Life & Fettuccini
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This podcast is powered by Huel. H-U-E-L. New customers can use code BADFRIENDS for 15% off plus a free gift. You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

We're bad friends. Where's McCone? He's not here. Where's McCone? Anyway.

Look at you, dumbfounded. Yeah, dumbfounded. Andrea Jin. Andrea Jin. And none only than our lovable, beloved Gene Hong. Gene Hong. Wow. Wow. And look at, we did Korean Hongbok.

It's called hangbook? That's the clothing. And we were a hit at the Renaissance Fair. You guys were a big hit. I mean, they were like, people would bow to us. Wow. I made everyone do accents. Really? Yeah, yeah. A boat crash. And we don't know where we are. Well, what is this family story as we look at this photo? Can you describe to me the family history and the story? Well, okay. So my daughter, she's blind. Oh, poor girl. She's blind and deaf. Wow. Yeah, and she has no idea what's going on.

Right? The other one is- You look wealthy, by the way. Yeah, we're very wealthy. Yeah. So then Dumbfounded plays a man who has many murders in Korea. And he looks that way. He looks tired from all the murders. Yeah, he murdered so many people. Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans. Wow. But mostly North Koreans. Wow. And I keep going, don't go to the North. Don't go. Yeah, yeah. And he will. And Gene is my, well, they think he's my assistant. Yeah.

But there's some, you know what I mean, other privileges I get. You get to have sex with him? That's not what I said. Well, that's what you said. In ancient Korean tradition, we don't talk about stuff like that. But yeah, sex. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, dude. So I got you a new wand. Here's a new one. Here you go, dude. Wow. It's a new elven wand that they have. Whoa. Oh, look. Yeah, yeah. Look at this. It's a butt plug. Yeah, yeah. Stick your butthole right in there. Wow. Yeah. Dude, come here, Carlos. Carlos.

You have a standard, just a wand. Still does magic. Yeah, but barely. It makes dicks get hard. Are these handmade? Yes. Yeah, by Incel in the Midwest. Anyway, here you go.

I get a wand this time. You get a wand this time. Yeah, yeah. I get a wand. You get a wand. This time. You get a Spanish wand. Wow, I actually like that a lot. Yeah, yeah. That one's very pretty. Let me see. Here's a Spanish wand. Give it to me. Let me see it. And this one will be mine. And I'm going to say something to you. I have a wand. Here. Okay. So let's play a little dark magic. I learned about dark magic. Yeah. And today, ladies and gentlemen, when you're listening, all right, today's dark magic is about revenge.

Today's Dark Magic is about betrayal, and we have to use our wands to destroy these evil people. Look at me right there doing a seance. Does that hat fit? No. I don't know if it's supposed to look like that. It's supposed to look like that. It is. Yeah, yeah. And it was so uncomfortable. You have to constantly balance it. Can I see the girl who's seancing you?

There she is. That's my Aunt Barb. Barb was great. She is. I had no idea what she was talking about, but it was great. Now, do they speak in tongues and languages? How do they do this? Italian. It's kind of Italian. Yeah, yeah. So, here's the dark. Wait, here's the funniest thing. Go back to that photo to the right. And I apologize for fans at home. I've lost my voice a little bit. Go out. Go to the other photo.

To the far right. Yeah. Now zoom in. The best part is you guys are dolled up. Yeah. Head to almost toe. Now zoom down to the feet.

Just sneakers. Yeah, yeah. It's just like the outfits are amazing, and then he's wearing Hoka running shoes. Because when we went to the store, there were clogs, and there's no way. You're not rocking clogs all day. Yeah, we're not going to rock clogs. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to do my golden goose. They had golden gooses back then. Did they really? Yeah. So back to the dark magic, okay? So I don't know if you all know that I did a short film called Dark.

Death and Robin, right? Boo! No, yay for that short film. It was good. So I'll tell you something. So I'm at the Renaissance Fair, right? Andrea Jin goes because she's dating a writer. So then he was offered something or a production company asked him for a production coordinator or something. He goes, for what? He goes, Death and Robin, the movie. So I got all excited. I'm like...

I call my agents and I go, hey. Oi, hi, Bobby. How are you? Yeah, yeah. Hi, Juby Liebowitz. Yes, great to talk to you today. You're the best agent in the world. I'm number one. Juby Liebowitz. Yeah. Hold my call, Shereen. I'm on the phone with my number one client. Not Juby, Juby. All right, so I'm not. Okay. Juby, did I get the movie?

Yes, you got a movie. Yes. Got a movie. Death and Ramen. No. Yeah. So they- You got Life and Fettuccine. He got the- Life and Fettuccine. We booked you Life and Fettuccine.

You're gonna love it. But that's not the short I did. It's not short at all. It's a seven hour movie. Really? Yes. Oh, I heard they got Death and Ramen got Sebastian Manoscalco. So I get the life and fettuccine. You got life and fettuccine. Yeah. And he got he got Death and Ramen. Can we switch?

Unfortunately not. Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately not. He's better for death and ramen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wasn't the guy that was cast, by the way. You're booking me in Life and Fettuccine? Yeah, yeah. So I called my agent. He goes, no, they recast you. No way. And I go, why? And what do they say when you don't get something?

We went a different direction. I fucking hate that. It bothers me so much. What does that even fucking mean? It means no. It means they hate you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, so who got the role? I don't know. But, okay, I didn't even get a call. And then when my agents called them, they said, yeah, we're going in a different direction. Wow. Right? And so, you know, it ruined my renaissance career. Of course.

Of course. Go back to the tarot reading and tell in that photo. Yeah, in that photo, right? Just look at that photo and tell me this isn't right after you got the phone call. Look at that face. My question to her was... Who got cast in Death and Ramen? Did I really not get Death and Ramen? Right. And every card was a death card. Right, right. And some guy being hung or slain. You know what I mean? So everybody... I normally don't do this, but I think it's war. I think it is.

I think it is. And I would do the same for you. And I got to tell you, you do normally do this. What? This is par for the course. You do do this. Yeah, but not war. Look, you only fight when somebody tries to fight you. Right. Zoom into that photo in the background. Go ahead. No, no, no. The people. Yeah. The people over there. On the side. Yes.

Are you making fun of my brethren and my sisterhood? Your breaths? No. Yeah. I got to tell you, dude, I'm fascinated with this world. The fact that they get to escape like this. I don't get to do this. Saturday, Lisa Gilroy went. I saw that. Yeah. Why don't you go? I'm not interested in being there. I know, but we talked about you. I would go with you, but I mean...

You would laugh so hard. I would go with you, but where do you get the outfits? Do I have to buy it? No. I spend a couple grand on those. Yeah, I don't want to do that. That's... Yeah, but that's life. I'm going to use it again. When? What? When I develop my time machine. And I actually go to 16th century Korea. Where do they buy these clothes? We went to Koreatown and we went to a hangbok place. What's hangbok? Hangbok. Hangbok. It's the type of clothing. And then I rented all those clothes.

The irony is you're not all Korean. I know. Andrea's Chinese. She's Chinese, I know. And she asked, can I wear a Chinese one? We said, no. How dare you? Yeah, yeah. You're doing Korean. How dare you? Yeah. But look at Dumb. He looks dumb. Yeah. He does look dumb. And also- I love Dumbfounded. Let's talk about Dumbfounded for a second, if I may, right? You guys are all wearing mics. You filmed this. Yeah. Yeah, we're wearing mics. What did you shoot this for?

Patreon or something? No, just for pleasure. For experiences. Love it. So, Dom, we're going through every Asian girl that's there. He had sex with. Really? Yeah, yeah. He's so good. You mean that wench over there? Yeah. Yeah, I used to fuck that wench. Yeah, yeah. See that woman stewing over a double-double toil and trouble over there? Yeah. Making a bubbly stew? Yeah. Pumped her. Yeah. The food's not great. Really? Yeah. Zoom in in the background again? Yeah, yeah.

What are you going to say, dude? I'll say this. Yeah. This is proof. Yeah. This is proof that everyone is going to find someone that has their weird, fun interest. This is proof. Look at all these people, by the way. That guy with the cool hat and the glasses on the hat. Yeah. That's his chick, dude. That's his maiden or his whatever they call him. Yeah, yeah.

They all got a chick. And yet I'm alone. I know. That's what's sad about this place. That's what bothers me. Well, I see the hottest chicks. But you should have just gone and walked around you and dumb if you wanted to get a chick. Because then you brought a lot. Look at Gene. Look at Gene's fucking face. Like, where are we? Yeah. I want to go home.

I want to write again. Yeah, yeah. Bringing me back to my computer. That's not a happy face. He's such a computer boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like a computer. Dude, that face is like he caught his wife cheating. Again? Again. Why him again? Look at my face though. What am I doing? You're going, yeah, fuck her. No. What's that face? Why the fuck didn't they cast me in Death and Ramen? That's what it is. That's what it is.

That's the face. Right. So what is that? Pericard, really? Spells we can put on Death and Romance. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll have to do that for sure. My Wicked Revenge spell. It's a formidable spell. It's powerful and long-lasting. Well, you want to do one now? Yeah, but it's $29.95. Oh, fuck. I don't know. Give me a cheaper spell. Yeah, yeah. Give me a cheaper one. Yeah, yeah. I don't want a $30 spell. Rival Be Gone? That's it. That's it. Rival Be Gone. Please be cheaper. How much?

30. Jesus Christ. I'll give you the 30.

Can we do it? Yeah. I mean, I just feel like $30. Where did they get off charging this? I got $30. Can you imagine if they asked for a tip? Yeah, yeah. Give him $50. $30 for a spell. Work on the spell. We'll talk about other things, but work on the spell. But you know, we're going to need things. You didn't know his birthday? Yeah, why did you Google my birthday? Because I thought it was in October, but it's in September. Wait, you seriously don't know his birthday?

And he knows your birthday. It's on my Google calendar. It's so I don't ever forget. We're putting a spell on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. You're getting spellbound. No, you're going to get spellbound. Let me see. What spell could we cast on him? Who? Who are we doing? Carlos. No, no. Spell would be negative. But like everything I think of, I'm like- I'll do one. Dimitri Martin. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sick him on him. I can feel Dimitri in me. Yeah, yeah. How about this? Yeah.

That's not one. Ooh's not one. Hold on, I'm conjuring it. There's a word. Carlos. No, that's not a word. That's not it. You ever seen Harry Potter? Oventus Magico or whatever. You're going to do something like that. Yes, that's it. That's it. You will forever be bound to a studio apartment and never get laid again. Never get laid again. Carlos.

Your dog's going to get sick. AIDS. Eventually. Dog AIDS. Dog AIDS. Eventually. Dude, I feel fucked up. Don't do this anymore. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, your hair's gone. I did that. Whoa. That's a part of my fucking cat. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Why'd you lose your voice? I was singing last night. Oh, when you sing, you get this way. When I was singing and yelling, I do lose my voice. Yeah. It was such a loud night. It was such a loud. Who did you sing with? Michael Peña.

- Where Peña was there? - Yeah. - You went karaoke with Peña? - Yeah. - Wow. - And we sung a song that I absolutely hate. - Yeah. - We knew, there I am, there's my boy. - Who's that? - Travis Kelsey, my buddy. - Never heard of him. - Yeah. I sang with Peña and Peña was like, "What do we wanna sing?" I said, "It's gotta be something that everyone knows "that people like." And so then we're sifting through cool songs. At first we're pitching around songs. - I bet you he knows "La La La Bom Bom." - That's what we sung. - Yeah, exactly.

Because when he goes, it's so good. No, shut up. Who cares?

We sung La Cucaracha. La, la, la, cucaracha. Is that what it is? You're doing the same tune. Oh, yeah. How do you sing? La, la, la, cucaracha. Oh, la, la, cucaracha. La, la, la, cucaracha. Shut up. La, la, la, cucaracha. We do it the white way. Yeah. La, la, la, la, cucaracha. They're all the same song. My favorite Richard Vallance is Donna. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. They're all the same. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Yeah, and then he died. He did. Yeah, on that plane. We sung that song. Pour me up another double shot of whiskey. Everybody had to bargain tipsy. And it was a hit. Bronco, Bronco. People liked it. No, no, there's no Bronco? Let me try to finish. Start one of those songs. Let me try to finish it here. Me and Jack Daniels got a history. Pretty good. Yeah.

Give me another shot. That was smooth. Make up some. Make up one. Oh, another song? Yeah, yeah.

Hanging around downtown by myself on Easter Island with the statues and the gifts are with my mind. Wow. That's actually better than the original. Pretty good. Can you name the song I sang? Yeah. Hanging around downtown by myself. What's the song called? That's not what it's called? Do you not know what it is? Do you know? Sex and Camp. Yes. Oh, Sex and Camp. Marcy Playground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of my favorites. Oh, let me sing a song. I don't know any lyrics. That's the only problem.

Do I know any lyrics here? Hey Jude, don't be afraid. Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. He was Clinton.

The clitons, they are at fault. They did it all because of the children. Thank you. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, yeah. All right, I put the order in. We got the confirmation. Rival Be Gone spell. By the way, I love that you put out a spell. It costs $30 and you get an order number.

But what the fuck does that mean? How do we get it now? We are waiting on a rush delivery email confirming that Andrika casted the spell. The guy who runs this is just wiping off the pizza from his finger. He's like, oh, we got one. Hold on one second. Oh, my God. We got one. I know.

That's what it is. Yeah. Idiot. Just some guy in a garage. Dude, you're right. $30. We were going to charge $10. You're right, man. Idiots will do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So we put in his birth date. We put in the other person's name, Death and Ramen. Yeah. And the name is, the cast speller is Andrika. Yeah. Andrika. We're cursing the show, the movie. By the way. Yeah.

By the way, it's my favorite. I feel bad, though. Nah, you're giving them a lot of publicity. A lot of press. All right, all right. Should Andrika Kester spell twice on your behalf to increase the chances of success? Yes! No, I press once. Oh, you had to pay twice? Yeah, yeah. Who would have been like that? Andrika? Yeah, $7 or something. You drive a hard bargain, Andrika.

I would love to know who this person is and what they look like. Oh, hi, Carlos. Thank you for your order from Andrika, one of the founding members of the California Astrology Association, CAA. I was with that agency for a while. Ha ha ha!

We are writing to let you know what you can expect next. Your order will be processed shortly. Rush quote unquote orders are processed within one business day. All other orders within a few days. Please allow extra time for order processing over holidays and weekends. Dude, they're acting like this fucking spell has to go through a corporate system. Yeah, yeah. But this is how you know it's real. Yeah, it's true. Imagine without it. I know. Like, thanks, dude.

25% discount did we not get the fucking discount we're first time user but we gotta guarantee no Andrika seems to have split off from CAA and is doing her own thing but yeah yeah Andrika provides the same 365 day guarantee oh sick it's kind of like Salino and Barnes well let's do that do that one too

No, we already did hers. Oh, we did hers. By the way, guys, if you're looking to cast a spell on a friend, hit up Andrika and use promo code BADFRIENDS for 15% off a spell cast by a psychic consultant spirit channeler. Yeah.

Wow. You know, honestly... This is real. You know what's so fucked? Don't you feel it's real? I know it's real. In my heart. I know it's real. It's like a weird thing. It is. It's like finding gizmo in that China shop. It's real. It's real. It's very real. You don't think it is. But it is. Well, you're going to go down. I'm going to get like a lamp, right? Or I'm going to get like an antique. You know what I mean? A little box. Jewelry box, right? But then there's a little mogwai there. And all those...

Yeah, and those little rules. Little tiny. Yeah, I don't know what to remember. It's like, don't... What is it? Well, water. Don't jerk it off? No. No, no, that wasn't a rule. What was it? I thought that was one of the rules. Don't feed him after... Oh, feed him after midnight. Oh, yeah. Oh, those are my rules. Yeah. When you find me. Don't jerk it off. Don't jerk it off, yeah. Wait, go up. Three rules caring for a mogwai in the movie are don't expose them to bright lights, never get them wet, and never feed them after midnight. I remember the water one. I remember that you can't get them wet. Yeah.

Never get them wet. They're self-cleaning. They multiply. Yeah, but isn't their own saliva something that's... How do they clean themselves? They have to be like cats. No, no, no. They don't ever wash. So they just smell. No, their skin continues to shed. Okay, I don't know an animal like that. What do you mean? With fur.

Bears? Yeah, but they scratch their backs against the fucking tree. Mogwais might scratch. Okay. Mogwai gremlins do not clean themselves. Their creature's specific rules and weaknesses and their cleanliness is not a factor. The core rule is to avoid getting them wet. So maybe they smell like shit. That's what I think. Fuck, you see a mogwai, you're like, oh my God, oh my God.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like so cute. By the way, it kind of looks like a stinky little fucker. Also, grandmas look better to me. Yeah. Yeah. They can get shit done. Yeah, they do. Yeah. Well, look. I mean, look at the difference. Hey, steal those speakers from that car. Right? Yeah. And they go to it, right? A mom guy would be like, what? Grab that guy's phone. Grab his phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it. Yeah.

Up the tariffs. Up the tariffs. Yeah, gremlins would do it. The gremlins would up the tariffs. 185! It wasn't 145! Mogwais wouldn't because they're made in China. Yeah, that's right. We're trying to stop the mogwais. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So then feed them at the midnight. They must get hunger pains at night. It must be tough. Well, there's the gremlins eating popcorn. God, they're so much cooler.

They are more rad, dude. They have more style. Their fashion's better. Dude, would you rather have a Mogwai or a Gremlin in a mosh pit? Come on. It's not even close. It's not even a question. It's Gremlin all fucking day. Yeah. I think I saw that guy in the lift at Metallica. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that guy. Yeah. That's Mark. No, that's Rick Ingram.

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I really like it because I think that it just makes me feel at home in a weird way. You look so proper, dude. It's unbelievable. No, we were getting so many compliments because no one dresses like that. What do you mean? Every photo, people dress up. You mean in this traditional Korean garb? Right. We probably could be the first.

I think Andrea is crossing the line here by being a Chinese woman in Korean garb, though. Yeah, yeah. Why don't you get a Korean girl? Oh, so Morpheus glasses? I know. What do you think? Yeah, you don't put Morpheus glasses in there. Although you know who should wear glasses and cover up his eyes is Jean. I mean, look at those things. Good God. I know. Put something on those. But she also acts like she's a star already. Do you see? Yeah. Yeah. She's got that vibe. Like those glasses, like, I hope it's a Bill Burr now. Yeah.

Right? Ronnie Chang. Look at that. She does. She's killing it. Jimmy O. Yang. Yeah, she's killing it. Yeah, but she's very funny. Look at that nose, though. Oh, my God. It's Eric Griffin's nose. I've got to be honest with you. Your nose doesn't look small in that photo either, bud. You both got Asian snosh. You know, you can now tell how old I am. Just now? Yeah.

In this photo? Yeah, I think so. You look younger in real life than you do in this. This photo's a weird photo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I look tired. A guy told me when he ran into me, a fan, he goes, oh, you're better looking than I thought you were going to be. Oh, yeah, yeah. That fucking hurt my feelings. Yeah. You thought I was ugly because you see me on the internet? People go, you're taller than I imagined. Yeah. What, do you think I was a dwarf? Like, what's going on here? Did you think I was Brad Williams? Yeah. Wow. Hey. Hey. Yeah.

Let's go back to the Gremlins. Wow. What a great 80s movie. So many good movies in the 80s. By the way, I rewatched In Bed the other night at the hotel. Lethal Weapon. So good. So good. What? What is that? What's that face you're making? That's the movie that I have for you guys. What do you mean that's the movie you have for us? I'm too old for this shit. Is that what he's saying? Yeah. Too old for this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Danny Glover is a man. So I'm Danny Glover and he's Mel Gibson.

Yes. I mean, it's got to be. No, I've got to be Danny Glover. You can't be. Yes, I can. You don't have that kind of style. You really want to make me angry right now, dude? Okay, let's go through the history of the actors that played them. Okay. Right? Yeah. So these two. Just the idea that he's, you know what I mean, a different color should be a sign. But you've got to flip it on its head. Otherwise, it's too on the nose. That's the whole point. Like, look, when they did the remake with...

And Pesce was so good in that movie. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Because at the Renaissance Fair, we ran into a girl that has a kid, and I'm friends with her. And I bought the kid a wand, but it looks like a lightsaber. So the kid would go, like that. He was loving it. And he hit me in the leg, and I went, ow, ow, and I fell to the ground, and he laughed.

So he did it for four hours straight. And then I had to constantly go, ow, ow, ow. You know what I mean? I didn't want to disappoint the kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was crazy. So what, there's new love on that? No, no, no, no. There's no love. It's different. But another thing is that you see the stress of it.

Of having a kid. Yeah. Come here, come here, come here. You know what I mean? It's a lot of that. Yeah, yeah. Where you going? Where you going? Where you going? You know? But see, our parents never did that. They just let us disappear. Yeah. And figure it out. I was kidnapped three times. Yeah, they didn't care. Molested all three times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. By Downs Patrol. Woo-wee, woo-wee-woo. Woo-wee, woo-wee-woo.

You're on fire today, dude. Shut up. Keep that in. All right? That one's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to keep that in. That's so funny. But yeah, it's a big responsibility. But I said in the car I go. Because there's a lot of predictions that AI is moving so fast that in the next three or four years,

There might be nuclear weapons being released. You know what I mean? Hurry up. Speed it up. Let's get this shit over with. So what I was saying is that having a child would be great because if a nuclear bomb you knew was going to hit and you had your kid, you want to be strong for him and hold him and go, I got you, buddy. Right? But if I didn't have a kid, I'd be like, what the fuck? I would freak the fuck out. The real you comes out. No, I'm both. You are.

Oh, so if a nuclear bomb was coming and you were all alone. Sipping coffee. Yeah. You're going to be cool. Stoked. If it's like, meh, meh, meh, boop, boop, national alert. A nuclear war has started. Just sipping my coffee and my little breakfast nook on.

Good. You're not going to call anybody? Who? Your parents? I just talked to them an hour ago. Yeah. Love you. You know. There's steps for this. Huh? There's steps for this when a nuclear- Seek immediate shelter. I'm already inside. Go underground. Can't. No basement. Stay low. My chairs are low. I have one of these little lounge chairs. Cover your mouth and nose. Yeah. What is this, COVID? Fuck that, dude. I know. Ventilation needs to go.

shut off the ventilation. I want to keep it cool inside. Okay, well, let me ask you this. You're dead. You know what's going to happen? Yeah. You're going to fucking die. Eventually, too. I'd rather die now than later. Slow death sucks. You know what I mean? You're just walking on the street and plop, your arm's gone. And you're like, what the fuck happened? What happened? You know? Like, imagine, though. Yeah, body parts just start falling off because of radiation. Like, fuck that. Just kill me now. The big blast just shocked me. Now, would you get nuclear radiation for country?

Meaning then. I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. Yeah, you will. Yeah. Yeah. So it's one of my shows I always go to just to watch over and over again when I have nothing to do. What show? It's Chernobyl on Max. Very good. Right? And so they would go, because there was one scene where they had to get these water valves released.

And they can only send three men down there. But the men were going to die. They knew they were going to die. Yeah, they knew they were going to die. When you go down there, you'll be dead in a week. And three guys volunteered. I'll do it for country. Would you? For country? Yeah. Fuck no. Because if you and I were sitting there, right? And if I stood up. You're saying if I go down, if you and I go down, if they go Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, you must do this for country. And it would save the country. Yes. Yes.

No, you wouldn't. You already showed your cards, dude. Well, this is what would happen. I'd stand up, right? He wouldn't stand up. I'd sit back down. Right? I'd be like...

That fast. And they go, Mr. Lee, did you? And you're like, no, no, no. I just went up and stretched my back real fast. Yeah, so there was a lot of those kind of scenes. No, I wouldn't do it for country. That's crazy because... Because... Because it's guaranteed that I'll die, right? But it's not guaranteed it'll save the country. It is. It's a literal guarantee. Stamp it will... Because in that particular scenario, right, if the molten lava seeped into...

Water tanks. It would cause an explosion, right? That was going to make Ukraine, I think half of Poland, and some other country completely inhabitable for 100 years. We wouldn't be having these problems now. What do you mean by that? That shit would reach Spain before us, fucker. You would have died a long time ago. It would definitely reach us first. Yeah. We're much closer to that than Spain. Oh, really? Very. I don't know. Moscow? No. No.

It wasn't Moscow. I think Chernobyl is more close to Ukraine. Oh, than Spain for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying to you is that it's going to make 80 million people die immediately. So would you make that sacrifice for 80 million people? Well, there's 360 million people in America. Yeah.

Do we have to make a decision now? The commander's standing there. Okay, commander. Can I ask you a few questions, sir? Yeah. Sir, commander, sir. Yes. You may. Okay, so listen. Hold on. I talk slow. Where are you from, commander? Moscow. Oh. My name is Vladimir. Great. Go on. Vlad, the impaler? Yes. I love your work. Wait. What?

You may continue, my fellow townsman. Downsman? Doy, doy. Doy, doy. Doy, doy. So listen. Yes. Just because I do this. Yes. What if in a few days something else happens and then it's... Then we'll send three more... No, that's why I'm not doing it. But our offer is this. We will give your family 40 rubles. 40? 50. 50? 50?

- 100 rubles. - 100 rubles? - Yes. - Sounds like every time I repeat what you say, you go up. - Did I say a thousand? - A thousand rubles? - Yes. All the rubles that your family can eat. - That we can eat? - Yes. You must eat them because you're gonna have cancer. - Okay. How do we survive? Eat the money. - So you wouldn't do it? - No way. - Yeah. - By the way, you just reminded me of that old, Richard Kind told me this, an old Jewish joke he said.

A Jewish kid asks his Jewish father for $100. And the dad says, $60? What do you need $20 for? Laughter Laughter

That's a great joke. That's a good joke. I would never do it for country. You're not doing it for country either, and you know that. Don't play. But so some of these men had wives and children. These are stronger men than we. And I'll admit that. If you had- People go to the military. Your wife and your child- We don't have any fucking kids. No, but in this scenario. Okay, but I don't- Okay. Okay. Okay, my fuck- How many kids? Do I have weigh-ins kids? I got 10? No, you have more raw kids. You have six. Seven. What? What? What?

I wouldn't do it. So your children will die? I don't give a shit. I'll be dead too. We'll all be dead in heaven together. But if you go in, they will not die. Yeah, but then I won't be with them. I'll be with them in the afterlife. Thank you. Would you like to position in the government? Oh. I like your thinking. Yeah. Yeah, okay. How many rubles is that? 20,000 rubles. 20,000 rubles? That's right. I don't know where that went. What's that old Russian saying?

In Russia... If you hit me with a feather, I'll hit you back with a tank. Is that right? Yes. Jesus Christ. That's fucking brutal. I was just playing with my chicken. I'm sorry. Live a century, learn a century. Oh, these are... Right. Without effort, you can't even... Do it in a Russian accent, though. Without effort, you can't even pull a fish out of the pond. Don't have 100 rubles, but have 100 friends.

By the way, that's government fucking propaganda. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, so you're poor, you eat your toenails for breakfast. Big fucking deal. You're friends. Yeah, yeah. Look, it's all about friends. Measure seven times, cut once. What does that mean? It's saying if you're making something, like it's diligent. That's Japanese shit too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. The eyes are afraid, the hands do. Yeah.

I like wolf analogies here. Give me the wolf one. A wolf is not a wolf. It won't run away into the forest. No shit. Brother, this is all... I wish my waiting job ran into the forest. This is all government propaganda.

Yeah, that's crazy. You know, Yakov Smirnoff was telling me about that, how accustomed you get to hearing when he was a kid on the speaker systems, just constant propaganda. And I said, what was the main theme of the Soviet Union as a kid? What were they trying to say to kids versus adults? And he was like,

They constantly put it in children's heads that Americans specifically were the worst version of humanity alive. Wow. Awful people. Yeah. Bad, bad, evil people. Yeah. And they paint this picture over and over and over. And you inherently will, you just 100% believe it. Yeah. And I was like, how did you have the wherewithal to not?

He's like, I guess something just didn't make sense about it. Wow. But I was like, how do you have that? Yeah. You know what's also funny about him is that when I saw him at the comedy store. I fucking love Yakov, by the way. Yeah, the only thing that I remember from his act from years ago was What a Country. What a Country. So I rewatched his Rodney Dangerfield. Oh, yeah.

He's got great jokes. He still does. Yeah. He still does. He's a good joke writer. Dude, he's a great joke writer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, when I got off my plane today, the pilot, you know how pilots are saying goodbye? What do you say? The pilot goes, one kakatai. I'm not kidding. What does that even mean? It was something I said on this show years ago.

Bad friends? Yeah, you said something about cactus. You were like, it was only one cacti. And I was like, one cacti. Really? Of all the Bobby Moms that I get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one, I literally go, yes, dude. Cacti? Yeah. One cacti. One cacti. Oh. You know what, dude? One cacti. Don't do that. Don't. One cacti. Wow. But the pilot goes, one cacti. By the way, this is going to haunt me. Did you laugh?

I thought I'd go right on, dude. One cackle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one's make, because the Bobby mom doesn't get me anymore. Yeah. You know, I'm so glad you got sick on that plane. I didn't get sick. I lost my voice last night. No, no, no. No, when you passed out with Machine Gun Kelly. Yeah. Because I saw Machine Gun Friday. Did you go to his house? No, I went to his, he just showed up at the store. He invited us to a party. He did? Yeah. And he hugged me as if we were like Vietnam vets. He's the fucking best. Yeah.

In my mind, I'm like, I'm so glad Andrew almost died. Just for that relationship. You know what I mean? Flourish. Thank you. It was incredible. No, it was. Yeah. Yeah, of all the Bobby Moms I get, I got them. I was in Vegas this weekend. It's a million Bobby Moms everywhere. Wow. The dealer. Yeah, the dealer said Bobby Mom? Yeah, he goes, hey, Bobby Mom.

They call me Bobby Mott. Yeah, yeah. I think some don't know my... Some guy said Anthony Santini. And I was like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just call me Bobby Mott. Oh, Yakov called you Santana. Santana, yeah. Santana. He didn't say your first name. He goes, well, Santana told me... You know what I mean? And I'm like, that's not his... I am good at guitar. Okay. So people are saying that Vegas is kind of dead. Is it true or no? No.

You know, it's interesting. I talked to this as we were going to the airport in the Uber. I was asking the guy how like how long you live. I'm always curious about the Uber drivers in Vegas. I'm like, how long have you lived here? Where are you from? Because most of them are foreign. This guy lived there for like 30 years. And I said, how much of the strip is like because I don't remember it really. Like I just go to my fucking hotel, do my show or gig and then go home. And he was there knocking down the Mirage hotel.

They're putting up the hard rock. They're putting a big guitar up there. Wow. I read this thing the other day, literally the other day, that Excalibur and those other ones are no more valet, no more room service and shit. Yeah. So the ones that are thriving are thriving, but the ones that are diving are diving bad. The dispersion is insane. Tourism- How come all of them are so old too? Well, yeah, right. Like we said, Excalibur, those ones in the South Strip are so old and they're dilapidated. Yeah. You know? Talk about-

talk about speaking of dilapidated and he hits the mic yeah what's up buddy konnichiwa konnichiwa uh konnichiwa arigatou gozaimasu for sending me to japan arigatou gozaimasu ladies and gentlemen dax flame is back

Back from Japan. Jack, do you need headphones or you don't use them? He never likes them. Yeah, I don't like to use them. Okay, okay. How was our little- Let's talk step by step. Yeah, take your clothes off. Yeah, take your clothes off. Get loose, dude. By the way, I've never not seen you with four layers on. It doesn't matter what temperature it is outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guy wears two undershirts, a pullover, a quarter zip, a jacket. How was the flight going there? Good. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you mean? What does that mean? What do you mean? It was nice and easy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tokyo to LAX. Yeah, the LAX to Tokyo one. I watched two Lord of the Rings movies. I'd never seen any of those. Well, because I've seen a bunch of them. What did you think of them? They were awesome. Yeah, yeah. And then I watched... You didn't see Return of the King? On the way back, I watched it. Oh, you did? And I had actually seen that one when I was a kid.

But yeah, out of order. So I don't think, I didn't remember it at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd you see it out of order? You mean on TV? I just, my uncle invited me to go see it and I had not seen the first two and I just watched that whenever it came out. So I would have been like 12 or something. Did something happen with your uncle? Yeah. No, no. Anything? No, uh,

Did he go like, let's go swimming? Did your uncle take you on vacations? No. Yeah, yeah. I didn't spend much time with him. He, I don't remember him ever swimming. In a sporting event, did you?

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Well, I'm so happy that we got you to Japan and you shared a video and thank you. Thank you. Is there any way, it's 11 hours, it's a long flight. Is there any way we can continue to do this as the year goes on, just start sending you more places? Yeah, I'll do it anytime y'all want. Really? So- Have fun then. Yeah, yeah. Where would you like to go next? We think Africa. Yeah. Can we send you to Yemen? Libya. Do you want to go to Libya? Yeah.

What is it like? Oh, it's beautiful. It's Northern Africa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that country? Wait, hold on. What's that one? You want to go there? What is that, Dax? That's the country in Africa. What is it called? I don't know how to pronounce that. I can't read that. I don't know how to pronounce it, actually. Yeah, yeah. Try. Yeah, try. Spell it out. N-I-G-E-R. Whoa. Whoa. That's the name of the country. It almost sounds worse when you spell it. I know. He might have just said it. Yeah, yeah.

What about, would you go to Chad? That sounds like a white guy play. What's up, dude? I'm in fucking Africa, dude. Next time, go to Steve, too. Mark is just north of us, dude. Yeah, yeah. How about Burkina Faso? Look at that. Have you been to Africa? No. Would you go there? Like to that specific spot? Yes. With those ladies. Yeah, those are my cousins.

How about this? What about that? I have it. I know where I want him to go. Yeah. I'm so excited because I've been watching a lot of videos about this on the internet. Tell me, tell me. India. Oh, India. I've actually been there. Fuck. Okay. Pakistan. I've never been there. Yeah, yeah. You know who he would have fun in is...

That's not about having fun. Okay. No, where? I'm kidding. Like a gulag or something? Yeah, ooh, yeah. El Salvador. No, El Salvador is awesome. No, but the gulag that they're having. Yeah, yeah. What's a gulag? Oh, you don't play Warzone? No. Okay. I've heard the word. It's a harsh prison. Okay. Okay, so here's what we need, Carlos. Give me...

Put up a picture of the world, of the flat earth that we live on. And I'm going to just throw something at the TV. And wherever it hits, I'm going to close my eyes. Even if you hit the middle of the Pacific Ocean, we're dropping them off there. Yeah, we have to. Give me something light. Can you swim, Dax? Yes. Okay. His uncle cannot is something we learned. Yeah. Give me something light that's not going to hurt the TV. You look good, bud. Thank you. Thanks.

Hold on. Oh, yeah. All right. Here we go. Let's toss it sideways. All right. Ready? Yeah. Oh, zoom into that. Zoom in the bottom right corner. No, I got it. Bottom right corner up, up. I know exactly where I hit up, up on the map, up more right there. What is that? What's that town with that little outlet that kicks out there? That right there. What is that? Zoom in, zoom in. What's that called?

Jesus Maria? Jesus Maria. Jesus Maria. That's where you're going. You're going to Jesus Maria. I'd go there. Let's bring up a picture. Just click on one of those little icons and you'll see what the street view is. Yeah. Yeah, there. Check it out. Whoa. That's Jesus Maria. That's it. That actually looks awesome. That's the best pizza. But here's the deal. You have to go to that pizzeria creperie. Yeah, yeah. You have to go to this creperia pizzeria. Yeah, yeah.

Whoa. That'll be you eating an albino hamburger. That actually looks so good. It does? That looks so good. It's like a cheese-wrapped burger. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh? This is Spain. I know it's in Spain, asshole. You think Jesus Maria is anywhere other than Spain? All right, you're going here, dude. You're going there. When can we send you to Spain? Um...

May? May. Yeah. Let's talk about Japan. Okay. So what'd you do the first day there? I think just walked around. Yeah. Just walked around and... Do you have pictures on your phone you can share with Carlos and he can... Yeah. You can text him. You can bring him up on the screen there.

Now, let me ask you some personal questions. Were there women looking at you there? Did you get any vibes from people? Dex frame. Dex frame. Yeah. I don't think I noticed that. Okay. You weren't looking for it. No. Are you ever looking for love, Dex?

Yeah. Are you in love right now? No. Can I ask you a personal question? We can cut it. Yeah. That girl you do videos with, that cute young lady, is she your girlfriend? No, she's my friend's girlfriend.

Oh, that's weird. That's weird. Yeah. But do you masturbate to her? Oh, boy. No. Why can't I ask that? Well, because Dax is our buddy. You don't think I've masturbated to his wife? Come on. He has. I watch him. It's in my house. Very strange. All right, Dax, send Carlos some photos that are in your phone. Just everything. Just dump everything. Even a couple of nudes that you have in there or whatever. Yeah. But here's the deal. As you search for those.

We are going to continue to send Dax on a world tour. We'd love to. But here's what I actually want to enact. In Spain, in Jesus Maria, or should it be to a closer, bigger city, I want him... You got to do a meet-up, Zach. Dax. Zach. Okay. What's your fucking name? Dax. Is it? Oh, my real first name? Yeah, no, that's not your real name. No, uh...

Theodore. Theodore, yeah. Teddy. Teddy. Teddy. My favorite president. Yeah. I want to do a fan meetup. Can we do that? Yeah. Yeah. That'd be fucking rad. That'd be cool. International. Do we have fans there? Huh? In Spain? He does. He's way more famous. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have a lot of fans in Spain?

I don't know. I would assume you have fans all over the world. Maybe so. I don't think any Japanese people knew who I was really, but a couple tourists said hi to me. That's cool. Now, who says hi to you? Is it mostly men or women? I feel like women recognize you more. I think...

more guys know me but i both actually yeah yeah because you know on the internet you're kind of a heartthrob do you know this um no people i know some girl that really love there's women that comment all the time that he's a heartthrob yeah i think you don't i don't know if you know this or you're just playing coy but you are i've had many many women come across my way that say i think he's so sexy um okay that's what would you like to say to those women that say that thank you um and uh

please give Andrew your number and... No. To give to me? Yes. Me? And give it to me. Why him? Or give... Well, because they said it's... Why him, not me? Because they came up to Andrew and said it to him. Oh, okay. That's right. His logic is good. Yeah, it's very good logic. I also sent Carlos a video. Y'all saw... Did y'all see that video? We did. Cool. Okay. Loved it. So tell me, day one in Japan...

Take me through the day. Let's see. Day one, my flight got there in the daytime, so then I would have walked to my Airbnb and then just walked around. Describe your Airbnb. Like a room with a kitchen and...

A little hallway and a bathroom. Small though. Yeah, pretty small, but in Shinjuku. Oh, Shinjuku. Let's go with the first picture. That one was just like, I took a picture because it's kind of funny. Well, not, I guess, well, actually, maybe that's rude, but it was like horse sushi. So I just thought that was unusual. Wait, Andrew. Andrew.

There's horse sushi there? We gotta go to Japan. I know. We can't get that here. It's a delicacy. Yeah. By the way, you take pictures like my dad. Yeah. Like this is sideways. Did you try horse sushi? No, no. Okay. Are you interested in other meats? Outside of what?

Outside of pork and chicken? Pork and chicken and beef, kind of the standard run. The trifecta. I've tried guinea pig, I think, and... Wait, stop. What? What? Because I was in Peru where they eat it. They eat guinea pig in Peru? Let me ask you something. Were there other options? Yeah. What were the other options? I don't remember. A lot of stuff, but I was curious. Oh my God, look at what a guinea pig looks like in Peru.

They're at lunch in Peru. Oh, my God. But it didn't look like a guinea pig. Would it look like a cat? No, just like chicken, I guess. Oh, I see. Now that's strange. Honestly, be real, dude. Would you eat that, Andrew? Would I what? Eat that. That woman? No.

The pineapple that's on the... I would eat the old pineapple and the olives or whatever. Those olives are beans. I know what they are, but I would eat everything around... Dude, why... Don't fry a fucking one of those while they're smiling. Like any pig when it's laughing? Dude, he's literally laughing at me. He told it a joke and then put it in the fryer. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you didn't eat a horse. You pussed out there. Yeah. Yeah.

And then... You went to bed? You went to bed. Yes. And then the next day, I think I just walked around a ton. And... Okay, quick question. I'm so sorry. Sometimes when you're in LA, there's a certain sound that wakes you up. Are there any unusual things that happen? Like... I guess something like a bong or... Yeah, I mean...

Yeah, do they wake everybody up at the same time? Yeah, like bong. You know what I mean? No, I didn't hear anything like that, but I'm trying to think if there's any sound specific to... Like you wake up, right? Yeah, something like that. Time to wake up. Time to wake up.

Okay, nothing? A guy being stabbed by a sword? I didn't hear anything like that. Good. That's good. I'm glad they got rid of that because they used to do that a lot. They used to do it all the time. Yeah, yeah. And this is a forest? That was just in a park there. Oh, it's one of those suicide forests I heard so much about. Was Jake Paul there? That was Logan Paul who did that. Oh, sorry. Wrong Paul.

Retake the joke. Was Logan Paul there? Is he banned from there? We don't know the politics of it. He's banned from all forests. All forests. You can't catch him in a wooded area. At all. He can only live in the plains. So what's the difference about this forest and a normal American forest, for instance? What did you like about this? That was just in the middle of the city, and so it was just pretty.

Pretty. Just a regular all forest. It is beautiful. Yeah. You know you were in cherry blossom season, right? I think that I kind of missed it. It just ended? Yeah. Wow. Because I went there during cherry. It was beautiful. Okay. I do think it's early in the April, right? Yeah. March. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I think they said it was like a week late. What is this? That was just a store with a bunch of...

You like stuff, huh? Yeah. Is it toys? It's a lot of stuff. Yeah, little toys and stuff. They look vintage almost. I think they were maybe. Oh, that's cool, dude. That is very cool. Yeah, yeah. That's at some mall that has just a billion stores. And then I went there specifically because Carlos had asked for something from Japan. And I used underwear from a vending machine. Oh, yeah. You got him used underwear. Yeah, yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah.

And did you... Did you get us anything? I got y'all gifts. Wait, wait, wait. Let's go back to the underwear. Did you smell it? No. Look at me in my eyes. Theodore. Come on, Teddy. Did you smell it? No. I don't have a sense of smell anyways. What?

Okay, then you did it. So I haven't opened it or anything. You haven't. You weren't curious? I guess you have it with you? Yes. Let me see. Will you smell it, Andrew? Have you opened it since you brought it here? No. I have my sense of smell. I have mine too. But it was really hard to buy it because I was just by myself. Oh, you can smell. They had air holes so you can smell. Oh, all the smell's gone now. No, you can actually smell it. Can I smell it?

Akiko. No. You know what I thought you were going to say? This is Akiko. That's Akiko? Akiko. Oh, yeah. So they're used. Yeah. Wow. This is what Carlos wanted. Imagine the guy that put these on. Oh, my God. It's a big fat dude that puts it. They put these on sumo wrestlers. What do you think, Dax? They look like pretty. They look pretty. Can you smell the part? You can. It's so weird.

Akiko. Akiko. Is that Akiko? Akiko for sure. There was a man who came up to the machine and bought some right before me because I was like just standing there looking for a while because I just felt too nervous to walk up to it and do it. But I saw someone do it and then I went and did it. Wow. So you got- Did you blush? Uh-

Good hands Oh I went to a baseball game one day Oh that's right we saw that And that was That's the machine How much is $503.50 Wow Pretty good business What does your dad do He owns vending machines Oh likes candy bars and stuff No panties Wow that's kind of embarrassing He makes $800,000 a year

Yeah. It's crazy. And his grandma makes 5% of that. All right, let's see the next one. We don't know the age, what that woman looks like. No clue. Yeah, let's move on. No clue.

Okay. Oh, drawings that you liked. That was at that same mall. Oh, that's cool. Did you buy any of those? No. Okay. I thought that looked like Squidward. It does. It does, but it does, yeah. So you're really soaking in the culture of Japan. You really kind of went far and beyond. It does, but... It does look like Squidward, dude. It undeniably does. I know what we asked for, but...

Yeah. I mostly took videos there. Okay. Okay. Did you send him video? No. Oh, we saw this one, right? We saw this one already. Yeah. Yeah. Now, did you get lonely at night? Um, cause you're far away from home. Not really. Cause I fell asleep pretty early there. Um, cause of like sleep schedule. Um, and then mostly I would just walk all day and then fall asleep quickly. Um,

But one... Did you ever go out at night and go nightlife in it? I didn't do nightlife stuff, but I did walk around at night just to look around. That's what I mean. But did you go to a nightclub, get your moves on? No, no. Wow. Okay.

Okay. What did you do? What did you do? The more like eventful things was I went to like a baseball game. Oh, lovely. And then I ran into a stranger who offered to buy me sushi and he was super nice. He was a fan. Oh, he was a fan. Yeah. What did he look like? A Japanese guy named Sho. Oh, so he was a Japanese guy that recognized you from the internet? Mm-hmm. How did he come up?

He said, um, Dax. And then, uh...

And then, yeah, just said nice to meet you and stuff. I just want to get. Daxer. Frame. Frame. Nice to meet you. That's all he said. How did you know that he was a fan? Big fan. Oh, he said that. He's just pointing at a fan. He likes you guys a lot. Oh, he does? Show, we love you, dog. Love you, show. Yeah. Okay. Good sushi? Yes. How much did he spend on you?

I didn't ask, but he actually, I said, you don't have to buy it. And then he just offered to buy it still. It's very nice. Yeah. Japanese people are the best, man. Yeah. Some of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone was super nice. Yeah. So you didn't go looking for other people your age or anything to go hang with?

Scope out some friends maybe? No, no. Okay. I met up with a Japanese pop group and filmed a video with them. I saw that. Would you connect on TikTok? Are they a big pop group? Yeah. What are they called? 5E. Oh, yeah. 5E. The women pop group. Yeah. Zoom in.

They're so beautiful, Dax. They're very beautiful, yeah. Yeah. And so we made a video where we were going to make a pizza driver. I saw it. It was very funny. Very funny. Were they nice? Yeah, they were very nice. Did they speak English? Yes, but I don't think they understood everything I said, but yeah. Now, were you attracted to any of them? Yeah, I think they're very pretty. No, but was there one that you kind of- All of them. You liked all of them. Yeah, but I wasn't trying to-

We're back in Chernobyl. Would you have sex with all these women for country? Yes. For country. For country. Which one of these women would you- Yeah, for country. For country. Or I'm a general. Right? My name is Vladimir. Right? Chernobyl is on fire. Okay? For country. You must have sexual intercourse with one of these ladies.

Which one would you want? For country. Remember, this is for country. Thank you, Dimitri. What does for country mean? For Russia. For Mother Russia. For Mother Russia. We will die. Everyone will die. Everyone will die. Including Ukraine and Poland. Yes, and we love Poland. We love Poland. Is anyone interested in who would like to? No, we are telling you. No, you pick. Countrymen. Yeah, we're generals. You must do it for country. For country. You pick.

Can I point and you cannot show it? I feel bad. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, how about this? We'll bleep out the color of the dress that she's wearing. Oh, okay. And you can bleep that? Yeah. We will. Interesting. Bloop when I say. I do that one too. So girl with a. People that fuck a girl in the. All right. Stop it.

We're going to bank it. We'll blank it out. You know we'll protect you. I got to tell you, they're all gorgeous. Yeah, they're gorgeous. They're gorgeous. Yeah, gorgeous. Yeah.

Now, my pick would be... Be honest. Yeah, I'll pick. Did you develop a little crush? Perhaps? Do you communicate with them still? Well, not directly with them, but yeah, I definitely would have a crush on them, yeah. On one of... I'm saying, we're not sharing with the crowd. Do you have a crush on one of them? Well... Do you? Dax, we have her here. There she is. Come on out. Hey. There she is. Good to see you again, Mr. Dax. Good to see you. Yeah.

So, Dax, what are you going to do with this one? It's for country. Would you like to sing or dance? Dax, look at me, right? Dax, for country. For country. What would you like to do with her? That... Have sex to save the country. Yes. Very good. But we're not going to use your penis. No.

Wow, that's great. Anyway. Five. You met with them. 5VE? Five. Yeah. It's five. It's 5VE. How would you say that? I said five and then they told me 5V. Oh, I see it now, Dex. I see it now. Yeah, yeah. I see it now for sure. Did you have any experiences that you didn't have in LA, in Japan? No.

Go, uh, maybe going to that baseball game. I sat in like the section where everyone's like chanting. Do the chant. I've never been there. Do the chant. In the stadium? Do the chant for me? Yeah, like let's go, let's go. That's how they said it. Let's go, let's go. That was the only English part of the chant. And then they said, um, and then there was like stuff in Japanese. What would that be? I don't, I don't, I didn't know exactly what they were saying. Just pretend. Pretend.

What do you think they were saying? What do you think they were saying? What? Oh, they're saying hello to the baseball fans. Hello. Let's go. Let's go. Hello. Hello. That makes sense. That makes sense. What teams were playing? The Giants and the, I don't remember. Tokyo Giants, right? Yeah. Or actually, I think it has a different name. Tokyo Big People. Okay.

Oh, actually, yeah, I guess the Tokyo Giants. Tokyo Giants. Isn't that who you saw? Yeah. Who are you rooting for? The Giants. There is a... I went and got sushi...

And I was at like a conveyor belt restaurant. Oh, those are fun. Those are fun. Very nice. I was feeling kind of like nervous because I didn't know how to get the person's attention. And then the girl beside me noticed that. So then she like kind of helped me. Yeah. And then she started to talk to me through Google Translate. Oh, wow. The future. Yeah. Yeah. I've done that before. Did you talk back? Yes. And that I kind of had a little crush on her. No, no, no, no.

She said she was also traveling by herself. From where? China. Yes, good. And so did you exchange information? No, I just left. Bro, you had a crush and you left. Like in the mood for love. No, it's not that. Because that girl knew about the love. What my point is, is that this is what you have to do from now on. You have one life to live. You got to take advice from this guy when it comes to dating. Okay. I'm saying because you're dating a lot.

Thank you. What the fuck? I didn't, that wasn't a shot. Yeah. I said, he's been, he's got a swing with the bat. Well, let's get to the gifts maybe. Okay. Wait, timeout. Let's go back. Yeah. You had a crush on this girl. That's right. You didn't continue any of the, no. Why? Uh, I don't, I don't know. Scared your fear. Yes. And you're, you have fear of rejection. Um, or I, I didn't want to make her feel weird.

Well, she's going to say no, right? Yeah. Anyway, so you got to take risks. Yeah.

I really want to set you up on a date. We tried that. He doesn't want to. You don't want to. I could do it. I get nervous, but... Did we get any submissions to Carlos in the booth to date Dax from last time? Didn't we plug that? Yeah. We talked to them or watched a couple of videos. No, I know, but we didn't get any new ones? We didn't get any more, no. Well, then let's plug it now, guys. Let's plug it now. You want to fall in love with that. Dax, look in the camera. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Let's contact the Spell Lady.

Oh, Andrika. Let's go back to Andrika. We'll spend another $30. I'm telling you, be real. Spend another $30 for Dax. We're doing a love spell for you. Let's do a spell for you, bud. Which one would you like? Amazing, Amor spell, Andrika's blood, new moon, new beginning. I think blood, whatever the blood is. Forever love, retrieve your lover, sunburst love spell. Which one of these jumps out to you? Irresistible allure. Where is that? Spell.

Okay, Irresistible Allure Spell. So this remarkable spell highlights your very appealing characteristics, bringing them to the surface so others will see your true and undeniable beauty. Once the Irresistible Allure Spell is cast, you can feel more confident, be happy in your skin. You like your skin, Dax? Why? You're going to like it more. Why do you like your skin? Because I don't have acne. That's the right answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same, doggy. What's your birthday? November 5th. What year? 1991. 1991.

A 90s boy. Grab your wand, dude. What's the other person's name? I don't have a specific. If known, you don't know. So just say. Yeah. Women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women of California. Yeah. Please cast it once. Let's be more specific. No, no. Cast it two hours later. Okay, yeah. Cast it again. Add to cart. We got to double it. Double down, dude. You got to hit, dude.

Yeah, yeah. This came back from Vegas, dude. You got a hit. Yeah. And how much is that spell? Oh, my God. There's rush shipping and handling. It's a spell. That's what I did for Bob's. Okay, good. Okay, we're confirmed. We're confirmed. Yeah. So Japan as a whole, give it a rating. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. Yes. Yeah. Hey.

Can you do a love spell? Can you do a love... I'll pay extra. I swear I got the money in the car. You owe him like $100. It doesn't matter. Do another love for me. Oh, a love one for you? Yeah. But do it for real. I am. Get the same category that he has. All right. What else is there? I'm so sorry. It's so funny that you... I know you really believe it. Now I know. I do believe it. Because the way you just did that, you were very coy. Yeah, yeah. Let me read. Hold on. He just went... Well, no. Sit in your fucking seat. I can't read. Do a forever love.

And cast it twice, right? Three times. And Drieke does it two hours later again. Oh, just do it twice then. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So we both get one. Okay. Okay. So you know I'm going... By the way, I'm going to Italy in May. Maybe you should come with me to Italy. Meet my parents. Okay. Hang out with me and my wife. That'd be so fun. Yeah. I'm hoping to be there when they elect a new pope. That'd be great. Wouldn't that be crazy? The Filipino one. I'm strong on that.

You want the Filipino Pope? Yeah, I think he's going to get it. But wouldn't it be crazy if I'm there when they're smoking out the Pope? Yeah. You know when they puff the shit out the thing? You would know, you Spanish piece of shit. Cardinal Peter Erdo. Boo. 72-year-old. Dude, they elect these guys just so they'll die in a year and a half. I know. You know, I saw a funny meme the other day. It was just so funny. Can I show you this meme? Yeah. How are you feeling in general? Good. Life is good? Yeah, yeah.

I've just been a little tired from trying to adjust my sleep, but now I feel like I'm pretty much back to normal. From jet lag? Yeah. Yeah. How long did you stay in Japan? For seven days. Whoa, so you didn't tell me what you did the last couple of days. I did the...

I met up with the pop stars. Yeah. And then I mostly just walked around more. And then I got y'all a gift as well. We got gifts? Oh, my God. May we see? May we see? Yeah. They're not like...

No, it's the gift that counts. Well, I saw a TikTok. What? It's the thought I'm in. Well, no. It's actually the gift that counts. It's the gift that counts. I agree with that statement. It's the gift that counts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw a clip that you like t-shirts. I do. So I got you some t-shirts. Medium? They're large. I don't know, man.

Oh, let me see. I like that. Give that to me. I can wear that. You can wear this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Large. And then I couldn't find anything specific. If you don't like them, you could have this. No, what is that? It's just coins from Japan. Yeah, he wants those. Is this for me? Yeah. So where's mine? What?

Wait, you got me two plain shirts from Japan? It has nothing on them. There's no symbol. There's no... They're from like a popular Japanese store. It doesn't fucking matter, dude. You know where they're from? What? Uniqlo. We have those here. I know. We have those here. That's what I was asking. If you did anything different than LA. You know, look up Uniqlo locations. I think there's one in the mall. So you got me nothing. Dex, thank you for this. This is very nice.

Shop Uniqlo in the USA. I could get you something else from here. Thank you, Dax. This was very thoughtful, bud. You're welcome. But I can get you something else. Yeah, there's one in Century City Mall.

And there's one in the valley. Should we just return these and we can get something else? No. I cut the price tag off right before I got here. Smart, smart, smart. Now we can't return them. Okay, good. Well, because I thought it would be rude. Okay. I do have one other shirt from there. Yeah. It's in my car. I don't want it. Okay. No, what is it? Does it say anything on it? It has a collar. Honestly, dude, go get it. No, I don't want it. I need you to have it. It's a large. I can't wear it.

Listen, when we send you to the Congo, where are we going to send you? Spain. Whatever. I don't think Spain now. But wherever we send you, get me a medium shirt specific to the area that you're in. Okay. You know what I mean? Go to a Hard Rock Cafe or go to a Hooters or whatever and get a Hooters Singapore shirt.

I could order you a Hypo Burger. I can do that too. Okay. Okay? That's not what I want. I want the thought that counts. Yeah, yeah. And you didn't think that through at all. What was the thought of this? The coins? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go through those coins. Go ahead. I left. This is just what was left over. I actually just couldn't think of something. So you didn't buy any gifts, and then you thought, these guys sent me to Japan. I'll just get your change. What?

Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, I don't know if you collect coins. We sent you to Japan. Do you collect coins? No, dude. Nobody does. I'll get y'all both different gifts. No, no, no. I don't want another gift. Okay. Yeah. I want you to give him another gift. You keep giving me change. You keep giving me loose change from wherever you go. Yeah, yeah. I'm fine with this. Yeah, yeah. Loose change is good for me. Give me loose change. Yeah.

I do have... I don't want them. I have like... Because they're not from him. I think this is very thoughtful, the tissues. Okay. I actually appreciate this. I have a bill, like a 10,000 yen bill that I was going to take to the currency exchange, but I could give it to you. No, it's okay. How much is that worth? $70. No, it's okay. It's fine. It's fine. But anyway, look into the camera and say, thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend.

I just ordered a pizza and when the delivery driver gets here, one of Japan's biggest pop groups will perform for them. Are you excited? Yeah! This is an example of the performance they'll get. This is gonna be awesome. We just got the pizza but the driver said they didn't want to be in the video.

The driver didn't, I don't think, wanted to be on camera today. But then if you would like some pizza, you can still have pizza. Cool.