In the Presence of a Movie Star
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You two are bad! Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends.

I'm a movie star. I'm in the presence of a movie star. And I'm so stunned by you because you're a movie star. I'm in the presence of a president. I'm in the presence of a president. Yes, you are. Little Chinese boy, sing to me. You throw out things that don't make no sense, so I throw out things that don't make no sense to you. I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm a movie star president.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Bad Friends. I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm in the presence of a superstar. Movie star. Movie star. Movie star. Movie star. I'm a little movie star, but this guy's a superstar, Brad Pitt, Andrew Santino. They're in the same level. George Clooney, come to me.

How funny would it be if George Clooney... What is... Who's calling you? Johnny Yang. Johnny O-Yang? No, Johnny Yang. Jimmy O-Yang's brother? He's my haircut. Can I answer it? Yeah, sure. Okay. Getting your haircut soon? Getting your lettuce sliced? Oh, you hung up on Johnny Yang? Go ahead. Call Johnny Yang back. Sounds like a character from Mortal Kombat. Johnny Yang wins. Finish him. Johnny Yang. Hello? Hello? Hey, how's it going? How's it going? Hello? Oh, my God. What's up?

How do you have any professional relationships?

It's unbelievable. What do you mean? Like that's your haircut guy? Yeah. That poor guy. He thinks I have an accent. Well, he does. He thinks I do. That's how I always talk to him. Where is he from? China. Oh, he's off the boat. Yeah, he's off the boat, yeah. Was he on the show? He thinks I'm from off the boat too. Does he? Yeah, he goes, hi, Raul. Hi, Raul. Okay, is this a house haircut? You get your haircut at your house? This guy's- He comes over, yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, he comes over. I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm in the presence of a superstar. Why do you keep saying this? Because I did two lines in Theo Vaughn's movie. I'm in the presence of a movie star. Yeah? Dude. Dude. Who'd you work for? Morgan Freeman this week. Morgan Freeman, right? He does. I do one Theo Vaughn. I'm movie star. What Morgan Freeman are you talking about? The fucking eyes, the magic movie you did in fucking Hungary. Cool.

What? A year ago? It was a year ago. Right. Look at this. There's Bobby walking around on set smoking, being a diva. I heard. I got back some word that you were being a diva on set. Well, I am a diva. Skinny diva. Look at him. A little skinny diva. I'm fucking confused. Are you rocking magenta? Was that your pick or theirs? Theirs pick. That looks really good. Thanks, man.

You think I should do the cowboy look? Because everyone's saying I should do the cowboy look. I think you should do the shirts and the hat, but not the boots. Oh, the boots are too much. Because you pride yourself in your shoe game. Yeah. You got good shoe game. I think boots are not your style. Yeah. But I think the hats are dope. I think the shirt. I think the belt is fly as shit. You know what I look like there?

Sicario. Sicario. A hitman. You do. Yeah. Oh, don't bring up. We talked about that before the show. That woman got shot yesterday and killed. Oh, no. Oh, no. What? Her husband put on a hit. She's going to get like fast food. Her ex-husband hires a hitman, allegedly. Let's stop for a second. Push pause. Let me get the information right. Yeah. A man. Yeah.

They got it right? You got that part. That's all I know. That's all I know. A man. No. So a man hired a hitman to kill his wife. Apparently a group, right? Carlos didn't say there was like a crew of people that were out to kill this woman. And let me ask you something before we get into this. They framed it as a robbery. How much money would you spend? What? To kill your wife. How much money would I spend? Yeah. I wonder how much. Well, I don't want. I would want top level. Yeah.

By the way, I saw a meme today that said all guys that wear those hats that have the words upside down are douchebags. And it made me laugh so hard. I immediately thought of you. I was like, you have so many of those hats that are upside down. You have Dallas. You have Texas. You have... Dallas was a bad friends fan. Thank you. Okay, but you have Texas. You have another one too. What's the other one you wear too that's upside down? Yeah, Los Angeles upside down. Who makes these upside down hats that all the kids have? True Brand. Yeah. True Brand. True Brand.

I don't get it. I'll never get it. It was a manufacturer error and they just went out like that. You know that, right? That's not true. That's how it got created. Really? Yeah, a hat got printed upside down and they sold them. You're tricking me right now. Dude, I'm tricking you all the time. I tricked you into doing this show. You've been here for five years now. This is a long time. Sucker. Thank you. Also, make it more challenging. Mix up the letters because I can read it. That's cool. See, that would be cool. It's Texas. It doesn't fool me that it's upside down. Mix up the fucking letters, dude.

How was shooting the Theo Vaughn movie with David Spade and Theo Vaughn and a bunch of other stars? I mean, this is a star-studded cast. Dude, what are you doing? What are you talking about? What are you doing right now? Tim Dillon. What are you doing right now? I'm not the IMDB. No, no, no, stop, stop. Don't even do that. It looks good. What are you doing? I'm just trying to celebrate my friend. Okay, I'm going to tell you something. You want me to expose you to the fucking truth? Okay, go ahead. You want to be exposed to the truth, my friend. Yeah, go ahead. What is it? Yeah, yeah.

I'm not even in the thing. Yet. Kirk Fox, David Spade. Let's get the full zoom in. David Spade, Kirk Fox, Theo Vaughn, Gavin Warren, Nate Diaz, Javier Suarez. Love him. Thomas Spader, Michael Eshawn York. Did Thomas Spader so good? He always plays the diner patron. He's always every movie, every, and he's so good. He never has a line, right? But when he's eating in the background, dude, you're like, Oh, that guy's really eating. I'm surprised. That's not your character. Go up. Javier played senior senior. That's gotta be a Bobby Lee character.

Señor, señor. Señor, señor. Señor, señor. Yeah, I don't know. I don't even know what my character... Anyway, so you want me to expose the truth? Oh, yeah, expose me the truth. Can't wait. Oh, see, when you're in this kind of mood, dude, see this. I'm in the presence of a movie star. See this mood? See this mood? Wow. Look at that. Timmy Dillon, David Spade, Theo Vaughn. This movie's going to be huge, dude.

Why are you laughing? Because you're being sarcastic. No, I'm not. 100%. How? They don't offer you shit because they know you're going to say no. Buddy, buddy, buddy. They know you're going to say no because you know what you need? Buddy. Mucho dinero, por favor. Buddy. That's what you want. Buddy. Dinero.

Off a board. That's you, guy. Buddy. I go $2. I'll get it. Buddy. I'll do it for $2. Now, that's guy. This guy. Oh, you got to go to UTA, then to my lawyer, and then to this guy. And that's why they're laughing, guy. Because you know you're fucking wrong, dude. Yeah. Buddy. Yeah. They did offer me a role.

Okay. That's what I'm saying. And now you're, now you're spitting it back at me. Like, why did you take the role? I'm in the presence of a movie star. Let me tell you something. Yeah. No, he called me. Theo called me to see if I could do something, but I was in Philly. He literally called me on a Friday. He goes, dude, can you shoot tomorrow? I was like, tomorrow? No, I'm out of town. What the fuck? That's how I got it three days before. No, I know, dude. I'm not going to do shit. Relax. Jesus Christ. By the way, let's, let's, let's reframe the joke you just made that you made the boys in the booth laugh at.

I wait for money. What? We don't get paid to do anything on television or film. The last time I got a check to do a thing on TV was Dave. I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm in the presence of a movie star. You really are. No, fuck you. I'm sorry, dude. You're a superstar, not a movie star.

Superstar. How was your week in Phoenix? I heard it was good. Did you see your mommy? I didn't see her. You didn't see your mom in Phoenix? You were in Phoenix? I was hanging out with people, man. No, I didn't see her. When I go to Phoenix to do shows, she doesn't know I'm in town. Why would you do that? Because I have to get in the car and drive all the way to the desert and come back. I don't want to do it. Phoenix is the desert. I know. I'm saying there's more desert, though. It's just in more desert. I know. I know where your mom lives. It's 30 minutes away from where you were. I know, but deserts with less buildings.

What does that have to do with anything? When I'm in a desert, I need more buildings. It's your mom. I understand, dude. She doesn't know I'm in town. If she knew I was in town, I would go visit her. Can I give you an old Chinese proverb? Give me two. He who visits sand and does not visit mother will soon know she will turn into sand. Wow. Oh, thank you so much, guy. She's going to die? No!

My mom's gonna, yeah, everyone's gonna die, dude. But she's gonna die sooner than later. Soon. Okay, so fine. Soon. Okay, okay, you're right. Soon die. Okay. And soon die is the other Chinese proverb. Really, soon die is? Soon die, live now. Soon die, live now. Soon die, live now. Yeah. Don't do. Don't do. Cry later. Cry later. Big check. That's right. That's an old Chinese proverb. That's a really good one. So you get a check, you watch, you do shows, and you don't see your mom, but that's okay. Yeah.

- I have a proverb. - What is it? - Two white couple in suburb in Chicago, right? Sometimes they die in fire. - Oh, that's funny.

It's too cold to get set on fire. I know. It's the middle of winter. That's an old proverb. Your mom has a higher likelihood of dying in this. I know. I know what we. In Phoenix. Listen. No, no. I just mean. I think we're doing this. Let's not do this right now. All right. All right. Right. It feels like we're doing this. Right. And I don't want anything bad to happen to you. One, two, three. I'm in the presence of a movie star. Okay. Let's get back into love. Because you and I have some friction. How about let's do some love? Okay. How about some love stuff? Yeah.

I miss you, I'm happy for you. I'm happy too. And I'm sorry I abandoned you. For what?

I left you on the last episode. You had to do it. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was still fine. But to say to the fans, I do mean this. A lot of times the fans are like, oh, what the fuck are they doing together? It's like, dude, we're all working on stuff. It's hard. We're trying to go on tour, work on our hours. It's hard to always be in the studio every week. We've done the show for five years. We've literally never missed a week. Yeah. And we're going to continue to do that. Continue to do it. Yeah. Because it's been. Sometimes we have to pivot. We got to pivot. We got to Jeremy pivot once in a while. Yeah.

You know what's so funny? I was gonna say Jeremy Pivot. Were you really? Yeah, but I'm like, no. It's a hacking joke. No, good. Jeremy Pivot. Yeah, I saw Ian Fidance's penis last night. God bless. And it's what I thought it was gonna look like. Can I guess? Yeah. Tell me it was pierced. It has a Prince Albert. There's no piercing. Really? No. Hmm. It looks like. Okay, is it curve? It's something you get at Starbucks. Oh, oh, oh, oh, those little egg bites.

Oh, one of those, one of those cake pops. It looks like a cake pop. The head is like a purpley orangey color with sprinkles on it. Yeah. And the, and the stem looks like a stick. Well,

Well, wait a minute. Sprinkles. Oh, he's bisexual. Yeah, there's sprinkles. Yeah, there's bisexuality on there. Does he dip it? Does he like dip it in the sprinkles? Yeah, butthole. Men and women. You know what I mean? So you have different varieties of chocolate. See, I was supposed to see him the other day. I was working out on the west side and he was like, oh, can you meet up? I said, I'm never going to make it to the store. But I'm happy now I didn't go because now I guess he was showing his penis to you. No, no, we went to the spa. Oh, yeah. So we're in the spa and we're in the steam room and he looked at my penis and he goes, and he kind of almost died laughing.

Why? He goes, it's so cute. And he started laughing. Well, he doesn't have a big penis. No, he didn't say it was small. Oh, he just liked it. My dick is cute. Minion. Minion. You've seen it. I have? It's the best, dude. If it were to make a noise, that's the noise. What does it do when it sees a woman? Oh. Okay, okay, okay. Like that, like that, like that. Like that, dude. And it's like, he's so happy.

And I can get hard now just talking to people on the phone. No. It's a miracle. Me? Do you ever do that with a woman? No, no, no, with a woman. No? All right. Yeah. But what if I put on a female voice? Huh? What if when you call me and I'm like, hey, bye. No, no, no, no, no. I know it's you, dude. I'm going to do it.

You've tried before. It doesn't work. It pisses me off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kanye went on a tirade about hermaphrodites on Twitter, by the way. It was unbelievable. What? Kanye was like, you tell me if you're a hermaphrodite, you wouldn't stick your penis in your own vagina. And I really had to think about it. I was like, that's actually a great point. Well, you would have to bend it like Beckham. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I don't know if my- I was literally about to say bend it like Beckham.

We're on the same page today. Really? We're on the same page. Yeah, yeah. Look, if I'm a hermaphrodite, oh, if a hermaphrodite only dates women, that's a hermaphrodike. That was his first joke. Pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, play on words. But the other one was, you're telling me if you're a hermaphrodite, you wouldn't try to stick your penis in your own vagina. Then he said, I thought about it. I'm no longer a Nazi. Yeah.

He literally wrote, I no longer am a Nazi. That's so funny, dude. He thought about it. He thought about it. Wow. Well, you got to think about it. Because of Adam Sandler. Because of Adam Sandler. Because Adam Sandler gave him a tribute to the 50th SNL. Is that what it was? He probably just talked to him privately. Hey, buddy, you can't talk about me like that.

You gotta lay off the Jews. Lay off the Jews. But if there was like a Hollywood president of Jews, Adam would be it. Sandler's the best. Yeah, he's the best. He is maybe the coolest, most like funny, chill, down to earth dude I've ever met in comedy. And I'm not even kidding. At his level, like Chappelle is very sweet and dope too, but like Sandler's

Sandler still has that boyish like he's like oh hey buddy it's sweet it's like I can't even describe it remember I was with that sexy lady and we walked by I told you that yeah and Sandler was there with his mom and he looked at my girl and goes funny guy and that's you know what he's doing yeah a lot and that's something don't say it

And I don't even have to say it because you know what I'm saying. It's something that these guys never do. No, no, him specifically. You've never given me an alley-oop, Carlos. Bro, he's not even in the game. I know, that's why. He's got to learn how to play the game first. Yeah, bud. Yeah, get on the team. Get on the team and then maybe you can throw me an alley-oop. Bro, his tryouts are in a week. Yeah. Let me tell you something. You're walking down the street. You pass Carlos. Yeah. And Carlos goes, funny guy. The girl's going to be like, ew, what was that? Ew.

Oh, that's true. Yeah. That guy's got to go to jail. Yeah. Yeah. You know him? Yeah. Why do you know him? I don't know if we can. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. How about this? When you see Bobby in public from now on with a woman, you do not recognize him. You ask for change. You act homeless and you ask for change. Yeah. Like they pass each other. Carlos. When you called me last night, where were you? It sounded like you were at a party or something. Yeah. He told me you were at a nightclub or some shit last night. Like 10 o'clock. You know where the fuck you were, pal.

No, I was with Ian Fidance at Fred 62's. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's still open? Yeah, they close at 1. Wow, I thought that closed down. It was pretty good last night. Was it? Because they fell off for a little while. They did, yeah. But it's a cute little... It's so many hipsters, though. Is House of Pies still open across the street? No, I haven't seen that open. It is? But Fred 62's is all these like... Oh, dude. Yeah, it's very... Hash brown. What do you mean? That's like your favorite people. No, dude. I'm fucking...

Dude, I'm Norm. Yeah, thank you. No, I'm Norm. No, you're not, dude. I'm Norm. You're a pretentious artist. You're a pretentious- You always want to go to Swingers. I don't want to go there. Yeah, Swingers is low rent. Swingers is basically- It's still like cool though. No, it's not. It hasn't been cool in a decade. Yeah, tattooed Mexicans. You love them. I fucking love tattooed Mexicans. I know, exactly. That's why you like to go there. I won't leave home without them. They're my American Express. Right, but I haven't been to fucking Fred 62's in like years. I'm a Norm's, Mel's kind of a guy. Mel sucks. I know, but that's what- You know that. Look at that.

Swingers used to be the shit. That's probably me in the background before I lost the weight. Wait, no, listen, this is a crazy moment. We were shooting over there one time and I go, Al Madrigal goes, hey, let's go get house of pies for lunch. You know, cause we were like skipping the crew lunch. And I was like, I'm starving, dude. Let's go over there. He's like, fuck yeah. And he goes, oh my God, my wallet's in my trailer. And I looked down at my phone. I'm like, my wallet's in my fucking trailer too. I was like, shit. So we're asking people, does anybody have cash? And everyone's like, I don't have cash.

So I call House of Pies and she's got to be still there. It's the old Asian woman that answered the phone. I love her. And she goes, she's like, hey, House of Pies. And I was like, hey, do you do Apple Pay? And she's like, Apple Pay? Yeah, we tell you. Yeah, Apple Pay. Yeah, Apple. Yeah. And I was like,

I'm not making this up. I swear to God. I know this is such an Andrew Santino bit for the show, but I was like, yeah, you take apple. Yeah, she's like, yeah, apple pie. Yeah, yeah, apple. I know what you're saying. Dude, I walk in and I'm like, we order the food. I go to tap. I'm like, where's apple pie? She's like, no, apple pie, apple pie, apple. And she pointed to apple pie. Yeah, yeah. Apple pie. Yeah, yeah. They've done that. Bro, I felt so dumb and magical. It's like,

You fucking idiot. Yeah, yeah. We ordered all this food. Yeah. And this woman said apple pie. You think she said apple pie? I'm like, it sounds the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She literally goes, yeah, apple pie, apple pie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay, they take it. This is like a South Park episode. It's really funny, yeah. Welcome to apple pie. Take apple pie. Yeah. Dude, that cracked me up. By the way, we only got the food because Al was able to, that guy, Al was able to figure his way out of everything. So how did he, what did he do? He found a dude to loan him cash.

In the restaurant? He like knew a guy and I was like, I don't even know this guy. He's like, I'll Venmo him or get him back or whatever to give him cash to pay for the thing. Wow. Al is a magician. Al is, he can get into anything too. Yeah, dude, he's a magician. You know what I mean? Like he's like a sitcom guy now. He is. You know what he used to tell me on the set when we worked together? He used to go, dude, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to be like a fifth, sixth on the call sheet kind of guy. I'm going to cruise in. I'm going to go,

"That's what you guys are having? "And then get out of there." And I was like, "Yeah?" And he goes, "Watch." And he did. Now he's on George Lopez's show, right? He's been on for years and he's cruising.

It's incredible. He loves it. It's his paycheck, paycheck, paycheck. And for people that don't know, one of our good buddies, a comic, comedy store guy, has the worst blowups of anybody on earth. How? On stage, he fucking would blow up on audience. Oh, I know, I know. Oh my God. I know, I know. Someone would talk, he'd be like, lady? Yeah. And then it would just spill out. Rage. Rage would spill out of him. Yeah. And look at how sweet he looks.

You would never guess. Do you get rage? I've been getting rage lately. When I was young, I did. But now I just ignore people talk. If they're yelling, I just don't. It didn't happen. Like when a group of people walk out during a setup. People did that to you? Yeah, last night. I go, where are you going?

And they turn around, we gotta go to the bathroom. Do we get set up? Well. I get so mad. And then it's like, or they fall asleep. You get late night spots at the OR. There's always like a heroin nod lady. Which is just like, you know what I mean? In and out of consciousness. I hate it. I don't like- Go home! Or itchy people. You see a lot of like- Oh yeah, yeah. You see a lot of itchy people in the store late at night. Yeah. Itchies, bro. And you know what's also driving me crazy? Annamarie.

I tell you. Dude, he's been really sticking you. Not only, yeah, he went up there. We did David Tell's benefit show for the fires. And I was second to last, but Adam went up a couple before me. He slaughtered, right? Yeah. But now I'm getting, I'm in the back of the room looking at the audience going. Why? I don't know why. What's wrong? I don't know. So Adam is really bugging you. Yeah. He's killing too hard. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look at audience and I go, don't ask.

And they're like, what? You know what I mean? I go, don't laugh. No, no, no. Stop laughing. Yeah. And then they go, okay. And then they stop laughing. Right. And then when other groups, I go like the Mexicans, they go crazy. I go, you know what I mean? And Adam's still killing. Was he doing him or Phil?

He was doing that. He's playing him. He's doing him, right? And then afterwards, I go up there and I always do the Weasley thing. I just sit next to him. I put my arm around him. I go, you did good, huh? Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, it was fun. I go, uh-huh. And I squeeze a little bit. You're really trying to threaten him. It's a little too much. Is that a little big dog? Are you big dogging him when you do that? It's a little too much, man. I get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much. And he's in a moment. And I love him dearly like a brother. You know that, right? Yeah. But it's like- But you're sick of it.

Sounds like you're sick of it. It's a little too much. Ooh, so war has started here on Bad Friends. With who? What? With who? How can you have a war? With who? With the Greeks and the... What the fuck? No, no, no. How can you have a war, right, if you're...

A tiny island, a micro island. You know what I mean? You know those micro islands? You know how Philippines has those little tiny islands? Versus America. You're America in this scenario? Yeah. You don't think so? This is more like Seattle versus San Diego.

That's really what this is about. Dude. This is a local war. No, no, it's not a local war. ZocDoc. Ow. Ow. Me too, me too. Oh, both of us. I'll tell you where to go. Where? ZocDoc. Oh, what is it? It's an app. It's an app. Yeah, yeah. It's a free app, right? ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

Are you not hurting anymore? No, no. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and much, much more. When I moved into my new location, I wanted to not go to my old doctor anymore because it was across the city. And so I used ZocDoc. Thankfully, I was able to book an appointment the very next day. Once you find the right doctor, Andrew, you can see their actual appointments openings.

Choose a time slot that works for you. And guess what, guy? What? You click it to instantly book a visit. And that's the best part. You've got real patient reviews that are on there, highly rated, verified. So you know people that went there, you can actually find out how they liked it. How was the lounge? How was the parking? All the stuff that you want to know for whatever you're looking for. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash bad friends.

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It's not. It's more like California versus Washington. I'll give you that. Okay, that's good. I'll give you that. Southern California. No, all of California. No, because Northern California is closer to Washington than we are to them. But we're still a part of the same state. Culturally, they can't stand us. We're different people. Northern California can't stand Southern California. How about this? I get Bakersfield down. Yes, that's fine. I get Bakersfield down. I'd even give you all the way up to like just under San Jose. Okay, can I get San Jose down?

I don't know if I can give you San. Yeah, yeah. Sac. I'll give you... Well, Sac's even further. It is? I think so, right? How about this? Sac, we carve out San Jose for San Francisco and then we go down. Okay, that's fine. Okay, good. Thank you, thank you. He's getting out the map for us. But anyway, yeah, maybe there is a little war. Yeah, see, I think you get Fresno for sure. That's huge. Yeah. Yeah.

It was the Josh Holm thing. I think that pisses me off. That did. It fucked you up. Yeah, because he went to go see Adam backstage. And now when Adam's killing, I look at them as if they're all Josh Holm. Yeah. I view every audience member as Josh Holm. And I go, don't laugh at that. Don't laugh at that. You're Queens of the Stone Age. Don't laugh at that. Yeah.

Them Crooked Vultures, remember? Them Crooked Vultures, baby. Yeah, baby. Anyway, I'm so happy for him. I had a nice little weekend in Boston, Massachusetts. Had a fun time. Yeah, Wilbur. Went to a basketball game. Yeah, I did four at the Wilbur. And I see you with basketball stars now. Basketball stars? Yeah. Who? I saw you on the court with some very large African-American people. What's his... Yeah, like that. Who's that? Take a guess at what his name is and what position he plays.

And what team he plays for even? Okay, so he plays for the Knicks. Well, you're in Boston. That's right, the Boston Knicks. Oh, no, no, no, the Celtics. That's right, the Celtics. Okay, right, Celtics, right? And is Jamal Bird. Dude. Dude.

I'm not kidding. Jamal Bird? His initials are JB. Is it really? JB is his initials. That's pretty close. Yeah, thank you. Because I know there was Larry Bird. There was Larry Bird. Yeah. He was white, though. I understand that, but if you mix the two. There's Jamal Bird. There's Jamal. Jamal, Jay Bird, Charles. There he is. I'm missing him. Yeah. Jalen. So you're on the court. Jalen Brown. You're on the court. Yeah. And what does that feel like?

Courtside's incredible and a gift from the Celtics. Shout out to Celtics for treating me like that. That was such like a nice, cool thing that they did. So I'm going to tell you where we're at. Shout out Sully. In our careers. Sully. Okay. Yeah.

And Carlos knows this. If I wanted to go to the Celtics game. You don't like basketball. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. If you wanted to go to a football game, to an Arsenal game, they would 100% treat you like a king. Yeah, they would. So what I'm saying is. They've emailed us multiple times about it. So if I were. Cut yourself off real fast. They've emailed us multiple times about. Never got an email and I have to see it for myself. You don't have a fucking email. He's your email.

You don't even. Why are you screaming at me? Because I'm trumping you, dog. All right. So what I'm saying is. You don't have an email. If I want to go to the Celtics game, I would get last row. You know what I mean? This is such a bullshit. It is. It's true. I can't. I've never been on the court. You don't go to basketball. Even if the fucking stadium was. Even if the stadium was empty on a Monday morning. I wouldn't be able to get on. Arsenal Football Club. Arsenal Football Club emailing you about. We're all buzzing. The guys are Arsenal fans. You know what, dude? Fuck you. Get fucked. You're going to get treated like a king. They love you.

You don't go to basketball games. If you like basketball, they would do the same for you. I'll never go to a basketball game. Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift in any situation. You don't like football. I'm just saying. And you're just, you know what I mean? All I'm saying, who's the movie star here?

You're in the presence of a movie star. You know what I'm like? I'm like, you know, Southwest industrial film. You know the fans don't believe this bullshit anymore. You know that, right? What? They don't buy it. This lie you keep feeding them. The fans are over this great lie. Everyone goes, we know Bobby's Hollywood. They know. They know.

It's a lie. It's a bad lie. When you hit the button. When you hit the button. I said, sorry, but I had to defend myself. I had to defend myself. He's sweating. Pete, get him your sweat rag. Get him your sweat rag. Whatever that is. Buy him a new Whitney Houston shirt. He's going to sweat through this one he's got. Get out of that. Okay. You know what? You're like a black comic shooting a special and they've got that sweat rag on stage. Get him one of those Apollo sweat rags. Okay.

Dab him off. Okay. Can I defend myself real quick? Yeah. All right, dude. I'm in. All right, you're in? You're 50% true. Yes. No, it's way more. No, you're 50% true. It's way more. Okay, have I worked...

In things, yes. Your whole life. I mean, you could just, it's obvious. IMDB means I've done things, okay? But what I'm saying is that there are certain other things like events or the circle of people that one hangs out with. Like when we're in Melbourne, right, and Dakota Fanning came in and all these people, these celebrities. Yeah.

They came for you. No, they did not. They came for us. They're fans of us. Had you met any of them before? My buddy Jake Lacey. Exactly. I've never even, there's no other situation where I'd be able to see him. Yeah, you would through me.

You're in the presence of a movie star. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? No. So I don't get into your situation. Do I have a blessed life? Yes. And I've worked hard and I sell out. You just don't create relationships. I just don't know how to put myself. My situations are me and Dave Attell in an alleyway smoking a cigarette. You romanticize this. Me and Inifidance at a spa. You just don't go out of your way to talk to people. You're a fucking. You're asleep till 4 p.m.

And that's your thing. What are you talking about? When I got back from fucking Budapest, Jamie Lee Curtis, I'm like, you want to do something? And no return. Yeah, why would you want to? That's what I'm saying. I try. Jamie Lee Curtis? She just wanted to hang out with you? That's insane. I know. That's what I'm saying. Pick your battles, buddy. Yeah, I don't know. Then maybe I'm like picking the wrong battle. You're definitely picking the wrong battle. But what I'm saying. Just like Adam Ray. That's the wrong battle. I was kidding. He's not going to think so. And I'm telling him after the show that it's war now. You're right.

Oh, come on. You know I'm kidding, right? No. The fans know. The fans don't know. Dude, the fans, you know. This podcast is a disaster. I'm sweating. I'm drowning. This is insane. Get him his sweat rack. This is crazy. I don't need a sweat rack. Get the fuck away from me. Get the fuck away from me. If you approach me, I'll fucking attack you. Get out of here. Good boy. Don't need that, man. Anyway.

So, all right, let's back up. So it's 50% true. Okay, so let's move forward. Let's move forward from it. Yeah, yeah. But it was incredible sitting on the... They treated me like a little king and it made me feel kind of special. I know. For the first... You know...

It's a privilege. It's crazy to go there. And an honor. It's wild. Yeah, yeah. It's wild. Thank you Celtics organization for letting him sit in your seats. It meant the world to me. It meant the world for him, right? And who is that now? You're just showing us pictures of black guys now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Jamal Wiley, but I think it came up in Jamal Bird because of his hair. Yeah. Okay, okay, Carlos. What are you doing?

You always know how to reset the room, man. Wow. Honestly. Yeah, yeah. You really reset the fucking room. You're the ultimate host. It's a cleanser. You are. You're a palate cleanser. You're my, you're, what is it? What did Brody used to have? Apple cider vinegar. He used to have apple cider vinegar all the time. I love apple cider vinegar. I know. Dude, it's, I hate the taste, but it's good for you. It's just so good for your toe fungus. You put it in, you put your feet in it?

I may have a concoction at home. Really? You want to hear my concoction? It really works. Apple cider vinegar. Sometimes. But the two mixtures that are, why are you laughing, dude? Where are you getting so much toe fungus? Can I guess? Obviously the Korean spa. It's just my left foot. I've always had a problem with my left foot. Isn't that a, that's the movie? It's a movie, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that what it's about? Yeah, Bobby Lee Lewis is in my left foot, a new version. So my left foot, so I'll tell you what you do. Yeah. Okay?

It's oregano oil and tea tree oil mixed. Swirl around. You swirl around. One to one.

50% 50 50 50 yeah so one to one yeah and then you dunk your toe in there and then let it sit you sit there for like an hour an hour and you have to fucking angle it so you're like watching an iPad movie but your foot's like this and you're doing this wait why do you have to angle you just put your foot in a bowl that's big enough oh fuck you're right what are you doing oh you're right no water you don't water it down at all I don't know and it disappears I've been taking oil of oregano pills every day for what

I read that they were good for you. It is good for you. Is it though? Yeah. What do I take it for? I don't even know. And then I take lion's mane for my memory. You know what else I take? I'm scared. 20 mushrooms. I take mushrooms. I take the mushrooms. Yeah. What's it called? I don't know. I take the mixture of the- Yeah, the 20 mushrooms. Yeah, all that stuff. Go back and see that. Yeah, lion's mane is mushroom. That's part of it. Zoom in. Oregano oil-

It has antimicrobial properties that may help with bacterial, viral, and fungal infections, help with digestion, reduce coughs. Oregano oil can be toxic. Okay, that's good. It may irritate sensitive skin. I've just heard it's good for you, so I started taking small. It's so stupid. I don't fucking know. You hear one thing, and then you're like, I guess. But then I bought a TikTok machine. I was on TikTok, an anti-fungal machine. It doesn't work. Well, no shit. Yeah, I spent hundreds of dollars on this green machine. What are you? You stick your toes in there, and a green light comes on.

- In an antifungal TikTok machine? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Is that it? - I don't know, I got it on TikTok. - Nail fungus. - And you stick your toes in there and a little glow happens. - Oh, it's a laser. - It's like a laser-y thing. - You're lasering the fungus now? - Yeah, and it's like nothing's happening. - Well. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another thing that doesn't work is when you're on TikTok, sleep gummies, that don't work. - You try those? - I buy every single one. - What are they, CBD, isn't that what it is, the sleep gummies? - Some of them are like, oh, there's a, fuck. - I'm loving that you're deep into TikTok now.

I want to see your algorithm. Oh my God, it's crazy. Is it wild? The amount of stuff that I'm getting, I'm getting some bad stuff now. Okay, what are you getting? And then I'll share mine. Well, it depends on what your friends share with you because then you watch it and then it knows you watched it. Yeah, I was getting a lot of like, guys. Oh yeah. I'm not done. I already know. Well, then finish it.

Guys, I'm in the presence of a movie star. What is it? What does she do? This is the worst. Guys, it's Pepper's last day. Oh, I fucking hate these videos. Right? And I'm like, who's Pepper? You have to ask the question. Who is Pepper? Right? And then they zoom down, right? And it's their fucking...

It's our pet dog. Yeah, yeah. And we just put the injection in. Oh, God, dude. Right? And then everyone's crying. I'm like, you're sharing such an intimate moment. Yeah. I don't want to see that. No, please don't. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. This is going to kill me. It's going to kill me, too. Please don't. Get out. Get out. Carlos. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out.

Stop it. I hate those ones. What are the ones you hate? I'll be okay with a cat last day, but don't do a dog last day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dog last day is the worst. I hate those. I hate... I don't like when I see a girl's like... They get ready with me or whatever and then they grab a thing and then...

They tap their fingernails on the, they tap the product. Oh, I love that. ASMR. I don't like that. I don't like ASMR. It creeps me out. You don't like ASMR? I tried to jerk off to an ASMR video once where it's just like, it's JOI, you know, the instructions. And she's counting down. She's like, six, five. And I was like, I'm not ready. Four. No! Slow down! I love when it's ASMR scenarios.

Welcome to A36. It gives me the shivers. Do you see what it just did? Space station. Oh, I fucking don't like it. We're going to the planet Azurus. I swear to God. But please sit down. We have to talk. I don't like it. And I'm like, you know, my dick's in my hand, but I'm still zoned. It's great. I'm going to Azurus. It creeps me out.

I hate it. I'm going straight to the zeros, guys. I don't know why it creeps me out so much. Yeah. It just, it gives me this weird feeling, the voice. It's like very motherly. It's like you're, ah, I don't like that. What? It doesn't put you out? It creeps me out. It gives me the tingles. I don't like it. No, I don't like it. Yeah, I like it, dude. There's something about it that throws me into a, like a, it puts me in a, what is it? It gives me the ick. It gives you the ick. That's what the kids say. What gives you the ick? So many things give me the ick, man. Ah.

I got a real specific one that's really stupid. Oh, you mean on TikTok videos? No, in general. Life just grosses you out. My ick is this, when a girl goes, if I'm in a town, like...

Boise. Love Boise. We have the best sushi here. Oh, really? Yeah. Do you? Yeah. And I go, people from other cities come here and they eat our sushi. Like where? From fucking Peoria? Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, you've never had sushi. Yeah.

Yeah, you've never had real, right? Yeah. Real sushi. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Where is it? Oh, they got Yoitong, Ginza Sushi Grill, and Rob's. I've told you this before. Every time I play Charlie Goodnight's. In Charlotte? Yeah, there's Koreans that come. Come with us. To where? To the,

Korea. Best in America. Well, it could be good. Right? No, I went. Bad. It's fucking terrible. It's like they don't know. You know what I mean? Well, okay, let's talk about restaurants. Okay. We were in Phoenix. We went to...

pizzeria uh where did we go no i just was there this weekend yeah so i went to bianco oh pizza bianco and they gave us they're huge fans of ours by the way yeah they're great yeah and went to bianco and we're sitting there with great pizza right but it's like and they can and someone in phoenix could say you know what we have one of the best pizza sure and i'll go yes okay i agree i agree right but um

What towns do you think have the worst food? Oh, God. Oh, how about this? What towns do you think have the best food? Name five top cities. Best food cities? Yeah, restaurant cities. And be completely honest, in America. New York. 100%. New York is easy. I'll back you on that. Chicago. Chicago. Yeah. So our guest is here?

Oh, come on in. Come on in. Come say hi. Hi. Come say hi. Hi. How are you? Sit in this blue chair. How are you? Sit down. Okay, should I put the headphones on? If you don't want to, you don't have to. I'll put them on. You don't have to fuck up your hair if you don't want to. You have great hair. To be honest, it's been through a lot worse. Okay, God bless. Is that you that smells like that? Yeah. It smells so good. Coward, shaved, shit shower shaved. What is it? It's got like a...

It's like a Joe Malone perfume. Like a Joe Malone perfume. Joe Malone. God, I love the accent. Australia or England? You take a guess, bud. I say England. You say right. Yeah. Which part of England though? I don't know. Well, take a guess. Brighton.

Oh, by the water. Oh, no, I think that's a bit of an insult. That's an insult, yeah. Essex. I'm from Nottingham. Nottingham. Nottingham Forest. Very proper. In the Premier League, yeah. Yes. Oh, you know football? Third in the lead right now. Mm-hmm. Half my family is Derby, half of them are Nottingham fans. Oh, wow. Derby you haven't seen in the Premier League in a very long time. No. Ooh, insult. That's an insult. No, but she's a... Are you a Forest or a Derby? In between, to be honest, whoever's winning. Obviously, at the moment, Nottingham, so... Big Nottingham fan. Mm-hmm.

Are you engaged, by the way? No, going through a divorce. Oh, God bless. What happened? Can I take a guess? You've got a higher voice than me. Yeah, yeah. What happened there? Do you think it was the divorce based on sleeping with a thousand men? No. No, okay, right on. That had nothing to do with it? No. It was before that? Listen, I don't know what... I'm sorry, I don't know much. You don't know much about sleeping with a thousand men? No, no, no, but I don't know... I think you do, actually. No.

Bonnie Blue slept with a thousand men in one day. Is that what happened? Is it one day? One day, 12 hours. Yeah. 12 hours. 12 hours. Can I ask some questions? He's got it, dude. Yeah. Fire away. Yeah, fire away. Really? Give me a load. One for one.

Because let's just say if I was a guy. You are. I know, thank you. And I fucked a thousand women, right? I would have to pick, do you get to pick the women? No, I don't get to pick the guys. Oh, you don't. But in your scenario, okay, yeah, if you wanted to pick the women. But you didn't pick the guys then? No. So just any old look, you know? Gingers, Asians, anyone. Really? That's us. That's us. Wait a minute, that's 83 guys an hour? Yeah.

83 an hour. It was like, you know that game you play as a kid and you put your hand in the box and you don't know what you're going to get? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a British thing. I don't know that. Well, Cracker Jack. Hands in box, pick out presents. No, she's saying not Cracker Jack box. No, like the prize in the bottom. No, dude. She's saying there's a game where they put their hand in a box and they don't know what's in there. Yeah, we don't play that in America. I just said that. Oh, thank you. Sorry. Fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is the game? Or like in Dune. Yeah, it's like in Dune. Yeah, I get it. I don't know what Dune is. The movie Dune. Yeah, there's a box. That's like what you guys did at Christmas, right? So could I have applied? Of course. We don't need to apply. You just turn up. That's a good thing. As long as you are 18...

Yeah, you are. You're 18 times four, actually. Am I too old? That could be like in the ride. Oh, yeah. Do you have a ceiling? Do you have a limit? Is there an age limit? If a guy shows up and he's 70, do you say no? No, of course not. You don't care? One, his wife might be dead. So obviously. That's true. And second of all, like, it's a bit of a day out for him. It's better than bird watching. Yeah. But I don't know. Old guys. Imagine. Oh, bird watching. Imagine. You're 72nd in line. 72nd's not that far. There's a thousand. Yeah.

Oh, there is? I'm 430. Like, would you be able to keep it up? Are you watching porn to keep it up? So some of them, they're in the basement. So I'll give you a bit of a picture. These guys all live in a basement, by the way. For the record. It's like a three-story house. I'm at the top floor. So by the time they start queuing on the stairs, they're queuing for like sometimes four or five hours. They bring the packed lunch. They bring your drink. It's like a picnic. Okay.

Bring a packed lunch? Yeah. Honey, I packed you a lunch for your fuck today. It's like that Guardian of the Galaxy ride at Disneyland. Yeah, it takes two hours to get on it. It takes forever to get there. And then the ride only lasts about 10 seconds. Oh, so how long do I get? About 40 seconds. All right, but since we know each other. You'll never get there. Ha ha ha!

40 seconds, dude. You're out in like 12. Oh, no, no, no. Just because the thought of other guys that have been in there, you're so excited. That gets him so excited. Because I know that he's going to be right before me. He's 431. You know what I mean? I'm going to be like, oh, fuck. Can we switch?

You can just push his porridge in, you know, mix it up. That's right. I'm still stuck on the bring in the pack lunch. That's so funny. Do people trade like snack cups? Like what if you didn't get something and you saw something else? I just think that's so funny in line. Being like, can I have the cookie? How many seconds did she say? 40. 40 seconds. And then one. I thought you only had problems with your eyesight, not your hearing. Maybe I should come a bit closer. Yeah.

She loves you, dude. I love her so much. And so they all wear ski masks. Yeah. Well, no, you don't all have to. But like if they're like got girlfriends or they've got like certain jobs and they want people finding out. Sure. I want them to go and feel feeling confident. But they still have to be on camera. Yeah, of course. Who is that guy in the first frame there with the big teeth with the red jumper on? His name's called Bevo. He went viral for like swallowing food. He's a big tooth guy. I've seen him on Instagram. Yeah. I've seen this guy. He's got huge teeth. Too much teeth. And that's the bit, right? That he has big teeth.

Well, no, he basically went viral just for like not swallowing food properly. Really? Yeah. Do you charge? No, of course not. What? You could make a killing. No. $10. I bet she's doing fine. No, I want to say thank you because of those people in the queue. I've got to where I am. So I like, I want to thank them. I want to do something for them. That's so nice. Wow. What a gracious person. You're just a sweet, gracious person. You're like Mother Teresa in a different way. I love it. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you live in England now or here? - London. - You live in London? - Yeah, I don't know why I said that. I made that up. I live in Nottingham. - You lied. - I'm in London a lot.

We're going there. We're going to London this summer. This summer we're playing, I don't know, I don't like that it's called OVO. We mentioned that twice. I don't really like the Drake thing. I wonder who would have a bigger queue, me or you two. How about this? You take dicks outside of the arena. We'll do laughs inside. Yeah, I'll warm them up for you. You know how nice that would be? Yeah. For them to get a nut off and then come laugh. I mean, they'd all fall asleep halfway through the show. Yeah. Who would get a bigger line? I wonder. How many tickets do you think you could sell? I don't know.

To a show. If you did a live show of you. What, a live sex show? Yeah, a live sex show. I don't know, to be honest. We sold 50,000 in Australia. Beat that. I got banned from Australia. What? Really? Wait, why? Fucking barely legals.

Wait, you got banned because of people underage? No. So basically, women are poorly educated when it comes to sex and understanding the porn industry. And they made this massive petition saying, oh, let's get Bonnie Blue banned from Australia for sleeping with people underage and not consenting. They are consenting, and they are 18. So then this petition basically blew up in Australia, and they took my visa away. The government banned you. Wow.

Wow. We would never do that in America. You know that. You're welcome. It's the greatest country in the world. We would never do that. Trump would never let that happen. He will rename bodies of water, but he will make sure you can do what you want legally. So now it's OnlyFans, right? Yeah. That's like the big, that's the thing. That's, only you must make a killing. Yeah, it's good money. Good. Is it posted? You know how people post what they make? We can see what everybody makes. Is that true? Uh,

If you allow it. No, I have it so you can see how many subscribers and stuff. How many subs are on there now? 400,000. Holy shit. Holy shit, man. Half a million people almost. They watch all. And do you post shit every day? Yeah, like every day I post things, but they're probably like new videos like twice a week. Wow. I'm interested. The divorce thing. When did this happen? Was this in the beginning of this or did divorce spark this? Now I want to have a sexcapade. No, no, no. So we was together from when I was 14. So we were. How old was he?

15. He's only like a year older. Don't worry. We was. Woo. We used to get it. I was 14. He was 38. Holy shit. I mean, I do like the older ones, but. Okay. All right. Now that is not, we can't do that in America. Yeah. What? Go from barely legal to barely breathing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what? You were 14. He was 15 and you got married at how old?

20. Oh, yeah, young. So it was like, together like a long time, we just grew apart. Like there was no dramatic split up or anything like that. We just grew apart naturally. And then do you talk to him now still? Yeah, yeah, he works with me. Oh, is this him? I'd love it if this is the guy. Who is this guy right here? No, he helps me like on the creative side with video and editing. He's also a handsome guy off camera. Yeah, very handsome. And he's big. He's got good thick thighs, dude. He's a thick daddy over there, huh? Well, he looks like a John Wick nemesis. He does. Where's my dog? Yeah.

Yeah. He was very beautiful though. He is? You are. Oh, thank you. I find him more attractive if I'm being honest, but that's just, that's just different. Wait, was that about to say? Why can't I just say to another person that they're beautiful? What's the problem? Why'd you laugh at me? Because she didn't even hear you. She didn't register. Yeah, she did. I said, thank you. Yeah. She said, thank you. How old do you think he is by the way? Unless you already know. No, I actually don't know. Take a guess. This is good. Do you know this guy might know? No.

36. See, how amazing is that? 36. Is that accurate or no? He's 38. No, I'm 53. He's 53. Oh, are you? Yes, thank you. I thought they just said black don't cry. Yeah, we don't either. 36? That's amazing. Andrew, I'm not mad. Relax, dude. Shut the fuck up. That's good stuff. She just said you were 36. What happened before that? I wonder. You're doing really well. Okay.

Look, you didn't want to talk about the girl you just met in Phoenix. All right. All right. Okay. All right. Anyway. All right. Okay. So there. Yeah. Welcome. How old am I? See? I'm going to go 42. See? Yeah. Every time. I look younger. I know. Yeah. This guy looks younger than me?

God damn, dude. I don't know. You're giving schoolboy vibe. He does. You're going to turn me off. Mommy, I love you. Don't do that. I want to eat my mom more and more. Oh, I've looked 40 since I was a fucking kid. Oh, and apparently I look like 42, 45. How old are you? 25. 25. Yeah, well, you know, I mean, you look 20s, but it ages you, doesn't it?

I don't know. Or is it healthy for you? It's exercise, it's hydration. Yeah. Like, you know. That's actually true. Cheaper than a gym membership. So this is at, what, you like rent a house? Yeah.

So there's a guy called Lord Davenport and he holds like crazy parties. The British are so funny. No, wait. Come to Lord Davenport and fuck Bonnie Blue. Give me Lord Davenport. I got to see this fucking guy. In LA, there's a guy named Lord Davenport? No, clearly this guy's in England. Lord Davenport? I want to know him. I don't know any lords. But there's a guy downtown LA that thinks his name is Lord Davenport. So this guy has a house that you are at. That was the house I fucked in. Wow. That's Lord Davenport.

yeah obviously you had to hook up with him uh no i didn't actually really lord lord d didn't take any fucking anything for the house huh no wow shocked is he a good guy this guy yeah lovely it says fraudster what did he do to make his money oh i don't know that sounds like a him problem yeah that certainly does sorry about that they call him fast eddie davenport self are you super famous now in england or around the world i mean um a little bit yeah yeah how do you like it

Yeah, it's just weird. I never thought like being a slut would make you famous. I know the Kardashians have got experience with it. I didn't know that was going to be me. What were you like in high school? First, I lost my virginity. But like as a whole, I was a dance teacher at the time. I enjoyed working. Very mature for my age. And you lost your virginity in high school, you just said? No. Yeah. What year in high school?

- Well, I was 13. I don't know what year that'd be for you. - Well, that's not high school out here. That's middle school or elementary school. - Yeah. - Yeah. High school is you're 15, right? 14, 15? - 15, 14. - Yeah, 15. - 13? - Yeah, I was young. - Wow. - Wow. And how old was he?

14 years old. Wow. Jesus Christ. He literally put it in and was like, oh my God, I'm pregnant. Like we had no idea what I was doing. And I think like people's first experiences are always bad. You never know what you're doing. Like a bit of a flop. See, that's what I keep telling you. It's fine. You're going to be fine. I'm scared. Have you had pregnancy scares?

- Well, apparently I'm pregnant at the moment. - Are you? - According to the media, yeah. - Oh, but you're not. - Oh, you're not. - I am not pregnant. - Oh, well still clap for now. - Have you ever been? - No. - Okay. - Wow. - Wow, that's crazy. - Yeah, it was suddenly rumored that there was like, oh my God, Bonnie's pregnant. And it's actually the first time I've let them continue with the story and I've not sort of commented and actually I've made jokes about it. And like last night I posted on Instagram, oh, I've got cravings and just allowed people to know. - That's funny. That's so good. You should do a photo shoot of you with a baby bump.

No, because I'm actually really against that. What do you mean? I think it is horrible because loads of women can't get pregnant or they are in difficult situations. Yeah. So I'm actually, to say I'm not a girl's girl, I'm going to be a girl's girl this week because I want to use the media and the attention I've got from people thinking I'm pregnant to pay for people's IVF.

That is fucking amazing. See? This guy's looking at me funny. What's up, bud? He likes you, dude. Yeah, yeah. Bloke? Are you a bloke or what? Bloke? Are you a hooligan or what? He knows a few English words. You're giving me a hooligan fucking vibe right here. Hello, mate. Got a problem? Fucking guy. What you looking at, dog? Dude, imagine how bad that guy would break you. I know, I know. That's why I have to put this forward. I know what you're doing. You're fighting the biggest guy in the jail cell. You'll kill me. You'll destroy me, but you know what I mean? So you're security.

He does security. I ain't doing shit, dog. If anybody comes... Dude, don't get... What's up, bro? Oh, bro, he's doing... We good or what? Here it goes. Bro. Here it goes, dude. See that shit, dude? Uh-uh.

This is Thug Bobby. He gets real tough. Sorry, sir. Do whatever you want. I know. I've heard you've had a hard upbringing, so I can imagine you're tough. 100%. Let's turn this into a business. Can we charge for FastPass? Yeah. Yeah, but that way, like a guy like me, I can buy a FastPass, cut in line, buy another FastPass, so I'm constantly, you know what I mean? Or what if you just fake it? Like if a guy in a wheelchair, is any disabled? Any disabilities? Dude. Who gets to board first?

I could play 14 Asians. Yeah, you can. You know what I mean? I can go, hello, right? Hello, right? I could mix it up, dude, right? Put a mustache on, right? Ali Wong wig. You know what I mean? I could do all kinds of stuff, dude. What do you think? I believe it. Yeah, I'm Sandra Oh or whatever. You know what I mean? Whoa. You know what you should do? You really want to appeal to the Americans? Do veterans.

A veteran thing, dude, do a USO tour. US, open up that mouth.

USO tour the veterans would be very appreciative yeah that would be fun especially because these guys a lot of them have PTSD a lot of them have you know mental health issues and they feel abandoned by their country I think you should do that yeah and sometimes we can do a theme like Vietnam yeah right we can have a little trail right like a trail to your vagina right I could play as in like a Vietnamese like Viet Cong right I would have a bushes there I'm like oh

you know what I mean and do the sound right you know what I mean and firecrackers yeah so they can get into the PTSD of it right you know what I mean too everybody get them into character yeah yeah and then we'll get you Chinese eyes too you know what I mean I know I was thinking about a fox lift but then I don't know if we'd end up looking like twins yeah we should do a theme where everyone in line is named Charlie just all Charlie yeah Charlie yeah yeah I think it's a good theme I mean Bobby what is your name what what's my name yeah Bobby no your real name

My Korean name? Yeah, because my name's not Bonnie. Yeah. Well, on my birth certificate, it says Robert, but my Korean name is Sungwoo. Sungwoo? Yeah. Yeah, Bobby's easier. Yeah, it's easier. Do you know what Sungwoo means? Guess. No. Success. Success. And look at what happened. Yeah. Guy. Guy.

No, hey, relax. Stop trying to fight that guy. You never say your real name, do you? Tia. Oh, you do? Yeah. I love you. You say your full legal name? Yeah, Tia Billinger is my full name. Tia Billinger. Tia's great. Do you have sisters? Yeah, I do. I've got a sister called Summer. She's got bigger boobs. I feel like we're doing the wrong way around. What does she do? She's like a nurse or something? No, she just helps me. Oh, she works for you? Oh, that's cool. How about mom and dad? Alive?

Yeah, both alive. Stoked? What do they say about this? What's dinner at mom and dad's house like? Just cream pies after cream pies. Wow. Yeah, wow. You play the dad, I play the mom. All right. Bonnet. So, Tia. Bonnet, sit down. We have to talk to you about something. Yeah. Excuse me. Our daughter's name is Tia. Oh, that's right. That's right. Tia. My bad. So, how's the coffee been? How's work? Blowing in. It's been good.

You know, daddy's proud of you. Very proud. Very proud. He came to one of your events, sweetie. Yeah, while I wait. He was wearing a mask. I wore the mask of a Chinese man. I mean, I do like bringing family members together, so why not my own?

What does mom and dad say? Honestly, they are so proud. They're stoked. Yeah, of course. And everyone thinks, oh, that's so weird. And you know what? It's not. My dad has worked two jobs his whole life. Now he doesn't have to work. You pay for your dad. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. And my mom, like, and people think it's weird, but like my dad had to miss birthdays, Christmas, he had to go to work. Now, like money can't necessarily buy happiness, but it can buy time. My family now have so much more time together. That's great.

See, my family are immigrants. They don't know what I... They've never really known what I do. They just don't know? They don't know, but they know that I make money and they know that it's, you know, I mean, that I have a skill set. Yeah. So they just kind of accept it and go, you know, he's happy, he's safe, he's making money, he takes care of us. But they don't essentially know really what it is. You know what I mean? Yeah. Unless they, like, if I pop up on Squid Games or something, my mom would go, that he is, you know what I mean, or whatever, but like...

You know. But you're not on Squid Games, buddy. Yeah, no, dude. One day, they're making another season. Is that the goal in life? No. He wants to be on Squid Games. The goal in life is to keep doing this.

Get the fuck out of here. When are you doing your next one? Well, the next one is like spring break. So I'm going to go to Kanku for a week and then go to Miami. Can Carlos go? Carlos wants to go. Yeah, 100%. Get you in a little schoolboy outfit straight in. She likes schoolboys. Oh, the guitars from ACDC. Do that. Yeah, take off your hat though. Show her what the schoolboy would look like with his hat off. Look at that, dude. Look at this. Yeah, yeah, do that. Bonnie, can I still go? Yeah. Yeah, no, you can still go. I've probably got more hair on my legs, but we're all good. Oh.

Wow. Wait, can I call you Tia? Yeah, you can call me Tia. Are you on the apps? Are you dating? No. I don't know how dating would work now. Like, do I go in as a disguise, put an Asian outfit on and just say, look, I'm really innocent? Yeah, you could. You could. You really could. I mean, he's been banned off a couple of apps. Basically because I lied about my age. He lies about his age.

But it's fine. It's harmless. He just... You think he's 36, didn't you? Yeah, I did, I did. So there you go. I mean, I will be inviting you into my queue because I do want the disabled.

Fuck you, you know? I love it. Sorry, sir. Does LA feel different than England? Yeah, definitely. What the fuck? I haven't been there in years. I don't know. Is it gloomy? It's so different. It's unbelievable. It's like saying, does a ginger feel different than an Asian inside? Honestly, us, we feel identical. Bonnie, where can people follow you? So where are you going to post the video? Online. I don't know which platform exactly. And you're going to sell it, right? Yeah. Wow. How much are you going to charge for it?

I've not worked it out yet. Maybe like 70, $80. $80. Because it's a very long video. Yeah, but just do 100. Make it flat 100. Yeah, I could do. 100 feels like a, if you get 70, 80, you're kissing 100, just make it 100 flat. Do that 99, 99. Yeah, yes, yes, yes. $99. It makes so much money. 99 pence. Oh my God. Think about that, dude. I think when people buy it as well, they're not buying it thinking, oh yeah, I'm really horny and want to work. It's art. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Foscott Live or whatever. It's more fascination. It's more like...

It's more voyeuristic than sexual. Yeah. People just want to watch it because they can't believe it. It's like a mixture. Everyone's got like a different story. Like these with one guy, he brought his mom. That's tough. That's tough. And then his mom was like banging on the door like, Joseph, get your coat. We're going. Really? Joseph, hurry up and finish. Was he late for something? Yeah. I don't know. Like, I don't know why he brought his mom in the first place. Joseph! Joseph!

No, his mum was like, Joseph, get your coat. Joseph. Oh, that's so crazy. Joseph. Wow.

we have to go to Asda wow yeah that is crazy man and then it's like a clip as he's leaving his mom's putting his hat on his scarf on coat back on and then they went out for dinner wow sweet that's very sweet take your mom out to dinner where do they go eat they went to Nando's actually oh Nando's oh chicken we have Nando's yeah we do oh yeah we have chicken the South African business is it not South Africa yeah anyway I think it is it's gonna be out on your website when does it come out

I'm not sure. It's going to be soon. You haven't decided the date? I haven't decided a date just yet. Smart. 100 pounds. 100 great British pounds. But he'll get the video for free? I'll send it to you. I'll buy it. I do want your load first, though. I feel like in return. What do you mean? Sorry, do we have a translator? Yeah, go ahead. I'll tell you. He's saying, what are you trying to ask him right now?

Okay, I like to get on my back and you put your dick inside me. He said that sounds fun. I'm a little nervous about it. Yeah, I'm a little nervous about it. He says, but I am hard right now. Okay, could you tell him I've had a lot of experience with Asians and I don't think they've got small dicks.

He got it. Yeah, he's fine. Very good. I'm very fine with it. Well, that'll be an exchange. We'll do a nice little exchange. That'll be foreign exchange. Yeah. We'll call it foreign exchange. I'm sweating. I just said, you know. Oh, you're nervous about it. Yeah, I'm nervous. You made him horn. I won't be looking hard. It'll be just too much pressure. No, you could do it. Maybe I get Bluetooth. Maybe put some Bluetooth. Yeah, I want to get one of our sponsors to help us out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you'll need better help. Bluetooth, Bluetooth. Bluetooth.

Right after it. Double down. All right, so look for the Bonnie Blue tape. Bonnie Blue. Thank you for coming, by the way. Thank you. Give her a round of, that was fun. Bonnie Blue. All right, check this out. We end the show. You look into your camera and just say thank you for being a bad friend. Do it in your little spin, however you would do it. Okay. Thank you for being a bad friend. Next time, make me a bad friend. Wow. That's a great way to end the episode.