noise that Koreans make. I don't care where you're from in Korea. Can you guys understand each other? We know what this means. And there's no,

It doesn't mean anything, but we know what it means. Yeah. It's this. It's unspoken. Here we go. I go, I go, I go, I go, I go.

It's aigu, aigu, aigu, aigu about four or five times. We understand what that means. Aigu. Yeah. And everyone. And we go aigu, aigu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that mean? Like lamenting in pain? No, it's like it feels good, but it hurts. But I'm glad. You know what I mean? Right. It's soothing. And there's another one that we know what it means is juk-juk. I told you about that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We don't have to read. You know about juk-juk? Yeah. What is it?

What? I don't remember, but I remember the phrase juke-juke. See what he does, McCone? Yeah, he's worthless. He just agrees without listening. At this point, he just comes around. When you do improv, agreeing is fine, but you have to listen as well. No, he doesn't. That's why he won't do stand-up. I told you, he's not. Yeah, you're not. Yeah. Give us a joke. Let me hear you do a bit. Did you say, oh, God? Yeah. Did you say, oh, God?

You don't want to be on the show anymore. You don't have to be on the show. Your attitude. Your attitude is fucking bananas. By the way, Pete has been pleasant all day. And said shit. Brought us cookies. Yeah, yeah. Wait, can we do it together? Okay. Because we haven't been on the show together and I don't think I'll be on it. You've never been on a show together before? Not for months. I haven't seen her in a long time. Yeah, and I'm going on the road next year, so I don't know when I'll be back. Okay, okay. Thank you for being a bad friend.